#had to plug this out tho ok it's 6 am night night fuckos

[daincrediblegg]

Really think it’s super understated exactly how much of the cult end of things is really Bev Keane’s idea and fault- and this is not to divert blame from John at all like the real heartbreaker is his complacency in all this but more on that later. Essay under the cut because jesus there is too much to sum up.

Like???? It’s not like he fuckin died the first time he encountered the angel I mean he got bit yeah but he took a shot of the blood and boom he was fine! And young again to boot! So obviously the original plan is to just pop back to crockett slip some blood in the communion wine and boom!!! Millie gets young again and cured of dementia so he gets a second chance to really have a life with her and their daughter and everything is fine!!!!

… but then he reaches critical mass (which I expect is because he was ingesting more of it than everyone else at too quick a rate). Bev and her little group are the only people who know the truth and watch him die and come back. Immediately she is quoting and using scripture to describe the changes that his body is going through- I mean he's basically Jesus!!! the Penultimate Biblical Miracle coming back from the dead!!- and therefore he chalks it up to “a matter of faith” and doesn't see a doctor (AKA HIS OWN SMART AS FUCK DAUGHTER WHICH HONESTLY HE SHOULD!!!!!) And so he goes with it!!! Until once again the thing he became got out of hand- and though he didn’t directly himself kill Joe but are certainly to blame for just fucking sucking at his head wound instead of… y’know… HELPING the guy bleeding out on the floor of his own goddamn home.

So then he’s done this this monsterous thing- which again is more a fault of his inaction than direct action- and doesn’t even know what to think of it to a point he’s numb to it (I mean jesus I cannot believe he felt no real guilt at all- sitting in a corner barely fucking lucid in a blood coma for hours until your deacon comes to find you because you're late for mass doesn’t scream no guilt no remorse to me it screams fucking mental blackout) but AGAIN!!! Here she comes. Speaking the words of his faith and calling what he went through a miracle from God and showing him bible passages detailing EXACTLY THE SHIT THAT HE’S GOING THROUGH so well if it’s in the scripture maybe it’s ok maybe it’s part of god’s plan for him sure he’ll bite. But note that even though he doesn't feel remorse for this thing he did anymore because Bev told him it's in the bible so it's ok that he's still on a pretty strict Sturge Blood diet- probably more likely than not to avoid another Joe Collie incident- so funny little contradiction but he's too wrapped up in this idea of new morality thanks to Bev he doesn't get it (and that it's more than likely a move to protect herself from getting Ate).

Then there’s Riley. Riley who he has such a great affection for who he thinks doesn’t deserve to die because even though he’s done terrible things he deserves a chance at redemption too- because like his savior he finds kinship with pariahs and knows they deserve love just as much if not more than everyone else. So *he* brings him back (I mean he wasn’t taking communion seeing as he wasn’t in a “state of grace” and didn’t believe anymore- so it’s safe to assume he made the decision through the blood lust to save him), and he has “The Meeting” and half of it is parroting the shit that Bev revealed to HIM about this condition that they now both share because really they’ve been on the level with each other since the beginning- but there’s another half that’s desperately attempting to show him that it’s worth living- even though he’s done awful things and will now inevitably do it again because it’s now a compulsion that neither of them can control. But he doesn’t want to chain Riley to him he’s more compassionate knows better than that. He’s explained all he can and sends him out with hope!!! He’s feeling good about the new covenant and the shift of morality he’s facing and he has Riley as an apostle to help tell that good news.

But then the sunrise comes. And he can feel it when he dies. HE feels it. Like god might feel every death and he can barely handle the ONE death of his old altar boy- his friend. And he doesn’t have more than a few hours to mourn before IN COMES BEV!!!! Again!!! And guess what. She was unfortunately *right*. Not about Riley himself he was worthy and given a gift as a result but right that he shouldn’t have just set him out into the world so recklessly not 100% knowing what he might do- that he might “spit it out”. And then she says “who knows who he talked to”- and suddenly the dynamic shifts. Small town news spreads. What if he tells someone who tells someone who tells MILLIE? Or Sarah? And Bev says “lets ‘share the miracle’ and ‘make easter vigil a night of baptism’”. And you know what? He didn’t listen the last time. He’s an adult and can admit when he was wrong. So he goes with it. Because he was wrong and because he can’t have another fuck up with someone he loves (let alone the LOVE of his LIFE who he is DOING THIS FOR in the FIRST PLACE). So most of the plan he hands over the reigns to Bev. And it’s short sighted as fuck but you gotta remember this plan goes into effect literally THE DAY OF so it’s all haphazard and a rushed effort and he’s rushing and bev and sturge and wade are rushing to make sure 1) no one can leave the island and die like Riley 2) so they can still attempt to have a meeting about the whole vampirism thing I mean he managed to handle riley pretty well and he didn’t fuck up and kill somebody like HE did!!! He managed to teach him some level of control!!!! So surely he can handle this!!!

BUT IN HIS SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS!!!! In his complacency with Bev’s plan guess what!!!! All fucking hell breaks loose!!!! THE SHIT HITS THE FAN!!!! Of course it didn’t go to plan because it was simply too much all at once and he could barely process anything else that happened before it there just wasn’t time because he just doesn’t want anyone else to die so of course he went with it!!!! And he only starts to realize he fucked up when the chaos is so bad that Millie- *his* MILLIE fucking SHOOTS him!!

And what did Bev gain from the shit hitting the fan??? A platform. At last. A place of leadership where she gets to decide who lives and who dies and who’s a sinner and who a saint. She gets to play god to a flock of wolves and that shit is Dangerous. And it’s not until he sees it that he finally snaps out of it and realized he got this all wrong and that what she was doing was wrong and that what she was leading him on with was *wrong* and that moment of clarity brings him back to his roots long enough to reconcile with his former lover tell his daughter the truth he's been hiding for years and try to be a real father to her in his final hours and finally attempt to be the shepherd he used to be that he always *was* to the broken people that Bev would so easily cast aside because her idea of love from God is very different from his. And at least he knows that before the end and ends up seeking forgiveness from the one person who actually mattered that he needed reassurance and guidance and forgiveness from all along but couldn’t have had the whole goddamn time.

#yeah I’ve been thinking about this a normal ammount #midnight mass #father paul #john pruitt #bev keane #mildred gunning #riley flynn #joe collie #sarah gunning #sturge #meta #lmao I’ve been writing this for an hour it’s almost 6 am I need to sleep #there’s probably an essay in me about millie too but it’s too late bros I need to sleep #so I can FINALLY fucking publish that alphabet I’ve been promising ALL FUCKING WEEK #but this wouldn't leave my head it's such a fucking symbiotic relationship and not the haha fun venom kind #like don't get me started on how the precident for this is set because of the whole settlement rec center money laundering thing #like she's such a leech!!!! and he lets her do it to him even when he has his mind back!!!! THE TRAGEDY!!!!! #had to plug this out tho ok it's 6 am night night fuckos