#hahahahaha | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ellecdc · 23 days

Text

All's Fair in Love & Chaos

1st instalment (read the second here)

a short blurb style mini-series in collaboration with @unstablereader no real plot, just vibes and comedy.

Synopsis: soulmate au, everyone's soulmate's initials become visible on their wrist when the last person in the bond 'comes of age' (I've left the age ambiguous because their may be mature insinuations later on in the story). As luck would have it, and much to everyone's horror; it appeared that you, Barty Crouch Junior, and Sirius Black were soulmates

poly!DeathStar x fem!reader

The day that every witch, wizard, and wix alike waited their whole life for finally came for Sirius Black; the day that their soulmate’s initials became visible on your wrist.

The mark becomes visible when the last person of your soulmate bond comes of age. For example, much to Lily’s chagrin, the initials J.F.P became visible on her wrist on March 27th, as did the initials L.J.E on James’ wrist.

Much to Sirius’ chagrin, on June 25th, the initials R.A.B became visible on Remus’ wrist, as did the initials R.J.L on Regulus’.

And so it went for the rest of his friends and classmates.

Except for poor Pete, whose wrist adorned the initials of someone who - after much research and triple-checking by all of their friends - clearly didn’t go to Hogwarts.

Sometimes, however, soulmate bonds took place between more than two people, and though it was possible for it to happen among all blood statuses, the odds were higher amongst Pureblood’s.

So when Sirius woke up this morning to a weird burning/itching feeling on his wrist, only to see not one, but two sets of initials, he was feeling pretty chuffed.

That dissolved very quickly, however.

“No…. nononononononono.” He muttered in agony as he saw two people approaching him; one looking almost as horrified as he did and one looking awfully sinister.

“Well, well, well.” Barty Crouch Junior drawled as he made his way to the Gryffindor table, dragging you over with him - seemingly without your consent – by your arm. “I thought it must have been a mistake when I woke up to find out I had a Son Of a Bitch as a soulmate, but alas; here you are.”

“This can’t be.” Sirius whispered disbelievingly, causing Barty to cackle maniacally.

“Oh, but it is.”

Any words that Sirius had died on his lips at the wheezing of his younger brother.

You, Barty, and Sirius all turned to see Regulus hanging from Remus’ shoulder as he clutched his stomach.

“I…I – oh Salazar, I think I finally believe in gods! All of them! Oh…” He stuttered in between fits of laughter.

Sirius looked between him and his supposed best mate, but Remus only looked at Regulus as if Regulus was his most beautiful when he was laughing at the expense of his brother.

Bastards; the both of them.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!” James offered, his face clearly trying to smile though it took on a pained expression in comissery.

“Thank you…” You accepted timidly, eyes darting between the group of people you suddenly found yourself emmersed in.

“Now look what you’ve done, Black.” Barty sneered as if Sirius’ last name was a dirty word. “You’ve worried our poor girl.” He cooed as he pulled you tight into your side, causing you to squeak in surprise.

“I hardly think I’m the one worrying her.” Sirius sneered back.

Barty’s face turned stony. “Just what are you insinuating?”

“Uhm, that you’re certifiably insane?” Sirius responded simply.

“Oh, come now; Junior’s not that bad.” Remus tried to reason; his boyfriend still hanging limply off his shoulder as he tried (and failed) to repress his laughter.

“Not that bad?” Sirius screeched incredulously. “Did you not see what he did to Crawley?”

Peter snorted at that. “Mate, you literally did the same thing to Snape.”

“That was you?” Barty asked in surprise, looking Sirius up and down skeptically.

“Sure was.” James answered on his behalf.

“Huh.” Barty chuckled in thought. “That’s where I- never mind that. I only did that because he groped Y/N’s arse.”

Sirius felt his own face turn stony as he turned his attention to you. “Is this true?”

You seemed to pale at the attention. “Well…yes? But-”

“Ha ha. Black’s just as bad as me.” Barty sing-songed from beside you, looking at Sirius with a look of faux innocence.

Sirius heard a thump, and he looked over to see Remus looking behind the bench where Regulus had apparently fallen in his fit of laughter.

“I – I’ve died, yeah? I’m dead? Fuck, I must’ve done something right in my past life to be rewarded with this. Sirius is – is bonded to Barty Crouch Junior.” He howled with laughter, so uncharacteristic of the young, stoic Black.

“I am not!” Sirius argued petulantly. “I’m bonded to Y/N, Junior just…happens to be there.”

“If you’re only bonded to Y/N, why are my initials decorating your wrist, hm?” Barty asked salaciously, pulling Sirius’ wrist towards him to see the evidence for himself.

“Oh, sod off.” Sirius barked, shoving him aside and offering you an apologetic glance before storming towards the exit.

“Oi! Where are you going, future-Mr-Barty-Crouch-Junior!?” Barty taunted.

“To jump off the astronomy tower!” Sirius called back.

“Ou! We should go watch.” He said, turning to you before following Sirius out. “You should try to do a flip!”

“Oh, Y/N.” Lily cooed after the boys finally disappeared out of the Great Hall. “I’m so sorry.”

You let out a long-suffering sigh as your eyes stayed focused on the place where you last saw your two new soulmates. “If Regulus did something in a past life to be rewarded with this, I must have done something right horrid.”

367 notes · View notes

rosedom · 4 months

Text

"in an open invitation, AETHER and KAEYA have challenged you to . . . (do)n't go chasin' waterfalls

ⓘ THIS WORK IS FOR 18+ ONLY

✦ㅤㅤ dom!top!gn!reader, sub!bottom!ftm!characters (separate), romantic bedroom setting, squirting, vaginal fingering, cunnilingus (kaeya), so much praise and love, aftercare .

aether and kaeya both need some TLC .

"do you accept, [PLAYER]? press KEEP READING to confirm."

Before your boyfriend came home, you had set up the bedroom beautifully. Rose petals adorn the floor to the bed (which your lover will surely bitch about later, for the tedious clean up that it will require), but the bed itself is bare; it's stripped of its main comforter and all the blankets are pushed to the side. But right in the middle of it—right in front of the pillows you had planned to plop your boyfriend on—is an inconspicuous towel.

The towel is thick but soft, fluffy—it had taken quite the mora from your pocket to purchase it with, that's for sure. Its quality is unmatched. You had placed soft scented candles around the room, each in a fire-safe spot. The glow from them illuminates the bed in a soft light, the sight truly enchanting.

Then came the boring part: waiting. You had laid yourself across the bed, busying yourself with a light novel, The Two Musketeers. The candle nearest to you flickers yet gives you steady enough a light to read with.

And then there were footsteps. There were footsteps, and there he was: your boyfriend, right past the threshold, silently staring at you, agape and so-quickly flushed. His breath catches in his throat when he takes in the view, takes in the petals, the soft scent of the candles, you.

You suppose it's time to put down your novel and greet him, no?

✦ㅤㅤ 【 AETHER 】

"I—what is all this?" Aether'd squeak, just slightly, shutting the door behind him with a silent click. He'd look so damn unsure on his feet; beckon him in, won't you? Put your novel aside and step up in a few short strides to grasp those tantalizing hips of his.

You'd walk him back to that bed, the one you so painstakingly set up, all while peppering small kisses on his throat. Cooing, "Your reward for working so hard," playing with the waistband of his trousers. "Let me take care of you tonight."

And just like that, Aether'd so easily acquiesce, surrendering to nothing more than your soft kisses and gentle tongue. Small whimpering moans would escape from his throat as you'd have to move in order lathe attention at the irresistible bob of his Adam's apple—it's not your fault he's just so damn pretty !

Pushing him back to the bed but pause before he can fall on it, softly asking with only a tug of his belt, "Can I take these off, honey?" He'd melt at the pet name—at any pet name, really ! Be sure to butter him up in as many as you can.

But or course, he'd only nod—untrusting of his surely shredded voice—, already beginning to step out of his loose trousers. He would hesitate before doing away with his boxers as well, a small, almost imperceptible string of slick connecting to the cradle of it, seconds before it'd inaudibly snap. You'd have to coo at him, a teasing thing, a gentle, "Oh, Aether," as you'd sidle right up to him and nudge a thigh between his two, clothed knee bumping against his wet cunt, "all this over a bit of kissing?"

He'd try to grumble at you, to say a small, "Shuddap," but it'd be inevitably lost in his mouth when he can't help but grind down into your leg. When his slick smears across the rough fabric of your pants, it'll only prove your—quite perverted—point ! But then he'd ask, all innocent and sweet, looking over his shoulder to the towel on the bed, "What's that for?"

The only way you could possibly reply would have to be an evasive, "You'll see."

Oh, and see he will.

Just—Aether's back on the bed, his ass situated perfectly in the middle of that damn towel, cunt spread open weeping on your fingers. Lil' whimpers and pleas, small "I—please, please !" and other begs would be all he could do when confronted with this all-consuming pleasure.

Make sure to aim your fingers up, the pads of your three fingertips pressing perfectly into the soft bump of his g-spot. His cunt'd be so messy, his cock chubby and throbbing above where you'd be working him open; so make sure to grind your palm into the head of it, gently but surely, applying perfect friction to contrast your ministrations inside him.

Murmur, "so pretty," into his collarbone; ask him, "are you close, honey?" after a thrust that grinds your palm and fingers just right onto, into him. He'd be shaking so obviously, the muscles in his thighs jumping erratically when he'd reply only with desperate nods and begs for more—more pleasure, more of your love, an end to this quickly approaching precipice.

"It—it feels weird—" he'd start to cry for you, your name hot on his lips, as all he could do is grasp at your shoulders and sob so prettily. Relax him, won't you? Kiss his tears away, tell him that it'll be okay, to let go and feel.

Feel he will, as his toned belly would start to tense alongside the rest of his body. He'd be so close—don't you dare change the pace of your hand, be that the even grinding of your palm or the press of your fingers.

"C'mon, honey," you'd have to coo—to soothe him through this unfamiliar feeling of overwhelm, one he's not ever felt before: that is, before you. "Cum for me."

Like the good boy he is, Aether'd cum immediately at those words—except, this time, unlike all those times before, something wet would trickle down your palm.

"Ah—what's—" He'd try to figure out what's happening—why his legs feel so numb, why his entire body feels light and weightless—, so please shush him, soothe his trembling, quaking body and let him revel in the pleasure. All the while, he'd still be squirting in the palm of your hand, your motions making an absolute mess of his inner thighs. Whatever isn't caught in your hand will only trickle down to the towel—blessedly leaving the bedsheets dry and clean—, leaving dark splotches beneath him.

All the while, please tell him how he's your good boy, say, "You did so well for me, honey," make sure he knows that the mess is exactly what you wanted out of that night.

When Aether finally comes down from his high—and oh, what a high it'd be, leaving a puddle beneath his ass and your fingers pruned—, he'd be so, so embarrassed. He'd bring you down to kiss you, all sloppy and tired, as you'd pull your wet hand from him and hold him close.

After it all, your poor traveler'd be all tuckered out, already beginning to doze. Won't you give him a bath, 'nd go tuck him back into bed for me? You're not gonna be getting your own orgasm, but that's alright—you'd probably cum untouched watching him unravel for you anyway.

bro cannot become attuned to hydro and NOT squirt !!

✦ㅤㅤ 【 KAEYA 】

You'd greet Kaeya, first; a gentle, "Hello," to welcome him in. He'd smile at you, a lil' smirk at the edge, and walk in quite self-assured. Giving you only enough time to just set your novel down, he'd already be in front of you.

"What's all this, dove?"

Since he'd be acting so smug, why don't you go ahead and show him who's really in charge, hm? Grab and pull him in by the loops of his belts, making sure to leave him with no other move but to straddle your thighs, your lap. That damning smirk of his would fall immediately. "Oh, y'know."

He most certainly would not know, thank you very much. But that'd be alright; he'll know soon enough.

But before you can get into that, you've gotta butter him up—make sure he knows you've set this all up because you simply adore him. "I love you, Kae."

"I love you, too, but what's—" that train of thought won't do, so you'd have to shush him.

"A surprise, for my favorite calvary captain. Can I not adore my boyfriend?"

"No ! That's not—" The aggravated flush to his cheeks, an almost imperceptible deepening to his dark skin, will be irresistible: kiss it ! Giggle at him gently, kissing his cheeks before you land on his lips. If you two end up kissing for minutes or hours, that's for you to know.

And, as is only natural, that's what'll lead you to having h face down in the pillows, his bare knees absolutely trembling from where they rest on the towel. You'd have your mouth buried in his cunt while your middle and ring finger are buried down to the third knuckle; imagine the taste of him on your tongue as you suckle at where your fingers drive into him, each inward thrust brushing his g-spot.

Ask him, right against his dribbling hole, "Feelin' good?"

Poor Kaeya would only be able to babble mindlessly, face mushed into the sheets as it is as he nods vehemently. Smothering breathless, "Yes, yes, yes," into a pillow, he'd be whining and crying for you to give him more.

Who would you be to deny him the pleasure he so deserves? Lean up—not without kissing his cunt goodbye—and fold yourself over the strong planes of his back, and murmur sweet nothings right into his ear as you nudge a third finger into his weeping hole. Every whisper of "beautiful" will send him trembling; each "my gorgeous boy" will make him arch so prettily beneath you; and, not to forget, every "perfect" making him plead for you—for you to fuck him, to push him over the edge.

You won't even need to ask him if he's close because he'll already start blabbering, so loud into your ear as you bend over him more, encapsulate him entirely in your arms. He'd say how close he is, how he's "about to cum, please, please—"

Don't be so cruel as to deny him this release, will you? So when you nod against him, your own words lost underneath his whimpering moans, he'd cum immediately. But you wouldn't stop the motion of your fingers; no, rather, you'll be pumping them harder, faster, as all he can do is openly sob and grasp helplessly at the sheets.

He wouldn't be accustomed to this feeling—not the way his cock is throbbing nor the way his body just won't come down. And then, just like that, all that tension will release, and he'd end up squirting all over your fingers.

"What a good boy for me," you'd simply have to coo. Take your fingers out slowly, lingering on his oversensitive g-spot, and make sure to spread them in the candle-light—sticky wetness stringing obscenely through them.

You'll know when he's come down from the high, for real this time, when he relaxes into the sheets, knees failing him. He'd make a strangled noise—a whimper, a whine: something—when his groin meets a wet towel. You can breathlessly chuckle, so long as he knows it's not at his expense; why don't you make sure to kiss the nape of his neck while you sigh contentedly against his skin.

If he tries to return the favor on you, shush him. Pull him against your chest, heedless of the wet cum between the two of you (that's mainly between his thighs, but is also all over your hand).

do u think cryo men would have colder squirt? lmao i'm jk (unless) . . .

FJFJDHDJ that was so much more than i intended . . . haha whoopsies ! but also: thank you guys SO MUCH for 120 followers w(ﾟДﾟ)w !! i'm beyond thrilled and honestly v v flattered. i love u and appreciate u guys sm for engaging in my stuff, even if it's just a like/reblog: i treasure them all <33

JAN. 7, 2024. @rosedom, rosey .

#haha get it #tlc = tender loving care #but also the band group #hahahahaha #ok anyway #dom reader #top reader #gn reader #sub genshin #genshin smut #genshin x reader #sub aether #aether x reader #sub kaeya #kaeya x reader #ftm smut #well! that was a doozy

500 notes · View notes

the-gobler · 3 months

Text

yo! i made this piece of shit for @kitsuneisi s AU. not really satisfied but its done so wateva

and yes i just put a mask on maria and made her a side hero. fuck you

#art #my art #minecraft #grian #ddvau #hahahahaha #hehehhehehe #lallalalallalala

402 notes · View notes

qwakque · 6 months

Text

wow these funhouse mirrors r so funky!!! ahahaha,,,ha,,

642 notes · View notes

insertsomthinawesome · 7 months

Text

"We've got a whole universe to share with each other!" This has been at least a month in the making ^^;; I restarted from Scratch at some point cause it just WASN'T working. Thankfully take two ended being the one >:D -NO ROMANCE INCLUDED-

#Honkai Star Rail #Caelus #March 7th #Caelus hsr #March 7th hsr #Caelus Honkai Star Rail #March 7th Honkai Star Rail #Insertsomthinawesome #Isa's fanart #October2023 #Learned a lot of stuff honestly!! WHich if that had been all it would've been worth it :)#And Learning how to start over is a skill i need HAHAHA #If anybody wants me to post a side by side of the old one and new one I totally will #Might do so anyways even if nobody wants it cause I WANT IT #HAHAHAHAHA

734 notes · View notes

sparklyeyedhimbo · 8 months

Text

i said i would dokidoki kali style this scene

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #oftsgifs #mygifs #sandray #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #son't worry ia also am having this weekends onlyfriendsthegame gifset in the works #hahahahaha #1k

1K notes · View notes

scratchybeardsweetmouth · 1 year

Photo

“Hey, we're both single. I think you are super hot. If I'm gonna dip my toe back into the lady pool, I can't think of a finer body of water to do it with than you. No. Keeley, I think you're confused. I was, at first.” | Ted Lasso 1x07

#keeley jones #rebecca welton #ted lasso #tedlassogif #tedlassoedit #manigif #ted lasso s1 #just really wanted a large shellshocked reaction shot of rebecca #hahahahaha #1k

2K notes · View notes

aaronofithaca05 · 25 days

Text

This video is gold, please give this person a like, this is way funny.

youtube

Can I make this my ring call????

#Youtube #epic the musical #odyssues #odysseus #athena #this is the way #hahahahaha

185 notes · View notes

satzy · 2 months

Text

I love it, every time I watch it! Lol!!

#i laughed so hard #cackling #ahahahaha #lmao #flash debate #lol #still loling #hahahahaha #funny #humor #funny video #tiktok

211 notes · View notes

ellecdc · 19 days

Text

All's Fair in Love & Chaos

2nd instalment (read the first one here)

a short blurb style mini-series in collaboration with @unstablereader no real plot, just vibes and comedy.

poly!DeathStar x fem!reader

Though this soulmate thing had caused Sirius a bit of grief so far, he was feeling rather chuffed about it today. He was currently sitting with you in the library; you were currently doing research for your Herbology project, and he was pretending to work on his Transfiguration essay.

It was an odd sight, he was sure; Sirius Black found in the library working quietly without being involved in some sort of mischief. It was no secret he didn’t exactly take his school work seriously, but that was only because he didn’t have to; classes came easily to him and getting good grades didn’t require any extra work on his part.

But…

But, he had a pretty little thing sitting across from him, that was certifiably his, and she was spending time in the library, which meant he was, too.

It was a precarious arrangement, but Sirius found he didn’t much mind when the unpleasantness wasn’t around.

Unfortunately, the unpleasantness was insistent on following him around.

“Junior.” He growled lowly as a figure sidled up behind you and cast a shadow over your shared table.

“Black.” Barty sneered before turning a saccharine smile in your direction. “Hello, sweet darling angel.” He cooed, earning him a scoff from Sirius.

“Hello, Barty… what are you doing here?”

Barty laughed as if you’d made a particularly funny joke. “I’m here to spend time with my best girl, of course!”

“Like hell you are!” Sirius barked, earning him indignant shushes from the other students around him.

“Barty… you agreed to this.” You tried placating.

“Agreed to share you with Black?” Barty squawked. “I’d sooner start wearing red and gold unironically.”

“Junior, this schedule was your idea. I get the library study time on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. You get the library study time on Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays. It’s Tuesday; get lost.” Sirius lamented.

“But I don’t want to!” Barty pouted particularly petulantly, even stomping his foot for good measure.

“Well, you can take it up with management.” Sirius taunted.

“You just sodding said yourself that this was my plan; I am the management!” Barty countered.

Sirius mustered his most Noble and Ancient menacing glare from countless Black ancestors. The Slytherin boy had no problem reciprocating it, and it wasn’t until you intervened that the boys broke the silent war being waged between them.

“Barty, I…I think you should go see what Pandora is up to? And…maybe we can sit together at dinner?” You offered hopefully. Sirius was simultaneously grateful you were trying to rid them of the unpleasantness and also terribly jealous that Barty was going to share a meal with you.

“Yes! Okay, I’ll go get Pandora to help me organize a romantic meal for us tonight.” Barty beamed excitedly.

“Please. How romantic can a meal in the Great Hall be?” Sirius sneered, albeit slightly worried that Barty may in fact succeed.

“You mind your fuckin’ business, Black. Salazar’s balls you’re a pest.”

“I’m the pest!?” Sirius exclaimed, but you were quick to place a conciliatory hand on Barty’s forearm.

“Please, Barty?”

Barty looked down at you with a pained expression that Sirius could understand all too well.

You were impossible to say no to.

Barty looked between you and Sirius a few times before groaning exasperatedly.

“Fine.” He relented, pressing a smacking kiss to your cheek and stalking off.

Sirius let out a sigh of relief as you turned back towards the table with an embarrassed smile.

“Oh!” Sirius heard, causing him to let his head fall with a thump to the table before him. “I almost forgot.”

And Sirius lifted his head from the table to watch as Barty pulled at the collar of your uniform shirt to expose part of your neck and began sucking a bruise into your skin.

Sirius spit out a shocked guffaw as he watched Barty pull back, admire his work, press a chaste kiss to it and replace your collar to its proper place before leaving the library for good.

“What…” Sirius started as he turned his attention from the door he’d been keeping an eye on to ensure that menace didn’t return to continue tormenting him back to you, just as you were embarrassedly rubbing at your neck. “...in the buggering fuck was that?”

“That’s just Barty.” You replied timidly.

Sirius let out another scoff, eyes still glued to your neck. “Are you okay?”

You chuckled at that and offered Sirius a smile that was equal parts apologetic and equal parts teasing. “I’m pretty sure that’s his way of showing…affection? Or possibly marking his territory; he’s done it before when Diggory spent a, quote, ‘unreasonable amount of time complimenting my potion’.”

Sirius relaxed a little at that. He supposed if you were comfortable with it, he wouldn’t push it. And though Sirius clearly had better impulse control than your other soulmate, he couldn’t deny how much he was tempted to do the same.

“Alright then.” Sirius relented, allowing you to return to your research.

“I hope you know you’ve just opened up the need to schedule meals now though.”

“For fuck’s sake.” You groaned, plopping your head down into your textbook.

336 notes · View notes