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#halal humour
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not me saving complicated hijab tutorials on pinterest knowing i wont ever do them
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halalhumour · 2 years
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aslimrankhan · 1 year
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Any uncertainty happens around the world
Muslims:
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goldenfirefox · 2 years
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Hope, they haven't started preparing it yet.
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faithful-diaries · 1 year
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weareallwritersinside · 3 months
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i has an idea
im sleepy so just bear with me im gonna start rambling, this is basically for me so i can come back after my sleep amnesia and decide whether its worth writing or not
to anyone who reads this pls keep in mind this is actually for moi lol so if there will be very random details
okay this is like a halal romance type something
we have our main fmc (like 17-18?) who decides she needs a job so she starts working at her local ice skating rink because she really loves ice skating. [She's a muslim hijabi btw] The person who runs the management allows her to work there and use the rink for free during her breaks. So she works 3 days a week, 4 hours, with 1hr breaks in between. [total 5 hours] She's been working there for a year or so and she saves enough money to buy her own ice skates, pays for training with a group and gets really good. oh, and She's super good at her studies, and very organised. She gets promoted to manager so now she has higher pay, she is better at ice skating, she gets more time to train, her boss leaves her alone to man the stalls because she's super trustworthy and yeah life is going great.
then we have our mmc. he basically crashes into our fmc practical and perfect life. he is joining to work there as well since the ice skating rink has gotten super popular over the last year so they need more people. Since fmc is manager there she is requested to train the newbie in return for [something idk higher pay? more breaks?]. and she is not happy about it but the offer was too good to be true. [okay extremely random but now im imagining the guy as a Lebanoni person, he's muslim too obvi, and tell ME WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE A MIX OF GILBERT BLYTHE AND MATHEO RIDDLE IN MY HEAD!?? HELP its the hair]
okay anyway girlie does NOT like him, he's too uppity and she likes being in control [this is definitely sunshine x grumpy trope, girl is the grumps if that wasnt obvious enough]. anyway long story short they fall in love [all halal dw], the guy helps her overcome her fears and helps her become a better muslim [random plotline: the girl was accidentally missing her prayers because of her work so she would just skip it but seeing the guy pray everyday without fail at the workplace makes her want to pray better as well and they both pray together how cute is that] and the guy has lots of home problems so the girl listens to him and comforts and they both brainstorm solutions. they both are silly people after they get to know each other. girl becomes less uptight, guy becomes more responsible and can better express his feelings [can u tell he uses humour as a coping mechanism] They both learn about each others cultures and the guy also wants to learn ice skating because the girl is 👌👌 so she tries to teach him ice skating very fun very cute anyway they wanna get married etc happy ending.
"indifference hurts more than hate"
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solomanta · 1 year
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A Short History on Blood in Magic and Spirituality
An association between spilt blood and death - as opposed to life - was recorded as early as in the prehistoric period.
Since early times, people have questioned the notions of ancestry and the origin of both the world and life. Even in remote regions, native imagery displayed common features.
Their cosmogony generally involved combat between opposing deities or forces, culminating in bleeding wounds and the emergence of spirits and humans.
Ancient civilizations generally valued blood through the sacrifice of animals or humans to please or feed deities.
Veneration of blood retained or even gained importance within structured civilizations, for example the Aztecs, who believed their gods fed on sacrificed human blood, so that the sun could continue to follow its course.
Links between sacrifice and the power to rule people or nations, or to make decisions, have not completely ceased, with human sacrifices possibly “offered” to spirits or surrogates of spirits in certain regions of Africa governed by dictators and in those places in Africa and South America practicing Voodoo or similar cults.
In the latter case, animal sacrifices are common, but human offerings have been evoked - although difficult to prove (personal communication from specialists in African-American syncretic cults).
It is interesting to note that ancient Jews did not forbid human sacrifice, but they banned unnecessary blood effusions, such as inflicted by Mesopotamian worshipers of Baal (who, for example, scarified themselves to please their divinity).
In both the Abrahamic religions, and their counter Satanism (in it's original form, not the version shaped and popularized by LaVey) blood stands for the alliance of divinity and man. (Or the Devil and Man, in the case of Satanism.)
Of course, the Abrahamic religions have always been a bit contradictive on the topic  blood and killings --such as the story about the Ten Plauges of Egypt, in which blood is both used in the damnation as well as the salvation.
Not to mention the animal sacrifice, how g-d kills, and yet the 10 Commandments state that "thou shalt not kill".
However, animal sacrifice and circumcision were at that time valued as symbols and were performed under the control of Rabbis.
As rites established over time, prohibitions associated with blood increased (especially regarding food: rules regarding how to bleed non-specifically forbidden animals and how to cook meat remain in force in traditional Judaism and were extended in part to Islam, represented as the Kosher and Halal rites)
I could go on... But I'll leave the paradoxical abrahamic religions for now, and move on. You get the idea.
In ancient Greece, blood split by heroes on battlefields was glorified, whereas the spilling of blood inside cities was prohibited.
In most circumstances (apart from death penalties for patricians), Roman citizens could neither undergo combat nor be bled within cities.
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On The distinct natures of blood
In antiquity, blood was commonly considered to come in two forms: dark red (from female menstruation or in preserved animals or humans, and thought impure) or bright red (from fresh wounds during combat or sacrificial rites, and considered pure)
Sanguis, from which the word blood in all the Latin-originating languages (sang, sangre, sangue) is derived, refers to the pure, noble, sacrificial blood; this word refers in essence to the liquid form of blood.
Cruor, on the other hand, refers to the “animal”, impure blood, imprisoned in the body or issued during menstruation (animal bites were especially feared as they had the power to transform blood into cruor and thus confer animal characteristics of “cruelty” to humans); this word describes clotted blood.
Additionally, blood was ascribed for two millennia as being one of the four “humours” (in addition to yellow bile, black bile, and phlegm).
This concept was inherited from Egypt or Mesopotamia, described by the Greek Hippocrate, and was popularized by the Greek-Roman Galen; it re-established physiology and medicine and, therefore, the concept of health and disease.
The Medieval Periode placed high importance on blood, and was the apogee of blood-letting and other means (leeches, suction cups) to rid the body of all “bad” blood (dark blood still being considered bad and leading to engorgement and suffocation).
Blood-letting, a kind of panacea, was frequently performed, until the recent rejection of scientific obscurantism.
It may represent older procedures of divination and purification sacrifices.
The early Roman and Medieval symbol of Christianity was not yet the “sacrificial lamb”, but the “fish” (considered as bloodless, hence the reason it was eaten during Lent and on Fridays rather than meat.)
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The vivifying power of blood
The attributed vivifying power of blood was not restricted to Christianity, but was also part of pagan beliefs.
For example, Countess Erzsébet Báthory was accused of bleeding young virgins to bathe in their blood to gain immortality (promoting the legend of Dracula in the Carpathians)
The history of transfusion is rich in reported attempts by the rich and famous to regenerate themselves using young people - virgins were particularly valued - males or females (such stories emerged in almost every civilization, from ancient China to Medieval Italy, France, Germany, and Russia).
Of course, many of these rites appears to have viewed blood as holding a person's Vitality, and by taking the blood from someone else, you take their Vitality, strength and other attributes from them as well.
Which may be where the connection between blood and wickedness may steam from. (Although this is an educated guess.)
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There has always been a strong connection between Blood and Life and Death.
Blood as a symbol, or inside, is connected to Life, while blood spilled is viewed as a symbol of Death.
Blood blackened and/clothes --old blood-- is a symbol of corruption.
And sacrificing a human or animal to the deities is taking the power that is inside them, and giving that power to the deity or spirits that you serve, by spilling their blood on "holy ground" (often an altar.)
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This is a short overview of the history of blood in spiritual matters, but I believe that every magic user that uses blood would benefit from studying these things.
What type blood used, where it is taken from, how it is taken --these things all matter.
For a curse; Blood forcefully taken, or spilled through battle/conflict is going to work best. (And always the blood of your enemy, or, in a pinch, a sacrificed animal. NEVER your own.)
For an initiation; It depends. Mostly on what deity you are devoting yourself to, and their preference. Some may want a sacrifice, others may not want you to spill blood at all. (Kali, for instance, is believed by the Thugee to jealously want all blood for herself, so when they kill their sacrifice, they are careful not to spill any blood, believing it belongs to Kali and her alone. This is why their victims are usually found strangled. While other of her followers may spill blood in the belief that she prefers that, as they follow a slightly different path.)
Rituals surrounding birth and death varies vastly around the world and over time.
Once humans covered their dead with the blood of an animal --to symbolize their rebirth into the Afterlife. (One is born into this world naked and covered in blood, it makes sense that one would be born into the next world the same way.)
Again; Think of your purpose, and what you want to do, and find the best method for that.
I realize this is short, and may seem a bit rushed at times, but the subject is simply too vast for me to cover in just one single post.
Blood Magic is both one of the simplest, and one of the most complext, forms of magic there is.
Good luck with your workings. And remember to always do your research well.
--Belial
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lonesomemao · 4 days
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LE PAYS DANS LE CIEL
Rezika Adnani
Islamologue qui dit
L'Islam porte en lui
Le fait qu'on ne peut le critiquer
Un islam littéraire ayant échoué
Après le saint-esprit sur l'Orient
Put s'imposer
Pour cela une soumission au ciel exigée
Tandis que l'Occident
Des libertés il arrachait
Avec lesquelles malheureusement
Il colonisait
Islam aujourd'hui
Humour halal
Pour un ordinateur halal ?
Comment voulez-vous
Que nous les Arabes
Nous cirions les pompes
A des Pieds-Noirs en Algérie
En 1960
A des chaussettes Noires ou rouges en 1997
Bruit de bottes à Alger
C'est la faute à Perrault avec son Chat Botté
Samedi 20 avril 2024
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kierancampire · 2 years
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I feel bad for laughing, but i was watching a hospital show about a real hospital and people going in for real procedures, so not a sitcom/drama sorta thing, reality TV. A dude, not there for a procedure but to share his story, shared how he climbed a building to get a football, his ring conducted electricty on a nearby wire which gave him powerful shocks, he then grabbed onto anything nearby and grabbed onto an electric cable that pumped i think it was 24 thousand volts into him, this then propelled him off the building and onto some train tracks where a train severed off his leg
God even writing that i am shaking and it was hard to type :') I thought i was accident prone but fuck me, that's the sorta thing you'd see in a horror/comedy :') Imagine thinking "Ah fuck! Football's stuck on the roof!" then, god i can't stop laughing :') You almost get electrocuted to death and have your leg severed by a train, like, you thought the football was bad "But wait! There's more!"
I know it was real life and a traumatic incident but god :') I also think i am in a dark humour mood, as I'm now watching a fictional show about a girl in a plane crash, and a guy she was with was seemingly dead and instinctually i said "Eat him." then it showed he was bleeding out of a leg wound and i said "Oh look, he made himself halal!" and laughed incredibly hard at my own joke
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lallamariamhabibi · 3 years
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😁
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frnkieroismydaddy · 3 years
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Me explaining that Dean Winchester is halal because he killed a jinn one time even though he eats only bacon cheeseburgers and drinks beer and whiskey
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dianastoe · 3 years
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Brown parents: come eat
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halalhumour · 2 years
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asraspeaks2 · 4 years
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When you find a new to you halal restaurant in your area.
I have been craving fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and Mac and cheese since my period started. Lol.
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goldenfirefox · 3 years
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I hate it when this happens.
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chyyeemannal · 3 years
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Sisters and brothers, fitna is more than virus and it is more dangerous if you continue doing haram things.
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