#half of my head is white but society and my mother force me to dye it to cover the shame | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yodawgiherd · 3 years

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Thunderspear

>>>Read on AO3<<<

I totally forgot to crosspost the new chapter of my story yesterday, blame the leaks and the memes that those created :D

The hospital was busy, as it always was, yet Eren had trouble focusing. Here he was, back as functioning member of society after having a hedonistic break over the weekend. Sure, he lost the endurance contest to Mikasa but with her being an Ackerman and a professional athlete he would lie in saying that he didn’t see it coming. Then again, who cares who won, when the free time was spent doing what they were doing. Mikasa made even eating fun, and Eren smirked when he remembered licking ice-cream from her defined abs yesterday evening. When she complained about the cold, he apologized like the perfect gentleman before dumping the next scoop right on her left nipple.

No, get these thoughts out, no more thinking about the pretty contrast they made, when his tanned skin rubbed against her porcelain one, or the stark difference between the blackness of the ropes and the whiteness of her body. It wasn’t easy for Mikasa either, half a city away, because keeping your mind away from the memories was nigh impossible. Eren was so good with the rope, he managed to create beautiful patterns while making it look so easy, effortlessly integrating other toys into it too. Among other things, it was the spreader bar between her legs, rope around her torso, and Mikasa remembered being unable to move an inch which put her straight to cloud nine. She tried returning the favor, but her ropework was clumsy at best and while she managed to restrain Eren, it was nothing compared to what he could do. He created art with her body and was damn proud of it too. Wanting to see herself from his perspective, Mikasa asked him to snap a few pictures of how she looked in those intricate designs, and she still had them saved on her phone. Scrolling through them while having a lunch break was far from the correct workplace etiquette, but Mikasa couldn’t help herself.

In the hospital, Eren was guilty of the same sin, sitting in the break room while his fingers gently stroked the screen of his phone. While Mikasa was swooning over his bondage skills, Eren told her that a great deal of the act was her doing too. It was Mikasa’s toned body that allowed him to create these beauties, bend her in all those angles knowing that she could take it. She was the perfect model, the peak specimen, with strong arms and legs, incredible thighs and all the lean muscles that bulged under her flawless porcelain skin, not even mentioning the ass that was to die for. She was so strong, yet so delicate, her trusting Eren enough to let him tie her up was a privilege he treasured. What an amazing experience that was, any time it happened.

God damn it, now he was sporting a boner in the break room. Eren mentally slapped himself with a clear message to his libido - back to work. He had a lot on his plate today, not only the usual but in the afternoon he was expected at Hizuru for a meeting with Kiyomi. Only a tad bit intimidated by the old lady, Eren was very glad that Mikasa promised to meet him in the lobby and show him the way because just seeing her filled him with strength. Other people had lucky charms, he had his wonderful girlfriend.

His shift went fine, with only Ymir and Onya doing some mocking comments when they noticed the bruises on Eren’s neck left behind by Mikasa’s affections, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Before long, he was on his way to the agency. Once there, it was the matter of finding a parking spot and going inside, and Eren entered the same world that Mikasa got into.

The lobby was big, much bigger than Eren expected. Luckily, he wasn’t forced to do such a humiliating thing as asking for directions because a familiar figure pushed herself from the receptionist’s desk, where she was leaning, to make a line straight for him. Mikasa looked a bit strange today, her clothes were done in a futuristic cut and the jacket even had small led lights in it. It did fit together with the red stripe in her hair, so whoever made the decision for her to dye it was good at his job.

“I take it that you are working on the cyberpunk thing today?”, he asked when she came closer.

“What gave it away?”, her lips, painted purple for some reason, curled upwards.

“A simple hunch, nothing more.”

She didn’t answer that. Instead, her hands, purple nails too, he noticed, sneaked up into Eren’s collar and pulled down. Yanked down to her height, he was assaulted by a kiss that was most definitely more than the usual “Hello” one. Not one to question his fortune, Eren surrendered to her, letting her tangle her deft fingers into his hair while he anchored himself on her hips. The futuristic jeans she was wearing had little cutouts there, allowing him to stroke her porcelain skin directly, so maybe cyberpunk wasn’t such a bad fashion trend after all. When they finally broke apart, Mikasa was still wearing the satisfied smirk on her lips.

“Any reason for this?”, he asked, getting a firm shake of her head in return.

Eren didn’t need to know about the dreamy look that entered the receptionist’s eyes when he walked in. He didn’t need to know about the “Damn” the woman muttered under her breath while devouring him with her gaze. He didn’t need to know any of these things.

“Nope.”, she thumbed the corner of his mouth, purposely smearing the lipstick stain she left behind even more, “I’m just happy to see you.”

With that, she grabbed Eren’s hand and pulled him behind herself, passing very close to the reception. Petty, but who cares. Together, they made their way up to Kiyomi’s office, with Mikasa effortlessly navigating through the many corridors of the building. Eren was quite sure that he would have gotten lost even after getting the directions, so he was very glad that his fiancé had decided to save him.

Kiyomi was sitting behind a large desk in a throne-like chair, evocating the feeling of a director at the center of her power. What Eren noticed was that there were several pictures of his fiancé over her office, in various clothes, even a framed photo on Kiyomi’s desk. Apparently, he was not the only one bewitched by the beautiful martial artist. Seeing the two of them enter, Kiyomi narrowed her eyes at Mikasa.

“I didn’t realize that you are Mr. Yeager’s mother, Mikasa. Or is there other reason why he needs you at our meeting?”

Taking the hint, the raven let go of Eren’s hand.

“I’ll take my leave, but please be nice to him.”

“When am I not nice?”

Mikasa chuckled at that, pressing one last kiss to Eren’s cheek before disappearing through the door. When he sat down, the first thing Kiyomi did was hand him a wipe, gesturing at his face.

“Your girlfriend left a mark.”

Blood rising to his cheeks, Eren quickly cleaned himself to the best of his ability, getting the purple away from his skin. When he was deemed clean enough, Kiyomi nodded in satisfaction, letting Eren take the word. Free to speak, he decided to straight on tell her what he thought about this whole thing.

“I just want to tell you that I’m not thinking about a career change, this is a one-time thing for me.”

“I understand that.”

“Good, so when do we start shooting?”

“Today? Oh no Yeager, today we talk.”

“What about?”

“You see…”, Kiyomi’s eyes were trained at him, piercing through the mind, “I believe that you should get the most fitting setting for your photoshoot that I can provide, considering it is, as you said, a one-time thing. I want to talk to you and know exactly what is best for you individually, what will help my photographer get the most out of you.”

“The way you say it, makes me think that there is a much more to this job than meets the eye.”

“Most definitely. Anyone can snap a few pictures but what I aim at is to know your soul.”

No, that was not creepy at all.

“Okay…”

Seeing that he was taken aback by her intensity, Kiyomi went on.

“Look at Mikasa and tell me who in their right mind would ever want someone like her to be a model.”

“Are you saying that she’s not pretty enough?”

Kiyomi shook her head.

“We both know that her body was never a problem and her face is flawless - Mikasa is physically perfect. Her mind, that is a different story altogether. She is too rigid to work with, too closed up.”, the old woman tapped the side of her head, “Still, I knew that there was a diamond hidden inside, and I commissioned my best digger to get it out. It took time and effort, I won’t deny that, but the results are oh so worth it.”

Sitting back, the tycoon continued.

“Mikasa is a beautiful soul, and while she has trouble expressing herself when she does the emotions are incredibly powerful. She isn’t my best girl just because of how she looks, but also because of how she can feel herself into the scene, only a few other models can do it so perfectly. I attended several of her photoshoots, and I agree with Dot when he says that Mikasa could be a grade-A actress if she put her mind to it.”

“I don’t think she would be into that.”

“I agree, that is too much exposure for her liking. But this job, this is just the right amount. Mikasa has fire in her, and she can be incredibly creative when she wants to, but she hides it. It’s the same thing as her beauty, she doesn’t flaunt it at all. I don’t think I remember a single occasion when Mikasa came to work wearing something else than comfortable clothes. Also, it doesn’t help that she keeps dressing in that long-dead style.”, Kiyomi pursed her lips, saying the next word as if it would be an insult, “Goth.”

“What’s wrong with being comfortable?”

“Some of us keep up with the fashion trends, it’s more or less expected in this business.”, she sighed, “I won’t lie, it changes so fast that it’s almost a suffering.”

While not so sure about the suffering, Eren was inclined to agree on that first part. Despite her being the ice queen and all, Mikasa could be very playful, if their private adventures were any indicator. Looking back, one could label them as dumb and childish, but he couldn’t care less. He had fun, Mikasa had fun, and damn what anyone else would think about it. They weren’t invited in the first place.

“Here,”, Kiyomi was just saying, “Look at these.”

She placed two photos in front of him, both of Mikasa. In one, she was wearing her workout gear, sports bra and shorts, with her fists raised. In the second, she was in that cyberpunk getup Eren just saw her in.

“This is the first photo we have of Mikasa,”, Kiyomi tapped the workout picture, “And the other is the last one so far. Can you see the difference?”

To an untrained eye, it wouldn’t be that obvious, but Eren was very familiar with Mikasa’s face. In the first one, she was still doubtful about this whole thing, her expression was tight and reserved, even though the clothes she was modeling were something she was wearing practically every day. In the last one, the raven was much more relaxed, leaning on a bike and looking into the camera with a cocky expression, one eyebrow raised.

“I can see that she is really into it now, that you’ve managed to dig out that diamond.”, he told Kiyomi, “But I still don’t know why you are showing me this.”

“So you can see for yourself that I’m not talking out of my ass. I really do want to capture you in your best light Eren, and I am very good at finding it. Trust me with this, I can make this whole thing work. If someone as reserved as your girlfriend could find working for me fun and fulfilling, why couldn’t you?”

The spark that was in Kiyomi’s eyes when she spoke about Mikasa made Eren wonder just how much the old woman loved her leading girl.

“You really like working with her.”

“And who wouldn’t? She is so inspiring! Martial arts were always dominated by men and for an understandable reason. The male body has much higher muscle mass than us women, they are built that much better for fighting.”, Kiyomi ran her hand down the framed picture of Mikasa, almost lovingly, “Yet there she is. Standing in the ring, head held high and fists raised, knocking anyone who tries her on their ass – man, woman it doesn’t matter to her. A female, yet destroying anyone and anything in her way, stronger and faster than a normal human being.”

Mikasa wasn’t lying when she said that Kiyomi can get excited rather easily. Her eyes were full of emotion when she spoke, voice filled with awe.

“She had to work that much harder to get where she is, to overcome the genetic difference, and she did it so perfectly. She is a goddess, Eren, a warrior like no other, and I hope you know that.”, suddenly, her eyes bore into his, “You are treating her with the respect she deserves, aren’t you?”

The chill that ran down Eren’s spine reminded him of the one he got any time Mikasa used her murderous glare at him. God damn it, were these two women related?

“O-Of course.”, he blurted, “She deserves only the best.”

“That’s correct.”

And just as it appeared, the look was gone and Kiyomi was once again an energetic old lady.

“It is very good to see that you understand just how incredible Mikasa is.”

“I know. Sometimes I wake up and wonder why an angel like her would ever grace me with her presence.”

“Would you say that she has a positive effect on your life?”

“I would say that she is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Good, good. Looks like the boy was exactly as taken with Mikasa as Kiyomi wanted him to be, if there was one thing she despised it was ugly break-ups. Those always generated way too much of unwanted press, because journalists loved jumping at vulnerable young people and profiting from their misery.

“Ah, but don’t sell yourself that short.”

Eren’s brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“You, my dear boy, are also fascinating.“

“Why is that? Last I checked I’m not knocking guys thrice my size down on their asses.”

“No, you don’t, but you have other qualities.”, Kiyomi leaned backwards in her throne-chair, “When I was signing Mikasa up, I had those closest to her checked out, so I know quite a bit about you.”

Eren couldn’t help but wonder at that.

“Checked out? Why?”

“I’m very careful about who I sign up to lead my collections. Any sort of past mistakes that could be dug up could end up hurting my brand. And nobody hurts my brand if I can help it.”

“Understandable.”

Kiyomi rewarded his open mind with a smile.

“Anyway, as I was saying, I know quite a bit about you.”, she pointed at him, the gold ring on her long finger glistening, “You were born into wealth, Eren, with the assets your father left behind you and Carla could have been sipping drinks at the beach while drowning in supermodels.”

“Technically, I have one at home now.”, Eren chimed in, but Kiyomi ignored that jab in favor of her narrative.

“But did either of you do that? No. Your mother started a charity and is working tirelessly for a better world while you chose one of the most stressful professions there is. Why?”

“I like helping people.”

“Because…?”

“The thought of someone being limited by an illness or an injury does not sit well with me. I want to free people from the burden, to help them live to their fullest. If that is not enough, then my father was also an inspiration, I wanted to follow in his footsteps.”

“That’s a noble goal.”

“I don’t see it like that.”

“Doesn’t make it any less noble.”

Eren shrugged, but Kiyomi didn’t mind. She already had all the info she needed.

“Eren, would you mind if we turned your photoshoot into a couple one?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think that it would go better if we let you and Mikasa work together, show some chemistry.”, Kiyomi leaned forward, “From what I’ve heard, I imagine that she is a very big part of your life.”

“She most certainly is.”

“Then would that be a problem?”

“A problem? No, of course not.”, Eren ran a hand through his hair, chuckling nervously, “Honestly, I’m relieved that she will be there with me.”

“Very good, then it's settled.”, standing up, Kiyomi offered her hand “Yelena will get in touch with you about the exact date.”

And after Eren shook it and left the office, she picked up her phone dialing a familiar number.

“Dot? I have the perfect setup for this thing. What? No. Shush and picture this - We are going to create a little apocalypse for them.”

A few days passed. The last preliminary match was done yesterday, and in all honesty it was fairly easy. Mikasa breezed through it and put her opponent on his back in just a few rounds, taking the first spot in the qualifier and solidifying her position in the Vegas finals. She didn’t get hit at all really, too fast for the poor guy, which meant that right the next morning she was back at the gym, working on herself. The door to the office opened and Levi emerged, crossing the distance to where she was. They nodded at each other in a form of greeting.

“Any tips about yesterday?”

“Not really, you breezed through the match exactly as I expected. The thing I came to talk to you about is that technique I asked you to develop, have you been working on it?”

“I did think about it, but I somehow can’t come up with anything I need.”, she sat up on the bench, eyes meeting Levi’s, “Any ideas?”

“That’s the thing, we reached the point where you have surpassed me when it comes to fighting.”

“What, you want to stop being my trainer?”

Levi barked out a laugh.

“Of course not, I’ll keep drilling you for a long, long time. But when it comes to this, I feel like it is something that you have to develop mostly on your own with only some tips from me.”

“Fine.”, Mikasa shrugged, “So, want to throw those my way?”

“First of all, I think that whatever you do, it has to be a kick, not a punch. For obvious reasons.”

It was easy to see what Levi meant. Kicks are inherently stronger than punches, and with the beasts Mikasa was about to face, she would need to deliver the most damaging hits she could do.

“Next,” Levi went on, “It should be aimed to surprise, to stagger and to crack the armor these guys have. Like Reiner, you’ve watched his matches right?”

“Yea, when he turtles, it’s like he’s not feeling the opponent’s hits at all.”

“That’s his thing, he calls it the “Armor”.”

“How does it work?”

“It’s quite simple. He’s a big guy, and with the muscles Reiner developed, he can shrug off anything that gets thrown at him in the ring. As long as he protects his vitals, which he does in that stance, he’s practically invincible. Too heavy to throw, too stable to trip. And don’t forget that he trains with Annie, so he won’t underestimate you. At all.”

“And the more you hit him, the more frustrated you get and open yourself up to counters.”, Mikasa added.

“Exactly. So you need something that will shatter his armor, get through that defense and allow you to do damage.”

A kick, one strong enough to get through Reiner’s armor. Mikasa felt like she could do it, but one doubt kept nibbling at the back of her mind.

“Won’t a kick open me up?”, she asked, “It’s a lot slower than a punch.”

“Not if you do it fast enough. Your speed is your best weapon, there is no way in hell you can match fighters like Reiner or Fahkumram in strength. You are already fast, but you need to be even faster and convert that into the kick – speed is force, after all.”

“All right, I’ll start working on it then. Oh, and shouldn’t a new technique have a name?”

Levi’s eyes that rolled up and the unamused look on his face gave her the answer even before he spoke.

“I feel like you are playing way too many videogames with Eren.”

But Mikasa wouldn’t be deterred so easily.

“How about Armor Cracker? Or…”, she tried a practice kick, the air whooshing around her leg, “Wind breaker?”

“That sounds like a fart.”

“You are not exactly helping.”, she frowned at her brother, “Come on, you must have some ideas.”

“A-really-fast-kick?”

“Levi, you have the imagination of a politician.”

Mikasa kicked the air again, thinking.

“Galeforce! Or Stridebreaker! Or…”

“Thunder Spear!”

Turning to where the voice came from, Mikasa saw Hange standing there with a huge smile plastered to her face.

“I LOVE creating new names, you have to let me have this one.”, she said, a polar opposite to Levi’s attitude, “It fits too, wouldn’t you say?”

Technically, Mikasa could see her legs as spears. And the power of the kick would have to be explosive to crack Reiner’s amor, and thunder was an explosive force. In short, it was a good name, fitting.

“All right, Thunder Spear it is then.”

Hange’s smile got even wider, but it was Levi who spoke.

“Fine, whatever. Now don’t forget to develop this Thunder Spear of yours, or Reiner will have a field day once you two meet in Vegas.”

The finals were creeping ever closer, and the monsters Mikasa had to fight would be all there, the ones she would have to defeat to reach the top. To do so, she would have to hone this Thunder Spear of hers to the highest possible quality.

Armin felt nervous when opening his email lately, the feeling caused by the several ongoing dialogues he had with various publishers. His book was finished, and now it was the time to see if anyone would print it. Eyes rowing over the lines of text, his blues widened when he read the title of his newest e-mail. Re-reading it, just to be sure, Armin felt a wave of excitement wash over him.

“You okay?”

The two words almost made him jump before he realized that Jean was there, looking at him over the rim of his notebook. They were spending a lot of time together lately, and while Armin had a suspicion that the entity of Eren and Mikasa asked Jean to keep an eye on him, he honestly didn’t mind. They haven’t talked much in college, since Armin was busy being the glue that kept his two best friends together and Jean was out doing his own thing. He learned a lot in a few days, about the career Jean made in marketing and the business he had set up, designed in a way that it was more-or-less autonomous at this point. As long as he had access to the internet, Jean could manage it from anywhere on the planet. Which meant that the move he had recently, one that was supposed to be a short-term before the whole thing with Hitch happened, didn’t affect him in the slightest.

Instead of answering the question, Armin turned his laptop towards Jean, letting him read the mail for himself.

“Finally! I knew this is going to happen! Who is that again…”, taking the name of the publisher, Jean ran it through the search engine, jumping a few websites to get an overall picture.

“Looks trustworthy, but their marketing is kinda ass. I’ll get int touch with them and see if they would like any help in that area.”

“You would do that?”

Jean smirked.

“Count on me Armin, I’ll make this thing into a bestseller.”

The moment they shared was interrupted when Armin’s eyes moved down to see the clock in the corner of his screen.

“Oh damn, I have to run, I have lunch with Mikasa.”

“Don’t let me keep you.”, Jean laughed, fingers dancing over the keyboard, “And say hello for me.”

One frantic car ride later, Armin was sitting at the restaurant and telling the exciting news to Mikasa.

“I had an e-mail from a publisher. Believe it or not, people actually want to print my book!”

“Why wouldn’t I believe it? I knew you had it in you Armin.”, she clapped him on the shoulder, enthusiastic, “That’s amazing news!”

“Thanks, I still have to wrap my head around it myself, that it’s happening. I wish I could take it as easy as Jean, the moment I told him he was already planning a marketing campaign for the book.”

“You should let him help, he’s a god when it comes to promotion, both Levi’s gym and the Third Wheel benefited from his work. In fact, I think that I have a gift for you too.”

“Really? It’s not even my birthday.”

“The billboard Kiyomi gave me, I want you to have it.”

“I couldn’t….”

Mikasa didn’t let him finish.

“I won’t take no for an answer Ar. I don’t need my face plastered all over it, it’s kind of strange driving past it on my way to the gym.”

“Can I even use it?”

“Why couldn’t you, it’s mine. I’ll talk to Kiyomi and have her set me up with the people who can change it properly.”

“I-… I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Then don’t. If your story will have success that’s more than enough for me.”

They talked about various things, catching up and whatnot. One question kept dancing in the back of the raven’s mind, the one that wasn’t satisfied, not even when Jean reported that Armin is doing great. Swallowing the food, Mikasa manned up and went for it.

“Have you thought about Annie?”

Slowly, Armin put down his fork and folded his hands, expression tightening.

“I did. But I still have no idea what to tell her once I see her again.”

The spark in Armin’s eyes, the want in his voice, it made Mikasa realize that she wasn’t completely honest with him about everything that transpired. He was one of her best friends, and he deserved to know the truth, despite how ugly it was. So, taking a deep breath, Mikasa pushed it out.

“There’s something you don’t know Ar… That night... I found Annie after saving you.”

“You did what?”

“ I was so angry, so pissed at her, I just had to see her. I found her in a park, we fought and I…”, Mikasa’s eyes dropped back to her hands, unable to meet Armin’s gaze.

“I almost beat her to death.”

“W-What?”

“I couldn’t stop myself. You almost… You nearly… We almost lost you Ar. I almost lost you. The pain in me was too fresh, too deep, I had to get it out.”, Mikasa’s voice was full of guilt and suffering when she continued, “You don’t even know how much I value you, how much Eren values you. You are incredibly important to us both.”, she clenched her fists under the table, “I know that this isn’t the high school, but I will do anything in my power to protect you, I’ll beat any bullies who dare hurt you.”

Despite all this, Armin could feel that Mikasa had more.

“There is still something you are not telling me.”, he said in a soft voice, making her nod.

“She came to the gym, a few weeks after the incident, said that she wanted to talk to you.”, Mikasa couldn’t meet Armin’s eyes, she stared at her hands instead, “I told her to fuck off. You were so vulnerable back then… I-I couldn’t let her hurt you again.”

“Hey, Mikasa? Look at me please.”

She did, fearful of what she will see in those ocean eyes. Armin had every right to hate her for what she had done, she overstepped her boundaries and in her overprotective manner sent Annie away. Yet what she saw wasn’t blame, and it felt like a giant weight off her shoulders.

“I wasn’t ready to see her back then, so I think that you acted right.”, he put his hand on the table in an offering that Mikasa took, covering his hand with her own.

“Thank you.”, Armin said, meaning every word, “Thank you for protecting me, and more importantly thank you for being honest.”

“I’m sorry..”

“Don’t apologize. What’s done is done, and now we can only move forward.”

Even embarrassed as she was, Mikasa had to smile at that.

“Move forward? Did you get that phrase from Eren?”

“He says that a lot doesn’t he. That and the thing with setting people free from their injuries, sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a….”

“Serial killer.”, Mikasa finished for him, “Eren does emit that feeling when he is like that.”

Thumbing the engagement ring on her finger, Armin had an idea.

“Tell me, if Eren was a serial killer, would you still date him?”

“Most likely, if he was as hot as he is now.”

Armin blinked up, looking at Mikasa’s face that was completely serious as she continued.

“After all, killing is probably not even that hard.”, she clicked her tongue, “I’d imagine it’s like slicing meat, and that is my specialty.”

She kept the straight face for another ten seconds, and each felt like an hour to Armin. Mikasa talking about murders was somehow terrifying, the look she had chilled him to the bone, and knowing that she is the strongest person he knew didn’t help. Just as he was about to start being seriously afraid, the expression broke and Mikasa laughed, hiding her mouth behind a hand.

“You should see your face!”, she squeezed out, “It’s so pale!”

Armin grumbled, pulling his hand back and overall acting hurt for about two seconds before Mikasa snapped a quick picture of him and damn, he really was pale.

“Keep the killing out of our conversation and we can have a nice lunch, what do you say?”

She smiled, picking up the fork again.

“Okay, but only because it’s you, Mr. Big-shot writer.”

He groaned, she laughed again but obeyed and kept the murderous references to the minimum. It was a nice day, yet she had no idea what the night had in store for her.

Mikasa woke up in cold sweat, her hand automatically reaching over to the other side of the bed only to find it empty. The rush of fear that jumped up in her heart threatened to overwhelm her completely, to make her scream out in panic before Mikasa’s brain started working. Eren was at work, pulling a night shift. He would come back in the morning. There was nothing to be scared about. Breathing, in and out, she pulled her legs to her chest and hugged them, forming a small ball. Here, hidden inside herself, she could shield her thoughts from the outside world and replay the nightmare in her head.

The dream was terrible. She remembered Sasha being dead, she remembered her grave and herself sitting next to it, quietly sobbing into her scarf. She remembered being on a boat, going somewhere, and she remembered flying, talking with Jean about got knows what. There was an underlying feeling to the whole dream, a terrible dread and sadness, washing it all in shades of black.

Blindly, she reached out, taking her phone and staring at it. Who could she call to make herself feel good again? Eren was at work, and while he would most likely take her call he couldn’t just sit in the hospital talking to his crazy girlfriend after she had another nightmare. Knowing how he was, Eren would probably take off and come home to her, and Mikasa didn’t want that. She hated feeling like a burden. Without thinking, her fingers scrolled until she tapped a familiar name, putting the phone up to her ear.

“Hello?”, said the sleepy voice on the other end, “Miks? Is something wrong?”

“Sasha.”, she said, intertwining her fingers with her toes, “I just couldn’t sleep and realized we haven’t talked in some time. So, want to grab a lunch tomorrow?”

The girl on the other side laughed, and just the sound of it, knowing that she is safe and very much alive filled Mikasa with warmth.

“Sure, I’ll never say no to free food.”

Hours later, they were sitting at the restaurant Mikasa picked. But while Sasha was content with eating, as she usually was, the raven kept checking up on her friend, the remnants of the nightmare still fresh in her mind. It reached the point where she just had to ask, no matter how dumb it did sound.

“Are you feeling okay? Is everything fine?”

Sasha looked up from her food, eyes narrowing.

“Is this about the dreams again?”

Mikasa pressed her lips into a thin line before nodding, knowing that she was acting unreasonably. Of course, Sasha knew about her night terrors, they were roommates for a long time and friends even longer. Embarrassed by her overprotectiveness, Mikasa looked away and was just about to apologize when Sasha reached out, taking a hold of her hand.

“Listen Miks, everything is great for me. I’m good, my pub is doing well, and sometimes I could swear that I feel something in my legs.”

“You do?”

“Yes, although it’s nothing to celebrate yet, my doctor said that it might be just a way how my brain rewards itself for all the physical therapy I’ve been doing.”

She squeezed Mikasa’s hand.

“But the most important thing is that I am very fine, no matter what your dreams told you.”

“I think I needed to hear that. Thank you.”

“Listen, why don’t I cheer you up even more.”, meeting Mikasa’s confused eyes, Sasha went on, “I’ll call the other girls, have a night out, what do you say?”

Well, why the hell not? It has been some time since she was out, and it was always nice to talk to Krista and Ymir, despite the latter’s double-edged comments. You know what, scratch that – it was always nice to talk to Krista. Period. Her preliminary matches were done too, meaning that the self-imposed alcohol ban was over.

“Sure, let’s do that.”, Mikasa agreed, much to Sasha’s glee.

They got quite a band together, with both Ymir and Krista coming. Even Hitch found a hole in her packed schedule, squeezing this event in. The only one who couldn’t make it was Hange, who apologized and said that she is way too swamped at work to be out drinking right now. With few hours to kill, Sasha and Mikasa hit the town. Between the senseless shopping and raiding all kinds of places, Mikasa found herself laughing a lot, the thoughts of Annie and tournament gone from her head. And when they were taking a break, eating ice cream on a bench, she realized that it was way too long since they had done this. Because knowing that Sasha is alive and well, hearing her laugh, that soothed Mikasa’s soul. When the day was ending and the shadows grew tall, it was time to head to the bar and meet up with the others. Which also meant getting bombarded by Ymir’s “tactics” about how Mikasa should fight.

“Can’t you just, I don’t know, blast them with concentrated energy?”

Ymir made the motion with her hands, imitating the sounds too. Mikasa sighed, putting her glass back on the table.

“This is not dragon ball Ymir.”

“Still, I feel like you are making it overly complicated. You want to kick them, just kick them!”

“I need to figure out the best angle, and have my body put enough strength behind it on its own because I don’t think that my mind can keep up, and….”

“Blah blah. As I said,”, Ymir poked Krista who seemed to be listening to Mikasa’s ranting, “way too complicated. Now Eren, that guy had a lot of interesting things to say.”

Mikasa very quickly connected the dots and realized what Ymir was talking about, her cheeks reddening. Ymir wouldn’t talk about that here, would she?

“What things?”, a new voice asked.

The trio jumped up, none of them noticing that Sasha had sneakily wheeled herself close. She was looking at them now, her eyes wide and innocent, sipping on her drink with a straw.

“What interesting thing are you guys talking about?”, she repeated.

Mikasa stared at Krista, Krista stared at Mikasa, Sasha stared at them all and Ymir was the only one who wasn’t bothered by it at all. She took a casual sip of her drink, a smirk on her face.

“We asked Mikasa if she wanted to have a threesome with us.”

There was stunned silence after. Krista was the one who woke up first, punching her girlfriend in the shoulder, a movement she had done so many times that it was practically mastered at this point.

“Ymir.”, she hissed, “What the hell?!”

Mikasa’s eyes ticked between the three faces in front of her, unsure how to respond to such a statement, and it was Sasha who reacted first. She looked the raven up and down before giving a respectful nod.

“Okay, I can see why you would want that.”

“What?”

“I know right.”, Ymir nodded, wise all of a sudden, “And it’s not like you can’t choose, if you are more into guys, I’m sure that Hitch and Jean would take you.”

“Hitch would do what?”, asked the woman in question, appearing from the bar and carrying her drink.

“Have a threesome with Mikasa.”, Sasha explained.

The therapist met the raven’s bewildered eyes before sliding her gaze over her face and down.

“Sure, I’d go for it.”

“Hitch!”, now it was Mikasa who was hissing, her cheeks red, “You too?”

“Of course, have you ever looked in the mirror?”, the light-haired woman gave her a sly wink, “I’d most definitely go for you.”

“Same here.”, Sasha chimed in.

“Us too.”, Ymir added, while Krista was hiding her face in her hands, wishing to be gone.

Mikasa was suddenly very conscious of all the eyes on her, no idea how to react. Since when did all her friends become so horny for her?

“Listen, I-I a-appreciate the offers, but I’m not looking for anything right now. Eren is enough, more than enough.”

“Hey, no one is pressuring you.”, Sasha said, raising her glass, “But if you ever grow bored of the good doctor, know that there’s plenty of us you can call.”

The night continued in a relaxed manner, now that the unnecessary proposals were off the table. Catching up felt good, knowing that her friends were still there and living their best life. Ymir and Krista were the dynamic duo, Hitch was the one with clever comebacks, and Sasha was the life of the party. For once, Mikasa let go and simply had fun. Because it was fun sending drunken selfies to Eren, Connie and Jean, to let them know how much they are missing. The only thing that bothered her was the way Sasha kept checking her phone as if she was waiting for something. When asked, she just brushed it aside, which prompted Mikasa’s protective instincts to act.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Sasha smiled at her, pocketing the phone she was checking. Again.

“Of course, we are best friends, aren’t we?”

“Definitely.”

“Well, best friend, if you feel so inclined, how about you grab me another drink?”

Mikasa giggled but took her glass anyway, walking towards the bar. And when Sasha leaned back, a smile playing on her lips, her phone decided that it was finally the time to beep. Checking, she could see that there was a text from Niccolo, just two words, but it made her heartbeat rise. Because those two words, that was exactly that Sasha was waiting for.

“It’s time.”

Every pause must come to an end, and the action will resume. The next morning found Mikasa back at the gym, trying and failing with the new technique. The bag swayed with her kick, leather creaking, but it wasn’t it. The angle was wrong. The power was not enough. It wasn’t finished, far from it. Mikasa groaned in frustration, trying again, but nothing changed. She lacked the spark, the something that would allow her to pump out the power required for the Thunderspear. Her body was capable of producing the kick, she knew she could do it, but it was not happening. Maybe she was feeling lazy, maybe the recent victories gave Mikasa too much of an ego. As it was now, she would never break through Reiner. In her mind’s eye, she saw him standing right there, a smug smile on his lips as he effortlessly shrugged off her attacks. Closing her eyes, Mikasa massaged her temples to stave off the headache that was slowly creeping up. She was frustrated, pissed off, angry at herself.

“Need any help?”

She turned, startled, only to meet the eyes of a tall individual.

“Jean? What are you doing here?”

“Hitch said that you will most likely be training again, and I thought that I could go for a workout as well. It was some time since I flexed my muscles.”, he pointed at the abused bag, “And I can see that you are struggling with something.”

“I’m trying to create a new kick that will break through strong guards. But I can’t get it to work, I feel like I don’t have the motivation or something…”

“Here.”, Jean climbed up, jumping into the ring, “How about you try it on me instead?”

Well, it was better than kicking the bag for no reason. It was probably even better than if Eren would be here to help, because while Levi insisted that he has a very “kickable” face, Mikasa strongly disagreed. Her emotional attachment could block her from going all out. Of course, Jean was her friend, but there is a difference between the love of your life and a good friend. Jean was taller than Reiner and way skinnier, but at least he was a human and it was easier to imagine the German tank standing there.

“Let’s just do some sparring, get pumped up.”, Mikasa suggested.

They did so, trading punches back and forth, while the raven tried her best to come up with the right move for her Thunderspear. Jean did his best, with the basic Krav Maga he knew, but it was not enough to even get her winded. Understandably so, she was the prodigy here. A prodigy who can’t even kick hard enough. Gritting her teeth, Mikasa stared at Jean, imagining the blond head of Reiner. The muscles, the sure and steady legwork, the cold expression, the short yet incredibly well-balanced body, the hooked nose and startlingly blue eyes and… wait. That was not Reiner she was imagining. That was Annie. The familiar cold filled her, the one she felt only once, back in the rain when she almost killed her. On that terrible night when she almost lost Armin. The rage was back, not burning but freezing, filling her with ice.

But the last nudge that happened didn’t come from her memories of Annie, that came from Jean’s face. Watching it, Mikasa’s mind was flooded with those strange dreams, the flashbacks from another lifetime, her headache back in full force. She could smell the burning bodies, she could hear destruction. Jean was next to her, dressed in a black uniform, his mouth moving and forming words she had trouble understanding. Only two were crystal clear – “Kill” and “Eren”.

Kill Eren? No, she wouldn’t do that, no matter what kind of different life that was. She would never hurt the man she loved, her fiancé. If that wouldn’t be enough, her heart throbbed with pain when the thoughts of Sasha resurfaced, claiming that something terrible happened to her, worse than the shooting accident she was in. As if her former roommate and one of her best friends died, and that left a hole in Mikasa’s heart. The feeling was still strong, despite the lunch they had together and the night out. Whatever these memories were, wherever they came from, those combined with her rivalry with Annie and clicked together, sneaking through her brain and unlocking the hidden capabilities of her body.

Was it stupid? Maybe, but it didn’t matter. Mikasa knew that neither of these terrible tragedies happened. She knew that Sasha was alive and well, she knew that there was nothing in this world that was forcing her to kill Eren. This remnant of her past life, or a random thing that her mind made up, it was enough to push her over the edge. Just like that, Mikasa knew exactly what she had to do. And as the headache subsided, leaving only the bitter taste of the memories behind, her body overcame its limitations. Mikasa would do anything to prevent such a terrible fate befalling her friends, to protect them she was willing to go above and beyond. Roused by the nightmares, loaded by the unfair and terrible hardships her dream-self had to endure, the Thunderspear was ready to fire.

Jean must have noticed the change in her behavior too, because he stopped attacking, pulled back and went on the defensive. It was not enough. Mikasa aimed the Thunderspear in the middle of his torso, kicking right into Jean’s block which immediately cracked under the pressure. He was sent flying back, falling onto the ropes and sliding down like a ragdoll, boneless.

The drawback was immediately obvious. The kick was done with her whole body, all muscles working together to create such a strong blow. Once fired, Mikasa was hit by a wave of slight nausea as she swayed on her feet, almost doubling over. This wasn’t an attack that could be used freely - if she went for it and missed, Mikasa was open to any sort of counterattack. It took her a sweet moment to recompose herself, get her body back under control and realize that this wasn’t Annie she was fighting but her friend.

“Jean, are you okay?”, she quickly crossed the distance and fell to her knees, looking over his form.

“I... I think so?”, he grimaced, trying to sit up and failing at that, “Honestly, I sort of can’t feel half of myself. Holy shit your legs are strong.”

Scared that she hurt him for real, Mikasa did a quick checkup but her hands didn’t find any fractures. Jean sat up again, this time successfully, giving her a small nod to indicate that nothing permanent was inflicted. Relieved, Mikasa helped him stand, stabilizing his swaying with a hand around Jean’s shoulders.

“I think I finally managed to find the right angle.”, she said, getting a weak grin in answer.

“Glad I could help, but please don’t kick me like that again.”

“I won’t. And thank you, I don’t think I could have done it without you.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for.”

“My dad should be around here somewhere.”, Annie was saying, looking left and right.

“It’s nice to have a ride off the airport.”, Reiner pointed out, “Saves on the taxi.”

The prospect of seeing her father again did leave a sour taste on Annie’s mind. She was not exactly sure that she was ready to forgive the man, despite her talk from earlier. The expression didn’t go unnoticed by Reiner, as he poked her shoulder with a grin.

“What’s wrong Annie? Thinking about that Mikasa girl again?”

“Oh my god, are you Mikasa’s fans as well? I heard you talking about her.”

Annie turned to meet the eyes of a young girl with shoulder-length light hair and an expression that was the definition of excited. There was a bag over the girl's shoulder and wheeled travel luggage behind her, indicating that she too had just arrived on the plane. What caught Annie’s attention was a magazine the girl was holding, because right there on the front page there she was. Her nemesis, if you will, Mikasa Ackerman in all her glory, dressed in her fighting gear and with her fists raised, steel-grey eyes staring right into Annie’s. The girl noticed where the blonde was looking, raising the magazine.

“This is one of the earlier issues, I’ve been re-reading them recently.”, she giggled, nervously, “I just love Mikasa so much, I can’t get enough. I watched every fight, every interview, read every word I could find. She’s just so great, isn’t she?”

As if remembering her manners, she finally introduced herself.

“I’m Louise, by the way.”

Annie wasn’t sure how to react when meeting the adoring fan of someone she was here to beat, but luckily Reiner stepped in, leaning over to the girl.

“The only interest we have in Mikasa is how to beat her.”, he gestured towards their little trio, “We are all fighters, here to take the tourney, so Ackerman is just another step on the road for us.”

Louise’s expression turned from an excited smile into a frown and she clutched the magazine close to her chest.

“There is no way any of you are beating Mikasa. She’s going to win because she is the best, you guys don’t stand a chance.”

Reiner grinned, spreading his hands.

“Guess we will see about that.”

Louise huffed, raising her head high and grabbing the luggage behind her. Turning, she walked away at a brisk pace, not sparing the blasphemers any more of her attention.

“Looks like the Ackerman girl is quite popular.”, Bert said, “More than I expected to be honest.”

“It’s not just fighting, she’s a model too.”, Annie remembered, “Appeals to the masses.”

“A model huh?”, Reiner put a hand on her shoulder, “Well, maybe she’ll have to consider a career change once you rearrange her face, isn’t that right Annie?”

But there wasn’t any burning hatred for Mikasa in Annie’s heart. She used the girl to motivate herself, yet she felt deep respect towards her. The raven was the only person as dedicated as Annie herself, the only one that understood the deep need to prove herself in this sport. Reiner and Bert, they were good friends, but they didn’t understand it, they never could. Yet she had to keep her appearances up, so despite herself, Annie grinned at the joke.

“Right.”

In the edge of her vision, a familiar figure appeared, and Annie shifted so she could see it better. Her father was there, waiting, leaning on a cane. He didn’t see them yet, giving Annie the time to study his anxious expression as his eyes scanned the airport, looking for his daughter. Was she ready to face him again? Did she want to? Then again, did she have a choice here?

“Oh look, it's your dad.”, Bert said, taking the choice away from her completely.

“Let’s go.”, Reiner decided for the group, casually throwing his heavy bag over a shoulder and walking towards the old man.

With Berthold following close behind, Annie gave up on her drama queen routine and forced her body to move too, trailing behind her mates.

#eremika #fanfic #snk #aot

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