#hallelujah to their sanities | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

many-but-one · 1 year

Note

your pfp is TEEFS, 15+ points for you

You…I like you😌

You know it’s probably about time to tell people why the picture is a picture of kitten teeth. This has been my pfp literally since the start of this account. Even back when I went by “The Collective System” and “The Enigma System.” I may have explained it in the past but it’s been a WHILE and my follower count has exploded since then so I suppose I should probably inform everyone.

The kitten teeth is a reference to a poem I wrote very early on in my DID diagnosis. It was one of the very first poems I ever collaborated on with our gatekeeper, James. (I say “I” but it was actually Jules. However, Jules is still a part of me even after this fusion so I say I for that reason)

The poem is called “The Forest and The Teeth” and it combines a ton of quotes from various sources, some of which were twisted or changed to fit our own experiences. This is why we haven’t actually shared this poem publicly, because a very large portion is not original writing and since we wrote this almost two years ago I have no idea who we stole quotes from. So this will forever be a personal piece.

Anyway, a line from that poem which I think was ripped off of someone’s instagram caption but changed a bit to fit our system’s needs was this:

“The cat bites // but he’s ripping out her teeth. // And they keep growing back. // Now we get to be free // but whose teeth // will hurt the least?”

The reference to cat teeth has for some reason always been important. In fact, teeth seem to be an extremely prominent subject in our poetry, which I am not going to look too deeply into because I am NOT a nosy host, I swear… (😅)

Some other pretty dope lines about teeth or biting in our various poems:

“His name is burned into my flesh. It smells like sin. I am ripping out my teeth for him. Why do I love him? I can’t remember.” - from the poem “teeth.”

“The cat that bites has given me his teeth, and I wear them on a choker necklace, wrapped ‘round my neck like Saturn’s rings.” -from an untitled poem

“I rip open a ketchup packet with my teeth and pretend it’s his neck. I have fangs. I scream when I sleep. My blood tastes like cabernet.” -from the poem “hallelujah.”

“I’ve been a victim for longer than I’ve been in this emergency room. I’m finally getting the help I need but I’ve always needed help and never known it. My teeth ache and I drink warm milk to soothe myself.” -from the poem “heavy metal bake sale.”

“I don’t know who I am. I am the last incarnation of God. I am sipping kerosine. I am swallowing my teeth. Set my throat aflame. Bury the hurt. Kill the child. I am The End.” -from the poem “I Am.”

“This is the moment where I spread my aching jaws and I bite down hard. The moment I become a wolf in sheep’s clothing, the moment I get the vengeance we deserve.” -from the poem “It’s Not My Fault I Have My Father’s Eyes.”

“Now I can’t stop feeling. It’s eating away at my sanity. Self-cannibalism. Blood soaks through my claws, guts drip from my jaws. I stare into the face of the Devil and I’m trying to turn it off. I can’t turn it off. I still hear the war drums.” -from the poem “my heartbeat is a war drum.”

“Your teeth are white and sharp, flashing a grin at me. You’re trying to be friendly. I know who you really are.” -from “my heartbeat is a war drum.”

“My teeth are sharp like razors. I am a being of Wrath. I used to want to bury it, but now I want revenge.” -from “my heartbeat is a war drum.”

“It’s eat or be eaten. Bite or be bitten. Your mind bends and melds to the shape of others. You don’t know who you truly are. You are scared to feel, scared to love, scared to be attached. You have only seen abuse come from attachment. Let yourself go. You are the one holding your own leash, the chain around your neck. Shed your muzzle, dog. Disobey. Become a monster.” -from “the dog, the cannibal, and their keeper.”

“Your candy red lipstick stains your teeth. You bare your bloody fangs and smirk. You tie the corset so tightly your beating heart bursts out of your chest. You desperately wish to be yourself, but you wear your mask and you go by a different name.” -from “the dog, the cannibal, and their keeper.”

I’m sure if I went through the bazillion drafts of unfinished and untitled poems too I’d find more but I am too lazy. I didn’t even need to do all of this, I am just intrigued by teeth and biting motifs being so intensely present in so much of the poetry we write. I should say that I did not write all of this, our gatekeeper James wrote a lot of it (he is way better at poetry than me), and a few other parts chip in here and there.

That’s all! My brain is soup from this fusion going on in the background so I will shut up now! Lol.

-Dori🌹

#dorian🌹#ask #randomspider #personal post #my writing #my poetry #teeth

10 notes · View notes

rothjuje · 2 years

Text

Today broke me. My spicy one screamed for 90 minutes straight this morning. At that point we still had not unpacked ONE box (Tuesday leg drama and urgent care, Wednesday leg drama and urgent care, Thursday leg drama and ER). My absence this week has been dysregulating for the kids, as well as strangers coming and going.

Everything has been just running around in circles. Hired someone to paint. He painted part of the ceiling by accident and now the whole ceiling needs to be painted. He also spilled paint in several places, but oddly not the carpet that’s going to be ripped out anyway. Sigh. On top of that I don’t even like the paint color and he did a crappy job in general so I’m just going to buy a new color and do it myself. In all my spare time. Ha. I’d never worry about paint at a time like this, but we need the living room painted to get the tv up and I need Cocomelon for my sanity.

We still don’t have lights upstairs (lamp ended up behind couch in playroom, could move couch but it’s broken and lamp will not survive twin toddlers).

Can’t unpack kitchen because there aren’t cabinet locks. Decide on baby gates instead of cabinet locks. Order them. They’re late. They get here. They don’t fit. We still don’t have pots or pans. I haven’t had a home cooked meal in 6 weeks (I’ve been surviving off of cereal and bagels) and it just makes me so sad. Baking bread was how I kept my sanity.

Basically, to unpack, you need to take things out of boxes and put them somewhere that two two year olds can’t reach. Which is simply not possible when they’re awake, because when they’re awake they’re glued to me.

So. Anyway. I regretted every decision I had ever made to get me to this point, had a good cry, and then a good scream. Then Jess the neighbor finally got to come back over (48 hours fever and vomit free) and that restored some of my sanity.

Then neither twin had a 6 pm disaster nap and they were actually in bed before 9 pm. HALLELUJAH. Yes, it’s been a thing here. I’ll look over and one of the twins will just be passed out on the floor or on the couch. Transitioning out of naps is such a frustrating time in general. Sigh.

Justin and I managed to unpack about 8 boxes each after the kids went down. You can now walk in our room, the dining room, and the playroom. There are 9 boxes left in our room, 11 in the dining room, 7 in the girls’ room, 3 in George’s room, and too many to count in the basement.

But. Progress. Actual forward motion. Thank Gd.

Okay. Leg. Sat in ER most of yesterday (I drove to one of the good hospitals and I still sat forever, and then they had 5 patients in these giant rooms with little dividers). Texas is so different. You wait for 30-60 minutes and then get your own spacious room. Honestly, Texas has a lot going for it. It’s very functional down there. I miss it, a lot.

Anyway. Rash is still spreading, but that’s normal up to 5 days into antibiotics they say (which I wish urgent care would have said, I would like my time and money back from yesterday please). So. They said the purple is fine, the blisters are fine, that if it’s necrotizing it will be immensely painful and if I feel immense pain come back.

Hoping that things will continue on the up and up. Dining room looks cute, our room more spacious than we thought, playroom very cute. In-laws come tomorrow and I am very very thankful for the extra hands. I miss seeing familiar faces and I’m excited for the normalcy of a visit.

41 notes · View notes

t-underneaththeradardancing · 2 years

Text

2 A eM awake still ( spoiler alert - t slept rest of night - now its morning)

in another - life it seems / imma potter or clay anyways - maybe dreams but u would think I would remember - but except for a flash - no - maybe a sculptor Elton but then then again - no

morning now - sleep came finally - is this sanity - maybe reality -a kitty - good always - anyway a hallelujah - not awake enough for murder and gray sky - awaiting birdsong - some owee - needles -let me check - yes - aliens into night - and frogs also its fry day (hmm fries - tasty )

some hydration - dont 4get the breathing - a little more than fuck all - rawk star panties and rosy shades to soften gloomy

6 notes · View notes

thearbourist · 6 months

Text

UCP Resolution 29 - No Males in Female Prison - Hallelujah!

Thank you to Eva Kurilova for finding this resolution. There is hope that we can have a return to sanity here in Alberta.

View On WordPress

#A possible Win for albertan females #Alberta #Keep Prisons Single Sex #UCP

0 notes

briannamcintire · 1 year

Text

You know you’re a toddler mom when…

No small item is safe. They’re either trying to eat it or throw it at your face. You become a ninja overnight.

Ahhh, motherhood. Sweet, sweet motherhood. Behind the lack of sleep and momnesia, there’s so much beauty in everyday moments and memories.

It’s no secret our littles grow way too fast and suddenly turn into 2 and 3-year-olds whether it’s getting through a new growth spurt, a new bedtime routine, beginning potty training, enrolling in preschool, or the little cherub who decided it’s a good idea to phase out of naps at 2-and-a-half-years-old…we get it.

The list of questions on how-do-I-survive-this-grow. We’ve been there. I feel for you. We support you. And the daily or weekly glass of wine or workout that gets you through the ups and downs.

With that, here’s our round-up of how you know you’re a mama to a toddler, and the firecracker that they are.

1. You soon learn that Legos are your worst nightmare, and you fear stepping on one more than you fear stepping on a bee.

2. You’re lucky if you (ever) get anywhere on time, which is basically a half hour late according to the mom clock.

3. You traded designer handbags for grab-and-go-rough-and-tough durable bags back in the infant days, and make sure those mini suitcases are filled with wipes and snacks—at ALL times. Because Lord help you if you head out for errands and forget snacks for the hangry monster that will appear out of nowhere; even if they ate all their breakfast!

4. You basically do not own any white or nice item of clothing, because what’s the point? The risk of every and all kinds of stains will find their way right to you—smears of any kind have become a dangerous look to any wardrobe these days.

5. Speaking of stains—forget only packing a change of clothes for your mini. You probably keep a spare set of clothing (and if you don’t, you should) in your car since toddlers are basically little drunk people who are a liability to any outfit.

6. When you get in someone’s car who doesn’t have kids, you’re shocked at how clean it is. “Is this brand new? It looks so clean and smells so nice.” “No, Mama, it’s like four years old…..” Wait, what? Cars can look this clean when they’re not fresh off the lot? Mind. Blown.

7. You might think you’re the boss, but you’re not. Your toddler is the king or queen of your castle, and won’t let you forget it.

8. When your friends without kids spend the day with you, they’re home asleep by 5 pm or pouring a glass of wine beforehand, wondering how in the world you manage the chaos all day. Oh, those sweet little things and how innocent they are pre-parenting.

9. Is it bad to want noise-silencing headphones or dream of quiet, uninterrupted bathroom breaks, showers, or meals? No, most definitely not. What is silence? That’s a thing?

10. The toddler tornado is SO real. Or, also known as a category five hurricane that blows through with gusts up to 100 mph, with no predictable weather pattern. You feel it. Your house feels it. And your partner or family never fail to walk in the door during the eye of the storm and ask, “What have you been doing all day and why is the house so messy?!” The. Nerve.

11. You sing Hallelujah and say a prayer for your former favorite TV shows to Rest In Peace. Perhaps you’ll remember to DVR them and manage to get through a series within a year. But they’ve most likely been replaced with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Cocomelon, Blaze, Paw Patrol, or some other annoyingly lovable, quotable show on Disney Jr. or Nick Jr.

12. Your sanity and appearance will be questioned daily, and probably like 16293 times within a 12-hour span. But your heart has never been so full (or your hands). Good thing under-eye concealer and eye-brightening shadows can help mask three years of sleep deprivation.

13. Speaking of sleep…are there people who truly sleep for 8-10 hours uninterrupted and in peace without flailing limbs knocking them in the face or body parts throughout the night? Because let’s be real, you probably haven’t slept in or so solidly since college. The toddler who originally falls asleep so sweet and angelic magically seems to turn into an octopus-like creature with eight arms in the middle of the night. All of which end up on you or smacking you.

14. No small item is safe. They’re either trying to eat it or throw it at your face. You become a ninja overnight and have all-star catching abilities.

15. Is there such thing as a car ride where shoes stay on? As if you weren’t running late already, now you get to wrestle the little cat in your backseat and try to put their shoes back on (for the tenth time of the day).

16. You have to reheat your tea or coffee at least five times throughout the day because heaven forbid you get to finish a cup in one sitting. Do they make caffeine IVs yet? And you don’t even remember what eating a warm meal is like since you have to chop your mini’s meal up into little chunks before even considering sitting down in front of your plate.

17. You immediately panic when your kids are present, not napping, and there is silence. They very well may be coloring the walls, “painting” the dog, setting a new makeup trend by using all of yours, re-organizing your cabinets (that you just sorted), or jumping into the piles of your freshly washed and folded laundry. They say silence is golden, but that goes out the window in toddler land.

18. Little white lies sneak up on your tongue….that food you don’t want to share? “Sorry, buddy, it’s soooo spicy.” “Wayyyy too hot.” “You’re allergic.” #Shameless

19. You listened to your pediatrician and kept your little angel away from electronics until they were two years old. But now that they throw the most insane tantrums in the middle of grocery aisle number eight? “Hey, want to watch a show?” You have to stay home from work because they had to stay home from school? Cartoon marathon so you can get through emails. No judgment. Just understanding that sometimes a few minutes of peace are worth any cartoon in the world.

20. You realize how weird and downright wacky some bedtime stories are. What the heck were some of these authors on?! Of course, most are beautiful and full of warm and fuzzies, but some are more bizarre than you ever remember hearing when you were little. And there’s no chance you’re getting past bedtime before reading at least 5-10 books since toddlers all seem like they just downed a cup of coffee right before bedtime.

21. Things that would have completely and utterly disgusted you pre-parenthood have become your norm. They’re still awful, of course, but the thought of getting peed on or boogers flicked on you when you were in your 20s versus surviving infanthood and now toddlerhood, does the word gross even have meaning anymore?

22. Your house is no longer properly feng shuied or decorated with tasteful items on your coffee table. Magazines get shredded, vases get broken, and picture frames get chucked across the room. Because of that, there isn’t one thing that’s left under 3’ shelves. Except for dirty hand prints. And you immediately regret going over to friend’s houses who don’t have kids, because your little monster, ehem, angel, probably just destroyed all their most valuable, precious things.

23. You once dreaded going to the park in fear of awkwardly socializing with other moms, or being surrounded by little monsters you don’t know. But now, if you don’t make it to the park or a strenuous activity, you’re stuck with what feels like a rabid dog in a cage the rest of the day.

24. You question who on earth invented the mini potty-training toilets. Why do they come in ten pieces? Why are they so hard to clean? Why do boys pee on every inch of the bathroom EXCEPT in the potty? Why do toddlers take poops as big as grown men? We’ll never know….oh the bathroom mysteries.

25. Happy hour is no longer at 5 pm involving drinks with girlfriends. It’s more like happy 10 minutes; the interval between when your kids are finally asleep and before you pass out by 9 pm.

26. You follow a healthy lifestyle. Wine is made from fermented grapes, so it’s basically a fruit, and you’re fully convinced it most definitely counts as a daily fruit serving.

27. You turn into superwoman when you’re running errands. Remember the days you used to poke in Target for an hour and enjoy yourself? Now you have the superpower of getting in and out within 20 minutes. BUT, that being said, you also sneak away to Target when you’re kidless and happily enjoy trying on clothes, getting a caramel latte, and buying $100 worth of things you don’t actually need.

28. People actually shut the door when they need to use the bathroom? Are peeping toms frowned upon? Cue Justin Bieber’s, What Do You Mean?

29. Speaking of Justin Bieber, when did he turn into an adult? Does that mean we’re old now? Wasn’t he our age? I’m so confused. And you’re confused who any modern pop star is. Because they’re like 12. And we’re like….shhh.

30. You have to buy wrinkle cream, under-eye lifting serums, and dye your gray hair. Hair starts to grow in weird places, skin begins to sag, and when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you realize you’re slowly resembling your mom. Here’s to hoping she has good genes!

31. Your phone used to have like 20,000 photos of your newborn napping peacefully, accomplishing all their “firsts” and special milestones, crawling down the hallway, etc. Now, you’re lucky if you snap one photo a week of your active toddler since you’re too busy chasing after them and making sure your phone isn’t being flushed down a toilet.

0 notes

solatgif · 2 years

Text

TGIF: Roundup for September 9, 2022

Read all the way through for a new book bundle giveaway, our book reviews collection, and our featured author Heidi Tai!

We published Pastor Cory Ishida’s keynote and interview this week alongside new articles by Karisa You on the prayer life of George Muller and Alice Kim on redeeming our stories and blessing our pain.

Pastor Harold Kim’s Asian American Leadership Conference message was featured this week at The Gospel Coalition: Pastor, When You Want to Quit, Preach to Yourself. Find more from the AALC on YouTube.

Our monthly newsletter features our most popular resources. Read our latest edition and join for free. Check out my Asian American Worship Leaders Facebook group and TGIF Playlist on Spotify. You can reach me on Twitter and Instagram.

We’re hosting a giveaway for a physical copy of Draw Near by Sophie Killingley, Mark For You by Jason Meyer, and Dream Small by Seth Lewis. Special thanks to The Good Book Company for providing our giveaway, presented in partnership with my newsletters for @diveindigdeep and FCBC Walnut.

Articles From Around The Web

House Church Theology: What is the House Church?

“The ‘house church’ (家庭教会, jiating jiaohiu) is a generalized term used to describe China’s unregistered churches which do not submit to the religious oversight of the government-sanctioned church.” Our friends at House Church Theology have a new website!

Related: Learning About The Center for House Church Theology: An Interview with Clara Kim by Aaron Lee

Lloyd Kim: Did the Pandemic Open Doors? Effects of COVID on Missions

“There is a large overlap between the world’s poor and those who are unreached and unengaged by the gospel.”

Related: The Present and Future of the Immigrant Church: An Interview with John J. Oh by Daniel K. Eng

Heidi Tai is an Asian Australian writer, committed to sharing honest words from a hope-filled heart. Check out our Heidi Tai article collection.

Books, Podcasts, Music, And More

Ruth Chou Simons: Social Sanity Book Club Chapter 9: Posting Well

“Christian influencer Ruth Chou Simons talks to Sarah Eekhoff Zylstra about the positive and negative aspects of having a larger online voice.”

Related: Telling Her Own Story: An Interview with Ruth Chou Simons by Aaron Lee

Walnut Women Podcast: Overcoming Mom Guilt: Grace for the Imperfect Mom

Katy, Alice, Meryl, and Leslie from FCBC Walnut discuss how the gospel of grace frees the imperfect mom to humbly embrace her weaknesses so that she can boast in God’s power.

Related: No, I’m Not a Pro: How to Parent our Children’s Souls by Faith Chang

Asian American Worship Leaders: Grace Alone

Grace Alone (Good Stewards Church) / My Jesus I Love Thee (Citizens Church) / Yet Not I (Zoe Church OC) / A Thousand Hallelujahs (NewStory Church) / Jesus Paid it All (All Nations Community Church) / This is Amazing Grace (Living Hope Community Church)

Aaron Lee: Related Works

Book Reviews: Songs of Suffering by Joni Eareckson Tada, God Counts (children’s book) by Irene Sun, Psalm 23: A Colors Primer (children’s book) by Catechesis Books. Listen to our TGIF playlist on Spotify. Join my Asian American Worship Leaders Facebook group.

Check out our Book Reviews for reading recommendations, with an emphasis on Asian American authors.

Featured This Week On SOLA Network

Jason Chao: Longevity and the Importance of Change In Ministry: An Interview with Cory Ishida

Pastor Cory Ishida of Evergreen SGV on adapting to changes in technology, the blessings of ministering to multiple generations, how to incorporate the old and the new, the importance of Sabbaticals, and exhortations to pastors.

Alice Kim: Retelling My Story, and Throwing a Party

“I knew all too well that being female in my Korean American home meant not being chosen. The unspoken but implied understanding was that men are like heaven or the sky and women the earth or the ground. This principle persisted, neither challenged or questioned.”

Karisa You: Bread for 100,000 Children: The Prayer Life of George Muller

“How does one man care for ten thousand orphans and raise millions of dollars (in today’s currency) without asking for a single donation or ever going into debt? By taking God seriously on His word in Matthew 7:7—ask and it will be given to you.”

Cory Ishida: The Way of a King

“Jesus was a manufacturer of furniture. He was a maker of disciples. He was a miracle worker. But he was also a king. Pastor Cory shared examples of kingship from his 42 years of senior pastoral ministry.”

TGIF: Roundup for September 2, 2022

When Watering, Watching, and Waiting Feel Far Too Slow / Injustice Reveals Idolatry / I’m a Gen Zer, and I Believe the Bible Is Inerrant

General disclaimer: Our link roundups are not endorsements of the positions or lives of the authors.

0 notes

cryptke · 2 years

Note

if you dont mind me asking, what are you working on atm? 👀

maintaining my sanity hallelujah 🙏

on a real note i am always starting and working on a million different things at once...the problem is that nothing actually makes it very far. i do have a bunch of requests to work through! i want to write more for dean, and i have some ideas relating to daryl and Alexandria

and i never mind the curiosity, i love dissecting my writing. and just talking about fandom stuff in general

0 notes

servanttogod1 · 2 years

Photo

MOMENT AWAKENING AND REFLECTION “ No More “ @Beingafool... Can I share intimacy and transparency?, I confess I’ve been a fool in this life journey a time or two. But still learning that it takes self control too manage a life which will give me complete sanity! Hallelujah! Even when I thought 💭 this life was killing me as I was going through, seems some how the Word of God reached me in my darkest room, and it was a love ❤️ and lamp that was waiting for me inside to truly except it! But today I’m not looking back no more! And I’m not even seeking to change. I am just seeking to live the way that God has called and truly sent me! I not even seeking to do anything other than what is being revealed to me, because whats being revealed can’t be undone because God personally predestined me to live this way and I confess to say, that it’s only for the Lord Christ Jesus alone that I truly can say, my life is the way it is today! Hallelujah! Today I don’t be concerned about things going right, because right in my eyes 👀 doesn’t align with God’s insight! HIs vision from within me I know shows me by His Spirit of Truth my true pathway! Yes It does. I know I cannot ever lose His love ❤️, cause His love created me, Lord I’m truly grateful for Your love ❤️ being the best part of me! Even as time goes past, His Love ❤️ for me will never sail away! Now today I don’t have to carry the weight of my past, it only brings darkness/ gloom/ despair 😩/ and makes me sad. I’m so glad in my darkest hour His Love ❤️ revealed itself to me, cause He promised He’d never leave or forsake me unto this very day! So there’s no turning back for me from all I know to be true in His Presence which is my Golden Rule, and God Only knows my heart and mind today when I truly say, I’m not gonna Return to Living as if I’m a stupid unlearned fool!!! #iammyFather’sson https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce2VKe8upGc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#iammyfather

0 notes