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notnatawree · 2 years

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more on single-ness

i’ve been single since i was 17 years old. just two weeks shy of my 18th birthday, my high school boyfriend pissed me off and i called it quits for good. whoops.

since then, i’ve dated casually a bit. i’ve had a couple prospects. and i battled the feelings of loneliness watching other people around me partner up. but at some point in doing this, for years, it becomes apparent that it is so freeing and blissful. you can worry about yourself, and solely yourself. you don’t have to be vulnerable about your insecurities or fears with anyone but yourself. no one is there to judge you. no one is there dangling leaving over your head. and that is a very bad way to think of the possibility of love, but it’s undoubtedly the truth more often than not.

the feeling of being able to do whatever i want. of not showering if i don’t want to. creating my own schedule that doesn’t need to plan around date night or replying to conversations. just blissful, peaceful, utterly beautiful loneliness.

one where i dress entirely for myself. where i think entirely for myself. when i’m able to think of something interesting and not want to include anyone, just accept it is something beautiful for me solely and selfishly to enjoy. i have gotten so used to the beautiful comfort that being alone brings me.

reaching peak loneliness, i planned a solo trip to europe to go on post-graduation. not necessarily to eat, pray, love, or find myself in a new country— but to learn more about myself, to learn that i can trust myself, to learn that beautiful memories can often exist within the confines of our own minds, and that this doesn’t need to be shared with anyone else. just figuring out life, one day at a time. at my own pace, and nothing more. without the pressures or influence of anyone else. just myself. and myself alone. this was, and is, the plan.

i’ve unexpectedly fallen down the rabbit hole that is the potential of love. i’ve unexpectedly met someone that makes me laugh uncontrollably. i’ve unexpectedly met someone that is making it more difficult to see my future as a single girlboss that has little to no interactions with men, and has a solid group of girl friends that engage in the most tasteful, utterly and obnoxiously feminine activities— namely, galentine’s day. or just really good fancy brunches.

this is a new issue. while i do know that i will eventually fall in love with this kid, given the current trajectory of our situation, i am still grappling if that’s truly what i want. from our first date, i knew he was leaving across the country. i also know how troubling ldr’s are, and so i went into this knowing the expiration date. while painful in ways, i think it’s easier for me to accept our relationship ending due to distance as i’d just return to my normal single, exciting yet absolutely monotonous, lonely life. i’d just return to my original plan, free of any and all confines that a relationship has kept me in.

but in an unexpected plot thickening, a new job opportunity that may actually mean he will stay in the bay area makes me especially uneasy. part of me thinks that him staying will make me happy. oh great, we can keep dating. part of me wishes he’d just stick to his original plan of leaving. oh good, it’ll end before we have to start getting into the vulnerable intricacies that i’m not quite sure i’m ready to delve into with someone. that’s again, what i emphasize, is quite a beautiful thing about singleness. vulnerability is good, it’s raw. and rare, i’d argue. but it’s scary, terrifying, potentially painful, and strips you of any shields you keep to protect yourself.

i’ll find out this week what you choose. and then i shall update my own thoughts as to, how i’m feeling now. like the xcx album.

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i learned your choice. and while, logically, it was what i hoped for. the hopeless romantic and the logician are 1-0 here. several hours of excessive crying led me to this place. one date filled with me absolutely detaching and growing distant. you grabbed my hand and i grabbed it back, but it didn't bring me satisfaction. i put my head close to you to feel close and felt nothing. now, i've really confused myself.

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simprising · 7 years

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100 questions tag

i was tagged by @liv-sims, @simatrix and @pixelbloom (thank you!!!)

1. do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

closed i can’t sleep when they are open lol

2. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

3. do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

out bc i need some air!!!!

4. have you stolen a street sign before?

sorry to disappoint but no!!!!

5. do you like to use post-it notes?

yes i do

6. do you cut out coupons but never use them?

7. would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm or bees.

that’s a hard one so i can’t choose sorry i don’t want to die

8. do you have freckles?

i used to but not anymore :-) (I MISS THEM I WAS SO CUTE)

9. do you always smile for pictures?

well yes on family pictures :-)

10. what is your biggest pet peeve?

seeing a spider in my room

11. do you ever count your steps when you walk?

12. have you peed in the woods?

yes lmao

13. have you ever pooped in the woods?

i think i did??? can’t remember if that day i peed or pooped

14. do you ever dance even when there’s no music playing?

when i’m celebrating yes lmao

15. do you chew your pens and pencils?

i started like 2 months ago bc of one of my friend smh i hate her

16. how many people have you slept with this week?

does my cat count?

17. what size is your bed?

i have a double bed!!!! (bless my parents for my new room)

18. what is your song of the week?

trading time by r5 because you know i love r5 and there’s a new ep and it’s amazing it’s beautiful it’s art

19. is it okay for guys to wear pink?

totally

20. do you still watch cartoons?

yes when idk what to watch or when i’m feeling nostalgic

21. what is your least favourite movie?

i have no idea

22. where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

well probably in my garden bc i wouldn’t like to be away from my treasure??

23. what do you drink with dinner?

water or coke (i know its bad)

24. what do you dip chicken nuggets in?

nOTHING WHY WOULD I DO THAT CHICKEN NUGGETS ARE TOO GOOD TO DIP THEM IN SOMETHING

25. what is your favourite food?

CHICKEN NUGGETS

26. what movies could you watch over and over again and still love?

romantic movies :-)

27. last person you kissed?

my friends to tell them goodbye after school lol

28. were you ever a boy/girl scout?

29. would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

30. when was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

4 years ago to do a work experience

31. can you change the oil on a car?

i think i can??? never done that actually but my driving teachers told me how to

32. ever gotten a speeding ticket?

no never i hate breaking the rules when it comes to driving bc we’re not alone out there so pls respect ppl and their security thank you (i wish my mom could understand that)

33. ever run out of gas?

34. what’s your favourite type of sandwich?

ham sandwich a classic in france!!!!

35. best thing to eat for breakfast?

cereals

36. what is your usual bedtime?

11pm when there’s school in the morning

37. are you lazy?

yes i am

38. when you were a kid what did you dress up for as Halloween?

never celebrated it!!

39. what is your Chinese astrological sign?

tiger!!!!!! love it

40. how many languages can you speak?

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

42. Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs?

what even are lincoln logs?

43. are you stubborn?

yes all the damn time i’m sorry

44. who is better Leno or Letterman?

idk who that is

45. ever watch soap operas?

46. are you afraid of heights?

it depends

47. do you sing in the car?

yes lmao

48. Do you sing in the shower?

all the time

49. do you dance in the car?

no??

50. ever used a gun?

well no it’s not a thing as it is in some countries.... looks so scary to me

51. last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

never lmao why am i not american i want a year book!!!!!

52. do you think musicals are cheesy?

yes they are but <33

53. is Christmas stressful?

OMG NO CHRISTMAS IS THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!!

54. ever eat a Pierogi?

55. favourite type of fruit pie?

apple

56. occupations you wanted to be when you were a child?

writer hehe

57. do you believe in ghosts?

yes i do and i’m a very rational person. little stories: i had lunch at school once and i felt a hand with claws on my shoulder and i screamed, then it was gone. also last summer i’m sure the house i was spending my holidays was haunted. like one night it was very windy and it was not even real, i mean the weather forecast didn’t plan it and my parents didn’t hear anything so yea scary stories. and i was awake and everything it really happened

58. ever had a deja-vu feeling?

almost once a week

59. do you take a vitamin daily?

sometimes during winter when i’m feeling a little down

60. do you wear slippers?

i used to but i’ve been seeing a chiropodist so i can’t for like 2 years lmao

61. do you wear a bath robe?

yes!!! currently wearing it <3

62. what do you wear to bed?

underwear + tee

63. what was your first concert?

my uncle!!! he’s a musician :-)

64. Walmart, Target, or Kmart?

IM FREAKING FRENCH

65. Nike or Addidas?

i honestly don’t care

66. Cheetos or Fritos?

IM FRENCH

76. Peanuts or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts!!

68. ever heard of the group Tres Bien?

no but i appreciate french :-)

69. ever take dance lessons?

yes!!! during 5 years hehe and i still can’t dance

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

no i don’t really care

71. Can you curl your tongue?

no it’s so sad!!!!!

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

doesn’t exist here

73. have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes at my 18th birthday party when everyone was singing happy birthday lmao i cry so easily

74. own any record albums?

yes!!! dangerous woman!!!!! <33 (is that a record album?? don’t really know if it means vinyl or not)

75. own a record player?

76. do you regularly burn incense?

i think i do

77. ever been in love?

no!! i believe you can only be in love when you’re in a relationship despite all of my friends say!!! and i’ve never been in a relationship!!!! heyo!!!!

78. who would you like to see in concert?

R5 OMG PLS BUT IM SO SAD THEY COME SO FAR WAY FROM ME WHY DO ARTISTS ONLY SEE PARIS

79. what was the last concert you saw?

my uncle again lol

80. hot tea or cold tea?

I HATE TEA

81. tea or coffee?

I HATE BOTH

82. sugar cookies or snickerdoodles?

i only know sugar cookies lol

83. can you swim well?

yes

84. can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yes

85. are you patient?

not at all

86. DJ or band at wedding?

BAND

87. ever won a contest?

88. have you ever had plastic surgery?

89. which are better black or green olives?

I DONT LIKE IT

90. can you knit or crochet?

my mom managed to teach me but i just can’t

91. best room for a fireplace?

living room

92. would you like to get married one day?

yes :-)

93. if married, how long have you been married?

HEHE :-) :-)

94. who was your high school crush?

i had so many crushes i don’t even know

95. do you cry and throw a fit until you get your way?

yes lmao i’m a child

96. do you have kids?

97. Do you want kids?

yes :-)

98. what is your favourite colour?

yellow rn

99. do you miss anyone right now?

no!!

100. who are you going to tag to do this tag next?

no one bc i’m going to eat rn lol bye

#tag

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gwacaml · 7 years

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My answers that nobody asked for but I wanted to do it

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed 2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Nah 3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? It depends 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No but I destroyed one with paint 5: Do you like to use post-it notes? No 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? We don't really have any coupons in Poland :// 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Big bear I quess 8: Do you have freckles? No 9: Do you always smile for pictures? I never smile for anything 10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Popular kids 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Never 12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Probably 13: What about pooped in the woods? Nope 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Yes 😗 15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? I'm addicted to chewing pens and pencils 16: How many people have you slept with this week? 0 17: What size is your bed? It's big af 18: What is your Song of the week? Motionless in white "not my type" 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Ya 20: Do you still watch cartoons? Ya 21: Whats your least favorite movie? God's not dead 2, it was awful 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? In my backyard, I'm boring and predictable 23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size? 90 C 24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Some spicy af dip 25: What is your favorite food? Spaghetti 26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Lord of the Rings 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? ∅ 28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope 29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? I don't think so 30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I can't remember ;-; 31: Can you change the oil on a car? Not yet 32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No 33: Ever ran out of gas? I don't have a driving licence yet, I will be able to make one after my 18th birthday so this july 34: Favorite kind of sandwich? With ham, tomato and mayonnaise 35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Cereals 36: What is your usual bedtime? 11pm 37: Are you lazy? Yes bc I'm tired 38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Vampire 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? 🐰 bunny 40: Are you horny? No 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No 42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos 43: Are you stubborn? Yes and persuasive 44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Idk 45: Ever watch soap operas? Yes 46: Are you afraid of heights? No 47: Do you sing in the car? I sing wherever I like 48: Do you sing in the shower? In a bath, yes 49: Do you dance in the car? There is no space to dance 50: Ever used a gun? A toy one 51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 3 years ago 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? I'm not a fan of musicals 53: Is Christmas stressful? No, I thinks it's fun 54: Ever eat a pierogi? yes all the time, I'm Polish 55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple pie 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A teacher 57: Do you believe in ghosts? Kind of 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? All the time 59: Take a vitamin daily? Yes 60: Wear slippers? Hmm no 61: Wear a bath robe? No 62: What do you wear to bed? T-shirt and leggings 63: First concert? My uncle has a metal band, so probably it was their concert 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? 65: Nike or Adidas? Nike 66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos 67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither 68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No 69: Ever take dance lessons? No 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I don't think about such things 71: Can you curl your tongue? Yes 72: Ever won a spelling bee? Never took a part of a spelling bee 73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes many times 74: Own any record albums? Yes, lots of albums 75: Own a record player? Yes 76: Regularly burn incense? Occasionally, it smells nice 77: Ever been in love? Few times 78: Who would you like to see in concert? Gerard Way 79: What was the last concert you saw? Bmth 80: Hot tea or cold tea? Cold tea 81: Tea or coffee? Coffee 82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sugar 83: Can you swim well? Yes I was in a swimming team 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes 85: Are you patient? No 86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Band 87: Ever won a contest? Yes 88: Ever have plastic surgery? No 89: Which are better black or green olives? I like black ones better 90: Can you knit or crochet? I can't 91: Best room for a fireplace? Living room 92: Do you want to get married? Maybe one day but it's not my aspiration 93: If married, how long have you been married? Ø 94: Who was your HS crush? 😶 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No 96: Do you have kids? No but I have 3 cats 97: Do you want kids? No, but if my significant other would like to have one I'll get one 98: Whats your favorite color? Black and grey 99: Do you miss anyone right now? Ya my brother

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haekass · 7 years

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Shinhwa vids

6ETA: Some of these videos are in the process of being taken down/reuploaded, I apologize for broken links I will update this post as I get the new links. If you’ve reblogged, either reblog this update or let your followers know ty~ -lea

Key:

strikethrough means that the vid has been taken down, no reup as of yet

italics are vids that are still up but will be down shortly and reup is coming

bold are vids that have been updated with new links

Very long post ahead. MVs can be found with a basic search on yt, please watch on official channels where available. @beserkerjewel

Non-title track fave songs

Scarface

Mannequin

That’s Right

Live version of Run [1] [2] (sub esp)

Alright

Basic Shinhwa Guide in Motion

Oh snap those vocals tho & Shinhwa still having it

Dongwan on KOMS (The First Poem) & Post Reveal Interview

Wild Eyes x2 speed on Weekly Idol

Minwoo on KOMS (Full Clip)

Junjin & sports

Shinhwa - Wild Eyes acoustic version

Eric & Dongwan speaking English on Running Man

Human Ladder game on Running Man (eng sub) [kshow, use the openload server & begin at 57:45]

Venus encore stage on MCD

Junjin random MC dance time

Brand New & Perfect Man at KBS Gayo 2016 (this is them not even close to being top of their game, junjin didn’t have an in ear, but you can hear the live vocals so clear)

Shinhwa on YHY Sketchbook 2015 (they mention the fistfight at mubank)

ShinDorks

Random Wa

I am the King (ft shcj trolls, sexy alien eric, boozy junjin, confused andy) [eng sub]

F U NO LIPSYNC

Oppayam nailing girl group dances [1] [2] [3 + all members doing Up&Down]

EXID fansite admin Dongwan (no sub)

Shinhwa is 18+ teaser (eng sub)

Van dancing (cc eng sub available)

Can’t live with Hyesungie (eng sub)

Zomdy Martial Arts (eng sub)

Again 1998 (Shinhwa vs Lee Hyori) [eng sub]

Shinhwa’s 18th birthday (vapp) (eng sub)

Eric needling the Little Prince (eng sub)

Sniper’s changed parts (Eric/Dongwan, Hyesung/Junjin, Minwoo/Andy)

Hyesung calling Junjin, Junjin dorky answer

This Bowling Love

Gazes & Poses from 10s to 50s

Dongwan’s bag

Shinhwa reacting to Shinhwa [week 1: begin at 56:30 for shinhwa] [week 2: begin at 57:26 for shinhwa] (eng subs) [vapp website]

Shinhwa on YHY Sketchbook 2017

ShinDorks at their own concert during Ments

Their love hexagon (An Aquainted Man ad libs)

Love Letter Self Q&A (eng sub)

ZERO FUCKS GIVEN (Hyesung & Eric drinking soju on stage at a concert)

Shinhwa ♥ SHCJ

shinhwa vs shcj

baby shinchang

Extra Shinhwa

Hyesung & Bungee Jumping [1] [2]

Dongwan - He_Sunshine (his own shot/edited MV)

Shinhwa’s dance team doing mannequin challenge (directed by Dongwan)

Minwoo & Junjin - You in My Fading Memory (fancam, gets loud)at M’s solo concert

Shinhwa kissing marathons [1] [2] [3] [Inkigayo RicWan] [#1 MCD happy kiss attack on Minwoo] [strip judo MinDy]

Shinhwa - Only One dance practice

ShinBang Office Chair Long Jump Junjin winner

Hyesung’s cute little ‘oh my god’

I HAVE AN OBJECTION (no sub)

Jinnie being cute and shy

Funny Shinhwa moments

How to play with hoobaes during encore

Shinhwa imitating phone vibration tones

Full ‘movie’ of Run (eng sub)

RicSyung Sniper 2 mil thanks video (they live in the same building)

Full Shows (Eng Sub)

Weekly Idol with Shinhwa [ep 1] [ep 2] (hearts-shinhwa) [ep 1] [ep 2] (orangemyth subs)

Weekly Idol with Shin Hyesung (special MC Andy) [part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

Oh well I didn’t need my heart today clips

Guerrilla concert full show eng sub [part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

Guerrilla concert interview clip eng sub

Eric & Hyesung’s mothers fussing over Junjin at Junjin’s solo concert with Dongwan

Junjin’s family history

Shinhwa intro at Kcon LA 2015

Shinhwa’s video message to Andy (4th album promo) [eng sub]

Andy’s first appearance back during fanmeeting

[Warning: video of Hyesung rupturing a ligament in his knee during a flip gone wrong]

Shinhwa’s favorite number is 6

Awesome leader Eric (eng sub)

Shinhwa’s promise to fans to come back after military service

Other comps (warning some of these may have questionable and dubious humor, I apologize, but as it’s many clips, there are actual funny things along with the ???)

Shinhwa Vine [1] [2]

Shinhwa on crack [1] [2] | [1] [2] [3] [4] | [1: open mind] [2: hyesung’s small chili]

Shit Shinhwa Says [1] [2]

#shinhwa #shindorks #long post #this should keep several people busy for a few days lmao

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