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softdoctorreid · 2 years

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happiness looks good on you | reid x reader

summary: after a sabbatical away with you, the team points out that spencer has put on a little “happy weight”... but he’s not too happy to hear that. you try to change his mind. gender-neutral!reader • nsfw/18+, smut, oral sex (male receiving), insecurity/body image

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It wasn’t like he spent that much time thinking about his appearance to begin with. But then he’d met you, after a particularly rough patch in his life, and he just couldn’t be concerned with such trivialities when keeping his mind on you was so much better. There were dates to plan and facts about you to memorize, new ways to learn to kiss you or to make you laugh or to evoke... other sounds from you. It was like the universe had sent you to him after Millburn, his one mercy after the hardest year. The way you loved him though more than made up for it.

When Spencer was away on cases, it was hard to clear his head of you to focus on the case ahead. He didn’t pay much mind to anything else. Or at least, he hadn’t until the team was gathered in the conference room, ready to go over the information about their latest victim.

It was his first case back after his teaching sabbatical, and they were milling about, waiting for Emily and Tara to get back from the crime scene, making small talk. He took a seat at the edge of the conference table, next to where JJ and Rossi stood, but as he did so the lone button of his blazer gave way, falling open. Spencer frowned, immediately attempting to redo the button, but it just didn’t want to fit.

Rossi chuckled. “I take it that relationship of yours is going well.”

Spencer looked up, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know.” He gestured to the open blazer. “The happy weight.”

“...Happy weight?”

JJ nodded. “They say people in happy relationships are more likely to gain weight. Like you have,” she added, poking at his tummy. On instinct he sucked in, feeling suddenly self-conscious about it. “Hey, it’s a good thing! It means you have someone you feel comfortable with.”

Comfortable was the furthest thing from how he felt. Spencer desperately wished he could button the blazer to hide behind its fabric. Instead he crossed his arms over his middle, hunching his shoulders to shrink into himself. Before anyone else could comment, the door of the room swung open and with Emily and Tara arriving, they immediately got to work tossing ideas around to start their profile. There was a job to do, so he tried to push his discomfort to the back of his mind. It was easy to do when he had plenty else to work on, but the quiet moments alone with his thoughts were markedly different.

That night he stared at himself in the mirror of the hotel room. Spencer wasn’t usually one to analyze his physique, but now he was seeing all the small changes he hadn’t noticed before. The way his pants fight a little tighter around his thighs and his ass, how the buttons of his shirt strained to stay closed over his stomach. His clothes had been feeling a bit tight recently, but he had just assumed his building’s laundry machines were acting up again and they shrank in the wash. Flicking open his belt, he hated the way he could immediately breathe a little easier. He shrugged out of his shirt next and stood there in just his boxers, frowning at his belly – and there was no denying the fact that he had a belly now. How had he missed this? And how had he gotten to this point in the first place?

He pinched at his waistline as though that would be enough to change his reflection. Then he turned and rifled through his go-bag for pajamas, yanking them on with a huff and flopping down onto the hotel bed. If there was one thing Spencer Reid hated, it was change, and this was one he hadn’t been counting on. His mind wandered back to what JJ and Rossi said. Apparently weight gain was a side effect of a happy relationship. That was something he had, much to his surprise. Truthfully, the happiest relationship he’d ever been in. Maybe the happiest he’d ever been, period.

So maybe he had let himself give in a little bit, especially with this sabbatical. It was just easy with you. Easy to let himself relax on your couch for a movie night or sprawled out for a lazy weekend in bed. Easy to take you out to dinner just so he could treat you to something nice; or to accept an invitation to a meal at your place knowing you’d whip up something absolutely delicious to make him wonder how he’d subsisted on cheap take-out and microwave meals all this time. Maybe that was part of the problem - he was eating better than he ever had before, and when everything was so good he couldn’t help but want more. It was easy too not to worry with you. For once he didn’t have to scrutinize every aspect of his being, afraid he might not measure up. You made it quite clear how into him you were, and with your mouth on his or your hands roaming his skin, Spencer had stopped thinking about his own body when it was so much nicer to focus on yours instead.

He groaned, flipping over to press his face into the pillow. What if he lost you because he’d stopped paying attention to himself? That was a thought he just couldn’t stomach. But if he didn’t look the same as he had when you met him, would you still want him? Lying alone in the bed that felt so lonely without you, he vowed to make sure that didn’t happen. Whatever it took to be worthy of you, he would do. He’d go on a diet, he’d buy new clothes, he’d start working out (oh god, working out) with Morgan or Luke. He’d do it for you.

So with the start of a new day, he forced himself to stick to it. Abstained from the team donut run, begrudgingly ate a salad at lunch, drank his coffee without sugar. Of course, he could barely stand coffee without sugar, and quickly turned to tea, which left him still feeling a little sleepy. All the while he reminded himself that he was doing it for you, so you wouldn’t be embarrassed by his figure. So he could still be good enough for you.

They closed the case two days later, and with the unsub in custody, he could finally put all his attention on you - and on his to get in shape for you. He woke up at home the next day feeling a mixture of anxiety and anticipation. On the one hand, he was desperate to see you after being away for several days, and on the other he was worried what you’d think when you saw him. Of course, you must have noticed already, especially if the team had. But hopefully it wasn’t too late for him to prove he could go back to the way he was.

It was only seconds after he’d knocked that you threw open your apartment door and flung yourself into his arms, hugging him tight. “Welcome back! Oh my god, I missed you so much!” You led him inside, happily babbling as you laced your fingers through his. “I really got used to having you home all the time when you were teaching, but I didn’t think it would be this hard to have you back in the field again.”

“I know what you mean,” he said, pulling you back into a hug so he could kiss your forehead. It put him at ease that you were apparently still glad to see him. Maybe not all hope was lost. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Well now you’ve got me all to yourself. And I’ve got you. Oh! That reminds me, I got you something!” With a smile you hurried over to the kitchen counter and produced a white box, holding it out to him. “Tara mentioned you seemed a little tired and under the weather while you guys were out there, so I thought you might need a little pick-me-up.”

Oh, you were too good to him. You watched with eager eyes as he tentatively opened the lid of the box - and his heart sank. There were half a dozen donuts, layered with thick chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. The disappointment must have been clear on his face because your smile immediately dropped.

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked. “These – these are your favorite.” A trace of doubt crept into your tone, as though you were second-guessing everything you knew about him, and he wanted to kick himself for souring your sweet mood.

“No, no you didn’t do anything wrong! It’s just…” He trailed off, and you set the box back onto the counter, waiting for him to continue. “Well, I’ve just – I, uh, I’m trying to stick to a diet.”

“A diet? What?”

Embarrassed, he wrapped his arms around his waist to cover for how insecure he felt bringing it up to you. “I know I’ve put on weight recently and people have noticed and well, I don’t want you to think I’m letting myself go or something. I can lose the weight, I promise.”

“Wait, did something happen? What do you mean people are noticing?”

“The team said something about… I don’t know, about how our relationship must be working out because I was, you know, getting fat.” He shrugged, not wanting to meet your gaze. “I mean, they didn’t use those words but…”

You tilted your head, thinking it over. “Oh, you mean happy weight?”

Spencer nodded.

You laughed, expression softening at the look of hurt he gave you. “Aw, babe, I’m sorry. But I don’t think they were trying to be mean. I think they’ve just noticed the same thing I have - that you look healthy finally.”

“I don’t know how getting a gut translates into health,” he grumbled.

“Because that little belly of yours means that for the first time in a long time, you’re not in danger. Spencer, you’ve had a hard year. Actually, you’ve had a lot of hard years, all in a row. I mean, when you’re not getting shot at, you’ve been caring for your mom, trying to keep your friends safe, and saving lives. And then you went to prison for something you didn’t do. I mean, between all that and the fact that you pretty much lived on coffee and microwave meals, I’m not surprised you’ve gained a little weight. Because your body can actually rest, now.”

“But it’s not how I’m supposed to look.”

“You don’t have to be anything. This happy weight, it’s a good thing. You were under so much stress. And now you’re safe. You’re allowed to be soft. To take it easy.”

“If I take it easy you might not want me anymore!”

“You’re worried I won’t want you?”

He sighed. “I mean, yeah. I know I’m not – I’m not conventionally attractive. And I’m weird and I work too much. So I don’t want you to have any more reasons to get sick of me. I want to make you happy. Instead I just feel like a mess,” he said, gesturing to the way his dress shirt clung tight to his body and his tummy poked over the top of his pants.

But you stepped closer, reaching for the collar of his shirt. Before he could process it, you were undoing the top few buttons. “You’re not a mess. You’re hot,” you purred, leaning in to kiss him.

“Please,” he said, pulling away, the shame heavy in his throat. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better.”

“Spence.” You took his hands in yours, gazing up at him. “I want you to know something. I’m happy. I’m really, really happy. The last few months have been some of the best of my whole life. And it’s because of you. You make me happy. I don’t care whether you wear suits or sweatpants, or if you forget to shave, or if you have a little belly. Or even if you have a big belly! I love you. The fact that you’re devilishly handsome is just icing on the cake,” you giggled, tapping the tip of his nose with your finger. “Are you happy?”

“Of course!” he blurted. “I’ve never been happier!” It was true, he realized. Until now, he’d never had a doubt about it. You made him unbelievably happy. The way your eyes searched for his in a crowded room. The way you said his name like he was something special. How you always seemed to know how to make him smile. Where he used to spend his days hoping for an excuse to stay at the office, he now couldn’t seem to get home fast enough just to see you.

“Good,” you said. Your fingers trailed down the skin of his chest, catching the fabric of his shirt at the next button. “Happiness looks good on you, Spence.” You looked up through your lashes at him with such adoration and at that moment his self-loathing wasn’t enough to keep his hands off of you. He crashed his lips to yours, hands coming up to cup your face as he kissed you with everything he had. You hummed against his mouth, the two of you stumbling your way to the bedroom in a mess of frantic kisses and quick attempts to discard clothing.

When you finally got him out of his shirt, you smiled. “See? You look good. So good for me, babe. All of you is so good. Let me show you.” You pressed a kiss to his collarbone, then moving lower to his sternum. Dropping down to your knees before him you kissed just below his navel, hands grabbing the waistband of his pants before pulling them down along with his boxers.

His cock sprang free, twitching at the sight of you licking your lips. You ran your fingertips over his length before leaning in and kissing the tip. Spencer groaned, leaning back against the bed for something to keep him steady. “You don’t - you don’t have to…”

“Shh. I want to.” And with that you took him into your mouth, tongue swirling over his sensitive skin. Your own whimper of delight vibrated through him, and he gripped the duvet tighter at the sight of you bobbing up and down on his cock. It was too pretty, your face flushed, cheeks hollowed to take in more of him. He fought to keep his eyes open, watching you, but when you licked at the base of his shaft while stroking gently over his balls, it was overwhelming. His eyes fluttered shut, mouth falling open in a moan as he reached down to caress your cheek. You flattened your tongue against the length of him, took more of him into your mouth, and he could hardly stand it much longer.

“Open your eyes,” you murmured against his hip. “I want you to see how much I want you.”

With all the strength he had, he forced himself to look at you, your face shining with sweat, eyes bright as you smiled around his cock. The sweet sounds from your mouth so wonderfully filthy as you gripped his ass and held him against you to bring him closer and closer and –

And then he was coming in your mouth with a whine and you were stroking his spent dick as you swallowed, tongue coming out to swipe over your mouth and fuck, you were so beautiful. Making him feel so loved. All he could do was stare at you in a blissed out daze, letting you push him onto the bed and sitting next to him as you both caught your breath.

“See?” you panted. “Don’t you know how much I love you?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have doubted you.” Because you’d never given him reason to. It was just his own insecurity talking, his fear that he wasn’t enough. But you were everything to him, all of the love he’d ever dreamed of and then some. “I would lose the weight you know, if you wanted me to. I love you. I’d do anything to make you happy.”

“I already told you. I am happy.” You wrapped your arms around him. “And I really don’t mind. I love your tummy,” you said, giving it a pat. Then, resting your head on it, added, “It makes you so nice to cuddle with.”

Spencer laughed as he stroked your hair.

“I’m serious! It’s so good to hug, too.” Turning your head, you nipped at his skin before swiping over it with your tongue and pressing your lips to the spot. “And bite and kiss.” Your touch melted away all his doubts. Maybe he could finally let himself breathe easy, trust that he was safe, that this love was secure enough no mere physical change would dissolve it.

“I can think of other things that are good to bite and kiss,” he said, his mood lifting a little higher as a spark of mischief glinted in his eyes.

You raised your eyebrows. “Is that right?”

“Come here. Let me do something to make you happy. Happier,” he corrected with a smirk.

It was a weekend devoted to nothing but happiness, in basking of the wonderful contentment of the person who made him feel so safe and wanted. Holding you in his arms, letting himself eat the donuts you’d gotten him without feeling guilty, and giving in to the whims that took over.

It was a glee that carried over even as he walked into the office on Monday morning. “What’s got you smiling like that?” Luke teased.

“Y/N,” he said, unable to suppress his grin. Why bother hiding what he wanted everyone to know? He was in love and it was good and he didn’t care how cheesy it sounded.

Rossi smiled. “See! My intuition was right!” He clapped a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you happy, kid.”

And as he sat down, he didn’t mind so much that his belt still felt a little tight or that the last button of his cardigan didn’t quite want to close. He was changing, but that was okay, because his life had changed - and changed for the better. And that was a very good thing.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #reid x reader #smut #fanfiction #imagine #minors dni #happy weight

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