#harry potter characters on crack

[oxydiane]

movie ron: i’ll heh go easy on you. even though you have consistently showed us how proficient you are at spellcasting and how hyper confident you are at magic. i’m the Man so i’ll go easy, don’t worry my overwhelming manliness will not allow me to disarm a poor defenceless girl

book ron: [excitedly] I DISARMED HERMIONE THREE WHOLE TIMES DID YOU SEE THAT HARRY DID YOU?????

#hermione: it was like once i got you many more times! #ron: I TWAS WAY MORE THAN ONCE #i like to imagine his voice cracking in that scene #ron knows hermione is good at magic and gets so excited he could disarm her #while reading the books you never have to wonder wether ron respects hermione #the character assassination of my ginger child by the movies is so bad #harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley supremacy #ron weasley defense squad #romione #ronmione #books vs movies #order of the phoenix

[gryffindorkus]

alright strap in I've got another scorpius & draco malfoy centered scorbus fic concept:

scorpius malfoy, the squib

draco malfoy, the widowed hogwarts professor

astoria dies when scorpius is around 5 years old, leaving draco completely broken since she's the one person who's ever been able to reach into his chest and touch his heart, so he's completely lost without her

eventually draco leaves his job at the ministry so he can move to hogwarts with his young son and take up a teaching position

which he's... surprisingly good at?? (shocking everyone even himself)

in a way he's able to relive the school days that he didn't really get to have for himself through his students. he wants them to be the best versions of themselves that they can, so he's hard on them (especially any trouble making gryffindors) but the kids really do love him

scorpius, meanwhile, gets raised at hogwarts

the castle essentially becomes the place he lives at, but the place he'll never actually belong

because he's a squib

everyone has always known he was a squib

and why would a squib belong in a school for witches and wizards?

that doesn't stop him though, he's always had an overwhelming positive attitude (draco attributes it to astoria)

scorpius knows pretty much every secret of the castle. he's friends with all the ghosts. has spent hours interviewing all of the paintings. he knows all the secret rooms, passage ways, and hide outs. he even regularly stops by to visit Hagrid (who's still the grounds keeper but, in his old age, needs a little bit of help getting everything done)

when scorpius turns 11 draco is amazed at how unphased his son is by not recieving his hogwarts letter. not that that thought he was GOING TO, draco just thought that the reality of the situation might finally hit his son

but it doesn't. at least not outwardly

since scorpius doesn't let himself cry before going to bed on august 31st (even though he wants to)

so there's a new flood of students, except this time they're scorpius's age (and he's never really been around kids his age, they've always been older)

he meets albus potter

he's heard stories of him, of course he has, he's the son of pretty much the most famous wizard that ever lived!

but the thing is... albus isn't what scorpius expected

he's nothing like his loud older brother, james, who scorpius tends to avoid as much as he can

he's quiet and soft and scared (especially when he gets sorted into slytherin, which no one really saw coming). but he also has a way of being funny, brilliantly funny, in a timid albus potter sort of way.

albus is the black sheep of his family

so what is scorpius supposed to do besides instantly become his best friend?

yeah i'm gonna write it.

#I have more ideas #but that's the basic concept #I have to finish my longfic for another fandom first #and then finish my scorbus crack-but-taken-too-seriously fic #BUT THEN THIS ONE #gives me time to plan though #I've always wanted to write a squib character!!!! #harry potter next gen #scorpius malfoy #draco malfoy #scorbus #my post #my writing

[something-rotten]

Manea Killgrave from A Blessing and a Curse on AO3

#my art #harry potter #fanfiction #original character #necromancy #crack treated seriously

[fierceawakening]

I don’t know how to explain it and I feel like I’ve never explained it well. It’s more that when I read Pratchett I feel an intense sort of second hand embarrassment on behalf of the characters. I don’t know how to describe this well, because it doesn’t seem like others feel it.

But like… the best way to hint at it is… like. I see the name “Cheery Littlebottom” and my immediate thought is not “haha” so much as it’s “what a field day bullies would have with someone called Cheery. And that’s before we even get to Bottom.”

In order to recognize “this is a silly name for a dwarf and a reference to a real world movie” I have to sort of… pull myself out of the narrative, have a chuckle, and reinsert myself again. If i don’t go through this process I tend to just find myself asking why instead of laughing.

I’m not sure why Pratchett especially induces this reaction in me. With some others, like Douglas Adams, I felt a little second hand embarrassment at first but then got past it as the whole way the verse worked was just… like that.

With Pratchett there’s something that gets in the way of my being able to go with the flow in the same way, so instead of feeling in on the joke I feel like I’m watching people get humiliated.

So I feel uncomfortable, in a way I don’t think most people do. Protective of the characters, as if I want to shield them from their author. But then just weird, because I’m not invested in them because I LIKE them, I don’t even know them yet. I’m just… worried their Author is making them too cringey and they need some protecting.

And then Pratchett is held up as this… super moral voice of ethical clarity, and I can’t see it because of this sense I have he treats his characters badly.

Does that make it any clearer or does that just make it worse?

#i worried Harry Potter would come off this way to me too #but managed to get into it #still not a style I’d pick to write myself #I’d worry about slipping into mean #where I’m… okay with exposing my characters to violence or tragedy #because I feel confident I can show their resilience #or have it mean something if they’re not #but the idea That I might make THEM laughingstocks #rather than have them crack wise and that be funny #Uneasiness City #i tell ya

[darkkbluee]

Fake dating?

For the WIP asks

Oh, hi anon! Going straight for my crackest of AUs, are you? I had almost forgotten I had this one in my drafts.

This is an HP AU with canon divergence in fifth year. No one has died, but its Cold War between political factions in Wizarding World. Stressed out recent Hogwarts graduates decide to do something about it. Given that these are people who have lived their teenage years suppressed in various ways....

Their answer to peace is Romance.

Or rather, Blaise Zabini, the son who has been unable to follow his mother's footsteps to live a fulfilling life because of the cold war, riles everyone up for his #goals.

Snippet below. This was written when I had just started writing fanfics, so it's very cringe.

Our MVVIP: Blaise Zabini ✨

"We are all gathered here today, united for the purpose of ending this war. This senseless violence has gone on long enough. We need a plan. And I believe I have one," Hermione starts. 

Her words draw immediate attention. After the Triwizard Tournament, tensions had always been high. Sirius's near death in fifth year, his subsequent trial resulting in (highly scandalous) political upheaval, Dumbledore's incarceration in Nurmengard in sixth were only the beginning.

The slowly brewing paranoia in the Wizarding community erupted in riots and civil unrest.

It has been three years since.

They were all sick of it.

"Voldemort is only one man. If we all unite, convince our parents and our families and friends to stand against him, we can defeat him once and for all!" Hermione pumps a fist in the air envisioning the scene. "And with the public support such an action would give us, we can finally overturn the bigoted laws of the Ministry and change everything for the better!"

"Er- Granger? You're forgetting one thing," Justin Finch-Fletchey, he-who-refused-Eton-for-Hogwarts raised his hand. "You are right in that Voldemort is just one man. If we all were to attack him, then yes, we can do it." His eyes flickered to Harry as he said the next words. "But who will bell the cat?" 

Hermione's heart dropped. The whole point of this meeting was to somehow end this war without having Harry be the martyr. 

"Yes, but. The Dark Lord doesn't make the laws," Zabini gets an almost odd look on his face as he says the next words. "The Ministry does. And who runs the Ministry?"

"His followers do." Luna says, understanding in her eyes. "So all we have to do is make them not do it."

"Oh, blackmail?" Hermione asks, eyes misted by fond nostalgia.

"No, you idiot," Zabini sneers. "This."

Zabini removes a book from his wallet and holds it up.

Lavender's eyes go wide with recognition.

Hermione recoils in horror.

"Huh, I remember that. Romeo and Juliet, right?" Harry squints at the book. "That's a limited edition cover. Neighbour number 13 had a similar one she bragged about in her tea-party once. Aunt Petunia was furious."

"It's my mother's favourite," Zabini states. "At the end of the book, the families of the two lovers put aside their feud and were ready to accept their relationship. Unfortunately, the idiots died. Fortunately, none of us are stupid enough to do that. But the point remains. Fastest way to end a feud, or a war? Romance."

"Is this that 'Power he knows not is love' bullshit again? We can't possibly kill You-Know-Who by love," Ron says. Zabini scowls.

"Who cares about that snakeface? I'm not talking about romancing him, or romance changing his mind. That's impossible. No! I'm talking about romance uniting our families and friends! Romance forcing them to change their mind, and laws, for their children! I'm talking about dating."

Utter silence greets his words.

"Come again?" Hermione asks weakly. Everyone's looks are equally puzzled. Except Harry, who looks like Zabini's words make perfect sense.

But then, Harry's mind worked in weird ways. He made completely disjointed, and surprisingly accurate, leaps of logic. 

"Not even dating, but fake dating!" Another book comes out of his wallet, this one having a label 'From Wattypad to Hardcover! Young Adult BestSeller of 20xx'. "Look, Malfoy Sr hates muggleborns and thinks them dirty? Let his only son and heir date a muggleborn!" Zabini announces righteously. Draco, for his part, looks vaguely nauseous and scared. 

"Greengrass's father thinks half breeds are a stain? Let Astoria date Gabrielle!" Astoria cheers loudly and Zabini smiles benevolently at her. Hermione can almost see Lockhart's shade standing proudly behind him, the Valentine debacle still fresh in her memories. It is a disturbing thought. Zabini goes on passionately,

"Nott's father thinks werewolves should be killed? Let Theodore date one! Macnair likes animal cruelty? Let his daughter date a magizoologist! Avery Jr is a bit young, but play dates with a few other children should do the trick."

"My point remains: Are you not tired of this constant paranoia? This need to marry for politics and blood as if you are some dog to be bred? Our teenage years were taken by political rebellions and I say nay! No more! We deserve teenage rebellions and dating freedom! The right to not have a third wheel for protection when you want to corner your boyfriend or girlfriend in a shady corner! To openly take your crush on a date and be valid for it! And thus, why not do both?"

Hermione is certain Zabini is only half joking. He really, really seems to be distressed by the lack of stress-free dating in recent years. And the cold war. She cannot determine which pains him more.

Zabini, Hermione determines, suffers from the same skewered sense of priority as Harry. 

To her dawning horror, so do most of the people in their group. Their looks of determined acceptance will haunt her memories for decades.

"What do you think, Potter?" Zabini asks innocently. Too innocent, in Hermione's opinion. Harry nods, mind focused elsewhere, comparing the pros and cons.

"We have tried everything else. Why not this too?" he agrees thoughtlessly. 

#harry potter #harry potter characters #fake dating for world peace AU #ft Blaise Zabini #who just wants to date #and he.will.date! The cold war and civil unrest isn't going to stop him. nothing can stop him from luv~ #Hermione Granger #Ron Weasley #Harry Potter #Golden Trio friendship #crack AU #seriously crack #don't apply logic to it #fanfiction beginner me's first few works lmao #blaise zabini #wip ask game #wip ask meme #wip asks #asks

[eggmacguffin]

Rowling: Men can be morally complex but women cannot; they are either good or bad (and ugly) or annoying (and ugly). Being a mother overrides any inherent badness and automatically makes you a good person unless your child is also ugly (and annoying). Hope this helps :)

#i grew up with an incredibly abusive mother who despised me so sorry if I'm not *touched* by your moving narrative :) #I've been thinking about harry potter recently and it is so bonkers bananas about gender considering it's by a self-proclaimed feminist #i am still baffled at the existence of the character Eloise Midgen #(did i spell that right?) #a off-screen character who existed for the sole purpose of having our three heroes crack jokes about her weight and bad skin #em chatter

[barely-functioning-being]

#meme #fanfiction #doctor who #marvel #harry potter #and more #so many more #seriously #it’s a nightmare #crack fic #except it's not #but it kinda is #like seriously what are you supposed to call a fix with more than 20 fandoms and way too many characters? #trying to make sure nobody sleeps with a family member is hard #there’s too many characters to keep track #and SOME characters like sleeping around and procreating 🤦‍♀️

[lunarianlibrarian]

So I love crossover fics and I was curious to see more and decided to sort them by kudos and see what pops up

Was not expecting the second fic to be a Mycroft Holmes/Harry Potter fic but honestly…. It kinda slaps! I mean, it does have 21,000 kudos, so it has to, but if you haven’t read it please go read it because it is so good.

#Sherlock #Harry Potter #Mycroft/Harry #fanfiction #fanfic #rec #fic #rare pairings #crossovers #like the plot is so good!!! #sometimes crossovers are just crack fics with characters thrown together #but this fic has such a good plot!

[harry-potter-archive]

Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise by Neil Cicierega

Description: Compelte (1 Video, 02:06)

Summary: Upon hearing a ticking noise, Snape decides to sing to it; other characters join in until the source of the ticking is found to be a pipe bomb, which subsequently explodes.

Published: Youtube; 2007 Last Updated: March 24, 2007

#Creator: Neil Cicierega #Last Updated: 2007 #Source: Youtube #Published: 2007 #Length: <30 Minutes #Type: Video #Warnings: None Apply #Character: Hermione Granger #Character: Harry Potter #Character: Severus Snape #Character: Albus Dumbledore #Character: Ron Weasley #Additional Tag: Parody #Additional Tag: Canon Related #Additional Tag: Light Hearted #Additional Tag: Music #Additional Tag: Crack #Additional Tag: Cartoon Violence #Additional Tag: Friendship #Additional Tag: Humor

[drumsticks-conundrum]

My OC from The Redemption Of Dolores Jane Umbridge…

Made these character sheets a long time ago. But I think they’re still pretty accurate :)

Both of them were drawn by me but the first one was drawn a year or so before the 2nd one. I like the changes I made to her design later on. But as far as it goes, kick-ass white haired lady.

Check out my fanfic on AO3! Welcome to my tiny corner of crazy… you’ll never escape XD

-Drumstick

#crack fic #Umbridge’s future GF #harry potter fanfiction #my art #original character #professor umbridge #join me in hell

[skiamachy]

for sick sad summer fest & your viewing pleasure:

A Study in Chaos Theory: or, a Series of Loaded Guns on the Mantelpiece

Relationships: Theodore Nott/Harry Potter Series: Part 1 of Felonies and Arias of the Heart

Upon accidentally committing homicide, Theo and Harry must put their differences aside and do anything within their abilities (and a good many things without) to hide the evidence.

A Rube-Goldberg machine murder cover-up featuring: larceny! mad science! explosions! eldritch rappeling gear! grand conspiracy! and more!

#harry potter fanfic rec #harry potter #theodore nott #nottpott #auror harry #mad scientist theo #crack treated seriously #but the humor is pitch black #dubious morality #eldritch #necromancer harry #accidental murder #chaos theory #knockturn alley #morally gray characters #dark comedy #my writing

[rhosinthorn]

Quintwizard Tournament Ch 1

Now live on AO3 and FFN: Chapter one of The Quintwizard Tournament!

No Man but Eärendil was known to have set foot on the shores of Valinor. That is the Law. It is no different for Bronach, born as the mortal Harry Potter, but the Valar are willing to make an exception, if she can earn it.

With one year to disrupt the chain of events that sent her hurtling into Middle Earth in her own timeline, she returns to Hogwarts with a group of companions, intent on putting an end to Voldemort once and for all. Anything else she manages to fix is just a bonus.

Read here on AO3.

Read here on FFN.

Updates are probably going to be every two weeks- entire story is written, but editing is a process :D

You may want to read this post first, for an explanation of the name thing.

#my writing #fanfiction #hpxlotr #lord of the rings #harry potter #the hobbit #fem!harry potter #hp/elladan/elrohir #a motley cast of characters #pure crack my friends #no rhyme or reason at all

[realitybitesyouknowit]

 ºHPTR / HPLVº With maturity comes understanding, and Harry understands just fine. After ten years in training, Harry returns to the moment he left…with a whole new plan for himself. ºThe Light will never know what hit itº Vampire!Harry Dark!Harry

Harry Potter, M, English, Adventure & Romance, chapters: 40, words: 221k+, favs: 7k+, follows: 3k+, updated: Jan 25, 2010 published: May 10, 2007, Harry P., Voldemort

A revised version on ao3 is mentioned but they never completed it so I'd just reach this version as is.

#harry potter #fanfiction #harrymort #Time travel #vampire! harry #dark! harry #older!harry #Healer Neville #Minister Lucius #Minister Hermione #major character deaths #Zabini's are necromancers #Harry's love of silly pet names for the Malfoy's #Severus tolerates a lot of shit #dark side wins #Hermione's a little cracked #Harry does a runner #Valerian is a treat fo his brief interludes #Dante is a little shit but a bamf #Harry and Narcissa's interactions are the best #Tom lives in De Nile #Redemption curse #Bruh I was not ready for the hidden observers reveal

[6-1-2-3]

Poudlard Is Gay is the best fanfiction that I have ever read

#it's god tier fanfiction #it's like 75 chapters in and it's still not finished #i regularly read it since i'm 12 #and I'm turning 21 this year #amazing fucked up thing #it's mixing the characters of Harry Potter. HunterxHunter. Naruto. South Park and so many more #plus some movies and books #it's taking place in Hogwarts and ther is a Death Note involved #that's like the most unhinged crack fic ever #but it's a french fanfiction so if you don't speak french I'm truly sorry for you

[crowsandmurder]

Harry Potter Tags

Harry ✖ (Aesthetics)

Harry ✖ (Thoughts)

Harry ✖ (Character Development)

Harry ✖ (Crack)

Harry ✖ (Headcanons)

Harry ✖ (Photos)

Harry ✖ (Starter Call)

Verses:

W A S T E  O F  S P A C E

Harry has not ever had it easy, when it comes to anything. His parents died when he was a baby and his aunt and uncle treat him like he’s a waste of space, make him do all the chores, and make him sleep in a cupboard, under the stairs.  

Y E R  A  W I Z A R D

When Harry turns 11, his whole life changes. He’s accepted into Hogwarts.  The thing is, everyone knows who he is, because he is the only person to ever survive being attacked by Voldemort. But, along with all his classes, he has to deal with the threats that Voldemort is still making, despite the fact that he was effectively killed, only not really. But, he also is making friends along the way and learning more than he ever could imagine. (Years 1-4)

B U T  I A M  T H E  C H O S E N  O N E

Now that Voldemort is back, Harry is facing all new problems. He is dealing with everything that happens, as a teenager, but he also is dealing with the fact that Voldemort is back and wants him dead and is bringing all sorts of problems, back to the wizarding world (Years 5-6)

T H E  B O Y  W H O  L I V E D 

Now on the run from Voldemort and his people with Ron and Hermione, Harry is having to face all sorts of new threats. But, the threat is even greater when they return to Hogwarts and have to face a bigger battle, than they ever imagined.

A L L  I S  W E L L 

Voldemort is gone.  The ones who survived are left to move on, figure out where they go from there. Harry isn’t as well as he lets on, after the war. But with time, maybe he will be able to get over it all. 

BIOGRAPHY:

Harry Potter is the only son of James and Lily Potter, and was born on July 31, 1980, to James and Lily Potter.  His father and mother loved him more than anything, and wished he would not have been born, in the middle of a wizarding war. But, they did whatever they could, to keep him safe.  Unfortunately, that meant they wound up giving their lives to protect him.  Lily’s love saved his life, when Voldemort tried to kill him.

He didn’t grow up easy. His aunt and uncle treated him horribly, and Hogwarts was the best thing that ever happened to him. He met his best friends there, learned about being a wizard and it was his home, away from the awfulness that was his home.  But, his life was far from simple. Voldemort was still trying to attack and eventually, he became corporeal again and started to attack more directly. 

Harry had to find a way to destroy the horcruxes, before Voldemort could be destroyed. It took a lot of pain and suffering and a horrible Battle of Hogwarts, to do so.  In the wake of it, he tried to rebuild his life, but faced the fallout of what war had done to him. But, he did find happiness, as an Auror. 

#Harry ✖ (Aesthetics) #Harry ✖ (Thoughts) #Harry ✖ (Character Development) #Harry ✖ (Crack) #Harry ✖ (Headcanons) #Harry ✖ (Photos) #Harry ✖ (Starter Call) #V: Waste of Space #V: Yer a Wizard #V: But I am the Chosen One #V: The Boy Who Lived #V: All Is Well #✖ [Character: Harry Potter]

[darkkbluee]

What's fake dating about? Asking in reference to your wip reveal game. Love myself some high level crack.

For the WIP asks

Hi anon! Fake dating is one of my earliest WIPs which I had almost forgotten was even there in my drafts before this meme game came around.

This is an HP AU with canon divergence in fifth year. No one has died, but its Cold War between political factions in Wizarding World. Stressed out recent Hogwarts graduates decide to do something about it. Given that these are people who have lived their teenage years suppressed in various ways....

Their answer to peace is Romance.

Or rather, Blaise Zabini, the son who has been unable to follow his mother's footsteps to live a fulfilling life because of the cold war, riles everyone up for his #goals.

I already have a snippet here.

A bit of the craziness of their meeting below the cut.

"Who runs the Ministry?"

"My father does," Malfoy says pompously, chest puffing in pride. Clearly, three years of real life experience in a war-time environment has done nothing to curb his self-importance. Something that neither of the Slytherin's present appreciate as they all shoot him glares.

"No he doesn't," Theodore Nott smiles smugly. "My father is in charge of the Transportation Department. Zabini's mother is external advisor for International Relations. Greengrass have practically taken over St. Mungo's. Potter’s guardian is a loudmouth who is responsible for bringing up controversial ideas in the Wizengamot. Rookwood's uncle is practically living in the Department of Mysteries. Your father? He is merely-"

"My father runs the Treasury, you buffon!" Malfoy sneers. "Your fathers, uncles, mothers, and grandfathers would be nothing without my father's funding-"

"Which he has no option to refuse, because then the Dark Lord would have no use for him," Parkinson sniffs. "Ergo, your father is our wallet."

"Since when do wizards have wallets?" Dean muses, completely out of the left. "I thought you had pouches? Those antique, hand woven, Middle Ages style bags you tie to your belts under the outer robes?"

"They went out of style last decade. Do keep up, Thomas," Daphne says as she brings out her wallet from a pocket. Zabini, Malfoy, Lavender, Parvati, Pansy, and Hannah move closer to take a look at the blue leather wallet with a gem encrusted flap keeping it closed.

"Is that dragon skin?" Lavender wonders as she runs a finger along the needlework.  Daphne nods.

"With an extension charm, three colour changing options, water-proof, fire-proof, resistant to piercing damage, age-resistant, curse-resistant, a stasis charm, and an auto-summon and anti-theft feature," she boasts.

"That's more advanced than Auror grade equipment," Hermione murmurs in shock.

#harry potter #harry potter characters #fake dating for world peace AU #ft Blaise Zabini #crack AU #don't take this seriously #there is no logic here #fanfiction beginner me's first few works #daphne greengrass and her wallet #don't mess with her accessories lmao #wip ask game #wip ask meme #wip asks #asks