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#harry potter incorrect quotes
chaoticbritishqueena day ago
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Phrases overheard at the Potters house:
Al: I'M TOO GAY FOR THIS SHIT
Lily: AL LITERALLY NONE OF US ARE STRAIGHT!! YOU CAN'T USE IT AS AN EXCUSE-
Hermione: You need to sort out this cupboard-
Harry: I don't want to go in there.
Harry: My room was a cupboard...
Ron: Your room was the size of a cupboard?
Harry: NO, my room literally was the cupboard...
Hermione and ron: WHAT?!
Harry: Shit- why did I say- GEORGE?! WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME-
George: SORRY- IT WAS MEANT FOR RON, I FORGOT HE ALWAYS GIVES YOU SNACKS-
Hermione: GEORGE DOESN'T SOUND VERY SURPRISED-
Harry: ...he's seen the cupboard- FUCK-
George: ....I FEEL LIKE HERMIONE IS ABOUT TO MURDER ME-
Harry: she's more than capable-
Hermione: Yes. I. AM.
James: How old are you Teddy?! Like 25!?
Teddy:...26....
Lily: I was at my friends house the other day, and i didn't realise just how gay my family is until I was hit with a FULL ON STRAIGHT FAMILY
al: No gay jokes?
Lily: No gay jokes :(
Teddy: I can't do that! I have no parents.
Ron: erm- i-
Hermione: I don't- you can- that doesn't-
*later that day*
Teddy: i can't do the dishes, I haven't got parents, you can't make me do that.
Harry: do the fucking dishes.
Teddy: I forgot it doesn't work on you..
Harry: I've got to admit it is fun watching Hermione not knowing what to say.
Harry: you're using the card too often. The orphan card will loose its meaning if you keep doing it for little things like chores, little man.
Teddy: why are you telling me this?
Harry: I mean- YOUR GONNA DO IT WETHER OR NOT I TELL YOU NOT TOO- AT LEAST NOW YOUR GONNA DO IT PROPERLY.
Al: im going to scorpius's birthday tomorrow.
Ginny: Okay, do you need me to buy you any fire whiskey?
Al: what?
Ginny: maybe just cider?
Al: I'm FOURTEEN?! why would I need alcohol?! YOU SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGING THIS?! THIS IS ILEGAL MUM!
Ginny: calm down, it's only an offer. If you drink I'd prefer to know what and how much. Instead of you sneaking behind mine and your dad's back.
Harry: What are we wanting for dinner? Spaghetti?
Ginny: You. My favourite meal. 馃槒
Harry: I'm sure that can be arrang-
James, in the doorway: EW WHAT THE FUCK!!
Harry: don't worry, I'm not for dinner.
James: DON'T SAY ANYTHING DAD-
Ginny: he's only for me.
James: I WANT TO GO MELT MY BRAIN NOW. *leaves*
Harry: I think we may have traumatised James.
Ginny: at least he didn't walk in on us doing anything more than flirting. And as you were saying?
Ron: HONEEEYY I'M HOMEEE!!!
Harry, hugging Ron: RON!! YOUR BACK!! :D
Ginny, in the kitchen: he doesn't even live here-
Hermione: ron didn't even know that I'm here- that was just for Harry.
Ginny: our husbands love eachother more than us.
Hermione: we knew that when we married them. They're platonic soul mates.
Harry: WHY THE FUCK, IS THE OVEN ON FIRE?!
Ginny: Me and James tried to cook the muggle way. And we thought if you turned it high it cooks quicker.
Harry: and what did you learn?
James: it just causes fire...
Harry: we should probably put that out now-
Ginny: oh shit, yeah, good idea.
James: ew you look straight.
Al: I AM HOLDING HANDS WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
Scorpius: it isn't gay if your wearing socks.
Al: DON'T YOU PLAY ALONG.
Lily: SHORT.
James: I'm taller than you?!
Al: SHORT.
James: I'M TALLER THAN YOU TOO.
Teddy: SHORT.
James: .....OKAY BUT YOU'RE LIKE A GIANT.
Ginny: I'm pregnant.
Harry: OH MY GOD! :D
Harry: Oh my God...
Ginny: Harry?
Harry: how the hell am I meant to tell them off-
Ginny: Huh-
Harry: THEY CAN ALWAYS THROW THE "You dropped out of school to kill someone" card when they get into trouble-
Ginny: they won't do that.
Harry: They're my kid, and I'm a bitch.
Ginny: Oh my God-
Harry: YOU CAN'T DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, WITHOUT A PLAN-
James: You dropped out of school. Without a plan.
Harry: okay, kill a dark Lord, then.
James: i don't want too...
Harry: do your homework.
James: what if I wanted to be a quidditch player?
Harry: ... your mum can get you connections for a try out? If that's what you really want. Or are you saying that to get out of homework?
James: ...to get out of homework...
Al: WHY IS MY MIDDLE NAME SEVERUS?!
Harry: I lost a bet to your Uncle Neville...
Ginny: and I encouraged the bet...
Teddy: why walk through the door, when you could climb through the window.
Harry: Your brother is 5! he cannot climb through a window safely.
Ginny: your father is such a dork.
Lily: didn't he defeat a dragon.
Ron: still makes him a dork.
Ginny: who happened to defeat a dragon.
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chasegrangerkingdoma day ago
Remus: So, what happened?
Sirius: What do you mean?
Remus: A guy walked up to me and asked if you were my boyfriend.
Sirius: So?
Remus: He said "I am so sorry" when I said yes.
Remus: What the hell did you do?
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thefieryphoenixa day ago
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Molly Weasley: Fred, get that hideous looking thing out of the house!
Fred Weasley: All right mum! *Looks at Ron on the couch*
Fred: RON GET OUT, MOM WANTS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE!
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incorrectbellamorta day ago
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Bellatrix: I told the Dark Lord his ears flush when he lies.
Narcissa: Why?
Bellatrix: Look.
Bellatrix: My Lord! Do you love me?
Voldemort, covering his ears: No.
Narcissa:
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drarryshta year ago
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the golden trio in the three broomsticks
harry [on his 14 butterbeer]: 岫溼祾岫溼祾鈦酷禈岬椝 岬柺翅祾岬堘禈岫溼祲 岬愨伇恕岬 岬冣伩岬 岬兪翅祲 岫溼祾岬涐祲食岬夅祱 鈦扁伩 岫犪禈食, 刷岬 史拾矢 岬兪翅祲鈦库欋禇 岬検搬祲矢 岫溗♂祪刷刷鈦贬稜鈦贬祲岬 岬兯 岬愥祪岬愥祼岬兯∷?
hermione: harry, what the fuck?
ron: 史拾岬冡禇鈥櫵 岬 岬愥祪岬愥祼岬兯?
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chasegrangerkingdom13 hours ago
Hermione: I'm kind of seeing someone, but I'm worried about telling you who, because you're not going to like it.
Ron: Just rip the bandage off.
Hermione: It's Fred.
Ron: ...Put the bandage back on.
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micheleblack9 months ago
*The Marauders finally achieve their Animagus forms*
Remus: Since when do you have a pet goldfish?
James: Careful, that's your boyfriend you're talking about.
Remus: Why doesn't he change back?
James: I think he forgot. You know, memory of a goldfish.
*later that day, Remus receives a letter*
Moony:
I tricked James into thinking I'm a goldfish. I'm hiding out in the Hog's Head while I see how long he'll lug that bowl to class.
Love, Sirius
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incorrectbellamort2 days ago
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Rodolphus: If the Dark Lord and I were drowning, who would you save?
Bellatrix: You two can鈥檛 swim?
Voldemort: It鈥檚 a hypothetical question, Bella! who would you save?
Bellatrix: my time and effort
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gryffidnorgranger3 months ago
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鈥淗arry, no.鈥
-a book written by Neville Longbottom co-authored by Hermione Granger and Molly Weasley, introduction written by Remus Lupin, includes excerpts from the prequel 鈥淗arry, calm down.鈥 written by Ginny Weasley.
Enjoy the feisty counter argument 鈥淗ARRY, YESSSS鈥 written by Ron Weasley
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