Harry, about Draco: deep down he’s just a boy who wants to be loved.

Ron: he terrorized us for years!

Harry: we can find faults with all of our friends if we nitpick Ron!

Harry Potter Characters as Weird Things I’ve Texted to My Friends

Regulus: I pity the allos. What goes on in their funny little heads?

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Lily, to Remus: Does he want you sexually? Romantically? Queerplatonically? Hungrily?

Remus: HUNGRILY?

Lily: well, I DON’T KNOW! He’s your boyfriend, not mine!

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Harry: I was joking with a friend about my childhood, but their facial expression made me slowly realize that none of it was funny

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Sirius: someone yell at me to sleep because I am dumb and have no self-control

Remus: *softly* go to sleep, you beautiful bitch

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Pansy: we should get porcelain masks

Draco: why

Pansy: then we can be the freaks we are on the inside on the outside, too, and no one will know who we are

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Ron: will there be food at group?

Hermione: just leftovers from what they feed the underclassmen

Ron: ABUSE

okay but you cannot tell me that Remus didn’t dress up as a vampire on halloween.

like i’m convinced that he didn’t want to even be a part of it but Sirius really wanted him to dress up and with the words “I promise you, i won’t buy you a werewolf costume” he went out and bought a vampire one instead.

And when he presented Remus with the costume, Lupin literally bonked him on the head.

And don’t tell me it didn’t take hours of convincing Remus to actually wear it.

And for the rest of the evening/party all of them made fun of him so bad

Like if Remus would get sleepy at the party the Marauders would say shit like “oi, Monny is it your bedtime yet? I thought vampires go to sleep in the morning” and don’t even get me started on the amount of drinking blood/eating garlic jokes they’ve made.

But at the end of the day, when three of the Marauders were sloshed and Remus was the only one half sober he asked them “How do i look?” and James replied (half asleep) “I dunno, look in the mirror” and Lupin LITERALLY SAID “You know i can’t see myself in it, i’m a vampire” and he HISSED.

And after that Sirius literally tackled him and planted sloppy (bro *wink wink*)kisses all over his face and without a single word went to bed.

Hufflepuff: I just burnt my tongue on my food and it made me realise that sometimes the ones you love hurt you the most

Gryffindor: my life is constantly just an inner monologue of “why did I do that”

Sirius: What is toothpaste, if not bone soap?

Remus: Existence is a prison and knowing you is like being in maximum security.

Bill: Do you want a quickie?

Fleur: Ex- excuse me?

Bill: A quickie, one of those cake things.

Fleur: IT’S PRONOUNCED QUICHE.

Narcissa: Christmas is so close, I can almost smell the mistletoe that I’m not going to be kissed under.

Hermione: ArE yOu SuRe AbOuT tHaT

Hufflepuff: Exams should be waterproof. 

Slytherin: Why? 

Hufflepuff: So that after I cry, I can still read the questions and cry some more. 

Slytherin: Hufflepuff no- 

Slytherin: Did you buy eggs like I asked? 

Hufflepuff: Even better!

Slytherin: …What’d you do this time? 

Hufflepuff, holding up a chicken: Her name is Fluffy!

Ron: I think you’ll like her, she has the same personality you do

Ginny: the gay personality?

Ron: no, the cool personality that makes you funny

Ginny: yeah the gay personality

Sirius: Earth is a dense molten core encased in a layer of solids and therefore is, technically speaking, a ravioli.

Remus: I am begging you to stop.

Remus: How did none of you hear what I just said?

James: I’ve been zoned out for the last two and a half hours.

Peter: I got distracted half way through.

Sirius: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Ravenclaw: sometimes you may find yourself at the bottom of a pit with life throwing bad things at you, but you can always use them to climp up, even if some are slippery.

Slytherin: sometimes you may find yourself at the bottom of a pit with life throwing bad things at you, but you can always throw them back at life.