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#harry potter incorrect quotes
Sirius: Erasers sacrifice themselves to erase your mistakes
James: Trees that hold treehouses are basically holding their dead friend's corpse
Remus: Decorating a Christmas tree is basically taking a dead corpse and decorating it with lights and christmas balls
Peter: ...Are you guys alright?
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Harry Potter Characters as Weird Things I’ve Texted to My Friends

Regulus: I pity the allos. What goes on in their funny little heads?

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Lily, to Remus: Does he want you sexually? Romantically? Queerplatonically? Hungrily?

Remus: HUNGRILY?

Lily: well, I DON’T KNOW! He’s your boyfriend, not mine!

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Harry: I was joking with a friend about my childhood, but their facial expression made me slowly realize that none of it was funny

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Sirius: someone yell at me to sleep because I am dumb and have no self-control

Remus: *softly* go to sleep, you beautiful bitch

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Pansy: we should get porcelain masks

Draco: why

Pansy: then we can be the freaks we are on the inside on the outside, too, and no one will know who we are

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Ron: will there be food at group?

Hermione: just leftovers from what they feed the underclassmen

Ron: ABUSE

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okay but you cannot tell me that Remus didn’t dress up as a vampire on halloween.

like i’m convinced that he didn’t want to even be a part of it but Sirius really wanted him to dress up and with the words “I promise you, i won’t buy you a werewolf costume” he went out and bought a vampire one instead.

And when he presented Remus with the costume, Lupin literally bonked him on the head.

And don’t tell me it didn’t take hours of convincing Remus to actually wear it.

And for the rest of the evening/party all of them made fun of him so bad

Like if Remus would get sleepy at the party the Marauders would say shit like “oi, Monny is it your bedtime yet? I thought vampires go to sleep in the morning” and don’t even get me started on the amount of drinking blood/eating garlic jokes they’ve made.

But at the end of the day, when three of the Marauders were sloshed and Remus was the only one half sober he asked them “How do i look?” and James replied (half asleep) “I dunno, look in the mirror” and Lupin LITERALLY SAID “You know i can’t see myself in it, i’m a vampire” and he HISSED.

And after that Sirius literally tackled him and planted sloppy (bro *wink wink*)kisses all over his face and without a single word went to bed.

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Harry: So you stole candy from your parents when you were a child?
Hermione: Dad was a dentist, I had to rebel or I would never taste candy
Harry: That's juvenile delinquency!
Hermione: Are you judging me? What happened to that through thick and thin?
Harry: Yes, but I didn't say YES to being an accessory to theft.
Hermione: I've been your accomplice in worse things.
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Ravenclaw: sometimes you may find yourself at the bottom of a pit with life throwing bad things at you, but you can always use them to climp up, even if some are slippery.

Slytherin: sometimes you may find yourself at the bottom of a pit with life throwing bad things at you, but you can always throw them back at life.

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