Phrases overheard at the Potters house:
Al: I'M TOO GAY FOR THIS SHIT
Lily: AL LITERALLY NONE OF US ARE STRAIGHT!! YOU CAN'T USE IT AS AN EXCUSE-
Hermione: You need to sort out this cupboard-
Harry: I don't want to go in there.
Harry: My room was a cupboard...
Ron: Your room was the size of a cupboard?
Harry: NO, my room literally was the cupboard...
Hermione and ron: WHAT?!
Harry: Shit- why did I say- GEORGE?! WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME-
George: SORRY- IT WAS MEANT FOR RON, I FORGOT HE ALWAYS GIVES YOU SNACKS-
Hermione: GEORGE DOESN'T SOUND VERY SURPRISED-
Harry: ...he's seen the cupboard- FUCK-
George: ....I FEEL LIKE HERMIONE IS ABOUT TO MURDER ME-
Harry: she's more than capable-
Hermione: Yes. I. AM.
James: How old are you Teddy?! Like 25!?
Lily: I was at my friends house the other day, and i didn't realise just how gay my family is until I was hit with a FULL ON STRAIGHT FAMILY
al: No gay jokes?
Lily: No gay jokes :(
Teddy: I can't do that! I have no parents.
Ron: erm- i-
Hermione: I don't- you can- that doesn't-
*later that day*
Teddy: i can't do the dishes, I haven't got parents, you can't make me do that.
Harry: do the fucking dishes.
Teddy: I forgot it doesn't work on you..
Harry: I've got to admit it is fun watching Hermione not knowing what to say.
Harry: you're using the card too often. The orphan card will loose its meaning if you keep doing it for little things like chores, little man.
Teddy: why are you telling me this?
Harry: I mean- YOUR GONNA DO IT WETHER OR NOT I TELL YOU NOT TOO- AT LEAST NOW YOUR GONNA DO IT PROPERLY.
Al: im going to scorpius's birthday tomorrow.
Ginny: Okay, do you need me to buy you any fire whiskey?
Ginny: maybe just cider?
Al: I'm FOURTEEN?! why would I need alcohol?! YOU SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGING THIS?! THIS IS ILEGAL MUM!
Ginny: calm down, it's only an offer. If you drink I'd prefer to know what and how much. Instead of you sneaking behind mine and your dad's back.
Harry: What are we wanting for dinner? Spaghetti?
Ginny: You. My favourite meal. 😏
Harry: I'm sure that can be arrang-
James, in the doorway: EW WHAT THE FUCK!!
Harry: don't worry, I'm not for dinner.
James: DON'T SAY ANYTHING DAD-
Ginny: he's only for me.
James: I WANT TO GO MELT MY BRAIN NOW. *leaves*
Harry: I think we may have traumatised James.
Ginny: at least he didn't walk in on us doing anything more than flirting. And as you were saying?
Ron: HONEEEYY I'M HOMEEE!!!
Harry, hugging Ron: RON!! YOUR BACK!! :D
Ginny, in the kitchen: he doesn't even live here-
Hermione: ron didn't even know that I'm here- that was just for Harry.
Ginny: our husbands love eachother more than us.
Hermione: we knew that when we married them. They're platonic soul mates.
Harry: WHY THE FUCK, IS THE OVEN ON FIRE?!
Ginny: Me and James tried to cook the muggle way. And we thought if you turned it high it cooks quicker.
Harry: and what did you learn?
James: it just causes fire...
Harry: we should probably put that out now-
Ginny: oh shit, yeah, good idea.
James: ew you look straight.
Al: I AM HOLDING HANDS WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
Scorpius: it isn't gay if your wearing socks.
Al: DON'T YOU PLAY ALONG.
James: I'm taller than you?!
James: I'M TALLER THAN YOU TOO.
James: .....OKAY BUT YOU'RE LIKE A GIANT.
Ginny: I'm pregnant.
Harry: OH MY GOD! :D
Harry: Oh my God...
Harry: how the hell am I meant to tell them off-
Harry: THEY CAN ALWAYS THROW THE "You dropped out of school to kill someone" card when they get into trouble-
Ginny: they won't do that.
Harry: They're my kid, and I'm a bitch.
Ginny: Oh my God-
Harry: YOU CAN'T DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, WITHOUT A PLAN-
James: You dropped out of school. Without a plan.
Harry: okay, kill a dark Lord, then.
James: i don't want too...
Harry: do your homework.
James: what if I wanted to be a quidditch player?
Harry: ... your mum can get you connections for a try out? If that's what you really want. Or are you saying that to get out of homework?
James: ...to get out of homework...
Al: WHY IS MY MIDDLE NAME SEVERUS?!
Harry: I lost a bet to your Uncle Neville...
Ginny: and I encouraged the bet...
Teddy: why walk through the door, when you could climb through the window.
Harry: Your brother is 5! he cannot climb through a window safely.
Ginny: your father is such a dork.
Lily: didn't he defeat a dragon.
Ron: still makes him a dork.
Ginny: who happened to defeat a dragon.
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