#harry styles as it was | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rekiilysm · 2 years

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As It Was

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

⇨ 「pairing― harry styles x fem!reader」

⇨ 「summary― it’s hasn’t been the same with you and harry lately; he became distant, leaving you wondering what you did wrong to get to this point. it wasn’t the same as it was.」

⇨ 「warnings― mentions of the no no pills, cursing, little bit of angst, fluffy ending!」

⇨ 「word count― 4.3k」

you sat in your queen shared bed leaning against the headboard “harry?” you asked the curly brunette, and yet very tall man you call ‘boyfriend’. when you don’t get a response from him, you scoff, knowing that you won’t get one from him, per usual.

he was sitting at his desk with his headphones on, creating new tunes and different things for his music. you assumed his headphones were too loud because you have been calling out to him for the past five minutes, not receiving a single word from his lips.

you know, he wasn’t always like this. usually if he was working on music, you would be fine with it; he would go to the studio to record and come back late at night, and come back to see you still awake because you couldn’t sleep alone. the time that your relationship was healthy, and going smoothly. but ever since he started thinking about his new album, and about to go on tour, he’s been really distant. at first it didn’t bother you, but now it’s to the point where he’s straight up ignoring you. you’ve just about had enough.

before you could think about it even more, you heard the wheels on his desk chair roll, along with the sound of headphones being taken off. you look up to him to find him sliding his shoes on and pulling a jacket on. “what are you doing?” you ask, making him finally turn to look at you.

“work,” he said flatly, no ounce of love or emotion behind it. maybe he was just frustrated with having to go into work so late? it is just about midnight.

“oh, uh, okay. be careful, i love you,” you say and he gives you a small nod before walking out of the room. what the fuck, you thought to yourself as you sat—still tucked under the sheets—in shock at the small exchange that just happened. not a single letter or pronunciation or anything spilled out from his pink lips, only a fucking nod. a nod! this was it; this was your breaking point.

you got out of your bed and hurried out of your shared bedroom, running down the stairs in hopes that the bastard is still in the house. to your luck, he’s in the kitchen, water bottle and car keys in hand as he yet to see you standing there. “harry?” you say stone-cold as he looks up to you.

“yes, y/n?” he replies. what he said hit you like a thousand arrows being shot at your back. he never called you by your first name, unless he was joking around, and right now you could tell he wasn’t. it was always corny and cheesing nicknames, but this time was different.

you decided it wasn’t worth the fight and spoke up, “uhm- don’t forget your phone.” he cocks an eyebrow, holding his phone up in his free hand as you nod. he’s done this before—left his phone you mean. and luckily, it was a good excuse. now it was time to see if he really cared. “i love you,” you say and look him straight in the eyes when you say it.

he started to walk towards the door, “yeah, love you too.” no even sparing you one last glance before the door slammed shut. you felt your whole world collapse and break into a million pieces like a mirror that’s shattered. you sigh as you make your way back upstairs where your room was to try and fall asleep. maybe he was just in a mood, you thought; but you thought that every time he’s acted that way. you weren’t sure what to believe anymore.

as you slept through the night, harry never left your mind, causing you to get anxious and hope that you’re just overthinking things. you finally let your drooping eyes rest, letting the black void of sleep overtake you.

unfortunately though, you awoke, the night sky still out, and the moonlight seeping through the curtains. you look over to your alarm clock: 03:30AM, it read. you groan as you toss the sheets off of your bare legs, getting out of bed to make your way to the kitchen for a snack. you weren’t gentle with your steps down the stairs because you knew you were alone; harry wasn’t in bed.

as you flicked the dim light of the kitchen on, it illuminated a small part of it, not the whole area. when you walked down the stairs, you didn’t notice the sleeping form on the couch. you looked over the bar and saw him. harry was sleeping on the couch, a pillow tucked under his head, along with a soft throw blanket that usually stayed on the couch. you cocked an eyebrow, maybe he was too tired to come to bed? but no, as you walked up to him, you saw him laying under his own pillow. his pillow on your bed.

it wasn’t because he was too tired to come up the stairs, no; he didn’t want to come upstairs. he chose not to sleep with you. as much as you didn’t want to wake him, you wanted answers, so you gently shook his peaceful form. “harry?” you asked quietly. you felt his head lift a bit from where it was as you heard a raspy voice.

“what do you want?” he asked in a not-so nicely manner.

“why are you sleeping on the couch?” you ask him, your voice becoming less soft as you spoke. unfortunately, you didn’t get a vocal response, all he did was flip over, covering himself with the blanket once more. you’ve had enough, “harry, what’s going on with you? why have you been so distant with me? did i do something to upset you?” that made him shoot up from his spot, and snap his head towards you.

“nothings wrong y/n.” he snarled back, making you scoff.

“i know you’re lying,” you spat and he rolls his eyes.

“nothings wrong! nothing at all! what, just because i’m not giving you enough attention, you think something’s wrong?! and you’re calling me distant? what about you! you’re the one that’s being distant,” he snaps at you, making you step back in shock.

this got you fired up, “says the guy who literally goes out every night to do ‘work’ and sometimes not even tell me about it! leaving me a worried mess and not knowing if you’re even alive!”

he grumbles, “i don’t need to tell you everything i do! i’m not a child!”

“you sure sound like one right now! this is ridiculous, harry. i’m worried about you,” you say in a more softer tone, but still stern.

“you shouldn’t be,” he snaps, which makes you walk away from him. “where are you going?” he asks as he gets up from his spot on the couch.

“‘i’m not a child, i don’t have to tell you everything i do,’” you mock his words, making him fume. he rolls his eyes as you continue to make your way up the stairs. as you reach your room, you grab the nearest suitcase and start to fill it up with your belongings. harry stands there by the door frame, watching you as you collect your things. as you finish and zip up your bags, you begin to walk down the stairs. he continues to follow you without muttering a word.

you walk out the door, making your way to your car, harry still behind you. the keys you grabbed from the kitchen counter in your hand as you press the unlock button. the head lights of your car light up twice, telling you that all the doors are unlocked. you open the trunk and load your things in there quickly before slamming it shut and making your way to the driver’s side door.

before you open it, you hear harry speak up, “oh, so you’re just gonna leave?” his voice still laced with annoyance and rudeness.

you decided to ignore him, giving him a taste of his own medicine. you slide your fingers under the door handle and open it with a harsh tug. you hop inside, harry’s eyes still lingered on you. as soon as your butt touched the seat, you pulled the door with you, making it slam shut. your fingers aggressively scrambled in search of your keys in your purse; the feeling of a plastic cover and metal tip reached your fingers, pulling it out and moving to place it in the keyhole of the vehicle.

you turn the key in the hole, making the engine roar loudly as it turns on, the car starts to shake a little as you sigh. the dry tears on your puffy cheeks are now covered in a new layer of tears. yes, you don’t want to be around him, but you still love him. hell, the feelings you feel for him are feelings you’ve never felt before, and even though he probably doesn’t return those feelings anymore, you still have those heart fluttering emotions.

you feel your hand go to the gear shift, pulling it back to reverse as you pull out of the driveway with ease. all the emotions that you’ve felt in the past few months all came flooding in at the same time at that moment. the pain, fear, anger, sadness, relief, and so much more. a small sob escaped your lips as you drove away from the large house, remembering all the times the two of you have had. you shake your head as you brought your attention back to the road. you didn’t need to overthink about him right now. you needed to relax, which is why you found yourself driving to your best friend’s house.

---------

a few weeks have passed as tour began, harry was excited to be on tour and to perform in front of his fans, but a part of him didn’t even want to be on tour. he wanted to be with you, only you. the whole time, harry was only thinking about how much he messed up, and the only thing that would help him clear his mind was writing a song. so that’s what he did. every single time he got free time he would jot down ideas for the song that he hopes would reach you.

harry sat in his hotel room on his bed with a notebook and pen in front of him. he tried to think of anything that would come to mind, but nothing. nothing, nothing, nothing! harry felt himself get stressed out because of it, leaning his head into his large hands. he stared down at the notebook, searching for an idea to pop up in his head, but he couldn’t think of anything. before he could do anything, his phone dinged, signaling that he had a text message. he picked his head up out of his hands and reached over to his phone, which was beside his crossed legs. as his fingers lifted up the device, the screen lit up, showing a text from mitch, a guy who he’d been friends with for a very long time, and he trusts very much.

call me. he texted, which harry raised his eyebrow and shrugged his slumped shoulders. he opened his phone and quickly typed out ‘okay’ before going to the phone call app. as he searched through his recents, he found your name, which was a from a call a few days before.

------

harry sat on the floor of his kitchen, a pill bottle next to him that was tipped over with pills all over the ground around him; he was high, and not thinking. the only reason why he decided to do this was because he needed to get his mind off of you and how much he messed up. and because he wasn’t thinking, he pulled his phone out from his back pocket, a saddened smile crawling up his cheeks as he dialed your number. he held the phone up to his ear as the phone rang. the sound of ringing fled his ears for a minute, only to end with the sound of your voice. but it wasn’t you, it was your voicemail, which meant that you didn’t answer harry’s call.

he frowned a little, “dammit.” he slurred as he dialed you again. but unfortunately for harry, it went to voicemail again. he grumbled, he wasn’t going to give up yet. so, he didn’t. he moved the phone in front of his face and pressed on the message app, beginning to text you. ‘answer the phone,’ he texted. with no reply to his text, he called you again, and again, and again, and again, until you finally got tired of him blowing up your phone.

“what harry?!” you exclaimed over the phone. the fact that he had the nerve to call you made you even more mad. him also not saying anything over the phone also made you even more angry. “harry, what do you want?” you repeated sternly, making a sob escape from his lips. “harry?” you say a little bit softer.

“come back, please,” he croaked out, a tear making its way down his puffy cheeks. he continued to say those words repeatedly, making you realize that this isn’t the normal harry.

“where are you?” you ask, worried if something happened to him. as much as you really don’t want to talk to him, you can’t help but worry about him.

“my kitchen floor,” he spoke softly as a small cry escapes his lips after that.

you sigh, “harry, you’re no good alone. why are you sitting at home on the floor?”

he lets out a shaky breath, “come back home, please.” you frown, but you also know deep down that it’s not the real him.

“what kind of pills are you on?” you ask and he lets out a sob.

------

harry shakes his head, the memory of that call flooding in like a tsunami. as he thinks back to it, the words that left your unforgettable lips gave him an idea. with that idea, he decided to grab the pin and quickly write down the words you said before he forgets them. as he finishes writing the words down, he picks his phone back up to call mitch.

as the days went on a tour dates quickly passed, harry continued to write every single day until he finished this song. until he finished it. he felt sorta relieved, but now was the time to record. he and the band got together and made instrumentals for the song, and it sounded almost perfect. but it was missing something..

harry sat on his couch in your once shared house, trying to think of what could possibly be missing. his head hung low, watching his fingers mindlessly play with the rings on his fingers. he stayed there for awhile until he heard the doorbell ring. his head lifted up from the sound, getting up to get the door. he sighed before opening the door softly, seeing nothing in his eyesight. he grunted before looking down to the porch. a tan box lied on the ground, making him sigh to himself.

he picked it up and brought it inside, setting it on the kitchen counter to open it. it was small, and he didn’t know what it was because he doesn’t remember ordering anything. he looked at the sticker on it, and it said his name and address but no label of where it’s from. he shrugged, walking over the kitchen drawer and pulling out the scissors. as he was pulling them out, he thought of something. the doorbell of the house—your once shared house—is just what the song needed.

he set down the scissors before running over to the doorbell with his laptop and mic. that’s exactly what it was missing. once the song was all put together, he listened to it and smiled. this is just what the song needed.

————

a few days later, the song was ready to be released, but of course, he needed a music video. obviously he wanted you in it, but he knew that was definitely a stretch.

luckily filming went by really quick, and all he wanted was to get this song out, so hopefully you’ll hear it. his producers and the rest of the band were all sitting together as they were about to release the official date the song would come out. once they uploaded it, only seconds passed before people were already tweeting about it and making posts about it. anxiety ran through harry as he waited for you to see it, hoping that you would see it.

————

you were just mindlessly scrolling through twitter, sitting on your best friend’s couch (where you haven’t left since you got there the day of the break-up). you sighed, refreshing your feed because you’ve been through it all for today and you wanted something new. well to say the least, you definitely got something new. your eyes widened as you saw the post from hshq and harry himself.

“As It Was. April 1. Midnight UK.”

your jaw dropped. he was releasing his new music? so soon? and the fact that the name of the song sounded familiar to you just made the whole thing even stranger.

april 1st is literally not even a week away, and you may or may not be really anxious to hear this song. you two have only been broken up for a few months, so what were the odds that it was about you? you didn’t know, but you wanted to hear this damn song.

what you didn’t know was harry was in the same place as you. he was anxious for you to hear it, and he didn’t know how you would react to it, making him even more nervous.

once thursday arrived, you stayed put on the couch, your best friend becoming worried about you because you’ve been a mess since the break-up. usually, you’re all about “forget him, he didn’t deserve you anyway!” but this was different. for once, you were in love. madly in love. and this wasn’t something you could just forget about and get over. this song could be an excuse to see harry again, so you were pacing around the living room. you figured harry was in the uk because the song came out on uk time, but you weren’t sure.

an hour passed and it was finally time. harry’s song was a minute away from being released to the public, and you were nervous to say the very least.

harry and his team were all together as the countdown decreased in numbers, every second feeling longer than the last.

you sigh as the clock strikes, the music video on the tv starting to play. your best friend was there right next to you, being your emotional support person. as soon as you heard the little jingle in the beginning, you felt relieved? you didn’t know how to feel about this.

you gasped, seeing harry appear on the tv while singing. you had to admit, you never heard this song from harry. he let you get a sneak peek of all the other songs on the album, but this one is one you haven’t heard before. everything was going okay until you heard a very familiar lyric.

‘answer the phone,

harry you’re no good alone.

why are you sitting at home on the floor?

what kind of pills are you on?’

and that right there is what made you realize why the title sounded so familiar, and why you’ve never heard this song before… because he made it about your break-up. this song is about you. your eyes widened as you looked at the tv. harry and the woman on the screen seemed to be getting distant with each other; just like you and harry.

after you heard the bridge, you heard another very familiar sound. it was your doorbell at the house. one that you changed because the one that came with the house was obnoxious and annoying. you didn’t know what to do. should you call him? no no, he’s probably already got another “girlfriend” to replace you. you sigh and place your head in your hands as the song ended. you felt a knot in your throat as your eyes start to water. you realized just how much you miss him from that song, and you didn’t know what to do… well, you knew something you could do.

meanwhile, harry is at his house with the rest of the team, celebrating the new single. everyone was getting drunk, and having a good time, while harry sat there. how could he enjoy a party about a song that’s about a woman he messed up with?

some of the guys were messing around in the kitchen, which harry didn’t care because all he could think about was you. well that was until the guys called him over into the kitchen. he sighed and got up, making his way to the kitchen where he last talked to you.

“what’s in this box, styles?” mitch asked and harry shrugged.

“i’m not sure, i never got to open it,” he replied and got the scissors from where he placed them a few weeks before.

“we’ll open it up!!” a guy said from the side. harry nodded and started to cut the tape on top of the rather small box. as he opened it, he started to remember what it was in the box, and as soon as he lifted the flaps up, he knew. “what is it?” someone asked, making harry sigh.

inside the box lied a bunch of bubble wrap, which covered a certain velvet box that made memories flood back in harry’s mind. he picked up the box, showing it to the guys and they gasped. mitch sighed and placed his hand on harry’s shoulder. harry opened the box to reveal a beautiful gold ring with your favorite gem on it.

“who’s the lucky lady?” some guy asked, making harry gulp his tears back.

“someone special,” he replied.

“damn dude, what happened?” another guy asked, making him internally roll his eyes.

“let’s just say it’s not the same as it was,” harry spoke, not wanting to talk about it.

————

the next day, everyone left harry’s house. he was all alone once again, feeling depressed about his state right now. well all but one person left; mitch. he was the last one to leave, and he turned back at harry before opening the door. “make things right, harry. if you want her back, you gotta fight for her,” mitch stated, not even glancing at harry before opening the door and leaving. those words left harry in a mess. he realized that mitch was right, and he needed to fight for you.

before he could get up, he heard the doorbell ring, making harry groan as he slumped up and slowly made his way to the door. he thought it was one of the guys, but he was wrong. very wrong.

he opened the door to see you. you stood there with tears streaming down your face as you looked down, not even looking at the man before you. “i heard your song,” you mumbled quietly, your eyes still glued to the ground.

harry looked at you, “you did?” he felt relieved, happy even. this is what he wanted to happen, he wanted you to hear the song so he could make things right. this just wasn’t the way he was imagining it.

“yeah. it’s one you never showed me,” you say and finally look up to the british man.

harry stared into your eyes, “yeah, it was last minute.”

you frowned before breaking your composure, “harry, what happened? what did i do wrong to make this happen? you could’ve just told me if you wanted to break-up.” he looked at you in shock, not knowing you would say that.

he sighed, “you didn’t do anything wrong, love.” you winced at the name, not used to being called that. “i was busy and overworked myself. i also took it out on you, which i never should’ve done. but i thought you were tired of this, and didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore so that why i acted that way.”

you look at him, now you were the one in shock. “oh.” was all you could say. you didn’t know what to say. “i’m sorry, harry. seems like we were both in the wrong here.”

he lightly chuckled, “yeah..” you both stood there in awkward silence, the two of you not knowing what to say.

“i still love you, ya know,” you blurt out from the blue, quickly covering your mouth as your face flushed a dark red color. harry looked at you and relaxed, chuckling at your flustered state.

“i love you too, y/n. i never stopped loving you,” he stated and you smiled. without thinking, you approach harry, engulfing him into a hug. the gesture caught him off guard, not expecting that from you. the smell of alcohol and sweat filled your nose, making you groan in disgust.

“you smell like shit, harold,” you say into his chest. he wraps his arms around you, chuckling at your comment. you lift your head up from his chest, locking your eyes with his. “you need a shower.. bad,” you state making him playfully roll his eyes.

“oh yeah? well maybe you need one too,” he smartly replies. “you smell like doritos.” you chuckle, remembering how you basically lived off of the chips the whole time you were with your best friend.

you smirk, “maybe i should join you then.” his face lights up a shade of light pink, smiling at your words.

“i wouldn’t mind that,” he says and you laugh.

“you know, it’s not the same as it was…” you say to him with a smile.

“it’s better,” he states, starting to lean down to your level and gently placing his lips onto yours. finally, you were back with the one person you truly love, and you were happy. like you both said, it’s not the same as it was; it’s better.

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