Quirrell: Troll in the dungeon!!
Fresh D:All houses must return to their dormitories immediately
Draco: Slytherin dormitory is in the dungeon tho!
Fresh D: OMG MALFOY DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK
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Draco: Alright, Potter. You must stand there. *points Harry to the place*
Draco: And I’ll stand here.
Harry: That’s next to me.
Draco: Yes, because we look fucking cute together.
Sirius: James’ bed is my bed,
James’ clothes are my clothes,
James’ hair brush is my hair brush,
James’ toothbrush is my toothbrush,
James’ son is my son.
Sirius: Whatever is James’, it’s mine too.
Sirius: Except his other best friend,
Sirius: He’s my boyfriend.
Hagrid: You are a wizard, Harry
Harry: I am a Watt?
Hermione: That’s the unit of Power, you idiot!!
Ah muggle'lar ahh!
James (to Remus): Why isn’t Sirius talking to me?
Remus: He says you didn’t pick up his phone last night.
James: Oh that!! I was talking to Lily.
Sirius: People have the audacity to call themselves human after preferring a two-week relationship to a 6-year friendship!!
James: BRO!! you were literally lying two feet away from me.
Sirius: AND NOW YOU ARE HITTING ON ME!!
James: WHAT!! I-
Remus: You know when I’m dead, they should put my brain in a museum
James: Come on, Moony, you aren’t that genius
Remus (looking at James and Sirius pretending to swim on the floor): This brain has survived two unstable individuals for 7 years!!
Sirius: Who? You didn’t live with my parents, did you?