#have always kind of considered myself generally dumb with a few exceptions but like

[sickness-health-all-that-shit]

19. What are you trying to achieve here? 😢

hiii wazo, thanks for the prompt! 💖

I meant to only write a ficlet for this, but then I got super inspired <3 and made myself very sad in the process 🥲 hope you enjoy!

It had started with Ian randomly quizzing him about some math problem or another. Mickey easily gave him the solution, promptly rolling his eyes at the genuinely impressed look on the red-headed dork’s face.

Of course, it must have actually started some time before then for Ian, since the kid never really did anything randomly. But Mickey, for his part, was completely lost on what Gallagher was doing with these questions.

At first he thought Ian just needed some help with all the dumb classes he was taking in order to get into West Point. That seemed to Mickey like a reasonable enough explanation. If he was honest with himself, he really didn’t mind Ian wanting his help with that stuff, as dumb as he thought the whole army thing was.

Or as dumb as he thought school in general was, for that matter.

But at some point Mickey had figured out that the increasingly complicated math questions had nothing to do with Ian needing to learn all about trigonometry, or whatever the fuck.

Especially since, apart from the goofy grin on the guy’s face every time Mickey gave the correct answer to a question, Ian didn’t really react in any way that could make Mickey think he had just helped Ian learn anything.

When Ian studied, he got focused as fuck. Mickey watched him when they were in the store–Ian sat at the till with his books while Mickey skimmed through a magazine, trying to stave off boredom as he waited for Ian to take a break so they could fuck in the back room or something.

It was impossible to distract Ian when he was that focused. He might ask Mickey a quick question–sporting an adorable (shut up), confused frown on his face signaling he was totally lost on whatever he had just been reading–but then he would just as rapidly go back to his books, face serious and concentrated as ever.

Eyes on the prize and all that. Determined motherfucker.

So no. This was different.

It had nothing to do with whatever Ian was studying, Mickey was sure of it.

It kind of bugged him not to know what Ian was up to, but he let it go, mostly–except for raised eyebrows and a look on his face that clearly said The fuck you playin’ at? Ian’s only response was to smile even bigger.

At the end of the day, it was just another way in which Ian could be weird sometimes. It was harmless. It was fine. Plus, Mickey liked the attention, liked to see that dumb look on Gallagher’s face. Whatever. Sue him.

Over that summer, though, at some point the goofy and impressed smiles started to come accompanied by actual spoken-out-loud compliments.

You’re really good at this stuff, Mick. Wow, I couldn’t have worked that out in a million years! And you just did that math in your head, that quick? Holy fuck, you’re a genius, Mickey were all things that were coming out of Gallagher’s mouth, as if Mickey’s world didn’t shift on its axis every time Ian said something nice about him.

He didn’t know how to react. He hated blushing, for obvious fucking reasons, but it seemed like his face was constantly intent on betraying him on that point. He forced himself not to say anything, since he found that if he tried, all that would escape his lips would be embarrassing as shit stammering.

So he mostly just ducked his head as quickly as he could and muttered a short Fuck off, Gallagher under his breath every time Ian paid him a compliment on his math skills. Or, well, anything really.

The thing was, he knew he was good at that stuff. Always was, against all odds, considering how little he had gone to school at all in the past several years. Yet he had found himself paying begrudging attention to those few math classes he attended, simply because–well, he liked that shit. He understood that shit. It came natural to him. He put it into practice almost every day, in the dealings he was involved in because of his father.

So unexpectedly, with very little book-learning to account for it, yeah. He was good at math. Really good.

Getting praise for it, though. That was fucking weird. He certainly hadn’t gotten it from his third grade math teacher–and that was probably the last time in his life Mickey tried in school. She had taken one look at him at the beginning of the year and decided he was a no-good Milkovich, pure and simple. How could someone like him possibly be worth teaching math to, even if he did seem to be unusually good with numbers?

Not that Mickey was used to being praised about anything, by anyone. Well, his mom was kind to him when he was a kid, as far as he could remember. But she was also not there most of the time, or was out of it when she was. Sweet words, and even songs, would come out of her mouth, but the look behind her eyes was vacant. She barely ever knew Mickey or any of her other kids were in the room when she was in one of those states. Which was most of the time.

No. Gallagher is without a doubt the first person to say a kind word to Mickey and mean it. There’s an earnestness in his face that cannot be denied, and that scares Mickey shitless. He doesn’t know what to do with it.

That’s why, one day, Mickey snaps.

Ian has been quizzing him on all these math problems he apparently found online–one question after the other, beaming like a little overexcited kid when Mickey quickly works out the answer, every single time.

Mickey’s starting to feel a little on edge, all the questioning making him feel a little dizzy, like he’s being interrogated by the fucking cops or something. Like so much is riding on his answers, but he’s not really sure why he should be this nervous in the first place.

It all comes to a head when Ian starts excitedly talking about how Mickey should take some advanced math classes at the local community college, should get a fucking certificate or something to attest his skills, and that could maybe in the future lead to–

“Just fucking stop!” he yells, slamming his palms on the counter in front of him. His breathing is labored, erratic. He feels on the edge of something–something scary–so he holds onto his rage instead.

“This little goddamn fantasy world you’re planning for me ain’t never gonna fuckin’ happen. I’m a Milkovich. I’m fucked for life, remember? The sooner you get that through your damn skull, the better. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway, to know what’s fucking best for me?! You’re not my fucking family, we don’t owe each other shit. What are you trying to achieve here?”

He finally stops for breath, his mouth gaping open as he sets aside his fury for a moment to take in Ian’s reaction to his tirade. Ian’s lips are pursed, his jaw tight and his shoulders rigid. But what really hits Mickey like a swift kick to the stomach is how wet and red-rimmed his eyes look.

And Mickey knows what it feels like to hold your tears at bay like that. Until it physically hurts. Until all you want to do is scream.

Mickey can’t stand the sight a minute more. He lowers his head, uses his palms to push himself away from the counter and then to shove open the door of the store, marching out of there as fast as his legs will allow him.

He feels a little wetness in his eyes. Shakes his head to try and get a fucking grip of himself. It’s fine. He’s fine.

Gallagher was annoying the fuck out of him, and he just snapped. Simple as that. Doesn’t mean anything. No need to fucking whine about it like a little bitch.

The image of Ian’s hurt expression comes rushing back to his mind’s eye with a vengeance, and Mickey wipes a frantic hand down his face. As if that’s going to do anything. As if it’s going to erase what he can’t unsee, what he can’t help feeling deep in his soul.

He’s walking down the street, no real destination in mind, his body as wild and directionless as his brain at the moment.

It’s fine. Tomorrow he’ll go back to the store, and everything will be fine. He knows he should probably apologize, but he also knows he won’t. Ian will forgive him anyway, hopefully. He’s sweet like that. Mickey just did the verbal equivalent of spitting in his face and kneeing him in the groin, but Ian will understand, eventually. He always does somehow.

Mickey hates himself. Hates his life, hates his fucking family, hates this whole goddamn existence. Hates that he wants that shit Ian was talking about, but can’t afford to want it. Hates that he can never have the things he wants.

After walking for about an hour, smoking one cigarette after another, he finds himself going into one of the abandoned buildings he and Ian have met up in a few times.

He needs a familiar, quiet place. To think. Maybe to dream a little. To daydream about a different life for a bit–one where he could have the things he wants–before going back to his real one.

He sits on the roof of the building, watching the sun set, blowing plumes of smoke towards the sky.

Mickey closes his eyes. He pictures red hair, green eyes, freckles. A blinding smile, directed at him. A soft gaze full of fondness. Big hands holding his face, long fingers carding through his hair. Strong arms squeezing him in a tight embrace.

Keeping his eyes shut, he can feel it all. This intense certainty that he can do whatever he wants in his life. Endless hope and reassurance coming from his favorite person–someone he loves completely, and who loves him in return, standing steadily at his side. The freedom to be who he is and to do what makes him truly happy.

A future where he–Mickey Milkovich, son of Terry Milkovich–is not fucked for life after all.

A world full of love and possibilities.

#ian x mickey #gallavich #gallavich fic #shameless fanfiction #my fics #angst #set in s2 #pov mickey #the fact i've written this whole thing today is astounding to me considering how little i've written in months #i've actually completed a one-shot from start to finish! yay! #this will be coming to an ao3 near you as soon as i get it betaed #for now enjoy this raw straight-out-of-my-brain-box version

[boom-fanfic-a-latta]

ok something I will warn about revelation though (since it is the most mediocre episode in the season as far as I've watched. Again, this season's full of banger episodes, this is just like the one exception and I'm sad it's like I think important-):

Istg why didn't they properly address the fact that Alya knows that Marinette is Ladybug and Lila claimed to be best friends with Ladybug. Like. Alya you know that Marinette/actually Ladybug despises Lila. You know that. You know her. YOU'RE her best friend. Like i know as a teenager myself we aren't always the sharpest tools in the shed but I feel like this is a bit too obvious for her to not even acknowledge. Or for Marinette to not even bring up. Like why isn't Mari pointing that out either.

Also I just wish she'd like. Just tell people about how Lila literally threatened her. Like just tell Alya about that come on girl tell her what Lila said-

(Ok with the latter one I'm guessing since Marinette is like. Very anxious and stuff she might just be too paranoid about the possibility of Alya thinking that SHE'S lying about it [even if that's probably not what would happen I know from experience that paranoia doesn't exactly stem from intelligence and rationale-] to say anything about it. Like especially back in Season 3 where Alya didn't yet know that she's Ladybug. and by the time Season 4 Gang of Secrets happens Lila hasn't really been doing much so she probably wasn't at the forefront of Mari's mind. And then going into Season 5 it's probably just been so long that she'd think Alya would doubt her 'cus "if it happened that long ago then why didn't you tell me sooner?/why are you only telling me this now?" And- again I don't think Alya would assume she's a lying bxtch or anything, she'd probably assume it was an akuma pretending to be Lila first or that Lila had already been akumatized or something, but. Yeah, again, paranoia and stuff-)

Though thinking back on it I kinda like how Hoaxer as an akuma is like. basically the show version of the dumb way some salt fics act like Lila could just say literally anything and no matter how stupid people would believe it without question. So that's literally what Hoaxer's power is. Including that one thing I saw pop up a few times in fanfics where she lies about Marinette being Hawk Moth/Shadow Moth/Monarch. Like she literally does that exact lie and the only reason people believe it is because her powers are literally mind control stuff. So yeah that was clever I liked that-

(Tbh a lot of stuff about that episode felt like it was basically just. Looking at salt fics and saying "this is what would actually happen in the show with these scenarios" and as someone who generally dislikes salt fics that's kinda. Idk, cathartic? I'm just sad at the lack of Alya realizing Lila is a piece of shxt who threatened her best friend but then again I feel like if that happened then Alya probably would've been the one to get akumatized and that would've been a game over I think considering she knows who Ladybug is XD would be cool if they did like a cat blanc or ephemeral kind of episode on that concept though, maybe give Marinette a little more trauma making her think that if she ever exposes Lila then that'll lead to the end of the world and she'll just have to live thinking this and-

I like subjecting my blorbos to the horrors I'm sorry-)

Tbh I think a lot of my opinions on the episode may just be tainted by the fact that seeing lying in fiction upsets me when I don't know for sure the liar is gonna be outed by the end. Which isn't a fault with the episode it's just a personal thing. So idk if I'm judging the episode right or not it may be better than I had thought especially looking back on it like this and just thinking about the aspects I did like-

though again I also just. Hate like everything they've done with Chloe and that includes this episode and Lila's campaign in it-

the stuff that happened toward the end of the episode with Marinette resigning as class rep seemingly with the idea that Lila having that position will lead to her exposing herself (?) has me hooked tho-

also just. All the stuff with Nathalie-

man you have a lot of thoughts

[writinandcrying]

I'd like a Match Up if you wanna! .o. Preferably for Rise but I'm familiar with every TMNT verse starting at '03 and forward if u thought of any others.

I'm just a gay/demisexual (a guy match plz!) demiguy (he/they) who's kinda short(?) I'm 5'5" at most but I haven't checked in a few years ngl. Appearance wise I shift between pastel or alt stuff is all.

I'm an ENTP and 9w1! I have a lot of trouble properly expressing or understanding emotions due to my Autism but I try to battle that by being blunt and asking questions! I'm also constantly stuck battling between people pleasing and my anger issues that make me wanna snap. To kinda combat that my anger is now p much pointed at myself so I don't hurt anyone or their feelings. But I'm trying to better myself with the "Do No Harm but Take No Shit" mindset. I generally make myself do my usual "im the funny friend" routine, but that lead to a lot of ppl assuming I'm stupid, so I'm trying to find a balance between that and showing other sides of myself :') I show my love through Physical Touch and Acts of Service! And I think I respond well to all Love Languages? Except I can be bad at accepting gifts bc of a dumb inner voice going "Oh so u manipulated them I to giving u smth" ...oop. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ahh I really like Animation, Horror, and Comedy shows/movies, especially analyzing them. I kind of want kids in the future? I'd be more willing if I trusted my partner with my Lows (hopefully they trust me with theirs too ofc) or if I could skip the baby part tbh. I really enjoy baking, reading, and video games, but I like physical activities when there's a sort of clear goal? Like playing Volleyball or Soccer, but not just a general run or jog. But I'd love to travel the world in moderation too, I just want to make sure there's always a great place to come back to.

In my platonic and romantic relationships I can be frustrating bc I tend to bottle stuff up so I don't bother anyone. If I felt comfy enough and knew I didn't have to worry about my Big Fear(tm) of Abandonment then I would slowly get better at talking about things. I'm also really forgetful when it comes to my own things, like forgetting to eat, drink, or sleep or if there was anything I needed/wanted to do.. I think the only pet peeves I have is if I feel Not Heard or listened to? Or just Disregarded? I've been told with how I analyze situations but focus on emotions help others when they're in their worst moments? Like helping calm my little brother down from when angry or helping my mom or friends out of their depressive moments.

Thank you for your time! <3

hi there! sure thing <3 ill go towards rottmnt cuz it has literally consumed 70% of my brain lately lmao i match you with...

Mikey!

Honestly i can see both of you helping each other out into maturing and personal growth, Mikey knows he's clever and also still learning along the way, don't even consider yourself a bother into asking him questions cuz he loves to answer them, and if he doesn't know something, he can just asks his brothers!

Dr. Feelings make frequent visits in your hangouts, he constantly reminds you to unwind and has relaxing exercises if he notices you are bottling too much, and if someone ever tries to take advantage of your "people pleasing taste" Doctor Delicate Touch will also show up to yell tell the person to bug off

he understands the feeling of only being seen in "one light"- all mikey's (i mean in any version) suffer from youngest sibling syndrome - struggling with not being taken seriously, so he does gives you extra attention in everything you say, do, your feelings, thoughts, and if you mean business, so does he.

Honestly for Rottmnt Mikey i think he enjoys all love languages as well lmao, his top 3 are def words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time, he loves gifting you stuff as well, but if you ever mention those "oh i manipulated them into giving me these" thoughts he will fight /argue with you, like, every-time. He doesn't really get it, he tries to be as gentle as possible with your feelings, but on this topic things might escalate, he really likes you and wants to show it as well!

he ADORES that you like animation and horror too!! i headcanon that later on Mikey becomes a fan of horror/thriller movies and video games, everyone @ the lair gets scared to watch/play with him so he's more than thrilled to play and hangout with you, Mikey never really thought much about volley or soccer, but after meeting you he gets so addicted to it, even start to watch volleyball matches (specially woman league cuz they are the best mwah mwah chef kiss)

Mikey knows its hard for you to open up, so when you finally feel comfortable to, all eyes and ears on you, you are the main priority at the moment. He begins to notice you sometimes go non-verbal lke his brother Donnie (Canonically diagnosed with autism) so he knows how what to do to make you feel better or more comfortable depending on the situation

overall: your relationship is compassionate, full with hugs, kisses, snuggles (he loves to shower you with affection fr fr) and loads of fun dates! lucky you!

hope you liked it! match ups are closed for now

#finally had some free time to do one hehe #maybe later today will post more!!!!! #rottmnt #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt michelangelo #rottmnt fandom #tmnt match up #rottmnt match up #giulia writes

[scruffina]

first post! about me :)

I'm a twenty-year-old woman who's just always been a bit off, a bit kooky, but these days I've just snapped. In general I've always been against broadcasting my thoughts on the internet and posting about my own life/interests because I do not need to spend any more time online than I already do, and because I'm scared of having other people encounter my stuff and judge it.

But seriously fuck it, I'm trying to be less self-conscious and no one cares about you as much as you think they do!

So I'm here, with a URL I made in 2015-16 for what I thought would be a quirky little life blog I loathed myself for making and abandoned immediately. I had a cute little tumblr when I was ten that I love because it's awful. And because I still feel like a child; the last ten-thirteen years feel like an amorphous collection of floating memories and phases and places that I dwell in and cycle through.

My greatest childhood obsessions were The SImpsons and the Beatles and that's still true today. I also love Community, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Whose Line is it Anyway. Plus a bunch of cartoons, lovely music, fashion, and absurd ridiculous campy kitschy shit.

My Highly Important Opinions™ about the above stuff:

George is my favourite Beatle

I am staunchly opposed to fanfiction shipping real people because I find it invasive but I don't begrudge anyone else their right to ship and write about whatever they want!

2003 is my 'objectively best' TMNT series, and I also love Rise. But 2012 is the one I first got into and the one that is so, so fucking dumb and poorly handled after season one that I'm far more invested in it - like it just sparks so much more rage and thus desire for analysis and fic because the fundamental setup/characterizations are the most intriguing to me

I'm big on Donnie/April (not as it's presented in the show) and Raph/Casey, grounded in their 2012-selves but in a kind of far-removed fanon universe

I consider the classic seasons of The Simpsons to be one through eight, firmly (and there's a few clunkers in eight - that's where the cracks form for me). I'm considering using this blog to chronicle my suffering as I watch every post-classic episode and take extensive notes

I consider the classic seasons of Community, in their entirety, to be one and two. Three, especially, and five have some excellent episodes but some runs of episodes that I find a slog. I loathe four and tolerate six with the exception of a few episodes from each I really like. I also find that the characterizations distinctly shift, and not for the better, especially with Abed, at the outset of season three.

I ship Annie/Abed - again, in a universe removed from the show - and am pretty neutral about all other ships

I love both UK and US Whose Line and find them both consistently hilarious, but I do think the early-mid seasons of UK, with the greatest variety of performers and games, is the show at its most exciting

Current Obsession: Seymour Skinner/Edna Krabappel

SeymourSkinner/EdnaKrabappel

SKINNER/KRABAPPEL

SKINNER/KRABAPPEL

ugh I love them

[dameronology]

the one where you finally tell him (poe dameron x reader)

summary: after an emotional battle, poe asks you a simple question - your answer is a bit more complicated than he intended (requested by anon!) 

also ft. queen zorii bliss 

this is set a little bit after the celebrations at the end of rise of skywalker. also i have been high low key in love with keri russell since i saw her in waitress which isn’t relevant to this but i felt the need to let u all know anyways. enjoy!

- jazz

The air was warm; filled with laughter and chatter and joy, but still with a sense of mourning for those that had been lost. The post-battle celebrations had begun to fizzle out a few hours ago, leaving a remaining few around a campfire. You were sat between Poe and Finn, a beer in your hand and a tired smile on your face as you chattered away.

The fire was still crackling away in front of you, leaving a burning warmth on your skin and an orange glow cast across your features. A few embers fell from the flames as the evening wind blew across the base, a nice contrast against the heat of the fire. You occasionally turned to glance up at Poe; his dark eyes were tired, deep-set with the stress of the last few years. He had a beer in one hand, and his other splayed out on your knee. 

Now that the war was over - and you still couldn’t believe it - you’d actually had a chance to think about your feelings for him. Of course, they’d always been there but they’d increased ten fold over the last week. Watching him step up to the role of general and lead the fight against the First Order had reminded you why you’d fallen for him in the first place. 

‘So, what was Poe like before he left Kijimi?’ Finn asked, curious eyes falling on Zorii.

She was on Poe’s otherside, gloved hands clasped tightly in her lap, the rusty glow of the fire reflecting off of her helmet. You couldn’t see her face - only her eyes. But, thanks to the burning glow of light before you, they were glowing a bright blue, occasionally crinkling at the sides whenever Poe said something funny. 

‘You think he’s a pain in the ass now,’ Zorii replied, ‘but you should have met him then.’

‘Please,’ Poe snorted, ‘you love me really.’

He took his hand from your leg, freeing up his arm to elbow his former comrade in the side. You immediately missed his touch, but pushed the thought to the back of your head. You weren’t his - you weren’t with him. What right did you have to get jealous? 

Still, you couldn’t deny that he was closer with you than he was with anybody else. Poe had always been a physical person but more-so with you. It was standard for him to have his hand on your back or resting the back of his neck; he’d sometimes intertwine your fingers when you walking to-and-from places and he loved to hug you. Any outsider would have assumed that you were a couple. 

‘Keep telling yourself that, Dameron.’ Zorii shot back, thinning her eyes at him. 

‘You’re calling me the pain in the ass, but I distinctly remember you being a nasty piece of work too.’ Poe reminded her.

‘That’s not the impression I got a few days ago when you asked to kiss me.’

A shower of beer ejected from your mouth as you choked, showering Poe straight in the face. He blinked in shock for a moment, eyes wide as he wiped the alcohol from his face, dragging his hand down the back of your shirt to dry it off. He gave you a frown, hand moving to your shoulder. 

‘You good there, Y/N?’ He asked, giving your arm a light squeeze.

‘Yeah,’ you cleared your throat, ‘sorry - the beer...It went up my nose.’ 

‘Happens to the best of us,’ Zorii chuckled. 

You stood up, dusting your hands on your jeans. ‘I’m gonna go...clean my X-Wing. See you guys in the morning?’

A chorus of yeah, see you soon’s echoed from the group as you waved goodbye. 

You gave them one last slightly pained smile before trudging away, boots sinking into the wet ground. A few splatters of mud splashed up your jeans - you hadn’t even realised how heavy your footsteps were. You also hadn’t realised that Poe was following behind you, jogging to catch up with you.

‘Hey!’ He called. He grabbed your arm, forcing you to face him as he planted his hands on your shoulders. ‘Why’d you lie?’

‘What?’ You furrowed your brow. ‘Poe, I didn’t lie.’

‘You’re going to clean your X-Wing?’ The words rolled off of his tongue in a mocking tone. 

‘Yeah, I am.’

‘Yyou don’t have an X-Wing.’ He ruffled your hair, fingers lingering slightly as he moved a few strands away from your eyes.

‘Oh, yeah. That.’ You dropped your eyes to the ground, a sheepish look on your face. You had an innate inability to lie to Poe Dameron. ‘I suppose that might get in the way of my task.’

He put two fingers under your chin, guiding your face up to look at him. He looked beautiful under the late night glow of the moon; his brown eyes were gorgeous, his signature smirk more stupidly attractive than it ever had been before. You just wanted to kiss his dumb face. 

‘So, why’d you actually leave?’ Poe enquired. ‘Not that I’m doubting your ability to clean a jet that doesn’t exist.’ 

Curse Poe Dameron and his ironclad logic.

You thought about telling him - just for a split second. It was a lingering thought, the kind that flashes in and out of your mind before you could properly consider it. A few hours ago, you didn’t even know if the pair of you were going to make it out the battle alive. Then, as though you had an angel and a devil resting on your shoulders, a tiny voice reminded you that he wouldn’t have asked to kiss Zorii if he liked you. 

‘I’m just tired.’ You lied.

‘Let me rephrase my question,’ Poe said. ‘What made you feel so bad that you had to lie about why you were leaving?’

‘It’s dumb.’ You muttered.

‘Hey, it’s me. I’m not gonna judge you.’ He reminded you. His hands were still on your shoulders, thumbs occasionally rubbing tiny circles on your skin. ‘And if I do, it comes from a place of love.’

There it was: love. The friendship kind of love. The comrade kind of love. The circumstantial kind of love. Every kind of love that a person could possibly feel except the kind you wanted. The kind you needed.

‘I...I like you, Poe.’ You finally said, a bumbling of words building up in your chest. Here it came. A whole ass speech. A year’s worth of feelings, broken like a dam.

‘And I have for a really long time and I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could like me too, because you’re always touching me and laughing at my jokes when they are clearly not funny, and after the battle when I thought we were toast, I promised myself that if we made it out alive, I would tell you - but then I saw you with Zorii and I realised that you like her and not me and it feels like someone just skewered my heart with a lightsaber and served it to me on a plate like a fucked up hors d'oeuvres but I’m fine-’

‘- Jesus!’ Poe cut you off, violently shaking you by the shoulders. ‘You gotta breathe, baby.’

His eyes were just as wide as yours, both of you like a deer in headlights. Having realised that a simple I like you would have sufficed, you wanted to crawl up and die. 

‘Oh, god.’ You whispered under your breath, cheeks burning bright red. ‘I am so sorry-‘

‘- are you daft?’ he took your face in his hands, pressing his forehead to yours. ‘I - that’s what I’ve always wanted to hear. I thought it was blatantly obvious that I was in love with you.’

‘I -’ you couldn’t quite find the words. ‘I love you too.’ 

‘There we go then.’ 

‘But what about Zorii?’ You asked. ‘She said that you asked to kiss her-’

‘- it’s a figure of speech.’ He chuckled quietly, breath tickling your face. ‘Don’t you remember the time that you asked Leia if you could kiss her?’

Your chest hurt slightly at the mention of the general’s name. You knew that you were going to face many losses in battle, but not Leia. She seemed like the kind of person who would turn up at death’s door and tell it to fuck off. 

‘Sometimes people say it and they mean it,’ Poe continued. ‘Like this: can I kiss you?’

A small laugh escaped your lips as his hand moved to the back of your neck, pulling your face towards him. A shiver ran down your spine as your lips finally brushed in a soft kiss, one of your hands tangling in his curly hair. Poe moved to hold you by the hips, arms wrapping your torso as he lifted you off the ground.

‘You love me,’ you murmured against his lips. ‘Who would have thought?’

‘And you love me,’ He reminded you, ‘I’m going to remember that speech for a long time.’

You let out a groan, hiding your face in his shoulder as he dropped you back down to the ground. Pulling you towards him, Poe buried his head in your hair to hide his chortles, bodies swaying side to side as you caught your balance

‘I’m never gonna live it down, am I?’

‘Never.’

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron x you #star wars imagines #star wars x reader #star wars preferences #fanfic #star wars fanfic #star wars one shot #poe dameron one shot

[nexyra]

James Ironwood, for character ask? 👀

Aaaa thank you so much for the ask ♡ More rambling incoming !! Sorry for the wait btw, I've been both pretty busy and tired ;;

If you hate James Ironwood and don't wanna hear one good thing about him tap out now please ღ

My fav ship(s) for the character

I am not a super big shipper when it comes to James, but there are still some I like more than others soo here goes :

I think Ironwitch is a pretty good one. It's not necessarily a ship I'd search content for but I think these two would work well together ! Glynda is stern and honest and a no-nonsense kind of woman. She has the strenght to stand up to James when he slips or gets too stubborn when faced with the high stakes. At the same time, we've been shown that she cares for him and she knows he's only trying to do what's best for people. She has faith in him but also the ability to stand at his side as an equal. She seems to be the more steadfast of Ozpin's circle : loyal, you know you can trust her, and she will not crumble. This is the kind of personnality that I think James both admire and feel safe with. And the other way around, I think James is a good match for Glynda too. On a day to day basis, he's serious enough to not annoy here, but he's also a softie in some aspects and that's a nice combination to smooth out Glynda's edges.

Ironqrow is a completely different dynamic. The "we're annoying each other" dynamic is not one I'm particularly interested in usually xD But these two certainly had strong & interesting moments so it's a pretty valid ship !! Despite how they might butt heads because of the difference in their upbringing they (prior to V8) clearly trusted each other with their life. Even if Qrow jokes about shooting himself if he had to be one of James' man, when everything goes to shit there is no doubt in his mind that James wasn't responsible. Similarly, while James talks of shooting Qrow for his misbehaviour, when push comes to shove and we meet a tired Ironwood, run ragged by the pressure he's under... the only thing he does is hug him and reiterates how glad he is to see him. So again, they clearly have a lot of faith and trust in the other, and that's solid ground for a relationship.

My least favorite ship(s) for the character

Same spiel as always, shipping kids and adults is a big no from me; so any ships between Ironwood and RWBYJNOR can qualify here. That said, among the less uncomfortable ones, here are those I don't really like

This one is again because I love their relationship but platonically only, I'm talking of Winter Soldier. The reading I like best is not that Ironwood is Winter's Jacques 2.0, nor that he groomed her; but that he was an important father figure in her life. Protective and caring, who tried to help her escape with what he knew. I don't see James recruiting Winter as a way to gain a strong ally. But rather that Winter wanted to detach herself from her family name, and make something worthwhile of herself all on her own. And that the military is what Ironwood knows and understand, so naturally it's a career he'd see as a good path. Just like Winter then proposed it to Weiss. I like to think they care about each other a LOT and they're their own tight family in between the lines, even if professionalism might throw a wrench into it. For short I love them together but not romantically please =)

I don't know if there's a ship name for this, but Salem x James Ironwood would be a big nope from me too... In general, let's just assume I ship Salem with nobody because abuse.

My fav & least fav platonic relationship(s) for the character

Fav platonic relationship would be (have been because we dont talk about V8?) with Winter. Fooor the reasons I've explained above I suppose x) I (again) love the trust they had in one another and the quiet support.

There was also his relationship with Oscar that I really liked during V7, although it has been soured a bit by the (valid) reading from some people that Ironwood sought out Ozpin a lot through Oscar, and given his identity issues it is not ground for a greatly healthy relationship. Their interactions were still very intersting though ♡ I consider Oscar to be the kid who went at trying to appease James' fear or make him reconsider his decisions the best way. There was true understanding and hope for a working relationship here. I do feel that Oscar put in more work than James however (emotionally) and I wish there had been pay-back instead of a gunshot.

For my least fav relationship ? Probably Robyn or Watts ? Robyn was always very antagonistic toward Ironwood since their priorities are so different. And I overall just don't really like her after V7 so there are very few relationships with her I'm interested in (the exception is her ship with Fiona I think it's cute). Meanwhile, Watts is just a petty asshole hell bent on ruining Ironwood because he didn't pick his project. I'm not very interested in hate relationships, and since theirs wasn't deeply explored anyway, it's even more the case here. Their fight was great though, one of my favorite RWBY fights !

My favorite thing about the character

Well this was completely proven wrong by V8 buuut as of V7 I liked that he was a deconstruction of the military general (dictator) trope. Sooo you can guess how i feel about V8 X) In general among RWBY, several of my fav are fav BECAUSE they look like one trope but also have key differences that from the get go make the character stray away from said trope. For example I'm not a fan of the princess tsundere archetype at all, but I loooved Weiss in V1 BECAUSE she was extra-willing to listen and change her mind, and you could very easily tell that it was her upbringing speaking more than herself in most occasions.

Similarly, I wasn't a big fan of Ironwood before V7. I didn't hate him you know and he wasn't lower than most characters in my Tier list but I also didn't particularly care. But you know what ? I've aaaalways had a really soft spot for the "angsty angry traumatized teen". And RWBY made the mistake of extending that soft spot to "tired adults trying their best" (only to repeatedly beat them up/make them villains after making me care about them but what can you do uh)

Soo in general, I loved that Ironwood was trying so hard. I loved that he was tired and in over his head but learning and listening and trying to do good and be better despite his fears. I liked that he told his entourage about Salem and was loyal. I liked that he cared about helping the people above his own image and the way people perceived him. I liked that you could tell this was a terrible situation all around, and his decisions WERE questionnable but we could SEE that he meant WELL and was genuinely trying so hard despite how scared and tired he was.

My biggest criticism for the character

Well this won't be a surprise but in general I just wished he had stayed a morally grey character we were allowed to feel for instead of a cartoon black villain. I didn't need James to be THE Hero or anything like this despite some accusations levelled at those who like him. Him becoming one of RWBY's antagonist is honestly fine by me ! It is interesting. But I'd have preferred they kept him ambiguous and trying in his own way. (And smart because V8 Ironwood was dumb af)

I can be a tad overprotective of his character since he's just... so despised, so I think that I have inadvertently distanced myself from any of his flaws... somehow like "people are already yelling all of them so I don't need to add to this shit show" you know ? skjfkd But I KNOW he has them and it would still have been good to develop his flaws, just... not like that

But yea I'd have liked it if V8 Ironwood DID diverge from RWBYJNORQ and became an antagonist but not an iredeemable villain. LIKE,, we redeemed Hazel and Emerald and IRONWOOD is where the writers draw the line by saying "nope this one is rotten" ?? What ?

When was their writing at the peak according to me (ex : best season)

V7 definitely ! Ironwood carried V7 so hard haha. His character was fleshed out and given nuance and made to struggle and evolve and I loved him in that volume.

A song I think fits them & why

Hunger • Monsters & Men Human • Rag'n'Bone Man Way down we go • Kaleo Beekeeper • Keaton Henson Thistle and weeds • Mumford and Sons Castle of Glass • Linkin Park It's all so incredibly loud • Glass Animals

A headcanon to make up about them

His metal parts impact his metabolism so Ironwood is terrible at holding his alcohool and very little manages to knock him out. He's a workaholic. His low tolerence for alcohool is a great tool whn friends need to put him to sleep.

His joints crack and hurt in the cold, his metal parts as well and they are an hassle in the sand. James like to keep his room temperature warmer than the average atlasian because of this, otherwise he has to spend 30 min every morning simply unwiding muscles to move around efficiently.

He's not a good singer but has a nice low voice for telling stories. If he had kids, he'd probably avoid lullabies but compensate with bedtimes stories.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

As always, I'm kind of reflecting along the way as I write this, and one thing I'm thinking right now is... Doesn't it take away from the atlas arc message ITSELF to just pile up so many "standard bad guy" stuff on Ironwood ? Like, I wanna ask... why do we hate him ? Is he an antagonist because he lets fear get the best of him ? Because he's a classist who doesn't care about Mantle like some fans argue ? Because he's too stubborn and wants to be THE hero ? Because he doesn't listen to others ? Because he abandonned Mantle ? Because he kills peopke left and right ? Because he wanted to bomb a city ? I think you might see where I'm going with this : his status as villain is kind of messy. V8 just kept piling-up flaws and villainous actions onto Ironwood with no concern for whether this was a lenght he would go to (using the certainty that he would go to any lenghts to enact his plans), ,or whether these were one of the initial flaws/failings that led to his "fall" as an antagonist. What lesson is Ironwood supposed to learn ? Personally the very first time I yelled at my screen "No ! Why would the writers choose that ?" is when Ironwood shot Oscar. When answering criticism against medias, many people tend to look at it only through the lense of "well it makes sense in universe" or as if there were no other ways for the story to devolve. But at the end of the way, everything in a story is a choice from the writer even if it is influenced by the characters' personnalities. If I took the scene where Ironwood shoots Oscar, someone might tell me "he's crippled by his PTSD, he COULD do this." Maybe, that's a reading I can somewhat understand at least. But the writers have the power to NOT put his character in such a position. When I saw the wreck that was V7 finale, I ranted to my bestfriend about it and at no point did i say "why did Ironwood do that", I said "why did the writers make him shoot Oscar, the only point narratively would be to make irredeemable" Aaaand that's what they went for and I obviously didn't care for it. So if I had to rewrite it; I would have kept Ironwood's "mistakes" more focused. If he's wrong because he wants to abandon Mantle, because he's (understandably) scared and doesn't want to take risks; then stay focused on that. It's what makes RWBY leave, and out of all his V8 actions that's really the only thing RWBY needed to tell the whole world he wasn't an ally anymore apparently. - Don't make him shoot Oscar point blank, instead Oscar can simply fall because he flinches away from Ironwood's outburst; and a distraught/guilty Ironwood can decide that he doesn't have the time or capacity to help because of the tense situation. (Killing and not saving someone don't hold the same moral weight at all). - Don't make him kill people left and right or bomb cities, maintain the flaw of Ironwood struggling with his PTSD and his fear and not being able to take risks. - Don't paint him as a black villain, and eventually write V8 in such a way that RWBYJNORQ show taking risks might lead to a bigger victory, which was the volume's theme anyway. For example, following Oscar's destruction of the whale, a growth can occur that would bring back together the two anti-Salem factions : Oscar's risk put Atlas out of harm's way, which leads to Ironwood seeing that maybe there WAS a way to save Mantle as well as Atlas despite Salem's presence and he might have jumped the gun too quickly because of his fears. I'm not sure, I haven't thought about this extensively honestly but I hope you see what I mean. I think it would have been more focused & more in-character to focus Ironwood's failings on his fear; and the fact that he cares for the people and the greater good sometimes at the cost of the individuals. The idea that by sacrificing individuals too much you forget the people you're fighting for in the first place, could have been interesting to dig deeper into. Keep to the idea that Ironwood is somewhat disensitized to the individuals suffering for the sake of the greater good, instead of making him just

callous & uncaring.

My guess for their MBTI/Enneagram

I think pre-V8 Ironwood was an unconventionnal ENFJ. Aka, the type of character no one would type ENFJ because they go by stereotypes and Fe stereotypes are just enneagram 2 everywhere (aka nice, kind, helpful) whereas Ironwood has an enneagram tritype very common among xxTJs so that's what he looks/behaves like, but the way he thinks (what's best for the people, ethical values derived from an Atlasian upbringing) align more with Fe cognitively I think I'm going with ENFJ 6w5 1w2 3w4

Starting from V8 though, Ironwood veered clearly into ENTJ territory (types aren't supposed to change but I wouldn't say RWBY is the most consistent media when it comes to characters' personnalities)

One aspect that I think would be nice to delve deeper into ?

I understand why they didn't care to, but it'd have been interesting to get a few backstory hints for Ironwood. How did he lose half his body ? How did Oz recruit him ? Or some pieces about his upbringing ?

#rwby #james ironwood #james ironwood canoncrit #rwby thoughts #rwby rewrite #rwde #ask me stuff #enneagram #mbti #v7 spoilers #v8 spoilers #pro james ironwood

[hankwritten]

Litany

Gen, 2k

Part of the DontNeedADiscord Pride Week, Day 1: Flag

“And what is the meaning of these?”

It was a good idea not to make Miss Helen pissy. She was the Boss around here, and not in the way Miss Pauling was the boss, but like the Boss with a capital B. I wasn’t exactly sure if she owned the building, or maybe the company, or maybe she was just our lawyer so we shouldn’t tee her off because of that, but the way Dell had explained it making her mad was a good way to have your desk packed by the end of the day.

So, I’d have to be very delicate about this. “They’re pins, Miss Helen,” I explained extremely politely. “It’s the first day of Pride Month; I thought everyone could do with a little company spirit!”

“Spirit?” The T on the end of the word popped like a firecracker. Miss Helen could make nice words like spirit or rainbows sound like she was actually saying dog doody. “And how exactly do these pins make you…prideful?”

“They’re fun!”

When she didn’t react, I at first assumed it was because she couldn’t hear me so well through my respirator, but then I considered what I knew about her and wondered maybe she simply didn’t know what fun was.

“Look,” I said, placing one in the palm of her hand. “It has a flag on it! I was thinking as people are coming in during the day, they can pick them out and wear them if they want to, just to show off a little color. See? This one is the bigender flag.”

She held it up and examined it like a jeweler inspecting a diamond. “And you find this…fun?

“Yeah!”

She waited, as though expecting the fun to start radiating out of the pin like a hand warmer. “…You certainly have quite a few of these.”

It was true. Along with the usual lollipops and stickers I kept at the front desk (the former being exclusively for clients and never-ever for sneaking myself one, no siree), the scattering of buttons took up a good chunk of counter space, with as many varieties as I could find. I didn’t want anyone to feel left out, so I’d just kept on printing until I had over three dozen.

“Very well,” Miss Helen said finally. “If it is good for company spirit.”

I clapped my hands in delight, glad the party wasn’t going to get shut down before it even started. So palpable was my relief, I didn’t even notice that Miss Helen hadn’t given the button back.

I didn’t have time to worry about it though, since just then Dr. Ludwig came in through the glass doors. He was normally the first one after me, as he always liked to get an early start down in the lab, and we’d developed a morning routine as fellow early birds.

“Dr. Ludwig!” I said, waving my hand, partly to get his attention and partly to show off the new gloves Dell had gotten me. The rubber ones had been so hard to type in, but these were nice and concealing as well as colorful. “Happy Pride Month! Do you want a pin?”

“Guten Morgen,” he greeted warmly. “Ah, buttons?” He picked up the closest one. “Pride buttons, I see.”

“Here you go!” I said, shoving a bi pin in his general direction since he’d shown interest.

But, to my surprise, he didn’t take it immediately. “Ehrm…” he said, staring down at the circle of metal.

“…Is this not the right one?” I withdrew my hand. Was I misremembering? “I’m so sorry, I guess I forgot…”

“No, no I did say that, didn’t I.” He ran a hand through his hair, sending its usual prim style haywire. “It is just…” He coughed lightly into his fist. “…Would you allow me to confide with you for a moment?”

Immediately, I pulled out the spare footstool I kept behind the counter, patting it as Dr. Ludwig came through the counter doors and took a seat. Our early morning chats were normally something to look forward to, shared over a donut or coffee he’d brought into the office, but today he just seemed run down. As he tucked his heels onto the stool’s crossbar, he rubbed his face.

“You know I am not as…up on all of this as some of your generation, ja?” he began.

“Millennials scare you,” I nodded, pulling my legs into my swivel chair.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say that,” he huffed. “It is…well when we had our first conversations, and it was explained to me, it seemed to fit. At the time. Having to reconcile beginning a relationship with Mikhail when I still was not quite over Frida, nor really sure why things had fallen apart with us there.”

I remembered. “At the time? But not anymore?”

He sighed, ruffling his hair even more. “Now…now I am not so sure. Being with Mikhail is…quite different than any of the thirty years Frida and I spent together. I am starting to wonder if it was more just that I held extreme affection for her, and I was inexperienced enough that I was able to mistake it for attraction.” He chuckled humorlessly. “I thought I was so in love with her, and that’s why I never even looked at another woman. Töricht.”

“I don’t think that’s dumb,” I shook my head. “Everybody’s learning new things all the time. You can’t be expected to have everything sorted right after coming out.”

“Yes, I suppose,” he said. “But I still feel…guilty I think. Several of our coworkers are proudly attracted to both men and women, and I am aware that treating such a label as a ‘phase’ is a crude stereotype they have to deal with. I’d rather not have anyone think I was making a mockery of them.”

“It’s not a stereotype if that’s what’s really happening.” I patted him on the shoulder. “No one’s going to see it like that. If you think that’s where your journey is taking you, then there’s no shame coming out a second time.”

Dr. Ludwig responded to my words with a hopeful, if not entirely convinced, look behind his spectacles.

“Here,” I said, handing him both a bi and a gay pin. “You don’t have to wear either of them, this is just for fun after all! But if you change your mind…”

He looked at the two pins in his hand, then smiled tiredly up at me. “…Thank you mein friend. You are always helpful to talk to.”

“I try to be!”

After a few more assurances, the Doctor did eventually leave for the lab. Right on his coattails, Dell and Marcel came through the front door.

“Hey there, firebug,” Dell greeted. “What are you gettin’ up to here?”

I gave the quick rundown, pulling my shirt to highlight my own pin since I’d forgotten to show it off to my first two customers. “Pick any one you like!”

“Bear in mind I am saying this as a queer person,” Marcel said, sniffing down at the massive mound of multicolored circles, “this is all quite tacky.”

“Aw, learn how to have some fun, Spook,” Dell said, elbowing him in the side. To show him up, he claimed a pansexual pin for himself, and shot me a wink.

Marcel did nothing but sniff; but, when he thought no one was looking, I saw him discreetly sneak one of the pins off the counter as he left.

After that, the morning’s influx picked up too much to greet every person individually, but during lunch people saw fit to swing by and check things out again.

“Hi buddy!” Miss Pauling greeted. “I heard you were giving out Pride pins and wanted to see if- why are there so many lesbian ones?”

“Well!” I said, ecstatic to launch into an information dump. “The oldest of these is actually the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag which, in absence of a more generic one, was used without the kiss mark in the corner. The one with the orange stripes wasn’t created until 2018, to be more inclusive all different lesbian groups.”

“Okay, but why does this one have an axe on it?”

“That’s the labrys!” I took the purple and black pin from her hand, pointing as I described, “the double bearded axe was used by the Amazons in Greek myth, and reappropriated in 1999 for its symbolism in female empowerment.”

“Wow,” she blinked down at the five different designs. “That’s really cool, except for the fact I have no idea how to use an axe.”

“I bet Tavish could teach you, he loves his Skullcutter.”

“…I’ll think about it. I’ll just take this one for now.” She picked up the orange five-stripe variation and pinned it to her purple shirt.

“Looks good!”

“Thanks!” she grinned. “And it was really nice of you to do this.”

“Honestly, the pleasure’s all mine. I just like seeing everyone happy.”

And everyone was! At least it sure seemed that way, even if it was kind of hard to tell with Mikhail. After lunch, he lumbered past my desk, picked out a gay pin, and put it on without so much as a smile. I took the muted grunt to be that of satisfaction

Tavish was next, dropping off half a roast beef sandwich since I’d forgotten to eat today, and instantly becoming my favorite person. While I was chowing down, he swiped two trans and two bi pins from my collection.

“Wadda you need two of each for?” I asked, quite a feat with my mouth full of roast beef and my respirator hanging halfway around my chin.

“Haven’t you heard?” Tavish asked with a raise of his eyebrow. “They just dropped a new identity: double bi. It’s twice as potent as regular bisexuality.”

I tilted my head, blinking perplexedly from behind my lenses.

“Ah, just a joke duck,” he assured. “The spares are for the husband.”

“Oh, right.” I swallowed down my mouthful. “I actually haven’t seen Jane at all today?”

“Ach, he came in earlier than you. Left at five this morning.”

“What? How?” I shook my head. “I’m the one who unlocks the doors.”

“Said he was tired of waiting for your ‘lazy, unpatriotic behind’ to start the day at seven. His words, not mine.” Tavish smiled apologetically. “He broke into one of the lab side doors.”

“…I bet Mikhail had something to say about that.”

He sighed. “That he did. They’ve been at it for hours. If there’s another office-wide prank war tomorrow, you’ll know why.”

Oh no. That’s how we lost our last two coffee makers, and our last seven office hamsters. Tavish assured me that it wouldn’t get out of hand, but by the time Mick showed up near the end of the day, my mood was somewhat dampened.

“Everything alroight, Campfire?” he asked me. “Ya look glum.”

“Just thinking about the impending damage to all those nice posters I put up in the breakroom,” I said sadly. “But! If you’ve come here to pick out a pin, that might cheer me up a bit.”

Mick chuckled in that cute little way of his, and already I was smiling. “Might have.”

We were close enough that I was ninety-five percent certain which one he wanted, but I’d learned my lesson with Dr. Ludwig and didn’t try to pick it out for him. Still, I let myself entertain a self-satisfied grin as he picked up the aroace flag.

“Hey uh,” I said. “If that’s the one you like, and uh…since I know you’re into archery…”

Carefully, I opened one of my drawers and extracted the special pin I’d made earlier, Mick watching me curiously all the while.

“Someone on the internet made this design,” I explained. “It’s for an aroace, arrow-ace!”

The flag was blacked out in several places to make a bow and arrow shape, and Mick grinned as he took it from my glove. “Clever.”

“Do you like it?” I asked hesitantly.

“Well, let’s see.” He pinned it to his vest. “Looks pretty good ta me.”

I couldn’t keep my stomach from doing a little flip at that. When Dell showed up, the last to leave the office for the day, he could tell I was smiling even through the mask.

“Everything go well, partner?” he chuckled. “You look pleased as punch.”

“Everything went great! Even Scout came by, although all he did was say ‘hey, free crap!’ and dumped a bunch of pins into his pocket.”

“I’m glad to hear the attempt at company spirit was a success,” a voice from behind Dell said, making us both jump. Miss Helen emerged from the shadows, her purple jacket an entire mass of pride pins, nearly one of every kind. When had she gotten all those? Had she been paying Marcel to sneak them out while I wasn’t looking? “A happy work environment is a productive work environment, as I always say. Well done, secretary.”

“Can’t remember you ever saying that, ma’am,” Dell admitted blandly.

“…Why do you have so many?” I asked.

“These are…fun…are they not?” she sniffed. “I am having…fun.”

Huh. Maybe this is just what she looked like when she was having a good time. I shrugged. “Glad you enjoyed yourself Miss Helen! Does that mean it’s okay to do it again next year?”

“…You have my permission.”

With that, she strutted out, and Dell shot me a grin. I scooped the remaining pins into my bag and closed up the front office, chatting with him on the way to the parking lot about how we could mix things up next year.

#dnadprideweek2021 #tf2 fanfiction

[thetypedwriter]

Midnight Sun Book Review

Midnight Sun Book Review by Stephenie Meyer 

Oh my god, you guys. 

Just. Oh. My. God. 

This book took ten years off of my life. 

As a heavy reminder, these book reviews are entirely subjective and my very personal opinion. I don’t need the hoards of Twihards coming after me with pitchforks and pretend fangs from Party City because I didn’t fall head-over-heels with this canon spinoff like my fourteen-year-old self would have. 

With that measly disclaimer out of the way, let’s move onto the actual book review. If you haven’t heard of Midnight Sun or don’t know what it is, then I don’t know what to tell you except that you avoided 600 plus pages of stream of conscious ranting. 

For those of you that would like to be enlightened, Midnight Sun is the retelling of the infamous Twilight book-yes, that Twilight, Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen Twilight, complete with vampires, not so-stellar acting, and the more than notorious forest scene of Edward demanding she say… “vampire!” Gasp. 

But no really, like most women in my now mid-20’s, as a teenager, I was obsessed with the Twilight saga and everything it had to offer, especially the dreamy, chivalrous, too good to be true Edward Cullen (fuck Jacob). 

I voraciously devoured the books while I was in middle school, attended the midnight book premier for Breaking Dawn, and stayed up way too late for each and every movie screening that followed, a loyal fan to the end. To give you some perspective, I even joined the Twilight club my freshman year of high school. 

Yes, if you were wondering, I was indeed that cool. 

I was obsessed and in love and outside of Harry Potter, it’s still one of the few book fandoms and series that I was truly enveloped and consumed by. Whether that was due to my age, the experience of the fandom, the cultural phenomena that was following the movies and new releases, or for other reasons, it was an experience I look back on now with simultaneous fondness and slight embarrassment. 

I wasn’t embarrassed by my involvement or my experience in the fandom, like many other people, I made great friends through Twilight (including my best friend, whom I met in college when we mutually bonded over our love of Twilight), read countless fanfiction that, to this day, I still remember and cherish with my heart, and it was one of the series that cemented my love of reading and book culture as a whole for me. 

However, like everyone else, I inevitably grew up, matured, and my reading tastes changed and became more refined. As an avid re-reader of books, I have tried going back to re-read the Twilight saga multiple times... 

...and failed. 

The books had simply lost their magic for me. 

The story seemed dull and nonsensical, Bella had become the epitome of a Mary Sue, the writing was now apparently mediocre, and Breaking Dawn’s lackluster climax angered me to the point of speechlessness (it still does). 

So, I gave up re-reading the series and while I deemed that it was perhaps not as wonderful and life-changing as it had been for 8th grade Melissa, I still appreciated what it had done for me personally and the experiences that I had gained through the books. 

Speaking of 8th grade Melissa, the original Midnight Sun, that being twelve chapters of the original manuscript that had been leaked back in 2008, had been put up on Stephenie Meyer’s website for all to enjoy. 

Like the good, whipped fangirl I was, I devoured all 12 chapters with ease and lamented the loss of never getting more than that snapshot of Edward’s thoughts and musings. 

Now, twelve years later, the full book has been written, published, and released to the delight and downright shock to many age-old Twilight fans that had believed that series to be dead and buried, myself included. 

So, when the book came out this August, I swallowed my trepidation, knowing that my love for the characters was now long gone, but I believed that the sentimentality of 8th grade Melissa’s obsession would long linger, making this a pleasant blast from the past to lift my mood. 

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case. 

Now, that I’ve told you my whole life story in an effort to explain why I have the feelings I do and to justify that I’m not just being negative for the sake of being negative, this book did not hold up to any of my expectations. 

One, it was so freaking long. 

Holy shit, was this book long. 

As I have said countless times on this blog, I like big books (and I cannot lie). It’s the best feeling in the world when you get into a story and you realize that you have many days ahead of you of being engulfed within this new world that you’ve fallen head-over-heels for. 

It’s the opposite, sinking feeling of dread when you feel like you’ve been reading the book for weeks and are getting nothing out of it. 

Midnight Sun was a lot like that.

It was too long to be good, especially considering the length was not generally driven by plot, but instead driven by Edward thinking of every fucking thing to the nth degree and driving me crazy in the process. 

Homeboy needs to take a chill pill, he overstresses, overthinks, and overanalyzes everything to the point of irritation as a reader. 

Meyer’s editor really needed to step in and say, “Hey, Stephenie...is all of this really necessary?” and then proceed to cut out at least 300 pages of nonsense. 

But that didn’t happen, probably because first and foremost, the book was already going to sell no matter what changes or edits were made, and this seemed like a book more for Stephenie than anyone else. 

It was very much stream of consciousness like I’ve already said, a style of writing defined as a literary style in which a character's thoughts, feelings, and reactions are depicted in a continuous flow uninterrupted by objective description or conventional dialogue. 

It wasn’t on the level of James Joyce’s Ulysses or other notable works, but damn was it close. 

This writing style I found abhorrently repetitive and exceptionally dull. 

Perhaps my fourteen-year-old self would have felt differently and would have sucked up anything about Edward Cullen eagerly considering he was the fictional love of my life. 

Or perhaps this book would have made me go running and screaming in the opposite direction as Edward is...kind of awful?

One positive thing I can say about this book is that it paints Bella Swan in a very rosy light, which was actually very refreshing. One of the most famous criticisms that Meyer’s has received is Bella’s lack of character, development, and attributes. 

Seeing Bella from Edward’s perspective instead of vice-versa actually showed how kind, thoughtful, and selfless she is, all things that I had never really picked up on before. 

I still find her inexcusably dumb sometimes, but much of time during this book, Bella was actually far favorable to Edward or any other character, a blasphemous statement of irony if I had ever heard one. 

The payoff, however, is Edward’s reveal as not chivalrous, not gentlemanly, and not as wonderful as I remember. He’s arrogant, selfish, obsessive, and honestly? Downright creepy. 

The stalking reaches new levels of not okay, often with him trying to justify his less than criminal activities with the notion of her “safety” as the priority, which I found complete bullshit. 

I found Edward domineering, cold, aggravating, and lackluster, statements which would literally have made my old self sob, which I honestly did when Edward left in New Moon. 

I used to be an avid Jacob hater and lover of Edward to the extreme back in the day. Now, I would weep for joy if he left, root for Jacob all the way, and hope that the horrible name of Renesmee never needed to come to fruition in the first place. 

Oh, how the turns have tabled. 

Other than the atrocious length, my other large criticism came in the form of well...the book was naturally boring in my opinion. Meyer tries to create tension and moments of suspense, but...we already know what happens. 

We know the next few years actually. We know they get married, have a baby, and Bella gets turned into a vampire. So all moments of tension and suspense are unceremoniously tossed out the window. 

You might say, typedwriter, that’s unfair! We didn’t read this for the tension and suspenseful plot that we already know! We read this to get new information and insight into the Cullens and Edward especially. What do the Cullens do at home? How do they interact? What does this juicy insider insight look like?

Well, I still don’t know because we hardly saw any of it. 

I was the most curious about the Cullens as a family unit and more information into how they functioned, interacted, and cohabited. I even wrote a fanfiction back in the day about what freaking Esme did home alone because I was so intrigued by the idea, but nope! 

Edward was always stalking Bella 24/7 so almost no new information was gleaned about the Cullens, sucks for you. 

There would be little nuggets here and there, little bouts of cool information (Apparently Esme just stays home all day every day doing….nothing?), but not nearly enough to justify a 600+ page book of a recycled plot that we were already familiar with. 

I needed more from this book, craved all the little moments in between, and it was a letdown to the most extreme proportions. 

Recommendation: I didn’t really enjoy this read despite my past involvement with the series, my lingering fondness for the movies on a cold, rainy day, and the still sporadic delves into Twilight fanfiction that maintains its reputation of quality and characters. 

Twilight will always have a special place in my heart for what it did for me and the people it brought into my life, but I wish I had remembered Midnight Sun as the 12 chapters I read on Stephenie Meyer’s website when I was fourteen and infatuated instead of 26 and uninterested and unforgiving. 

Score: 4/10

#midnight sun #stephenie meyer #twilight #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #twihard #book blog #book review #Book Recommendations #YA Books #YA Book Review #edward cullen #bella swan #fanfiction #book blogger #book photography #book analysis #book aesthetic

[filthyjanuary]

5-8 for the salty asks ? :)

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

This happens to me all the time but the two biggest examples were Destiel and Klaine fdfgsdffh but in two different ways. Destiel was a ship I didn't ship myself but I thought was kind of fun in a fanon context but the fans were so like heinously unlikeable and irritating as a whole that the concept fills me with righteous rage now (except in the fun n sexy unrequited pain context). With Klaine, I shipped it like back in ye olden days but the fandom was so fucking insufferable with the way they treated them that I got really sick of them and dipped on them and the whole show at the beginning of S5.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Not really. If I hate a ship it's usually for a reason and that isn't prone to changing. Fandom HAS made me consider ships I hadn't thought of before though, and that's always fun! I like thinking about possibilities that aren't canonically supported, but you KNOW if the characters met they'd connect so well.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

See above re: Klaine. I also wouldn't say I "cant stand" it, but there's a lot of like.... Tumblr Popular Ships that I kind of got brainwashed into liking for no particular reason that I don't really care about at ALL anymore like Sterek and Johnlock.

I also can't really fuck with Stucky anymore, because I am a person that unfortunately is really defined by what canon presents me. I like extrapolating from within the confines of canon not completely disregarding it, and so with what they did with Steve at the end of Endgame.... it just REALLY soured the entire concept for me. I still reblog it sometimes if I see a post that makes me soft particularly from CATWS but generally my like interest vanished almost immediately after I had to reckon with Steve abandoning him in the present because like... it really demolished Steve's character for me but it also made me want better for Bucky. VERY UNFORTUNATE ALL AROUND, I'M STILL BITTER.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

Yes, but I am a small fry on tunglr.hell so it hasn't happened often. I think I got some hate anons back in the day about being a Zayn Girl, some about shipping [redacted] and [redacted], ummmmm that post I made about racism in the DBH fandom got people REAL mad gsdfgsdf so I got a few about that.

Also a few months after I got into Waterparks, I posted some of my dumb memes that I'd sent Syd on discord, I got this one which sits in my inbox and I laugh at sometimes when I see it ghsgfgsd.

send me salty asks

#long post #asks

[imaginedigimon]

u got any lgbtq+ hcs for any of the main 12 adventure and 02 kids?

🤔 Hmm...

Now Anon, I’m warning you: I’m probably not going to give you what you want for this. But I’m going to try.

I REALLY HOPE I DON’T FUCK THIS UP, FRIENDS *stressing out a bit I will not lie*

LGBTQ+ Headcanons for 01 + 02 Gang

Tai [Taichi]

Doesn’t know the meaning of the word “straight” except in terms of line segments in math (but even then, he’s a little lost)

He probably saw the pride flag for the first time when he was 14 and because it reminded him of the Crests thought, “I CAN GET BEHIND THAT”

When he learned the real meaning of pride and the LGBTQ+ community, he was even more ecstatic

Has definitely beaten up some homophobes before

And transphobes

He’s beaten up a lot of people in general

Realized after a while that he’s pansexual himself and started painting his face with the pan flag everyday

Will not deny that he has a thing for Matt and Sora at the same time and is happy if they’re happy but would really like to kiss them both pls

Matt [Yamato]

He most certainly questioned his own gender for a while, though he can’t pinpoint when it started

Gabumon told him it didn’t matter what he identified as, they’d always be partners anyway, so that really helped him a lot

It also helped that Tai was willing to beat people’s asses for him

Has also beaten up some homophobes and transphobes (Tai has been the one to drag him away from some fights)

Wears pins of all the pride flags at all times because fuck you haters

Also would like to kiss Tai, just like once or twice or a million times

Identifies as bisexual most likely

Sora

Doesn’t mention it a lot, but Mimi was probably her first kiss (by accident...OR WAS IT?)

She was the type of person who, because she grew up in a very hetero-normative world, wasn’t sure what it meant to like a girl

Probably asked Tai when she was 15 and still thinking about Mimi’s hair and lips when he explained to her that it was perfectly normal

She never forgot that conversation

Has continuously questioned her identity and orientation throughout the years, though only Biyomon has been privy to this struggle

Finally settled on saying she’s queer because she’s not much for labels (especially when she’s in a constant state of questioning)

Definitely asked Mimi to kiss her again just so it wouldn’t be an accident

Izzy [Koshiro]

Always a kid before his time, knew how to explain all aspects of pride to everyone else before they even knew what the LGBTQ+ community was

Has PowerPoints to make things clearer

Around age 17 or 18, he started asking that everyone use he/him or they/them pronouns, and this hasn’t changed since

Everyone said “a’ight” because they love him no matter what

Has always had some kind of romantic feelings for just about everyone in the group, but nothing beyond that

This poor sweetie pie cried the night he realized he was asexual and called Joe, who said in the most intense voice he’d ever heard, “You think that matters to us? We love you, Izzy, and don’t you ever forget that”

Has decided Joe is the coolest guy ever

Started some social media account where it’s nothing but pictures of Tai with various pride symbols painted on his face and it’s blown up

Mimi

Unlike Sora, she didn’t think much about the kiss

She had already accepted that she liked girls by that point

Definitely had a crush on Yolei too, though she played it cool

YOU CANNOT TELL ME SHE DIDN’T CONSIDER MEIKO HER TRUE LOVE

Teases Izzy a lot because she has a bit of a crush on him too, though this confused her because she thought she liked girls

The day she learned the term homoflexible she thought she was dreaming

But she wasn’t

Still, Sora and Yolei and Meiko are her girls and she loves them very dearly

Has the same enthusiasm as Tai and paints the various flags on her face as well (became part of that social media account Izzy started)

You can catch her and Tai at a pride parade screaming at the top of their lungs

Joe [Jou/Jyou]

I’ll admit, he’s probably the token straight? But he’s also one of those guys who’s not afraid to tell Matt he looks handsome today

Has needed to ask Izzy a lot of questions because he’s like me and wants to know and not offend anyone because he’s ignorant or doesn’t know something

Had a moment similar to me where he wondered if he really was straight

Decided he still was, but would support anyone and everyone because that’s just the guy he is

You know how he becomes a doctor? He most CERTAINLY helps with transitioning whenever he can because he’s a GOOD. DOCTOR.

Doesn’t beat up haters, but gives them a death glare that’s just as effective

Wore around a rainbow doctor’s coat because he COULD and no one tried to stop him because they knew he’d quit on the spot

Takeru [T.K.]

Been the guy to say “respect LGBTQ+ rights or die by my sword” or something like that

Lowkey had a crush on Angemon and Angewomon simulanteously and could NOT for the life of him explain why that was

Never told either of them this though

Or Kari

Definitely didn’t tell Kari

Okay yes, Tai is his big brother, but he definitely had a crush on the guy for about 2 weeks before he met Kari and everything changed

Hasn’t told either of them this

Like Sora, has only said he identifies as queer - he’d like to figure it out/delve deeper but is too busy flirting with everyone to care

Brings 5 different dates to his brother’s concerts at the same time and they all have to vie for his attention - it’s usually whoever says the most positive things about his brother

Has done at least 6 drag shows so far and let me tell you - KILLS IT every time

Kari is his forever girl but keeps winking at Ken just to make him blush

Kari [Hikari]

Also had a crush on Angewomon like how could she NOT

Also had crushes on Matt, Izzy, Mimi, and Sora (but not Joe for some reason)

When she realized her feelings for T.K. she got really really nervous (because of all his dates, you see)

Was also confused because she was pretty confused about her range of crushes over the years

Tai came out as pan to her first and she realized that sounded a lot like her

She’s a pan baby and she’s proud of it (and thanks her brother for supporting her)

Gave a rainbow pin to T.K. for his birthday and in return he kissed her

They go to ALL the pride events and nothing can stop them

Occasionally uses they/them pronouns on days she’s questioning

Davis [Daisuke]

Tai was his first love and you cannot change my mind about this

Meeting Kari was like meeting a Tai Who Would Notice Him and that was pretty rad

But he also likes her because of her, too

The world kinda stopped when he met Ken, though

Like damn, look at those soccer skills

I’m gonna be real, I think Davis is soccersexual (or footballsexual for non-Muricans)

Them soccer players be really hot though

Always has questions about the community, but never retains the answers

The PowerPoints, unfortunately, do not help

Eventually gave up and said, “I’M A DUMBASS BUT I SUPPORT YOU ALL”

They tried to tell him he should at least know what he’s talking about

(We’re still working on that)

Wears rainbow shirts with rainbow pants and it’s very atrocious but very appreciated

He is gay. He sometimes does crimes. We accept him anyway.

[T.K. asked him if he wanted to go to a drag show, he said “okay?” and really really loved it now he goes all the time]

Yolei [Miyako]

Mimi is hot, Ken is hot, Kari is hot, Matt’s kinda hot, everyone’s hot

She’s never been able to fully accept this because how is everyone so hot

Mimi was her first love, and Ken was her first boyfriend

She never forgot the firsts

Attracted to any and everyone it seems

She likes to call herself a frying pan and it makes everyone facepalm a little bit

Constantly dresses in the colors on the pan flag because she looks GOOD in them and it’s a way to remind everyone not to mess with her or her community

Tries to pretend she doesn’t know Mimi and Tai when she’s at a pride event and they’re out here acting like fools

But she also loves how unerringly supportive they are

Cody [Iori]

He was the first one everyone came out to, like for some reason he’s that guy

Literally the first person to offer you support

One day he told everyone he was transgender, and while they were surprised, they also didn’t react the way he was expecting

They actually hugged him immediately and said, “But don’t worry we love love love you” and Tai started painting the trans flag on Cody’s face until Cody said, “Guys please fuck off for a sec”

When he becomes a lawyer, he becomes the type of lawyer to defend anyone who was arrested on basis of race/identity/orientation/gender like the boss he is

Suspects he might be ace but hasn’t really delved into it much

He’s too busy scolding Davis for doing dumb things

Ken

Can everyone stop being hot for a sec? -direct quote from Ken himself

He’s in love with all the 02 kids and he’s accepted this

Yolei somehow stole his heart, but T.K.’s winks send it aflutter

He wants them both to stop (but they won’t)

Was completely unaware that Davis also liked him (even though it was really obvious?)

He identifies as bi and, like Izzy, uses they/them pronouns interchangeably with he/him

One of the good detectives on the force. Will bust your ass if you say any offensive slurs about anyone. [Has gotten suspended a few times for doing this BUT IT WAS FUCKING WORTH IT.]

Always the one on duty when Davis gets arrested for his crimes and it’s hecka exhausting

---------

Uhm... did I do good? I’ll admit, I was a little nervous since I myself am straight and cisgender (or cishet, as I’ve learned is the term)  😥  😥

Anon, I really do hope I did a good job!

And if I didn’t you can roast me in the flames of Meramon Hell

#did...did i do good? #i hope so cuz these were fun #these kids are all great #i wanna see that social media account now izzy #the digidestined say lgbtq+ rights #digimon #taichi yagami #tai kamiya #yamato ishida #matt ishida #sore takenouchi #mimi tachikawa #koshiro izumi #izzy izumi #joe kido #davis motomiya #daisuke motomiya #ken ichijouji #takeru takaishi #t.k. takaishi #tk takaishi #hikari yagami #kari kamiya #yolei inoue #miyako inoue #iori hida #cody hida #i am an ally and proud of it #friends i love you all no matter what i hope you know that #unless you say you hate digimon we might have to talk then

[straightfacedstrangeness]

Not that anyone asked (but seriously I’d LOVE for someone to talk to me about PokeSpe (just no spoilers past vol 13)) but since I made an offhand remark about my Top 5 favorite characters, it occurred to me that I actually DO have approximately 5 top favorite characters, and I’m procrastinating on work, so I’m gonna ramble

**just in case, note that a lot of this will revolve around my childhood experience with gender in a “I’m AFAB (and present-day me still identifies as a cis girl) but I don’t fit in with what media is telling me girls are like” way, a brief childhood feeling of homophobia, and probably general TMI about my opinions and emotions throughout my life, haha

1. Yellow

Okay, so, I was a little kid when Pokemon Adventures started coming out in English, back when manga was released as single-issue monthly comic books instead of complete volumes.  So I was rereading the same chapters over and over while anxiously awaiting the rest of the story (and wound up missing a bunch of issues anyway)

I enjoyed the RGB arc, I thought it was fun, but I didn’t LOVE the series until Yellow showed up.  At that age my ideal crush was “a cute boy my age who would be nice to me” and Yellow was presented to the reader as a cute boy my age who was sweet and kind and gentle, but also good in a fight, as all shounen protags must be.  Extra bonus points because they had just a few physically weak Pokémon and tried to fight battles in a way that minimized damage to their own and the opponent’s Pokémon, which meant they fought in a particularly smart and clever way.  And I was considered “smart” for being good at school, so being a SMART cute “boy” my age who would be nice to me, Yellow was PERFECT.  I mean, I loved the arc in general because of the clever battles, and the mystery of what had happened to Red, why these people were after Pikachu, why Yellow was so secretive about themself and their mission, etc was really engaging.  But also I adored Yellow as a character and partly in a “I wonder if ‘he’ would like me??” kind of way X’D  So to my tiny child self who didn’t even know it was possible to like-like someone of the same gender (because I hadn’t read Cardcaptor Sakura yet XD ), the reveal that Yellow was a “girl” was devastating—I had to cross out floating hearts on at least one drawing of us holding hands (scandalous!) and, while kind of stunned and shaken for a while, decided that what I’d felt all along was a deep, intense desire to be friends X’D (which probably wasn’t too far from the truth since I was pre-puberty and later turned out to be asexual)

(Also note that I never got the RGB issue that had the chapter where Red helps a little ‘girl’ capture a Rattata—later proven to be Yellow’s backstory—so the gender reveal really came out of nowhere for me.)

But anyways, I still love Yellow as a character for all the above reasons, without the crush aspects because I’m way older than them now.

Also when I reread the series ten years ago, I finally realized “wait, aside from surprising the reader, there’s no real plot reason for Yellow to pretend to be a ‘boy’ except that Green told ‘her’ to—so why did ‘she’ do it?”...and because at that time I didn’t even know that nonbinary genders existed, I decided it was cus they had low self-esteem and pretending to be a different person gave them courage (the same reading I had for Mulan at the time).  These days I’m more inclined to “yeah, I think Yellow’s nonbinary,” but that other interpretation was deeply relatable to me and only made me love Yellow even more.

2. Bill

Bill’s definitely a character I’ve grown to love more as an adult, since I’ve gone from seeing myself as “a protagonist doing cool things” to “a side character just living their life who hopefully gets to do something once in a while.”  But as a kid and now, I like him mostly for the slapstick and goofy expressions and the (early chapters Viz translations) outrageous accent  X’D  My brain desperately craves endorphins and the best way to get em is through a good laugh.

But also, I liked that he was introduced as a goofy character-of-the-week who got into ridiculous trouble and had to be rescued, but then kept being brought back, was slowly built up to be the “smart sidekick who explains things,” and eventually got to the point where he was participating in big battles (the Yellow finale on Cerise Island).  I rambled about this in the tags of another post, but I liked that he was a character who was “weak” without being “useless.”  As a kid who was good at school, I was obsessed with being good at things and had developed a black-and-white view of the world where either you were “strong/smart” or “weak/stupid” to the point that failing or just being not-so-good at anything was devastating (it still kind of is), because that meant I was actually “weak/stupid” when I was supposed to be “strong/smart.”  So it was kind of awesome that this guy who kept getting into trouble and having to be rescued—and didn’t even want to BE part of the final battle—managed to hold his own and get through it and help out instead of being a burden that dragged everyone down.  Seriously, he used a MAGIKARP effectively—the Pokémon everyone makes fun of for being “useless” and he used its one attack to save his life!

(Bonus points for all this happening in contrast to my devastating childhood experience of stanning The One Girl Character in every popular shounen series, waiting desperately for her to get to do something in battle, and then her one spotlight episode revolved around her struggling because she was so weak...not only was that actually happening to a boy for once, it was actually happening in a more satisfying/empowering way :’D )

3. Gold

I have extremely specific tastes when it comes to “the dumb shounen/action movie protag,” because as a kid I hated it when the main character was “dumb” because I was “smart” (re: good at school) and people who were “dumb” shouldn’t deserve to be the main character and have all the cool powers and save the world and stuff.  As an adult, I hate it when male characters are dumb and/or jerks but it’s treated as fine or even sexy(??) and the other characters fawn over them, and I generally still kind of hate it when characters who are dumb and/or jerks get the big important role when there’s a female character RIGHT THERE who’s more competent (and OF COURSE she has to wind up falling in love with him)

But anyway, I have extremely specific tastes, and Gold is it  X’D  He’s the perfect combination of “unshakably confident in his own stupid/egotistic views” and “treated as annoying and/or comic relief by the rest of the cast” with a bonus dash of actually being really clever in battle (so my inner child goes “Ah yes, technically, he is ’smart,’ and therefore...worthwhile“)  Making me laugh while also impressing me is like the key to my heart.

4. Crystal

I’m too lazy to look it up, but when Viz was publishing Pokemon Adventures as monthly comics, they must have switched to publishing it as trade paperbacks only and/or had a huge gap between the end of Yellow and the start of GSC, because for YEARS I’d thought Yellow was the end of the series and was shocked the first time I saw later volumes.  (My dad was buying us the monthly issues at the local comic store, and either they wouldn’t have ordered the trade paperbacks or he wouldn’t have thought to check those shelves.)

Anyway, that’s a long lead-in to the statement of “Crystal would automatically be my #1 or #2 if I’d read her arc as a kid.”  She’s a girl, she wears pants, she’s EXTREMELY smart (genius-level “book-smarts” about every Pokémon’s behaviors and weaknesses PLUS being clever in a battle), was tough as nails (she KICKED her Pokéballs!!), had no interest in romance or her appearance, AND had a short arc about losing her confidence and training herself back up to full power.  I would have KILLED for a character like that when I was a little girl being told that “girls don’t like action shows like Dragon Ball Z” (but I was a girl and I did???) and that girls were supposed to be pretty and obsessed with fashion and dating, and that girls were never the main character of action series, just side characters who either did nothing or got one chance to do something and were pathetically weak (see above, and/or Sakura’s fight against Ino (Naruto), those couple filler eps where Téa/Anzu played Duel Monsters (Yu-Gi-Oh), Videl getting pummeled by Spopovich (DBZ), etc).

So anyway, she’s awesome, she’s exactly the type of character I would’ve loved as a kid.  The only reason she’s behind Gold here is because at my age, “makes me laugh” > “the kind of main character I used to wish I could be”

5. Green (the girl trainer...I’m just too loyal to the Viz version to call her “Blue”...)

I’m trying not to rehash the same “I’m a girl but none of the girls in my shows/comics are like me!” childhood woes over and over, haha, but as much as I always enjoyed Green for being extremely clever and outsmarting the boys and being funny when she did so, she always lost points with me for being “pretty” and flirting to get her way, because that put her in the box of “girls are supposed to be pretty and desired by boys and obsessed with their appearance and romance” that was so foreign and disheartening to me as a kid.

But her staredown with Ho-oh at the end of the GSC arc TOTALLY got me.  As a sad adult with anxiety, watching characters who are absolutely terrified overcome their fear, watching characters who are completely beaten down struggle back to their feet and keep fighting, is like my ultimate power fantasy.  That sequence genuinely had me in tears.

Also her bond with Silver is super precious, especially since that’s like the first time in the series we’ve seen her be genuinely emotional and vulnerable with someone instead of teasing or manipulating them.

Honorable mention: Sapphire

I haven’t gotten up to R/S in my reread yet, and I only read that arc once over like a weekend ten years ago, but I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be a Top Fave cus again there’s that “I'm not like other girls!” childhood feel  (last time I’m saying it, I promise)

It’s a story arc where one protag wants to fight the gyms and the other protag wants to win the beauty contests, but the one who wants to fight the gyms is the girl!!  And she’s the typical “dumb but extremely good at fighting” shounen protag but she’s the girl!!  She’s feral and illiterate and a total tomboy and wins all her fights and she’s a GIRL!!!!

--

Anyway, those are my kids and my dude and my probably way-too-personal reasons why.  If you wanna reblog, reply, or send an ask about your own faves...please

#pokemon adventures #rambling #crackpotawesomes #spent like an hour and a half on this oops

[amphtaminedreams]

Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 Plus a Little Jacquemus: Okay, Dior DID Suck (Part 2/2)

Hi to anyone reading,

First of all, thank you! I have never had a post do as well as the part 1 of my haute couture week review did and I am so overwhelmed with the positive feedback. This is probably funny to read for those of you getting thousands of reblogs on your posts, me acting like I won an academy award because I got a couple of hundred, but honestly I don’t expect any traction when I write on here (it’s basically just me word vomiting everything I’m thinking as if people want to hear it aka. mouthing off into what I thought was the void) so if you did read it, thank you! I do spend a long-ass time on these so it means a lot:-)

I’ll leave the self-indulgent ramble there though as it’s probably not what you came for and jump straight into part 2 of my thoughts, starting with Jacquemus. Yeah, I knew what I was doing when I tagged that in my last post. Simon Porte Jacquemus is the man of the *fashion* people right now; I’ve even found myself coming round to the Le Chiquito bag despite my original thought being “well, that’s fucking useless”. I know, I know, technically it’s not haute couture; it was part of Men’s Fashion Week, but it happened around the same time and everyone was talking about it on Twitter, so I feel like I have to include it.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of Bottega Veneta’s last RTW show, in that, especially with the women’s outfits, we seem to be sticking with simple, fitted garments and chunky, more statement jewellery. I’ve got to say I like the styling here a lot more though, and in general I’m a fan of this collection. The collared tops with cut outs underneath blazers are cool and I can’t wait until it gets warm enough for me to not feel dumb wearing my headscarfs like this; there’s a LOT of summer outfit inspiration. It’s not a mind-blowing collection or anything but it is effortlessly sexy and that’s something I wish I could say about myself. Most of us can only hope to look half as good as these models do whilst making the effort but at least Jacquemus is aspirational, lol. 

I also fucking adore this colour palette. I’m sick of neutrals literally just meaning brown and white; the navy, sand and muted khaki is a fresh edition to what is usually interpreted as the colours you’d seen worn by Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff and only Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff. And I mean, come on-what is more neutral than typical English school carpet blue.

Next for the whole reason I had to make this haute couture week review 2 separate posts: Jean Paul Gaultier’s final show.

In the best way possible, it’s a lot. I don’t even really know where to start, except to say that I guess this is a fitting last show; a celebration of everything campy, messy, weird, performative, and punk is the perfect send off for a brand whose best known perfume of the last few years is called Scandal. More than anything, the final show represented the range of characters and cultures that have influenced JPG throughout his half-a-decade-long career, the lines that supposedly separate what is “masculine” and “feminine”, “old” and “young” and ultimately art and fashion blurred in the most exaggerated way possible. Sure, there are some looks which are individually a bit messy here but the way they were grouped into almost chapter-like segments meant that when you see them all together, they work. Nods to the patterns and structures that recurred from season to season were sprinkled throughout, from sailor stripes to corsets to the expected whirlwinds of colour. I’ll even allow the wellies in that one outfit; if I can get over bucket hats in Peter fucking Pilotto’s last RTW show, I can get over some questionable shoes here. Middle aged fishermen and boys who liked to pose with monster carp in their Tinder pictures as some weird display of masculinity everywhere rejoice.

Now onto a show that I personally found slightly disappointing: Margiela.

I think this one is a bit TOO weird for me. Like if you’re gonna go avant-garde, go all out. Chiffon gimp masks (I don’t know if that’s the intention here but that’s what I’m getting, sorry Maison) are something I’m not particularly fond of and I’ve never been a fan of the Tabi boots in the first place, let alone when they’ve seemingly been blown up to Michelin man style proportions. I didn’t find the show to be a total lost cause-I enjoyed the colour palette and I’ve always liked that contrast stitching detail, plus the bowler hats are interesting-but on the whole considering how much I liked the last RTW show, this is a bit of a let down. 

The looks I included are salvageable but (I feel mean saying this) there were genuinely a lot of pieces that did just resemble bits of fabric draped over each over with no discernible rhyme or reason, so much so that they reminded me of some of the monstrosities I saw at a Drag Race pub quiz this one time where we had 5 mins to make some garms out of loo roll and then have a team member model them for points down a makeshift runway. 

Ralph and Russo was alright. There were a few pieces that I really liked but again, I can’t help but compare this collection to the last, where it felt like the fussy details of bows and sequins and feathers and the Barbie Dreamhouse palette were utilised with a direction in mind. Here, I don’t get that. As ever, the gowns are gorgeous and I’d pay good money just to try one on for five minutes but as an overall collection I’d say there was a lack of higher vision, which is probably the snobbiest sentence I’ve ever written so forgive me.

As for Ronald Van Der Kemp, I could’ve done without including it to be honest, if it weren’t for the few pieces I’m in love with: the velvet cape, fur trimmed jacket and blue satin dress are probably my favourite pieces here.

So onto a collection I liked a lot more: Schiaparelli. 

The influence of nature from flowers in bloom to insects to the organic structure of the human skeleton is as present as ever, though this collection includes a lot more delicate symbolism than usual. Honestly, the details make it for me; the brooches, earrings and facial jewellery are other-worldly touches to outfits that could otherwise be simple fashion magazine editor on-the-go. That’s not in itself a bad thing! The suits are gorgeous. I mean, I’m talking fashion editor in New York in a power suit yelling orders down the phone while she rushes along with a coffee. A Miranda Priestley in the making type woman. THAT’S a modern take on the divine feminine that Maria Grazia should’ve been going for; our goddesses aren’t women who sit around looking pretty (though that helps too) and place curses on mere mortals anymore, they’re women who get shit done. 

With regards to Valentino, which was also a delight, let me start by saying this colour palette is EVERYTHING. It’s ugly sisters in Cinderella fantastic, and we know those 2 were the real fashion icons really. Other than that, I adore the Old Hollywood silhouettes from the gloves to the Liz Taylor-in-Cleopatra-level-dramatic earrings. Everything is opulent and expensive-looking and pretty much what we’ve all come to expect from Valentino. A strong 8/10.

For me personally, Viktor and Rolf was a standout and one of my favourite collections of haute couture week. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and I know it’s at the complete opposite end of the spectrum to what was probably my other favourite collection, Elie Saab, but this is just my style down to a T, the perfect balance of grungy and cutesy that I want to achieve. 

There’s probably going to be a lot of objections to the temporary face tattoos and I get that, but I think they’re fucking sick. I obviously wouldn’t get a permanent one lest my mother murder me in cold blood however if I did, you bet I would be pairing them with frilly-ass babydoll dresses that you could pick up in Camden Market like this. 

And last but not least (that would be Dior), there’s Zuhair Murad.

Sigh.

IDK, man. Seeing Zuhair Murad dresses on Tumblr and WeHeartIt (remember that site? It still exists!) as a 14 year old was one of the things that got me into fashion, so it sucks that almost every time a new collection comes around, I feel underwhelmed. Disappointingly, the brand hasn’t really progressed all that much since 2013. It goes without saying that the stoning and the embroidery and sequins are stunning and would make anyone feel like a princess but from a critical point of view, I’m just not seeing anything new here. Whereas I feel like Elie Saab, for example, reflected the growing fascination with East Asian fashion and recognition of the supremacy of the region’s street style in his haute couture last collection, Zuhair Murad seems to be stuck designing the same dresses he was 6 years ago. 

To pick one example, the rounded stoned necklines are so outdated that they’ve been making their way onto department store prom dresses for years. I get that it’s supposed to be a reference to Ancient Egyptian style and I respect that, I was one of those 8 year old that was obsessed with mummies and the “Curse of Tutankhamun”, but couldn’t it be done in a more interesting way? It’s Maria Grazia’s spin on Ancient Greece all over again. Now I get how how the I imagine very niche subsection of people who are into fashion and Julius Caesar (okay, so I don’t even know if they still believed in mythology and all that malarky at that point in history but just roll with my comparison here) might’ve felt going through Vogue Runway. Anyway, I hate to end on a critical note and so be clear, these are still absolutely magnificent dresses. If we ignore those ugly round necklines, that is.

So that’s it for this post! If you read part 1 and 2, I hope you enjoyed it! As always, let me know your opinions and feel free to disagree. I’m literally just about to start trawling through all the A/W 2020 RTW collections though I imagine that’s gonna take me way longer to do than this, so I wouldn’t expect that for a month or two. In the meantime, I’m trying to fit shooting a Euphoria-inspired lookbook into my days off work which is looking atm like it’s going to be the end of March, so look out for that, and also a review of the red carpet fashion from this season’s award shows. 

As ever, thank you so much for reading and again, thank you for the reception on part 1 if you were one of the people that read it. It makes staying up til 3am with the jitters seem worthwhile, lol! 

Lauren x

#haute couture #haute couture week #pfw #pfw2020 #paris #fashion #fashion week #designer #jacquemus #style #review #dior #sequins #pretty #aesthetic #zuhair murad #grunge #viktor and rolf #valentino #luxury #schiaparelli #georges hobeika #maison margiela #margiela tabi #jean paul gaultier #jpg #jpgaultier

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey by xxbieberburnham

A - Accidents Have you ever been in a car accident? No, thankfully. 

Do you have a lot of scars? Yeah, numerous scars. 

Have you been in a fist fight with someone? Nope.

Have you ever seriously hurt someone by accident? No.

Have you ever had stitches? Yes, several times. 

B - Beauty Would consider yourself beautiful? Not even a little. 

Are you self consicous of how you look? Extremely. I’ve gotten even worse these past few years. 

Do you wear a lot of make up? I haven’t worn any makeup in the last four years. 

Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? Nope. 

What do you think makes a person beautiful? There’s physical features, but it’s the inside and who they are as a person that really does it. It’s more than just looks.

C - Consequences What is the longest you've been grounded for? I think it was 2 weeks.

What would you do if you became pregnant? I’d be terrified, confused, freaked out... I’m a virgin and I also can’t get pregnant, so...

Do you ever think about how your actions affect people? Yes.

What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Take away my loved ones.

What is one thing you wish you didn't do because it wasn't worth it? Ignore things that I didn’t think would end up causing a lot of problems for me.

D - Dealing When you're mad at someone how do you show it? I’m short with my responses, my tone, and I’m distant. I’m not going to initiate conversation or any interaction. 

Name a time when you had to be strong. I gotta keep going despite how much I’ve been struggling these past few years. I don’t feel strong at all, though. I feel very weak. 

Have you ever dealt with divorce? No. I’ve never even been married.

When people don't accept you, how do you react? Hm. I don’t really know.

Have you ever lost someone to death? Yes, I’ve lost a few loved ones. 

F - Family Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? Yeah. There isn’t any beef or drama or anything, I just haven’t seen or talked to some family members in quite a long time. I have a big family and I was closer to some than others and also life just gets crazy and people get busy with their own thing and times goes on. I haven’t seen or talked to a lot of my family these past few years because I’ve just been a hermit crab and distant from everybody. I don’t want to see anyone looking and feeling how I do. :/

If you had to choose: friends or family? My family always.

Do you have any siblings? I have two brothers.

How often do you spend quality time with your family? I spend a lot of time with my parents and brother. We live together and we’re also quite close.

G - Growing How tall are you? Do you wish you were taller or shorter? I’m like 5′4. I do wish I was taller.

Do you think you've grown up in the past year? No.

Do you think you're mature for your age or still childish? I don’t feel like someone in their 30s. 

Are you scared to think that one day you'll turn 30, then 40 & 50? Well, I’m 31 now. I cried when I turned 30, not gonna lie. And the way these years fly by 40 isn’t that far away and that’s scary. And then 50... and what scares me about that as well is the fact that I’m not the only one getting older, so do my parents. I don’t like to go there in my thoughts cause that really scares and saddens me. 

Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? Oh, most definitely. A lot.

H - Hope Love - real or not? It’s definitely real.

Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I’m definitely a pessimist.

Do you believe in fate or that everything happens for a reason? I do believe everything happens for a reason.

Do you believe that after we die, your spirit is still alive? I believe the spirit leaves the body. When Jesus returns we’ll be resurrected and believers in Christ will be given a new body and go to heaven. 

What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? My family keeps me going.

I - Idols Who is your idol? My mom.

What makes this person an idol to you? She’s the most hardworking, loving, caring, generous person I know. She has a big heart and does so much for everyone else, always putting others first.  Has this person done anything good to help other people? Absolutely.  Does this person have good style? Yes. She always has new clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry and gets complimented all the time. What does this person do for a living? She’s a manager at Walgreens. J - Jokes Tell me an inside joke between you and your friends. I don’t have friends.

Are you usually the person to make people laugh or the other way around? Ha, definitely not me. 

Do you cry when you laugh hard? Yeah. I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time, though. 

Do you get in trouble for laughing or talking in class? No, I never did.

Are you good at making jokes? No.

K - Knowledge The prupose of school: learn, hang with friends or cause trouble? Uh, to learn obviously. It’s good for the social aspects as well.

Do people refer to you as dumb, smart or average? People say I’m smart, but I just feel I’m very average. 

What kind of grades do you usually get? I always got As and Bs.

What is your favorite subject to learn or talk about? English and psych.

L - Love Are you currently in love? Nope.

Do people around you show a lot of love? Yes.

Is love worth it? Worth what?

Do you hate it when people say "I love you" & they've been dating for a day? Uh, that’d be concerning.

Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone or is it just a word? I don’t take those words lightly and just throw ‘em around.

M - Money Do you believe money makes the world go round? It’s all revolved around money.

How much money do you have on you now? A little.

Are you saving up for anything? Nothing specifically.

Would you rather win 1 million dollars or find true love? This sounds bad, but I think I’d take the money at this point in my life. It would be a huge help and advantage for my family and I.

On a scale 1-10, how important is money to you? I can’t say it’s not important, I rely on it for a lot of things.

N - Nothing to lose Would you ever go on a game show? No.

Do you play the lottery? I have a few times, but not regularly.

Ever been to Las Vegas? Nope.

Have you ever made a bet and then lost? I’ve never made a serious bet.

Do you give your all in a relationship? Yes. Even when we’re not in a relationship. I was devoted and invested in Joseph and we never officially dated. I put my heart completely out there and was rejected.

O - Openess How long does it take you to open up with someone? It takes me awhile. I have a really hard time with that, even with people I’m close to.

What does it take for you to fully trust someone? If I feel comfortable talking to that person and they haven’t given any reason why I couldn’t trust them.

Do you trust people too easily? I wouldn’t say that. 

Are you comfortable with everyone? No. And these past few years I don’t feel comfortable around people except for my family. I’m very self-conscious, embarrassed, and ashamed of myself. 

Do you tell your parents and friends everything? Not everything.

P - Positive Is your outlook on life positive or negative? I’ve had a very negative, pessimistic, bleak outlook these past few years. It has felt even worse lately

Have you ever had a moment with someone & it didn't end positively? Yeah.

Do you agree with: best to have loved than never loved at all? Yes.

Do you see most things as negative or positive? I think I’ve made it quite clear.

Has anything bad happened but something good came from it? Yes. Hey look, some positivity coming from me. Wow.

Q - Questions When faced with a problem, do you solve it on your own or ask for help? It depends, but admittedly I don’t go to others for help a lot and I should.

Do you like to take quizzes? I like surveys.

If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? Meh.

When someone does something wrong do you ask them about it or let it go? It depends, but honestly probably more likely to let it go.

Do you own plaid shorts? No. Or any shorts.

R - Respect How do you show respect for someone? By listening and being there for them, being polite, being kind... 

What can someone do to lose respect for them? Be rude, mean, arrogant, selfish, etc. 

Do you respect your parents, teachers or authority? I do.

If you're disrespectful to your parents, whats your punishment? I wasn’t a disrespectful, bad kid, but sometimes kids have an attitude and if I did they would tell me it wasn’t acceptable to talk to them that way.

If someone is mean to you, are you mean back? I’m sure I’d be short and snippy and then just not interact with that person anymore.

S - School If you're still in school, what grade will you be going into? I’m done with school. When will you graduate high school/college? I graduated UC back in 2015.

After high school, what do you plan on doing? I went to community college.

Do you like or hate school? I got very overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out quite easily, but there were aspects I did like. 

Have you ever been expelled or suspended? Nope.

T - Temptation Have you ever done something wrong but inside it was okay? Some things didn’t feel so wrong.

Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? I have felt pressured to do those things.

Did you ever cheat on someone? No.

Do you give into temptation easily or are you independent? No, I wouldn’t say I do.

U - Unique Do you do a lot of things because your friends are? I’ve felt that way with some things.

Do you follow trends or do whatever you want? I like what I like and it may happen to be trendy or it might not be. I don’t like things just because they’re “in.” 

Do you give in easily to peer pressure? No.

What makes you different from people your age? A lot of things. I feel very behind in my life at 31 compared to others I know my age and even younger.

V - Value What's the most expensive thing in your room? My laptop.

What's more valuable: your life or the ones around you? My loved ones.

What's something you value? Not because it’s expensive but it means a lot? Time spent with family.

If there was a fire in your house/apartment what would you grab? Oh man. I’d want to grab as much as I could. Definitely my laptop, phone, medicine, and medical supplies but I’d really try to get as much as I could.

Do you think the past or future is more valuable? Hm.

W - Wishes If you had three wishes, what would they be? Good health, financial stability, and... I don’t know.

Would you rather wish yourself to be happy or others? I want happiness and the best for my loved ones. They truly deserve it.

Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe? You have to put the time and effort in. And even then it might not happen. 

Have you ever had a wish come true? I’ve wished someone would bring me coffee and they did, ha.

Do you find wishing on things to be a waste of time? I don’t make serious wishes.

Y - You Are you more independent or social? I’m definitely not social. I’m independent in that I’m a hermit crab and like my alone time, but I’m dependent quite a bit on my family.

What's something that makes you mad when you see it? Abuse towards children.

Do you have potential to do anything you want? I don’t feel like I do. :/

Do you believe people are born a certain way? In some ways?

What color are your eyes? Brown.

Z - Zest Are you currently happy with your life? No.

When change occurs, do you get scared? Yes.

Do you like to try new things or meet new people? I’m so boring and basic and not adventurous at all, nor am I outgoing or social.

What is the most motivational thing on earth? Money, probably.

Do you have a motto? Nah.

Last questions Do you hate how the letters on the keyboard aren't in ABC order? I’m so used to how it is I can’t imagine it being any different. It’s never bothered me, actually.

Do you drink water? Yeah, kinda have to. I don’t particularly care for it, though.

What did you have for breakfast? It’s only 5:56AM, but I know I won’t have breakfast today.

Do you like convertibles? Sure.

Do you like the American or British way of spelling words? I like the British spelling for some words, like “grey.”

What colors are on your country's flag? Red, white, and blue.

Can you skateboard? Nope.

Do you like long hair? Yeah.

Do you like Fiber One bars? I’ve never tried them but judging from the name I doubt they would be favorites of mine. <<< Yeah, I’ve had no interest in trying them. Healthy snacks like those never taste good to me.

What does your sleeping bag look like? I don’t have one.

Do you like to save your results after a survey? Well, I post them on here. It seems kind of pointless to take them and then not save it. 

Do you like Sour Patch Kids? No. I don’t like sour stuff. If you could have your own show, what would it be about? I wouldn’t want my own show.

Ever rode on a jet? No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #categories #long survey

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 506

STAY AT HOOOOOOOME!!!!!

Ok, now that that’s out of the way... I kind of liked this episode. Which surprised me. Because usually I find myself neutral at best. But, considering how much I’ve hated disliked the last few seasons, I guess that feeling mostly neutral means this season has been better? The bar is low, y’all.

Could 1000% still use more Claire though. And more Jamie and Claire. And yes I know I’m saying that in the recap for an episode where the two of them bang.

I said what I said.

The title card’s powder blocker thingy looks like a plague doctor mask. We should bring those back. I found a box that had a bunch of them in it in the closet at my office once. That was weird. Also, stay the fuck at home and 6′ away from people if you have to go out on a supply run or take a walk.

Ooo, a flashback! I miss Scotland.

“Whom do I address, sir?” “I am Samuel Torrington,” said the guy who is most def *not* Samuel Torrington.

I know I shouldn’t laugh because of what’s about to happen, but looool at the girl for stepping in the literal one spot of mud.

Well that was dumb. Why the fuck would you run in between your dad and the guy he’s clearly gonna shoot?

I mean, it’s super sad, I guess. But also hella dumb.

Ah, a lavender pillow. Yes, I know it’s from the book. But between this and the BJR stuff, it’s like, do they know other smells exist?

But yeah, guess I shouldn’t talk since I have lavender hand soap, lavender lotion, lavender tea and a lavender candle.

It’s the best smell.

Ok, I get why Murcasta can’t be endgame. That was a good decision. But including Innes BeCaUsE tHe BoOk is dumb af. They got to the right decision to break up Murcasta, but for the wrong fucking reason.

Like, seriously though, can we please take a moment to appreciate how dumb this is? Like, book!Innes is from Ardsmuir. He’s been part of the squad. He’s basically one of Jamie’s most trusted friends. And he marries Jocasta. Show!Innes is literally some dude we’ve never heard of until last week because the fucking writers were like oh, Jocasta has to marry someone named Duncan Innes. Guess we should make that happen, out of the blue, for no other reason. Lazy idiots...

Jocasta has better handwriting than I do and I can fucking see what I’m doing.

Also lol at her straight up ignoring Roger saying that Jemmy won’t take her money.

Cut to Jemmy crying about the fact that he is now a participant in chattel slavery. I feel you, Jem.

Oh, it’s a cold? Ok fine, but also the whole chattel slavery thing.

ADSOOOOO! Such a good lil floofer! Look how nice he is, bringing them that excellent bug! WHO’S A GOOD KITTY? YOUUU ARE!

I really like Claire’s necklace. Also Claire’s neck. Also Claire’s collarbones. Also Claire. Can we have more Claire please? And less manpain in general?

D’awww, Lord John Grey the awkward gay. GIVE HIM AN APPROPRIATE BOYFRIEND ALREADY, YOU COWARDS.

Tryon is such a fucking douche. So is Quincy Arbuckle.

Well, it might not prevent tumultuous and riotous assembly, but not hanging out in groups larger than 10 sounds like a greAT FUCKING IDEA RIGHT NOW.

STAY AT HOOOOOOOOOOOOME. (If you are able to, and if you have to go to work, WASH YOUR HAAAAAAAAAAAANDS.)

Fergus, Marsali and Bree standing around this room being disappointed with Roger is A Mood™.

Team Give Fergus and Marsali More to Do

Oh, you’ve never been comfortable in your big fancy mansion? Poor you. *plays the world’s smallest violin*

News spreads slowly in/from the backcountry except, apparently, Claire’s medical advice.

Claire Fraser said reproductive rights!!! *ups monthly donation to Planned Parenthood*

The casting for Wylie is fucking perfect. Like kudos to the casting folks again.

I cared more about the Regulator shit in the show than the book because Murtz, but all the “Oh it’s happening! JK, it’s not! JK, it is!” that they took from the book is making me care less about it. Just happen already or fuck off.

Yes, I know it’s gonna happen next week.

Roger shoveling shit makes me happy. Because it’s gross and I do not like Roger.

“You keep shoveling your shit.” -- The Fandom Bree

Wylie should be a caricature with how fucking terrible he is, but let’s be real. We've all run into a guy like that.

Oh, Claire’s rings.

I did some mental gymnastics years ago to try to wrap my brain around why Claire would still wear an emotionally abusive piece of shit’s Fred’s ring. And the fact that the books and the show are like nope, she just likes Fred, drives me up a fucking wall every time.

“He must have been quite the man to inspire such devotion after all these years.” “Nah, he was an asshole. A complete and utter piece of shit. And instead of going with that and all the complexities it brings, we continue to gaslight the audience that he was a Good Dude. Instead of using the ring as a symbol of something more than fucking Fred, we just keep on pretending he didn’t suck.”

I hate everyone involved with refusing to acknowledge how shitty Fred was.

There is literally only one smuggler in the Carolinas.

DO NOT GO WITH THE CREEPY MAN TO A SECOND LOCATION. CLAIRE, THIS IS BEING A WOMAN 101. NEVER GO WITH A CREEP TO A SECOND LOCATION.

“I get a biblical plague.” You get what you deserve, Rog.

Jamie, chill with the extra testosterone. Just punch the bro or something.

Also don’t fucking blame the victim, asshole.

Literalol at Bree showing the women her like stick and sheet fan thing and then cut to all the people with just little squares, barely doing anything.

“Don’t stop! Keep your fires going!” *everyone stops and just stares at the bugs*

Gonna go ahead and take this time to remind folks that’s it’s fucking gross to get married on a plantation. Don’t do that thing.

I know a guy who is like proud of the fact that he’s an asshole. He talks about it like it’s one of his defining traits. This scene with Wylie being like “buddy, I love my shitty reputation” reminds he of that guy. I cannot fucking stand that guy.

*ignores Claire’s feelings about Fred’s dumb ring and headcanons in my own reasons instead because I cannot even with this nonsense anymore*

Ah, the Lindsays like Roger now. I still do not like Roger.

I fucking love this whole Murcasta scene. Can we get one of these for Jamie and Claire? I miss them having big sweeping scenes that have time to breathe and unfold and all the good shit like Murcasta gets here.

The show keeps trying to deny it, but scenes like this are where it’s strongest. But it refuses to accept that this is its lane and keeps trying to go elsewhere.

I miss Jamie and Claire.

I miss the MacKenzies.

I wanna give Jocasta a hug. She’s still trash for enslaving people, though.

Maria Doyle Kennedy is a goddamn treasure. Seriously, her casting was the best choice the show made in years.

That and saving Murtz, of course.

So fucking glad they cut the creepy-ass foot thing.

Jamie, you’re drunk, but read the fucking room. Claire’s right. Just because she says shit from the future all the time doesn’t negate the fact that she’s right about you right now. Also, seriously? You’re taking *this* opportunity to call her out?

Buddy deserved that slap.

Look, I’m always down for the Frasers to fuck. More Fraser fucking, I say. But this is just another instance like their fight at Lallybroch where the fight itself is never actually resolved like it should be. They just fuck about it and magically everything is ok again. Le sigh.

Murcasta gets a big long scene with time to breathe and talk through everything and it’s riveting af. But Jamie and Claire never get that anymore and it pisses me off tbh.

Stop shoehorning in book lines! She can’t see shit through all the skirts and stuff!

I miss the Lallybroch ring. What did they ever end up doing with it? It’s floating around somewhere.

Bonnet is so evil to 11 about fucking everything that it makes him boring. We get it. You’re a bad guy. Do you also have a tiny dick or something that you’re overcompensating for?

Can we please wrap this Bonnet shit up this season? I swear if they drag it out as long as they do in the books I’m gonna be rull annoyed.

Ok so now the war is actually gonna for real happen and I’m like legit out of fucks to give about it because Murtz aside, they’ve done the “it’s coming, jk!” fake out too many times...

Can they try to hang Murtz instead? Because I swear spending half a season with emo!Roger is cruel and unusual punishment.

#* #outlander starz #outlander 5x06 #drunj!der yells about outlander

[fluffersmutter]

Angel’s Food Pie

I sit on a stool behind the counter, swinging my legs absentmindedly. I hear the bell above the door jingle, so I look up from my book, surprised to see anyone coming in this late.

“Hi! Welcome to Angel’s Food. What can I do for you?” I manage to force a bit of energy into the words, but if he notices, I can’t tell. He glances at my face, then my name tag, then back to my face. His eyes are ridiculously green.

“You’re not the normal guy.”

He sounds like sandpaper and gravel.

“Yeah, no. The normal guy for this shift is out sick, so I’m covering. One of the disadvantages of having only one employee.”

“That sucks.” He pauses, then raises his eyebrows. “So you’re the owner, then?”

“The one and only.”

“You do the baking too, right?” 

I nod nervously, tugging at my collar beneath my apron.

“Everything’s good, I hope?” 

He nods, gaze wandering to the case beside the counter, empty except for a few spare cookies and tarts. He lets out a sigh.

“Yeah, yeah... I only have one complaint.” This time, it’s my turn to lift an eyebrow. I watch, confused, as he points a finger at the case. “You don’t make enough goddamn pie.”

I blink, startled.

“What?” 

He nods, then jabs his finger at the glass again. 

“Best pie in this whole freaking city, but I only know that because a friend brought me a slice at work. I’ve come back here every goddamn day since after work, and there’s always something left, but never any pie!” He lets out a huff of air as he turns to leave. 

“Wait!” I shout, desperate for a reason to keep him here. He turns around, looking mildly concerned. “Lucky for you, I’m not a morning person, so I do the first round of baking for the crusts a day in advance. If you’re willing to wait, I could have a pie ready in about an hour. If not, then we also do pre-orders.” I let out a breath, thankful I got his attention. He nods, considering.

“I think I’ll take you up on that, pie wizard.”

“That’s not-. I’m wearing a name tag, dude. ” I huff, a mixture of irritation and amusement swirling in my chest. “Jeez, maybe I won’t make you that pie, after all.” I lift my book again, but watch over the top, waiting for his reaction.

“Sorry, man. It’s been a long day...” He not-so-subtly looks at my name tag before continuing. “Castiel?” He says my name like it’s a question. I nod, and he smiles.

“Cas is fine. So, what are you thinking?”

“Oh, um... Does apple work? I’m Dean, by the way.”

I nod, doing a mental scan of the fridge. “Nice to meet you, Dean. Apple sounds perfect, too. I’ve got some filling leftover from earlier.” I turn around, preheating the oven and pulling things out of the fridge and cupboards. “Could you turn the sign around for me? I don’t want people to come in thinking I’ll do this for them.”

I hear the thwip of laminated paper and the creak of a barstool. I glance over my shoulder to see him leaning over the counter, reading the synopsis of my book.

“Intrigued?” I ask, going through the motions of building the pie.

“Not really, but it’s more interesting than the music.”

“Oh?” I scoff. “The nerve of you. Do tell then, what would you recommend?”

I can hear the smile in his voice as he replies, “I’m more of a classic rock guy, myself.”

“You are aware that this is a bakery, right? The music has to fit the atmosphere. And I prefer this sort of music when I’m baking, so I play it while I’m working.” 

The oven dings and I slide the pie in, setting a timer.

“And now, we wait.”

He chuckles, eyes following me as I sit back down behind the counter.

“What?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Doing...” He gestures to everything in the general vicinity, but mostly me. “This. Talking to me, baking me a pie! All of this.” He sighs. “It’s not like you know me or anything.”

“Out of the kindness of my heart?” He scoffs. “Because I pity anyone who hasn’t tried my baking fresh.” This time, Dean just smiles. “Also, you’re cute. And if my pie will keep you here, I’m more than willing to put in the work.” He gives me a surprised look. 

“You’re...?”

I raise my eyebrows. “What? Gay? Yeah, no shit. I run a bakery, look like this fifty percent of the time,” I gesture to the wrinkled shirt and messy tie beneath my apron. “Offer to bake you a pie, and you’re surprised? You’re damn lucky you’re hot because otherwise, you’d just be dumb.”

He laughs, rubbing his chin. “Just so you know, I’m not...”

“I don’t care what you are or aren’t, so long as you’re not a complete ass. And if I can get you to stay for a pie? Even better.”

He smiles, nodding. “Nice apron,” he chuckles.

I look down, noticing that my apron is now splattered with apple juice, dark splotches dotting the picture of a tie.

“I went to business school for this?” I grumble, shrugging off the apron off and draping it across the back of my chair. “Not much point in wearing it at this point, but it helps with the vibe, y’know?”

“Yeah, I guess. So, Cas, since we’ve got time, tell me about yourself.”

#gray #supernatural #destiel #castiel #cass #cas #dean #dean winchester #castiel winchester #spn #spn fic #supernatural ship #spn ship #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #fandom #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #fanfiction #ship #gay #lgbt #gay supernatural #lgbtq

[aloneandunreal]

march 26, 21

wow, i really have not posted in a long time. i decided to post just because i feel like ranting i suppose, and this is what that account is for. i've been thinking about things a lot, but it doesn't feel right to push it onto a friend. most of it is meaningless anyway, or at least it would probably be meaningless and stupid to anybody else. but first of all, i cannot believe i created this account last may (i think?) and that's coming up on a year!

anyway, i've just been a bit sad and anxious about school/graduating and college. i think a lot of people feel this way, so it's not like my feelings are completely abnormal. still, i wanted to rant a bit about it. i don't really know where to begin. this year started off crazy, with school being online and all. i remember the night before school began i was so anxious knowing it was my senior year, but having slight hope that maybe, just maybe, things would go back to being somewhat normal and i could finish off high school feeling satisfied. i don't really think that's going to happen. even with all of the senior activities my school is trying to set up (graduation, prom, etc), it just won't be the same. they're talking about reopening for hybrid on april 17th or sometime around then, but even so, i don't think i'd go. it's a bit too late for that now, it would be kind of pointless, honestly. i've talked about this in (many) previous entries, but i just really, truly wish i could've had more of a senior year. or just more of a high school experience in general. there were some moments where i felt like a true, reckless teenager, but that was a small amount. a very small amount.

now, i don't particularly care about high school that much. i know if everything was "normal" i wouldn't be doing anything differently, but it would've been nice to be at my school, feeling accomplished because i was finally a senior. at the top. almost done. it doesn't feel like that now. because covid began in march of my junior year, and i haven't stepped foot in that school since then, i still feel like i'm sixteen. i feel as if i haven't learned anything or really changed at all. maybe if i could've had a normal end to my junior year and senior year things would've been different. last year i was terrified of turning seventeen, but now i cannot believe i'm going to be eighteen. it absolutely feels unreal. and i also cannot believe that little fourteen year old me romanticized this age so much -- it's really not that fun at all, sorry to break it to you 14 year old me.

it's even more odd how i kind of miss this time last year in a way. there were no video calls for school and, for the most part, it was kind of nice to be away from school and not having to worry about SATs and such. of course there were things to worry about, but at the same time, i don't know. i feel like i had more time. i was a junior, and that summer would be the summer before my senior year. in retrospect, it sounded fun. sometimes i wish i could have appreciated it more, but then i think to myself... i did? or at least i think i did. it was a pretty okay summer for covid. but now, now is really my last summer before college. i'm not going to be going back to the high school i've been at for the past few years. i'll be starting somewhere new. and that's terrifying to think about.

i regret a lot of things throughout my life, but especially my high school years. i really wish i could have enjoyed things more. my freshman year i was really depressed and doing horribly in school, sophomore year i did amazing academically but i had no fun and was too anxious to do... anything, really. and then my junior year of course got cut short. i just never got to experience being in a friend group, having my first kiss, getting a significant other, etc. thinking about it, it makes me feel like a total outcast. sometimes i'll be in class (well, on a video call), and we'll be having fun or laughing, and yes, technically the whole class is included, but i... just don't feel apart of my class. you know, class of 2021. i feel like an outsider. i'm there, but i'm not. i wish i could relate to kids my age more, understand their inside jokes, whatever. there are people i know of that i know for a FACT i'd be friends with... but i never got the chance to pursue anything because of anxiety and now... this. having no contact with anyone my age because we're no longer in school. overall, it's just hard to explain. i just want to feel included in something. i've always just been a loner. i mean, i sat by myself for two years in a row during lunch. junior year i sat with one friend, so that was an upgrade i suppose. i also always hated when we had parties or "fun days" in class, because that meant no learning. people would talk to their friends and i'd be sitting alone. they'd only talk to me if class was in session because they kind of... had to. i don't know. it's hard being a loner, especially when you don't want to be one. it's a bit too late to change anything now, whether that be making new friends, getting a s/o, etc. my school actually plans to have prom, and although anxious, i'm considering going with a friend. but, really, what am i going to do there? i have no friends besides her. i know she wouldn't ditch me, but at the same time, she'll probably gather with her friend group and i'll be standing there, silent, awkwardly listening. and it's fine if she wants to talk to her friends. but i wish i had a friend group like that. or at least a friend i'm close with. the girl i'm going to (potentially) go with isn't even great friends with me.

it's always been like that with my friends. i'm their one outsider friend. not included in their group, but still friends with them. and that's fine, i never felt the urge to try to squeeze and force myself into a friend group that wouldn't want me. but it just hurt sometimes when they'd treat me differently when i was with them alone vs. with them AND their friends. i'd never be included. sometimes one of my friends might completely ignore me when they're talking to their group or with a separate friend. and i'd just be there like a total, utter burden. i never understood why people treated me so differently when they were around other friends. sometimes i wouldn't even be with them, they'd just ignore me and go with their other friends. which is fine, it's fine, no sarcasm. but sometimes i just wish i could be that other friend, the friend who doesn't get ignored and treated differently. in so many different friendships, i have to go through those types of things. and it's confusing... why me? especially since it has become a trend. i just want to be A PART of something.

i guess this is a bit of a topic change now. but another thing i've been thinking about constantly, like any other teenager who has applied to college, is, well, college. yes, i've probably established that i'm terrified and don't exactly feel ready. yes, i've probably established that i don't know if i'll be good enough academically. what if college is just high school all over again? another wasted four years. but that's not my top worry about college right now. instead, it's the fear of not knowing what college to go to. i want to pick the right one; i don't want to be wrong. i've gotten accepted to most colleges i applied to, except one where i was waitlisted (a whole thing in itself), another where i was rejected, and two which have not given me a response yet. i've wanted to go to new york city for school for SO LONG, but i don't even know if that's where i'm going to end up, after so much talk about going there. i might not even end up in a city!

then of course is just the sadness that i'll feel when i get rejected from the one school i've been dreaming about for forever. you're going to laugh if you're reading this, but NYU. yeah. i don't know why i fixated on it, but i haven't gotten a response from them yet. i believe that comes on march 31st. and i have a strong feeling i'm going to get rejected -- i've had that feeling even before i applied to colleges, in the beginning of my junior year. and it's so stupid, because even if i was accepted, i likely wouldn't be able to pay for it. i guess i just want to get accepted so i'll actually feel worthy. so, if that doesn't happen, my self-worth is going down the drain, sadly. i'm not as fixated on NYU as i was, say, in the beginning of my junior year, but i will still be upset if i don't get in.

i feel so pretentious saying this, but i also want to go to a school with a low-acceptance rate. it will make me feel smart. which is DUMB, because there are some amazing high-acceptance schools. but i just feel like, if i go to a high-acceptance school (which i likely will), everyone will be like "of course she went to a high-acceptance school, she's not smart." which i KNOW is irrational and dumb, but it's something that won't leave my mind. i'm so insecure about my intelligence and all of this college stuff has really just made me feel worse. even when i do get accepted to colleges, i haven't felt happy. i haven't felt excitement or joy. and i wish i could. i wish there was some sort of excitement in me, but it doesn't feel like anything special. i just wish i had more of a direction on what college i want to go to or what i even want to do in life. it's so complicated and there's so many little things i'm worried about. if i could, i would explain, but it's hard for me to. some of these worries i can't even explain, they're that minuscule and dumb. overall, i just wish i could be happy with myself and feel accomplished. i don't feel that at all.

thirteen/fourteen year old me probably wouldn't be proud of the person i am now. she imagined someone completely different, i'm sure. i used to dream of graduation and the end of my senior year, now i'm dreading it. both because it's the END of high school and because i'm just nervous about all the attention that will be on me during that time. dumb, i know, i know. the end of high school, for me, will just be clicking the red "leave call" and that terrifies me, of how i'll feel when i leave that call, sitting back, realizing that that's it. it's over. and don't get me wrong, i do in fact want to graduate. i obviously do not want to stay in high school. i am excited for this to be over with. but, of course, at the same time, it's, quite honestly, terrifying.

but, i guess that's really it for now. i'm sure i could talk about this forever, unleashing all of my worries onto this tumblr account nobody will ever find or see or read. but i think now is a good time to stop. overall, i just wish things would be different. not just high school, but my whole life. i'd do anything to start over as someone new. but, alas, that will not be happening.

so, yes, that's it. i guess. i don't know when i will be updating this. maybe in a week, or maybe 3 days before graduation. who knows. (this is not edited, by the way, if anyone is reading this, so i'm sorry for any grammar or spelling errors or just overall cringe. none of my entries are edited).