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serenawitchwriter · 3 years

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BNHA Fusion (LOV/Deku)

shigideku

oh boy

both have been deeply wronged by society

unstable but also instantly aware that they’re more compatible than either is comfortable with

insane, muttering, constantly arguing with them-self

black curls that’s longer the deku’s hair normally is. scarred so badly. but decent skin. eye bags, big green eyes. Mikumo vibes

twitchy hands, will scratch anywhere, plays with lip, constantly writing. hands are never still

wears one fingered gloved so he doesn’t decay everything constantly

a genius, master of planning and deconstruction. take the moral limiters of izuku and he could end any hero quirkless

has a level of morality but it’s hard to define. totally down for crime most of the time, loves fighting, but doesn’t target kids or civilians. has a lot clearer motives than shigaraki did alone

they are gonna take down the government probably

daddy issues x2

laughs like a crazy person, wide scary smile

traumatized, ptsd, anxiety, dissociates, ocd. babe has a lot of mental illnesses

plays video games to calm down

loves homemade food

a loner

paranoid

quirk is just... oof. like a nuke going off basically. so fucking destructive, and you know they know how to use it

hates everyone including them-self

self aware of their situation. recognized that they’re being used and targeted and manipulated. on both ends. Shigi sees how he’s being used by afo, Izu sees how the adults in his life have failed him

honestly kinda baby, they need fucking love

hero students and lov members would put aside differences to help them honestly. the world wouldn’t be okay with it, but their friends are loyal

not quite a villain anymore, but definitely not a hero. constantly has internal conflict over this. like they don’t want to give up on hero dreams times 2 but also recognize how utterly fucked society is and wants to tear it down. they’re so full of hate, but want to maintain hope just out of spite at this point

whatever the hell they’re doing they’re not giving up on it

has the power to reshape society and is going to fucking use it

i don’t need to tell you that they’re fucking terrifying

togodeku

obsessive x2

love heroes x2

long curly green hair worn in twin pony tails,

short, decent sized chest, big red eyes, and a smile that’s too big. fangs. freckles.

muscular but in a compact way

more stable than they should be

loves themselves.

in love with uraraka, but gets crushes on everyone else extremely easily. ura is their forever girl though

loves making and consuming fan content. a fangirl to a scary degree

an all might stan

naturally, also loves k-pop

no fashion sense, they wish they had it, but they don’t. probably just wearing t-shirts and jeans most of the time. is still kinda hot, but isn’t doing anything to play it up

will hunt you for sport

incredibly fast, loves running and chasing in general

bunny themed outfit still

changing into others is one of their passions. izu lowkey loves this quirk. they’re experts at mimicking others. izuku’s analysis skills makes them too good at this

feral x2

honestly just here for the lols

still wants to be a hero, but isn’t doing a good job of it

easily distracted

probably knits for some reason?

makes gifts for friends and crushes

way more dangerous than they’re letting on. too many people are underestimating them

cute as a button

dabideku

daddy issue x2

bitter as hell

black and white hair, curly. darker at the roots.

keeps dabi’s scars. green eyes. tall and muscular, lots of piercings. most of Izuku’s details are lost in the scaring

coffee addict

self centered, has a lot of enemies. including endeavor and bakugou, and every middle school bully.

more empathetic though, can have friends and value them, just don’t piss him off because he will hold lifelong grudges

very good at switching back and forth between scary and threatening to cute and innocent. usually the innocence is mocking but it can read as genuine

a good actor in general, but a terrible liar

quirk is not doing him any favors, still has the feedback, but flaming tentacles gives him more control over the fire itself

reads a lot of comic books

a hypocrite

likes to dramatically point at things while shouting

loves solving mysteries and kinda wants to go down a sherlock holmes or batman route

is not pulling that off, maybe jason todd vibes at best

high key just a dramatic dork that’s too good at murder

chaotic neutral to chaotic good

talks too much

good at pissing people off

kinda deserves to get the shit beaten out of him, and i feel like bakugou can pull it off

twicedeku

neurotic

they love their friends so much though

oblivious as hell

like a genius in observation and knowing stuff, but a dumbass at applying that knowledge

would make a good information broker if they could learn to shut the hell up

are they basically deadpool? kinda.

short green hair, cut close to their head

long face, covered in scars, tallish, looks like an adult

pouts and cries easily

smartass

talks to himself x2 god help us

overpowered with his quirk. god help us

laughs at his own jokes

always hungry

winks at the fourth wall

has many stims and hobbies, hands are litterally never not doing something. he’s the kind of person you’ll glance away from, turn back, and find juggling.

we’re talking cat’s craddle, rubix cubes, instruments, puzzles, tearing up candy wrappers, painting his nails, braiding friendship bracelets. he is never still

directionless. lacks motivation

internalizes criticism really easily, to the point that he gets depressed and struggles to act

indecisive to a clinical degree

probably has and anxiety disorder but refuses to acknowledge it

is pretty fucking baby. protect him

spindeku

lol what a nerd

fanboy x2

cries easily. izuku’s habit of crying does not decrease

ultimate ride or die

still a lizard, mohawk is green instead of pink

mixed feelings on stain

searching for the ultimate person to stan. all might stays in their heart, but they want to be edgier

absolutely uses a sword. not the dumb one that spinner uses but it is still a buster sword that’s too large for them. they’re strong enough to swing it around like nothing, i’m picturing cloud from final fantasy’s sword. again they’re really nerdy

disillusioned with society and heroes. both are marked by discrimination and have recognized the failure of heroes and government. aren’t as bitter but determined to do something

sassy but not quite sarcastic

gives really good advice. the friend you go to to have an emotional breakdown

considering pursuing psychology more for this reason. realizes he can use the skill to help a lot of people

isn’t willing to give up fighting or using his sword though. he has an aesthetic

would get along fantastically with tokoyami

also the friend that feeds you. can’t cook very well but always has something on him to give you when he notices you haven’t eaten in a long time.

loves bubble tea

social anxiety, if it weren’t for the fact that he already had friends and a mission, he probably wouldn’t leave the house

surprisingly close to shigaraki, enough of a gamer to play with him, and even gets away with calling him out

(i’m debating how comfortable i am with fusing kids with adults. it seems weird to me, especially the bigger the age difference)

(masterlist)

#fusion au #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #shigideku #togadeku #dabideku #twicedeku #kurideku #spindeku #shigaraki #dabi #twice #toga #serenawitchwriter

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harrywritingsbyme · 3 years

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The Shark Stuffie

Anonymous Said: my life’s been pretty shit recently and I’m so stressed rn and my anxiety is through the roof meaning I can’t sleep either..could you maybe write something small about harry comforting you and coaxing you to sleep with sweet coos💕

Based Off Of This Ask

And This One

A/N: I feel like I haven't written some fluff in a LONG ass time...like the last pure fluff piece I wrote was all the way back in the beginning of January. That’s lowkey due to my vibes being off, my lack of motivation to do just about anything, and the fact that my writing schedule has been rearranged too many times. Either way tho...I hope y'all like this fic, it’s rlly cute and softtt and it’s definitely relatable for many of us. Enjoyy🙃

3.5k wordss

You had a bit of an obsession with animal documentaries. There was just something about them that just drew you in and captivated you. Whenever you watched the films or shows, you were always glued to the screen and utterly fascinated with the creatures being displayed before your eyes. Whenever you watched them with Harry, he’d always tease you about your obsession and being completely glued to the screen, jokingly saying that you were more in love with the animals than you were with him. Which couldn’t have been the farthest thing from the truth of course. But in true Y/n fashion, instead of just shooting his far fetched claims down, you would always tease him back; saying that you were in fact madly in love with whatever animal was on the screen at that moment, and that if he wanted to reclaim his number one spot on your list of loves, he’d have to put in some serious work. And then over the following couple of minutes, the two of you would go on to further the banter, trying to land the snarkiest little remark and “win”...even though it wasn’t even a competition to begin with. Sometimes you two were able to go a good while going back and forth on who you loved the most, Harry or the animals and their documentaries. Other times, and most times for that matter, you two would just burst into a fit of laughs before snuggling up together for the rest of the documentary. You of course rewinding it to play back anything you missed when your attention was on Harry.

Which speaking of Harry, he thought your obsession with animals and the documentaries was the most precious and adorable thing thing in the entire world. He couldn’t (and never wanted to for that matter) get the image of your face lighting up when you watched the documentaries or discovered that a new one had come out for you to watch. He loved how happy and at ease you were when you watched the animal documentaries. On top of the fact that Harry loved how happy you got when watching the documentaries, Harry was slowly growing a little bit of an obsession with the documentaries too. And because of that, not only did he suggest making you guys’ date nights animal documentaries nights, but he also began to feed your obsession by means of plushies. If you two watched a documentary on giraffes, he’d be on the hunt for the cutest little giraffe plushie the entire week after and leading up to you guys’ next date night. And if you were going on and on about a particular animal he’d try to find the cutest plushy to get for you to add to your collection. Most times Harry was able to get lucky and find the cutest plushy for the animal you were obsessed with at the moment. But there were also times where he wasn’t so lucky. Either the animal was too exotic to be in stuffed animal form, or it wasn’t cute enough for Harry’s liking. He took his job of feeding your animal obsession very seriously.

But either way, plushy or no plushy, you were just happy to enjoy and share your love of animal documentaries with your boyfriend who you loved even more. And Harry, whether or not he’d be able find the perfect plushy, was always going to do his very best to put an even bigger smile on your face. Even if it meant having to get a little creative at times.

Now for the first time in the five or so months you’ve been obsessed with animals and watching the documentaries, you were stuck on one animal; Sharks. You weren’t quite sure as to what was so fascinating about the incredibly deadly creature but you couldn’t get enough of them. You were watching documentary after documentary on them and you even went as far as to find and watch old shark week episodes. You were quite obsessed to say the least. For the past, just about two weeks when you and Harry had your weekly animal documentary night/date night, you’d turn on something about sharks. Which prompted Harry to go out and find the perfect plushies to add to your collection. He managed to find the cutest one online the thought you’d love and he immediately placed his order so that it would arrive as soon as possible. While he waited for that stuffed animal to arrive, Harry figured you’d be onto the next animal. But no, the following week you were still obsessed with sharks. Which meant that a knot her shark plushy would be coming your way in no time. So once again, Harry went back on the “prowl” for the best shark plushies out there, spending the better part of his Wednesday evening looking for the perfect one.

After looking through the pages of plushies, hoping to find one that he could buy in-store, Harry finally found the one. It was a fairly big shark plushy, and from the photos it looked to be pretty cute, and it seemed to be very soft. All of Harry’s boxes were checked off. But the ultimate selling point for it though, was the fact that it was weighted. See, you had really bad anxiety. Your mind was constantly racing, you were constantly worrying about things and what could go wrong, and you couldn’t stop overanalyzing everything and the decision you made. It was hard for you to get rest, even when you were exhausted and in dire need of a good nights sleep. And your preexisting anxiety was only exacerbated by school. One of the things that made your mind and body all calm down in those moments where you were completely overloaded and inundated with anxiety and stress was your weighted blanket. It kind of forced you to take time out for yourself and relax, and feel comfortable, taking your mind off of the stresses that were fueling the fire of your anxiety. It was honestly like a much needed big hug and was absolutely perfect when you couldn’t exactly have Harry, your ultimate anxiety and stress reliever.

And on the topic of school, you were drowning. You were having a very rough week to say the least. Your to do list grew longer and longer as the days passed, and you were pretty sure your anxiety had reached an all time high and was on the path to reaching another record high. This week you had so many academic responsibilities you had to take care of, on top of all the things you had to do and wanted to do when it came to your personal life. You felt like every time you got one thing accomplished, two or three more things were thrown at you and demanded your attention. No matter how hard you tried to put things on a schedule and properly manage your time, a sudden wrench would be thrown into your plans and screw everything up; making your life increasingly difficult to navigate. Just the idea of school caused your anxiety to flare up. So to add everything you had to do for school this week along with your other responsibilities on top of that was quite much for you to handle. You didn’t even have the time, let alone the energy, to even have a proper breakdown and let it all out. You’d simply shed a few tears, take a deep breath, take a sip of your water, and push your feelings of being overwhelmed and tired to the side so that you could get shit done. The only things that brought you some type of relief this week were your weighted blanket, Harry’s comforting words, and you guys’ Friday night date night. And the plushies Harry told you he had for you.

When Harry spoke to you throughout the week and listened to how your week was going and how horrible it was going for you, he made it his mission to give you everything you needed when you came over on Friday night so that you can throw the terrible week you had away and have a relaxing and stress-free weekend. Once Friday finally arrived for you two, Harry spent most of the day just getting everything ready for when you came over. He went out and picked up all your favorite snacks, food, and anything else you liked, along with the weighted shark plushy and a new weighted blanket for you. You on the other hand were laser-focused on your school work and anything else that needed to be taken care of. You wanted to get everything done so that you’d have to spend no time whatsoever over the weekend doing anything besides being with Harry and relaxing your entire being. The only thing keeping you going today was the weekend Harry had planned for you. That’s it. And once you finally cleared your plate later on in the day, you dashed right over to Harry. You couldn’t wait any longer to watch your shark documentary with Harry and your new, no doubt, shark plushies.

When you get to Harry’s place, you practically break the door down and you nearly knocked Harry off his feet from how you ran in and immediately nestled yourself into him. It was nearly five minutes before the two of you even verbally greeted each other. At that moment, you just wanted to be held. Harry was the sure-fire way to calm you down when you were going through a major bout of anxiety. His presence alone made you feel safe and okay. You had your arms locked around his midsection, keeping your grasp on him as tight as possible. Almost as if you were afraid that he was going to float away from you. And Harry didn’t mind this one bit, nor did he hesitate to wrap you up in his arms and just hold you just as tight and close to him.

“Hi” You mumble into the soft fabric of Harry’s hoodie, breaking the silence between you two.

“Hi baby” He softly replies to you, squeezing you a little bit.

“Missed you this week.” You continue on, relaxing a bit more into Harry.

“I missed you too sweets. You had a pretty rough week huh?” Harry coos, continuing to hold you and stroke your back.

“Mhm…m’so tired.” You sigh.

“Well how about we get you upstairs and in a nice warm shower to get you relaxed a bit while I bring everything up. And then we can watch one of your documentaries. How does that sound sweets?” Harry proposes.

“Sounds amazing.” You agree, loosening your grip on Harry in the process.

“Then let’s get you upstairs” He then proceeds to loosen his grip around you as well before guiding you from the front door and up the stairs. Once you’re all squared away and in the shower, Harry moves his setup in the living room upstairs in the bedroom, hiding the little gifts he got for you on the floor on his side of the bed. Harry also lays out some clothes for you to throw on. You had your own drawer and everything, but even though that was the case, you still went right to his clothes. So Harry didn’t even bother going through your drawer for anything. After laying out your clothes and everything you needed for when you’re all done with your shower, Harry orders what you told him you wanted for dinner before you got in the shower. Which ends up being a good thirty minutes. It was just so nice to have some time to yourself and not have to stress or worry about something you had to get done. It was such a relief to be able to just stand under the running hot water and just not have to think. The steaming hot water melted the caked-on stress from the week and just rinsed it away, making you feel so much better than you did when you first walked through the door.

It was also a relief to walk out of the bathroom and into your boyfriend's bedroom with everything waiting for you. When you stepped out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, you stepped into this warm and cozy atmosphere Harry created for you. The bed is all warm and comfy, and extremely inviting. He had your clothes and all your post-shower stuff laid out for you on the bed. Harry even had one of your favorite candles lit on the bedside table. The tv was even on with an array of animal documentaries for you to pick from. Up until he had to rush downstairs to get the takeout he ordered for you two, Harry helped you get all settled in bed. And when he comes back upstairs, this time with the food you (and your stomach) were beyond excited for, you were all done getting ready and tucked right under the covers waiting for him to come back.

Harry quickly shuffles across the room to sit the food down onto the bed before lifting the little basket he filled to the brim with your favorite little snacks up onto the bed, making you even happier than you were already, and hopping into bed with you. He then hands you the remote, giving you the power to choose whichever documentary you wanted to watch, along with a small peck to your cheek, marking the official start to you guys’ date night/relaxing weekend. While you and Harry watch the first documentary of the night together, you’re intently watching the screen just like always as you happily stuff your mouth with the delicious food in front of you. As you watched the documentary, Harry on the other hand couldn’t help but sit back and just watch you. He was so happy to see you all relaxed and peaceful, opposed to being all stressed out and anxiety-ridden like you were when you first came over.

By the end of the first film, you and Harry are completely done with your food and have moved on to clearing off the bed so that you two can cuddle and possibly fall asleep during the next one. Once the bed is all clear and free for you and Harry to move around, you two immediately move in closer and get nice and comfortable in each other before starting the next shark-related documentary.

“Thank you so much for all of this Harry.” You thank him, breaking your focus on the tv and shifting it to Harry.

“Anything for you sweets” Harry coos, turning his attention away from the tv as well. “I hate it when you’re going through it, especially when I cant be there to help you get through. So I just wanted to give you a nice relaxing and calm weekend for you to just feel better.” He explains.

“I love you Harry.” You hum, lifting your head up from his chest to peer up at him. You weren’t able to fully comprehend why and how you even deserved such an amazing boyfriend who always wanted to make you happy when you were sad and not doing okay, and even happier when you were already beaming. He was one of the best things in your life, and one of the few that didn’t stress you out.

“I love you too baby.” Harry whispers, looking down at you and locking eyes with yours. The same way you felt like Harry’s mere existence made everything at least feel better, Harry felt the exact same way. So whenever you were going through it and not doing okay, Harry didn’t take that lightly. He always made sure to do everything in his power to get you to a better place.

When Harry puckers his lips in your direction, you immediately lock yours with them, sucking you both into a love-filled little kiss. It was nice and soft for the atmosphere you and Harry were in, but it wasn’t incredibly slow, nor it did it feel rushed or like it was lasting forever. It was perfect.

“I got you something baby!” Harry whispers excitedly upon pulling away from your lips, tapping at your sides for you to sit up.

“You told me they were plushies.” You reply, excited to see what he picked for you this time. Harry always managed to get you the cutest little stuffed animals so you were really excited to see what he got you this time.

“Yup! And here’s the first one.” Harry says, leaning down to pick up and reveal to you the regular plushy he found for you the first time.

“Oh my goodness! That’s too adorable!” You coo, holding up and looking at the adorable little shark Harry got for you. It was absolutely amazing and you were so so so excited to see the next one.

“Ready for the next one? I think you’re gonna like this one the most.” Harry says, causing you to immediately nod your head in response. “M’gonna need you to close your eyes too.” He instructs.

Once your eyes are closed, Harry leans down and picks up the weighted and fairly big shark plushy before sitting it in your lap. He then grabs the new weighted blanket he got for you and sits it between you both before instructing you to open your eyes.

When you see what Harry placed into your lap, you could instantly feel the tears welling up in your eyes. It was like Harry knew exactly what you wanted and needed. You absolutely loved your weighted blanket and you always used it, even when you weren’t in need of something to calm your anxiety. You also loved plushies, even before you were heavily into animals and Harry was finding you all sorts of plushies. They brought you some much-needed serotonin whenever you were feeling down and they were your little cuddle buddies. So to have a weighted one, a combination of everything that never failed to calm your anxiety down was absolutely amazing and you couldn’t have been more happy and appreciative. That’s why you just couldn’t help it when you started crying. You wasted absolutely no time wrapping Harry in the biggest hug, thanking him over and over for the plushy. But it wasn’t long until you just broke down.

“You have no idea how much this means to me, I had such a horrible week.” You sob into him.

“I know baby.” He coos, stroking your back as you cried. Even though he hated it when you cried, he knew that you always felt lighter whenever you just let it all out.

“I had panic attacks every day and I didn’t get enough sleep and I didn’t eat much either and I didn’t have you there for cuddles. It was so bad.” You cry, your voice cracking at the end, making Harry only tighten his arms around you. He knew it was a bad week for you, but he didn’t know it was this bad. You only told him but so much over the phone.

“Well I’m here now baby and I’m gonna take good care of you and get you back and feeling better.” Harry promises, continuing to hold you as you cry into him. You were so vulnerable right now and he just wanted you, his baby, to feel better.

As you continued to cry, you continued to mumble and talk about just how bad your week was and how much he was doing for you helped you feel better. Eventually, you ran out of words and the energy to speak or even cry. So Harry began to whisper sweet little nothings and reassurance that you’re going to be okay and that he’s going to take care of you. And as he did this, Harry could feel your body heave less and less from the crying and the little hiccups that came along with it. Once you’ve calmed down a little and as the sleep begins to overtake you, Harry then unwraps an arm from around you and reaches over to turn out the light and blow out the candle before pulling the covers higher up over you two. He also pulled the plushy and still folded blanket up as well, just in case you wanted either of them.

“Please don’t watch without me.” You mumble, your voice all nasally and filled with sleep. You were no longer tightly wrapped around Harry, but instead resting on his chest.

“I won’t darling. I just paused it so that we can go back and watch it later on when you’re nice and rested.” Harry replies through a soft chuckle continuing to stroke your back.

“Pinky promise.” You mumble back, lazily lifting your pinky up from under the covers for Harry to hook his around.

“Pinky promise.” He replies softly, bringing his pinky in to hook it around yours, sealing his promise. “Now get some rest baby.” He whispers, pulling your still intertwined hands down and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Masterlist

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howtosingit · 3 years

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if ur ok with it can u break down the tarlos huggggg in the lst ep after tk tells evy1 abt his addiction? bc that gd huggggggg i wanna no every thing u think abt it i live for ur love for tarlos theyre just so so cuteeeee

IF I’M OKAY WITH IT?! Anon, I feel like I have been waiting my entire life for this ask. I could literally talk about this hug for the rest of my existence. I would talk about this hug every second of every day if I could and never get tired or bored. This hug has owned my entire heart from the moment that it happened and I can never get enough of it. Brace yourself for this essay, and remember that you asked for it...

Okay, so before I get to the actual hug, I want to talk for a minute about why I love it so much and also how fantastic the scene is that comes before it. I’ll try to keep both of those brief (LOL). If you want to skip to the hug breakdown, I’ll give the sections titles.

Why I Love This Hug

So, why do I love this hug so much? Honestly, because I never in a million years thought we’d get something like it, and it was a big turning point for me.

I have not been quiet about how disappointing I think season 1 was. Too much Owen being Owen, too much Iris plot (which never interested me for even a single moment, unfortunately), not enough of the other characters - specifically the characters of color - and definitely not enough Tarlos.

Following episode 3, the show established a really frustrating pattern with Tarlos: they either never interacted with one another, or there was a moment of them at the end of an episode where they were in the same place physically but never spoke directly to one another. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe the Tarlos talking drought between episodes 3 and 10 - and honestly? It’s bad writing. To focus on a ship for 3 episodes, giving them a lot of different nuances and conflict, and then do absolutely nothing with it? Stupid. So, going into the finale, my expectations were low. At that point, I was literally tuning in just to catch a glimpse of Carlos, with the expectation that that was all I would get. I really didn’t think I was going to watch the show after season 1.

When the finale started with a Tarlos scene, I was honestly very surprised. But, then, of course, it was a “break up” scene, and I was like... well. So much for that. See, I fully expected, based on the trend throughout the later half of the season, that that would be the only Tarlos scene we would get, and that that is how they would end season 1.

But when that camera cut to Carlos Reyes walking through the station door looking like a modern-day motherf*cking Prince Charming? I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit that. And then WHEN WE GOT THE HUG?! I can honestly still feel my heart pounding in my chest.

The finale didn’t fix everything for me; they still barely talk in their final two scenes. It’s not all perfect. But this hug, this small moment? THAT. IS. PERFECTION. (And I’m gonna go on and on about why in just a minute!)

Framing the Hug

I just want to take another moment here to chat about the entire fire station scene with TK and the team/Carlos because there’s a lot that informs why this hug is so freaking incredible. It has everything to do with the directing choices that were made - and boy were they good ones!

We all probably remember how the scene starts: extreme close-ups on TK as he sits waiting for the crew to come back. He’s anxious and possibly having a mild panic attack, and the camera is used to create that moment. Certain shots are out of focus, the shots that are focused are zoomed in to his mouth/hands/eyes, the sound is distorted, his breathing is isolated. It’s all super effective.

So the observations that I make about this brief moment are: TK is stationary, the camera is basically attacking him. And TK is alone. Pretend for a moment that the camera is a character. The camera won’t leave him alone. No one is there to help him. His anxiety grows.

(Even when the team joins him, the camera stays pretty close to him, except for one moment where it backs off but then approaches again. It continues to invade his personal space and his personal moments with his friends and his dad.)

Now, compare that to how the scene ends: TK walks away from the camera, the camera doesn’t follow him. It gives him space. His interaction with Carlos happens in the distance. If the camera is a character, TK defeated that character. He leaves it there, it no longer threatens him. I just really like that visual storytelling; that through the 4 minute scene, TK not only faces his demons, speaks his truth, and conquers his anxiety but he beats the camera and goes off to hug Carlos untethered. (He even bounces towards him, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) That doesn’t really have anything to do with the hug specifically, but I thought it was interesting anyway.

The other comparison that I want to make is a simple one, but it’s another reason why I love the hug: TK initiates it. He doesn’t initiate the group hug with his team (he actually almost says “we don’t have to do that” when Mateo moves towards him), though he obviously enjoys it. Owen initiates their hug, flinging himself at his son, and TK obviously appreciates it.

But the Carlos hug? TK approaches him, TK raises his arm to wrap around Carlos’s neck.

Okay, now to finally answer the original ask...

LET’S HUG IT OUT: THE BREAKDOWN THAT WAS ASKED FOR

youtube

First, can I just say from his first appearance to the end of this scene, Carlos is there for 20 seconds total and I am about to write a whole-ass essay about those 20 seconds?! I’m literal trash.

Okay, so Carlos appears looking like a fucking snack. He’s changed since the bus accident, looking like someone’s hot date, and I think we know whose... Owen is basically like “well this is unexpected” and honestly, same sir. TK is adorable and noncommittal, but clearly not surprised to see Carlos there. We’ve missed a moment between them since TK was sent to the hospital and Carlos called him impressive, that’s for sure.

So when TK starts to walk towards him, the camera refocuses on Carlos and we see this adorable freaking look on his face that clearly says “how did it go?” or “all went well?” or something to that effect. I think Carlos knew what TK was doing at the station and he knew that it was a big deal for him, and I love that even before they are next to each other, he’s checking in to see how it went. He’s invested in TK’s well-being - as always - and he’s there to support him, both physically and emotionally. I COULD SCREAM.

In response to Carlos’s silent questioning, TK throws his head back and sighs. Like I said before, he seems to bounce towards Carlos, his body is pretty loose - his arms are swinging back and forth. This is a guy who just took a load off, and he’s relieved about having done so. The smile that Carlos gives him in answer says that he’s relieved too - that it went so well, that TK seems lighter. He might even be relieved that TK is being so much more open with him, clearly showing him his emotions. Their body language for this entire moment is very open, neither of them seem closed off. It truly does feel like, for the first time, they are meeting each other on equal footing, with all of their cards on the table before them. It’s such a different moment for them, certainly different than their body language during the boba date earlier in the episode.

I would be an absolute idiot if I did not pause and remark here how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT IT IS that TK is the one that approaches Carlos. I’m not the first person to notice and say this, but Carlos “I hate being the one doing the chasing” Reyes stops just inside the door. He lets TK walk towards him. It’s such an interesting, nonverbal conversation between them. In this action, Carlos is saying “I’m here, but I’m still not going to force anything. You said you wanted space, so I’m giving it to you.” Sure, he comes to the station - but I would pay good money to bet that TK invited him there following some kind of conversation about what he was doing there - but he stays at the door. He’s cautious, but open. He wants something more with TK, but he’s not going to throw himself into it just to get hurt again. So, he waits. AND TK COMES TO HIM. TK leaves his own space and enters his. TK takes the final step. TK closes the gap. TK makes the big move, and they’re finally both right in front of each other, on the same wavelength. The find that solid ground from which they’ll build their relationship together. ISN’T IT JUST BEAUTIFUL?!

Seriously, kudos to Bradley Buecker for directing this episode with multiple levels of storytelling at play. It’s really great stuff.

OKAY, there’s a little Owen and Michelle moment, but then the camera finds Tarlos again.

TK is standing in front of Carlos, they’re completely fixated on one another, their body language is just so fucking casual and comfortable I cannot stand it. See, the other hugs were all pretty intense: the team piles on top of TK, burying him, and Owen practically throws himself at TK, it’s a fairly hard hug for a man with an injured shoulder. But this hug? NOPE.

It’s so soft. It’s so gentle. TK raises his arm like he just can’t not wrap it around Carlos’s neck, like it’s the only way to be as close as possible to him and being as close as possible to him is all he wants in that moment.

What I really love about this hug is that it feels like two people who hug not because the moment is demanding it, not because they’re reuniting after a long time apart, not because they’re in a heightened state of emotion.

These two hug like it’s just what they do, what they always want to be doing, like they don’t know how not to do it. The whole thing reads like “Hi, I’m TK and my arms belong around Carlos” and “Hi, I’m Carlos, and my arms belong around TK, what else would I be doing with them?” (It’s also the vibe I get from the club scene where they wrap their arms around each other.)

IT’S INTIMACY, Y’ALL.

Look, to be a Tarlos fan, I think you have to be willing to look at the relationship on two different levels, right? One is what they verbalize to each other, which is admittedly very little (season 2, come through). The other is the story that they tell through their body language. These two have seemingly always been on the same page physically. It just comes naturally to them, from the minute they first dance to their obviously very pleasing sex scene to the way they flirt in the bar to the club to Carlos at TK’s bedside.

Their chemistry is made clear through how they physically relate to each other, and never is that more clear than in this hug that LITERALLY LASTS 2 SECONDS BUT CONTAINS MULTITUDES.

Okay, back to it... so TK strolls towards Carlos, Carlos waits for him - they symbolism is making me scream - TK raises his arm, it’s all super casual...

And then he just kind of literally falls into Carlos’s body, and Carlos basically just catches him. HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT.

They don’t even speak but because they’ve had a nonverbal conversation with just those looks that I talked about, there’s just this understanding that TK needs to just collapse a little bit and he never for one second doubts that Carlos will hold him up. THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY DO.

OKAY OKAY OKAY now we’re going to break this down from head to toe.

Like, the way that their heads just rest against each other, TK pressing close - I can almost imagine that he breathes in the scent of Carlos’s shampoo, his nose is pressed right there in his curls. AND JUST IMAGINE HIS SMILE, I BET IT’S BLINDING.

I love that their heads kind of curve around each other kind of, perfectly Yin and Yang - like, from above they would totally look like that symbol.

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE ENTIRE THING: CARLOS FREAKING REYES NUZZLING INTO TYLER KENNEDY STRAND’S NECK, LIKE HE JUST SHOVES HIS FACE RIGHT IN THERE

THE NECK KISS MADE ME SCREAM SO FUCKING LOUD THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I COULD NOT HANDLE IT

First, it’s our first kiss since episode 2.

Second, THE INTIMACY OF PRESSING A KISS TO SOMEONE’S NECK - LIKE THAT IS SUCH A SOFT PART OF YOUR BODY, THERE ARE TENDONS THERE, YOU CAN FEEL SOMEONE’S PULSE THERE - LIKE OH MY GOD

Nothing screams “I want to know every part of this man on a deep, committed level” than a fucking neck kiss, and Carlos Reyes just... he fucking does it.

Okay but he really does bury his whole face in there like he wants to keep it there forever, I have truly never seen something so soft in my entire life.

I’m so in love with them I could puke.

But like, that’s why this moment means so much to me, because I really do think that it’s a solidifying moment for both of them.

For TK, it’s a “It’s okay if I stumble or fall because this man will catch me or help me up” thing

For Carlos, it’s “he wants me, he wants this, he’s taking literal steps towards this thing between us, and he encourages me to sink into him, he wants me to do that, he really wants this”

Like, fuck.

Moving down... we gotta appreciate Carlos being mindful of TK’s shoulder, unlike literally everyone else who has hugged him. Like, he doesn’t even go anywhere near those stitches because there’s no fucking way he’s going to watch TK bleed out for the third time, nope.

And the way that Carlos just slides his arms around TK’s waist, pressing his palms into his lower back?!

I think there’s a whole like, thing, where when a person’s hands are flat and open they’re like, open and vulnerable. So there’s just something about the way that Carlos presses both of his open palms against TK’s back that feels so open and vulnerable and honest to me.

Also, the way that he literally covers as much of TK’s back with his hands as possible? He doesn’t place his hands on top of one another, he stacks them along TK’s spine - he completely covers the entirety of his lower back. That’s a really vulnerable part of the human body, and Carlos instinctively protects it. AND TK LET’S HIM.

Okay, finally, down to their feet: TK really does collapse against Carlos, throwing himself on top of him and trusting that Carlos will keep him upright. All of his weight shifts to that forward momentum, he even goes up on the toes of his right foot. Carlos plants his feet, and as TK sways into him, he wraps him in his arms and gently centers them so that they don’t tip over to the ground.

He literally re-balances them. The two of them together find a balance with one another during this TWO-SECOND HUG. They shift, they steady themselves, they sink into one another.

It’s literally symbolic of them both being completely, 100%, without question, ready for the next phase of their relationship together.

They keep each other standing, and that’s fucking true love, y’all.

I honestly cannot wait for season 2. This hug and the final scene on the hood of Carlos’s car - with TK again making the move to embrace their relationship by physically reaching into Carlos’s space for his hand and dragging it into his own space, firmly opening the door to his heart to let him inside, while also settling Carlos’s hand between his own to let him know that he’s willing to protect him and his heart too - makes me believe that we are in for some truly wonderful romance with these boys.

My heart will not stop screaming about it.

#anonymous #asks #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #911 lone star #that finale hug is the very definition of love #and I have a lot of feelings about it #thank you so much for sending this ask #I loved getting to rewatch this 3-second hug about a billion times to overanalyze it #best night I've had in a long time #holy shit this is almost 3K... for a 3-second hug... I’m literally trash #brian breakdowns #brian being tarlos trash

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osomagine-san · 4 years

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Matsu bro’s dealing with the death of their S/O? How would they cope?

Well, we already know that Osomatsu has some mild problems with dissociation.

They probably skyrocket after his S/O dies-- they made him feel like he was a real person, not the “default” sextuplet. They helped him realize so many things about himself and grow, and he couldn’t picture himself without them. He jumps back and forth between going back to how he was before you-- nosing in on his brothers’ lives and trying to insert himself as much as possible-- and shutting himself alone in a room for days on end without contacting anyone.

It’s primarily Choromatsu and Todomatsu that help him snap out of it the most. Todomatsu has a no-nonsense and cutthroat approach, which forces Osomatsu to be honest while he talks about how alone he feels even in a room with his brothers, and how he hates that he’s gone back to who he was before without you, but he just doesn’t know how to act anymore, and he’s so tired. Choromatsu provides a surprising amount of emotional support, and lets his oldest brother cry a bit on his shoulder. He suggests that Osomatsu maybe see a therapist about this, and Todomatsu has the connections to set that up.

He’d hurt a lot at first, but he’d eventually be okay. He probably wouldn’t seek out another proper S/O for at least a long time, but he has needs. He knows that you wouldn’t want it to hold him back forever, so he does his best not to let that happen.

Karamatsu is rather lost, but he’s quick to realize that he’s better for having known his S/O. He’s a bit more self-confident in a real way, embracing his dorkier side and using English half as a joke and half because he just likes it.

It’s hard at first, because he keeps reaching out for their hand only to find that they’re not there. He checks his voicemails, hoping that they’ll have called to explain why they aren’t around, but there’s nothing there. His brothers tread a little too lightly around him, and that upsets him, too. He just wants things to go back to normal, but “normal” is different. The change is hard, too.

He ends up mumbling to you under his breath every so often. When his brothers are rude to him, a small, “[S/O’s name], are you hearing this?” before he sticks up for himself. It’s really hard at first, but he can look back on the time they spent together and tell people (mainly Chibita, while drunk and rambling) how great his S/O was before they were taken from him.

It’s not very noticeable, at first, how Choromatsu grieves, but it soon becomes apparent that he’s a lot more particular. He keeps the house immaculate, cleaning over and over and over and never letting his mind rest for even a second. He somehow, finally, manages to land a job-- he isn’t coming off as over-eager because he’s trying not to let his mind wander.

It isn’t any particular moment that triggers the sudden breakdown in front of his brothers. They were just talking, and Choromatsu didn’t have enough to do with his hands while they did, but his face was suddenly wrinkled up with tears liberally pouring. He tries to apologize to his brothers, because of course he would only break down when all of them were present. Of course something like this couldn’t happen when he was alone, again, in bed, waiting to fall asleep.

“I feel like it’s my fault,” he cries. For not being there with them. For not knowing sooner. For making it to the hospital too late. Not saying goodbye; not being good enough, yet, for God to decide that he deserved someone like them, and taking them away to punish him. He can’t articulate this, because he knows it doesn’t make any logical sense-- but feelings don’t very often, do they?

A lot of the brothers breathe a sigh of relief when he starts to cry-- they were worried about him. They could all tell that he was bottling up his feelings, but they’re glad that he’s letting them out, now. They’re there for him. They’ll make fun of him a little bit, but when they do, he smiles a bit. That’s just how his brothers are.

It takes a while for Ichimatsu to be found after his S/O dies. He ran away from home, and lived on the streets with the alley cats for almost a month. He was bone-thin when he came home, with the darkest bags anyone had seen on him.

It was actually, surprisingly, Iyami that convinced him to go back home. There were a lot of motivations behind it, such as, as soon as Ichimatsu started living on the streets, a lot of the garbage food became much more scarce; and Ichimatsu was always so depressing-looking, it really brought down the already-sad vibe of underneath the bridge. Either way, the surprising wisdom that Iyami held came in the form of laughter.

“It’s my fault...” Ichimatsu had been saying, to finish up his story. “I should have been there... they were my S/O, and I couldn’t even...”

It was then that Iyami burst out laughing.

“Why are you laughing?!” Ichimatsu drew more into himself. He needed some sympathy, but he should have known better than to confide his truest feelings in someone like him...

“How could you possibly think that?!” Iyami responded. Tears poured from his eyes-- this was so funny to him. “How could you think that [S/O’s name]’s death was because you didn’t do something?!” He calmed himself down, wiping tears from his eyes, but couldn’t stop the occasional snicker. “How would you have known that would even have stopped it from happening? Karamatsu, you’re stupider than I thought.”

“I’m Ichimatsu.”

What a horrible way to phrase something like that, he thought. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Somehow, it was exactly what he needed to hear to face his family, again.

The next morning, the few things he’d had with him were packed away and gone.

It wasn’t the first time Jyushimatsu had lost a S/O, but by god, was it the worst. The sunshine boy had little sun left in him-- it had turned into a raging fire. His high school self would be envious.

Despite the newfound and juvenile anger he now held, he found that he no longer had an outlet for it. Everything reminded him of his S/O, and unfortunately, that included baseball. He spent his pent-up energy breaking things. It started small with glasses, plates, vases; Matsuyo chastised him for this, which only made him feel worse and angrier. He knocked them over onto the ground, like a cat, but sometimes when he just needed to feel something, he would use a little more force. Nothing particularly scary-- it became an annoyance after a while.

Of course, he would never hurt anybody. It came close, though, when he came into a confrontation with Choromatsu (who was sick and tired of checking the floor for glass shards before walking anywhere). Todomatsu stuck up for Choromatsu, saying that they wouldn’t take being bullied anymore. They all got it, he was upset, but the way he’d been handling it was totally unhealthy. He needed to get help or get out. A vase flew right past Todomatsu’s head, not because it had been thrown at him, but because it had been thrown at all. Todomatsu’s front came crumbling down, and he started crying.

“Get your shit together.” Choromatsu glowered, and the glare shot through Jyushimatsu.

That was when Jyushimatsu also started crying. He almost hurt someone-- he’d almost hurt his little brother! How could he do that? It was absolutely the first time he had ever come close to hurting someone, and he never, ever, ever, wanted it to happen again.

Totty muttered something snide about how crying wouldn’t get him out of this situation, but Matsuyo came running. She watched her baby boy, her happy Jyushimatsu, turn angry and act out. Hearing him cry triggered all of her motherly instincts and she held him tightly. She wouldn’t take his breaking things sitting down, but she knew why he was upset and didn’t know how to help him get better.

As a family, the eight of them sat down and talked about how they could better support Jyushimatsu during this difficult time. And slowly, Jyushimatsu got back to smiling and swinging his bat in the park again-- starting and ending with a few small words to honour you before getting to it.

[TW: Mentions of suicidal thoughts. Also I’m so sorry that this one is so much longer than the others-- my Todomatsu Boy is showing ;;]

Two-faced Todomatsu, on the outside, seemed like he refused to accept your death. When his brothers, or anyone, asked about his S/O, he pretended like he had no idea who they were talking about. Sometimes he’d let small things slip like, “They sound really cute... Maybe you’d set me up?”, but otherwise, radio silence from him about it. Even his sleep didn’t seem to be too disturbed.

The first hint to getting through to him about the incident was the fact that Choromatsu noticed that he was no longer being woken up at night to help Todomatsu to the bathroom. When Choromatsu brought it up, the other four said that they hadn’t been asked, either.

The second was that suddenly, Todomatsu was always on his phone, and never let his brothers peer over his shoulder. Him and Osomatsu used to often watch videos online, and that was a habit that Todomatsu not only cut out, but pretended as though it never happened in the first place.

The third was that he started leaving the house less and less. He stopped going to mixers with Atsushi (to the point he even came over to their house to see if he was alright), and gradually started doing less and less until he pretty much never left the house.

It went on for months like this. Soon, most dropped the idea that there was something wrong with Todomatsu. Other than those behaviours, he was acting totally normal, if not a little bit stir-crazy.

Osomatsu caught him one night, though. Todomatsu had tossed and turned a while in their futon, and eventually gave up sleeping and got up and went to the bathroom. Osomatsu hadn’t gotten any sleep at all, and suddenly remembered that Todomatsu used to always ask for help with that. He kind of assumed that he’d started holding it overnight, but clearly that wasn’t the case.

Osomatsu followed Todomatsu quietly, and leaned his ear up against the closed bathroom door.

“...[S/O’s name]?” A sniffle. “I hope your day was good. I didn’t leave the house, again. I... I know I should, I know you want me to, but I can’t, yet. I don’t know when I’ll be able to. I’m sorry.” His voice broke as he continued. “I miss you so much. I hope I get to see you again, soon. I’ve been thinking about it again... I don’t think I’ll do it, but who can tell the future?” A sob. “I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I wish we were together.” He cried for a while, to himself. Even Osomatsu felt like he was intruding. With a sniffle, Todomatsu finished. “...Okay, well... I won’t keep you any longer, tonight. Have a good sleep, wherever you are, okay? Goodnight. I love you.” Aishiteru.

Osomatsu should have left. He felt intensely like he should never have heard that, and he was aware that if even he knew that, then maybe all the more so. Todomatsu remained in the bathroom for a few more minutes-- Osomatsu heard the sink running a bit-- before he stepped out.

The eldest sextuplet had been frozen in place, so he was right up close to the door. The pair stared at each other for a long time.

“O-Osomatsu-niisan...” Todomatsu said quietly. His tone was indecipherable.

“Todomatsu.”

The pair of them didn’t speak, but moved silently together. Neither of them really knew what the other wanted, but they found themselves sitting on the roof, together.

Osomatsu didn’t quite know what to say. He wasn’t any good at this kind of thing... Literally any of their other brothers would be better off in this position, or would be able to say something helpful right then.

“Did you... How much did you hear?” Todomatsu finally asked. His voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“All of it,” Osomatsu replied. Totty flinched back at that. “Or, um, none of it. I just had to take a dump.”

Another silence passed between them. It was like the pair of them were sharing a mind, because they both were thinking, That was a stupid-ass thing to say.

The silence went on for so long, that eventually Todomatsu stood.

“We should get back inside before they notice,” he said. He grinned at his oldest brother the way he always does.

“Is that why we don’t watch together, anymore?” Osomatsu asked. This was probably his only shot at seeing Todomatsu so real, right now.

Todomatsu’s face fell, and he sat back down.

“You don’t... want me to see... the voicemails?” His voice comes and goes as he tries to puzzle it out.

“No, I just... I mean, yes, that’s part of it.” The wind blows through their hair. The night is completely quiet, as if it, too, was waiting for Todomatsu’s heart to pour. “I don’t want... to be seen. I don’t want you to see what I’m doing, or what I’m watching, or who I’m following or who’s following me. I just want something all to myself. I want me all to myself. Not that you could ever understand that.”

They talked for a while. Though his voice wavered, Todomatsu didn’t cry. The topic of conversation started at that night and ranged through the skies and the heavens before making its way back down to Earth. Todomatsu didn’t really say how he was feeling, but Osomatsu offered his ear if he ever needed to talk.

“And I mean it,” he said, “say the word and I’m there. I’ll lose one hundred thousand dollars at pachinko if you need me.”

“No, don’t do that!” Todomatsu shoved him playfully. “If you’ve got that much money in pachinko, I can wait!”

“Nope, if you need me, I can be drowning in the middle of the ocean, but if you need me, I’ll cut that shit right out and I will be there.”

“You’re so mushy tonight, Osomatsu-niisan!” Todomatsu laughed, something real that he hadn’t heard in a while.

“So are you!”

They laughed a bit, together.

“But seriously. If you need me, I’m there. This is not a request. Got it?”

Todomatsu laughed a bit. “Got it.”

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pantoneblou · 3 years

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I just finished listening to the last track after a long time and omg ..pure perfection. What do you think he means with "there's things that we'll never know?" I always wondered about that. The song is hard to pin point for me because it feels like he sings about a lover, an ex, a partner and a soulmate all at the same time. The back and fourth chant between 'We will be a fine line' and 'we will be alright' at the end sounds as if he's not sure himself 😭 can you do a song analysis plz?

Okay. Firstly, hi! I’m literally always here for some Fine Line appreciation, so I’ll happily do an analysis! In a crazy twist of events, both Falling and Adore You beat it on my most listened to songs on Spotify this year, BUT, I think that’s because it’s so deeply emotional, I can’t listen to it endlessly (like I can with Falling when I’m having a breakdown at 2am). So yes, agreed, it’s PURE BLOODY PERFECTION.

I’ll admit I do also find this song and its meaning incredibly hard to pinpoint. It feels sooooooo damn vunerable but at the same time, it makes me want to go full English teacher mode because what the fuck does any of it mean? For that reason, I think it’s one of the most intimate and closest looks that Harry gives us at his love life. Because, it’s almost like we don’t have to understand it. It’s not for us. It’s for his person, you know? It’s like he shared a song with us that was only ever meant to be heard by that one person. So, I’m going to try my best with this lyric analysis but please forgive me because honestly, I don’t think I’ll even be scratching the surface of Harry’s intentions with Fine Line.

Put a price on emotion

I'm looking for something to buy

This opening is confusing. I interpret these as Harry saying he would literally pay anything for the happiness that this person provides him with, buuuut of course emotions are priceless and the price he has to pay for their ups is all of the downs too.

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

IMO, these are the clearest lines in the entire song. This is him saying, you’ve got me, you’re never going to lose me because I love you TOO DAMN MUCH but MAN you do piss me off! If you’ve ever read about twin flame connections, that’s the vibe these lines give me… This person isn’t just a lover but his missing half.

I don't want to fight you

And I don't wanna sleep in the dirt

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

I read ‘the dirt’ here as any version of life without this person. As though it doesn’t really matter how much they’re fighting, how awful the world is around them, it could never be worse than being without one another. ‘We’ll get the drinks in’ says to me, this fight isn’t over, and I’m still upset about this mysterious ‘her’ but, I know I need you.

We'll be a fine line x6

Ahhhh… the fine line between what? Love and hate, needing one another and wanting to be apart? The repetition is what really does it for me here. Harry repeating this line 6 times seems to suggest that they’ve face a lot of hardship, and he knows there’s more to come, but that there’s no way they could do it without one another.

Test of my patience

This just builds on the chorus and the last verse. This whole relationship is a test of his patience. It’s not a test he’s going to fail, but damn it’s not easy either!

There's things that we'll never know

This is the line you asked about specifically and I totally get why! Harry is so cryptic. For me, this is Harry referencing the early days of this relationship, which I get the sense was when they were both young and naïve. The things they’ll never know is how and why it’s ended up so complicated, or why so much is expected of them. Also, this describes the moment I think I went through at some point in my early twenties, when you surpass a certain level of intelligence and recognise that you only know a minimal fraction of how the world works. Harry and his person will never know why they found one another, what brought them together and to this point, they just know that it’s right.

You sunshine, you temptress

My hand's at risk, I fold

I love this line, because it’s like he’s confirming that despite allllllll of the hatred that this person can instill in him, they’re still the source of his light. They’re the gold from Golden, the Sun of Sunflower Vol 6. He’s discarding his cards, ‘folding’, because trying to fight his feelings is useless, trying to walk away from this person will never work.

Crisp trepidation

I'll try to shake this soon

Just, so much nervousness. So much apprehension. It’s been a long time and this person still lights a fire in him.

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

Said it before and I’ll say it again. The most beautiful line he’s ever written. The only way I can describe why this line resonates so much with me is because it’s like… this relationship he’s talking about, despite all the shit it’s going through and how he can ‘hate’ them sometimes?? It’s still not toxic. No one’s doing any unhealthy idolising. This person may be his sun, they may be the most beautiful thing in his life but he’s also spread them so far open that he’s seen them at their absolute worst… and he still loves them?? Like he’s so aware that they exist both as a part of his life and as a whole nuanced person. (For me this line ALONE crushes the rads claims that Harry is a narcissist because narcissists aren’t capable of the empathy that it implies)

We’ll be a fine line x12 We'll be alright x2 fine line x 2 We'll be alright x 3

I think the jumping back and forth between alright and fine line suggests that Harry is aware their fight isn’t over. Whatever it is that they’re battling, it’s still here, they’re not done yet. But, I have to say I don’t get the sense he isn’t sure. I get the sense that Harry is saying ‘We’ve got through this before, we can do it again. I know it’s going to be fucking hard, but I know we can. And we’ll be alright, we always are.’ When he ends the song, he ends it KNOWING they’ll be alright.

All in all, I think that this song is meant to be about a soulmate, a once in a lifetime connection type of relationship. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself. The reason he hates them sometimes, is they make him realise all of the things he hates about himself. But they’ll always be his Sun, his light, no matter how thin the ‘fine line’ between love and hate grows.

It’s just gorgeous.

#I tried to make this short I promise!!!!#but I LIVE for language analysis #fine line #lyric analysis #fine line analysis #song analysis #Harry Styles #hs #angel #mine #ask #anonymous

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xxmisty · 4 years

Text

My Big Humiliating Torchwood Confession - Part 1 :P

Warning: this will be a LONG post, and i’m sorry about that!

Lucy is sat opposite me asking me repeatedly if I’ve started typing yet because she knows how desperately i’m putting off making this post!!1

This is awful, this is.... probably the most embarrassingly intimate confession i’ll have made since the day I opened up about my fetish way back at the start of 2013. And on the surface of it it probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but IT IS TO ME! And a big chunk of the trauma i’m about to express is tongue in cheek but it’s genuinely been - and continues to be - a huge bundle of DISTRESS AND HUMILIATION AND UTTER RESENTMENT!!! Because this year has been.... one hell of a personal journey and i don’t even mean anything to do with the pandemic.

It all started on New Year’s Day. I was feeling horrendously ill; the miraculous medication that had started to give me my life back had run out and thanks to the festive postal delays my new lot hadn’t arrived yet. I was in agony, I had a horrible headache, I felt sick and I could hardly move. We spent the day watching a bunch of muppet stuff, and that night we watched the first ep of season 12 of Doctor Who and, y’know, it was a pretty damn good episode (plus thirteen in the suit.... fuuckkk)

So afterwards we started having a discussion about Chris Chibnall - we’ve long held criticisms about some of his writing (not all of it, but it’s a mixed bag) and Lucy told me I still hadn’t seen his worst writing because that was for Torchwood...

Which I had never seen. Which I had been desperately trying not to see, although I didn’t know why. I just always had this vibe like a big “NO ENTRY!” sign at the idea of ever watching it. It’s not as though I had a logical reason for it, it’s not like I’d read up about it and thought, ‘naahhhhhh, I don’t fancy watching that’. I just had a big WARNING sign in my head, telling me not to go there.

Several years ago Lucy made me watch the first episode (after i’d been avoiding her threats of showing it to me for like 2 years) and like... it wasn’t horrible? It wasn’t... great either... but it didn’t kill me. Then a couple of years ago she showed me Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang because we were having a big Runaways phase so she wanted to show me an episode with James Marsters in. Again, it didn’t kill me. It wasn’t horrible. But I still had those big NO ENTRY!!! signs up in my head. I was still trying desperately to avoid actually being shown Torchwood as a show.

And the the new year happened and I was too WEAK AND DEFENCELESS to know what was happening when Lucy and I cuddled up in bed that night. I was too sick to really comprehend what she was doing or to fight back when she announced she was going to show me the very worst of Chris Chibnall’s writing... and put on Day One followed by Cyberwoman.

Oh. My. God.

All day I had been in a state of physical agony. Suddenly my mental and emotional state was far, FAR worse!!! The sex gas alien was bad enough, then by the time she put on Cyberwoman my brain was trying to shut down. I used to suffer blackouts and, god, I kept blacking out all the way through it, and instead of being her usual loving, wonderful self she KEPT FORCING ME TO COME ROUND TO WATCH IT!!!

By this point it was gone midnight and I was in a state of utter distress!! This was the worst double helping of tv I had ever sat through in my life and I sat up and let forth a tirade of absolute distress! This, I decided, had to be the reason I’d been avoiding Torchwood. Because it was more like.... Torurewood :P

Yep, that had to be it. Couldn’t possibly be anything worse, could it?

At least now lucy had shown me those two terrible Chibnall eps I would NEVER EVER HAVE TO WATCH THEM AGAIN. Or ANY Torchwood episodes. Yes, my ordeal was over. Had to be.

Nope. We went back to bed and she put on Out if Time. And i’ll admit, the story was much stronger but goddddd I had issues with the endings! And my level of despair started to rise even higher. I HATED Torchwood! This was the most distressing night’s viewing ever and I just wanted to go to sleep and be done with it all! Lucy put one more episode on afterwards: They Keep Killing Suzie. And that was much better but halfway through we finally fell asleep - so surely my trauma was over with.

Nope.

I had horrible nightmares of a very thirsty Gwen coming onto me all night, over and over again and it was HORRIBLE!!! Like, you have no idea how distressed I was! And when I woke up I blamed lucy whole-heartedly and she very sympathetically laughed at my plight!

But yeah. My trauma was over. No more Torchwood. I’d suffered the night from hell. Now it was time to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move on! My medication arrived that day, I started work on some new pet portraits and life went back to normal.

Until that night, when I saw the telltale sign of Lucy putting a video on and turning her iPad around and then there they were - the opening titles of Torchwood - and I wanted to jump out the boat and into the canal and swim as far away as possible!!!

But the episode she put on was Fragments. She said she wanted to show me Chris Chibnall’s finest episode. And y’know what? It was really pretty fucking good. And god, I was fURIOUS about that!!! When we went to bed she pulled a real double whammy though by putting on Adam - which became instantly one of my favourite episodes of ANYTHING, EVER. And I looked at my wife, shook my head, sighed and told her, ‘nice save, Lucy... nice save...’

Over the next couple of weeks we also had a major Doctor Who rewatch and revisited most of the New Who era, and - to my mixed feelings - she dotted various other episodes of Torchwood in around them. I was conflicted - after the Adam and Fragments double bill I was no longer in brain-screamy hatred territory. I did however keep having flashbacks to that godawful night. Plus i’d had several further nightmares about a thirsty Gwen and I did NOT like it! But by a couple of weeks into January I’d seen a fair bit of Torchwood. Some of them twice.

Around this same time I’d started back in testosterone after not being able to afford it for the last 3 years. And then I started to notice I was getting some..... urghhhhhh..... unusual... and very uncomfortable feelings... about certain.... things... and characters.

And I started falling headlong into a great big gay panic :P

And here’s where the whole story becomes a HELL of a lot more embarrassing so i’m going to put it under a read more :P

Did ya click on that read more? Wh-why? there’s nothing to see here... especially not a long tale of shame and distress :P ugggghhhhhhh ok, FINE;

Basically there were two things happening at the same time. One was that I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in two decades. When I was a kid/teen we didn’t have the phrase ‘hyperfixation’ so I just called them obsessions. I always had obsessions, at any given point there was always this ONE THING that was my entire life. i lived it, breathed it, became it. It was my whole world, my whole personality, my focus, my lifeline. 9 times out of 10 it would be a tv show. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I would generally change my obsession about once a month. There were several ‘usual suspects’ that would cycle around over and over - Red Dwarf, The Brittas Empire, Sonic the Hedgehog, Halfway Across the Galaxy, Parallel 9, Out of this World...

late in 1995 I became obsessed with The X Files and - bizarrely - that obsession just ran and ran. I was so used to my obsession changing around once every month that it was bizarre to still be absolutely hyperfixated on it almost 9 months later. And then, in June 1996, my longest ever obsession took its place, a little known uk fantasy show called Bugs.

That... was my longest running obsession. And oh my god, was I ever obsessed with it. I have no idea how that one obsession kept going for 3 years. i’m sorry this is particularly wordy but this is kind of personal and I want to explain this right.

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll probably known that one of the most defining moments of my life happened in the summer of ‘98. My cousin’s husband sexually assaulted me and my life spiralled into total despair. While that night was bad enough, the slow breakdown I went through over the course of the year that followed was harder to recover from. And eventually I came out the other side to some degree but i’d lost my love of three things that made me the person I was: writing, drawing and being obsessed. All three were so closely entangled with that night and surviving afterwards that it changed something that had always been a fundamental part of me.

I was no longer able to feel obsession. To hyperfixate the way I previously had. It was like something was broken inside me. And that was like a loss unto itself. It was SUCH a big part of me. It had been the only way i’d survived years of depression when I was young. My obsessions were what kept me afloat.

In the last decade there are a few things that I called ‘obsessions’ and I thought were as close as I would ever get to the way I used to feel. I thought maybe it was because i’d ‘grown up’ (pah). That’s not to say that i wasn't thoroughly into Ashes to Ashes, FNAF and Homestuck, for example, because of course I was! I even called them obsessions, but there was something that just... wasn’t the same, no matter what I did.

And over time, I got back the other things I’d lost. I started writing my A2A fics in 2010 and Lucy helped me to start drawing again in 2018 and god, both times it was like finally having a piece of myself returned after so long! As for my ‘obsessions’, I just thought I wasn't able to feel the way I used to because I wasn’t a kid any more.

But then, I thought that about Christmas Eve too, and then lucy came into my life <3

Still, the last thing I was expecting was... for *those* feelings to start sneaking back in my life. Feelings I hadn’t been able to experience since the summer of 1998-9. And to my further distress I discovered that they were relating to a certain show that I’d had a traumatising introduction to on new year’s day...

Suddenly it was all I could think about; TORCHWOOD! TORCHWOOD! Aargghhhhh and yet I still hated it! It was still awful! And yet... at the same time... it was so goooooooood.... arghhhhh, every time we watched an episode there was a knife twisting in my guts, reminding me that I hadn’t even felt these feelings over things we’d been HUGELY into... the fandoms we’d met through, the fandoms we discovered together. Nope. It was Torchwood that brought back my ability to hyperfixate! And I have SO MANY ANGRY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!

And believe me, I kept thinking it was going to stop and go away BUT IT HASN’T! It’s only gotten worse! And as of yesterday Torchwood officially became my second longest obsession ever!!!

I. AM. FURIOUS!!!

It’s... urrghhhh I hate this fact but it’s almost like I have a crush on the *show*??!!! I... can’t explain it better than that??? It’s like, if I could throw Torchwood on the bed and make sweet, sweet love to it I would :P and yeah, i’m saying all of this tongue in cheek but i’ve had a fucking sky high libido ever since I went back on T (ohhhhh and believe me I am LOVING it!!! 💙💙💙) But it’s like... there are elements of Torchwood itself that are so fucking hot that I get.... reactions that I am SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED ABOUT for so many reasons deidjdhdggjhaaahhhhhhhhh

Lucy literally only has to say ‘Torchwood’ at me and I end up in a gibbering heap half the time - I am not even kidding!!!

This, however, is NOT the worst thing that happened as a result of Lucy making me watch this god damned show.

But honestly this post has gone on WAY too long already so i’m going to save that for part 2.

Oh god... my shame.... my total and utter shame....

To be continued :P

#torchwood #about me #me #obsessions #hyperfixation #moirspritmaterail blogging #Lucy is MEAN!!!#my posts

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shannygoatgruff · 4 years

Text

My Brother’s Keep - Chapter XV

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA+18

Overall Warning: Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia, and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.

Chapter Warning: Nervous breakdown. Sexual assault, rape, beating. Captive/prisoner. Heavy trigger warning. I also added a pic at the end of the victim looking battered (I usually just add nice photos of them but I found one that worked perfectly).

Summary: Mama always said to be their brothers’ keeper. Now there is absolutely nothing these two won’t do for each other. Boys will be boys…

A/N: This chapter contains a sexual assault - as always I tried to make it more about what the aggressor was feeling than what was happening and as tactful as possible. The next couple of chapters are becoming more intense as our boy is devolving and Ivar is ramping up...As always I love your theories and convos about our boys.

I have taken the suggestion to write something from Ivar’s POV. I will, but it will come later.

Chapter XV

I can’t do anything but watch him move around the kitchen. As he opens the refrigerator door and starts to sing this damn song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, I wonder how in the hell can he just break out in show tunes right now? This isn’t the fucking place or time for a musical sing-along.

Everything about this moment is surreal. From the way he places the lunch meat on the counter to the way he walks over to those stupid ass glass-front cabinets to grab a saucer, it feels like I’m not really here seeing it. It feels more like I’m watching myself watch him than actually sitting here. I’m so alone, even though he’s right here in the room with me.

He grabs the loaf of bread and sits it next to everything else he needs before he suddenly spins on the ball of his foot and puts his fist up to his mouth like a microphone, “It’s beyond me, help me, mommy. I’ll be good, you will see. Just take these dreams away...”

Is he really performing a musical right now? I’m in the middle of a fucking nervous breakdown because there’s a woman in a cage in our basement and he’s singing show tunes? Did I miss something?

Ivar is upset with me, but he would never be cruel. He would never deliberately try to break me. How in the hell can he be so happy right now when I’m falling apart? Doesn’t he see what this is doing to me? Doesn’t he care or have I just become so insignificant to him that he doesn’t realize that I’m here anymore?

"Mustard,” he says to the room and walks over to the fridge to retrieve the condiment.

I’m invisible now. That must be it. My insecurities have finally get the better of me and swallowed me up whole. I always knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep living on the edge of just being able to be seen. I’ll admit, it was comfortable there, but I know it couldn’t be permanent. Being on the edge of being seen meant that I was never going to be someone that anyone would pay attention to, but I would never truly invisible. I liked being extremely ordinary. But, I guess it came at too high a price. The more time I spent in my head the more I drifted from being ordinary to becoming forgettable.

There’s a difference between someone that blends into a crowd and someone that no one in the crowd ever remembers seeing. The guy that doesn’t ever get seen is the one that everyone starts to wonder if he ever existed in the first place.

All of this going back and forth with myself, not being able to fight the hunger, always wondering if Ivar is mad at me…doubting every fucking thing I do…it’s made me disappear. I’m becoming forgettable.

Ivar’s fucking forgotten about me. Just that quickly, he was able to make it so I didn’t exist. It was probably because I never meant as much to him as he meant to me. Why the fuck would I think otherwise? People want to surround themselves with representations of themselves. They don’t want to be around sniveling, basket cases, who can’t make up their minds, and sit on kitchen floors because they’re too scared to go downstairs and face the woman in a cage or go to my room. I should be able to stand up or give in to the hunger and not feel guilty either way.

He steps over my legs to get to the pantry and grabs a soda before returning to the counter to finish his culinary masterpiece. The precision in which he prepares his meal is almost poetic. Mustard on one side of the bread, mayonnaise on the other, he even neatly tucks the ends of the meat in so that nothing hangs over. He’s so meticulous. I never noticed how careful and thoughtful out everything Ivar does.

"Would you like a sandwich?" Ivar’s nonplussed tone pulls me out of my head.

Oh, thank God, he sees me! I haven't disappeared after all. I want to tell him I’m sorry and not to forget me. I want to tell him that I need him and I’m slowly disappearing. But when I open my mouth the words won’t come out, "Why is there someone downstairs?" I don't want to know why I really want to know if I can have her.

With a shrug, Ivar takes his saucer to the table and pulls out the chair. He sits, folds a napkin in his lap, and cracks open his canned soda before he bites into his sandwich. Counting the twelve times his jaw moves before he swallows, I feel myself growing impatient. I need answers. "She was a present for you. But, seeing as how you don’t ‘need this anymore’, she's my project now."

I don't say anything because I have the overwhelming urge to run to him and thank him. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. But, I can't accept his gift. We shouldn’t give each other people in cages as presents. Other people don’t do this, do they?

"You can't keep her here." Every part of me wants her to stay, even if saying she can’t stay seems like what I’m supposed to say. There's a safety net knowing that she's here if I ever need her, but the temptation is too great. She has to leave.

"Calm down, Hvitserk. I know that." He laughs and shakes his head before wiping crumbs that have fallen onto the table into his hand. "I don't plan on keeping her here. I had big plans for that one. But now," he shrugs his shoulders and takes another sip from the can, "she'll leave when she dies."

"Ivar…"

"It just doesn't feel right partying without you. So instead of the usual, I'm going to conduct a little experiment. I want to see how long she can last on her own. I won't help her, even if she begs me too. I'll make her do it herself." He still won't turn to look at me, but at least he's talking to me. He's not showing one iota of being unhappy with me, yet he won't make eye contact. I'm afraid that I've hurt him more than I can ever make up for. "I feed her. Let her out to go to the bathroom, twice a day. Punish her when she doesn't piss on the paper. You know, treat her like the bitch that she is." He laughs at the analogy before picking up his sandwich and taking another bite, "I'll see how long she can take it before I tell her her options."

Without him explaining them I already understand her options. Ivar is either going to keep her just barely alive for an eternity or he's going to drive her so crazy that she kills herself. He is so innovative. A part of me hopes that she holds on because knowing that she's here has started my adrenaline pumping. "How long have you had her?"

He looks at the ceiling as if the timeline is written there, "Since she pissed you off."

"Me? Who is it?" It dawns on me. That's why she wasn't on the fucking news. He offered to kill her if it would make me happy and I didn't tell him not to. He found her and brought her to me as a gift? And here I thought he was forgetting about me, but he was really showing me that he loves most of all. I can’t believe he did this for me, "Why?" I can barely squeak out the question because of the sob I’m trying to hold back.

He shrugs his shoulders and eyebrows simultaneously making him look like an exaggerated child, "Because I know that you wanted her the most."

That's not true. I go for the ones with the vibe, the ones that taunt me with their charisma. Never once have I been with someone out of spite. He does that, not me. "No…" My head shakes violently and I feel the tears start to well in my eyes. I don't want to believe him. But, I can feel myself wanting her more knowing how much I hate her. I can do whatever I want and not feel guilty about it because that bitch deserves it. But, I know her name. That should make me not want her, right? But I do. God, I want her so bad. "I didn't ask you to do this."

"You didn't have to, Hvitserk. I know what you need." He stands from the table and walks over to the sink. "You don't want to need her, but you do." There's a pause while he rinses his dishes and stacks them neatly in the drying rack. He starts singing again, fully enveloped in his task. Only after he has the sink cleared and the can of soda thrown in the recycling bin, does he turn to me with a pout on his lips.

Shaking his head as if watching a child, Ivar walks over to me and squats. "I know you," he whispers, pushing the hair that has escaped from my ponytail behind my ear. "Just like, I know that you'll go upstairs and try to convince yourself that I'm wrong. You'll find every reason why you shouldn't but only one why you should. And do you know what that reason is?" I shake my head no, but I’m afraid I might know what the reason is, "Because you need it."

The tears in my eyes blur his face, but I can still see those beautiful blue eyes full of concern for me. "I don't want to need it," I whisper, trying like hell to convince myself more than him. I don't want to be like this. Not anymore.

"But you do, and it’s okay. It time that you accept it, honey," I can tell by his tone of voice that this is just as hard for him as it is for me.

There are so many things that I want to say to him. But only one thing comes to mind, "Why are you doing this to me?" I want to be mad at him for giving me this choice. I want to hate him for allowing me to take comfort in the monster inside of me. But the truth of the matter is, I don't.

Deep down I know he's right. Shit, who am I kidding? I don’t have to go dig down deep, Ivar is right on the surface. I need this. I want him to be wrong. Everything in me wants him to be wrong. But he’s not.

Why can't I be strong, just once?

Ivar smiles, sits beside me, and pulls my head onto his shoulder. I've been aching for him to hold me for so long that the only thing I can do is break down in his arms. This is the side of me that Thora will never understand. I don't even understand it. Only Ivar does and he never seems to get tired of it.

"Oh, baby. I would never do anything to hurt you. Don’t you know that? Everything I do is to try to help you. Do you think I enjoy watching you like this? It fucking tears me up inside. I hate that bitch for making you feel you feel like this when all I want is for you to be happy." He squeezes me tighter, rocking with me on the floor. "Right now, the only thing that can make you happy is locked up in a cage in the basement. Take her. That's what she's there for."

"I'm scared," my voice is so small and I feel so helpless. I don't want to be like this, but it makes so much sense. Everything has a way of making sense when he says it. That's why I need him so much. He never lies to me. He only has my best interests at heart. He loves me, even with this side of me that is never fucking satisfied. But he sees past all that shit. He knows that I just have this thing inside of me that needs to feed. And that doesn't make me a bad person.

It's the act that's bad, not me.

Pulling away he wipes my tears with his thumb and holds my chin in his hand. "How can I make this easier for you? Do you want me to hold your hand and wait with you downstairs like I always do?" He's still so gentle with me. Even after all of this. "Or would you rather me take her up to your bedroom?"

My head shakes vehemently at that suggestion. That's the bed that I share with Thora. I'll be damned if that slut is going to taint it, "The foldout cot is fine."

"Give me a few minutes. I'll come back up and get you when everything is ready." With a gentle kiss to my lips he stands up and I slide out of the way of the basement door.

I don’t even turn around as I hear him go down the stairs singing again.

I hate myself for being like this. I hate Ivar for loving this thing in me. And I hate this bitch for being here and making me do this.

Every ounce of hatred I have in me I take out on her. She's getting almost two weeks’ worth of pent up aggression, anger, fear, and starvation. My hunger won't subside until it feasts on her completely and feeding never felt so good. If only this bitch would stop fucking screaming, I could enjoy it.

I push her face further into the mattress to shut her up.

Her screams turn my anger into this shade of red that is changing the color of everything around me. I’m so busy looking at these strange new colors that I hardly feel Ivar's hand close around mine, "Not so hard, baby." He increases the grip on my hand and pulls it upward to release her face. "If you suffocate her she won't be here whenever you need her."

I'm not sure that I want her here, though. I don't want this kind of temptation looming over me every day. As long as she's here, I'm going to think about her. Whenever I'm in the home I'm going to have the urge to see what she’s doing, to listen to her beg me to take her. She doesn’t leave me much choice. If she doesn't kill herself, I have to.

I'll think about playing the hero after I get my fill of her. At the rate I'm going, that won't be for a very long time. From this position, I can't see her face. I thought taking her from behind would give me open access for whatever I want to do to her, but this isn't about what part of her I want to rip open, it's about seeing her reaction to it.

I flip her over and push her legs back so far that I hear her hip pop. She's getting off easy that it's me doing this to her and not Ivar. I'm doing her favor, and she's too fucking ungrateful to notice it.

"Fight back, you bitch!" Damn her for not cooperating. Doesn't she know that I need this to be over, so I can go back to trying to pick up the pieces of my life? She won't cry. I can hear her whimpering, but there aren't any tears. Damn her. "Shut the fuck up." She's fucking it up and it’s pissing me off.

I'm sick of being nice. I tried to make her understand that I didn't want to hurt her, but she's asking me to. She must want it rough or she would do what I need her to do. Why else would she be looking right at me? Her eyes are fucking calling me, wanting more. Fuck. Now, I have to give her more.

I grip her hair to pull her into a seated position on the cot in front of me. This fucking gag is in the way. Before anything else happens, I still feel the need to explain to her the rules. With one hand tightly around her throat and my other in her hair, I pull her head back until her eyes meet mine. "You're gonna suck my cock and if you scream or try to bite me, I will kill you." I don't even recognize my voice. It sounds more like Ivar's than my own.

I have never threatened to kill anyone before but I mean it with her. I feel myself losing control, but it's not like how it normally is. Usually, when I lose it, I feel out of place, like something is wrong. But this is different. I'm so angry. I can't stop it. It's scary but it's comforting at the same time. This anger is making my hands shake as the grip around her neck gets tighter. I could choke her to death with one hand and be amused by it.

"You're doing great, baby." Ivar's voice forces me to look up at him. He's made himself a seat on top of the washing machine and he's eating chips like he's watching a movie.

I know I should feel like this is wrong, but right now I can't. Right now, the hunger has found a companion in my anger and those are the only two emotions that I can allow myself. But once they stop, I know the guilt will be worse than it has ever been before. After all, I don't want to do this. I have to.

There's something about her face without the gag that forces the rage out of me. I hate this bitch more than anybody I've ever met. And just looking at her forces me to punch her repeatedly. She bleeds too much. I don't like the smell of blood and this bitch is bleeding all over me. "You lying bitch! You like making shit up about us? Fuck you." I hit her with such force that she falls to the cement floor, choking and sputtering on blood.

"He didn't give you permission to move." Ivar's voice holds such amusement as he speaks to her frightened eyes that are looking in his direction. "Tsk, tsk, tsk." I shoot a look in his direction, suddenly resenting the fact that he's trying to intimidate her. This is about me and my anger toward her. Ivar puts his finger up to lips to signal that he'll stay quiet. He knows that I need to do this on my own. I need to feed off of her fear of me, without his help.

Listening to her whimper forces me to keep her quiet. She won't scream, so I can't kill her, but I have to shut her up some way. I bang her head against the cold floor and before she can recover, I pin her shoulders down with my legs. I don't care if I'm hurting or if I'm her ripping her hair out while holding her head off of the floor. She needs to finish what she started. If she didn't ask for this, she wouldn't be in this situation now.

With each wave of my orgasm, a larger wave of guilt crashes against me. This is what I was afraid of. It's going to swallow me whole. I hate her, but I need her. I don't want her to leave, but she can't stay here. I'm afraid of what I could have done to her if Ivar hadn't have been here to stop me.

"It's okay, baby. You were amazing," Ivar helps me to stand hands my shorts to me. I can't even put them on, I'm crying too hard. I can just barely make out his body kneeling in front of me when I feel my shorts being pulled up my legs. "You go on upstairs and get yourself together. I'll clean up this mess that Judith made."

She's covered in her blood and squirming on the floor. "What are you gonna do?" My voice is so weak that it's barely audible.

A brilliant smile lights Ivar's face as he reaches over to the table next to the washer and grabs the bottle of bleach. "I'm going to destroy evidence." He chuckles while unscrewing the bottle and pouring it haphazardly over her body.

I can't watch this. Not anymore. I have to get out of here. My legs won't carry me up the stairs fast enough and just as I reach the top, I hear the metal bars of the cage close. She's back in her new home. Safe and sound until the next time I need her.

I notice that Ivar has left a joint for me in the ashtray on the kitchen table. Taking a seat, I light it and close my eyes as I choke back the aroma. I can't do this anymore. I can't live with the consequences. I know what I need to do and I'm taking the first step, right now.

As soon as I see Ivar's smiling face emerging from the basement, I flick the ashes aside and look at him sternly. "I'm moving out of the house and marrying Thora, whether you like it or not."

Ivar's eyes turn cold almost immediately and the calmness in his voice scares me. "That's what you think." A sick smile dances on his lips and that laugh…

Dear God, what have I done?

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wincore · 5 years

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count to six | lee donghyuck

pairing: haechan x reader

words: 2.7k

prompt: anonymous sent: could you write a boyfriend donghyuck for valentine’s day? i love your writing!

genre: fluff like a LOT of FLUFF

warnings: language (?)

a/n: i wasn’t sure what you wanted anon, please accept my heavy dose of fluff!! also i made it really cheesy again sdfghj i promise i’ll have more plot next time

If you ever, at some point in your life, thought getting stranded in the rain with your boyfriend is romantic, you were terribly wrong. Especially if your boyfriend is a whining mess, more grumbly than usual on a hungry stomach.

You slouch forward onto your knees, thinking you should really start paying attention to the weather forecast, and also to your three year-old of a boyfriend. Donghyuck sulks sitting at the steps to a closed restaurant, the only shelter you could find from the sudden downpour after your afternoon classes. It sucks having extra classes on a weekend, but the gloomy weather is what really ruined your mood. You just hope your notes aren’t soaked from the run you had to make after the suddenness of the first few raindrops.

“I don’t understand why we can’t just make a run for it,” Donghyuck repeats, “I don’t care if I get sick right now.”

“Because, Hyuck, you’re gross when you’re sick,” you state. He’s also grumpier when he’s sick, even worse than when he’s hungry.

Donghyuck frowns, exaggerating his feelings with a show of wiping away invisible tears. His pouted lips turn back to normal when he notices you deliberately ignoring his face.

“Think about it,” he says, looking up before turning to you, “It could be fun!”

“What’s so fun about your nose leaking?” you deadpan.

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows. “That’s not the point. We don’t have to go to class, and I get to make chicken soup for you.”

The open-mouthed smile on his face is accompanied with an almost hopeful glance, while you suppress your laughter that comes naturally in his presence. It wasn’t like this before, but you’d have quite some trouble admitting you’re the happiest when you’re with him.

“Don’t you like taking care of me too?” he says, sudden teasing in his tone.

“When am I not taking care of you?” you rub your temples as you respond.

The flower pots lining the steps keep their residents facing the sky, as if waiting patiently for the sun to come out again. Donghyuck leans against the railing, his head touching the cold iron, as he sighs dramatically.

“My own lover treating me like a burden,” he says in a distressed tone, enough to land him an acting role at the annual play. “Truly a tragedy, my life is.”

“Gosh, you’re so dramatic,” you complain. “Just sit still for a while till the clouds clear up.”

“But that’ll take so long,” he whines, “And I’m hungry. I’m pretty sure I’ll die if I don’t eat soon.”

You roll your eyes, giving up trying to reason with him. There are times when your boyfriend is cute, and there are times when he’s annoying. Lately, they seem to be merging into making you feel an indescribable flurry of emotions where you want to just kiss him and smack him across the head at the same time. As noisy as he can get, he still looks annoyingly adorable with his lips shaped into a pout and his eyes as wide and resolute as a child’s.

Your temper and emotions go back and forth like a switch when you’re with Donghyuck. One moment, you’re talking casually about things you like and things you want to do, and the other, you’re at each other’s throats. The sort of relationship you have has given your friends a topic to joke about (especially Renjun, who pokes at either of you to tick you off) and while your life never gets devoid of colour, the push and pull can get tiring sometimes.

Right now, you feel exhausted. You’re sure Hyuck is too, and yes, a part of you feels bad for him skipping breakfast and having to go hungry no matter how much he dramatizes it. He’s usually responsible (surprising) but sometimes his mood swings do get the best of him. If you hadn’t known him, you would still be scowling at him and every little thing he does.

The first time you met him, the first day of college to be precise, it was more a mess than anything else. You got off on the wrong foot, and didn’t get along ever since for a very, very long time.

The way he spoke, and still speaks as though rules don’t apply to him, the way he liked to pick a fight with you every time in the cafeteria, the way he shrouded himself with the popular kid vibe—all of it pissed you off. You didn’t like how his teasing used to go too far, whether it was meant for you or anyone else not on his friend list, didn’t like how he was so full of mischief and all sorts of trouble, didn’t like how he was always determined to be the centre of attention. It was hard to find people who didn’t know him, but you found yourself frequently reminding him that he didn’t own the world, that the world wasn’t his best friend. You also hated how he was good at anything he did, the ugly portion of you ensured that. That was all part of Lee Donghyuck, you decided, the most annoying little monster you’ve ever known, the boy whose face made you regret stepping foot on campus.

Looking back on it, you wonder if you realized then that the world is more than black and white after meeting Donghyuck; that it has yellows and oranges, reds and purples too.

“Your face is so annoying,” Donghyuck made sure to tell you in every class you had together.

You glared at him every time and tried your best to ignore him. You never understood how he could be so maddening without any effort at all. It bothered you, however, that at least he was annoyingly loving towards his friends, whereas he never took off his mean demeanour with you.

And as it turned out Lee Donghyuck is also terrible at voicing his emotions. Or so you thought. It’s always been either making a show of overly affectionate kisses or verbal insults and teasing with him, as far as you knew. You, however, weren’t his friend and you deduced he most likely insulted you so frequently because he hated your guts and because of the competitive air of your classes.

The last person you had expected to find in the middle of your mental breakdown was, hence, Lee Donghyuck. You had tears streaming down your red and splotchy face, hugging your knees at some obscure corner of the campus grounds, with the skies getting ready to change colours. You didn’t expect to find anyone, much less Donghyuck there, and the unpredicted state of affairs left you paralyzed in your place.

And the last thing you expected was for Donghyuck to crouch down beside you and place a warm hand on your back. He looked as though he wanted to say something but he refrained, choosing to stay still instead. It was a few minutes of you choking back your sobs when he opened his mouth, his voice sounding unsure, unfamiliar with having to comfort someone in your condition.

“Just,” he says, voice soft, “Just count to six, and pretend it’s over.”

You breathed for the six seconds you’re instructed to count, and look at Donghyuck with a calmer mind. Your heart, however, doesn’t do so well with the closeness between yours and Donghyuck’s faces. The two of you get up hurriedly at the same time, Donghyuck awkwardly clearing his throat before you look at each other again. You were almost surprised to find the same shy smile on both of your faces as you thanked him quietly and parted ways.

The thought of Donghyuck looking your way gave you a different feeling after that evening. When he turned his head in your direction ignoring his friends while they talked, his eyes met yours on accident. There was a moment for which neither of you reacted, a rather tense moment for you, before Hyuck gave you a small smile. It was hard not to reciprocate and that was how things got smoother.

Even so, you found more things you disliked about Donghyuck. You didn’t like the way he thought he wasn’t all that good looking, even if you were to scream it in his face. You didn’t like the way he pretended he didn’t do enough, like he needed more to feel worth something, you didn’t like how he criticized himself continually, looking for ways to improve. The first time you argued as friends was when you found the bruises on his knuckles, the wounds he refused to take care of. It was almost as if he didn’t care about his health sometimes, and it worried you, although you wouldn’t explicitly voice it.

“I’m doing my best,” Donghyuck had reluctantly repeated after you, counting to six before that, despite the hoarseness of his voice.

“Yes, and you should stop forcing yourself to improve,” you chided.

“Gee, okay, mom.”

You glared at him, leaning away defensively, but soon after you had spent the evening having hot chocolate with Donghyuck and laughing at his imitation of Renjun’s face when he found a spider on his bedside table.

To be honest, you were so busy being afraid of Donghyuck giving you sunburns that you had ignored the actual warmth he radiated.

You ended up making more friends than you bargained for, but when you think about it now, the world has always been a little brighter since you’ve known Lee Donghyuck. It’s different now; Donghyuck’s teasing doesn’t affect you, in fact having grown more friendly and affectionate, and every fight you have ends with laughter instead of tired scowls. It became so strikingly different then that people had started to assume your relationship status. It’s frequent you heard people saying that they knew you’d end up like this since the beginning, and that it was so obvious you were into each other. Jaemin and Renjun’s loud teasing didn’t help (“Aww, our Donghyuck-ie is all grown up and falling in love.” “I can’t believe I’m friends with you.”) and although you shrugged it off, your heart was running off elsewhere.

You were more glad than anything to have found a companion that shared the same curiosity, same intensity. Did you actually love bickering with Donghyuck? Absolutely, but it’s not the only thing you enjoyed. You liked that Hyuck was always ready to receive your calls, to set out on any journey, no matter how spontaneous. The time you spent together gave you laughter and fun, thoughts and warmth.

To hear Donghyuck say he liked you had been an entirely new feeling. No matter how much he had planned beforehand, he messed it up in the end, his premature confession leaving you unable to respond. You have to admit though, the bright red of Donghyuck’s ears and the rapid movement of his lips trying explain himself gave your heart a little jump. Your heart got into even more of a frenzy as you cupped Donghyuck’s face (“Lee Donghyuck, you talk too much.” “I- I- huh?”) and flashed him your brightest smile, ending up being the one to officially ask him out.

You don’t know much about the puppy love phase, but the first few months did leave you annoyingly giddy at every touch. You hated how easy it was for him to influence your heartbeat and your breathing, but you loved every minute with him. It’s still fun to explore all the things that make your boyfriend Lee Donghyuck, fun to laugh with him at every date. It’s almost as if the sun’s decided to bask the two of you in its blessings. You almost laugh remembering your first kiss, and the look on Donghyuck’s face. That’s a memory you’re certainly going to keep.

“Let’s make a run for it,” Donghyuck snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Why are you still on that?” you groan.

“We won’t even get wet! Trust me on this,” he explains, moving his arms to emphasize, “The bus stop isn’t even that far away.”

“Oh, we definitely will get drenched. Do you hear the rain?”

Donghyuck glares at you. “Right. I forgot you run at 0.03 miles per hour.”

You take a sharp intake of breath before huffing. “You’re so impatient, Hyuck. Just wait for a bit more. Let’s count to six.”

You hear him mumble the numbers quickly and he ends with a loud ‘six!’. The look you give him makes him slouch again, as he sighs into his hands. You’re determined to wait this out.

“If you’re making me sit here, at least give me something interesting to do.”

“Go fetch.”

Donghyuck wraps an arm around you to hold you in an aggressive yet affectionate manner, shaking you slightly while questioning your affections for him, and it ends in laughter on both parts.

“I swear you don’t think of me as your boyfriend- am I just a cute puppy to you?” Donghyuck complains.

“You’re not even cute.”

Donghyuck twists his lips into a pout, batting his eyelashes, and you laugh once again.

“Fine. Maybe a little.”

You think you’ve spent at least half an hour more, as you rest your head against Donghyuck’s shoulders. The rain doesn’t stop yet, and you grow uneasy by the minute. Will it really take all afternoon?

Donghyuck suddenly gets up. He peers down at you with a blank face before crouching to grab your hand and pull you up.

“I have decided that I no longer care if you hate me,” he informs you, before dragging you out into the heavy downpour.

“H-hyuck!” you can barely speak as you’re hit with rain and wind. You know you’re going to be soaked through after barely a few minutes. Rains like these hardly show mercy to the unlucky. You don’t want to get sick, and god forbid you missing your classes right before your finals.

Hyuck suddenly stops midway, to turn and look at you. The rain still pours, although it’s lessened quite a bit since you made your sudden journey.

“Hyuck, what are you doing?! Are you crazy?” you wail.

“You’re being too uptight,” he pouts. “Besides, didn’t you say you like this kind of thing?”

“What thing?” you ask, and immediately regret it when Hyuck steps forward with a heart-fluttering smile, and the two of you stand there getting drenched. He cups your face and slowly leans in to press a chaste kiss to your lips, your chests touching and you barely register the taste of rain before he pulls away.

Your cheeks feel like they’re burning despite the cold as you try to muster coherent words to shoot at your boyfriend and his unpredictable decisions. Does he really not care about consequences?

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Donghyuck says, his hair a wet mess and raindrops rolling down his face. But he’s smiling so bright, it’s like the sun has left the sky to stand in front of you.

“You cheesy fucker,” you accuse. Donghyuck doesn’t do things he dislikes very often, which means all the times he made fun of you for cooing at romance movies were not very accurate in representing in his true feelings.

“You didn’t pull me here just to kiss me in the rain, did you?” you ask, genuinely confused.

Donghyuck scratches the back of his head, suddenly shy as he speaks through his pout. “You’re the one who likes that kind of stuff. I was just…being considerate! You know? I didn’t really plan it…to be honest.”

You laugh, your shoulders shaking. Donghyuck’s eyes light up with a smile as he looks at you.

“I think we’re both very stupid,” you say.

“Yes, we’re standing in the rain, getting wet for no reason right now,” Donghyuck nods thoughtfully, as you grab his hand and rush towards the bus stop.

The bus driver might have looked at the two of you rather disdainfully as you climbed onto bus, wet steps trailing behind you, but it didn’t really matter when you had an excuse to stick closer to each other on the seats. Donghyuck intertwined his fingers with yours, a satisfied hum playing on his lips, as you placed your head against his shoulder. You still think heavy rains are awful, but this time might just be an exception.

(Note: You didn’t get sick, surprisingly. Did the kiss embarrass you enough to keep you warm?)

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dungeoneering102 · 6 years

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Improving Cults

So recently I had a post about how cults should be designed (IMO). I mentioned the four cults present in the D&D module Princes of the Apocalypse and said how those were really bad examples. Due to some interest, I decided to make this post that elaborates on how I have altered those four cults to make them more realistic and interesting.

Why I Dislike the Original PoA Cults

In the original book, the Players are supposed to face off against 4 cults: the Black Earth, Howling Hatred, Crushing Wave, and Eternal Flame. Each of them have a leader (referred to as “prophet”) and work semi-together to summon super powerful creatures called “Princes.” The book also mentions that they all serve the “Elemental Eye.” Here are my problems with this set up:

We don’t ever get told what the Elemental Eye is. It seems to be just a pedestal or an unnamed entity. But it’s never explained.

The cults work together. This makes them all just fade into each other. There’s no drama because now the players are just fighting a large group that happens to have 4 leaders.

The cults all have the same goal but very little distinguishing elements in terms of their philosophy or approach to said goal.

So let’s try to fix this...

Elemental Eye

I hate that this aspect is never explained. It was just so very vague and yet its what commands the four cults. Supposedly, the Eye has given the cults their power and influence. In turn, it will somehow eventually inform the cult leaders on what ritual to conduct to summon their respective Princes. The Eye does this only WHEN the Party kills the first two Prophets. So I changed it all around.

The Eye is a physical thing. It is a stone of great power, supposedly locked within the altar in Fane of the Eye dungeon. In my story, the Eye calls forth the four Prophets, but informs them that it will only choose the STRONGEST among them. This is important and I’ll discuss why below. But now it is a physical thing and once ONE of the Prophets proves themselves powerful enough, the Eye is gifted to this person. All others die upon touching the Eye.

Lastly, to get to the eye, each Prophet has to prove that THEIR cult is the strongest and has the most influence. They do this by getting the most recruits and building beacons across the valley. The beacons are something that you can see in the module’s artbook section, although they’ve been cut from the final game. I re-inserted them as buildings that would be a sign of the cults’ growing in power. Your PCs can stumble onto these as they explore the valley. The cult that proves to be most influential, gets to summon their Prince.

The Cults DO NOT Work Together

Around the Renaissance Era, the Christian church had several divisions. New branches and sects appeared all over Europe, and started fighting over who is the TRUE CHRISTIAN church. They all believed in the same God and Jesus. What was different is how they worshiped these figures. The result was a complex political game fought between these powerful and rich churches over the souls of their followers and the influence over Europe. These conflicts ended with people fleeing Europe, the Catholic Church setting people on fire, and a very powerful shift in the politics of the time.

I think, that’s a pretty interesting story. So why are the cults of PoA just working together, with some minor issues between them? I say cut them the fuck apart. They are four individual cults. They believe in the same deity (the Eye) but go about worshiping it in different ways. They each have their own beliefs and philosophies that conflict with one another, and pit them against each other. Why do we do this? Because 4 DIFFERENT baddies is better than 1 four headed baddie. This conflict between the cults, allows the Players to play a large and complex game of politics, where they play off each of the cults against one another to get them to destroy each other. PCs might ally with one cult, only to get into a big mess and have ANOTHER cult offer them help in return for betraying their former allies. In the end, you get a Game of Thrones level game of politics and alliances.

Unique Cults

Now all of the four cults want the same thing: summon forth their elemental daddy. The problem with this, they might just meld into each other and become very similar. So we have to differentiate them in three ways:

How they present themselves (identity).

What do they believe in (philosophy).

How they act during combat (gameplay).

If you distinguish EACH of these, you get distinctly diverse cults. Below is going to be MY breakdown of how I distinguish each of the Elemental Cults.

Howling Hatred Storm.

Change that fuckin’ name. No one will wanna be a part of a group called “Howling Hatred.” Bad guy groups usually pick actually socially OKAY names, otherwise they won’t get any supporters. Let’s call them “Howling Storm” or “Howling Wind.” ANYTHING else but HATRED!

Identity/Philosophy. The wind is fickle and full of lies. The leader of the cult, one Aerisi Kalinoth, pretends to be a winged elf by creating fake wings using illusions. Their main outpost is filled with cultists who PRETEND to be knights. The whole thing reeks of deception and illusion. So I made that their selling point. Make your dreams a reality is the tag line for this cult. They convince people to join, so that when THEIR Prince is summoned he can blanket the world in an illusive state, where everyone’s best dream will come true. Of course, they will all live in a constant dream state, but it doesn’t matter. People who are depressed enough would be willing to fall into eternal sleep if it is guaranteed to make them and their friends forever happy. This is what Aerisi offers. She appeals to the desperate, the depressed, the lonely. She offers them to live out their dreams in an eternal sleep. Kind of like a suicide cult.

Gameplay. This is very simple. The cultists stay airborne as MUCH as possible. Forcing PCs to fight vertically, instead of horizontally, find cover, find ways to fly up as well, climb high structures, etc.

Black Earth

Personally, the Prophet of this cult is my favorite. So to be fair, I don’t much to change about this cult.

Identity/Philosophy. For this cult I ran with the theme of burial. Marlos Urnrayle, the prophet of Black Earth, sells the burying of your past. Made bad choices in life? Did thing you regret? Forget about it. Bury that past, and on the dirt build your life anew. Atop the ruins of old, rise your new home. This would totally get the attention of past criminals and bandits, whose lives have been ruined by their own crimes. Now they can start anew, in an organization that accepts EVERYONE.

Gameplay. Another easy one. You should describe your cultists as being extra tough and hard to break. Maybe give some of them some earth powers, ripped out of Avatar: the Last Airbender. I let my cultists just call forth pillars and stone walls, while others would swim through earth as if it were water.

Eternal Flame

Identity/Philosophy. Compared to the other cults, this one seemed more combative and militaristic. So I ran with that. Vanifer, the cult’s leader, runs a militia. Again, remember that the valley is without any leadership. She offers leadership. Her message is that she is building the army this valley desperately needs and she intends to bring peace and order to this valley, by force if need be. Her selling point is that she promotes discipline and order. People who lack any purpose, live messy lives, or need some kind of a leader-figure to tell them what to do, would fall into this easily. Think of veterans or troops, who after wartime cannot fall back into normal life as they need someone to order them around.

Gameplay. These guys are on FIYAAAA. Make their armor too hot to touch, make being around them uncomfortable. Allow them to be strategically more intelligent, using maneuvers to flank, surprise, and stun their opponents. This is a military organization, after all.

Crushing Wave

Identity/Philosophy. This cult consists of smugglers and pirates. What do pirates stand for? That’s right, an anti-establishment way of life. So the cult preaches FREEDOM. But absolute freedom. In fact, anarchy. Gar seeks a world that he can drown, where only those deemed strong enough can survive and are thus freed from the shackles of social restrictions. This idea of absolute freedom without authority, of being able to live off your own merit and not having to answer to anyone, is something many would like. People who have been duped by corrupt officials, people who dislike the restrictions of society, or dislike social norms. The Wave offers them all a chance to be free of this.

Gameplay. I got Lovecraft vibes from the cult. his cult is led by Gar Shatterkeel, who almost drowned but heard a voice in the oceans that led him to safety. Borderline Cthulhu-esque. SO, I made them all weird and creepy. They talk strange, they walk strange, they tend to stare. Ultimately, while they all fight for absolute freedom, the irony is that they are being manipulated by a primordial entity that is slowly brainwashing them.

Last Point - Diversity

In the book, all cultists (except the prophets) are human. That’s all fine and dandy but I don’t see why it needs to be so. I recommend you make the cults more diverse in their composition. Elves, dwarves, orcs, dragonborn, whatever you got. Not because YAY DIVERSITY or anything. Just because, I think it makes most sense that cults that fight for influence and power, wouldn’t discriminate based on race or gender. This, in fact, could be a selling point for them. Especially if you have racial tensions in your Fantasy setting.

I hope you all find this breakdown of how I modified the cults helpful. Please remember, that these are not “THE BEST WAY TO PLAY.” These are only the best way I found to play. You might find something that fits your campaigns and players better. Special shoutout to @ravenbane13 (and everyone else who reblogged my last post) for encouraging this piece. I did go a bit longer than I wish, but hey, I hope you find some use in that wall of text.

The Unfair DM

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sparda3g · 6 years

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Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma Chapter 253 Review

It’s finally here. It is the 5th and Final Bout that will bring the closure to this regime of Azami. That is if Soma and Erina win and judging the moment that happened here, all I can say is, “Well, it was a good run while it lasted.” In all seriousness, this was a pretty amusing calm before storm chapter that got me excited to see the conclusion for more reasons than one.

Admittedly, I jumped the gun in the last chapter review because I declared the next bout will be a tag team match with Elite Ten Council versus Rebel Alliance; also known as Pairing War (and I do mean by “that”). Thankfully, Senzaemon meant what he said that doesn’t make my claim entirely false. However, the next bout format is changed and it is actually pretty interesting.

While I thought it was a joy to see the competitors dish out intriguing variety of meal, it has gone on for a while that I was mainly interested in characters. That probably explain the last two cards were done the way they did. Fortunately, it rejuvenated my interest with the style of a two-dish course. It hasn’t been done in the series, so this is a nice change-up.

What’s also good is this will be a better believable way to conclude without resorting to far more than a miracle of defeating the best of the best. The two-dish course is basically everyday restaurant routine: first, serve an appetizer, and then, the main dish. This solely relies on teamwork that their dish must complement each other to receive the best possible grade. That is one way to defeat the odds, so Soma can defeat Tsukasa here...right?

To make things even better, there will be no theme ingredient. It’s practically “give everything you got” concept. This is how Senzaemon sees it as a true gourmet. I’m beginning to see his master plan and why he agreed for Azami to take over the judge position. It helps with Azami getting a bit curious of his father-in-law’s agenda. He’s getting way too comfortable for his own good.

One of my favorite moments is the conflict between Azami and Erina, along with extras. He thought he could put her own daughter down easily by insulting her for never able to achieve true gourmet. Father of the year, everyone! Thankfully, Erina isn’t going to be damsel in distress, because she has bloom to a stronger character.

It’s wonderful to see her developed from her breakdown. I can still hear the distant echo saying that we will be stuck with her being a “villain” and always target Soma to lose. Not only she has made great friends, she is more open to be her own self rather being enslaved by her father. No longer a girl who was trapped by one manipulated philosophy; now comes forth a strong will independent woman. She won’t be converted to the “good girl” that only he prefers.

I said, “along with extras,” because the one simple panel got me not laughing but reminded me why I can’t be that upset with the series. As great and charming it was for Erina to stand up, her friends react gently, including Soma. Then we have a reality check that can be compared to abridged series writing and it was gold.

The truth is that she was never much of a good girl to begin with; at least to Soma. Sure, it might be his ego talking, but that moment is probably something fan would think and call out on the flaw of her speech. The thing is Tsukuda acknowledged it and that’s what makes it funnier. One mind think alike and use it as a comedy skit can do more than saving a moment. Hisako adding in was icing the cake. Hell, she is the one that pours in the endless cycle of tea, even behind bar. Ah, that is why you are number 2 in the popularity poll and that is a compliment. That’s why Soma keeps drinking like its endless refill. That was marvelous.

I don’t know what Azami is rambling about back at the dorm or whatever fancy he is sleeping at. It sounds like he truly believes he got this win in the bag with Erina being his forever puppet. I certainly look forward to see the real outcome blow his face away. That said I don’t want to try to think about those judges at the bed implies here. If anything, it only makes him the greatest villain of all Shounen series. After all, it is a Shounen genre. Hint, hint.

Anyway, the calm before storm scenery ensue with everyone preparing to help Soma and Erina. It’s a good thing that Kuga is there to minimize the helping hands since logic goes that too many cooks can spoil the broth. So he let the first years, Takumi and Megumi, to help and Isshiki to give out some advices; in his undies no less. Isn’t it snowy outside still or not? Kuga is a nice fellow that also developed well to a trusting buddy.

Soma and Erina spent the night to work out a tactic before the final bout begins. It’s a nice added detail with everyone still couldn’t sleep with everything on the line. The vibe of all or nothing is stacking up well. At least with Erina being there, they won’t be foolish enough to think of a plan in the last minute…right?

I don’t know what Tsukasa means when he feels like he is at the top of his game, but I would have assume this is Tsukuda’s way of saying that he will lose at his peak. On the other hand, it is also possible that it is his way to say that Tsukasa is at his best but still has to rely on Rindou, so if her dish doesn’t complement perfectly, then it doesn’t matter. I laugh at the detail of Urara no longer being a “female dog,” thanks to Momo’s syrup. Ah, this battle will be kinder than I imagined. And then, we got this scene…

My absolute favorite moment begins with the final hype for the Rebel Alliance to take the grand stage and compete in the final bout. No one knows who is taking on who, though I had my money on Soma versus Tsukasa because main character policy 101. First came out Takumi and Megumi in their tired/exhausted state that looks like they are ready to knock their head off. Then our beloved pair appears and good God, they are tired but more or less determined to battle. Naturally, I thought the comedy ends with them just being so tired but ready with a plan. They have one though…

Rock, paper, scissor…

Isshiki, whatever happened to those offers for a new place to stay at? We’re going to need them to decide their next spot.

Joking aside (irony), I did laugh so much that I legit face palmed hard. I can’t believe they put their entire world on the line with the game that only screams, “They have no plan after that but to wing it…” It’s hilarious though, including Soma actually lost the battle. No doubt this was a fun treat to pairing and general fans. At this point, it’s a crime for them not to be together by the end. Fun fact: I found out that it could be a running gag that Soma will always lose to Erina in rock, paper, scissor game.

That’s just fantastic.

I am surprised that Soma will take on Rindou, despite a suggestive hint from the last chapter. To begin with, Soma is up against Rindou. At least I am spared from Goddess Deathmatch that I don’t want to root for one to lose. Now I can selfishly root for Soma to lose. I guess I’m more surprised on the fact that Erina is taking on Tsukasa. Maybe Soma is right to question on his main character status.

The stunning part that I actually seen people seem to misread is that there is no more bout after this. Soma will not take over and go against Tsukasa if she loses. In other words, Erina is headlining this bout. No way! A heroine headlining in a Shounen series?! Inconceivable! Yes, I am mocking the haters. Anyway, I am aware that this is her character arc, but the fact she’s ending this one big is rather awesome. I mean Soma would technically beat Tsukasa but it won’t be “enough” to his view. It’s going to suck more if Erina takes first seat. I can already imagine…

This was a pretty fun chapter to read with nice showcase of character’s growth. The art is all around solid with the impact of Erina standing up against her father and plenty of comical visual including rock, paper, scissor. The final bout is finally set. It’s now wife versus other’s husband bout. Let’s get it on!

#food wars #shokugeki no soma #shokugeki no souma #chapter 253 #review

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faint-waves-music · 5 years

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Discussing Far East Winter.

My new EP, Far East Winter has been a very interesting EP to make and because of that, I wanted to write something of an article in regards to it. So, here we are! I'm going to discuss the background of this EP, my influences, inspirations, some of the ideas I had with this record, a short run through of each track, and a few things I learned along the way. Hopefully this is an informative and interesting read and hopefully you enjoy the record, too.

I had contemplated doing an EP of this nature for some time, in fact, you can hear my earliest inclinations toward this idea on my "Cherry Blossom" single from 2017. I've always been a lover and admirer of sounds from all over the world, but music and sounds from the East and the far East have always really caught my ear. I think so many of the instruments and the scales/notation they tend to use are absolutely beautiful. The only reason I hadn't done this sooner, is because I didn't want to do this just to do it and because I'm not sure I was totally ready to. If I was going to do it, I wanted to do it some semblance of justice. If "Cherry Blossom" was me seeing if I could pull it off at all, "Far East Winter" is the more refined, realized vision of incorporating these elements into my music.

As far as who/what inspired and influenced this record, I'd say it was a good mixture of eastern and non-eastern artists. Many of my ideas were informed by Roxy Music, Prefab Sprout, Tears For Fears, Vangelis, Hiroshima, Kitaro, Hiromitsu Agatsuma, and Himekami, just to name a few. I was in a creative space where I also wanted to kind of continue the easy listening/downtempo/adult contemporary-inspired direction I've been taking Faint Waves since 2017, but I had to do something interesting to really change the pace a bit and since I wanted to do a winter release, I knew the sound couldn't just be sunshine and ocean waves. The result is a more winter-into-spring sounding EP, not necessarily dark or discordant sounding, but a bit more bittersweet and melancholy in places. That's not to say there aren't hopeful moments, as the first and final tracks on the EP are a bit more optimistic than the rest, indicating glimmers of hope amongst the moodier parts of the record.

Much of the record I think has a very soft rock and sophistipop vibe, but there are few moments that are a bit more downtempo, new age, or experimental. I also made some stylistic choices on this EP that kind of set it apart from other things I've done, namely with the drums and bass. I've often relied on a fretless bass emulation for many (the vast majority, actually) of my songs, it's been a tried and true element and staple in the music I've made. However, I felt this record warranted something different, so I've switched things up and used a finger style bass emulation. It has a much deeper sound and I think has given the record a bit more of a soft rock or vintage R&B vibe. As for the drums, I made a similar stylistic decision to go after more of an organic feel. So, rather than using solely Roland and Linn samples as I have in the past, I opted to use more live sounds. That doesn't mean I haven't used those Roland and Linn samples at all, as they're still in the mix. Many of the songs feature a live kick drum layered with a Linn kick and on "Lovers In The Cold", you can very clearly hear the use of a CR-78 hat sample alongside the rest of the drums. Small changes in the grand scheme of things but I think they've made a big difference in the overall feel of the EP.

The first song I had completed and the one that really solidified the fact that I was doing this, was "Lovers In The Cold", which ironically became the last track on the EP. "Lovers In The Cold" is a bit of a sophistipop track with both western and eastern instrumentation, including a Xylophone, Sax, an Erhu (a violin-like instrument of Chinese origin), and a brilliant emulation of the Ruan (a plucked instrument of Chinese origin). I'd say the sound and structure were most influenced by acts like Hiroshima and Roxy Music, while the blocky pad chords remind me more of Prefab Sprout. It's definitely a pretty layered track for me, lots of moving parts. The way I've always seen the song, structurally, is as an argument between two lovers. Xylophone is one party, while the Erhu is another. The Xylophone is very quick moving and aggressive but the Erhu is more relaxed and to the point. They have this back and forth, but every other time the Erhu comes in, there's one extra note that wasn't played the previous time. So, it's almost like someone is getting the last word in there. Then, you have this kind of breakdown in the song where everything slows down a bit and rather than them playing separately, you have the Xylophone and the Erhu playing simultaneously. Going along with the two lovers metaphor, that part of the song could be them reconciling, working together to make things work before everything falls apart again.

There were a lot of demos with this EP, more than maybe any other EP I've ever made. A lot of stuff didn't make the cut or just plain didn't get finished. The next track that saw completion after "Lovers In The Cold" was probably the fourth song I had made overall and it's a tracked called "Only Tonight", which was loosely inspired by "Advice For The Young At Heart" by Tears For Fears. This track was one that definitely went through a lot of changes before it became what it was. It started out very synthpop, with these big electronic strings, before I transitioned to a more organ-centric sound. It took quite a few demos for it to start to take shape as it is now, a piano ballad. I think after the organ became integral to the song, the drums were what really started to make it take shape. Those drums, at least where they start initially, have a very Burt Bacharach feel. That shaker-sidestick combo he's so fond of. It starts in that kind of Bacharach-like place but as the track goes on, the drums get a little more aggressive and eventually the sidestick is replaced with a snare. For the piano, I didn't want a big sound because the organ/bass combo was already doing that for me, so it's pretty much this continuous riff of single notes. Then the piano is accompanied by a Shamisen (a stringed instrument of Japanese origin) and later on, a sax. The track also features a Vibraphone and a Gong sample. The Vibraphone is this kind of arpeggiated-sounding series of a few notes, it really gives the track an underlying sense of movement and urgency. "Only Tonight" is an interesting one because I feel like it became what it is very naturally, but it did take some time to get there. Glad I didn't give up on it though, as it's a favorite of mine.

After that, I think came "Snow Summit", which also went through a lot of changes as it went on. It's kind of a weird one. It doesn't sound like it at all, but it was pretty Vangelis inspired. Vangelis, Yello, and Kitaro are the big inspirations for that one. It went through a lot of changes and I don't think I was ever really sure the track "worked", so to speak. Once I laid down the bass for it, I feel like it all clicked a bit better, but it's still by far one of the most oddball tracks I've ever produced. It was inspired by a Yello song called "Homer Hossa", which if you aren't familiar with, is basically just a lot of sound effects, percussion, and little actual melody. "Snow Summit" is kind of that way, except it basically has this big brass backing track accompanying all these weird sounds. I think my intention with it, is that I wanted it to be as foreboding and endless feeling as the summit of a mountain would be. You're cold, the wind is blowing, there's snow everywhere, and you can see for literally miles. That kind of thing is intimidating and I think I wanted to convey that with this noisy, aimless kind of a track. It's probably the most "experimental" thing I've done. Huge brass, eastern percussion, simulated wind, white noise stabs, and huge bass drops. That's "Snow Summit" in a nutshell.

After that, came "Hatsukoi". Hatsukoi translates to first love, if you're curious. I knew I wanted a beautiful opening song for the EP and after drawing a blank for a long time, this is what materialized. Inspired by Kitaro and to a lesser extent Himekami, "Hatsukoi" is a bit of a new age jaunt. It's basically comprised of strings, a few different kinds of percussion (both eastern and western), a Celeste, a Pipa (a four stringed instrument of Chinese origin), a Xylophone, wave sfx, and bird sfx. This track doesn't really develop beyond the first couple minutes, but I found it very lovely and relaxing and didn't feel the need to add to it. I had a few demos where a flute came in the second half but it was just overkill in my opinion. It's a bit more hopeful and warm than everything else on the EP. It's very much in line with some of the more atmospheric, new age inspired things I've done. It's very much Kitaro by way of Faint Waves, in my opinion. I'd love to explore that kind of sound more in the future, to the degree of acts like Kitaro or Himekami. That kind of Electronica-meets-New Age-and-Classical sound is always brilliant. Exploring that sort of thing could be an EP or album in it's own right, but for this release, I wanted a balance of downtempo/chilled vignettes with more deliberate/aggressive songs.

The next song that came to be was actually an older, unfinished demo that I had lying around. "Tao Of Knowing" originally started as "Charm", a new wave/sophistipop song inspired by Johnny Hates Jazz and Tango In The Night-era Fleetwood Mac. "Charm" was originally much more electronic and instead of a Koto (a stringed instrument of Japanese origin) carrying the song, it was a piano. I revisited this song during my time producing Far East Winter and I found, with a few changes, that it would fit the record. I changed quite a few things; the key changed, the chiffer lead at the beginning of the song became a Shakuhachi (a flute-like instrument of Japanese origin, derived from the Chinese bamboo flute), the main piano riff became a Koto, the poppy drum samples were replaced with the ones I was using for this EP, and I wound up writing a new pad for it as well. Once I had made those changes, the song still went through a few more permutations before it became the song you hear on Far East Winter. The song has a very mystical feel and I think that sets it apart on the EP, in a good way. The original demo had a very new wave feel to it and I think a little bit of that is still intact, particularly in the drums. This one may also be one of the more aggressive sounding songs in the Faint Waves canon, too. Very in your face at times.

The last song to be completed was "City Street". I knew from the beginning that "City Street" was going to be a short interlude kind of a song. My general vision for it from the get go was very similar to how it came to be, I knew I wanted to be very ambient and atmospheric, and to feature a Rhodes. That's exactly how it turned out but I just couldn't seem to get it to materialize. At first, I tried to make the song quicker and more urban sounding, to coincide with the name. It just wasn't working, so I scrapped almost everything except the percussion I had. The percussion I did have, I wound up changing quite a bit, leaving pretty much the bare minimum. Once I was happy with the percussion, I layered a few different sound effects. One was of nighttime ambience (crickets/frogs/etc.), another was just general city noise, and the final was of a little bit of traffic. After that came the Rhodes, which I pretty much treated almost as a pad as I wrote and produced it. I applied a lot of effects to it, reverb and delay mostly, so it would kind of linger well beyond the length of the notes would allow. On top of that, I used a Pipa again, I actually recycled a melody from another song of mine ("Congo") for that and adjusted the notes accordingly. The end result is a very soundscapey interlude that's heavy on ambiance, maybe slightly reminiscent of Kenji Kawai. Good for falling asleep to maybe, as much of my catalogue is.

In conclusion, I learned a lot going into this EP and coming out of it. I did a lot of reading and listening, trying to understand what they were doing as far as Eastern instrumentation and notation were concerned. Reading and learning about scales like the Japanese In Sen scale, as well as putting them to use, was incredibly challenging and fun. I made more songs for this one EP, than I have any release before, and it's because of what I was working with. There's a real beauty and true uniqueness to the music and culture on that side of the world that we don't often see. They do things in music that the West never has and likely, never will. I think my research and desire to understand, is what made this EP so special to me, as well as what has made the EP sound so unique in comparison to the rest of my material. I might have done some familiar things but I don't think I've ever made anything similar to what I've made here. In many ways, I feel like I needed to do a project like this, just to stretch my legs a bit and get out of my comfort zone. This record is a sign of things to come, not in the sense that I'll necessarily be making another record like this, but in the sense that my next record will be just as different. So, stay on your toes and enjoy.

- Faint Waves.

#Article #Behind The Music #Discussion #Making Of #exotica #uncategorized #world #music #adult contemporary #instrumental #balearic #downtempo #easy listening #soul #sophistipop #inspirations #review #faint waves

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wearethegladiators · 5 years

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this rant was a fail but i am still going strong

few things i wanted to say include:

WHY IS IT ALWAYS 7 YEARS

why is everyone so serious this is SAD

ok kids, so today we’ll be ranting about......... *crowd cheering* YES, WYNONA!! (why. am. i. like. this. j’ai des pics d’excitation d’enfants de 3 ans ptn)

(if you’re asking “is this the new wynona?” hm. HM. i mean............)

(the hairstyle. the outfit. the environment. WE STAN.) i’m not entirely convinced by older!raven as incendio3!wynona. but i guess WE’LL SEE, that’s not the focal point.

the important thing to remember about wyn (bc it’s tragic and we all love a good drama) is that she didn’t want to be part of this war. she didn’t want to fight. she was neutral with even a possible tendency to work with the deatheaters to protect her family. it’s always been family first with the blackbirds.

now, what happened to wynona during the war?

well she did surprisingly good for a while. she joined the rebellion “temporarily” (mdr) to help rescue sacha. and.... caught up by her wish to make the world a better place + the need to stay close to sacha + the whole edan storyline + (eurm) (nathan)...... she pretty much got stuck/stuck herself.

she’s a warrior, she’s spirited, she’s hella smart and has an impressive réseau (always thought she may have coerced kyran into giving her plans of the ministry, and then would have proceeded to show up to the rebellion with those - allowing them to attack). so she’d be a valuable element, and she’d fit in well i guess? she’s a bit of the stereotype of the rebel imo. and she would def like it even though she wouldn’t say it.

she’d go back and forth between the domain and the headquarters of the rebellion. becoming good friends with carmen i guess? (i also love to fantasize about a weirdass friendship between carmen and lily. started from rivalry to mutual respect/companionship. ofc this would be more complicated now but... WAIT WHAT IF CARMEN BECOMES SORT OF A MEDIATOR BETWEEN NATHAN AND LILY??? i’m sorry. i’ll go back to this later hihi)

WYNONA. she got involved gradually, taking part in fights and bigger events involving explosions :’))

BUT

on one of those missions, one day, she’d be super badly injured. it would happen during a sort of “7 potters” thing? like she’d be flying on a broom (DRAGON) and she’d get hit by a deatheater. fell pretty hard, lost one (or both) of her legs.

(i like how i’m illustrating this like it’s some kind of nice little story)

wynona always had two nightmares throughout her life: losing a kid and losing her legs.

she’s an athlete. she hungs out with athletes. she’s a duellist. she has a super physical job which includes taking care and controlling among the deadliest magical creatures out there. she’s a “mother” of 8. she’s a control-freak that FREAKING hates relying on someone else. she is passionate about flying. and now what?? she can’t do any of these things without her leg(s). it’s like her whole life is losing purpose.

you sad already?

well she certainly is. more than that - she’s destroyed by it. she can’t see why she should keep on living (remember that wynona is a very utilitarian character - if she has no purpose/utility then she’s just as good as dead in her opinion).

so that’s depression, edgy behavior, pushing away the people she loves (sorry sachou :’()

btw, about her relationship with nathan: well, some stuff happened. to what extent is a good question. i’m pretty confident she’d have developed actual feelings for him by now (but would never say it ofc mdr). anyway, he’d be important in that moment.

wynona is an engineer. she was working on two PHDs AT THE SAME TIME before she got involved with the rebellion. ofc she’d be trying to build something to get better, even if magic can’t save her, even if she’s so damn low. i could see nathan helping her with that? eventually they’d find something that’d help her gain some mobility back. she’d be BEYOND excited. way too much tbh.

(also i have this absolute headcanon that - ELO PLS SAY YES - nathan is helping her with the kids too)

(i actually have a way too precise scene in mind. one night, wynona is working on her thesis at the rebellion’s headquarters. nathan walks by and sees DRAGOOOONS. she ends up explain she’s doing her thesis in magizoologie bc she wants more dragons for her domain. he’s excited. she eventually brings him to the domain. he sees dragons and is beyond excited. byeeeee c’est tout pour moi)

ANYWAY

she’d insist on going back to the battlefield. quickly. too quickly. would be upset because people are overprotecting her because of her legs; could get captured or something but that wouldn’t last.

THE BIG DRAMA IS YET TO COME

hmhm. here we are.

remember wynona’s worst nightmares? hmhm.

with wynona being more and more involved in the rebellion, she may have rapatrié the kids from hogwarts. they may be living permanently at the domain, or coming once in a while at the rebellion’s headsquarters. anyway, they would have been in touch with the rebels

and one of the kids (i don’t know which one yet) would manage to make it to the battlefield. guess what? ofc he/she gets killed. and wyn cannot do anything because of her leg

here we areeee, she just reached her personal hell

remember the blackbird dynamic of “blood must have blood”, “there’s honor in revenge”, “revenge and justice are the same thing”, “judge, jury, executioner” and so on and so forth?

she’d track down the murderers. show up to their houses to kill them. she had a plan: torture and kill the parents. she didn’t plan on hurting children. wynona is the Biggest Savior of Child™ there is. except that.... she would??? she’s beyond fucked-up at that point. so yeah, she slaughters the children as well.

i have pictured multiple times in my mind her coming back to the QG covered in blood and everyone going silent. everyone knowing.

she would go to nathan but even he couldn’t forgive her ofc?? their bond would be broken because he can’t understand, he can’t forgive (i guess??? or is it just me wanting angst??)

i don’t even know if she’d be able to maintain a relationship with carmen. like this is some kind of terrible violence right here

so i guess she’d be marginalized/ejected from the rebellion. she’d go on a personal vendetta for a while, not being able to stop the killing spree, before joining a rogue/extremist movement. totallyyyyy fucked-up.

and this is pretty much what would have happened up until the end of the virus: rogue!wynona, with still some distant connections to some people (sacha, nathan, lily...? helping her with the kids. i mean, she can’t make it without them hihi)

btw, i’m working on the relationship between wynona and lily. as odd as it can sound, i think lily could understand. especially now. they’d still have a connection, maybe stronger now. like i can see lily calling wynona when burning the bodies of her family and having a breakdown. alright now i’m excited abt it

after the virus: wyn is getting tired of this shit just like everyone else. she’s feeling f*cking guilty bc YES SHE HAS FEELINGS TOO

i mean, she pretty much did all this horror for love, for her kids

and she’s lonelier than ever. wynona isn’t into loneliness. she likes being alone when chosen, or being surrounded by her creatures, or being independent. but not freaking loneliness.

btw: she’d only be calm/soft around her creatures. yeah. and potentially her kids, but even that would be hard. the kids would be scared of her and this would break her even more

edan coming back would be a HUGE gamechanger. she’d rush to sacha of course. having someone to support and coming back to this old role of “good protector” would give her old vibes. that’s the opening of her resilience arc

i really really really want a resilience arc for wynona. she’s done horrible, unspeakable things and now she will always be about fire and destruction and blood. but she’s not a bad person. she deserved better.

doesn’t mean she will be a hero, especially if she ends up snapping on edan

this would be the trigger that she went too far and that she’s got to stop

she’d go back to the rebellion

try to let go of her “murder” and “absolute chaos” habits

reconnect with nathan?? that would be very very very important for her. if he can forgive her then maybe she can forgive herself and move forward

she was only a mother who wanted to save the world. she’ll be forever haunted by what she did. she deserves B E T T E R

also this may be interesting to work on her relationship with carmen, esp. since they both went down a rogue path

also i’m so happy about sacha having his dragon !!!!! jealous too tho cause i wish wynona could have one and ride it :’(

“question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monstrous?

you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing. you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.

you wipe the blood from her hands. you say her name, over and over, like an absolution.

you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.”

alright that’s all for me kiddos!! let me now cry tears of despair over my tragic babies, thanks. i’ll be back for a small thread about the environnement and lily/nathan relationship?? (ANGST there will be) love u elo :’)

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alanjguitar · 4 years

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Top-Rated Electric Guitars Under $500 – List & Reviews

Have you been learning the basics of shreddability on a $100 First Act and are looking to step up your game? Or perhaps you’re a novice or entry-level musician looking for your first electric guitar? Or maybe yet you’re an experienced acoustic player looking to break into the world of electric-driven axes?

Whatever brings you to this list of the best electric guitars under $500, I’ve chosen a great arsenal for you to admire.

These electric guitars under $500 offer a serious amount of quality and playability while boasting a moderate price tag that shouldn’t leave your savings more sore than your over-practiced fingertips. They’re stage-ready rockers that will set you up for years of practice and performance.

Our Recommendation

At this price point, it’s really a toss-up between a few different guitars that I absolutely love. I’ve awarded the top spot to the signature style guitar of my favorite guitarist, Steve Vai.

The Ibanez JEMJR is the budget edition of the iconic JEM series by Ibanez, featuring a super fast Wizard III neck, beautiful tree of life inlays, and the monkey grip handle that sets these guitars apart.

It’s super shreddable and can make even a beginner look like a rock legend. We’ve talked about it before here, and as you can tell, I’m still a huge fan.

On the other end of the list we’ve got the Epiphone G-400 Pro, an affordable Gibson remake in the style of an SG. It’s got all the features of a great electric under $500, but I’m always a bit weary of Epiphone’s internal wiring quality, which lands this axe the #7 spot. Still a good guitar, but lacking the resilience needed to kick it farther up the list.

Now, let’s take a look at what makes these the seven best electric guitars for under $500.

The Seven Best Electric Guitars Under $500 – Overview

#7 Epiphone G-400 Pro

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3.8/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Mahogany

Neck – Mahogany

Fingerboard – Pau ferro

Electronics – Dual Alnico Classic PRO humbuckers

Pros

An affordable SG model

Crunch, sustain, and classic looks

SlimTaper “D” neck adds speed and chording power

Cons

Pickup wiring can become loose after heavy bumps and bangs

Muddy tone doesn’t facilitate the cleanest sounds

Review

If you’re a fan of traditional Gibson models but don’t want to sell your first-born child to afford your hobby, Epiphone’s got your back. They’re a child-company of Gibson, and churn out a plethora of great guitars modeled after the most iconic axes in rock’n’roll history.

The G-400 Pro is a modern replication of the 1960s Gibson SG, beginning production in the 80s and updated every few years to keep it relevant in the modern age.

Epiphone has kept all the major components of the vintage Gibson, including a mahogany body and a fast and fun 1960s-style SlimTaper “D” neck while manufacturing these guitars using cutting edge efficiency that keeps them at an affordable price.

The G-400 Pro really rocks. It’s a powerhouse of tone and sustain, perfect for all genres of rock, most metal, and gritty blues. Its vintage-style dual Alnico humbuckers don’t really have the purity of tone that you need for sultry jazz or super-clean chorus work, but if your aim is to rock, it can no doubt hold its own.

I mention in about every Epiphone review that their wire-work is a bit shoddy. If they took the time to ensure their wiring was more stable, this would be an almost flawless guitar, but the extra production hours would certainly kick the price up a couple hundred dollars.

So, I’m satisfied with the balance, and know that if the pickups ever start getting some hiss and crackle, a quick trip to the guitar tech can solve the issue for still a lot less money than a brand-name Gibson.

#6 ESP LTD KH-202, Signature Series Kirk Hammett

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4.25/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Basswood

Neck – Maple

Fingerboard – Roasted Jatoba

Electronics – Neck: ESP designed LH-301N humbucker Bridge: ESP designed LH-301B humbucker

Pros

Floyd Rose Special whammy bar bridge for tremendous squeals

Metallica’s Kirk Hammett’s signature guitar at a price you can’t beat

Ultra-thin U-shaped neck for playing at ultrasonic speed

Cons

Lacks individual tone knobs for the pickups

Review

Kirk Hammett is one of the biggest names in rock and metal. He partnered with ESP to produce this signature shred-machine which is now offered to you at a price tag that won’t make your bank account… fade to black.

At first look, this axe from ESP seems like a pretty standard electric guitar, but get a little closer and you’ll notice it has quite a few traits that set it apart.

Purely ornamental but cool nonetheless are the skull and crossbone fret inlays, adding to this guitar’s overall made-to-metal vibe.

It has dual ESP designed LH-301 humbuckers set in a lightweight basswood body, producing a sick sound perfect for everything heavy metal, from Metallica covers to new-age drop tuned breakdowns.

With the Floyd Rose Special bridge and whammy bar, you can do steep dive bombs and squealing harmonics without worrying about your tuning being shattered, and can wail to your heart’s content without stressing too much about mid-performance string snaps.

Although it has a three-way pickup selector switch, I always prefer total tone control, and unfortunately this ESP KH-202 lacks individual pickup tone knobs. However, it’s master tone control is good enough for most general purposes, and of course when you plug into a good amp you can dial in your sound to perfection.

Want to learn to play with Kirk Hammett speed? We wrote this how to guide to improve your performance with actionable tips.

#5 PRS SE Standard 24

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4/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Mahogany

Neck – Maple

Fingerboard – Rosewood

Electronics – Dual 85/15 “S” humbuckers

Pros

Push/Pull coil-tapping tone control for versatile pickup configurations

PRS tremolo bar gives you added opportunities for defining your sound

Mahogany + maple tonewood combo for crunchy overdrive to crisp, clean chords

Cons

Can use a tuning machine upgrade

PRS tremolo system not the best for tuning stability

Review

This PRS SE Standard 24 is the first guitar on this list that can perform in a clean setting just as well as a hair metal showdown.

I’m a big fan of coil-tapping mechanisms, since they allow you to experience both the fat power of dual humbuckers as well as the clarity of single-coil pickups, all with just the push or pull of a knob.

Thanks to this, the SE Standard 24 is capable of performing in nearly any electric guitar genre.

You can go with the default humbucker setup to grind out distorted progressions and deeply overdriven leads, throwing in some wacky whammy work as you please, or you can tap the pickups into single-coil mode for clean jazz, clear chords, and sultry solos in any softer music style.

Cosmetically, PRS guitars are always beautiful, the SE Standard 24 being no exception. It’s available in Tobacco Sunburst, Translucent Blue, and Vintage Cherry finishes, and all feature the signature PRS bird fret inlays.

Costing much less than most other PRS guitars but offering comparable tone and playability, the SE Standard 24 is a great choice for a first electric guitar or an upgrade from your current setup.

#4 ESP LTD EC-256FM

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4.25/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Mahogany with Flamed Maple top

Neck – Mahogany

Fingerboard – Roasted jatoba

Electronics – Neck: ESP designed LH-150N humbucker Bridge: ESP designed LH-150B humbucker

Pros

Huge sustain in every range

Push-pull coil tapping feature for clean or dirty tones

Thin U-shaped neck for high-speed riffs and licks

Cons

No tremolo bar

Review

Another ESP making this list, the LTD EC-256FM is a fantastic instrument for all electric-driven music styles.

Like the PRS above, it features a push-pull coil tapping setup to give you a huge range of tones, from super crunchy rock riffs to a bright and articulate single-coil sound that can make angels weep.

It has a heavy-duty mahogany body with a beautiful flamed maple top that produces a large and robust voice that can not go unnoticed. Thanks to its set-in mahogany neck, you get sustain for days whether you’re in the midst of a low end quarter-time sludge breakdown or a wailing 22nd fret soulful solo.

The LTD EC-256FM’s pickups are upgraded a few notches above the KH-202 with dual LH-150 humbuckers that send forth a solid wall of sound.

It’s a beautiful guitar, with ESP flag fret inlays and finish options ranging from Cobalt Blue, to Dark Brown Sunburst, to my personal favorite, See Thru Purple Sunburst.

The only thing lacking in this axe is a whammy bar, which is unfortunate but can be overlooked considering all its other great aspects.

#3 Yamaha RevStar RS420

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4.5/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Nato with maple top

Neck – Nato

Fingerboard – Rosewood

Electronics – Dual VH3 Alnico V humbuckers

Pros

Power-packed tone in the mid and high ranges

Push-pull “Dry switch” for buzz-free single-coil mode

Slim neck profile for all-day playing comfort

Cons

No tremolo bar

Lags a little in the low range

Review

Yamaha’s RevStar lineup is rather unconventionally based on vintage-style street racing motorcycles. It’s not exactly surprising considering that Yamaha is a world-renowned producer of such bikes, but it’s the first guitar I’ve ever heard of to be based on such a concept.

Whatever the inspiration, the RevStar RS420 is a super cool looking electric that sports a few features bringing it close to the top of the list of the best electric guitars under $500.

Among these features is a thoroughly researched Push-Pull “Dry switch.” This mechanism comes after over 50 different design prototypes, and is there to give you the option to switch from double-coil to single-coil playing mode without the worrisome buzz that so often accompanies single-coil pickups. You can read more about the Yamaha dry switch here.

When you want to play clean, or lighten up your dirty tone a bit for more alt-rock or pop punk style progressions, this dry switch is a dream come true.

Although nato is not a favorite wood among guitar manufacturers, it performs just about as well as the more traditional body woods while keeping costs low. The only problem in the RS420’s construction is that the nato doesn’t boast as thick a low-end tone as guitars with solid mahogany bodies.

Nonetheless, the RevStar RS420 is a great offering from a company whose quality is never a letdown, and can be used in pretty much every genre excepting the grimiest of metals that require the utmost of bass in the breakdowns.

#2 Fender Duo-Sonic

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5/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Alder

Neck – Maple

Fingerboard – Maple

Electronics – Dual Duo-Sonic single coil pickups

Pros

Crisp Fender tone at an affordable price point

Vintage, comfortable body shape

Originally marketed as a beginner guitar due to smaller body shape, made famous by guitar greats

Cons

No individual tone controls

Review

The Duo-Sonic was initially released in 1956, marketed as a starter guitar and billed as a “3/4-size Fender.” However, it was quickly picked up by several great guitarists and rose to prominence over the next couple decades as a workhorse of a Fender. Curious? Fender has a great article all about the Duo-Sonic’s history

It has been seen in the hands of Steely Dan’s Walter Becker, Blur’s Damon Alburn, and believe it or not, Jimi Hendrix.

I won’t mislead you and say that the Fender Duo-Sonic is capable of everything. For the heaviest rock genres, its single-coil pickups and bright-singing tonewood combo isn’t going to give you the crunch you need. But if you’re looking to play a style where distortion and grind isn’t the key factor, the Duo-Sonic delivers the signature sound that has kept Fender among the top brands of electric guitar since their inception.

It has a “C” shaped neck profile, perfect for long-lasting chord work and funky riffage. Its alder + maple tonewood combo produces bright, crisp, cheery tones that are great for jazz, pop, funk, blues, and the lighter rock genres.

When I pick up an electric, generally I’m looking for a fat metal tone and immediately jump into a drop tuning for in-your-face breakdowns, but I had a great time playing the Duo-Sonic and thought that it delivered a tone I could be happy with for ages.

#1 Ibanez JEMJR Steve Vai Signature

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5/5 Star Rating

Specs

Body – Meranti

Neck – Maple

Fingerboard – Jatoba

Electronics – Neck: Quantum passive ceramic humbucker Middle: Quantum passive Alnico single-coil Bridge: Quantum passive ceramic humbucker

Pros

5-way pickup selector switch and 3 pickups for tonal versatility

Double-locking tremolo bridge so you can whammy all night long

Wizard III neck design for the fastest riffs you can imagine

Cons

None

Review

Finally, we’ve come to my #1 recommendation, the signature JEMJR signature guitar of my favorite guitarist, Steve Vai.

The JEMJR is the affordable version of Ibanez’s main Steve Vai lineup, the renowned JEM series. A few simple substitution were all it took to bring this line from over $1000 to the under $500 range we’re looking at now, such as meranti instead of alder for the body wood, jatoba in lieu of an ebony fingerboard, and Quantum pickups rather than the top-of-the-line DiMarzios.

These substitutions sacrifice very little in terms of tone as far as the average player is concerned. You might hesitate to play the jam-packed auditoriums that Steve Vai is accustomed to, but for smaller shows where your multi-million dollar reputation isn’t on the line, the JEMJR has everything you need for a rock solid performance.

I’m by no means a guitar god, but the simple act of picking up the JEMJR imbues me with loads more of playing confidence, and I can’t help but try my best to rip out some lightning fast arpeggios the moment I plug it in.

Its tone is no joke, with three powerful Quantum pickups that are super hot, highly articulate, and let every note sing loud and clear no matter the range or distortion level.

This guitar won’t instantly transform you into a rock legend, but it can sure start you down the path of mastering the electric guitar. Couple the JEMJR and our how to solo guide, and you’ll be on your way to feeling like a rock god yourself in no time.

Buyer’s Guide

Is it Worth Buying a Guitar for Under $500?

Without a doubt! Electric guitars under $500 come totally packed with features, and are 100% worthy of performances big and small.

You’ll find the tone of guitars in this price range to be on par with electrics costing up to twice as much, although the pickups in the higher end guitars are generally a lot more versatile and a lot more articulate.

As far as playability goes, there’s virtually no difference between an electric for under $500 and one for over $1000. These under $500 electric guitars have all the construction features of the more expensive guitars and are as fun and easy to play as a guitar can be.

Who Should Buy a Guitar in this Range?

Electric guitars under $500 are perfect for just about every skill level, but I’d probably recommend something on the higher-end for guitarists that are looking to play sold-out auditoriums

Beginners who’ve never played guitar before will find that they’ve bought an instrument that sounds better than they might expect and that are totally without the faults you can find in lower priced guitars. However, if there’s a chance that you might pick up this hobby for only a short while, never to return, I would suggest you test your skills with a more affordable option. We’ve reviewed several great electric guitars for under $200 if this is more where your budget and aspirations sit.

Intermediate players of course will love an electric guitar at this price point. They’re truly quality instruments with only minor differences between them and the most extravagant models. For just about everything you could need a guitar for, electrics under $500 will meet your demands.

Advanced and expert players who want to add another guitar to their collection will have no problem with most of these models, but depending on budget might want to look for something with better pickups or something specifically suited to their musical desires.

Another bonus and reason to buy a guitar at this price point is that they are perfect for upgrading. We’ll look at this a little closer right now.

Can Guitars Under $500 Be Upgraded?

These are perhaps the best electric guitars for upgrading. Depending on what you buy and what you want to change, they make excellent project instruments.

Guitars a couple hundred dollars below this range oftentimes have cheap bodies that for the most part aren’t worth upgrading, because if you’re starting from such a budget base, the money would be better invested in saving for a new guitar.

However, the guitars in this list are built with great care and quality, and usually only have one thing setting them apart from higher-priced models: the pickups.

If you want to start to learn to wire an electric guitar and otherwise fix flaws that you find in budget instruments, this is a great place to start. With a little know-how and extra money invested, you can take an under $500 guitar to a totally custom built axe with no problem.

Changing the pickups is a great way to boost your tone, and if you have a bolt on neck, this too can be swapped for an upgrade.

Another thing to change could be the bridge, swapping tremolo systems or adding one in the first place.

Of course, tuning machines are a simple, easy replacement job, but for the most part the guitars in this list have perfectly dependable tuners.

In the end, you can choose to upgrade or not. As long as you know what you’re doing, there can be only positive things to come from installing better pickups or giving yourself a new funky whammy bar.

The Final Word

We’ve explored a lot of great options in this list, with guitars suitable for every genre of electrified music.

The Fender Duo-Sonic is the clear winner for softer rock styles and clean guitar work, while the Ibanez JEMJR can do it all.

It was a challenge sorting guitars #3 through #6, as they’re all pretty much equally rock-worthy. Mostly, this part of the ranking was arbitrary, and you can trust that you won’t regret your choice among any of the guitars in this review.

Take the time to think about what direction you want to take your music, and what you really want in an electric guitar. These are the best electric guitars under $500, and I’m sure there’s one on this list for you.

More electric guitar reviews by Alan:

For playing blues

For people with small hands

For playing in church (worship)

The post Top-Rated Electric Guitars Under $500 – List & Reviews appeared first on Beginnerguitar.

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theseventhhex · 7 years

Text

Mannequin Pussy Interview

Marisa Dabice, Colins Regisford, Thanasi Paul & Kaleen Reading

Photo by Scott Troyan

Originally begun as a duo between childhood friends, Marisa Dabice and Thanasi Paul, Mannequin Pussy have expanded following a move to Philadelphia. The band has once again grown in numbers and strength. With the addition of Kaleen Reading on drums and Colins Regisford on bass, Mannequin Pussy are now a quartet for their sophomore full-length, ‘Romantic’. The latest release embodies Mannequin Pussy’s greatness: 20-minutes of hungry, genre-defying eclecticism that no longer feels like a collection of tracks but a record of real, discernible cohesion. ‘Romantic’ shifts seamlessly back and forth between pop and punk rock. But, the band has refined their songwriting with ‘Romantic’. The pop hooks are bigger and sharper. The punk rock numbers are filled with even more fury. ‘Romantic’ is the sound of a band hitting its stride… We talk to Marisa Dabice about having a Zen like attitude, performing live and bell bottoms…

TSH: As your outstanding debut record ‘Romantic’ was coming together, what sort of instrumentation styles were you mainly leaning towards?

Marisa: We’re very much a classic rock outfit. You know, guitars bass and drums. We wanted to make a record that would be easy to recreate live and while Thanasi did spend a lot of time doing guitar overdubs and we added some auxiliary percussion and a key line on two songs, we kept it very minimal. For the next record I think we’re heading in somewhat the opposite direction. We’re ready to experiment more.

TSH: The response has been excellent with so much praise for your album. How liberating is it to know that listeners are enjoying and connecting with your musical arrangements on a personal level?

Marisa: Liberating is great way to describe it. The truth is that most musicians actually hope that other people will enjoy their albums.

TSH: How vital is it for yourself and Thanasi to spend a lot of time getting the vibe right before you go in and finalise the melody and lyrics?

Marisa: Extremely vital. We tour a lot so we bring a lot of the new songs we’re working on into the set. It gives us all a chance to figure out exactly what works and what doesn’t - I try out new melodies and lyrics, new guitar lines, I can hear that Kaleen is trying out a new drum fill…. it’s important to spend the time working out those vibes. And when a song is done we all know it is. It becomes obvious to us.

TSH: What do you feel makes you very analytical of the way you respond to experiences regarding your lyrics?

Marisa: Maybe because I’m a Virgo and I’m extremely analytical about everything I and everyone around me does. I’m either trying to understand my experiences through the lyrics or I’m trying to tell a story and I want it to feel right. I don’t want to put in bullshit filler words; I’m on quest against nihilism. I want it to actually mean something.

TSH: Furthermore, talk us through your approach in making a very serious effort when in the songwriting phase of an album to not listen to other music…

Marisa: It’s just what works for me. I have pretty severe, undiagnosed and unmedicated, ADHD and my mind moves from one subject to the next really rapidly. When I’m in the middle of writing an album, my mind is jumping between all the sounds I’m trying to bring out so it’s just best to declutter wherever I can.

TSH: Was it cathartic to pen a track like ‘Romantic’ knowing it entails the personal hope that one day you’ll experience the right type of love again?

Marisa: That’s my favourite song I’ve ever written and I hope to write another song I like as much. I’ve lucky though, I’m already experiencing love again. The heartbreak didn’t last forever but the song will.

TSH: With ‘Denial’, what sort of energy were you mainly looking to imply?

Marisa: It’s an uptempo breakdown song. Just absolute mania. Thanasi did a brilliant job with that guitar line - when he first showed it to us I didn’t hear it as being a “Mannequin Pussy” song, but that was stupid. That was ego getting in the way. We made it our song and we made it fit for the record.

TSH: With your pulsating live shows constantly evolving, what sort of atmosphere do you look to conjure up when you perform live?

Marisa: I want people to feel our energy and allow those 30 minutes to free them from whatever might be going on in their lives. That might be a lot to ask but music can be so cathartic, so healing - and I hope we are able to give that to people as well.

TSH: Moreover, having stated touring isn't really a place to escape your head. How do you keep your mindset positive when you tour?

Marisa: You just remind yourself that you’re on tour to perform your music and that you’re incredibly lucky to get to do this at all.

TSH: Does having a Zen like attitude towards things that are thrown at you which you cannot control serve you well?

Marisa: Oh, absolutely. It’s the times when I’m not Zen that I get super worked up. When things aren’t going exactly right, that's what I look back on with the most embarrassment. Things work out how they’re gonna work out so getting upset over things that aren’t actually that important is just a disservice to you and everyone who is forced to be 5 feet away from you for 5 weeks. You owe it to each other to just do the best you can to find the Zen.

TSH: Do you look to natural white noise and new age meditation music to aid you with all the beldam in the world?

Marisa: It’s hard for me to fall asleep every night - I battle against racing thoughts and it’s really one of the only things that helps me to turn all that off.

TSH: Are you still drinking V8 juice most days as a ‘sad substitute’ for vegetables?

Marisa: No! I can actually afford to eat real vegetables on tour now.

TSH: Also, did you decide on how many bell bottoms you want to take on tour?

Marisa: I took two.

TSH: Why are your favourite show couples the ones who touch each other's butts…

Marisa: Because they’re so cute!! Swaying to the music with their hands in each other’s back pockets - they’re existing in their own moment together. I’m a romantic. I love that shit.

TSH: As you look ahead with Mannequin Pussy, is your ethos in relation to what you once said ‘the more open you are, the more you feel connected to other people’…

Marisa: I think so. Touring can feel very lonely at times. You spend long stretches of time away from your friends, your family and the people you love. It can be hard to feel part of a community, or feel that you can actually develop your relationships with people because those relationships are always being put on hold. But the absence doesn’t also infer a difference between us. We’re still experiencing things in a similar way.

Mannequin Pussy - “Pledge”

Romantic

#Interview #Mannequin Pussy #Marisa Dabice

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