#have been told im mean too

[puppyeared]

id fumble him so bad

#really really rushed but ill probably go back and clean these up tmrw anyway #i havent played stardew valley but ive been meaning to because i have a little crush on this guy ^_^ hes cute #idk why but smth about him is really endearing. like between him and sunburst i feel like theres a pattern here but idk what #i guess my type is boys that whimper #the last two images are based on a real conversation i had with my doctor a few years ago lol. deadass stared at me for a good 2 minutes #i wanna make a farmersona too...... if my minecraft gameplay is anything to go by id probably play with animals all day instead of #actually farming........ can i just do livestock in stardew.. i dont have a green thumb i managed to kill a succulent once...... #actually idk if my computer is even strong enough to run steam but i dont wanna get it on my phone. maybe ill get the microsoft download #unless stardew has its own website like minecraft. i really dont know anything abt it so im going in blind from the start #my art #myart #doodles #puppysona #sona #sdv #sdv harvey #stardew valley #whats funny about this is i have a classmate who kinda looks like if brian david gilbert and harvey had a baby. i havent told him this

[haunted-xander]

So. Fatebreaker, right? Ryne's biggest fears made manifest, daddy issues personified, yes?

He's an amalgamation of Thancred and Ran'jit, his face, his voice and his weapon is Thancred's, but his body, his fighting style and his words are Ran'jit's.

Throughout the fight Fatebreaker constantly makes comments about how only he can protect Ryne, only he can provide for her, only he has even the right to so much as stand beside her, to be in her general presence. He's possessive and obsessive, repeatedly asserting that she is HIS and his only. Which is exactly what Ran'jit says basically every time we encounter him.

But this time it's in Thancred's voice. This time it's with the voice and face of a man she actually cares about.

Ryne isn't scared of Thancred, she never has been. Even when she first met him she was barely even nervous (as clearly shown in Thancred's short story). There's a lot of different feelings happening between those two, but fear has never been one of them.

But now, after things have gotten so much better, she is scared of Thancred becoming like Ran'jit. Because if Thancred was just a little further gone, if he was just a little less compassionate, he would've. It wouldn't be hard for him to go down the same path as Ran'jit did, to be incapable of letting go of the ghost of that girl he loved so so much to the point he'd stubbornly grip anything close to her he could. He didn't, but the fact he could've is terrifying.

It makes his final words, words that are Thancred's, so very important. This is her deepest fears made manifest, but he still says he wants her to be happy. Her happiness not only matters, but is important to him.

#Now we -the audience- ofc knew Thancred was unlikely to go down that path #bc if theres one thing hes been consistent in even in his darkest moments its living up to his loved ones' wishes and legacies #the only time he even speaks against it is his conversation w minfilia in amh araeng #and thats more a case of all his (poorly) repressed grief and stress exploding than him actually meaning what he says #and trying to control rynes life after minfilia literally told him to just let her live her life goes directly against that #i think about fatebreaker a lot. as i do all things related to ryne & thancred #and to me its so important to note that hes more or less ran'jit with just enough thancred in him to be *too* thancred for comfort #its so. her greatest fear isnt even the thing thats been haunting her her whole life (being forced to fill in for minfilia) #its having her free will taken from her by the person she cares about the most (thancred) #and for him to be trapped in endless suffering because he cant move on #just like ran'jit did and was #its not even necessarily that shes all that scared of ran'jit himself #what shes scared about is caring about someone like that #because then she wont say no or try to be anyone but minfilia #(thats also why this fear appears specifically after things get better) #(because she was already ready to forsake herself if it eased thancred suffering) #okay im gonna stop now i need to sleep gnight everyone #ryne waters #thancred waters #ran'jit #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #at this point i should make a tag for ryne ramble posts i make so many of them #tomorrow. maybe. if i remember #edit: i made it #xander being insane about ryne

[abirddogmoment]

perpetually pingponging between having competitive dog ambitions and wanting nothing to do with the dog community ever again 🏓

#dogblr #dog sports #anyway i finally got a dt launcher #ive been wanting one since mav was a baby #they arent even that expensive i just was too nervous to ruin my dog #(a dt launcher shoots a blank and launches a toy to teach gundogs how to retrieve and be steady to gunshot) #i am semi confident in my ability to work rory to it without ruining her #if i get it soon i can spend like 6 weeks making her wild about the toy it launches #indoors and in the city #and then once the snow melts it should be simple to introduce the shot #anyway im having field test dreams #but at the same time LOATHE many of the people involved #anyway #thats where im at #i did buy the launcher though so we'll see #semirelated: the person who got top rally brittany this year got huge praise from the breed club president #who refused to acknowledge that mav won it last year #it doesnt matter but it made me so sad #someone on the breed club told me how important it was that i stay involved and i push for change #but they lowkey broke my heart by being so mean about mav #cant handle me at my worst (beautiful perfect out of standard dog) dont deserve me at my best (beautiful perfect in standard dog)

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it #it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper #provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the #interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after #50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked #his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it #he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from #when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has #his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever #but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how #we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe #cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna #back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed #practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence #we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one #who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted #to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say #goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art. #you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea? #if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa #the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding #his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.

[spearxwind]

feeling solidarity these holidays with everyone not allowed to talk about their partner with the family

#for some reason i too am not allowed to bring him up when my dad is present because he gets really uncomfortable about it #and my mom has to come tell me off about it in private bc he wont say the problem directly to me #thunderclap #i understand the problem but what the hell man im almost 27 years old #its extra annoying cause ive been to his house a lot already and i know his parents and have a good relationship with them #but my parents absolutely REFUSE to let him come here because again itd make my dad uncomfortable to have us (checks notes) #living in the same space?? #my GRANDPARENTS have seen my partner more than my parents have #i just think its annoying as hellll holy shit all i did was bring up miguel sleeptalking and say hes woken me up once or twice saying stuff #and my mom told me off on it after like 'dont bring up you being in bed with your guy in front of your dad' HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! #HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO INFER THAT AS THE MEANING TO WHAT I SAID... I WAS JUST TELLING A FUNNY ANECDOTE #THAT HAD 100% TO DO WITH THE CONVO WE WERE HAVING (SLEEPWALKING) #ARRGHGGHGHGHGH THIS IS JUST LIKE COSMIC ONLINE REACHING BUT IRL

[flamboyant-king]

I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.

So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.

#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate #cause i only got prescribed adderall this year #dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test #i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you #like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY #that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat #i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120 #like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner #and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing #average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too #babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down #i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing #although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing #i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem #when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like #he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate #and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse #i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing #and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles #and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest #dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom #he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again #he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold #so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15 #but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself #brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man #look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive #so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho #doodles #the binding of isaac

[spaciebabie]

people keep telling me both irl and online that they are intimidated/scared of me and its kinda funny actually. how can you be scared of me????? SPACIE???? THAT GUY??????????

#spacie spoinks #im like the least intimidating person ever #i understand irl b/c i have been told i look scary (and also coupled w/the fact that i dont talk much unless i know ppl well enough) #ppl think i hate them er smthn man!!! my head is just empty and i like. observing. #or ppl think im angry or judging them. bro my face just sits like that 😔😭 #so. i mean i understand that. but. #then im a clown online. #but yk i guess having a fear of clowns is a common occurance so that's not too surprising #points and laughs at you /aff #i dont even kno what i look like so i just go off what other ppl tell me LOL #ppl see my irl and scream like they just got jumpscared when i look in their direction

[hella1975]

yes this is a natural series of events when you've worked at the same place for over a year and it also happens to have RIDICULOUSLY quick turnover where very few people wind up staying on consistently, but ive become one of the Experienced Waitresses That Knows What They're Doing at my job and we very suddenly have a lot of New Teenagers That Have Never Done This Before and it's just. insane to me. bc when i started my job i was SO intimidated like it truly is a big very fast-paced place where everyone has to pull their weight (ie you need to be able to do the coffee station and work the floor and run food and help on bar) and the customers are particularly wankerish so the more Experienced Staff that had been there for a while were like mini gods to me. like truly i thought they were so cool and smart and unbothered and now that's me. i have a gaggle of 17 year olds constantly asking me how to do things and I KNOW THE ANSWER. on a government wage no less

#like it's a BIT annoying bc this is just not the kind of place that should be hiring teenage first-time workers #but the catering industry is doing BAD atm and my manager got told off by head office for spending too much on wages #so he's hiring a load of young people bc guess what! young people have lower minimum wages! some of them are literally on fiver an hour #i genuinely think when i turn 21 my hours are gonna PLUMMET but that's a future me problem #but yeah it means there's like. ten of us that have been working there consistently for months to years at a time #and the rest of the staff are just completely new. like everyone i was working with yesterday were college kids #that had been there a handful of weeks. and im someone who still regularly needs to ask management questions #bc for starters that never goes away like truly u do just need help but also bc I NEVER GOT OFFICIALLY TRAINED #EVERYTHING I KNOW I LEARNED ON THE JOB. DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT IS #so i have these teenagers looking up at me like 'how do i do x thing' and im like idk either babe. let's quit together #hella slaves to capitalism

[bearsizedant]

what if I was able to make myself stop caring about being nice to them

#'why wont you be friends with me you were friends with your other ex' because i shouldnt have tried to stay friends with him either??? #just bc you wanted to stay friends with me does not mean the feeling was mutual?? #maybe you and my other ex were different scenarios and i was at different places in my life when each happened?? #and they keep getting to me too. i hate it. they sent me this giant long ass message at 3am like #'hey btw it really broke my trust when that other person told you i was lying to you' #'and also i dont like that you talk about what happened to our mutual friends' #and now im sitting here wondering if ive actually been like a giant manipulator and blowing things out of proportion #every time i think the situation is finally fucking over so i can have some peace they keep messaging me #ugh

[danrifics]

i feel like i have to vague post about something that happened yesterday cos i don’t like a narrative someone is putting on me

anyway i used up the 30 allowed tags for a post but i got everything i had to say anyway this is just for me to rant but if any of you happen to read it lol sorry for dumping that on you

anyway i know that everyone on here knows what kind of person i am and i would never intentionally target or make anyone here feel unwelcome i think the things ive done for the phandom in these last few months proves that

love you guys 💕

(and if you’re the person this is about if you’re allowed to make vague posts about it so can i it’s my blog and i can express thing i want to, also if anyone knows who this is about don’t go after them that’s not my intention with this post but i’m sure they might try and make it like in singling them out despite not naming them)

#in january there was a situation in which someone added something to a post of mine and in their tags said if i didn’t like what they added #they would take it down if i asked #(they also made a point to say they were too lazy to make a post of their own) #so i asked them to take it down mainly cos i said they could make their own post #they didn’t need to add to mine it was unnecessary #i admit my tone maybe wasn’t the best i basically said i didn’t wanna be an asshole but i was gonna be an asshole #and i told them they maybe should make their own way on tumblr #this resulted in them telling me i was insufferable and they told me to block them and they would block me #they then sent me a dm apologising for calling me insufferable but then told me i’d been mean to them a few times #the funny thing is as far as i know this was the first time ive ever spoken to them #i literally have no idea what they’re talking about #anyway we both block and i move on #then yesterday i get a message on the fake dapg blog from them #saying i need to block them in future on any new blog i make which let’s be real #not my responsibility to do at all #they also started the message referring to me as Beth #a nickname all of you know upsets me #they then proceeded to tell me it was starting to feel like i was bullying them #you know why? cos apparently i deleted their replies to the dapg tumblr blog posts #which i didn’t #do you know why those messages got deleted? cos we are mutually blocked #that means tumblr filters your replies out #i didn’t delete them tumblrs code did!! #it really upsets me that this person who i literally have barely interacted with has decided to create this narrative that im bullying them #when i literally haven’t spoke to them since january #i haven’t even thought about them since the #initial incident and look i know i can be a bit rude sometimes #but like i’m dealing with some pretty intense mental disabilities and i do t understand my own tone etc #for a person to say i’m intentionally targeting them when i’m not is not fun #especially when it’s someone i’ve literally interacted with twice

[todayisafridaynight]

At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in

i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment

#infinite wealth spoilers #snap chats #what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO #i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed #i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was #like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting #esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english #typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others #im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily #it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO #maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in #like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok #thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE #POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time #but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter #like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts) #its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0.. #BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time #i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game #and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that #if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point

[gwyns]

Do you think that Gwyn knows that the necklace was meant for Elain/someone else? I have a theory that her sense of smell is excellent (remember that scene where she says she can tell who the priestesses are by scent?). And that she can scent both Az and Elain on the necklace.

That’s why I think the necklace won’t be a huge deal/moment of betrayal in the Gwynriel book. She already knows and has put the necklace aside, never to be worn.

oh! that's a very good point, i didn't think of that. she could totally know then

even if she doesn't though i really don't see the necklace holding much significance going forward, it was a metaphor for az's shifting attention and nothing else in my opinion. and after 3 years of discourse, i think it's time we retire it lmfao

#im all for talking about the text itself but the necklace? its done #although ive been seeing people be nasty about how they interpret the text too like!!! idk if anyone told you #but its ok to have differing opinions on the necklace description possibly being a nod to elucien like damn #doesnt mean the secret lovely beauty quote is about elain. just means sjm couldve thrown in some extra foreshadowing #antielriel #anti e/riel #not really but idk how else to tag this lol #asks #anonymous

[jacqcrisis]

Why is everyone in this godforsaken camp sniffing my lizard?

#ronans trying to have a nice day intimidating people and holding astarions hand #and the wizard and the druid keep trying to catch a whiff i GUESS #anyone else? shadowheart? im assuming lae'zel because shes a certified freak #wylls too busy having daddy issues #anyways i turned down halsin for character reasons #also considering ronans been pretty encouraging about the not having sex thing with his vampire #it would make sense for him to feel weird or kind of not great about the idea of sleeping with someone else #he doesnt want to make his guy feel bad or put him on the spot about letting ronan go find sex somewhere else #that seems like a mean conversation to have to him so he told halsin nah #just not even gunna bother #he went without for like 11 years or whatever he can go for 11 more if he has to #if they live that long #i am curious about what that convo with astarion is like re: asking if you can go boink the bear #i shouldve did a save and reload oh well #bg3

[faunandfloraas]

Hmmm, online pal and I exchanged addresses to send Christmas cards but hilariously have both yet to send one, but do you think it'd be weird or too much if I sent a present for them and their sister as well 🤔

#for context their sister has been getting chemo for a brain tumor and even tho the sister and i have never interacted #ive been following the homie for years so have constsntly read and seen pictures of the both of them #and have been told their sister loves the pics i post of my pets n stuff #so i thought well since i accidentally took this long maybe i can send a koala soft toy and a couple other lil australiana things i got #pretty sketch book with a print from a cool indigenous artist to send my pal bc theyre an artist too #like we just said cards but i thought since shit has been rough maybe a lil care package would be a nice surprise #im probably overthinking this like most people would probably like getting free gift from random on other side of the planet lmao #i mean i sure wouldnt mind but idk #😮‍💨

[witchblade]

i can't stand being an Anxiety Sponge it drives me so crazy

#someone being Scared anywhere near me means i have to be Scared too #my coworker just told me about a very personal issue shes been dealing with all morning that has nothing to do with me and i have no power #to solve and immediately brain is internally like simulating as if its currently happening to me right now I'm Under Attack!!! #and its usually not this intense with other emotions it's specifically like. anxiety and anxiety inducing issues. #this sounds like im tiktok empath posting or something bjt whatever. HITS POST

[what-are-even-humans]

So on one hand I got to participate in extubating a patient today but on the other hand I did get an E on my thesis which my advisor told us was "A or maybe B material" and that we were genuinely quite proud of.

#so all in all a Great! and also a Very Bad! day today #studyblr #medblr #isak talks #we called the advisor when we found out and she was absolutely shocked. i was real mad at her at first but now im just hoping #the appeal process will be quick and bring some change. #i mean fuck id honesty rather have an F than an E. at least that way we get to rewrite whatever parts dont actually work. #but seeing as our advisor is shocked too im hoping itll be bumped up cause of the appeal. #also honestly fuck my university for forcing us to change our entire thesis - problem statement and all AFTER the halfway point. #we had already gotten the go ahead! they told us time and time again we wouldn't be penalised for writing about a #relatively rare (but important!) condition. that it was innovative of us to chose a subject where theres been done few high quality studies #and then literally several days after the halfway point they go oh well actually no. you cant do that. #[redacted] university Get Your Shit Together challenge #anyways i love intensive care! pulmonology is great! i made a difference on the ward AND I got to be a part of the extubation team! #which is a great day! (if you ignore my uni being full of shit (as usual)).