#have probably thought the exact same thing

[imsosleepyofyourbull]

I don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about Tachihara and how important his identity crisis is to me.

He spent so long under the shadow of an older brother he only really knew by the way everyone told him they were too similar and yet nothing alike, and when he tried to break free he ended up in the exact same place that Shunzen and Yosano did. Stuck in the military holding up ideals that are too big for their bodies. Fukuchi straight up made him choose between prison/death and medical malpractice when he was fifteen at the oldest, probably fourteen. And then when he finally found a home where everybody who loved him actually loved him, he was lying to them the entire time! He probably went into that final battle with the expectation that, if he even lived, they would never look at him the same.

But it’s so heavily implied that they knew what he did and kept loving him anyway! Hirotsu straight up said, “Whoever did this made sure they didn’t kill us.”

He told Tachihara that if he was Port Mafia then he’d know what to do, and he did it!

And it’s such a perfect mirror to Yosano. They’re both tied to Shunzen in irreversible ways, defined by his life and death and finding homes in people who never really cared about the dead man or how he was connected to their person outside of its effects on them. The ADA and the Port Mafia are both places that the two of them were willing to die to see survive, and they only ever faltered in each other’s presence BECAUSE of their connection. Yosano thought Tachihara had the right to kill her for what she did and the way she took the right of death away from Shunzen, but Tachihara always knew that it wasn’t really her fault and couldn’t kill her over it even thought he spent so long thinking about it.

The ADA never wanted Yosano for her ability the same way the Black Lizard never wanted Tachihara for Shunzen. They’re just so GDJHDJDHDKHFKFHDJHF!!!!

I really hope Asagiri continues this plot point and doesn’t desert in order to keep hyping up Dazai. I understand that he’s smart and cool and his character is interesting too, but it’s exhausting to constantly have every intelligent thing everyone else does ascribed to Dazai or Fyodor “knowing that would happen” or “trusting them to act like they thought.” Higuchi’s ability still hasn’t been revealed, Tachihara is still dead or missing (as is Jouno), Teruko just disappeared, and Akutagawa is still a vampire???? God knows where Gin and Hirotsu are. I just want Yosano and Tachihara to make up and for Tachihara to get more fanfic pretty please…

#tachihara michizou #bsd tachihara #bungo stray dogs tachihara #yosano akiko #bsd yosano #bungou stray dogs yosano #Tachihara Shunzen #Tachihara’s Old Brother #character analysis #someone please talk to me about Tachihara #I love him so much

[burningdisarm]

friends who hate together stay together

#rambling #look sometimes i need to be a hater & when that happens i know who to go to bc i know they won’t judge me and #have probably thought the exact same thing #this is not like. serious. this is like when i want to be jealous and overly proud & some other character flaws i have #in a way that won’t hurt anyone. so that they’re not character flaws they’re just quirks. i sometimes have to just be. annoyed #& i <333 having friends who i can whine to. & they do the same thing at other points so like. neither of us can judge #literally everyone has bad emotions and are sometimes petty and jealous and proud or whatever else #the key is dealing in a way that doesn’t hurt other people but also doesn’t hurt you #there is something SO healing about going to complain to a friend about something a bit petty that #would probably be seen as you being rude and judgy by most ppl(bc you are being that to be fair) #& them going YEAH I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING #it’s like rinsing your brain out. spring cleaning. i can carry on trying to be a caring person now that i’ve been allowed #to express frustration #idk i’m phrasing this really badly but just shoutout to my friend who i can be a massive hater with & then move on #“here’s a thing i’m feeling & i know it’s rude so i’m not gonna act on it but like come on….” “no exactly you get it” thank god #“i did this thing (inconsequential) but i told everyone else thing thing (tiny change) bc i’m too proud to admit it” #“no exactly like we both need to work on this but i understand exactly what you mean bc i’m the same” okay. now i can be human again

[puppyeared]

adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes

#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently??? #like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought #that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made #easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway #so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in #but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse #even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders #to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting #worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING #THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD #i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing #i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact #its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt #yapping #adhd

[bottombaron]

whenever i think abt writing Nandor and i get going thru a series of sequences of him behaving like a well-adjusted, caring, adult i have to stop myself, backspace several mental paragraphs and remember that he's basically a semi-captive lion being observed in a nature documentary and he functions on 92% Id

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandor #nandor the relentless #neat fanfic trick: if you're nandor is behaving ooc like a normal well adjusted empathetic human being just ask yourself #“what would a lion do in this exact scenario?” #and whatever the absurdity it's probably closer to the truth than not #anyways i have a lot to say abt the amorality of the vampires and how they simply don't function with the same human ethical thought #but that doesnt mean they dont care and love and have social behaviors of their own that shouldnt be judged less than #and will express those emotions in ways that might feel foreign to most humans #...is what i say to myself to keep from crying as i delete 3 pages of nandor talking out his feelings 😭😭😭 #(also brief note: when i say he functions on Id its not that he lacks intelligence or the capacity to use it along with his ego/super ego) #(as seen in the s5 finale) #(but rather he's an apex predator so his whole being is funneled into traits for hunting. not other things we think show intelligence) #(in the mordern non hunting/gathering world) #(which is partially why he's so disconnected from the world and struggles to find purpose in an environment that no longer values him) #(truthfully nandor is human but simply the definition of humanity has changed rapidly from what it valued centuries before) #(and leaves nandor lost) #(except for guillermo. his one connection to humanity and what anchors him to the modern world 🥲) #(...looks like i got lost in the tags again...)

[lnkedmyheart]

Listen, I like Oda, he's cool and everything but he tells Dazai the exact same thing Verlaine says to Chuuya. Both of these boys were struggling with their identity and believed they didnt deserve to be seen as humans. Where Dazai was desperately distancing himself but positioning himself in a spot where he could still experience humanity, Chuuya was actively trying to be human while also not fully accepting himself as one. Verlaine tried to break Chuuya by reinforcing his lack of humanity by pointing out how nothing and no one could ever fill that lonely void in him and yea sure we all collectively believe that was a nasty thing to say to a child struggling with his identity who had just lost all his friends. But Oda did the exact same thing, I know his intentions were better and he cared about Dazai when he said that and the meaning was distorted because neither actually understood the other enough, but he told a child struggling with his identity who had just lost his 2 closest friends and had no contact with his partner at the time that nothing could fill the lonely void in his soul.

And nobody is ever allowed to question it or criticise it cause Oda has the cool dead guy syndrome where he isn't allowed to be criticised or judged like other characters.

Because Chuuya heard those words at the very beginning of strombringer by someone he hated and later spent the entire book learning that people did in fact care for him and view him as human and finding out about his parents and the scar, it led to him having (slightly) less of a martyr ideology because he no longer isolates himself and tends to seek out genuine connections even if he is painfully reserved and repressed about his own struggles. Meanwhile Dazai was told those exact same words by Oda at the very end of the dark era arc at an incredibly vulnerable moment when he had literally lost everything and seen things and lives fall apart by someone who he idolized to an almost unhealthy level. This leads to Dazai quite literally losing hope (he shows a hopeful nature a few times in 15 and dark era though it is rather subtle, Dazai shows it most in his attempt to stop Oda from going to the final fight) and becoming a martyr who sees no value in his own life outside of a tool. He struggles to create genuine connections even with people who genuinely care for him (the ADA) and repeatedly puts on a mask in front of them.

Chuuya and Dazai both view themselves as people whose lives are only worth what they can do for others in different ways, Chuuya feels the need to protect because he is the strongest and feels need to earn his existence whereas Dazai feels the need to martyr himself because he only finds value in his life and death by saving people.

#soukoku #i am actually super tired so I am probably making no sense #but i have so many thoughts on this #like they said the exact same thing #sometimes good people have good intentions but an awful execution #sorry but i will never sit here and accept the idea that Oda's words did Dazai good #they gave him a wake up call sure #but anything he had said at that moment #even just telling him to leave and be a good person wpuld have worked because Dazai IDOLIZED him #he could have told Dazai to do a chicken dance and Dazai would have fucking done it at that point #his words pushed Dazai from suicidal but making excuses to a martyr mentality #ive seen people unironically call anyone who dislikes or analyses Oda's words a hater #but somehow every analysis turns into more evidence of skk mirroring each other

[lavenderjewels]

no genuinely i will fight to the death to defend yuuji being a good character and how interesting it is to see yuujis struggles of being used as a tool his entire life/viewing himself as a cog while bringing out his own strengths as someone who doesn’t have the raw power and talent as gojo, yuuta, or megumi.

With gojo’s reflection in his past arc of his own strength not being enough to save someone, they need to be someone prepared to be saved, I have a lot of confidence in what yuuji was training for and his set up to save megumi (going full circle with his grandpa’s last words or “curse”).

#jjk spoilers #itadori yuuji #jujutsu kaisen #yea yea yea it’s bc I saw tweets floating around hating him 🤕 #also no real thread here but I enjoy how yuuji and kenjaku might have similar powers now in body swapping #it’s a power that can be enhanced through the presence of other people rather than the sheer lone strength of gojo #no real thought there I just enjoy seeing any similarities with the itadori/kenjaku/death painting family #I’ve probably posted almost this exact same thing several times but i will continue to praise yuujis character I think it’s great 😤 #and despite everything he’s still so kind #which is very refreshing and human to see in jjk

[icewindandboringhorror]

I found socks with my favorite flowers on them (nasturtiums!), but they literally don't match anything I own, so making an outfit with them is difficult.. just all black with the bright shoes and a random stuffed animal for accents lol

#self #ootd #still unsure if I should do the like.. 'saying where stuff is from' section at the end of outfit posts like I think it's popular to do #but it just feels repetitive because basically for everything is just 'it's all thrifted' occasional 'shoes from ebay 10 years ago so I don #t remember the seller' or 'socks from a random sock store in the mall 2 years ago' etc. #even the stuffed animal is from the bins lol #Shoes and tights and wigs are the only things that it tends to be harder to get from the bins. Though I still find some #except wigs. I wouldn't really wear Bin Wigs since half the bins have like mysterious wet stuff and mold in them or etc. #I've gotten some shoes and stuff there though. But most of my shoes are from online. It's just that theyre also not from #like.. brands..?? Like 'converse' or something. It's more.. some random ebay seller in 2017 or something #so then that feels weird too because I thought the point of that being popular is so people can go find the things you're wearing and #buy them or whatever. but in my case that would never be helpful ghjbjk #since I also keep things so long. I have shoes and stuff Ive had since elementary school #good luck tracking down where I got these tights on ebay in 2011. good luck going to the bins or a thriftstore and finding the same #exact dress or etc. So then in that case does it even matter?? eh #The only sense I could see it being useful in is like. people seeing that they could make looks without spending a lot of money. #since I have had some comments on costumes or makeups before like 'omg I would love to look like this if I had the $$ for clothes *sad emo #ji*' or whatever. and I always want to message them and be like.. this entire outfit cost like $2.. you can do it. Don't get discouraged #I mean depending on the resources available to you. I know not everyone has a bins type place near the #m. but still. and all of my makeup and wigs are cheap as hell. Probably full of terrible chemicals. but I wear them like. once every 5 mont #hs or less since I dont do full costumes that often so hopefully wont get an infection or something. etc. etc. #ANYWAY. I could see it being useful I guess in just letting people know most of everything is secondhand #if that's meaningful to them for some reason. but also I feel like thats obvious since I talk about it. so #still just seems repetitive to me. ANYWAY. Love nasturtiums... aaaaaa... even though it's not my colors at all and I never #wear black or anything that would match them #I had to do it. I also normally would never ever pay $12 for socks but.. it's SO specific to my tastes and I had never seen anything #with nasturtiums on it before since they dont seem as popular as like roses or sunflowers. One of my once every 2 years #impulse buys at a mall ghjhjb.. (I never go to malls and also just rarely buy stuff in general since I'm evil miserly penny pincher etc.) #Kind of like how once a year I allow myself to have one steak from a restaurant or something but that's all. Once every few years #I will go to a large mall at a not busy time of day so I can avoid crowds. just to look around for fun. and will maybe buy like. One thing

[a9saga]

I can't believe the entire cast of big brother agrees not to use slurs while in the house and in the first week of the show this absolute quack drops the n word in front of a black houseguest after talking about a different black houseguest and gets ejected before the first eviction

#goes without saying the houseguest who did that was white #thats absolutely embarrassing but the motherfucker agreed to the terms! #im not gonna entertain the idea of morally disagreeing w those terms but even if you thought thats okay #youre being filmed 24 hours a day and you're obviously gonna be caught *and* people will call it out on the live feed #of course you're gonna get ejected dude you were told you would #i wonder if this is going to shorten the season? #its supposed to be 100 days but you never know they probably have more surprise guests like cirie #thats just my gut feeling #anyway yeah luke's probably feeling embarrassed and stupid over that which he should #i used to know another white guy who'd use the n word in front of his black friend #who was also dirty blond and had glasses and was named luke #but he was much less tall and much less buff #he would say the exact same thing luke said on the show i can practically hear it #bb25 spoilers #big brother #shut up kaily

[statementlou]

BTW Love the growth from OTB, where it's about reassurance and realization, to BTM, where it's about acceptance and growth. God, Louis' queer-coded lyricism should be talked a lot more also

I sat on this for a minute cause I didn't think I was going to answer it, cause if I did it might just be to say, I don't necessarily think it's that simple, and what does being a grinch add to anything! But I realized I do actually have something to say, although it isn't what you were looking for anon, so, sorry about that. See, what I have been thinking is amazing about Louis' lyricism (and has shown big growth between Walls and FITF) and needs to be discussed more is its versatility, its prismatic blank slate qualities even while being so specific. What I mean is: his signature style is to write lyrics that are straightforward and easily understood as telling a clear story (certain trippy dance numbers excepted obv ;). But what's remarkable is that despite their seeming simplicity and easiness to read, a LOT of his songs can be perceived in a practically infinite number of ways, with every different interpreter absolutely confident in the rightness of their read. So yes, I personally happen to believe Bigger Than Me (and some other songs such as All This Time) are in part about Louis' queer experience. But every lyric that I think that about can also very easily mean something else- they can pass as generic radio songs about nothing, or as songs about experiences non queer listeners have had about any number of things, or as being about his career generally, or in most cases as boilerplate love songs. In the lead up to this album Louis talked about how he wanted people to come up with their own interpretations of the songs a lot, which I laughed at because he then kept saying what they meant to him anyway, but I think I get now why he said that so much just now in particular- I think the way it's possible to make almost any meaning from them is something he did knowingly and with great skill (and put hard work into), and deserves to be recognized. Like maybe one thing he was writing about was the queer interpretation, but then he also made them be about the fans generally and his life and love and 5 other things, while shaping them to be malleable and universal enough that all that fits into these extremely simple lines. And I think that people insisting they know what his songs are about and that it can only be one thing actually erases that work and skill that he, I believe, is rightfully proud of, and that deserves appreciation. Also it doesn't fit anywhere but I would like to add two other thoughts: one, sometimes part of a song can be about one thing or be literal but other parts can be made up or from something else sometimes for as little reason as to make it rhyme, and two this is a whole essay probably but I'm thinking a lot lately about how Louis talks about being honest in his writing and how people think that means the same thing as being literal (writing about his exact life) and actually something can be HONEST, like can talk about feelings and thoughts that really happened while depicting made up events (see: fiction/ literature generally), without being LITERALLY TRUE (this is a thing that is exactly how it happened in my life) so just throwing that in here also.

#there are a lot of reasons I find it hard to believe Land H are still together #but ISTG there just keep being more in the 'by god they really are??wtf' column against all odds! #so I simply have to shrug and be like damn. those crazy mfers. they really are huh #and one of them for me is them having these conversations (with a friend!) that they both talk about #and say the same things #and then go and do the exact same fucking things #and one of those things that they haven't explicitly said #but both started doing at the same fucking time #is being like oh you know what I'm going to do now #I'm going to write about stuff that isn't relationships #just...other stuff. where I'm from and how things change and how change is hard #friends' heartbreak. yknow just stuff. that happens to be the same as someone elses stuff #anyway I have all these thoughts about them writing less about their relationship/s and how much it feels to me like a thing telling me #that they are still together. but that's a whole other post probably #also #there's no point in making a fuss about it so I just left it out like whatever who cares #but Only The Brave is not inherently queer like... it just isn't #it can be read that way!! (as can literally everything apparently I saw someone saying OOMS was obviously queer the other day for example) #but its not obvious or inherent or inarguable #louis songwriting #blah blah blah #honest but not literal #thinking about how one of the most impressive things louis does is get a lot into a tiny number of words #and how bad I am at that 😂 #genuinely its so much easier to use 1000 words to get a point across then to distill it so its one sentence

[thethingything]

I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever #but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave #I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up #I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault #and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to #I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in #and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen #like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept #than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it #and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do #and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening #and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that #but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse #also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this #I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly #I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection #I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline #hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma #I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything #which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

living with people who Walk Extremely Fast while needing time alone in the shared house spaces to do your basic selfcare/starting-the-day routines + having Trauma around being seen even fucking existing in shared spaces, including a long-ongoing and hefty dose of it from said people themselves, is a living hell actually. especially when they insist on constantly leaving doors wide open that would normally mitigate the house being a fucking panopticon and also give you like two seconds' warning that they're entering the space so you can brace yourself or leave. Hate

#moogletalks #me: starves myself for hours; takes my medication extremely late; and spends 90% of my time trapped in my bed with my health deteriorating #while waiting for people to Fucking Go Somewhere Else and Stay There for Like 20 Fucking Minutes Jesus Christ #me: finally either musters myself to tiptoe out and quietly go about my business because i thought they found somewhere else to be #or just fucking gives up and braces myself for sandpaper to my triggers + probably filling the Flip Out and Abuse Moogle meter a little more #housemates: GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAZY RUDE AND SELFISH YOU JUST WANT TO HOG THE COMMON AREAS AND HAVE EVERY LITTLE THING HOW YOU WANT IT #YOU'RE COLD AND UNFRIENDLY AND ONLY WANT TO LIVE HERE LIKE A LEECH BECAUSE YOU STAY IN YOUR ROOM ALL THE TIME #BUT ALSO I HATE SEEING YOUR FACE AROUND AND YOU DON'T SPEND EVERY MOMENT I CAN SEE YOU ENTERTAINING ME OR BEING ''PRODUCTIVE'' #[MULTI-HOUR SCREAMING MATCH AND THREATENING TO MAKE YOU HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU HAD THE UPPITYBITCH AUDACITY TO ASK ME TO TURN A LIGHT OFF WHEN #I LEAVE A ROOM OR MAKE A LIST OF CHORES OR STOP TURNING THE THERMOSTAT TWO DEGREES PAST WHAT YOU CAN TOLERATE] #it's like fucking clockwork and i'm sick of it and when the people involved walk like they're training for the fucking olympics #and constantly remove or invade every single way for you to avoid them the tiniest fucking bit #it makes things a hundred thousand times more stressful!!!!!!! #and i KNOW most of these people would be doing the exact same thing with my bedroom if it was even slightly more socially acceptable #they would be straight up taking the bathroom door off its hinges so they can repeatedly walk in and out while you're trying to take a shit #it is a hundred thousand fucking percent a control thing and i hate it i hate it go AWAY. GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY #abuse cw #ableism cw #venting cw #food insecurity cw #housing insecurity cw #traumatag #adventures in mental illness

[princesscedar]

Trying to tell mom "hey maybe don't call j ewish people rats even unintentionally" event leaves 10 dead thousands injured

#INCREDIBLE how any time i address mom's casual antis emitism she goes into a tirade like 'oh THEY get to be treated special' like #literally me n the 19 yr old give receipts and she always flies off the handle lol lmao haha #she was referring to the tunnel thing in new york and said 'an orthodox j ewish man climbed out the sewer like a rat' #and me n 19 yr old both 😬😬 and casually lightheartedly say 'hey you probably shouldn't say that abt j ewish ppl' and she took it personal #like we said she said it w/ malice and not the same tone as 'hey don't call a black person a monkey even if you didn't mean it offensively' #and 2 hours later she STILL is on her 'well i think it's an agenda some ppl just try and SAY things are offensive and they're not' mom. #u r LITERALLY black. WHY is this hard for u to understand #she did the same when i said a o t was fascist anti semitic nationalist but she's like 'i read it and i didn't see any of that so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #'if you didn't read it you can't say anything's wrong with it' #same w/ that Witches remake a few years ago and i pointed out the witches were coded as j ewish caricatures in the book #and hopefully it wouldn't happen in the new movie #and she thought it was an agenda to cancel it because the main characters were black now #somehow transferred into talkin abt cops and th3 m ilitary and me saying both should be abolished and now she's like #and how i think it's kinda unnecessary to include blatant mil itary propaganda in a show for 6 yr olds lol #and she's like 'are you saying every cop and military person is bad and evil? should kids w/ parents in those forces never be represented?' #no i literally didn't say every individual is but the organizations need to end at least 90% in my lifetime <33 and no i also don't think #a kid w a soldier dad is the same as a kid with a black dad so no mili tary n cop rep is not the same as poc rep lol she literally said that #and mad that i didn't have THEE solution to replace them like i need to know the exact plan to fix it to point out that they shouldn't exist #anywhooooooo she raises my blood pressure lol <33333 #sentext

[correct-bangtannies]

I don't even like men and I'm somehow already a military wife, what goes on

PS. Don't open the tags unless you want a big ass wall of text of me rambling on your screen

#hit #im just honestly so glad that I've become a lot more chill with the whole being an army thing #in the sense that i used to be a lot more attached and hyped over everything #i do still get very hyped and i do still have an attachment to them n their work but y'know just more toned down #(i mean i remember the days of staying up all night to watch award shows knowing damn well they'd always perform last) #(mma 2018 was an emotional rollercoaster like i legit cried a little from the tiredness and being overwhelmed with the performance) #so im glad im a lot more calm about the enlistment news than what i would've been say three years ago before they started to #take longer breaks and eventually announce the hiatus this year #it's like they did it in purpose so that the fandom would grow a bit more used to it n im glad to see that a huge majority are very calm #many are sad ofc but its not being treated as some kind of horrific news #if anything ppl are coping with humor including me lmao #so idk im mostly just happy for them that they're taking their VERY well deserved break before doing their service #i just hope everything goes well and is decently peaceful (as peaceful as enlistment can be at least lol) for them once they're there #now why am i rambling in the tags? bc i need to put my thoughts in order but i don't wanna clog my blog with a long ass wall of text 💀 #I'm at least relieved to know that they already have a set plan of when they're going to go and return + BH is sure af gonna keep putting #out a lot of content that they've filmed over all these years #i mean run bts; documentaries; probably even music and ofc not all of them are gonna go at the exact same time #and ofc stuff related to the HYYH and Chakho #them being absent won't as hard for most hopefully #and hey 2 years aint nothing ive waited far longer for stuff to come out than that we'll be fine! #*cries in silksong and the YOI movie

[katierosefun]

contemplating once again how i’ve just learned to not take things too personally these days. not so much as a “i’m cool with people being rude to me” kind of way, but more like how i’ve noticed myself just FORCING myself to not linger on every single social interaction i’ve had with a person. that one girl who just walked away after i introduced myself? whatever. that other guy who pointedly ignored me every time i said something? go off, i guess. that one girl who immediately dropped me once she found shiny new people to play with? could not care less. i think there’s a lot to be said in that a) i’ve decided i should be on my own side at least, and b) i’ve decided that i don’t need to go out of my way to be nice to people who like to ice others out, and c) cool, these experiences have just taught me how to reserve my energy for people who i might actually care about!

#caroline talks #mm. law school orientation . . . #don’t get me wrong I’ve met so many fantastic people #but I’ve also met some really . . . mm….questionable folks #I mean such is law you’re gonna find insanely privileged folks who are like ‘oh my whole family is composed of lawyers <3’ #and ‘omg your English is SO good for …. you know [pointing at my obvious Asian-ness]’ #and just in general other trivial things like some folks trying to find Who their people are y’know #and it’s like. i get it. #im probably subconsciously doing the same exact thing #so I can’t be mad at anyone #but y’know. i actually just was talking to someone #for like an hour and a half over text. someone I met for 2 minutes and we’ve hit it off #and im like ‘huh. this is neat.’ #and im forcing myself to not immediately go into ‘WHAT DOES THIS PERSON WANT FROM ME’ mode #this person literally goes ‘hey I thought you were sweet :) just wanted to say hi :)’ #and my lizard brain goes ‘THIS PERSON HAS ILL INTENTIONS THEY’RE GOING TO TRY TO GET SOMETHING FROM ME’ #until I realized a) they’re not in my section so we literally can’t help each other in the study sense at least not during finals #and b) we talked to each other for 2-5 minutes what could they have POSSIBLY gleaned from me in 2-5 minutes #and c) maybe people are just NICE and FRIENDLY and i should STOP acting like every person is like the folks from my hometown #also she laughed at my fanfiction joke SOOOOOO #anyways. nervous ramblings from a nervous person and etc carrying along #ngl I would resent all my past for turning me into the wary wreck I am today #but like I think I’ve also reached the point where I’m like. so everyone’s got some weird trauma about social settings #there’s got to be another person like me out here #and there are!

[aberooski]

I honestly wish my birthday wasn't in 2 weeks. I always get really depressed around my birthday.

#october 23rd everybody mark your calendars! #it's a monday and I have sweeney todd rehearsal that night so I probably won't even get to have my birthday on my birthday #I'm gonna be 24 years old it really shouldn't matter so much to me anymore but it does #but I'm not a kid anymore. my birthday isn't special to anyone but me anymore. to everyone else it's just another day. #well it's all I've got it's the only time I ever feel seen and like people care enough to pay even the slightest attention to me #i just recently realized that receiving gifts is a love language for me too and i honestly hate that i feel like such an asshole #it feels worse because I haven't been able to get even a shitty job since i graduated college and my family is fucking broke too #so when my sister said she already had my birthday present my mom just jokingly says 'at least someone's getting you something' ! #i seriously almost started crying when she said that. i did not find that funny at all. she said the exact same thing about christmas #which i feel the same way about. I've just been having a horrible last like 2 years and now it's almost my birthday again and I'm still #exactly where I was last year. I'm trying so hard and I just can't make any progress. #I'm stuck and it just feels like there's nothing I can do about it at this point. #anyway sorry to be such a downer I'm gonna at least try to go to sleep #abby's self deprication hour #abby's insomia thoughts

[bomnun]

among the 292738 other reasons cube needs to go to hell and burn is for making pentagon work their asses off september/october/november 2022 for a comeback that the company possibly never was going to be able to afford to pay for and cancel/postpone anyway

#I’m sorry but a severe lack of funds is the only way to explain the 6 month break between any music releases at the company #and even before nxde there was a weird break between boom and it #with no real korean promotions #t says #SHINWON SAYS NOT DOING ANYTHING MUSIC RELATED ISTHE WAY HE CAN BREATHE PEACEFULLY AND ITS BECAUSE YOU CANT MANAGE YOUR FINANCES CUBE!!!!!!! #🔪🔪🔪 #when it first happened I thought pose was a weird setup for kino to get rid of ptg #but then they did the exact same thing to chаngsub #combine that with the 6 month break now #cutting jián and huîyeon and keeping yenan in China so they don’t have to pay for him #are probably also ways to save money #but yeah they really drove and pushed ptg to finish the creative parts and probably the recording too #also don’t get me wrong they were definitely…pushed…or encouraged…br*bed by mn*t #but there’s even more to it #maybe they wouldn’t have canceled it just done the ptg comeback with less than minimal promotions even worse than feelin like #actually I think that’s would’ve happened without mnet interference #much preferable to whatever’s going on now #the house was pretty empty back then they would’ve probably won Music bank again and cube would be stuck with the dilemma of how to get rid #of them once again #not reading two music bank wins as a group with a solid fanbase