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Ever since I began this blog and continuously shared its content, I never asked any of you to follow me, share these posts, or use the Blaze feature to promote them. I've been entirely absorbed in writing articles and translating stories and posts from the people of Gaza without concerning myself with whether they will reach a broad audience or not. My initial goal was to reach any number of individuals, even if it was just one person, in the hope of increasing their awareness. That would have been sufficient for me.
But today, particularly after the recent news confirming the complete shutdown of the internet, electricity, and communications in Gaza, along with the isolation imposed by the Israeli occupation and the brutal and savage bombings happening now as I write these lines, I want everyone to share what's happening. Not just on Tumblr but everywhere you can. Share on WhatsApp, Twitter, Instagram, and for those who are proficient in Russian, share on platforms like VK. If you know Korean, share in Naver cafes. Share with your family, your loved ones, and those you meet on the street. Let everyone know about the monstrous massacres the occupation is committing against Palestinian civilians, teenage girls and young women who have become widows due to the bombings, young children whose lives were forcibly taken from them while they clung to life, and the elderly who hoped for a longer life or a peaceful death beside their children and families, but the occupation robbed them of this, making the old man witness the deaths of all his family members, his children, and his grandchildren, and then he dies alone, hoping to join them.
O People, humans, whether you are Muslims, Christians, Jews, or followers of any religion, my message is for those of you who have humanity, whatever your identity may be. Your silence today means you are participating in an extermination worse than what Hitler did to the Jews, even worse than the victims of all the world wars combined. At that time, there weren't sufficient means of communication, so everyone's excuse was that they couldn't do anything except publish in newspapers. But today, in our current era, there are many available options. So, what's your excuse now?
Your silence and inaction are permission for them to continue their slaughter and the extraction of souls from their bodies. Let everyone do whatever is within their power, and all of us should know that we can do a lot.
Edit: I've created a Telegram channel for us and posted all the articles and stories that have been published here, so you can easily share them with everyone. Join it through the following link: https://t.me/storiesfromgaza
Edit²: we now have an Instagram account, which we created to make it easier for everyone to share the stories and articles published here. Some of them have already been shared with beautiful designs, and we are in the process of posting the remaining articles after formatting and finalizing the designs.
I had to use my personal account because when I created an account with the name "Stories From Gaza," Instagram suspended the account immediately, even before I could change the profile picture or post anything!
Account username: @amrshater
Your interaction on Instagram will greatly help in spreading the stories and articles to the Instagram audience
https://www.instagram.com/amrshater/
sorry if this is spoilers bc we might learn more later. I'm super confused with Rainhaze's thought process. When he was saying its pointless. like. I get not wanting to go back bc he killed his mom. but what did that have to do with Asphodelpaw? Couldnt he just walk away? Did he see her and decide he wanted to be part of Defiance? And this was the tipping point to prove it? I'm super confused. Was it because if she left she'd tell someone? I assume we'll get a better explanation later?
Absolutely! I've actually been waiting for a chance to really dig into this. Like Rainhaze himself, his issue is written with a lot of confusion and uncertainty, and it's not very straight-forwardly, so I understand why his motivations are easy to miss. So here it is!
Firstly; Rainhaze as he existed in BarrenClan and Rainhaze as he is now are two very, very different beasts. Obviously he's still the same person, but he's gone through a mountain of trauma, violence, and was forced to confront the fact that if pressed, he would kill a family member - even his own mother. Sure, in the moment he was threatened into doing it, but it opens the possibility that he'd even do that. Maybe he would've done anything to protect his family then, but it's been a long time.
Then, over many months, he's subjected to propaganda, murder, and terrible treatment. His mental state from where he was when he killed Dustfeather is massively changed. He's depressed, listless, and much more willing to kill. Not only that, but Defiance propaganda has worked on him.
(Issue 24)
With so much constant killing in his life, and being constantly vulnerable, he begins to see death as a good thing. Something that ends suffering, something that doesn't really matter in the end.
(Issue 28)
So now we're at Issue 31. Rainhaze is in a "doldrum", like Ranger says (a period of inactivity or lethargy). He's so torn between his new life and new beliefs, and his old regrets and old connections to BarrenClan, that he's basically attempting to end his own life through inactivity. Ranger doesn't want this. Here's his plan:
Ranger knows that BarrenClan lives opposite the forest, across the prairie. He specifically orders Rainhaze to "kill something", planting that idea in his mind. He's hoping that Rainhaze will find one of his Clan members, and make the decision to kill one of them. This would push Rainhaze over into whatever full breakdown Ranger wants, and solidify his ties to Defiance. And that is what happens. So why did Rainhaze make that decision?
We already have the basis of an incredibly traumatized Rainhaze. He views himself as he is now, and who he used to be, as different people. And he belives that's completely beyond redemption.
Yes, all those months ago he promised he was suffering in Defiance for his family and Clan, but it's really hard to hold onto those noble morals when you're being put through hell every day. Rainhaze hasn't even seen his family in months. They don't seem real to him anymore.
Then he is finally confronted by Asphodelpaw, the symbol of everything he's put himself through torture to protect, and all he wants to do is go back to Defiance. And here we go, getting to these lines;
Rainhaze is a coward.
He's separated from Deepdark and Ranger, by at least several days. He could absolutely come home with Asphodelpaw and warn all of BarrenClan - they could evacuate in time, be far away by the time Defiance arrives on their territory. But then he'd have to face his family, face his sister whose mother he violently murdered. Have to stand there and have them look at him and know him and see the scars on his body.
When he says, "this is vile, pointless, irredeemable, monstrous", he understands that killing Asphodelpaw is a disgustingly cruel action. He knows that. He understands that he's choosing Defiance over her, and over them. But that's the choice he feels he needs to make to protect himself. He's not thinking about his family any more.
So he does something so completely vicious and irredeemable that he is forced to choose Defiance. Because there's no way that any BarrenClan cat would forgive him for this. There's no way he would forgive himself for this.
And thus, Rainhaze figures himself out, and burns every other bridge entirely. He makes his choice.
A/N: Thanks for the patience 🥹❤️. Hope you enjoy ~
The heavy footsteps echoed through the dark alleys of the city, lost into the forever echo of Arachne's capital. Stony roads lead to different places, but the cloaked figure's path lead to a tavern. More to the underground facade of the place, to a secluded and exclusive area.
The oak door was knocked with a characteristical bang, A little slot within was slid open, just to reveal a pair of beady eyes. The cloaked figure smirked upon hearing the locks turn and pull until the hefty door was open, allowing them in.
"You're alone."
"Yeah" the cloaked man removed his disguise and downed a pint of beer before reuniting with the others, that like him, were awaiting for his presence to start their clandestine reunion. Dressed up to mingle with the shadows.
"The king has increased the security in the east prison."
"That's a problem if we want our mercenaries out."
"What about Fisk? Tell him to send some of his men undercover to scout the area."
Another man grunted in response.
"He also is a king with responsibilities. Getting an audience with him alone takes time."
"Then what the fuck are you waiting for?"
The other man scowled as he pulled a knife out of the many pockets his suit allowed him to carry. And that unleashed a domino effect as the rest either pulled guns or more knives.
The dark and makeshift reunion was made with five men and a young boy, that didn't pass his sixteens.
"Hey! If you wanna fight someone, save those energies for the king-"
"The king has been too busy to care. His new toy has him quite preoccupied."
A brow was quirked, "New toy?"
"A princess."
"Well, ain't that wonderful?"
"Great. Now we have to remake our plan."
"No, no. What are you talking about? If we don't attack now, our chance will be for naught."
"You truly want to go ahead with a plan when we're missing our most important associates? I'd love to see you try to take on the king yourself."
The jeering words flew constantly between some members of the little gathering.
"Seems like you forget why he is called The Red King."
A roll of eyes and a dismissive gesture made the man to keep interrogating.
"So what about the princess?"
"We need more information about her."
The youngest cleared his throat and spoke.
"She's a Thelerian."
There was a collective round of not so surprised and bored 'ahs' from the men.
"No wonder why there is Arachne's soldiers in the West Passage and the borders."
"Borders? Through the city. Even within the castle!."
"Guess the old trick of 'I sell my daughter to you for protection' always works."
"She wasn't sold. Their wedding is a month and a half away."
"This is bad."
There was another pregnant silence before the teen spoke again.
"She's a doctor."
"Of course she is. Damned Thelerians. Always meddling with our affairs one way or another."
"They're strangers."
"Oh?"
The boy spoke as everyone's eyes settled on him.
"What do you mean strangers, boy?"
"They don't get that much along. King just talks to her when necessary."
The interest shone in the many pair of eyes. One face contorted into a smirk.
"Of course he does. I'd be surprised if he'd still get his cock functioning after being so inactive."
There was a combined titter and malicious giggles from them as the joke was told.
"There will be a meeting soon. With the council. I'll take my guess that he's introducing her to it."
"Told you this boy would be useful."
"Of course, it was my idea."
"Hey, you filthy rats... stop playing and listen. Is there anything else you can tell us about this princess?"
The boy shrugged.
"What do I get in return?"
"What did you just say, boy?"
The eldest man mumbled, clearly vexed by the plucky and defying attitude of the boy.
"I said, what do I get in return? All of you have something to win over this plan. And so far I've been used as a spy. I think it's fair if I get something back."
"And what would you possibly want?"
"I'll take it when I see it."
"Right."
"Anyways, Let Fisk know we need him. We gotta get that big brawn twerp before The King gets to him first."
"Oh god, not Rhino."
"Shut up. As much as I hate him too, he's useful. We need him."
"Stay in the castle. Find out where he was last seen."
The man spoke to the boy, that only stared back with a piercing gaze.
"Even though the princess is a new addition to the plan, it only gives us a new advantage. Political marriages are a thing, so we gotta make the most out of it."
"She recently visited her parents. Apparently the king fell ill after his mistress tried to poison him."
Another laugh.
"See? This is why exactly I've been telling you that Theleria will fall by it's own king's hand. We don't even need to meddle with them."
"True that."
"What about Prince Gabriel?"
A solemn silence fell on the stony and secluded room.
"Keep that fool busy. If we can make he gets sent away even better. Less to worry about."
"And the princess?"
"Keep an eye on her."
-------
Nervous and anxious was an underestimation on how you really felt. You were sure the insides of your cheeks were nearly chewed raw as you waited outside the grand wooden doors, just as Peter had instructed a few moments ago. Your knees trembled underneath the layers of your dress, palms became sweaty and your breaths a bit more shallow.
The day to finally meet the council, had arrived. The past two days were spent solely on your studies about Arachne and the current situations surrounding the kingdom. You tried to cram up as much info as possible, but what truly would be judged was your criterion on things and how well you could adapt to the situations.
Royalty expected so much, and hopefully you'd pass this evaluation. It was unavoidable to not feel curious as to why councils held almost the same amount of power as The king himself. Back in her kingdom, councils remained as an extra help, and as much as a mistress indulging your father, King Blanchard was, he took his ruling seriously.
Councils were summoned when your parents needed to keep updated in the things that needed to be done. But again, different kingdoms, different customs.
The doors slid open to reveal none other than Miguel himself, motioning for you to come in. The room was large and so was the war table, as people gathered around it. A total of six, you and Miguel made eight in total.
There had never been another chair at the top of the table, cause there was no need for another one. Until now. You sit next to Miguel. Eyes settled on you.
Some with hardened expressions you couldn't quite pinpoint as to why of their sudden and implicit hostility, others regarded you curiously.
Jessica, Ben and Peter joined not long after.
"Now, that we're all in, let us begin."
"Your majesty."
Everyone bowed to Miguel and soon an elder lady spoke.
"As you may know, the nether lands are asking for an audience with you ever since some months ago. They will not stop until you've listened to them, apparently."
Her tone was tired, a little annoyed but respectful nonetheless.
"What is it what they want anyways, May?"
"For you to lower their taxes on seasonal products."
"Can't do if they charge as twice for imports that are brought out of time. And recreating their things is proven to be even more expensive."
Miguel sighed while resting his cheek on his knuckles.
"Lower them a two percent."
"But, my lord! You lowered them already last month!"
Another man spoke, pointing at the outside lands out of Enethor. Your eyes frowned upon seeing the distance to travel and import. Miguel looked at you from the corner of his eyes.
"What do you think, Princesa?"
"W-Well, taxes are quite important for the kingdom, and so are the seasonal products the merchants offer, naturally, they'd ask to lower the taxes"
Some scoffed at the obvious information, but you kept talking.
"Why don't lower the taxes in the plot of lands they use?"
"Care to explain that?"
"Look at it this way, the cheaper the land, more opportunities they have to create more jobs"
"So basically making the rich, richer."
You frowned at the tempting words from another man.
"No. A mutual help, sir. By lowering the prices, there will be no need for them to travel such great distances, and subsequently they won't raise their prices on the market. Because they'll produce what they can here."
May seemed to consider your words as the rest discussed.
"Do you use this in your kingdom, your highness?"
Another man, Ben Parker spoke with genuine curiosity.
"We do. Since Theleria produces medicines, we cannot be picky when it comes to import the finest materials for it. We want to help others. Not monopolise health."
"How... benevolent of you. Though I'm quite surprised you allow such thing, when your kingdom is the tiniest among the continent."
Another man, Darko D'Angelo spoke.
"Yet, with all due respect, none has taken our place as the main supplier of medicines in the continent, sir."
Miguel smirked as you took a discreet deep inhale. It was unavoidable to feel angered when someone tried to belittle Theleria.
"Now, now, let's get our attention focused on what truly needs to be discussed."
The council expanded on various topics, even though the start was a bit rocky, there were times where you actually felt included and taken in consideration. May Parker seemed on a neutral line. And so was Ben Parker. Another amusing thing, was to know that there were so many Parkers and Ben's within the ranks.
They all seemed connected to the need to fight for what was good, and Miguel slead them all on. It made your heart to leap a bit in your chest as your eyes settled on him, discreetly.
For a dark king everyone assumed him to be, he had been one of the kindest, wisest and considerate man with a deep love for his kingdom you've ever met.
Jessica couldn't help but elbow Peter to witness the look you were giving him. An absolutely fascinated one. That turned into a blushing stare the more he spoke about the revamps he wanted to do into the esthetics ways of Arachne.
The council had discussed many things he had neglected, like arts and other needs revolving around them. You were so temped into taking his hand and ask him personally to let you handle it. That you would help him and not disappoint him.
But the same man from before changed the mood and the conversation's route so quickly fast it had cut you short to prepare yours and the rest's replies.
"I think your highness should focus in producing heirs, instead of feeding the needs of a little bunch that hold no productivity besides entertaining momentarily the rest."
"Ser Darko."
May warned but another man spoke.
"Baron D'Angelo is right. You see, we are at the verge of war-"
"Against who, my lord?"
You questioned and if the men could kill with their looks, you'd be a cold body by now. Their subtle and not so discreet disdain over your ideas an opinions hadn't go unnoticed, specially by Baron D'Angelo, who seemed fixated into getting any sort of negative reaction from you.
"Against who?! How preposterous of you to believe we are in times of peace, when outside the continent there is so many enemies that want to invade us, princess."
If it wasn't for the warning glare Miguel shot him, he could've kept rambling about how naive you were.
"My apologies, ser. Has anything been done to appease their intentions?"
"It's not something you can't just fix by talking to them, princess. That it has worked for you and your people means it will work for us."
"But have you tried dialogue? Know the cause of their-"
"Again, we've tried anything.-"
"Not to sound disrespectful, ser. It's clear I need to know more of Arachne,-"
"Indeed."
Your brow quirked at what he had just said
"And I know that some kingdoms reject dialogue or any peaceful solution before it's has been offered," You took a breath, testing carefully your words., "But it does seems odd their stance of attacking, remains after the supposed peace offerings."
"We've known these realms for so long that a pacific solution has been discarded eons ago."
You blinked, but it was a good chance to put the spotlight on the both. It was clear that they loved to engage in war. Which concerned you.
"So, you're assuming they want war, and you're ready to engage without giving a chance for real words to be treated?"
"With all due respect, princess. Thelerian pacifist and foreign outlooks towards Arachne's belic conflicts are everything but helpful."
Miguel's jaw clenched, and so did Peter's. Tension in the room was heavier and denser than a black hole. He was set to make you angry, and it was hard to not bait into his game, but like your mother, you kept it calm and composed, even though you wanted to put a little datura into his drink.
"Quite ironic how roles invert here, ser D'Angelo."
"Beg your pardon?"
His voice came a bit louder and annoyed than he had intended to.
"Even though I do agree that I must know more about Arachne, I believe you must expand your knowledge in Theleria. Not the one you all now know. But the one before being The Fallen Kingdom."
Darko scowled but remained quiet, letting his haughty look to speak for him.
" What about it?"
"Theleria has been one of the most ancient lands of this continent, ser. And the one that has the most antique monarchy lines through Enethor."
"So?"
"It happens that we turned into a fallen kingdom by being exactly as you voice your opinion."
"And how is that?"
"Closed to any other option that wasn't war. And look at us now, ser. May the creator above forbid this land to fall under the same curse we have."
"That's... That's not gonna happen."
"It might happen if you keep refusing what you have overlooked so far."
"Are you threatening Arachne, your majesty?"
"I am not. I have no power to stand against your armies, ser. But only a fool would take a fair epitome of what happens when acting recklessly, as a threat."
Baron Darko's mouth gaped as his eyes widened in disbelief. How dared you to play him like that? Even worst in his own game.
"Or so is what my mother always says."
The other man that had initially been with him had kept quiet in the whole exchange. Watching and listening to the verbal spar where you had gotten by a few inches the upper hand.
"I am not opposed to war, gentlemen. But, like I said to the king once, if I am able to prevent unnecessary bloodshed, I will."
There wasn't much said after that, little pleasantries and polite goodbyes from your end, made you exit your room. Head high, even if the whole meeting was a fiasco, you would've still held your head high. Your legs shook as Peter followed you. A subtle yet knowing smile plastered on his lips.
In the room, however things weren't done. Not when Baron D'Angelo and Lady May approached.
"You still refuse to give us an answer when it comes to have heirs, your majesty."
"They'll come when the time is right."
Miguel didn't want to dwell into the subject. Children sure were in his list, but responsibilities had taken so much away from him already, that he forgot about them. He was past his thirties, and he could die in battle, leaving no heirs to follow his legacy.
"I guess the time is approaching sooner than we think, your majesty. What if the future queen is unable to conceive?"
His eyes narrowed at Darko's words. Even though his yapping was irksome, he had a fair point.
"As much as I differ with Baron Darko, you know the rules of this game, your majesty."
Lady May spoke with the same tired tone in her voice from before.
"The princess will bear the future heir of Arachne."
Miguel's words made Darko to tense and frown.
"But she knows so little about us! We don't know if her kingdom will remain loyal to us in a future if trouble arises, my lord."
He rubbed his hands nervously as Miguel sheathed his sword on his hip.
"Please, consider your other options, in case the princess is unable to-"
A hand dressed in the obsidian claw made the sharp fingertips to hold on Darko's chin, tips softly prickling at his skin.
"She will. Not your daughter. Am I clear?"
The Baron could only nod with a difficult gulp.
----
Miguel had taken a small break from all that just happened, Jessica had the most shit eating smile one could muster.
"She will, huh?"
"Aren't those the rules?"
"You seem a bit too enthusiastic about following those certain rules."
"I'm getting old, and they keep pestering me."
Miguel mumbled before removing his armor and plop on his ever trusting chair.
"You have to do something regarding Dana first."
"I know."
"Or else-"
"Jessica... I know."
His commander and right hand sighed, but preferred to change topics.
"Guess she has a temper after all."
A faint chuckle escaped Jessica's lips.
"Why did you assume she didn't?"
"She's not precisely someone that strikes me as vindictive, or demand her father's mistress death."
Miguel huffed an airy laugh while slicking his hair back, pensive.
"Peter explained why she... got so upset regarding that situation. Makes sense."
"So, you're knowing eachother more?"
"Apparently."
Jessica rolled her eyes with an exasperated grunt.
"She seems a little too fascinated with you, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
"Back in the council. She was giving you these dreamy puppy eyes."
Miguel's lips twitched in a little smile.
"So you better make a move, before someone else fool but brave enough does."
Bushy eyebrows furrowed. And only deepened when Jessica tossed a little envelope, smelling like roses and other pleasant herbs before going away.
For my muse.
The scribbled words were almost as stylish and perfect as yours, definitely another Thelerian.
Who dared to be foolish enough to pursue something out of his reach? He gave a quick reading to the letter and scoffed at the maudlin words. Not that he blamed the man for feeling so intensely.
After what transpired today, it felt like a little switch was turned on in him. It wasn't an outcome he had expected, but the balance had been tipped in your favor. Not entirely, but had enough member's approval to reaffirm his choice.
And he had to thank you for leaving those harrying members that demanded from him a heir, behind with their mouth shut for long enough.
Darko however always seemed to favor Dana. At first, they all agreed that the main mistress should occupy the throne. But Miguel never really regarded such things. Too busy fighting enemies in allied countries and waging political wars to actually have a pause and produce the next line of descendants.
He didn't know it if was coincidence or something greater than him that put that passageway in his path, and now not only had a true reason to get married, but someone that shared his convictions and dreams for his country.
And, he was sure his future heirs would be beautiful.
Just like you.
The letter had annoyed him, but also amused him. A man that had only saw you and spoke to you twice, put all his feelings in the letter that was turned into ashes by now.
But he had to give that fool some credit. Unlike him, he knew how to express and convey his feelings without any apparent issue, yet he wasn't able to talk about something else that wasn't work and duties related.
With a sigh, he changed into a more casual attire and picked his sword. Then, ventured in his palace, looking for you.
----
You were about to leave for the gardens to take the afternoon tea with Margo and Gwen when Miguel's shadow loomed over from your bedroom's doorframe. A little jolt buzzed through your body, startling you.
"My lord, not to be... disrespectful but, I think it's time for you to knock on my door."
Miguel chuckled and motioned for you to come closer.
"Come. Follow me."
With a quirk of your eyebrow, you obeyed and followed him. Long legs took him further as you tried your utter best to keep up with him. Miguel's ears perked at the sound of your steps hastily following him. A pleased smile was etched in his face to then suddenly stop before a room.
With a deep sigh and a bit of pantings, you also stopped.
"Close your eyes, Princesa."
"W-What?"
"Close your eyes. Please."
The confused look in your face made his eyes soften and a smile to stretch wider as you obeyed him once more.
Quite compliant
And oh so pretty. His eyes stared at your face for what seemed forever, time had stopped specially when his deep ruby eyes stared at your lips, and then trailed themselves down to the collarbone. Before his eyes could rake you over, his throat was cleared and he opened the doors for you.
He then gave your lower back a gentle push for you to move forward. He took your hand and guided you inside. Warm fingers curling softly on his big and weathered hands.
He took you further into the room, the scent of the ever familiar herbs and flowers filled in your lungs, subduing your rising nervousness.
"Open them."
You did, and your heart beat with such strenght you had to clutch harder on his hand at the sight. It was a much more advanced laboratory from what you had back at Theleria.
In one side, you had the many and an endless looking supply of herbs and other medicinal things. And in the other side, you had the tools. Canisters filled in with strange liquids that boiled, glass containers, a oak table sturdy enough to bring and attend anyone in need of a surgery, and of course, many books related Arachne's medical story.
"This..."
"Is yours."
His words and gentle smile had your eyes glossy while a shivering laugh escaped your lips.
"Mine? All Mine?"
"All yours."
He nodded while enveloping your hands with his.
"This is-... Oh by the heavens. My lord. This is... too much for me, I-"
"Princesa."
Your eyes settled on his warm expression.
"I know you will make a good use of it."
"Your highness"
You mumbled while squeezing his hands a bit tighter.
"I... I don't even know what to say."
"A 'thank you, my king' would suffice"
A little laugh and his heart skipped a beat.
"You are part now of the medical staff. Their leader, you'll be a great mentor to them."
"Will you visit me, my lord?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Of course. Seeing you is always good. Though I must ask. Do... you fear me? Or feel something strongly negative towards me?"
"I'm afraid the question confuses me, Princesa."
"Let me rephrase that question. Do you feel averted towards me or repulsed?"
All the opposite.
"It is not personal if I don't approach, Princesa. I've been busy. I'm always busy-"
"I... I know that, ser. But, you're always seeming to avoid me until something that requires me appears."
Miguel's brow twitched at the lack of reply, instead you spoke again.
"Political or not... I wouldn't like to marry an acquaintance, much less a stranger."
A soft blush crept on your cheek and you inhaled deeply before mumbling.
"That's why... I... I'd like to know my future husband better. If its not too much to ask."
Going from acquaintances to be called future husband surely made his brain a puddle and his heart to accelerate in a way that for once didn't concerned him.
"Would you... join me tomorrow at a lunch in the meadows?"
You gulped, and casted your eyes down, a bit too embarrassed to meet his bewildered stare.
"Its alright if you can't go, we can know eachother-"
"I'll be there."
Words came so soft and like butter from his mouth that you stared at him with round eyes in surprise.
"We have a lot to discuss anyway. I think it's time for us to properly address our wedding, your highness."
"As you wish, my lord."
The sweet smile on your face made him want to forever have it tattooed in his mind.
The way he looked at you didn't sit right in the spying and vindictive blue eyes that followed you almost everywhere.
Her heart broke upon seeing the kind of look Miguel threw your way. All different from hers, full of annoyance and cold hearted, nearly in despise. But you, had managed to fulfil one of her dreams with such easiness it made his own heart to crash and burn in anger.
This wasn't over. It would be when Dana said it was. With a new target in mind, the main mistress disappeared in the shadows. Unable to widstand the momentarily defeat. She came first, she had the right to that crown, his heirs and him. Dana would have him, either the good or the bad way.
All information on Niko Cimarron ATM! Will most likely be updated ☆
—MORE UNDER CUT
BASIC INFORMATION:
Class: 2-A
Birthday: October 24
Height: 176cm
Dominant Hand: Right
From: Land of Pyroxene / Shaftlands
Club: Film Studies (visits on occasion, inactive member)
Favorite Subject: Magic Analysis
Best Subject: Animal Languages
Likes: Making a profit
Dislikes: Getting outsmarted
Favorite Food: Berries / Berry flavored things
Least Favorite Food: Anything too hot
Specialty: Balancing on the line of lie and truth
GALLERY:
VOICE CLAIM:
YUU’S INTERVIEW:
— Scarabia Dorms - Niko’s Room —
for easier reading, all yuu dialogue will be in italics and all niko dialogue will be in a normal black font instead of green.
There you are. Surprised you came to visit me, Carrots.
> You know what I’m here for, Niko.
> Why are you surprised?
No need to act like that. Interview, right? Or should I say an interrogation? If you wanted to hang out with me, you didn’t need to hide around the bush, you know…
It’s cute seeing you all dodgy, but still. ♡
> I think it matches your vibe.
> You’re one to talk.
Yeah, yeah. How many questions do we have planned for today? Don’t take too long, now. I’ve gotta start pumping out those treats for my profit.
…Oh. No need to worry about a pen and paper, I’ve got one for you.
> I didn’t expect for you to be so prepared.
> (…They’re cuter than expected.)
Something something about matching the vibes… They’re modeled after an old movie about cops and so, interrogating. Figured you’d like them. A carrot for Carrots. It’s cute.
It’s about time to start though, huh?
> Yeah.
> No more wasting time.
INTERVIEW: START!
1. Can we get some basic info about you from… you?
A second year Scarabia student who’s a fox beastman. I guess I’m what you’d call a charmer, thief of the heart, man of your dreams… I’ve heard it all. But the real name’s Niko. Niko Cimarron. My surname means “Wild”, so you could call me Mr. Wild if you like that too. Heh, actually, it’s a business thing, so I guess you’d only call me that if you bought my products… Say, Carrots, you feeling like you need a snack? I have some lefties if you’d like.
> No thanks.
> Why not?
They’re tasty, I prommie~.
2. Speaking of which, what are your “pawpsicles” made from? How do you make them?
Those little things? Why, I’ll let you know I put my blood, sweat, and tears in those treats. Makes me happy to see other people happy, like the faces on a thaumark. To make ‘em, it’s just some tasty berries from the school grounds that get mushed up to get juice, where they go into a mold and freeze up. It’s hard work! I’ve gotta walk so many steps around the school and all across campus… You’re lucky you never saw me in my first year. Took me a while to get used to the schedule… Though, I’m a well-organized man now, I’ll have you know. It’s good for the public image.
3. You’re from the Shaftlands, aren’t you? Do you have any connections to Vil, Cater, or Jack?
Connections? I have them with everyone, really… though I don’t think those three are really aware I came from the same place as them. To be fair, the Shaftlands is a pretty big area. People even go as far to call it a utopia.
If anything, I’ve talked to Diamond more at NRC than anywhere in the Shaftlands. Is that because I never even saw him once? Maybe. So I can’t say about back then, but I can enjoy a good conversation with him now. He’s a good customer and a good influencer. Back then, he got me a good chunk of costumers off of a Magicam post, so I’ve got to give it to him. Who knew people could just follow trendy things at the drop of a hat? Crazy, right?
Vil is a major celebrity, and Jack, I didn’t even know existed ‘till this year. I’ve got nothing to say about Mr. Hardhead, but I’ve had my fair share of talks with Vil. When we were kids, I got a wave from him once… It was great bragging rights. Heh, he kinda freaks me out now though. The reason why I don’t actually participate in club activities. He’s probably too high of a standard for a lowlife like me, so it’s not something that bothers me anyway.
4. You don’t seem to have a Unique Magic. Any reason why?
Ah. Magic? A little bit of a sour topic for me, Carrots, ow… I’m just a late bloomer, is all. I’ve got magic in me, but I never played around with it when I was younger, so I’m way more rusty than all of the other guys here. It doesn’t mean I don’t know the brain stuff, though. Just inexperienced.
If I’m being dead honest, it’s kind of a miracle how I got into NRC. I guess they wanted the fox vote, huh? Heh.
5. Not sure if I’ve seen you around a lot with one particular person. Is there a secret someone?
Secret someone? Getting jealous, are you? Haha, I would’ve never taken you to be the type!
> Not the focus of the question.
> That’s not…!
It’s your fault for wording it like that. You’ve got to watch your words, Carrots. Well, the business life is a cold one, isn’t it? Being around a bunch of highschool guys isn’t really the “ideal” grounds for making business partners either, so it is what it is. At least this way, I get all the profits, so I don’t mind. If you want, I can save a spot for you by my side. ♡
> Again, no thanks.
> Maybe after I get a break from all the things this school brings.
Keep me in mind~.
6. Our last question. You say a lot of random stuff. People get annoyed with it pretty often. How do you feel about that?
…? Oh, you picked up on it, huh? Heh, I mean… I guess I could come clean. I think it’s interesting you haven’t walked away from me yet, y’know. Usually people aren’t into this stuff.
> You are annoying, but…
> (Would it be mean to say something?)
I appreciate you, Carrots. A little too much than I’d like.
Usually people don’t really like the stereotypical foxiness I bring to the table. They run away because I’m either something they don’t wanna get mixed up with, or just something they don’t like. I think you’re a weirdo who’s looking for entertainment when you come into my room and talk to me like this.
…But I guess that just means that you like the way I talk to you, right? You can’t get enough? Is that what’s happening here? ♡
> For a second, I thought you were going to need some comfort, but I guess not.
> Really, it’s fine, Niko…
Don’t pretend like your cheeks aren’t a little red. I like the reactions I get out of you. ♡
Is that all you wanted? Yeah? Alright, we’re done here, then. Hand me the pen, would ya?
> It was nice being able to talk to you like this.
> (That was a quick turnaround.)
…Yeah. Hurry on up, shouldn’t you be studying up on actual things worth studying? Live up to that Smarty McSmart Pants title. Bye-bye now~.
INTERVIEW: END!
> (I feel like Niko’s more than meets the eye.)
> (I feel like Niko’s… hiding something.)
.
.
.
TRIVIA:
Niko is actually magicless. Not entirely, as he does have some running in his blood, so he didn’t lie, but it’s not enough where he can successfully conjure spells. Because of this, at NRC, he often has to get by with con-artist type excuses and acts. It works most of the time, as he has Crowley’s support. For now, he’s getting by with the excuse of being a late bloomer, but I’m sure suspicions are beginning to rise… Perhaps, if this were to be found out that he’s unable to conjure spells, he would be kicked out of NRC.
He made it to NRC after being dared to attempt to con his way in by his magicless best friend. His name is not noted, but he’s a very angry and violent French fennec fox. Niko is often bullied by him.
He can be considered a fan of Vil.
Niko enjoys the pop genre a lot, but is embarrassed to admit it.
Despite being a playboy, Niko is easily flustered at the thought of someone making moves on him.
Even though he doesn’t want to, he feels obligated to play into the deceitful foxiness of himself, because that’s what people naturally expect of him. It stops them from getting curious about him, as it seems like they’ve already got him figured out.
He says things that are considered shallow, like flirting or bargaining because he wants to get a reaction out of people. Niko does small things like this for small reactions — enough of these small reactions will fulfill the same satisfaction of seeing someone he loves flustered or happy, he thinks. In truth, he knows it won’t amount to much. Niko tries to satisfy himself enough so that he won’t need the real thing.
Niko feels very guilting for deceiving everyone at NRC, especially the prefect. Even still, he doesn’t have the heart to tell them that he truly doesn’t belong here, taking up a spot possibly for somebody who deserves it much more.
Niko’s way of thinking suggests that if he acts distasteful enough, it will cause people to stray far away from him. He believes that he really is just a lowlife fox, but the truth of his actions is something he think people would hate him for most; living in a lie. Because of this, he acts like a playboy and an annoyance in attempts to get people to stay away, preventing them from finding out the even uglier truth of him.
Additionally, he’s afraid to have the truth leak out because he doesn’t want to leave NRC. Though he doesn’t have much, he doesn’t want to lose the little bit he does have.
Even still, Niko craves for someone who will take time to understand him. Which is why he’s so attached to the prefect.
Tired of your sims walking aimlessly through town? No friends, no hobbies, no purpose? Put an end to their lack of a fulfilling social life by creating a million and one clubs for them to join and/or get kicked out of!
With 50+ activities for you to push, including activities from over 10 different mods, and 4 specialised club types, you can create almost any club you can think of: book clubs, invite-only hangouts, afterschool clubs and more! Grow memberships, take part in tournaments and ship cute little subscription gifts straight to your sim’s door.
Note: This mod is very extensive, so please thoroughly read the documentation in the download that I’ve painstakingly written up.
Compatibility: Should be base game compatible however expansion packs, store content and mods add more content.
7 New Objects: Credit to @aroundthesims who has generously allowed me to use her items as well as @twinsimming who converted 2 items for me. Full credit in the documentation.
Testers: @desiree-uk who not only tested the mod, but contributed ideas for club activities, the banking system and the subscription gift system. @simsdeogloria who kindly offered to test the mod and caught some bugs that I had completely missed.
Credits: Full credit in documentation. However, thank you to @olomayasims, IcarusAllsorts, Arsil, Buzzler & @zoeoe-sims, @anitmb, @greenplumbboblover, @flotheory as I push some of their mods as activities.
Club Types
Custom Club: Push specific activities (or no activity at all) and watch your active and inactive club members congregate and do said activities. Push bowling, swimming, rumba, nectar drinking, collecting, studying, music lessons, among many other things.
Subscription-Only Club: While members won’t meet up, force them to pay a subscription fee to the club owner for your own purposes. Consider: food subscription service, council-tax payments, school fees.
Book Club: Choose a book for the book club. Your sims will sit together, have discussions, and read said book.
Formal Gathering Club: Set musicians and/or a speaker (podium or pulpit). Have your club members sit down and act like they’re listening to said musicians and speaker. Choose a skill to increase while the club is in operation.
Club Vibes
Clubs can have different vibes depending on the cost and activities, attracting or repelling different types of sims. There are sports, games, intellectual, low-brow and high class clubs. Some personalities will be more inclined to join than others.
Customising Clubs
Set different open days, open hours, required club outfits, subscription fees, gender, age, career and trait requirements/restrictions, forbidden actions etc.
Autonomy
Allow or restrict autonomy in different ways. Make clubs open or closed invite, allowing or disallowing sims to join, leave, or be kicked out of clubs with or without your own input. Put club boards around town and let sims browse. Impress observers by having a great club session and watch them beg to join!
Tournaments
Win tournaments and gain club acclaim. Get cash prizes, find yourself in the newspaper, and find out if any of your fellow club members are playing for the opposing team. Your own sim isn’t exempt from the repercussions of being a club traitor!
Banking
Create Bronzo accounts for your sims. You can link these accounts to schedulers and have the club fee delivered straight into the account. Take out loans, find the best interest rates online and stay out of your overdraft. Try not to get your account details stolen at the all new ATMs that you can place around town and don’t leave your debit card laying around near strangers!
Download MTS: http://www.modthesims.info/d/677428
Conflicts: None.
If you would like to donate to say thank you, you can do that at my Ko-fi, here.
It’s been a long 8 months getting this mod done; thank you all for your patience and enjoy! @ me if you post any pictures of your clubs—I’d love to see your pictures.
Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?
C/W: Awkwardness, flashbacks, feels
Word Count: 1,950
Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)
[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4]
This wouldn't be your and Bucky's first undercover mission together, but it would be the first one where the tension between you is decidedly not sexual. You're not even sure how well the two of you can pull off this charade since you have no idea what your chemistry is like anymore. Used to, you could do anything together, be anything together.
Not so much now.
There’s an awkwardness between you. Silences pregnant with all the things left unsaid – or should have been left unsaid. You’ll catch Bucky watching you from the corner of your eyes, always with an unreadable expression like he’s trying to figure you out again without actually asking any questions.
You can't imagine that you've changed so much in the intervening months, but Bucky makes so much progress in therapy that his confidence in himself and his personality grow by leaps and bounds all the time.
You don’t know this new Bucky, but you wish you did. You wish you had been with him to see his growth, encourage him on.
You’ve missed out on so much of your life by staying away from the Tower. You’d had so many plans that never came to be – no walks in the park when the flowers started to bloom, no trips to the beach on the hottest days of the year, no ice skating when the first snow fell. You kept a tab on everything that should have been on the calendar in your mind, noting all the days that had significance in the past but went uncelebrated this year.
But what’s done is done, and you have to pay for your actions – half a year away is a small price to have Bucky back in your life, even as a stranger instead of your lover.
You’re now trying to organize your new life on the outskirts of a small town in Russia, just a few miles away from a HYDRA base. Snow was falling thick and fast as the quinjet touched down hours ago, leaving behind a pristine blanket of white outside your new home. The small, two-bedroom cottage looks rustic, but it is still nicer than most of the surrounding homes due to Tony’s influence. There is hidden technology that will help the house to stay warm in this cold climate and random high-tech appliances, lights, and other things that look normal and are anything but.
With the HYDRA base going radio silent, you may be in this little home for longer than was initially expected earlier this year. Bucky is sure that the base is still active, though. He spent a lot of time here as the Winter Soldier, but no one has received reports from the embedded spy in recent months. This inactivity is concerning since you're no longer sure what is going on inside the building anymore.
It would be too obvious for Bucky to go undercover inside the facility, so that leaves it up to you to infiltrate as a researcher. The spy had assured last year that no one from the facility lived in the town you’ve settled in, so it’s safe enough for Bucky to remain close by as you work.
But the small town you’ve settled in is so traditional that the only way to remain inconspicuous as a younger woman is to be connected to a man in some way – be it living with family members or a husband.
And since you don't want to be labeled an outcast or worse, Bucky is here.
Bucky is going to be a mechanic at the small family-owned shop just down the road, and his prosthesis is covered in Stark technology that makes it appear as if he’d never lost it. Bucky used to spend a lot of time fixing up old cars and motorcycles between missions, so he should really enjoy spending his days in the garage helping out the Kowalds.
Unfortunately, your background isn’t as fun. You’re a whiz when it comes to biology, so Nat cooked up a false resume full of lab work that centers around eugenics and biomanipulation – things your spy had reported the facility was actively looking into. In order to get your foot in the door at the HYDRA facility, the Avengers had to create a background so disturbing that you're not even sure if you can interview for it properly.
You're just zipping up into your thick winter coat when Bucky walks out of the kitchen drying his hands on a dish towel.
“You headin’ out now, doll?” He asks, a small worry line between his eyebrows.
“Yup,” you answer back with a comforting smile on your face. “I need to go meet with our contact to make sure that everything is still okay.”
“Just be careful, yeah?” he tells you, slinging the towel up onto his shoulder. Today is his first day at the mechanic shop, so he's dressed in blue overalls with a small name tag stitched onto his chest. The sun is just barely rising, but he's going to be late if he doesn't hurry.
"You know me, Buck. My middle name is Safe."
"Your middle name is Trouble and you can't convince me otherwise, babygirl."
You stick your tongue out at him and blow a raspberry, holding your middle finger up in the air as you turn around and head out the door. Once out of his sight, you smile and bask in the feeling of having your friend back.
You'd missed the banter and easy wit you used to share together, so this small exchange feels like a return to normal. The awkwardness might return in time, but you hope Bucky has forgiven you enough to power through.
You trek along the deserted streets. The early hour and layer of snow on the ground seems to be keeping the townsfolk within their homes, wrapped snugly under their warm blankets. You sigh heavily and watch your breath fog in the air, the mist condensing and freezing your skin as you walk through the cloud.
You pass house after house, noticing lights turning on and the sound of hairdryers, televisions, and conversations humming in the air. Everything has a vague, indistinct quality to it, lulling you into daydreams of what their lives are like. Is it simple? Do they enjoy this cold, snowy location? Or are they also dreaming of a warm day laying in the grass in nothing but a pair of shorts and a tank top?
A memory worms its way to the surface of your mind of a day spent just like that with Bucky.
This was only a few weeks before your friends-with-benefits situation started. It was the hottest day of the year so far, the humidity heavy in the air and making the sidewalks and parks of New York City intensely uncomfortable. Even though Stark has the Tower equipped with the latest technology, he's incapable of leaving anything well enough alone. He'd been tinkering with the HVAC and somehow short-circuited the entire system. Everyone in the Tower was miserable and cranky, choosing to avoid one another in an attempt to stave off arguments and confrontations.
You'd been sitting in the shade of the balcony, fanning yourself as you watched all the teeny tiny people on the ground maneuver the crosswalks and traffic to get to where they were going. It was no warmer outside than it was in your room, so you chose to people-watch instead of lay there and sweat miserably on your clean sheets.
Just as some bratty kid you’d been watching chucked the ice cream he’d been yelling for only moments ago onto the sidewalk, the sliding glass doors behind you whooshed open. The sound of metal knocking against the doorframe had let you know that Bucky was the one to interrupt your spying.
Regretfully turning your neck, you felt your skin sliding wet and hot against itself. A frown marred your features as you stared at Bucky as he stood behind you, his eyes alight with mischievous glee.
“What did you do…?” You question slowly, almost afraid to know what that look was all about.
He shrugged a shoulder and smirked. “Nothing too bad.”
“BARNES!!!” a voice roared from the depths of the Tower.
You quirked an eyebrow at him and a small, disbelieving smile graced your lips. “That doesn’t sound like nothing, Buck.”
Bucky hmm’d and glanced back into the building when a CRASH reverberated from where the voice had yelled moments ago. “I was going to get out of here for a while. You wanna come?” he questioned breezily.
“And why would I want to leave when Tony’s working on fixing the AC?” you replied as you continued to fan yourself. Bucky’s eyebrows had quirked ever so slightly.
“Y/L/N!!!”
Your hand had frozen mid-fan and your eyes widened so much that Bucky couldn’t help but laugh.
“Where’d you say we were going?” you asked as you rose quickly from your seat and bypassed Bucky at the door.
***
“You little shit!” You had laughed uproariously when Bucky finally admitted to the prank.
“What else was I gonna do?” he responded, turning his face to look at you.
Even with the intense heat that day, you and Bucky had decided to forgo the climate controlled vehicles in the garage and went instead with the fastest getaway vehicle – Bucky’s bike. The wind had whipped against your body when you held onto Bucky and watched the city fall into the distance behind you.
He apparently hadn’t had a destination in mind, so you had ridden until cities and towns disappeared. He’d pulled off beside a barely visible hiking trail and jumped off his bike. You had followed suit and watched as Bucky pulled a blanket from inside the storage compartment on the bike. You hiked your eyebrows questioningly, but only got a grin in response.
That’s how you had found yourself lounging on a blanket in the middle of a field with Bucky on the hottest day of the year. You’d chatted and laughed for hours until the sun had slowly faded from the sky. Out that far, the light pollution of the cities couldn’t touch the stars. You had gazed upwards, trying to draw the constellations as you remembered them.
You weren’t any good at astrology or astronomy, but the stories behind the figures in the sky captivated you nonetheless.
You laughed again and turned to face him as well. “And why’d you have to implicate me, huh?”
“Figured it’d be more fun that way,” he had answered slyly.
You had wound your arm up and smacked him on the stomach, your hand bouncing off of the toned muscles. He’d caught your wrist on the next swing and held it up and away from his body. You’d tried to tug it away, but his metal fingers held fast and didn’t let you go. You rolled over toward him and began trying to use your body as leverage, but you had only succeeded in pulling yourself closer to him.
You huffed and blew the piece of hair that had fallen over your eyes away and looked up at him. He’d had a look in his eyes that he hadn’t directed at you before, but you’d seen glimpses of it when he’d find someone to bring back for the night.
You can’t help but think that that moment had been the turning point in your friendship with Bucky, the moment he thought about asking you to be friends-with-benefits. Of course you’d found him handsome long before then, but that was a moment that really cemented your attraction to him.
You didn’t have romantic feelings at the time, but you should have known they were inevitable.
BBC News - Climate: NFU Cymru opts out of farming scheme over tree planting
Interesting, isn't it?
Here's the thing: it is a fact that we need more trees than we currently have, that Wales is under-forested, and that decades of inaction mean we now have to make big changes fast rather than incremental changes safely. Given that the Welsh Government is actively trying to base modern Welsh identity on environmentalism (we are the only country in the entire world with dedicated sustainability legislation in the form of the Wellbeing of Future Generations Act, and we're third in the world for recycling rates), it was inevitable that they were going to seize the bull by the horns, so to speak, and set a strict target.
In fact, they have past form for this - there's a reason we're third in the world for recycling. I am simplifying this massively and going to make any lawyers reading this wince, but the way EU legislation works is that the member states agree something should be legislated for, the EU makes a directive, and then the member states each interpret and apply that directive how they want into their own laws (sorry lawyers). In the case of recycling, the EU member states collectively decided we needed to get serious about diversion from landfill in 2008 with the Waste Framework Directive, and then the UK chose how to go about that.
But, waste management is a devolved area. So Wales, Scotland, NI and England all got to implement it themselves how they wanted to. England didn't set any specific targets; it was more like "endeavour to be recycling 50% of waste across the country by X year." But the Welsh Government went "Right, lads, here's the targets: 58% by 2015/16, 64% by 2020, and zero waste by 2050. We'll let you pick the recycling bag colours."
(In Swansea it's green for paper, cardboard, metal and glass, pink for plastic, white for garden waste, and you get a special dark green bin for food waste with a locking lid to keep the seagulls out.)
But that meant Welsh councils had to actually move on it, with the result that we smashed those targets. We're now aiming for 70% recycling by 2025, and zero waste might be brought forward to 2030, because the government likes the model of "Shoot for the moon and land among the stars."
So like. It has worked, in the past.
BUT, the problem with setting arbitrary targets like that is that it doesn't always work, and what happens to people who get caught in the gears, so to speak?
In this case, this is a subsidy scheme. It's still in consultation, but if it goes ahead, farmers get money from the public purse for doing something "for the public good" - they need to tree plant 10% of their land, and manage another 10% as wildlife habitat. Currently, this is true for every farm, regardless of its nature. 20% of productive land removed, and you'll be paid to do so.
But, will that work for every farm? No. No it won't. The smaller your set up, the more that 20% is going to bite into profits that the subsidies won't compensate; and what if you only have productive land? A flatish farm, somewhere in Powys, used for crops rather than livestock? 20% of that is very, very different to 20% of an upland sheep farm with sections that are almost impassable and very difficult to round up the sheep from anyway, where you can simply fence off and plant up the slopes to create ffridd and woodlands. It's a one size fits few policy. I fully believe the government saying plenty of farmers are all for it - this will work for many. But for many others, it's simply not financially viable.
But what I find REALLY interesting about that article, actually, is the way the farmers are framing their objections:
(NFU Cymru) president Aled Jones said farmers were prepared to integrate more trees into farming systems - from "shelterbelts, streamside corridors to field corners".
"But we will not take our productive land out of food production for tree-planting," he said.
SHELTERBELTS. That is the Pontbren effect. Pontbren taught us that farmer-led environmental schemes work, and provide additional unexpected benefits including in revenue (it was designed to simply allow the sheep to stay out year round, but the flood control and soil conservation that came with it brought their own benefits - silvopasture, how I love thee.) Now it's there as proof-of-concept, farmers want a piece of that action. They want to be more environmentally sound. But, those trees have to serve an economic purpose, not a solely environmental one; otherwise, it's not going to work for farmers.
And it's very frustrating that the Welsh Government have forgotten that crucial lesson in trying to implement this. But then, as I say, it's true that we need big changes now, and are running out of time for the soft incremental changes. I just think the two could have been married better.
Simon Riley x reader relationship headcanons
Sooo after nearly seven years of being a mostly inactive member of the fandom, writing countless fics that nobody ever got to see - I can say I’ve developed a fairly clear picture of how I envision some of these characters. Therefore, here are some of the things I think would characterize Simon as a partner (and a few of just him as a person).
English is not my first language so please bear with me :)
Friends first. I feel like he's not one to rush into a serious relationship without having strong foundations laid out first. You're a trustworthy, longtime teammate he's been working with for years, who has seen his darkest side and inner demons resurface, and still be accepting of him as a person? Or perhaps you're a civilian working at the coffee shop he frequents; the same civilian who spilled his usual at him one time, leading to an unexpected, but most certainly intruguing friendship? Let's fucking roll with either.
Following the first point—he's not a 'love at first glance' type of guy. He needs a connection, a spark; that spark that comes from knowledge and insight, both gained through meaningful interactions and a genuine bond. This is what Simon seeks. (Bonus points if you're a medic/nurse, because, you know, I fucking love medic x soldier trope)
Now let's get to the love language—definitely acts of service. You're tired after a long day at work? Boom, you've got a nice and hot bath waiting for you, together with your favorite snacks and a glass of wine/book to read (could be both). Running low on essentials, be it your favorite type of coffee, a preferred perfume, tampons, the likes? Well, expect it to be restocked as soon as possible. He'll change the oil in your car, scrape the frost from the windows, anything you as much as mention. If you're sick, he'll do whatever makes you feel better, whether that's a warm compress or something as simple as a bowl of soup and a couple of ice packs. He wants to take care of you. He might not be an expert at expressin his feelings through words, but he'll damn sure cook you a three-course meal and a dessert to show you how much he appreciates you.
That being said, he's an exceptional cook. He doesn't have many opportunities to experiment in the kitchen during deployments or safe houses, but you can be sure that Simon is behind the pots and pans preparing mouthwatering meals whenever he's back home. It's relaxing, and he simply enjoys spending time cooking for you and himself.
Not into excessive PDA - hand holding is okay, but when you two are in a crowd (which he hates), there's a hand on the small of your back or lingering on the back of your neck. Behind closed doors, he's more openly affectionate. Whether you're simply making a sandwich in the kitchen or he breezes past you, he's likely to stand behind you and simply rest his chin on the top of your head, rough hands on your hips, or when you two are sitting on the couch, his arm is either around you or resting on your thigh.
Non sexual intimacy is a big yes; head scratches, hand holding, shoulder rubs, baths together, or anything of the sort. But there's one thing that melts him completely and that's when you kiss his eyelids. If you're his teammate and you're in a relationship, he will appreciate you helping him out of his gear, washing the dirt and grime off his hands or helping him apply the camouflage paint on his face.
He may call you "love" or "sweetheart," but he attempts to restrict these terms of endearment primarily behind closed doors. He's not exactly fond of overtly cutesy pet names either, so he appreciates the occasional "Love" or "Si," but he draws the line at anything more ostentatiously affectionate. "Don't ya ever call me pookie again, got it, sweetheart?"
Wanna wake up before that man? Yeah, good luck with that. He's a proper, bona fide early riser, an early bird, prepared for the day well before the rays reach the horizon. It's like clockwork, a routine that's been ingrained into his circadian rhythm, something that governs his inner system. If he's not out on a morning jog, he'll lie on his side of the bed, staring at you, silently admiring. Oh, and he'll know if you wake up and pretend to be still asleep.
Simon values the power of silence. Quiet as he may be at certain times, this man is not indifferent; he's an observer. He considers observation as a means of learning and appreciates the sheer volume of knowledge that can be gleaned from the study of behaviors, facial expressions, and other body language cues. Furthermore, a comfortable silence may be the strongest indicator of the powerful connection between two people. That's how he knew there was truly something special between you and him.
HOWEVER. The previous point doesn't right away mean that he despises talking. Sure, he's not one for an idle chit-chat, but I feel like it’s a very frequent idea that he’s the brooding and sullen type who prefers grunting over speaking, kinda like Daryl Dixon (that's a huge compliment to Simon). I’d say, Simon is somewhere in between—more of a ‘I speak only when I want to/have something really meaningful to say’. If he's got something on his mind, he'll let you know. And, surprisingly, he has a way with words like the smoothest motherfucker ever.
Not surprisingly, he's a bit of a softie when it comes to animals, especially dogs. Not one to baby-talk when he sees a dog, he merely offers gentle pats on its head or side (if he's more familiar with the dog, I see him petting it like dads do lol). He’s also very careful about the animals and makes sure not to touch one without asking the owner first. As for service dogs, he's especially careful, keeping a safe distance and showing due respect for their role.
You know you're gonna have a K9 at your home when you get with this man.
He's not a fan of surprises or gifts, because he wasn't raised in a family full of hugs and "I love you's" or selfless acts of affection. He struggles to convey his gratitude in the conventional manner, so it's often expressed, albeit indirectly, through acts of service. No matter what it is that you've gifted him, he's grateful for the thought and consideration all the same.
But you better believe he will surprise you in turn. He goes out of his way to procure anything and everything you so much as mention wanting, be it a trivial trinket or something more significant. He's always listening, always paying attention.
Not very into verbal compliments, but his eyes speak an entire novel about how he feels about you. Gentle glances, lingering stares, and silent admiration. He might not be overtly forthcoming with his praise, but one look is worth more than a thousand words.
Big spoon. He's a tad bit paranoid about having his back vulnerable—much like a cat and its exposed belly. It has nothing to do with trust—as he does trust you. It's merely a product of his inner paranoia, though there's a touch of protectiveness in there, too. Beacuse he'd much rather have you enveloped in his arms, ensuring him the sensation of protecting you with his whole body. Perhaps with time he would let you spoon him, but I wouldn't count on it early on in the relationship.
He's territorial, not in a jealous, envious, or controlling sense but rather in a protective and defensive manner. He doesn't like men or women making advances on you, especially unsolicited physical contact or overt flirting. While he won't try to be overbearing or overly assertive, he will make it abundantly clear that such behavior is uncalled for and unacceptable.
civilian!reader - get ready for some self-defense lessons. He'll ensure that you know basic moves that can give you the time to escape a dangerous situation. Simon is well-versed in the brutality of the world, and he won't sugarcoat anything. If you're in danger, you run; if you feel something's wrong, you run. He can't always be there to protect you. So he's drilled this mantra into your brain: no matter how strong, tough, skilled you think you are, you simply can't trust that your enemy won't wield a knife or gun.
But one of the very first things he's given you even before you two became a couple was a can of pepper spray.
He's a direct, straight to the point man, which is why he has no time for beating around the bush. There's no awkward tip-toeing with hints that may go unexplored, no subtle suggestions that may fall flat—he's all in. Whether it's on a mission, in bed, or an argument, Simon lays it all on the line because you're worth it. He will commit to you wholeheartedly, leaving nothing on the table, giving you everything he has to offer because you deserve nothing less.
You fell first, but he fell harder—this man adores you. Although he's not mushy, he won't shower you with affection and cute nicknames all the time, he loves you. And when Simon Riley loves someone, you can be damn sure he means it. His loyalty knows no limits and once he's attached to you, he'll never let go. He'll go through and beyond any lengths to make sure you're happy and safe.
Though he might not openly admit it, he likes it when you take the initiative, whether it's in bed, in your relationship, or just life in general. He values your opinions and respects and acknowledges your boundaries, and makes sure to let his own boundaries and needs be known as well. So, step up and make yourself heard, cause he will listen.
He values honesty highly and has a razor-sharp bullshit detector. Can smell bullshit from miles away, actually. Therefore, never, ever lie to him. Because he will uncover the truth, one way or another. Lies are the one thing that can shatter his trust beyond repair, making it a cardinal sin in his eyes. So, don't shy away from telling him the truth—no matter how difficult or inconvenient or painful it may be.
Now it gets a bit complicated here, because while he expects honesty from his s/o, Simon himself holds back some things. These are largely related to his past or the missions he has been on, the things he has seen. He doesn't want to lie to you, but he does it to protect himself and you. You just have to accept the fact that there are certain things he won't ever tell you.
Is capable of being absolutely terrifying without even trying, let alone when he wants to be. His height, muscles, and scars are a force to be reckoned with. So you don't have to be worried about going on a walk with him in the middle of the night or wearing something a bit more revealing, cause he will beat the living shit out of anyone who dares to touch you.
Absolutely no one can defeat him in arm wrestling or even come close to his grip strength.
Very awkward around babies, and I mean extremely awkward. Like Jane Smith holding a baby in Mr&Mrs Smith. He doesn't know a flying shit about caring for children, especially since he didn't have a positive parental influence growing up or any good role models. The subject of starting a family is still a bit sore; though he would likely grow more open to discussing it as time goes on. Still, a major aspect of his psyche seems terrified of becoming like his father.
Summary: It was not just a nightmare or even a dream, to wake him up and make him realize what he has now.
Date of release: 23/3/23
Words count: 11,209 words
Sequel of 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘼𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙇𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙂𝙤 (𝙆𝙈𝙂)
MINGHAO woke up at six in the morning before he went to clean his face and takes thirty minutes to do his daily meditation.
Usually, Minghao by himself or accompanied by one of his group members will go out to grab bites for breakfast or even just call away. On his busy day, the manager nim already prepared breakfast for the rest of the group including Minghao before they start the busy day ahead.
Today is an off day since they already spent two months going back and forth from Seoul to Japan. As it became his habit, Minghao woke up at six o'clock sharp and finished his meditation at seven. Minghao just landed his body on his couch as he checked his phone to find some messages from his parents and… Mingyu?
He couldn’t help himself to frown as he read Mingyu's message that was just sent five minutes ago. In the message that he sent to Minghao, Mingyu asked the younger one to grab some breakfast at the kimbap store that they often visit. It looked very normal for normal people when Mingyu asked Minghao to grab breakfast with him at seven in the morning. But it was strangely odd for Minghao to find Mingyu's message at seven in the morning, especially on their off day.
Other than any members, Minghao knows how long Mingyu sleeps and he also knows that Mingyu rarely wakes up at seven in the morning on his off day. Besides that fact, Minghao also knows that Mingyu usually spends his morning or his off day with you. Yes, both of you sometimes invited Minghao or other members to have some breakfast with you. But usually on the first day or even the only off day that Mingyu had, he just spent it with you.
While questions keep ringing in his mind, there is another message from Mingyu that pops out on Minghao's phone screen.
Gyu
07.05
Before we go, can you pick me up first? I’ll send the address.
As the Minghao eyes the last question that came from Mingyu, there was a strange feeling that suddenly lingers in his mind alongside new questions. But again, Minghao decided to push away those feelings and thoughts. Minghao then told Mingyu that he would pick him up after he got ready and asked the manager to borrow his car.
After Minghao got his manager's permission to use the car, he then went straight on the way to the address that Mingyu sent. The drive was smooth as usual even though it was the early time of the day when usually many cars filled every corner of Seoul streets. Minghao then remembers that he has not told Mingyu yet that he was already on his way to the address that the elder sent before. So, as he approaches the red light and stops by it, Minghao decides to call you.
Instead of having the calm greeting that Minghao always gets, Minghao was greeted by the operator's voice. From the operator's voice, Minghao noticed that your number is currently inactive which made him frown even more. It was oddly strange too because Minghao knows that you always keep your phone active. Since he knows that your work acquires a lot of your mobility, Minghao notices that something happened here.
Was Mingyu telling Minghao to pick him up at seven in the morning because he got drunk and sleep in somewhere else besides your place?
Minghao knows that Mingyu is a social butterfly. It was no secret that the visual of Seventeen has more friends if it is compared with Minghao’s. The big connection that leads Mingyu to be invited to some party. Or maybe because of it too, your phone becomes inactive? But then Minghao knows that you have drink tolerance and he also knows that you always keep yourself sober when you have to accompany Mingyu to a party.
Or… Mingyu didn’t tell you that he went to a party last night?
There were so many possibilities that flew through Minghao's mind and it was complicated enough for Minghao. So Minghao decided to drop that and sent Mingyu a message that he will be arriving at the address in five minutes. It was not until five minutes after he sent the message, Minghao got Mingyu’s reply telling him to get to the basement.
The black car that Minghao drove slides smoothly to the basement level that Mingyu told him before. Aside from the soft jazz music that accompany him through the driving, Minghao also prepared some questions for Mingyu. The questions that at least can make his mind go silent for the whole day.
However, Minghao seems cannot stop his mind to ask more questions as he realized that the address that Mingyu sent was not yours. His mind kept asking the newest question as the car that Minghao drives slid down to the basement levels that Mingyu told him earlier. Minghao knows the place that he visits now is an apartment complex. But what he doesn’t know, is whose apartment Mingyu slept in last night.
Minghao parks the car right in one of the empty parking slots in front of the main door. He then sent Mingyu a message to tell him that he already arrives. As the message was delivered, Mingyu looks around from his seat. One thing Minghao notices is there are some luxurious car parks in the parking lot. From what he sees, Minghao believes that Mingyu must be spent his night due of hungover in one of his famous friends’ apartments.
Still, Minghao's minds keep lingering on you.
Did you already know where was Mingyu last night?
By that question, Minghao decides to call you again. Minghao’s phone pressed to his ears, but again it was the operator's voice that greeted him. Minghao then let out a sigh before deciding to send you messages to let you know where Mingyu was. For almost two years since the first time you introduced yourself to Seventeen and later as Mingyu’s girlfriend, Minghao never saw you turn off your phone. You always pick up whenever Minghao asks you to help Mingyu or even when he needs help with work.
His frown goes deeper as he notices that the message he typed was not delivered, confirming that your phone was still turned off. But it gets deeper, as Minghao looks up and finds Mingyu walking out from the lift with…Lisa?
At that time, Minghao could feel his body become frozen as he makes eye contact with Lisa. Minghao knows who she is, besides the fact that she is Lalisa Manoban, and he also knows her relationship with Mingyu. Minghao knows because he was there when they were lovers, and when they decided to become friends.
What made Minghao freeze was…
What is Mingyu doing in his ex's apartment in the early morning on his day off?
More importantly, did you know about it? Did you know that Mngyu spent his night at his ex's apartment?
Those complicated questions fly around Minghao's mind until he didn’t realize that Mingyu already knocks on the driver seat windows. Rolling the window down and pressing unlock buttons, Minghao's eyes then look straight into Mingyu’s eyes. For someone who spent a night in someone else place without bringing any clothes, Mingyu looks so fresh. Even when they are still separated by the car doors, Minghao can smell Mingyu cologne pretty clearly in his nose.
With a blank face on his face, Minghao then says to Mingyu, “You drive.”
Mingyu, who was still outside, just nods at him like there was no problem. Minghao slides into the passenger seat beside his previous seat before Mingyu slides into the driver seat. His brown eyes look at Lisa who seems waiting for Mingyu's departure, then he looks at Mingyu.
There will be so many questions for Minghao to ask Mingyu.
Minghao even didn’t know where to start.
—
A portion of tuna kimbap and a portion of fried shrimp kimbap were on the table for MInghao and Mingyu breakfast that day.
The restaurant was oddly quiet for such an early hour. Only Mingyu and Minghao sit in the corner while enjoying their kimbap. What made it odd was usually the place was fulfilled by customers who were pretty busy enough to pack their food and decided to buy the kimbap instead.
As Mingyu typed something on his phone with a small smile on his lips, Mingyu just look straightly at the taller one with a frown on his face. The questions in Minghao's mind were getting wilder each time like they are demanding answers from the person who sits in front of him now. Minghao knows that after this, the only thing he needs is to meditate again to calm his mind.
“Mingyu,” Minghao calls the person in front of him with a stern voice. Hearing his name being called, Mingyu looks up from his phone screen and finds Minghao’s eyes straightly looking into his eyes with his arms folded in front of his chest. “What happened?”
“Huh?”
“How much did you drink last night until it made you pass out?” Minghao asked more clearly this time.
Mingyu frowns and slowly shakes his head. Still confuse by Minghao's question, Minyu then replies, “I didn’t drink last night?”
“Huh?” Now, Minghao was the one who was dumbfounded by hearing Mingyu's replies. “Then why was I picking you up from your ex’s apartment, idiot?”
The question that just left Minghao's mouth was successful enough to make Mingyu realizes his action. Minghao could see very clearly how MIngyu’s eyes go wide as he sips his tea. But still, it doesn’t answer the questions that linger in Minghao's mind. It even worsens.
“And why YN’s phone is inactive? Have you told her already? I want–”
“I broke up with YN,”
Minghao’s eyes go wide as Mingyu release those statement. Now, Minghao was the one that look at Mingyu with confusing expression because Minghao was truly shocked by the statement. What made Minghao confuse even more was the expression on Mingyu's face that was like telling Minghao that he already move on from you.
Still, Minghao doesn’t know what to say because he was shocked enough.
“When?”
“Two months ago,” Mingyu sighs.
“Why? I mean… how? You both seem happy and–” Minghao paused as he realized something. Something that Minghao didn’t expect and prayed that it was not the main reason why you broke up with Mingyu. “You didn’t cheat on her, did you?”
Mingyu leans to the table, “YN knows my feelings for Lisa.”
“What?” Minghao narrows his eyes. “Your feelings for Lisa? But you guys broke up a year ago.”
“We never know how the fates work, Hao.” Mingyu quietly tell Minghao before solving the kimbap in his mouth. “I know it’s confusing, but I’m glad YN knows about it.”
That made Minghao almost throw his glass at Minyu. “Are you on drugs or what, Mingyu?”
“Hao–”
“No, it was very confusing, okay?” Minghao begins. “First, you didn’t tell me about your break up which okay I understand that you don’t want me to shoot you with so many questions about it and our tight schedule. But Mingyu, how could you fall in love again with your ex as you have had a relationship for a year?”
Again, Mingyu sighs before replying to Minghao, “I honestly don’t know, because it just came so suddenly, maybe it is also because I spent time with her too.”
“You spent your time with your ex when you were still in a relationship with YN?” Minghao asks.
Mingyu just nods.
“The hell,” Minghao curses under his breath. “You realized it’s called cheating, right?”
“I told YN about it before,” Mingho says. “I explain that Lisa was homesick and since all her member was busy with their schedule and YN was okay with it.”
“Pabo-ya.” Minghao couldn’t help himself to yell at Mingyu. Thankfully there were no people around them otherwise some eyes would instantly glue at them after Minghao let out a yell. Even Mingyu, who sits in front of Minghao, widened his eyes due to Minghao’s reaction. “I don’t know if you are too innocent to be in a relationship or you are just so stupid, but you don’t do such a thing to the person that you love, Mingyu.”
“But-”
Minghao holds his hand up to pause Mingyu to speak further. “Yes, she said okay with it, but did you even think about how she feels after you said that? Here’s the thing, let’s switch the position here okay, let’s put you in her place and she is yours. What if one day she came up to you and told you that she preferred to spend more time with her ex because her ex was homesick? Don’t pull any ‘that’s normal’ thingy because that was far from normal, Mingyu.”
Mingyu was too stunned to speak and just stared at Minghao with a blank expression. Minghao, on the other hand, knows that he already pulled some trigger on Kim Mingyu's short brain. Among all the members, Mingyu is the one that spent more time with Minghao. It was not a lie that Mingyu often asks for Minghao's perspective when he has problems. As for Minghao, the only problem that he has with Mingyu was his too-bright personality.
Yes, it is good to be friendly.
Yes, it is good to make everyone happy.
But, Minghao couldn’t pinpoint the reason why Mingyu will do that to you, the person that Kim Mingyu fell in love with. Without Mingyu's extravagant explanations, Minghao knows that his friend has utterly fallen in love with you. Minghao also knows the real reason why Mingyu and Lisa’s relationship didn’t work out. If Mingyu told Minghao that the main reason for your breakup was him already falling out of love, Minghao just laughs it off.
Because Minghao knows that Mingyu has fallen out of love with Lisa, not you.
“I know I was being a little rough,” Minghao sighs. “I just don’t want you to get hurt because I know that you truly love YN, but you also need to know that it was not your job to sacrifice your happiness to make everyone happy. I get it, you may be happy now with Lisa, but I just want to warn you that sooner or later you may realize…that your love for YN was bigger than you have today.”
Mingyu just looks down as he slowly chews the kimbap that is in his mouth.
“If you're happy with Lisa now, I’m happy for you,” Minghao adds. “But I also cannot lie that I’m pretty disappointed in you. If you feel that your love for Lisa is growing again, then you should break your relationship with YN in the first place before it’s getting bigger, not using her to make you realize how big your love is. Because we both know here that YN will do anything for you, including letting you find your love again even without her.”
–
LISA
18.00
I’ll be home later, gyu, we are still in the middle of practice, don’t wait up, love.
Mingyu reads the newest message on his notification list on his phone screen. He let out a sigh and put his phone beside him with the screen down to the surface of the sofa. It was almost six in the evening when Mingyu and the others just finished recording some content for Seventeen's Youtube account. After the shoot, Mingyu decided to take a break at Jihoon's studio as the older one was busy composing something for Soonyoung.
From his seat, Mingyu could see that the sky become darker. The combination of blue, purple, and orange make the perfect view for today’s sunset. Even when Mingyu was on the thirteenth floor and there was much building in front of his eyes, Mingyu couldn’t lie that the sunset make him calm. To think again, it’s one of the reasons why Mingyu likes to enjoy the sunset. It didn’t have to be on the beach or any outdoor side to be able to enjoy the sunset.
Now, the sunset was also something that reminds Mingyu about you.
It has been three months after both of you broke up with him and it’s been radio silenced. Mingyu feel it was best to give you space, but it didn’t mean that he stop contacting you. Sometimes, Mingyu always spares his time to just send you a message like reminding you to eat well and rest well. You also managed to reply to his messages even if it took some hours or even a day after he sends them.
But Minghao’s word was flying around his mind.
“Have you contacted YN lately?” Minghao asked him when they were on their way back to the dorm. “I tried to call and text her but did not get any reply, it seems like she changes her number or something?”
Looking back, Mingyu realizes that the last time he sent you a message was a week ago. To make sure of his thoughts, Mingyu urgently checks his phone to see the time. His shoulder falls as he finds out that it was true that the last time he sent you a message was a week ago. What makes Mingyu's shoulder falls, even more, as he realizes that you have never seen or even reply his message. It is just written that the message was sent not delivered.
Again, Mingyu just sighs and throws his phone back beside him before he leans onto the sofa.
Mingyu could not stop himself to wonder about your well-being. He knows that you need time to heal but this sudden silence made him wonder even more about how you doing. Maybe it’s because there is still love in Mingyu heart’s that he knows was supposed to be yours only. It was complicated if someone asked Mingyu about what he truly felt right now. On one side, Mingyu is utterly falling in love with you, like there is no day his mind didn’t think about you. But on another side, his feelings for Lisa also grow like they used to.
“Ah, I’ve been looking for you guys, turns out you are here.”
Seungcheol sighs as he drops himself to the empty side beside Mingyu, making the younger one shift a bit.
“We already told you, hyung,” Jihoon says. “That’s why it’s important to check your message, you know?”
Hearing what Jihoon says, Mingyu just snorts. Seunghceol who sits beside him just glares at him before throwing the small pillow beside him. “YAH, I READ YOUR MESSAGE, THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE.”
Soonyoung sighs before handing him a cola. “Aish, you better save up your voice, hyung.”
“Yah, whatever.” Seunghceol gulped his cola. “Anyways–in case YOU DON’T READ THE GROUP CHAT–tomorrow we will have a meeting with the content team to discuss some projects, Suhoon said it’s better if all of us come just in case we got some insights.”
Hearing Suhoon's name being mentioned by his leader, made Mingyu’s ears perk up. Usually, Mingyu will just roll his eyes as he heard your boss's name because it will remind him about how strict Suhoon was and how he comes very protective of you like your brother. Throwing back to the first time Mingyu asked more about you to Suhoon, Mingyu remembers very clearly when Suhoon interrogates him for hours. Not just that, Suhoon also gave him a peep talk when he knows that Mingyu dated you.
Different like it used to, Mingyu seems like he got something as Seunghceol mentioned that tomorrow's meeting will involve the team (which Mingyu also knows that it also your and Suhoon's team), Suhoon, and there is a chance that you also gonna be there. Thoughts of meeting you somehow make Mingyu feels… glad?
“Yah, gwenchana?” Seungcheol nudges Mingyu's shoulder, making him turn his head.
Mingyu seems to hesitate before nodding. “Yes, why?”
“Dunno,” Seunghceol. “You seem to have some thoughts.”
“Nah, just some stuff.” Mingyu smiles. “What time is the meeting tomorrow?”
Seungcheol seems to try to remember before replying, “After lunch, as I remember. Oh wait, you have a photoshoot tomorrow, right? You can just join us by video calls or something.”
“No, it’s okay, hyung.” Mingyu shakes his head. “My shoot finished before lunch, after that I’ll straight come here.”
As the older get an answer from Mingyu, Seunghceol just looks at him with an expression that Mingyu couldn’t tell what is it. Not all member knows about the breakup of your and Mingyu's relationship, but Seungcheol knows about it. In fact, Seungcheol was the first one that Mingyu told about. He was indeed shocked, but not too shocked since he was also the one that contact you, and yet he still is.
Five seconds later, Seungcheol just nodded before gulping his drink.
“Do you want to meet her?”
Out of nowhere, Seungcheol asks Mingyu with a lower voice and makes Mingyu looks at him with a dumbfounded expression. Seunghceol just looks at him, waiting for the answer from the younger one even though he already knows the answer is– the truth.
“Will be great if it can,” Mingyu sighs. “But I’m not hoping that much.”
Seunghceol just smirks and focuses his gaze on the sunset. “Okay then.”
One thing on Seungcheol's mind is, Kim Mingyu is a bad liar.
–
“I don’t know you are home earlier,”
Mingyu looks up from his phone as he heard the familiar voice on his voice. His eyes open widened as he finds you sitting on his sofa with your laptop on your lap. You are here in his house, looking comfortable with wearing his shirt. A smile was drawn on your lips and Mingyu froze on his feet.
He just couldn’t believe that you are in front of him, looking beautiful as always.
A frown appears on your forehead as you realize that Mingyu was shocked by your appearance. Without thinking twice, you put your laptop back on the coffee table before you approach Mingyu that still standing a few meters from the sofa that you sit on.
“Gwenchana?” You ask softly.
“...”
Your warm hand then touches Mingyu’s forehead to check his temperature. The frown on your forehead goes deeper as you realize that your boyfriend is healthy like the last time you remember.
“Have you eaten, love?” you ask again.
“YN,” Mingyu softly whispers your name as his eyes bore into you.
“Hm?”
“You are here,”
You chuckle at the last sentence that just left Mingyu's mouth. “I am.”
“H-How?”
Again, you look at Mingyu with confusion. “Because… you gave me the key, remember?”
“I am, but…”
“You haven’t answered my question, chagi.” You smirk at him. “Have you eaten? If you haven’t I’ll cook some ramen for you.”
Without hesitation, Mingyu nods but his expression is still confusing. “I have, chagi, don’t worry.”
“Are you sure you okay?” you ask one more time. “Is work stressing you out, loves?”
Then without warning, your warm hands hold Mingyu’s other empty hand making the man look at it. As your finger interviewed with his, Mingyu couldn't even understand the feeling that he had at the moment. Mingyu couldn't understand why there was so much noise in his mind that mostly told him to ask your forgiveness. Mingyu couldn’t understand why he has the big intention to hug you tight and didn’t want to let you go.
“Chagi,” you call him softly. “How about you take shower and we can just rest for the night, hm?”
Mingyu nods his head, while his eyes are still glued on how your finger is perfect with his.
“I already prepare your clothes, but I need you to wash up a little bit, okay?” you ask one more time before Mingyu nods and looks straight into your eyes. Difference from the previous, now you look at him with a smile on your lips. The urge for Mingyu to kiss you on the lips was big, bigger than it used to be.
And so, Mingyu does it.
Without any warning, Mingyu took off his hand from your hold and crawls your face with his one hand before he kisses you hard on your lips. You were shocked at first but then as his other hand now moves to your waist and pulls you closer to his body, you become relaxed and eventually return his kiss.
The taste of Mingyu’s typical mint flavor now meets with your watermelon-flavored lip balm as the kiss grew intense and your arms wrap securely around his neck. Mingyu couldn’t remember went the last time he kissed you like this like there was no day for tomorrow. But Mingyu also couldn’t forget about how your kiss always felt warm like a home. The rhythm of how your and Mingyu’s lips as both you kiss, how soft your lips, and how your arms wrap securely around him made him never want you to let go of it.
Out of nowhere as Mingyu drowned in the kiss, you decide to slowly pull from his lips. His eyes drop low as he looks at you who blushing hard right now. Your arms were still wrapped around Mingyu's neck, as his arms wrapped your body between his big arms. Without realizing it, Mingyu's lips mirror your soft smile as his cheek eventually blushed like yours. There are so many loves that spread around your eyes just like the stars in the night sky.
“I didn’t know that you missed me that much,” you say as your finger plays with his hair. Your eyes still look at him with so much love, and your lips still tug a lovely smile that makes Mingyu melts in every second that has already been spent as both of you standing there. As your finger plays with his hair, Mingyu could feel his body eventually become relaxed. The warmness that radiates from your body heat and Mingyu’s made the man don’t want to do anything besides melts in your arms, in your love.
It’s been too long, way too long.
Mingyu nods and softly pushes his forehead to yours, “I miss you, so much, chagi.”
“You do?” He nods again and you give him a peck on his lips. “Well, I miss you too so much, love.”
“Love,” Mingyu calls you softly. “I love you,”
You smile at his words before nodding at him. “I know, I love you too,”
“So much?”
“So much, baby.”
And Mingyu kiss you again, which made your smile wider before you reply to his kiss. Deep down, Mingyu feels extremely happy but he didn’t know why. He didn’t know why he feel so happy and wanted to kiss you over and over again. The urge for him to show his love to you was big. But among the urges that have been dominating Mingyu’s mind, there is one fear that is very contrasting if compared with other thoughts.
The fear of losing you.
“As much I love to cuddle with you,” you broke the kiss and smile playfully. “How about you change your clothes into something comfortable and after that, we can cuddle and rest, hm?”
Mingyu nods, making you smile, and led him to the bedroom. As both of you walked to the main bedroom, Mingyu couldn’t help to glue his eyes to his hand that hold yours. He couldn’t help to let out a smile as his bigger hand tighten its hold on your smaller one. The view not only makes him smile, but somehow it brings butterflies to Mingyu's stomach. He feels like he was back to the age when he has a crush on one of his classmates. The tickles and the warmness that he felt were too real and yet Mingyu doesn’t want this to go, he doesn’t want you to leave.
And so, as both of you enter the bedroom, you let out Mingyu’s hand which made him frown at your action. Mingyu couldn’t help it but he feel empty as you let off his hand from your grip. Mingyu eyes then trail to you, who takes the clothes that have been neatly folded and placed above the bed.
“Here,” you hand Mingyu his clothes with a wider smile on your lips. “Give me your bag and your phone, you go change, okay?”
Without hesitation, Mingyu then nods and does what you just said. Bringing his clothes, Mingyu walks to his bathroom to change and wash up a little bit. As Mingyu was in the bathroom, changing and washing up a little bit, he can hear the muffled voice of your walking step into the bedroom. Smirking as Mingyu starts to brush his teeth, he knows that you must be turning off some lights and getting ready to sleep.
To be truth, Mingyu doesn’t know why he suddenly acts clingy to you. Yes, if Mingyu could admit, he is the clingy type of boyfriend but today is different. It feels like he didn’t see you for a very long time which results in him to be wanting nothing more than to hold you—-to love you. His schedule today was not too packed, he just went to the office to shoot the video reaction for the leader unit music video.
Five minutes later, as Mingyu just finished his skincare routine, he steps out of the bathroom looking fresh and ready to cuddle with you. His brown eyes then look at your figure that has been laying on your side of the bed. Your hair was sprawled on the pillow, as you typed something on your phone. The warm feeling was back to Mingyu’s thought as you look up from your phone and tapped the space beside you.
Mingyu arms make their way to wrap around your body as he lies on the bed. The smell of your perfume was very strong in Mingyu’s nose as he snuggle to your neck. His arms which already wrap to your waist, hold you tight as your arms wrap around his wide shoulder.
Again, it feels like a home for Mingyu.
“Are you okay, love?” you ask him softly. “I didn’t mind having clingy you, but you act weird since you step into the apartment earlier. Is everything okay?”
Mingyu was silent for a while, which make you pull yourself a little bit from him to see his face. His gaze was lowering and there is no sunshine like they used to and you know there is something on his mind. You also know that it disturbs him.
“You know you can tell me anything you got, love.” you brush away some hair on his forehead.
“Will you stay with me forever, love?” Mingyu suddenly shoot you the question that you never expect. “Will you stay with me even after I hurt you?”
“You know, I will, chagi.” you cup his face with your hand, making Mingyu look at you with sorrowful eyes. “I will always stay with you, no matter what happened.”
“Even when I hurt you?”
“Something that hurt can be healed, love.” you smile a little bit. “It’s okay, I can take it.”
“Why?”
“Because you are worth it for every pain, Kim Mingyu.”
And as the sentence leave your mouth, Mingyu widened his eyes, and the tears start flooding his eyes. The sentences that just left your mouth were like a lighter that succeed to trigger something in Mingyu’s mind. Mingyu doesn’t know what it was, but his mind is screaming and telling him to hold you tight, apologize for hurting you, and love you like he has to.
“Love?” you shook his shoulder softly. You straighten your position and hold his hand tighter. “Tell me–”
“I’m sorry,” Mingyu says between his tears, a second after he hugs you tight. “Gosh, I’m sorry, YN, I’m sorry.”
You slowly return his hug, now hand softly patting his toned back as he cries on your shoulder blades. You can feel the wetness of his tears on your hair and how his body shook on your arms. Mingyu keeps apologizing as his hold on you goes tighter every second. You have never seen him like this before. Yes, you saw Mingyu cry but he never cries so hard as this. Like he did something wrong to you.
So, you let him cry on your shoulder and slowly you also cry. Your hands still softly patting his back, trying to calm him down. The soft pad on his back was something that you always did whenever Mingyu told you about his issues. It was the act that you both know can make him calm and eventually will talk about his issues with you.
However, tonight is different and you know it.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Mingyu says between his sobbing. “I’m sorry for every pain that I caused you. I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry for letting myself be that cruel to you.”
“It’s okay, love, it’s okay,” you mutter. “I’m okay, you are okay.”
“It’s my fault, YN,” Mingyu's voice rose, without him realizing it. “I don’t deserve you, gosh, I hurt you.”
“Hey, hey.” you softly push him so you can hold his face. In front of you, Mingyu was a mess with ruffling hair, and swollen and red eyes, and he avoids to look you in the eyes. “I’m okay, baby, I’m okay and I’m here with you, okay?”
“Don’t leave,” Mingyu mutters before looking up into your eyes. “Stay here with me okay? Punish me, yell at me, or do whatever you want, just don’t ever leave me, please?”
“I will always love you and stay for you, Mingyu.” you smile and rub his cheek lovingly with his thumb. Tears flow freely from your eyes as you look at Mingyu who has the same condition as you. “You are okay, it’s not your fault, okay? I’m here.”
“Stay?” Mingyu softly asks.
“I’ll stay for you, love.” you smile softly. “I’ll be here whenever you ask me and you needed me.”
Mingyu took a deep breath before letting it go and kissing you on the lips. As he kisses you, you can feel the saltiness that came from both of your tears. But you didn’t mind a bit about it, you just focus on his kisses. You broke the kiss and erase the tears from his eyes slowly with your thumb.
“Let’s sleep, shall we?” you ask him softly, as soon you realized that Mingyu is calm enough. You rub his shoulder before Mingyu nods at you and lays back on his side with him facing you.
Now, both of you sleeping facing each other and holding each other hands. Mingyu looks at you with his brown eyes, as you focus your gaze on your hand that comfortably holds his. Mingyu still couldn’t believe that you are in front of him, in his bed. What he does believe is that sleeping withholding you is always the best sleep that Mingyu had in his life.
“YN,” Mingyu softly calls your name, making you look up from your gaze. “Will you still be here when I woke up?”
You smile at him and pull him into your arms, so he can snuggle into you like the previous time. Mingyu closes his eyes as he can feel your arms wrapping around his shoulder. He snuggles his face more into your neck, breathing your scent, and enjoying your warmth.
“Sleep, love,” you whisper. “I love you,”
“I love you too,” Mingyu sighs comfortably. “So much, love.”
“I know.”
With that, Mingyu drowned in his sleep. His mind was back in calm mode as he takes your warmness.
But without Mingyu realizing it, you didn’t answer his last question.
Because all of this only happens in Mingyu’s dream.
—
Mingyu knows attending this meeting was a good idea.
This morning, he woke up to the sound of his alarm and the cold side of the bed. Strangely, the cold side of the bed was also too neat like it had never been slept on before. There was no trace of you, as Mingyu also could not find your laptop on his desk as he remembered very well last night. Not stopping from there, Mingyu also realized that the shirt that he used was different from the last night.
Well, Mingyu was hoping to see you making him breakfast since you know that he has an early schedule. The expectation was you cooking breakfast wearing his shirt in his kitchen. You will be greeting him with good morning and telling him to wash up as you prepare his breakfast.
But oh, well, reality hits Mingyu in every inch of his heart.
Because as soon as Mingyu steps out of his bedroom, he is greeted by a dark kitchen and a dim living room. There was no you. The reality was far away from the expectation that Mingyu had. Truthfully, Mingyu feels a little bit disappointed. Were you leaving him after you promised to stay with him?
Were you lying to him?
So that's why Mingyu sent you a message asking where you were during the preparation for his photoshoot. Not a message but five messages. He feels more saddened and disappointed as he finds out that there were no replies from you. It made him check his phone several times after the photoshoot was done until he went to the Hybe building.
Then Mingyu realized something.
The meeting.
It was obvious that you’ll be there since you were the right hand of Suhoon. Maybe it is also because of the meeting that made you go home in the early morning. Mingyu knows how detail-oriented you were, and how you want everything to be efficient. Again, it was also strange because it was still six in the morning when Mingyu woke up and it was too early for you to leave.
As the manager's Nim car arrived at the basement of the Hybe building, Mingyu didn’t want to spend any second and just straight away left the car, bringing his belongings. Anyone seeing him walking could tell he was in a hurry since he walks very fast. Besides the fact that he will be late, Mingyu is also chasing the chance to talk with you before the meeting. He knows that he can talk later once the meeting ends, but he just literally needs to make sure that you’ll be there.
Once Mingyu arrived in front of the meeting room, he took very long and deep breaths to calm himself. Not because he just ran, but the fact that he feels nervous. Mingyu didn’t know why he felt nervous but he could feel his heart beating faster than it used to. So when Mingyu realizes he is in good condition, he opens the glass door and pairs of eyes immediately look at him.
Among the eyes that look at him, Mingyu just focused on Suhoon.
The older one looks at him with a different gaze than usual.
Not cold nor warm but something like…pity?
Suhoon quickly turns his head as one of his team approaches him to discuss something, making Mingyu sigh softly before bowing. He could see most of his memory was there, but then his eyes scans the room to look for you. Instead of finding you, Mingyu just found some unfamiliar faces. Were you in the restroom? But Mingyu knows that you rarely went to the restroom five minutes before the meeting starts.
“Yeah, Mingyu-ah, come sit here.”
Mingyu turns his head to Minghao who patted the empty chair beside him and Seungcheol. Without wasting more time, Mingyu quickly sits in the chair that Minghao patted. Maybe I should call her now, Mingyu thought while taking his phone from his bag.
“Did you just have a photoshoot?” Minghao asks him, turning fully and facing him.
“Ah, yes.” Mingyu nods, typing something for you. “The meeting has not started yet, right?”
“Seunghceol hyung just came right before you, so probably in a few,” Minghao explains. After answering Mingyu’s question, Minghao then looks at his surroundings before leaning toward Mingyu. “Where is YN?”
Mingyu shakes his head slowly, “I don’t know.”
“Have you contacted her yet?” Minghao asks, earning a nod from Mingyu. “Did she reply to you?”
Mingyu sighs and shakes his head for the second time, “I tried, but—”
“Okay, guys, since the manager-nim is here and all of you are already here, we can start the meeting now.” Suhoon cuts Mingyu’s words, making him and Minghao turn their heads to Suhoon who is already standing in the middle of the room. Minghao gives Minyu a sign that their last conversation will continue after the meeting and starts to lean back in his chair. Besides that, Mingyu who sits beside Minghao just put down his phone as his mind is still wondering about where’ve you been.
His mind even becomes wilder as there is a girl who stands beside Suhoon. Not only on Mingyu’s forehead, but the frown also appeared on some members as they watched the girl stand at your place. Suhoon, who noticed that most of the member's eyes were looking at the substitute, sighs softly and smiles then bows to greet the member alongside the manager.
“Well, before we start the meeting, I would like to say thank you for your attendance today,” Suhoon begins. “I know that it’s a little bit sudden, however, we need to have this meeting to discuss the Seventeen digital content plan since there will be an upcoming world tour ahead. Unfortunately, I have to open this meeting by also announcing the news that I know is also very sudden to inform you.”
By hearing Suhoon's announcement, the members straightened their seats like they were preparing for the worst to come.
“Starting this day, Ms. YN YLN will no longer be a content creative officer due to her departure.”
In an instant, Mingyu and the rest of the members, widening their eyes after hearing that sentence, left Suhoon's mouth. But not everyone was widening their eyes and was shocked by the news, Seungcheol who sits behind is only sighing and lowers his head.
“Ms. YN YLN has received a scholarship and also an offer from our headquarters in New York to lead our digital communication team.” Suhoon took a deep breath, before continuing. Mingyu could see how lost Seunghoon was by his eyes and also by his action. “Personally, YN did say that she’s sorry for not telling you all in the first place, but due to the short time that her school and our headquarters gave to her, she didn’t make it. So, she left it to me to tell you guys her forgiveness and she also wishes all the best for you, for all of you.”
The atmosphere of the room then changes to very tense now. Minghao glanced at the person on his left because he knew that the person next to him was utterly shaken by the news. From his seat, Minghao could see how Mingyu’s finger shakes so hard and how his broad shoulder falls. Without asking for permission, Minghao slowly holds Mingyu's hands to calm him down. But truthfully, even with Minghao’s action, Mingyu cannot calm himself.
How can he become so calm when he just finds out that you are not in here anymore?
How can Mingyu be calm as he just finds out that you already left without saying goodbye to him? Without giving him one more chance to ask for your forgiveness for the nth time?
“Moving forward, Ms. YN YLN will be replaced by Miss Choi Haram, she is your creative content officer now that will help you during your shoots and of course will be my right-handed.” Suhoon smiles weakly at the girl standing beside him.
All the members' attention went to the girl, Choi Haram, as she introduced herself. But Mingyu just stared blankly at his phone. He should have known that you were leaving, but one particular question appears in his mind.
Why?
Why did you just leave without telling him?
Mingyu knows that he hurts you, he knows that he hurts you so badly. Were you deciding to take the offer just because you want to heal from him? Thousands of questions cannot stop leaving Mingyu’s mind but they cannot cover the pain. The pain slowly crawled to Mingyu’s heart as his mind tried to accept that you were gone.
Between the chaos, at that moment, Mingyu realizes two things.
First, Mingyu realized that you never answered him when he asked if you would be there when he woke up.
Second, Mingyu realized that it was too late for him.
—
“Mr. Lee, pardon me, but Kim Mingyu would like to speak with you in private.”
Suhoon looks up from his screen as Haram stands in front of him. It was roughly six in the evening when Suhoon just finished his meeting and was currently in the cafeteria when Haram approached him. Without asking Haram, why Kim Mingyu wanted to talk in private with him, Suhoon knows the questions that he will face.
It’s less or more about you.
Since it has been your request to him, Suhoon just nods to Haram before bidding goodbye to his colleague. As Suhoon and Haram just walk five steps from the cafeteria, he already saw Mingyu standing near the cafe and looking straight into Suhoon's eyes.
“Ms. Haram, would you help me to pick a black box on my passenger seat?” Suhoon kindly requests Haram and hands her his key car.
Haram nods and takes the key before walking out and leaving Suhoon alone.
“Do you have a place for us–”
“Follow me,” Suhoon nods as Mingyu leads him towards a place so they can walk privately. From Mingyu’s cold tone, Suhoon could tell that Mingyu was nothing but confused, angry, and shocked.
Turns out, Mingyu led Suhoon to a surprisingly quiet garden. The spring breeze greets Suhoon as both of them step out. After Mingyu closed the door, he then lead Suhoon to one of the benches that had been in the corner of the garden. Suhoon let Mingyu sit first then him before eventually, Suhoon sits next to him. As Suhoon sit beside him, he could feel how tense Mingyu was and Suhoon could not blame him for it.
“Mingyu–”
“When?” Mingyu asks Suhoon without any greetings or even eye contact. Mingyu just looks straight at the view in front of him.
Suhoon just sighs before lowering his head before he answers, “She left two weeks ago.”
Truth be told, Suhoon's answers turn out not to satisfy Mingyu. The younger one just nods even though his eyes start to tear up. In his silence, Mingyu silently does some calculations about your departure. From the information that Suhoon told and with his calculation, it could be concluded that you were still in Korea the last time you replied to his message. If it is also true, Mingyu predicted that there is a chance you replied to his message as you were boarding at the airport.
“If you are wondering why she has not told you,” Suhoon begins. “It’s because she didn’t want to interrupt you with this sudden news. I tried to talk with her to just contact you one last time and she said she did but you weren’t replying to her.”
It hit Mingyu the most as he realized that he didn’t reply to your message when he had the last shot. He lowers his head and tries to blink up some tears from his eyes as Suhoon opens his mouth.
“I know that you love her so much like she loves you, Mingyu.” Suhoon pauses before continuing. “After your break up, things get a little bit different. As long as I know YN all this year, that was the only time I saw her pretending hard to be happy–to be okay. I don’t know if she thinks that I’m one of the people that she can fool about, but I know she tries hard to be okay in front of me. She even told me not to blame you for all this, but every time I saw her eyes… I know she is more than just hurt.”
“Suhoon hyung–”
“Do you love Lisa, Mingyu-ah?” Suhoon asks Mingyu, making him turn his head to look at the older one. Same as yours, Suhoon could see the redness and the tears that just left Mingyu's eyes. “Do you love her so much that it makes you sacrifice your happiness and your love?”
“Hyung…”
“If you love Lisa, then I wish you a lot of happiness, Mingyu.” Suhoon pats Mingyu's shoulder. He can feel the tears leave his eyes. “But do you know what I thought? I think you are falling in love with the idea of always being there for her, not utterly falling in love like what you feel about my dongsaeng. You know, you and YN are the same–both of you were too falling in love until you sacrifice your happiness, just to make the person that you love happy.”
“...”
Suhoon sighs. “I’m sorry for not telling you about her departure, Mingyu. With her gone, I just had a simple favor to ask you, as someone who witnessed her pain that was caused by you, I beg you to let her go, Mingyu.”
“What?” Mingyu looks at Suhoon with wide eyes.
“Let her go, Kim Mingyu, let YN heal from your pain and let her chase her happiness,” Suhoon tells him, looking straight into Mingyu's teary eyes. “YN let you go because she wants you to be happy and because she loves you. If you love YN, then love Lisa with all your heart and let YN become something that lives in your memory.”
It feels like Mingyu was just struck by a thunderstorm right into his heart. His hand now shakes harder than before, the tears could not stop flowing from his eyes. Truth be told, what Suhoon said was right. Without Mingyu's realization, you are doing what he does to Lisa, it was fair game, to be honest.
“You know what YN tells me on the day of her departure?” Suhoon smiles weakly as he plays the memory back in his mind. “She said, " If we are meant to be together, there will be thousands of ways that make us back to each other. But if not, then we just really need to let go or else we get hurt more. All you guys need right now is space, for you and her. If both of you are ready, the universe will know and let you be each other happy like in the old time. But now, you need to understand and have peace with yourself, Mingyu.”
“What if one day she realizes that she is out of love for me?” Mingyu asks, still looking at the floor.
“She will not, I believe that,” Suhoon pats his shoulder softly. “She loves you that much, Mingyu, I don’t know if you are too blind but I can see it pretty well.”
Mingyu slowly nods his head before looking up and asking, “What should I do now, hyung?”
“Ask yourself,” Suhoon replies. “Ask yourself the question that I just asked you earlier, Mingyu, and make peace with yourself. That’s at least the best thing you can do right now.”
“Will I ever be able to meet her?” Mingyu asks softly. “Will I get the chance to love her and to be loved by her like the old times, hyung?”
Suhoon sighs and nods his head. “You will, Mingyu.”
“I dreamt about her last night, you know?” Mingyu smiles as he recalls the dream. The dream that was too good to be true. “We do our routine after a long day, cuddle up and you know what's so funny about it? At the end of the dream, I asked her if she would be there when I woke up but she never answered. Until the meeting, I thought it was real… I thought she'd decided to back with me, but… turns out it was just a dream.”
“...”
“I didn’t realize that I missed having her in my life that much,” Mingyu softly sobs. “I missed her and I lost the chance to fight her back, hyung.”
Suhoon nods and rubs Mingyu's shoulder. He nods his head, looking at Mingyu who cried in silence. Suhoon knows that he may be a little hard on Mingyu at first time, but he also knows how big Mingyulove is to you. It was that big until it made Mingyu confused by his own feelings.
“If you have contact with her,” Mingyu takes a deep breath. “Please say my forgiveness to her, please tell her that I love her.”
“I will and she knows about it,” Suhoon nods. “She forgave you already, Mingyu. Now it’s time for you to forgive yourself, okay?”
“I didn’t know where I should begin, hyung.” Mingyu chuckled sadly. “How can I forgive myself when I know that I was the one that hurt the person that I loved the most?”
“You will, Mingyu,” Suhoon says. “You will know how to.”
Mingyu just nods at him and sobs on his hands. Suhoon's heart breaks a little as he can see how broken Mingyu was. He could not help to imagine that it was you, not Mingyu. It must be harder than this for you and Suhoon cursed himself out for not being there when you broke down. Deep down, Suhoon is also grateful to be on Mingyu's side when he was in the same phase as you were.
So, Suhoon stands up from his seat and Mingyu just looks at him still with his swollen eyes.”Both of you will be fine, but now space is the only thing that you need. When the time comes, I know that you are better than today.”
The only response that Mingyu could give was just sighs and nods. Suhoon once more pats his shoulder before he spots Haram already looking for him bringing a black box. The older man raises his hands for Haram, and as she notices it she straightly walks to him. Suhoon smiles at Haram after saying thank you and then tells her to wait in the lobby while he is gonna say some things to Mingyu.
As Haram walks and leaves the two men alone, Suhoon couldn’t help to stare at the box that he holds. Looking at the box makes Suhoon remembers again how everything was doing so fast, how your departure also brought some changes into his life. Among all the things, what made Suhoon's heartache the most was when you asked him to give the box to Mingyu under one condition. Suhoon remembered very well that the one condition that you mean is that Suhoon must give it to Mingyu when YN has already gone and nearing his birthday.
Today, however, was the five days before Mingyu’s birthday and Suhoon knew that it was the perfect time to give the box to Mingyu.
Mingyu, who seems to notice Suhoon's silence, looks up and slowly rises from his seat as his gaze focuses on the box. A small and sad smile was drawn on Suhoon’s lips as he handed the box to Mingyu.
“She wants me to give it to you,” Suhoon says. “It was supposed to be your birthday gift, but since she can’t be in here, she asked me to give it to you.”
With shaking hands, Mingyu accepts the box and some tears start to fall the boxes. He could feel his heart shatter as he read your handwriting that wrote his name. It was a simple thing for him that was reflecting you and it made him feel like punch by so many things at the same time.
“Open it when you are ready, Mingyu,” Suhoon notes. “There are some things that she left for you.”
Mingyu slowly nods his head, but his eyes are still glued to the box in his grip. “Thank you, hyung.”
“I’m just doing what she told me to do, Mingyu.” Suhoon smiles. “But if you need anything, just hit me up, okay?”
Can I ask you to turn back the time? If I ask you to bring her to me now, can you do it now?
The questions stay on Mingyu’s tongue tip as he nods. Mingyu takes a deep breath before looking up and meeting Suhoon's worried gaze. In front of him, Suhoon was looking at him like he was vulnerable and to be honest, Mingyu hates it. Mingyu hates it when someone looks at him with pity or even sadness.
“I’ll be fine, hyung,” Mingyu assures Suhoon. “I’ll tell you if I needed something, alright?”
Suhoon looks at him briefly before nodding and sighing. “Okay, I’ll go now, yeah? Tell me anything.”
“Yes, hyung.”
“And Mingyu?”
Mingyu looks at Suhoon, waiting for Suhoon to continue his words.
“She misses you too,” Suhoon sadly smiles at Mingyu. “A lot.”
—
Lisa was fast asleep beside him when Mingyu’s eyes bored into the ceiling of his bedroom.
His eyes then flicker to the watch on his desk that already shows two in the morning. It was one of the nights when Mingyu couldn’t sleep and his eyes won't corporate with him. But the difference from the other night, was tonight there is one certain thing on Mingyu’s mind that made him couldn't sleep.
You.
You are the one that keeps him stay awake that night.
Today has been a lot for Mingyu. Waking up with a big hope of you will be beside him when he wakes up, knowing that you are leaving him, and… receiving the box. It was too much for Mingyu and yet it feels like it was a slap for him to wake up from a long slumber. A slap that made him realize that you are playing a big role in his life, even bigger than he ever imagine.
Mingyu couldn’t lie that he feels his heart breaking a little bit, his anger flames inside of him, and the strange feeling of loneliness as he listens to Suhoon 's announcement about your departure. He could not stop wondering if all of this didn’t happen at all if he wasn’t breaking your heart into pieces.
You probably will be the one that laying next to him tonight, wrapping tightly in his arms.
That thought makes Mingyu’s heartbreak even more as the loneliness feels makes its return. His head turns to Lisa as he looks at her feature. She was beautiful, but somehow she wasn’t you. Mingyu knows that any man will be dying to be in his place, but Mingyu is willing to die to be the man who wraps his arms around you as you sleep in his arms tonight. When every man was looking for a way to be in Mingyu’s place, but now Mingyu only wants one thing. He just want to be the man that can make you happy, the man that didn’t want to hurt you like he did.
But if there is any man that is already in his position, Mingyu couldn’t say anything then he’s happy for you.
At least, you are happy and healed from the pain that he caused.
Staring at Lisa, makes Mingyu realizes one thing.
The box.
He needs to open the box for the last time. Even when his heart was screaming for mercy and begging him to not do that. Because true of the truth is that he wasn’t ready at all, Mingyu wasn’t ready to see what you left for him.
Rising from his bed slowly, Mingyu then walked out of his bed and went to his study room where he left the box. Mingyu can feel his heart beating fast as he walks to the study room. Sweat was flowing on his hands. His heart keeps screaming for him to stop and back to bed as his mind tells him to go.
The knob of Mingyu’s study room slowly being push and make the door open before he slides in and closed it again. His mind, his eyes, and his feet now focusing on the box on the desk. Slowly, Mingyu walks towards it and his eyes are still glued to the box as he sits on the chair. Reflectly, his hands slowly touch the box like it was something fragile.
Taking a deep breath, Mingyu then unwraps the white ribbon from the box before opening the lid slowly. His eyes couldn’t stop the tear as the lid was open and he finds two polaroid pictures of both of you. Without thinking twice, Mingyu then picks it up. It was the photo that his sister took as both of you went to visit his parents' house. In the first picture, both of you and Mingyu were smiling happily at the camera. His arms wrapped around your waist as your hands were on his chest.
It was a great photo, but the other photo punched Mingyu even more.
In the second photo, you and Mingyu were laughing at each other. There was a difference between the first one, the second one taken Wonwoo's birthday dinner. One thing that Mingyu noticed and what it hit the most was the way you smile widely at the camera. It hit Mingyu the most because you look genuinely look happy and it’s been a long time since Mingyu looked it in your face.
He missed it.
He misses you.
So much.
Mingyu then put the polaroid carefully on the other side of the table before moving to the other things inside the box. His shaky hands then open the white tuile that protects whatever is inside of it. At that moment, Mingyu can feel that he lost his breath as he realized what the tuile protected. His jaw drops as he slowly lifts the jacket. It was the jacket that Mingyu wants and always rambles to you about how rare is that.
The simple black jacket.
But as Mingyu lift the jacket, there was a thing that distracted him which is the envelope. Without having to think again, Mingyu open the envelope and find two papers folded neatly inside it. Taking another deep breath, Mingyu then opens the first and small one.
Happiest 27th birthday, my lovely dork and yet hottest boyfriend! Please mind my weird act for the past few days because I know that you will love this.
Happiest birthday my love, there’s nothing that I wished for you than healthiness, happiness, success, the best thing, and everything you wanted (LIKE THIS JACKET KKKK). I know that you’ve been eyeing and TALKING about this jacket, so I thought why not give you one? I hope you like my gift, and I want you to have your special day with your new jacket. I love you, Kim Mingyu. Happy getting older by one year, yeah? Don’t worry I’ll be with you every time you get older, love. - YN.
Now Mingyu’s cheek was wet because of his tears as he read the letter. By just reading it, Mingyu knows that you already planned this way ago before you left, before he broke your heart. Not stopping from there, Mingyu wipes his tears before moving on to the second one.
Dearest, Kim Mingyu.
If you reading this, it means that… I’m already gone to New York. Surprise, baby, I got the scholarship! I am so shocked when I received the news, and the only thing on my head was you. I can imagine how shocked you were as we both read the mail on our couch and then cry in each other arms after this.
But if you reading this too, that means we are also in a different way.
But that also means you are happy, right? As long you are happy, then it is also okay for me, love.
As I wrote this letter, you were spamming me with your message and your calls asking me where was I. I’m sorry for not picking up your call or answering your message, love. I guess it’s just a little bit hard for me now to face you. But please, don’t be hard on yourself because I am already a big grown girl, okay?
I guess what I really can say right now is that thank you and I love you. Thank you for being with me at the lowest, thank you for bringing out the best of me, thank you for being you, and thank you for loving me. I never thought that we can date this long, but as the time spent, I realize I found myself on you. You know at the beginning of this relationship, I was hesitant about you. There were a million reasons but the biggest was I was afraid to fall in love with you.
I was afraid that I cannot fit in with you and that you will leave me eventually. I think most of the time, in the beginning, my insecurities played a big role that made me hold myself from you. But eventually, as we spent more time together, I start to be brave to fight myself and my insecurities. Loving you makes me realize that turns out I could love someone deeply without being someone new and I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful to have you by my side.
I’m grateful to be able to call you mine without feeling insecure about myself.
I’m more than grateful to have the chance to love and be loved by you, Kim Mingyu. That’s why I let you go. Because I want you to feel gratitude as I did when I’m with you. It’s sad, but it’s more saddening if you don’t get the happiness that you look for.
Promise me some things, please? Promise me after you read this letter, you’ll forget about me and us. Promise me that you will love Lisa and always makes her happy. Promise me that you will hug her and kiss her after you read this letter, okay? I’m glad you finally got your happiness, baby.
I may be away from you, a thousand kilometers far away from you. But I’ll be alright, as long you are alright and happy, arraseo?
So please, be happy and love her as you should, Mingyu. Please live the life that you earn, and like what you deserved because I’ll be okay without you.
Even a thousand miles away from you, please know that I’ll love you forever, Kim Mingyu.
With much loves, YN YLN
As the letter releases from his grip, his other hand clutches the polaroid photo of you to his chest, and tears blur his sight, Mingyu realizes one thing.
He has lost the biggest star of happiness in his life.
You.
Finally chapter 2 release! Longer than the first chapter, hehehe... constructive criticism or insight will be good, folks! Love you all <3 - oppaspearl.
I saw a Reddit post about a lack of people of color in the feedism community, and I realized I want to expand on what I had as a reply. The issue is not a lack of POC in the community. There are lots of black male and female feedees, but they are often overshadowed or ignored. This is something that is always an issue in society, but it is more noticeable here since this is a community where not fitting the standard can lead to hate or being cased to the side. If you do not know any feedee of color or any race besides the norm, then I highly suggest you look for some. I would provide some, cause I would genuinely love to promote them. However, I do not want to include anyone in a post where the message is a sensitive topic like this. I might not get any hate or objections for it, but rather not take the rest and send toxic people are creators. I am sure we have all seen that happen time and time again. On the topic of being ostracized for being different, even when you fit the standard, there are always people who make it difficult to identify yourself in this kink space without fear of doxing. I and many others do not show our faces because of that fear. It sucks, I hate it and wish it would change. Not only does it make the community look smaller than it might be, but it does not lead to people feeling like this is an exclusive safe space. I am a feeder and feedee, but as a feeder, me and others need to remember how lucky we are to be able to engage in this space so easily without even showing a picture of ourselves. You can encourage or tease anyone with relative ease with just your words. Even on video, you don't have to show your face to feed someone else. A feedee does not have the same luxuries. You can be seen as fake for not wanting to share yourself, not like there are bad actors who add to those issues. However, it feels like you can not truly be a part of this community as a feedee unless you are showing your belly. I love this community, but who can honestly feel 100% safe when massive issues are coming from people who do not respect boundaries and hate being told they are doing something wrong? It is embarrassing to hear people call themselves feeders, and more importantly, members of this community, while also driving others away just because they do not answer a message fast enough. Back on the topic of POC. If you want to see more people in this space, we as a community need to be more welcoming to them. Some people are trying to do their best to create that space, but as a whole, we are failing. If I told you to name an African American feedee, of any gender, most couldn't even come up with a name. When it comes to ones who are even popular, I know 1 and only 1 that I could even say is the stereotypical definition of popular. That is not good. I won't act like I have been doing anything to make the space any easier to be a part of. I am not making it worse obviously, but inaction is still action. I hope while reading this, everyone in this community can continue this long journey of making it a better more inclusive place. Also, doesn't matter what size, gender, or race you are, you are a feedee. If that message wasn't strong enough from the beginning. Nobody gets to take that title away from you just because you wanted to lose weight or stop posting. Even if you never posted a picture or video, you belong here too.
heya i'm getting into bsd again and realized that you're the only bsd blog i follow 😭 would it be possible for you to recommend some good blogs? i assume you'd know a few, but sorry if this comes off as pushy or weird
Hiii! Thank you for the ask, I’m genuinely sorry for taking like a million years to answer it. It’s a really awesome ask, so don’t worry, it wasn’t pushy or weird! I know it may have seem as though I didn’t like it since it took me good 2 months to get to it, but I really appreciate it and I was simply busy with real life stuff. Feel free to always ask me about cool blogs to follow, I’m more than happy to give my mutuals and other creators a shout out!
I listed some of my personal favourite blogs alphabetically to make it a bit more organized haha
For the tagged creators: I provided little descriptions for some of the creators listed here, but if I accidentally messed something up, just let me know and I’ll change it. Also don’t worry if you’re on the list without a description, it just means I didn’t know how to put my appreciation into words.
@akutagawah – edits
@awkwardbsd – general bsd posting
@bapplebeess – fanart
@bemysillygoose – fanart
@canetteto – fanart
@carrotkicks – fanart. Has an analog horror series and different storylines, so if you’re interested in exploring different stories through fanart, this is your person
@choccatto – fanart
@creantzy – fanart. The creator of a really cool fan comic called The Path to Freedom and the Bernadette 2023 animatic (as a member of the fyolai nation, I absolutely adore their content)
@credensjustitiam – fanart
@dailynakaharachuuya – fanart
@dazaistabletop – general bsd posting
@deadmitochondria – memes. The only inactive blog on this list, but it’s worth it
@death-in-a-handbasket – fanart
@destructive-delight – fanart. If you like angst and horror vibes, you’ll absolutely LOVE it here
@dsskkrt-jpeg – fanart. The creator of the Nowhere to Run animatic (and overall a fyolai icon)
@emilylovescookies – fanart
@featherphoenixart – fanart
@flower-of-darkness – THE analysis queen
@fyodors-fancy-teacup – fanart
@greendy2l – fanart
@hant-huyant – fanart (though not really active on tumblr I think)
@hoshiumiumi – fanart
@imsofrancey – fanart
@inkantigen – fanart
@itotypes – fanart and fics. The creator of Mors Omni Vincit on ao3 (the pirate!au)
@iwritenarrativesandstuff – analyses
@kaus-quietis – my jojo sis. She did an incredible analysis of Fedya that’s a must read!!! She used to post fanart, but is now focusing on her studies (let’s gooooo)
@koiblossom5 – hilarious incorrect quotes.
@kokoasci – fanart
@kyouka-supremacy – general bsd posting. The president of sskk nation (not officially, but c’mon she deserves this title)
@marshukitty – fanart
@miammey – fanart and fics on ao3. One of the only people I’ve seen who does art of the Hunting Dogs, so if you’re interested in THD, Miam is a must follow
@mochimochips – fanart. One of the only artists who consistently make fanarts of Verlaine and Rimbaud (and that’s very rare in the fandom!)
@mr-vanhellis – fanart
@nnakahara – moodboards. Our favourite historian ♡
@nixnephilii – fanart. The creator of Fyo!Atsushi au, which nevel fails to make me gasp, because it’s incredible
@originalartblog – fanart. The creator of Goosamu (who is Dazai as a goose and is VERY dear to my heart), and a few other AUs
@phonyrams – fanart
@platykool – fanart. Some of my absolute favourite fanarts of Sigma! (and doa and bsd overall, but I really wanted to highlight Sigma)
@pleucas – fanart
@pompompurin1028 – fics. Some of the best, most in-character fics I’ve ever read. If you like Dazai, you’ll ADORE her fics.
@popopretty – an absolute MVP of this fandom. Translations, summaries and trivia
@rampopurin – analysis and general bsd posting. The science side of bsd fandom (if you wanna learn about space and science through bsd go follow!)
@rinqueraa – fanart
@sandyy-boo – fanart
@sensitiveheartless – fanart and fics. So many awesome AUs and comics (they’re listed in Senhart’s pinned post, so they’re really easy to find)
@slothfail – fanart
@tatooou-art – fanart
@tecchous-thicc-buttocks – incorrect quotes
@tunamayuuu – fanarts. The creator of kny!au
uwu-m1lk – fanart
wrenkos – fanart
PS. if any of you guys want to add more creators to the list, feel free to do so in the reblogs!
yess ! It'd be great if you could make a list of writers who are safe to follow. It's just so depressing and upsetting to see so many hateful stuff on my feed.
btw thank youu so much ♡
Okay! To my knowledge, these are all relatively positive people that have never given me a reason to think about unfollowing, and their stories have some great world-building that I enjoy. I don't know how different some of their fics are from mine because I do tend to gravitate to similar people 😅
Some of these are inactive but should still give you hours of content. Also, some of these are very popular creators so you might already know them, but I've gone through everyone I've followed since I became an Army so this is all I've got 😂
Most of these are smut writers.
This is a long ass list so I will put it under the cut.
@sailoryooons - Gives you the option to read both on here and on AO3 primarily Yoongi-based work. Some reader x member, some member x member
@floralseokjin- Plenty to get through. A lot of long fics. I feel like maybe you can tell by the name but a lot of Jinnie x reader. Also has AO3 linked in Navi
@stutterfly - No longer active? But might be a good archive for you to go back and look through?
@4joonkookie - Sensing a theme here... a lot of joon and kookie some other stuff thrown in. Short but spicy reads.
@stillthecozywhaleshark - This author sadly lost access to her main account a couple years back so I will link to that masterlist here as well. Short reads, fun for a fic speed run.
@purpleyoonn- some great polyamorous content, a lot of long stories
@taleasnewastime - A variety of fics in different lengths, also has Ao3 good variety between each member too
@you-are-my-joy - Innactive? But return of an empress had me on the edge of my seat as it was coming out. It's a polyamoury piece/reverse harem and it has an amazing plot that would not be out of place in today's best sellers.
@jiminisnotavirgin - not a regular poster but some good works to revisit
@rmnamjoons- The bodyguard is to this day one of the best Namjoon x reader fics I've read
@btsmosphere- Always has good aesthetics to go along with their stories with plenty of different scenes going on.
@thirstybtsthoughts - Not so much fics but some great thought patterns go on.
@joheunsaram - A lot of work ongoing, but you can't go wrong with the stuff they have already done.
@wwilloww - Her sh. series based on in the soop (loosely) is so cute, ot7 hobi focus.
@sahmfanficbts - lots of Namjoon with some others thrown in on occasion
@ladyartemesia- Recently resurfaced, so friendly. I love her kim Taehyung fic "All I Want for Christmas is You"
Thank you for being my 31st follower, @hotsexylove72848!
#my brilliant words
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🌾 farmersmurf Follow
54 notes
🌹 rose-garden Follow
i am simply. pining. yearning. smurfing. when will i have a husband who loves me and who i can love back in equal measure...
#smurf.txt #im too young to marry and boys always seem to love so much more intensely than i do #but i just really wish i could find somesmurf who i can love as much as they love me
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😠 i-hate-usernames Follow
I hate Tumblr.
#I hate tagging.
1,688 notes
💤 slepytime Follow
Life fucking sucks sowmtimes like hwow am i supposed to explain to papa smurf that i want to do work but im too damn tired
#please im so sleepy #im trying so hard
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🐝 beefanatic33 Follow
Sorry for being inactive these past few days, a family member passed away and I've been grieving.
🔁 prettyasapixie Follow
My condolences, darling! I know how difficult it can be to lose someone close to you. Y'all Smurfs are especially close with each other, too... I hope you're doing okay.
🔁 beefanatic33 Follow
Yeah, I'm smurfing as well as I can. Mary-Anne was a very special bee, and I don't know what I'm going to do without her.
#honey speaks
218 notes
👓 spectacledsavant Follow
I've seen several people on this website confused about the way I smurf, so I thought I'd give a lesson in Smurfic grammar.
Smurf is a language characterized by the usage of the word "smurf." For me, and other Smurfs, it's a psychosmurfical compulsion we can't control- only Papa Smurf has been able to smurf himself to speak in a way understandable to non-Smurfs, and hems had many centuries to learn.
When you speak Smurf, you smurf every so often- within certain grammar rules. Any past participle smurfed with "to smurf" takes an "ed" in the past tense. Smurf can also be used to resmurf a noun, but only one noun in a compound word, and you must keep the prefix and suffix.
For instance, bottle-opener could be smurfed into "smurf-opener" or "bottle-smurfer"- I, personally, prefer bottle-smurfer- but never "bottle-smurf."
Positive adjectives are "smurfy," negative ones are "unsmurfy," but "smurfy" and "unsmurfy" are also words on their own. If you smurf an adverb, that’s "smurfily" or "unsmurfily." If something is better than something else, it would be smurfed "smurfier," and not "smurfer."
These rules are invariable, except in cases of euphony.
More below the cut.
Keep reading
🔁 quartzyy Follow
hey brainy wanna hang out tomorrow. we can go on a picnic
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🌸 thefairestintheland Follow
looking amazing yet again today, so here's a selfie.
Dear noritoshi cult leader!!!!!! I wanted to know if you have any recommendations for other artists or content creators that post for our boy noritoshi?
my devout cult member!!!!!!
I don't know many artists who are still active or still draw Noritoshi stuff. I mostly get my content from pixiv or pinterest even if it's.... severely rare.... and even then, they've only drawn him once, and that's all but it's something!
btw when I say some aren't active, I mean they haven't posted in a while. fingers crossed they cOME BACK PLEASE GOD I MISS YOU.
My list is in no particular order unless you count who came to mind first?? nonetheless, here are some Noritoshi artists that I know of/taken inspiration from
kamo_sympathy
[Twitter] haven't been active for a while, but I still enjoy the stuff they have there. Very good!!
getou_0203_
[Twitter] also semi inactive. they're a Getou, Gojo, and Choso enjoyer too. how they drew Noritoshi is smth I inject in my soul.
ohayo_akachan
[Twitter] again... kinda inactive, but still. I enjoy their content a lot while I can't really understand what they're saying. DeepL my saving grace.. their style is v similar to the anime style, which I find super cool!!
Gotharcheologist or @/alegnace
[Twitter and Tumblr] They're a chosonori shipper and active! I really like how they draw Noritoshi and Choso. how they draw blood is so good, how they draw faces is so good, THEIR ARTSTYLE IS SO FUCKING GOOD
magical_candy15
[Twitter] They didn't post a lot, nor are they active as of now, but the few scenarios were really good and fed me in my drought for a while. I love u..
rin5su0605
[Twitter] A Todo×Noritoshi account with some love to the rest of the Kyoto group too! This person was active as of June 2023, but I'm using copium. I really like how they draw.. and the color choices oh my fuck.
mecuru_MECU (?)
[Twitter] I'm a bit iffy on this one. They look to not be doing jjk anymore, but they were once into Noritoshi if you go to their earlier posts. Their linework is beautiful, like their colors! there's something about their work I really like.
and that's all I have, I think?
I know there are others out there that i don't know or don't remember, but I'll probably add them over time if i find more or if anyone else has someone in mind to recommend in the comments of this post!
yoshida_jyu
[Twitter] They mainly post in a comic format! theres also some Megumi×Noritoshi shipping so if thats your thing, this dude's your dude. i have no idea what theyre saying but they draw cute expressions. also draws mainly Noritoshi, Kokichi, and Megumi
16shelter
[Twitter} also a Megumi×Noritoshi shipper. Little warning: their art can be nsfw/suggestive at times, so be careful w that if its not your thing. Their anatomy is good AND POSING im grabbing my pen.. also, this person finds Arata cute, so theres some art with him too!