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gimmehyuck · 1 year

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a series of (un)fortunate events | l.mk

summary. it’s been months since you've seen mark in person. when you have no choice but to be around him because of a wedding, you start to feel as if fate likes to see you suffer.

or, alternatively:

maybe fate just wants to see you happy.

pairing. rising actor!mark x fem!reader, feat. hyuck and ryujin

words. 9.4k

genre. exes to lovers; fluff with lots of angst sprinkled all over

warnings. reader has anxiety, honestly she’s a little bit miserable but i think we can forgive her for that, alcohol consumption, i asked my friend what the agents name should be and we both thought linda would be funny (sorry if your name is linda), cliche kdrama drunk scene bc i can

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you were frozen in time. mind completely empty. the literal embodiment of ‘not a thought behind those eyes’. it took a solid 45 seconds of ryujin calling your name before you snapped out of it and looked at her again through your phone screen. she was frowning at you and you couldn’t help but mutter under your breath a small, “shit.”

clearing your voice you apologized with a smile this time.

“i knew she’d react like this,” ryujin said to the other person sharing the space on the phone screen.

“i know… look,” donghyuck said to you after turning away from his now fiancé. “i told mark that he’s my best man because he’s my best friend, but i also told him to try and keep his distance. we both want the both of you there for us.” donghyuck was pouting a little, probably because he always got his way when he did that but you were mostly looking at ryujin. she was happy and you could tell, but her eyes were worried for you. and who were you to ruin this time for her?

“oh, of course babe. i can handle this, no worries at all!” you forced the smile to meet your eyes, hoping she’d buy it. she didn’t. but she admired your bravery in the moment and didn’t press you further.

“i’ll let you know the details, you’ll have to fly back home so don’t worry about the dresses or anything. i’ll take care of that for you!” she chirped.

“ryu, no! if i’m the maid of honor then i should help with this stuff!” but ryujin was already waving her hand dismissively.

“just focus on getting here, it’s going to be expensive enough to get plane tickets, let alone the back and forth. so we’ll make it one trip for the wedding and i’ll facetime you for everything.”

“at least let me plan the bachelorette party,” you argued. and ryujin smiled brightly at that.

“i wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.”

after a few more minutes of honest congratulations and eye rolls for donghyuck, you hung up the phone and you sat back on the couch while you stared at the picture that was the home screen. running your hand through your hair, you sighed heavily. the picture of mark leaning against the short wall of the ice rink as he was laughing hysterically was staring back at you, the moment captured during your one year anniversary date. you had fallen while ice skating and he spent the first two minutes laughing before he pulled himself together to help you up. you had been recording at the time and it was your favorite picture.

even though it had been two months since you had left, you still didn’t have the heart to change it. just like you didn’t have the heart to fall out of love with him. this wedding would be the second hardest thing you’d have to do.

the first will always be the night you left.

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you took everything that you had originally thought back. this would absolutely be the second hardest thing you’d ever have to do.

when ryujin sent you the seating arrangement for the wedding and let it slip that you’d have to walk with mark down the aisle, you nearly cried.

you did cry, actually.

luckily you knew where the letters were on your keyboard so you were able to type out a ‘sounds good to me, babe :)’ without actually seeing since your watery eyes were making the keyboard all but disappear.

you angrily brushed them away, getting so frustrated with your emotions and scolding yourself because you would have to get this under control in three months time. you still didn’t understand the rush of the wedding but it wasn’t your wedding to plan therefore you had no say in the matter. shaking your head you went back to your laptop to search for plane tickets to korea when the late night show’s host saying mark’s name caught your attention and you quickly whipped your head up to watch the tv.

“tonight we have with us, the up and coming star whose debut movie will be releasing this friday, mark lee!” the audience clapped and the thought of reaching for the remote to turn off the tv did not cross your mind; the idea of getting to see him aside from the random magazine cover made your heart ache but in that moment you wanted to brave the ache if only to get to see a smile from him.

mark walked on the set and waved at everyone, a bright smile on his face that you had been waiting for. his blue blazer complementing his black hair, and you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he looked. you were far too entranced to tell yourself to turn it off now.

“so!” the host said, clapping his hands together as mark took his seat adjacent to him. “welcome to the show.”

mark nodded along, “thank you for having me.”

“the pleasure is all ours, isn’t that right?” the host said to the crowd and they began the applause all over again. you noticed mark’s ears turning a little pink and you knew he was getting a little overwhelmed with the love from strangers.

“your debut movie dive into you, your very first role as an actor nonetheless, was making waves,” the host paused with a raised eyebrow while the crowd - and mark - laughed at his pun; then continued, “of the sundance festival. how did it feel to win awards so soon after wrapping up production?”

mark smiled and nodded along in answer, “it feels like it’s not real honestly, but also like my hard work has finally paid off. i never really thought i’d be here. i never thought i’d get to see this part of my dream come to pass but here i am. i can’t help but feel nervous, but also excited, you know? the director, cast, and crew were all welcoming and amazing to work with. i’ll truly remember this moment forever, and be grateful for it.” the host nodded along with mark as he answered his question at length, and then as he spoke the hosts lips pursed and he began tapping his chin.

“you said something very interesting just then, mark,” the host commented and mark raised an eyebrow at him suddenly looking around trying to figure out what it was exactly that he had said, as if the audience could help him find it.

“what? did i accidentally cuss and not realize it?” mark gave a nervous laugh and you couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. you were happy to see that although he had achieved his dream, he was still the same mark.

“oh no! and besides. it’s late night tv, you’re allowed to cuss here and there,” the host laughed a little before leaning forward on his desk and mark leaned closer as if they were going to share a secret.

“what i was curious about, and i’m sure what everyone else at home is curious about as well, is what you meant exactly by ‘this part of my dream’? what’s the other half… or whatever fraction of your dream that hasn’t come true yet?”

and mark’s eyebrows rose, “ahhh, that…” he hesitated while he scratched the back of his neck.

“i just meant… um, i just meant that the other part being that i wish that my- my friends were able to be here and celebrate this milestone with me.” mark was lying through his teeth, you could tell because as he said the word friends, his nose scrunched a little and that was always how you knew he was either lying or withholding something. but these people wouldn’t know that about him, and the shows host accepted the answer immediately. his face gave a look of understanding and almost concern.

“oh yeah, you came from korea for this movie, didn’t you?” and mark nodded in answer.

“yeah, they’re all back home supporting me but it’s okay. my best friend is getting married in a couple of months so i’ll be able to celebrate then with them in person!” and the host grinned widely at mark and then the camera.

“well that makes me happy for you, mark, truly! oh, and it looks like that’s all the time we have for tonight. everyone go watch dive into you when it releases in theatres this friday!”

the credits began to roll and mark was shot smiling and clapping, leaning over to say something to the host that the camera mic didn’t catch as the show ended. seeing his smile and being happy like that made the heart ache worsen, and you rubbed at your chest trying to ease the metaphorical pain. you weren’t sure if you were ready to see him. you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep it together for this whole thing.

but for ryujin, you’d try.

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fuck this. you couldn’t do it.

you really really couldn’t do it.

after landing in korea you connected to the wifi of the airport only to receive one message from ryujin.

5:50 pm my baby 👭: mark will be picking u up from the airport, hyuck and i had last minute kinks to work out for the wedding but i’ll come and get u tonight for the bachelorette party! i’m so sorry 😞

she even had the nerve, the audacity to send the sad emoji but all you could do was feel your heart racing from anxiety. so you quickly typed back in a panic -

that’s ok! i can just take a taxi, no need for mark to come!

but she answered immediately as if she were waiting for your response, and her only message was, “he’s already there!”

and you were going to fucking kill her. you were absolutely going to murder her before she even got the chance to step one toe down the aisle. you didn’t even bother responding to the text, your anxiety and frustration making an uncomfortable mix in your chest and if you weren’t already thirty seconds from a panic attack, your phone buzzed again and with sweaty palms you checked it.

6:05 pm ml 🐯🥰: ryujin gave me your new number, sorry if this is weird. but i’m outside in the blue car, take your time though.

6:06 pm ml 🐯🥰: this is mark, btw

you internally screamed as you read the message over and over again, the contact name being another thing you also didn’t have the heart to change like your wallpaper, truly thinking you would never see it pop up again. you abruptly sat on the nearest bench as you waited for your checked luggage to arrive at the baggage carousel, the people who were standing around you edged further away from you. flashing you concerned looks at your apparent mental break down, but you could hardly even blink. you felt your heart rising in your throat and you tried to breathe through your nose and out through your mouth.

you tried slowly counting to five.

you tried breathing in for a few seconds and breathing out slower.

as you sat, you tried every calming technique you could think of.

it wasn’t until an elderly lady placed a gentle hand on your shoulder causing you to jump slightly and she gave you a kind look.

“everything is going to be okay,” she said as she gently rubbed your back and then just… walked away. the sudden appearance and disappearance of her making your panic halt in an instant in the distraction.

then the carousel whirred to life, and you had to rush over to haul your bag off of the moving belt before you had to wait for it to come around again. you really should have let it circle around a few times, but that idea came to you after you had already set the suitcase on the ground.

the kindness from the older woman, and the knowledge that you would be able to thoroughly murder your friend in a few short hours helped you to steel your nerves as you exited the airport and quickly found the blue car mark was driving.

it was easy to spot because he was literally leaning against it while he stared at his phone. you hesitated a moment, taking him in and god did he look good in those jeans and that sweater. the thoughts getting away from you before you could stop them but immediately scolded yourself.

steadying yourself with a quick breath, you rolled your suitcase up to the trunk and he jerked his head up at the sudden movement.

“oh, hi. i was waiting for a response from you- but, uh, um, here! let me get that.” he said quickly as he reached for your bag to help you heave it into the trunk but you put your hand up to stop him, taking a step back to create space.

“it’s okay,” you said, a little too curt with him. “i can do it myself.” and mark instantly deflated, your heart jumping at the need to fix that look.

no, you scolded yourself and internally forced your heart to still. he’s not yours anymore.

you made sure of that.

mark stepped back and let you lift up the heavy suitcase yourself, dropping it ever so gracefully in the trunk. you closed it and tried not to make eye contact as you moved around mark to get into the passenger seat. when you shut the door you couldn’t stop yourself from looking in the side mirror to see him frown and he shook his head at himself. you breathed a sigh of relief out. the ‘ripping off the bandaid’ part over and done with.

he got in to his side of the car smoothly, and you prepared yourself for an awkward silence the entire ride to the hotel.

“we’re staying at the same place, so that’s cool!” mark said casually, trying to create some form of conversation, of peace. you didn’t respond to what he said, instead opting for a different approach.

“you didn’t need to come and get me,” you said quietly as you stared at the passing cars on the road.

“i wanted to,” he said just as quietly, and you flinched internally at what sounded like sadness. he said your name, and then hesitated. after a few moments of silence, you saw his reflection in the window shake his head slightly as he decided against saying whatever it was.

“never mind.” was the last word uttered of the drive.

the tension weighed heavily on your already wounded heart.

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fate had it out for you. she must really enjoy screwing you over. because what you kept thinking would be the hardest part… kept continuously turning out to absolutely not be the hardest part, as if she were taunting you.

exhibit d:

“what do you mean my reservation was canceled?” you asked the hotel concierge for the third time in a row, causing her to sigh in frustration at you, finally cracking her happy persona she had to wear for her job.

“ma’am, i really don’t know how else to explain it to you. it says here it was canceled, and your room was already booked by someone else.”

“well unbook it!” you insisted, all but yelling out at that point, completely fed up. “i didn’t cancel my reservation, so it must have been a system error. isn’t there anything you can do to fix this?”

“i’m sorry,” the woman said again. “we’re fully booked for a wedding that’s taking place in a few days.”

“i-“ you paused pinching the bridge of your nose tightly, taking a moment to deeply inhale. you were going to have to google better calming techniques. “i. know. because i am in that wedding!” you hissed between clenched teeth and when the woman reached for the phone in fear, to call what you presumed was the security, mark stepped in suddenly. he leaned against the tall counter, and his sudden closeness made you jerk your head up to make eye contact with him.

“i booked a suite with an extra bed, it may be a little… um, awkward but the bed is yours if you want it.” his ears were turning red, but his voice sounded genuine. as if he truly meant his offer and god you wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and never come out. knowing your options were limited to this or staying with your parents who lived two hours outside of the city, you really didn’t have any other choice.

fate was absolutely fucking with you just because she could, was the only thought on replay as you were getting ready in the bathroom for the bachelorette party that night. considering you had slept on the plane, you weren’t tired yet and you figured you’d be able to sleep off the jetlag with a nice hangover before the rehearsal dinner the next evening. putting the final touches on your makeup, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

you could do this.

you repeated those three sentences like a mantra to yourself over and over, trying to give yourself the confidence to leave the room and be in the same space as mark again, but it seemed like the universe had different plans as your inner musings were interrupted.

“you look… really pretty.” he said in the entrance of the bathroom, his body blocking the only exit from the room. you looked down to avoid the eye contact in the mirror he was giving you, and muttered a quiet, “thank you.”

he paused a moment more before saying your name, for the second time since you had seen him, and hearing his voice saying your name in that way as opposed to the first time… it almost made tears spring to your eyes.

“i just wanted-“ he started, but for the first time since you had been told of this wedding, something (because it definitely wasn’t fate) decided to take pity on you and give you a break because at that moment you got a text from ryujin.

9:45 pm murder victim (1) 🔪: here babe!!

and you instantly sighed in relief. cutting mark off from what you were sure he had spent the last hour building up the courage to say, you turned on your heel and said, “ryu’s here! gotta go.”

you brushed past him to exit the hotel room, not even noticing that you had forgotten the door key on your way out.

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it was three am.

or maybe four.

you weren’t sure.

you spent the first twenty minutes of the night scolding the hell out of ryujin in the back of the uber and she just took it with a grin.

“and just what is so funny?” you huffed at her, crossing your arms and allowing your brows to stay furrowed.

“it’s almost like the universe is telling you to get back together.” she sang, and wiggled her eyebrows at you. you threw your hands up in exasperation, drawing eyes from the driver through the rearview mirror. giving a slight bow of apology to him you turned back to ryujin only to roll your eyes at her.

“no, the universe likes watching me hit a newly discovered rock bottom. we’re not getting back together and i’m sure he’ll be happy to have me gone once your wedding is over.” ryujin only shrugged and you didn’t hear it when she muttered, “i wouldn’t be so sure.”

when the uber dropped you off in front of the first club of the night, your sour mood dispersed in a second as you headed inside.

you and ryujin, along with her other bridesmaids in her party, heejin, yeji, and jimin had bounced from club to club and you had thoroughly drank your cares away. you were no longer thinking about how fate was a bitch. you were no longer thinking about the doom and gloom you were feeling.

you were no longer thinking about mark.

except that last one was a lie because he was the only thought that occupied your brain through the night, so much so that ryujin had to cover your mouth with her hand to stop your rambling about him.

but as the dawn crept closer and closer, all of you were calling it quits. yeji had lost a shoe somewhere along the way and jimin had left thirty minutes before, taking a whiny yeji with her; heejin was finally getting into her uber after ten minutes of drunkenly explaining that no, she wasn’t in the building the street over, and yes the gps was actually wrong. it just left you and ryujin as you waited for donghyuck to come pick you up, knowing he was on standby for the designated driver role of the morning. ryujin held your hand and affectionately laid her head on your shoulder. you copied the action and turned so you could hug each other and sway back and forth, the scene cute if not for the fact that anyone watching could tell that you were both heavily intoxicated if the giggles coming from you both after each dramatic sway were any indicator.

“you know everything is gonna be okay,” she slurred a little too loudly in your ear and the phrase made you think of something but you couldn’t quite remember what it was.

“i know,” you giggled at her, grinning brightly and you both squeezed each other tighter. you couldn’t remember in that moment what needed to be okay.

“hey, that’s my future wife! if you wanted her you should have proposed first!” you both turned to see donghyuck smiling widely, as he leaned across the center console to be able to tease you both out of the passenger window. you answered by sticking your tongue out childishly at him and ryujin answered by kissing your cheek with a loud, exaggerated smack, leaving a red stain on your cheek from what was left of her lipstick.

“i could have had her years before you even knew her, and i’ll have her years after you. remember that!” you said while pointing your fingers at your eyes and turning them on him. he rolled his eyes and sarcastically mimicked your response before motioning for you both to get in the car.

the drive back to the hotel was quiet and for the first time that night you checked your phone.

11:03 pm ml 🐯🥰: hey, i just noticed you left your keycard to get back in the hotel

12:00 am ml 🐯🥰: i’ll sleep with my phone off of silent, just call when you get back and i’ll let you in

2:15 am ml 🐯🥰: please be safe, let me know if i need to come get you

your heart fluttered at his messages and you drunkenly smiled at how he still cared. you covered your mouth to hide your smile but the sober one in the car didn’t miss the way your eyes lit up in a way that neither he nor ryujin had seen on you in five months. he could only smirk to himself as he drove, promising to himself to tell ryujin about what he saw the next morning.

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you stumbled your way down the hallway, stopping and taking off one shoe as it was rubbing your foot painfully. then after a few steps you realized how silly it was to walk with one heel on and you clumsily leaned against the wall to pull off the other shoe. arriving to the door, you giggled at the idea of getting to call and talk to mark.

mark was here, with you.

you were here, with mark.

something you’d never thought would happen again and it made your heart soar. giggling again at that thought you pulled out your phone. hitting the call button, he picked up after the third ring and you sighed as you leaned against the door frame, allowing it to hold you up.

“hello?” his voice was raspy from sleep and it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“hi,” you giggled once more, and you internally smacked yourself this time.

play it cool or don’t talk yourself into sounding like an idiot, you told yourself.

“hi,” he parroted back to you. “are you okay? do i need to come get you?”

“yeah, can you please?” and you heard rustling through the phone.

“okay, i’m on my way. where are you?” he didn’t hesitate. he didn’t even sigh. he didn’t seem annoyed by having to help you. he seemed… almost happy in the way he said his words. as if you could audibly hear the smile. but maybe that was the alcohol letting you hear what you wanted to hear. you heard him walking around in the hotel room through the phone, and saw a light flick on from the little sliver of a gap under the door.

“on the other side of the door,” you smiled, laughing a little harder at your own joke and the door jerked open to reveal mark in all his sleepy glory. shirt wrinkled and hair sticking out at in odd directions. his relief, however, made way to his smile and he couldn’t help but stare down at you for a moment… but you, you were definitely still drunk. and who needs inhibitions to tell you not to do something anyways? not you, that’s for sure.

“my pretty maaaark!” you sang, as you threw yourself against him, or well, fell against him would be a better term for what happened.

he froze at the sudden affection from you, arms raised at awkward angles above your body before allowing his arms to lower and hug you back gently.

“i’m so sleepy, mark.” you slurred against his chest and you nuzzled your cheek against it, thinking about how soft this shirt was. he huffed a small laugh and pulled you further into the room so he could close the door.

“okay, let’s get you to bed then. c’mon.” and he helped you walk (in reality he half carried you) towards the shared bedroom.

“mark,” you called his name again softly. he glanced down at you and he noticed you were already looking up at him, arms still wrapped around his waist.

“mm?” he answered as he navigated you finally over to the bed.

“i’m so happy,” you said to him and somehow, fate again you assumed - that bitch - you simultaneously tripped over your own drunk feet and tumbled back onto the bed. your arms that were still wrapped around his waist gave him no choice but to fall with you, or well, on top of you. he caught himself instead of crushing you, an arm on each side of your head, caging you in.

he looked down at you and your body acting off it’s own accord by gripping his shirt tightly at his waist. you couldn’t help but stare at his face for a few long seconds, eyes going from his eyes, up to his hair, down to his lips, back to his eyes, and then back to his lips one last time.

“and why is that?” he asked, bringing you back to the moment before you tripped. and although your eyes had drifted back up to his eyes, he noticed that yours started to slowly flutter closed, as if you were fighting sleep but the alcohol was winning. your bright smile you gave him while you were thinking of the answer made his heart beat fast, but the words you said next made it stop entirely.

“because i get to be here with you, even if it’s just for a moment. i missed you so much, my mark, all marked in my heart.” you laughed softly again at your own joke, referencing back to a pickup line he had given you that made you say yes to his first request of a date. he couldn’t help the melancholy feeling that overcame him as he looked down at your sleeping form, the alcohol finally taking you from awake to asleep within seconds.

“i’m happy too,” he whispered though you didn’t hear it.

if only you knew how happy he actually was.

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the next day, you surprisingly slept well considering it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and you were still in your clothes from last night. the curtains were drawn tightly as to not let any light in, and you groaned at the headache that pulsed behind your eyelids. you knew the room was empty based on the the silence and you were grateful for it as you felt embarrassed by your actions the night before. why the hell would you say that to mark? if you wanted him to hate you, well, you were doing a damn good job of solidifying that. you searched for your phone amongst the blankets and pillows to check your messages.

11:15 am murder victim (2) 🔫: mark said earlier that you forgot your key, hope you ‘got in’ okay ;)

11:30 am murder victim (1) 🔪: hi babe, how’s the hangover? the rehearsal is at 5. text me when u get up, ily 😘

11:47 am ml 🐯🥰: i put tylenol by the bed with some water, i would have ordered you food but didn’t know what time you’d be getting up. see you later

your heart gave way at the kind gesture as you flipped on a light switch and squinted at the brightness, quickly finding the medicine and downing it in one go to quickly turn off the light again.

maybe he wasn’t hating you like you thought.

you gave yourself thirty minutes to try and let the headache lose the battle with the medicine you took and finally rolled out of bed to take a shower, doing everything you could think of to keep mark and his never ending kindness off of your mind. you got ready in record time, and somehow made it to the rehearsal on time with five minutes to spare.

you ran through the wedding fairly quickly, and you most certainly did not blush as mark took your arms in his to walk you down the aisle for the practice run. besides that, you didn’t get a chance to look at mark until it came to dinner with the wedding party for the night.

fate, and you couldn’t say you were mad at her this time, had allowed mark to sit next to you during dinner.

“so mark,” yeji had said as she stuffed a piece of broccoli into her mouth. “what’s it like being famous now?”

he groaned in answer. his hand moved ever so slightly to the right and his pinky was suddenly touching yours. your eyes widened but you didn’t move your hand away, allowing his hand to rest next to yours. it felt like something from middle school when you would get excited over your crush, your eyes laser-focused on where you were connected.

“i mean, of course i’m happy to have found success in it.”

success.

that word alone sent you back to The Moment five months ago.

success was all that you wanted for mark, you were happy to watch him as he acted on set. with the way his schedule had been lining up, you hardly saw him. so when you suggested that maybe you could spend the day with him on set while he worked, he didn’t say no to you. it made you happy that he made you feel like he was fitting time in with you even if he was insanely busy.

you missed spending time with him, and you really… just… missed him. his absence making your worries and self doubts grow more eminent but you were both usually good at communicating so it wasn’t a constant worry, but the worry was there all the same.

mark had just left you to begin another scene, leaving you sitting in his chair that was off to the side and you couldn’t stop your eyes from following him around the room, watching his interactions with his cast mates.

a body landing into the chair next to yours caused you to jump and you turned to see his manager sitting next to you, leaning to the side to be just on the verge of invading your space. she was a stone faced woman, perfectly presented down to the red polish of her nails.

you had only met her a few times but she seemed… nice enough. you couldn’t deny that she worked hard to get mark solid chances and auditions so you appreciated her as mark did.

the situation at hand made you uncomfortable for some reason though, your gut telling you to move away from her.

you didn’t listen.

“so,” his manager began slowly, not making eye contact with you, instead her eyes were following mark as yours had been doing moments before.

“so…?” you prompted when she didn’t begin speaking right away.

“we need to talk… and i’m taking the initiative because mark’s too kind and won’t do it.” this caught you off guard entirely. mark was keeping something from you? you were both good terrible secret keepers with each other and this seemed so unlike him.

but, you thought, his manager was with him when you weren’t so maybe…

“oh…” you said, and finally his manager made eye contact with you. the cold stare she was giving you sent shivers down your spine.

“look, sweetie. this… this relationship you have with mark. it isn’t working.” and she patted you on the shoulder as if this were good news. “it isn’t going to work for his image or his future. you know you’re holding him back from the future he could have. the future he deserves. why do you want to burden him any further than you already have?” she asked, voice dripping with a sense of sweetness that screamed condescension.

you stilled at that instantly. the thought that you may have been the problem the entire time you were together… that you were the reason as to why he couldn’t get auditions… you would be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind.

“but mark never said…” you argued weakly, playing with your fingers all while trying not to make eye contact with the woman sitting next to you.

“of course he wouldn’t, dear. he knows you’re too… fragile.” she sneered at the last word, her disdain for you being glaringly obvious as the conversation carried on. your anxiety made you fragile? mark had talked about you to her?

when you didn’t respond right away, mind racing, mark’s manager stood up.

“if you want to be selfish, and ruin his chances at success then that’s fine. just know any future failures would be on you. if you truly loved him, you’d do this for him. you’d leave.” her voice changed sharply within that sentence, the word selfish becoming a thicker blanket on top of burden in your mind and it was like you couldn’t breathe.

the anxiety stemming from the words she had just said - the fears you had been harboring for months, the thoughts that you had been smothering like a fire in the back of your mind suddenly roared to life, and the sudden heat was too hot for you to handle in the moment.

the idea of mark possibly resenting you in the future for things you knew were out of your control, it shook you… and it was minutes of spiraling into yourself before you realized that his manger had been long gone and the director had called cut.

mark stopped by where you sat for a brief moment to tell you that he had to go to the the hair and makeup trailer and he would be back soon. the fact that he didn’t tell you that he loved you with a quick kiss like he usually would being the final nail in the coffin for you in believing every word.

you got up and left the set that day, going to your shared home with mark and realized there wasn’t much that you wanted to take anyway. your heart was shattered and everything you’d take would only remind you of him.

you had packed a suitcase, and sat for a long time contemplating if you wanted to leave a letter but then ultimately decided that if he was already feeling burdened by you, you’d be doing him a favor by not making it hard on him. or well, any harder.

allowing that memory to play all the way through for the first time since seeing him made you feel as if reality had punched you in the stomach, and it sobered you up quickly. the heavy weight of your anxiety was back and it settled on your chest. the bubble of happiness you felt at the slightest touch, at the first sight of him after being apart from him for so long… all gone in an instant.

remember you’re the burden, you did this for him, you chided yourself sadly in your head. you were the reason why you both were estranged.

you gently moved your hand away to rest it in your lap. mark cut his eyes to you suddenly but you missed the glance and you missed the way he was still looking at you as he said, “but i’m just happy to be here with you… with all of you again.”

he tore his eyes away from your face to look at yeji and she smiled knowingly, eyes darting from mark to you. the room felt small to you then, almost suffocating. the sudden appearance of someone to the table brought you to the present.

“dessert will be coming out soon,” the waitress said to ryujin.

your appetite was gone entirely, and you had to get out of there. you leaned over and whispered in ryujin’s ear that you loved her but you were heading up to the room. you felt the tears were coming, because reality was the bitch this time instead of fate.

the kindness mark was showing you during all of this was making your heart ache and it was bringing up the pain that you desperately fought off for five months. excusing yourself from the table, you told everyone goodnight and made a beeline for the elevator that would take you up to the room.

stepping inside and punching the floor number, you hit the close door button frantically and bit your lip to try and keep the tears from coming as long as possible. the doors were almost closed when a hand suddenly blocked it and it opened again, revealing mark and he stepped inside, awkwardly coughing at the dramatics of it all.

you stepped to the side of the elevator and didn’t look up from your fingernails that you played with to avoid eye contact at all costs. the awkward tension filled the elevator thickly and you could feel mark’s stare boring holes into the side of your head. when the elevator finally dinged with the arrival of your floor, you’d never felt more grateful for the annoying sound.

all but running from the elevator, you headed to the room only to realize that, fuck, yes you were actually staying in mark’s room and no, he wasn’t riding the elevator for fun. his steps sounded behind yours and you pointedly didn’t say a word to him as you both entered the room. his presence didn’t deter your tears that had been threatening to spill, in fact it only made them more prevalent and it was taking all that you could do to not let them fall. the click of the door being shut made you flinch a little in anticipation of what came next, and mark cleared his throat.

“so, um…” he began, hesitating while trying to find the right words on how to approach this before continuing. “i think - i think we should talk. you said something’s last night and it… it really has me confused and i just need, no, i deserve an explanation.” when he finished his sentence his words sounded pained.

you did guess that you owed him an explanation.

but you didn’t want to give it to him.

the same way you felt you deserved one as well, but you didn’t want the confirmation.

“i’m sorry, mark.” you said, voice barely above a whisper. and it was the only thing you had to say in that moment, anything over three words and your voice would have cracked. you kept your back to him as you walked over to the bathroom and shut the door, not wanting to see his face during this.

you really were a coward, you thought.

you heard mark approach the other side of the door and stop.

“you’re- you’re sorry?” he asked, and then with a hint of sarcasm, he finally decided to bring up the biggest and obvious elephant in the room. “you’re sorry for what? leaving or are you sorry for what you said last night? are you going to tell me you didn’t mean it now?” and you could only shake your head even though he couldn’t see.

“all of it.” you choked out.

“all- ha, all of it?” his laugh was dry. your silence was answer enough.

“you left me. you left me without an explanation. without a single note and then you changed your number! i thought you had just left the set but i came home to find you gone. what could i have possibly done that would have deserved that? what did i do?”

“it’s…” you started from the other side of the door, tears falling at the desperation in his voice. but mark was on a roll, months of pent up frustration and sadness finally boiling over.

“you were there with me and then you weren’t and you hurt me, y/n. you absolutely broke my heart, you know that? i almost quit the movie entirely.”

“if you had, then it would have been for nothing.” you cried from the other side of the door.

“what are you even talking about?”

you flung open the door suddenly, mark taking in your tear stained face, your eyes red and bloodshot.

“i left you for you, mark.”

“i don’t-.”

“you said i broke your heart, but i broke my own first. i left you for you!”

“i never asked you to do that!”

“you didn’t have to! she did it for you. i left so i wouldn’t hold you back anymore. i was holding you back, i was burdening you, i was keeping you from the successful career you worked so hard to achieve.” you placed your hand on your chest and took a deep breath, “i admit that i was a coward in not waiting, but i couldn’t handle hearing the confirmation of it all from you. so i did it for you, i left so i wouldn’t be selfish.” you spat out the last word like it was poison, the word that had been torturing you these past five months, all while pointing your finger at mark as if to drive home your point.

“she-? you… selfish? what the hell are you even talking about?” he asked, eyebrows fully drawn together in confusion. you scoffed.

“don’t act as if you hadn’t talked to her about me. about how you couldn’t tell me any of this because i was fragile.” your mouth twisted with that sentence, and your emotions didn’t know whether to be angry or sad. so you continued to cry because, yeah, that would cover all the bases.

marks mouth clicked shut as things started to come together in his mind. pieces falling into place and then he was suddenly livid.

mark was silent for a moment, his lips pursed and his eyes thunderous - you could only assume that fury was directed at you considering his eyes never left yours, and you swallowed nervously.

“y/n…” mark started slowly, his voice dropping dangerously low in his anger, “who exactly do you mean when you say the word ‘she’?”

you hesitated a little, never knowing mark to get this angry.

“your… manager.” you murmured and mark’s jaw clenched, and you felt your anger dissipate entirely as his took over. as the seconds ticked on, you watched as mark reached into his back pocket and withdrew his phone, he only broke eye contact for a second to click the name he was searching for and he brought his eyes back to yours. your eyebrows drew together in confusion.

who would he be calling during the middle of the argument - and finally you heard it when the other person answered the phone and you could recognize that sickly sweet voice anywhere. your jaw dropped and you made to stomp away when mark used his other hand to gently hold onto your arm, pulling you a bit closer than you were before to stand in front of him.

“mark, honey, i’ve been waiting for you to call! how’s korea? you just have to tell me all about it.” she asked loudly through the phone and you frowned at the way she spoke to mark.

“korea’s fine,” he chirped politely as if his eyes weren’t telling you otherwise. “my family is well, the wedding is going as planned, and linda, you’ll never guess who i ran into!”

“oh do tell, you know i love the gossip.” she laughed through the phone and you saw mark’s eyes darken.

“y/n.” the anger in which he said your name, but it not being directed at you, was both a relief and worried you at the same time.

the deafening silence from her end was answer enough for mark.

“and she told me the funniest story,” snark dripping from every word, “hilarious actually. but i think i’d rather hear it from the horses mouth, you know?”

“look, mark, sweetie, i’m sure she misunderstood or she must have been confused by our conversation that day, i only meant to tell her-“

“what?” mark interjected. “tell her that she was burdening me? holding me back? that i called her fragile? i think that’s exactly what you meant.”

she hesitated before answering, but her answering tone was the same as she used with you that day.

sweet condescension.

“well, yes. she was bad for you,” she said shortly.

“oh no, i disagree entirely. i think the one bad for me, was in fact, you.” and she sputtered on the other end of the phone and you couldn’t help the small upturn of your lips to hear her at a loss for words, the smile not going unnoticed by mark if the softening of his eyes were any indicator.

you realized in that moment how you let your anxiety and self doubts ruin something that was perfectly fine to begin with.

linda scoffed, the haughty sound coming in loud through the phone’s speaker.

“oh, please. you’ll thank me someday when you’re big and famous, dating some supermodel. someone at your level of fame.”

mark was silent, his eyes taking in your face and he knew how hard hearing things like this must have been for you. he knew of your insecurities, and he thought he did his best to reassure you but he realized the one time it mattered most, he let it slip through the cracks.

he realized his lack of presence in that moment ruined what you both had.

linda took his extended pause as agreement with what she was saying.

“see? you know that i’m right. anyway, mark, honey, let’s-!” mark cut her off mid-sentence.

“no, what i know… is that you’re fired.” he said calmly, and your eyebrows raised and your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to argue - yes, you hated the woman but she had helped him with his career. mark lifted the hand that had been gently holding your arm to place a finger on your lips, effectively shutting you up with a smile on his face.

linda screeched through the phone, an abrasive noise that sounded awfully like a dying cat.

“you can’t fire me, you ungrateful d-.” and mark hung up the phone, tossing it onto the counter of the kitchenette behind him.

you swallowed thickly now at the sudden silence that fell over the room. mark moved his hand from your lips to wipe the tears that had ran down your face earlier and you avoided eye contact with him then at the gentleness of his hands.

“mark, i…”

“you said you loved me, so you left. did you stay away because you loved me too? change your number for the same reason?”

you nodded, “i thought i would be making it easier for you…”

“do you still love me now?” your eyes snapped back up to his. you decided to be truthful.

“i can’t do anything but love you.” mark’s smile at your answer ignited butterflies in your stomach.

“and i…” he said stepping closer into your space, reaching down to hold your hand in his as he brought it to his chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm that you could feel. “i have no choice but to love you.”

you felt tears well up again in your eyes at his admission, and you bit your lip to try to keep them from spilling over.

“you still… are you still in love with me?” your voice quivered, and you cleared your throat trying to tame the burning sensation that came with holding back your tears.

“without a doubt.”

“well, if you really do love me… if you love me like i love you then…” you looked between his eyes to his lips, and as you blinked the tears you had been holding back fell. and mark tilted his head, his playful smile making you smile with him through the tears.

“then kiss me.”

mark didn’t waste any more time, one hand tangling itself in your hair and the other cupping your jaw tenderly and you melted into the kiss, wrapping your arm around his neck and pulling his body flush against yours. five months of anger and sadness and longing pouring out in the movement of your lips. you were crying still but the tears were more out of happiness this time and mark continued to kiss you through it. he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours, lips centimeters from yours, his breath hitting your lips and you closed your eyes, both of you breathing heavily. his voice was soft when he spoke.

“five months spent wasted because i didn’t reassure you enough, i’m… i’m so sorry, y/n.”

“and five months gone because i was too afraid to talk to you… i’m sorry, too.” and you opened your eyes to see he had tears in his eyes this time and you let out a small laugh.

“did you miss me that much?” you joked softly, eyes shining with the happiness that you had pushed down finally seeping through.

“shut up,” he groaned and swept in to kiss you again.

that night, neither of you slept alone in your separate beds.

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

the next day found you and mark, surprisingly (to everyone else) friendly, almost flirty, with each other and it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone else in the wedding party. ryujin walked down the aisle to an overjoyed donghyuck and the proceedings went on without a hitch.

the reception was loud, and a bit wild as after the first dance, no other slow song was played. ryujin and donghyuck made it feel like you were clubbing, and if you danced with mark a tiny bit provocatively, no one seemed to notice or care.

during one of your breaks from dancing while you stood near one of the tables, you felt a hand tap on your shoulder and you turned to face them. once you saw their face, your jaw dropped.

“it’s you!” you couldn’t help the gratitude that laced your voice.

the old lady from the airport stood there, the wrinkles from years of smiling showing proudly on her face.

“see, i told you everything would be okay, didn’t i?”

you nodded, smiling and you couldn’t help yourself when you leaned in and gave the woman a hug.

“grandma? you know y/n?” it was mark’s confused voice that came from over your shoulder, coming behind you to rest his hand on the small of your back.

“oh, not really…” she gave you a secret smile, and continued, “but mark, dear. do tell ryujin and donghyuck it was a beautiful wedding for me, i’m sorry but i’m too old to stay up with the younger crowd nowadays.” she patted mark on the arm and said goodnight to you both, leaving you with a wink. mark looked back and forth between you and her and you only shrugged in answer, and you pulled him back out to the dance floor with a smile.

eventually, the night had to come to an end though, but not before the traditional throwing of the bouquet. you were pulled onto the floor with the other bridesmaids and the second ryujin tossed the flowers over her head, the other girls dispersed leaving you to be the only one standing to catch it. you were confused at first but when ryujin gave you a knowing smile, you couldn’t help but laugh at their group effort. and so you turned around to find mark smiling at you and clapping at the edge of the crowd, and you smiled brightly at him as if he hung the stars himself, newfound confidence in every step as you walked up to him.

you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him fully in front of the guests who remained, mostly the small group of friends who all knew each other well. mark wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you slightly off the ground, while your friends cheered dramatically behind you.

breaking the kiss you smiled at mark before he set you down, and both you and mark turned and caught sight of ryujin and donghyuck sharing a highly triumphant high five.

it all clicked then, every step had been planned by your cunning best friend… and you couldn’t even be mad anymore.

how could you be, when it all turned out to be okay?

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

epilogue:

you sat at the table of celebrities like you belonged there, no longer feeling as if you were the misfit amongst them.

a year and a half had passed since ryujin and donghyuck’s wedding and with it came changes.

all of them, you could say, were good.

you battled your anxiety and won… well mostly won, you still had your moments but the second you called mark for reassurance, he was there in an instant with gentle words of affirmation, which you discovered was your love language.

you and mark got married six months after donghyuck and ryujin did, and mark’s reasoning was sound in his opinion.

“i spent five months apart from you, and i think i’ll die if i have to do it again. so i’m locking you down, babe.”

you couldn’t argue with him on that.

and now this moment, the moment where upon hearing mark’s name being called you stood up and cheered, clapping a little louder than the famous people next to you. mark kissed you quickly before running up on stage to receive his award.

it wasn’t an oscar… yet.

but the golden globe would do.

his speech went as he rehearsed with you in your bedroom in the off chance he won. being nominated was enough for him, he had said but you encouraged him to have a speech prepared, just in case.

you had no doubts he would win tonight.

you were right.

his speech was coming to an end, something you could quote with him word for word, until you heard him derail from what he practiced beforehand.

“and i just wanna say the biggest thanks of all to my wife. who, without her, only half of my dream would have been achieved,” he gestured the award to you and the smile he wore was lighting up his entire face. “without you, this wouldn’t matter at all to me. so this one’s all for you, babe. thank you.”

you stood and clapped again, accepting mark back to his seat with an excited hug.

fate - well, ryujin - may have had it out for you, but it was okay in the end.

and you could honestly live with that.

#gimmehyuck #masterlist #nct 127 #nct 127 au #nct #nct dream #nct dream au #mark au #mark lee #mark lee au #mark lee fic #mark lee x you #mark lee x reader #mark lee x y/n #mark lee fluff #mark lee angst #technically?#this made me fall for mark so hard ngl #he’s so precious

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mrsnancywheeler · 2 months

Note

Time for smutty angst! (I have so much anxiety I’m so sorry if I’m bothering you)

‼️CW FOR LIKE HEAVEY DEGRADING AND JUST LIKE HUNGER GAMES ESC STUFF???

Don’t imagine the way Finnicks heart breaks as he’s forced to degrade, to hit, to choke, to pull his sweet girl while all the elite are watching. Don’t imagine all the things he’s forced to say…

“Fucking slut, you like being watched huh? Say hi to all the nice men…”

“Such a crybaby. Cryin’ cause it feels too good, yeah? Being fucked to tears”

“I’ll just leave you here, let these nice men take you. Bet you’d enjoy that, dirty bitch”

“needy whore, can’t get enough cock?”

A part of him breaks at every word. After each session he holds her, whispering praises, trying to undo all his words.

“I love you, Angle. You’re so beautiful…”

“Come here, it’s okay to cry…I’m here…shhh….”

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Tomorrow we can stay in bed all day, how does that sound? My sweet girl…”

Yet as much as he tries the words leave imprints on his soul. He can’t decide which is worse though, his hateful words or the way he’s forced to hit, punch, choke, abuse her. Anytime he looks over and sees a bruise, a scratch, a bite, a slash, anything done without the care she deserved he feels like he’s dying inside.

He remembers when he was forced to choke her, the next day he saw bruises on her neck in the shape of his hand. That damn near broke him.

-🌾anon

you're not bothering me at all, i literally get so excited when I see you in my ask box. I love answering all of these and talking about all the nuances of their relationship and the story

but I feel like finnick would spend every moment being so soft and delicate to make up for all of it, like saying she's his pretty girl and doing everything for her, he feels like he needs to endlessly make up for it because of all the terrible things they make him say

"being so loud, what a pathetic whore"

"crying like that just makes me want see more tears"

"don't try and hide you moans, everybody already knows your a needy slut, don't play innocent now"

how's he supposed to say that and know you're gonna lay on the bed wordlessly for at least an hour, staring at the ceiling, after it's all done? how could anyone expect him to say things like that to the sweet girl he moved heaven and hell for so she could stay alive?

when he's being told to choke harder and there's the outprints of his fingerprints on your neck or when he obeyed you and hit harder, leaving nasty bruises on your face, how was he supposed to live with himself? he wondered what the people in the district thought with no idea of what the Capitol was really like and no makeup artists to keep the bruises covered, they probably thought he was the devil incarnate. he probably deserved that, it's how he felt when he had to lay his hands on you like that.

even if you tell him constantly that it's not his fault, that you don't blame him it still makes him hate himself for going along with it. he wants death to embrace him when you lay there after and be softly tries to coax you enough so you'll let him clean you up. because you could spend hours staring at the wall and then there's only a slim amount of time before the mask is back on again. before his sweet girl is once again pretending everything is just fine, trying to protect him.

"it's okay, sweet girl, everyone's gone now. just you and me."

"I didn't mean any of it, you're so perfect, angel, I'm so sorry."

"I love you so much, angel, do you want to take a bath?"

"I can make you tea, sweet girl, and rest your favorite book to you, but you gotta get up. let me take care of you."

his words are so soft and whispered as he gently plays with your hair as if it will make up for all the harsh pulls. it's never less then half an hour, usually an hour, sometimes more of soft coaxing while your fade back into the real world. then he can take care of you

never for long though until you're starting to gain consciousness once again, the mask of bravery sliding back into place

"Finn, don't feel guilty, I know it's not your fault. Could never blame you."

"it'll go away, not as bad as last time."

"do you wanna go sailing when we get back home, take your mind off things?"

and your voice is quaint enough that he knows it's because you feel like it's a necessity to take care of him over yourself, who's still not ready. he knows you'd much rather recover by spending a day with him holding you in bed, but you'll refuse to let him unless you break. unless he softly reminds you that you're allowed too, makes you confront your unsteadiness until you're bawling. and he just wants to protect you because he feels like he's failed at it again and again.

but yeah I'm literally crying rn, this hurts

and disclaimer, I'm not in any way trying to romanticize this issue, I'm exploring the trauma of two fictional characters, my interpretation of finnick based off my series and his sweet girl, who's a character I created. It's fiction, it honestly helps me world build to think of all the small pieces not explicitly mentioned. if it's not for you, just scroll, I don't need to know about it, thank you.

#wanda 💋#finnick odair x reader #finnick odair #finnick odair x y/n #the lakes #finnick odair angst #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair x reader fluff #finnick odair x you #finnick odair x reader angst #the river #🌾 anon

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intimidating-fettuccine · 5 months

Note

can we have headcanons of BEN trying to ask the reader out?

I didn't realize I'd written this before (click here for the previously written one), but it's a rare time where I actually want to rewrite this one, so I hope you enjoy.

BEN, as much of a shocker as it might be, is pretty damn good at flirting. The issue that comes with that is that he flirts with pretty much everyone just as a natural reflex, and so when he starts flirting with you with the intention of trying to ask you out it doesn't really work because he's already been flirting with you and other people around you for so long. When he flirtatiously asks you out to dinner you accept, saying you'd love another friend date (considering he had been already flirtatiously asking you out as a friend for months). When he tries to compliment you in a flirty way, you just accept it and thank him because he has already been doing the same for so long. He had dug himself a grave with his flirting, and now he needed to get himself out.

The anxiety comes into play when he has to figure out how to actually get his feelings across to you without embarrassing himself or overestimating how much you might actually like him. He does end up asking around discreetly amongst the creeps if any of them think you like him (considering they were all WELL aware of his very obvious feelings for you), and when a few confirm that you have actually mentioned to them that you like him, he feels so pitiful about himself that you literally like him back and he still can't get you to realize he's in love with you. He tries to really buckle down and figure out the best way to confess his feelings in a way that will hopefully get it across to you that hey, he's not just goofing off, please go out with him, please, he wants to date you so bad please do not keep assuming these are friend dates or else he might cry--

I said in the original one I'm rewriting that he'd end up making a little game, and I think that he still would. He'd invite you to his room and have you sit down to play it while he hovers nervously behind you. Going into more detail, I think he'd have a maze lined up that you have to make your way out of. At every correct turn, however, he begins to show you the obvious meaning behind all of the things you've brushed off. It will have every single compliment or date request he's given to you that you thought was just him being friendly that was actually him trying to ask you out. The longer you play the game, the more he's blushing and the more flustered you're beginning to grow. When you finally reach the exit, you get a congratulations popup, telling you that you did well making it out of the maze, and asking you if you might consider going on an actual date with BEN this time.

When you turn around, a love-filled smile on your face, nodding your head and trying not to get emotional, BEN starts bouncing around in anxiety and excitement, before pulling you into a big hug. You apologize to him for your oblivious nature, and he says it's okay and that he'll flirt with people a lot less, and start to be way more direct when it comes to flirting with you. He tries to play it cool and act confident, but when you press a sweet kiss to his cheek and tell him you're looking forward to your real date, his face, and ears completely flush red and he feels as though there's steam shooting out of his ears from how flustered a simple thing makes him. He stutters out that he's looking forward to it too, and when you laugh at him, he gets the biggest smile on his face he's ever had. He truly loves you so much.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #ben drowned #ben drowned headcanon #ben drowned headcanons #ben drowned x reader

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shankschewtoy · 1 year

Text

a/n - @countingsheepboi had the idea and now I’m gonna do a part two bec these are funny >:)

Warnings ⚠️ - chaotic g/n reader, crack-ish

Opposites attract p2

- he’s never wanted to cry from stress until now

- he could be just talking to one of his siblings for one second, and when he turns around, you’re gone

- you enjoy messing with him by hanging onto his back so he can never find you until he either uses haki or you scare the absolute shit out of him

- will go to brulee for advice

- he’s the only thing keeping you alive, and you’re singlehandedly shortening his lifespan

- “KURI! Look at this cute mushroom! It’s so small-!” You said, poking the spotted little plant

- it was so squishy and adorable that you decided to stick the whole thing in your mouth to see if it tasted good

- tasted like shit mixed with tree sap

- you choked on it lmao 😭

- “Y/n did you swallow it??”

- whats the ginormous mochi man wearing platform boots with spurs gonna do-?! (as you can see I love his boots a lot lmao)

- he doesn’t want to hurt you but he also doesn’t want you to keep choking so he’s trying to pat your back with two of his fingers gently

- it still hurt

- he swore he could’ve fainted at some point from anxiety

- you’ve unfortunately introduced him to panic attacks

- cannot sleep without knowing you’re in bed, ok, not eating poisonous things, and that you’re not hurt

- yes he’s stressed now, but you’re the only thing that makes him happy

- and so fucking stressed at the same time

- joins therapy with smoker

- he’s already stressed, and now he’s more stressed

- requires screaming into a pillow every once in a while to blow off some steam

- will make bepo or shachi or even Penguin watch over you

- almost every time you manage to magically disappear

- “CAPTAIN Y/N’S GONE-!”

- the amount of energy and effort it’s taking him not to scream is amazing

- he needs to get you a rope for you to hold onto like a kindergartner lmao

- before he even gets to say a word about his plan you’re already beating people’s asses with no second thoughts

- a little part of him becomes more depressed every single time you rush on ahead

- spends all his time on these plans 😭

- inside he secretly appreciates it when you bring over a marine that’s been beaten up by you with a smile

- makes him happy :)

- you’re so thoughtful and he loves that 🙃

- he’s clumsy enough already 💀

- he ends up setting you on fire as well sometimes

- nooo but his devilfruit with your abilities is so overpowered 😭

- no sound is made when you literally rush in and beat every single person up inside the room while Corazon throws a grenade inside when you’re done

- y’all have the epic moment of walking away from the explosion

- and then his coat catches on fire

- will be by your side whenever you need

- you’re the one who’s dragging him along by his coat into danger because he can’t run a single minute without falling

- imagine seeing a 9’7 man getting dragged by someone half his size 💀

- doffy will always be confused as to how you two got together

- 10 year old law is even more stressed now

- poor kid is surrounded by clumsy reckless people lol

- Cora is the type of guy who would run into danger without thinking just because you were right next to him :)

- he didn’t know wtf to do when you ate something poisonous

- “Y/N-! OH GOD- UH- CAN YOU THROW UP?! LAW WHAT DO I DO-?!”

- he is freaking out

- started sobbing thinking you were gonna die, “Y/N I LOVE YOU SO MUCH-“

- “CORA-SAN Y/N’S FINE SHUT UP!”

- he’s now crying out of happiness while suffocating law in a hug

- I think he sobbed for a solid hour straight into poor law’s ears

a/n - poor katakuri :’)

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece hcs #anime hcs #trafalgar d water law #law x reader #law one piece #law x y/n #corazon x reader #corazon x y/n #corazon one piece #rosinante x reader #donquixote rosinante #katakuri x reader #katakuri x y/n #charlotte katakuri

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justmeinadaze · 4 months

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Inside of Her Head (Steve X You)

A/N: This is just a little thing I wrote real quick. I'm actually experiencing this right now with my brain going a mile a minute. I literally spent 15min telling my roommate I don't want her to leave my side because I'm afraid something is going to happen to her or she's going to leave. My therapist says that's my inner child...some stuff we've been working on *sigh*. But my roommate suggested I channel this energy into something creative and thus you get this...this is what I wold love rn. Steve just holding me till I calm down and then watching a movie with me till I fall asleep <3.

Warnings: Reader experiencing an anxiety (manic) attack; Steve helps her through it

Word Count: 803

Steve comes home from work to a spotless apartment and he’s immediately on edge. Most people would be happy to come home to a clean space but not for him. When the home is this organized, something is wrong.

“Y/N, baby? Where are you?”

No one responds but he knows you’re here, promptly going on the hunt. It doesn’t take him long to find you sitting on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chin and your hands twirling your hair as your blank eyes disassociate through him.

You two have prepared for moments like this; you warned him when he moved in. It still doesn’t take away the guilt that bubbles in your stomach when you finally notice him as he places himself on the floor cross-legged in front of you.

“Hey, Stevie. When…When did you get home?”

“A couple of minutes ago.”, he answers softly as his eyes continue to scan you over. “How was your day, honey?”

Your hands shake in front of you as your fingers seem to drum the air, moving without any real thought as your anxious eyes sift through memories.

“It was good. It was good. I-I-I cleaned. I had only meant to clean the kitchen but then I thought you would want to relax in the living room when you got home so I tidied up in there but then I noticed your movies were out of whack and I thought it would be fun to organize them buy genre for our next movie night. When I finished that, I was going to lay down and nap but I couldn’t stop thinking about how the bathroom has been really messy lately and you know how I’ve been slacking on that…”

Steve listened to your rambling with the patience of a saint. Your lips were moving a mile a minute but he didn’t need to follow everything to know what was going on. Some days your brain just wasn’t 100%. Some days the medicine didn’t always help or something triggered an episode for you that had you like this.

You tried explaining it to him before but he never truly understood until he experienced one with you himself. You sobbed on the bedroom floor, crying about fears that he would never allow to happen. He didn’t know you during your trauma so he couldn’t be there for you then but he could definitely keep you safe now physically and emotionally.

“Baby girl, look at me.”, he cooed as he placed his palms out for you to take, grinning when you did. “I want you to inhale for me. That’s my good girl…and exhale. Good.”, he soothed as his thumbs tenderly massaged your skin.

“Everything got so loud, Steve. I couldn’t…”, you shook your head as the tears fell before he scooted a bit closer to where you were.

“What triggered it this time? Do you know?”

You shook your head again.

“I just…had this voice in my head…that says I don’t deserve you. That you’re going to leave me here alone just like everyone else. Today…it was so loud…”

“It’s ok, sweetheart. Breathe in again for me…and out again. Good, pretty girl. You’re doing so good.”, he smiled as he reached up to caress your cheek before taking your hand again. “Y/N, I love you so much. I’ve never met another girl like you in my entire life. You are beautiful, sweet, so talented and so smart, baby. There’s no one in the world more perfect for me than you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Once your breathing had slowed, Steve collected you into his arms and held you to his chest as he kissed your forehead.

“I’m sorry I’m such a nuisance. I don’t mean to be.”

“You’re not, honey, I promise. Your parents are the nuisances…making you think you aren’t enough. You are more than enough, baby. You’re everything to me and I’m always going to be here to take care of you.”

You two sat like that till your anxiety passed and you finally felt safe. After kissing his lips, he guided you into the shower where he cleaned you and washed your hair before putting you in your most comfortable pajamas and carrying you out onto the couch.

“How about I make some dinner and we watch something EXTREMELY violent?”

You giggle as he widens his eyes and you nod. While he’s making dinner, he brings you your favorite drink and turns on one of the sitcoms that makes you laugh until everything is ready.

“Steve. Thank you…for everything. I love you to, baby.”

Tilting his body to kiss your lips, he playfully rustles your hair and throws a blanket over your legs.

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. I’m always going to be here for you; good days and bad.”

#steve harrington #steve x reader #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington stranger things #joe keery #joe keery fluff #steve stranger things #stranger things #steve harrington blurb #one of those days #i just want to be held #anxiety is a bitch

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 11 months

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Hey :) this is a bit if a sensitive topic… but i got an idea for a request and i don’t know if you’d be willing to write it? I’ve been struggling with anorexia for a very long time and i’ve been thinking what if y/n was in the love band and she has an ed and body image issues and you know the outfit the band’s always wearing? For me personally, it’d be so triggering to wear because i know i’d feel so fat wearing it (don’t know why tbh)…Anyway, what if she hasn’t really told anyone about her struggle (maybe they saw signs but don’t know for sure) and she’d agreed to wear the outfit but then before a show she has a huge panic attack and Harry finds her crying backstage…

And also like i just want to say that there’s nothing wrong with being bigger and that "fat" is not a feeling but i just can’t help my brain 😣

Sorry for the long ask.. and I also hope you’ll feel better!!🙂

Hello friend! First off, thank you for sending this request and for trusting me and this online space to share your struggles. That can be really challenging, especially on the internet where you don't know how people will take things or react sometimes. Especially with eating disorders, there's so much guilt and shame that comes with this kind of mental illness to begin with and it can be a hard thing to admit to as well.

I will also share with you anon, that I've struggled with an ED for many years and was finally diagnosed with EDNOS in 2016. EDNOS stands for eating disorder not otherwise specified and you can receive that diagnosis for many reasons. I won't elaborate on my case in this post (I don't mind talking about it anymore so if ppl have questions you can ask), but anyway.... all this to say that I totally understand your struggle. And lately, I've been struggling to not fall back into those harmful ways after some comments my mom made a few weeks ago. It's been a tough few weeks for me for many reasons. But anyway, thank you so much again, for sending this request. Writing this is definitely going to be cathartic and therapeutic for me as well and I hope that it is for you too and anyone who struggles this way.

LAST THING! If you or anyone you know struggles with an eating disorder or shows concerning disordered eating patterns, please consider getting help. Some resources are linked HERE including helpline contact info.

And of course, the content below can be triggering for people who struggle with any E.D.

This was quite literally your dream come to life. You had been asked by Harry himself to join the Love Band in Ny-Oh's place for the final leg of Love On Tour. This all seemed insane and unreal as you thought about how you'd just met him around 2018. You'd been brought in as a session musician for Harry's last 2 albums and started a nice little friendship with him. But you didn't know that he considered you enough of a friend to ask you to join his live ensemble. Sure, you talked regularly enough and had graduated into hugs over fist bumps during the making of Harry's House, but still...it just seemed so insane. You were excited though, getting to see him perform every night knowing how hard he worked to make this music...it was like a full circle moment.

There'd been plenty you'd done in preparation for your travels. Including getting your measurements taken for the little love minion jumpsuits you'd be wearing every night. None of that really seemed to trigger you or your concerns over your weight and body image. You'd been doing so well, you'd been managing your eating disorder well the last few years without any major setbacks and you were proud that you were healthy enough to do this. Proud that you felt comfortable accepting this gig and knowing that you had the stamina and health to make it through the entire leg of the tour. It was huge! But none of that really seemed to matter when you got a look at your uniform hung up just a few inches away from you and felt this sudden rush of anxiety crawling through your body. Why did it look like it'd be so tight on you? The material obviously wasn't too stretchy so how was this supposed to fit on you? You weren't exactly sure what about the look of it suddenly had you feeling this way, but all you knew was that you didn't feel good about it.

The logical part of your brain reminded you that you got fitted for this - it was custom made to your measurements. And you tried to keep that in mind, but you soon realized that you had been fitted for this about four months ago. Maybe you'd gained tons of weight? Your days of obsessively weighing yourself were past you, so you had no idea if you had or hadn't. You had body dysmorphia so your mind wouldn't know the difference. And it was maddening to you that you had been feeling OK about yourself until you'd entered the little temporary changing room and saw the outfit on the hanger. Your heart started to beat a bit faster as your anxiety started to grow.

"30 minutes to show time!" you heard someone call as they walked down the corridor and then they shouted the same warning into the large dressing room a few of you shared and you just exhaled sharply and decided so just ignore this feeling and suck it up. If you didn't wear this what would you wear? You had no choice, you just had to get over it.

However, now that something about this outfit had triggered the obsessive and intrusive thoughts about your body image you started to feel uncomfortable looking at your reflection. You tried to avoid looking at yourself right now because you knew that you'd see things that weren't accurate. You tried to slow down your breathing as you turned away from the mirror in there and folded up your clothes before turning back around and looking at the outfit once again before taking it off the hanger. It felt suspenseful to undo all of the little buttons lining the seam to join the two sides together. But soon you were pulling it off the hanger and getting your legs into it and doing up the buttons, avoiding the mirror again until it was fully on so that you wouldn't freak out before you fully were dressed. Of course, you had no issues with getting it on, it felt just fine, a little loose if anything. But when you looked up the feeling of the fit didn't really matter. You had no idea if it was the cinched in waist that felt restrictive even if you had some wiggle room. Or maybe it was the way the fabric bulged a bit at your stomach and made you feel like you were carrying a lot more weight there than you realized before? But as you turned to the side to see how you looked from that angle your frown deepened as your fears rose tot he surface. It looked a little big on you and that somehow made you feel even worse because it wasn't like flattering/comfy baggy. This outfit somehow accentuated just how thin you actually were and then a new fear came into your brain: They're going to know I'm anorexic.

You felt that you did well enough to keep your eating disorder speculations at bay. People closest to you knew, but you were very private about it because like any illness, there is sometimes an element of shame involved. It wasn't something you advertised, especially as you recovered! But most people just knew you were into health and wellness, but they didn't know the dark side of it; that you struggled with obsessing over quantities and ingredients and portions because you were terrified to look bigger than you were, terrified to gain weight, terrified of feeling fat. You couldn't tell anyone why you felt that way, but you just did! And sure, you were a lot better now than you were years ago, but you had just been massively triggered that you looked sickly and that, that would arise suspicions of your health. The fans might start to say things and ask questions and if they noticed other people would too...the crew, the rest of the band...Harry...

As you stared at yourself for a bit more your eyes started to tear up and you silently fanned at your eyes to try and dissipate the tears, but your vision was only getting more and more blurry. You just needed some fresh air to calm down. You peeked out and saw that you were alone in the dressing room so you rushed out before anyone could stop you and you headed out back behind the stage. They were in the middle of changing the setup after the openers so the crew and roadies were closer to the structure helping change things out and unloading. You had the space and privacy to pace around and let your tears fall. But the audience was so loud...there would be so many people and they would look at you and see you in this outfit and just know that something was wrong with you. Obviously they would be scrutinizing you since you were the new person! And suddenly everything just built up inside of you and you started to panic.

You found a place to sit down when you felt your breathing catch in your throat. This couldn't be happening.... you were just minutes before the show! But you were hyperventilating now as your tears cascaded down your cheeks. You felt like you were going to crumble apart. This was a huge mistake... you should've said no...you weren't ready for this. There was no way you could do this. You were sat off to the side as you sobbed and tried everything you could to calm down and get through this panic attack so you didn't notice Harry's car pulling up across from you until you heard the stadium cheering loudly and when you glanced up you saw Harry wave quickly before he headed backstage. You didn't want anyone to see you like this so you stood up and went to hide behind one of the trailers, but you didn't notice that he'd seen you rush off.

********

"Y/N!" Harry called after you but you didn't seem to hear him and he frowned a bit. He could've sworn you were crying...maybe you just got really nervous or maybe it just hit you now that you were on tour. It could be exciting but nerve-racking. So he decided to just check on you and maybe give you a little pep-talk. "Hey, I'll be right in, just gonna make sure she's OK." Harry said to Tommy and Brad.

"I've got it, H. You should really go get changed. You're on in 15." Tommy advised.

"It'll be quick. I'm sure she's just a little nervous." Harry said and they sighed as he jogged off to where you'd taken off. When he rounded the corner to where the trailers were he immediately frowned when he saw you gasping for air, choking on your tears as you sobbed uncontrollably. "Y/N, oh my god." he said as he hurried over to you.

You felt mortified as he rushed up to you and reached for your hands. You started to cry harder because this was so fucked up. You felt so stupid and ridiculous for crying over an outfit, but you just felt so awful. Worse than you had in a long time and it was scary to be triggered so intensely. When he wrapped you up in a big hug you started to calm down. His voice and touch and scent helped to ground you a bit, enough to help you breathe properly.

"What's the matter?" he asked you softly as you continued crying. You cough as you tried to answer him and he gently rubbed your back to help you out a bit.

"S'fine. I'm fine." you choked out and he sighed.

"How can I help if I don't know what the issue is?" he asked you and you sighed.

"You can't help Harry, this is me. This all me and I...I don't think I can do the show." you finally said and he pulled back with a big frown as he looked at you. You couldn't bear to see his disappointment for more than a second before you looked back at the ground.

"What do you mean? Are you nervous?" he asked you as he rubbed at your arms with his ring clad hands and you sighed.

"I-it's the outfit. I can't wear this outfit. Like...I'm not...able to wear this." you said to him and he looked a bit confused.

"Is something wrong with it?"

"Yes! I...don't know w-what it is..." you gasped through your sobs, "But I just...don't like how I look or feel in it." you explained.

"Love, you look great!" he said with a small smile and that made you feel worse because it was a testament to just how insane you actually were, "And well, I'm not really sure we can change the uniform at this point-"

"Exactly, this is my issue! So I can't go up there." you cried.

"Well what's the issue you're having? Maybe there's something we can do about it right now?" he asked and you bit your lip for a moment before looking into his eyes and then just turning your gaze away from him. You couldn't bear to see his face when you said this to him.

"I...I have an eating disorder." you said softly through your tears, "And something about this outfit has triggered me into this psychotic episode. I feel...really awful physically and in my head too...and I'm trying... I'm trying to get it together but I haven't felt like this in years and just one look at me in this and everyone's gonna know something's wrong with me because I look sick!" you sobbed, "And that's why I can't do this. I'm so sorry, Harry. I just can't do the show." you blubbered and his hands slid down your arms and grabbed your hands.

"I'm so sorry." he said softly and you sighed.

"It's not your fault...how were you supposed to know that this would trigger me? I didn't even know until I was staring at the fucking thing." you shook your head as you looked up at him again and he sighed.

"I mean, yeah but like I... I noticed stuff before, like when we first met that made me wonder if...maybe you were anorexic or struggled with something like this. So I'm sorry that I never checked on you." he said and you sighed.

"Well, it't not really something I like to talk about." you explained through a sniffle, "And I've been doing really well the last couple years, I swear I'm like eating regularly and stuff. I wouldn't have agreed to do this if I wasn't well enough to do it." you said quickly, "But something happened back there and for my own wellbeing I just feel like I can't go out there like this." you explained through your tears. "Like...at first I thought I looked fat or maybe the cinching made me feel really restricted....but like I had this...moment where when I looked at myself f-from the side I just...looked like a fucking Tim Burton character...." you chuckled through your tears, "and I just...know that people will notice that I'm anorexic. And the audience is gonna see and start saying things about me... and things are just going to get worse and I'm gonna lose control again! And I don't want to lose control again. I can't lose control again." you vented through your tears and he just listened attentively with a slight frown. When he saw you were finished he squeezed your hands gently.

"I get that. And I also want you to be healthy and feel healthy and to feel good about yourself." he assured you, "You being safe and healthy and happy, that's all I want for you! But you're also a fucking brilliant musician and friend and I don't want to do this without you." he said to you and you sniffled, "I'm willing to figure something out to make sure that you feel comfortable and confident enough to perform if you want. We can get with Harry real quick and see what we can come up with." he suggested.

"The show starts in a little bit...it's fine. We can work on it tomorrow. I can perform from backstage today or even just sit this one out." you said and he scoffed through a laugh.

"I'm not gonna make you perform from backstage! We're just gonna run a bit late, that's fine." he said to you and you shook your head.

"Seriously H, I don't mind it a-"

"Seriously, Y/N." He cut you off, "I don't want to hide any member of my team, ever. I want to work with you to figure this out, OK? You mean a lot to me, and having you up there with me and Mitch, like that's so huge! You've been there for a lot of the work on these songs...you brought my vision to life in the studio and now you're here, getting to see it play out! And you do not have my permission to experience this magnificent and magical moment for the first time from behind the stage, all alone. There's no fucking way." he said and you chuckled softly through your tears as he squeezed your hands reassuringly again. "You deserve this. Let's figure this out." he offered again and you sniffled and nodded.

"OK." you agreed softly and he smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." you sniffled and smiled at him before he hugged you tight and you relaxed in his embrace.

"Perfect. Just gonna hold you for a bit, OK?" he said and you just hummed.

Your eating disorder had robbed you of tons of incredible experiences in your life. Either because you weren't well enough to show up or because you felt ashamed...but the buck stopped here. Not anymore. Harry was right, you deserved this and you wanted this, so you were gonna do it with his help and other Harry's help. After a few moments he let go of you and pulled back to wipe away the slightly smeared makeup beneath your eyes.

"If you don't mind not saying anything to Harry about why I-"

"Of course not." He said right away.

"Do you think the band'll mind that I might not be in the uniform?"

"I doubt it, but if someone has any issues I'll take care of it, OK?" he assured you and you nodded.

"Thank you, H."

"Course, love." He smiled kindly, "And I know that for now we might scramble a bit but what if we get you a tour shirt or sweater to wear on top and you can just tie the jumpsuit sleeves around you or something so that you just have the pants on?" he suggested.

"Yeah, I think that's good. I can't very well go out in my spandex shorts, that’s what I came in." you giggled and he chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry not happening. This is kind of about me so...." he joked and you laughed softly, "There she is." he said, his thumb swiped over your smile line for a moment before he pulled it away, "Sorry." he said softly.

"It's alright." you assured him and he smiled.

"Let's get this figured out then." he said and you nodded and headed back.

Of course, Harry had been right about not wanting you to miss the first show because you were hiding backstage. It had been one the best experiences of your life so far. The crowd were so loud and happy to be there. Hearing everyone sing the songs with you all, specially getting to sing Matilda and seeing how much it meant to everyone was amazing. It had been absolutely magical, you had even teared up. And when Harry spared you a glance at the end of the song and saw you wiping a tear he shot you a thumbs up and you returned the gesture. You guys started to wave at the fans at the barricade as you headed back to the main stage. You felt someone come up behind you and then Harry's arm draped over your shoulder.

"Alright, love?" he asked against your ear.

"Yeah, you were right though." you said to him, "I'm glad I'm not stuck in the back and missing this." you smiled up at him and he smiled.

"Me too." he assured you.

Of course, hundreds of fans had recorded this little interaction between the two of you and the only thing that people were obsessing over was how protective and soft Harry seemed to be with you and in turn it made the fans even more gentle towards you during the next shows. With each show the cheering for your introduction grew louder. By now you had talked to the other Harry and the band about what you were struggling with and they were all so kind and supportive. And now, each night when you were introduced you had that incredible support from the audience as well. No one was paying attention to your flaws or your issues or your body, they were just showing you the love and acceptance that you so often failed to give to yourself. Being built up that way gave you a new motivation to stay on track, to take care of yourself, and to keep getting better.

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howboringislife · 7 months

Text

Aot boys' reaction learning you're injured pt.2

With: Jean, Armin and Bertholdt

Warning: mention of injuries, blood, fluffy

Part one: here

Masterlist

Jean

He will be the first one to see the bloody spot on your shirt growing bigger. He will be the one who saw your widen eyes. He will be the one who heard the grunt of pain and panic leaving your lips as you fell down.

Will refuse to leave you there. Panic taking control over him, his arrogant facade crumbling. “Please… stay with me!”

Once you’re in the nursery or in the medical tent, Jean will try to visit you immediately. He’s grabbing his head and pulling on his hair nervously as he waits the doctor’s answer.

Marco will try to calm him down but it only stress Jean more. “For god’s sake, Marco! Shut up!” He will yell suddenly, turning toward his best friend.

When he finally sees you in the medical bed, he’s at the verge of crying. He brings his shaky hand and put it on yours. You are alive. You’re here with him.

The only thought of it make him let out a soft sob which he immediately muffles. He already lost too much dignity.

“J-Jean?” Your low voice brings him back to reality. “You saved me.” Your weak smile makes his heart flutter with happiness and emotion as he leans down to kiss your lips gently.

On the next mission he won’t leave if eyes off you. Jean, the one who cares about his own life before the other’s, will be ready to sacrifice himself just to protect you.

Armin

Armin will show visible signs of shock and anxiety when he will learn the new. Poor little guy will be so scared for you.

It's his fault, he should have come with you at the mission, how could he has let you go all alone?

All these thoughts are making him sick to death as he is waiting, sitting down against the wall of the nursery, waiting for the authorization to come in.

Will totally look like a sad and lost puppy, fixing the ground as he is fighting against the tears who make his vision blurry.

He's gonna stay all his free on the small little chair beside your bed, his hand firmly holding yours. "Armin, I'm fine, you should rest a bit."

Kissing your hand gently, he will wipe the few tears who rolled down his cheek. "You scared me to death, Y/N, I will never leave you ever again." His voice is full of determination but softness at the same time.

He has to be strong for you and he will be. It's finished the time when he was scared of everything. It's a new era who starts for him now.

He decided to change. For the sake of humanity. Because he almost lost you. Because he doesn't want to live this stress ever again.

Berthold

Berthold won't be very expressive when he will learn the new. This guy is silent almost 80% of the time.

He will probably keep everything for himself, others don't have to know his pain. So, he's trying to stay strong all alone.

He hates when people pity him. He's already feeling so much pain, why others have to make it worse?

Will try to visit you without Reiner, he wants to be alone with you this time. Just you and him. Gosh, he can't even remember the last time you two were alone!

He's just gonna sit down beside your bed, waiting for you to wake up. Don't worry, he's not in a hurry.

Berthold will watch you open your eyes, looking around the room. "You don't have to worry about anything, Y/N. You are safe." A soft smile curling his lips.

Inside, he's literally jumping of happiness. You're here with him, safe and sound. Alive.

Will bend a bit to kiss your forehead, ruffling your hair. A single tear rolling down his cheek but he will discretely wipe it away.

He will be repeatedly cautioning you about the missions, telling you to be careful and not to put yourself too much into danger.

Ps: Will be secretly game to turn into the Colossal Titan just to protect you.

⁔‿⁔‿ ⁔‿⁔‿ ⁔‿⁔‿

Wtf, why did it take so much time to make???

Requests are still open BTW!

#jean kirstein #armin arlert #bertholdt hoover #attack on titan #attack on titan x you #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan headcanons #aot #aot x reader #jean kirstein x reader #armin arlet x reader #bertholdt hoover x reader #pt 2

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ferretwhomst · 9 months

Text

NICE my post got two notes anyways here's my thoughts on the pines fam handling over/understimulation as a neurodivergent and mentally ill family in my own personal canon

putting this under a readmore again because uhhh as always with my headcanons there's a lot and it'll probably be annoying to scroll thru over and over

if anyone else has any thoughts about this feel free 2 add onto this post <3 <3 <3 would love to hear it!!!!! ^_^

starting off with mabel, obviously she CRAVES stimulation so so badly and is constantly looking for something new to do, to the point where her default state is Slightly Overstimulated. i figure she also struggles with emotional dysregulation (even worse because mabel is literally just a kid and isnt equipped to handle heightened emotions with grace just yet sdfjjds) and she absolutely canNOT be understimulated or else she will explode the ENTIRE state of oregon. however a couple too many unpleasant sounds or textures or tastes at once and her entire day is ruined- well, it's not really, but it sure feels like it at the time. she starts angry crying and hitting things and only really calms down when she is completely separated from whatever was upsetting her or vice versa (her threshold for the amount of overstimulation she can handle before snapping probably lowers Significantly post-weirdmageddon), having waddles with her usually cheers her up a lot quicker though<3

ford is actually similar to her in a few aspects here, he too is running as far away from understimulation as possible, always sitting in his room tinkering with some new invention or running around catching some new creature to occupy himself. (he wasn't always like this! as a kid, between him and stan he was definitely and obviously the more docile one. but as an adult he feels the need to seek stimulation moreso because he needs to distract himself from his constant stream of often unpleasant thoughts) this has the unpleasant side effect of isolating himself from the people around him, but it's not intentional, it's just that busying himself with projects and studying the supernatural is his Default Solution to having nothing to do. it's comfortable for him. he also has the Thing where if he isn't explicitly invited to join someone, he doesn't feel comfortable doing so, even if he really wants to.

dipper and stan are completely different from mabel and ford in that they just. nobody ever told them that understimulation is not the default state of existing for everyone else??? so they just??? Put up with it regularly???? dipper stims frequently without realizing to combat this- clicking/chewing on pens over and over and pacing his room for example, but more often than not it isn't Quite Enough and he doesn't know Why. this is also why dipper's anxiety is So bad- sitting around without making an effort to distract himself from his many thoughts will often get him catastrophizing within minutes (him and ford probably bond over having Too Much Thought Head Full). in fact, if he didn't have mabel around to remind him to have fun and use his time wisely instead of getting stuck inside his own head for hours on end he would probably be a very different and much less emotionally stable person than he is in the show jsdjfjsda

stan doesn't stim very much except when he's genuinely scared or upset, in which case he is cracking his knuckles, gripping onto the closest fabric so hard it almost tears, pulling off his cuticles, picking at scabs etc etc (you can imagine how much he fucked up his skin in the days following both instances of him losing ford). he probably had very different habits when he was a kid though- because come on. stan was totally the poster child for audhd, constantly running around and being loud to satisfy his lil brain. however within a few years certain nd behaviors stop being "cute" to others and instead start attracting a shit ton of ridicule so now his only stims are ones which are inconspicuous and could be passed off as stress habits instead of being a clear sign of neurodivergence- plus he probably ended up developing shittier coping mechanisms while running around for 10 years after getting kicked out. but it's not like he can smoke or drink all the time with the kids (wendy and soos included) around though so his options are kinda limited

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bronx-bomber87 · 7 days

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Hello my wonderful fandom :) Thank you for all your lovely comments on me being delayed. Not my usual M.O. but I definitely needed the extra time to process. I was GUTTED and absolutely wrecked. Poor D had to deal with my panic spiral for most of Wednesday. (love you lol) I'll be honest I'm still little shook up and sad. Kinda grateful for the 3 week break tbh between episodes. This was a gut punch I wasn't in the least expecting. Hoping we'll get a S7 announcement during this hiatus. *fingers crossed* Get it together ABC. This took me awhile to unpack emotionally so thank you all again for being so patient.

So I want to preface this post. There will be ZERO And I mean ZERO bashing of Tim in this review from me. Would appreciate that in comments as well. I love conversation you know I love comments. What I don't like is hate being spread. Also nothing on Eric either. I've also seen this which is utter madness. Don't touch our captain. Man loves this fandom so much. Deserves respect. If you came to this review for either of those things please promptly exit stage left. I mean that in the kindest way possible but I love Tim/Eric so it's a non starter with me.

I’ve never so deeply related with a character in all my life as I have with Tim Bradford. I’ll be dissecting this ep to best of my ability. I love both these characters so very much. Why I was knocked out for a couple days before could tackle this. I imagine my thoughts will change when I do my summer in depth one. When we have the rest of the season in pocket. I have to say this won't be mini at all. LOL So lets get rid of that concept right now ha I can't be mini with this ep. I am not brief so thanks for reading. Also hats off to Eric my god he was incredible in this episode. Melissa too killing me left, right and center you two. Let us get started.

6x06 Secret and Lies.

Poor Lucy looks like me when I’m stressed and drained af. Tamara asking how stressed she currently is? Lucy answering 19.....She looks like a 19 if not worse tbh. This is probably the most time they've spent apart since they got together. Basically living together at this point let's be honest. Other than 6x01 they haven't really spent time apart aside from that UC op in 5x21. *sigh*

Tamara asking if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy trying so hard to keep it together with her answer. My heart. What a wreck she is without Tim. Do love that we get to see her pin-up board btw. Good shot of her room we don’t usually get. That cupcake poster I love it so much. Although now it makes me sad...

Lucy asking what's wrong? Tamara telling her she wants to move out with some friends from school. Crap. Her moving is the last thing she needs…. But it's good for her even though the idea makes me sad. End of an era. Lucy is right she needs to live with people her own age. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. This is a ROUGH season for Lucy my god. The hits keep coming for our girl and I wanna hug her. Shield her somehow....

Lucy touching near her tattoo when she reaches Angela. (Mini gut punch.) I do love her coming to Angela about this. If there is anyone who knows Tim like she does it's Angela. Does help she finds his behavior alarming too. I mean of course she does. You can see the immediate worry. The empathy she has for Lucy is there but she holds her cards close in her advice. Telling her to trust him even though it's literally killing her. Not the council Lucy needed to hear or was looking for.

Lucy wanted more action than 'Just wait and trust him.' She has been trusting him but she’s so insanely worried. Going out of her mind with anxiety for her person. It's exuding out of of her and she looks like she wants to cry…Ugh me too Lucy. I’m an empath and an anxious one at that. I would be going out of my mind too…. Angela looks worried as hell though. Even though she isn't conveying that to Lucy at this point. Breaking my heart as she takes off from their convo. Because if she doesn't she'll lose it right then and there.

God I love Angela Lopez. First off well done on tracking him down. She's just a bad ass. I mean it's one of the reason's Lucy reached out to her tbh. Just gets into his car, drinking his soda, calling him out right away. I love her reasoning saying she can live off Wesley’s trust fund. Lmao. Doesn’t matter as much if she get's fired. 'Wine o'clock.' for her. Gotta love the confidence. I truly hope we get more Tim/Angela scenes the rest of this season. I always adore their dynamic.

Tim is sold on her reasoning and starts to explain the current situation he's trapped in. Angela taking it all in and assessing everything as he explains. Once Tim has succinctly summed up his current predicament Angela's reply is the best. 'I’m in.' lmao I love this woman. ‘I got your back boo.’ That she does. In more ways than he even realizes at this point.

Gotta commend Angela calling him out for walking away from Lucy. Not only that but his job to arrest a guy hasn’t thought of in a decade…. Ain’t no one better than her to be there to call him out his crap right now. Not only that but to really dig deep. To know this is far more than what he's sharing. This is why Angela is an incredible detective rooting things out like this. Saying this is more than just protecting Lucy. Her intuition is out of this world.

I mean she's not wrong. Lucy would understand if it was just about the benefits. She would be proud really. Thing is it's about protecting himself too. Which really just scratches the surface of why he is doing this. Tim knows he's caught even if he shrugs it off. She has him dead to rights and he knows it. 'I’m your BFF. I know you.' Ha it’s true whether you like it or not Timothy…Just like Lucy she has your number.

Angela giving him crap with how they're following Ray. Worried he isn't being smart about this. This is so unlike him to be this sloppy and unfocused. She was right he was tailing too close… Ray catches on to their tail quickly. When he scanned the vehicle made me so nervous. Doing it while he's taunting Tim. He's so detail oriented blows my mind Tim let that get by him. This SL gave me such MASSIVE anxiety as I watched it. Oh my lord.

The minute they get back to Angela's place she calls him out once again. Asking why he thinks this is ALL his fault? Tim shrugs it off and she refuses to take that as his final answer. Of course Angela was right there is far more to this story. Tim finally opens up to her about what happened. He had been leading his squadron for some time. Looking to move up to Sergeant.

The catch was he couldn’t be promoted if there was rampant criminality in his unit. Ray clearly was in the way of him moving up. Tim figured he could keep it within his unit if they went after him.. Oh Tim…. It was an unsanctioned mission too. Thinking if he could accomplish this would be easy fast track to his promotion.

Kills me to know he was there during the air strike ugh… Details missing from the last episode. The Humvee saved him and Mark but not his other men… I can't imagine what Tim felt in that moment. The immense amount of guilt laid on his soul from here on out. I mean it makes sense why he never left patrol before Lucy. The last time he tried to advance his career this happened. My broken boy.

Eric CRUSHES this scene. I wanna cry. My poor Timothy. He was more focused more on his career than his oath...Got two of his men killed. My damn heart. He’s so ashamed of himself. The way he points at himself when he says 'leadership.' I knew his military past would be dark but holy crap. I wanted more of his backstory and they delivered that in spades. What a gut punch this had to be for him. No doubt his men were loyal af to him. Would've followed him anywhere and did.

He carries leading those men to their deaths because they followed his leadership. Oof. That is quite the weight to keep on your soul. Also gives us insight to why he shoulders everything. Even when he doesn't have to. Punishing himself for past transgressions such as this. I'm sure when we get to the other side of this season, I will have an even deeper respect for the writers going into his backstory like this. Giving us even more insight to this man.

This hurts so good to get this kind of info. I have no doubt that’s why he shut Lucy out. The shame he feels is overwhelming. I totally get it. Nothing scarier than someone knowing your darkest secrets. Not only that but worrying they’ll think less of you due to it. Tim already struggles with self loathing. Been a theme for him his entire arc on this series. Something I've touched on a lot. This is truly bringing that to light in the most painful way.

We see Ray scanned Tim's car in order to gain access to it. To check his GPS to see where he's been. How he's been tracking him. When he scrolls down to Lucy's address. Made my stomach sink. Legit felt sick to my stomach....

I do love Lucy coming home and having Tamara there. Saying she ordered pizza for them. This is exactly what she needs. Do you really have to go Tamara? I wonder if she'll delay leaving now after this ep. There is a knock at the door and of course it's not the pizza. It's Ray. Hair's on the back of my neck stood up from the moment he entered that apt.

I know Melissa stated in her interview she was nervous about this scene. That she came off awkward in her anger. You are incorrect madam. Holy hell Lucy is a BAMF. Telling him the only call she's gonna make is for the ambulance. Because when she's done with him he's going to need it to wheel him out. Holds her ground like the confident bad ass we've all loved seeing her become.

Lucy calling him shaking and demanding where he was. Ooh lord hell fire coming with her through that front door. I love Angela grabbing Tamara to another room. Like let's go mom and dad are about to have a big blow out. Let's give them some space...

Tim asking if she's ok? Truly concerned but Lucy isn't having ANY of it. 'Do I look ok?' Damn no she doesn't....Ripping into him saying how that creep could've showed up when she wasn't there. Lucy is not wrong....Oh my lord I’ve never seen her so damn mad. She is RAGING at him and rightfully so. Her home was violated, Tamara was put in danger and threatened. All because Tim was trying to protect her. phew.

Tim FINALLY concedes to telling her something. It only seems to enrage her more. She is literally vibrating with anger in this scene with him. The more he tells her the more it doesn't explain why he left her in the dark. Lucy begging him to read her in. I mean she has earned that my love. ..Telling him to stop protecting her. Gah Tim is a deep loyalist who would protect anyone he loves even if it's not the right thing. His reply is a reflection of that.

'I can't. I won't.' He's so driven to keep her safe. His instinct is to protect her but doesn't see he's hurting her in the process. I knew she was going to be pissed he let Angela in and not her. But Tim was right she has a lot less to lose. Which doesn't seem pertinent in this moment...I do love her placing her hands on his when she also replies. 'I can't. I won't.'

Mirroring his words from moments ago. Just like he will never stop protecting her. Lucy will never stop fighting for him or longing to help him. That man is her entire world. The most important person in her life. It makes perfect sense she would help with this. Career be damned. I mean she risked her career to get him a shot at Metro. Of course she would do the same thing in order to shoulder his burden with him.

Love her standing her ground in this moment. Like damnit I love you and you are going to let me in. Whether you like it or not I am here and I'm going to help. If this wasn't a reflection of the communication problems that still painfully exist between them I don't know what is. I mean she tried to be patient and trust him. But honestly he needed this kick in the ass to let her in. Which is a problem. Lucy needs to be the first person he goes to. It shouldn't have to come to this. *sigh*

Their OP goes off without a hitch. Except Ray saying he was going to be an air strike on Tim's life.... God I had no idea as I was watching that scene how true it would be. Tim gets his interview and lies to protect Angela and Lucy. While keeping his own job intact as well. Also welcome back to Jackson’s dad. Hello there Percy. This is not how I wanted to see him again.

But he is IA him returning was never gonna be a good thing tbh in a post Jackson world. Regardless it was nice to see him again. The scene is Grey's office is ROUGH. Never seen Wade so disappointed in Tim. It hurts to watch. Just like this entire gut punch of an episode. Tim is just standing there in utter shame of everything. Ashamed Wade is looking at him like this.

Kills me Grey has to inform Pine of what he did. It makes sense he has to but damn that sucks. The amount of respect Tim has for Wade is immense. To watch him tear Tim apart and just stand there like a puppy being scolded hurts my soul. Especially when he tries to fight Pine knowing. Just dismissing him without further comment or argument...

So I will say this and it's not at all fair to Lucy that I thought this I'm sure. But I felt like if there was gonna be a breakup it would be coming from her. Not Tim in this moment. That's the part of this moment that really knocked the wind out of me. She had every damn right to be the one too btw. Instead she is there waiting for him with open arms. Honestly I took a breath for the first time this entire episode when she welcomed him in.

Wrapping him up in her arms. Encasing him, rubbing his back, her fingers in his hair. Gently cradling him against her. I thought ok maybe we'll be alright. Since Lucy isn't nearly as angry as she was earlier. Maybe they can get through this together. Cause she loved on him regardless of what happened. The unconditional love she has for this man blows me away. I honestly thought with her loving on him maybe they'd make it out. That they’d work through it together.

Tim looks so very defeated. On the verge of an actual breakdown as he explains that he lied about everything. Saying it saved his job...protected Angela and her. It doesn't seem like enough of a win to him. He looks so very destroyed and this is just the beginning of his downward spiral.

Lucy is doing everything to be his rock in this moment. To assuage him of his guilt… Most vulnerable ever seen Tim *pre tears*…. Lucy telling him it was an impossible situation. She would've done the same thing. It’s so very clear she was willing to work through this. To build them back to where they were before he got that phone call. Everything Lucy was in this scene represented her unconditional love for him. Tim is just too destroyed at the moment to see it….Also for him to accept it. It's so hard to truly accept unconditional love if you've never had it before. To truly trust in it.

Lucy is watching him spiral out of control. The way he's talking about himself with such loathing. How she never would've been in a place where she put her self interest over her team like him. She is trying her damndest to right his wrong. But Tim is having none of it. It pains me to see it... Pains Lucy too. It's the way she grabs onto him while he continues his verbal self flogging that get's me.

Trying to ground him in this moment with her touch. Bring him back to her. Something that has worked so well in the past. Sadly not having the intended affect this time around. Tim is too damn gone at this point. He feels he’s betrayed everything he thought he was. THOUGHT he was. *heart clutch* Tim has such a deep moral compass. That's why this is rocking him so very much. Ugh my heart. I too have a crazy deep moral compass. I can't say I wouldn't be spiraling out like him as well.

This was his greatest sin brought to light. To Tim exposing him for the fraud he feels he is. Him saying he's been lying to himself for a long time is a reflection of this. That imposter syndrome coming out real strong here. Something he buried deep down came rushing to the forefront and he is imploding. Says as much above. He no longer feels worthy to be in her life now. I get this anytime I screw up with a friend or my sister. I have this deep sense of shame attached to it. Like I no longer deserve that friend or my sister cause I messed up or if a past sin comes up. That they'll no longer love me or will forever look at me differently cause of it.

It's not logical but it's deeply ingrained from my mom shaming me for doing anything wrong growing up. As it is for Tim. His father literally beat the hell out of him for ever being out of line. He has suffered emotional and physical abuse. Unless confronted and treated comes out like this. Demons making their way to the surface. I was bawling by the time he said 'I'm sorry.' He’s never seen himself worthy of Lucy’s love that much has always been evident. But to see it this raw and visceral ripped my heart out. It’s on the ground where they're both standing.

I think this is something that has been brewing in the background for Tim for a long time. Now that I've had time away to decompress and think. I'm actually very excited they're tackling this. It's clear Tim is not in a place where he thinks he deserves her anymore. Low key never has been. He acts before he thinks. Eric had a great quote from his interview about Tim "He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through, and it can come out a bit too strong.” That is this decision in a nutshell. He feels he is a burden therefore he is removing himself without thinking it through. The regret that is going to come with this is going to be immense for him.

'You deserve so much better.' Better than me basically. He feels immense shame and that shame is launching him away from her. You know I learned something in therapy about this. About not being perfect and feeling like I'm too much. i.e. a burden. My therapist told me and it made me cry. 'You are worthy of the space you take up in people's lives. They want you there.' Tim does not think he is worthy of the space he is taking up in Lucy's life now. All his sins on the table laid out for her to see. He can't handle it. That much is very clear here. I will say I haven’t let a ship hurt me like this in a long time.

This absolutely crushed me. I couldn't even fathom assembling my thoughts. Cut me very deep. Been with this ship since day one. Also what a crushing blow this is for Lucy. Our poor girl. I mean she gave everything to this relationship. I mean EVERYTHING. She was all in from the moment Tim said ‘Unless it is.’ This was her first real relationship. First real leap into being serious. Thinking about marriage and kids. She gave her all to Tim my god. Her career took a hit for him and she never complained. Knew he was worth it (he still is btw) Fought every step of the way for him. For them.

When he was pulling back above it was an absolute panic for her. She could see him slipping through her fingers. Idk what broke my heart more Tim thinking he’s not worthy of her any longer or her begging him not to do this. She literally can't fathom how he can let go of her like this. Thought she was his person. Tim feels he’s gone back to who he was pre-Lucy and that scares him. He feels undeserving of the love she has to give him. Lucy knows everything and in his mind he can’t imagine her still loving him.

Lucy was as we all were in this scene. In disbelief... Even though Tim put her though absolute hell she was still there to comfort and support him. Because to her he is worth it even in the hard times. We all know Tim isn’t the best with his emotions. In his trauma damaged brain he thinks he’s doing the right thing here. That he’s radioactive, she deserves better than being around him and his reckless behavior.

The kiss on her head. Lucy trying to physically push away his rejection. Stomping all over my damn heart...However this ends up playing out Tim is going to have to address his emotional instability. How he charges forward and doesn’t think things through. Ruled by his emotions in the worst way. He’s impulsive and he’s gonna have to fight to get her back when he’s in a better mindset. Her trust has been obliterated by this. She fought and clawed for them and this was her reward. He’s gonna have to do some serious healing to get back to her. Lucy has loved him the best she can but he needs to put in some work now. We see next ep he's meeting with Aaron's therapist. Don't love that but I’ve wanted Tim to go to therapy for years. He needs this. Therapy doesn’t work unless you put the effort in though.

That will be a challenge for him. When I get out of the purview of this hurt I’m feeling...I’m actually going to be really impressed and happy they had Tim go through this. Do I think this is the end of them? No I think this is some serious growing pains. It was issues that have been percolating since Lucy did that 5 player trade. Hell probably back in 5x12 when Tim sacrificed himself without telling her so they could stay together. I still think that was romantic because of it's intended nature. BUT was the beginning of the communication problems. They’ve grown so very much in that regard. We’ve seen it but there is still work to be done on that front. It just came to a very gutting painful head.

I still have faith in the writers. I still have faith they’ll be ok. It might not be right away and I'm already feeling impatient tbh. But this is some serious realism being applied to them. It wasn't some random BS angst. Honestly we’re lucky our ship gets the most attention, the best SL’s and two people who LOVE these characters. They absolutely adore them and this ship. If you haven’t read Melissa and Eric’s interviews for this episode I highly recommend. This sucks right now. No two ways about it. But we will survive this storm. They’ll come out stronger than ever. Truly believe that. But for now let's rally around each other and get through this together. There will be brighter days ahead just doesn't feel like it right now. We got this.

~~~

Side notes non Chenford.

Do love Aaron working with Harper all if of all I cared about other than their SL in this one. Nolan's I fast forwarded which I normally don't do but I had no patience for his BS in this ep lol My anxiety was rampant in this ep and had no space for him.

Also RIP Metro Tim for the 6x07 promo. This hurts to see not just cause I enjoyed him in that outfit lol But to see his career take a nosedive like this. I wanted more Tim back story. Didn’t think would hurt like this though....Feel free to comment I love you all for any interaction I get with these. <3

#Caitlin mini reviews #chenford #s6 #the rookie 6x06 #6x06 Secret and Lies #otp: unless it is #otp: doing my job #the rookie #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

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cherr-22 · 6 months

Text

TNGDH 27

“I’m going to die…….”

Literally. My legs were so sore that I couldn’t feel them anymore. My vision blurred and all I could see was the earthy brown color of the ground everywhere.

To think riding a horse was this strenuous. It’s the horse that’s running, and yet why am I the one getting tired? Because the ground was uneven, I even felt nauseous. Please…… save me.

“Hang on a little bit more.”

Kyle comforted me when he heard me groan.

Of course, it didn’t comfort me. Thinking how many more hours I’d have to ride the horse later today, I felt anxious to cancel ‘Summon’ and go back to the hamster house to rest.

Phew. Such is my life. This strange, tiring life.

Glumly holding onto the reigns, I heard a loud caw above me. The Northern crows circled around in the sky, making it feel unpleasant.

“Why is it crying out loud? Such bad luck.”

“……Do you normally express it as ‘crying’?”

“If it can’t talk, then I’d say it would be crying.”

I answered grumpily and lowered back my head to focus on the road ahead.

Beyond the castle and plains was a forest full of coniferous trees. There were many ravines here and there, so the terrain was not easy to travel across. The path could only fit two horses side by side.

“Don’t worry too much about it.”

Kyle must’ve been worried after seeing my expression.

“Since this is only a reconnaissance with the new knights, we will only briefly check the forest before heading back. Cases where we go beyond the small mountain besides during subjugations or investigations are rare.”

“A small mountain……?”

You call this a small?

I clicked my tongue as I looked at the cliff stretched out in the distance.

“What is there beyond that cliff?”

“Are you talking about the types of demonic beasts?”

“Oh, no. Rather than demonic beasts…… are there any villages or anything.”

Upon asking, Kyle laughed as if what he heard was nonsense.

“The Blake estate is the only place in the North where people can survive. Well, I’m sure there would be villages where the demonic beasts gather instead.”

“……That doesn’t sound very amusing. Then what are there geographically?”

“Over this mountain is a vast rocky plain with chunks of ice and rocks here and there. Beyond that is a large mountain, and beyond the large mountain is the sea.”

He lifted his sleeve over my face to shield it from the strong winds. It felt so natural that I accepted it without a second thought.

I tilted my head and glanced up at him. Seeing how he didn’t even bat an eyelid at the harsh wind, he must’ve been used to the cold.

“I rarely go beyond the frozen sea. It’s difficult to go and there is nothing good there.”

Even if the sea is frozen, isn’t it just a regular sea? What was so different and difficult about it?

“Why is that? Is it a lawless zone or something?”

“Yes. It’s not a place that the Meinhardt Empire could even handle. Beyond that sea, even I would have to risk my life.”

Just what exactly is there?

I thought about various possibilities and then the system that has been quiet until now popped up.

[Beyond the Northern Sea is an area called the ‘Magician’s Domain’.]

‘The Magician’s Domain, huh. It sounds pretty tame when hearing the name alone…….’

But that didn’t look to be the case seeing Kyle’s expression. Well, I could think about it later. It’s not like I’ll go there today.

“Your Highness. Should we return to the northeast pathway?”

Hearing the voice from behind, Kyle paused for a moment and measured the distance.

The road ahead branched out into two paths. One appeared to be a road going up the hill to northeast and the other going down to the canyon in the northwest.

The knights murmured to each other in relief and anxiety by hearing the word ‘northeast’.

Kyle said in a heavy tone.

“The area where the wyvern nest has not been resolved yet. Also, currently it is mating season so we must avoid northeast. Everyone, take a detour to the western canyon!”

……If it’s a detour, does that mean this reconnaissance would take more time?

I nervously checked the remaining time in ‘Summon’.

[‘Summon’ will be canceled in 20 minutes.]

It won’t be good if I suddenly disappear in the middle of the canyon……. Sigh. Today will be the day I use up all my Miracle Points.

I quickly bought a cookie from the Nut Store.

[Long-Lasting Acorn Cookies ｜Miracle Points 1% consumption ｜ Extend duration of ‘Summon’ by 1 hour]

[Current Miracle Value 25.0%]

Hopefully, I could keep my points above 20% by the end of this expedition. Meaning, I’d prefer to return back to the estate within six hours.

I quietly glanced at Kyle and took out the cookie from my pockets. Crunch. Kyle glanced back upon hearing the sound of me eating.

“Why are you trying to eat so secretly?”

Your ears are quite sharp. Couldn’t you have pretended not to hear anything?

“It is my life.”

That was 100% the truth.

“I sure get to hear a lot of interesting things from you.”

Of course, Kyle thought of it as a joke.

I’m telling you, it’s the truth. An acorn cookie I bought with the cost of my life. Although it’s savory, it leaves the mouth a little dry after you finish eating it…….

“Anyways, it means that I’m not going to share it with you.”

Kyle’s red eyes blankly stared at me as if he were surprised.

“It’s fine. More importantly…….”

He lightly squeezed my chin and turned it to the side. I muttered, “What is it,” as I glanced around in the direction Kyle pointed out using my face.

“Over there. Do you see those forest bushes?”

My eyes that were once wandering around aimlessly stopped on something sparkling in the bushes. Several pairs of round eyes gazed towards our direction.

They were furry animals that could be held within two hands. Smaller than a dog, but a little larger than a mouse. There was a short horn on its forehead between its round ears.

It was an animal I have never seen before, and yet it felt strangely familiar…….

“Those are the Northern field mice.”

What?

“That is what they would look like after growing a mana stone in their heart. They are a little small compared to other Northern demonic beasts though.”

That’s not right. Normally a mouse that size would be considered very large.

“They are quite tame if you don’t bother them first. It was around this area where I first met Cashew.”

Kyle’s tone of voice instantly went soft. His expression gradually softened as he thought of the cute squishy demonic beast waiting for him at the castle……

Forget about It. Can’t you see that the cute and squishy demonic beast is suffering here right now due to muscle pains.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×198]

Cancel what I said earlier.

Think about me a lot. Just two hearts worth more.

“Should I try finding a mate for it…….”

……Huh. Wait, what did you just say?

Immediately, I yelled as he was mumbling.

“No!”

“…….”

“Most definitely not. To think about copulating demonic beasts!”

“Northern field mice are usually quite active.”

“Those are the Northern mice. Cashew is a domestic demonic beast. It has been developing slow and hasn’t even developed a magic stone yet. What if you pair it up and it ends up getting eaten by its pair?

I have no intention of sharing my house no matter how big it may be. Roommates are absolutely forbidden.

“Sure, you can adopt another one if you want to see Cashew dead the next day.”

If that day ever comes, I will kill you myself and run away from here. You understand?

Kyle nodded in disappointment under my intense gaze.

“……That makes sense. I understand. As soon as I get back, I shall have a meeting with the magicians to plan on injecting mana energy.”

I hope there won’t be any side effects from doing that.

Would I look like a fraud if I say that there is no need to inject mana? I looked at him with a wistful expression and then looked at the group of mice.

‘I wonder if I am not a normal, typical hamster?’

To not have a mana stone inside the heart and to not have any visible growth. I suspect I will never be able to grow as big as those mice over there……

“As expected…….”

Kyle made comparisons with the Northern field mice.

“There is none as cute as Cashew.”

Just like a hamster otaku.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×200]

Still, as long as you’re happy.

Thanks to that, I could buy the Demonic Beast Encyclopedia. I pretended to stretch my arms and took out the encyclopedia.

“Now, let’s see…….”

“What is that?”

“A necessary textbook for a demonic beast specialist, the Demonic Beast Encyclopedia. This book was bought off from my diligent teacher who also had a bit of a grumpy personality.”

[┗|｀O′|┛]

What, why. It’s the truth. You ate up all my Hearts so be quiet.

Kyle slowed down the horse to let me read the book comfortably. The deeper we went into the canyon, the darker our surroundings became. The knights changed their formation and turned on their lights.

Let’s see…….

“Goblin, ogre, wyvern…… bear, unicorn? There’s quite a variety of beasts. Northern poisonous snake, forest eel? Why is there an eel in the forest?”

There are really a lot of strange things in this world. Korea was truly an ordinary place in comparison.

“Oh, here it is. Northern field mice.”

The word ‘field mice’ caught Kyle’s attention.

“The Northern field mice is one of the less threatening species, boasting mediocre physical abilities…… wow, isn’t this a bit too harsh?.”

System, can’t you do your work properly? Do you want to be sent to the sky?

This is definitely a revenge on me.

[（￣︶￣）]

“And?”

“The process of developing a mana stone is more complicated than other demonic beasts, but once it develops it, it could use simple magic. Generally of the earth magic……”

I then shut my mouth. It was because an ominous premonition passed through my mind.

You won’t be making me learn some kind of magic later, right? I’m already quite sad to have become a hamster…

[(⊙ˍ⊙)]

‘No, why do you have such a surprised expression…….’

Bang!

At that moment, a huge rock fell about ten steps in front of us, shaking the ground.

Don’t tell me…….

“Change to defensive formation!”

Kyle stretched out his arm to close the book in my hands.

“Shu. From now on, everything I say will be an order and disobedience will not be tolerated.”

I felt a shiver go down my body. Kyle spoke before I could respond back a ‘Yes’.

“No matter what happens, do not get off the horse.”

With that, he jumped off from the horse and unsheathed his sword.

--------------------------------------------------------

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#tngdh

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whereianonymouslypostfics · 10 months

Text

Anniversary

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~2.4k

Summary: You spend a special day with Wanda

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, and hurt/comfort

A/N: @aliherreraaa, here's the angsty first time we see Wanda cry. Enjoy.

Sometimes you hated the fact that you knew so little about Wanda. You’ve been dating for 3 months which honestly wasn’t that long, and given how sporadically you saw her sometimes she felt like a stranger. When you were with her though, it was easy to forget about this because you got along so well. You figure it’s not the same as knowing someone, and especially during times like now, you wish you’d talked about deeper things than your favorite movie or vacation spot.

Maybe it was too early for anything else. You were relatively new to relationships and didn’t really know what was normal. That said, your time with Wanda was enough to realize what wasn’t normal for a relationship. Being ghosted isn’t normal, and despite accepting it to a point because of Wanda’s work, this was getting ridiculous. After having plans 3 days ago and getting no response from your girlfriend after she stood you up, you were irritated to say the least. You had sent her far too many texts that had gone unanswered, and an equally frustrating number of calls that had also failed to get Wanda’s attention.

You’d had a rough week without this happening, so you couldn’t just ignore the frustration that Wanda had caused. You practically stomp up the driveway after jumping over the gate once you’d realized you couldn’t get through. You brush the dirt and grass off of your clothes as you huff on annoyance. You’ve only been here once, but Wanda had told you how to sneak in. You hadn’t thought too deeply into it at the time because you were excited to finally be seeing where Wanda lived, but now you just find it annoying. Why was she so secretive and non-communicative? You could handle one with good reason, but not both.

As you literally storm her giant house, you consider what you’ll say to her. She’d missed a simple date and that was annoying, but what really bothered you was the nagging feeling that something was wrong. Wanda had never indicated that she wasn’t interested in you. In fact, she’d done the opposite many times, so you were frustrated and insecure to say the least. These feelings, as well as your anxiety that grew with each day that Wanda didn’t respond, were the impetus to come track her down.

You sneak in through the door that Wanda told you didn’t lock, and you end up in the basement near the stairwell that leads up to the rooms that she, her friends, and brother occupied. You try not to think about running into them as you take the stairs two at a time while glancing at your phone and they many, many unanswered messages. Seeing nothing new you scowl before pausing as you reach the top floor. You still don’t know what you’re going to say to your girlfriend, but opening the door that led out to the floor you’d only been on once shakes your confidence a little. You’re glad the hall is empty and you go straight for Wanda’s door and take a deep breath as you raise your hand to knock.

You don’t speak because you’re not sure who’s nearby and you don’t want to attract any unwanted attention. No response nearly ten seconds later makes your anger flare again and you knock once more. This time you knock louder and for longer until you’re almost ready to give up.

You sigh heavily and start to turn and leave when you hear the door fly open and suddenly Wanda’s standing in front of you. She looks pissed and you quickly notice that her eyes are red and she doesn’t look like she’s slept in a while. You suddenly feel very uncomfortable and out of line as Wanda’s eyes widen in surprise at the sight of you.

Wanda had spent the last 5 days in her room, and up until yesterday her brother had been knocking multiple times a day, everyday. She’d thought he’d quit but hearing the incessant knocking from her bedroom told her otherwise. She’d been unable to get out of bed for most of the time she’d been locked in here. The increasing anxiety and depression she’d felt these past few days had kept her from doing anything other than sleeping or staring off into space while reruns of her favorite sitcom played on mute in the background.

Nothing could have prepared her for this, and she’d feel bad about ignoring everyone, especially you and her brother, but she didn’t have enough energy to spare. Her brother was suffering too and she was being selfish this year and keeping to herself. He’d tried to talk some sense into her, but she wouldn’t listen. She’d figured that since Pietro didn’t come by yesterday, he must have given up. Hearing him knock today made her feel something other than sadness, and she’d hopped out of bed and stormed to the door to give him a piece of her mind.

Seeing you on the other side of the door made her stop and stare in shock. She quickly realized that she’d missed a date with you, but she doesn’t think about this now as she watches your irritation lessen slightly. She briefly wonders how mad you must be to have come all this way just to yell at her. Her anxiety starts to creep up again as she considers why you’re here and she begins to wring her hands nervously.

“Y/n, what are you doing here?”

You ignore her question as your scowl disappears and your expression changes from anger to concern. You realize that Wanda’s been crying and this makes your anger dissipate as you consider the possibilities. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Wanda upset, and it's throwing you into protective mode.

“What’s wrong, Wanda? Are you okay?”

You want to ask more, but you can tell that Wanda’s a little overwhelmed by whatever is going on as well as your presence, and you don’t want to push her over the edge. You watch and wait as Wanda just stares at you before her brain reminds her of why she’d isolated herself in the first place. She fights back the tears she feels burning her already raw and tired eyes as she shakes her head. She can’t lie to you and she doesn’t want to, so she opens the door further and takes a deep breath.

“Do you want to come in?”

Completely ignoring your question was answer enough for now, and despite your frown returning, you nod before following her into the room. It’s dark and quiet in here, and as soon as the door shuts behind you it’s near pitch black. Wanda wants nothing more than to crawl back into bed, but now that you’re here she hesitates. She casts her bedroom a longing look before moving to sit on the couch in the living room. You stand near the front door just watching as she switches on a lamp and makes it easier for you to see how exhausted she looks. You have a feeling that she’s just been holed up in her room since you were supposed to see her. You just don’t know why.

“Sorry I missed our date."

Wanda’s voice is flat and emotionless when she says this, making you think she feels an obligation to apologize more than she actually regrets not seeing you. You don’t bother addressing this now as you walk toward her slowly. She doesn’t seem to really notice as she sits back and takes in a shaky breath. You take the chance to sit down beside her, and when she doesn’t react you take this as a good sign.

“I’m more worried about you, Wands. What’s going on?”

Wanda doesn’t respond immediately but her eyes squeeze shut as she considers your question for only a second. For the last five days she’s been agonizing over the past and wondering how different her life would be if she hadn’t inherited the criminal empire she controlled today.

“My parents died tomorrow.”

The sentence confuses you initially until you remember that Wanda had inherited her family business. The anniversary of their death must be tomorrow, and this realization suddenly makes you feel like an asshole. Wanda hadn’t been ignoring you like you’d thought. She’d be ignoring everyone as she grieved her parents. You suddenly feel a strong urge to pull her into a hug, but you don’t think that will be well received.

Despite letting you in here, she hadn’t so much as touched you since you arrived so you’re not going to risk overwhelming her further. Instead you tell her what you’d want to hear if you were in her place. You shift on the couch so you’re facing her, and you fidget as you consider reaching out for her hand.

“I’m sorry. I know that can’t be easy.”

Wanda has tears rolling down her cheeks only moments after you say this, and you immediately feel guilty. You ignore your fear of being thrown out, and you take Wanda’s hand in yours and squeeze it to reassure her the she’s not alone. Your girlfriend finally opens her eyes and as expected they're red and watery from crying. She squeezes your hand as she takes a shaky breath before she looks at you sadly.

“It hurts. I miss them so much.”

Your heart stutters at her words. You hate that she has to go through this, and you hate that she’s chosen to be alone as well. You move closer and wrap and arm around her shoulders as you hold her close. You’re surprised when Wanda starts to cry harder as she turns so her face is in your shoulder, but you don’t hesitate to hug her tightly. You hear her continue to sniffle even once her sobs die down after what feels like a century. You’re rubbing her back soothingly as you wait for your girlfriend to tell you what she wants. She’s probably exhausted from the past few days, and you’re considering leading her to bed when she finally begins to shift. She lets out a tired whimper before she pulls just far enough away to meet your gaze with an apologetic one.

“I really am sorry. For ignoring you.”

Wanda didn’t even realize that you’d reached out, but in the past few minutes she concluded that it was the only explanation for why you’d be here. She went dark sometimes, but this time she’d missed a date and upset you. Before she can feel guilty about this for too long, you shake your head with a sigh that expels both tension and any remaining anger you had in your body. You want to help Wanda feel better through this horrible experience, and you offer yourself up in hopes that she’ll ask for assistance.

“I’m more worried about you. Is there something I can do to help you feel better?”

Wanda bites her lip at the thought of what she wants to ask you. She’d wanted it before she even invited you in, but she’d been worried for several reasons. For one she thought you’d be angry with her for ghosting you, and she’d expected you to shout at her or at the very least tell her off. The next and likely more important fear was that you wouldn’t want to stick around because she certainly wouldn’t be good company. She wasn’t feeling well and she’s not sure what she’d manage to do with you here.

As if sensing her conflict, you offer her a smile and squeeze her arm gently to get her attention. Once she’s looking at you, you lean in to kiss her forehead before resting your own against it with a sigh.

“Whatever you need, Wands. I’m here, okay?”

Wanda swallows the lump in her throat before she reaches out to play with your hair. The sincerity she hears in your voice is enough for her to find the courage to ask you to stay.

When you just smile and nod in agreement, Wanda feels her mood brighten and a faint smile tug at her lips. She kisses you in thanks before she turns away from you and leans back against you. Understanding what Wanda’s asking for, you spread you legs so she can sit between them before reaching out to wrap your arms around her waist. You pull her close and kiss her cheek as she relaxes against you and breathes a sigh of relief. She focuses on your presence and lets the thoughts of her parents fade into the background.

At this point she’s realized that she’ll always miss them. No matter how many people she surrounded herself with, she’d never find anyone to replace them. She didn’t want that, but she did want to find a way to move on while still respecting their memories. She knows her mom would want her to be happy, and she’s certain the older Maximoff would have loved you. You’re caring, funny, and you make her happy. Her mother wouldn’t want anything else for her.

Her father may have been more concerned with work than her mother, but Wanda liked to think he’d support her relationship with you. If he was around she wouldn’t be in charge, and maybe she’d have more freedom. He would have given you a hard time, but hopefully he’d come around eventually.

She’ll never know what her parents would think of her life right now. Despite wondering all of these things she knows it’s all speculation that merely serves as a coping mechanism. She’s fine with this for now, but after tomorrow’s passed she’s going to figure out how to step out on her own, out of her parents’ shadows.

Wanda turns her head so she can listen to your heartbeat as you both relax and feel content for the first time in days. Wanda’s grateful for your presence here with her, and in her life as a whole. You’re comforting and kind and she wants to find a way to let you into her life. By the time you leave two days later, Wanda decides that you’re unlike anyone she’s ever met. You’re special and she’s determined to hold onto you for as long as you’ll let her.

Masterlist

#wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda x you #silver springs #silver springs drabble #mob au

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