#havent decided who. anyway i know how their dynamics work but i dont know how to make a story outta that

[understandableparadox]

Bottom of the barrel Isekai review

Today we are looking at the following, "The white cat's revenge as plotted from the dragon kings lap."

christ thats a long as title.

anyways, do you have a friend? no? yes? maybe? how nice, how do you treat them? how do you speak with them? how do you interact with them? while you are filling out this survey, could you be as kind as to fill out those silly little digits on that odd plastic card in your mothers purse for moi~?

no? well fuck you to.

the flowers, the painfully average looking protag, the specific notation about the eye color? we are about to dive into the live of a special young lady and her mystical adventures through whimsy and wonder.

anyways the story is that ruri, are main charecter lives a rather average life with her super importent dad and her super model mom, as the image stats, how could her life ever be distrupted in any form or fashion?

if you guess that a random girl made friends with her and followed her for most of her life until they both got sucked into a fantasy world and the kingdom decided the friend would be the priestess, then you would be correct~!

"But dox!" you say crawling out of my airvent "thats huge gap in time, what happened in between?"

well asashi and ruri had a rather odd relationship. you see, everyone fucking loves asashi, they are all in on ensureing that this random girls life is as easy as possible but at the expense of asashi. they will all work togather to do make sure asashi is happy while also bullying ruri.

do you feel that? thats the worm in my brain slowly getting into yours as more and more questions about this specific dynamic arise. some of them will be answered, but they will only be answered in a way that makes sure the worm Burrows Deeper.

first question: its clear ruri fucking hates asashi, why do i say shes her friend?

second question: Why are they friends? why hasent ruri made her leave her alone if she doesnt like her?

well to answer those questions...

as asashi is appointed the new priestiess ruri attempt to discover things about this kingdom, she learns from a priest that there is no way back home that they know of, nor are their any stories of a person summoned being Un summoned.

anyways we cant get any plot done here! we need to roundaboutly kick shit off while also makeing this asashis fault somehow!

so she ends up getting kicked from the castle, forced to wander the woods for the rest of her natural life, her mulchcore attitude persaudeing her to lay down and become one with it all...

ok no thats not what happens, she walks around a little bit, learns she is the greatest mage alive

, wanders presumably without food and water for five days, yes im screaming at the overpowered mc cliche once again just ignore it, where in she meets a old lady in the woods

who of course unlocks her

Special eyes of destiny

which allows her to see the collection of fucking creepy fairies that constently surround and are touching her at any given moment of the day.

I am lead to belive due to the daisies drawn in the back ground that this is supposed to be a moment of whimsy and joy, this image fills me with a special dread as it fullfills almost every single one of my autistic fears imagineable. night mare night mare nightmare.

anyways magic is discussed for a vary long time but oh fuck, we havent complained about asashi in five seconds, time to make a horrifying point about her!

this conclusion seems to be that no one can truly love asashi as all the love she will ever feel is artifically grown because of her magic. this also means that if you have a strong heart and a good soul you cannot love asashi because you would naturally and rightfully find her as annoying as ruri would. this is because ruri is the only one that can see her objectivly.

if you hare undergoing a string of panic that comes from the fundamental question that comes from the doubt of love from the sources in your life, dont worry, Ruri says she is annoying and bad and the story belives her to be objectivly correct so everyone belives that if they are good. you are a good person right?

growing dread aside, more plot, the fairys bend to the whim of ruri, all faries, meaning that unless you are a motherfucking wizard, the one source of universal and public magic has been cut off. all villagers that relied on water and fire magic have been cut off. farmers that need earth magic are cut off.

of course this is not her fault because again she is an objectivly good person with a good heart so she tut tuts the fairies for depriving villagers of clean drinking water and easy acess to heat and light for a week and the story moves on.

she learns more magic, she summons the fairy of time and they platoniclly flirt because ruri is a completely heterosexual girl.

the fairy of time is a simp and donates to her only dimensional space. one item of which is a bracelet that turns her into a cat, fulfilling one item on the title.

she goes to the market, her special chosen one powers make her super duper populer and people naturally want her advice and to give her money

wait a second, what time is it?

OH FUCK, WE HAVENT COMPLAINED ABOUR ASASHI IN A BIT!

SHE HAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE OF ASASHI GIVING UP HER DREAM LIFE IN A FANTASY WORLD TO BE WITH HER, THIS IS CONSIDERED A BAD THING, IN ANY OTHER MANGA THIS WOULD BE CONSIDERED A ROMANCE TO END ALL ROMANCES

she decides to leave and go to the city of dragons because fuck it, thats a thing to do, she has to tell them she is the special chosen one with the blue eyes and blonde hair.

we cut for a second our lead.

as you can see the prince through his actions is a completely heterosexual man, one that loves Boobs And Vagina. as one can clearly Tell.

anyways the prince is creepy, he walks through town in disgues, happens upon ruri and without a second thought proceeds to do this:

gross.

anyways, the prince tells his homophobic advisors that he met a girl and they immeditly start a witch hunt for her while ruri enters the room as a cat to establish that again, she is the special chosen one of destiny.

anyways she meets the prince and nothing happens. the fairies threaten to kill everyone with the knowladge that ruri has apocalyptic plot armor.

now, to explain what a special chosen one is:

"hey dox, pre-emptivly asking a question, why would their ever be a chosen one? it seems their sole existance is to get a small scratch and make everyone die about it."

GREAT QUESTION, I DONT FUCKING KNOW, THEY APPERENTLY CAUSE PROSPARITY BUT I HAVE YET TO SEE IT, NOT EVEN A GOD DAMN DECENT 401K

anyways the prince gets Really attached to the Cat

Really Close.

this is explained through the fact that they have simalier wavelengths or similier magic types, meaning that they feel lonely without each other nearby.

the manga is astouindingly quick to stifle any comparison to asashi because remeber, asashi is Objectivly Bad and Unloveable.

Remember, Wanting to be friends with someone and not immeditly knowing if they like you or not makes you an objectivly Bad and Annoying person.

cut forward a bit, more werid cat flirting and she gets a job outside the palace... anyways she hears knews that the kingdom she was exiled from is wageing a war against the nation of dragons. this is handwaved as being something they just do when they find some cool magic shit.

but notably, the reason for the war has changed, as rumors have emerged that the priestess of the kingdom is supporting the war to save ruri who they belive to be kidnapped.

she gets sad about this and goes to the grandma to whine about it.

so we can see here a few things.

we are supposed to belive that its completely unreasonable for asashi to make the assumption that her best friend has been kidnapped.

that it is her fault for allowing a war to happen when we know that regardless of her support they would wage it regardless

ruri only considers asashi a friend when it is deemed attractive to her moral charecter.

yes this is the first time ruri has every said that asashi is anything resembling a friend to her.

she slips into the castle after some poverty porn about how evil and bad this kingdom is, we get a brief scene showing the king is planning on makeing sure both asashi and the prince die because he finds him annoying (I guess he has a strong and objectivly good soul)

"Man, isnt asashi awful, worrying about her friend like that? wanting people to help her find her? isnt she just the fucking Worse ever?"

im going insane, the worm has won, they have consumed any rational part of my brain and replaced it with the vast rot of whatever fucking bizarro verse this manga demands me to be within.

the two friends finally reunite after being seperated for so long.

we get a sob story about a time she broke her watch because again, asashis charm powers make people jealous of how close she is to asashi, so they bullied her and since asashi has literally never seen anyone ever act anything like that because again, everyone s magically forced to love her unconditionally, she doesnt belive her.

and of course she dosent belive her either but instead of just blindly saying no to ruri, she says she'll talk to them about it, when its clear ruri fucking hates that idea, and gets ready to leave with a little cryptic warning, she asks to flee with her

which again is displayed as a creepy and werid thing because she accidently uses her charm magic that we have established she has no control over. again, in any other manga the idea that while you may not belive what you hear, you are willing to give up any comfort to be with your friend, would be considered the most profound act of love. please feel free to contrast this to captian hair sniffer and Cat spooner.

I cannot add any more images so lets speed run this. asashi is shaken up so she goes to the king to ask him whats going on, he says "Mind control" which lets be perfectly clear, is an established and perfectly reasonable thing to belive can happen in a magical fucking world, asashi is shown to be dumb for belive this.

war happens and nothing happens, dragons win by a land slide and asashi gets captured.

she dosent belive the dragon princes words and all of her allies that got captured with her are placed in an anti magic zone and now hate her completely because again, without magic, asashi is completely and utterly unloveable.

ruri makes friends with another god and they learn that asashi convinced a guard to let her go because i guess that charm magic works whenever. but shes stuck in a dungeon and she may run into the soldiers who i guess the charm magic wont work on which leaves us with this haunting scene:

we are told that asashi legitamitly does not understand what the fuck is going on, she does not understand why they hate her, she just thought she was going to save her fucking friend.

Behold Your Antagonist.

it ends with that.

here are the questions.

"Is the underlying story, barring any other concept, good?" 

Kinda. its vary bland and vary generic. its a romance that does not know how to present itself a romance. it is a romance that spends more time complaining about someone then being in love.

"on a sliding scale of min to max, how much is the author using this to explore fetish" 

none, the few saveing graces.

"How many story crutches does the author use to explore the story" 

an absurd amount, from the plot contrivances to the power cliches, to the physical attributes denoting specialness to ensure we and the charecters know to treat her in a special way.

 "Is the author attempting to use the story as a way to explain why he is not weird."

yeah, if you have any fucking trouble with social interactions or cant read people, then you are an objectively bad person, and if you are somehow populer, no one actully loves you, and they are being forced to love you.

#bottom of the barral #isekai #shitty isekai #manga review #read on your own time #its better as a hate read #I almost miss reading omegaverse romance isekais #at least there they pretend to be in a relationship of some kind

[gerrymike]

do NOT separate (they are separated as we speak)

#i really really wanna write spin off but i have not plot just vibes. scene where one is covered in blood and they meet each other halfway #and it’s dramatic. scene where teller and twisty fight to the near death. either teller smith or mayer gets to kill twisty in the end #havent decided who. anyway i know how their dynamics work but i dont know how to make a story outta that #smithteller is business partners [winky emoji]. teller would not spit on twisty to put out a fire #smith and twisty are fake besties who also despise each other. Bonus: teller and mayer have an Understanding that has totallyyyy #no gay undertones #talk #most momentous fight scene would probably be them ganging up to beat tristans ass. Stomp the archivist day. untwist the twisty #unpoly the tropos. no odyssey for u

[fanficwritinggirl]

This is due to the fact that when i was 14 years old i met Bill Weasley. And when i mean i met him i mean we were only introduced to each other. I was spending the summer at the Weasleys which i did every summer since i started Hogwarts. And this was the one time that Bill Weasley decided that he was going to come and spend a few days with his family and this was when i first met him.

I must admit that seeing him for the first time was like something out of a romance movie or novel. Like time litrally stopped. I remember looking at him and thinking that he was the most beautiful man that i had ever seen. He gave his family a cheerful good morning and kissed his mother on the cheek and then sat down opposite to me. I remember our eyes meeting and he smiled at me and offered his hand to me. "Bill Weasley nice to meet you. You must be Y/N L/N" he introduced. And he said it in the most sweetest way that it made me swoon. I gave him a small smile and a nod and he left it at that. I sat there listening to him talk about his work. And the passion that was in his voice when he spoke of it made me fall for him. I know that it is cleche but that is the only way that i can describe it. I had never met someone as amazing as Bill Weasley and i never shall as i declare that he is the most amazing person that i have ever met. And that might just be my dumb teenage mind but he is in all honsetly as passionate, beautiful individual.

2 years after the battle of Hogwarts i was now 19 years old and you could say that a lot of things had changed since then. Well for a start Ron and Hermione are together. Harry and Ginny are together. And our poor Fred was sadly killed in the battle to sum it up. The dynamic that had taken place in the Weasley house was never the same after the death of Fred. And i wouldnt expect anything less. I miss what the twins had. The pranks that they pulled. I feel as though the light had gone out. That the magic that once filled the home will never be whole again. And that broke my heart. But i am 19 now. An adult and i have to face the fact that life isnt full of happiness and that this was one of the many hard things that i was going to have to face.

Me and Ron sat  in the sitting room of the weasley home playing an intense game of Wizards Chess. And once again i was losing. Ron was still the best chess player that i knew even 8 years later. I groan as Ron beats me once again. "Seriously Ron you have to at least give me a chance to win" i whine. He laughs. "Well maybe if you would practice more you might stand a chance of beating me" he boasts and i gasp. "Ronald Weasley dont be such a cocky git" i say as i hit him in the arm and he laughs at me as i sulk.

"What are you doing now Ron" Hermione asks as she walks in. Ron giggles. "She is sulking because i beat her again at Wizards Chess" he tells her. Hermione shakes her head and kisses his forehead. "Im sorry to tell you this Y/N but i dont think that you are ever going to beat him. Trust me i dont like to increase his ego but he is the best chess player and we both know that" she says sympathetically and i groan again and stand up. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We know" i joke and we all laugh.

"Its lovely to see some laughing in here" a voice says and we turn and see Bill Weasley standing at the edge of the sitting room. I freeze not expecting Bill to be here. "Bill what are you doing here" Ron says happily as he stands up and goes to hug his brother. "Decided that i would stay a few days and grace you all with my presence" he states as he hugs Ron. I look at Bill and can see the bags that are under his eyes. Which honestly he looks better then what i expected to look like after everything that he had been through.

Not long after the battle of Hogwarts. Bill and his wife Fleaur divorced. I guess you could say that with the PTSD and the loss of Fred took a toll on their marriage and it inevetable ended in Fleaur leaving on morning and never coming back and a few weeks later divorce papers showed up at shell cottage and then Bill knew that his marriage was over. After signing the divorce papers he moved back in with the weasleys for a few months getting affairs in order and deciding what was the next move which for him was buying an apartment in the city so that he was closer to work and from what i had been told by the rest of the Weasleys his life had been work ever since. It was heartbreaking to see a man that was once so passionate about his work loose that spark because of a broken heart. I had seen him briefly a few months back when i was at diagon alley at the bank and i must admit he looked better now than he did then.

Bill pulls back from Ron and smiles at me and Hermione. "Its nice seeing you two again. Im sorry i havent been around much work and all" he apoligies and me and hermione shake our heads. "Bill dont worry about it. Works work. Your here now" Hermione says kindly. He grins at us. "Thank you that is really nice of you. I just wanted to come and see you all before i go and see Mum. You know her she is going to keep me stuck in converstation all night at this point" he jokes and we all laugh at that. Very well knowing what Molly Weasley was like. "Go on Bill go and see her now if you want to get to bed at a decent hour" Ron says giving him a pat on the back. Bill shakes his head with a grin on his face and heads off upstairs towards. My mind was racing now. Because all i could think about was the fact that the feelings that i had bedded deep down about Bill Weasley were now coming to the surface.

Which a few days later made me completely and utterly scrood. It started with just little things between me and Bill. One morning Molly asked us to wash the dishes and it was just our hands touching that i could feel the sparks that people talk about. All of us playing a game of ball and him moving the hair from the side of my face and staring into my eyes. Him opening the door for me with a smile. It was things like this that made me relise that i was hopelessly in love with Bill Weasley and i could be. He was one of my best friends brothers and that meant that it was a big no no in the eyes of my friendship with Ron which meant that i was going to have to keep my distance.

I was standing at the sink as i was washing the dishes which was something that i offered to always do as a way of helping Molly out which i didnt mind. I loved the view that the kitchen gave me. Right out onto the garden were Ron, George and Bill were currently messing around in the garden together. Casting funny spells on each other and the laughs that was coming from them was bittersweet as there was one Weasley that would have been there. And yes im talking about Fred. And obviously Percy is another weasley sibling which i must admit that after the battle he has tried more with the family but he is still the outsider in a way. I dont know much about Percy and i dont really want to know him all to well.

But back to the view. I loved looking at Bill mess around with his brothers. There was a look of happiness the old Bill in his eyes which i know that we have all missed. The Bill that i remember falling for when i was 14. But this Bill there was so much more to him and that made me more intregued.

"So which one of my brothers are you looking at and please tell me it is not Ron" a voice asks from behind me. I come out of my daze and turn and see Ginny standing behind me. I look at her shocked before shaking my head. "Why would i be staring at Ron Ginny" i ask her confused. She sighs. "Good that is the answer that i wanted now that means that there are only 2 of my brothers that you could have been staring at. Now is it my brother George who is a hilarious guy even though he isnt much anymore but still can be. And can make any girl fall with his jokes. Or is it my eldest brother Bill. Who is passionate, determined and someone who you have been in love with since you were 14. Now let me see ene meany miney..." she says but i cut her off.

"Ginny! Stop okay i know that you know" i burst and she smirks at me. "Of course i know. I know everything. And just to let you know i think you should go for it" she expalins to me with a smirk. I just looks at her and groan. "Ginny he was barley been divorced a year yet alone ready for anew relationship and anyway what about the age difference" i try to excuse so that she would stop talking about it. She shakes me head and me. "No no no. Dont start trying to feed me all of this age difference bs. Come on like 10 years isnt that bad. Like i mean there are people who get married to others who are like 40 years older than them. Which makes you and Bill normal" she trys to persuade me. I sigh and shake my head. "Like i said Ginny he and Fleaur have barely been split up a year. And anyway he probarbly doesnt look at me like that" i doubt and go back to washing the dishes.

"Look Y/N. I know how you feel i thought Harry thought the same thing about me but hey look at us now. We might think one way about something but you know we may be wrong. And i can see the way that you and Bill are together. The way that you two move around each other its like a dance. Its like you two are meant to move together. That you are meant to be together. And i believe in soulmates and i know that you two are. I never got any of this off of Bill and Fleaur. The connection but i do now. And im telling you to go for it. Trust me" she explains. I look at her shocked. Trying to take everything in. She gives me a smile knowing that i am going to think about it. Once she leaves a bend myself over the sink with both elbows on either side of it and put my head in my hands and sigh. This is just making things harder.

Later that night i lie in bed not being able to sleep. What Ginny had said to me had got me fucked up in the way that now i cant decide what to do. I get out of bed after trying for way to long to get to sleep and head down to the kitchen to get myself some milk to help me go to sleep. I walk down there and grab some milk from the fridge and pour some in a pot to put over the stove.

"Y/N" a voice asks and i turn around and see Bill standing there looking at me with sleepy eyes. "Sorry if i woke you"i apoligise. He shakes his head and walks further into the kitchen. "You didnt i was up doing some work" he informs me and i enternally groan. He needs to stop working so much. "Well anyway then. Sorry for disturbing you. Can i offer you a mug of warm milk i heard that it helps on feel more relaxed. Or at least it did when i was a child" i say and he laughs and nods his head. "Yes please but i have a little bit of a request on how to make it better" he says as he walks to the pantree and i pour some milk into some mugs. He comes back out and has some cinnamon in his hand and sprinkles it on the top of the milk. "Mum used to do this when we are little. It just made the drink feel more at home" he says. He turns his head up and looks at me straight in the eyes. And once again there it was. The spark. The connection that i felt was there. To my dissapointment he pulls back and looks at me with intent smile.

"Why dont you try it" he says to me referring to the milk. I break out of the trance that i was in and take a sip of the milk. And he was right. The drink tasted more of home. And now all i could think about when i thought of the milk was him. I see him take a drink of his milk before our eyes meet again. He moves the milk away from his lips and puts it on the counter. He moves closer to me and before i know what is happening his lips are on mine. And a zoo erupts in my stomach. I put my own milk down and wrap my arms around his neck as he deepens it. Devoruing my lips and feeling every part of my body. He moves his hands down to my ass and grabs it pulling me up into his arms before setting me down on the counter.

My breathes are heavy. It is so hard to breathe when i am so intoxicated with him. The feeling of him of my skin. The burning that i feel in my core. This man was a drug. He pulls aways and looks at me. He smirks when he sees me so out of breathe. He moves a part of my C/H out of my face and looks deep in my eyes.

"I have wanted to do that for some long you dont understand. From the first time that i saw you the other day. I knew that you were something else. Something about you was causing me to feel something that i have never felt before and i know now that is because you are my drug Y/N. Your my drug and i hope that i am yours" he asks me. All i can do is nod my head. "Your my drug Bill. And i want all of you" i tell him and once again i am being devoured by him. He lifts me up once again and lifts me upstairs to his room and you can fill in the rest.

The next morning i wake up with Bill lying naked next to me on his back with him slightly snorning next to me. I giggle and turn and stroke his cheek and also planting a kiss. His hands moves up and holds mine and he smiles. "Morning" he says and i smile. "Morning" i say as he kisses me. I sigh. He is my drug. He pulls me closer and groans. "We are going to have to tell them arent we" he asks. I nod as i curl into him. "Yeah we are but i have a feeling that they already know" i inform him and he looks at me confused. "And how would they know" he asks me cheekely. "Well i have a feeling that we may have not been that quiet last night" i say mischeviously. He smirks and leans closer. "I believe that you are correct on that but i would say that it was mostly you calling my name that they heard" he whispers in my ear and i moan. He flips us over and pins my hands over my head. "And i think that for you being a naughty girl and not being quiet last night i might need to punish you" he purrs. The feeling of my core heats up once again. "And how might you do that William" i ask him. I slowly feel him slide his hand down to my pussy and put a finger in and i groan. "I have a few ideas" he says before taking me.

You could say that we were correct. When we walked down the stairs everyone was looking at us. Molly and Arthur looked a little unconfertable. Which i dont blame them. I dont think they preferably wanted to hear their son having sex. Hermione, Ron, Harry and George looked completely shocked and Ginny of course was sitting there with a smug look on her face. Bill sighs. "Ok i know that most of you are shocked right now and i understand that completely. And im sorry that you had to hear that last night. But i just want to let you know that i love Y/N. I love her and some of you might think that it is a bit early after the divorce and all but i know its now. I know that what we feel for each other is stronger than anything that i have ever felt and that will never change. So all i ask is for you please just be happy for us" Bill exclaims. They all just blink at us before Ron is the first to speak.

"Can i just asks. From how hard your bed was going against the wall im surprised that you are even walking Y/N" he jokes. Molly wacks him around the head. "Ronald Weasley" she exclaims and we all laugh. We know that they accept us and Bill kisses my head before we head to the table. We recive some awkward hugs and pats on the back which was expected but at the end of the day i have Bill and Bill has me.

#bill weasley #bill weasley imagine #bill weasley x reader #harry potter #hp stuff #harry potter smut #george weasley x reader #george weasley #ron weasley #hermione granger #molly weasley #ginny weasley #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco malfoy #draco x reader

[lassieposting]

Hi i havent read the books post-resurrection so im kinda lost on why you dont like phase 2 val? She was easily one of my favourite characters ever, she was flawed (and the books took time to acknowledge them) and relatable and still really admirable (intelligent, brave, loyal) and i really liked her and really appreciated that she wasn’t perfect unlike every other young adult heroines. What went wrong😢😢😢😢

Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut because I very strongly dislike phase 2 val and I know it bugs people who don't feel the same, so. Dead dove dont eat

Okay so first off, phase 1 val and phase 2 val are completely different people. literally. phase 1 val was based on an ex-friend of lardo's who used to apparently be involved pretty heavily in like, editing the books and "she'd react like this" or "val wouldn't say that", and that val she was one of my favourite fictional characters from when book one came out to the release of resurrection. phase 2 val is based on his whiny little girlfriend who likes to start shit with 14yos on twitter, and you can absolutely tell she is no longer the same person. so the long story short of "what went wrong" is "the original irl val's friendship with dirty laundry ended for whatever reason and he decided to retcon her entire personality to suit his gf"

Phase 2 Val, in my opinion:

Weak, like won't even fight back when she gets jumped bc boo fucking hoo she's so awful, bitch get up already, nobody signed up for ur pity party

Whiny. So fucking whiny. All the time. And she's the POV character so it's inescapable.

"Pacifist" but in a really pathetic virtue-signalling kind of way like "Oh, I've done such terrible thiiiiiiiiiiings I'm so awfulllllllllllll look how good I'm trying to be nowwwwwwww pay attention to meeeeeeee" kind of way, it was both boring and a massive eye roll. It's a book about magic and asskicking. Kick some ass. We're here for escapism not "realistic" whining. Yes, irl she'd be a mess. As an author it's his job to strike a balance between the "realism" he wants to portray and making his readers so depressed and done with his heroine that they quit reading, and in my case, he absolutely failed.

Everything must be about her at all times. Skug is having personal problems? Fuck him, they're about her now. Everything is about how it affects her, and her feelings, and be damned to the person actually having the problem. Fucks phase 2 val cain gives about anyone except herself: 0

Bitter and jaded. Which yeah I get why but it's like jesus christ what do we get out of reading about this? It's not even good bitter and jaded where it makes you empathise or admire her strength in adversity or whatever, she's just become a really nasty person with no redeeming features that I could see. Which? Landy outright said she's based on his gf? If your boyfriend is gonna drag ur entire personality through the dirt like that and write "you" as just a collection of incredibly negative traits...yikes.

Really ungrateful about the awesome life she leads? Which bugs me bc I fucking hate mundanity and knowing that all there is to life is fucking working and bad mental health. I would kill to live her life. All she does is moan about it. Like? Quit then. Fuck off back to being a mortal if it's that bad and live the shitty life you wanted to get away from in the first place. That way we'd get no more books, and quite honestly, thank fuck for that. But anyway, she needs to pick one, stick with it, and stop complaining about whatever she chose.

The girl wallows in self pity. And if someone else isn't indulging her enough, she'll wallow harder and louder and more obviously. Yawn.

Her POV is now so depressing to read that Resurrection literally tanked my mental health. I'm not kidding. I fell off the self-harm wagon, the suicidal thoughts came back, reading her dissociating would make me dissociate, I just did not cope whatsoever. Being in her head was just like being in my head during my worst points, and I hate myself, so naturally, I hate her too. Like I get why some people like phase two val. I get that her depression is "realistic" and that trauma does just make some people completely dislikeable and self-pitying, and if people want to read about that, then...sure. you do you, my dudes. But I live that reality, I am that person whose trauma made her a dysfunctional, isolated bitch, and I hate, passionately, having it infest the media I consume to escape.

Essentially if I wanted to engage with a bitter, spiteful, depressed piece of shit in her 20s who pushes everyone away and sucks at everything, I'd live my gd life. Yall see me tryna engage with my real life? Hell nah I'm on tumblr dot com burying my head up the ass of whatever fandom will force my brain to produce some s e r o t o n i n and that is what I need this series for

Also? The dynamic she had with skug in phase one? "Until the end"? "You save me, I save you, that's how we work"? Forget that, it doesn't exist anymore. I stopped reading after Midnight, because she was written like he was a coworker she could barely tolerate. They went from "Lardo confirms on twitter that they talked on the phone a bunch while she was in america and he'd always ask her to come home" to "she comes home and proceeds to blank him for five months while she sits in her fuckin multimillionaire's mansion feeling sorry for herself". Their friendship completely disintegrated, they were totally separated for most of the book, she's written as not giving a single shit about him. She treated him like dirt, and their dynamic basically felt like it was becoming "Local Man With History Of Gravitating Towards Abusive Women Makes Same Terrible Choices For Fifth Time" and? that was the point of no return to me. he supports her unconditionally, no matter what he's going through at the time, he's walked on broken bones to try and get to her when she was in danger, she can tell him anything and he'd never use it against her. I did not, for one second in phase two, believe she felt the same about him. tbh it felt like she could - and wanted to - drop him at the first opportunity and not even feel bad about it, and that's not the dynamic that made me so emotionally attached to phase one. i signed up for "until the end", not whatever bullshit phase two has going on.

Apparently she's "less depressed" now and their relationship is "better" in the books published since midnight, which! might well be true. but I haven't read them and don't intend to, and she's gone from one of my favourite fictional characters ever (which! was impressive! because i almost never bond with the female lead - i normally get attached exclusively to the character i crush on, which would be skug here. val was the first female lead i actually cared about since xena! so im deeply salty about losing her!) to a character i? honestly prefer to pretend doesn't exist. i live in war era dead men/generals crackship land because that way, i don't have to acknowledge her or the fuckin character assassination phase 2 pulled on her.

so yeah, no hate towards phase one val at all. phase one val was awesome and flawed and gave me something to aspire to despite my shitty mental health and trauma, and if she'd kept her original personality she might still have been those things. but the original "real life" val is no longer involved (and doesn't talk to landy at all anymore, apparently), and the val based on landy's insufferable gf? i cannot get behind her at all ever, four for skug and none for phase two val cain bye

(tldr; you're not missing anything by quitting after spx)

#skulduggery pleasant #valkyrie cain #anti-val #extremely anti-val #but like only anti-phase two val #bc phase one val was great and i loved her #come back friend!laura val needs you #lardass can't write her without ur input

[babysizedfics]

Oh! I almost forgot about the dnd stuff! But it makes me so so happy! Do you perchance have any more concepts on that?

family dnd concepts

roman has ALWAYS wanted to play dnd but none of his friends are into it and hes a tiny bit shy about joining a local group, not because he thinks its nerdy or because he doesnt like new people, but because he doesnt want to be seen as dumb for not knowing the rules - he's very sensitive about people calling him dumb because of his experiences in high school

logan has registered interest in it when roman talked about how cool it looks but he also says that just two players would probably not make for a fulfilling game

what they dont know is janus has played dnd for a few years and occassionally plays DM in games at a local game store - not too often as he doesnt like the vibes of the people there as much as he likes his knitting group, but he does love to craft adventures and watch people react and enjoy them

here's one i havent quite decided on yet - Michael (vee's future QPP) works at a local games store selling like video games and rpgs but also hosting rpg games, and i lowkey want it to be that janus and michael have MET a handful of times at these dnd games. they would have barely spoken, maybe michael only played in one of janus' games once but i think it will be funny for them to be on somewhat good but not close terms then when vee introduces them they suddenly hate each other (janus bc he is overprotective of vee and michael for the same reason)

janus and roman bond over dnd and i have no idea how or when but it sparks roman to get to know janus as a person rather than a threat to vee and their family dynamic

janus is incredibky patient with teaching roman all the ins and outs of the game

at some point janus and roman and logan start playing together and when patotn and vee see how much fun theyre having they want in on it - cue family dnd games once a month

the family games are exactly that - family friendly. no big scary monsters, just magical creatures that need help. this is to avoid triggering vee's anxiety or offer him any nightmare fuel, and also to avoid accidentally triggering his regression through fear

tumbkebee is actually the one who recommended it but patton plays as a really soft orc character, big and beefy of course but who makes flower chains and his special power is Papa Orc Hugs

vee plays as a halfling ? that what theyre called?? the lil guys

i dont know anything about dnd

anyway so pattons character carries vees character on his shoulders during adventures and it makes vee smiley

janus and roman and logan fondly smile and bite back any sly remarks or eye rolls when vee and patton use their turns to make their characters hug each other for the tenth time

the family friendly games are very sweet and they DO get some good story out of it - they genuinely get invested in these magical beings that have backstories and that require the party's assistance in lighthearted quests that they will be rewarded for

but roman also tends to get a little.. antsy

he wants the EXCITEMENT and THREAT of defeating a big monster in game

so eventually roman actually starts to go to the dark sides house once in a while to play dnd with janus and remus !! its where he lets his creativity run a little wilder and lets himself indulge in the darker themes of the game

side note he does sometimes go little from excitement during or after these games and remus did tease him about it at first before janus had several words with him

the one night janus introduced a monster he created - The Dragon Witch - roman got so excited and bouncy and little that they had to take a break for janus (and remus) to play tag with him and help him get out his excess energy and calm down

also roman has stayed overnight a few times

him and remus bond a little on these nights - they argue sure, they scream at each other for bad in game decisions, but they also shsre excited little smiles with wide scared eyes when janus smirks sadistically at one of their decisions because he's clearly got something thrilling planned

janus takes roman to his first game at the local group once theyve pkayed a few themselves and roman does enjoy it and likes meeting new people but to him nothing compares to okaying with his family - both of his families

#little/big concepts #nana janus #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

[dyketectivecomics]

tell us about the roller derby AU!! <3

(tysm anon bc this got me to get my ass in gear abt actually writing it all down fdskl;fjla ALSO shout out to zom for leaving a reply <3 ty both omg)

OKAY, first things first. This started bc I was thinking abt the Sirens doing Derby together (OBVIOUSLY Harleys idea) BUT 3 players isn’t enough for a team (you need 3 blockers, a pivot and a jammer afterall) so this team HINGES on the fact that GCS had that brief team-up with Talia and Zatanna and the pure Chaos of them permanently joining the sirens in the mainverse is something I want to explore sometime in the future but ANYWAYS they also need a team to play against and I’m Nothing if not Consistent so OFC this is Sirens vs Birds

cue Same Age-Range College Setting, Roller Derby Focus AU. Everyone’s attending Uni at Gotham State and yes I have majors in mind too, for the Sirens we got undergrads Harley: Psych, Ivy: Botany, Selina: Art History, Talia: Anthropology, Zatanna: Theater. For the Birds, (grad student she’s fast-tracking) Babs: library science, (undergrads) Dinah: Music, Helena: Undeclared, Zinda: doesn’t actually Go Here lmao

now u might be saying “wait a min randy, that’s only four birds. DIDNT u JUST say u need 5 players for a team?” And yes. Yes I did. The Birds is actually a BIGGER team than the Sirens and includes anyone who has ever been on the BoP team ever. They’re all here! And there’s a lot of them that rotate in and out of the roster but for the sake of simplicity we’ll focus on those four as Main members.

So let’s talk positions, play style & other stuff!

so Harley is the Jammer, don’t fix what isn’t broken. I like the idea of Talia being the Pivot bc ofc she’d want to be in charge. Which leaves Ivy, Selina & Zee as the blockers

 YES Selina plays damn near as dirty as Harley does lmao. In fact if we rank them by how often they play Renegade vs Regulation, you’ve got, Harley, Selina, Talia, Ivy (all at varying degrees of being FAR at the renegade-end of the spectrum) and Zee is more like just Right of center in favor of Regulation (but not above elbowing an opponent or ‘accidentally’ tripping them up if they’re REALLY close to winning) 

Derby names MOSTLY follow their costumed personas, like Poison Ivy and Catwoman, but then there’s also Gnarley Quinn (currently taking suggestions for Zee n Talia tho bc... well they DONT have names other than their own really lmao)

For the Birds, Zinda is the Jammer, Dinah is the pivot, Helena is a blocker, Babs is actually the team manager & former pivot. Harley gave her a BAD injury during an end-of-season bout and kicks off the rivalry btwn the teams at the start of the plot. (Other birds in the rotation play blockers and jammers as needed. Helena will step up as pivot if Dinah can’t make a bout)

All the Birds PRACTICE regulation derby but....  well, when you put on your skates and the ref blows the whistle, what happens next can’t be helped (but esp after babs’ injury if its a Sirens vs Birds bout they’re out for BLOOD)

Yes their derby names are the same as their hero names, and yes ppl still call Babs Oracle even tho she doesn’t put on the skates as much even after her knee heals

Outfits and Skates:

okay, so OBVSLY zee & dinah are still VERY much the Fishnet Queens™, but i can totally see Harley, Selina & Zinda joining them. can’t have derby w/o SOME ppl wearing fishnets after all fjldka;s

also i know that derby’s sometimes a bit more butch and some ppl take issue with Zinda’s miniskirt but listen i am GAY and a SUCKER for vintage inspired looks and really? skirts and skates go hand in hand BEAUTIFULLY. the skirt STAYS for zinda

actually im a sucker for bombshells!Ivy’s dresses too, i know the big fandom push has been towards making her more butch but LISTEN.

wait, do i actually just want to see Bombshells on skates is that what all this is about. im gonna scre-

everyone else’s looks im still trying to figure out in my own brain but tbh, any artists out there who feel like doing their own spin on superhero inspired looks for these guys im *eyes emojis* would LOVE to see that actually would love to see that A LOT

imagine everyone color-coding their wheels, though, omg i need that

outside of derby i think Harley & Dinah would be rlly into jam/rhythm skating, Zee, Selina & Talia would like artistic skating, and Helena & Zinda would be into speed skating. Ivy and Babs like supporting their friends & esp their gfs but actually they’re trying rlly hard not to show them up bc theyre both pretty good at jam/rhythm themselves fjdkls

Now for the Extra Relationship Stuff:

Obvsly almost all of the sirens have dated each other at some point. Whether in the past or over the course of going to uni together. Cue even More Drama when Talia and Selina break up and Both start pursuing soon-to-be-drop-out Bruce (the dropping out is unrelated to the drama itself but I just think it’s funny if even in an AU setting Bruce drops out of college aksjak)

also listen ever since i read those GCS issues with Talia and Zee I’ve NEEDED to see Selina/Talia/Zee so so so badly. its my AU and its happening some fucking how i’ll make it work shut uppppp

Also I’m gonna throw in some real slowburn HarlIvy bc once again it’s MY AU AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

Yes Dinah and Zee become star-crossed/rival-to-lovers in this. Havent actually decided which way I wanna go bc starcrossed is Fun, but rivals gives me DRAMA and with them both being diff arts majors could Add to that aksj

the Birds marginally have their dynamics together better than the Sirens, but every so often there’s some communication issues bc yes, we need all the Drama in this!!! I demand it!!!

So yeah, if/when I ever plot this out, it would be something with equal focus on changing relationship and team dynamics, and then focus on how well each of the teams are doing leading up to the Big Bout where the Birds are out to Avenge Oracle. And do they succeed? I guess you’d have to read to find out lmao

Coming to a fanfic site near you...... eventually.......

#gotham city sirens #birds of prey #not tagging them individually bc thats a lot of characters fjdkla #but i will tag the teams #asked and answered #anonymous asks #randywrites #roller derby au #i just..... have a Lot of feelings and im REALLY HYPE for relearning how to skate and!!!!!! #got really bruised up this week from practicing fdklaf; but its so exciting!!!! #im a baby giraffe now but soon i'll be flyin like a SWAN DAMMIT!!!!!!

[charmspoint]

37 for the fic writer questions!

Ask meme here

37. Talk about your current wips

This is great I was thinking of listing out everything im working on these days anyway n now i get an excuse. For quite a few of these I cant talk about them actually cuz they are event stuff but imma list em anyway.

(This got long so im putting it under keep reading)

Lets! Categorize!

A) Ready to post!

Here we have my ShinKami bb fic: No Escape (coming out tomorrow) and my DabiHawks bb fic: Red string of death (coming out sunday) - obvs cant say much until they are posted, lets just say that for shinkami we are gettin some horror and dabihawks gets double banger of soulmate au x reincarnation au but like angsty

B) Currently in editing

Pieces for: DabiHawks metamorphos zine, LOV found family zine and villain/vigilante deku zine - since they are zines i feel like its a big no no to talk about them so we goin down

C) Currently writing

A secret santa piece and a piece for todobaku bb - one of these is actually cute couple things and the other is be dumping magic and horror on to a shipping fic again i obviously have a thing for that the more i think about these

D) Currently planing

Shinsou bigbang! (Do NOT judge me for how many events im in) anyway im super looking forward to this i feel like i have such a great idea n mmm we arent even to partnering up yet so i zip

DabiHawks secret admierer au - something i can talk about :0. This was one of my pitches for the metamorphos au n i got attached. The basic premise is: no powers high school au, local bad boy band member Touya is pining hard after straight A good boy Keigo and in atempt to confess his feelings he leaves a love song in his locker. The problem? Dabi is super fucking edgy and so is his song and upon reading it Keigo is 100% Dabi wants him dead. Shennaniganse ensue. LOV is there giving Dabi increasingly bad love advice, Rumi is there mostly to laugh her ass of and then do dramatic reading of the song, im gonna write actual songs for it!!! Anyway just lil slice of life school comedy, im not always about horror and angst belive it or not. Im looking forward to this one it should be fun!

All the beautiful things we are (All the dangerous things we will become) - another chuuya gen fic!! This one featuring Kouyou (n maaaaaybe Kyouka) in some good ol sibling bonding. Set earlier then The suffocating quality of your dying breaths, its basically kouyou taking chuuya under her wing and some good sibling bonding that will probably feature some good ol exploration of gender expression and just kouyou wrestling a brat into a suit. I just want some good chuuya n kouyou n some decent chuuya experimenting with dressing up n darn it ill make it myself

There are a few more that are in my notes as possible ideas but these are the ones im sure ill write so i dont wanna promise anything i wont do

E) On hiatus

TodoBaku murder mystery - my original idea for the todobaku bb, i wanted to challenge myself n write something i never did before but then college slapped me n ye i went back into the comfort zone. I still wanna do this one someday, probably over summer. Basic concept: normal life au, Enji Todoroki is found dead in his bed and detective! Bakugo is on the scene trying to determin did any of the family members, gathered that night to celebrate their mother returning from a hospital, have anything to do with it while trying super hard not to fall for the one Todoroki that keeps sticking his nose where it doesnt belong. Featuring: literally everyone having a motive and Bakugo being done with the family drama, Dabi being in a gang and acting like he owns the place, and ice skater Shouto both too dumb and too smart for his own good. We will see does anything come of it.

Season of rain - omegaverse light fic where i, an asexual, look at a trope purely made for kink and go 'what if for me tho?'. I call it light cuz i wont be writing any sex but u know me its heavy on angst. Featuring: Deku squad as a ship, omega sho n izu, alpha uraraka n beta iida n tsuyu. Dealing with such topics as: postpartum depression, sexisam, fear of alphas, arranged marriges, pack dynamics, betas having an actual role and importance, maneging poly reletionships, me harping on about how ideal number of parents is actually more than two and that if there were three genders standard reletionships would be expected to be a x b x o not just a x o. Aka me putting way too much worldbuilding into a kink trope. Basic premise: seeing as shouto turned out to be an omega, instead of training him to be a hero enji signs him of to enter a quirk marrige when he gets older just like rei. Years later shouto has just gotten out of a divorce and with a whole baby in tow is taken in by dekusquad. Hurt comfort ensues as they slowly work shouto into their dynamic and make him feel safe and loved again. Honestly i just want to give this one more time n attention that i have rn so its waiting for summer

Ashes to ashes - a dabihawks (maybe) post war au fic that was supposed to focus on Dabi facing what he has done and who he has become and the almost imposible process of changing yourself for the better when you spent all your life chasing one thing, on one side and on the other; Hawks recovering fron trauma caused by almost being killed, dealing with his newly growing wings causing him pain and being afraid he'll never fly quite the same again and trying to find connections among other heroes just cuz i say he needs friends. Both of them are dealing with very mixed emotions about each other and they work through them seperatly and together, trying to set everything that happend into a perspective and figure out where to go from there. I havent decided do they actually get back together or not by the end of it all. I was planing this and then hori dumped dabis crazy ass on me n now im mostly waiting to see what he does with him so i know what to do with him in the end, smh hori making my life hard :/

#anon #lucy rants #LUCY RANTS A LOT #gjfggf sorry

[namesforthesoul]

shakes (from @zenazie thanks!)

my opinion of them: really not my thing. hes bland and tasteless and lacking his own distinct, unique oomph that makes him memorable. hes an overly-adult-like mary sue who doesnt know how to carry his own show. hes a below-decent main character at best, but hey, the show needed a main character and he happened to fit a quarter of the job criteria, so here we are.

im not complaining about him being a main character though; there are plenty of minor characters for me to like and favor out there. i just wish se would give him a distinct, enjoyable personality to go along with his surrealistically, absurdly perfect football and problem-solving skills.

their real name: oluwasegun mokena-okoro. i decided to mash both surnames together because a) its easy and inclusive and unstressful, and b) it happened to also be plot-convenient that shegs has family from south africa. havent decided whether he should have a middle name or not; probably yes, but idk.

their special agent codename: starbomb. it was his gamer tag first, mimi tegong alias second.

their chinese codename: 湯超 tāng (surname, hot water, soup or broth) chāo (super-, ultra-, to exceed, to surpass, to transcend). because hes super! right, strika entertainment?

their birthday: 3 august 1997 for canon/canon divergence, 3 august 2000 for most other aus.

sexuality headcanon: bisexual biromantic. lots of carefree crushes to go around.

gender headcanon: trans man, he/him.

ethnicity headcanon: he is part igbo naija, and has some/most of his paternal family in the gauteng province of south africa, because same with the case with skarra, i like their naija versions better, but this kiddo just happens to be half-half. (as for the south african version of canon, shegs and his family all come from gauteng and around it)

language(s) they know: igbo and english. in noir au, he and his parents move to johannesburg, where he will learn some afrikaans to better assimilate to his new home. (soufrican version of canon: english and afrikaans, with very little isizulu)

my otp(s) for them: skarraaaaaaaaaaaaa because noir au! if this were a year ago, id say riano too, but a few weeks ago i got too carried away with a ri/elma reimagining that i now like it better than ri/shegs! funny how the imagination works.

my brotp(s) for them: klaus because roomie power! and tiger because, uhh, they get into trouble together. so sweet :)

i also like his playful and fun-oriented dynamics with nessi, the argentine, but they dont make it into the otp section because i want them to remain prancing flirtatiously around each other rather than it advancing into a real thing. theyll share several romantic touches and gestures, but at the end of the day, theyre more flirty bros than... serious boyfriends. they are in a flirtationship.

would they put pineapple on pizza: haha, he would for the first time! but it turns out pineapples arent the fruit for him. he makes his dark web handle “pineapple scam” because its what he had in mind at the moment. he likes his pizzas meaty better than fruity.

can they do the splits: no. i know se/aa like to think he could, but theyre wrong.

their main weapon: his mary sue brains of course, thanks to strika entertainment. in my version where hes a better-developed character though, his main thang is a glock 19x, which he uses very very very sparingly in his defensive style of fighting, but he can use it.

what car theyd have/the kind of car i associate with them: well, hes canonically had a ‘05–‘06 ford gt that he presumably ditched along with the mansion, and a horrible confusing crossbreed of a ‘70–‘74 challenger with a ‘69–‘70 mustang mach-1 before said ford gt, none of which i would ever peg in a million years to be in his automotive taste range, but it happened anyway and i heavily suspect strika entertainment has the case of having a thing for american muscle and american muscle only. but look, au-wise, he could do with a nice, bright, glossy cherry red ‘06 ford gt with white racing stripes, perfectly fit for street-racing his other friends with other nice cars, because i love cars and street races and therefore all my aus must have nice cars and street races.

an animal pet i associate with them: that potted house plant rasta was sitting in in his apartment. its as far as he can go in terms of taking care of anything other than himself.

a song i associate with them: “the chain” by fleetwood mac, “backstreets back” by backstreet boys, old-timey stuff to match his old-timey car hahaha.

any extra headcanon: the kind of person whose mbti type, stack functions, and enneagram type arent fully set in, arent fully concrete into his personality (yet?), making it hard to figure out, even making it seem as if theyre fluid and changing, making him a bit of an outcast in that area. a gryffindor who can totally be stupid, naive, powerless, and very un-mary sue-like at times. let your main characters be so flawed they get dropped from the main character role after just a week. wed love to see it.

#ask meme #supa strikas #segun okoro #shakes mokena #shegs #shegz #zenazie

[tubb0]

stream liveblog: tommyinnit 8/22

I woke up literally a minute before he started so thats cool

he’s in a mood

he says he’s going to spend more time editing his videos (and upload less)

he also says his plan is two smp videos and then ‘something cool. something you might recognize’ 👀

oh so someone is building a tesck to compete with walmart. good.

theres a nether protal in tommys tower. he is not pleased

I just woke up idk whos been doing stuff but they’ve been quite busy

tommy is upset that tubbo was streaming with someone who ‘stole his brand’ (wearing a red t-shirt)

chat says his name is also tom

now hes in call with tubbo, yelling

‘you’re not just gonna go speak to this guy with more red in his shirt than me’

oh he hung up on tubbo

shippers will have a fierld day with this one (I desperately hope they don’t exist since these are children but yknow I’m sure they do)

you can see the corner of tommys bed when he fullscreens his facecam. he doesn’t have sheets or a mattress cover on his bed. do what you will with this (unless its weird then please dont)

tubbo_ has joined the game

tommy says he will ghost tubbo

also hey its fine to have a crush on tommy if you’re around his age but you dont have be weird and pushy about it

tubbo is doing the sad walk and tommy shot him

tommy: best friendship ended with tubbo. jack manifold is my new best friend

tubbo_ has left the game

chat is babying tubbo again :/

tubbo_ has joined the game

<tubbo_> sorry

tubbo_ has left the game

‘I always knew this day would come. thats why I was always mean to tubbo. I knew he would rob me.’

tubbo_ has joined the game

he left again... his spaghetti is ready

tommy is thinking of ways to but tubbo to work in order for them to earn back his friendship

wait did ponk steak tommys horse? I thought bbh did

anyways retrieve horsechamp

chat says niki lost ylyl because of tommy

wilbur was not pleased that she finds him funny (joking of course)

anyway niki is so pretty

it has just clicked for tommy that the horse is in fact his horse

oh hes on the run

tubbo has returned from eating his poggers spaghetti

tommy is stuck in a hole

tubbo: you know the pope? anyway heres my bee box!

tubbo keeps talking about the pope

tubbo has decided he doesn’t need tommys friendship and left the game

tommy says hes ‘like dream. his only friends are the numbers.’

he called tubbo and theyre both yelling now

tubbo claims to want more mature friends than tommy

tommy is accusing tubbo of being on drugs

the pope returns

‘this is like a divorce’ ‘yeah except I dont care’

they spent a second questioning catholicism

tubbo please why do you keep talking about the pope

tubbo brought up death and tommy shut that down real quick

tubbo out here with definitions

dream has joined the game

dream is only kind to tubbo and yet wont follow them back on twt

there something so endearing about hearing someone moving further from the mic when they laugh

chat is talking about the vlog gun so tommys watching wilburs stream

tommy: *upset about wilbur trying to break the vlog gun* tubbo: does this mean we can be together for mmc??

tommy hit tubbo of his balcony and now tubbo is regretting coming back online

tommy just murdered dream by hitting him with a minecart

ah fuck chat lost it and my streams starting to lag

skeppy is threatening to burn the doscs to avenge dreams death

tommy to tubbo: our friendship really hold this server together

did he lie?? absolutely not

deals are being made

well not really. tommy is trying to get a disc in exchange for dreams stuff

some pvp may occur

stream title has been changed to ‘war’ things are getting serious

tubbos wifi is failing us

oh the boys are fighting

a few thing happened in so little time but to summarize the way that tommy and tubbo trust eachother and silently cooperate is very cool. I aspire for this friendship.

for some reason its always so weird to me when I hear just dream talking to tommy and tubbo

I think its because drram is so stubborn and assertive but tommy does not care or put up with it so no matter what dream always seems to have the lowerhand which doesn’t happen often

I’m confused why is chat making such a big deal about wilbur ending his stream

ah a confrence with president soot

the other day everyone was afraid the server was dying but this seems like the start of another war

wilbursoot has joined the game

do you ever get so caught up in the drama of these stream and then it hits you that these are just a bunch of losers playing minecraft

wilbur... to be fair tommy didnt mean to kill dream... he warned him too

oh?

wilbur whispered to tommy to run while he was negotiating with dream and I think he told tubbo to kill dream but tubbo might also just be doing that for fun idk

dreams bringing up server rules... do it. ban tommy. your server will die immediately.

wilbur has scolded tommy and now tommy is ignoring him to plot with tubbo

sapnap!

I like the dynamic between tommy, tubbo and sapnap very much

sapnap has joined the game

oh my god I have to pee

lmao dream said tommy scams him often and tommy went 😬

‘everyone will call you bream for bitch dream’

tommy gave him his stuff

oh but some was never picked up

yikes dream is actually mad

damn tommy and skeppy are really going at it

chat says skeppy had the sword that dreams mad about uh oh

hehe tommy is very funny

tubbo is bargaining for tommy since dream killed him and is threatening his cow

if chat is right and skeppy actually has the sword hes pretty good at kying because I believe him but also I don’t know him well so

tommy is telling tubbo to kill skeppy now

aw skeppys stream sniping thats no fun

but anyway was that not the sword dream was looking for that tommy just showed in the chest????

so is sapnap on their side now? I think I missed something

no chat seems just as confused as me so

sapnap about betraying dream: it just seemed interesting idk

I think hes lying

chat has a point... I cant tell if tommy doesn’t realize or doesnt care that dream is watching his stream

wait that was cool

dream pearled away from sapnap but tommy saw the pearl and waited there so he could attack

ok but anyway while theyre chasing eachother around how did the minecart kill dream?? I’m pretty sure it does no damage and if I’m wrong dream was still in enchanted netherite and I doubt he was running around on like half a heart... unless he just did a /kill on himself for the drama??

tubbo broke all the ender chests and put them inside one... hes so smart

oh ok so tommy doesn’t care if dream is watching

fuck a bug flew in my eye

ponk and skeppy just reading the deaths in chat and making small comments lol

tubbo what

sapnap please

I’m very glad dream isnt in vc anymore because I bet he’s very upset and he gets scary sometimes

dont get me wrong I love him but yknow

oh no sapnap dont :(

tommy is getting so nervous about tubbos wifi going out because then itll be him against everyone else online lmao

tubbo: our relationship cannot be toxic because I am not in love with you :))

no tubbo not the pope again

tubbo please my head hurts

woah tubbo just killed tubbo while dream started killing him

oh he logged out and now dream is killing tommy

at this point dream is purposely not communicating with tommy and I’m getting nervous

oh hes back

go tubbo go

yknow what a man can do with 55 sticks?

tubbo accidentally locked himself in jail lmao

tommy is calling dream clay

he does not care

dream logged out (unrelated to above statements)

woah wait what tubbo is leading tommy somewhere secret that he cant even show on stream

tubbo you genius what do you have planned

tommy is playing his vlog to entertain stream while tubbo directs him to the secret

wtf tubbo

also they said sounds have to be off so I think the location might be in the nether or something because sounds will apparently give it away

dying is the only way they can leave??? but it cant be the end though right?

cuz like the achievements would show up

hmm

I don’t want to be too much of a snitch in case any of them actually are lurking on here but anyways tubbo is very epic

both tubbo and tommys mothers are teachers?

but they have a point dont skip your classes to watch someone play minecraft!

tubbo is such a good friend

they also say their in a tournament on the 31st so look forward to it

tommy is really throwing shade at shippers this stream. good for him.

oh and lowkey dnf shade too haha

ha tubbo almost leaked one of tommys video ideas

tubbo just wants to play fall guys

tommy is too self aware

but also he has a point. chat always sides with tubbo because they baby him

its kinda weird ngl

ahh my wifis going out :(

they’re watching the sunrise on tommys balcony while listening to blocks

oop tommy ended the stream because chat was being weird

gg tommy

anyway good stream go check it out if you havent already because I left some stuff out either because I type too slow or didn’t want to leak secrets :))

#stream highlights #tommyinnit #stream liveblog #dream smp #tubbo #dream #sapnap #skeppy #ponk #uhh that should be everyone who was online #oh #wilbur soot #mcyt #cw swearing

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok a more specific prompt, coffee shop au with Malec and claia 😌

this is nowhere near specific and you damn well know it, anon. i appreciate u trying to find an excuse to throw coffee shop aus everywhere, tho. keep doing the lord's work even if i will inevitably twist the prompt

Magnus works at a small, local coffee shop as a barista. It's not exactly his #1 job choice, but it pays better than big chain coffee shops and he needs that to pay rent now that he officially left his abusive father's home for good. Also, he is kind of a coffee enthusiast and the owner, Ragnor, lets him go wild with making up new drinks and ingredients, as long as he still does his job.

All in all it's a good job and he considers the old fart and the other barista, maia, to be like family. Ragnor frequently gives them coffee and Maia constantly teases him about being a "coffee scientist" whenever she catches him thoughtfully drinking from a cup and scribbling notes on his notepad, like some ancient being

His recipes are good, though, and he knows exactly where to get the best coffee beans for the best price. So their drinks are good, affordable, and can please everyone from the traditional "black coffee no sugar" exec to the teenager who wants more of a milkshake than actual coffee

As a result, the shop thrives, gets more popular, and gets more clients. So Ragnor decides to hire a new barista to help. Because he's secretly a sweetheart, he ends up hiring this broke college kid who just moved into town to get away from his kinda toxic family and has nowhere to go - and also doesnt have a single ounce of experience as a barista

It's not surprising; both Magnus and Maia share similar stories, with some abusive exes to spice up the mix, not to mention racism, biphobia, and, in Magnus case, male behavior standarts keeping most opportunities closed for them. So they're cool with that. Even if it means Magnus will have to be the one to teach him, because 1- Ragnor is a dick and assigned him to be Alec's special "tutor" as retribution for Magnus calling him "an old, heart of butter bastard"; 2- he's the one who's best qualified to teach him since he knows a lot about coffee and coffee making anyway; 3- Maia has no patience

Quick detour just to say that i love the maia/magnus brotp opportunities this gives. While Magnus is more of a coffee scientist as she puts it, Maia has an almost instictive understanding of drink making. Where Magnus is soft, she's fierce, and they make one hell of a team and are good at balancing one another. They bond over their experiences with abuse; while Magnus' has made him afraid to put his foot down and say what he wants and prioritize himself, Maia's has made her particularly wary of people and even less willing to take anyone's bullshit, and both of these coping mechanisms have their own effects on their psyche, and they're able to talk openly to each other about it. Maia is kind of protective of Magnus and vice-versa, though the way they protect each other is very different. They have an easy companionship and bantering dynamic that's easygoing and cute, theyre both passionate about their interests (Maia loves marine biology and even if Magnus doesnt know much about it he loves listening to her talk about it) and just generally have that kind of relationship where just smiling at each other makes a tough day seem lighter. Also Magnus loves making Maia laugh. Maia blatantly refuses to laugh at any of his self-deprecating jokes, tho, which has considerably diminished the amount of times he makes them

Anyway Alec comes in for his first day and Magnus is like [REDACTED] because shit this man is cute. Maia notices immediately and from then on the teasing doesn't stop

He's quick to recover, tho, and suddenly he's all smooth again (Maia says he's perfected his customer service persona to horror movie levels), quick to introduce himself and Maia to Alec and explain that he'll be training Alec for the next few weeks or so. He gives him a tour of the shop, explains the basics, and immediately launches into his slightly extra More Serious Than Strictly Necessary course on the makings and workings of coffee, from bean selection to ideal temperature and the chemistry behind the cooking.

This absolute dork even had a small table with some coffee made from different kinds of beans so Alec could taste them and learn the difference and Engage with the profession or some shit

Maia just rolls her eyes, thankful that she had prior experience before getting this job and didnt have to go through this

The first thing he learns about Alec: Alec doesn't like coffee. This is not a setback. Many people dont like coffee, but that's because they're used to regular powdered coffee instead of making it from the bean. Because the beans in powdered coffee arent previously selected, they are roasted harder than they should, so any beans that might have gone bad wont spoil the taste or make you sick. As a result, the coffee is way too bitter and doesn't have a discernible taste. He explains all of this enthusiastically to a slightly overwhelmed Alec, and gets on to making him try the samples so he can feel the difference.

Here's the second thing he learns about Alec: Alec doesn't feel the difference

Despair. Horror. Offense.

Alec even kind of chuckles and goes "sorry" at the face he makes, and a not-pouting Magnus goes on with the planned explanation on bean selection

Third thing he learns about Alec: he's a quick study. Everything he lacks in sensibility to the amazing world of bean juice, he makes up for in his careful attentiveness to the instructions. He is also a strict recipe-follower and makes sure he always uses the exact amounts required. He's an absolute perfectionist. He listens to Magnus' explanations on how to know if the taste is right, to look for color and texture of the mix. Magnus tries his simple coffees and only needs a few corrections to send him on the right path

The first time Alec makes him something more complicated to try (per his request) Magnus wants to die

It's so good

Scratch that, it's perfect

This soulless motherfucker doesn't even like coffee and this is the single best version of whatever crazy frapuccino shit they're making magnus has ever tried

He kind of bursts from the kitchen (?) all like MAIA YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS just in time to interrupt her chatting with this redhead new customer with shiny eyes. Maia is leaning all the way across the counter. What is this

Maia agrees that it's very good but again he's not as passionate about coffee and Magnus just interrupted what would have been a really smooth number-giving move so she's not feeling all that generous

Alec just laughs at that. His eyes are shining with amusement and he's very, very pleased that Magnus likes his stuff

It's not a big secret, really; mixing drinks is kind of like patisserie in the sense that the measures need to be exact to achieve the best taste and texture. He follows the recipe to a fault, it turns out good. That's why he's better at the more complicated, instagram-y drinks than the simple coffee types

Alec "graduates" his training pretty soon after that and Ragnor is very pleased

He gets along well with both Magnus and Maia, even if he's more quiet and sometimes catches himself just laughing at the two of them interact; their friendship is something else. But he also gets to hear a "shut up" from Maia after not saying absolutely anything when the redhead walks in again the very next day

The redhead always comes in a little late in the morning, so its always slow. As a result, they get to pretend to be minding their own business as they hear the two of them chat and oof is the romantic tension between them something. Maia glares at them once the girl - Clary - leaves every time, but it doesn't stop them

Soon Maia is calling them "no-good gossiping grandmas" because of the way Magnus and Alec will go to the back and pretend to be making something while they keep a whispered running commentary on what the girls are talking about. This quickly turns into some sort of race to see who can make the other break and laugh out loud. Neither of them ever do (they are trying to be discreet and Maia would kill them) but oftentimes they need to cover their mouths with their hands and playfully slap each other for the teasing

Clary doesn't even realize she's the reason; she kind of just thinks they are constantly flirting on the back and briefly wonders how they havent been fired when all they do is whisper and make eyes at each other

Not that she has any room to talk when she's late to work everyday because she keeps cracking jokes with the cute curly haired barista with the most beautiful lopsided smile who always makes her laugh and tells her about her day while she drinks her coffee. She's lucky her work starts at 10 so she can go in a little later and doesnt have to be there during rush hours, but still

She doesnt even like coffee, she walked in one day cuz she was really tired and then just kept coming in the hopes that the barista would make a move on her (shes not gonna do it herself, at least not in her workplace. She doesn't want to make her uncomfortable and it's still unclear whether the girl is flirting or if shes just really nice)

At some point she and Maia even start sharing knowing looks to Alec and Magnus and laughing at them. They don't even notice, because their designated Making Fun Of Maia time turned into just cracking jokes at each other way too quickly. They don't even remember there are other people there

Maia does finally ask clary out eventually. She wasn't exactly nervous about doing it, it's more that she enjoyed their little routine. But enough is enough, and when their routine starts involving Clary giving her a quick kiss before placing her order, well, it just makes it better

Magnus and Alec coo every time

Eventually Maia snaps all like "why are you guys the one poking fun at me when im the one who made a move instead of being a coward"

Magnus is all like "Whatever could she possibly mean??"

It dawns on him when hes closing up the next day and Alec has already left. He has a crush on Alec. Oh god. Oh fuck

Maia helpfully says "idiot" and leaves

Some Magnus being very nervous and overthinking his relationship with Alec who's all like ???????? about this

Alec goes to his sister about his new crush who suddenly started acting weird and izzy is all like "stop trying to guess what he's thinking because you're terrible at this. Just tell them how you feel" and Alec is like okay

He asks Magnus out

Everyone is happy and gay idk the end

✨ feel free to use this and any other one of my posts as a prompt ✨

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #maia roberts #magnus bane #ragnor fell #alec lightwood #clary fray #clary fairchild #malec #izzy lightwood #lightwood siblings #claia #long post #brotp: never trust a stingy warlock *gives u 100 dollars*

[missandrogyny]

what about h/l from the models au? because I feel like out of all your harrys and louis’ they were like the Fun Couple lol and also h/l from the fake engagement au? I love they’re domestic bffs dynamic

after the last part, h/l from the models au don’t do any more photoshoots together 😂they explicitly state they don’t want to, because the brands start approaching them (due to how viral they’ve become) asking to promote their brands and like. they don’t want to commodify their relationship like that. so adidas and calvin klein are the only ones who have the privilege of having a harry and louis photoshoot. and i don’t know if they’re the “fun couple” per se out of all my h/l’s (because i havent really sat down and thought of that extensively) but they definitely have fun. i have this recurring mental image of them leaving the same party separately and tabloids are always like “they broke up?????” when in reality they both drive like three blocks down and end up in the same car anyway and they always giggle and laugh about it because fucking with the paps in industry parties is always so funny. also driver roll up the partition, please is a thing that happens with them quite a bit 👀

they never post each other on social media but sometimes paps will get harry walking around with an adidas hoodie that’s just a bit too small for him. louis walks around wearing the lavender sweater so much (like when he’s doing errands, like grabbing groceries or something) and it’s so frayed and ugly at this point and the people are always like “LOUIS TOMLINSON HAS NO SENSE OF STYLE!” but like louis doesn’t care.

they never attend events together but they watch a bunch of concerts together and there are always photos of them like cuddling while watching a concert, louis’ back pressed against harry’s front, harry’s face buried into louis’ neck. louis makes it a point to buy terrible children’s toothbrush after terrible children’s toothbrush–from mickey mouse to like winnie the pooh to like frozen themed ones

and…yeah. i think like, their proposal is something that comes a little bit out of left field, simply because it wasnt planned. one day the lavender jumper is just so holey and terrible and louis is all sad about it and complaining and harry just looks at this boy, looks around at their house–because it’s as much louis’ as it is harry’s now, louis’ presence ringing loud and true in every corner, every crevice–and he just says ‘marry me.’

they have their wedding somewhere nice and warm (marbella maybe? where did harry attend that wedding where he was chasing a kid around, that’s the place i always imagine)

—

wow that was long and now we go to h/l from fake engagement au! (rip im sorry)

first thing that comes to mind is that they go back to the same store they tried the cakes 😂they have to, louis wants more free cake! and now they’re actually getting married so harry doesn’t get scared of committing a crime or whatever.

they’re best friends first and foremost, so nothing really changes about their relationship–louis is still terrible at domestic things and harry still ends up picking up after him, cooking for him, etc. louis does try, though, and he surprises harry one evening with a very nice pasta dish he’d learned off those 1 minute tasty videos that circulate on instagram.

louis is harry’s favorite subject to photograph, so they go on park dates a lot and harry takes photos of louis lying on the ground, smelling the flowers, some unflattering ones of louis eating with his mouth wide open (which he posts on social media because he thinks it’s hilarious and louis gets so mad at him for). they adopt a dog? and play fetch with him in the park, i guess. idk why that’s important but they have a huge ass golden retriever. i dont make the rules, my brain does.

they also go up to visit jay and the girls in donny, go up to visit gemma and brad a lot (and meet harry’s nephew!!! because gemma gets pregnant and has a baby boy and harry is fucking in love and has terrible baby fever so he always wants to go and see him) (he doesn’t know how to take care of babies though, it’s louis who has to teach him okay haz hold here, support the head, hahahaha he just spit on you i think that means he likes you)

they argue a lot, planning their wedding. like to the point that some days louis doesn’t want to speak to him. but like, they’re best friends so it’s kind of hard to stay away from each other (you know when you fight with your boyfriend, and the first thing you do is rant to your best friend? so it’s kind of hard for louis and harry to stay away from each other seeing as in this au they are both so at the end of the day, either louis and harry curl up around the other, presses a kiss on the back of their head and murmurs ‘i’m sorry’ and it’s. it’ll be okay.) they send invites to kanye and kim and rihanna, and drake, and celine dion and whoever the fuck they can think of and they get no reply, obviously but it’s hilarious to them anyway

their wedding is. an absolute mess. like the event is wonderful and simple and tiny, but it’s a mess because harry and louis here are both. messes. they cant stop smearing cake on each other, decide that it’d be fun to mess with the event coordinator and argue with her about how the program is supposed to be like (the event coordinator they hired is fucking ace though, doesn’t get frazzled which is partly the reason why louis is like hey let’s see how far we can go). their first dance is to an acoustic version of work (which the event coordinator revolted against but louis wouldn’t fucking budge). their second dance though, is to ed sheeran’s photograph–here, harry holds louis under the fairy lights, watches them sparkle in his eyes; here, it’s only harry and louis and no one else in their bubble. here, harry kisses louis, slow and content and happy, because he doesn’t know what bureaucratic error it was up there that made him this fucking happy, but. he’d ended up married to his best friend. he made it.

#IM SO SORRY MOST OF THE PEOPLE FOLLOWING ME DONT WANT THIS IM SO SORRY ITS SO LONG #sorry anon i hope u like it #Anonymous #asks

[kosmicdream]

hey!!! i just read to the most recent update of ffak (my favorite webcomic ive ever read tbh) and i kinda wanna try making my own. did you have the whole story planned out before you started or is it an ongoing thing? also how did you make the website for it? thank you for making such a cool comic!

Thank you so much!! And let me try to figure out a way to answer this properly. My process is a bit complicated to explain because it is very organic. Its almost like I am never done writing it, because I am always letting it grow/stretch and explore as I think about ffak every day, and every night before sleeping I’ll try to brainstorm things I havent thought of. So spending that much mental energy on something, you never really get ‘done’ with writing a story. Even when i eventually finish ffak, im sure i will be still working on it (or things I would have wanted to do.)

However!! Before i started working on ffak, when it was just called HELP! i established many things narratively that I stuck to and have not changed about the story. So I think the process of this comic, in a simple way, could have been broken down like this in.. stages?

1) I laid down the basic framework of the world, such as the functions of king worms specifically, the aiguille family, helpers, several characters (some havent even appeared in the comic yet!), king leadman, as well as antony/rome’s narrative arc/dynamic. that way their character arc was already figured out before the comic started and I knew it would be the central ‘root’ of the story. I knew how i wanted Rome to be introduced, and how he would meet canary, not knowing the connection between canary and his brother. I had a rough idea, even from here, how their character arc would come to a point (and basically what sorts of things the story would likely eventually close on) I also knew the general setting was on moons and how the humans got there, and how advanced society was, and what the red lights “really" were and what they meant..i figured out what ‘vein’ was here.. ect.. many worldbuilding things!!!It might sound intimidating, but this process happened very quickly. I basically figured this out in the.. day? before i started working. I have had a lot of experience with roleplaying so i think that helps with me making quick decisions. I knew i had enough to work with that I didn’t feel intimidated to start actually drawing it out-- especially because i had the rome/antony thing already set down. 2) Then when I actually started to work, things started to develop very quickly. I knew basically all i needed to for Hekatons before i got to introduce knife (their origins, history, involvement in present day politics) and before ch6 i also wrote all of the “supporting cast” (at the time) which included dylan, fork/spoon/knife, paper/scissor/rock. So i ws able to write Thumb and Heel, and set up the overall dynamic of what the world was like in the present day. (also Spoon/Scissor’s connection.) Cash was actually written in the first batch of characters oops, but her design really became more detailed during this stage because of scissor. 3) then things got more complicated as i dug deeper into the past, and wanted to include crimson. So!! I fleshed out the origin and true history of this world. basically as soon as crimson appeared I had everything in place and felt comfortable enough to include crimson, who borrowed many things narratively from a character i roleplayed for years. Anyway, i figured out all of the deep past of the world and decided to draw it out since it was so interesting in ch 9/10. I think this was around in the 2nd chapter when i figured this out, but my memory is fuzzy. I know by the time i did the flash forward scene in ch2 i had decided many things and so all i had to do was get to them in the comic to cement it in. 4) I forget when exactly (maybe around in chapter 5 or 6) , but i decided to bring in a very old story i wrote in 2009 for good leadman’s origin story-- as i thought it would be cool to make good leadman the protagonist for this old comic i wanted to do, and that helped make the background for heel and thumb more “believable” to me because they were already symbolizing this old story i had written the entire thing of. Oh that’s something else to mention, because that world was part of a collection of stories- i was able to develop DMTIA that way because i already had this cast and just decided to merge the stories into the FFAK setting. I think when i did this, it pretty much was the final big thing to make me understand everything i needed to know about this world. All the story arcs felt pretty realized and I could see how the ending could go at this point.

I guess to summarize, is that i let things grow but also had things planned from the start and once i commit to an idea, it doesnt change. Even if it might appear somewhat frustrating to work with, i like to use them to make my next decision. sometimes that means i dont get to do all i want to do, but i still have a lot of flexibility in this setting like i wanted to have from the beginning.

Even now when i feel like pretty confident that I’ve explored every nook and cranny, I’ll decide to revisit a older storyline or facet of the world and strengthen or build on that. That’s why i ended up with so many fucking side characters because I’ll brainstorm for them for a day or two and suddenly have a lot of material i know wont even “technically” go into the story even though its there. (like, Spot for example was not meant to be so interesting, but i wrote a huge fucking story for him that obviously wont get really any attention.)

So.. its ongoing and it is also not ongoing and hasnt been for quite a long time now? (after two years of constant work it felt.. really complete and done in a lot of ways. we are now currently on year three, moving to year four!) I think the best thing to do is to keep in mind what kinds of methods for writing make you feel comfortable and is your natural brain-pace. I like working with an aspect of fluidity and room for growth and flexibility because i don’t like being boxed in or “outgrowing” my project too fast. So keeping that in mind, i designed ffak to be a comic where it could grow with me and change. that’s pretty much why i decided worms would be a great subject and theme to work with because they are characters that naturally, evolve and change based on what they eat and absorb. plus the themes in ffak just are so fun to work with i will never be bored of it. structuring a project with these things in mind for when i run into walls or feel unmotivated have kept me engaged. I think that is part of why i cannot let it go because I still feel really excited to write and contribute ideas to it.

However, Chapter 12 really feels like I’m settling back down to my original plans and taking my time and patience to communicating all the structured planning ive put into it. I’m not letting it grow the same way anymore because it doesnt need to. I feel comfortable with understanding its voice/style and pacing and im no longer recovering from the uhh.. shock of it existing? I promise that once you actually start making a comic, its a wholly different experience than just it being in your head. and it will sound, look, and feel different than what you thought it would be-- that in itself has influenced a lot of change in ffak because honestly at first i was not expecting to draw it so explicit. that was difficult to get used to but im happy to have embraced that aspect of my work.

So HMM.. I made a strong spine or foundational backbone in the beginning before i started, then fleshed it out as i was in the process of making it, and i always continue to leave room for it to grow. just not grow in EVERY aspect anymore. i also dont chop down branches, but i try to hone in on specific things to make them more clear. i think chopping stuff down and removing things is generally not the best to do because its easier to build up and work with what you have than make big retcons after youve already started or established. also the challenge of working with limitations makes you feel that needed bit of pressure to really commit to your work in the moment of making it and i feel like its helped make me more serious and confident about what i write about. I never feel lost on what to do because if I cover and figure out something, that’s how it is. I make it work regardless! 

everything is done with careful consciousness to the overall balance and product of the story, while also not suffocating it in a box of limitations of what it could be. i treat it like a living thing in my mind and heart and that means i work to have thoughtful conversations with it and myself about what its needs are, what my needs are, what i want to do with it and what it wants to be.. ect. its almost a spiritual thing really. i feel like its important to always reflect and engage with your art and art process to feel a stronger connection and purpose behind what you are deciding to do and what it means to you. i am probably repeating myself a little here but!!!!!! its worth saying!!!!!!!!! 

I also really think it adds to the interesting and fun “layers” to the story, as there has been different stages to its development and it brings in different feelings with each layer. But then the older or more ‘’foundational’’ ones pop in and they seem to give off a different atmosphere (antony and rome) vrs some of the newer additions (like jacket) who are more for shallow, fun decoration or an interesting potential to explore in the future. Like, Jacket is not a character that has a lot of foundational plot connected to him, but he’s an interesting development in terms of the potential of a worm and symbolizes that early-ffak-mindset of growth and experimentation. so i think it makes him a really unique and fun character because he embodies a lot of new and old aspects of ffak’s narrative and my journey with working on the comic.

I could go on and on, but I hope this sort of gives some insight to my process and how I write/work. because in a lot of ways, it isn’t linear. just like how my comic is! sometimes this makes ffak very disorienting for people to read, but if you keep in mind that ffak is very organic and personally tailored to my mannerisms  and with that in mind, it makes a lot more sense why it is how it is and the patterns in it become much more apparent. Anyway! thank you for reading and good luck working on your own stories! it can be challenging but i think it is absolutely worth the effort. 

Also i did not make the website, my good friend Tegan did. :3 i do not know anything about websites.

#ffak faq #ffak #feast for a king #unholyopossum

[summercurial]

KM: Someone in the Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind 'verse who keeps deciding to transition, fully transitioning using near-future tech that's much more convenient than ours but still inconvenient, getting memory-wiped about it, and then going through it all again the other way, over and over and over

hmm, i think this would just be like, fodder for a weird play? plus theres no relationship aspect to this, very few concepts this abstract are hot to to me. i DO think memory removal can be very hot but mostly as an asymmetric thing.

 i was thinking in the shower today about how like, my model of other people is sufficiently crude that i often forget to include their model of me in my model of them, so like, i assume if i havent stated something out loud. in my brain they dont know it, because (roughly) thats how it works for me. so anyway i end up with this weird information asymmetry, which can sometimes be confusing, but the fact that my dom can intuit things about my brain that i cant intuit about his, is pretty hot. its helplessness!

i think i may have already rambled abt this dynamic on here. i have no memory

#Anonymous

[ariciaeast-blog]

T H E  M U S I C  R O O M;

ft the wonderful @princepercyschreave

“Is there a music room in this palace?” I asked my maids, turning to look at them, forgetting that they were fixing my hair. 

“Lady Aricia!” one of them scolded, making me turn back to face the mirror. I saw my blonde locks were lightly curled, the opposite of what they normally were; pin straight. My maids had applied a light coat of makeup to my face, and got me dressed into a pale blue dress and blue ballet flats. 

I asked my previous question again, and they all nodded, which made me happy. I havent played a piano since I was back home, and Liv ((ooc; Liv is her music loving friend from back home in Lakedon)) would not appreciate that I haven’t practiced at all. 

I went through one of my suitcases, and pulled out a book of waltzes that I was learning from, then I started walking to the music room. Once I was in the hallway, I realized that I actually didnt know where the music room was. I shook my head at my stupidity, and made my way to ask an older looking guard. 

“Excuse me, sir,” I said, walking up to him. 

“Yes?” he asked, impatiently. 

Wow, I guess somebody didn’t have patience

I resisted rolling my eyes at him, and asked, “Do you know where the music room is?” 

He nodded, and gestured to go down the hallway, so I obliged, picking up the excess fabric from my dress and walking down the hallway. I kept walking down the hallway, peeking through all the doors, until I saw one with a piano inside. 

Bingo!

I turned the knob of the door and walking in, making sure I wasn’t interrupting anyone else’s practice session. One thing I learnt from Liv was that musicians didnt like their practice interrupted. 

When I walked in, I was in awe. The room was ornately decorated, with various instruments lining the walls, and a beautiful black concert grand piano in the middle of the room. 

I made my way towards the piano, set my music down on the stand, and sat down, opening the book to the waltz that I was working on. 

I flipped the pages, before landing on the ‘Waltz in B Minor, by Chopin’. 

Perfect. 

I ran my fingers over the ivory keys, playing the piece until i got lost into the rhythm of the music, until I reached a certain portion of the piece which I could not play. My playing stopped abruptly, and I tried playing the section that I was having difficulties with, but it was to no avail. No matter how I tried, I kept stumbling over that particular part. 

“Ugh, this part isn’t working out the way I wan’t it to!” I exclaimed, and started over the piece. 

While I was playing through my favourite part, I heard someone talking, but I ignored it, immersing myself into the music. Just then, I heard a throat clear, and I stopped playing to look up, and I saw Prince Percy standing by the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Oh hey, I was just looking for you,” he said, walking further into the room. before stopping by the piano. 

I looked up at him, incredulously, “Oh, hi. You were looking for me?” I asked. 

He nodded, “Of course, we never got to finish our conversation from yesterday”

I smiled, remembering our conversation, “Oh yeah, so what did you want to talk about?” I asked, pivoting on the bench to face him. 

At that, his lazy grin had broke out into a full fledged smirk, “ I was just wondering...” he said, trying to draw my attention. 

Well, you’ve got to try harder than that, Percy 

I smirked back at him, “You were wondering?” I drawled, and laughed at the look on his face. It was a mixture of arrogance and.. something I couldn’t quite place my finger on. 

“Would you like to go on a boat ride with me? On the family yacht sometime?” I asked, grinning with overconfidence. 

Well, it would be a shame to end this charade! Lets keep it going for a bit longer...

I kept the smirk on my face, enjoying the dynamic between us, “oh, man, this is such a hard decision!” I exclaimed, gauging Percy’s reaction. His face was contorted into an arrogant smirk, his bluegreen eyes glimmering in amusement. 

“Well if it’s such a hard decision, maybe I’ll just go,” he said, raising his eyebrows and turning around at the speed of a turtle. 

I stood up, and let a loose chuckle pass through my lips, “Alright, Mr. Schreave, it’s not that hard of a decision,” I laughed, “I’ll go with you on this ‘boat ride’” I said, putting air quotations around ‘boat ride’, “But the better be the best part” I added, winking at the last part. 

He turned around, his trademark smirk gracing his lips, “Great. And it will be”

I smiled, “Thats nice. So I heard you play the piano as well?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

He nodded, running his hand over the roof of piano, smiling softly, “Yeah, a bit. So, what were you working on before?” he asked, looking back up at me, his eyes piercing through my own. 

“Well, I have a friend back home named Olivia,” I started, “and she was a really good musician, so one day, she dared me to learn this piece in a month, and its called ‘Waltz in B Minor’, by Chopin, and I can play the entire thing, except for a small section!” I laughed, thinking about Olivia and the face she’d be giving me if I told her that I was talking to one of the Princes of Illea about the piano, “if it were anyone but her daring me, I may have given up, but to give her that satisfaction? Never”

He nodded, smiling, “Hmm, let me see if I can help,” he said, and sat down on the piano, skimming through the piece, then starting playing, and I was floored. 

Wow

He played beautifully, paying attention to all the dynamics, tempo markings, and is feel was beautiful. 

When he finished playing, he turned to look at me, “You’re trying to get something like this, right?” he asked, and I nodded, still in awe about his playing. 

“Wow, you are really good! Well, I probably didn’t need to tell you that,” I said, laughing to distract him from the light blush that spread across my cheeks. 

He looked shocked at me compliment, and smiled, “Really? I didn’t think that I did that well...” he trailed off, but then refocused, “Well, anyways, so what specifically do you need help on?” he asked

I turned to the score, and pointed to a section, “Well, in the second page, there is a fast section and the fingering is a bit weird. I was trying to figure out a better alternative but so far nothing has been working”

I nodded, analysing the score before turning to look back at me, “Hmm... why dont you try playing just that section really slowly first so you can get the hang of it?” he suggested. 

I nodded, thinking about his fairly basic suggestion, before realising that he was right. I was throwing myself headfirst into the piece, so of course I wouldn’t be able to learn everything! I shook my head at myself, and turning to look at him. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I’ll try it! Thanks! I’m so happy that the palace has a music room! I always had to go to my Liv’s house to practice because I didn’t own a piano of my own, I only have a guitar...” I trailed off, smiling about the memories of my life before the selection

He nodded, “Yeah, the piano here is pretty nice...”

I smiled, and decided that I’d try to get know him a bit more. There was something elusive about him that I wanted to figure out. 

“So, how are you feeling about the selection so far?” I asked, “It must be weird having 35 random girls walking around your house...” I trailed off, trying to judge his reaction, and from the smirk that quickly overtook his features, I guessed that he had no problems with that many girls walking around his house. 

“I think its been pretty sweet so far,” he drawled, winking at me. 

I smirked, rolling my eyes at my assumption being correct. “That sounds great for you,” I said, laughing. 

He nodded, “it is pretty great”

I smiled, trying to get to the bottom of this prince, “So, tell me a bit about yourself, Percy! Are you really like what everyone says? Or is there more to the man behind the mask” I said, with a smile. 

He shrugged, “I like to think I’m a pretty open book. What you see is what you get.” he said, nonchalantly. 

I smirked, “Thats nice, so what do I get then?” I asked, trying to hide my surprise at where my flirty behaviour was coming from. 

He smirked back at me, making me feel like I was in a chick flick, “That depends, what do you want?” I asked, lowering his voice. 

I laughed at the irony of my position. Two months ago, if you told me that I would be flirting with one of the princes of Illea, I’d have probably asked you if you were drunk. But now... “That depends on what you’re willing to give me” I said, with a wink. 

His eyes glittered with amusement, as he said, “For now... a private boat ride in the family yacht”

I grinned, “Alright, that sounds wonderful” I exclaimed, smoothing down the front of my dress, trying to calm my nerves. Who could predict that my first ever date would be with none other than Percy Schreave? Certainly not me. 

“So...” he started, directing my attention back to him, “The boat ride. Does three days from now sound good? I need at least a little time to arrange things.”

I nodded, smiling, “That sounds great! I’ll be counting the days, Mr. Schreave”

He smiled back a genuine smile, “I’ll see you then” he said, his eyes lingering on mines for a second too long before walking away. When the door closed, I released the breath I didn’t know that I’d been holding. 

Wow

I shook my head, trying to clear away the daze that I had been in, and turned back to the piano. As I played some more pieces, and walked up to my room to prepare for dinner, there was one thought that never left my mind;

Percy

#and its done! #music room fic #princepercyschreave #ariciaeast #percy schreave #aricia east #pericia #guyss this is for all the pericia shippers #thanks for your support #much love! #i had fun writing this and fun rping so thanks alex!! #aricia writes #music room #((ooc like this is the closest thing ive come to flirting so im glad it came out well!)) #((ive never flirted with anyone like thats so sad lolol #((and im an actual piano nerd in real life and wayy better than aricia lolol so if you everwant to talk about music and stuff ooc then im in #((like im so tired though #((im doing extra credit in july so that starts tuesday)) #((and im doing my music history course online and theres so much work like its supposed to be summer like how could i do this to myselffff)) #((anyways ill stop rambling now)) #((thanks for reading!!))

[swearronchanel]

Impromptu post, thoughts during 5.05

I'm so pissed I literally lost an earring at some point today and just realized. So I ripped my dorm room apart looking for it (no luck of course) and now it's 9:30 so I already missed half of the new episode of Jane the Virgin. Also my earrings are from Tiffany's, they were a Christmas gift a couple years ago & I can't afford to replace it😭 whatever you guys don't care about this, I'm so tired but I refuse to fall asleep at 9:30pm because I'll wake up at like 5am. So I decided to watch a random episode of Call The Midwife and share my thoughts.

Ok I'm going with 5.05, since we just saw 6.05 lol, idk If there's any logic but just go with it alright

ah the old credits, I really like the new ones though. Especially the color

"We were moving from a time of guessing.." I love how the show explains & shows that times are changing

The health report! Littt

"I feel a drumroll is in order" Shelagh is so precious!! 💖 I love her Scottish accent && side note I still wish they would mention one day how she got London. It literally does not matter at all but we know next to nothing about her past and im curious ?! More of Shelagh’s past pls

WAIT ONE OF MY FAV SHELAGH LINES IS COMING

"Patrick Turner, GP License to Practice Medicine and Secret Agent Shelagh Turnova save Poplar from ill health and disease!" I LOVE ITTTT😂 ONE OF HER BEST LINES EVER DONT @ ME, her laugh at the end is priceless ah! Shelagh is lowkey funny af she just rarely gets to opportunity and again Laura Main is an actual gem 😍

KEEP FIT

Trixie looking so good😍 i need her to whip my ass back in to shape. i havent worked out in like 3 months yikes

but seriously is this really my train of thoughts if i dont mention how perfect Helen George is?

yea its fuccking cancer, cigs are no joke

lol did they really not notice Tim reading Freud?

Also why did Shelagh ever think smoking cigarettes was a good idea after she freaking had tb? i forgive her though shes my bby💕

phyllis! my mother and hero

oh yea this lady cant read

forgot she was a ex-prostitute

vi and fred doing jumping jacks im dead, theyre a cute couple

Where did frankincense come from??

lol violet didnt wanna give up the bathroom door "we may be married but i still have my dignity"

Mrs Dooly? Is that her name (idk)

I can so see Shelagh delivering her baby herself like this lady did, but obviously she’d know what’s happening. You think Shelagh is going to freak out while giving birth though? hmm  

"I do like a milky brew" WHY IS THAT FUNNY😂😂 I like the Delia & Sister MJ interaction

PHYLLIS TRYING TO RIDE A BIKE IS SYMBOLISM FOR ME TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS SEMESTER #barelymanaging

does laying on a door really help a messed up back?

Those awful sleeves on Delia's uniform *cringe*

"I am not trusted with medical emergencies" I TRUST YOU SISTER MJ💕 lowkey hope the delivery sister MJ is involved in is Shelagh's

If I had to deliver my own baby I'd be freaking the fuck out too, like I'm not Dr Quinn

The Nonnatus Fam all at the table makes me happy😭

Sister Winifred rolling her eyes in the back 😂😂😂

"I'll be washing my hair and reading magazines from now on" yo sister Winifred is growing on me tbh?? Wow lol

"Ive always assumed the results of the male organ to be more rewarding than the organ itself" 😂😭 love sister MJ

Everyone in the convent shook😂 again sister W has the best reactions 😂 dick jokes are 100x funnier when they're made in a convent & 1000x funnier when they're made by a nun

Shelagh's "percussion" on Tim's back I'm dead lmfaoo

I don't remember if she has post partum ?

Fred taking over the shop😂 I miss when Fred used to scam though😭

"I'm missing my monthlys" "monthly whats?" Oh Fred cmon 😂

Tim snatching those cigarettes

Barbara trying to measure this lady😂😂 she's so awkward, love it

She leaves her baby outside smh

"Gosh James knows how to show a chap a nice time"  ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH LINE😂 give my bby more great lines 😭😂

I LOVE CHEEKY SHELAGH, I LOVE SHELAGH ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN SHE HAS NO LINES OR IS CRYING AND SAD (WHICH IS TOO OFTEN & WE NEEDA CUT THAT OUT)

Laura Main and Helen George calmly ruined me, I never was like this? How did I end up literally crying every week for fictional characters ??

Shelagh and Patrick's faces were so smug just now I love it

Yikes those lungs

Reminds me of all the gross anti smoking commercials. Also Patrick is shook but I'm not too surprised

I love that Phyllis is so understanding and doesn't judge any patient  💕

"You have the rest of your life to get the hang of it" I NEEDED THAT TOO PHYLLIS THANKS

LMAO FRED "Because hell will freeze over first"

so yes post partum??

Phyllis is annoyed bc she wants to work on her Spanish and babs is taking too long with the dishes 😂😂te querio mucho phyllis

Tim sparking up lol 🚬

Here comes trouble

I wanna rip Patrick's index finger off. Remember that time he wagged his finger and Shelagh and I was ready TO FREAKING FLIP

but yea wtf you knew this would happen Tim

Shelagh's just like "Tim no" I love u Shelagh but what does that do lmao your husband is exploding

"You'll what, light it for me!?" BOYYYY ARE YOU BRAVE KID

If I responded like that my parents would've flipped, there most likely would've been a chancla coming at me  😭😂

But seriously Patrick should know better not to smoke lol

What does Roxanne mean this isn't real??

Aw cute Patrick and Tim moment, and a year later they're getting drunk off one beer and throwing darts into the wall😂

I want to see more of Phyllis with babies aww

Also not really related but I hope Phyllis has some good lines defending the pill when it comes back up. Remember when she had babs shook when she told the story of the soldier she spent a weekend away with😏 imagine her telling the other nurses?

Used to hang out at a Jazz club Patrick?? lol interesting  

damn get that radium treatment man

"The real magic is keeping on when all you want to do is run" Phyllis Fucking Crane spilling the tea as always. How did I not like her once upon a time??

Could Shelagh get any cuter eating biscuits? No she could not

lol biscuits aren't just for fainters!! Ah I don't miss sister Ursula 🙃

that's not your mother😐 (I knew where she was going though but you know I'm gonna say it anyway)

More Shelagh and Phyllis interaction yes pls

How much is a shilling? #ignorantamerican

Fred hiding from the costumers 😂😂

Yes Vi! Defend ur man & kick this rude ass lady out

Lol now Patrick telling other people to quit smoking. Don Draper tried man, it's gonna take u a while 😭

I'm here for the Phyllis and Sister W dynamic (more now that Phyllis is teaching her how to drive 😂)

Ah I love going back to old episodes when I know what happens in the future, also I notice things I didn't notice before and make connections and yea, you catch my drift lmao

"We don't choose to be unloved by those who should love us"💔

we truly don't deserve Phyllis. SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HER MOTHER AND IM CRYING

"Shame will keep us in all kinds of prisons if we let it" 😭😭😭

Patrick has a puppy face rn

Wait they went this long without naming the baby??

omg speaking of that, I really want to know what the gender of baby Turner is going to be and what it will be named😭😭

Vi is precious lol & Fred lifting her is cute. Patrick never lifts Shelagh😂

Aw speaking of my bbys💕💕

So precious it’s almost strange Turner family moment

Why do so many people hate that couch? Like it doesn't bother me or maybe I don't care enough about the background?

Angela has grown so much in a year wow, she looks a lot younger here

lol Shelagh and Patrick are like "um wtf psychology??" 😂

Wait Angela made a noise😂 when will she actually speak??

Haha Shelagh you're going to need new dresses but you don't know yet 😭😂💕 I still can't believe she's having a baby. I Love it.

"You're my world" lol that was so cute but also I still think Tim is too perfect of a child?? what teenager is so pleasant with his parents all the time 😂 plus he's always with them and his baby sister? #givetimalife2k17aka1962

Aww all the cute concluding moments & Vanessa Redgrave saying something profound and we are done.  

#call the midwife #my rambles #thoughts #you tired of me yet #? #I will never run out of comments #I have too much to say #all the time #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though

[effervescentmind]

Entry 21: 03.23.20 b

I wanted to talk more indepth about my job and housing concerns and also tie in another dynamic in my life right now. I met someone online in August and at first it was just a fwb type of arrangment. He would come over once a weekish and we would spend some time together, laugh and sleep together. Sometimes we would just sleep and not have sex but he ended up slowly staying over until the next morning and then it just became a regular thing for him to sleepover. He’s a nice guy and has his shit together, makes money and has a lot of awesome goals. He’s self-motivated, encouraging and funny and I really enjoy him. Sometimes we go out and we always have a good time but I didnt want anything and he knew that. I was still hurting and trying to figure myself out and redefine who I was after my last two relationships. He knew that and was ok with it but then starting hinting he wanted more. I denied him at first but eventually warmed up to him. He started to do nice little things for me and showed me he cared and paid attention to me. He would surprise me with little dates, gifts or practical things I needed. I would get good morning texts everyday and checked on throughtout the day...I’m speaking in past tense but all of these things still happen and on an even bigger scale now but he doesnt want to be in a relationship and I dont understand him. I did reject the idea at first but about a month or two later I told him I had feelings for him and he completely acted like he didnt talk to me about a relationship and tried to make me think I was confused. I showed him text messages and told him things he said to me...even when we went to the movies and he was talking about how he was going to teach his kids to swim (it was a reference to something in the movie) and he included me in his fantasy, as the Mother. Ive talked to him twice about it and tried to push him away but he comes back and tells me what I want to hear. I dont know though, the last time we spoke about it, he told me he didnt know what he wanted and that hes trying to figure out if he wants a relationship. He said hes used to women trying to be with him because they want to live off him but he likes that I dont try any of that with him. He likes that I have my own goals and plans for my career and life and supports me all the way but he needs time to figure himself out. I told him to do it by himself and not waste my time. He told me he wants me to be patient with him and he promises that he isnt wasting my time, thats its not just about sex. Then he referred to himself as a broken, rough flower that I can prune and water to my perfection and liking...I dont agree with that viewpoint. I dont think that I need to put in this much work and turn you into what I want. Shouldnt I like you for who you are? Shouldnt you be giving me all the communication, time and vulnerability I want and give too? Why must I be subjected to bullshit first before I get the man I deserve? No. I wont settle for that. I wont do it. There are plenty of other men out there and I know the mature, put-together, driven, loving man I seek is out there. I dont have to settle on someone because they like the idea of having me but still want to party and talk to more than one female at a time. 

I decided that I would give him a chance until I leave Texas. I am currently making plans like I’m single because I FUCKING AM and I will not let a man keep me in a place I dont want to be if he is not sacrificing anything for me. So, I’m waiting to see if he is warming up but at the same time not stopping my progress. If I end up needing to leave and he still aint tryna do shit with me then adios senor. At this point, I feel like he’s a better friend than a boyfriend for me. He has helped me alot. He has helped me fix my credit, paid my rent (without being asked) when I was going through it with BWW, bought me toiletries and encouraged me throughout these last months about my future but there is no emotional connection. He isnt there for me emotionally and there is no passion between us. I just don’t want to be with someone that has it all but can’t be emotionally there for you and does the bare minimum to keep you around. He’s not a bad guy, I just dont think he wants me like that and I dont want to waste my time. I’m finally ready to be in love and I want to do it with someone that makes my heart dance. He just makes my heart ache.

With that being said, my plans are changing by the day but currently I have five options. The first (chronologically) is to stay with my friend who referred me to BWW. We met at PFC’s in October/November. My original plan was to get another job, not renew my lease and get a room for rent while I save for a downpayment on a car. I wanted to put all my things in storage and take my time looking around for a nicer apartment that I felt was right for me. This apartment I currently live in, I rushed into to get away from a shitty relationship and I want better for myself. That plan slightly changed because I wasnt making money and stuck between jobs. So my friend told me I could stay with her as long as I needed. I was happy but quickly decided that it was a bad idea. I got to know her more and she is all over the place and does a lot of stupid things. She’s young, constantly quitting jobs, playing guys for their money, letting stupid boys break her heart, trying any kind of drug and no realistic plan for her future. She also has a quick temper, blows things out of proportion and is reckless. She texted me one day saying that she was going to move to florida and that I could take over her lease if I wanted. Then that plan changed and she doesnt know when shes leaving and keeps changing what shes doing. Then she got fired from her job and got pregnant by a dumb boy that I kept warning her to stay away from. I decided to look into other options. Havent told her and I dont plan on it, just going to keep it moving and avoid that train-wreck of a situation. 

My next option is to move into another coworkers house. She lives with her brothers and mother. Her mother travels a lot for work and currently is gone until the end of May. I would be renting out the master bedroom and bathroom for 600/month. Its a really nice, big house but I would have to leave at the end of may which is fine because I do want my own place asap. This last year living by myself has been wonderful and exactly what I’ve needed my whole life lol. I’m not afraid to live alone and sleep alone. It’s peaceful and I’ve done a lot of self-discovery. I stay organized and have all the space and quiet I need from the outside world. 

My third option is to stay with a friend and her boyfriend. The have a spare bedroom, are quiet and I hangout with them every now and again. It would be nice to stay with them because I know them a little more and they are much closer to my job than my other coworker is. Also, she works at PFC’s still so sometimes we could carpool and that would save me money on lyft.

The fourth option is to stay with my older sister in Jax. She called me last night and we talked for about 4-5 hours. We always do that. We wont speak for months and then just have a whole random purge one night lol. Anyway, after I caught her up on my life, she told me that she would help me in any way she could. She would send me money and if I wanted to, I could come live with her and the kids until I get on my feet. Her saying that lifted such a huge weight off my shoulders. She always has my back and I love her so much. I really feel that I may end up tying up all my finaical loose ends here and moving back to Florida with her. I never wanted to go back to Jacksonville but sometimes you need to take a step back to be able to move forward and it’ll be nice to finally meet my niece and nephew. And I havent seen my sister since she left for the Navy. We both went through so much pain and so many changes after that...It will feel good to have her around and rebuild our bond. I miss her so much. 

My last option is one that I hope to never have to do, because it brings me so much anxiety, and that is to talk to one on my aunts, on my dad’s side, and ask if I can live with them. I’m confdent that they would say yes but man...I’m not ready for all that. Theres too much baggage and unpacking I need to do before I can fully immerse myself into them. I want to eventually reunite and start creating a relationship but I know I need to do it on my own terms and from a distance for my own sanity. I’ll write more on that in it’s own entry. 

Well, thats where I’m at right now. Just waiting on this coronavirus to die down and see where that leaves me. Wish me luck.

#diary