#hcp the felt

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I'm very late to the party it seems, because only after getting more weird asks than usual, and a few explicitly naming the bloggers involved did I learn today of the ugliness that went down a short while ago. Storm has already said her bit and I respect her choice to quietly step back so this isn't me resurrecting a dead horse to bludgeon. I'm writing this because I've been on the receiving end of this sort of campaign before, have seen it play out too many times with the same types of people, and because I want it on record somewhere that I don't know anybody here personally (a conscious choice) but that all my dealings with Storm showed her to be a forthright and thorough person. And even if she wasn't, that wouldn't excuse any of this bullshit.

Normally if this were a private matter I'd keep my opinion to myself after all I don't know any of you. But the moment anybody brings this shit into the public then anybody gets to have a go at it. We've all seen these sorts of takedown posts before, and I'm not always opposed to them because sometimes they're for good reason. If someone is actually racist, or idk a serial killer, it's good for the public to know that shit. Differing opinions on jikook being real, someone cussing you out, or blocking liberally do not meet that threshold for me, but everyone's different.

When I see these takedowns happen, including when it happened to me, I've observed it usually involves HCP personalities in this blogging space that take certain actions extremely personally and nurse grievances until it festers into fuel for drama that they gratify in because in their heads they believe they’ve been scorned and therefore are right. They usually think in a very tribal sense, rope other people in and force people into camps of friend, neutrals, and foe, and wear their egos on their sleeves.

In my case, I'd only been blogging here actively for less than 5 months before a pair of bloggers and their followers accused me of feuding with them, using them for clout, and that my opinions on my blog somehow prevented them from running their own blog and speaking freely. They'd been nursing that grievance for months with the followers who felt as they did, while I was oblivious, blogging with abandon so to speak, even interacting with them, until the call-out post. And my followers had been receiving messages about how much of a horrible bitch I am (I mean, I can be a bitch but hadn't been to anyone here at that point).

Thankfully I hadn't been blogging for long so most people could go through my blog to read what I actually think, see how I actually engage, and decide for themselves if anything those bloggers said made any sense. Storm has a longer blogging history and the campaign against her more widespread since she was very active in jikook spaces, plus she legit needs a break so I get why she's decided to take one now. I still get weird asks from people who claim to be devoted to those bloggers and that shit, that behaviour, that mentality is ugly. The point here is too many people take shit personally and then try to make it everyone's problem. Some HCP people can't help it if they have those sorts of personalities, but that doesn't excuse it. Seeing shit like this just kills the vibe for anyone who doesn't get high off that nonsense, and it further frays whatever community people are trying to build here. I usually keep my distance but I admire the people who have tried, even if only in public, to connect with people here and build community. Not everyone has to like everyone else, but there's enough abuse and BS to jokers from outside the community and fandom, for anyone to think their momentary satisfaction is worth poisoning this space, or character assassinating someone else.

Apparently anyone who has voiced support for Storm, has themselves become a target, and that in itself should tell you how weird this all is lmao.

For the people flooding my inbox who think we're in kindergarten and I should declare where my loyalties lie, get a fucking grip. If you have a problem with my arguments or views, I'm always happy to engage on that basis. But if you think me liking Storm and interacting with her posts is reason enough for you to act a fool in my inbox, you must be high out of your goddamn mind. Take my advice and block me because nobody here has time for all that. Vous pouvez vous attendre à être complètement ignoré par moi à partir de ce moment. J'ai entendu dire que le sexe anal peut soulager la pression sur la tête, vous pouvez l'essayer et me dire si cela fonctionne. Ça, je le posterai sur le blog. Tout le reste sera supprimé.

Borahae. 💜

#small psa

[ditzdreamweaver]

Me obsessing and rambling a red burnt chicken from MHA?? Naaaah naaah... ok, maybe.

Ngl, I feel like we never knew the kind of person Keigo Takami is. You know how he never got a childhood ever since he was taken in by the HCPS? How he was given a private education instead of sending him off to school?

As sucks as it is to be in school, it's the very first starting point everyone goes to. Every child has a right to education for individual purposes (e.g. development of individual as a human being, self actualization), social purposes, etc. In other words, school is a place where we learn how to socialize and connect with other children, it's also what shapes us as a person.

Keigo, on the other hand, had a private hero education instead. I'm assuming he was homeschooled under the eyes of HCPS, so I doubt he'd get as much social interaction with kids at his age. But then again... how did Hawks manage to pull his charisma off? Well, two ways: 1.) HCPS gave him detailed interpersonal training; and 2.) Keigo had to rely on philosphy and psychology books. All of these weren't natural, ofc. He was raised to be a child soldier, the perfect Hawks everyone can look up to.

And I think that was the start of losing Keigo's self-identity.

We all know Hawks is a snarky bastard who's hip with everyone, but what about outside hero work? How about Keigo? The show never revealed much what kind of person he is. It feels like everything he says is scripted, made by the HCPS to soothe citizens from worrying about their safety.

And despite the fact that his identity was carefully crafted by someone else (to me, it felt like it), Keigo doesn't mind one bit. He's aware the organisation was using him as a pawn, yet he gracefully accepted it because "the end justifies the means." It is for the greater good of society, right?

That's why I was thinking... now that HCPS has been decommissioned, I feel as if Hawks is gone... and the only person left is Keigo Takami. Does he consider himself a free bird, something he had always dreamed of? Or is he still in that pawn mindset the comission put him in?

Is he Hawks or Keigo?

#keigo takami #hawks mha #unprocessed thoughts thought out of a whim #help #mha season 6 #ditzdreamweaver

[camillasgirl]

I'm so happy to finally call her queen Camilla. I'm grieved for queen Elizabeth and I was devastated last week but with a few days I've had time to appreciate how nice it is to give this title to Camilla. It somehow feels right. Do you know if King Charles was wearing the Rothesay tartan at the vigil? Strange choice, though it's a lovely tartan. It's just that it's William's title now, so I am surprised if he chose to wear that one. Maybe he chose it based on how his mother felt about it. If she liked to see him wear that one more than another, then that's a lovely tribute. HCP

Yes, I agree. It just feels so right to call them King and Queen. Obviously, it's also very sad at the moment, but also so very wonderful.

Unfortunately, I'm not very good with tartans, but I think it is the Duke of Rothesay tartan, indeed. Personally, I don't think it's an odd choice - he has been DoR for so very long and this title has meant so much to him, it's a tribute to that :) I'm not sure which tartan would have been "right", so maybe he doesn't own a kilt in that tartan yet? But, as I said, I'm no expert at all :)

[fernsweb]

ZING Powers HCP Engagement

Against the backdrop of changing policies, mounting regulation and skyrocketing costs, pharmaceutical companies are investing heavily in their organization’s digital transformation. Everything from how R&D is conducted to how brands connect with HCPs and patients is being reinvented. And for pharmaceutical sales operations, improving prescriber engagement is the top priority. But unfortunately, many of the current solutions ignore one very important thing: what prescribers want when it comes to the pharma-physician relationship.

During a recent P360 masterclass1, double board-certified physician Dr. Mandira Mehra confirmed that, from a doctor’s standpoint, communication with pharma reps has become inefficient. Although an integral part of a physician’s work, she noted that the process of accessing or contacting reps can be very frustrating.

“Physicians want engagement at their own pace, at their own time, and they want to initiate it,” said Dr. Mehra. “I still have a stack of business cards with the information of 20-30 different pharmaceutical and medical device reps. I cannot think of any other industry that would do that—if I order food or call a cab, everything is streamlined and really done through the phone.”

Dr. Mehra isn’t alone when it comes to wanting a more convenient, digital-first pharma-to-physician relationship. Physicians now prefer digital communication to all other modes of engagement. In a survey conducted by Accenture, 87% of providers2 reported a preference for virtual, or a mix of virtual and in-person, meetings with pharmaceutical reps. In addition, the online HCP community Sermo found that 67% of its users3 felt pharma companies could improve communications with physicians and provide better support for prescribing decisions with on-demand access to reps.

That’s why we developed the ZING Engagement Suite. ZING is a comprehensive unified communications as a service (UCaaS) solution that enables compliant HCP engagement by enhancing existing communication channels with tons of features, including text messaging, two-way voice and video calling, onscreen collaboration and form sharing, inbound communications with QR code scanning, artificial intelligence (AI) assistance, signature capture, easy access integrations and more.

How intelligent bots and QR codes can improve HCP engagement

Strengthened with several enterprise-grade features, ZING is a robust unified communications as a service (UCaaS) platform that enables pharmaceutical sales teams to engage with HCPs via multiple modalities without barriers. In addition to all the features listed above, ZING enables sales teams to deploy intelligent bots and use QR codes to make communication easier. Here’s how those features help improve HCP engagement.

Intelligent bots: ZING can power pharma reps with automated responses to inbound requests (e.g., co-pay card requests). And when needed, reps can seamlessly transition back to themselves. The bots can even be personalized for each territory, rep and brand.

Intelligent bots improve HCP engagement by:

Removing compliance issues

Giving HCPs instant access to what they want, when they want it

Eliminates missed follow-ups when out of the office or out of reach

Removing white space issues

Simplifying access to reps and important drug information

QR codes: ZING makes it easy for pharma reps to provide HCPs with QR codes, which is a type of barcode that can be read by a smartphone. Like links, QR codes enable instant text, call or video communication. The QR codes can even be personalized for each brand. And they can be programmed to connect directly to the appropriate rep.

QR codes improve HCP engagement by:

Removing the need for business cards, which are easily lost

Making it easy to keep contact information up to date, even with turnover, etc.

Making it easy for HCPs to remember what drug goes with which rep

Streamlining communications

Eliminating the need for emails, phone calls and in-person visits

Compliance enabled HCP communication

83% of the pharmaceutical executives we surveyed said compliance is their top priority. The reason being is that compliance-related violations cost companies millions of dollars each year. But with the ZING, avoiding compliance issues is a breeze. All the messages, digital assets and replies sales teams send to HCPs can be preapproved by compliance and preloaded into the system. That way, nothing gets out that isn’t already approved.

In addition, ZING’s intuitive user portal, which can be branded and completely customized, offers administrators a simple way to track individual messages, link clicks, digital asset views and more. And all of ZING’s data can be stored for up to 10 years and pulled into a report for legal upon request. The data from the system also integrates back to sales profiles in existing CRM systems.

ZING makes HCP engagement easy

With the ZING, pharma teams can exchange compliance-enabled two-way unified messaging with healthcare professionals without barriers. There are no apps for end-users to download and there are no subscriptions for them to deal with. To HCPs, ZING offers a seamless, hassle-free experience that’s seen as nothing different than their normal method for receiving texts. To do this, ZING uses native text messaging on an HCPs iOS or Android device with pre-built integrations with major CRMs.

ZING also makes it easy for pharma IT teams in terms of data management and integrity for things like territory alignments, roster changes and other specific data integration needs. Compliance can track every communication, end-to-end. And managers can measure activity and results with ZING’s powerful dashboards.

To learn more about all of P360’s innovative products, visit P360.com.

#HCP engagement

[graysongoal]

Survey: Talking to HCPs and Access

Survey: Talking to HCPs and Access

Back in 2016, I collected some initial information about how people felt they could talk to healthcare providers (HCPs) about sexual health and function, sexual orientation, and gender. Then, in the fall of 2019, I conducted a more extensive survey. I’m still working on the results of that survey. With the changes occurring in the last few years, though, I wanted to collect information again.…

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[androgynousstrawberrystarfish]

20230130 and 20230131

Kiddo's been in a wraparound therapy program for a month. 3 month program. Covers anxiety, depression, substance use, gender identity. All stuff she needs. We started this because she has been skipping classes since October and told me it's because of anxiety. So we went to a psychiatrist for medication management at the direction of her HCP. Psychiatrist said she needs way more than he can provide and suggested a wraparound program. So she's been in one as soon as I found one that didn't tell me they have no room. Since last month she has told me on 8 different occasions that she wants help and wants to quit but will never commit to changing anything. Still hangs out with stoner friends. Still goes to their house. Still smokes at lunch time because it's "too hard". Two weeks ago she was caught with weed at school. She was not forced to take extra classes because she's in a wraparound program that covers substance abuse. Today she was caught high as fuck after lunch and started the delayed expulsion program. I got into her ass about all this and she has been giving me attitude and trying to act like she's in the right for continuing to smoke, tried gaslighting me until i shut that shit down, and told her I was pulling her ass out of school and starting ANYTHING else because anything is better than her getting expelled because her stupid ass won't make any fucking effort and she started screaming at me that she hates living here and pretending things are better during therapy and being forced to go do things with me and she hates me and I'll never be her dad and she just wants me to listen to her for once and let her live with her maternal grandmother. I felt like I was close to actually hitting her so I walked away and tried calming down. I've never even spanked her and I'm not about to start now. By the time I calmed down she had a bag packed and was trying to leave the house to live "anywhere but here", which apparently meant her 18 year old boyfriend's house

I was told they broke up when he found out she was 14 instead of 16. Apparently that was a fucking lie too.

So I took her phone her bag, told her to grab her shit, and we started driving

At that moment I realized I'm just fucking done. I can't do this anymore.

I'm spending close to 900/week on this therapy program and bought a cat and a laptop and I get "I hate you let me live anywhere else and I'll never stop trying to run away." And at this point I would rather pay child support and have a fucking social life again and go meet people and stop being so FUCKING ISOLATED because I have to be home 24/7 to watch a fucking monster teenager and I'm such a horrible person for even saying that and I can't help that it's true.

We drove to the airport, and I put them on the next flight direct to her maternal grandmother. I stayed awake all night until the plane took off so she was able to sleep and nobody would mess with her shit. At 6am she took off and I drove home, landing at about the same time I got to the house. Then I tried to sleep on and off while the kitten kept attacking me.

I sent certified insured and express mail with all the documents/medication she needs this afternoon and then got myself a very unhealthy dinner to try to cheer myself up. It didn't work. I'm still more angry than I've ever been in my life. I feel like a failure, a bad father, and a bad person. But I don't know what other option I had left.

Mood: 0/10

Day: 0/10

Overall Mood: I don't know. I have much to do to make sure this happens smoothly and legally and I don't end up missing anything. There' a lot to juggle.

[hardcoreprocess]

@crushsprite​ asked: the inherent intimacy of taking someones measurements. kneeling in front of them for an inseam.

They're insufferable. The leprechauns, that is. Theoretically, she could forgive textured flesh and that absurdly green hue, but it's the principle of these things. The origin. The resemblance to that creature that must not be named. Swallowing her bile around their amphibious biology has gotten easier with time, but mostly? That improved opinion is a result of the competent ones.

One of them is currently bettering his standing now, from his knees. Stitch, she recalls, is the in-house tailor. With a brutal tongue and a perfectly steady hand, he’s useful. Professional. He knows how to arrange the folds of space-time, pleated in perfect ripples. Admirable. Even polite, where she's concerned. He's made a comment here or there about his courtesy being her right, gruffly calling her ma'am.

Naturally, she doesn’t say anything about this. Nor is she hurrying to correct him, state that ma’am is a fraction of the respect she’s owed. Snowman... doesn't dislike him. Froggish as he is.

When she comes to him with haughty demands, with the commanding diction of a queen (though her nation is long dead) and an armful of proposed outfits, he quickly complies. Though she is no artist herself, Stitch works tirelessly to realize the visions she expects. Even with a grumble, a complaint, a sneer at her scribbles. He obeys. Competent, clever creature.

And perhaps he enjoys kneeling in front of her to lay a tape measure against her inner thigh for the fifth time in a week, a little too much for a member of such a repulsive race. But the concentration lining the tailor's brow is attractive enough. Who's to say she doesn't enjoy the feeling of his textured skin on her carapace just in turn? No one will question how she stretches her ligaments slightly to make him readjust, or click deep in her thorax when his sigh comes out wet.

#homesmut #snowman x stitch #hcp the felt #hcp miss eight #hcp mister nine #domestiphilia #Endytophilia #partialism #naphephilia #dominance #writing process #answer process

[thelittlebeekeeper]

I went to the optometrist yesterday bc I felt like my vision was getting worse, and she laughed at me for coming back twice in a year and at the end was like "you're the same as before. what are you REALLY here for" and idk just. why are so many healthcare professionals unnecessarily nasty to you. ik I AM one but if people have genuine concerns there's literally no need to ridicule them AND you should do everything in your power to try and find the problem.... you always know your body better than the HCP and it's never lying to u. I'm mad

#cat's problems #really rubbed me up the wrong way #WHY isnt Unconditional Positive Regard hammered into EVERYONE during their training #not to act high and mighty at all bc there are plenty of SLTs out there just as bad if not worse #and im sure there are times when ive dropped the ball #but ???? she literally told me i was wearing my glasses too much so i took em off and havent worn em since. guess what. my eyes hurt #im having a shit week so this is probably the camel straw etc

[andrewrosswatson1987]

NEW MUSIC: TENEMENTS – I FELT INVINCIBLE

Tenements, a post-hardcore and metalcore five-piece from Glasgow, are to embark on a UK tour this month in support of their new single, “I Felt Invincible”, out today (May 10). This part of an EP later in the year. They’re already got a slot for ForresFest VI: Friday, the weekend of hard rock and heavy metal in Forres, Moray on Friday, June 7 and Saturday, June 8.  Friday alongside FROM INSIDE, Dayshifter, Below The Neck, Bitterwood and Bleach HCP. “I Felt Invincible” starts sedate and ponderous, guitar sliding before majestic twin guitar melody wins the day. The drums hammer in their cacophony with vocal pained and raspy in the throat.  Even the bass bobs and weaves inventive.  A breakdown about midway gives way a more mellow moment, bass really breaking out this time.  “Nothing standing in my way” defiant but suggesting subsequent comedown and painful realisation.  Indeed, ominous chugging ends it. ‘I Felt Invincible’ UK Tour May 2019 11 The Ice Box, Glasgow 12 Fuel, Cardiff 13 Gullivers, Manchester 14 Outpost, Liverpool 15 Santiago Bar, Leeds 16 Think Tank? Underground, Newcastle 17 Conroy’s Basement, Dundee 19 The Tooth & Claw, Inverness Tenements’ latest track, “I Felt Invincible”, can be bought on iTunes, here. Also visit their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages to keep tabs on Tenements.

#Tenements #I Felt Invincible #Forres #Moray #ForresFest VI #ForresFest VI: Friday #ForresFest VI: Saturday #FROM INSIDE #Dayshifter #Below The Neck #Bitterwood #Bleach HCP

[tsukuyomiland]

Hey, it's Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month. I wanted to speak about some stuff related to it, but May is about to end and everything has been so hectic here that I have barely had the time to write something worthy or meaningful. Yet, I don't want it to finish without raising my voice somehow.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a bitch of a mental illness. It's one of those things that are so diverse and groups so many kind of manifestations that are hard to classify. Not everybody with BPD acts the same, or do the same things, or show the same symptoms. But in any case, I'm not here to talk about the illness itself, since I'm not diagnosed with it. I'm here to talk about my experience as target of blame.

Inside the BPD, exists a subset of people called "high conflict people", or "high conflict personalities". Not all people with BPD are High conflict people, and not all high conflict people have a disorder. In fact, most people with BPD wants to stay away from conflict, so they don't engage in this behavior.

Personally, I don't like very much this classification. BPDs are people who suffer enough by themselves, and even if it's true that their traits can be problematic when it comes to relationships, it's unfair to blame on them all the problems. In my opinion, the words "high conflict people" give a bad look to the disorder. BPD in fact is mostly shown as bad. And it IS bad, but in general this sentiment is just directed to the people who deal with them, and not those who suffer it. However, I must admit that approaching someone with this kind of condition requires training. Sadly, this training usually is learned the bad way, and in worst cases, too late. And also it's not for everybody. Some amount of mental strength is needed, as well as a cold mind.

But let's talk about my case. I am, or I've been, I hope, a target of blame of someone with a HCP, who presumably also suffers a BPD. And when I learned about the term, and understood everything what implied, I finally felt I could kind of breathe in relief.

Everything started when, being really affected by the transgressions of the person in conflict, I went to therapy to take off my chest and my mind all my suffering and to learn if somehow I was the problem or how I could ease it. In the moment I described to the psychologist the traits of this person, she said to me: "you have been dealing with someone with a borderline personality disorder". It was the first time I heard about it, so I asked her about more information. And then I saw everything so crystal clear that somehow, it helped me. It helped me to learn it wasn't my fault, my emotions were completely valid and I had a right to feel angry and outraged. That's what was affecting me so hard. I didn't want to be angry. I didn't want to be outraged. I felt I was being a bad person for feeling bad for being unfairly damaged. But when I learned about that disorder, somehow I felt relieved. There was an explanation to this person's behavior, and I decided to read articles and a book about it. The prior damage was done and was irrecoverable, but if I learned more, I would be able to deal with people like this in the future. I want to be better, that's all. I think that is something good.

In those articles were when I found for the first time the concept target of blame. And if learning about BPD was for me a great relief, learning about the target of blame concept was liberating. I could finally understand how to approach my feelings and the existence of the pain and the damage inflicted to me by the other person, I could finally know that there was no intrinsic evil in this person's actions and I could deal much better with the unfairness of the situation. It's not me. It's not my fault. I'm just the target of blame. A pointblank for this person to feel better about themselves when they are assaulted by the shenanigans of their disorder. It's not their fault they suffer this condition, and their behavior hasn't been driven by logic. They are clueless to their situation and mostly refuse therapy or treatment, because their mind tell them their actions are fair and proportional, and the story they built is true in their heads. There is nothing I could do about it.

I could learn the way of compassion, instead of the way of anger. And even if sometimes sadness still haunts me, and I still blame myself for not knowing before how to better deal with these circumstances, I feel stronger. I know now what to do. I will be better next time.

Some texts about the target of blame concept:

If you know of better materials, please tell me! (In fact the first link sounds kind of agressive, which sadly is an usual approach to these disorders, since those use to be very virulent towards normative behavior in relationships. In need of a better, kindest source.)

And remember, people with BPD are suffering. They suffer a mental illness, and having a mental illness isn't fun. Spreading awareness is necessary, not only for the affected side, but for those who want to help them, to be trained in how to deal with them, so we can be able to ease their symptoms.

I can't help that person anymore -and honestly, I don't find myself able to, despite my enlightenment the wounds hurt too much and my feelings are equally valid- but I hope they find someday a way to understand themselves and so, get the peace they need.

[ghosthunthq]

Oliver is autistic, I will die on this hill

by @snavej

Noun

hill to die on (plural hills to die on)

(idiomatic) An issue to pursue with wholehearted conviction and/or single-minded focus, with little or no regard to the cost.

X~X~X

And so our story begins…

Okay, so if you’ve been around the fandom on Tumblr/Fanfiction.net, you will probably have seen me write “Oliver is autistic, I will die on this hill” on a post or story. If you have not, then, you have now. Congrats.

I came to this revelation maybe three years ago now. I had been in a discussion with some fandom friends and something in the conversation had made me wonder if Oliver was autistic.

We’ve all seen the cliche representations of autistic people in the media, especially those coded as such without explicit confirmation. For example, Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. These characters are often there for comedic value, where we, the audience, laugh at them for their disability. The shows get away with it because they never explicitly state the character is autistic. 

I’m getting off track already.

So after the discussion mentioned before, I went away and began my research - to Google! Now, I have to admit, part of my curiosity regarding this matter is because I have been told I write Oliver well. Personally, I feel I write him a little OOC, but I like how I write him so it doesn’t bother me. I write Oliver as a version of myself. So my thought patterns at the time were that if Oliver was autistic, could I be too?

Oh yes, you thought you were just here for an educational piece about autism? Nope, you’re getting the whole damn story as to why I will die on this hill.

So I did my research and I found lists of signs of autism. I devoured internet articles and soon it was all I was interested in. I even bought a book titled ‘Aspergirls’ by Rudy Simone (who is autistic). If any of you read this piece and start wondering if you’re autistic (and you’re female, more on gender later!), I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I literally cried reading it.

The signs!

Okay so what are all these signs, let’s start a list! Autistic people can have:

Rituals that they refuse to change,

Odd or repetitive movements,

Unusual sensory reactions,

Be clumsy or awkward,

Nervous in large social groups,

Have a hard time making friends,

Speak in unusual ways or with an odd tone of voice,

Talk only about themselves/their interests,

Have narrow, often obsessive interests,

Want to be alone, or want to interact but not know how,

Avoid eye contact,

Have a hard time understanding body language,

Have trouble understanding other people’s feelings or talking about their own feelings,

Poor/abnormal posture, often sit on chairs oddly,

Trouble with left, right and other directions,

Large or unique vocabulary,

Lack of organisation,

Intense compassion/empathy,

Intense anger or no anger at all,

Connections with animals,

Difficulty understanding pop culture, styles, trends, etc.

Rigid in their ways,

Easily distressed,

Delayed speech and language,

Lack of imitation of others or imaginative play,

Indifferent to the feelings of others,

Sensitive to light and sound,

Self-stimulatory behaviours (stimming)

Echolalia (repeating or echoing words or phrases)

Unusual emotional responses,

Meltdowns,

Responds adversely to physical affections,

Does not initiate conversation,

Very poor diet,

Frequently walks on tiptoes,

Socially withdrawn/socially awkward,

Self-injurious behaviour,

Makes irrelevant remarks,

Difficulty with abstract language and concepts,

Need for sameness,

Severe upset when routines are disrupted,

Attachment to unusual objects,

Fascination with spinning objects,

Good memory for repeating lists or facts,

Unlikely to discriminate against someone on basis of race/gender/age etc.

Unlikely to give superior status to the wealthy or those high up in an organisation,

Have their own set of values,

Can hyperfocus,

Struggle to separate themselves from their work,

Lack the ability to filter information received, 

Alexithymia - the inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner,

Likes patterns, putting things in order,

Often limits diet,

Often wears the same clothes,

Black or white thinking,

Auditory processing disorder…

Okay, I’ll stop there. I could probably go on if I wanted to, because although I’ve written a lot of things there, these are all manifestations of the clinical diagnosis criteria.

X~X~X

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.00 Autism Spectrum Disorder

Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviours used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understand relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behaviour to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behaviour (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

Note: Individuals with a well-established DSM-IV diagnosis of autistic disorder, Asperger’s disorder, or pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified should be given the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Individuals who have marked deficits in social communication, but whose symptoms do not otherwise meet criteria for autism spectrum disorder, should be evaluated for social (pragmatic) communication disorder.

Taken from: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

X~X~X

Back to the story

So I went to my doctor after all of this reading. I was convinced. Nothing had ever made so much sense to me in my entire life as reading about autism.

I was, at this point, what people in the autism community call “self-diagnosed”. Now I was lucky, I could go on to get a “proper” diagnosis. Not everyone is as lucky. Many doctors do not believe that girls/women can be autistic. Many doctors do not believe that ethnic minorities can be autistic. Many doctors do not believe adults can be autistic. In some countries, people do not have free healthcare and so they cannot afford a diagnosis. There are many reasons why people can’t/won’t get diagnosed.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you see someone posting about being self-diagnosed, don’t be all “oh but a doctor hasn’t said it so you’re not”, because that person does not need your doubt and it does not help anyone. Their self-diagnosis helps them to navigate their life and it does not hurt anyone. Honestly, the amount of people that are “wrong” about their self-diagnosis is probably very small, and those that are probably have some other kind of neurodivergent condition such as ADHD.

Anyway, my doctor gave me a form to fill in, a questionnaire. A series of questions aimed very much at the male expression of autism. I felt horrible at the time, because I knew exactly how to answer these questions to fill the boxes required. I knew because I had read so much about autism that I knew what they wanted to hear.

I filled it in honestly. I scored highly enough anyway.

My doctor did not know who to refer me to. She had never had to refer an adult before. She asked around and found out what to do; I got put on a waiting list.

A while later, at work, I found out I could get tested privately and work would pay for it. Oh, how I love my job. I spoke to someone who had been the manager of another employee who had gone through the process. That helped.

I talked to the man who was supposed to be the disability advisor, he made me fill in the same questionnaire that my doctor did. I filled it in again.

I was on another waiting list.

The advisor had also recommended me a book, which I bought and read and hated. The language used very much implied that I would never be ‘great’, just ‘coping’. It was written by a neurotypical person. I told the advisor by email that this book was stupid and damaging. He did not reply.

Months later, the private assessment happened. I spent an entire day with a clinical psychologist and a speech and language therapist. My parents and manager came too. I answered questions, had to explain things to them, made up stories with random objects. My parents, mainly my mother, talked about my childhood.

At the end of it all, they decided I was autistic.

I was ecstatic.

The day before, a person at work said I was a hypochondriac. One of those people who read about conditions on the internet and convince myself that I have them. I still do not talk to that person.

Finally, everything made sense. Finally, I had a reason why people made fun of me for reasons I could not fathom. Finally, my weirdness had a name.

X~X~X

The Gender Issue

So there is a ‘gender issue’ with autism and it’s diagnosis. Everything is aimed at young (white) boys. It’s designed for the stereotype of the young boy who likes to collect trains. And that’s why there are five times as many autistic boys in comparison with girls.

People of colour, women and girls are very often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

Generalised anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, various eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, ADHD…

The list goes on.

Now, that’s not to say many girls don’t have these things. Often they do. But often they have those and autism.

I very much doubt there is five times as many autistic boys. I think there are just a hell of a lot of women and girls who are undiagnosed.

Why this disparity? Well, autism presents differently in girls, or perhaps, society sees it differently.

When a young boy is quiet and withdrawn, happy to play by themselves, something is wrong. When a girl is quiet and withdrawn, she’s just shy. There’s also a lot of evidence to suggest that girls are a lot better at masking their autism.

Essentially, due to the societal pressure on young girls, they hide their autism and mimic their peers. That’s why the most common time for a woman to get diagnosed with autism is when she has children of her own and they’re getting diagnosed.

Is it genetic? There’s no strict evidence of an ‘autistic’ gene, I don’t think. But its quite common. When I was getting tested, I gave the previously mentioned book to my mother and said, “Hey, can you read this, I think I have this”. My mother read the book and told me she thought she had given it to me. She got tested two months ago.

I also look at my father and see many of the traits. But he has no interest in getting tested.

If you’re intersted, google “autism in girls” or something similar, there are plenty of resources.

The result

So I have my diagnosis, my work is fully informed. I am now protected by the Disability Act. I can’t use disabled parking spaces, but some autistic people can, if they need it.

What does this mean for me? It means that my employer has to make adjustments for me to make me comfortable for work. Changing the lighting, giving me a quiet place to work, working with me on deadlines and stuff. They know now (officially) that I have issues with auditory processing, and that they should take that into account.

I’m lucky, my employer has been good about this, and it is in their interest to. Autistic people can be an asset to any company. They are often experts in their chosen field and will work solidly on stuff they enjoy.

Lots of autistic people are not as lucky. They are one of the highest unemployed groups. Workplaces are full of unwritten rules that are hard for autistic people. This brings me on to…

Autism Acceptance Month

April is Autism Acceptance Month. You may see this as Autism Awareness Month in some places. But I don’t like that. “Awareness months” and “awareness days” are often reserved for horrible diseases like cancer, for which we want a cure.

There are a lot of resources out there from damaging institutions this month, such as Autism Speaks. They are advocating for a cure and also promote ABA (a type of ‘therapy’ that is disgusting and should not be allowed). If you take anything from all this, please do not support Autism Speaks.

There is no cure for Autism. It is a developmental disorder. It’s not a disease.

If you wanna do something for Autism Acceptance Month, there are some resources here: https://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/world-autism-awareness-week.aspx

But what about the vaccines?

Of course, I cannot talk about autism without mentioning the vaccines!

In the 90s, about 1 in 150 children were diagnosed with autism, by the early 2000’s, this went up to 1 in 68. One of the big things that had changed in this time was the number of vaccines children had. 

There have been many studies regarding autism and vaccines. And there was one that said there was a link between autism and vaccines. In this study, there were 12 subjects.

Now I do statistics for a day job. So I can tell you categorically, that 12 subjects for a study is not enough for decisive proof. The person who did this study was struck off and rightly so.

But the media got hold of this idea.

And so the anti-vaxxers rose up, refusing to vaccinate their children from deadly diseases because obviously, being autistic was worse than being dead.

In summary, vaccinate your children.

Side note, I, as an autistic person, am allowed to make jokes about vaccines. For example, I received some vaccinations before travelling and joked with the nurse that I was ‘topping up my autism’. This is funny because we both knew it was wrong.

‘Autistic person’ vs ‘person with autism’

This one is a tricky one. I’ve seen arguments both ways.

‘Person with autism’ puts the person first, but also makes the autism sound like an accessory. 

‘Autistic person’ puts the disability first, but you can’t separate the person from the autism, it’s intrinsic to who they are.

Basically, this is up to the person. If they prefer one way or the other, use it. It’s like pronouns, you use what the person you’re talking about asks you to use.

Personally, I’m not too fussy, but I lean towards ‘autistic person’. 

Asperger’s vs Autism

Asperger’s was merged into the general Autism diagnosis criteria a while back. Asperger’s is what is sometimes called ‘high functioning autism’. The autism community do not like the term ‘high functioning’ because it denies aid, in the same way that ‘low functioning’ denies agency. The criteria for ‘low functioning’ is having an IQ under 70. So it’s quite broad.

Also people who have been classified as ‘high functioning’ don’t necessarily function well in everyday life without help.

Also, Hans Asperger’s was a bit of a knobhead, so a lot of people don’t like using his name.

Headcanons

A headcanon is a fan’s personal, idiosyncratic interpretation of canon, such as habits of a character, the backstory of a character, or the nature of relationships between characters. The term comes from the fact that it is the canon that exists in a fan’s head.

So when I say ‘Oliver is autistic’, this is my personal headcanon. Do I want it to become fanon? Yes, of course, I do. In the same way, I love that Yasuhara x Gene has become popular (for which I take full responsibility).

But if you disagree with it, that’s fine. You’re allowed to do that. I will not think any less of you for it. Because at the end of the day, the author has not come out and said ‘Oliver is autistic’.

Personally, as an autistic writer, who has always written some of her characters as autistic, whether she knew it or not, I suspect the author of Ghost Hunt might be an undiagnosed autistic person. Because Oliver is not the only person I recognise traits in… But that’s for another day.

If you only take one thing away from reading all of this, then let it be this:

If you’ve met one autistic person, that’s it. You have met ONE autistic person.

We’re all different, just like everyone else.

And now for what you’ve all been waiting for…

Continued in Part TWO 

#Ghost Hunt #oliver davis #GHW2020 #snavej #autism #GHHQ #submission

[emcases]

Two weeks with Covid

The day after I posted “if it happens, it happens”, I spiked a temp and coughed up a lung.  I did a day shift that day and all day I felt off.  I was sleepy, tired, and cold, but I didn’t realize I was sick.  It was a terribly busy shift where we had about 90 patients and 7 nurses.  I went home, ate, and the shaking chills began, followed by incessant coughing.  I drove right back to the hospital and asked a PCA to check my vitals.  HR 150 T 102.7, Sat 93.  And it began.

My residents took great care of me and sort of held me prisoner for a few hours, but I didn’t mind because it was kindly meant.  My great fear was getting someone else sick (coworker, patient, family, friends) and possibly killing them.

The thought of death was inescapable.  I’d seen too much to think that I would not die.  I also had a “hide your illness from your friends and family so they don’t worry about you” mentality - so I’d been lying to a lot of people and telling them that I was well.  I designated two of my co-workers as HCPs in case I go down (when you do this, you will freak out your friends).

I was seriously ill for about 10 days.  I lost a bunch of weight and a bunch of sleep.  It was difficult to get vertical at the worst.  One unique problem of the illness (for me) was the night sweats.  It made it impossible to sleep and I had to get up, change the sheets and take a shower multiple times in the middle of the night.  I am pretty much recovered now and slowly getting back to baseline.

I like the 7 pm cheers.  It was nice to have everyone check in on me to make sure I was ok.

In all likelihood, I will be out sick more days from Covid than my entire 20+ years combined.

[mysticsparklewings]

Holiday Card Project 2019

Oh would you look at that; I’m participating in the deviantArt Holiday Card Project again this year! Just like last year, my crafty efforts aren’t really done proper justice by scans or photos, so I’ll be uploading a short video...somewhere (probably Instagram but we’ll see) and then link back to it to hopefully show it off a bit more.   It’s funny though, I’d almost forgotten about HCP until I got the notification that it had opened for this year. And yet I was so concerned about having it in the mail on time that I got this one done pretty much in one day. I think last year's card took me closer to 2 days and I was pushing my luck that it would get there in time.   My process for this year went as follows: I browsed around on Pinterest for a while, as I hadn’t the foggiest idea what to do. During that process, I latched onto a concept I saw a few times; Christmas lights and the phrase “merry and bright,” and so I went with that. Already I had the idea of the lights being across the top of the card, with a real piece of thread (which would later be changed to wire as the idea occurred to me while I was digging for some other supplies) connecting them. After some thought, I decided I wanted to add some cotton to the bottom to add a little more pizzazz. Because if last year’s HCP taught me anything, it’s that I like to go big or go home for the occasion. And I knew where I could get some too; the fields next to the house have already been picked for this year, but there was still a good amount of cotton leftover on the stalks near the edges. Let me tell you, I have a newfound appreciation for whoever invented a mechanical way to take the seeds out of cotton, because gosh darn it if that process is not far more tiresome than you’d think! I think I finally did manage to get them all out, but now I know why it’s probably just easier to buy cotton or polyester fiberfill. XD Anyway. With my mind made up and a handle full of cotton at the ready, I started on the actual card part. In the past, for my card needs I’ve usually used some of the pre-folded & cut cards my mom has on hand, but this time I didn’t feel like bothering her about it. So instead I grabbed a piece of my gold-shimmer cardstock and cut it down so that once I folded it I’d have a 5” x 7” card. (As that’s what Google told me was a fairly common size for greeting cards and would fit comfortably in most standard envelopes.) Then I used my trick from my book-making endeavors of using the edge of scissors to “score” the folding line on one side of the card to make that process easier. In trying to make some stamps I didn’t end up using magically appear from whoever they were hiding, I found some metallic gold stripey paper in my stash and had the idea to cover the outside of the card with it, maybe. At the time I was a little bit skeptical if I wanted to do that, but I pulled it out and set it on the desk anyway so I could have the option if I wanted it. And as you can see, I ended up deciding to go for it, though at this point in the process I simply measured out and cut it as needed; I wouldn’t attach it until later. Then I paused and used the scrap cardstock pieces to test some pens and such, only to find I was only minimally (at best) interested in using any of them. I had some ideas to incorporate certain things but they were things I couldn’t really try out until I had more of the card finished, and some things I couldn’t figure out solutions for until then either. So I swatched out some marker colors and started practicing on some print outs of the Christmas light shape—which is fortunately had the foresight to do the said printing out before I got into the thick of everything else—only to find that I just really was not happy with the blends I was getting.  I think the main problem is that I just didn’t have certain colors I needed, but the glowing/fade effect I was trying to get was also totally new territory for me and I seemed to only get worse the more times I tried it.   In the end, I picked out a “base” shade for each Christmas light color from the markers and then selected a dark, a “true color” and a highlight from my Prismacolor pencils to do the shading instead. There were still challenges to be had, but this system worked a lot better for me. Benefits of being a mixed media artist: if one medium just isn’t doing it for you, you can bring in others to level the playing field   The lights then got bright shine spots courtesy of my white Gelly roll pen and their little silver bits I did with a silver Art Philosophy watercolor. Even though I was already anticipating the silver getting kind of lost against the gold in the background. I had a vision and I was sticking to it. In addition to that vision, once the lights were safe to handle I glued them to a piece of foam and then left them alone to dry, figuring it would be easier and simpler to cut them out if I only had to do it once. As such, the edges aren’t super smooth, but otherwise, I think that was the right call. While they dried, I then attached the gold-stripe paper to the card surface and started thinking about where and how I would implement the text parts of the card. (And at some point I took a break to figure out the full inside and outside please, as originally all I was going on was “merry and bright,” though I don’t remember when exactly in the process that was.) Here, I had the idea that black paper might look cool. The only black paper I have is a pad of Crayola stuff that I think is actually for practicing calligraphy or hand lettering or something? My original plan was to take one of the pages out and use the blank back, but as I filled through I saw some of the cut out frame-y things and took a look to see if any of them would work for what I wanted/needed, and you can see the two I picked out. Though the one on the inside of the card had only the black and gray/silver originally; the colors I added by hand with my gel pens since it felt like it really needed it. The black paper on the inside also needed a little more attention than the one on the outside. I didn’t cut either of them perfectly straight, but there were a lot more distracting elements that were going to be on the outside, so it was far less noticeable there. On the inside, I ended up going around the edge with some gold and white washi tape that when well with the outside of the card to camouflage the uneven edges. By the time I had all the various papers properly attached to each other and the top edge inside of the card decorated with a strip of glitter tape and a repeating stamp of Christmas lights to tie in with the outside, I felt the lights were dry enough to cut out, so I did. And that meant that the /real/ card assembly could begin. I punched little holes in the tops of the lights for the wire I’d add in later and then fiddled with their placement for a bit before gluing them down...which I then I had to wait for about twenty minutes before I could proceed if I wanted things to dry mostly flat.   So while that took its sweet time to dry I went back to the Crayola black paper pad to one of the pages with a grid on it to practice writing out the words for both the outside and inside of the card. In doing so, I discovered that the uni-ball Signo white pen, while bolder and brighter than the Gelly roll, made my cursive almost illegible by virtue of having a thicker tip. Which is why I went with the Gelly roll instead. Just printed handwriting didn’t feel right; I really wanted the fancier look of the cursive. However, I also wanted whoever gets the card to actually be able to read it too. Eventually, the lights, while not fully dry, were dry enough that I could comfortably move on with the assembly. And hindsight, perhaps I should’ve tried stringing the lights onto the wire before gluing them down. The main issue I had was that once I got the wire poked through the hole, it’d bump into the card on the other side and then not want to go anywhere at all. I had to play with it each time to get the wire to come all the way through so I could pull it to the next one. Or maybe that would’ve made the gluing process more difficult than it was worth? We’ll never know. And then I got to attach the cotton. That actually ended up being a much smoother process than I anticipated, as the cotton doesn’t really separate from itself unless you pull it apart, so once I had parts of a clump glued down they were pretty stationary. This was also the first time I dared use my crafting heat gun since I purchased it (which was a while ago; after reading the warnings the first time I’ve been too chicken to use it for fear of catching something on fire by accident ) as I originally thought I’d need more glue and I’d need to glue some clumps on, dry them, and then glue some more. Fortunately, I seemingly put my big girl panties on for nothing as, after the initial layer of glue, I really only needed to glue a couple of other clumps down separately, and as I mentioned the cotton stick to the wet glue well enough on its own. But I had psyched myself up and gotten the thing set up, so once all the cotton was glued down I used the heat gun to dry the glue faster anyway. I was amped up the whole time but I, fortunately, did not burn anything in the process!   I did end up going back and adding some blue gel pen to the black paper on the inside, as that was the only color not there and it felt sorely lacking, giving the lights elsewhere on the card. But other than that, once the cotton was all squared away, the card was done. And I’ll be honest; I still like the card I made last year, but I think I’ve really outdone myself this time. There’s just something about the style of this card I enjoy so much more. 

It’s equally over-the-top (as is my crafting specialty ) but it’s more refined, somehow, I think. Either way, all that’s left to do now is mail it off and hope that the recipient is as pleased with the card as I am. I can’t believe I’ve actually finished with it this early though!  That’s so unlike me; I’m usually the one sneaking things in right on top of the deadline. But hey that means now I have one less thing on my to-do list so I can focus on other things...which may or may not include a holiday-themed kitty drawing in the works... ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#holidaycardproject2019 #christmas #christmascrafts #handmade #holidaycards #merryandbright

[ashrelfury]

AFTG Super Powereds AU

(So...I started something and I’m not sure if its really worth continuing. It feels like its going to be so unbearable fucking long, kinda like the books this is an AU of. Super Powerds. Go check it out, its awesome. Anyways, heres what I’ve got so far. Let me know if you think this worth anything.) 

Neil ducked his head as he made his way through the campus. His bright orange hoodie hung off his body awkwardly, and the hood was up and covering his hair.

Truly, his hair wasn’t the oddest color he’d ever seen, but it stood out and that was something that Neil couldn’t afford just yet. This was his first day of college after all, and he already had a good grasp on the rules of the program that he wasn’t going to be taking chances.

He’d spent too long running and hiding, but that wasn’t an option anymore. He was here to make his way through the damn program and come out of it a graduate, or face his death. Neil seriously thought he’d be done with having that constant threat hanging over his head, but no. He was pretty sure he’d end up living his whole life under someone else’s thumb.

Keeping his head down and walking fast, his duffle hanging over one shoulder, Neil made his way to the building that had been assigned as his dorm for the next year. Fox Tower. It wasn’t anything to look at on the outside, five stories tall, fairly big all things considered. If one didn’t know any better, they would believe this building to be just like all of the other housing units on campus.

One would be wrong.

Neil had extensively studied the map of Palmetto State University’s campus, and he’d made some educated guesses as to where the lifts were. Fox Tower was only one such possibility.

Not everyone in the building would be in the program, he already knew that. An entire building filled with students who took the same program would get all of them figured out very very quickly, completely undermining the secrecy statute, but Neil knew that his roommates would be.

Making his way into the building wasn’t too hard. Flashing his student ID was enough and soon he was standing in front of a door on the third floor numbered 317. This door also opened with his student ID.

As soon as he stepped inside though, he froze.

Damnit, he wasn’t the first one in. He’d woken up at the ass crack of dawn in the vain attempt to slip into his dorm uninterrupted and then leave so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his assigned roommates at all. Looks like all of his hopes were dashed rather quickly though,

“Hey! You must be our fourth roomie! I’m Nicky, nice to meet you!” An enthusiastic voice broke through Neil’s stillness and he tensed as a body came at him. Instincts screamed for him to strike first (Hesitate and you’ll die, Nathaniel.) but he managed to hold it back as he looked up at the face of the taller man.

Nicky’s skin was a dark tan, brown or black hair hanging in loose curls around his head, dark eyes sparkling with interest that made Neil’s skin crawl, and lips pulled into an easy looking smile, he also looked much older than Neil himself, maybe by five or so years, not unusual for college, but unusual in regards to the program. When he held out a hand to shake, Neil only looked down at the appendage and then back up at the other man’s face.

It took a long moment, but apparently, his denial of the handshake was enough to dim the smile, but to Neil’s chagrin, it didn’t dim it for long.

“Not much of a social butterfly then. That’s alright. My cousins aren’t either. They are going to be our other roommates. Andrew and Aaron. They’re twins, but they are pretty easy to tell apart. Aaron’s a healer, he speeds up the bodies natural healing though, so its more uncomfortable than instantaneous. Andrew’s an absorber, we think. We don’t actually know. He used to be a Powered, but we managed to pay for his-”

“That’s enough, Nicky.”

The sudden voice from behind the taller man made both him and Neil jump, and Neil palmed the knife he kept strapped to the small of his back until he glanced behind Nicky and spotted another man standing in front of a hall that likely lead to the dorm’s five bedrooms.

Neil took in the man. White blond hair cut short with bangs falling into brown gold eyes, small stature but a fit body. Likely a fighter of some kind, the way he held himself was telling. It didn’t look like the blond guy knew the meaning of ‘dodge’ let alone ‘retreat’ and Neil knew his antagonistic nature was going to get him in trouble if the blond ever became his opponent.

Shit. He hadn’t even started the program and he already wasn’t liking his chances of graduating.

“Sorry, Andrew. I-” Nicky started to talk again as the blond, Andrew, sized Neil up just as Neil had done to him not seconds before. Whatever he found, he wasn’t impressed.

“Nicky.” Andrew warned, an edge to his somewhat monotoned cadence. It instantly shut the taller teen up and Neil was somewhat glad for whatever power the short blond had on the talkative brunette because Neil wasn’t sure how much more of the rambling he could handle before his temper got away from him. If there was one purpose Nicky served though, was as a well of information. He’d learned the abilities of two of his roommates so far and maybe he could use that to his advantages later on.

“Go away, Nicky.” Andrew ordered, stepping away from the mouth of the hallway. Nicky seemed to hesitate, looking back at Neil once before quickly making his way out of the common room.

Once Nicky was gone, it was just Neil and Andrew, staring at each other. Neil felt a bit awkward for it, so he decided to break first.

“Hi. I’m Neil.” He offered politely, nodding but not attempting to get anywhere near the other boy. Nicky had never told him just what Andrew absorbed, so Neil wasn’t about to risk it. There were many talents that branched from the absorber tree, Neil should know that better than most.

A pale blond eyebrow arched, but the shorter man did nod back. “Yes. We’ve heard.”

And just like that, all of Neil’s guards were up. He felt himself stiffen and couldn’t withhold the reaction, wasn’t quick enough to tell himself that Andrew was just trying to get a reaction out of him. Andrew must have gotten exactly the reaction he’d wanted, because he tipped his head to the side and eyed Neil like he was inspecting encrypted documents.

“Huh. Interesting.” Andrew murmured mostly to himself, and Neil felt himself bristle. It didn’t matter though. He couldn’t allow himself to explode. Not here and not now. He was not going to get into a fight with one of his roommates just after walking into the dorm room. What if the people running the program retracted his scholarship? What if he was kicked out of Palmetto for fighting on campus? Kengo would kill him in the blink of an eye and everything his mother had done to try to keep him alive would have been for nothing. He had to avoid Andrew. Whatever he knew, none of it could be used against him.

So Neil gathered his composure, blanked his expression, and walked forward. The closer he got to Andrew, the more he noticed about the blond. His eyes were a golden hazel, his bottom lip full and scarred on the left side corner vertically, there was also a scar bisecting his right eye brow, and last but not least, the man was shorter than him. Not by much, but Neil was 5’3 so it was very unusual to find shorter men.

As he moved past Andrew, Neil felt himself coiling, readying for a fight he wasn’t entirely sure was coming. As he moved past, their eyes met and Neil’s breath caught in his chest. He hurried past, looking away quickly.

“Your rooms either the one at the end of the hall or the second on the right. They’re the only ones who wouldn’t open for the rest of us.” Andrew’s voice called at his back.

Neil made the mistake of looking back, only to find Andrew’s careful stare still on him. As he tried the biometric scan on the second door to the right, it flashed green and the door’s lock clicked. Neil scurried in and shut it behind him, taking a deep uneven breath as he pressed his back onto the dark brown material.

Rooms have been set up for each attending member by the Program. These will be stocked for each member as deemed necessary. Communal areas are open to all but will be under the jurisdiction of your administrators. You will be expected to be in the communal area promptly at 7 to speak to your administrators about dorm rules.

The letter he’d gotten not two months ago had said. He wasn’t sure if it was normal for every student in the program, or if it was just because of what and who he was. Being sponsored by some very powerful people had its appeal, but if it were up to Neil, he wouldn’t be anywhere near the HCP.

He wasn’t Hero material. He wasn’t the kind to save people, or risk himself for someone else. He wasn’t noble or self-sacrificing. Yet he was forced here and he would either graduate a Hero or die.

Four years. He had four more years of bought freedom before his fate would be decided for him. He’d either pass as one of the 10 students graduating from the Palmetto State University’s Hero Certification Program, or he would be nothing more than another body burned on the side of the road.

--

Andrew was curious.

Not that he cared very much about his own curiosity. Since getting control of his abilities, since going from Powered to Super, Andrew hadn’t cared about much except for Aaron and maybe Nicky on a good day. Hell, the only reason he was in Palmetto in the first place was because Aaron wanted to join the HCP as a field healer. It didn’t really matter to Andrew, but if he wanted to stick with Aaron and protect him like he’d promised, Andrew had to join the god-awful Hero Certification Program.

Worse than that, he had to graduate.

For things to happen the way they are supposed to, he and Aaron had to graduate together. The only catch being Nicky.

While his cousin was going into his junior year at the HCP, Andrew honestly doubted he’d make it any farther than that. Nicky wasn’t cut out to be a Hero. If the freshman and sophomore years hadn’t focused on self-training, and group-training respectively, Andrew was positive his cousin wouldn’t have come as far as he had.

As he watched the new little anomaly walk skittishly into his room, Andrew debated on what to do. Neil Josten had been assigned as their roommate specifically because of his shady files. He’d broken into Coach Wymack’s office during the summer and the little shade’s file had been sparse at best and swiss cheese at worst.

Not even his power was recorded. It merely stated he was a Healer and left it at that, which is not something anyone being considered for the HCP should get away with recording as their Talent. Even Aaron had specified his healing abilities because the Dean wouldn’t let either of them into the program without thorough background checks.

Maybe that had been Andrew’s fault.

With his background in foster care, his arrests, his trial, the deaths of Tilda Minyard and Drake Spear spanning a year apart. Andrew hadn’t covered his tracks all that well, but it had been well enough. No one knew the real extent of his abilities, and everyone wanted the information. He was the first of his kind, after all. A twin, born Powered, and now turned Super. Any scientist worth their salt would want to know everything about him, how his powers differed from his brothers, how they were the same, how he had ended up Powered in the first place. Was it the separation at birth? The stresses of foster care?

So many stupid question and all Andrew wanted to do was punch every single board member in the jaw with every ounce of kinetic power he’d stored up during his long and gratuities life.

He’d refrained, which had been a real shame at the time.

It didn’t matter now. What mattered was making sure he got as far into this farce of a program as Aaron did. As a healer, Aaron had more potential for graduation than most, but even healers had their requirements.

A field healer needed to learn how to protect themselves. They needed enough skill to survive, if not fight back entirely. Why his brother was pursuing this, Andrew didn’t know, and he didn’t care. It was a path and he was now walking it too. It was more than he’d expected a year ago.

Moving back into his room, he debated what he would do with the little shade.

Mysteries were annoying, and secrets even more so. Andrew needed a way to break the other man, but it would be hard when he didn’t know Neil’s powers, and thanks to Nicky, Neil knew a bit about his.

And then there was the other roommate.

Kevin Day.

If his research had been correct, Kevin was the grandson of Legacy, meaning his powers were gravity aligned in some way. Then again, his father was the great Nick Campbell, and no one had forgotten about the man’s control of probability.

So many new toys to play with…

Maybe this wouldn’t be as boring as he’d believed it would be.

And maybe today, during the Ranking Fights, he’d be able to break someone’s bones. It was something to look forward to at least.

#AFTG AU #All for the game #Neil Josten #Andrew Minyard #Nicky Hemmick #Another AU based on a book #super powereds by drew hayes #Andreil