#he attends and supports a VERY homophobic church

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I canceled my wedding or at least change the plans I already agreed to?

So I (26M) got engage to my boyfriend (28M), we’ll call him John, about 4 weeks ago. We’ve been together for the past 5 years.

To provide some context, John and I come from different backgrounds, he grew up in a upper middle class urban and very progressive family, I come from a middle class/lower middle class rural family. I have one twin brother (26M) and one sister (17F) and my mom and dad. They all are very involved in the local community and their church and basically everyone in my family is very religious (but my sister). I always was a good student growing up, so naturally about 9-10 years ago, I left my hometown and move to the big city about 4h away to study. I have been out to my family for about 3-4 years now, and while I wouldn’t say they are supportive, they are not homophobic either. Mostly we don’t talk about it and just pretend like there’s nothing. I’m pretty happy with this situation because I know of so many people who were just rejected by their family, so I feel lucky they are still here for me.

So anyway, back to the wedding, John really wants to have a big wedding where we would invite everyone in our families and friends, just like his siblings had (he has 5 brothers and 2 sisters) and since I’ve been to 2 of his brother’s weddings and enjoyed them a lot, I agreed that this is the kind of wedding I wanted.

Then I called my mom to tell her about the engagement and the wedding, but she told me that, she doesn’t want to be rude, she’s truly happy and proud of me, but that her, my dad, brother and sister wouldn’t attend because that would be too much for them. (I also suspect that they’re afraid that people in my hometown will learn about it and start talking). My sister later reached out to tell me she was saving her allowance so she could come.

I told John about the decision of my family not to come to the wedding and he gave me the look (queer/lgbt people out there, you know THAT look) and was visibly upset. Later we went to play soccer with 2 of his brothers (that I’ve actually known for longer than John) and we talked about it. I explained that I was kind of bummed out to have to do all the wedding stuff without my family (especially my bro) like choosing the tuxedo etc. of course they both gave me the look, then they told me it was non sense that I wasn’t gonna do it alone, and that they would do it with me, because after all after all these years I was like one of the brothers. Later that day also, john’s dad called to tell me how sorry he was, and that I he would also do all the wedding stuff with me and the brothers, and that John would rather have his mom with him for that anyway. That was really sweet of them and I thanked them all (and kind of agreed to it?).

Last weekend, we were discussing the guest list for the wedding with John, (we won’t get married before next summer but apparently you gotta do these things super early), and John told me he already told his whole family (that’s like 45 people) and his childhood friends (around 30 people) and they were super excited to meet me (for those I don’t know). This is the moment I became very uncomfortable about the wedding, because I’m gonna have like 10-15 people with the +1, all friends that I made as an adult and no one from my family or my childhood. I also realized that I was gonna spend my wedding day getting the look from EVERYONE we know and this is just not something that I want.

Now I’m thinking of canceling the wedding because I know this is gonna be a terrible day for me, but since I know John really wants to get married and I sort of already agreed to the big wedding plan, he talked to everyone about it and I don’t know if I can ask him to scale it down to like 10 people and close family only? So WIBTA if I canceled my wedding or change the plans after agreeing to it?

PS1: I know the real AH are my family in this situation, but this is not something I can control so pointing that out is useless. I want to know would I be an AH if I did something within my control and how can I not be one. And just fyi, they are great people, not progressive for sure, but they are trying the best they know how and for that they deserve more respect than hate.

PS2: I know my sister told me she would be here, but if my parents aren’t coming, I’d rather she doesn’t come because I’m afraid this is gonna create so many problems for her and my parents. Of course, if I feel like she’s gonna show up anyway, I’ll pay for her trip expenses, she’s still a child.

PS3: No I haven’t talk to John about the look and how I feel because I know it’s gonna ruin the day for him, and that he will try to fix it and find a solution to a problem that doesn’t really have one. He’s sweet but he would be useless in this situation. And I love him enough that if necessary I’ll go through with the original plan so that he can have this day to remember.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[alfredopizzaluver151]

steven did apologize for those comments right after he made them btw, he wrote a long apology on discord which you can see on the watchersnark reddit. and someone on the reddit said that the other hosts apologized for not saying something in the moment but i havent seen the clip myself.

I found a pic of the apology after some digging. But I don't see an apology for allowing an Evangelist pastor who is with a homophobic church to speak on the show.

Basically, is he still attending and supporting an Evangelist church is what I want to know. You can say all you want about trying to change people's views to be more accepting, but supporting the very establishment that discriminates is another issue entirely.

#watcher #watcher entertainment

[madsworld15]

Chapter 4 Section 2 of Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me.

QAF Brian/Justin. Asexual Spectrum Representation. Series Retelling AU.

Thanks always to @winderlylandchime @maryp50 and @lostcol for supporting me! Enjoy!

~~~~~

Brian watched Justin leave with his bag in hand. He wanted to tell the young man that he cared about him, that they were still good. He needed to tell Justin that he was simply in a terrible headspace because he’d been forced to spend the day with his mother attending her extremely homophobic church. Brian knew all of these things should’ve been explained and that Justin would understand if he did, but his ego wouldn’t let him.

Instead, he was left in his loft alone but desperately wishing he wasn’t. For the first time in his life he hated that he wasn’t sharing his personal space with someone else. He wanted Justin to come back so much it hurt. He needed Justin almost as much as he needed air.

Woah. That’s a dangerous thought.

Brian rubbed his hand across his mouth and decided he would much rather be anywhere else right now, but he didn’t know where he could go at 3am. Most of his haunts were starting to close up shop. He needed a drink, but he also kind of wanted a bowl of warm, carb-filled pasta.

Without another thought he headed to his Jeep so he could drive over to Deb’s. He was sure that was where Justin might’ve gone too, but he wasn’t going to push things with the young blonde. No, right now he needed his mom — the only true mom he’d ever known.

She opened her door with a stern look on her face after his second rap. Without a word she let him in. Upon closing the door behind him she reached up and smacked the back of his head. Brian didn’t even complain because he knew he deserved it. The smack also let him know that she knew everything that had happened, which meant he wouldn’t have to explain himself.

Brian trudged into the kitchen where Vic sat at the table. He had a mug of tea in front of him while he picked at a slice of cake.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Vic looked up at Brian, “What’s your excuse, Kinney.”

Brian shrugged and sat down. “Take your pick.”

“Saint Joan or fucking with the one person who believes in your goodness beyond reason. Yeah I’d say either one is going to piss you off and make you look like a shithead.” Vic raised his mug to the younger man. “But we both know it’s all a self-deprecating front to keep yourself safe.”

Debbie walked into the room and gave a scoff. She crossed to the fridge and pulled out a Tupperware.

“Chicken Baked Ziti?” Debbie offered the Tupperware toward Brian who silently nodded.

She dished some into a bowl and threw it in the microwave. Brian knew from the silence that she was going to let him have it once she was ready. It was something he wasn’t looking forward to and he hoped she’d let him eat some pasta first.

A few minutes later, Debbie sat down next to him and slid the bowl of warm cheesy pasta in front of him. Brian immediately dug in and without having to ask, Debbie also placed a beer in front of him.

“I know seeing your mother is its own special brand of torture, but to take it out on Justin…” Debbie started once he was halfway done with his food.

“Stay out of it.” Brian turned to glare at her.

“Now you listen here you little shit.” Debbie wagged her finger at him. “You came to my home which gives me every right to protect that boy! I care about him. All you care about…”

Brian pushed the bowl away and reached for the beer. He knew she knew him better than anyone, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Getting my dick sucked. Yes, Emmett and Justin made it very clear. Can we please talk about ANYTHING else?!”

“You seem to have forgotten that you came to my house. And I don’t want to see Justin hurt.” Debbie practically yelled at him.

Brian found his mood teetering closer to annoyance than sympathy or regret for his actions.

“Well, that’s life. Better he learn it now.” Brian shrugged, putting his wall up hoping it would stop Debbie or Vic but it didn’t.

“I know you don’t actually feel that way.” Vic muttered under his breath. Barely drawing attention to himself. Brian looked toward him with a glare.

Part of him had hoped coming here would mean comfort carbs and an understanding presence. While the other part, the part he was most at war with, hoped Debbie would read him the riot act and allow him the ability to show how awful he actually felt about his actions.

“You think you’ve got everybody fooled, don’t you? Well not me, honey. I’ve known you too long and regrettably too well.” Debbie took on a softer, more motherly tone. “And no matter how hard you try to deny it, I can tell you care as much about him as he cares about you.”

Brian bit his lip and looked over to make eye contact with the woman. He fiddled with the label on the bottle before him.

“Only you ain’t got the big hairy cajones to say it.” Debbie fixed him with a knowing stare.

“Oh well maybe I can borrow yours.” Brian gave her his best sarcastic eye roll and drank from the bottle.

“Yeah well hey, whatever it takes.” She smirked and paused before continuing. “Do admit that you love him. And I know that you do. Despite all your efforts to never let another heart touch yours. That’s assuming you have one.”

Brian leaned over and hung his head. Everything she was saying was correct and he knew it. But that didn’t make hearing it any easier.

“That little persistent kid has somehow gotten in under the wire. And that’s what’s happened, huh.” Debbie reached out and smoothed her hand over Brian’s hair. It was a level of intimacy he only allowed from a select number of people.

“Admit the truth.” Brian looked at Debbie, unsure if she was really that perceptive and was going to say what he’d been trying to avoid thinking about since Justin moved in. “You love him, don’t you?”

Instead of answering, Brian leaned his head onto his hands and let out the breath he’d been holding for the last few seconds. Debbie had proved once again that she saw deeper under his walls than he would like, but appreciated it nonetheless.

“I thought so. Then tell him. Tell him what you could never tell Michael.” And with the mention of her son, Debbie motioned her eyes up to indicate Justin was upstairs.

Brian took one more swig from the bottle, sucked in his lips, and then stood up. Vic gave him a wicked grin of mischief and encouragement. It was the most unserious thing about the whole situation and was what spurred Brian on in the end. He walked out of the kitchen and skipped up the stairs.

Upon reaching the landing, Brian paused. He knew Justin was mad at him and he wouldn’t be surprised if the young man didn’t want to see him. But, he was there already, he might as well try. He knocked on Michael’s door and his heart ached at the voice that responded.

“Debbie, I know you’re worried but I’m fine.”

Brian leaned his head against the door and sighed. He quietly responded.

“I’m not Debbie, but I’d say you don’t sound fine.”

Brian’s heart clenched at the soft sniffles he could hear from the other side.

“Brian?” Justin’s voice was tinged with sadness and hope all at once. “Haven’t you done enough?”

Brian deserved that, but it didn’t make him hate it any less.

“Can I please come in so we can talk. I know I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

Brian stepped back to avoid falling forward when Justin opened the door suddenly.

“Careful, that sounds perilously close to an apology.” Justin bit his lip and gave a half smile while looking up through his lashes.

“Yeah, well I’m not totally opposed to apologies when I’m wrong.” Brian gave a shy smile. “I asked you to move in because of your attack, but that’s not why I want you to stay.”

Justin stepped away from the door letting Brian in. The brunette watched as the blonde worked through Brian’s statement in his head. It was clear that the younger man wanted to forgive him but was also wary of being made a fool by doing so.

“Okay so you want me to stay, but something has to change.” Justin turned to look Brian in the eye, “I won’t go back to feeling invisible.”

Brian couldn’t find his voice so he simply nodded until he could.

“This doesn’t mean we are suddenly married. Because I don’t do that shit.” Brian reached out to put a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “It means that I like your company and I want to be with you. I’ve gotten used to having you around that I don’t particularly mind it anymore.”

“Wow. You are really selling me on your commitment.” Justin smirked and gave a small cheeky giggle.

“Watch yourself.” Brian volleyed back.

Justin stepped closer to Brian and more into his touch. “So what does this mean for us?”

“It means I promise I won’t ever bring a trick back to the loft again.”

“Okay.” Justin nodded, his eyes serious.

“Also, if I’m out late just know that I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing. And when I come home…” Brian paused, the words catching in his throat. “I’ll also be doing exactly what I want to be doing. Coming home to you.”

Justin nodded, and then he leaned in for a kiss. Once he pulled away he gave his response.

“I want some things too. You can have sex with anyone you want as long as it’s not more than once, and no names or numbers exchanged.”

Brian nodded easily, “Deal.”

“And I want you to promise that no matter what you are doing you always come home by 2.”

Brian’s gaze bore into Justin’s “By 4.”

“Three.”

Brian turned away from Justin slightly and then came back to him in resignation. “Fine, by 3.”

Justin pulled him in for another searing kiss before saying more.

“And one more thing.” Brian looked at Justin with sincerity while his brain argued that all these rules were more than he could muster.

“You don’t kiss anyone on the mouth. Except me.” Justin quirked his eyebrow as if challenging Brian’s ability to agree to all these stipulations.

Brian gave a small shake of his head, smirked, and then grabbed Justin’s face in both his hands and planted a deep kiss on his lips. Brian put all his nonstated love and emotions into that kiss. He wanted to be sure Justin understood he would follow these rules and any others if it meant keeping Justin.

After they pulled apart, Brian found himself grabbing Justin’s hand and leading him toward the bed.

“Can I stay here with you tonight?” Brian asked in a small voice.

“I’m not that kind of girl.” Justin responded, his tongue in his cheek.

Brian tucked his lips in as he smiled at Justin. He knew that in this moment he could be vulnerable and Justin wouldn’t judge him for it. So, he squeezed the hand that held Justin’s before he responded.

“I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Justin reached up to cup Brian’s cheek with his free hand. “Then come sleep with me.”

Then they exchanged a kiss, chaste but still filled with emotion. Brian leaned his forehead on Justin’s and closed his eyes. With a sigh he let go and pulled off his shirt and stepped out of his shoes and jeans.

The two got into Michael’s old twin sized bed, practically lying on top of each other, but somehow making it work. At this point, Brian’s nakedness didn’t make Justin uncomfortable. However, Brian was conscientious enough to make sure his thigh was all that made contact with Justin.

“I had to sit next to my mother today as her priest spouted off about loving your fellow man. And her interpretation of that was to tell me how sexual deviants were going to hell. She didn’t say homosexuals, but it was heavily implied.” Brian finally whispered to the dark room as the silence between them got to be too much.

“Your mom sounds a treat.” Justin muttered, his hand finding Brian’s and grabbing hold.

“That’s Saint Joan.” Brian sighed as he placed a soft kiss to the top of the young man’s head.

“I’m sorry.” Justin replied. His voice was filled with kindness and it made Brian appreciate the blonde that much more.

“That’s life. You can’t choose your parents.” Brian shrugged.

Nothing else was said between them as Brian and Justin both slipped into dreamland.

#queer as folk #brian kinney #justin taylor #fanfiction #alternate universe #asexual spectrum representation

[sub-at-omicsteminist]

Why are you atheist??

I’ve been staring at this ask for a while now since it’s such an odd thing to just ask and I was trying to figure out when I’ve ever mentioned religion so I can answer in response to what they’ve seen but I don’t know when I’ve mentioned it.

I’ve never been a person of faith, I remember in year 2 (6/7 years of age) I was at a school Mass and I realised everyone else around me believed what was being said whereas I thought what was happening was just another story. I’ve always took religious teachings as stories to teach morals and guidance but I never took them literally.

I used to attended a Greek Orthodox church on Sundays and I’m christened Greek Orthodox and I didn’t mind it because the priest was a lovely person. He would say things like Science is the pursuit of understanding Gods creation and he would talk about how important education is. But the thing that stood out to me was he once said being trans isn’t a sin, it’s the journey God planned for that Individual. So when I was younger I wasn’t aware of the more homophobic and transphobic sides of religion.

It wasn’t until I started attending the Catholic secondary that I realised that some people used religion to back up ideas of hate and I became very anti Christian and stopped attending church because as a young Queer kid the bullying and being told I’m going to hell all the time really got to me.

My mum also became very unwell, she has a chronic illness amongst many other disabilities so I also thought if there is a God he doesn’t care because why would he make a child watch there mother slowly die and loose her mind and become abusive.

I loved talking to my friends about their religions though, I’ve always been fascinated with beliefs and faith because I’ve never had any. I partook in Ramadan one year to support my friend who was finding it hard and their family invited me to Iftar and I really respected how important their faith must be for them to do this because it was very difficult. Another experience I won’t forget was watching my friends mum create a Rangoli because she put so much care and attention into it and it is still one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen because of that care that went into it.

But it wasn’t until I was 17 I started recognising not all religious people are oppressive, some people use it for oppression but if you take people individually who believe in it that’s not a bad thing.

But there are still things I don’t like, for an example at my secondary we were put into religious houses and mine was house Vanier, turns out that guy was an awful person. His name is Jean Vanier if anyone wants to look him up but it’s just disgusting. Also the priest at the Catholic Church closest to where I live was found out to be preying on children, I have no idea what happened to him in the end but it was a big deal in my town. I also live near some Jehovah’s witnesses who for a month straight harassed me after pride because I assume they saw me coming home with pride face paint and stickers on and I had leaflets about sinning coming through the letter box constantly, and even now they still bang loudly on my door to preach when I’ve explained me, my mum and dad all have diagnosed ptsd and find it distressing. My RE teacher also told our class how he pressured his friend who was SA’d into keeping her baby and he was so proud of himself and it made me feel sick, he did loose his job because he told a student they’ll die and go to hell if they take the pill even though they were taking it for medical reasons.

That’s the part of religion I hate, it’s those individuals I hate. I don’t hate religion or people who practice religion but I hate the fact those things happened.

One of the kindest adults in my life was the school Chaplin, she told me she prayed everyday for my mum to get better and she prayed for me during my exams. I spent a lot of time in the chapel because it was quiet when I was having panic attacks and she used to just sit with me and talk me through them.

I’ve lost track of what I’ve written but

I’m not anti religion. Me not being a religious person isn’t anti religion. I’m anti people using religion as an excuse to be horrible to others.

I’ve just never had any sort of beliefs, in my mind everything is just a coincidence. I don’t believe in an after life, ghosts, superstitions or anything like that either. But that’s who I am and I don’t think that should offend anyone. But I also know I could be wrong and I can’t tell anyone their religion is wrong or right because I simply don’t know that.

I think I prefer the term agnostic (a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God) over atheist because it’s as simple as I don’t know but I don’t think anyone is wrong for having faith.

But also I want to add I’m a white person talking about religion and my experience, all over the world people have different experiences so it doesn’t actually matter what I say. I’m just answering an ask and if you ever want to talk to me about religion I’m always happy to.

#this is a long post so I’ve highlighted parts I think are important #but I also mention at the end I’m a white person and I’m also in the UK #my experience is very different #so it doesn’t actually matter what I say #religion #agnostic #atheist #tw sa mention #I think the last 4 paragraphs sum up everything quite fast #but idk #read if you want #but this isn’t intended to offend anyone #and always ask or message me if you want to talk about religion

[ccthepandafangirl]

a meme almost outed me to my conservative Mother - a rant

WARNING: If you're triggered by mentions of religious content, don't read. Also, this is a long rant/explanation. Be warned.

Okay, a bit of background context first.

I (16f), myself, am Christian. I was baptised by choice (shocker, I know) at the age of four, I volunteer my summer holidays at Church-organised charities around the city, and I run a Bible study group at my school. This was all encouraged by my Mother, who comes from a family of refugees who migrated during the conflict in the 70s-80s in Southeast Asia when she was 6. They received aid from a Christian-run charity when they got back on their feet and struggled to adjust to western society, hence my Mother's family's complete devotion to Jesus. My grandmother, who can't speak English, routinely prays for the entire family and is reportedly very proud of my role as captain/leader of the Bible study group. My aunt gave me a devotions book for my birthday last year, and her daughter (my younger cousin) attends Bible study with me at school.

Very Asian + very Christian = a very, very conservative family (in most aspects, but not all). However, my family doesn't know that I am bi (except for my moderately-left Father and another cousin). This causes a few issues.

My Mother isn't hateful, per se, towards the LGBTQ+ community, but she's still homophobic. She views queer identities the way most view depression; a mental condition one can work to get out of with therapy, time, support, and most importantly, prayer. (She doesn't view depression like modern-educated people might, though, so I don't know how that analogy really sticks.) And whenever something LGBTQ+ related happens on the news, she often will launch into an unstoppable lecture about homosexuality & sin while my Father and I inwardly groan.

Those lectures haven't been completely directed at me since she thinks I'm straight because I used to have a boyfriend (which luckily quelled her suspicions). (he broke up with me around the time I came out to my friends, but that's another story for later).

anyway, onto what ACTUALLY happened.

Earlier that day, because it was the first of June and therefore PRIDE MONTH, I posted the meme to my private Instagram story with the added caption ''happy pride month. capitalism, amirite", like a regular teenager. 

Closed the app. Didn't think much of it. Saw some of my queer friends liking my story, but nothing else.

I get home, drop my bag off downstairs, and go upstairs to nap.

First mistake.

There's a rule in my household that we leave electronics downstairs/away from our bedrooms. I came home from school, completely worn out and went up to my room without remembering to take my phone out of my pocket. I flop down for a quick nap. Half an hour later, my Mother noticed my phone isn't in its usual charging spot. She told me to bring it downstairs so she's sure that I'm not pretending to nap while messing around on social media.

Groggily, I gave my phone to her without thinking. You know, Christian + Asian obedience that's been drilled into me and whatnot. I went back upstairs. Nap again.

Normally, my Mother trusts me often to not snoop through my phone. But this time, after fifteen minutes, curiosity got the better of her, and she used this opportunity to snoop through anyway to see if I'd been off-task and not lying in bed exhausted.

Thanks for trusting me, Mother.

She opened my Instagram, which I stupidly didn't log out of. Opened my story. Is very confused because she doesn't understand meme culture. Saw the phrase "LGBTQ people". FREAKED out and called me to come downstairs. She demanded to know why her good Christian daughter, child of Jesus, daughter of Heaven (it's a Christian thing, I'm not that full of myself), captain of the Bible study group, would even think about such things.

I wake up from nap mode due to the sheer panic.

I "explained" that I downloaded the wrong meme (a marvel post) and meant to send that one to my friend, and reassured her with repeated "No, mother, I clicked the wrong one, whoops; no, it's not that; yes, I still believe in Jesus; yes, I still like boys; no, I'm not going to let boys distract me; no, you don't need to send me a homophobic sermon on Youtube again" (I didn't explicitly say the last part, but you know what I mean). Regardless of her technological competency, it was sort of believable since sending a post to a friend versus sending it to a story works the same way. Luckily, the post directly below the story bar on Instagram was about a free dress pattern, not another pride month meme. It supported my case. No LGBTQ+ here, Mother, I'm your good Christian daughter who loves sewing. She still gave me the lecture anyway. It was about halfway through her saying that I "need to be a good example and not promote the gay agenda, we love them but we don't tolerate their lifestyle", that I successful distracted her and escaped via homework.

sorry for the info dump, but I really need to get this off my chest. I wish I could be a normal teenager where a FRICKIN MEME doesn't make threaten my entire relationship with my Mother.

I love her (don't doubt that, I know that she's been through so much in order for me to even have school work to be worn out by), I love Jesus, but I can't stand this anymore.

#tw: homophobia #tw: religion #see queue later #lgbt #pride month #personal rant #bisexual #queer #lgbtq community #lgbtq+ #lgbt pride #lgbtq #tw: conservative #cc says things

[athenadcvell]

What great news to wake up to

#we don’t stan Chris Pratt here sorry #and before anyone says he’s not homophobic #he attends and supports a VERY homophobic church #which kinda just speaks for itself #Chris pratt #marvel #mcu #star lord #Peter quill #marvel cast

[givemearmstopraywith]

as a nonbinary lesbian, i was curious how you navigate your faith whilst being queer - if that's something that's even a thing for you.

(thank you for the additional message about this!! i do identify as a nonbinary lesbian but the lesbian aspect is still something im learning about for myself x)

it's a huge thing! my queerness and my faith are completely interrelated and i dont think one would exist without the other- they are mutually enhanced by each other, but admittedly its very difficult in spaces where frequently the community of faith rejects or undermines my queerness, and honestly? the queer community frequently also rejects and undermines my faith. its weird! but i also know that the profundity of my identity mirrors the profundity of God's own- as much as people struggle to understand the depths of who God is and how he loves, i feel like queer people experience the same thing- the struggle of the hegemony to understand how they love and who they are. we refer to God as a he and we call jesus his son, but lesser known is the fact that shekinah, the spirit which is said to have covered mary at the immaculate conception, the force with allowed her body to carry a god, is written of in the original hebrew using feminine pronouns. which is such a small way of acknowledging how synonymous queer identity- particularly nonbinary or trans identity- is with the idea of God's identity.

in terms of navigating homophobia in the church and in faith, i think a lot of it is born out of ignorance and a long history of misinterpretation of the bible. many rabbis teach that the sins of sodom were not homosexuality, but economic injustice: the sexual element to the sin told in genesis was that the men of sodom wanted to have sex with angels, a grave sin rooted in ancient jewish mysticism. it was never about men having sex with men: it was about men having sex with angels, which is incidentally also the impetus in the jewish flood narrative for the destruction of humanity. and jonathan and david- i love, so deeply, how 1 samuel talks about their relationship, that jonathan loved david as his own soul, his own nephesh, a word that has no direct translation in english but in hebrew encompasses means life, self, person, desire, passion, appetite, emotion. psyche, sentience, breath. it is that which passed from God into man and made him alive. its a deep profundity of love, and it is between two people of the same gender, and to say that homosexual love exists in scripture in some capacity does not at all seem at odds with a god who is written in in a multitude of gender expressions. so that's the biblical foundation for navigating my faith and my identity: there is nothing in scripture at odds with me. and i'm sure there will be a christian who comes trotting into my inbox citing leviticus 18. leviticus 18 should be of no concern to christians. it is jewish law. you are not jewish: you are christian.

in terms of the church, i will not lie! i went for a job interview to be a children's minister and was passed over for the job because the church did not support inclusion. i am often scared of being blackballed because of my identity. i am privileged in that i pass as cis: trans is not a term i would ever apply to myself. and i've chosen to be single so i can focus on school, so my sexuality doesn't come up often. but i'm out to my school chaplain, and she's been incredibly supportive and encouraging. i am also fortunate that i live in a very liberal city and attend an anglican school, so i have never encountered direct homophobia or transphobia in terms of my schooling. in fact ive felt supported and loved by my peers- even in places that i think people don't expect to see it, like classes where there's three women, me, and twenty priests-in-training. and i am lucky and, i think, unusually lucky. i spent time as a child in spaces that were intensely homophobic- people who, when i expressed my joy at the legalization of gay marriage in the us, were horrified and said i would go to hell for my support. and as a young lesbian, as someone who knew i was different from my peers but couldn't quite figure out what, it was an awful experience that set my development back exponentially. i'm not going to say that the church as a monolith is a safe place for queer people. it's not. but God is profound love: God loves us. and there are many, growing places- as there have always been- in the church where queerness is not at odds with the practice of faith. so i carry my identity close to me, i don't advertise it, but i know that where humanity does not have the capacity to love me for who i am, God's profound love is capable of far more than i could ever imagine. and that comforts me a lot.

#replies

[eve-ate-the-right-fruit]

So I’m not liveblogging conference this time, because I’m wanting to stay in the moment and take my spiritual promptings as they come, rather than spending some of my brainpower composing posts and reading other people’s thoughts before I’ve had time to gauge my own. I’m also blessed that I get to attend two sessions of conference, so I’m not wanting to be on my phone while I’m in the conference center. I just wanted to jot down Saturday’s highlights before I go to sleep.

I was there for the morning session in person, and it was crazy how strongly I felt the Spirit just watching the first presidency enter the room. Y’all know I have my issues with those three men, but I dunno, there was something about us all standing together, sharing that moment. I really do believe they are the successors to an important spiritual legacy, even if I’m not always a fan of how they wield their institutional power.

This conference, I’m trying to willfully misread the dogwhistles. I think members of the church get so caught up in these catchphrases that we miss the lessons behind them that the Lord wants us to hear. I can’t feel the Spirit if I’m playing 3D chess with implications that might not have even occurred to the speaker. I get why we do this, I know it’s a defense mechanism, but it tires me. Even if the speaker did mean a seemingly innocuous phrase in a homophobic way, that’s not how the Lord meant it. I’m going to skip that nonsense and focus on the message the Lord wants me to hear.

So when Holland talked about how the Lord wants us to give all of ourselves, as we are, I thought, this also includes our queerness. God receives the gift of our queerness when we give ourselves to Him. When Christofferson talked about how God’s unconditional love does not excuse us from the mandate to become our best selves, I refused to see my queerness as something that needed to be fixed. 

I think we all have flaws that we don’t work on because we’ve become complacent with them. I know someone in my life who says “I’m very impatient, that’s the kind of person I am,” and tries to use that as an excuse for the way he treats others when he gets impatient. God loves that brother just as he is, but He still wants him to be patient with others’ shortcomings.

Elder Gilbert was my favorite talk of the morning session. I’m probably not the first to say that he did a great job talking about privilege.

I actually liked the topic of Elder Oaks’s talk, even if I disagreed with a few of the points he made. I don’t support writing off people who stop attending church as “choosing to be offended.” But Elder Oaks is right that we get service opportunities, exposure to new viewpoints, and community support by attending church that we don’t get by practicing solitary spirituality, and I think that’s a message people need to hear.

I don’t have as much to say about the afternoon and evening sessions, just that I really loved Sister Porter’s story about the guy who returned to church activity after 20 years. I want to see more church leaders validate struggling with difficult questions about the church and moving forward with faith at the same time.

I get the sense that Elder Ballard thinks he won’t be much longer for this earth. His talk invites you to challenge yourself. What are your priorities?

Sister Eubank’s talk seemed different from other talks that have made a point of highlighting the church’s humanitarian efforts. It felt like she was coming from a place of wanting to be clear and transparent about how tithing funds are spent. It felt like she was showing us the church’s report card. I hope we get a talk like that every conference.

I also liked how more than a few speakers dunked on materialism. Not exactly radical, but it is the kind of messaging we need.

Well, this post has gone on long enough. I’ll probably write up something similar tomorrow night.

#ldsconf #general conference #genconf #the church of jesus christ of latter day saints #queerstake

[royalelusts]

Wait wait what did Chris Pratt do?

I tried searching it online but nothing really showed up? I don't keep to date with him and I'm very curious

This man has had so many controversies lmao.

It’s speculated that he’s a Trump supporter but there really isn’t any proof to that besides him not donating to the Biden foundation.

The church he attends is homophobic and supports conversion therapy. Regardless if he’s homophobic or not, he won’t leave the church cause he likes it.

There was also a post he made about his new wife and just talked about how much he appreciates her as a whole but also her giving him “a gorgeous healthy daughter”. People were pissed cause his son from his previous marriage was a premature birth (and there were tons of difficulties after that) and they saw that as an insult to not only his son but his ex-wife.

But anyway that’s that.

#royal.responses #royal.moots

[ladyslice00]

Okay, I have to say something about this Chris Pratt thing...

First, I’m not defending Chris Pratt. I know the church he attends is an offshoot of another church that has expressed anti-LGBTQ+ views and I DO NOT support that. Here’s a well-research Vanity Fair article on the matter: https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2020/10/marvel-stars-defend-chris-pratt

Okay, now to RDJ’s IG post. At first, I thought the post was weird because of the Christian bent to it which threw me off because I’ve never heard RDJ express himself like that. I sat on it until I read the comments reminding people that people like Brie Larson were attacked in the past and only Don Cheadle came to her defense. While I think RDJ shouldn’t have written such a strange post suggesting that Chris Pratt is a good person because he’s Christian even though people are offended by his church’s connections, RDJ is friends with Chris. And, I think the IG post should be read in the context of someone defending a friend, as for all the other people who also jumped to Chris’s defense. I honestly believe either RDJ doesn’t know Brie Larson as well as Chris and/or when the Brie Larson/Captain Marvel thing happened RDJ was still under his MCU contract and probably didn’t feel comfortable saying anything. 

But, guess what? I don’t know, because I don’t know ANYONE involved in this. AT ALL. NONE OF THEM. We need to stop dying on these hills. We need to stop attacking celebrities for their views, because guess what? This isn’t going to affect them. This is why we have the choices we have for president and not a more progressive candidate (who also isn’t white or male) as a choice, because we’re all too worried about what RDJ is talking about on IG?? What if we transferred this energy into votes at the national and the local level? What if we fought this passionately for poorer black and brown people living in Flint, Michigan with poisoned water? What if we cared more about the Supreme Court and stopped someone like Trump from appointing THREE judges with terrible/ignorant/sexist/racist/bigoted, etc. views????

This is why the wealthy can stick together and the rest of us are floundering. THIS IS A DISTRACTION. DO NOT let it keep you from seeing the institutional/structural issues inherent in the US (and all over the world). We should not rely on celebrities/the rich to speak for us. We shouldn’t. Period.

I love RDJ, and he’s still going to be my favorite actor until the day I die. He’s made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes, you all have made mistakes, but people trying to cancel him and Mark Ruffalo and others is a mess. A complete mess. This is why the right keeps winning because we’re fighting each other instead of the real enemy. You know who that is. You know what pure evil/bigotry looks like.

*sighs loudly as anxiety dissipates* Thank you for reading my rant and please stay safe out there, friends.

EDIT: I found out after I wrote this that RDJ did in fact support Brie Larson. https://youngbugandtonystank.tumblr.com/post/632617401446547456/im-upset-i-dont-understand-why-twitter-was

Please don’t attack someone without knowing all the details first. The IG post was weird and excessive but RDJ is not a homophobe, mysoginist, racist, etc. He posts all the time about how much he appreciates his costars and his wife Susan who he basically credits for saving his life. I know he doesn’t need me to defend him because a very small outspoken group of people caused a slew of articles to be written about the men of the MCU protecting another man (forgetting about Zoe Saldana because she doesn’t fit the narrative), but honestly this was all uncalled for and emblematic of why the right constantly owns us. We’re too worried about who’s a Trump supporter in our ranks instead of focusing on historical injustices.

#robert downey jr #rdj stan #rdj #chris pratt #mark ruffalo #don cheadle #brie larson #mcu #marvel mcu #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #flint water crisis #supreme court #vote #politics #everyone deserves universal healthcare #class politics #zoe saldana

[argumate]

while I’m on the subject I must mention the "punch a terf” slogan, which I’ve always disliked as I don’t think it’s helpful and I don’t want to win arguments by punching people, I want to win arguments by being right!

that aside, there are many people who have no problem thoughtlessly reblogging this slogan but would be appalled by “punch a Catholic” or a similar reference to some other religious denomination that is doctrinally transphobic, or homophobic, or misogynist, and I think it’s interesting to explore why that is.

now you might say those aren’t the same things at all, terfs are a hate group while Catholics aren’t, and the only religious groups that also qualify as hate groups are tiny and universally reviled like the Westboro Baptists, which I suppose is arguable, the Catholic Church isn’t transphobic 24/7, they have other stuff going on too.

or you might say that people can be Catholic without being transphobic, in much the same way that someone can appreciate Harry Potter without being transphobic, like they’re a Cafeteria Potterhead who takes the good parts of Rowling and carefully discards the rest, or something like that, which certainly seems plausible.

or someone might be “Catholic” simply because they grew up in a family or a country in which that’s the default cultural experience, and it wouldn’t be fair to blame them for their upbringing and environment, especially if they personally haven’t done anything wrong other than having a particular identity, which also makes sense.

nevertheless it has to be noted that the Catholic Church really is hella transphobic, like that’s not an attack or anything it’s them publishing lengthy essays on the subject to explain exactly how much they dislike the idea of someone being transgender or trying to change their birth sex, like this isn’t some fringe thing it’s very much central to Catholic philosophy and ethics.

(and there are other religious groups with similar thoughts on the matter but I’m sticking with them as an example since they make their position on the matter so clear).

so what exactly does it mean to be a committed Catholic, to attend services, to donate to the church, to respect the opinion of the pope?

to me that seems like a much stronger statement than supporting Rowling's right to make a fool of herself on twitter; if a church hangs up a big sign saying TRANSPHOBES R US and you keep going, well, it’s not like there is a shortage of other churches you could attend! you can even start your own!

so yeah I’m not saying you have to rush out and cancel the pope (*checks notes* actually I kind of am? he’s a total dick) but I am saying there’s a kind of thoughtless inconsistency and it’s driven by the uncritical respect given to religious beliefs that you don’t get by being a children’s book author, even a really rich and famous one.

why be tougher on Rowling than on an organisation with a billion members that promotes even worse views? is she really a worse person, or just an easier target?

#religion

[communistkenobi-archive]

Hi! I absolutely love your sw meta about Obi-Wan and wanted to ask what your take on Ahsoka's character is? :)

where to even begin!!!!!!!!!!!!

For starters, I think her narrative utility in tCW is pretty clear cut - she is supposed make Anakin’s fall more believable. Ahsoka is obviously her own character and exists beyond Anakin, but that is her main plot function in tCW. Her ejection from the Order gives us a clear and unambiguous reason as to why Anakin does not trust the Council. I know it’s a huge meme, but him not being granted the rank of Master by the Council in RotS is far more cutting and hurtful with Ahsoka’s inclusion into the canon - how Jedi become Masters is by successfully raising a Padawan to Knighthood, and Ahsoka’s trial is the reason she was prevented from completing her training.

So Anakin’s anger isn’t just at Obi-Wan anymore, who he’s mostly mended his relationship with and seems incredibly close to anyway. Anakin has watched the Order go through its fair due process and completely fail one of their own students as a consequence; he has a structural reason to distrust them now. And whatever issues their are with the PT, there is some attempt to talk about the structural limitations of liberal democratic institutions. Anakin’s fears about not being able to control the fates of the people he loves is also reinforced through Ahsoka. Her introduction into the canon turns Anakin’s anger from the personal, petty spite of a horny teen that we see in the PT into an actual, reasonable criticism of the religious organisation to which he belongs.

I still think his fall isn’t believable, in that there doesn’t feel like enough of a progression from “traumatised kid who is in over his head” to “oh wow this guy is evil now” (ie, there’s no sense of watching a train crash in slow motion - not until S7 of tCW anyway, but that has a lot to do with the audience already knowing what the ending is), but it’s a lot more understandable, especially when plotted out on paper, and the fact that they were able to achieve that with the introduction of a single character is pretty remarkable.

Now AS A PERSON in the SW universe, Ahsoka is obviously a lot more than that. Like Anakin, she also lost faith in the Order and felt incredibly betrayed by her ejection, and I think her leaving after she was re-instated as a Padawan was the only reasonable choice for her to make. I really dislike any AUs where she comes back to the Order for this reason - she’s lost the safety net the Order affords and cannot trust them ever again, no matter how much people apologise to her. All her trust in them is gone, and even if she cares about Anakin and Obi-Wan and the other Jedi, they still didn’t (or couldn’t, though there isn’t a huge difference when you’re on the receiving end) stop what happened to her. When she needed the Order most, they cast her aside to appease the Senate. I think she will always hold a grudge against them for it, even Anakin and Obi-Wan, and rightfully so in a lot of ways.

And it’s a shame that this conflict wasn’t given time to mature and flourish, that we couldn’t watch her struggle with reconciling her love for individual members within the Order versus her structural mistrust of them. I think we could’ve gotten a lot of very rich and compelling character drama from that - it reminds me of my own personal experience of interacting with family members and friends who, despite saying they are (and even being) supportive of me as a gay person, still regularly attend churches that would not accept me as a lesbian, and participate in a religious organisation that is institutionally homophobic and transphobic more broadly. Had Ahsoka left the Order much earlier, or Order 66 happen much later/not at all, I think we could’ve gotten a very similar dynamic between her, Anakin and Obi-Wan (side-note but I think that’s why so many people have latched onto Ahsoka and read lgbt+ subtext into her character arc - it parallels nicely in a lot of ways).

Ahsoka also acts as a figurehead or symbol in the narrative for a proper critique of the Order in a way that Anakin doesn’t. There have been bad-faith attempts in the past to talk about the Jedi in a critical capacity (most notably by Karen Traviss), but I think Ahsoka is the much more honest expression of that. She was a true believer in the Jedi, she was a bright and attentive student, and she fully intended to be a Jedi for the rest of her life, and was STILL cast aside in spite of that. Which, ironically, likely saved her life when Order 66 happened, because she was no longer bound to her duty as a Jedi, and had experienced not being a Jedi in the real world prior to it (something we see Obi-Wan struggle with a lot on Tatooine, who still IS a true believer and wants to fulfil his duty as a Jedi). She was willing and able to adapt to a galaxy that had rid itself of the Jedi entirely, while still using the more admirable qualities being a Jedi taught her (most notably stewardship to community/other people) to fight in the rebellion.

This has gone on kinda long, sorry lmao. I still have a bunch of thoughts about Ahsoka but I think she’s a very rare and wonderful example in Star Wars of someone who was completely let down by the organisation she belonged to and has to spend the rest of her life dealing with that fact. We see Padmé come to the same realisation in some ways near the end of RotS, but Ahsoka is the more fleshed out and nuanced expression of that.

#sw.txt #questions in spaaace #sw meta #tcw meta #kanan and cal also have similar stories too #jedi who have complicated feelings about their identity AS a jedi is good shit

[and-damntheconsequences]

Modern Merlin AU — With Gays and Churches

Slight CW for religious homophobia, and ofc I know that the majority of Christians are loving and beautiful people 💕

**

The Cast:

Uther: A firmly anti-gay pastor who is well known and mostly respected by the congregation and the community.

Ygraine: Uther's ex wife who divorced him after she found about an affair he had once had with a woman who named Vivian.

Arthur: Their son, who lives entirely with Uther and attends a religious school nearby.

Leon: Arthur's friend who also attends that school, who's parents have been going to Uther's church for years and years.

Merlin: A boy who recently joined the school after moving with his uncle, who teaches there. Also a closeted gay.

Gaius: An old friend of Uther's, a teacher at the school, and the only other person who knows about the affair.

Morgana: Uther's child from his affair with Vivian. She moves in with Uther when she's 10, since her mother can't financially support them both anymore.

Gwen: A girl at the school, who Arthur dates briefly in order to "prove" that he is straight.

Elyan: Gwen's brother, who lived with more distant family for a few years and has recently returned.

All other "round table" knights: New kids (they arrive at different times) who's parents have recently converted to Christianity and enrolled them in the school. Gwaine's family actually came from another church but he doesn't talk about that much, since he's not actually religious himself. Also Gwaine picks fights with homophobic teachers.

Kilgharrah: Either an angel, a demon, God Himself, or the school principal, I can't decide. Whichever he is, he occasionally pops up to give both Merlin and Arthur utterly useless life advice, in whatever form that takes depending on who he is. If he's somehow celestial, it's probably through sarcastic comments in dreams. If he's the school principal, he's just... That teacher that decides that stopping you in the corridor to Impart Words Of Adult Wisdom is a great use of everyone's time.

**

The Plot:

Uther becomes pastor at a church, and marries Ygraine. She disagrees with many of his views, but doesn't speak up about them, wanting to be a "good wife". That is, until she discovers that he once had an affair with a woman named Vivian and gave her a child. Ygraine then quietly divorces him and leaves, too afraid of making a fuss to try to get custody of Arthur. Uther tells everyone, including Arthur, that it was her choice to leave and that she willingly parted from the ways of the Lord. No one knows about the affair except him, her, and Vivian (and Gaius).

Arthur grows up with only Uther, not having many close friends, only Leon, who he's known his whole life and who's parents are also very religious. When Arthur is around 10, Vivian turns up on their doorstep, insisting that she has fallen into financial trouble, and cannot look after her child anymore. Uther takes Morgana in, insisting it was an act of charity on his behalf, and that Vivian was only an old friend. Everyone believes he is being a good samaritan, but secretly he hopes that if he "redeems" his child to the church, he may find redemption for what he did. Arthur and Morgana are the same age, and Uther begs Morgana not to tell Arthur the truth (threatening her for if she does), so he doesn't know she's his sister. They get on, mostly, but Arthur's a bit of a prat in lecturing her about God sometimes because he thinks that's how you make friends.

Anyway, a few years later, when Arthur is around 14, Merlin joins his school (they're roughly the same age here, Merlin only a few months younger.) He was sent to his uncle by his mother, since he came out to her and she didn't accept him. She wanted him to go to church and a religious school to "fix" him. He now lives with Gaius, and goes back into the closet for the time he's at school. He quickly becomes friends with Gwaine, who doesn't have many friends and is constantly in trouble for arguing with bigoted teachers.

Because he's really academic, Uther asks Gaius if it would be possible for Merlin to come round and help tutor Arthur in order to catch Arthur up with his studies, so Merlin starts coming around every Tuesday and Thursday. They slowly become friends, despite Merlin being quite rude, and Arthur having the most frustrating "holier than thou" attitude because he's the priest's son. Merlin develops a crush on him, and quickly gives up on trying to deny his sexuality to himself, but he can't tell Arthur, or anyone else.

In time, Merlin stops being so afraid of his own sexuality, and sneaks off to a pride parade and attends an LGBT group a couple of times. Gaius suspects what he might be doing, but says nothing.

When Morgana turns 16, she tells them all that she thinks she might be a lesbian. She's scared, but hopes that Uther may be understanding. Instead, he kicks her out, despite Arthur's protests that it isn't fair. She goes to live with some friends in similar situations, and over the next few months, cuts off Uther completely, changes school, and starts regularly attending LGBTQ+ events and just generally living her best lesbian life.

This makes Uther incredibly angry, and he takes it out on Arthur a lot, who starts going to Gaius and Merlin's after school to avoid him. He texts Morgana a bit, but is afraid to keep close contact with her, and still sees homosexuality as a sin. However, this whole situation has made him actually think about his own sexuality, and he's now afraid that maybe HE himself isn't totally straight. To prove that he is to himself, he asks Gwen on a date, but he can't ever truly like her, and she knows that.

At the same time, Merlin is trying to get rid of his crush on Arthur because he doesn't want to ruin that friendship, so he starts going to pride groups weekly, to meet others. He meets Will, a trans guy, and they almost date for a while, but Merlin can't commit to it because of his own feelings. Morgana happens to meet him there, and at first that interaction is a little awkward, but instead of pressuring him, she just gives him a hug, and tells him it's okay, she's learnt that now. She'll always be here for him if he needs to feel safe away from Uther/Arthur, or the school as a whole. He tells her that he hopes Arthur could be different from his father, and she says she hopes so, but she doesn't believe he would be — he seems to hate her too now. But that's okay. She's got a new family now. She's happy.

And then, eventually, Arthur comes to accept his own feelings, and Gwen does hers. He talks to Merlin about how he isn't sure if he's straight, and eventually they date, and then kiss. Gwen has a Bisexual Awakening™, and she reconnects with Morgana (they were friends before Morgana left) and they date too. Hunith (who's been having a side plot of researching things and learning and becoming a better, more accepting person) comes to stay with Gaius for a while, and tells Merlin she loves him, and will always love him no matter who he's with, and she's sorry she never said that before now.

When Arthur turns 18, his mother reaches out to him. She was too afraid to risk upsetting Uther and the church before, but she wants to know if he's okay. He's angry at her for all the years she was silent, and all the things he didn't know, and for leaving him, but in time, she tells him the truth. Morgana also tells Arthur the truth, knowing now that he doesn't blindly believe his father, and this won't tear a rift between them. Uther's affair is then revealed to the whole congregation, most of whom are appalled, and his reputation is ruined. The church gets a new pastor.

Some of the kids realise that they don't need religion to be valid and happy, and others realise that they can have both religion and love, and God can love them no matter who they are with. Both are okay, and everyone accepts everyone. They all live their best, gayest, cutest, and happiest lives.

***

Feel free to add stuff I love this concept. Also someone needs to write something like this and tag me bc I cannot write this myself — I'm incapable of managing the 3 fics I'm writing at the moment.

#merlin #merlin au #pride au #merlin pride #merlin modern au #modern merlin au #merthur #merthur au #merlin fanfic #merlin fic prompts

[deadpoetsrose]

I desperately want to hear all your thoughts on Alex’s relationship with his older siblings from your fic. Like do they ever realize what’s actually going on? How do they react when they find out alex is gay? How do they react when they realize their parents kicked him out?

Hi anon, I love you. Thank you for asking this question, because I genuinely have had so much thought go into this relationship dynamic and love talking about it. Special shout out to @arya-stark who really helped flesh out the twins.

SO!! Alex’s relationship with his older siblings is very interesting because at its core it’s always been about competition. Whether they realise it or not (Alex realises it, the twins do not). Lizzie and Jack were both *gifted children* and grew up in competition with one another. Because of this, they are constantly making little jabs at one another to propel themselves further then the other. Unfortunately, the cost of having two older siblings in competition with one another, means that if Alex wasn’t better then either of them, he always came last.

This really impacted how he was considered in the household. He was the baby sure, but like he was also in a rock band, and his anxiety made him quieter, and he didn’t get perfect grades- basically he never did as well as Lizzie and Jack in anything. Even though Alex isn’t a bad kid by any stretch, it’s easy for his family to see him that way because he is always seen in comparison to the twins (who are studying to become a doctor and a lawyer).

Because of this it’s easy for them to believe that Alex is at the source of the tension with their parents. Because Alex is what they consider a bad kid. // this is also something they will both have to come to terms with at some point.

 Everything below is now like kinda spoilers for future stories I wanna write in this verse, so if you don’t want to know don’t read! But if you do….

Do they ever realise what’s going on?

Not till they are explicitly told. Part of this bias towards Alex is that they align themselves with their parents. It’s not till they are explicitly explained the situation, will either of them really start to realise what’s going on, because they have so much blind faith in their folks.

How do they react to finding out Alex is gay?

I think both Jack and Lizzie are accepting people! I mean they attend college in California in 2020, so they wouldn’t necessarily share the same biases their parents do.

Lizzie’s comment about Caleb looking queer in the café is kinda recognisable as this. She actively participates in queer culture on campus, and she’s using the word ‘queer’ in a way that engages with the reclaiming of the word. On the contrast, mr mercer, the lovely fuckhead homophobe that he is, hears her usage of queer as the slur that he uses it as. It creates a really interesting dissonance between these characters, because Alex can’t identity if she’s using it as a slur or not.

On the other hand, I feel like Jack would probably also be supportive, but in the way that he probably used the f slur in high school, and never really thought of gay people as real until it affected him, but would take the time to learn about it after hearing about Alex you know?  Like it would be a process of him unlearning his biases, but he would make sure to actively do so because of how much he loves his bro.

How do they react when they realise their parents kicked Alex out?

Badly. Sometime post the fic and pre the twins finding out, Alex stopped coming home for church weekend. Their parents told the twins that Alex ran away, so they both had a lot of anger towards Alex for a long time. When they learn that Alex was actually kicked out this anger is intensified and redirected. But also, the circumstances under which this information is revealed are ones that leave their parents very vulnerable, which will make one of the twins less angry at the time. So one of them will respond with blind fury and the other will respond quieter (but later will reach the point of blind fury).

Even kids with major superiority complexes feel protective over their younger siblings so we would ideally see some of that manifest itself haha

I hope this answered some of your questions!! If you want to talk more about this dynamic please send me another anon, or come of anon and we can message privately!! But like thank you for asking cause I really, really love talking about this story. <3 <3 <3

#jatp #anonymous #my fic #ayfmoam #julie and the phantoms #Anonymous

[honestlyhufflepuff]

Here are 20 reasons I am leaving the caregiver job with the client I've had since 2008: a list of unprofessional behavior and abuse by my client's guardian.

1. She said I wasn't Christian anymore, and said I was disrespecting my mother, for leaving the church I was raised in.

2. During the first year of employment, she would yell at me multiple times a week over things like leaving a lamp on (this is while I was caring for her medically fragile, high needs adult daughter). She would accuse me of being incompetent or trying to get fired for unemployment.

3. She told me I was not approved off for my honeymoon, less than a month beforehand, when I gave her over 5 months notice with consistent reminders. She harassed me over several texts while I was on my honeymoon saying I would be fired if I did not return a week earlier than I was supposed to.

4. She told me I still had to come in when I was sick and vomiting because she did not believe me. I became dehydrated and was vomiting so much that I had uncontrollable dry heaving and was unable to drive home. She refused to come home early when I told her of my symptoms, and when she did come home to see me retching into her trash can, she started handing me cleaning supplies to disinfect the trash can and the entire bathroom before I went to the emergency room...

5. ...there was no apology or ownership in forcing a sick employee to work to the point of needing to be hospitalized. She would not accept that I could not come into work for the next 3 days until my husband delivered the doctor's note.

6. I worked there throughout college, and would present my new school schedule each semester. For one class, I made the mistake of scheduling it after work. She said the schedule worked with her, but then consistently got home 30 min to and hour late. I missed so many classes that I had to withdraw.

7. Even after the hospitalization mentioned in #3, she would continue to be skeptical of any time I called in sick over the years (which wasn't often). I had no PTO or sick leave to use even when I was full time, so when I took off I didn't get paid. I was never approved to take off for any reason, and when I did take off it was accompanied by a massive guilt trip about how I was putting her family in a bind. It did not matter if it was a vacation, an illness, a doctor's appointment, or a family emergency. It also did not matter how much or little notice I gave; the guilt trips and emotional manipulation still accompanied any time I needed off. To this day, with every job I've had, I am always incredibly anxious about asking off, but it's never been a problem anywhere else I've worked.

8. Emotionally manipulative things she has said to get me to stay:

-"We don't have anyone else. I have to go to my job in order to care for [client's name]. You would be jeopardizing my job by leaving, and her well being." (If pressed she eventually admits to not looking for anyone else)

-"[Client's name] loves you like a sister, and her quality of life would go down significantly without you..." continues to tell me that if I don't do what she wants then I don't love or care for the client, even if it is because I need a job with higher pay and benefits to support my own family.

-"I thought the two of us were friends. This is very selfish of you." (Any time I don't do what she wants, like continuing to go to school full time).

-"God has put her in your life for a reason. You are called as spiritual sisters. It's your responsibility to care for her."

-"In the real world-the business world- other people won't be ok with you just taking off without approval. It's insubordinate and unprofessional." I was only 18 when she told me this, and young enough to believe her. Once again, I've literally never had a problem taking off with any other client or job because I often had PTO, and was always able to obtain leave approval easily. Even when it meant the client parent had to take off from work, they understood that the onus was on them to find the needed staff to account for people needing sick days and vacation.

9. She puts me in the middle of personal drama, constantly bad-mouthing the client's father and other attendants (who all inevitably leave after a year or two at most).

10. Told me, after a decade of infertility, that God told her I would become pregnant and have a son I was to name Amos. She said it would only become true if I prayed about it, so now when I most likely don't become pregnant, I feel it will be blamed on my lack of faith- or the fact that I am a different faith from her. I feel this instance was truly out of good intention, but ultimately unprofessional and something I would have preferred she keep to herself.

11. For years, she never got home when she said she would. I could never make plans after work because she would agree to come home at 7 and sometimes not make it home until 8:30. She always blamed traffic, needing to run an errand, or her boss keeping her. Then, when I had my own child I had to pick up from an after school program, she consitently got home on time. This showed me that she did have the executive functioning skills to be on time, but did not respect my personal time or work with other clients enough to do so before I was a parent.

12. I bent over backwards trying to help her. I scheduled less time with higher paying clients that were lower need. I sometimes worked 60 hour weeks while I was also in school. It never felt like it was enough. Even for the time I was working there 6 hours a week it was always "Why can't you stay later? Where do you have to be?" The more I gave, the more was expected, and then I was guilted for not meeting that higher expectation.

13. She refused to take the time to have team meetings with other service providers and caregivers, despite the fact all my other client families do this, and keep staff much more consistently as a result. Because of this, information and instructions were always inconsistent. With the client being significantly behaviorally challenged and medically fragile, this was at everyone's detriment.

14. Over the years, I referred 3 friends to work for her because she insisted she could not find caregivers on her own. All 3 of them lasted less than a year due to her behavior. She would then blame them and trash talk them to me, despite knowing I was still friends with them.

15. She expected caregivers to also deep clean the house. We are talking hours worth of work, that there just was not time for within the shift while also meeting the needs of the client.

16. She is openly homophobic, xenophobic, and although she thinks of herself as "not racist," she was extremely weird towards my besf friend's African fiancé. She refused to shake his hand and told me she didn't think he was with her for the "right reasons." Maybe thought he was in it for a green card? She seemed skeptical when I told her that he became a citizen 2 years prior, and that they'd been dating 6 years.

17. She has systematically isolated my adult client more and more over the years. We used to share many interests in things like Harry Potter, early 2000's pop, anime, Harajuku fashion, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, etc. One by one, everything we bonded over was off limits, due to being a "bad influence" or "demonic." She is no longer allowed to engage in any age-expected media unless it is explicitly Christian, and it breaks my heart to see how sad she gets about that.

18. When I was in college, and completely broke after just paying for books and classes, she said that she wanted me to go to the water park with her and the client. Admission was $50. I assumed she was paying since I was being required to go for work, and this was always what was done in the past. In the car, I asked if I could ride a roller coaster that the client wouldn't be able to go on while they ate ice cream. She said "Sure! You can ride whatever you like!"

So, I start getting excited. We're chatting pleasantly until the moment when she says "OK, when we get out of the car, you can go pay for your ticket first, and then I will bring..."

My stomach dropped. I told her there was a misunderstanding, and that I could not afford my ticket. She acted like it wasn't right that she should have to pay for mine. I told her that if she didn't want to, then I could study at the Starbucks across the street while they attended the park. She said no, because obviously she still wanted my help with her daughter. She paid for my ticket, making passive aggressive comments the whole time about everything I did, from how I pushed the wheelchair to how long I took to go to the bathroom despite the line.

I was no longer permitted to go ride the roller coaster, and I sat in silence while they ate their ice cream.

19. Recently, due to Covid, I do not have child care for my own daughter on Fridays. I have been bringing her to work with me, which my client's mom was supportive of. Then the client had drastic behavioral changes that I won't detail, but that O can say was significantly stressful on my daughter, and made it stressful for me to manage both of them at the same time. I told the mother, 2 weeks in advance, that I could not come in on Fridays until the behavior was consistently resolved. I do not want to get a sitter outside of maybe my aunt, due to covid, and I wouldn't expect her to do that every week. My client's mom was very understanding of this at first, seeing as we both now have special needs children, but the night before the next Friday I was scheduled to come in she berated me for not finding babysitting to the point that I started to panic. I firmly told her that I gave her plenty of notice, and then blocked her number up until the day I was scheduled to come back in.

20. When she is home at the same time I am helping her daughter, she micromanages everything. I think she is incapable of just letting me do the same work I've been doing for over a decade without standing over my shoulder and looking for something wrong.

Some background info:

I wanted to write this, first of all, to document all the reasons that I am justified in leaving, so that I can refer back to it no matter how hard she tries to get me to stay. This is like my anonymous way of getting it off my chest since no one who follows me on here knows me irl. Second of all, I want all the young professionals on here to know that, if they are treated like this in the work place, it is ok to leave!

I started working for this family when I was 18, and I am now 31. I have worked as many as 60 hour weeks, and as little as twice a month when I was full time with the state, but I have always cared for her in some capacity since 2008. I am currently working 15-20 hours a week with her.

You may wonder why I've stayed so long, and in regards to that I will say first of all that abusive relationships are hard to leave. The abuser may convince you that you are bad and won't find anywhere else good enough to take you. This can pertain to any type of relationship, be it romantic, professional, parental, or friends.

Another factor is that I love my client deeply, and my employer takes advantage of that. We grew up childhood friends, which is one reason maintaining professional boundaries with this family has been so hard.

The last reason I have stayed may be the hardest to explain, but I will try.

Sometimes she is good. My employer has made improvements over the years. Most of the worst things on here happened when I was in college. I don't know if her improvement is due to a genuine change in heart, or because she knows deep down that her behavior is why all the other caregivers left.

Whatever the reason, we do actually care for each other. We do actually connect and have a good time. She is kind to my husband and my daughter. She often tells me that I am a godsend to her family, a loyal and talented caregiver, and the best friend her daughter has ever had (although she will contradict this the moment I am not doing what she wants).

What I want people in similar situations to know is that the good moments do not erase the trauma of the bad ones. It is not my responsibility to "get over it" because she is trying to do better. A lot of the stuff she has said and done run too deep, and when she lapses into her old ways, I find myself reacting in a panic-driven, irritable way that's not really me. It's a reaction to trauma. I am not required to continue to stay at an underpaid job with an environment that evokes such emotions.

So please, if you are being treated like this in your job, then leave. You will find something else. For me, I intend to have another job lined up before leaving, but I'm on my way. For the first time in years, I've revamped my resumé, and it felt so empowering to work on a document that highlights my strengths!

For anyone in a similar position, you've got this. There are a lot of great jobs out there. There are a lot of humane employers. If you are treated like this, then label it for what it is. It is abuse. It is unhealthy. It is not ok. It is not erased by the times they are nice. And you deserve better.

#knowyourworth #employer #abuse #personal #lizzy speaks #personal vent #long post #text post #not su related #sorry for all the grammar errors i wrote this on mobile

[twopoppies]

hiiI!! i know its probably a strange request but do you maybe know any fics where one of them is running from like a strict community or a cult? thank you!

Hi love. I’ve read three that I love:

Promise In The Sky by Throwthemflowers / @hazzabeeforlou (E, 99K) This one most directly reflects your request and it reads as a deeply personal and extremely moving description of what I would imagine life is like growing up in a religious and homophobic community. Beautifully written and painful, but thankfully with a happy ending. 

Landslide by aimmyarrowshigh, spibsy (lucy_and_ramona) (E, 143K) Set in the 1970s. Read the tags because this fic is a lot. There are pairings you may not enjoy, there’s a lot of period typical unpleasantness, cult psychology, violence, etc. etc. HOWEVER, it’s very well written and the exploration of Harry’s internalized homophobia is done very well, IMO.  

Shake Me Down by AGreatPerhaps12 (NR, 209K) this fic will absolutely run you through the wringer, but i love it. I really like the way the author took the boys from enemies to friends to boyfriends, and how we got to see how protective and supportive Louis became towards Harry. The exploration of the emotional after effects of conversion therapy on Harry’s character is heartbreaking and so beautifully written. Happy ending, just in case you were worried.

----

Also, I haven’t read them, but these two by @jaerie probably fit what you’re looking for. 

and the truth shall set you free (...maybe) (E, 18K)

Betism: A religion based on the belief that the beta gender has been chosen by God to protect and defend the purity and dignity of the human race by resisting and condemning the lustful ways and flawed biology of the alpha and omega

Harry is a Betist and Louis is an alpha who runs with a bad crowd. This is what happens when two worlds collide.

Sisterwives (E, 33K)

This was it, the moment Louis had been waiting for his entire life. Giddy excitement bubbled up as he held hands and stared up at his soon-to-be alpha and husband and grinned. The ceremony was small and simple, but Louis didn’t mind. Fresh flowers pinned into his hair and a brand new outfit was all he needed to feel special in front of their few witnesses. It was just some members of his family and a few of the church elders in attendance as was customary for any marriage beyond the first wife within the faith.

First wives were the ones to have elaborate weddings with the whole community involved. An alpha’s first wedding was a celebration of an their coming of age, his first steps into fulfilling God’s prophecy. There were many glories for an omega that came with being a first wife but also many responsibilities. Louis had never aspired to be a first wife or even a second. He wasn’t experienced enough to be the leader of an alpha’s many wives and children and he didn’t think he’d be up to the task.

Louis was just fine in the position he was stepping into as the seventh.

Or Louis thinks he's getting everything he's ever dreamed of. Harry helps him find what makes him truly happy.

#mini fic rec #my fic rec #larry fic rec #cult au #Anonymous