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rosecorcoranwrites · 4 years

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Heroes and Villains are Not the Same

That's right, I hold the controversial opinion that heroes and villains are, in fact, not the same thing. Crazy, I know, but I stand by it. Let's step back a bit. Recently, I've come across a few writers and commentators saying something along the lines of "who the hero or villain is depends on who's telling the story". This sounds provocative, I guess, but it disregards a lot of standard terminology surrounding storytelling

Let’s talk about four types of character.

First, you have your protagonist and antagonist. The protagonist, obviously, is the main character. The antagonist is the character who works against the main character. Wikipedia puts it rather eloquently: "The protagonist is at the center of the story, makes the key decisions, and experiences the consequences of those decisions. The protagonist is the primary agent propelling the story forward, and is often the character who faces the most significant obstacles," while "an antagonist is a character in a story who is presented as the chief foe of the protagonist".

It is true that who the protagonist and the antagonist are depends on who’s telling the story. If Les Miserables were from Javert's perspective, then Valjean and all the revolutionaries would be antagonists. If there were a book series starring Draco Malfoy and his two cronies, then Harry, Ron, and Hermione would be the antagonists. And, yes, in these two instances, I think you could call Javert and Draco heroes; the first has a classic Greek heroic flaw, while the second goes through a long redemption arc.

Let's look at another example. If L were telling the story of Death Note, he would be the protagonist. And yes, the hero. Unlike in the other examples, he already was the hero. If you're unfamiliar with Death Note, it features a high school student, Light Yagami, who obtains the book of a Grim Reaper. If you write the name of an individual in that notebook, that person will die. Light, deciding to rid the world of horrible criminals, goes to town with it. But lest the audience see him as some tragic hero who goes down a dark path, it's made clear early on that he has a god complex—assuming the name "Kira"/"Killer"—and is willing to murder anyone who gets in his way, including the famous detective, L, who has been brought on to catch Kira. L is the antagonist to Light's protagonist, specifically, his villain protagonist.

That's why the idea that the villain and the hero are just the same thing from different perspectives is so confusing to me. We have villain protagonists. That is the other perspective. Though I feel like the insistence on heroes and villains being the same stems from our relativist culture, I think it also comes from a misunderstanding of what "hero" and "villain" mean.

A hero is a character who, generally speaking, struggles with some flaw or conflict. Their main arc deals with either overcoming this conflict or eventually capitulating to it. Greek tragedies are built around a "heroic flaw" that undoes the hero no matter how much they struggle against it. Modern superhero stories do the opposite, where the hero fights against internal vices or external foes, eventually winning the day, proving that virtue wins out over vice.

And that is the important thing about heroes: virtue. Whether or not a hero follows the path of virtue to its conclusion or ends up failing and falling off it at the end, they are at least seeking it. They are trying to be good. This is why you can essentially say that a hero is the Good Guy. The Good Guy might fail at the end, but that doesn't mean he wasn't trying his hardest until that point.

What makes a hero different from a villain? Well, obviously, the villain is the Bad Guy. No, really. A villain is "a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot", “a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime; scoundrel; or a character in a play, novel, or the like, who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot". While a hero concerns himself with trying to lead a virtuous life, even if they fail, the villain doesn't. Maybe they actively pursue selfish and evil ends. Maybe they just don't care. Maybe they do think they're the hero (a popular idea in writing circles that will get its own blog post later), but are willing to do evil actions to achieve those good ends. The point is, while the hero pursues the good, a villain pursues evil.

So, with these as our criteria, let's look at a recent example: the 2019 film, Joker. Is this protagonist a hero or a villain?

I'll go ahead and say spoilers, but I actually don't think spoilers matter for this movie. I watched about two dozen reviews of the film before seeing it myself—to see if it would be too intense for me—so I knew every plot point going in. It was still amazing! The way those plot points were presented made them intriguing and fresh. Nevertheless, if you want no spoilers, I would bow out now.

Joker is the story of a man beaten down by society and circumstance. Arthur Fleck, as he is named at the beginning of the story, is a mentally ill man working a low-paying job at a clown-for-hire agency. His life is pretty awful: he gets beat up by teenagers, his coworkers don't respect him and even fear him due to his illness, he lives in a somewhat shabby apartment with his elderly mother, his therapist doesn't listen to him, and so on. All this pressure and anxiety finally come to a head when three jerk businessmen on a subway start assaulting Arthur while he is still in his clown costume. He shoots two of them in self-defense, then runs down the final one and shoots him in the heat of the moment.

Due to the swirling unrest in the city—there's a garbage strike going on, the social service budget has been cut, businesses are closing down, and so on—this nameless clown striking out against three rich men starts a movement. The unhappy masses don clown masks. Then they start protesting. Then they start rioting. While all this is happening, Arthur soaks it in. Though he states that he’s not political and doesn't believe in anything, he clearly likes seeing people imitate his look. He likes seeing the story of the killings in the news.

Eventually, through several more dark turns in the plot, he learns that his mother has lied to him about who his father is (maybe? The story kind of suggests that maybe his birth certificate is forged? And there's the writing on the back of that photograph? I don't know...), and that she allowed him to be mercilessly abused as a child. He makes a speech here, about how he has never in his life been happy, but that he realizes his life is not a tragedy, but a comedy. Then he smothers his mother with a pillow.

This is truly the moment he throws away "Arthur Fleck" and becomes the Joker, underlined by him dyeing his hair green and donning an orange and purple three-piece suit. He kills again, on television nonetheless, then basks in the rioting and burning he has caused. He thinks it's funny. Now, we not only have Arthur Fleck turned into the iconic Joker, but we have the city turned from an admittedly grimy and unjust place into the mask-clad-murderer infested burning hell hole that is the Gotham we know.

So, is the Joker a hero or a villain? Does it matter how you look at it?

One of the reasons this movie was so popular—aside from being about the most famous comic book villain ever—was that different sides could see what they wanted in it. Those in favor of movements like Antifa could point out the economic injustice that led to the riots; the movie makes no attempt to hide how unjust the society in Gotham is. People who see such movements as dangerous can say that, even if there were reasons for the protesting, at the end of the movie innocent people were murdered and the city is literally on fire, which the film also presents as a pretty bad thing. Maybe if Arthur was helped to get proper medication and counseling, he wouldn't have felt so hopeless, and thus wouldn't have become the Joker. True. Maybe if Thomas Wayne or child protective services had stepped in—since they both apparently knew Arthur was being abused as a child—and removed him from his mother, his life would have had a totally different trajectory. Yep.

No matter what particular political message you want to take from it, the fact is that Joker, the movie, is about the failure of society to address wrongs and about the chaos that comes when no one does anything about it. Remember, at this time in Gotham, there is no masked vigilante looking out for the little guy. Not yet, at least.

It's also a movie about one of the most iconic villains ever. The fact is, Arthur does not care about starting a movement. He likes that he did, because at least people are noticing him, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care that people are rioting and that the city is on fire, but he likes that the rioters look up to him. He doesn't care that he killed three businessmen on a train, or smothered his mother, or hacked up a colleague and got covered in the guy's blood, or that he shot a talk show host on live TV, or murdered his doctor at the end of the movie, because he liked doing it.

Yes, he does have a motive beyond that: revenge, for being lied to, or made to take the fall, or for being made fun of. As he says: What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a system that treats him like garbage? You get what you deserve. He has a point, and he's bitter, but he also really likes killing people. Throughout the movie, he laughs uncontrollably at inappropriate times— almost always when he is nervous or uncomfortable with the situation. But what does he do after he kills? He dances. Because he likes it. He may not be happy, but he still thinks he's in a comedy.

And that is why we can say that he is not the hero of his own story nor the hero of a Batman movie where it's told from the Joker's perspective. Because as sad as Arthur Fleck's story is, he's never trying to be virtuous, he's just trying to get by. In the end, the way he chooses to get by is through murder. It's tragic, but, as he himself says, it's not a tragedy. He's not a tragic hero. He's a comic villain. The only thing that depends on who’s telling the story is whether or not you get the joke.

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deseretgear · 5 years

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JoJo Battle Tendancy Part III

Gonna try to get all my last thoughts in here but essentially joseph is my very stupid son and i love him even though he lets vampires beat him up.

He’s so stupid also I love the dramatic colors and patterns they do in certain frames its so good

Anyway Joseph is teaming up with a cyborg nazi which I guess is supposed to be cool but...Eh

this scene cracked me up they don’t even pay any attention to this sexist dumbass vampire.

Joseph: listen i killed a one of you guys who was a disembodied brain you ain’t shit also have i mentioned I’m watching the dub and the overdramatic accents are killing me

And speaking of KILLING ME

WHY CESAR WHY

I should have expected this seeing as how his Grandpa traumatized me :(((((

like grandfather like grandson?

I also gotta say, I appreciate that they let joseph cry and be dramatic over his death. I almost think it works better because the whole show is so dramatic, like everything is very genuine? The laughs are ridiculous, the violence is extreme, and the deaths are TRAGIC and treated as stuff.

*sniff....cesar...*

I almost cried honestly I was not expecting that at all I think i’m going to have trouble with this series since apparently ANYONE CAN DIE I was only relaxing about joseph not doing a grandpa jojo and dying because I knew he was the old dude in stardust crusaders...

Anyway I totally called lisa lisa’s connection to joseph after this and I gotta say my man speedwagon looking fine ~~wearing zepelli’s old hat i’m crying again~~ I’m so glad Joseph had a surrogate dad to look up to after his parents died

skipping a lot but I loved Whammo’s and Joseph’s Extreme Ben Hur Chariot Race, especially when Whammu ( i’m not looking up his real name sorry) just picked up the pillar itself as his weapon instead of the spear. Classic.

AND I WAS SAD WHEN WAMMO DIED BUT NOT AS SAD AS I WAS WITH CESAR

why did u have to be all noble warrior U IDIOT

the good news is Cars 2(tm) is scum and a COWARD so I don’t feel bad about hating him

And Lisa Lisa is COOL and I wished she had a fair chance with him so she could have KICKED HIS ASS

*that outfit makes no sense*

I gotta admit i’m a bit disappointed in how lisa lisa is treated but I also know it was fair for the time the manga was written and she broke molds when it came out probably I just wished she could have been in more actual fights

but I do love her to death

Also Cars 2 being an animal lover was interesting at first but making your mutant hand turn into a squirrel, then having that squirrel come and nuzzle you in the middle of battle? Iconic.

*why*

also excellent news my lads my man is back and handsome and smart as ever

Also I’m screaming at how this keeps going from creepy to weird. You’re a fish now, cars 2? You turned your body into pirhannas, and wings, and then literal magma resisting shell or whatever? Okay?

This series is really all about speedwagon getting the shit kicked out of him by yet ANOTHER vampire, who was an old friend who later adopted the girl who married the son of speedwagon’s best friend who ALSO died, and then said vampire getting killed by their son who then goes to rescue speedwagon in the most dangerous possible way and then trying to get himself killed repeatedly like a dumbass. Think of your adoptive dad, joseph, please, he’s old, he can’t take much more of this

*SOBS*

*JOSEPH THINK OF YOUR DADS*

honestly I was more excited to see Kars (okay i’ll spell his name right fine if that is right idk) die than I was to see dio “die”. At least at first.

*”HE WISHED FOR DEATH BUT THERE WAS NOTHING OUT THERE TO KILL HIM*”

Me:

Anyway I wish I could say I can’t believe Joseph crashes his own funeral...without realizing...He just thought it was some other dude’s funeral and that it would be appropriate to show up and act the clown...what a dumbass...

He and susie q are both morosexuals and i’m glad they found each other

And then everyone lived happily ever after and Granny Erina finally passes on surrounded by loving family and smokey is mayor

and my man...dies....*sob*

I knew it was coming and i’m glad he didn’t like get decapitated and turned into frogs in the middle of battle but i’m still SAD

Anyway this series has been very fun, future posts like this will be a lot more condensed hehe

Joseph Your Dad Speedwagon Did Not Raise You To Be A Racist Stop That Right Now

excited to meet the boy I was referring to as the “real jojo” since he’s the one I saw most pictures of before I started watching

that’s it for now!

#jjba #jojo's bizzare adventure #jjba part 2 #jjba battle tendency #i cry every time i think about speedwagon just because i love him so much

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jedimaesteryoda · 5 years

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Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

I am going to talk about my favorite Batman film of all time, and some have even argued it to be the best Batman film out there. This Batman movie showed what many DC fans agree to be the best Joker and one of the best Batman performances. It has an excellent story that draws the viewer in, and a great film score courtesy of Shirley Walker. No, I am not talking about Nolan’s The Dark Knight, or even Tim Burton’s Batman, as great as those films were. I am talking about Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. It’s a direct-to-video film based on Batman: the Animated Series, the first show of the DC Animated Universe that to this day is acclaimed by critics and fans alike. It came out the same year as Schumacher’s Batman Forever, yet didn’t get as much attention due to not just being overshadowed by the live-action film, but lack of advertising on the part of Warner Bros. Of course, a number of critics agree that between the two films, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was arguably the superior film. Bat nipples aside, what made the Mask of the Phantasm superior to Forever in some ways was the story, the love interest and of course, the way Batman was portrayed.

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD:

If you haven’t seen it yet, I advise you see it first before you read this essay. If you choose to read ahead anyway, and don’t plan on seeing the film then that’s a shame. Seriously, just watch the film, and I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

Plot

A shadowy figure appears going around murdering mob: the Phantasm. Batman is mistaken as the culprit, and is trying to figure out who this mysterious figure is, and the connection to the murders. The Phantasm isn’t the only arrival, so is Andrea Beaumont, an old flame from Bruce’s past. We get to see glimpses of their relationship in flashbacks, and learn that Bruce once had a chance at a normal life. And of course, it wouldn’t be a classic Batman film without the Joker, who is also drawn into the story in a way that works.

One thing you will notice about the plot that separates it from most Batman films and every live-action film is that it is a detective story. We never get to see him solve a mystery on-screen, or rather solve a mystery the audience doesn’t already know the answer to. We so often associate Batman with his sobriquet “The Dark Knight” to the point that it is in the title of two Batman films, and often forget his other sobriquet, “the World’s Greatest Detective,” even though his character was first introduced in the DC series, Detective Comics.

Batman’s story is also straight out of noir: organized crime, corrupt politicians who deal with them and the protagonist being a single man, usually a detective, who is psychologically wounded and might appear morally ambiguous or compromised, but generally adheres to his own personal code of ethics.

Setting and Tone

The setting comes straight out of the original comics with the style being late 1940s from the cars and clothes to the Tommy guns. In contrast to a lot of Batman films, you see actual blood from the wounds as well as teeth getting knocked out, which helps to convey a better feeling of the violence. The animation used is what the producers called “Dark Deco,” Art Deco combined with noir imagery. It helps to give the film a dark atmosphere not seen in a few of the live-action films (Nolan’s), and while I’m not saying dark = better, as Snyder proved that with his Superman films, it works perfectly with a dark character like Batman. There is a tragic, melancholy tone to the whole film with the exception of the flashbacks. The dark overtone of the present scenes contrast nicely with the much brighter and more colorful past scenes of a young Bruce and Andrea’s blossoming relationship, giving the past scenes a nostalgic feel and reflecting a happier time in Bruce Wayne’s life. It only helps to emphasize the tragedy of the couple’s story.

Characters and Acting

Bruce Wayne/Batman

Kevin Conroy, himself a Shakespearean actor, does an excellent job as the voice of Bruce Wayne/Batman. He manages to convey different sides of the character from the dark, tough Batman to the friendly Bruce Wayne seen at social events and the more vulnerable, younger Bruce Wayne in the flashbacks. I remember seeing him live at New York Comic Con 2018 for a panel promoting the Blu-ray The New Batman Adventures; he said regarding the character: “Batman is his true identity, and Bruce Wayne is the performance.” Batman’s serious, commanding voice is present when he is wearing the mask or unmasked with Alfred, his most trusted confidant, but changes when he’s in public as Bruce Wayne with a more warm, friendly tone. This is opposed to Christian Bale’s Batman who used his Batman voice only when in the suit, and otherwise, used his Bruce Wayne voice, even with Alfred present.

We get the Batman we expect with his first scene being knocking a mob meeting, and beating up the mobsters. Likewise, we first see Bruce Wayne (excluding when he’s in the Batcave with his costume off) hosting a black tie party at Wayne Manor surrounded by a group of female admirers as well as a young, pre-Batman Bruce Wayne in the flashbacks. William Faulkner in his Nobel Prize speech said that there is nothing worth writing about more than the heart in conflict with itself, and we see this with Bruce Wayne’s dilemma between becoming Batman and wanting a normal life. This helps to give a kind of complexity to the character, and shows the personal sacrifices that came with being Batman.

Andrea Beaumont

Dana Delany is good as Andrea Beaumont. Andrea is Bruce’s ex-girlfriend, and practically the only person he ever had a chance of a future with. She managed to pull Bruce out of his dark solitude, and provide him a kind of happiness that likely had been missing in his life since his parents died. She also is a femme fatale straight out of a hardboiled detective fiction novel: intelligent, beautiful and harboring dark secrets. However, to the filmmakers’ credit, Andrea wasn’t a one note character, as in just a manic pixie dream girl who teaches a broodingly soulful young man to embrace life, a femme fatale out to fulfill her personal ambitions, or even a passive damsel in distress who always needs saving by her hero, but a layered character with agency.

Joker

Mark Hamill is legendary for being the voice of the Joker, and he is consistently rated by fans as the best Joker. They borrow from Jack Nicholson’s Joker, and Hamill’s experience in the play Amadeus was incorporated into the Joker’s laugh, which he made into a song. This adaptation of the Joker fits the sobriquet of “the Clown Prince of Crime,” with a flower on his suit that squirts acid, and a laugh combined with his unsettling smile that manages to be chilling. On the surface, he has the friendly, funny demeanor one would expect from a clown, but you also get the sense that beneath that lies the heart of a nihilistic, murderous psychopath. He manages to be both funny and terrifying, the ultimate scary clown.

Alfred Pennyworth

Clive Revill does a decent job as the usually dry, proper Alfred Pennyworth. Alfred is the stoic British butler with a stiff upper lip, not without his own dry sense of humor (“What rot, sir! Why, you're the very model of sanity. Oh, by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls”) except for two moments in this film. The first moment is when he sees Bruce don the cowl for the first time, and one sees the horror on Alfred’s face. The second is at the end when to comfort Bruce, Alfred drops the whole butler schtick for a moment calling him not his usual “Master Wayne” but “Bruce” to connect with him on a more personal level, and speak to the boy he knew. Giving him emotional support during his time of sorrow in that scene demonstrates how much Alfred is a father figure to Bruce.

Arthur Reeves

I know this is just a minor character, but Hart Bochner also does an excellent job as City Councilman Arthur Reeves. Just by listening to his voice, you can feel this guy practically oozing a sleazy politician. Reeves calls for a special police force to capture Batman after the murders, and you can tell how much of an opportunistic, vain man he is. He also plays a quiet, minor role in Andrea’s story.

The Promise vs Falling in Love: The Tragedy of Batman

Through flashbacks, we follow a young Bruce Wayne becoming Batman alongside pursuing a relationship with Andrea. You see his future hinted in the background whenever he is with her, with wishes of optimism and hope waiting to be crushed by an inevitable dark fate. Bruce meets Andrea at the cemetery as he was visiting his parents’ grave while Andrea was visiting her mother’s grave, and yes, that’s the most Batman way of a first meeting. We see his first attempt at crimefighting when he stops a robbery, and he wears just all black with a ski mask. He stops the robbery, but he mentions afterwards that the issue was the thieves didn’t fear him when they saw him. Andrea arrives just right after he mentions that. They have some playfighting, and surprisingly, he laughs, and they share their first kiss. He also sees the precursor for the Batmobile on their date, and bats appear from what would become the Batcave right after he proposes to her.

It all comes to a head while on their date at a theme park, Bruce tries and fails to stop some bikers from robbing a man. He is later in his manor trying to design a costume for his superhero persona, and talks to Alfred about his internal conflict over his promise to become Batman alongside wanting a future with Andrea. Conflicted and confused, he goes to his parents’ grave.

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Now, what this film does a great job doing is displaying Batman’s dark psyche. Look at all the Batman films, and Bruce Wayne’s decision to become Batman is treated as a reasonable decision with Bruce in Batman Begins saying “People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy. I can’t do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I’m flesh and blood. I can be ignored, destroyed. But as a symbol . . . as a symbol I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting . . . Something elemental, something terrifying.” He becomes Batman to become a symbol that could do things he couldn’t do as Bruce Wayne, and motivate the people of Gotham into taking action against the corruption and crime of the city. Compare that to Bruce Wayne’s decision to become Batman in Mask of the Phantasm in this scene.

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Bruce Wayne is at his parents’ grave, begging for a way out of his promise to be a crime fighter, and apologizing for falling in love and wanting happiness. He is losing a reasonable argument to the dead over a promise they never agreed to, and as any person would have told him, would have wanted him to be happy and be with the person he loves. His decision to become Batman isn’t portrayed as a healthy, rational decision at all, but a delusion. It isn’t largely driven by a personal desire to motivate the citizens of Gotham into combatting the problems of the city, but by childhood trauma and an obsession with vengeance for the deaths of his parents. For all of Nolan’s attempts to make his Batman as realistic as possible as opposed to the Mask of the Phantasm of the DCAU going for the more comic book feel, Mask of the Phantasm’s portrayal of the man who chose to don the cowl is, in my opinion, more realistic than anything we’ve seen in any Batman film.

It makes it all the more tragic as his words “It just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore” show that his relationship with Andrea managed to provide a way for him to finally move on from his parents’ deaths. In their final scene together in their past relationship, we see Bruce finally propose to her, leaving behind his decision to become a vigilante crime fighter, and instead choosing a chance at happiness. Sadly, he gets the ring back the next day with a note telling him that she rescinded his proposal and he should forget about her.

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This is one of my favorite scenes. Batman first donning the mask combined with great musical direction by the late Shirley Walker captures both how epic and how tragic this scene is. It is epic seeing him put on the mask for the first time, and see only Batman’s eyes as he gives the famous Bat-glare, something that hasn’t been able to be replicated on live-action films. However, as scriptwriter for the film Michael Reeves stated: “When Bruce puts on the mask for the first time, and Alfred says 'My God!' he's reacting in horror, because he's watching this man he's helped raise from childhood, this man who has let the desire for vengeance and retribution consume his life, at last embrace the unspeakable." Alfred sees the Bruce Wayne he knew is gone, replaced by Batman. Bruce donning the mask isn’t portrayed as a happy event that the story had built up excitement for, but a tragic one as Bruce, having lost his one chance at happiness, sees becoming Batman as the only thing left for him.

The Ending (MAJOR SPOILERS):

The Phantasm is unmasked, and revealed to be Andrea. She comes to the theme park to kill the last of Valestra’s old gang, Jack Napier AKA the Joker. Unmasked Andrea and Batman, whom she figured out is Bruce earlier on, are at the theme park where they had their date in a flashback. The park was named “World of the Future,” and it symbolized the bright and hopeful promised future Bruce had with Andrea. Now, it was abandoned, dark and decrepit, occupied only by the Joker, Valestra’s ex-hitman who killed Andrea’s father. It represented not just the state of Bruce and Andrea’s relationship, but the people they had become. Andrea’s story by the end is revealed to be so much similar to Bruce’s. She is motivated by the murder of a parent, lost out on a chance for happiness and with seemingly nothing left, donned a dark visage to carve out a path of vengeance. (These two are perfect for each other.) As opposed to fighting criminals and super-villains to defend Gotham’s citizens, she decides to murder all the mobsters involved in her father’s murder. Her path is more vengeful, and shows what Batman could have become were it nor for his own code. The park is later destroyed by the bombs the Joker placed around it, symbolizing the end of their relationship, as it is the last time Batman sees her (on-screen at least) with her final words being “Goodbye, my love.” Andrea is later on a cruise ship, and when asked if she wants to be alone, replies sadly: “I am.” Batman in the final scene is standing on a skyscraper looking up at the sky with the Bat signal, and just fires a grappling hook as his mission goes on with his life unchanging. These two people who are practically made for each other are destined by fate to never be together, but spend the rest of their lives apart and alone.

As is typical in noir fiction, the story ends in a lose-lose situation for the protagonist. Every other Batman film ends on a happy note, or at least with some optimism with the most pessimistic ending being The Dark Knight with Batman taking the blame for Dent’s murders and Dent’s death himself, and Rachel is dead after deciding to choose Dent over Bruce, but he at least won some victory as he stopped the Joker, and achieved his aim of preventing Dent’s case from being dismissed and the mob being set free. In Mask of the Phantasm, one doesn’t get the feeling that Batman won anything: no criminals were put away, and no overarching goal was achieved with even the unmasking of the Phantasm not feeling like a win. The only thing that could be seen as a victory is Andrea ending her quest for vengeance, but Bruce is still left heartbroken. The real tragedy of Batman is the price he pays to be him, his personal life is unchanging and he is never able to enjoy any peace or anything resembling a healthy, normal life.

MOTP manages to be everything I think a Batman film should be: dark, action-packed, intelligent, entertaining and surprisingly, emotional. This will always be my top recommendation for a Batman film.

#batman #dc comics #batman the animated series #bruce wayne #joker #mark hamill #kevin conroy #bruce timm #dcau #dc animated series #dc animation #dc animated movies

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immortal-imagines · 6 years

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The Lucky Boomerang - Part 10

Summary: It was widely known that Captain Boomerang didn’t work well with others; a true statement, until one particular accomplice caught his attention. His decision to spare her caused the pair to become deadly. They were nearly as famous as the Clown couple themselves. Renowned for her easy escapes and incredible stealth, Lady Luck was an appropriate partner for the Aussie bank robber. Their luck changes when a certain metahuman brings them both to Belle Reve Penitentiary and they are forced into joining Task Force X. (Side note: In this imagine, Boomerang is at Belle Reve)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 11

(Captain Boomerang x Reader)

Warnings: Mild swearing

Word Count: 1,391

A/N: Finally! A new chapter! I’m so sorry this has taken so long! Hope you enjoy!

Harley immediately assumed the position of bar maid. She ran her fingers across the bottles, eyes wide in wonder. It had been a while. “What you havin’, KC?” She called over to the scaled man in the corner of the room.

“Beer,” He muttered.

Boomer chuckled. “There you go. Get the man a beer.” He already had his can. (Y/N) was perched on a bar stool next to him. She glanced around the bar at the other criminals. She didn’t have a family, or a proper place to call home. This was as close to a family as she could get. Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.

“(Y/N)?” Harley interrupted Lady’s thoughts. “What can I get ya?” She flashed her new best friend a dazzling grin. It amazed (Y/N) that after all Harley had been through, she could still act like everything was okay. She’d just lost the love of her life, her puddin’. Yet, here she was, serving drinks like nothing was wrong.

“Shots?” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at her friend and smirked.

“Now that is a fantastic idea!” Harley seemed thrilled and set out six shot glasses. She poured a generous amount of vodka into each. She didn’t wait for (Y/N). She just knocked all six back, one after another. “You want shots too?” She laughed, before refilling the glasses and sliding them over to (Y/N).

There was a noticeable look of pride on Boomerang’s face, when he watched the shots in front of Lady vanish at an impressive speed. Harley noticed the way he looked at Lady. Her stomach flipped. Before she could dwell too much, she took the vodka bottle and had a long swig.

“So,” Harley turned her attention to the couple. “There’s somethin’ I wanna know.”

“What’s that, doll?” Boomerang asked.

“How did you guys meet?”

Flashback:

Digger was smart enough to hide his cash in his large coat. He wanted to treat the girl, without ending up in jail. She settled on the stool next to him, arching her back as she leaned her elbows on the bar. Her long (Y/H/C) hair rested on her shoulders, free of the ponytail. Boomerang was stunned into silence, something that was very rare.

“Are you going to buy me a drink, or not?” She broke the silence and offered him a cheeky grin.

“What would you like, Lady?” He shot her a tiny wink with the last word.

“Surprise me.” Her voice was teasing. Every word invited him in. Her (Y/E/C) eyes glinting in the low light of the bar.

It was one of those places that had a perfect balance of vintage and tacky. There was a jukebox in the corner, quietly singing ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’. A couple of slot machines lined the back wall. The lighting was dim and the slightly battered booths housed a few tired, tipsy business men. The man behind the bar seemed equally as tired and uninterested. Not exactly the perfect first date. Neither criminal seemed to mind.

Boomerang called the bartender over, who looked like it took a lot of effort to walk those few feet over. “Two pints of whatever your best beer is.” He slid a $20 note over the counter. “Keep the change.”

“Cheers,” the bartender replied, his expression never changing and his voice entirely monotone. He returned with the beers moments later, then returned to the other side of the bar to play on his phone.

(Y/N) scoffed. “Service with a smile, eh?”

Boomerang chuckled.

“So, beer is your poison?” Her red lips formed each word perfectly, if that was even possible. Well, it was perfect to Digger.

“I’m an Aussie. I’d be a traitor if I didn’t.”

She smiled.

“How about you? You like beer, sweetheart?”

“Love it. The stars have aligned tonight I think.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think I’m gonna stick around for a while,” (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed and she looked down. “If that’s okay with you?”

“You fancy bein’ my partner in crime then, Lady?”

(Y/N) looked up and was met with Boomerang’s hopeful gaze. There was a pause, as they both just stared at each other. It was one of those moments in cheesy romance movies. It was a moment Digger never thought he’d find himself in. All he needed was her to give him a signal. A signal she wanted to work with him, and maybe something more. She nodded.

“I’d love nothing more.”

Present Day:

Harley turned away from the group. She pretended to get another bottle, when really, she wanted to wipe away a tear that had made its way down her cheek. She loved (Y/N) and Boomer. She was happy for them. She enjoyed listening to their first date and some of the events that followed, but it was difficult considering all that she had just lost.

“You took your girl to some sleazy bar on your first date? That’s cheap, man,” Diablo chuckled.

“Hey!” Boomer mocked offense. “We had just robbed a bank!”

“Allegedly robbed a bank,” (Y/N) cut in.

“We had just allegedly robbed a bank. We needed to lay low.”

“And I loved it anyway.” (Y/N) took Boomer’s hand in hers and squeezed it. She planted a quick kiss on his lips. It felt so good to be able to do that. They’d gone so long without. It was strange to hold him and kiss him, with very few limitations. Boomer grinned, flashing his gold tooth. Although he’d never admit it, butterflies erupted in his stomach when Lady kissed him. It was like when they first met all over again.

Harley turned back around, her eyes a little watery. Deadshot noticed. He decided to change the subject. He raised his glass of whiskey. “Here’s to honour among thieves.”

“I’m not a thief,” came Katana’s cold reply. (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

“Oh, she’s not a thief,” Deadshot sarcastically whispered. Harley clinked her cocktail with Digger’s beer can. (Y/N) nudged his side, gesturing to the empty shot glasses in front of her. Digger reached into his coat and produced another beer can. (Y/N) took it, whispering her thanks and pecking his cheek.

“Well, we almost pulled it off. Despite what everybody thought.” Deadshot’s voice was tinged with a hint of disappointment.

“We weren’t picked to succeed. You know that, right?” Diablo, who had remained silent up until that point, spoke. There was a look of anger on his face/. His fists were clenched. “We were all chosen to fail.”

“Wow, way to be optimistic, buddy,” Boomer said, dryly.

“Worst part of it is, they’re gonna blame us for the whole thing,” Deadshot said. The whole room nodded in agreement. “Don’t forget, we’re the bad guys.”

“Ugh, I hate that term,” (Y/N) sighed. “Why can’t we be the heroes for once? We’re the ones putting our lives on the line. I don’t see the Bat or Sparky doing that.”

“So, are you gonna tell us what your big deal with Flag was?” Harley waved her hands in the air, in mock jazz hands. Her question was directed to Deadshot.

“Same thing Waller offered me to kill you. The chance to be a father.” Everyone knew he meant it. His daughter meant more to him than anything. It was the same way Harley felt about the Joker, (Y/N) felt about Boomer and Diablo had once felt about his family. They would do anything for them. As he spoke, (Y/N) wondered what it would be like to be a parent. Harley was thinking the same thing. She had come so close once, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Diablo slammed his fist on the bar. “You played yourself, homie.”

Deadshot laughed. “Bitch, I’m having a drink. I’m breathing fresh air. For two sweet seconds, I had hope.”

“How many people have you killed? You ever wacked down no women? Kids?”

“You don’t ask a person a question like that. I don’t do women and children.”

“I do.”

The whole room went still at Diablo’s words.

“See I was born with the devil’s gift.” As Diablo told the story of his family and their tragic ending, everyone listened. There wasn’t a single sound. At that moment, they felt like a team. A unit. They supported each other. This is what family feels like, (Y/N) thought to herself. You listen together. You cry together. You’re there for each other.

Tag List: @a-girl-who-loves-disney, @thranduilxlegolasx, @squireboredom, @tokentransboy, @taz-t-mary, @bookchic20, @sporadichologramblizzard-ed17414

#Captain Boomerang #captain boomerang imagine #captain boomerang x reader #Suicide Squad #suicide squad imagine #jai courtney imagine #jai courtney #diablo #deadshot #harley quinn #joker #rick flag

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whoisjinhwan · 7 years

Text

100 reasons to love yuta

that smile™

did i mention he invented smiling??? Amazing

his PERFECT smile its by far the best smile ive EVER seen in my life. not to be dramatic but yutas smile has cured any sickness i have ever head and have yet to have not to be dramatic but every time i see yuta smile and get that twinkle in his eye my heart grows three times in size not to be dra

his boldness. hes very straightforward its so refreshing

the way his eyes get so wide when hes surprised or enthusiastic im SOFT

HIS BEAUTIFUL BIG CHOCOLATE BROWN CAT LIKE EYES !

his lips i… gtg. theyre perfectly heart shaped

his insane versatility. give him a fuckign Clown Concept complete with hair and makeup, he’ll pull it off. no printer just fax

hes so witty despite not being 100% fluent in korean its amazing bc these comments just roll off his tongue

his charisma…. God Tier. he puts it out there that hes That guy

he moved to korea from japan and learned korean so fast that he gave taeil an identity crisis wow

yuta saying OKAY OKAY all the time thats the Nakamotto™

all (2) of his lines in firetruck

his hair is so luscious if sm ever tries to cut it i will personally Go Off

how does he look so good in yellow?????? he really did That

middle part!yuta

his medium/high pitched speaking voice? yes

HIS SINGING. his voice is so soft and sweet what an angel. i always have to prepare myself before his parts in songs so that i dont get a stroke bc his voice flows like liquid gold its so entrancing and addicting that got long and gross really fast in conclusion : give him more lines!!!!!!!!!

cherry bomb yuta focus ver. truly a smash hit legend deal with it

hes so dual hes like the human embodiment of sin but hes so GOOD. honestly how does he do That

the way he loves skinship it KILLS ME hes always holding someones hand, has his arm around their shoulder, etc.

hes highkey a sweetheart have u seen the way he takes care of his members?? how hes always right there next to them, comforting them, just overall being super sensitive

how he acts with the younger members

his friendship with hansol

taeyong said he makes all the other members feel confident :)))

yuta saying “good job” and praising winwin 25/8

accidentally holding taeils hand

when ice cream was found yuta gave winwin the first bite

yuta ft sword protecting taeyong while he barbecues

cooking assistant!yuta

how hard he tries to include all the members during interviews

hes so precious he named winwin winko im ugly sobbing

SAVAGE YUTA!!! yuta doesnt fuck around he knows whats up this boi rlly roasted his own company for not giving him enough lines King Of Being Petty he roasts better than this oven im about to stuff myself into

his love for his heritage. he always mentions japan in his interviews like “im from japan, can I speak japanese, back in osaka…”

nct life in osaka : tourguide!yuta wandering around his hometown with his members having the time of his life made me softer than it needed to

the famous takoyaki prank #fail it was tragic

yuta tightly holding taeyongs hand in the haunted house? cute !!

yuta trying to wink but actually just…. blinking? cute!!

yutas love for ferris wheels? cute !!

THAT cherry blossom pic. call moma i think theyre missing a masterpiece

i could listen to him speak japanese all day amsr whomst???

hes such a tease like its not an nct video unless yuta tries to flirt with the camera

@stylists stop giving him jackets!!! he doesnt WANT them

his rap in open the door, a religious experience

he grinded on a minion i think about this every single one of my waking hours How To Bleach Your Eyes

he has chicken breasts in his backpack?? what a frekkin weirdo…..

“we dont speak, thats alright” + that ONE HAND MOVE in 0 mile

his accent when he speaks english

his cute way of saying words he doesnt know how to pronounce

hes always given the hardest parts in choreo like the lifting parts in firetruck and he does it well even when hes hurt :((((

he way he talks. he has so many opinions like when he was on abnormal summit every time he spoke it was iconic, we love a woke king hes just. so Good With Words

he admires his dad more than anything in the world

his gaze/stare ohohohohoohoho my gosh!!!!!

this ?? boy ?? really ?? signed with sm as a vocalist, trained as a rapper, and now has the role of a dancer in nct 127? what is this talent, is he like… real?

his LAUGH! the way his shoulders rise and his eyes turn into crescents… wow

his airport fashion! looks after looks after looks after looks af

he is the single most Extra person ive ever seen with my own two eyes

that one time on nct life in paju when they were playing soccer and he… PUT THE BALL INSIDE HIS SHIRT TO SNEAK A GOAL??? i think abt this a lot

cant whistle for shit

he once said he doesnt smile in airport pics bc he wants to look cool?????????? a Whole Scorpio

clumsy!yuta opening a fridge and dropping a jar of spam on his foot

calling taeyong tsundere

“healing smile but I can do killing too”

“i dont cook but im a good cook”

cooking!yuta being confident that hes first place but then being eliminated

his cover of touch my body by sistar. Legendary

he played soccer for 11 years so he can singlehandedly murder everyone when it comes to sports its so Sexci

bUT he doesnt have the strength to do winwins morning exercises

he literally said his favorite destinations are rest stops because he can eat and relax

yuta in haarpers bazaar ended every other model on earth thats the Tea

when he wore that shirt with barack obama on it… thats Woke

his skin!!!!!!! always got that Glo. anastasia who??? becca whom?

he needs to wear muscle tees forever bc a r m s, im crying, can you hear my tears

YUTAS HANDS !!!!!!!! YUTA WITH HANDS!!!!!!!!! YUTA WITH VEINY HANDS!!!!!!!!!! THE HANDS OF YUTA

his fanservice he! really called us princesses and is always throwing up hearts this is an attack!

slytherin!yuta with a milk mustache in universal studios

supreme anime connoisseur

his drawing vs haechans drawing??

hes Highkey gay for winwin

mountain man? manly man? Who Know

forgot his own groups name???? New Culture Technology headass….

when he wears earbuds at the airport and looks like hes in a kdrama like what is he listening to? asking the Real Questions

yuta + lemon, a Tragedy

skater!yuta

yuta playing ping pong in nct life and getting super hyped up for no reason at all

when he runs his fingers thru his hair. gravity? idk her.

his favorite accessories are earrings and he always wears the ones his fans gift him

all his reactions are a1 wow, god of cute expressions

yuta eating happily makes my heart so full like do you see those cheeeeks!!!!

cherry bomb era… hes really a whole meal i am well FED

HEADBAND!YUTA

his shoulders = yes

the way he gets so nervous when he has to give a speech in tokyo dialect bc hes from osaka

if he were to be reborn he said hed want to be a woman my heart is BURSTING

he gives good advice. i love how he turns his own experiences into life lessons i love my Wise Boyfriend

“what kind of food is not important, who youre eating with is important”

people give yuta so much shit bc of his chin but i love how confident he is with himself. “you guys saw my teasers right? i was sexy wasnt i?” “i dont look for the camera, the camera looks for me” its so heartwarming bc hes That guy and he k n o w s

he said his ideal type is someone who knows the word “pain” like hes so much more than the smiley playful persona he has on camera if u dont think that super scorpio hides a shit ton of feelings and insecurities get off my lawn

hardworking!! hes improved so much as a dancer and hes always trying his best to make ncts broadcasts entertaining it makes my heart blush i LOVE him

he, nakamoto yuta, the light of my whole life, exists. hes Out There, living. i love being blessed everyday imagine not loving yuta thats :/ not relatable

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theherothechampiontheinquisitor · 7 years

Text

Undercover Boss - Chapter 1

That’s right it’s the Undercover Boss Rumbelle AU that no one asked for! Except me...and @anonymousnerdgirl ... and I think someone else too...Okay the AU that SOME asked for.

Shout out to my lovely Beta @shipperqueen93

Summary: Undercover Boss Rumbelle AU: Life was great for, Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack, CEO Aiden Gold. At least until he finds himself roped into a reality show where bosses go undercover in their own companies to find out how their businesses are really being run. Gold nearly gives up when he is paired with a young Manager named Belle who teaches him what's really important in life and work.

Read it on AO3 or FFN

Chapter 1/3

If there was one thing that Mr. Gold hated more than normal social interaction then it had to be forced social interaction on a reality television program. Oddly specific he knew, but given his current situation it was understandable.

Wearily, he pulled the hotel room key from his wallet and frustratingly had to insert the key three times before the damn green light would come on and grant him entry. He trudged inside the darkened three star quality hotel room with a great sigh and quickly peeled off the hot wig from his head and threw it onto the bathroom counter as he passed by. It was part of his contract with the show that he not remove any of his altered costume or break character until he was back in the hotel room for the evening, lest he be spotted. Spotted by who or what he had no fucking idea, but he believed that the producers delighted in making this as antagonistic as possible for him.

He ran a hand through his short sweat filled strands as he collapsed backwards onto his bed. He could deal with the beard that he had had to grow out, he had the odd one from time to time throughout his life but the low quality, polyester monstrosity was another thing. It was hot and itchy and he looked fucking ridiculous. When he had first been presented to his 17 year old son in his new transformation, Neal had laughed hysterically and questioned why he had roadkill on his head.

The glasses he wore were actually his own. He didn’t need them all the time but they were particularly useful reading the fine print of his dealings. He pulled those off and folded them, gently tossing them on the nightstand. Gold pinched the bridge of his nose where the glasses left their mark and gently massaged the area. A headache would be coming, he knew, as it had every night since he’d been forced onto this television show.

It all started several months back when his Public Relations Manager, Ursula Finn, had come to him with a proposition. A popular reality show, Bosses Undercover, had approached them to appear on the show. A higher up from their corporate ladder would go undercover in their chain of restaurants, Mr. Cluck’s Chicken Shack, and work with their everyday employees to gain insight into the front lines of the business. Both she and the Chief Talent Officer, Ella Deville, thought it was a brilliant idea, and a great way to increase their public image and moral.

Gold didn’t think it could hurt. He had been with the company for around 7 years now, and though their numbers were generally good and they were consistently named one of the top chicken joints in the US, he knew there was always room for improvement. It wasn’t until after he’d already signed off on the venture, (he’d left his glasses at home that day), that he realized that he would in fact be the boss going undercover.

“Well, it couldn’t be either of us, darling,” Ella had drolled, leaning back against his desk. “We are the beautiful faces of the company. We visit the stores on occasion. Too many people know us and see us.”

“You on the other hand,” Ursula picked up, “You are a virtual ghost. You’ve been here forever but aside from us and the people on this floor, I don’t think anyone even knows what you look like. You’re more recognizable by your signature in the monthly memos than visually,” she laughed and Ella nodded in agreement.

Gold had groaned realizing that there was no way out. This was one deal he made that he truly hadn’t understood. The women carried on laughing at his misery and thinking up all of the terrible jobs that he would be forced to do and worse yet, the horrible disguises they could come up with.

“You know...they’ll probably make you wear…” Ursula paused, a glint of laughter in her eyes. She leaned closer into Gold and whispered, “Jeans!”

“Ohhhhhh perish the thought!!!” Ella exclaimed, clutching at her heart and throwing herself back across Gold’s desk knocking off several items and howling in laughter.

Gold internally cringed. The thought of dressing down almost more terrifying than the fact he’d been stupid enough to sign off on something without reading the fine print. Ursula and Ella may be his only friends but he had seriously began thinking of all the different places he could hide their bodies.

His phone buzzed gently in his pocket and he groaned just knowing instinctively who it would be. He ignored it deliberately, not ready to go down that avenue yet. The day had already been too fucking long.

The filming that was done that day had been the most humiliating of them all. It had started out with a young know it all cashier named Killian Jones being his “trainer” for the day. He spent most of the day patronizing Gold as if he had never operated a cash register before, slowly walking him through every button and its function, going even slower on the self explanatory ones like, “Total.” As if speaking slowly wasn’t bad enough he also would often adapt his tone to speak louder than necessary when answering any of Gold’s questions drawing the attention of everyone around them.

He was less than an hour into filming when he wanted to throttle the man. While Gold ended up doing all the work Killian flashed his smile and batted his eyelashes at every female under 40, striking up conversations and inviting them to see his houseboat on the harbor. Anytime that the line would get backed up Jones would placate the line of customers by reminding them that the elderly needed jobs too and to give Grandad a break.

Gold could only scream internally and question for the millionth time why he had decided to give up smoking. A cigarette or two or three would have taken the edge off that he so delicately teetered on these days.

After the lunch rush, the producers decided that it would now be a good time to film the pair outside of the restaurant. Each episode featured one of these “intimate” scenes where the employee would spill their guts with their tragic background. Many of the people were genuine enough but Gold already had a feeling Jones was far less deserving than the others he had met along the way.

They headed outside to take out the trash with Gold doing the bulk of the work. Jones dragged his feet behind him and offered no assistance with the heavy bags.

Killian Jones was the worst kind of employee and so far nothing that he had said about his past in this “intimate session” made Gold feel anything but disgust for the man. He had after all seen the man in action all morning. He was the type of employee that made the general population look down on the customer service industry. He was the guy that accosted every woman he saw no matter how uneasy she seemed or who was with her. He was the guy that forgot to wash his hands and then handled your food without gloves. The employee that then later was caught sneaking chicken strips off the pass to eat himself or taking a bite and putting it back. Killian Jones was the employee that dropped your food and just picked it back up and served it to you with a smile.

Gold had stopped trying to feign interest until his own real name had been brought up in conversation, and how it was specifically his fault that he had been passed over for a shift leader promotion over the company’s stricter attendance policy. “I miss a couple days without calling or come in an hour late and it’s as if the world has ended.” Gold rolled his eyes and really wanted to tell him that corporate and he especially had no hand in the appointment of individuals for smaller internal positions but he knew that wouldn’t matter.

The ranting was far from over as he rattled on about the company’s core values; integrity, accountability, customer first, enjoying your work and one team one goal; and how unrealistic it was to expect the employees to follow this “code of honor.”

“Gold thinks that we should treat this menial job as some sort of a career instead of the low class slop it is. Take pride in what we do and how we do it. It’s fucking fast food, mate. There’s no pride in this. The guy is just another shit for brains corporate clown. No one’s even ever seen the guys face. Even he isn’t proud of this monstrosity. Why should we be?”

Gold was tempted to relieve the man from his job then and there but that would have meant breaking cover, and as much as he wanted to rip the sweltering wig from his head and dump it in the trash, it would just be a bigger pain in the end.

“Why stay then? If you hate it so much?” Gold had to wonder if it would it be too much to hope that perhaps the man had some redeemable quality in his background. Working to support an ill parent maybe, or to put himself through college?

“Well, mate, between you and I, I’m only working here for awhile longer. I have a band on the side. Perhaps you have heard of us. Hook and the Jolly Rogers?” he questioned with the self importance only youth could bring. Gold just quirked a brow and kept his face impassive.

After a moment Jones growled and finished his thoughts.“Well, I suppose I can’t expect the leader of the geriatric society to know anything about music, but we’re this close to signing a deal with Midas records. When we do I’ll burn this place to the ground. Til’ then though, this place is just a means to an end. I take some buckets of chicken with me, maybe pull in some off the record tips for my services rendered and call it a day.”

Gold focused on one of the garbage bags still between them, processing all the information this idiot had not only told him but the camera crews as well and felt a smile quirk over his lips. The reveal show could not come soon enough.

“Did you say Midas Records? As in Stefan Midas?” Gold asked, lifting the bag up and tossing it into the open dumpster.

Jones eyed him warily. “Yes,” he spoke softly drawing out the word. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason. My son and I are fans of some of their artists. You see in between my early dinners and naps at the retirement home, they sometimes let me out for recreational activities like concerts and such. I was just having a hard time imagining Midas and company willing to diminish the quality of their content and reputation with some petty thief and his rag tag gang.”

To Jones credit he took Gold’s comments without much much of an outward reaction. His eyes registered the insult but he just smiled back at Gold with his bright, bleached teeth, a predatory edge in the corner of his grin.

“Here, mate, let me help you with that last bag,” he said reaching for the large trash bag in Golds hand. Before Gold could decline he pulled a small pocket knife from his trousers and slit a hole in the side of the bag spilling its contents across the pavement. “Whoops, would you look at that? Better get that cleaned up straightaway,” he laughed and dashed back across to the restaurant.

Gold let loose a string of profanities so immense in their detailing that he knew that the scene would have to be heavily edited if not cut all together. The nerve of the bastard. He was still fuming ten minutes later after he had finally gotten all the chicken bones and assorted trash up. He slammed open the back door uncaring of who he startled and made a beeline to Jones, who was chatting up a young looking blonde at the front counter.

“Hey, mate.” Gold bumped into Jones harshly. “Do you have a problem with me? Why don’t you come back outside with me for another little chat and I can tell you exactly how I feel about you and your pathetic little life.” He shoved at Killian’s shoulder again and this time he shoved back but Gold stood his ground. The customers had all began to turn their heads and gather to watch the conflict. The cameramen were practically in the men’s faces, excited to finally catch some action.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, mate. Perhaps you should head on back to the retirement home for your early dinner and a nap. Maybe then you won’t be such a crotchety old man,” Jones hissed back.

Gold would have punched him then and there but they had been broken up by the store manager Sydney Glass. The men were brought back to the office where he spoke to them calmly about how they were improperly representing Mr Cluck’s franchise and lectured them on teamwork and character, using phrases like “One team, one goal.” as he brought up the restaurant's core values. Gold genuinely liked Sydney, he seemed a fair man, but he didn’t appreciate the lecture at all.

“We just simply put cannot have this level of behavior out on the floor in front of customers. Carl,” he addressed Gold and it took a moment for Gold to remember his alias. “I know that we were going to have you working with Killian the rest of the day but under the circumstances I think that it may be best to separate you for the duration. Especially, considering we are due for a corporate visit today.” Sydney folded his hands over his desk and stared at the men like a principal breaking up a schoolyard fight.

“Corporate visit?” Gold questioned, hoping this didn’t mean what he thought it did.

“Yes, we received a call this morning that Ursula Finn and Ella Deville will be making a stop to our store this afternoon. They wanted to see how our team was getting along with this Job Swap show and observe some of the filming. You can see now why this behavior is especially unsavory,” he concluded.

“Of course they’re visiting,” Gold mumbled under his breath.

“I’m sorry?”

“I said of course it’s unsavory, and I apologize.” Gold covered and extended his hand to Sydney. Sydney took it without hesitation and then shook Killian’s too.

“Glad we are back on the same page. Now about the new job we’ll have you do...how tall are you, Mr. Benton?”

Gold’s phone buzzed again in his pocket and he groaned. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

He pulled the phone out and unlocked it with a quick swipe of his finger, the home screen indicating two new messages. One of them was from Neal telling him good night and that he loved him. He quickly responded back with the same and let him know he was sorry he hadn’t called and he’d speak with him in the morning.

The next message was a picture message from Ella and he already knew without opening what it would be. He contemplated deleting it without ever looking but he knew it would drive him crazy if he didn’t verify the monstrosity with his own eyes. With great reluctance, he opened the message was assaulted with the self portrait that Ella and Ursula had taken with him during their “surprise” visit.

They stood on either side of him with biggest grins. He was pretty sure that Ella even had tears in her eyes from her barely contained laughter. Right in the fucking middle was Gold in the yellowest, feathery, and hotter than the sands of hell chicken suit. Sydney’s job had been to spend his remaining time drawing in customers in the sweltering July heat and handing out coupons.

Underneath the photo was a single caption.

Have a cluckity, cluck, cluck night, Aiden!

Gold text back furiously sending nothing but dozens of knife emojiis and Ella responded back immediately with a winky face and a kiss. Gold just sighed and plugged the phone into the charger beside the bed and set his alarm for 545am.

He pulled the yellow uniform shirt over his head and angrily tossed it into the corner as he headed in to take a shower.

“One more day,” he whispered to himself looking in the mirror feeling older than all of his years. One more day of this madness and he’d be free. Well, technically. He still had the reveal show and wrap up but at least then he could finally be himself and not some fool nearly dying of heat stroke on the corner telling all the people to have a cluckity, cluck, cluck day.

That motto would be the first thing to go, he promised. In fact he was pretty sure it had started as a joke by Ella in the first place before somehow managing its way into their marketing campaign.

He took his time in the shower, washing the smell of chicken, grease and sweat from his body, using copious amounts of soap and body wash to be sure the smell didn’t linger. The inside of the suit had been the worst. He wasn’t sure when the last time was that the thing had been dry cleaned but certainly not in recent memory. It reeked of sweat and body odor, making him gag whenever he breathed in too deeply. The suits would be the second thing to go. No human should have to degrade themselves like that, advertising be damned.

When he was satisfied he no longer smelled like the rotting insides of that yellow suit he got out and dressed for bed. Exhaustion finally took its toll as he collapsed back onto the bed and pulled the covers up, reaching a hand out to switch off the bedside light.

The next day would be easier. At least he didn’t have to make a mad dash for a red eye across the country again. This time he’d be working at one of the company’s top stores just on the other side of the city. The work would be in management and his task was to work with the store manager to get an idea of what they were doing differently from their lower performing stores. What was the manager’s name? Something French he thought? He was too exhausted to remember as sleep slowly began to claim his weary mind, thoughts of dancing yellow chickens, fueling his nightmares.

#rumbelle fic #rumbelle #rumbelle fanfic #rumbelle fanfiction #UB1

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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Humor [HM] Fantasy [FN] Chapter 3 - Bards, Shrooms, and Zombies Cadorna Keep - A Dnd GameLit

One of the two great doors of the gateway hung broken and tired at a possibly impossible angle. The other lay more certainly upon the ground, straggly grass curling up and over its edges in a grasping and wispy grab for sunlight. The place was in rough shape.

Ya know, Yenrab thought, shading his eyes from the glare of the overhead sun, it doesn’t look that dangerous. It just looks sad . . . and in need of a fix up!

They all stood clustered about the opening in a mob with Bern Sandros watching the right flank and Wex monitoring the left as Yenrab sheltered the spell casters Tracy and Carric in the center. They all stood in awe, mouths open and drooling.

An open air dungeon! Yenrab enthused, trying to put a positive spin on his earlier thoughts. No cobwebs, no goblin zombie lords or skullator gem monsters under tons of rock and dirt. Just a brisk jaunt through a disaster 20 years passed. We don’t need that stupid fireball spell. We’ve got this and then some!

The rest of the party EoTtHUaARB must have come to a similar conclusion because they oohed and aahed along with him at the adventure complex before them. They oohed because it lay completely deserted, filled with old and uninhabited buildings strewn throughout and peppered by thin reedy stalks of grass. They aahed because each and every one of them imagined individual specific treasures within each of those buildings, somehow ungotten by that legendary adventuring troupe, SOG. Then they shivered because the wind blew mournfully as if sad about the place’s tragic past. A shutter banged on warped hinges, turning smiles to frowns and giving the place a bit more character than any of them wanted it to have.

Yenrab stared daggers at Tracy as his emotional arc finished its rollercoaster course. He was back to feeling a mite grumpy about the needless waste of powerful magic.

“Tracy, ya know, we might well have needed that spell,” he nagged to the unlistening hippy from Freemeet. “I’m pretty certain the SOG didn’t all get lost. It’s not a big island.”

Tracy looked about, his goatee a blowing a little in the wind. He threw out his arms in an exaggerated gesture and scrunched his face in tremendous confusion.

“You hear anything?” Tracy yelled to no one in particular. “Because I sure don’t. I’ve got this thing, this curse, where I can’t hear nags or even recognize that they are there.”

Bern watched on with a small half grin playing at his lips. From the other flank of the group Wex snorted and then laughed, enjoying Yenrab’s discomfort.

The big half-orc sighed. Jerks he thought fondly, thinking over all they had already been through together.

“Well, someone tell Tracy to be careful anyways. We need to keep tactical,” Yenrab announced to them all, authority surrounding him. Then he paused and looked off for a bit. “Pillion isn’t around anymore to show us the ropes and, ya know, you all made me captain so let me captain us. Tracy stay in the middle, Carric move to the rear, Wex stay left, Bern stay right, I’m gonna stay as the front. Let’s move together and everyone keep a look out. Someone tell Tracy to tell someone to tell me since he can’t hear or even recognize that I’m here.”

“Maybe someone should tell someone to tell that nag that I can’t heat that maybe he needs to apologize?” Tracy stated to the sky, stroking his goatee in philosophical thought.

“Mates, maybe I should sneak around a bit and see what I can see?” Bern Sandros asked, a greedy glint in his eye.

“And deal with some accidentally summoned monster or demon for our troubles? Again?!” Carric laughed. “Once is enough of that, good sir.”

“Don’t call me sir. I work for a living,” Bern retorted.

“Power to the people!” Tracy agreed.

Doesn’t that power to the people stuff ever get old the Gamer Chief asked at some celestial table far away. Never replied the Gamers with a laugh.

“Look,” Carric said, his face now serious, “this place is strange and I don’t believe for one second that it is empty. Let’s listen to Yenrab and stay together. My bard powers work better with a group anyways. Maybe you can do sneaky rogue stuff when we get to the actual keep up ahead.”

He pointed to the far end of the complex. There the keep stood solid despite its age, grey stones with grey mortar for the gaps, nary a crack in sight. Only its gates looked warped and bowed, but they stood closed and were perhaps stout. It was hard to tell from this distance.

“Ag, man. Shame. Alright mate. I guess I can hold my horses til then,” Bern Sandros agreed. “We stay tight for some bliksem then I sneak when we get close. Got it.”

“Rattle ya dags, bro!” Wex stated, looking back behind them, where the plant life was slowly meandering over to where they stood. “Else we’re gonna cark it.”

“Um, right?” Carric agreed. The common tongue his friends used was sometimes quite foreign to him. But he thought he understood the context. “Let’s move on and let those plants lose interest then, shall we?”

With Yenrab in the lead the five of them headed forward, all tense and at the ready. Ahead the gloomy and fire blackened yet sturdy barracks houses of the immediate garrison hung dark and gritty, their very visage a warning to would be seekers of fortune. The shutters clacked again against their sides in the freshening gust of lake born wind.

“Maybe Bern really should go ahead and scout things out,” Wex suggested with a mask-hidden grin.

“Sard-off mate,” Bern chuckled. “If you thought it’d be safe you’d volunteer yourself off next to me.”

Carric smiled, “Sounds like neither of you has the guts to go forward.”

“Ya know, if I were mocked by a bard,” Yenrab nodded, to Carric’s drooping face, “I’d feel the need to push ahead and prove myself.”

A staccato of more distinct Gamer voices blasted into hearing. The party members winced.

That’s cruel, man.

Nah, that’s realistic. Bards suck.

You suck.

Your mo-

Guys stop it. Look, how about Carric goes forward and shows us what guts really are.

Okay, I guess I will!

“I, uh, I feel like I should have a bit more choice in this matter,” Carric protested to no one in particular. “But I guess it’s my turn in the forefront.”

“Carric! Carric!” Tracy cheered on in support. The bard gave him a panicked shush and hurried himself forward to get it all done with.

***

Carric stealthed ahead as well as he could. He couldn’t hear his own steps, so that was probably a good thing. The wind gusted again, briefly, as if in response to his brave foray forward.

This is not good. Not good not good not good he thought to himself in fright. He looked back at the party, growing a bit smaller as they got more distant. Tracy danced and waved.

He was next to the first of the two military structures. They weren’t that big, really, but he imagined that soldiers were like clowns in that they could all pile into those tiny enclosed carts in impossibly compact knots of people encompassing a hundred or so individuals. He certainly wasn’t looking forward to clacking a shutter fully open against the walls and poking his head in.

The bard took a quick stroll around the building, giving himself a quiet sigh as a gift for such bravery. Then, again in the eyes of the party, he fully opened one of the shuttered window apertures and peered inside.

The interior was filled with broken and splintered wood, the remains of the bunks and chests of the original defenders. They were indeed stacked together quite tight, perhaps capable of holding thirty defenders? It was hard to tell, though, because the place looked well smashed up and looted.

The bard looked back and yelled out to them.

“It’s well clear you bunch of yellow-bellied chickens. You are welcome.”

Yenrab started laughing, striding ahead in eager pace. There was some distant muttering, and also the loud cheering of Tracy, as they all moved forward.

That’ll teach them to besmirch my honor he chuckled to himself. Shown up and mocked by a bard?! How pathetic!

***

The party checked out both of the barracks buildings from the outside quite thoroughly before readying themselves for the interior. Whether it was the shame of being shown up by a bard or perhaps a lack of things to say nobody could tell you, but Wex and Bern kept their mouths shut through the whole process. It wasn’t until they were standing before the actual door to one of the structures that Bern, the noisier of the two, finally spoke.

“I’ve checked it this way and that, mates. Free from traps, good as platinum in my pocket. If there is anything dangerous here, it is going to be spooky and not at all in my department of things to deal with.”

Yenrab stretched and Carric swung his harmonica bar across his face, its burnished surface catching in the sun for a momentary bit of glare. Next to him Tracy rolled his hands in slow purpose around a dim and pulsing ball of flame. It was a definite zeroth level cantrip but something probably useful against all manner of spooky things.

“Well I guess now might be a good time for us to go in then?” the barbarian asked them all, looking back and forth between those on either flank.

Tracy shimmered by in rainbow-glittered robes, taking an advantageous angle. “Let’s do this,” the sorcerer grinned, glowing orb pulsating more brightly, possibly leveled up from its earlier state.

“Right. Yeah, ya know, I think I’d like it better if this place were full of zombies,” the big man complained in response. He reached one meaty hamlike hand forward though despite his reluctance and threw open the door. But there was nothing.

“Bro,” Wex whispered, “this is spooky.”

Then he found himself stumbling into the room, shoved by some unseen force. He looked back in panic and saw Bern Sandros stifling a laugh. The glee of the merry man was infectious and Wex smiled back while digging about quickly and thoroughly for hidden treasures. The rest swarmed in to do the same.

“I found a button,” Tracy called out in glee.

“Yuck,” Carric called out, holding a moldering scrap of soiled underpants.

“Well that’s enough of that,” Yenrab affirmed, waving everyone out. “We’ve still got a whole keep to search.”

***

The buildings closest to them were the stout and stone castle-like kitchen, some lanky and disused stables, and what looked to be the remains of a silo, one that must have been quite tall a few decades ago. At present, what was left of it was stunted, the majority of it having collapsed during the battle for the keep or soon after. It was at a distance but they could see that the silo was bereft of anything but a field of large mushrooms, growing through bare earth and out of the cracks of broken rubble.

“Jol!” “Mean as!” “Sweet!” the bard, the rogue, and the cleric all yelled at the same time, then laughed, making a beeline for the silo.

“Oh no,” Yenrab moaned, shaking his head slowly as the party hunched over their find, daggers in hand, ready to prune. “Not again,” he added, giving a bit of mystery to the interested reader as he or she or they hunched over the flickering light of their dying kindle, or the stout pages of the published novel.

Tracy eyed them over, the Gamer rolling enthusiastically as he tried to figure out what it was. The 20 sided die clicked and rolled off of the cosmic table.

“Noni Moss,” Tracy said, a 13 blazing in his mind’s eye. “Not a real moss, but one in name. Eating it makes you a bit wiser and have a good taste in novels for a while, but it’s not gonna get you all high.”

“Are you being straight up?” Wex asked, his eyes suddenly empty of their former joviality. “Brah, I really thought we had something here.”

“No worries, mate, this stuff here sounds good regardless,” Bern opined, to Yenrab’s nodding approval.

“Yeah, I bet we can sell it big at some market somewhere and use that money to get the good stuff,” Carric laughed, making the barbarian frown all over again.

The big guy didn’t stop them though from gathering all they could, stuffing one small travel pack and then the other full of the delicious-looking fungi. He too could hear the clink of gold coins in his head as the useful fungus was bottled, bagged, or otherwise stored.

Indeed, so absorbed were the party in the collection and perusal of the task at hand that they didn’t realize it when the ground behind them tore open, silent and deadly. Nor did they hear the click of bones and the rasp of dead flesh as zombies and skeleton crawled on out to do battle. They only realized their danger when Carric screamed, punched in the back of the head by a skeletal fist. He stumbled, but he did not fall.

Roll initiative! a distant voice called in their heads.

“To arms!” Yenrab yelled, fumbling with his axe straps in surprise.

Chapter 1 = https://www.reddit.com/r/shortstories/comments/edngy6/humor_hm_fantasy_fn_cadorna_keep_chapter_1_a_dnd/

Chapter 2 = https://www.reddit.com/r/shortstories/comments/eecc7d/humor_hm_fantasy_fn_cadorna_keep_chapter_2_a_dnd/

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