#he deserved to have his shit rocked idc

[lucvly]

— christmas headcannons with chris. ⸰ 𖥔 ͙

warnings: fluff, cursing, mentions of sex, not proofread as always.

a/n: this is soo self indulgent help !! i love christmas fr.

— he’ll act like he literally doesn’t give a shit about christmas but on december 1 he’s already staying up late thinking about what he’s gonna give you.

— i don’t even wanna hear discourse about this but this man acts like a child around the holidays. he’ll enjoy december like he’s a 10 year old child who still thinks santa’s real.

— my man is quick to hang up those lights. it’ll deadass be mid november and he’s already asking you when you’re gonna decorate because he wants to help you.

— gingerbread house making is a must. he loves it. you do it at least three times in december because it’s by far one of his favorite traditions. of course he ends up building something that doesn’t look nearly close to a house but A for effort.

— you get matching ugly sweaters obviously. it’s your job to get them every year, and they progressively get worse. chris always complains about how itchy they are LMFAOO.

— baking christmas cookies with him is such a chore for real. you can’t even let him open the flour because it either ends up all on the floor, or on your face. don’t even ask him how to preheat the oven because those cookies will end up burnt.

— most times you have to make three or four batches of cookies because the first batch turns out awful, the second one: burnt.

— once your relationship gets really serious, you two make christmas cards and send them to your close family and relatives. it’s corny, sure, but you both love doing it.

— once every year, you go with him and his brothers for a late night drive just to see how people decorated around the neighborhood. chris always ends up falling asleep on your shoulder in the backseat while nick is yelling about how the lights should’ve been hung higher or how the reindeer is out of place.

— you best believe you’re writing letters to santa. it’s unserious but chris loves doing it, especially because he gets to write something along the lines of: “santa, all i want for christmas is my girlfriend under the tree. thx. — C” LMFAOOAOA sorry.

— you’re absolutely making matching ornaments. they have your initials on them it’s adorable. though decorating them is painful as hell because chris always ends up throwing glitter at you.

— takes elf on the shelf so serious like calm down!!! he better not catch anyone laying a finger on that dumbass elf or he’ll go absolutely insane.

— going christmas shopping with him is adorable. he gets so excited over what to get his brothers and his parents AWW, and he also gets a present for trevor obviously.

— you are never gonna know what that man gets you for christmas. he hides it so well it surprises you each year to be honest. you’re out here thinking he didn’t even get you a present and he’s already packing up at least three.

— definitely an expensive gift type of boyfriend, i’m talking tiffany necklaces, chanel bags, dior, ysl. and he doesn’t even care because seeing you happy makes him 10 times happier. (“baby, you didn’t have to– oh my god.” “i know, but i wanted to. you deserve it.”)

— of course you also get him cute and expensive gifts but you could seriously give him a rock and he’d cherish it as if you just gave him a gold bar.

— you two will absolutely watch christmas movies together, especially romcoms. he loves christmas romcoms LMFAOO. he’s the type to complain about the main character idc.

— he hangs up a mistletoe on his door just so he can tease you and give you a kiss every time you walk into his room. (“look, mistletoe, you gotta kiss me.” “chris i swear to god.”)

— christmas dinners are hilarious bye. he’ll deadass be eating 3 or 4 plates with no shame at all. you’re staring at him in disbelief and he just looks at you with his mouth full like “😊”. at least he’s happy LMFAOO.

— he gives you at least three presents. the first one is marked “from: santa, to: y/n” obviously you know it’s him LMFAO he thinks it’s cute and you just leave him be. second one is marked “from: chris, to: his girlfriend.” as if he wasn’t the one marking up those presents BYE. third one is “from: the best boyfriend ever, to: the prettiest girl.” he’s so cute somebody sedate me !!

— one hundred percent asks nick and matt to figure out what you got him for christmas. you’ve figured this out over the years so you don’t even give them hints anymore LMAOO.

— the worst jokes over the holidays seriously. (“hold on. babe, which cooking seasoning is the most festive?” “chris–” “christmas thyme.”) he needs to be stopped lord have mercy.

— secretly loves decorating. he’ll decorate with you all day fr. ornaments, mistletoes, the tree in general is his favorite. he cannot deal with putting up lights though. it pisses him off so badly– (only because he ends up tangled in them).

— i just know he makes hot chocolate with water. nuh uh. you had to teach him the correct way (with milk) because it was seriously getting on your nerves LMAO.

— he gets so lovey dovey over the holidays. he’s also horny 24/7 but that’s completely besides the point HELP. hands around your waist, arm around your shoulder, hand holding, everything.

— matching pjs YUP. he loves matching christmas outfits with you LMAO especially pjs. y’all have like four matching pj sets every year it’s so cute.

#lucvly #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #nick sturniolo imagine #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo x you #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #sturniolo edit

[thebearer]

you trying to handle freddie on your own, like the cries the changes, everything. and lips like “chill out” and you’re like “you don’t even want to be here”

as you should tbh.

love him the most, but honestly... you have a right to be upset about that forever idc. he would learn to accept that, i mean, he's mad at himself too for it so it's only fair that you are too.

still, that would wreck him. his instinct is to scream at you, say something equally as mean, leave. instead, he steps out, smokes, tries to remember the steps to calm down that his shrink taught him. deep breaths, rational thoughts, all that feelings shit.

lip comes back in, seeing you on the brink of sobbing, rocking a still screaming freddie. "what do you need me to do?" lip asks calmly.

"i-i just... i don't know he needs!" you wail, hot tears of frustration running down your face. "i've changed him, fed him... why is he crying?"

"here. lemme see him." lip offers gently.

"i've got it." you snap, possessively. you hated feeling like this, like you couldn't take care of your own kid.

"ok." lip said calmly. "could do that skin to skin thing, ya know? maybe try to... regulate your heart though before."

you glare at lip, still frustrated and tired, but pull your shirt over your head, holding freddie to your skin, a blanket over the both of you. you rocked the screaming baby, taking your own cleaning breaths until you managed to calm yourself. freddie's cries softened to small hiccuping, whimpers, curling into your skin.

you and lip didn't speak. you felt guilty for snapping at him like that, frustrated and angry and hurt and overwhelmed. "i-i'm sorry i said that." you muttered. "i... i don't mean to keep bringin' it up-"

"-no. 's alright." lip hummed softly, his finger trailing down freddie's cheek. "i, uh, i deserve it. not like you're lying. have a right to be mad."

you simply nod, head lulling against lip's chest. "thank you." you mutter, one hand on freddie's soft tufts of hair, feeling his tiny breaths against you. "for staying around. i... i really couldn't do it without you."

"you could have, but i'm glad you didn't have to." lip fixed the blanket over your exposed skin. "glad i got my shit together for you. for both of you." you grin lightly. "thanks for lettin' me come back. be apart of this. i-i didn't deserve it-"

"-lip." you sigh. "just... i don't wanna talk about that anymore. you're here, and... and you're a good dad."

lip swallows the lump of emotion that's formed in his throat. "yeah? you're a good mom. the best." lip whispers. "we're lucky to have you."

#thebearer #bearblahs #lip gallagher #dad!lip gallagher x mom!reader #dad!lip gallagher #freddie gallagher #lip gallagher fluff #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher imagine #lip gallagher angst #shameless #shamless us #lip gallagher x teacher!reader #lip gallagher best friend au series #lip gallagher x best friend!reader

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 40

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

The Heart of the Scorpion by crystalklances

Lance has a big old crush on the school's Soccer Captain, Keith. He tries to deny having a crush even while their every interaction sends his heart aflutter. Romantic horoscopes and secret love letters? Totally not related to Keith. Luckily, heart and stars align to prove him wrong.

i will fucking miss crystalklances every single day of my life he was a PILLAR. i wish he had kept his account and just abaondoned it but im grateful at least that he only orphaned his fics and didnt delete it. he had so much to write about the college scene and soft klance and them being tender and soft and open about it!! he also often gave keith parents and he almost ALWAYS wrote trans lance like he invented the tag!! crystalklances i miss you and this was one of my favourite fics of yours

2. It's Not Spying If You Don't Call It Spying by @jilliancares

Turns out everyone is spying on Lance and Keith's blossoming relationship.

this is truly so goofy and silly and the team is SO so nosy and they need to be involved in 110% of klance's shit. as they deserve tbh. theyre all so annoying and i support all of their crimes

3. i wanna love you (but i don't know if i can) by @rickybowens

So, of course, that was when Hunk had said, "You know, it's really good that we're all friends here. I feel like it always gets awkward when two people in a group start dating, you know?" "Well, I don't think we have to worry about that with this group," Pidge had piped up, "I love you all, but there's no way in hell I'd date any of you." Everyone else had murmured their agreement, except for Lance and Keith, who had shared a look before trying to discreetly scoot away from the other. (Or, Lance and Keith decide to date in secret so their relationship doesn't make their teammates uncomfortable. It goes about as well as is to be expected.)

secret relationship you will ALWAYS be famous. its literally my favourite trope idc!! and this arc made SO much sense in terms of a reason for them to be dating in secret!! i loved how the team was the problem but that was very much not their intention but it made sense why klance was afraid and just...this whole fic was cinema truly i love it so so much

4. Of Pidge, Perception, and Prosecution by @erinnovelist

Of all the paladins, Lance knew Pidge was the one he had to watch out for. The only time her guard was down was after she woke up. She didn’t talk, glasses discarded after long hours staring at a screen, and she couldn’t function properly without her daily cup of coffee-equivalent alien juice. Which was why, when he wandered into the kitchen that morning, Lance hadn’t expected Pidge to zero in on him and ask, “When did you and Keith start fucking?”

teehee this one made me giggle its so ridiculous. and yes i did scroll thru the secret relationship tag again idc its so good!! i love the idea of klance thinking theyre so so sneaky and the whole time pidge is like yeah bitch ive been knew yall aint subtle in the slightest

5. Shifting Rock by @ohcontrary

Shiro is back with the team and things are... difficult, but getting easier. But even as he feels more and more like himself, he notices how his relationships have change. It's possible his relationship with Lance is changed irreparably. Luckily, the mission they go on gives them a chance to talk. But on a trip so perilous, they'll need to pay attention-- It isn't just their relationship that's on shaky ground.

lance and shiro NEEDED to talk fr. if ur gonna pretend the later seasons happened then they needed to CHAT. and what better place to chat then mortal peril and the threat of being crushed to death!! holy metaphors!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#look! a rare frf w variety!!! #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #secret relationship #established klance #shiro & lance #team as family #modern au #college au #fic rec #fic rec friday #longpost

[ill-skillsgard]

What’s your favorite movie/show from a each of the Skarsgards?

Ouuu, well some of these might be obvious, but I'll try not to write a novel about how much I love the Skarsgards in almost everything! Let us start with the king. Our beautiful, perfect, hilarious and talented Bill... AKA the man of my dreams. AKA Horror Daddy. AKA the most gorgeous man who has or ever will exist. This is such a hard choice, but I have to credit his role as Pennywise as what introduced him to me, or rather, what got me HOOKED. Bill cemented himself in the horror genre as a God with this role. Not only that, but both chapters of the film are some of the best horror that has ever been done, period. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for IT. Honorable mentions goes to Villains because Mickey was sooo devastatingly charming and Bill was made for the role. I'd say Castle Rock too but then I might as well list everything he has ever done both big and small because I just love him in everything, always.

Now, onto my sweet baby Valter. Historically, I have rejected anyone's negative opinions about my BEAUTIFUL BOY and will continue to do so until the day I die. Okay, he's a bit of a brat, he's not as well-known as his father or brothers, but he is my 2nd favourite Skarsgard (sometimes in my brain he is number 1.) Valter Odd Skarsgard has this voice that narrates my fantasies, and lips I dream of often. So tall, mmph. So gorgeous! That smile, oh my GOD. My underrated man.

Valter dropped a nuke on me with his role as Faust in Lords of Chaos. This movie means more to me than the fact that Valter is in it. The story itself and the period of metal music in Scandinavia has always been on my radar, and then Valter shows up as my ACTUAL type and ruins me. Do I think Faust is a good guy? No. Do I think that Valter with long black hair, a leather jacket and a bullet belt is the most attractive thing on the face of the earth? Yes. Great film, directed by the legendary Jonas Akerlund... What could be better?

Now, when it comes to Gustaf Skarsgard, I feel like I cannot choose between Merlin and Floki. Both have such chaotic energy. Both were so well-played. Then there's the short film he did with his father, directed by Bill and Landon Liboiron. HE IS A SHAPESHIFTER. So talented. So handsome. Ugh, just ridiculously gifted in the art of acting. But I have to give it to Merlin because I have never wanted to be on an alcoholic wizard before. Would I rewatch Cursed over Vikings? I don't know. Would I watch a standalone series of Merlin? YES. Would I watch a standalone series about Floki? ALSO YEAH. Tough decisions here. Ahhh, give me that silly wizard man. I want him! Cursed was great and they were wrong to cancel it!

Then of course, there's Alexander. A Golden God. As talented as he is attractive. This one is very hard because he's been in a lot of really good shows and films that I love. I wanted to pick his role in Zoolander because I think it's one of the best comedy bits I have ever seen (ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCINOS) but I can't do him like that. I think I would have to go with Randall Flagg in The Stand, not only because it's another Stephen King adaptation with another Skarsgard, but because he annhilated that role and looked so damn good doing it. And also BEARD (idc if it's fake, he looks great.)

Now, Papa Skars is a TOUGH one to pick, but I have to go with Dune. Idk if it's because of Stellan that his boys can play evil pricks so well, but the Baron is like next level shit. He is so talented. I went over half my life not even realizing he's been in so many movies I've watched. But in recent times, since the Skarsgards have been on my radar, Dune knocked it outtttt and Stellan was a huge part of that. Thank you Papa Skars, for helping create your beautiful sons and unleashing them upon the world.

This could have been a lot shorter but oh well. My mens deserve all the shout outs. Thanks for asking! ❤️

#bill skarsgård #valter skarsgård #gustaf skarsgård #alexander skarsgård #stellan skarsgard #it chapter one #it chapter two #lords of chaos #cursed #vikings #the stand #randall flagg #dune #The Baron

[burningtacozombie]

This episode was a lot! 😭 😭

spoilers:

Poor Hope, she and letty should I’ve gotten their happy ending! IT DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN THAT WAY! IDC!

Galindo And Felipe scene was tough and sad.

EZ snake ass is not seeing heaven for what he did to Creeper and putting on a act on that funeral.

Why does it feel like Kody wants EZ smoked by her own hands

Downer and Guero’s cold opening was hilarious. Rock, paper, scissors, FCK YOU!

Also I feel for Guero and understand what he did, I JUST HOPE IT DOESNT COME BACK TO BITE HIM. 🙏

That n@azi Issac needs to d!e! Quickly and I hope Letty be the one to do it

Bottles getting spicy with Guero felt so uncharacteristic but funny at the same time, that’s right baby boy 🤓 you go get your lick back!

And Guero beating the shit out of him 😭 DONT BRING MOMMAS INTO THIS

once again put Andrew Jacobs and Alex Barone in a show together!! (✨ I’m manifesting it ✨)

WHERE THE FUCK IS EMILIO AT?

Poor Angel and Maverick. I need them safe by the finale.

and then the fire nation attacked (Sons burning down Broken Saints chemical lab)

Sighs.

RIP creeper

I'm still fucked up about what happened to Hope, that girl deserved so much better. and Letty is all alone now, she can't go back to the Broken Saints OR the Mayans, she fucked them both over. I hope she's the one who kills Isaac and then moves to Ohio after all. Chucky loved Coco, he would take her in for sure.

Miguel's story makes me sad too, mostly because everything that's between him and Felipe this season is a mess since they retconned his life. I'm still stuck in the storyline where Felipe only found out about Miguel being his son in season 2 on that roof, so what they are doing now is... idk... seems like an alternative timeline or something. I'm struggling with it to be honest, and I'm trying to imagine how Miguel would react and treat Felipe if they'd stayed in the same boat of not knowing, instead of making Felipe know all this time.

Guero and Downer have been my source of laughs since day 1, and it hasn't changed. I'm keeping the Rock, Paper, Scissors, Fuck You for future usage. Bottles running his mouth like that was unexpected but also hilarious. jokes are fine, just don't drag any mamas into it. he kind of did ask to have his face rearranged, lmao. Andrew and Alex absolutely need to be in another show together again!

Alvarez cut off all his patches from his kutte and burned them so instead of looking further into Diaz' murder, I hope he's too tired of all that club life shit and lets it go. stay home with the family, Marcus.

I'm convinced at this point, Angel and Mav will be coming out of this alive, maybe they'll spread Luisa's ashes at the beach at the end, and if I'm wrong I'm gonna be crushed.

the Broken Saints compound going up in flames like that, yeah that is not good for anyone. had Bottles known the text message was a real emergency he would've brought more backup. hopefully Amigo Elio made it out...

#danny pino #miguel galindo #andrew jacobs #guero #clayton cardenas #angel reyes #alex barone #bottles #mayans mc #mayans fx #titans-society

[ilovelosersandshortmen]

Could you imagine if Toads S/O left for the X-Men like Lance did for that one episode? Maybe the Reader was just so sick of that run down house and they wanted some peace of mind away from the other members of the Brotherhood.

The Brotherhood of Mutants finding out their S/O is switching to the X-Men

Honestly, the Reader is so real for this. As much as I absolutely love Todd, I would not be able to live with a bunch of teenage boys 😭 And thank you for the request! I'm honestly having so much fun writing these. Anyways, I'll do it for all of the members of the brotherhood because I want to get better at writing them!

FRED (Blob):

(He's such a sweetie he deserves more attention)

• Actually heartbroken.

• He looks up at you with those sad puppy dog eyes.

• Blames himself for driving you away, just like he did with Jean. It's not his fault he's touch deprived and clingy!

• Tries to play it off, even if everyone can see him crying.

• Psh. Who cares? Not me. I don't care at all. Go where ever you want Ó⁠╭⁠╮⁠Ò

• Constantly makes you food without realizing that you're not there. Has been caught multiple times crying into sandwiches.

• (I can't handle all of this angst, I'm writing a happy ending where you come back I'm sorry)

• Literally jumps with joy like a happy puppy when he sees you again. Lots of bone crushing hugs and the like.

WANDA (Scarlet Witch):

• She really doesn't care. She totally gets it, she doesn't want to live with them either. So you two just stay in touch, even if you're not part of the brotherhood anymore.

• The other members get mad at her for "fraternizing with the enemy" but she couldn't care less.

• She does what she wants, who cares what anyone else thinks?

• Still, she does smile a bit more when you're back because she likes having you close.

LANCE (Avalanche) :

• Likes to pretend that he doesn't care, but he cuddles with a pillow at night and pretends it's you.

• Yes, there are many pictures taken of this that are saved for black mail. (thanks to Todd)

• Has to keep up a "cool guy" image, but he will not leave your side at school. To make up for lost time, you know?

• Always has his arms around your shoulders. He just gets more clingy when you're not around.

• When you come back, he sleeps more soundly. He just feels better when he knows you're safe.

• (And when he knows you're not around Scott)

• (No, he's not jealous, shut up.)

PIETRO (Quicksilver):

• Always sending you little gifts at the mansion, throwing rocks at your windows and ding dong ditching you.

• Out of love, of course.

• And to annoy all of the other X-Men.

• Super quick kisses in the morning before school, he leaves before anyone else even knows he's there.

• Honestly, he has a lot of fun with this. He likes the sneaking around and having a reason to mess with the X-Men.

TODD (Toad):

• I already mentioned something like this briefly before, so I won't go into much detail.

• But when you move into the mansion, so does he. There's no stopping him. He's in your bed before you are.

• Eats all of the food in the mansion like he's Gideon Graves.

• Yeah, he just can't handle being away from you every night.

• He excuses it by saying that his mutation makes him more cold, so you actually have to cuddle with him or he'll die.

• (Not true.)

• The X-Men try to be civil with him, but he's such a smug little shit that he's constantly getting on their nerves.

TABITHA (Boom Boom):

• (Is she considered part of the Brotherhood? Idc I'm adding her)

• As a former member of the X-Men, she does understand what you're going through.

• Doesn't mean she'll stop teasing you about it.

• Also doesn't mean that she won't sneak you out after curfew. (In Lances car, ofc)

• She just wants to make sure you don't become too much off a goody-two-shoes.

Again, as always, I hope this was up to your standards! Thank you for the request, have a wonderful day!

[mrstsung]

Nah mortal kombats world deserves to burn. Let it fucking rot. Idc if you pull the whole "but free will,liu kang can't help it,people gonna choose evil." But yet the narrative shows those who shape time and space have control over the narrative. Essentially. So no excuses. Sure this would be fine but we are applying logic to a violent fictional world.

Where this shit is normal. Killing and fighting and all this shit. Is fucking normal. In a fantasy setting.

But since people wanna use logic. Wouldn't it make sense to give shang a fucking nice life or even an actual chance. Instead of people being assholes to him?! See this is how villains are made. He chose evil because he felt he HAD no choice. What did you fucking expect?! Him to just live in poverty forever because he wouldn't belly up and lick boots?!

Oh im sorry honest living is only applicable to your fave characters and those in privilege.

Hmmm. Sounds familiar. Liu kang was an orphan,in poverty,sounds like he just wants to get even.

Blaming it solely on shang tsung being incompetent or it's his own fault is very fucking ableist. Even for a fictional setting thats fucking fucked up and you know it.

So no,do not ever give liu kang a damn lick of justification. It's a shitty narrative. Period.

nah. stop giving liu kang excuses.

Hate to say it but Shinnok was right.

Kick rocks liu kang fans. Have a nice die.

#vent #im not sorry if you justify this new liu kang you get blocked no excuses #mortal kombat #mk12/mk1 liu kang sucks and you guys fucking know it #mk should have ended at mk11 #period #should have left it tf alone #shouldn't have rebooted it in the first place

[pokeinalover]

Hello Portal fandom

It's me again, the girl who only recently got to play the games and barely knows what's going on in here

And even in those conditions i can see that the only reason there's no portal 3 is because valve is scared of the number 3, because it's so easy y come up with an idea i did it in under 5 minutes.

So that's what I bring today! Could be some chelley drawing or something but no, I'll just annoy everyone reminding them there's no portal 3 xd

If i wrote portal 3 (but it won't be called portal 3)

A.K.A what i think would work if valve had the guts to do it

So, we know that Cave Johnson died because he thought it was a good idea to buy a bunch of moon stones and experiment with them, that they used to do the portal liquid-fluid-white-thingie and that got him sick and killed.

I'm other words: Moon rocks = Toxic for humans.

The portal liquid that Chell is exposed to for like a good few hours is made out of this stones and was still in an experimental phase when aperture went to shit, they weren't sure if it was toxic. Therefore that (and well, the few seconds she spent on the moon) could have been enough to make her sick too.

So picture me this: Chell is sick, she knows why, she had to listen to Cave's bs while in aperture, she probably also saw somewhere along the way out that there are other aperture facilities in USA (In Ohio, googled it to make sure) and she knows that there's nothing where she was and even if there is, getting on GLaDOS nerves a third time doesn't sound like a good idea. So, out of options, she decides to go to the other aperture facilities in Ohio in hopes to find a cure.

She gets there, the place is a mess and it's more ruins than labs, even worse than the facilities in portal 2, making this a more open adventure because i think it's necessary (don't worry about missing the lineal chambers and GLaDOS, I'll get to that later). There's a bunch of stuff lying around, a lot of broken tech. She picks a few things that are more or less in decent conditions, a round thingie amongst them, and connects them to a computer in hopes to get some info about what the hell to do in this place. Much to her surprise and disgrace, that round thingie that seemed to not be very functional and was scorched and broken was Wheatley, and somehow the software survived falling to earth like a meteor (somewhat blue sky way) but his hardware is basically trash. He is automatically transfered to new hardware because protocols and blablablah (maybe an update so that he can move on his own instead of having to be Carried around, that Could be neat but idk)

Chell does not want to deal with Wheatley after portal 2, obviously. She's mad, she has a right to be mad. So she just leaves. But then the roof collapses and because Chell has that habit of savings robots that she should leave to rot because they were mean to her (the turret or potatOS) she saves his ass and whether she likes it or not she's kind of stuck in this place with him.

So yeah, there's space for a Wheatley redemption arc! Because he deserves it, idc. So now they have a sick Chell and a very sorry about what happened Wheatley (but still Wheatley, you know what i mean xd) having to take the very broken and fucked test chamber route because it's the only way around the facilities to find a cure for Chell

Alternatively, because Chell would be a few days in there and i think we should acknowledge she needs to sleep and stuff, when it's night we could be back at the original aperture facilities with GLaDOS and playing as one of the test subjects that get "released" in the portal 2 coop so that we don't have to let go of GLaDOS completely but yes narratively because i know she's iconic but she doesn't really have a lot to do with Chell's life in this. (Idk if as a fundamental part of the game or a dlc, that's jus an idea i have xd). Plus we can have bits of Caro and get more into old aperture like this. This could also be disguised as Chell dreaming she's back at aperture because PTSD but she's not, it's really happening to other test subjects.

The rest of this is something i have yet to think through but so far so good i think.

And i would call this Portal Answers or Portal two sides since Valve seems to be scared of number 3!

I'll probably come back when I've thought the rest of this through

Please feel free to correct me and leave your opinion!

#chell portal #portal #portal 2 #portal 3 #portal two sides #portal wheatley #Wheatley #Chell #GLaDOS #portal glados #valve make third parts cowards

[snaileo]

Top 5 batshit characters you’ve encountered

in Nooooo particular order...hmmm i really gotta think about this cuz i feel there are Easy ones i could list. but then again this isnt objective, nor do i need to dig deep for this to be a nice list. 1. Umataro Tenma

Of course I feel the first i should mention is Umataro Tenma. like I can't start this list off any other way, this man recreated his own son in the form of a robot and then abandoned him when his senses came to him ( but they left as soon as they showed bc man was back on his bullshit next day) like truly. Batshit King. and thats only his most well know Shit. like this one time he deliberately went back in time, i dont even remember what for, i think it was steal the not Yet Awake atom, and his younger self SEES HIM and LIGHTS HIM UP. theyre BOTH batshit young and old

like. i feel like we dont talk about how tenma was strapped enough.

2. Terry Silver

The next batshit queen on my mind recently is none other than Terry Silver. It Is Very Normal And Well Adjusted Behavior to terrorize a teenager, torturing him physically and emotionally, all because your Bestie, Your Cinnamon Fucking Apple, told you to. You know. Very Normal Behavior for people in their idk. 40s. Dude is a coked up billionaire and he wanted to play the part of Humble Down to earth man so well that he bought a beat up truck, all just to fuck with daniel.

And Oh Totally normal to go through extensive therapy, turning your life around and overcoming it all, only for it all to be undone because?? Oh?? My Wrongdoings CAnnot BE UNDONE??? BY SAYING IM SORRY???" like the moment he realized daniel wasnt gonna accept his sorry ass excuse it was Over. 30 years of therapy down the toilet.

3. Diva

Here's a more tragic one. The me from 6 years ago would kill me right now for even posting her face because I use to be SUCH a stickler for spoilers regarding her but idc right now

ANYWAY shes for real batshit and shes one of those characters who you can be sympathetic towards, the tragedy of knowing how she got to be this way but god you deserve everything coming to you. There are many things she does as truly batshit but an often forgotten one is stealing the shoes of a man she just killed. And she's later shown putting them on, before continuing her killing spree and doing something that altered the trajectory of the story forever

she also has an operatic voice, which her singing alone is an omen for bad things to come

4. The Monarch

This is a more recent one as rock had showed me The Venture Brothers and i hate this man. I hate him and i love him. I don't have much to say other than i want to bully him I genuinely want to bully him

hes just so pathetic. he didnt want rusty getting therapy because he couldnt shit on his day , because well...he was in therapy and theres rules, so he killed his therapist so he'd be free. to. Shit on his day like i dont kno waht to tell you.

5.Hannibal

this one may feel cheap but understand that like. him being batshit is the greatest thing ever .and hes def one of my favs in terms of being batshit. he made the show such a wild ride and like Cookie I am Looking at you we WILL watch Hannibal (tv show) idk wanna say anything else for spoilers but yeah theres some batshit characters for u

#long post #honorable mention goes to all the women from Black Lagoon

[vaporvipermedia]

Thank you @ryuuryuuhoney and @akaipepo for the tag

Would you be a mer, a beastman, a fae, or a human? (or other!):

Honestly…human I wouldn’t be any magical being tbh but I would be a complete menace.

Would you be at rsa or nrc?

NRC would be so much better than RSA. Like, I wanna have my daily dose of entertainment and chaos not sitting by the campfire singing YAHO!😭

What dorm would you belong to?

I would probably stay in my little Ramshackle hut. But if there was some reason I had to move out, I would probably be in either Ignihyde or with my homie Malleus in Disomnia.

What character(s) would you be best friends with?

Kalim: We would be such good friends also I KNOW THIS MF HAS ADHD LIKE ME I KNOW HE DO! I FEEL IT IN MY GUT! WE WOULD JUST UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO MUCH! OMFG! (But we would also be a huge annoyance to Jamil)

Malleus: Scary Dog Privileges…

Nah but fr I would invite this man anytime I feel lonely or want to go with him somewhere around the school. HE DESERVES IT GODDAMMIT!

Lilia: We would just be manaces together…

Floyd: Nurodivergent bitches stay together!

Honestly even though I say on multiple occasions (irl) that Floyd scares the absolute shit out of me. I would probably understand him the most and have a likely chance of not pissing him off. We would probably have the same mindset too lol

What character(s) would you hate?

Ace: I would never let that mf get away with the stuff he says to Deuce. I know for a fact if I was in that Prologue and he started insulting me…Crowley you are going to have a murder on campus grounds.

Crowley: I would talk back to him so much he does not deserve my patience.

Sebek: Yell at him back BECAUSE WHO DOES HE THINK HE’S RAISING HIS VOICE TO?

Leona: I WOULD ROCK HIS SHIT SO HARD!😭🤚

LIKE IDC IF YOU ROYALTY YOU A WHOLE ASS 22 YEAR OLD COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SCHOOL AND THE PEOPLE IN IT. If you don’t like the school, why not oh idk DO YOUR WORK TO GET TF OUT OF THERE!?😭

what character(s) would you date?

I was gonna say Rook BUT FUCK IT poly date with Malleus & Kalim

What would floyd’s nickname be for you?

Rainbow Trout…(idk it seems fitting)

And rook’s?

 Mon Artiste…(it also seems fitting)

What twst character(s) are you most like? (personality-wise)

Which subject(s) do you think you would excel at?

YALL PUT ME IN MAGICAL POTIONS! I ALWAYS PRETENDED TO MAKE POTIONS AS A KID! IT'S MY TIME NOW!

What club would you join?   

Film Studies so I can help out Malibu Barbie 

How do you think you would survive in twisted wonderland/what would your life be like in general?

My life would be so fucking hectic but I would survive. I would put my foot down if Crowley tried to order me around like…BITCH!? I swear MC needs to speak with their chest sometimes when talking to Crowley or Leona. DON’T THEM HOES GET YOU!🙄

[optional!] what would your unique magic be?

Tbh…I wouldn’t have one (the only magic I have are these hands)

#thanks for the tag! #tag game #twisted wonderland

[nehswritesstuffs]

So, you guys, I really love world-building, so lemme tell ya: I’m really digging the turn the current OP cover arc’s going down, to the point it’s got me about in equal time with the rest of the story, except the rest of the story has more revealed and now I’m just sitting here week to week with a single panel of information at a time and sorry but ch.1070 spoilers under the cut.

so, like, if we go by the current ages listed, plus the fact that Yonji seems too stupid to lie about it, then we can safely infer that Cesar Clown was a teenage prodigy and that’s why Vegapunk babied him all these years, but also why he’s a whiny piece of shit... he just never matured and showed the negative side of that life

speaking of the Clown--his horns are still there. is he half-mink? DID MR. CESAR’S DAD SHAG A GOAT?! we already know there’s fish-shaggers in this world... so...

also they all look like those rifles should be guitars/basses and we should be ready for a rocking good time

MIZ GARTERS, WHO ARE YOU?! there are multiple possibilities and here are my top twelve:

Kureha (which I think would be in line with Oda-sensei’s sense of humor, tbf, to get people pumped about such a girly and cool look and BAM next week is just an extreme close-up of her 116yo mug)

Stussy (if Stussy is actually a bazillion-year-old vampire)

Olvia (low probability, but possible)

Mrs. Luffy’s Mom (WHERE IS SHE?!)

Vinsmoke Sora (if this is how she met Judge I will be so upset)

Portgas D. Rogue (you’d likely need advanced medical knowledge to be able to trick yourself into being pregnant for 20 months straight w/the same baby, so probability’s better than Olvia that’s for sure)

Lilith (or who she’s modeled after lolololol)

a completely new character who conveniently slats into a bunch of plot holes I’m not even thinking of at this current time

Mrs. Law’s Mom (could be weirder)

an elder Charlotte daughter (again, could be weirder)

gonna go out on a limb and say an okama character, previously seen or unseen, or just some dude whose legs look that damn good in heels and stockings, bc the man loves fcking with us like that

crocodile or an unknown-until-now-sister, for all those who believe in such things (i don’t go here but at this point it’s oda-sensei anything’s possible so I’m open to the idea and won’t be mad if it goes there and knowing a sister used to work for the wg would be enough for iva to dangle over croccy let them be petty idc how or why)

God, I still hate Vegapunk’s face

i mean just look at him

i can’t be mad at oda he gave us so much beefy beefcake over the years he deserves some misses i mean look at zoro’s tits the man’s allowed vegapunk looking punchable

i also need to know if lu feld and du feld are indeed the same person just spelled wrong or the same person just bad alias or two separate people such as an evil and eviler twin

how fcking toxic of a work environment was this I need teaaaa

why rifles tho

i know there’s, like, six people in the background but the way my eyes work is that they perceived an extra torso for no reason towards the bottom of the page and I was wondering for half a moment if the perviest Fruit of them all was gonna get another doomed wielder

oh yeah aloha o’e to this arc’s fashion sense vegapunk does at least have that going for him

can queen stop existing plskthnx

judge did some serious beefing up in a small amount of time wtf

or maybe oda-sensei can’t tell time--don’t blame him if that’s the case, honestly

#might delete later #this is just me blathering about my silly pirate manga and something possibly inconsequential about it #carry on

[tired-biscuit]

Which naruto characters are your favourites?Are there characters you dislike/hate?

this answer contains naruto shippuden spoilers!! please don't read ahead if you haven't watched the entire show.

so, my favourites are kiba, naruto and obito - in that specific order. kiba will always remain my absolute favourite, and himbo kings have been my preferred type to simp on for a while now. there's just something about characters that are obnoxiously loud, hyper and lacking in brain cells that makes my heart flutter and coaxes me into writing excruciatingly detailed stories about them lol. i won't say anything more than that, 'cause i could go on for ages why i love those three idiots, hah! 💞

i also really like tobirama and suigetsu, though!! tobirama is my fave hokage, and i just love suigetsu because he is the voice of reason of the entire show, tbh. sasuke couldn't have found a better friend to put him in his place lol.

as for characters i dislike, they're neji, hinata and rin. everyone is really surprised whenever i say that i can't stand neji, lmfao. he's arrogant af, he annoyed me during the entire og naruto series and definitely deserved that fucking punch to the face that naruto gave him during the chunin exams.

tbh, the entire hyuga clan is just eh to me. hinata could have been written loads better than just being fucking obsessed with naruto, but i 'like' her only when i ship her with kiba. naruhina doesn't make any sense to me. like miss girl admitted her love to him twice, and manz didn't even bat an eye, even worse: he told minato sakura was his gf during the war arc when hinata had just been cupping his cheek and talking about how good he is or some shit, idk. also the fact that she kept thinking how soft and warm naruto's hands are while neji was straight up dying was a big no, no for me. 😬

as for rin, the entire "i love you, kakashi" while obito was exhaling his goddamn soul underneath that rock was what did it for me. he deserved better, idc for how long she waited for him in shinobi heaven. the bitch was wrong for professing her love to kakashi while obi was dying right next to her, and i stand by that. end of discussion. 💀

btw these are just my opinions of course. nothing wrong if you don't agree with me, haha!!

except for kiba. we stand king kiba on this blog, even though i love to slander him myself. 😼

[dizzystqrs]

why did nate get no reprucussions for his actions to literally the entire woman population of the gold coast. we as a society should have let charlotte tip his boat over

#he basically harassed every single woman on the show LMFAO #he deserved to have his shit rocked idc #i have issues w char rocking his boat bc lewis told her not to do it on his honor #but i think she was right to do it to him bc hes an Asshole. #h2o just add water #nate idkhislastname #charlotte literally got more reprucussions than he did LMFAO #misogyny i think. honestly. she did bad things for like.... 1 season and he literally was an antagonist for nearly all 3 #i might be forgetting an episode where someone tells him to back off or whatever or he gets minimal punishment but i mean like... #in the long run

[patt-writes-stuff]

Beach Days with The Genshin Characters!

Wc: 1.7k+

Type: Headcanons

CW: umm nothing except mentions of alcohol and maybe people being creeps? (None of the chars or you tho it’s very brief)

A/N: HI IM BACK FROM THE DEAD! These were supposed to be a lot shorter but I got too excited. If you by any chance wanna see some for your fav character lmk! I know it says request are closed in my bio but since it’s just hcs it’s a lot less (and I really enjoyed writing these so ajdhdhdk)

🔥Diluc:

This man cannot swim. Tell me otherwise, I dare you.

Kaeya tried to jokingly push him off a lil diving cliff area when they were kids.

He almost drowned. Kaeya was in a lot of trouble.

So, good luck getting this man to actually get in the water. The most he’ll do is sit on the shore where it’s very shallow.

He usually prefers to just stay under an umbrella on the sand and keep an eye on you.

Calls you every two hours in advance and helps you reapply sunscreen.

He’s very pale so I feel like he burns pretty easily, meaning he needs to reapply super frequently otherwise he will become a tomato. He brings like three bottles of the good shit. Tch, rich boy.

If you ask him to build a sandcastle, he will pretend to be annoyed but do it anyways. Ends up finding it kind of enjoyable.

He has the maids prepare a nice picnic basket for the two of you!! It’s got all your favorite foods plus grape juice cuz y’know.

If any creepy peeps approach you, don’t worry. He brought his vision and his claymore.

Of course, he won’t have to resort to such violent lengths. Everyone in Mondstadt knows who Diluc is and they probably know you’re his s/o, so they’re usually smart enough to mind their own business.

If they don’t, don’t worry. Diluc’s glare is more than enough to scare them away.

All in all I definitely recommend a beach day with him! I’ll give it a solid 8/10 (-2 for not wearing floaties and getting in the water with you or letting you teach him how to swim.

🖌Albedo:

You guys definitely 100% take Klee out with you on a beach day.

You guys bring snacks, beach toys like buckets and shovels for optimal sandcastle building, a picnic blanket, etc.

Jean definitely packs a lot more stuff for you guys to take with you than you actually need.

It’s only cuz she’s worried for Klee and is nervous about not being able to go with you guys though! It’s very sweet really.

Klee tries to bomb the fish and cause havoc at the beach 😭

I think Albedo is a good swimmer and gets in with you and Klee so that he can help her (which is very cute omfg)

He’s set total workaholic, as we know, so it took a lot of convincing to get him to put down his experiments and accompany you to the beach (however, he’s particularly weak to yours and klee’s puppy dog eyes so he caved eventually)

Though, looking at you and Klee happily building sandcastles and decorating them with pretty seashells of all shapes and colors, he can’t really find it in himself to complain.

He, of course, takes this opportunity to take out his sketchbook and draw the waves, seagulls, you… Of course he won’t let you see the sketch book no sir. He’s a bit embarrassed to be honest, but an artist such as himself recognizes beauty when he sees it so he simply had to draw you. (God I love him so much)

If a creepy person approaches you,- well don’t worry. The sight of a small arsonist child blowing up fish is enough to scare them away 🥰

At the end of the day, all three of you are all ticketed out. Albedo has to carry Klee back to Mondstadt because the poor baby fell asleep the moment you started drying her hair with the beach towel. You’re, of course, carrying back Dodoco and your bags. (You also manage to sneak a peak at Albedo’s sketchbook and find some very pretty drawings of you and Klee with your sandcastle)

At the end of the day, you guys tuck Klee in and read her a bedtime story (she woke up and insisted). Afterwards Albedo takes you back home and thanks you for coming with you and Klee (which you ofc say wasn’t a problem because how could you not???)

All in all? I’ll give it a solid 10/10. You’ve got tasty food, fun times, your boyfriend and his cute kid adoptive sister (yes I am very biased idc)

🦋Xiao:

I think it would take a lot of convincing to get Xiao to go out on a beach date with you.

He’ll probably see it as a distraction getting in the way of his slaying of monsters and demons.

However, he also worships the grounds you walk on (hehe, simp XD), so I don’t think it’ll take that much convincing on your part (especially because it’s is self appointed duty to keep you safe so if you insist on going with or without him, he supposes he’ll have to go)

Is definitely a bit tense at first. He doesn’t know how to let loose and chill so while you’re sun tanning on a beach chair he’s like 🧍‍♂️ahdgshjsjd

Eventually calms down a bit though! You get him to relax and eat some almond tofu you brought along with you. It definitely gets him to perk up.

I don’t think he would mind getting into the water but I do think he’d rather walk along the shore and collect pretty seashells and sea glass.

He later gives the ones he deems pretties to you (he hands them over to you with a blush on his face and pretends it’s not a big deal and he definitely gets all pouty and grouchy when you coo at how adorable he is)

As for creeps, Xiao is both intimidating and well known in Liyue. No one is brave enough (or, let’s be honest, dumb enough) to approach you with any bad intentions.

Sure, Xiao has sworn never to harm a human/citizen of Liyue but that doesn’t mean he can’t scare the absolute shit out of them.

I think Xiao would definitely enjoy a beach day 🥺🥺. He’d find it very relaxing to go out with you and just hear the sound of waves and feel the sand under his feet.

He’d definitely hint at wanting to do it again later. Of course, he won’t tell you. No, that’s a foolish mortal activity and he has much better things to do.

Wait no, don't turn around, yes he will go with you next month.

All in all, I give Xiao a 9/10. It’s a very relaxing day (which he deserves 😤). And you get to see a whole new side of him.

💎Ningguang:

OK SO ORIGINALLY I WASN'T GONNA WRITE ONE FOR HER (at least not in this post) BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF LADY NINGGUANG TAKING YOU TO A WHOLE ASS PRIVATE BEACH

She knows you don’t care about how exclusive the beach you go to is (in fact, the fact that you don’t care about where you are or what you do is one of the things that make her fall more and more madly in love with you) but you deserve the best so she’s gonna go all out.

She’s a busy lady so days like this where the two of you get to go somewhere and be together are few and far between.

She knows it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who is busy 24/7, so she appreciates how you remain by her side despite all hardships. (Y’all are a whole ass power couple istg)

The two of you spend your day relaxing. Sun bathing, drinking piña coladas, maybe taking a dip in the ocean. It’s all very pleasant!

Ningguang doesn’t quite feel like the type of person who would sit in the sand and make sandcastle, however you’re more than welcome to make some yourself. She finds it endearing <3

If you insist on her helping, she’ll eventually comply. She loves you too much to say no. I feel like she’ll either be terrible at it or like a total architect.

Sand is technically like tiny rocks right? So maybe she can use her vision to help her? If that’s the case, she’s making a replica of the Jade chamber out of sand.

If any creepy person comes up to you don’t worry. Ningguang will buy the whole beach and then use her right of admission as owner to permanently ban them from the beach you’re at.

The only downside to a day at the beach with Ningguang might be that there’s a big chance she’ll be called to tend urgent matters, seeing as she is the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing and all.

If that does happen, she’ll be sure to make it up to you somehow, whether it be rescheduling or taking care of the matter as soon as possible so that the two of you can get back to your day of relaxation and fun.

All in all?? Lady Ningguang will treat you like total royalty and the two of you will have an amazing time! I give her an 11/10 (she would literally buy a whole beach for you to be comfortable I mean c’mon)

🍃Venti:

BEACH DAYS WITH HIM ARE SO FUN!!

Swimming? Yeah, he’d love to! Sunbathing? Sure! He’ll ever conjure up a light breeze for the two of you. Sandcastle building? WELL OF COURSE WHY DO YOU THING HE BROUGHT ALL THESE BUCKETS AND SHOVELS?

No but seriously, he might be the best person out of everyone here to go to the beach with. He’s fun, free spirited, and he’s a traveling bard who’s been alive long enough to know where all the best beaches in Teyvat are. (He also knows a guy- er, well, dragon I suppose- who is willing to fly them to any place).

He’ll play some soft tunes while you doze under the sun.

HE PICKS PRETTY SHELLS AND GIFTS THEM TO YOU!!!

He will bring booze. I’m pretty sure this is a necessity. If you’re a little upset about it, he’ll probably “eheh~” his way out of it. That slick bastard.

If you really insist on him not drinking, he won’t consume much alcohol.

If some creepy person approaches you and tries to ruin you your day of beach time fun, all of their stuff will suddenly be blown away, causing them to scramble back to their spot and (almost embarrassingly) flail around trying to catch everything. What a shame…

At the end of the day, he’d be a little sad to leave. Definitely makes plans about tbe two of you going back soon.

I gotta give him a 10/10 he’s just so fun omg.

#genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact Diluc x reader #Diluc x reader #diluc #genshin impact albedo x reader #Albedo x reader #Albedo #genshin impact xiao x reader #xiao x reader #Xiao #genshin impact ningguang x reader #ningguang x reader #ninggaung #genshin impact venti x reader #Venti x reader #venti #flavor: diluc #flavor: albedo #flavor: xiao #flavor: ningguang #flavor: venti #patt’s creations

[nemeses]

rant post about freddy vs jason under the cut so if you like hearing a gay person talk about their gay little interests then read on

ok idc what anyone says jason CLAPPED. freddy in freddy vs jason. jason ROCKED FREDDYS SHIT. freddy really resurrected jason and then was like “ohhhhh fuck. why cant this guy die. he cant die??? guys i fucked up” LIKE?? yeah jason takes. a LOT. of hits. but he ALWAYS gets back up AND DONT THINK IM BIASED ON THIS JUST BECAUSE JASON IS MY FAVORITE OK. I CAN ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN A FAVE OF MINE LOSES. but jason is a literal zombie, he can be hit over and over again and maybe he can be incapacitated for awhile but this dude literally cannot fucking die. meanwhile freddy is over here looking like a fucked up block of swiss cheese mf with knives on only ONE HAND. AT LEAST COMMIT AND DO BOTH HANDS.

ok lets get into these fucking logistics and by that i mean the hits. jason first okay?? so...jason takes a lot. hes a big boy, big strong boy, he takes so many fucking hits in this movie......... this man is set on fire, he is obliterated by dozens of iron poles through his body, is beat up by a massive swinging..... contraption... has his ONE GOOD EYE STABBED OUT. AND HE JUST KEEPS FUCKING GOING. HES SO STRONG. anyone who says that jason isnt the strongest slasher can fight me this dude is fucking insane and i love him. they literally had to try and make jason WEAKER by saying that hes afraid of water even tho jason is a beast of a swimmer as we can see in Multiple previous movies, especially jason takes manhattan. the only thing that giving him this fear of water does is make me SAD! WHY DID WE HAVE TO WATCH HIM GET BULLIED HE DESERVES THE WORLD YOU BASTARDS

okay now freddy takes WAYYYY less hits than jason does but thats a given considering jason is a tank and freddy is... freddy. hes there. but its especially during the end that he gets his shit absolutely atomized. he gets some good hits on jason but at the end of the day, this man has his arm CUT OFF. then hes STABBED WITH HIS OWN ARM!!!!!! AND THEN HES DECAPITATED. HOLYY FUCK MAN. and yes i know he lives at the end blah blah blah but hes literally being dragged out of the lake as just a head by jason who looks like this is an average tuesday for him. freddy lost this shit 100%

also side note, the fucking fire stunt that jason did???? holy shit. the stunt actor that did this literally walked i think its like 70 feet, just. on fire. completely on fire for this scene. oh my god. so fucking cool, so absolutely amazingly cool. AND the electricity kill WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!!! JASON IS SMART AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE THIS GUY IS SO SLICK WITH HIS KILLS AND THE ELECTRICITY KILL IS SO FUN AND THIS MOVIE IS UNDERRATED. IDC IF THE CHARACTERS SUCKED. JASON COOL. END OF STORY

#sorry for such a long post about it but i feel very strongly about this movie #and i also feel very strongly about jason' #also no one ever talks to me about horror so i need to put my mental illness somewhere

[opluffys]

Reverse Captain- Killer x Reader x Eustass Kid

okay okay this is like the last old story from my archive account that i’m posting here *maybe? lmao idk* :,). i’m head over heels in love with killer so i got like ten wips for him lololo. lowkey don’t like how this one turned out, but it’s a couple of months old so idc anymore hehe. anyway i hope you guys enjoy! oh, also sorry if the spacing looks weird, i was too lazy to go through the whole thing and edit it...

-smut/nsfw-

You felt deliciously full and sore, the quick sliding of your captain's cock against your tight walls nearly made you lose consciousness.

"Fuck... Kid..!" You yelled, feeling his girth stretch you.

He grunted behind you and continued to thrust into you wildly, almost as wild as that red hair of his, which was now stuck to his forehead.

Your breasts were flush against the table of his office, rocking back and forth, creating a wanted friction that fueled your desire.

It was no surprise that Kid was rough in bed, just one look at the man and pretty sure anyone could tell. But you just weren't ready for it all, the way his cock just hit every spot inside of you so perfectly... When he leaned down to nip your ear and leave harsh markings on your neck, you felt like you couldn't keep up with him.

You broke the eye contact you had with countless papers and unfinished works in progress on Kid's desk, and looked fervently for your sword. You took that damn thing with you everywhere you went, you would risk your own life for that sword.

When you finally made eye contact with that beautiful blue casing, your face illuminated, you quickly grabbed it, using the hilt of the sword to press against Kid's chest.

"What the fuck..." He started angry, then stumbling backwards onto a stray chair in the middle of the room that fell victim to you and Kid.

"I think you need to slow down a bit, Captain." You said, your voice like sweet honey as you sauntered over to where he was sat, straddling his thighs.

"So you used Sea Stone to tell me that?!" He snapped, about to get up before you pressed the hilt against him once again.

"Ah ah. Feisty are we? I think it's my turn to take charge for the night, don't you, my Captain?" You asked, raising your hips to line yourself up right against his shaft, teasing the redding head with your slick entrance.

"Damn woman..." He growled, trying to get up again, but you were barely faster than him, trailing the hilt of the sword all over his body, making him groan tiredly.

"I would fucking end you if you weren't such a good doctor." He grumbled, still attempting to take charge every few minutes, evidently failing.

"That's all I am? Your doctor?" You responded, faking a disappointment tone. You still continued to rub your folds teasingly over the painfully hard head of your captain.

He raised his hand and you raised your sword, he almost chuckled, instead sending a smirk your way.

"Relax, princess. If I still wanted to actually take charge, you would've been screaming my name over my desk years ago. I guess I'll let you dominate this one time, but next time," He leaned into your ear, nipping it and taking the sensitive cartilage into his mouth. "You're gonna be wishing that you had done it my way." He finished.

You gulped nervously, the tone of his voice nearly made you want to bend yourself back over that desk, forgetting the thoughts of ever wanting to dominate your captain ever again.

Kid let out booming laughter at your reaction, about to come up with a snarky retort, but he was soon silenced by a grunt of pleasure as you finally decided to lower yourself onto his hardened arousal.

"Oh, fuck... So tight..." He whispered, biting his lip as he tried to silence his sounds.

You shuddered noticeably as he filled you to the brim, no, even further than that. He never let you ride him before, because 'You're too slow.' as he said. But as of now, being slow worked in your favour, making the red haired captain begin to lose his cool, grunts and groans of frustration leaving his full painted lips.

"Oh! Oh Captain!! Yes!!" You yelled, feeling his strong arms just tightly wrapped against you and feeling his warm pants fanning across your equally warm face just did something for you.

"Keep talking like that... I won't fulfil my end of the deal." He panted, hands attached to your plush hips, grinding against him thoughtfully.

"That'd be a shame, Captain... Because next time, I'm up for whatever you wanna do. And I mean anything, Kid." You said, sultrily pulling him in and out of you, your wet insides protesting him pulling out every time.

That seemed to shut him up for a while.

"So I've been thinking." You started, bottoming out on his lap, hissing in pleasure after feeling so full. "Your first mate, Killer... He doesn't like me much?" You asked, warming his cock, leaning your forehead against his pectorals.

"I know how Killer ticks. He doesn't hate you or anything, just no reason to make conversation with you. Why do you ask?" Kid replied, unconsciously bucking his hips upwards once in a while, earning you to pull your sword out and poke him with it a couple of times.

"No reason. I just think he's kinda sexy. What's under that mask leaves my imagination running wild, ya know." You said playfully, using your agile hands to tweak and pinch every inch of his built torso.

"What are you really getting at, (First Name)." He said, tone now completely serious, and even though he was stilled inside of you, length twitching and just dying to ravage your insides, the captain's voice never faltered, remaining serious.

"Okay, maybe I daydream of being pinned under your first mate, childhood friend, whatever. But hey, I admit it that he's really, really hot. Okay, happy now, Eustass?" You groaned, hitting your head against his chest in embarrassment, ready for him to scream at you for wanting to have sex with his best friend.

"Okay."

"Yes, I deserve whatever punishment you think is fit- wait, what?" You paused, thinking that you didn't hear him properly.

"I was your first, but by no means were you mine. So if you wanna fuck another dude, at least do it when I'm gone, or some shit." He grunted, rolling his eyes when he saw your surprised expression.

"Fuck, Kid. Please bend me over and fuck me as hard as you want." You whimpered, feeling so pleased at his response.

"With pleasure, princess." He replied, sending a wicked grin your way, harsh hands attached to your sides.

You stood at the edge of the ship, waving goodbye to your captain, who stood alongside Heat and Wire, going into the next island that you all had drifted to.

The two of you decided to hatch up a not too great plan of leaving you and Killer alone on the ship, which was 'I leave with Heat and Wire to the next island, because I'm captain, I do whatever the fuck I want.' which, had actually worked out well.

He sent a shit eating smile your way, then turned around to take his leave, the two other men following their captain.

Killer stood by your side silently, he was never one for being chatty, you knew that much. You took a few looks at the man, his plain black shirt hugging his muscles so tight, that scar on his arm made you tighten your legs, feeling an undeniable warmth flood your senses. You continued your not so subtle stares, the way his blonde mane fell down his broad shoulders and framed his body looked phenomenal, and the only thing you couldn't see was that damn face of his. You stared at the dozen holes on the striped mask, almost like trying to see through it.

"Is something the matter?" He asked, sounding more like a statement than a question. You stiffened, looking upwards towards the blonde, feeling so small in his presence.

You didn't get to be in bed with Eustass Kid for feeling small, though.

"No, Killer." You said, dragging his name out from your tongue, walking closer to his stature. You leaned against his strong chest, a gentle hand laying on his rippling muscles.

"But I think that you have something the matter with me." You said, taking your hand off of him, giving him a sly smile.

"You must've imagined it." He replied coolly, walking away to his quarters, not even giving you a chance to further your attempt at a conversation.

You clicked your tongue and walked past Kid's lackeys, who were all staring at your ass while you passed by, going to wandering into the kitchen.

You turned your head to look at them, smiling at how painfully obvious they were being while gawking at you. If only Killer sent a single gaze your way like these men here, it'd make your job of seduction a lot easier.

You took a seat in the kitchen, a stray chair in front of the stove. You picked at your nails, desperately waiting for someone to scream for your help, claiming they've been injured and needed your help. Though it was a bit bad to wait for someone to become injured, it was your role to assist them.

You didn't know when, but you leaned your head over onto your hand and started to doze off for a while, only jolting awake when you heard the sound of running water from behind you.

"Finally awake?"

You turned to where the voice came from, swallowing hard when you saw that mess of blonde hair.

"There's a plate in front of you, if you're hungry." He said, continuing to wash dishes. Yes, of course you were hungry, but not for food.

You hummed softly, getting up to smooth your skirt and walk over to Killer, offering your hand to help. "Maybe later. How about some assistance?" You asked, settling next to him to dry the wet plates. He shrugged lightly, his blonde tendrils swaying along his strong shoulders. Oh, how you wanted to just grab onto those shoulders while he thrusted into you wildly, grunting and groaning in your ear how you took him so well-

"Here."

You snapped out of your daydreams and took the plate from him, drying it off and placing it onto the shelf.

The two of you sustained a steady rhythm of washing and drying for a while, until you accidentally had dropped a glass cup, seeming to smash into a million pieces upon impact.

"Shit." You mumbled, crouching down to pick up the glass with your bare hands, of course, a bad idea, but you weren't weak, you could take a few cuts as long as you cleaned the mess.

Killer stood silently behind you, admiring the view of you bent down, even though he really shouldn't be. He pulled you up by the arms, surprising you, nearly dropping the glass shards.

You looked at his mask with a perplexed look on your face, dropping the bits of glass into the trash bin, dusting your hands off.

Killer started walking over to you, and you, being confused of what he needed, continued to back up, until your back hit the wall.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drop it or anything. Besides, I cleaned it up. We all good?" You asked, looking up at him.

"Why do you do this, (First Name)." He asked, grabbing your chin in his calloused hand, forcing your wandering eyes to peer into the mask.

"Do what?" You replied, resting your hand atop his sculpted arm, his muscle twitching at your touch.

"Make me want to pin you against the wall and fuck your brains out." He said, not moving his hand from your skin.

You froze in place, it seemed your job was easier than you had thought. "So do it, Killer." You smiled, tracing your hands over his strong torso.

"I can't." He answered, moving away from you, back to the sink to dry the rest of the dishes. You frowned, your painted lips then creating a flat line as you stood in thought.

"You can. I'm the captain's girl, right?" You said, walking behind him, trailing your nails through the material of the black shirt, feeling his muscles tense under you. "And you're captain when he's gone." You said, standing on your tippy toes to nip at his strong neck, leaving a barely visible mark behind.

You were sure you didn't even blink before you were over the counter, Killer's arm against your back, preventing you to move. A smile spread across your features, sighing contently as you felt his other hand squeeze and pinch along your clothed body.

"Mm, Killer..." You whimpered softly, grinding against his crotch. His breath hitched, but he easily retaliated, a loud hiss of pleasure leaving your lips as you felt a stinging sensation on your ass.

"I guess you're just like captain. Always wanting to take charge." You sighed, feeling the cool air hit your dripping cunt, accommodating the size of Killer's digits. "I guess so." He said, his gaze on how you took his three fingers.

You moaned loudly, biting your lip while shifting your weight from foot to foot, unable to take the torture any longer. "I didn't come here for your fingers." You grumbled, closing your eyes as he curled his fingers deep inside of you.

"Yeah, but this is probably the only time I'm going to be able to enjoy you. Gotta take it nice," He stopped, pulling his fingers out to circle your clit. "And slow." He finished. You were sure he was smirking underneath that mask.

"It doesn't have to be." You whimpered, backing your hips against him again, feeling his bulge rub against you. You heard him take a sharp inhale, contemplating whether to continue the teasing, or to just give in.

"Please." You begged, placing your forehead against the hard table.

And he had his answer.

The sound of a fumbling belt buckle behind you put a smile on your face. "Finally." You mumbled, feeling his tip press against your entrance. You bit your lip from letting out a scream as he suddenly filled you, a shaky sigh leaving Killer's lips.

"Ah... Fuck, Killer!" You panted, your hands grabbing the counter harshly. His tan arm lifted from you, now squeezing your hips tightly, pulling you back against him, relishing in your warmth.

"Killer... Fuck... You stretch me so good!" You yelled, moaning when you felt him fill you over and over again. "You're awfully quiet back there, am I not what you expected?" You said, a fake tone of sadness lacing your voice.

"Unlike you or Kid, I'm not so vocal." He responded, trying not to show the strain on his voice, even when you were wrapped so tightly against him, your pussy dragging him in deeper and deeper with every thrust. "You're even better than I thought, (First Name)." Killer said, pushing himself into you deeper than what you thought possible.

"Isn't this position boring? Why don't you pin me against the wall and fuck my brains out like you proposed? You can even have me do the work and ride you, or even-" You were cut off when your mouth was filled with Killer's long fingers, taking your tongue between them. "You know, you make a good point. I can't see the faces you're making." He said, pulling out of you slowly.

"Why don't we go somewhere more, private." He said, his deep voice making your legs shake. You nodded fervently, pulling your panties up and adjusting your skirt. You tried to take a step forward, but your wobbly knees betrayed you, nearly making you fall down until Killer took your hand, pulling you up gently. "We weren't even going for that long." He said, making sure that you could stand before letting you go. "You're big, what do you expect?" You mumbled, rolling your eyes.

When you were stable, you tried taking another step under Killer's gaze. Again, you failed and your hands flew to his extended arm. He sighed audibly and lifted you up, carrying you like a bride. "What a gentleman." You giggled, your hand wrapping around his neck softly. He didn't reply as he started walking back to his room, obviously attracting stares along the way.

"Killer..." You whimpered, feeling his cock push against your womb, making you see stars. Your back was against the cool wall, seeming to steal the warmth that radiated off of you. "You're tight even when you and the captain go at it everyday..." He grunted, his hips snapping against yours. You would've laughed if you weren't pinned against the wall getting fucked. "Yeah, sorry about that... I know I can get a little, ya know..." You said timidly, a warmth settling on your cheeks after getting called out for being so loud.

"I've always wondered what your lips feel like." You sighed, feeling him stretch you so good. "Not today, (First Name)." He said, biting his lip softly, trying not to let out too much noise, even though you couldn't even hear him. "Come on, Killer. All I've wanted to see was your face the second I joined the crew, and that was years ago, that says something." You said, trying to sound angry, but that was seemingly impossible with a huge cock inside of you.

Killer seemed to stand still in thought, wondering if he could actually show you his face. He didn't hold any negative feelings toward you, but he wasn't sure if he trusted you enough. "And if I do..?" He asked, not moving any longer, his cock deep inside of you. "If you do, then I most definitely think that we would enjoy ourselves much more." You replied, hands squeezing his strong shoulders tightly. He made a sound of disapproval as he pulled out of you again, walking away from you. You barely stood, only with help of a chair next to you were you able to stand.

A confused face took over your gentle features, pondering if you had said or did something wrong. "Damn it, how the fuck did I mess this up so badly..?" You sighed, starting to gather your clothes slowly, silently wishing Killer was here to help you out. It was the least he could do if he didn't want you anymore.

"(First Name), do me a favour." You heard him, he was out of view, for some reason. You hummed, signalling that you heard him. "Close your eyes, just for a little while." He said, his voice coming closer to where you stood. You complied, used to taking orders, especially on a ship where Eustass Kid was captain.

You felt a rougher hand tangle with your soft one, leading you somewhere. You trusted Killer, but you had no clue what he was going to do.

You were stopped for a moment, then brought down onto muscled thighs, your hand still tightly wrapped with Killer's. It took you a moment to realise that you were straddling his thighs, your cheeks adapting a sudden warmth at the intimate pose you two held.

You felt warm lips against yours, your abdomen knotted tightly at the feeling. His tongue softly pushed against your own, his lips tangling within your own in a fierce dance, the two of you seemingly unable to get enough of each other.

Your hand still laced with Killer's, you squeezed it harder unconsciously, feeling your lungs start to burn after not inhaling enough oxygen. Your open hand wandered lower, tracing Killer's strong abs and his beautiful V-line, finally finding his rock hard length, your hand softly pumping it when he released your lips with a groan. 

"Fuck, (First Name)... Just like that..." He whispered, his pants warming your face. His breath smelled of a cool mint, opposing your captains fierce cinnamon scent.

Your eyes were still shut, though you were dying to take a small peek, you were sure he was just as beautiful as the rest of his body.

You continued your ministrations while Killer ravaged your soft lips, his lipstick mixing with yours. Any time while the two of you locked lips, you felt his cock twitch in your hands, obviously wanting to be back inside of your warmth. You subtly raised your hips, lining his cock up with your entrance. Just as you started to lower yourself, Killer thrusted his hips forward, sheathing himself inside of you quickly. You yelled against his lips, separating the two of you.

He would've laughed if he didn't dislike doing so. "You know I can see what you're doing, right?" He asked, his harsh tone of voice seeming to disappear.

"S-Shut your damn mouth..." You whispered, closing your eyes tighter than they already were. You opened your mouth to speak once again, but you were silenced by a pair of lips against yours once again. It was as if he couldn't get enough of you, each kiss was like air to him, his lungs burning like a fire until your cool lips met with his scorching ones. It was weird how you were the one who wanted to kiss him so bad, but he was the one who kept initiating it.

He pulled back from you, leaving your lips slightly agape and stinging, a sensation that was welcomed by you. "You can open your eyes now." He sighed, worried about how you'd react.

Your (eye colour) eyes strained open, the light making it hard to fully open them on command. You squinted, then little by little opened them fully, eyes resting on Killer's tanned chest, your mouth wanting to leave markings on the skin. You just realised that your hand still laid on top of Killer's gently, you muttered a quick apology and looked up at him, your eyes meeting his.

Your mouth hung open slightly, seeing his blonde hair fall into his face perfectly, his long eyelashes tickling his strong cheekbones, his full lips swollen after meeting your own countless times.

"So handsome..." You mumbled, seemingly forgetting that he was still inside of you. You noticed his cheeks get warmer, as you sent him a small smile. 

"Thank you."

He looked at you, confusion written all over his pretty features. "For?" He asked, his now free hand caressing your hips, tracing small shapes with his tall fingers.

"For trusting me... I know we never talk, but I trust you as much as Captain." You sighed, your forehead against his chest. "And well, obviously the other two." You laughed, referring to Heat and Wire.

He didn't know what to say, but he began to feel slightly bad. "Why did you never talk to me, anyway? When I first joined you used to at least make small talk with me, but then it stopped." You said, looking up at him with an undeniable sadness in your eyes. He sighed, averting his stare. "I knew something like this were to happen if I continued to talk to you. When you and Kid became a thing, I had to back off, respect that you were his, or the temptations would overcome me someday." He said, returning his gaze to you.

You hummed, satisfied with the answer. "At least you don't hate me." You said, raising your hips to be able to kiss him again, lips against his own with fierce intent.

"Please fuck me, Killer." You whimpered, unable to take just his stationary cock inside of you any longer. He didn't respond back to you, but began to assist you in moving on top of him, your arms resting against his shoulders as you started to bounce on him, his cock going inside and out with such a lewd sound.

Killer's hands gripped your hips tightly, lifting you onto him easier than if you were doing it alone. "Fuck..." He groaned, feeling your fleshy walls tighten around him, warmth over flooding his entire being.

You felt him push against the spot that nearly induced you into a deep unwanted sleep, letting out a loud moan, unable to form words to tell him to keep hitting that spot.

He knew what angle to go out now, abusing your wet walls with every snap of his hips. He moved his hand lower to circle your clit slowly, hearing you give a wanton whisper of his name fuelled his need to make you finish around him.

You felt your leg twitch as you felt your inevitable release creep up on you. Your moans and whimpers grew to a higher pitch, with a raise of your hips, Killer met your lips against his once again, you never growing tired of the feeling. One more deep thrust inside of you, and you couldn't take it, accidentally screaming into Killer's open lips, you separated from his mouth and whimpered again as you came around him, your arousal dripping down onto his erection and onto the both of your thighs.

He continued to lazily drill into you, filling you to the brim until he was satisfied. He bit his lip as you tightened onto him harshly, almost like not wanting to let go. You moaned his name, feeling sensitive with every move.

"So fucking good." He whispered to himself, getting lost in your soft insides. He too felt release coming sooner than he thought. You were just so good around him, smaller than him and still able to take him better than initially thought.

A few more thrusts and he pulled out, grunting softly as he came on your stomach, thick white ropes of his sticky seed on your naked body.

He got up to bring you a towel, finally feeling the after effects on him, collapsing onto the bed beside you gently. You smiled, your lipstick was slightly smeared and your hair was tousled messily. You cleaned yourself up and laid next to him, locking lips again softly, feeling him being so gentle with you made you feel like you could take him again right then and there.

His eyes were on yours after you backed up from the kiss, a smile on your face as you closed your eyes.

"I could get used to this."

#one piece x reader #one piece #one piece smut #eustass kid #killer #one piece killer #eustass kid x reader #killer x reader #fanfic #smut