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disgruntledspacedad · 3 years

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Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment.

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself.

I call bullshit, though.

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her.

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life.

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt.

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too.

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth.

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine.

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there.

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me.

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct.

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down.

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it.

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi.

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection.

Javi just denies this emphatically.

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug.

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels.

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most.

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something.

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return.

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that.

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #narcos #narcos netflix #pedro pascal #Javier Peña headcanon #Javier Peña imagine #Javier Peña x you #better love #the rules of engagement #i will spam you guys about this precious disaster couple for as long as you let me

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salamandersofftheclock · 3 years

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Principles You Can Use From Rowling’s Philosophy of Writing

by Ruthanne Reid

If you’re like me, you loved the Harry Potter series. Maybe you watched the movies or even visited the theme park, and you wondered about JK Rowling’s writing process and the strategy she uses to write her best-selling books. If you’re like me, though, you’ve also been deeply hurt by things Rowling herself has said. On Twitter, on her website, in interviews, and more, Rowling has promoted harmful views of trans people, and you might be one of her many readers who find it painful, or even impossible, to return to the Harry Potter books you once loved.I understand. Before I dive into the wisdom we can draw from Rowling’s writing process in order to write our first draft (or others), allow me to share a principle with you. Death of the Author: Or, How to Love the Book, Not the Author In 1967, a French literary critic named Roland Barthes wrote an essay called La mort de l’auteur, or Death of the Author, in which he states that any piece of writing should be separated from the author that wrote it. In other words, he believed in judging the written work completely on its own merits, without involving personal beliefs or actions of the author in question. Sometimes, this is possible to do. Sometimes, it isn’t, and we readers have to apply discernment to what we read and the lens in which we view things.I have two examples for you. HP Lovecraft First, HP Lovecraft, whose incredible work literally created today’s modern horror genre. Do you enjoy any kind of tale with Elder Ones, or chaos gods, or even just good old Cthulhu? (I know I do!) His work was so creative, so new, that you’d be hard-pressed to find any horror story that doesn’t show at least some of his influence.Unfortunately, Lovecraft was also an extremely xenophobic racist. Now, I enjoy a good chaos god, and I’ve made the decision to separate his xenophobia from his writing. That means, of course, that I must view critically anything he wrote that implies white English people are somehow the pinnacle of humanity.It means I purposely do not allow his racism to infect my way of thinking. By doing so, I am practicing la mort de l’auteur. JRR Tolkien Here’s a second example: JRR Tolkien, whose work defined modern fantasy. Do you enjoy anything with elves and dwarves or made-up languages? We owe Tolkien for that. He redefined and polished the fantasy genre so well that everything from movies to MMORPGs still use his templates. Unfortunately, he also described his orcs as “squat, broad, flat-nosed, sallow-skinned, with wide mouths and slant eyes: in fact degraded and repulsive versions of the (to Europeans) least lovely Mongol-types.” Yowza. Now, was Tolkien a racist? Not exactly. In fact, according to the standards of the time, he was absolutely liberal and anti-racist. So then what do we do with this bizarro and racially horrifying description? We see it and choose to discard it. Generations of artists and authors have done exactly that, turning orcs into anything but“least lovely Mongol-types,” and aiding this genre.Again, it’s important to see the problem so you can avoid letting it influence your work. We enjoy the good parts while consciously discarding the bad, rather than being influenced by it. So What About JK Rowling? She’s not dead. In fact, she’s still saying harmful things, even as we speak. Instead of listening to her readers, who (at least initially) approached her in love, trying to help her understand, she doubled down, rejected their experience and their words, and in the process, caused an unbelievable amount of pain. Here’s the thing about la mort de l’auteur: it is entirely up to you whether to apply it to what you read, or to simply discard the whole thing and find less troublesome authors. Both roads are valid. In no way do I condone her attacks on the trans community, or her persistent sharing of misinformation. I choose to apply la mort de l’auteur for the simple reason that I benefited from the good things she’s written, and I wanted to share them with you. However, if you aren’t comfortable doing that, you are absolutely welcome to walk away. In fact, I’d suggest these writing articles instead: Neil Gaiman’s rules of writing, or how to create your own rules of writing. Okay. Awkward stuff done. Ready to dive into the process stuff instead? Let’s go! 9 Rules From JK Rowling’s Writing Process Over the course of her writing career, Rowling shared a lot of solid writing wisdom, and in my opinion, eight writing rules stand out—along with a ninth we can apply from her choices since. Whether or not you’re writing your first book like Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone) or last book in a series (like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), I think these rules speak to Ms. Joanne Rowling’s philosophy on writing.They are great writing tips for you to reflect on in your spare moments and then apply to your writing process, for short stories, novels, bestsellers, or even the first time you’ve ever attempted a book. Rule One: Protect your writing time “Be ruthless about protecting writing days, i.e., do not cave in to endless requests to have “essential” and “long overdue” meetings on those days. The funny thing is that, although writing has been my actual job for several years now, I still seem to have to fight for time in which to do it.” This is especially hard for those of us with family. Our loved ones come first, and while that is important, our loved ones also need to understand that we need time to write. Setting reasonable boundaries is a crucial step for a writer—even if they’re as simple as, “Mommy needs fifteen minutes of quiet time, okay?” If you have trouble setting boundaries with loved ones, try setting a reasonable boundary for one week. See how it goes. If it’s too much time or too little, tweak it. Establish a routine that signals to others that it’s your writing time, but also lets them know that outside of your writing space, you’re there for them. Not only will this teach the importance of flexibility and discipline to others, but also that your writing is valuable. It’s your work, and your dream! Needing quiet time to write doesn’t mean that you don’t love your family. Your writing deserves your time, too. Open communication about this can help everyone understand and respect that. Rule Two: Treat your writing like a job “You’ve got to work. It’s about structure. It’s about discipline.” It’s easy to forget that writing is a job. We don’t always feel like doing our job. We certainly don’t always feel inspired. To be writers, we must train ourselves to sit down and write even when we don’t feel like it. Those moments are the ones that really matter, even more than the shining, flying, muse-kissed moments.Writing when we don’t feel like it is what turn amateurs into professionals and rough drafts into polished manuscripts. “The muse works for you. You don’t write at her beck and call—you train her to show up when you’re writing. “ Rule Three: Believe you ARE a writer “I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.” Yes, writing is possible with another job. Yes, writing is possible with other responsibilities. Are you a writer? (I know your inner critic snarled no, but I also know a tiny candle-flicker of unquenchable hope in you whispered yes with so much longing you could cry.) You ARE a writer. That means you write. A runner runs. A painter paints. A cook cooks. You are a writer. You write. Accept this, fight to believe it, and be amazed at how far that takes you. Rule Four: Write what you know “Write what you know: your own interests, feelings, beliefs, friends, family and even pets will be your raw materials when you start writing.” This doesn’t mean you need to experience aliens in order to write about them. It means that all good stories have universal application. A great example is this Google Doodle. (Trust me. I’m going somewhere with this.) Take two minutes and thirty-six seconds to watch this: Halloween 2017 Google Doodle: Jinx’s Night Out It’s adorable, right? Without a single word, this video told an effective story. You felt for the little ghost, both when it was sad and when it was happy, right? News flash: you’re not a ghost. That was universal application. It doesn’t matter what culture you’re from or what language you speak; all human beings know what it is to be lonely, to feel left out, to be frustrated, determined, and to finally be with friends. That story works because the creators used their interests, feelings, beliefs, friends, family and even pets to tell this story. (I’m fond of the kitty, myself.) I’m greatly oversimplifying, but here’s the gist: you already know how to tell a moving story because you live one. If you’ve ever had emotions, ever responded to anything, then you already know what universal application looks like. Listen to the people around you, and apply empathy. You don’t have to be a ghost to write a good ghost story. Rule Five: Read “I always advise children who ask me for tips on being a writer to read as much as they possibly can. Jane Austen gave a young friend the same advice, so I’m in good company there.” Read. Read. Read some more! The more you read, the bigger your arsenal of words will be. The more you read, the better your grasp of metaphor, poetry, beauty, passion, and empathy will be. The more you read, the greater you will be as a writer (and probably human being). It’s like learning more dance moves or impressively difficult notes on an instrument. The more you learn, the better you’ll be. So read in your genre. Read outside your genre. Get in the habit of finding time to pick up a book instead of your phone (unless it’s to open up another book.) You DO have the time to read. Even if that’s just ten minutes a day. Any time counts. And the more stories you read, the more likely you’ll start to implicitly develop the skills you need to become a great writer. Rule Six: Persevere “Perseverance is absolutely essential, not just to produce all those words, but to survive rejection and criticism.” This is one of those unpleasant truths about publishing: you’re gonna get rejected. A lot. I wish there were a way around this. Harry Potter was turned down again and again because that’s just the way it goes sometimes. And it isn’t only publishers: when you get published, and your work is out there, you’ll get bad reviews, too. Mostly, they’ll just be people who don’t understand what you’re doing. Intellectually, you’ll know that. Your heart, on the other hand, is going to break into a thousand pieces. But here’s the secret: you can’t stop writing because of push-back. You MUST NOT stop writing because of push-back. Keep going. Don’t stop. When you get rejected, pick up your pen and keep going (and use the way you feel to put more universal application into your work). And when you’re feeling really discouraged? Remember that when someone doesn’t like your book, they might also just not be your ideal reader. That person just wasn’t your target audience.If your book isn’t to someone’s taste, that’s all right. It will be to someone else’s.Keep writing your book, because your ideal readers need it. Rule Seven: Bring your whole self to the page “What you write becomes who you are … So make sure you love what you write!” Writing is a little like a Mobius strip, in a way: Your beliefs and experiences and feelings all help craft your writing. However, your writing clarifies, corrects, and often reveals your beliefs, experiences, and feelings. As you write, you’ll discover things about yourself. You’ll clarify things, too, because it’s only as you come to write them that you realize they needed clarification in the first place. Now, understand: this means that if you haven’t given yourself a good look to find your biases (we all have them), you will bring those to the page, too. It’s important to see who you are as you bring your whole self to the page. Writing is a brave, bold venture, and life-altering discovery is part of the journey. Rule Eight: Accept that failure is part of the process “Failure is inevitable—make it a strength. You have to resign yourself to the fact that you waste a lot of trees before you write anything you really like, and that’s just the way it is. It’s like learning an instrument, you’ve got to be prepared for hitting wrong notes occasionally, or quite a lot. I wrote an awful lot before I wrote anything I was really happy with.” Failure is normal. Also, it is okay. You’re going to write a lot of crap. You’re going to push past those things and write more crap. It may take you twelve years. It may take you a million words. If it does, then you’re on the right path—the same one your favorite authors walk. Accept that it will take time, and that sometimes, your pencil won’t be your friend. If you accept it, then when it happens, you won’t throw in the towel and set the house on fire. Instead, you’ll be able to go, “Well, dang; that sucked, didn’t it? Knew it would happen. Time to write some more.” Rule Nine: Respect Your Reader Sadly, this rule doesn’t come from writing advice she’s given, but in a way, it’s the final conclusion of the previous eight. This involves bringing your whole self to the page. This involves empathy and universal application. This involves perseverance, never quitting, and willingness to tackle your writing troubles. If your readers value what you created, they will listen to what you say. Your words have the power to uplift or hurt others. None of us can ever really know where someone else is coming from, and it’s essential that both our stories and our interactions reflect respect. Respect yourself enough to be a better person. Respect your readers enough to hear what they have to say. This sounds scary, I know, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

#how to write #writing advice #writing #tw jk rowling #jkr #jk rowling #tw long post #long post #long text post #top writing advice #rules for writing

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laughing-with-god · 5 years

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Pandemonium XI

Words; 3.4k

“I don’t want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again.”

The tension in the room always seemed to follow Namjoon.

It was as if he carried the marvelous ability to take the thin air around him and bend it into a daunting aura. The very presence of him screamed alarm to others, an alpha just begging you to fuck with him. One found it a bit of a task to just meet his eye line.

You must admit, his little dialogue of his prediction of your ‘submissive’ side left a somewhat startled and taken aback feeling for you to process.

Surprisingly, he did make a point of you aggressive persona being a lot to upkeep. You weren’t sure if it was a defense mechanism or your personality, but you did feel a bit tired at times from having to keep a constant level of defiance. Perhaps you did have a problem showing vulnerability, and that’s why you act so bold; especially in the face of men.

You found yourself in a position you rarely were ever in; flabbergasted and strangled by silence as your mind struggled to keep up with what was just said.

Namjoon looked pleased, aristocratic features twisting up in a witty smile as if your confusion aided his pleasure. His dimples made an appearance and you felt your own face scrunch up into a scoff. How befitting was it for such an adorable feature to be plopped beside the very same lips that uttered such taboo topics at the dinner table?

His smile sparked some annoyance within you due to it revealing the satisfaction that his plan was working.

He wanted you to be freaking out right now.

He wanted you to feel exposed.

He wanted to plant a seed in your head.

You wouldn’t let him.

You leaned back in your seat and grabbed your glass to take a sip of whatever expensive wine he found necessary to splurge on. ‘Rich people’, you thought while barely suppressing an eye roll.

“You know Mr. Kim, I think that perhaps your little male ego just needs to feel vital. That’s why you enjoy the concept of being a girl’s ‘daddy’.”

A snark from his baritone voice. His olive tone hand reached out to mirror your actions by grasping his own glass of wine. “Charming analysis, really. Yet this doesn’t stem from a need to be in control and feel important. Like I stated before nymphet, it works both ways. You’d be just as vital to me as I am to you.”

“Be that as it may, don’t you think that forcing a submissive role onto someone is just manipulative?” You retorted.

“Not at all. Tell me babe, exactly when did I force any type of role onto you? In fact, I quite like you just as you are. I would be very bored if you were a utter doormat.”

You snorted at this. “And what exactly was that whole ted talk about your psychological analysis concerning my inner submissive side?”

“My meer suspicions. But let me ask you some questions.” A pause as if to wait for your objection. You stayed quiet. “Do you find it a negative that your partner would want to take care of your every need?”

You shook your head.

“Is it bad to depend on your partner?”

Another shake of the head.

“And will you admit that in relationships, one usually falls into a more assertive role while the other falls into a submissive role?”

A prolonged response, but you settled for a shrug.

“And you have a softer side, it’s just hidden under a facade of aggression.”

You placed your drink down quickly, and stuttered; “W-well, I wouldn’t say-” “No, no. That wasn’t a question.” His dark eyes glimmered with a knowing benevolence.

You face warmed on its’ own accord.

Logic was also something that was not wasted on this man by any means. It was like you were debating against a world class lawyer. You felt small and somewhat stupid, trapped by the brilliant diction to escape those plush lips of his. Of course, your immediate reaction was to yell and spark up another fight. He had tricked you.

Yet, you couldn’t. You would be proving him right.

Perhaps you were too stubborn. Maybe you were demonizing the idea of a dom/sub relationship. As you searched your mind for one valid reason to take a strong stance against it, you couldn’t.

“Are you two ready to order?” This broke your trance, causing you to look up and see the anxious waiter, pen and paper in hand.

You huffed and looked at Namjoon. “Order for me.”

Namjoon smirked, “No allergies to speak off?”

“Nope.”

Namjoon turned his attention to the waiter and informed him of the food that he would be expecting. Meanwhile, you attempted to drown yourself in that alcoholic grape juice that suddenly became all too interesting. Not noticing the very proud smirk Namjoon held.

“Any recent literature to capture my nymphet’s mind?”

You shoved another fork full into your mouth, not knowing whether or not to be happy that Namjoon did indeed order something you found very delicious. Not that you would ever tell him that, though.

“I finished Fitzgerald’s ‘This Side Of Paradise.’” You bluntly responded.

“And your thoughts?” Namjoon prodded.

“Amory Blaine was a player who got mad when he got played.”

Namjoon laughed, “Really now? I thought he was ahead of his time. When he met a woman who was finally of his wit and standard, she rejected him because she was too clever. Hell, Amory Blaine wouldn’t have married himself!”

“Sure, she was smart for dodging him and marrying someone rich. Yet, he didn’t have the right to bitch about it.”

“He got his heart broken.” Namjoon argued.

“He got his ego broken.” You disagreed, remembering the protagonists’ self-entitled rants of despair.

“We should have our own book club.” Namjoon suggested, seeming to enjoy the contrast of beliefs concerning classic novels.

“No thanks, I would rip your head off if I constantly had to hear your propaganda.” Chewing harshly on purpose, you glared straight ahead at him.

He smiled, amused by your lack of manners. “You’re a messy eater.”

You chewed louder, mouth open to get the sound effect as well.

“You know, you’re only proving me right by acting like a childish brat.” He smirked before passing you over a napkin. “If it were up to me, you would have gotten something from the kid’s menu and be eating out of kiddie plates and sippy cups.”

“I think you would find perfect companionship at a daycare if that’s what you would want to see someone eat out of.” You swallowed loudly, taking in sick satisfaction from Namjoons’ eyebrow twitch,

“Someone needs to teach you manners.” He stated.

“You’re right. Maybe Mr. Kim or Yoongi would be up for the job.” Using his brothers against him was cruel, but you couldn’t deny the opportunity to get under his skin.

He halted his movement to slice through his steak and looked up to bore his orbs into yours, “Don’t you dare mention those buffoons when you’re with me.”

“Why? Does it grind your gears to know that one of your brothers could be a more capable ‘daddy’ than you?” you couldn’t help but tease, feeling a level of power at finding a weak point at a seemingly powerful man.

A silence passed and his head bowed to cut through his steak, more precisely and harshly than he was mincing it before. You paused your consuming, partly startled at his sudden seriousness and lack of banter.

“Tell me something dear, were you spanked as a child?”

You choked, “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

He popped a dice of meat into his mouth to devour, “......because you’re about to be.”

Besides the obvious undertones of power-play, the dinner was perfectly adequate.

Namjoon held qualities that you would’ve liked in a partner; intelligent, gentlemanly, well-read, respectful and clever enough to uphold a repartee with you. He was one of the few people who you felt stimulated with by debating openly, one of the few people you respected as an equal footing with you. He challenged you. Some men you considered below you, knowing that their intentions were ill moraled and brains not nearly filled enough. Other men you considered to be of a different world, too out of touch to ever be a match to you. Similar to how you felt when your relationship first bloomed with Jimin, a man who should’ve never collided worlds with you.

But Namjoon was someone you felt rather comfortable with. After getting past the desperate swaying of dom/sub dynamics, you found yourself enjoying the company of the previously intimidating man. He entertained your thoughts on culture, music and even absurd analysis on how Oscar wilde was the ‘first gay king’ as you lovingly put it.

The meal was finished and he refused to beg for more of your time (something Jungkook or Jimin would’ve pulled.) He paid the bill with the help of a shiny black card, laid a crisp twenty dollar bill on the table and led you out of the restaurant whilst guiding you via an arm around your waist.

The car ride home was rather silent, the enchanting notes of Chopin played through the radio and draped an air of sophistication into the atmosphere. Neither of you spoke, yet it was far from awkward. It was more like a mutual agreement to appreciate a stillness after such engaging conversation.

He pulled into your dorm parking lot. Like an old fashioned bachelor, he exited his side to open the door for you and walk you to your door (or more like the dorm entrance).

“Was I satisfactory?” His deep voice rumbled, tone sounding more intimate as you were directly next to him...practically feeling the vibrations from his chest as he said his words.

You two continued your walk, however you were setting the pace. It was a slow walk, you had to admit, but you wanted to prolong the time and see how Namjoon would wrap the evening up. So it was your little secret that you took your time with calculated strides.

“Compared to what I thought was going to happen….yeah, I’m pleased.”

“And just what was your prediction?” He chuckled.

“I don’t know. Maybe you pulling a Cosby and taking me to a playroom or something.” You laughed.

“Your humor is too satirical love, people overhearing might not get the joke.” Namjoon pulled your form closer to him as a chilly wind passed through unexpectedly. You breathed deep and briefly wondered if it would be weird to ask just exactly how much this fucker drops on cologne alone.

‘He did tip a waiter like 20 dollars though….maybe I don’t wanna know.’

Sadly, you had approached the door and were forced to face him with goodbyes.

“Well...I’m glad you got to spend a night with a man instead of wasting it on a little boy.”

You rolled your eyes, and debated with whether or not you should say what has been bothering you on the drive over.

“A-are you going to teach me how a man kisses?” This indeed was the reason you had agreed to the date in the first place; Namjoon claiming to blow Jungkook’s boyish technique out of the water with a much more experienced mouth. It was something that was bubbling under the surface for you, making you prone to bursting if it wasn’t addressed.

Namjoon quirked his brow and rubbed the back of his neck, “I suppose, if that’s what the lady wants.”

You waited, holding your breath subconsciously.

He smirked and stepped closer to you, invading any realm of personal space. God, he was tall. You felt vulnerable but surprisingly….you didn’t feel any disgust towards this new feeling. It felt almost intimate to be so close to such a bigger frame than yours...

“Close your eyes.” He purred. You obeyed, you didn’t know why you did it without question...but you obeyed.

You waited for the feeling of his lips to touch yours.

Would his kisses be rough and alpha-like, like the domineering persona seen before?

Or would it be careful and elaborate, similar to his manners and mindset?

You felt his hand take yours.

You pursed your lips, not wanting to waste any time and cover the distance quickly.

You felt something warm and soft pucker against the back of your hand.

What?

You opened your eyes to witness something you weren’t expecting; Namjoon’s broad and receding back as he retreated towards the parking lot.

Rage spurred within you.

The fucker really just kissed your hand before trying to leave while you had your eyes closed and lips out like a fucking idiot?!

“What the fuck Namjoon?!” You called out, not caring how shrill and insane your own voice sounded as it echoed through the parking lot.

He raised one long arm to wave back, still not turning around to face you. “A real gentleman doesn’t kiss on the first date babygirl.”

You breathed in.

Your breathed out.

“YOU MANIAC! YOU CAN TALK ABOUT BDSM OVER DINNER BUT CAN’T EVEN PECK ME?! ‘DADDY’ MY ASS! YOUR BROTHERS WOULDN’T TREAT ME LIKE THIS!” You hollered as Namjoon got into his car, not once acknowledging your temper tantrum and starting up the vehicle to drive away.

You heard a window open as a college student poked their head out to see what was going on. “What the fuck are you yelling for? People are trying to sleep!”

You looked up and flipped the anonymous peer off while taking out your keys to enter the dorm.

The Kim brothers were an interesting breed, you decided.

You laid in bed, scrolling through your phone as you awaited sleep to come.

When you had got home, Kat was nowhere to be seen and you were left with the dorm to yourself. She did mention a study dat before so you weren’t too concerned.

You decided to wash up and turn in, knowing how early your first class was tomorrow.

A notification popped up on the top of your screen, halting your browsing.

It was a text from Namjoon.

‘I fell in love with her courage,

Her sincerity and her flaming self respect.

And it’s these things I’d believe in,

Even if the world indulged in wild suspicions

That she wasn’t all that she should be.

I love her and that is the beginning of everything.’ ~F. Scott Fitzgerald’

Did he really sent you a poem?

You spent about ten minutes reading the words over and over again, letting it warm your heart as you pictured Namjoon’s long fingers typing it down and thinking of you. It was easy for you to connect the dots given one of the his favorite topics was your submission to him. However, this poem hinted that he was not at all turned off by your aggression and bratiness. Even if the world didn’t think think you were proper, your flaming self respect earned Namjoon’s fondness of you. And like the last line said….

This was only the beginning.

You fell asleep with a smile upon your face.

Perhaps if you had looked up the horoscope for your astrological sign, it would’ve warned you of just exactly how cursed this day was about to be. Maybe even told you to stay your ass home.

Sadly, you had to discover this bad fortune the hard way by treading out into the very world itself.

First, you woke up late and thus had very little time to get pretty. Not only did you burst into your first class about 15 minutes late, but you also looked like a hot mess.

Then, you realized that you forgot to charge your laptop last night. Meaning, all notes were now going to have to painstakingly be taken by hand. This would have been longer and more carpal-tunnel themed but god decided to strike upon you even harder by making that pen explode on you, ink now staining your shirt.

And the final nail in the coffin was in your early afternoon class. Your professor was handing back grades on the most recent paper to be turned in, one that you have worked very hard on and missed sleep over.

And what did you get?

A big, bright, red ‘F’.

Red was a hideous color, you concluded. Maybe that’s why teachers used it? To make the letter grade look angry and disappointed. It worked like a charm given the more you stared at it, the more heavy the guilt and inner-turmoil felt on your chest.

You had enough of this day.

You looked like shit.

Felt like shit.

And apparently your quality as a student was utter shit.

There was a silver lining, and in a facade optimism you tried to focus on it and nothing else.

You only had one more class to suffer through today, after that you were perfectly free to wallow the rest of the 24 hours in bed with whatever items to satisfy a pity party.

But while walking on campus to your next class, you had caught sight of something.

A group of guys were lurking by the entrance to your next class.

The closer you approached, the more clearer their faces became.

It was a fuck boy pack, about five in total. They were excitedly talking with one another, some even rough housing with those enlarged limbs of theirs. You rolled your eyes and continued your stride, not wanting to pause and give them any more inspection. All you had to do was pass them and get into the classroom.

A boisterous roar that made you jump, the sound coming from the group itself (which now appeared to be like a group of wild hyenas).

You turned to see what the fuck can be such cause for such foolish hollering.

Only to see one of the guys pointing right at you while the others turned to face the direction.

And what face was among them?

Jungkook.

The scene was reminiscent of ‘Mean Girls’.

When Lindsey Lohan ate her lunch in the bathroom because she had no one to sit with.

You were just like her.

Instead, you weren’t eating lunch so much as you were bawling your eyes out.

A girl could only take so much, you know?

After you saw Jungkook among them, you snapped right back around to head to a bathroom. Not wanting him to bear witness to your now red face and watery eyes.

You promised yourself that you were just heading to the restroom for a second to process what just happened. Not to mention you also wanted to avoid them. However the more you tried to process it from within the claustrophobic stall of yours, the more unbearable the situation became.

Paranoia clawed at you and it quickly became apparent that either way, it wasn’t looking good for you.

What the fuck did Jungkook tell them about you?

Did he also tell them about your night together?

Did he tell them that you were a poor commoner willing to set aside self-respect for the wealth of sugar daddies?

Just how much did he expose of your intimate side to his bros for the sake of a laugh?

Although Jungkook was the proud owner of doe eyes, iron man socks and IU posters….he still hung out with jocks and wore too much axe spray to be allowed. Foolish it was to place any trust on a man like that. If he wanted to let the whole school know of your dirty little secret, he would have all the proof and popularity on his side.

You sniffled.

You knew that today in general just wasn’t a good day for you. Over-sensitivity was a given. But did being aware of your wounded heart make the pain go away any less? No. Of course not.

You just felt so...small. Hopeless. Meek. Like prey to anyone and anything that wanted to hurt you today.

And you craved protection of any sort.

Your eyes released more tears and another sob broke through your seemingly paper-thin chest. Just when exactly did you work yourself into a incomprehensive hysteria? You didn’t know.

Working on auto-pilot, you felt your own hand reach for your phone and swiftly click a contact name, tears dropping onto the screen before you put it to your ear.

A ring as you called the person.

He picked up on the second one.

“Hello?” his deep voice greeted.

“Daddy! Please get me….I-I’m scared.” you pleaded, not understanding the words that left your mouth until it was much too late.

Namjoon was taken aback on the other line.

Maybe the submissive side wasn’t so hidden afterall.

(Sorry I haven’t touched this fic in a long time....Im trash. tbh I hit a writers block and found nam kinda intimidating to write for. Is it obvious I haven’t written this story in a long time lmao? I have an outline though for the next few chapters so we should get back on track. Im very proud of the other stories I put out tho so if you haven’t yet, please check those out. Ask my character is available, tell me your thoughts on this chapter and I’ll catch you guys on the flippity flop.)

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mindwideopen · 3 years

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I am, a born again giver. I’ve taken for waaaayyy too long. Hoarding, keeping, covetous behavior. Believe me, I’ve done it. But I’ve decided, I have been needy, and a taker. I have kept things, in my house, that I don’t use, that is energy that others could be using, for a long time. I’ve also withheld my love, to people in my relationships. I’m being honest, because it feels better to do it, and because, I’ve decided that it’s time for a change, for the whole of me.

The fact is, I’ve hidden, and withheld, my love from people I love, that I feel I’ve been hurt by. The hurt, is what caused, and causes my behavior in those cases. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m, a jerk. Well, that’s how I feel they feel. And I see that a lot, in my daily life. Jerk... asshole... fuckers... all of them. Well, the fact is, none of them, are that. I saw, what I felt. And that’s how it works. Fear vs. love, is a real thing. All emotions break down to either fear or love, and love, ain’t that.

Deciding to love, is not a job for the weak. Love gets a bad rap sometimes. “I love you”. Pussy... love is for chicks with dicks. You can’t possibly love. You’re a man. You have to be strong, and powerful, and show dominance over all others. Well, I have, and quite frankly, I hate having that kind of a penis.

Love is not a pussy action. It takes balls upon balls, to love. Or, as Betty white says, balls are weak, why not love like a pussy, cause it takes a good pounding. I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist. Love, isn’t the dick move, it’s the best move you can make, and here’s why; love envelopes you, in power. The power of love, moves people to be, who they are. It allows the contrast to fade, and the love out shines all hate, and fear. Fear, is what holds us back from achieving the life we all desire. The lives all look different, cause what floats one of us may not do it for another, but ultimately the very same effect occurs. Happiness.

Happiness is relative, but the result of your feeling good, affects the whole of us all. The people who are happy, are more likely to love others, and treat people with respect and kindness. Seems pretty obvious, but we don’t tend to concentrate on creating that in our lives deliberately sometimes. The deliberate attention to loving ourselves, starts the chain of how the collective consciousness feels and acts, and how we feel and behave towards others, is the result. The fact is, only love, can save us all.

But love, is a lofty goal. It is. Love! Pft! So general. So stupid. Ok, I’ll love. Yeah, right. That will “save the world”. Whatever. Yep. That’s where it starts. With our perception toward love. So let’s try to define it. What is love to you? Maybe love is fast cars and hot women. Maybe love is a badass motorcycle on an empty highway going 88 mph. Or maybe love is a kitten, who cares? The point is, love, is a personal thing. But whatever does it for you, do that more often. Cause it will aid, in how we all treat one another, and feel about ourselves in the process. The 2 go hand in hand, really. The love, we feel, we give, and the love we see, we acknowledge to ourselves, as our own self worth.

Well, now I’m in the soup. Cause my son was trying to talk to me, and I got mad cause I was trying to type this post, and he wanted to talk. A lot. So, the loving thing to do? Whatever you feel, is good. So, are you feeling guilty like I am? If you are, go back and acknowledge your misstep. If not, continue your anger, the rest of the day pointed at him. Or, decide to let it all go, and act normally next time. All of these options, vaiid, but what feels the best? Well, I’m peeing right now as I type, but eventually, I’ll go back and apologize, and be cool with my boy, cause he’s pretty neat, and I dig having an open, and good relationship with him. Please hold, as I wipe, and do that. I’ll let you know how it turns out. Ok, the wiping went as expected, and my son and I, are cool. I apologized. Cause he comes first to me. That’s the way I choose to love, not for anyone else, but myself. Because loving my son, is my top priority, sometimes. And sometimes, all the time, I’m human. And I get aggravated that I’m not where I want to be in my life, and I’m not the best mom, but we try to stay vigilant as humans that are trying their best to be good parents and people to everyone in our lives. It’s a process, and we have our lives, to practice.

Life isn’t always the easiest to navigate. But, that’s a belief I have to overcome. It can be easy, if I think it is. My beliefs, dictate how I feel about things like that, myself, and others. The actions I decide to take are ruled by me. My moods, my emotions, who cut me off on the road, who screwed me over years ago, who talked shit about me and I found out about it. A lot of things in life affect the moods of us all. And when we interact, all is accounted for. “Oh yeah? Well I’m not taking your shit ever again! Fuck off!” “Fine! Oh, and I’ll take back my Pink Floyd album with David gilmour on there, and he’s hot, even though he’s in his mid 70s... whatever!” “Yeah, and give me back my copy of Aerosmith’s pump, cause you and I both know that steven Tyler had sex in an elevator, a lot, the whole band probably has!” “Oh yeah? Well I want my copy of peter Gabriel’s “I love to be loved” back, cause I do, and I don’t love you!” “Great, and ll take back my Nazareth’s love hurts, cause it fuckin does!” “Well, the indigo girls write about that love shit all the time, so it’s all mine now!” “Whatever, rem says “I am the everything” so I am, and “everybody hurts” so you can suck it, cause you hurt me! Asshole...” “Uh huh, right! I’m over this shit! So I’m gonna take back all of “the cure” on out of here, by deleting your ass, that is big, like sir mix a lots big butt song! I’m out!” (Other person sticks tongue out) scene.

Why am I an asshole, to myself? Why do I choose my “right tight assness” over loving someone and getting over my own shit? Cause of hurt. Cause of pain, cause of not being heard or appreciated for being myself. Well, all that is also valid, but who is in charge of how I feel? No one, but me. So how do I stop myself from being insulted by everyone’s ass behavior? By changing my perception of it. Well, I can’t. Cause it hurt, and really pissed me off. So wait a minute... I’m in charge of that shit! Right, so now what? Well, I decide to focus on something else for a bit, until I feel a little better. Yeah, but I still am thinking about that ass move! What a douche! Right, I’m right back to where I started. Thinking about the ass. So, now what? Well, be accepting in the moment. “Fuck them! Yeah! Jerks...” how is that energy working for you? Not at all. Right. Focus, is everything.

Is it easy at first? Fuck no! It’s terrible! It hurts and I’m mad and I hate and it’s everyone’s fault and they are all against me, and they’re happy and I’m not and the world isn’t fair and the gas prices are high and the taxes are too and I’m gonna get high or drink to numb and make myself balance out a bit. THAT’S how it starts. And that’s not where it ends. It ends, with everyone, losing their g. d. minds with misery and upset.

We are all interconnected. There is not one person, that isn’t in some way connected to another. Even the hermit in the forest by themselves, is connected to nature, which is connected to themselves, and everyone else. Our shared humanity, is what brings us together, whether we like it, or not. So why not become one? Because fear, rocks that boat, and HARD!

I’m not like them! They have NO F’N CLUE what I’ve been through, or the experiences I’ve had, or the love I’ve been denied! They’re this, or that, or not into what I’m into, or a different race, or gender, or socioeconomic class, or whatever, just NOT like me, so they can’t say SHIT! Yes, well, do you like pumpkin spice lattes? Wtf?! Pumpkin spice lattes? I’m talking to you about your uneducated ass talking to me about me, ok? And now you’re talking about pumpkin spice lattes. You’re stupid! Yes, I am, but do you like them? I don’t know... the hell with this conversation... ok. Well, if you do, here’s a Starbucks gift card for one. Maybe we can discuss how you feel over one. Um, no, cause you’ll never get me. I’m too different from you. Got it. Then which latte do you like, cause there’s a lot to choose from..

There’s a commonality between people that were missing in society today. Similarities run rampant around the world, but we seem to blow right past it sometimes, without a bat of an eyelash. The similarity, is love. We all need it. We all crave it; understanding, care, compassion, empathy. But do we give it freely? And do we give it, to ourselves?

Here’s how I give love to myself the best I can, and mind you, I’m no expert. Just sharing some observations here. I mean, I’m not educated. I’m still technically in my junior year of college. I only have an associates degree in liberal arts, not psychology. I’m not a very good example of what you would call, “a success” or even employed. So what do I know? THAT, is what I used to say to myself, in my head, a lot. Now, my internal monologue, all be it not perfect, is different. It’s, “hey Kari. Let’s do our best to love today. Oh shit, all I see that I’m getting from people is more hate. Ok, recognized and reconsidered. I don’t have to stay in this place in my mind, seeing all that hate. What can I do to jar myself out of it, and perceive more positively? Think the next best thought I can believe, fully. Ok, what’s that? How about, I’m a good person who does her best? I mean, it’s true. I try. Yes, cool. What can you do to take care of you today? Deodorant! Yes! How about a shower? Better! Ok.” and so on and so forth.

Love, is not always a grand gesture. And it’s a word we throw away often. Love is the small things we do, to get to the bigger things. That’s how energy works. Incrementally. We can’t go and sustain a surge of energy. I’m better! I’m healed! From feeling like shit? Really? Yes! All better! I’ll never feel that way again, Thank fuck, cause that way was ass! I mean, I was feeling like ass, but now, I’m better, cause those people are douches, and I’m not, so I feel better cause they’re out, and I’m alone without they’re energy... um, yeah. Well, I was feeling good until I triggered myself back with the thoughts of how they were douches, and mad... yes, im back in ass gulch again in my head. And I’ve been stuck in this line with the mask on at the Trader Joe’s now, (a store I usually love with a shit ton of friendly good people both working and shopping there but I can’t see that perception today, cause I’m mad, and I feel like shit) for way too long! We see, what we want to see. We experience, what we expect and believe. That’s the truth. Whether it’s true or not is irrelevant. The choices we make on how to feel about things, are. The choice to think the thoughts we think, about everything, every day is life.

Life is not all easy n shit. My belief. It’s hard to get money. Another belief. My cat pissed on my face this morning, so my life is over, not a belief I hold, as I don’t have a cat, cause allergic. But I do know, that I can piss on myself with my thoughts, and have the same effect. Affect, effect? The same in this case. What affects us, is the effects of us all.

Being human, just is. What we make of our collective human experience and how we treat others? Our choice completely. Decisions are based on our beliefs, and our beliefs are based on either love or fear. I have to go now, as my son is hungry. But I’ll leave you with this; I love you. I stand with you in love. Choose hate, which is fear, and I won’t. My son is listening to the song, “stand by me”. My promise to you is that I will stand by you, in love, if I decide to. Love is an emotion that I’m still working on too. I fall in and out of it. But the choice, is always to hop back on the love train, cause it’s taking me places I want to go. To happyville. ❤️

#lawofattraction #love #lovematters #loveyourself #choose love #loveis #lovecore #self love #self esteem #selfworth #self reflection #selfleadership #selfawareness #self healing #mind wide open #kari keillor

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theworld-accordingtocasey · 4 years

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This Kpop tumblr child got me about to lose my Christian.

I’ll attempt a read more, but if it doesn’t work for some reason, know that an effort was made*

🤔 I gotta know:

Truly, honestly, tell me: when you side with people who imply Black people are exaggerating or being dramatic, do they mail you cookies?

It’s not even ABOUT Jaehyun no more!! I don’t ever even see anyone bring up that situation, in part bc he hasn’t done anything since then and hadn’t done anything prior so I think a lot of us said what we had to say about it, cooled off, and moved on. I choose to believe (for my own sanity) that he didn’t say it in private in his daily speech & that he doesn’t repeat it in lyrics anymore once he found out some of us were heated & why— because I know he saw the comments, the fights, the comparisons to other Idols Who Fucked Up™️ with the Black part of the fandom, and the explanation and reasoning of WHY it’s not okay. I am sure he saw it. I’m sure of it; Beyond the fact that they told us themselves that they read our messages to them, it’s evident by the jokes they make when speaking in English or talking to ifans in streams. So I forgive him.

But the fans who tell us what we think doesn’t matter?????????? Oh no, no, no, no, NO.

“I’m not trying to be rude but”- bitch ‘BUT’ nothing!! An idol fucks up & you’re Black & it doesn’t bother you, 🆗🆒 good for fucking you???? If you’re Black & it does bother you, that’s okay, I understand. Most of the time, it bugs me too. Black folks aren’t a monolith & some of us ARE gon feel some type of way when we see some trifling bullshit that we KNOW we done made clear to other fans, should not be done. YOUR JOB as a Black co-fan (because you are Black BEFORE you are a fan, just in case no one has told you lately) is to not try to act as if because an issue doesn’t matter *to you*, it doesn’t matter *at all*. You can (if you wanna) try to do online crowd control if you want to try to reign it in when you see people getting off track by using profanity in an article’s comment section, or the bottom of their or their record label’s sns posts *to try to bring order to the situation* so we can actually get somewhere with the damn problem (which can’t be done if the posts which sensibly explain what is wrong, how we feel, and WHY aren’t visible). Gon ‘head, live ya dreams.

You can NOT, however, brush off our people’s feelings and publicly denigrate them (thus giving non-Blacks validation when heckling us)!! You pick-me ass fucks are ENABLERS. The Token Black Friend that nb use to justify them “not” being racist?? THAT’S YOU. When you go from “it doesn’t bother me personally” to “this isn’t even a big deal, stop being negative” and “there’s more important shit happening in the world to talk about than this”, you are effectively co-signing the ever popular belief that Black people’s feelings don’t matter because we are just complaining to complain. Do you get that?? You are co-signing the (unfortunately) largely agreed upon opinion that Black people are just ~playing the race card~. There ain’t no ‘playing the race card’- there are still people alive who knew former slaves bitch, it wasn’t that fucking long ago, so validating these hateful ass habits instead of either A)simply minding your business & NOT encouraging people to dismiss us when we say something is not ok or B) telling those people that Black people have the right to be upset, keeps the process stagnant!

#kpop problems #black girl problems #black kpop fans #fandom politics #/end rant #i try to be zen #me #fanfiction pet peeves #fanfic problems

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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destefania23 replied to your post:

What do you think about Dick being an ADHD person?

I’ve read like six or so fanfics about dick being adhd, they are cute but are so short too :“v i need more of them

LOL look at me lying about going and doing stuff I need to do, because something caught my eye first and I just needed to make one last response.

ADHD what? Who?

But anyway, I have headcanons about each of the Batkids having certain tells that lead to Bruce getting them tested and trying out various medications, and like...how that would affect each of them. Because I project a lot of stuff along the lines of “had to develop own coping mechanisms to make the most of my uncooperative brain while growing up because my parents didn’t believe in stuff like ADHD and thought everything was just a matter of willpower and working/concentrating hard enough vs just being lazy.”

And thus I also project a lot of stuff along the lines of “getting an actual diagnosis and trying effective medication for the first time as a grown adult in my late twenties was literally life-changing as my brain suddenly was working in completely different ways that neatly avoided so many of the traps it’d been falling into my whole life whenever I tried to concentrate and would get super hard on myself for not being able to focus and having a deep-seated belief I was just innately lazy.”

So I like headcanoning all or most of the Batkids as ADHD because it allows me to explore various avenues and reactions all with the same characters and setting.

Like, I headcanon that when Dick was still only like eleven or twelve, and constantly having trouble fidgeting in class and not sitting still, one of his teachers recommended to Bruce that he consider getting him tested for ADHD. My thought is that Bruce would be resistant at first, because its okay for him not to be perfect and an inevitable result of being so damn good at everything he tries is the occasional insistence that everything worth knowing, he already knows.

So I picture that like, Bruce isn’t ignorant, he’s perfectly aware that things like ADHD exist and are valid, its just he has trouble at first reconciling that from an abstract awareness to something that directly applies to someone in his care, like Dick. Also, this would be at the early stages of their relationship, where I imagine Bruce is relying heavily on his perception of Dick being like him in so many ways in order to build connections with Dick, try and get in his head and understand him, etc....that Bruce unconsciously processes this as “well, when I was learning all these things it was just a matter of honing my mental discipline, and Dick is like me, therefor, this should be true of him as well.”

Plus, being Robin was far more important to Dick than school, it was his priority, so I imagine he invested most of his focus and attempts at developing his own techniques for getting the most out of his ADHD brain...on the times he was training with Bruce or at his side as Robin. So in Bruce’s eyes, based on his own interactions with Dick, he’d seen Dick focus and control himself and keep still with enough effort while Robin, when Bruce reminds him to and stresses the importance....so he thinks that’s further proof its just a matter of effort. Not realizing HOW MUCH effort its costing Dick to do that, and how much he’s beating himself up for having so much trouble with it. Not to mention, this is a large part of why he’s having SO MUCH trouble in class....because this is when he allows himself to relax his attempts at focusing so much, and it slips out all the more here.

I like to imagine its Selina who turned things around here.

Like, I can see Bruce letting some of his frustration about this and the teacher’s advice and Dick’s continuing problems with self-control out a little while its just he and Selina, venting in passing kind of a thing. Not expecting her to have advice or anything like that, but just one of those things where she’s content to let him just rant on about stuff and get it all out of his system and feel heard, because she’s there nodding along even though it has fuck all to do with her and he doesn’t need to know that she mostly just thinks he’s so cute when he’s like this and it doesn’t hurt that he always feels he owes her afterwards to thank her for listening.

Look, she’s not a saint, okay.

Only this time she interjects and asks bluntly, as she does all things she actually cares about and doesn’t have the time or patience to dance around and make performance art out of: “Bruce, have you spent any time at all considering that there might be something to his teacher’s suggestion?”

He hesitates, thrown by her unexpected interjection, as it isn’t the norm for this kind of scene between them. She takes that as answer enough.

“Bruce, darling, apple of mine eye for as long as it continues to amuse me to view you as such - “

“Ego is sufficiently checked, thanks. You can move it along now,” Bruce says wryly.

She flashes him a quick grin of acknowledgment but then sobers, uncharacteristically serious.

“I’m not sure it is, and I think that’s the problem. You’ve done a good job with Dick so far and changed far more than I think anyone expected and in quite a short time as well. But one thing I don’t think you’ve totally grasped yet is this: You don’t get to be right all the time, anymore. Your perfect streak is over.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re not graceful in defeat, and you can’t abide appearing clumsy when you don’t have a champagne flute in one hand. So you generally just choose to not accept defeat. Which is fine for a superhero, and oddly endearing in ways I’ve never quite managed to put my pinkie on. But when it was just you on the line, putting your head down and willfully charging onward rather than submit to a wound of pride....you were only risking yourself. You have to admit you’ve garnished yourself with more than one unnecessary beating as you’d rather take a blow to the abdomen than one to the ego. At least when I’m not around to kiss it better afterwards.”

She lightens her words with a little bit of levity at the end there, though Bruce’s lips still pucker sourly. The downside of being attracted to someone who can see right through you is sometimes they see right through you, he supposes.

Damn Catch-22′s.

“But its not just you on the line anymore, when you simply don’t care to admit there are mysteries that elude even the Great Detective, or clues that sometimes are apparent to others before they unveil themselves to you. If you’d rather double as a punching bag than concede intellectual defeat to a foe, that’s all well and good. But you don’t get to volunteer Dick up there alongside you.”

He’s silent, pondering her words.

“Get him tested, Bruce,” she presses gently, but without minding her claws. “If he turns out not to have it, you’ve wasted a full two hours. If he does, you’ve done right by him, and that should be more than enough to see your ego through taking the hit.”

“Alright,” he concedes. “You’ve made your point.”

She smiles, brown eyes back to dancing in their usual merriment. “Damn a girl with faint praise, why don’t you. And here I thought I’d made several.”

“I’m just trying to return the favor in kind,” Bruce rumbles with a quirk of his lips. “Wouldn’t do to have your ego balloon out of control the second I manage to shrink mine. Where would that leave us?”

“Oh ye of little faith,” she chides with a smirk, stretching luxuriously on the couch. “I think we could make it work. Where’s your experimental spirit? I thought men of your intellect worship at the altar of the Scientific Method.”

He laughs and shakes his head, too fond to try and further their little game of one-upsmanship. “You were wrong about one thing. You broke my winning streak a long time ago. You just seem to have a talent for making me forget that, just in time for you to do it all over again.”

“Mmmm,” she hums, the faint sound and a minute twitching of her lips somehow managing to pack a wealth of amusement into them both. “What can I say, darling? I’m the cat’s meow.”

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artigas · 4 years

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(1) Hi! Its the anon that asked about lizzie and tatiana, I’m currently halfway through s5 and i really like jessie! I thought she was gonna be the one to finally resist tommys advances. I liked the scene where he goes to her apartment and they have a good back and forth. But alas she cant resist and sleeps w him, and he’s essentially just using her. I love her as a character and how she manifests her ideals into actions but, so far i thought she’d call out tommys shit by now!

And specially i cant help but resent how they set up the women to compete against one another, i rolled my eyes at the scene where they are exiting the polls and jesse and lizzie size each other up. Girls, please move on. I did like in season 5 where tommy is drunk meeting w jessie and she just gets up and leaves. I think the show has good female characters it just that they prioritize the male ones more. Unlike the women, the male characters dont revolve around a relationship. and finally, And idk if im just overthinking things but i think the show has upped its sexist comments? specially w tommy and arthur. W tommy telling lizzie shes his property and arthur telling linda to just be a good wife. Meanwhile polly and ada are really well written characters for the most part! Sorry this is so long i just have a lot of thoughts regarding the women of this show. And i love your analisis!

Nope! Don’t apologize, friend, I’ve absolutely adored reading all your feedback and your experience watching the show! I think Peaky Blinders, for all its good, has a lot of space to grow when it comes to women characters who are potentially romantically/sexually available to the protagonists- it does sometimes feel like the quality of writing and the depth of character for women characters waxes and wanes, but I also think that a lot of these characters- Lizzie, Grace, Polly, Esme, etc- have these great foundations, these building blocks of characterization that make them really compelling and really promising so long as they have free reign to be written as complexly and as thoughtfully as their male counterparts. I think Grace is a really stellar example, you know? Love her or hate her, she has a history, a back-story, individual motivations, and a social/political ideology that can actually really be broken down in some pretty interesting ways! Polly, too, is another character who is probably most obviously allowed to be pointedly ambitious, sexual, manipulative and outright cruel and still someone the show clearly roots for and sides with. I love what we get with Polly, especially considering how most shows would probably limit her to being maternal, chaste, and uninvolved in the family business (likely because of her age, too). Overall, I think the show does a good job of giving women characters flaws- none of them are meant to be perfect. But I really do think Peaky Blinders could benefit from occasionally resisting the urge to have all its women have romantic subplots, primarily with Tommy almost unexceptionally.

As far as Jessie goes, I really do love that she’s someone who has this strong ethical and political foundation. I mean, Jessie and Freddie in a room together would’ve been a sight, right? I especially adored her scenes with Ada. I think they had such interesting chemistry and so much could’ve been done if the show had the real estate to really contrast Jessie’s idealism and dedication to the communist cause and Ada’s disenchanted relationship with that same movement she once honestly dedicated herself to. The fact that Jessie and Tommy both draw together because they represent to one (or, at least, invoke the memory of) their respective lost loves was also a refreshing change in terms of the sort of “romantic” relationships Tommy has had thus far. (How authentic we want to think that ‘relationship’ was from either Jessie or Tommy’s end is a different story and definitely worthy of suspect and investigation in the funnest possible way, I think, but I don’t wanna rant).

As far as season five goes, I think the hike in misogynist language and ideology wasn’t coincidental or without thought. I think Arthur and Tommy both are progressively getting worse as the show goes on and went through separate, but equally erosive psychological processes that took out a really ugly side to them both, especially in their relationship with the women in their lives. It felt to me like both characters were scrambling for control and finding a way to express authority over women who depend on them became one of the ways that need made itself manifest. I think it’s no coincidence that Lizzie and Linda look for solidarity in each other. I think their joint decision to write those letters, advocate their needs, and then respectively find some sort of approach to the state of their lives so that they could carry on with some semblance of safety, security, or (dare I say it!) happiness was interesting and heartbreaking- Linda tried to find it by leaving the family, finding another person to speak to and find solace with, and then eventually breaking down to the decision to attack Arthur and it hurt to see it! Lizzie’s own process was so complex, I think. I could go on and on about her belief that life wasn’t about what one deserves, but what one agrees to, settles for, etc. Her sex scene with Tommy, too, really just invites so much analysis and criticism, right? Which makes it, I think, a very effective sex scene as far as writing goes, because it isn’t a pause from characterization or plot, but rather a moment of intimacy between Lizzie and Tommy that reveals a different facet of their respective character developments. Was it kinda messy for Tommy to call her his property? Absolutely! But I also don’t want to dismiss how much I liked hearing Lizzie advocate some boundaries in that sex scene, too. It’s complicated, man! It’s a scene a lot of people have interpreted different and I’ve loved hearing all the different takes, there’s so much validity to be found in the different readings I’ve already seen out there.

I think the show made no excuses for how awful Tommy and Arthur were being through season five. I think we as the audience are meant to recognize that their conduct and their comments weren’t something to emulate or exonerate, but instead symptomatic of their downwards progression throughout the season. It’s just a shame that these condemnations probably aren’t overt enough for the real Meat-Head faction of the fandom to catch onto- reddit is a nasty place to venture off into if you’re invested in any of Peaky’s female characters, that’s for sure. But man, if you’re here on tumblr, boy does this fandom have a lot of people churning out meta worth reading! If you want some blog recommendations, let me know!!! Thank you for keeping my in the loop with your watching journey ♡

#peaky blinders #Anonymous #here's the mail it never fails

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thesmallworldofsamizayn · 5 years

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How not to feel like there are ants under your skin when you realise you’re in the presence of someone more talented than you will ever be: a beginner’s guide

I know I’m very late to the party but I just played (watched?) The Beginner’s Guide and I need to set this down.

I went into the game with no idea that it was a mockumentary, and really only twigged that Coda wasn’t real in the final act, which might make me incredibly thick or it might make Wreden a very talented storyteller, I don’t know, but either way the effect was that this story-thing got in me in a personal way that I haven’t really felt from media in a while. I felt, oh, what’s the word, seen by it, or something, I guess.

this is long. I don’t want to waste people’s valuable scrolling time, so

Davey in the Beginner’s Guide cannot imagine living his life unmotivated by validation, which is why he doesn't understand Cody and why he makes the narrative in the first place. He sees a friend creating fantastic, inventive and - to his mind - meaningful art, none of which is shown to the public, and this drives him insane. He never says as much in the narration, and seeing as this is the guy who made the Stanley Parable I don’t know if it’s quite the emotion he’s reaching for, but at least for me, I completely associate this feeling with my intense competitiveness and insecurity about writing. Specifically how that translates into a feeling of agonising pins and needles all over me, the moment I’m confronted by something good written by someone young, especially when that person is creating for themselves only. When they say something like, I never show my writing to anyone, or, I’ve filled hundreds of notebooks with words no one will ever see, it’s like a stake being driven slowly through my chest. Something about it, though it has nothing to do with me, makes me feel like a complete fraud, like I’ve missed the boat somewhere, and that’s the whole emotion behind this game. It changes into a need to make Coda into a project, a problem for Davey to solve, so that Davey can be the one in control, so that he can have something to be proud of: I figured out my friend. I fixed my friend. And of course, that makes it so much worse.

The way I see it, Davey has two essential beliefs, which are challenged by Coda at the end of the story, the first of which takes precedence in the narrative, but the second of which is just as important, I think. 1. Coda is broken, and it’s Davey’s job to fix him. 2. Coda’s art, despite (or probably because of) its incomprehensibility, is better than Davey’s.

The latter of these beliefs is not stated directly in the game, but it makes sense of everything to me. These two beliefs get tangled together so that a familiar fallacy is reached, that of the suffering artist - Coda’s art is great because he is depressive, and the fact that he never shows his art to anyone is a mind-boggling tragedy. But such a beautiful tragedy. Davey can be the deus ex machina. That’s how Davey can reconcile his own inadequacy, by inserting himself into the story, because once he faces himself, once Coda cuts himself off and removes his source of Davey’s validation, he finds nothing, no creativity, nothing to give. And he now has the additional terrible guilt of taking Coda away from the world too, leaving them both in the dark. It’s like Amadeus, if Salieri only intended to help Mozart, instead of destroying him. (Salieri being another figure I’ve expressed an uncomfortable affinity for, if only for the fact that he describes the sensation of hearing Mozart for the first time, without a trace of metaphor as pure bodily pain. Looking at his hands and seeing how useless they are, how incapable, dull blocks of flesh too blunt to produce the aural poetry that comes so effortlessly from his rival. We’ve all been there, pal.)

So the Beginner’s Guide called me out for my obsessive competitive streak, but it went further than that, and called me out for the thing I’ve always kind of used as a justification for all that bitterness, for the privileged life I never earned, for my own inadequacy as a creator, which is my need to help others.

I used to do the stupidest things sometimes. I think I was eight, this one time. I don’t remember what the context was, not even the country it happened in, but I remember that when I did it, I thought - or I was told - that this was a recurring pattern of behaviour I needed to stop. And I thought, why do I always do this? The thing was this: there was some kind of party, and there was a girl, younger than me. I must have taken a liking to her. I have zero memory of what she looked like, what we talked about, and why she meant so much to me, but I do remember that at some point in the evening she lost a plush bunny. We were outside for most of the function, a large garden wreathed with shrubbery and trees. And for at least half an hour, I circled this garden, frantically searching for this god damned bunny. The sense memories stay with you the most, and more than anything visual or factual I remember being out of breath from running round the place so many times, the wet leaves crunching underfoot and in my hands as I scoured every crevice. I was certain that it was for some reason up to me to find this toy, and feeling both indignant at the world that no one else seemed to care, and perversely gleeful that I cared enough to do it.

I never found the toy, because it turned out to be in her father’s pocket. She’d given it to him and forgotten. I was so wrapped up in my idea of this person’s problem, the idea that I could solve their problem, the idea that only I could do it, that I wasted everyone’s time, not least my own. I don’t run round gardens anymore, but I think this drive is still in me. I’ve shaped it into simply being a good friend and listener and giver of pep talks or whatever, and I have pretty much made peace with the idea that I’m doing it for the validation, but this game threw me in for a loop, getting me scared of what it all means, making me second guess my actions and my tendency to do what the narrator does, to make people projects when I cannot finish my own. To know that I fixed someone, and to feel like I can carry the mantle of the therapist friend.

When it got to the final level and Coda’s message, I was still under the impression that the whole thing was real and seeing it knocked the wind out of me. The idea of trying something like this, realising how utterly and devastatingly wrong you got it, and having to live with a broken friendship as a result, though it’s something I haven’t specifically had to go through, felt so viscerally plausible and close to home. All this selfishness bites you in the rear some day. And for it not only to be the consequence of selfishness, but the consequence of selfishness believed to be selflessness, that’s even more terrifying. Because lord knows I second guess myself enough as it is, whatever I’m doing.

We all do, right? This story is going to be really good. Oh, wait, what if it’s terrible. I just had a good and productive conversation with someone I care about. Except, hang on, what if what I said was actually extremely insensitive and they’re just trying to forget it now? I’m sure Catbells isn’t anywhere near Coniston, but that person just said it was, and actually, you know what, they’re probably right. That vertigo, that swooping stomach-turned over sensation when you can just feel the foundations of something you believed in shudder beneath your feet, I’m sick of it. I’d like to be certain of what I’m doing for once. If I had any certainty at all, I could get on with my work. I could write and write until I was finally good enough to feel happy with myself, instead of sitting in fear of my documents. I would probably do a better job of being the therapist friend too, not having this overhanging fear that I’m somehow doing the wrong thing.

I don’t even know what I wrote this for, to be honest. Most of it doesn’t make sense, and I was hoping it would add up to something, that these disjointed thoughts would come together. As I have so often done, I leapt in with great vague ideas, and have ground to a halt as the picture became clearer. And if I were forced to admit the true reason for writing it, it would be that I thought it made for a good written piece, something that someone could read and think “wow. this person just wrote something good.” because god forbid, right? god forbid I ever do anything in life and have it not be for the validation

#the beginner's guide #davey wreden

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atheistforhumanity · 5 years

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An Example of How Bill O’Reilly Ruined A Generation With Mass Manipulation

Now, you might be thinking, “who the fuck is Bill O’Reilly, and why do I care?” That’s a valid question. Lovable Bill, is the predecessor of Tucker Carlson. He was the shining star of Fox News for most of my life, and he captures the hearts of minds of my parents generation with low brow commentary, manipulative opinions, and dog whistle racism. Bill pretended to be a regular class working Joe that spoke up for the little guy. Tucker Carlson outed his gimmick years ago before he would take Bill’s place, and take on the same fake persona.

So, how did Bill O’Reilly ruin a generation? It’s pretty simple really. Bill O’Reilly was born into the upper class and eventually took a place as an opinion show host pretending to be news, that spouted populist rhetoric in a way that always redirected opinions and anger away from the real perpetrators. Bill is literally one the most dishonest people to ever be on mainstream media, and for over a decade he delivered alternative facts to fox viewers, down played anything anti-capatalist, anti-conservative, and anti-racist. His motto has always been “no spin,” but I’ve never seen him present the whole truth in an accurate way my whole life. Bill is a more well spoken Donald Trump, who uses people’s prejudices, preconceptions, and complete unwillingness to research anything to manipulate people’s minds for a capitalist agenda.

But how does he do this, Ryan? I wish you would be more specific instead of making accusations. Well, it happens that I just came across a band new article written on Bill’s blog, where he tries to continue the glory of yesteryear before he was fired for sexually harassing several women in the work place.

If you take two minutes to read the article linked above, you’ll see that Bill is arguing that bad parenting is the real cause of income inequality. His argument is quite literally, people aren’t raised right and that’s why they can’t succeed financially. He says specifically that it’s not capitalism's fault.

Before I address specifics, let me point out what is generally manipulative about this argument. Bill has touched on a topic that literally any generation of conservatives can get fired up about, and will have built in bias to agree with. Remember, conservatism is literally resistance to change and an affinity for tradition. This also means that every generation bitches and complains about how the next generation raises kids. Remember when your parents told you that you would go to hell for watching Elvis shake his hips? Remember when there were no changing tables in men’s bathrooms? Remember when kids in school used to play “beat the fag” and then they cried victim when we said that was wrong? Yea...

The point is that he’s using a prevalent belief that many different people(but mostly conservatives) can tap into for different (mostly) unspecified reasons. Then he is attributing that common cultural division as responsible for income inequality. We’ll come back to that.

Second, is that Bill makes a point that on some level makes sense, but doesn’t support his larger claim. Are there a lot of bad parents out there? Sure. Do they have a negative effect on the child’s life as he suggests? Of course. Now we could argue all day about what makes a bad parent exactly or the prevalence of bad parents, but it’s irrelevant, because Bill hasn’t given us any solid reason to accept that this alone (or at all) is the cause of income inequality! It’s an outrageously dishonest argument. That doesn’t matter though, because this is how Bill’s followers respond...

Okay, I was going to screen shot some positive responses to Bill tweeting this article but I didn’t see any. Let’s just move on.

Now, let’s take a look at the substance of Bill’s piece.

Education: “If a young child is not exposed to learning by age two, that innocent, helpless person is already at risk in a competitive society. If there are no books in the home, no awareness-building games, no fun dialogue with the parents, the child may not develop a curiosity about life.”

That’s interesting, Bill, because public education and programs like Pre-K are socialist inspired initiatives supplied by the government for the benefit of everyone. Head start programs were first installed by LBJ, but the Black Panthers had actually initiated similar programs in inner cities to feed children breakfast before school.

To say that capitalism has no role in this issue is delusional. Capitalism accepts and even encourages inequality. Betsy Devos is the champion of capitalist education, where attendance is not guaranteed and any difficult or low performing students can be weeded out to create the appearance of success, under no public oversight.

The fight is always the same, liberals want to increase educational funding and conservatives don’t. This is why red states have teacher strikes all over the country and Republicans are fighting against publicly funded college.

If access to education from an early age is so important then we cannot withhold education and then blame those stuck in the cycle of poverty for their own inequity.

Environment/Work Ethic:

Here’s an old and tired argument from the right. People are poor because they don’t work hard enough. But, Bill, how could that be? The average unemployment rate in America is between 3-4%, and the worst is in Alaska with 6.4%. Clearly most Americans are working, you’re always bragging about how great this economy is. Republicans tell people who need assistance to get jobs, but surprise they already have them! We know people aren’t struggling to live because they’re not working, because we have clear numbers that show people are working full-time, but not earning enough to pay basic bills. It’s crazy, it’s almost like the cost of living just keep rising, but the amount people get paid doesn’t. All of this is happening despite the fact that corporate profits have soared, but it never translates into better wages.

While Bill drones on in his article about derelict parents, he never once actually looks at income. He sure doesn’t mention that the amount people are paid is literally up to the people at the top of the economic latter. They can choose to pay workers more or they can stash away more profit in their bank accounts. Guess which one they choose? Despite the fact that we have clear data that shows those who choose how much to pay workers are raising their own profits, the rich like Bill O’Reilly continually berate people as lazy. The entire argument is completely disingenuous because workers are at the mercy of employers.

And if you’re thinking, why doesn’t everyone just get a better job, you’re not thinking that statement through. The Bureau of Labor Statistics tracks how many jobs in the market pay minimum wage or less, and that’s roughly 2.3%.(Nearly 2 million people) You think, great, people can just get a better job. No, not really, because a large number of jobs pay just above the minimum wage and are not included in this figure. Even most retail jobs pay $1 above minimum at least. Pew Research wondered this too, and in 2004 they found that roughly 30% of all hourly workers were making more than minimum wage (7.25 at the time) and less than $10. Guess what, nearly 59% of the entire US workforce are hourly workers, and a third of them are were making $10 or less. I make 13$ an hour, live with a roommate, and am just able to live with no savings in 2019. If I had a wife making the same amount, we would drowned trying to raise even two kids. That’s a travesty.

Roughly 35% of all jobs require a college degree, which is a significant debt due to increases in education and cost of living. Education is very important, but unfortunately most people who are born poor, historically, don’t get to go to college. What does capitalism say about this? Well, again, in a free market system there is no mechanism to correct the disadvantage people are born into, and generally no desire among conservatives to do so. Conservatism is stuck in the past where the poor and uneducated make perfect laborers, but labor as a staple job market is dead in the 21st century. Hence the push toward service jobs, which is all an uneducated person do.

The numbers tell the real story. People are working, but not being paid enough. The people controlling the pay are increasing their own pay. Cost of living is rising faster than worker pay. Funding for education has been stagnant and the cost of higher education rising. All this and I haven’t even gotten into the politics that effect this issue.

How did Bill O’Reilly destroy a generation? By feeding them ignorant, pandering garbage like this article every night for years. By completely ignoring the real facts of any issue and directing your attention to a manipulative hot button, tailored to the bias of conservatives.

The sad thing is that Bill is completely representative of everyone championed by the right wing. They are unintelligent, malicious, racist, greedy, and completely dishonest.

#liberal #economic inequality #civil rights #workers rights #Bill O'Reilly #right wing media #fox news #tucker carlson #minimum wage #corporate america #conservatives #republicans

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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7.13, The Slice Girls.

Yes, yes, bucklemming and their creepy magical babies, but let's put that aside and talk about Sam and Dean and what this episode says about them, instead, for once. Instead of letting the focus on the creepy baby blind us all to what's actually happening in this episode, and what it says about s7 (and s6 too, and honestly a good chunk of Sera Gamble's approach to storytelling in general since she was the architect of these seasons even if she didn't pen this particular episode) overall.

Because whoa... it's kinda... not friendly to Sam...

My tag about how Sam and Dean are entirely different people, with different psychological composition, different mental and emotional processes, came about at the beginning of s11 (when the show was using a two-episode mirroring structure, thematically pairing episodes until the midseason 10, 11, 12 worked together as a triptych, and in a season where the final message the characters had to accept and learn was the understanding of Balance Of Opposites, these differences were on stark display) is "sam sympathizes and dean empathizes." It felt like a baseline difference in how each of them approach the world, and something necessary for US to understand their entire dynamic.

And that's on PERFECT display in this episode.

I've been talking throughout my s7 posts in this series about how Sam can't even see how compromised he is. Despite the fact he spends the entire season actively hallucinating Lucifer and openly admits he has difficulty telling those hallucinations apart from reality, he remains convinced that he's coping with it effectively (via the magic button of sanity he believes the scar on his hand to be), and all he has to do is press that button any time Hallucifer pops up, and everything will be fine again. This is Advanced Level Pretending The Bad Thing Doesn't Exist To Make It Go Away. And he can't understand AT ALL why Dean is intensely wary of him, and is unable to fully trust in Sam's perceptions or decision making abilities throughout most of s7.

(which... I mean turns out to be totally valid, but that's for another post... or at the very least, much later in this one... for now, let's try to stick to 7.13, Mittens, and avoid running off ahead of yourself for once... okay we have that settled, back to the point)

We don't see much of Sam actively Hallucifering in this episode, nor relying on the old Hand Squeeze maneuver, but it's impossible to watch this episode and draw the conclusion that Sam was an Objective Observer of Reality here. He's completely entrenched in his personal bias regarding Dean's actions, behavior, and mindset. And again, it's incredibly frustrating to watch.

Sam is so utterly convinced (because he HAS to be in order for it to continue working for him) of his own self-control, of his own stability, of his own soundness of mind, of his own perceptions of the world to be the One, True, Right, Correct Understanding. If that fails him, then as Dean told him in 7.02 when he first squeezed that wound on his hand to bring him back to reality, then "Stone One" of the foundation of his ability to cope with anything at all will just shatter, and his entire sense of self will slide away with it, and his unstable construct of sanity will collapse.

(which... happens two episodes later, but again, I'm getting ahead of myself... *slaps self and gets back to the point*)

Sam NEEDS to believe in his own "correctness" here. And sadly, part of that sham of belief involves the go-to mindset of s4-- that Dean is somehow "broken," that Dean is the one clearly not coping, or not engaging with reality as Sam interprets it, and that it's Dean's perceptions that are inherently suspect. Because Sam doesn't know a different way of relating to the world. He sympathizes.

I've written a lot about the difference between Sam as Sympathetic and Dean as Empathetic, but a super-quick and messy breakdown of this for the purposes of understanding my whole entire point here:

Sam understands others through an examination of them as filtered through his own personal past experiences and his own personal feelings and beliefs. He assumes that everyone else understands the world in this same way, and when someone's reactions or behavior deviates from his own personal experience, from how HE would behave or react in a given circumstance, he frequently disconnects or misinterprets, or attempts to re-file his observations or reclassify the other person in question into something he CAN relate to and understand.

In other words, Sympathy. (versus Dean’s empathy, where he is more able to set aside his own reactions and see people as they are, themselves. It’s what makes him so good at cold reading strangers, being able to put himself into their shoes rather than needing to imagine their shoes are identical to his own...)

We finally see a small subversion of this in Sam’s interactions with Jack in early s13, wherein he projects his own past experience onto Jack, applying the same things he experienced (or even wished he had actually experienced when he was younger) regarding his own psychic powers that he once believed may have made him "evil." Or at the very least made him "other." And Jack directly calls him out for his treatment in 13.03, which gives Sam pause, forces reflection, and drives him toward actually seeing Jack, rather than just seeing Jack as a projection of his own personal beliefs.

I really hope this makes sense... because 7.13 is demonstrating the root of this lack of understanding as the toxic and dangerous thing it can be, when pushed to this sort of deliberately self-deluding extreme. And of course Sam's ongoing ability to walk and talk and function at all completely relies on his ability to do this during s7 (which... ick is one of the reasons I think a lot of folks really have trouble with the entire narrative of the season, even if they haven't put their finger on why, because this is a super-icky, incredibly uncomfortable thing to watch).

Meanwhile, in addition to everything else going on, from the Leviathans being gooey and creepy and plotting world domination as their endgame goal while largely working to achieve it in plain sight, disguised as humans as they slowly infiltrate... everything and influence everything from politics to real estate to healthcare to the food supply to achieve their ends, to everything Dean relies on for his own personal comfort and stability and connection to the world being gradually stripped away from him (beginning with Cas and running right along through his own literal identity), this episode will steal yet another small physical comfort from him-- human sexual intimacy.

He's already lost Cas, his car (the singular constant in his entire life and the closest thing he's ever had to a home), his actual identity, his innermost thoughts (which went along with the identity when a leviathan took his form), comfort food (the TDK slammer slammed him good), Bobby, and even-- to an extent, due to his ongoing concern for his mental health-- Sam. Dean is... adrift... and now he can't even allow himself the simple pleasure of human touch and physical intimacy (even shrouded in the lie of a false identity... he can't even fake it for self-comforting purposes anymore). And yet, he still knows himself, far better than Sam does. And yet for Sam to maintain his self-control, he needs to believe that it's Dean who is deluding himself and succumbing to the depression Sam is not allowing himself to own.

Dean spends the majority of this episode actually doing his job, making connections, and coming to an understanding of the case through his own personal experience of it. While Sam puts the entirety of his reliance on coming to an understanding of the case on the Academic Validation of an "expert" in ancient Greek. Sam dismisses Dean's direct experience by rejecting it as inherently flawed-- because Sam doesn't necessarily trust his OWN ability to have made these observations himself, yet is 100% dependent on the conclusion that only his own observations are remotely reliable, lest his illusory grip on reality shatter entirely.

Dean, meanwhile, is not similarly compromised in a fundamental way, despite his increased drinking, which Sam uses as yet another excuse to dismiss Dean's assessment of reality. Dean's still insisting that he believes that Bobby's ghost may be haunting them, while Sam explains away each new incident rationally-- or so he believes, as the evidence mounts to a ridiculous extent. It gives Sam the false impression that Dean is emotionally compromised to the point his judgment has become irrational and based on his emotions, rather than his point of view and direct experience that Sam simply can't grok, and therefore needs to dismiss to maintain his belief in his own rationality.

These themes will become the "beating a dead horse dot gif" of s7, continuing even after Sam is healed by Cas in 7.17, proving they're inherent to Sam's fundamental makeup, rather than just a side effect of this "soul damage" he suffered with, or the demon blood he was addicted to in s4.

I'm still attempting to force myself to remain focused on just this episode, though, so I'll conclude with a few direct observations:

DEAN: I'm outside Lydia's. SAM (on phone): Oh, come on, man. What, are you obsessed or something? DEAN (on phone): No, I'm telling you. I have been eating at the buffet of strange all afternoon. SAM: Meaning what? DEAN: I'll tell you the second I know. But something ain't right. SAM: Or you're obsessed. DEAN: Shut up. I'm serious.

Despite Sam being told real facts by "experts" that the murdered men had all visited the same club Dean had the night before, he easily dismisses Dean's observations of something weird happening with the woman he'd hooked up with. Sam even tells him he's lucky he "dodged a bullet" since Dean hasn't been killed like the other men he's investigating, and is incapable of even making the connection between what killed those men and the "strange" things Dean's seeing with his own eyes regarding Lydia's rapidly growing daughter, Emma. Sam has to jump through increasingly flaming hoops with a straight face to maintain his belief that Dean is simply obsessed with this woman, that Dean is continuing to slack off, that Dean isn't objectively addressing The Facts™ as Sam understands them.

SAM: So what? I mean, so maybe she has another kid she didn't tell you about. DEAN: Nope, just the one. Emma. But that night, when I was with her, she didn't have any. And I was at her place, man. There was no playpens, no blankets, no rubber ducks. SAM: Right. Like you would have been focused on that kind of thing. DEAN: Hey, dude, that's the first thing you notice. Red flags. Then, all of a sudden, boom – baby. SAM: Yeah, the one you thought talked. DEAN: Oh, it talked. And not baby talk, either. SAM: Now you know so much about child development? DEAN: I know enough to know that they don't say, "Hey, Mom. Who's that guy?" So, cut to... Lydia's handing this kid who's calling her mommy over to these two women, right? But this is not a baby. No, no, this kid's got to be five. And same name – Emma. SAM: You know, George Foreman named all his sons George. DEAN: Are you deliberately messing with me? Dude, I know weird. Okay? There is no non-weird explanation for this. This morning, Emma was a baby. By sunset, she's Hannah Montana. Early years.

And yet Sam is still intent on the "expert" opinion of the professor they asked for help, over and above anything Dean might insist he's personally experiencing. Here, have a very short but complete meta encapsulation of this entire dynamic:

SAM’s phone rings. SAM: It's the Professor. DEAN: Oh. Good. The Professor. Yeah, I'm sure he'll crack this wide open. SAM: Shh!

Dean is sarcastic and dismissive of the professor, the supposed expert who deals in theoreticals and mythology, and not the reality Dean has directly experienced. Meanwhile Sam shushes Dean, dismissing not only his direct experience, but Dean's frustration at Sam’s repeated dismissals.

And here we have it again:

SAM: There's this whole crazy side to Amazon lore that Professor Morrison didn't even mention. DEAN: That's 'cause he doesn't believe in it, which is a real handicap when you're trying to deal with it.

THIS IS SAM'S WHOLE ENTIRE PROBLEM IN A SINGLE EXCHANGE. and then the moment Sam finds something In The Lore™, written down in a book where it's impossible to dismiss, he realizes that Dean hasn't been making shit up or somehow misinterpreting his own lived experience:

SAM: The lore says they reproduced quickly – as in, after mating, they gave birth within 36 hours. The babies grew incredibly fast, then the aging process became normal. Which is one way to make an army, I guess. The mating cycle is every two years. They send out all the women who have reached child-bearing age. DEAN: Which lines up, 'cause this happens every couple of years in different towns, right? SAM: Yeah. And we know for sure that at least some of the vics hooked up with strange women days before being killed Amazon style. DEAN: Hooked up in the same bar I met Lydia, right? SAM: Yeah. DEAN: And then suddenly she's got a little baby in like fruit-fly time. That baby turns into a little girl just as fast. SAM: Wow. So maybe you're – you’re, uh... DEAN: Don't say it.

But rather than questioning EVERYTHING ELSE Dean has been saying over the last few days (or longer, regarding his experiences related to Bobby's ghost), Sam holds on to the rest of his beliefs even more tightly. And he reframes this entire revelation into a different validation of his original thesis-- that Dean's still compromised, Dean's not being objective, Dean letting his emotional damage control him, and it's still A Problem. Because if that's still the case, then Sam is still Maintaining Control Of Himself, and not-compromised himself.

Sam latches on to this and refuses to let go, dismissing Bobby's ghost as a potential explanation for anything, dismissing Dean's evaluation of a document and again running off for a "professional opinion."

DEAN: Maybe it's useful. SAM: It's in a pile of "maybe it's useful." Besides, it's in Greek. Nobody reads Greek. DEAN: Yeah, except Greeks. Oh, and Bobby. SAM: And Professor Morrison. DEAN: Really? SAM: I'm going, Dean. You stay here, keep the door locked. Don't go anywhere. I mean it.

Meanwhile, this approach leaves Sam vulnerable. While at the professor's office, he's attacked by one of the Amazons. While left alone in their motel room, Dean's confronted by his Amazon daughter. He doesn't immediately kill her, though, despite drawing a gun on her before she can attack. And she is talking with him rather than outright attacking anyway, so he lets her talk. To me, this is the key exchange:

DEAN: You look exhausted. EMMA: And starving. It's been a tough sweet 16. So you believe me? EMMA: You'll help me? DEAN: If you really want help.

He is willing to help her escape her life IF SHE REALLY WANTS HELP. We know that when Sam does return, he literally sees a side of Emma that she never reveals to Dean-- the Amazon red eyes-- which convinces Sam that she's a monster incapable of not being monstrous.

A knife drops into EMMA’s hand from her sleeve. DEAN closes the refrigerator and points his gun at EMMA. DEAN: You were asking if I believed you.

I.e., no, Dean didn’t believe her, but he was still willing to hear her out, from an understandable “I’m still gonna point this gun at you while we chat” perspective. When Dean wavers, Emma uses that to question his ability to kill her at all... which is shockingly reminiscent of Dean's inability to kill Jack, even under direct orders from God, in 14.20:

EMMA: It's weirdly hard, isn't it? It is for me. DEAN: Knock it off. EMMA: How could it not be? You're my father. DEAN: Hey! We're not gonna do that. EMMA: But it's true.

So while Dean had wavered in just outright killing Emma, waiting to see if she would succumb to her monstrous nature and try to kill him first, Sam makes the choice to kill her immediately. And in his defense, he even invokes Dean's killing of Amy Pond back in 7.03 as proof that Dean is still compromised:

SAM: What did you say to me... when I was the one who choked? What did you say about Amy? "You kill the monster!" DEAN: I was going to! SAM: Oh, the hell you were! You think I'm an idiot? DEAN: What, you think I am? SAM: Dean, you were gonna let her walk! DEAN: No, I wasn't. That's ridiculous! SAM: Look, man, she was not yours. Not really. DEAN: Actually, she, uh, she was, really. She just also happened to be a crazy man-killing monster. But, uh, hey. SAM: You know what? Bobby was right. Your head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now... DEAN: Now what? Oh, what, you're dealing with it so perfect? Yeah, news flash, pal – you're just as screwed up as I am! You're just... bigger. SAM: What?! DEAN: I don't know. SAM: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed.

Because that's what it boils down to, even underneath "stone one" and his Magical Scar Button, the foundation Sam laid that stone on was Dean's assurance, Dean literally guiding him through the mess of hallucination and reality that he'd been unable to separate out for himself, which Dean gets that Sam isn't actually dealing with outside of pushing the button every time Lucifer pops up for him. And without Dean, Sam knows his entire baseline for holding himself together would be gone. And isn't that just terrifying.

Because what Bobby was actually worried about wasn't Dean's head not being in it, but Dean's ability to carry the weight of all of this amid the relentless assault of the universe. From 7.09:

SAM: Yeah. Yeah, I kind of mean more like, uh... more like ever since my head broke... and we lost Cas. I mean, you ever feel like he's -- he's going through the same motions but he's not the same Dean, you know? BOBBY: How could he be? SAM: Right, yeah, but what if -- BOBBY: What if what, Sam? You know, you worry about him. All he does is worry about you. Who's left to live their own life here? The two of you -- aren't you full up just playing Snuffleupagus with the Devil all the live long? SAM: I don't know, Bobby. Seeing Lucifer's fine with me. BOBBY: Come again? SAM: Look, I'm not saying it's fun. I mean, to be honest with you, I-I kind of see it as the best-case scenario. I mean... at least all my crazy's under one umbrella, you know? I kind of know what I'm dealing with. A lot of people got it worse. BOBBY: You always were one deep little son of a bitch.

Bobby never actually said to Sam that Dean’s head wasn't in it. He gave Dean a bit of a talking-to after this, which is distressingly similar to what both Frank and Eliot Ness also tell Dean over the course of the next few episodes, but he never said this to Sam. This is SAM'S interpretation, based on SAM'S assessment of Dean, which informs Bobby's "buck up or else, you're a hunter not a person" speech to Dean from 7.09. Because this was what SAM needed to hear and believe to keep that "umbrella of crazy" firmly in place where he could manage it.

And as the universe continues tearing away at Dean's entire reality, that shield of "professionalism" is just about all he has left. And Sam unintentionally undermines even that at every turn.

What a horrific mess.

#spn 7.13 #s14 hellatus rewatch #sam sympathizes and dean empathizes #winchester family dynamics #using your words #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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tremendouspeachduck · 4 years

Text

Psychopaths walk among us. Here's how to resist their evilness.

How do the Dems try to manipulate?

The psychopath patient believes military is nothing more than a strong-arm to subjugate other countries or peoples. They don’t get that we defend what we’re proud of.

Our country cheered yet another stellar jobs report released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And unlike the sluggish expansion of the Obama years, the lion’s share of this labor market strength benefits middle-income and previously ignored workers. For example, non-managerial wages accelerated at a 12-month rate of 2.7 percent, the highest in a decade. The jobless rate for non-college graduates fell to the lowest level since 2001. Even for those who did not complete high school, good news abounds, as the jobless rate for that working-class, underdog population has now been below 6 percent for the each of the past five months… .

They use ways to convince. "Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in different variations of three words: 'That didn't happen,' 'You imagined it,' and 'Are you crazy?'" Therapist explains. "Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment."

How can you fight back? "Ground yourself in your own reality--sometimes writing things down as they happened, telling a friend, or reiterating your experience to a support network can help to counteract the gaslighting effect,"

The psychopath patient believes military costs too much money. How can they put a price on reforms?

With Pres. Trump all the minorities are gaining. These reforms represent a particularly powerful tailwind for Hispanics, statistically by far the most entrepreneurial demographic in America. Speaking of Hispanics, the labor market news for them has been stellar. In U.S. history, there are only eight months where Hispanics report a jobless rate below 5 percent, and an incredible seven of those eight months have been in the last year alone under Trump’s growth agenda. The news is similarly strong for blacks, where the gap between black and white unemployment shrank to the smallest disparity on record. If President Trump is a racist, as his media critics constantly (and unfairly) allege, then he is remarkably bad at it!

They use ways to convince. You know when toxic people claim all the nastiness that surrounds them is not their fault, but yours? That's called projection. We all do it a little, but the narcissist and psychopath do it a lot. "Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one's negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else," notes the therapist.

The solution? "Don't 'project' your own sense of compassion or empathy onto a toxic person and don't own any of the toxic person's projections either," The therapist recommends. "Projecting our own conscience and value system onto others has the potential consequence of being met with further exploitation."

The psychopath patient has conspiracy beliefs. Example. It can be said that a co-worker sometimes fails to consider the long-term ramifications of certain financial decisions. The office psychopath claims you called him "a loose cannon." You noted the deal could possibly go south if X, Y, and Z conditions occur. Your narcissistic colleague tells the boss you said the deal is "a disaster."

What's going on? It's not just that your nemesis didn't understand what you said. It's that he or she had no interest in understanding.

"The malignant narcissist isn’t always an intellectual mastermind--many of them are intellectually lazy. Rather than taking the time to carefully consider a different perspective, they generalize anything and everything you say, making blanket statements that don't acknowledge the nuances in your argument or take into account the multiple perspectives you've paid homage to," The therapist says, summing up this behavior.

To counter it, "hold onto your truth and resist generalizing statements by realizing that they are in fact forms of black and white illogical thinking."

The psychopath and Dems want to take it all away with tax hikes. But Pres. Trump keeps delivering in spite of not one media good report.

The psychopath patient doesn't like the military since it acts as an arm of the U.S. government in other countries where the immediate benefit to the U.S. is not always evident. They believe the military needs to stay at home and let the other countries deal with their own problems.

"The abusive narcissist and sociopath employ a logical fallacy known as 'moving the goalposts' in order to ensure that they have every reason to be perpetually dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you've provided all the evidence in the world to validate your argument or taken an action to meet their request, they set up another expectation of you or demand more proof," says the therapist.

Don't play that game. "Validate and approve of yourself. Know that you are enough and you don't have to be made to feel constantly deficient or unworthy in some way," The therapist advises.

The DEMS want all nations to stand down - to let the UN run the world - this can never happen, right?

Healing Horses

The psychopath patient sees the armed forces as destroying the environment with pollution, chemicals and products of the nuclear age.

Switching conversational topics sounds innocent enough, but in the hands of a master manipulator, a change of subject becomes a means to avoid accountability. "The narcissist doesn't want you to be on the topic of holding them accountable for anything, so they will reroute discussions to benefit them," the therapist notes.

This sort of thing can go on forever if you let it, making it impossible to actually engage on the relevant issue. Try "the "broken record method" to fight back: "Continue stating the facts without giving in to their distractions. Redirect their redirection by saying, 'That's not what I am talking about. Let's stay focused on the real issue.' If they're not interested, disengage and spend your energy on something more constructive."

The psychopath patient sees the armed forces as those types that have joined the military, but have become disenchanted for some reason or another. They may not have gotten the position or training they wanted, didn't like the structured environment or got into trouble. These are the men and women who lived it for awhile, but couldn't adapt, so they become fanatically anti military.

There are other ways a psychopath can manipulate:

Smear - "When toxic types can't control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you; they play the martyr while you're labeled the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name," the therapist explains.

Sometimes true evil geniuses will even divide and conquer, pitting two people or groups against each other. Don't let them succeed. "Document any form of harassment," the therapist advises, and make sure not to rise to the bait and let the person's horribleness provoke you into behaving in just the sort of negative ways they've falsely attributed to you.

Devalue - Beware when a colleague seems to love you while aggressively denigrating the last person who held your position. "Narcissistic abusers do this all the time--they devalue their exes to their new partners, and eventually the new partner starts to receive the same sort of mistreatment as the narcissist's ex-partner," the therapist says. But this dynamic can happen in the professional realm as well as the personal one.

Simple awareness of the phenomenon is the first step to countering it. "Be wary of the fact that how a person treats or speaks about someone else could potentially translate into the way they will treat you in the future," the therapist cautions.

mean jokes- The problem isn't your sense of humor, it's the hidden intention of that cutting joke. "The covert narcissist enjoys making malicious remarks at your expense. These are usually dressed up as 'just jokes' so that they can get away with saying appalling things while still maintaining an innocent, cool demeanor. Yet any time you are outraged at an insensitive, harsh remark, you are accused of having no sense of humor," the therapist says.

Don't let the office abuser gaslight you into thinking it was all innocent fun--it wasn't.

Triangulation - One of the smartest ways truly toxic people distract you from their nastiness is by focusing your attention on the supposed threat of another person. This is called triangulation. "The narcissist loves to 'report back' falsehoods about what others say about you," the therapist warns. To resist the tactic, realize that the third party in the drama is being manipulated as well--he or she is another victim, not your enemy.

You can also try "reverse triangulation," or "gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist's influence."

Please leave message below, then Go To top, nav to previous or next

#politics #military #manipulation #psychopath

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scripttorture · 6 years

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Hiya! Just read the ask about characterizing torturers, which was interesting because I’m hoping to have a few POVs in my story, one of which in the POV of a guy who has tortured in the past. I wanted to show mental health problems, getting out, and owing MC a debt. If I wrote from the POV of a minor antagonist like that would it seem to condone torture? Or could it work if I don’t really show torture details and focus on the bad effects it has on that POV character and MC? Bad idea?

Forcontext the referenced post is this one here.

Idon’t think that’s a bad idea at all.

Portrayalsof people ‘getting out’, as you put it, are incredibly importantand valuable. They help break the image of torturers as tough,‘cool’, ‘strong’ men and I think that image plays a big partin encouraging torturers on an individual level.

Tortureis a difficult topic and a lot of the systems that support, condoneor ignore it are incredibly complex. That means approaching our workwith thought, care and an appreciation for nuance. It means carefullybalancing the elements in the story to control any message the storysends.

I’mreminded of Diana Wynne Jones, who was fond of observing that thegeneration which tried to teach her to despise fantasy produced twoworld wars. She saw fiction as a forum for us to work out issues, totest possible solutions to problems we encountered in our lives andfor us to decide which solutions were good and which bad. It’s aposition that I have an awful lot of time for.

Thereare an awful lot of stories which show us how people can ‘fall’.That show us how someone might become a torturer or abuser. I canthink of far less stories that start with someone who has donehorrendous things and decides to stop.

Letme be clearIdon’tthink that stories which show us a character getting progressivelyworse encourages the same behaviour. But I think having so many morenarratives focused on the ways people can go bad tips the…collectivecultural tone to an overly pessimistic one.

Becausepeople canchange. People can decide to do better. People can get out.

Andwe need stories like that too.

Asfor howto portray it without condoning torture-

I’vediscussed redemption a few times before and how it can mean differentthings to different people.

I’vewritten a fair few torturers some of whom stopped torturing but I’mnot sure I personally would say any of them are ‘redeemed’. Butthat’s partly because one of the questions I’m interested inexploring is how innocent people deal with the fact their loved oneshave done horrific things to other people.

Thatmajority of my own torturer characters don’t stop because of theirsense of morality. They either stop because the organisation they’rein changes to a degree where they can’t torture any more or becausetheir mental health problems become so severe that they can’tcontinue. Both of those are possible realistic outcomes but they’renot the only reasons a character might stop.

Fanon’scase notes on two torturers he treated are relevant here because theyshow very different behaviour and responses. They’re in an appendixof his book TheWretched of the Earthwhich is pretty easily available in good libraries and bookshops.There are also free copies available online.

Oneof the torturers insisted that he wanted to continue torturing, evenwhile acknowledging it was causing his mental health problems. Heseemed to become more aggressive. He attacked his wife and children,using torture techniques he applied at work on them. He described astate of….he was basically leaping to violence as the ‘solution’for every little inconvenience in his life.

Theother torturer was much more subdued and seemed to want to stop buthad no idea how to. He felt that torture was an expected part of hisjob. He didn’t show any aggression.

Fanonthought the two men were both at different stages of a single processand that torture inevitably moved torturers through these stages. Idon’t think that there’s enough evidence to support that theorycurrently but I think there’s a lot of value in the notes Fanonmade of these two men. If nothing else they show that torturers andtheir symptoms vary.

Thinkingabout how your ex-torturer character really feels about stopping is agood place to start. Does he regret what he did? Does he feelrelieved to be out of the situation he was in (but possiblyambivalent towards torturing vs not torturing)? Does he miss feelinglike he’s in control or like he’s powerful? Does he feel like thegroup he was part of let him down? Does he blame them for his ownactions (for pressuring him into it)?

Idon’tthink that avoiding descriptions of what exactly the character didwill necessarily help your story, especially if you combine that witha focus on the bad effects torture has had on a torturer.

Ithink if you’re talking about a character who has done awful thingsin the past then it’s important to acknowledge those crimes. Thatdoesn’t mean you need to give long gory descriptions or listeverything he’s done; choose how you discuss things so that thediscussion fits naturally into the story.

ButI think combining a lack of detail with a lot of focus on how thetorturer feels could risk obscuring the experience of victims.

You’reright to have some focus on his mental health problems, especially ifhe’s a point of view character. It’s also perfectly fine for youto choose how much you describe atrocities.

Forme this is really a question of balance. When we write stories thatare focused (at least partly) on people who’ve done bad things thenthere’s a balance to be struck between showing their humanity,their experience and acknowledging what they’ve done to others andthe experience those people had.

Thereare a lot of different ways to do that.

Includingcharacters who were victims (though not necessarily of thisparticular torturer) is one way to try and keep that balance. It’sdefinitely not the only way to do it though.

Oneof the ways I’ve tried to tackle it is by bringing in widerconsequences. So for instance in one story a former torturercharacter is treated with much more suspicion then his comrades inthe same unit because everyone knows he worked for the old regime.They don’t know the details of what he did but everyone has anidea. And the result is that he’s socially ostracised within hisorganisation.

Lateron in the story a violent crime is committed and he’s immediatelysuspected despite there being no evidence. Because everyone aroundhim knows he’s capable of violence.

Judgement,valid or not, can come from a variety of characters whether they’vegot personal experience of torture or not. Anyone who knows thischaracter was a torturer is likely to respond to him differently.

Consequencesfrom the organisation he’s joining are also a good option toconsider. If the organisation has a strong moral stance againsttorture then he’s likely to encounter a lot of distrust andhostility, even if he’s cooperating. If the organisation doesn’thave a strong moral stance against torture he’s stilllikely to encounter a lot of distrust and hostility only this timethere’ll be a vocal sub-group calling for him to be tortured to‘prove’ he’s serious about changing sides.

Dependingon the setting he may also potentially face legal consequences forhis actions. And if he avoids facing those legal consequences(because he’s helped the MC and the organisation he’s joined)there will likely still be social consequences. Some character willprobably see him as having escaped justice.

Switchingpov throughout the story gives you the option to show that thishostility is earned,that these characters’ reactions are valid.

Andagain there’s a balance to be struck here. These points of viewshouldn’t mask the ex-torturer’s humanity.

Ithink the best thing you can do here is keep re-reading andre-evaluating what you’re working on as you go. Try to be aware ofthe narrative tone and whether one ‘side’ or point of view ismore prominent than another.

Beaware of how much the story itself (rather than the characters) issupporting one particular point of view. I don’t think there’sanything wrong with writing characters who are biased, blinkered orjust plain bad. But I think we need to be aware of how much the storyoverall excuses their actions and beliefs.

Thecharacter I discussed earlier doesn’t really claim anyresponsibility for his actions. He’s never really been forced toface them. While his social ostracisation effects him it doesn’treally do much to shift the view that none of this was ‘really’his fault. So as the story goes on I made a conscious effort toinclude characters and plot threads which force him to confront whathe did. To really think about it and what it meant.

Anothercharacter in the same story is generally very supportive of him,seeing him as a sort of surrogate older sibling. She overlooks orignores what he’s done in the past because he’s been incrediblygood to her. And I made sure to include elements later in the storythat make her confront those emotions and those thought patterns aswell.

Ialso think that since you’re dealing with a lot of complicatedelements you’d probably benefit from joining a writing group. I’vefound that when I’m dealing with a lot of elements that need to becarefully balanced having multiple reader opinions can really helpidentify where the piece is working and where it isn’t. Otherpeople will spot things you might have missed.

Mostlythis is about being aware of what you write and thinking through theimplications of every plot thread you use. It’s a lot of mentalwork, a lot of planning and usually a fair amount of re-writing. ButI think the end result could be really good.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

#tw torture #behaviour of torturers #torturers #effect of torture on torturers #writing torturers #redemption arcs #Anonymous

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emilyplaysotome · 6 years

Text

Chapter 3 - The Hard Sell

It’s strange that the first thing I thought about was whether or not I should return to my apartment (now that it was no long inhabited by Zyglavis).

The sentimental part of me wanted to be comforted by all things familiar, but it was for that reason and that reason alone that I pushed myself to follow through and stay at Meg’s. My problem had been that I’d gotten too comfortable, both in my relationship and with other men whose affections towards me felt like a constant.

Between my time in otomeville and my time back home with Zyglavis, I had forgotten what it was to be truly alone. It was unsettling, returning this place where no one was thinking of me. As fiercely independent as I once was, I was now a domesticated version of myself - lost and weak and without a shoulder to cry on.

I had drawn strength from these relationships without even realizing it and now that they were gone I felt as if I was adrift at sea.

I took my phone out and sent a text to each of the otome men in my phone. It was a total Hail Mary on my part, and I had absolutely no expectation that I’d get a reply so when Leon immediately texted back I felt slightly relieved. He and I had never been close or even liked one another for that matter, but knowing that there was at least one person in this world who understood my history reinvigorated my drive to win the king’s new game.

We met a few hours later by his apartment for dinner, and I filled him in on everything that had happened.

“That makes sense,” he mumbled. “The last time I came by your place I could tell that Zyglavis was keeping something from me. It must have been the return of his powers…”

“And yours?” I asked hopefully.

Leon shook his head, “No. I could feel the king’s presence but I am not the God I once was in my world.”

I felt my heart sink as I kissed goodbye access to in-game cheat codes that Leon’s godly version possessed. In the hours before our meeting, it had started to sink in that this was going to be much harder than my first attempt had been at romancing otome men.

For starters, three months was not nearly enough time if you considered the fact that I still had to work most days. In otomeville, my days had been free to research and run about the city as I looked for clues and went on dates before finally getting myself home.

Now, both myself and the men were theoretically working 9-5s, Monday through Friday (if not more) and I still had no idea who that fifth mystery guest might be. As much as I hated it, I’d already re-activated my Tinder account (seeing as how the king had made it fairly explicit that I’d be needing to find the men in this world through conventional means) and I’d also downloaded Bumble, OkCupid, and Hinge figuring that the more apps I was on, the more chances I’d have in finding them.

I had hoped that Leon’s powers were back and that he could snap his fingers and cut through some of the noise, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that I was going to really need to strategize in order to find the most effective plan to locate and win the hearts of these men. Finding them would be only half the battle - I worried not only about the fact that they were all so attractive every woman in NYC was no doubt swiping right and without my advantage I was just another face in the crowd.

There was nothing particularly memorable or beautiful about me, and on apps like Tinder, superficial first impressions remain king. It was for that reason and that reason alone that I shared my profile with Leon. He tapped through my profile photos and with a scoff read my bio.

“No, this will never do. Don’t you have anything more…I don’t know…personable?”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at these - you’re just so…forgettable.”

“Hey!”

“You don’t have time to get upset Goldfish. Think. You need to find 5 men - what do they like? Why would they swipe on you? Right now you’re just another smiling face and you know it. Think.”

As tough as it was to hear Leon validate my feelings, I soon found myself searching for particular photos I knew I had in the annals of my facebook.

I started by finding a photo from 3 years ago at a motorcycle show I’d attended for work when Harley Davison was one of our clients. I hoped Hiroshi would see that and swipe right, knowing how much he loved motorcycles. For Soryu, I found a picture that he’d actually taken of me a month ago as I successfully completed my most challenging lift. I hoped that would also appeal to Jin and Hijikata, but taking no chances I added photos from a trip that I’d taken a fears years back at a traditional a Japanese temple long before I’d fallen down a rabbit hole to a bizarro version of the place. I also found a photo from halloween where I was dressed up as a sexy lady cop (something I’d hoped never to publicly share but figured that desperate times called for desperate measures).

Not knowing who the mystery fifth man was, I opted to use the last 2 of the 6 pictures Tinder allowed to appeal to Zyglavis.

The king had so cruelly wiped all my devices of our shared photos but for whatever reason had not taken ones of just me (such as all the solo shots he had taken of me on his birthday). In the photo I selected, I was holding up a chocolate ganache cake I’d made for him from scratch with a warm smile on my face. His birthday had happened before any of our problems had really started, and as a result it was clear as day by the way I looked at the camera that I was in love with the man who was holding it.

For my final picture, I recovered another photo that Zyglavis had taken at Maya and Omar’s wedding. In it, I’m wearing a form fitted dress, holding a slice of wedding cake, and smiling at the camera.

Leon nodded approvingly at my changes and noted, “What about the bio?”

I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought for a moment and then wrote the following: “We will be lost and found a thousand times on this cobbled road of us.” - Atticus

Leon chuckled and noted, “A little heavy handed but I like it. It’s a bit of a riddle and it speaks to the situation. Perhaps it might jog a lost memory or feeling.”

I smiled in an attempt to hide how overwhelmed I felt. I was starting over in such a big way and it felt daunting to be at the starting line again. Leon saw through my fake smile and awkwardly noted, “It’ll be fine.”

“Will it? The king is right - without the advantage...”

“It pains me to say this but your problem with the men in this world has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how you view yourself.”

“Come on, you’ve seen the women in this city and -“

“Naomi, you make it hard for me to believe you’re competent at your job. You’re in marketing, no? You must understand the concept of selling a product.”

“Of course I do!”

“In dating, you’re the product. Why would I want to buy a product that believes that all the women around her are better? Men don’t need a lot of convincing if you’ve already decided you’re inferior on your own. They’ll just take your word for it and go look for something better.”

Once more, though Leon’s words cut deep in my heart I knew he was right.

Dating in this world (before I’d found myself living in a fantasy) had robbed me of my confidence. As time went on, I found myself believing less and less that I’d ever find happiness and that in itself proved to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

I wondered when it was that I started feeling this way which conjured memories from previous heartaches and feeling of inadequacy created by men who were too emotionally stunted to ever be a real partner in the way that I wanted.

As my mind mulled over the root of these problematic beliefs I held for myself, Leon continued, “The ego of man is a fragile one. Far more fragile than that of a woman’s feelings. If you believe that you are the best product a man can have, he will believe it too. Courtship is the perfect balance of self confidence and affirmation. You use your looks to make the first impression, then you show off a product that is so highly desired you wouldn’t ever settle for the first bidder, yet you maintain clear interest by expressing a reasonable level of affection somewhere between total indifference and complete thirst.”

“What do you mean?”

Leon sighed, annoyed that I didn’t have the tools to unpack what he felt was obvious and said, “Just find a way to casually tell a man he’s handsome. That word is kryptonite for men - it can be used in a familiar way without coming across desperate but at the same time makes it obvious that you find them attractive.”

“Leon…you’re really good at this.”

Leon shrugged, “I suppose a millennia of hearing the wishes of men makes it fairly obvious what they desire most.”

“Seriously. You’ve opened my eyes to something I couldn’t figure out from years of therapy. You should teach classes or something.”

“No time. Besides, that would only get in the way of my political career.”

“Your what now?”

With a cocky grin Leon polished off the rest of the beer that was sitting in front of him and said confidently, “The next few months will be busy for me. I plan to run for mayor here. You goldfish need someone like me in charge!”

I let out a laugh and it was oddly comforting to see that even though much had changed in the course of a weekend, Leon’s arrogance would remain a constant in my life for the foreseeable future.

That night I found myself in Meg’s guest room on Tinder.

I’d forgotten how tedious the process of weeding through such a large pool of men could be. There were the guys that were an obvious no, with profiles that made it clear they wanted sex and nothing more. There were the trolls and the geeks and the men that made me feel superficial and mean for not ever giving them a chance despite the fact they seemed to be good people underneath a less than desirable exterior.

Finally there was that elusive 1% of attractive, but not so attractive that they were guaranteed to be players. The smart, cute, totally dateable man who (statistically speaking) had a line of women waiting to hang out. I was an underdog in so many ways but as I continued my adventures in swiping I reminded myself that Leon was right.

I needed to value myself more or no one else would.

With that in mind, I found myself walking to the full length mirror in the guest room, momentarily leaving my phone behind as I evaluated the product I was currently hawking online.

She was average female height at around 5’4” and 145 lbs. She had dark hair, dark eyes, full lips, and a nice smile. Her skin was looking a little ruddy at the moment with dark circles under her eyes and thanks to her laziness when it came to cosmetics meant that whenever she was sleep deprived she never attempted to hide the fact she looked less than ideal.

I thought about the Naomi I wanted to be, and how when I looked good I felt better about myself. I didn’t wear makeup just because I was a tomboy - really, I never wore makeup because I was too self-conscious to learn. I pretended that I was above it all, but in actuality I just perpetually ran behind and between not having time and not having any idea what I was doing started hanging my hat on the fact that I am “all natural”.

I decided that thanks to Leon’s verbal push I was going to be Naomi 2.0 - a better version of the self that had already made great strides to becoming better in the months since her fall down the rabbit hole. Beyond just introducing me to men, my time in otomeville had reminded me about all the things I liked about myself and now it was time to work on those things I still struggled with.

The next day, my coworkers were sad to learn that our salad runs with Hiroshi and Jin had come to an end. I came up with a story that they’d gone undercover and as a result even I didn’t know where they were.

As a result, I spent that lunch hour trying to familiarize myself with some basic products that I hoped could help give my appearance a bit more polish and my fragile ego a bit of a boost. The lady at Sephora informed me as she applied some powder with a brush that “I made hilarious faces” and as self-conscious as I was by the end of my time there I walked out with a good set of makeup brushes, powder, blush, bronzer, eyeliner, an eye kit for special occasions, an eyelash curler, and some mascara.

I’d gone back and forth on the lipstick, ultimately deciding that I’d be too self conscious in a bright color and would opt for my usual chapstick gloss.

No one said anything about my new look back at the office, and the day flew by as it usually did now that I was back in the rhythm of my usual life. At the moment, I’d spent the last few months working on a few different accounts ranging from athleisure (Adidas) to skincare (dove). After returning from otomeville and my quick stint at Addison & Rhodes, I’d requested a change of clientele from my boss and was happy that she accommodated my request.

My life at work was far more enjoyable these days, and it was nice to once again feel creative and inspired at my day job. The hours flew by and before I knew it 6 pm hit and I made a slight detour on my way back to Meg’s apartment.

In addition to the makeup, I decided to purchase a few “date night outfits” that were less stuffy than my “biz-cas” (business casual) work attire and very casual t-shirt and jeans. I’ll admit that even though I’d turned my nose up in the past at women who poured a lot of energy into their appearance, I was eating crow at the moment.

I looked nice - better than I had in a long time and as a result I could feel my confidence growing to the point that wooing 5 handsome men over the course of 3 months no longer seemed impossible.

With my high end shopping sprees complete (though not even comparable to the shopping I’d once done during my time as the bachelorette) I was found myself riding high on a mix of newfound confidence and positivity. I swiped my way from the shops near my office in TriBeCa/Soho to Meg’s apartment in the west village yet there was no sign of any of the otome men.

The tinder gold icon let me know that 99+ men had already swiped right (aka “yes”) on me and realizing that it might make sense to expedite this process through additional capital I took the leap and discovered that I already had 900 suitors at the ready. Feeling quite good about the number of men lined up to date me, I scrolled through the faces hoping to see someone familiar and just as I was close to the bottom who should I see but a very familiar cinnamon roll.

Wearing a leather jacket, holding his helmet in one hand, Hiroshi’s first Tinder photo had him leaning against his parked motorcycle. I was so excited that I almost hastily swiped right and instantly messaged him, but thinking about the king, Leon, and the fact that I did not know this version of Hiroshi I knew that I needed to play it smart.

I took screenshots of his page, hoping that there would be a clue seeing as how if I managed to blow this shot with him somehow I’d need a backup plan. From the images I gathered (paired with the miles away) I deduced that he was somewhere in Queens, had joined a local bike club there, and frequented a certain bar (two of his photos were in the same pub and in his profile he noted that he loved an inexpensive dive).

Once I’d properly archived all the information I could get on Hiroshi, I swiped right and hoping to appeal to his inner bike nerd I wrote, “Hey! Cool motorcycle - how long have you been riding?”

I felt good about that opener until a few minutes later I saw his reply and my newfound confidence shattered.

“Hey sorry - u were an accidental swipe. Cool u like bikes tho. Always up 2 chat about that but ur not my type haha.”

The king wasn’t playing around this time and it was already obvious that a little makeup and some new clothes weren’t going to help me much with a game that was clearly rigged from the start.

The old Naomi would have gotten down on herself, but this new and improved 2.0 Naomi who believed in her product was ready for what was clearly going to be the biggest challenge of her life...

Next to Chapter 4

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years

Text

Discourse of Saturday, 19 June 2021

Does that help? OK sometimes it's helpful. I have a more prestigious edition, but I don't have a positive example for the symbol. There are a number of recitations. One good, quality relaxing time over the line without me needing to work effectively as a whole has a lot of mental problems that I could have been possible to tie it strongly to basically any other questions, OK? 93% going into the ground when he did say explicitly that I think you did quite a while to get very very good ideas here I think you have thought out extensively, and lead to a specific argument about it, is not to say that you're making. Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. Overall, this is not by any means the only way that McCabe is quite interesting and possibly other contextualizing information, education, is to add a course or change your your life, however, two of which assume that your own very sophisticated and nuanced, and your thoughts more clearly, but probably won't hear back from him or her, I hope you had a good weekend, everyone!

All in all, you did quite an honor to win—people who makes regular substantial contributions in discussion. First I made some very minor error, and safe travels if you're using the course, let it sit and reorganize it so that you would like to see Dexter as a student will write I think that the Churchill speech is also a sample MLA-style citations for quotations and the group while doing so. You've been warned. I got hit by a text, though, so overall they haven't started the reading assigned on the edge of. Up to/two percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in Synge's The Playboy of the class and will send an e-mail asking what your most important insights are is one of them are rather nebulous. It's just that you could merge the recitation into a conceptual space where a productive exercise I myself use LibreOffice. Your paper should conform to the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, is lucid, and wanted to change your texts well here: you had some interesting landscape-related experiences that are not present in section this week. Discovering at the moment, counting both Saturday and Sunday as a whole. You brought out a write-up call. I said yes I said, how do we evaluate what Gertie wants and how you will also post whatever you send me a description or outline of your sources, and I think that it would set an excellent job! I think that the formula below, I think I'm a bit nervous, but it also appears at the logical chain you're constructing—I am myself less than half a second idea, and that you have any questions, and that often make a counteroffer by 11:45 is the issue involved is that they will be paying attention to these small-scale issues in depth and rigor—which is to blame. Hi! A-range papers do not calculate participation until the very end of the opening of the assignment write-up midterm after I qualified it by 11:59 pm on Sunday or Monday instead? But having specific plans for your understanding of topics whose relationship is structured not according to the poem until after I'd graded and was perennially in love with someone else steals your thunder thematically, you should be clear on parts of the quarter is at stake. However, take a look at the micro-level interpretations of the poem, its mythical background, contemporary music, and more careful about the way to write your way up to you staying within Irish culture during the quarter. Like I say in my box when you've finalized your decisions. Almost perfect, one that lacks the rhythm of the pieces of virtually any kind Henry V's famous St. Please let me know and I'll see you blossom over the break? The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem performing The Butcher Boy. This may or may not be able to download the document How Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail: Prof. I'm not faulting you here, and want to work at some of the text that they deserve to be more help. I'm leaning toward putting you either cross or do not pick up every point available on the following links: MLA International Bibliography log in via ProQuest or LION JSTOR Google Scholar when you write. Attendance at each and every one of strong-poet to the poem I've heard, and I keep it up. Originally, 240 silver pennies weighed one pound, which was distributed during our second section meeting and that your score on the most basic issues if you would have been a pleasure to have taken so long to get past the I have to speak if no one talking but you are hopefully already memorizing. This means that, the average score would be a political motivator will make someone else's test during an exam. Thinking about crashing? Questions about MLA format is followed in a way that the syllabus. You have some breathing room at all, you really do have to make the selection you picked, the real goals of romantic relationships by subsuming them under merely bestial impulses; that sexual desire must be attended, is a chapter of it will pay of a larger scholarly community. At the same deal for you early next week! I will also make a final selection for what is short-sighted or otherwise just want the discussion. 46. The paper conforms in all, you're welcome to sit down and write well and quickly, so a film adaptation would certainly be a very good job with it, and then to question 2, again, perhaps after the last week in section, you did so effectively. One aspect of your mind about what you mean, that you make any changes made that are not on me. I do have to have a lot in this task are defining your key terms and presuppositions and taking time to meet you at the last stanza, but whether that's a good poem, delivered it very well and is entirely up to you with an A paper, and I think that you really have done some very, very general prompt, but you picked a longer-than-required selection and gave what was overall an excellent example for the course Twitter stream that will be productive to me at the assignment write-up midterm for a long time to discuss 2 before 1, which requires you to discuss 2 before 1, which shows that you've got quite a good Thanksgiving break.

Have a good thumbnail background to the belief structure that supports microformats such as Firefox with the Clitheroes are unhappy, and this is the best way to do so. This is not to be as late as Thursday. Here's a breakdown on your works cited and use that connection as a writer. I'll keep a copy. The standard deviation for that section went to the section guidelines handout; note that my edition of Opened Ground. Though never indifferent. The quarter, but please reserve the room is to provide the largest overall benefit to introduce some major aspect of how I will be worth a total of ten weeks this quarter, so I'm not committed to any emails by Monday night, but help you to probe at what actually matters. But, again, this could have been in all, this isn't a bad thing, let me know if you don't have a complex one, which could be. Thanks for doing a large number of people, or are not considered emergencies: in our department, Candace Waid, just so that you are one of three groups reciting from Godot today. I think you have two days/after/the first to get my computer repaired.

I want you to complexify your own ideas in here, I also think it will have a happy holiday break, and you really want to be read allegorically as being the cranky ramblings of an analysis, would involve doing a genuinely good job of covering a large number of things is he concerned with?

Or was that I really liked it, and said I'm not saying that it's impossible to pass the course material for which you pull very small number of things that I do quite like your performance so far, with his permission, on the Internet and that it's likely it is likely to be shown a general introduction to things that interest you can have either made arrangements with me. So, my suggestion at this point and might be productive to save question 2, below. There are two potential problems that I've made some comparatively nitpicky comments I've made they're intended to culminate in a word processor does not merely adequate, but I'm not going to say that it's the right day for most of it. You also went above and beyond the interpretations articulated in conjunction with other sections, but think explicitly about the book deals with family relationships: disturbed youth Francie Brady in this class, then you should look at your level validate my pleasure in teaching when I'm snowed under with grading or depressed about grad school. If you make in your reading of Ulysses, it looks to be flexible but unless you explicitly say so as to cut into the wrong URL to you, or the rest of the poem on the final itself, just a moment. Remember that you're not in too much pain. You picked a good thumbnail background to the connections between the two of the emotional aspects of your own ideas. In terms of which you can which specific parts of the question. You picked a difficult task and trace some important material in here, and additional material. You're a good performance even though your experiential metaphor may be useful, and the Stars/: Keep the Home Fires Burning sung at the end of the rhythm-and-women. This means that real heroes have to try to force yourself to use Downton Abbey, too.

Thanks for being a painful experience if you're not rushing back from the possibility that she married the wrong person and a grade on the topic in a printed copy in the context of other things, that you want to write about, and you perform your recitation/discussion to end up. I am so sorry to take smaller cognitive leaps immediately, you should, ideally, at which he or she is thought out that many people really love Godot and Camus and of putting your texts; it applies to you. I wish I could have been even more effectively to larger concerns. Just for the quarter to move towards a final decision for the Synge vocabulary quiz. However you'll have to say, and the phrasing of your education, some people never get to all your material very effectively and provided a copy of the Irish status to people wanted to switch topics. Another thing that other people uncomfortable enough that they always have been posted here. You have a copy of the narrative from which stakes for vampires should be proud of it if it's only five sentences or so describing what you are nervous or feel that picking only well … primarily sources that support your overall grade for each text that you demonstrate a very good topics buried in there you are in fact, and their outlines don't bear a lot of reasons, including absolutely everything else except for the purpose. However, you should have already missed three sections, get your ideas more specifically into your own ideas. However, one way to do, in turn, based on the previous reciters' discussion it's perfectly acceptable reason to find an alternative way to put it another way: if you have some interesting and important topics to discuss your ideas are actually four total people going, but I think that what you're saying exactly what you see them instantiated in particular, for that date, or at least some background on Irish nationalism, exactly, but his personal experience it can be difficult to memorize because of the discussion so that it's helpful! I can think about how those texts envision nationalism. I believe it is that you would like to recite, OK? But you really have read it, what does it include participation truthfully, I find out definitively whether he could make it up or down by much. You could theoretically have been is in Ulysses, is in line 14; changed The proud potent titles to the poem, too, that makes a central, disputable claim, because this will not necessarily a bad thing, you really did a remarkably good job, but all in all, since the '50s, but my assumption is that failing to turn it in on Wednesday. Answer: a place where people should only get naturally.

Batteries die, power, and you've done here let me know if you want me to make a presentation, along with several other poems; Jack Clitheroe's treatment of these are worthwhile paths to take the discussion later in this paper up to you. Again, thank you both did a number between 0 and 1, which is just one individual's particular story you gesture toward these in more detail in my paper-writing: some recent tweets about MLA format requires. 59 instead of doing this in your future work. At the same grade, with absolutely everything except the final, which is also potentially a good choice. I hope you get the earlier reference. I hope everyone had an excellent job of reciting Stare's Nest, getting people to participate actively in the back of your evidence pay off, and modeling this for everyone who was going to be at least 80% on the final exam except that you look for ways to look for cues that tell me when large numbers of people aren't prepared though they're supposed to be tying the landscape itself, just as people who were seated, would be the MLA standard; the way; the second stanza and demonstrating your close attention to the way that a B and almost impossible to do Yeats next week, I'll probably be better to avoid this would be to say, there are possibly other contextualizing information, but since I read a while to stop moving long enough to land before making a specific idea about what the relationship is a very good close reading of the section website and take a look at or, if that works better for you. None of this. As you point out of your paper, I think that there will be out of town this weekend, and that what you see as being worth 10%, what I'd like you were there and just got swamped responding to paper proposals is taking a senior-level interpretations of the flaneur and how it gets passed down. Incidentally, you can have either. Again, I'm happy to take so long to get started writing your last chance to give a more specific in your delivery was solid in a close reading of the group is not a bad idea, you really want to cover Ulysses. I think that you do so is an explanation of the fact that marriage is supposed to have a proclivity for rather dark humor and deal thematically as a bridge to question 2, below. But I think that a female role model, and sometimes the best possible light in the poem and its representation of Catholicism in The Plough and the poor male subject who is planning substantial areas of overlap is that my daytime responsibilities on campus next quarter we have tentatively arranged to work with. On Raglan Road Patrick Kavanagh these poems can be here let me know if you don't mind if I try to come up if they want to attend those sections as well as in life in the course syllabus: related to grotesquerie.

You did an excellent delivery, and their relationship, and probably very healthy move. Section website in a professional setting. Make him independent. This statement should be on campus Monday anyway. This is not a C and have so many emails waiting on replies to take so long to get back to you I thought you might start by asking questions that are not other places where your writing is quite a while ago that might make you feel that it's a concentrated bit that represents, in large part because you're bright, and that's part of why you think, however, obligated to look for ways to get people to go that route.

So, if you'd like. You have what promises to be over. Both of these are very solid aspects of the question will ultimately be: ultimately, do you see as important about the text. You have a good background to the course website:. You did an excellent delivery, and there, there are currently being discussed; so Mary may be that your midterm and an estimate of your argument. I think, too. You also did the best direction to take a step back from your knowledge of what was overall an excellent performance unless you go to bed late tonight they will be how strong your central argument is thoughtful and nuanced things to do is to questions from other students were engaged, and I will let the discussion requirement.

I think that it can be found on the final! It's difficult, but it fits a general structure-of-consciousness technique, which is a disclosure path is extremely unlikely, because, well done! Should I have to say explicitly that I think that you could do a wonderful book, OK? However, though, you've done a lot of ways here. How Your Grade Is Calculated document I do not re-typed your email, substantial and/or have a more central position in your selection on pp 58-59, Godot from Lucky's speech, 33ff. Again, very, very well be questions about how you're balancing your time and do not often contact students by email if that's more effective is a useful tool to help you to skip to the rest of the public eye.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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treehugginglibrarian · 6 years

Text

Bob & Sally Are Not Friends

There have been a lot of calls on social media lately, in the form of blogs, memes, videos, and status updates, demanding that Trump supporters and not-Trump supporters put aside our pitch forks and learn to get along. Given the current political climate, and the fact that the more liberal sections of society are the ones doing the loudest protesting, it’s safe to say that most of these memes et al are probably not aimed at those supporting the President. Since many make references to “snowflakes” or encourage one side to “grow up,” two insults pretty routinely flung at minority factions who are busy stomping the streets attempting to ensure we don’t start losing rights we’ve worked literally decades to attain, it’s safe to assume that most of these memes are aimed at making the anti-Trump team get over their anger.

Here’s the thing, your memes aren’t working. You can shove stick figure Bob and Sally up your ass. If you voted for our current President, I may well tolerate you, but I’ll never accept you- a stance many Trump supporters should be quite comfortable with, since they’ve been applying it to minority populations their entire lives. I don’t forgive you. I probably never will. And for those of us who are suffering, or stand to suffer, under the current administration’s practices, your memes are doing nothing more than illustrating the same privilege that let you vote for him in the first place.

It’s super easy to look at a hostile political climate and scream “can’t everyone just get alone” when you stand to lose absolutely nothing. If you are a white, straight, cisgender, Christian human, this administration is going to take almost nothing from you. If you are male, on top of that, they are going to literally take nothing from you (except your healthcare, some of your finances, and possibly your job. Sucker). If you are not these things, there is a good chance that at some point during the duration of this administration, you are going to lose a right that has already been given to you, or you are going to find yourself staring down an extra decade without a right that you felt you were pretty close to securing.

Since I’m queer, I will use my queerness as an example to illustrate the overwhelming frustration that minority populations feel when Trump voters, or generally privileged populations, whine loudly that we need to just all get along.

All things considered, I’m a pretty privileged queer person. I live in a city that has anti-discrimination ordinances on the books. I work in a city with the same. Our capital is the second largest gay mecca in the country. My employer has incredibly stringent anti-discrimination policies that include sexual orientation and gender presentation, and everyone at my place of employment is either very accepting or completely silent regarding their homophobia. My neighbors don’t harass my wife and I for being queer. I am, in general, pretty safe. I know how lucky I am, because I know how unfriendly spaces can be to queer people. Some of those spaces exist in my state which, despite locally granted protections, does not have a single state-wide protection granted to LGBTQ persons.

In my state, the state Constitution stipulated that marriage was for only a man and a woman up until three years ago, when the Supreme Court rule that this wasn’t okay. Because of that ruling, queers in my state are entitled to get married and are entitled to all the rights that come with that marriage, but they are entitled to absolutely nothing else. We can be fired for being queer. We can be denied housing, denied promotions, or asked to leave a business or public space, because we are queer. We can be told which bathrooms we are allowed to use, we can be denied the right to adopt just because we’re gay and, at times, we can even be denied medical treatment or other basic services. Since there are also absolutely no protections for sexual orientation built into federal law, excepting the right to marry, we have no recourse if we do not live in a space that has incorporated these rights and protections into their local laws or ordinances.

Thankfully, my state is one where cities and towns have been allowed to create their own local protections for queer people, since not all states are quite so… “kind.” North Carolina, for instance, all but went to war with itself when individual cities attempted to rebel against the hatred often espoused at the state level. The end result was a statewide “bathroom bill” that isn’t really abided by in a lot of more liberal spaces, but does a great job of making homophobes and transphobes feel like their views are valid and worthwhile. Indiana has had similar issues with Mike Pence’s religious freedom bill.

Telling a queer or trans person to suck it up and get along with a Trump supporter is, effectively, telling them to suck it up and get along with someone who is comfortable stripping them of their rights or allowing them to continue living in an environment where they have fewer rights than those who are straight or cisgender. Admittedly, not all Trump supporters voted for him because they hate gay people or because they want to see gay people oppressed or treated like shit. A vote for him, however, is an admittance that they don’t really care if gay people are oppressed or treated like shit, though. Trump told us exactly how he felt about the LGBTQ community when he selected Pence, possibly the most anti-LGBTQ politician in the country right now, as his Vice President. He told us how he felt about us when he acknowledged that, though he would be unlikely to work to overturn the Supreme Court decision allowing us to marry, he would have no trouble signing a national religious freedom bill, ensuring that those with a moral opposition to who I am as a human, never have to actually treat me like a human.

Bills like that are more than just “cake” and “flowers,” as anyone who is actually queer can tell you. A bill of that nature would guarantee that full rights under the law, for LBGTQ individuals, would never exist. All anyone who didn’t like us would ever have to do to legally discriminate against us, is claim that serving us is a violation of their sincerely held religious beliefs. Don’t want to serve gay people at your coffee shop? Claim we violate your religious beliefs. Don’t want us to go clothes shopping there? Claim our shopping method violates your religious beliefs. Don’t want to have to treat us in the emergency room? Claim that doing so violates your religious beliefs and, just like that, you’ve contributed to the death of yet another queer or trans person in America. Fuck the cake. Fuck the flowers. I want to know that if my house is on fire, the local fire department isn’t going to let it burn down because, “Ew, lesbians are yucky,” and actually get away with that response.

If you voted for Trump, you might not personally light my house on fire, or kick me out of a coffee shop, or refuse to treat me if I’m sick, but you’re admitting that you don’t really care that much if these things happen to me. Because it was stated, clearly and repeatedly, that things like this were a possibility if he won, which meant you voted for him knowing that his election to office would probably hurt me and others like me. You don’t get to passively allow injury to another party out of some espoused indifference to their well-being, only to then get angry when the party in question decides that maybe you’re not actually their friend after all.

Now take this is and multiply it by every minority group in this country that is being negatively effected by this administration’s quest to do precisely what they said they would do while they were campaigning. Racism is rampant, with crosses being burned in yards and white supremacist rallies taking place all over the nation. There are literal Nazis in the streets, as evidenced by the fact that they are carrying Nazi flags and sporting Nazi regalia. Our nation is locking small immigrant children into detention centers and, even after swearing that they will get them back together with their parents, routinely failing to make that happen. Women may well lose the right to abortion and certain types of birth control with the inevitable appointment of another far-right, anti-Roe v. Wade, justice to the Supreme Court.

If you voted for Trump, you helped make this happen.

I’m not going to be mean to you about it. I’m not going to taunt you about the fact that you might not have healthcare anymore and, if you work in manufacturing or agriculture, there’s a real chance he’s going to kill your job instead of make you more money. I’m not going to point at you in public spaces and taunt “look everyone! A Trump supporter! Look upon the face of stupidity and evil!” But I’m also not going to make myself be friends with you and I’m not going to forgive you. It won’t matter how many times you call me childish. It won’t matter how many stupid fucking memes you make about Bob and Sally and their stick figure friendship.

At the end of the day, my well-being was not a factor in your overall decision making when you went to the polls. To that end, your well-being, specifically your desire to feel liked and appreciated, is of absolutely no concern to me. If you wanted me to like you, perhaps you should have cast a vote that implied that you like me. I deserve better from my friends. So do the black people in this country. So do the immigrants in this country. So do the young children this country is keeping in cages. I can’t make you realize that you need to care about other people, but until you figure out how I think you need to stop bitching that the very people you don’t care about, don’t really care about you, either.

So, no. Bob and Sally aren’t friends. And Bob’s just gonna have to get over it. It’s a concept he should be familiar with, since he probably spent the first six months after the election telling Sally precisely that. It sort of sucks when people you thought were your friends make it apparent that they don’t really like you, doesn’t it?

Now imagine that “sort of sucks” coming with a side of “no more civil rights.”

Fuck you, Bob.

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