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aleksanderscult · 2 months

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Today I will rant about Malina

Because this ship tried to be passed on as an ideal relationship to have.

*spoiler: it wasn't*

Malina is a ship that was shoved down our throats throughout the trilogy. Whether you shipped it or not you were bound to read about it in literally every other page.

And what are the negative aspects of this ship?

Literally EVERYTHING.

Let's start with Mal. The number 1 asshole in this trilogy.

And yes he is the number 1 and not Aleksander since Aleksander was a character with a goal. He had a grand plan that exceeded selfishness and pure evil and he used any means necessary to fulfill it. But Mal? Remind me, what was his plan?

Well, at the start of the trilogy to fuck around girls and then, when Alina began to feel something for someone else, to undermine her, latch on her and chastise her. There you have his role.

The minute Alina started having a life of her own outside his influence, the little jerk felt overlooked and his pride got hurt.

It's evident that Alina felt quite unseen from Mal in the beginning. He flirted and fucked girls right in front of her face (since she very clearly knew) and he even stopped hanging around with her as much as he did in the past.

Quite a start.

And then when Alina found her strength, happiness and place in the Little Palace he got offended. Why isn't she tortured as the rumors had said? What are these clothes that she's wearing? Why is she happy? And, most importantly, WHY IS SHE HAPPY WITH ANOTHER MAN??

Alina at that moment felt like she was walking on eggshells around him. She didn't know what to say without provoking him further. And when she found her voice, the little prick got all puffed up and left without even apologizing for ruining her nice evening.

Then we have Mal not talking to her as if it wasn't his own decision to abandon the army and follow her and again made her feel bad for even mentioning the Darkling.

It appears that Mal had no problem when his best friend bullied Alina but went actual feral when a (powerful) guy showed interest in her. Insecure, aren't we Mal?

In the following books we have Mal being okay that Alina doesn't use her powers and therefore being weak.

We have Mal being more concerned if Alina fucked the Darkling than being tortured by him. Apparently he wanted her virginity for him, I don't know.

We have Mal acting like crazy because Alina decided to return to Ravka to lead the remaining Grisha. But what about him?? What about his needs?? And what if he decides not to follow her? What will she do then?

(people call the Darkling manipulative but let me show you another person that you overlook as manipulative, my friends)

He gets angry when she hesitates to kiss him and again makes her feel bad about it. And how does he respond with that?

Revenge!!✨✨

Kisses Zoya, a woman he fucked before, and then threw the blame to Alina ("at least she doesn't flinch when I kiss her" "why do you care? You don't care about me anyway") Gaslighting at its finest form, my friends! 👌 Knew that she would be hurt, knew that she had feelings for him and still did it.

Oh and let's forget how he wanted the good, old Alina back! The sickly one that always depended on him for company and strength. He basically asked her to tear out a piece of her soul! 🥰🥰

And then, of course, jeopardized both her image and her safety by getting drunk and getting into fights (*whispering* we, the readers, are supposed to find this very romantic, okay? A man that drinks, sulks and makes the heroine feel bad. Just so you know).

Then the author made a 360° and presented Mal in R&R as changed and a very good person. Willing to die heroically for his love. How did she do that?

💕💕With zero development!!💕💕

One minute he's up there in the chapel being a jerk and the next minute he's underground and changed. I think it must have been the change of air, what do you think?

I have a huge problem with Leigh Bardugo about this. She presents Darklina as toxic. And it is. She presents Nikolina as little to zero toxic. And it is. But when she presents Malina, it's a really good, cute ship!! Not toxic at all with lots of possibilities! Leigh has constantly defended it saying "Oh but Mal was a teenager".

Ma'am? I was a teenager once and I never made my best friends feel like shit.

And as have everyone said before, Mal hits veeery close at home. He's every jerk that you have met in your life and you will meet again.

With Darklina you have nothing to fear. Because no one will put the collar of a magical stag around your throat, no one will have a nichevo'ya bite your shoulder, no one will ask you to abandon your friends so you can save some Grisha from the persecution. But plenty of men will slut-shame you for what you're wearing, plenty will feel insecure for being stronger and more famous than them, plenty will make you feel like shit for finding happiness and plenty will sabotage you by taking revenge kissing someone else.

Malina is a ship that is REAL.

While Darklina is your typical, fantastical ship.

Her hard efforts to pass it on to the readers as something healthy and inspiring is disgusting and makes me hate it even more.

Now from Alina's perspective things are even more tragic, since Alina never grows as a character because of him.

She always thinks "What about Mal? Will Mal follow me? What if he doesn't? It's my fault. It's all my fault. Where is Mal?".

This is it. This is the trilogy in a summary.

A heroine that seems more concerned about Mal than the country and people that expect from her to save them.

"Alina doesn't want a crown. That's why she left"

Girl, I don't want to go to work every day either.

Kids don't want to wake up to go to school.

People don't want to pay taxes every year.

But we do them because we MUST.

Just like Alina should stay, lead and rule because that's what she should do as the protagonist. Not pass on her own duties to others and say "gotta go lolz". Malina could be used as a plotline for Alina to gain strength from by casting aside Mal's influence and finding her own power inside herself. Instead Leigh did the opposite: stripped her powers (her own self) to fit in Mal's world.

And this excuse that the author had given ("some women don't want to wear crowns") is pathetic and idiotic.

Frodo didn't want to carry the Ring but chose to do the right thing. Harry didn't want to fight a war with a psychopath but did because it was the right thing. The Pevensie siblings didn't want to fight the White Witch and rule a country but did both because it was the right thing. Every hero in a proper story does the right thing. He or she becomes selfless and sacrifices his own happiness and well being to stand up against the evil and corruption.

In the trilogy instead we have Alina who had a responsibility and duty but unfortunately for Ravka and the Grisha she was not a responsible person but a girl that wanted to depend on a man. She didn't want to use her influence to protect her people but hide.

Apparently the "evil villain" understood the assignment better than the author ever did.

Alina never grew as a person or as a character. It was only Mal and Mal. If only he had stayed dead in R&R then the world would shine brighter. But no! The author brought him back and gave us an explanation with how that happened that I still don't understand because it doesn't make a goddamn sense.

I guess the easy explanation is: "I brought Mal back because Alina had to end up with him somehow. Deal with it."

And we just have to accept this (just as Alina did) whether we like it or not.

Well I don't.

Because I've met people like Mal and they're assholes. They want to be the strongest one in the relationship, they want their girl to look up to them and depend on them and when they make mistakes it's none of their fault.

Because I've met people like Alina that try hard to please their man while in the meantime they "crumble down" emotionally and feel insecure. They never shine with their own light but seek only the one that their toxic partner can give to them. Without it they're lost.

Because I've met couples like Malina. And it's never a happy relationship or has a happy ending.

And when you try to pass on this relationship in fiction as something healthy, then you really need to reconsider.

#this was bullshit. the way Leigh defended it and how she presented it. it makes me sick #darklina #the darkling #pro darklina #anti mal oretsev #anti malina #alina starkov #pro alarkling #leigh bardugo #shadow and bone #grishaverse #grishaverse trilogy

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draconixiaa · 3 months

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dream's mask and symbolism

recently (or rather, some time ago, at this point) i saw a post on the symbolism over dreams mask but i felt awkward just putting my own opinions on a reblog so my spiel will appear here:

the purpose of a mask is to hide and/protect someone's face, whether it be about identity, physical image, or safety during a pandemic. thus, a person using a mask has something to protect: usually one of the three aforementioned concepts.

the mask: whole

cdream, his skin, obviously does not have a mask, but the characterization of him having a mask originates from cc!dream's facelessness. the popularity of that concept made it so that it is popularly accepted that cdream dons a mask wherever he goes, and the fact that his skin does not change much throughout the majority of the server also helps in the wide acceptance of this theme.

therefore, we establish that cdream wears a mask throughout the majority of the dsmp, up to ctommy unmasking dream during his disc confrontation and cquackity doing the same in prison, and then also after the prison arc until the very final lore stream.

physical image

cdream hiding his face means that he has something to hide & protect, and in literal terms, this would be his physical image. when someone wears a full face mask, no one would be able to know what they truly look like, and this gives them an element of mysteriousness, and in cdream's case with the simplicity of his mask, allows him to be even more terrifying. this also leads to my second point: by hiding his physical image, no one would be able to see how his appearance changes over the course of the storyline.

characterization

cdream's character changes drastically throughout the storyline of not just the disc saga but also with l'manburg/manburg/pogtopia/etc and the prison arc. he begins with pure intentions, ends with the same intentions, but all throughout, his method of reaching his ultimate goal changes: from manipulation, to war, destruction, and self-sacrifice, etc, etc. he becomes more and more desperate, more and more willing to do whatever he can to achieve his goal. he also initially refutes that he is a villain, but then changes to embrace that role more and more.

meanwhile, cdream is wearing a mask. his physical appearance does not change much; people are able to keep on easily believing that cdream is a powerful and ruthless character without much emotions. oh right, masks also hides someone's faces. literally and figuratively, as he further embraces his role as a villain, cdream dons a physical mask and a verbal one to distance himself from the server to be seen as such an evil character.

this image of a powerful and evil character is what the masks does for cdream. he (or this image of him) is everlasting, almost like a higher being, and a malicious one at that.

characterization II

but, in all truth, cdream is very vulnerable. for as much as he claims that he has destroyed his attachments, these very feelings of protection and homeliness are what drives him to do what he says and does, especially as revealed during the dsmp finale. he changes so much behind that mask.

the mask: destroyed

as mentioned above, this occurs arguably on two occasions: the disc confrontation or also in prison. both have similar but also different implications.

disc confrontation

it is at this finale that ctommy gets his moment; he shines by breaking away cdream's protective shell and getting his rightful vengeance by killing him twice before sending him to prison. he pressures cdream with the presence of the server to take off all of his armor, and proceeds to kill him. for some fans, the armor represents cdream's mask-- particularly the helmet-- since he is always seen with his armor on in the server. as is with almost every other pvp-oriented person on the server, but ive digressed. taking off the armor is part of taking off that which is hiding what is inside cdream: his physical body, and his well-being. perhaps in the scene where he is compelled to throw his armor into the hole is part of him letting go of his image of a tyrant, but personally, i'd disagree, since the disc confrontation was all planned and organized by cdream; the armor, perhaps, is just the first layer.

the confrontation was all supposed to be under control-- his control. the armor and hole scene, cdream probably would've predicted; he went along with ctommys commands without much resistance, and honestly, this moment is just as symbolic to ctommy as cdream. just as cdream is pretending to let go of his image, or his powerful image is forcefully shoved off of him: ctommy is doing to cdream what he did to ctommy. this is the retribution of the golden rule: treat others how you'd want them to treat you. just as how cdream stripped ctommy bare of all his friends and protection in exile, thus also ctommy to cdream of his items and the power that he held from having them, including both the advantage in pvp and his frightening image. dream probably knew this was going to happen, since thats what you do when you want to kill someone. but, after the armor and the hole scene, ctommy kills cdream-- once, which was alright, fine, he also knew this was going to happen, and then twice. by the time he came back after his first death, cdream was screaming for mercy.

the cdream deaths are also widely interpreted as him losing his mask. or at the very least, it cracks. maybe ctommy was merciful enough to leave the last bit on, or maybe it was all shaken off as cdream begged and pleaded to be let to live-- and then the reveal of the revive book in his hands. but before that, when cdream was being killed: this is the physical shaking off of his very precious lives, the two extra chances he has at living, something preciously irreplaceable. thus, cdream realizes that the situation is spiraling out of control. he has to time this very well, between satisfying ctommy's anger and the reveal of the revive book, as well as his life. this is a gamble on his life. at that moment, cdream is showing his own true desperation, freed from his mask out of fear of death, freed from his mask by ctommy (the very person he sought to control, and the very person seeking to destroy him). look at the irony!

prison & cquackity

perhaps the mask also represents the control the cdream believes that he has over his surroundings. in the prison, cdream is either maskless (going with the above scenario), or half-masked (for cquackity to finish destroying).

either way, cdream's maskless-ness represents how he has no protection, no outer image, nil, none. this protection manifests itself in cdreams mind as the perceived control he has over situations because of the image he believes he has created for himself, because with this villainy, he can control the movements and actions of others. in the prison, though, when he is fully unmasked, he is all open for his visitors to see and tear open and look for themselves: who cdream truly is. maybe this is a good thing, that people will be able to see his true self-- not a villain, but a man with hopes and dreams. thus, when cquackity comes around, what he does is tear cdream, already unmasked, further apart. there is no more armor to protect him, and inside the prison, all thats left of cdream is his real body, and his real mind. and by real i mean unmasked, and not faked.

i like the other interpretation better though: that cdream goes into the prison half-masked. he still has a semblance of control, because he has punz, and technoblade, right? he planned for himself to go to prison... but what he didn't plan for was cquackity's deal with the warden. this is when he loses the rest of his mask, because this is when he loses complete control over not just the situation, but what happens to his own body, and he also can no longer influence other people, because he has no more power. he's being starved, tortured, and confined in a box with no escape nor contact with anything outside the prison; when cquackity comes, csam shuts down the ability for anyone else other than cquackity to visit cdream. so this, the point when he loses the rest of his physical mask is the same as the point when loses the rest of anything, any thing else that he could possibly have control over.

the mask: re-made

after prison, what does cdream do?

cdream gets his armor again, and he puts his mask back on. this mask physically and symbolically hides the effects of the prison on his being: the scars of both the body and the mind. he goes back to being powerful, being a big bad end-game boss, hiding in his mighty prison of which no longer traps him but is his safe place (a whole analysis post on the prison can be made holy) but also to others, the evil villain's lair... cdream resumes his status quo from before the prison. but, he is Not Alright underneath the mask-- but who can tell? who would want to tell, and try to see underneath the mask?

because on the server, there aren't many people who are willing to uncover the mask that cdream has laid over himself, the act that he puts on to be a villain in order to achieve his goals. part of the reason why cdream's 'mask' never gets 'taken off' is because no one cares enough about the true him-- and funnily enough, the only four/five people on the server are: cpunz, ctechnoblade, ctommy, and cquackity. and chbomb lmao. but thats besides the point: half of the people care about his "true self" because they are friends and close allies, while the other half want to reveal it to be able to hurt and destroy him. everyone else only think too shallowly about him: to them, cdream is an evil character harboring evil intentions, and thus the reasons behind said intentions are also similarly evil-- because they need a face to despise.

but its important to note that it isnt just cdream aiming to make himself a villain; it is everyone else as much as he. it's like a negative feedback loop, and i also want to point out that it was all started by cwilbur, who was the first to antagonize cdream as a major villain.

so, both during and after the prison, this feedback loop is why the villainous image of cdream persists. during the disc confrontation, all that happened was that the people were shown that cdream is not strong but weak. yet, just because he's now weak and defeated doesn't mean that the shadow of his villainy won't haunt him or the other uninvolved server members.

the mask: the end

at the very last stream, what is known as the dsmp finale between cdream and ctommy: something shifts. at the very end of the stream, after they argue and argue and argue, trying to get the moral upper hand, tommy trying to gain sympathy, displaying to the world all their differences and oppositions as if they can never, ever agree... ctommy gets killed in the heat of the argument. he gets revived. and he undergoes a revelation.

here, ctommy is very crucial to the moment because he gets dream to take off his helmet, which, in that moment, likely represents cdream's mask. because it is only after that moment that cdream starts talking about the real reasons why he's doing stuff, that he wants everyone to be a happy family, just like how he did privately to punz on the night after the butcher army. here, cdream starts being genuine; he asks: "is it not too late?" to his greatest nemesis.

here, the mask represents all the false narratives that he put forth, and perhaps all the sins that came along with them, and it reveals him: he who did evil for the sake of good, he who sold his soul for the world, he who told his friends, showed his friends, that he is evil-- for the sake of all of his friends and their friendship. it reveals him, as a man, his true face and physical appearance, taking off a bit of the armor that protects him.

this moment where cdream takes off his mask and starts asking if its possible for change is a culmination of cdream and ctommy's character: mutual understanding and hope.

the mask is like a wall that prevents cdream from seeing eye-to-eye with anyone, from reaching mutual understanding from anyone (except for cpunz ig, who supports him no matter how evil he is). by getting cdream to taking off the mask, he gets cdream to reveal the truth, but also understand that there is hope for the future. a better future.

(we dont talk about the nuke)

cdream personally taking off his mask during this time also directly contrasts with how ctommy and cquackity forcibly takes it off of him. there, they are removing the illusion of control cdream has-- to the people of dsmp, and then to cdream himself; yet, despite having everything taken away from him, he still holds close to his heart his ultimate goals. but, at the nuke finale, it is cdream deciding to reveal his thoughts and feelings himself, and this is crucial to his character's growth. even with all his armor on and cpunz is with him, he takes off his mask, his emotional barrier of sorts, to be able to tell the truth: his truth.

Conclusion

cdream's mask has been crucial to his characterization throughout the different arcs and storylines. while in physical depictions, it is an object that hides and protects one's physical appearance, it also affects the image of his character by providing an element of mystery and notoriety.

through the disc confrontation with ctommy and the torture cdream experienced by the hands of cquackity and csam, we can see them forcibly remove cdream's mask and do away with whatever semblance of power and control cdream has-- both over the people of the server, as well as cdream himself.

when cdream returns from the prison, it's as if nothing had changed; this is because of how established his image already is, and this emphasizes his loneliness (with the exception of cpunz) and continues to cast shadows on the rest of the smp.

finally, in the dsmp nuke finale, cdream ultimately decides to take of his mask on his own and reveals his intentions, displaying strong character development and hope.

tldr: the mask protects cdream, assists in his spiral to evil, and is also a tool used to represent changes in his characterization and his situation.

#cdream #cdream analysis #drac thinks #this is 2500 words wtf #dreamwastaken #writing #dsmp #dreamsmp #this is kinda my first time writing a full length analysis essay on something not school help #oh well hope it makes sense

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thebloodredraven · 1 year

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What kinda insecurities do you think the Akatsuki struggle with?

Itachi

Itachi struggles with autism having such an unshakable one-track mind that he gets in his own way and makes things worse than what they could be if he were lenient in his methods of getting things done, and it haunts him. He's very frigid and unbending and he doesn't realize he could have done things a different way until well after he's done something dangerous, irresponsible, or insensitive. The worst part about it is the delayed guilt; he feels little to no remorse in the moment because he fully believes everything he does is justified and a means to an end. It's only when he sees the disastrous aftermath when he realizes he was wrong and starts to question everything he's ever done. I mean he didn't even see how much he fucked up with Sasuke until AFTER he died. He didn't see how much he was manipulated by others around him because he was too busy hyper-fixating on his own goals and his own wants/needs. He didn't see that there were other plausible ways of stopping the massacre because of his devotion to an imperialist state over his own family. His insecurity is knowing nothing he does will ever be good enough despite being the prodigy in everyone else's eyes. His insecurity is knowing he's wrong. His insecurity is knowing his weakness for his brother caused him to make horrible decisions and he's to blame. He's one of the smartest people in the entire show but he's definitely not the brightest and he knows that.

Kisame (bonus post for him)

Physically, Kisame has a very obvious insecurity surrounding how monstrous he looks. He takes pride in how fit and athletic his body is so him boasting about being as strong as the tailed beasts is to be expected. But he avoids mirrors. Every comment about his gills and abnormal facial features cuts him. His skin makes him stick out like a sore, oversized thumb. If he looks too long at himself, he's forced to acknowledge the fact that he heavily leans into his fighting abilities and overzealous bloodlust because it justifies the way he looks. He needs to be physically strong to make up for what he lacks in being a normal-looking person. People are going to be afraid of him anyway; may as well give them a reason.

Kakuzu

Kakuzu struggles with self-worth. He was known as being a formidable and undefeated shinobi in his youth. So ruthless and cut-throat that his village leaders deemed him worthy enough to take on the 1st Hokage. That defeat ruined his life and took away every bit of self-worth he had when he was further humiliated by the village elders. When he couldn't regain his honor and turned rogue, he placed all his worth into money which has been his driving force and sole motivation to do pretty much anything. It's all he cares about because he has no other option. Money doesn't care about honor. Money doesn't care about reputation. Money doesn't care about what he can and can't do. He sees the value and worth it has in the world and by attaining it himself, he himself has value and worth.

Zetsu

This is strange, but I don't think Zetsu has insecurities. I'm still at the beginning of the war arc and know very little about the outcome of his character, but seeing as he's not even an Earthly being, I find it very difficult to believe that he'd concern himself with human experiences like that.

Nagato

Nagato's insecurity lies in his ability (or lack of) to properly carry out Yahiko's legacy. He's very aware that he'll never measure up to his friend's vision simply because they don't share the same viewpoint; they look to the same goal with different eyes because Yahiko was willing to sacrifice himself for an ideal bigger than himself while Nagato was willing to sacrifice everyone. Somewhere in his mind he's aware of the irony in using Yahiko's corpse -- a shell of who he was and empty of any real soul -- to carry out their plans because he knows he'll never be accepted. Yahiko would never have approved of taking away people's free will to avoid war and I think he knows that. So he uses his abilities to shield who he actually is so he can pretend he's just as good and just as pure as his friend was. He never will be, though.

Konan

At no direct fault of her own, she's lost everyone she ever cared about or loved. I refuse to believe she genuinely thinks she's the one at fault for Yahiko's death, but I think if it weren't for Yahiko wanting Nagato to keep the organization going she would have left that very day he was killed. By the time Nagato was gone, she had nothing left and abandoned the Akatsuki altogether to let Naruto handle it (from what I remember, I may be wrong). She stayed in the Akatsuki out of pure survivor's guilt and that had to be eating at her every year that went by. Maybe at some point, she'd think about if she was even good enough to keep it going. Yahiko loved her but entrusted the Akatsuki mission to someone else. Was she not enough? Was she not strong enough? Did her being kidnapped make Yahiko think she couldn't do it? I can see these questions going through her mind at some point.

Hidan

Hidan likes to pretend he's big and bad, but his biggest insecurity is how utterly terrified he is of death despite being the person to dish it out to others AND that he's literally nothing without killing. I like to think he made killing people his biggest personality trait because he really doesn't think he has anything else to contribute. It's all he knows how to do and all he's good at so when his hometown went from a shinobi village to a tourist town, they took away the one thing that made him useful. He was beside himself and instead of being a normal person and taking up something else, he snapped because he's narcissistic enough to think of it as a personal attack on him. How dare they take away the one thing he based his entire life around and the only thing that gives him any semblance of true purpose. I also have a headcanon that he made up the existence of Jashin to validate his insistant and unhinged need to slaughter innocent people and that his clan was involved in some shady human experimentation type of shit that fucked with his psyche as a child.

Obito

Obito.....oh boy. His biggest and loudest insecurity is his scars. Not for superficial reasons or anything like that, but because they're a glaring reminder that him attempting to do true good ended in tragedy. I can't say too much about him because I'm still in the very early stages of the war arc but from what I know about him and the lengths he was willing to go to cause the destruction he did over YEARS, those scars are just a physical reminder of everything he could have been, everyone he should have had in his life, and everything he'll never be.

Sasori

Sasori's biggest insecurity is how sensitive and vulnerable he actually is. He hates it. Despises the fact that he feels so much that he goes to great lengths to hide it. You don't go through the trouble of turning yourself into a human puppet just because it's a Tuesday afternoon and you're bored. You do it because the grief is too great. You do it because whatever pain you felt was so terrible and so awful that taking away the very essence of your humanity is the only way you can cope with it. He had to feel the soul shattering, heartbreaking agony that comes with having the people you love most ripped away from you at such a young age and never being able to fill that void. He hates that he wears his heart on his sleeve and can't hide it, but secretly wants someone to acknowledge the pain he's in. He turned his parents into puppets. He may have gotten rid of them once he realized they weren't a good replacement for his real parents, but he had to get to that point in the first place. He turned his only friend into a puppet after he was accidentally killed. He found peace during Edo Tensei after Kankuro validated his philosophy on everlasting art. That Scorpio man is a walking bleeding heart no matter how nihilistic he is and hates every second of it.

Deidara

Deidara's insecurities lie in his inferiority complex. He's a kid trying to prove himself to be worthy in the eyes of others and when he doesn't get that validation from people he admires, it hurts. He spent so much time trying to prove himself to his rivals (Itachi, Sasuke, Sasori, etc.) and hyperfixated on getting the upper hand because he had this inherent need to finally been seen as someone's equal through his own abilities. He hates being treated like a joke, like an afterthought, and like his voice doesn't matter and the people around him consistently do that exact thing. Honestly, I felt bad for him half the time cause they kept making a fool out of him even after he died 😭

#I know you probably wanted something shippy but I think about shit like this all the time and have THOUGHTS #akatsuki #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto headcanons #itachi uchiha #kisame hoshigaki #zetsu #kakuzu #hidan #konan #obito #sasori #deidara #pein #akatsuki headcanons #also AYYYYE MY FIRST ASK????#ask

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airin-lavellan · 1 year

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My take on Rezaren

I've never written a post before but this felt like a good first time. I've seen countless of posts labeling Rezaren as a manipulative slaver that only saw Neb and Miriam as his slaves and I just can't see it that way, I'll try my best to explain why. Just want to take this off my chest.

First off, the spirit summoning scene: it's been used as a depiction of his anger and how he just wants to get his way no matter what. Imo, it wasn't about getting his way, he genuinely wanted to find a method of using the circulum without any blood magic involved as he has weilded such magic and knows the price that has to be paid, he probably and correctly predicted that the magic artifact would requiere hundreds of lives just to achieve his goal so he wanted a way around. A way that would involve no bloodshed. The spirit stubbornly refused to give him further information about an alternate use and the dangerous person persuing the artifact. Rezaren only pushed when needed, because he believed in his cause and fought to do things right. Even if he risked angering the spirit which unfortunately happened, thus depriving him of a safe way to use the device.

Regarding the issues with Neb's corpse and keeping it around as his personal guard: He knew no other methods of keeping the body intact and prevent it from rotting. I also think that in Tevinter, like Nevarra, Necromancy isn't as culturally rejected as in other places hence his perception as it being a good choice. Important to also consider that Neb's spirit was always free, he was only using the body because he needed it if the ritual worked, he never took Neb's essence without his consent nor trapped him in any way, that's why he used a demon as a temporal host, he kept his brother's spirit and body safe in the only way he knew.

Now to his upbringing, Miriam blamed him for things he had zero control of. I'm pretty sure if Rezaren as a little boy ever got in the way of Miriam getting hit he would have faced other consequences as well. He was also raised with a mentality of having ownership over Neb and Miriam yet he always saw them as his siblings and truly loved them. Miriam is blaming him for what happened in the harrowing but Rezaren was literally paralyzed and in danger of posesion, he was totally helpless and couldn't help Neb even if he desired to do so. Even after Miriam killed his mother and accidentally ended Neb's life he still looked after her and told her to run before anyone found out. It was then that he dedicated the following years to fixing that horrible event that affected everyone. Just to make clear, I have nothing against Miriam as a character. She is a great protagonist but was certainly blinded by her rage and how much she has suffered, viewing Rezaren in a completely antagonistic light when he was just trying to help. I understand her not wanting to go back to anything related to her past but the way she saw Rezaren felt more like channeling all of that pain into someone and that person ended up being him.

Another example of Rezaren genuinely caring for Miriam is seen in the talk he was with Hira and when he mentions Hira in the fade dream. Rezaren claims that Hira doesn't deserve Miriam's tears and he is right. He also can't help but laugh when Hira says that she loves Miriam. He knows perfectly well that she doesn't, a woman who manipulated and lied to the person he supposedly loves definitely cares more about the circulum than her. Rezaren was just hinting at this in the dream because he wants Miriam to do better, he wishes she could she the truth of the horrible person that Hira truly is. Rezaren was also part of the deal, yes, but we know his intentions were good and had no other way of reaching out to Miriam, while Hira was willing to hand in her partner without caring about Miriam's fate. She would have handed Miriam over and then leave to Kirkwall with the circulum to destroy Tevinter, while Miriam was still in it. Rezaren, in ideal conditions , would have a safe way of bringing Neb back and would explain everything to Miriam so they could be together again.

Which comes to this: the real villain of the show is Hira. A horrible manipulative person that doesn't care about hurting anyone in her way or using anyone for her goals to destroy Tevinter. She wanted to destroy all of it: magisters, templars, elves, slaves, she didn't care.

Opposite to this we have Rezaren, a person that fought with the means he knew to offer a better life to what he saw as his family and repair all of the damage trying to do it in the most harmless way. Worth mentioning, he wanted to be in a place of power to make a real change for the whole nation. When he was rejected he couldn't believe all of his effort would go on a waste and that Miriam would downright reject him as a whole. He became desperate and had to use means like violence and the one thing that started all of the conflict: using the circulum with blood sacrifices because the spirit didn't tell him the information. I also genuinely believe that the circulum at some point did corrupt him as an individual turning his good wishes into an obsession. Tassia mentions this openly, she knows that her love is acting different. In the end all of his fight ended horribly and he died in his lover's arms unable to reach his goal of aiding not just his family but Tevinter as a whole.

#dragon age absolution #dragon age absolution spoilers #rezaren ammosine #Rezaren #Hira #Miriam #Rezaren best boy #Dont hate me I love him

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toastandjamie · 2 years

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After my crime boys analysis it’s Foolish Gamers time!!!!

/rp of course

Okay so , Foolish met Dream. The two were eyeballing eachother and verbally sparring in a way that I’ve never seen anyone manage with Dream. Foolish knows what Dream is capable of, Tommy told him himself. Foolish of course isn’t a good person, in the same way the majority of the server isn’t. He is manipulative and is looking out for himself first and foremost. Foolish is considered a nonthreat by the server, which allows him to get far more information than others on server. People tell him things. Foolish has now heard Tommy talk about Dream, heard Dream talk about Tommy. Has seen this situation played by both sides and unaffiliated parties. Foolish has knowledge of peoples weaknesses and he uses them. He used a Dream head as leverage against Tommy, he has no qualms against doing that. He has notes of all the information he’s learned like he’s in a goddamn D&D campaign. He knows what he’s doing. He needs souls for XD. Dream is willing to kill if Foolish gives up Quackity. Foolish isn’t loyal to Quackity, not really, their allyship is based on a tenuous agreement that Foolish is bitter about. Just like the situation with Purpled. Only difference was Purpled was far angrier and more willing to do active reconnaissance for it.(I still want to know why Purpled wanted the revive book, if it was just a power play for him). Foolish does a more passive reconnaissance, watching, listening, always aware of the people around him. He keeps tabs on his knowledge as leverage the same way Dream uses attachments.

The crime boys stream happening right before this isn’t a coincidence I don’t think. Dream took a heavy loss against Wilbur and Tommy is less afraid of him now. Dream was looking for a way to reassert his power, to himself. When they were speaking about killing people Dream asked if he could revive them after. There’s plenty of people Dream could simply kill without a care but he specifically asked if he could bring them back. There’s only three people I can think of on the server that Dream would care to revive. Punz, Tommy and Wilbur. Maybe Quackity if he intended to use it as a torture method like he threatened Tommy with. Let’s go over these options,

Punz, very easy access. With the promise of revival and money I think Punz would be willing to do it. The idea being that Punz could be a free source of souls that Dream wouldn’t have to worry about putting up a fight or running away. It would a quick and easy process.

Tommy is a pretty obvious example. Dream likes messing with Tommy. He’s already threatened to kill and revive him over and over. And after their last interaction I could see Dream wanting to flex his power over Tommy a bit.

Wilbur, is an interesting case. He is leverage for Dream against Tommy. It’s why he revived him in the first place. But Wilbur isn’t under his control anymore. And Wilbur pissed him off today. Wilbur undermined him and Dream isn’t the type to take that well. Just like with Tommy I could see him going after him as a power play.

Most likely it would end up being Punz, Quackity or someone else for meta reasons. Wilbur’s lore is ending and Tommy has said he’s giving his character a “soft ending” alongside Wilbur’s. Tommy having a soft ending means he could come back if he felt like it. So depending on what Tommy’s doing at the time he might be a candidate. But Tommy seemed keen on giving his character a real satisfying conclusion so if this was the case he’d have to do some more lore to close the chapter definitively.

As Foolish’s goals I think he will certainly rat Quackity out, with his life on the line but I think he’ll come to regret leaving his deal with Dream so open ended. but after a think and further understanding of the rules XD set up for the soul collection I think he’ll get more specific. It certainly won’t do Foolish harm to have Dream in his debt.

#mcyt #dream smp #dsmp #dreamxd #dreamwastaken #foolish gamers #lore spoilers #my funky totem god playing 4d chess with a terrorist maniac

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elnotwoods · 2 years

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Let’s talk Vegas!

Yes, he is charming and yes he is hot... but let’s not forget who he really is. First and foremost he is the first born son of the minor family, an heir to his fathers empire and someone who also wants to prove he is the bitch born to do this. And he doesn’t even have to try hard. One look at Vegas and you know he’s got what it takes to be a leader, even overtake Kinn at the first sign of weakness from him.

And oh, Kinn actually shows that. The moment Porsche walked into the mansion, Kinn treated him differently. Kinn showed Porsche where his place in the house was, who he belonged to but he did it in a much tamer way than he would with any of his other employees. People see the blatant favouritism towards Porsche. Gossip travels fast, especially in places where these informations are what everyone is after. Where you can buy other people’s loyalty. We’ve heard about there is a mole in the house and I bet it’s connected to Vegas who suddenly inserts himself in the midst of the chaos right after the whole Macau debacle.

Make no mistakes, no one in that meeting was fooled by Kinn choking Porsche out. Everyone in that room knew this was an unusual move, something that the people in power recognise as Kinn being more benevolent than before.

Vegas exploits this weakness and uses it to his advantage to gain the upper hand. He now has a way to hurt Kinn indirectly in a way that would hurt him much more than a simple ambush. He exploits the one thing Kinn yearns for and that is to be loved and to love someone.

Vegas is a charming person, he knows how to get to people and how to make them feel equal. When he wants them to, when there’s a motive for it. Yes, Vegas might even find Porsche attractive but overall, Porsche is just someone he can hurt Kinn through. To poke at the blatant hole in Kinn’s armour and chip away at his mask making him more prone to making mistakes further down the line.

He gets close to Porsche, tells him that there’s no hard feelings for what he did to Macau. Something Kinn would never do, because he simply can’t to do that. Vegas probes, he pokes his nose in their business, lurks around the mansion and gauges their reactions to him being there and around Porsche.

The moment he sees Kinn be possessive of Porsche he knows he’s got him and he uses every dirty and questionable tactic known to man to just exploit this vulnerability.

God’s sake, he drugs Porsche in an attempt to rape him - basically marking Porsche. (Something that just in it’s implication would make Kinn in all his possessiveness furious) His plan fails but in the end.. does it? Yes, he didn’t get to rape Porsche but he inadvertently managed to drive Kinn and Porsche further apart. And the information makes it’s way back to Vegas, because of course it does.

And what does Vegas do? He provides the thing Porsche needs most right now - comfort, a sense of security and normalcy. He offers a distraction from Porsche’s dark thoughts in the aftermath of what happened between him and Kinn and he also shows Porsche he cares. He knows, he notices.

He makes himself the person Porsche can trust and be vulnerable with. He tells him he noticed something was wrong, that he wasn’t his usual cheerful self. He tells Porsche he is willing to listen if he needed him to. He gives Porsche everything he needs and everything Kinn cannot offer.

It’s these little things that make Vegas a brilliantly written villain. He is charming, he knows how to read people, how to exploit their weaknesses, he knows how to manipulate people. And he also has fun doing it. Cause after all, he is a villain. And his overall goal is to take Kinn down.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinn theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul #porsche kittisawasd #kinnporsche meta #el talks #stream of consciousness

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princess-of-the-corner · 4 months

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Further context for the whole "Yatsuhashi accidentally lobotomized a guy" thing: RWBY: Before the Dawn features Team CFVY going after the cult who employed the main antagonists of the previous novel "After the Fall".

Someone has been abducting people from all over Vacuo, and Team CFVY discovered the responsible party to be a Vacuan Monarchist Cult known as "The Crown".

Vacuo is an anarchy, where the citizens look after each other, as long as you're a local who can take care of yourself. If you actual NEED help to survive, you're written off as a freeloading parasite and left to fend for yourself. (This is not true of the nomadic communities. They won't go back for you if you're left behind while relocating, but they're also not going to abandon you if you're born with a disability, as seen by the blind Fox Allister being raised by his grandfather with help from their tribe when his parents are killed by a sinkhole.)

This causes problem when Jax Asturias is born with very little Aura, and a body so fragile that tripping and falling in a sandpit with his Aura active leaves him in a coma for seven days. His disability warps his mind and drives him insane and hateful. When his twin sister, Gillian, manifests a Semblance that allows her to transfer Aura, their father comes to the conclusion that Gillian used her Semblance in the womb to drain the life out of her mother and brother (implicitly blaming her for his wife's death in childbirth). As Gillian has to consciously hold onto Aura in order to keep it, this leads to Jax thinking she's DELIBERATELY holding his Aura hostage to keep him dependent on her. He thus develops resentment towards his sister, unaware that she actually loves him. When they were five, he tries to get her to give him ALL of her Aura (which would kill her), but her Aura breaks before she can do so.

They both enrolled in Shade (Gillian because she wanted to be a Huntress, Jax because he HAS to go wherever Gillian so she can keep him alive with her Semblance), but Jax's disability lead to him being unpopular with his peers. He couldn't get them to do what he wanted, and the Headmaster, Theodore, expelled him for being a "parasitic weakling". Gillian dropped out shortly after the fact, sacrificing her dream because her brother mattered more in her eyes. Theodore blamed Jax, and the narrative and fandom agreed with his judgement.

Jax developed a Semblance that allowed him to force people to see things his way (although he HATES using it to impose his will on others, even if he's still WILLING to do so to achieve his goals).

As their father told them they were descended from Vacuan royalty, they decided that they'd retake their throne. They'd take people with powerful Semblances and try to convince them to join, using Jax's Semblance to brainwash them if they refused. Gillian used her implied girlfriend Carmine's "Atlesian Guilt" to guilt-trip and manipulate her into trafficking people with powerful Semblances and lots of Aura. Anyone who wasn't worth recruiting, but still had a lot of Aura, would be converted into an "Aura Vessel" to feed Gillian's Semblance, kept barely alive beneath the desert sands.

Jax's goal? Use his position as king to uplift his followers to stand at his side as equals. This isn't something he tells them to follow him, this is something he PRIVATELY NOTES TO HIMSELF WHILE ALONE because he doesn't believe Vacuo can survive in its current state, due to having BARELY survived its apathy to their most vulnerable citizens. The narrative treats this as inexcusably heinous.

Hm. Fucked.

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sociopath-analysis · 1 year

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Sociopath Profile: Medusa Gorgon

From the manga Soul Eater (2004-2013) and its anime adaptation (2008-2009) Voiced by Houko Kuwashima (JP), and Luci Christian (ENG)

Medusa Gorgon is a witch who serves as the main antagonist for much of the series. She’s also pretty high up there on the spectrum of sociopathy

She keeps up the facade as the nurse at the Death Weapon Meister Academy and looks to be a very caring and compassionate person. Even caring about one student’s insecurities a Meister (one who wields the Demon Weapons, the other students. Long story that would take up too much of this analysis). However, as Dr. Franken Stein (Yes, that’s his name.) points out, she is “full of lies” and seemingly only cares about herself and her own desires.

She’s definitely manipulative as she’s willing to lie and deceive others to further her own goals. She takes in some of the students during her guise as a nurse to use them for her experiments. After this ruse is shed in the manga, she tried to get help from the DWMA to face another foe who she claimed that they took her child.

Medusa is one of the evilest characters in the entire series. She was more or less raised on the ideology of chaos and destruction and anything like love or compassion is something completely foreign to her. Even when she confesses love for Dr. Stein, he says that she couldn’t actually understand a concept like true love. And it’s most likely true since she’s more attracted to his inner darkness.

Along with that, her idea of motherly love towards her child, Crona. Let’s just say that Ragyo might actually be a better mother than her. It’s not like she’s regularly molesting Crona, but what she does is arguably much worse. First off, Crona’s gender is actually ambiguous. (Technically not non-binary as far as I can tell since they have a binary gender; we just don't know what it is.) However, she mostly chooses to refer to Crona as “it” in the dub even though she would know her child’s actual gender. She’s already dismissing her own child as a thing rather than a person.

She also locked Crona in a room with three rabbits and told Crona they had to kill all of them in three different ways before being let out. No food, no water, and no escape until they killed those rabbits. And this went on for five days. Not to mention, these ways were detailed to Crona via a children’s book. All of this is to get them to become her ultimate agent of chaos and destruction. And she was willing to abandon Crona when they turned out to be a “failure.” Surely, she only cares about Crona when they become what Medusa wants.

Female Sociopath List

#Medusa Gorgon #Soul Eater #profile #character analysis

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violethowler · 2 years

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My VLD Meta Masterpost

Last Update: 05/27/2023

I’ve written a lot of Voltron analysis over the last few years but some of them are old enough that it’s getting harder for me to search for them whenever I want to either share them with others or go back and re-read what I wrote myself.

So I decided to put together a masterpost of links collecting every piece of analysis I’ve written about Voltron: Legendary Defender up to this point, both here on my main blog, and my sideblog @fandomoverflow. This will contain links to both the posts I’ve written myself, as well as posts that I’ve reblogged and added my own commentary to. Some of the observations made in order analysis change as I learned new information or refined by interpretation of existing info, but I’ve left the original essays as is to preserve my thoughts at the time.

I’ll update this list whenever I post a new meta in the future, so for the sake of keeping this post easily organized, the links to my previous metas will be divided based on main topics, and then listed in the order I posted each one.

Also, I didn’t really understand the importance of preserving fandom history until after Tumblr’s porn ban happened, so unfortunately almost all the meta I posted before Season 8 has been lost because I had a thing about deleting pre-season theories/meta after that season dropped, so anything I wrote before December 14, 2018 unfortunately only exists in people’s reblogs. But if any of my followers have any of my analysis/theories not on this list in their archives as a reblog, please feel free to DM me because I would love to add those to the list if I can find them.

Every meta I’ve written that I still have a link to can be read under the cut, and the post will be updated when I have more links to add:

Character Analysis: Posts analyzing character arcs, parallels, and backstories based on the details canon gives us, and extrapolating how certain arcs were supposed to end based on the last minute edits to Season 8.

Lotor Was the Reason for Everything: Analyzing Haggar’s motivations and why she’s so fixated on keeping Lotor under her thumb. (December 25, 2018)

Misdirection and Manipulation: Looking at Haggar’s methods as an antagonist and why she wasn’t directly involved in the invasion of Earth. (archived on AO3 on January 01, 2019)

A Speculative Analysis of Shiro, Haggar, and the Rift: my attempt to piece together what Haggar’s plan for Shiro as the Empire’s “greatest weapon” was based on the information the show gave us about her goals. (February 21, 2019)

My analysis of the parallels Lotor’s story has with Rosiu from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. (February 28, 2019)

The People’s Champion: Figuring out what happened to Shiro during his year in captivity based on the details the show gives us. (March 26, 2019)

Reblogged with further evidence found on rewatch (December 14, 2022)

My contributions to a conversation about the two Dayaks and their relationships with Lotor. (May 2, 2019)

Exiled Brat: Figuring out the details of what Lotor’s banishment looked like when he clearly still had power in the empire even before Season 3. (June 12, 2019)

Reasons Why Lotor Fans Continue to Defend Him: why I and other Lotor fans don’t believe he’s guilty of the things Romelle accuses him of. (July 1, 2019)

This Isn’t a Zero-Sum Game: An explanation of why the Paladins were willing to believe Romelle without question, and why their treatment of Lotor in Season 5 was not the heartless and inhumane torture that I saw many people post-Season 6 making it out to be. (July 2, 2019)

In Control at All Times: a comparison of how the leaders of different teams at various points in the series embody the stated attributes of a Black Paladin. (July 4, 2019)

The Winding Detour: an explanation of Shiro’s character arc over the course of the first 7 seasons. (July 13, 2019)

Highlands Poppy: An in-depth look at what the merging of the two Shiros represents. (August 22, 2020)

My take on the merging of the two Shiros from the perspective of a Kingdom Hearts fan. (September 15, 2020)

False Perception: Why Lance is not Sokka, and what his arc should have been had S8 not suffered from executive meddling. (February 27, 2021)

Inverted Mirror: My thoughts on Shiro and Sendak’s final fight in Season 7 and why Keith being the one to kill Sendak was narratively and thematically fitting (Originally written on tumblr pre-s8, then deleted. Rewritten from scratch on March 29, 2023).

Me, My Self, and I: An analysis of the Operation Kuron storyline, the lore surrounding Clone Shiro’s existence, and what it represents for Shiro’s character arc. (March 30, 2023)

Continuation in response to comments on the original post. (March 31, 2023)

Worldbuilding: Posts where I analyze the world of the series and what the show tells us about things like the structure of the Garrison or how Zarkon justified the Galra Empire’s constant expansion.

My observations/additions to a reblog chain analyzing the implications of modern vs ancient Galra designs. (October 7, 2018)

A new addition regarding how this could explain one of the show’s “Galra Keith” moments. (April 16, 2023)

The Keystone Army and the Cult of Personality: my observations on the Galra empire’s stability in terms of both leadership and infrastructure. (January 5, 2019)

My additions to a post and reblog about potential family relations among the command structure of the Galra Empire, where I speculate what this could mean regarding the two Dayaks in Seasons 6 and 8. (March 2, 2019)

Symbol of Hope: Voltron’s relationship with the Coalition and why the latter fell out of focus after Season 4. (originally written on tumblr pre-S8, then deleted. then remade from scratch and archived on AO3 April 3, 2019)

No News is Good News: Figuring out the timeline of when the Second Colony was shut down. (June 4, 2019)

An Updated Guide to the Timeline of VLD: My notes on the timeline of the show’s events (April 21, 2023

False Analogy: An analysis of why treating the Galra Empire as Space!Fire Nation does not work because the circumstances of how their respective wars began are completely different. (June 14, 2021)

A Guide to the Galaxy Garrison: A detailed breakdown of everything we know about the Garrison and what it tells us about how the organization operates. (June 20, 2021)

FreeVLDS8: Posts aimed at specifically analyzing the evidence of executive meddling in Season 8 (and Season 7) to determine what the original pre-meddled version would likely have looked like (largely inspired by the works of Team Purple Lion)

An explanation of the evidence that Lotor’s survival was cut from Season 8 for someone asking about how he died in a reblog of an AU comic. (March 11, 2019)

Alchemist’s and Paladins: my take on a blank spot in @leakinghate‘s breakdown of the exec-ordered changes made to Season 8 where we know what was supposed to happen but not how it would’ve happened. (March 29, 2019)

Dea ex Machina: analysis of how the Paladins were supposed to have caught up to Honerva based on visual clues in previous seasons (May 27, 2019).

My summary of the patterns in how the words and behavior of cast/crew members in interviews points toward Season 8 being the disappointment it was because the IP owner forced the crew to change the story to sell toys and set up his ideas for a sequel, in which I get a little salty at the fact that much of the fandom refuses to believe it in favor of scapegoating the showrunners. (July 1st, 2019)

Cutting and Padding: analysis of how the changes to season 7 mentioned in leakinghate’s breakdown affected S7′s pacing (July 4, 2019)

Audience Surrogage: a theory about what role Romelle was supposed to play in Seasons 7-8 (July 6, 2019)

Patchwork Quilt: A sequel to Cutting & Padding where I specifically focus on the obvious visual signs of last-minute story changes in Season 7′s earth arc, and how it would have originally looked. (December 29, 2019)

A VLD Production Timeline: An outline of the show’s production process and when in that process the changes to Season 8 were made. (July 23, 2020)

#voltron legendary defender #vld meta #masterpost #personal masterpost #voltron meta

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teamfreewill56-blog · 2 years

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Hi! I just read your post about Final Selection and I would love to know more about your opinion on Kagaya! I can’t decide how I feel about him.

On the one hand the Hashira seem to respect him immensely and he seems extremely (re: too) committed to destroying the demons.

But the fact that he was willing to kill his wife and two daughters along with himself to get Muzan really rubbed me the wrong way - like why did they have to be involved??? And the calming effect his voice has kind of weirds me out because I feel like it could be used to manipulate but we don’t really see him do that (that I recall).

There’s just a lot going on with him lmao

Hi!

I absolutely despise his blind guts. To me he is almost even more of a villain than Muzan (Definitely at least equal). And it infuriates me that people think SHINJURO is a bad parent when KAGAYA exists! Kagaya is a bad parent as a ACTUAL parent and as this weird creepy "Fake parent" shit he pulls with the Demon Slaying Corp. Kagaya is a if the CPS existed he would have his kids taken away.

I'm going to cover what you specifically mention first and then go into my other thoughts.

(A/N: I am going to have to quote things as Tumblr isn't going to give me enough space to show the images)

The Hashira do respect him, and it is obsessive and unhealthy. Out of all of the Hashira Kyojuro (and Shinjuro) are actually the most detached and have the "healthiest" relationship which is very interesting considering they are from an ORIGINAL LINE OF HASHIRA. They freak out over getting to talk to him even though they have Hashira meetings annually, so thats very fangirlly and weird??? I actually don't consider him too committed to destroying demons because he's so bad at being the leader. Like he "says" that he is, but aside from him sending Hashira here or there he really doesn't do anything to further the cause. The Hashira and the Corp members do all that. When they have the Hashira meetings, he offers no ideas, the Hashira are the ones who are doing the lifting. He was very quick to kill himself, which is kind of suspicious in itself. Also he never told anyone in the Corp that Muzan came from his family, which is very, very important information that could have been helpful.

Him killing Ayame and his two daughters with him is absolutely typical of him though, everyone is expendable (including himself) in terms of furthering the goal to kill Muzan and he says it when he first meets Sanemi. Demon Slayers, his kids, everyone. There's no reason he and Ayame couldn't send their daughters away from them even if it made them upset but he didn't do that. And he does use the calming voice to manipulate and he does it constantly.

Basically any time he's talking to someone and you can tell by his tone. Or at least, that's how I interpret it. It's never explained or fully explored but the fact that he used it on Tanjiro and Kyojuro when he first met them. Sanemi doesn't say it was used on him but the comparisons Sanemi makes to his mother and Kagaya does seem to imply that he used it on Sanemi as well and it's possible that because Sanemi is built different he didn't feel/pick up on it in the same way that Kyojuro and Tanjiro did. And since he used it when Tanjiro was there and it was all the Hashira gathered it's quite clear the soothing voice is used whenever he's with them. It can absolutely be used to manipulate and he does, because a lot of the stuff that he says does not add up otherwise. But if you throw in his little power suddenly it makes sense why everyone is constantly buying his bullshit.

Kyojuro treats Kagaya like his boss, respectful but he doesn't put him on a pedestal like the others. He's actually the most detached. The first thing Kyojuro says is "There's no need for a trial!---Let's just lop off his head along with the demon's!" Kyojuro with this comment is literally saying "We don't need the Master, we can decide this ourselves and we should kill them." Kyojuro especially, would know what's "in bounds" in terms of Hashira decisions. And while the others object, and Kyojuro does too, Kyojuro still vehemently objects when Kagaya says Tanjiro and Nezuko have been sanctioned. And if you watch that scene and look at Kyojuro's face, our "I can hide all my emotions behind a smile" boy is passive-aggressively pissed. In the movie he says "Since the Master accepted her, I will keep my peace." And that's all he ever says about Kagaya. Even in his Gaiden when he meets Kagaya he is polite but he none of this "as you wish Master" etc that everyone else does. He is very upfront with how he speaks to Kagaya, and he calls him "Master" but there's no added honey or flowery words with it like with Sanemi, and when Kagaya talks to Kyojuro after "fighting" Sanemi he sits down but he doesn't bow.

But Kagaya doesn’t give a fuck about him just like he doesn’t about the other Hashira. When Kyojuro DIES this bastard goes “I’m not sad, I will see Kyojuro again soon.” I’M SORRY WHAT this boy sacrificed time with his family, worked himself constantly and to literal exhaustion, never lost a person he saved, literally saved 200 plus the boys, YOU SENT HIM ON THIS MISSION WITH JUST KIDS KNOWING THERE WAS PROBABLY AN UPPER MOON THERE, he got MUTILATED AND YOU’RE “NOT SAD” OR EVEN GONNA CRY OVER HIM??? Everyone else is devastated, Tanjiro, Inosuke and Zenitsu’s are in pieces over it and YOU the LEADER the PERSON EVERYONE ANSWERS TO is not even sad that one of your HASHIRA WHO RAN THIS FUCKING ORGANIZATION FOR YOU IS DEAD. Just because you’ll “see him soon in the afterlife”? Ex-fucking-scuse you bastard. And then he has the audacity to say they’ll carry on Kyojuro’s will BITCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIS WILL WHAT THE FUCK. Like for me that’s really where I started squinting at Kagaya because if they’re all “your children” and one of your top fighters, your HASHIRA that you see semi-annually dies YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING SAD ABOUT THAT YOU PSYCHOPATH! But nope, he wasn’t. So as much as it sucks, I’m relieved Kyojuro didn’t have much feelings for him because yeah just look at what he said right after his death.

Everyone else though? They are full on manipulated and wrapped around Kagaya's fingers. And how convenient for Kagaya that all of these Hashira have HORRIBLE backgrounds and are so starved for affection and recognition (in addition to having Kagaya using his "soothing" speech on them) that yeah they can't see it.

Tengen next, when Tengen is poisoned in Vol. 10 he has that flashback of talking to Kagaya, Kagaya says "Tengen...the path you choose is a hard one. It is hard to reject the values you learned as a child. You must always fight yourself...at the same time that you're fighting on the field of battle. But in spite of your many inner conflicts...and contradictions...I trust you to always fight for me and protect innocent lives. Thank you Tengen, you are a wonderful child."

Thanks for pointing out I picked a hard choice I guess? There is no actual empathy in this entire statement, there's no validating Tengen's actual struggle Kagaya is just stating that Tengen has it hard and is in conflict with himself. No offering him support, or understanding, also like, we have no evidence that Tengen even asked for his fucking opinion about it??? So I assume he just went off into a rant here. And maybe I'm being too mean but the "But in spite of your many inner conflicts...and contradictions..I trust you to always fight for me and protect innocent lives."

FUCKING WHAT. "Choose me over yourself" is basically what's being said here, even if you're in a current emotional hell. WHY. WHY WOULD ANY SANE HEALTHY PERSON DO THAT. And the fact that he says "fight for me" before he says "protect innocent lives" is pretty glaringly clear where dear ole Kagaya's true priorities lie. And Tengen in response says, "Master, it is I who am thankful....to you. You showed me something worth risking my life for. Doing so merely is a matter of course. People who struggle with their inner conflict are foolish weaklings. I see what must be done and I do it."

Also note we are in volume 10 of the series when this happens and are still given no indication of why Kagaya is an asset to the Corp. But "you showed me something worth risking my life for". Clearly meaning Kagaya and not the innocent people he's supposed to be protecting. And for what? What did Kagaya do for him to make him feel that way? Gave him a fucking order. WHAT. THE. HELL. There is no reason for "Citizens first, wives second, me last" TENGEN FLAMBOYANT UZUI should be putting FUCKING KAGAYA at the front of his priority list.

Muichiro: This boy is still a baby. He is FOURTEEN with AMNESIA and Kagaya points him in the direction of demon slaying. And Kagaya IS A PARENT. "Your lost memory will return. It is unnecessary to worry. Do not miss this opportunity."

Kagaya had absolutely no evidence or way of knowing if Muichiro's lost memory would ever return. Once again, invalidating feelings, "It is unnecessary to worry". His body was mutilated, he saw his brother die and he has amnesia but it's "unnecessary" to worry about those things. Again WHAT THE HELL. How are any of those things unnecessary concerns??? "Do not miss this opportunity." What opportunity Kagaya? The opportunity to be the shell of yourself because you were taught to only focus on "clearing trivial matters" instead of given a PROPER DOCTOR to help with your memory??? So he literally can't remember anything except fighting demons and respecting you? He can't even remember the fucking Hashira and they are all brightly designed and very in your face. And instead of believing in himself and trusting his own judgment Muichiro validates his decisions by saying "The Master recognized my value". Muichiro directly ties his worth to Kagaya's view of him. Based off this comment Muichiro might not value himself otherwise, we don't know, it's not explored but tying your worth to someone else recognizing your value is incredibly toxic and unhealthy and Sanemi does this too.

Mitsuri: Considering she was trained by Kyojuro, I'm a bit disappointed that she's not more detached from Kagaya. Being uncertain about killing the Kamado siblings makes sense because she's a bit more on the timid side but her "I will do anything you say, Master!" WHY MITSURI??? WHY?? Because in her fight Kagaya didn't validate your feelings either! "Mitsuri you are especially beloved by the gods. Be proud of your strength. Those who speak ill of you fear your talent...and are merely envious!" ....Pretty sure thats one way you make villains like Muzan....how is this validating or helpful comments? It's definitely not anything special enough for you to be willing to do anything this bastard says. This is word for word something MUZAN would say to DAKI.

Gyomei and Sanemi are definitely the worst. They treat Kagaya like he's a fucking god which is ironic given Gyomei prays to BUDDHA. And he got Gyomei out of jail which is really great and saved his life and that's awesome, but he didn't do anything to stop Gyomei from becoming deeply mistrustful of others including children, leaving him to only trust and rely on Kagaya. He agrees to not tell the other Hashira that Kagaya plans to use himself as bait which regardless of intentions is a breach of trust that we've never seen in Demon Slayer until this moment. Gyomei is tricky for me however because sometimes he treats Kagaya like an equal and sometimes he treats him far above, its the most inconsistent of the Hashira.

We're never given Giyuu, Shinobu and Iguro's initial meeting of Kagaya so unfortunately I don't have much to say on theirs.

And finally Sanemi. Sanemi is the worst. I mean my hell he practically has a break down once he enters Muzan's mansion. The way he smiles as he's crying, he looks like he's snapped. Sanemi stood up to Kagaya and called him out on his bullshit when they first met, he saw right through Kagaya's shit and he let him have it, and yes Kagaya says "you don't have to treat me the way everyone else does" but after the meeting they all go after him for not treating Kagaya "respectfully".

Kagaya catches him off guard by saying Masachika's name, and by reminding him of his mother so already Sanemi is in trouble, and saying he knows all the Corp Members names and for a moment I was like "oh that's nice of him" and then we get to the wills, "Strangely, the contents of those wills...are mostly similar. Masachika's was the same. I have been thinking about giving it to you. Masachika thought of you..like the younger brother he lost. He dreamed of a shining future. Just like my dream."

Blood or not Sanemi and Masachika were best friends, they were brothers. Masachika died in his arms. Masachika had no other living family, Sanemi was the closest thing he had and Kagaya has the audacity to say "I have been thinking about giving it to you" first off, it wasn't his decision to give it to Sanemi, we all know damn well it was intended for Sanemi because his BEST FRIEND WROTE IT. And Kagaya is going to act like he is graciously "allowing" Sanemi to read the will that is HIS? REALLY? And Kagaya OPENED AND READ IT. BEFORE SANEMI. This boy lost his family then his best friend and he can't even have his friend's will be just his. The levels of messed up that is are so so many! He took Sanemi when he was upset and still grieving, took his Masachika's words, said he believed the same thing as him (convenient given he read the fucking will!) so its no wonder Sanemi suddenly latched on. He was as vulnerable as you can possibly get. Sanemi was so broken and because Kagaya said something in line with Masachika said that he believed in the same dream Kagaya suddenly jumped to "god-level respect" from Sanemi. Suddenly Kagaya's words are complete gold and he can do no wrong and its awful and heartbreaking and the levels of infuriated it makes me feel is so high.

#brooo when I say I hate Kagaya I mean I HATE HIM #evil evil man #just as bad as Muzan #definitely from the same cloth those two #anon asks #hope this helps #flame hashira #flame pillar #wind hashira #wind pillar #love hashira #love pillar #stone hashira #stone pillar #demon slayer

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luminous-letters · 2 years

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am i the only one who constantly changes my ocs to fit a new piece of media i just saw 👁️👄👁️ i should stop changing them so much 😭

(repost) (with some minor changes)

link to picrew

Name: Maverick "Mavy" Cinders

Age: 17

Height: 190.5 cm

Dorm: Savanaclaw

Class: 2-A

Homeland: Land of Pyroxene

Best subject: Defensive Magic

Hobby: Taking care of his orange bonsai.

Club: Track and Field

Talents: Exceptional Memory

Likes: Adaptive, observant and quick-witted people. Oranges. Teasing. Planning. Rising to the top.

Dislikes: Incompetence, failed opportunities, horrible planning. Lemons.

Unique Magic: King of the Mountain

Maverick gains immunity to blot accumulation and exhaustion for a limited time. The spell is charged with every hit landed or blow taken.

Side effect: Avalanche

All of the blot that was supposed to be accumulated will be transmuted into physical exhaustion. Mavy will be able to feel side effects including but not limited to: limpness, paralysis, drowsiness, fatigue, nausea, loss of consciousness. The effects depend on how much power he used.

Maverick's thoughts on his UM:

"Shit, man, it feels like some punching bag protagonist's skill, but with the effects of getting hit by a truck right after. I'm like, god for a few minutes then I turn into a dying victorian child that has scarlet fever, malaria, and cholera at the same time."

"Is there any way that I don't feel like I'm suffering from withdrawal? Like, something I could do so that I won't look like I'm about to say, 'Mother, I tire of the cotton fields. I wish to see the light of the sun one last time *cough* *cough*'"

A brief rundown of Mavy's background:

The Cinders family is one of the most prominent and influential families of the far reaches of Pyroxene's Mountaintops.

Maverick had one main goal in mind the moment he set foot in NRC, and that is to gain knowledge on how to further his family's influence and power, along with his own ambitions.

A shipping business is what made the Cinders known and wealthy for generations. But the young heir to the family has a lot more in mind.

Arms trade, manipulation of the church, and mining operations are only the tip of the iceberg that was Maverick's plans. Ambitious as it may seem, he knows he is close to achieving those goals. And he is willing to use anything or anyone to reach them.

But that doesn't mean Maverick isn't like any other teen.

He likes oranges.

Maverick's thoughts on his background:

"Good luck writing me, man. Really, I wish you the best. So...basically I'm your TWST insert for Silverash? But a more badass one?"

"No."

"Really?"

"...yes."

#twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst oc #maverick cinders #oh god i've got to stop editing him #i'm so sorry for deleting my first oc sheet #the fear of cringe and overpowered ocs got to me 😭#to summarize:#mavy is an arrogant little (big) shit #that will hit on you #and will hit you #he's smart #he's egotistical #and has muscles #yes muscles #the peak of character design/j #lumen's OCs

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specialofficerlemons · 2 years

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RVB and The Mountain Goats: Beat The Champ

I’m posting this again because the first time I posted it I included a link to the album and tumblr didn’t like that. I will post that link in a reblog

I have been keeping lots of notes as I listen to The Mountain Goats about what RVB characters or themes they make me think of and I wanted to make a big post about it. I decided to break it down into one post per album instead of one giant post of all of them (three albums so far) because it was getting really overwhelming. I will not be covering every Mountain Goats album.

The rest of this post will be under the break because I’m sure it will get long

(Also this isn’t edited. I just really, really wanted to get this out because it’s been cooking for a while)

• Southwestern Territory: Tucker and his growth- as a man, as a soldier, as a leader, as a father. He starts his military career as kind of a loser who just goofs off all day and avoids work. He gets saddled with a son who was meant to be used as a puppet to manipulate the other side of the war. Despite being impregnated with Junior against his will, he loves him dearly and will do anything to protect him and wants to be the best father he can. He becomes not only his guardian, but an ambassador to his species to help broker peace between them. He ends up separated from him when he’s called to action with his old comrades again. He is forced to grow up in a very brutal way on Chorus and is worried that he will never see him again. -“I try to remember to write in the diary that my son gave me.”

• The Legend of Chavo Guerrero: This one was a bit trickier for me and I decided to go with Simmons. We know that Simmons had a very fraught relationship with his father who wanted him to be athletic when that’s not the kind of guy that Simmons is. Popular fancanon (including me) is that Simmons is a trans man. Simmons’ father forced him to join the girls’ volleyball team when he wanted to be a mathlete. Looking up to a man who played a traditional face, especially a luchador, a hero who was “the defender of the downtrodden.” It’s easy to see a young Simmons who is not supported in his home, sneaking out of his room in the middle of the night to see this man he could look up to, who would not let him down when his father did. -“I need justice in my life, here it comes.” • Foreign Object: Wash post Epsilon implantation. Epsilon’s implantation in his brain and subsequent suicide exposed the horrors of Project Freelancer. He had to pretend he didn’t know in order to achieve his goal. He had to fulfill his role as Recovery One. He had to report to the corpses of his dead friends and blow them up in order to protect the assets of the organization he planned to dismantle. He conspired with South in order to let her live, not knowing that she was also a Recovery agent and when he encountered her a second time he wasn’t going to make that mistake again. He has a mission to achieve and he’s not going to let her get in his way. -“One of these days my legs will both snap like twigs. If you can’t beat ‘em make 'em bleed like pigs.” • Animal Mask: North and South from North’s Perspective. North has a deep desire to be South’s protector, for her to rely on him. It’s entirely plausible that earlier in their life that he did fulfill that kind of role for her. But now as an adult and as an agent on Alpha Squad of Project Freelancer, she can handle herself and needs her own space in order to achieve her goals. He is not willing to let her go and be her own person. He wants to continue to be “The Twins,” to be the big brother. In his desperate need to be useful to her, to be needed by her he actually gets in her way and puts her in danger. -“Some things you will remember, some things stay sweet forever.” • Choked Out: Carolina’s rivalry with Tex. Carolina keeps pushing herself further and further in order to beat Tex. She doesn’t know that she is literally incapable of beating her in the very real way that she will never be able to live up to her father’s expectations of her set by her mother. She is willing to put herself and her comrades in considerable harm in her myopic desire just to beat her, the one woman who has ever offered her real competition, the one woman who has always been her competition. -“Most of the boys won’t ever cross this line. If they all want to die dead broke that’s fine, that’s fine. Everybody’s got their limits- nobody’s found mine.”

• Heel Turn 2: Wash’s villain arc. Wash did the right thing. He watched his friends all die or disappear. He was implanted with an AI fragment that violently committed suicide in his brain, exposing the tortures that its progenitor was put through, causing him to experience them. He had to play it cool during his Recovery One era in order to get the access he needed to the Alpha. He almost didn’t succeed in his mission, after all of that. But he did. And what did he get for that? Prison. He was punished by another slimy entity that wanted access to the same experimental tech that had ruined his and his friends’ lives. If he wanted his freedom and he wanted to really wipe Project Freelancer out, he would have to turn on the men who helped him achieve what he had already accomplished. And he wasn’t going to ask. -“You found my breaking point. Congratulations.”

• Fire Editorial: CT’s perspective of PFL. By the time the others are having doubts about whether they are the good guys or not, CT has already become a double agent. She knows she cannot trust The Director or The Counselor and she hates that she cannot trust her teammates. She wants to tell them. She wants them to stop what they’re doing, to let them know the horrible crimes they’re accomplices of. What she doesn’t know is that the side she has joined has plenty of blood on its hands as well. Maybe she does know. Maybe it was a matter of choosing the lesser evil and The Director was a more present threat to humanity. She just knows she has to stop them, to stop The Director, to stop her own comrades, even if it means she and everyone she cares about has to die. -“Who will stand before the flood? Who will mop up all the blood? Who alone? Skin, bone, steel, stone, swim or drown. Save this town, save everything not nailed down.” • Stabbed to Death Outside San Juan: York’s Death. When Tex finds York, he’s slumming it and stealing in order to get by. He says there’s not much call for a former infiltration specialist, but it’s also possible that he is choosing to lay low. He seems eager to get back into action with Tex. Delta agrees even though he states that the “outcome is uncertain” and “the chance of success is unknown.” Even the AI fragment that’s supposed to embody logic agrees that “a little payback would be nice.” I personally don’t believe that either of them were happy without the kind of action that Project Freelancer afforded them. He wasn’t able to resist the offer. He tells Tex that she is the reason he has a bad eye. She counters that she is the reason he has one good eye. Later, he discusses with Delta his reasons for taking the mission. In the end, it is a similar situation as the one that cost him his eye as the one that gets him killed: Tex and Wyoming. -“Power and adrenaline flowing like amber.” “Sometimes you get some heat, sometimes it follows you around” “And the sky goes dark and there I am, climbing down the Hertzsprung-Russel diagram. I drop from the top of my tall steel cage. Drop to the concrete floor.” (I couldn’t pick just one lyric from this one) • Werewolf Gimmick: Tex when implanted with Omega. She is a woman of mass destruction when she is paired with the AI fragment of rage and aggression. She does not care for her teammates, she is not here to make friends or have a family, she kills CT at the shipyard without flinching because that is the mission even when Carolina hesitates and tries to talk to a friend that she cares about and tries to understand her. She doesn’t use the locker room- with the exception of when CT leaves Tex her dog-tags. -“Bring your heroes to the wolf’s den- watch them all get crushed.” • Luna: Carolina post-Chorus. Her life was one crisis after another. First, Project Freelancer, the crash of the MOI, her escaping and healing and deciding to kill The Director, putting her plan into action and reuniting with Wash and joining up with the Reds and Blues, killing The Director, then jumping straight into Chorus where she and Epsilon fuck off to hunt down Freelancer tech and pirates, and finally the civil war. She never has a moment to process anything, the traumas and the horrors she’s experienced. When she has time on the moon with the Reds and Blues, she has time where she is forced to look inward, where she can’t constantly run on adrenaline. She has to think about the deaths of her friends. Her discussion with Wash on the beach about York is one example, but York is just one of the important people in her life that she lost. She lost everyone in her life that she cared about. She lost her mother early, she lost her father to the monster he would become, everyone else on her team died with the exception of Wash and she wasn’t really that close to Wash. She was able to find a new family, a family that wasn’t held together by the machinations of her father and haunted by the ghost of her mother. “Trace names in ash, big names, old friends, and dead ends.” • Unmasked!: Epsilon letting go of Tex: Epsilon chased Tex down iteration after iteration inside of the storage unit, much like the man he was based on, trying to get her right. Eventually, as the storage unit is failing, he realizes that he can’t keep doing this. He has to let her go. He can’t keep trying to tether her to him, he can’t keep bringing her back over and over, again and again, even after she died. -“Trying to say goodbye, the only way I know how, crude and graceless.” “Like you’re free, like you can breathe now, like they’ve sawn off your cast…and by way of honoring things we both once held dear, I will reveal you. I will reveal you.” • The Ballad of Bull Ramos: Wash living with the Reds and Blues post Shisno trilogy, specifically with his brain damage. Fuck Zero for fixing Wash’s brain damage first of all. As far as I’m concerned, RVB ended when the Shisno trilogy did. Wash has a family to support him now as a disabled adult. It is a difficult adjustment for him, not only because he has to relearn how to do some things now that he has brain damage, but he has to relearn how to be a civ now that he can’t be a soldier. But he has his family. -“Get around fine on one leg, lose a kidney, then go blind. Sit on my porch in Houston, let the good times dance across my mind. Never die, never die. Stand with a bull whip in my hand. And rise, rise, surrounded by friends.” • Hair Match: The other fragments that participated in the torture of the Alpha. This is a bit of wrestling meta: wrestling matches are loosely scripted; a hair match, where one of the participants heads’ is shaved, necessitates the cooperation of all parties. That doesn’t mean that it is a desired outcome. The purpose of a hair match is the humiliation (in kayfabe) of the person getting their head shaved. The Alpha was put through all kinds of scenarios in order to break him apart into the other AI fragments. After they were made, some of these fragments participated in this torture- specifically Gamma, Omega, and Sigma. They designed scenarios to be so traumatic that Alpha would fracture. They were, however, not allowed to be present when the new fragments were refined into their stable AI states. Sigma, the AI fragment of creativity and ambition, stayed behind one time, hidden in a camera so he could watch what happened. All of the AI fragments desired to be reunited with the Alpha. Being split apart was not their natural state. Sigma hatched a plan to reunite with the Alpha, by taking over Maine and becoming The Meta in order to collect the other AI fragments (this plan was possibly made with the help of Gamma, but it isn’t totally clear his role as Gamma resisted being taken by The Meta). -“We’ll stipulate that there will be no cameras filming, but of course there will be several in the building, and if by chance somebody hits “record,” and stands real still somewhere back behind the soundboard” “I loved you before I even ever knew what love was like.” • Blood Capsules: Just learned about this song as I was writing all this up so this one will be coming later!

If you have any thoughts about what these songs made you feel re:rvb I would love to hear it!

The other two albums that are in the work are: All Hail West Texas and It’s Dark In Here

#red vs blue #rvb #the mountain goats #beat the champ #rvb meta-analysis #rvb meta but not the meta #rvb zero critical #lemons squeeze #original post

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riversofmars · 1 year

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The penultimate chapter...

Chapter 24: Climax

Eventually, in every story, there comes a boiling point. The moment everything has been working towards. The plot lines come together, the protagonist’s goal, the resolution to their quest, is within arm’s reach but not without a final push. One last, seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their way. More often than not, it will take everything the protagonist has to overcome adversity and likely demand a great sacrifice. I, for my part, wasn’t sure I would be willing to make the sacrifice asked of me.

“We mustn’t waste any time,” River attempted to evade my question, she didn’t look at me, but I refused to back down. With the physical discomfort having dispersed once we’d broken out of the bubble, I managed to pull myself up, scrambling to my feet so I could make my demands clearer.

“River, answer me!” I exclaimed.

“Liv, really-” She was focused on flying. Through the windscreen I could see the Dalek control ship looming and wondered if they had seen us too. Surely if they had-

“They can’t flip the switch now,” the Doctor stated as if he had read my mind.

“What?” I frowned, confused.

“They can’t. We’re out of the bubble,” he explained at the sight of my dumbfounded expression. “The time loop is unstable now. It’s a little bit like the TARDIS. It can’t take off while something that’s meant to be inside is outside and the doors aren’t closed, remember?”

”With you so far-” I nodded though my eyes remained on the Dalek ship. Slowly, its shutters were opening and Daleks started spilling out. Regardless of whether or not they could reset the time loop, we were about to be in big trouble.

“We are elements that belong inside the loop, while we’re out there, they can’t simply reset without ruining the whole process,” the Doctor carried on. “They either have to return us or-”

“Kill us,” River interjected grimly and up ahead, the Daleks started shooting towards us.

“Right.” I felt the rush of adrenalin kick in.

“Would you be willing to take over now?” River urged and I nodded, putting aside my questions and fears for the time being. There were more pressing life and death concerns.

“Fine.” I grabbed hold of the joke and River relinquished the pilot's seat without further ado.

I forced my mind into singular focus. It was a reprieve, in a way, not to have to think about the effects of everything and simply fly.

“We need to get aboard that ship,” the Doctor mumbled, hovering right behind me.

“Can’t we just use your Vortex Manipulator now that we’re outside the bubble?” I shot a quick look to River who remained at my other side.

“With the temporal interference? Not a chance. Besides, I doubt it would carry all three of us,” she shook her head but went to the trouble of checking it through regardless.

“I don’t think these weapons will do much.” The sheer amount of Daleks that were barring our way made shooting our way through almost impossible.

“No, but they won’t need to. We have luck on our side. Just fly, Liv,” River instructed, producing the Quantum Crystallizer from inside her coat.

And so I did. I don’t know how much of it you can attribute to my flying skills and how much of it was sheer dumb luck, but I dove and spun, the ship was incredibly responsive and I made a note to congratulate Osgood if I ever got to see her again. Thankfully, the nausea and discomfort from the temporal fallout had significantly lessened but it wasn't gone entirely. It was still there at the back of my mind, as were the nagging questions of how all this would end if we succeeded.

“There is a gap!” The Doctor shouted suddenly and I could see it, just to our right. There was a way through if we were fast enough.

“We need to be quicker!” I ground my teeth together. The Daleks had spotted my change of course, drawing together and forward.

“I’m rerouting everything we’ve got to the engines!” The Doctor announced and even as his sonic buzzed, I felt a surge forward and could barely react fast enough. Suddenly, there were Daleks right in front of us. I dove underneath but only just. The Control Ship was fast approaching now. I had to find a place to land.

“One of the hangers!” River pointed out the opening from which the Daleks had emerged and I nodded feverishly.

We drew closer and spun through blaster fire that only grazed us. It was remarkable. I had never flown as well as that, but I suppose when you have luck on your side, your skills become less important.

The Daleks must have read our intent as the shutters started descending.

“Any more power going?” I asked and the Doctor was already at it.

“Hopefully we won’t need life support much longer…”

There was a violent jolt, too forceful to properly control, but our trajectory was right anyway. I scraped a Dalek or maybe three. The skimmer shuddered as part of the hull was ripped away.

“Through the shutters!” River yelled and I barely managed to pull up the nose of the glider into the narrowing gap.

We made it by the skin of our teeth. The glider skid across the hanger floor, ripping apart the underside of the small craft, and thankfully came to a halt before knocking into the wall. All the systems gave out with sparks shooting off and fizzling out. We would have to find alternative means of transport for the way home, the glider wasn’t going anywhere else ever again, but it didn’t matter. We had made it!

“Nice flying,” River complimented into the silence that was only interrupted by the sizzling of the ship’s electronics.

“Yeah that… wasn’t the first time,” I released a shaky breath, reminded far too keenly of my escape from the Space Service vessel many years ago. Only this time I wasn’t running away from something, I was heading towards it.

“Let’s get out of here before we get visitors,” the Doctor instructed and I didn’t argue, keen to get away from the controls that I feared might blow up in my face at any moment.

We forced our way out of the glider. The craft was a complete write-off and the doors had warped in the crash. It took a combined effort of all three of us to push it open.

“Right, which way?” I asked once we were free of the wreck. I looked around the space we had crashed in. It likely was one of many launch bays and currently - mercifully - empty. Surely it wouldn’t be for long. The Daleks were bound to be on their way back here, and those aboard were likely already responding to our break in.

“We need to get to a computer, any computer, to set off a self-destruct of the ship,” the Doctor explained, heading towards the one door that leads out of the bay and onto a corridor.

“Let’s see if we can find a shuttle for the return journey first, shall we?” I suggested, slightly unnerved by the realisation that Daleks rarely used shuttles as they could fly in space themselves. When neither of them answered it gave me pause. I knew that sort of silence. “We are going to get out of here, right?”

“Not much point when-” The Doctor started but was interrupted by the familiar, unwelcome screeching noise that we would all do without. “Oh no-”

“Damn it, that was quicker than expected,” River groaned, inching backwards.

“INTRUDERS!” The Daleks chanted. “YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!”

“RUN!” The Doctor yelled and I didn’t need asking twice. There was only one way to go in the corridor cut off by our enemies and we rushed in the opposite direction.

“This way! The bulkhead!” River pointed out a heavy door to the right at the end of the corridor.

“Doctor!” I looked around to find him falling behind.

Keep going, I will buy you some time!” He called back, ducking an energy blast. And I reached the door, nearly knocking into River who was struggling with the locking mechanism.

“YOU ARE THE DOCTOR. YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS!” The Daleks screeched, advancing on him.

“Doctor! Come along!” I yelled as the heavy bulkhead door opened. I yelped when an energy blast hit the wall right beside me. I looked around to see the Doctor having pulled out his screwdriver, shooting sonic waves at the advancing Daleks, momentarily disabling their weapons. It couldn’t last long.

“Liv, through here!” River grabbed my hand and the Doctor looked around. Our eyes met and he gave me a smile.

“GO! You can do this! I believe in you!” He called, giving another blast with his sonic but that time, the Daleks had adjusted their weapons to his frequency. They fired and struck him right in the chest.

“NO!” I screamed and didn’t even recognise my own voice. It seemed to come from very far away as my field of vision shrunk and all I could see was the Doctor, crashing to the floor, lifeless.

“LIV, COME!” River ripped at my arm as the Daleks advanced towards us.

“But the Doctor, we can’t leave him! He will regenerate!” I yelled, fighting her and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me along. She was stronger than me.

“No, he won’t,” she told me but I wasn’t really listening.

“DOCTOR!” He wasn’t moving. No hue of gold, no whirl of energy. His features lay slack and pale. And then, another energy blast hit him, and another, as the Daleks seemed to want to be sure he was indeed dead. And he was. I could feel it in my soul. The Doctor, my friend through so many years and adventures, the person who had shown me all the wonders of the universe and brought me to the love of my life had been killed. And the universe became a much darker place.

River dragged me through the bulkhead and slammed the deadlock before any of the Daleks could follow. The heavy door fell and there was silence.

“No! No no no, this can’t be happening!” I sobbed and River released me.

A tremor ran through the ship.

“What was that?” I exclaimed, alarmed.

“The effects of the the deterioration of the time-line just kicked up a gear,” River answered as if it was an obvious explanation and reeling with grief, I yelled at her:

“WHAT?!”

“Another paradox, a big one. The Doctor is dead. But he doesn’t die here. He is down there too! The paradox is beginning to rip things apart,” River answered and was unnervingly calm about it.

“Did you know this would happen?!” I yelled, bracing myself against a computer console. The ship was shaking.

“That the Doctor dies? No. But this is what we were planning on doing. This is how we defeat the Daleks,” she answered with an apologetic smile. “The only way this was ever going to work is by erasing everything that has happened. Paradox upon paradox upon…” Her eyes returned to the bulkhead and the pain of her loss furrowed into her features though only for a moment. She pulled herself together and carried on defiantly: “If he dies here, he can’t possibly be down there. This will work. Everything will be undone, the time-line will reset to before I intervened. The Doctor will live and-”

“And I’m going to lose everything!” I snapped . “All this time, everything that Helen and I went through to finally work things out. It’ll be reset!” The prospect was terrifying.

“I told you. Whatever happens, you two find each other. Every time,” River countered sympathetically but I just shook my head.

“Every time the Daleks intervene,” I shot back. “If there is nothing to force us together, if it’s just boring day-to-day life, we wouldn’t-” All things considered, it had been our trip to the future that had kicked things into gear. Only because I had seen a future in which Helen and I had been together - regardless of the painful outcome - had I attempted to kiss her. It had been the snowball that had started the avalanche of what had happened and developed between us.

“You don’t know that,” River tried to calm me. She stepped closer, reached for my hands and I hung my head. I already knew there was no way around it and my vision blurred with tears. Her words were kind and considerate as she carried on: “I’m asking you to take this chance. Make this sacrifice if needed to put things right. Restore the planet. Defeat the Daleks.”

How was I to refuse that? How could I? How could anyone? For the sake of so many lives. So that good might prevail. For justice…

And what would be the alternative if I refused anyway? How could I even hold on to what Helen and I had? Reality was shaking apart around us and if that didn’t happen, one or both of us would be killed by the Daleks without a doubt. Perhaps if I used the Crystallizer, I would grab a shuttle, rescue Helen, and be on my way but- Even if that were possible, neither one of us would be able to live with the guilt. And of course: the Doctor. The reset would bring him back to life. There was no decision to be made. It was simply a matter of accepting the facts of what would happen: Our one and only option.

I nodded mutely without looking at River.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more straightforward with you but this… this is the only way,” River carried on gently. I suppose she wanted me to understand rather than just agree. “In a way, this was always the plan. My intervention giving you the notebook started the whole thing. Then I broke into the time loop which shouldn’t have been possible… it was a slow process at first but the arrival of your past selves now, that’s what’s done it. And now the Doctor’s death…”

Another tremor ran through the ship and it felt as though the very space around us was beginning to strain. The air became charged with energy.

“While not planned, it’s certainly helping…” I mumbled, and River nodded.

“And Helen’s survival is too…”

“What?” My eyes shot up to her at the mention of Helen’s name.

“Another huge difference to last time… she died too,” River revealed with a sad smile. “Right now she’s still alive and well with the Doctor and your other selves, is she not? At least for now.”

“What do you mean she died that time?” I asked, unsettled.

“After you died… remember what we were saying about it also having been the closest the Daleks got to winning? The reason the Daleks had to reset the time line was because grief-stricken Helen killed herself in a suicidal stunt that brought the Daleks down…” She explained softly.

“I see…” I didn’t need more details than that. The thought alone turned my stomach and my tears started to fall. It wasn’t fair. None of it.

“All these things, these paradoxes, they’re what’s going to make this time-line collapse in on itself. There’s just one thing left to do-” River looked around and I took her meaning.

“Destroy this place, yes…”

“If the source of the time loop is gone, that’s another contradiction when all the paradoxes are a result of it-” She carried on explaining but I had heard enough. I didn’t want to discuss it any longer.

“Yes, I get it, you don’t have to explain anymore… besides, the sooner I blow this place sky high, the less chance there is for those Daleks down there to kill Helen. I’m not letting her die again.” Even if things would be reset, I wouldn’t let her come to harm, be injured or die. Even if she wouldn’t remember it, it would have happened. It had happened far too often already.

As mad as I was with River for keeping her cards close to her chest, I understood why and that there was no other option.

“But you… you have to go,” I told her, when I realised there was one thing still within my control.

“I’m not letting you do this alone,” River almost laughed and she let go of my hands. The time for sentimentality was over. We had agreed what had to happen, it was time to get on with it. She turned to the computer terminal.

“At least I have a chance of coming back. You were outside of the time loop. You would stay dead!” I observed something that should have been obvious to her.

“I’m quite prepared for that. I knew what I was getting into. And I know what I’m asking from you so-” She started working the controls and I could tell what she was doing. I had rigged up a self destruct on a ship myself before, more or less…

“But River, I can do that, why would you-” I interjected but she wouldn’t let me finish.

“I haven’t got anything left. I told you. My time with the Doctor is over,” she shot back, her fingers flying across the controls.

“I’m not willing to accept that,” I grabbed her arm, tried to pull her away from the computer but she shook me off.

“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” she countered.

“It’s not up to you,” I argued. “You’ve been telling me there is no way of knowing what will happen in the future or that some people are meant to be together. Well, if that’s true, apply the same logic to yourself!” One thing I can’t stand is defeatism. There is always hope. You just have to believe it. Despite everything, I was not giving up. I was choosing to believe that Helen and I would still have a chance, even if our current relationship was wiped away, we would rebuild. I had to hold on to hope, otherwise I wouldn’t have had the strength to follow through with what had to be done.

“The Doctor and I have had our time,” River’s voice broke and so did her façade. This close to the end, there was no point in pretending. Her eyes filled with tears but she continued working regardless.

“There will be more time. You’re both time travellers,” I tried to reason with her and this time, I managed to get her attention.

“Truth is, Liv, I don’t know how this will affect me!” She burst out, frustrated. “Did I ever come to see you that New Years Eve?”

I blinked as I tried to recall and a sinking, nauseous feeling spread through my gut when I realised I couldn’t remember.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, delivering proof that the time-line was indeed unravelling but I decided not to let it deter me. “I don’t care. You are not just giving up! If there is a chance you have to try and leave. Don’t choose death!”

“Liv, it’s a billion in one chance that-” She rolled her eyes at me. “With this temporal interference, my manipulator will never work! At least, if I stay, I can do something useful and neither of us will be alone.”

“You have the crystallizer, it’s in your pocket!” I exclaimed when I realised the solution was that simple. Regardless of how poor the odds were that she could make it out of here. She would be fine!

“What?” Her face fell and I couldn’t allow her time to contemplate what would come next.

“Thank you, River, without you, I never would have had this time with Helen,” I smiled, then lunged forward and grabbed her wrist.

“Liv, NO!” She shouted, trying to fight me off but it was too late. I slammed the launch button on her Vortex Manipulator and released her just in time. There was a snap of energy and she was gone. I don’t know where she went, what sort of destination had been set, but I knew she would be okay. She had the Quantum Crystallizer and even if my own chances at a positive outcome were significantly diminished, I knew I didn’t need luck at this point. Soon, everything would end. I could only hope River’s reasoning behind the reset was sound.

“Liv, yes…” I mumbled to myself. “Because there is a chance you will remember what happened…” And that, to me, was the most important thing. If River survived, at least someone would have borne witness to what had happened in this aborted time-line.

I took a deep breath. I could hear the Daleks screeching on the other side of the bulkhead but they couldn’t get through, not in a hurry. Their own constructions were far too steadfast against their own weapons.

“Now, let’s see what…” I looked around the place that shook with another wave of temporal radiation. It was a sort of maintenance or engineering area. Perhaps it was the Dalek equivalent of a medical bay as there were parts of travel machine shells and even neurosurgical equipment around. I considered the irony of it all. Of all the places I could have ended up… And then, a thought struck. Perhaps one last favour the Quantum Crystallizer had offered without me even realising it initially.

Rigging the self destruct was easy so I finished the job River had started and then, I picked up a neural relay device. The Daleks were no closer to breaking through and the temporal side-effects were manageable still. I could set off the self-destruct manually in the end. For now, I would allow myself a little more time, hopefully enough to record my story.

And I will tell you now, at the end: Ceasing to exist is not as painless as I imagined it to be. It’s as if time is slowing down and my memories are being pulled away. Little by little. Suddenly, I can’t remember what Tania and I talked about when I last saw her. I can’t remember the sort of plane I flew to Africa. And I can’t remember my first kiss with Helen. It’s all becoming abstract. I know that it happened but not how. The details are blurring as time is spiralling, small fractures and big breaks, and time and possibilities spilling through the gaps. Alternates and doubles, back and forth, variant upon variant, all existing simultaneously. I am both alive and dead and my heart aches as I can’t remember if Helen told me she loved me or if it was just a dream.

I think I ought to set a countdown now, as I can’t be sure how much longer I will be able to remember what I have to do. It’s time. I have told you all I needed to say.

I was reminded of the Orpheus journey and the way things played out once we came to 900 years after we set off from the Frontier Colonies.

The Doctor had been there at the edge of everything and it had seemed like such a cruel twist of fate at the time. In many ways he had been the reason why I had fled Nixyce VII and was responsible for the hardships I had encountered along the way. To meet him again after everything that had happened, running away from my past and trying to forget, had been a slap in the face.

And yet, I had learned to trust him through it all. In a strange way, even though the Doctor I met on the Orpheus hadn’t experienced the events of Nixyce VII yet, it felt like coming full circle.

I couldn’t run away from my past. That was what I came to realise. It was a part of me, regardless of how I felt about it. It had to make peace with it and I tried to. I tried when at the end of our fight against the Eminence - the mysterious gaseous being we encountered at the edge of the universe - the only option appeared to be for me to sacrifice myself so it might be stopped.

I was dying anyway, so it seemed oddly fitting and I found the decision far easier to make than I would have anticipated. I had nothing left to live for, all my loose ends had been tied up, and I had something to die for: the safety of the human race…

Perhaps, right about now, you can sense a pattern…

Back then, as I was sitting in the small escape pod, starting a countdown to blow it up, I tried to make peace with myself and my past. It felt like a fitting end: to repent for my failings on Nixyce VII by sacrificing myself then… And I accepted it as I didn’t think I had anything to gain by holding on to my life.

I didn’t die. The Doctor found another way and saved me. And if I’m being quite honest now, I didn’t see the point at the time. I was still terminally ill and was faced with having to work out if I could truly trust the Doctor in spite of the things I blamed him for…

Things changed. I was cured of the Theta ray poisoning and followed the Doctor, aiding him in his quest to fight the Daleks and the Eminence and somehow become worthy of my new lease of life. I made a friend in Molly O’Sullivan who was travelling with the Doctor when we met, and I bore witness to her own sacrifice for the greater good, wondering why I had been spared and she’d had to die.

It wasn’t until later that I started hoping and planning for the future again. I found joy again and something to live for in the most unlikely of places: Earth, 1963, at the National Museum, where a beautiful language scholar caught us snooping in her office…

How ironic that she is what I am to give up now.

Among the confusion and my swilling memories of events long passed, I remember one thing very clearly, words the Doctor told me a long, long time around. They feel so important now that I consider all the things I’m losing.

“It’s not a numbers game, Liv. It can’t be a numbers game.”

But it was. Seven billion people on planet Earth. What is one love story, one happy life to that of seven billion? Maybe, now, I will never again know the joy of being in Helen’s arms. Maybe, I will never find out what it’s like to kiss her. Maybe, I will never hear her tell me that she loves me...

But it doesn’t matter. Not now. We’ll be lucky if we all make it through the reset. The devastation of the planet will be undone. The Doctor will live. And we will be back at 107 Bakerstreet, looking for a way to fix the TARDIS. It’s not ideal, but it is right.

I hope you understand that I had to tell someone. Even if it will never have been real. You listened. You know and I hope, understand, what I’m giving up. I don’t know if River will survive. I hope so. I don’t know if I will survive. This version of me won’t but another might… And I don’t know if anyone will ever find this and listen to it but if you do: thank you.

I’m going to chuck this out of the airlock now and if it drifts forever like the Orpheus, so be it. Perhaps after nine hundred years, someone will find it and listen to our story. It’ll likely be too late for us then. I doubt you’d find us and be able to tell Helen and me what we’ve missed out on. But you knowing will have to be enough.

The countdown is almost zero…

My name is Liv Chenka, I'm a med-tech from Kaldor from the 30th Century and I hope you understand why I made all the choices I did. I hope, in the end, I did the right thing. Thank you for listening to my story. A love story that never was.

#Doctor who #fanfiction #eight doctor #liv chenka #helen sinclair #liv/helen #river song #whump #action/adventure #big finish #doctor who fanfiction #extended universe #femslash

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