#he just always thought we had cats and dogs energies and wanted to see my take on it
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Mini-Moo!
Leah Willamson x reader fic
-> Reader tends to bring home new animals when Leah is gone - what will it be this time?
➳ Masterlist
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
Leah and Laura had joined their fellow arsenal teammates in Herzogenaurach, even though they were still in rehab for their torn ACL’s – it was good for team building if everyone was there.
The blondes favorite part of this particular camp were the meals. Seeing as she couldn’t train with them on the pitch, it was bittersweet to be there, having to watch them, so being together outside of training was the nicest part.
“You reckon your Zoo will have a new addition?”
They were having lunch outside as it was a beautiful sunny day. It was Katie who started teasing Leah about her living situation – who else?
Leah lived in a nice house with a big fenced in garden, together with you. And three cats and two dogs and supposedly wild birds that lived in the birdhouses you had set up but you kept feeding them so they came back and brought squirrels. There were also two tiny lambs in a heated little barn that you had picked up, who needed to be bottle fed.
“Baby we can’t have lambs!”
“But Lee he was going to abandon them!”
But upon seeing your quivering lips, swollen and teary eyes and a soft white lamb in your arms, she gave up.
How could she say no to that? So she didn’t. Little Mimi and Momo now were gradually moving on to solid foods, instead of being bottle fed.
It seemed, that every time that Leah left your shared home she came back to more animals.
“Honestly? Who knows?” The other girls thought it was quite comical, thinking about tall, stoic Leah who came home to her girlfriend and a whole Zoo of animals to cuddle – and she did.
She gave of the biggest dad energy, not wanting any of the animals you had gotten, but it was Leah who would always take their sides, cuddle them to sleep and feed them treats even though you had already given them some.
“But I’m gonna put my foot down this time. It’s enough animals at home.” The whole table started laughing, knowing damn well that Leah would never be able to say no to you or soft little animals.
It was only a couple of days later when the older woman returned home.
“Baby – I’m home!” As expected there were many excited feet coming her way – none of them human.
It took her a while to properly greet the cats and dogs, who were longing for scratches only Leah could give. Every time you tried to scratch them how they liked it, you ended up being scared of hurting them, so you decided that you would be the one to give the best pets.
“Baby? Where are you lovie?” The only thing Leah could hear was her own heartbeat – desperate to find you. While you only had not seen each other for a couple of days, the defender tended to be quite clingy, so she wanted to see you as soon as possible again.
Upon walking outside, a hoard of animals following her - she saw Mimi and Momo grazing outside.
“Baby?” And there you were, running out of the little barn.
“Lee! You’re back!” Careful not to put too much pressure on her healing knee, Leah picked you up in a hug swinging you around a little.
“I missed you, baby.” You wanted to reply to her, teasing how it only were a couple of days but instead of hearing your voice, she heard a little ‘Moo’ coming from the barn.
“Do you wanna drink something Lee?” But the blonde didn’t even listen to you, pushing you aside gently. “Come on baby, you’ve had such a long day, lets get to bed yeah?”
You again jump in her way, trying to redirect her inside again. “Let me see baby.” Now you started to panic, the moos getting louder – with all your might you tried pushing the defender back by her shoulders.
The older blonde started to get frustrated and went in for a hug. “Awwwhhh, are you cuddly babe?”, you thought she gave up and wanted your worldfamous hugs, so when she pressed your body closer to hers, picking you up, you were surprised. “Ayieeee! Leah! Put me down!”
With just a couple of steps the two of you stood in the barn, Leah setting you down on your feet again.
‘Moo!’
And there it stood. A fluffy calf, or baby cow as you liked to call them.
“What is that?” Deep brown button eyes stared her straight into her soul.
‘Mooo’
“That’s Button…”
“That’s a fucking cow - baby.” She did not look impressed or amused for that matter.
“No it’s a baby cow, and her name is Button.”
As always it took a little convincing, but only a few, well spent hours later, the two of you were lying in bed, cuddling.
“Button is pretty cute – she can stay.”
And with that your very own Zoo had grown, and Leah had a new baby to fuss about.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
liked by kimlittle1990 and 44.330 others
Leahwilliamsonn: Meet Button! Our newest addition to the Williamson Zoo!
katie_mccabe11: What happened to "putting your foot down"?
-> leahwilliamsonn: I don't want to hear it
lottewubbenmoy: Hi Button!
stephcatley: Why is she so cute?
#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson x reader#woso x reader#arsenal wfc x reader#awfc x reader#woso imagines
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hey! how are u?? sorry if i'm bothering but could u do headcanons of Vance Hopper x Male reader who is like very sweet, kind but also very insecure and sensitive? love your writing!!
have a good day/night<3
Yes sir I gotchu :3
I’m honestly sooo in love with Vance Hopper dude it’s not even funny- Also like- IM SO SORRY FOR IT TAKING SO DAMN LIKE FOR YOU TO GET THIS-😭 I’ve been struggling a lot so I haven’t had the energy to write but please request as my as you want because it will ALWAYS. Get done :3
TW kissing, fighting, cussing- I’m dumb ash so tell me if there’s more
Vance Hopper x male reader headcanons <3
⋆Vance adores how sweet you are, he loves that you’re still sweet and kind even when he’s upset about something. (When’s he not?🥰)
⋆If anyone and I mean anyone. Says anything that even the slightest bit upset you or makes you feel bad about yourself we all already know that persons gonna have a trip to the hospital.
⋆because your his boyfriend? He’s not gonna let anyone make his partner feel bad in any sense.
⋆if he’s ever done/said smth that made you get all sensitive he’d feel really bad. Tho Vance is rude and violent in the movie he still would put his whole life into making sure he never did something to get you in a state like that.
⋆he loves you a lot! You’re the best boyfriend he could ask for!
⋆you guys listen to music all the time together whether it’s blondie, the runaways, kizz, weezer, Joan Jett, The Cramps.
⋆i think his fav song is Cherry Bomb by the runaways. Because who could blame him? It’s an amazing ass song!
⋆Vance definitely likes caramel candy- just had to say that-
⋆again Vance loves how sweet you are. A lot of the time he’ll go to you when upset just to hear your soft voice tell him that everything is okay
⋆he loves seeing your sweet adorable smile.
⋆he loves seeing how sweet and kind you are to others
⋆and ya a lot of people do think your relationship is “weird” because Vance is loud, aggressive and rude and your quiet, soft and sweet
⋆opposites attract 🤷🏻 I don’t make the rules.
⋆if he ever says something that makes you feel insecure he’d feel horrible. He’d be all over you, kiss you everywhere especially where he made you feel insecure and if it’s nothing with your body then he’d kiss your head as a way to “kiss away the thought”
⋆you guys definitely go on walks in the forest.
⋆he buys those bags of gummy’s that have gummy rings in them and he’d take all the gummy rings and purpose to you with them all and put every single one on your fingers.
“My beloved Y/N..will you make me the happiest guy alive and be my husband forever?”
⋆he’d say teasingly and kiss your check/lips after
⋆Vance obviously LOVES dogs. Tiny dogs- big dogs- he loves them!
⋆I can’t really see him as a cat person but at the same time I do….maybe it’s just if the cat is resting on his lap while he does whatever.
⋆one time you and Vance went to the grab ‘n’ go and were getting slushies and someone had randomly pointed at you and laughed an oh boy. They knew what they had coming. Vance set his slushie down and kissed your nose and told you to look away or don’t get close and then went up to the boy and proceeded to beat the ever loving shit out of him and you had to drag Vance out (leaving your slushies behind😔🤙🏻) and run off to hide because the cashier called the cops.
⋆for Valentine’s Day he got you a teddy bear and took you to grab ‘n’ go to get a bunch of snacks you wanted and then you guys would go home and watch movies all night.
⋆for Valentine’s Day one of the things you got him was matching pj pants which he loved-!!
⋆I see you guys baking to together even if he smashes and egg on your head just for the fun of it🥰🤙🏻 but if that upset you in anyway and made you sad he’d apologize and help you clean it out of your hair before giving you a gentle kiss on the hand
⋆gives you lots of piggy back rides and I mean a lot- he also does the thing where he pretends drop you but doesn’t actually, but he’ll stop if you don’t like that
⋆just cuz he loves you sm :)
⋆he sneaks through your window a lot and stays that night, your caregiver wasn’t to happy at first but saw how happy you were and you guys were also so cute sleeping together. They definitely took photos and there’s some around the house in frames.
⋆whenever he doesn’t come over you guys call alllll night!
OMGG!! This was so cute to make:) lmk if I should do more because I so will 🤗
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Pantheon au: Characters! Part 1
Welcome to my new au that I will just give facts about since I can't write a story for life now how it came to existence well it was an ask in @annonniiiiieeeee's ask blog and it ended up being a full fledged thing I wanted to do for fun so here's the summary and basic information and I'll go along from there no plot spoilers will be given just some hints of it but that's about it.
What is the au called? I like to call it the Pantheon au (I will probably change the names later)
Premise? What if the (rottmnt) turtles were gods and yes this is a somewhat Leosagi centered au because my biggest inspirations for this au is a Leosagi fic by the person I mentioned at the start of this post. Of course it will have some interactions with the brothers and I will also flesh out their interactions with one another as well as the other characters because I want to get them all the attention they deserve.
NOTE: not all of these facts are set in stone there are some that we still have to talk about and what to remove or add because some are my own thoughts so I will still have to run it through my co-creators @annonniiiiieeeee @furiousjellifish and @thenerdywitchofthenorth when this is posted to see if there are things we need to change or add to it. Open to suggestions as well
On with the characters!
Lets start off with the Hamatos
Splinter!
The head of the Pantheon and Forgotten God of Fame and Fortune
Due to the accident he had to hide away with his boys to keep them safe.
Due to the lack of followers because of his disappearance his power becomes weaker so he used the remaining energy to make a home hidden away and seal his boys abilities until a certain age.
The reason he sealed those abilities away was because he wants to raise them in a healthy environment and he can't have that with the mortals causing trouble and possible evil that will come for them so he raised them alone and away from the mortals
Used to be in a relationship with Big Mama a fellow god/celestial being who manipulated him to battle in her Battle Nexus located in the Hidden City another factor on why he his his boys away (could be changed)
In the start he was struggling to raise the turtles while missing his glory days and it gets harder because of the dwindling numbers of his followers for each year that passes by.
He slowly grows to become the father the turtles need after the Shredder incident that destroyed their first home.
Raph!
The God of Protection, Strength, Warriors and Rage
Rules over no domain unlike his brothers and merely protects their domains
He watches over those that worship him and makes sure to visit the villages/cities that choose to become his worshippers
He often joins in with mortals in battle fighting for the good people and protecting those who cannot protect themselves.
Those that threaten what his family protects whether it be their domains, worshippers or those that wish to harm them Raph will do whatever it takes to protect it leading to his rage being taken out on them (The savage Raph episodes) or to put it simply mess with his family's domains be prepared to face Raph
April!
Goddess of Truth and Families
Has been down to the mortal realm more times that the turtles and Splinter
Mayhem is her messenger and companion and has two forms when in disguise which is either a cat or a dog and follows April when she's in disguise and down in the human world
April looks the most human of them all so she doesn't have to hide her her image as much as they do.
Will always be the first to call them all out on their bs.
Whenever the turtles sneak out she accompanies them and when busy Mayhem does it for her
In her statues she and Mayhem are always together either on her shoulder or in her arms
Donnie!
The God of Knowledge and Innovation
Because of his unethical experiments at times he is also occasionally called the God of Madness
The smartest of his brothers and often invents new ways to improve their security especially after the Shredder destroyed their first home
Those that come to him for knowledge must share their own knowledge with them as well as a valid reason on why they want the knowledge they ask for and if he deems it fit he will grant you the knowledge you seek if not... Well he'll show you why he's occasionally called the God of Madness
If not found in his domain you can find him in his room/personal study tinkering with Sheldon a spirit that took the form of one of automatons and became Donnie's son.
Leo!
The God of Strategy, Travel, Medicine and Romantic Love
Some of the strategies kings, lords, generals or other battles strategists think of are actually Leo's own strategies that he whispered in their ears using the wind.
He never got any thanks before because the mortals take the credit for it but Leo doesn't mind that much since at that time he was an unknown god but when he became known many mortals pray for his strategies to tackle the many challenges of daily life which Leo is happy provide.
Only dabbles in medicine before meeting Usagi but then spent his energy on medicine to help Usagi with his curse by healing his loved ones should they fall victim to his curse
Became associated with romantic love because of Usagi telling potential worshippers about Leo and hearing the genuine love from him from then on associated him with romantic love.
Leo has an inferiority complex like in the canon show and in true Leo fashion cracks his one liners and makes fun of serious situations but knows when to be serious when the situation calls for it
he self sacrifices like a boss (someone stop me)
Mikey!
God of Food, Harvest and Flame
When appeased the harvests are blessed and good meanwhile if he's mad or upset he will burn the land in which he stands
Mikey is the artist of the family and the cook so his domain is often colorful and full of delicious foods.
Could possibly be the most powerful one in the family. (If canon Mikey can throw a whole boat, an entire building, and open a gateway back in time as well as to the prison dimension then imagine what this god can do)
Even so Raph is protective of him and therefore Raph visits his domain the most for that reason. Much to the dismay of Mikey
Mikey interacts with his worshippers a lot whenever he visits the villages/cities under his domain
Listens to the problems of the people and acts either harsh (Dr. Delicate Touch) or kind and understanding (Dr. Feelings) depending on the situation that calls for it.
Mikey is still naive so at times he can be taken advantage of by some people which adds to his brothers' reasoning to visiting him constantly to check in
Sometimes people forget he's the God of Flames until they remember that he can burn their crops down.
Cassandra!
The Goddess of War and Violence
Cassandra is as intense as she is in the show however in her time in the pantheon with the Hamatos she learned to calm down more but she is still intense and is as always waiting for the next battle
A mortal that used to work for the foot clan but when the clan fell apart she spent her time with the Hamatos and slowly being part of their family and going through her own trial to earn her title as a god
When Casey was going through his trial she wasn't allowed to interfere so she left her son in the hands of the turtles
She is the most active in the battlefield
At times Cassandra would challenge the victor of the battle to a match to satiate her need for battle though she is still in disguise of course.
Casey Jr
The God of Peace, Victory and Roads
Casey started off as a demigod before earning his godhood to join the pantheon
Once he became a god Leo let him keep dominion over the roads
Is one of the first (if not is the first) to be supportive of Usagi and Leo's relationship and even gave Usagi a blessed trinket to show his support to his endeavor to reconcile with Leo
Doesn't have a domain of his own since he usually travels around with his mom.
When his mom is off challenging random mortals to battle he would be in the corner supporting the mortals so they actually stand a chance of surviving her attacks... It works 50% of the time.
Draxum!
The God of Alchemy, Magic and Plants
Caused the accident that caused Splinter to hide from the world with the baby turtles tots
A primordial god that's saw the existence of everything and even created the Yokais and living among them for a period of time before being banished by the Council Of Heads (that's what I call those guys Mayhem works for in canon show)
His resentment for humans started when they attacked his creations and not even half the population survived resulting in his many unethical experiments on attempting to wipe them out
When he was reformed he is keeping an open mind on humans however when their acts result in one of his family members getting upset... Well you should not expect much mercy.
He can easily take on those that want to hunt him down in the Hidden City however he does not want to dwindle the numbers of the Yokais even further so he ran.
He helped rebuild their second home after the Shredder incident and made sure none were hurt during that incident in place of the turtles and yes even the humans even if he was still trying to be open minded
Closest to Mikey because of the many times they spent together during his reform
He was okay (at best) with Leo and Usagi's relationship but should the rabbit bring him any sort of pain that curse isn't the only problem he will have
Is probably the one to heal Usagi's curse with some assistance with Leo
#rottmnt pantheon au#rise april#rise donnie#rise mikey#rise leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#leosagi#rise raph#rottmnt
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A quick list of what I miss most about Texas: stone creek, Buc-ees, all the amazing donut places, how close/convenient everything was, how laid back everything was. And my people of course.
I watched the weirdest movie last night. It was set in California and I think I forgot how beautiful it is there, just flowers everywhere. But also, I haven’t experienced spring here. I did see the Boston public garden in May and it was like something out of a fairytale, flowers so big I thought they were fake at first.
I was definitely the biggest whiner ever about snow. It hasn’t snowed in two weeks. With no plans to snow next week either, in fact we’re supposed to have two days in the 60s! Which I don’t think is the norm for here at all and climate change is terrifying. But wanted to note we only had one snowy week and in hindsight it was not a big deal at all. In fact, I miss it. We didn’t even have time to make a snowman!
First thing yesterday morning, before I had even put my glasses on, a kid asked me to blow up a balloon. It wasn’t even half full when it exploded into my right eye. It was so painful I couldn’t even scream. I just remember kicking the couch in agony thinking my eye had exploded. Five minutes later when I could finally open it I realized it was (mostly) fine. But oh man. Close your eyes when you blow up balloons, folks.
Apparently Justin has a yearly meeting that falls over Valentine’s Day. This year and next it’s Feb 13-14. He celebrated with the kids this am and then left for the airport. In our last house, I used to get super freaked out when he left on work trips. We lived by the woods, but we had a fence and I knew all our neighbors and I was still freaked out.
Here we actually live in the woods, we don’t have a fence, I don’t know all our neighbors, we find animal remains on our property—but I feel safe here, go figure. I don’t know if it’s because I view Mass as safer than Texas, or because of neighbor friends. I was close with my old neighbor too, but she was a frail old lady. I know if there was ever an issue with an intruder or the house or a wild animal my bff’s husband would be here in 30 seconds. We also just keep a general lookout for each other. Good neighbors are such a gift. Also, Peabody has become such a guard dog since moving here/being the only dog. It’s annoying usually (especially when he scares people) but nice when Justin is traveling.
Why is it that in above freezing temps our lawn turned brown in Texas every winter? Here we had below zero temps and our lawn is still green. Grass type? Maybe we have moss? I don’t know but I’ll take it.
Can you train cats? I have a friend who swears she can train her cats to stay off counters and leave her plants alone but I just don’t believe her.
I was thinking the other day about how people appear online vs in person. I’ve been told by people lately that I’m high energy and I ask a lot of questions. The question thing is a problem I’m working on, I’m just insanely curious. About everything. All the time. It does make me lol though that people think I’m high energy because I always feel half asleep. Maybe it’s the ADHD. Anyway. I just think it’s interesting that we create personas for people as we read about their lives, like we do for characters in a book.
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Personal Update
Just some life update stuff since I went radio silent for a month.
Okay so I finally geared myself up to post about this here, on my blog, for you guys to see. It’s been weighing heavily on my mind for a few weeks because I went from steadily putting out fresh content to... well, nothing. I was constantly motivated to create, to put out new and fresh edits. I was writing regularly, making actual progress on fics. It felt great. I was in a wonderful mental state, working on writing a fic that I love, with ocs that I adore. Beyond that, I was lucky enough to have multiple outlets where I could gush about these ocs, and more specifically where I was able to have wonderful conversations with friends about all of our ocs. Really, I was in a wonderful mental state, probably the best I had been in for a long time.
Then, on August 14th, after a week spent at my parents’ house dog-sitting, I came home to learn that one of our cats, Guppy, had unexpectedly died literally within 10 minutes of my arriving home. Look, I know I don’t share much personal stuff on this blog. I like to stay pretty private in public posts, but those of you who know me well know that I adore my cats, so coming home to learn that one of them had died, after I had spent a week away was devastating.
I won’t go into too many details here, but a little over a year ago Guppy unexpectedly got outside. We are very good at keeping our cats inside usually but a repairman was working on something in the house and at some point she had slipped outside. By the time we had found her, she was under the house and it took us a while to coax her out. Once we had, we realized at some point she had gotten injured and fractured her jaw. What followed was a series of vet trips to our local emergency clinic, surgery, and a diagnosis of FIP. We were hopeful that it was a false positive in the test as the months went by and Guppy seemed to have fully recovered. For those of you who don’t know, FIP has many neurological side-effects and over the course of a year we noticed no signs that there was anything wrong. We thought for sure that Guppy was going to be just fine, so her sudden passing hit hard. She was only three years old, after all, and an energetic, playful cat. On top of her sudden death was the very real worry that it was some other kind of sickness and that our other cat, Reid, may have gotten infected.
Now, while Guppy was a family cat, Reid is and has always been my cat, brought with me when I moved in with my boyfriend and his family. He’s my best friend, and I love him more than I could put into words. He is also much older than Guppy was so there was a very real fear that I could potentially lose him as well. Thankfully, an emergency check-up with our vet showed that, aside from an asthma diagnosis, Reid is perfectly healthy for his age. Our vet was also kind enough to offer us some insight into the potential cause for Guppy’s sudden passing. As thankful as I am that Reid is okay, with that confirmation came grief over Guppy and, as could be expected, my mental health took a dive. Pair that with falls imminent arrival (seriously guys the seasonal depression gets bad) and just... mentally I was not doing great. And my creative outlets suffered for it.
I know it seems silly to complain about that but seriously, I’m a creative person and having something to focus that creative energy on really help my mental state. On top of that, with no current hyperfixation (again, I know it’s a silly thing to worry about) I felt listless. I had nowhere to focus creative energy, despite desperately wanting to create.
So now it’s a month later and... look, I’m not going to say that I’m feeling better. I still miss Guppy, and I am anticipating the end of summer when the season depression will hit hard, but I am finally getting into the swings of creating again. I don’t know yet what the game plan is, I’m torn between working on either my Scream fic or my Stranger Things fic, but you guys can expect some updated character intros (to the surprise of absolutely nobody I’ve changed a lot of characters face claims) so hopefully that will inspire me to actually write.
A bit of good news to end what is otherwise a very depressing post, we have recently become the temporary home of a mama cat who gave birth to four, that’s right four, adorable kittens, two of which we are planning on keeping for ourselves. They are absolutely precious and have recently begun to walk and I think watching their growth has helped all of us start to process our grief regarding Guppy.
But yeah, that’s what’s going on in my life currently, and this post ended up being far longer than I intended, but I’m going to try to start making content again, and I’m in the process of getting my queue up and going (And if I’ve missed posts I’ve been tagged in over the a last month I am so sorry you guys). I’m also, tentatively, working towards starting to do art commissions for character designs and am in the process of building up a bit of a portfolio of sorts. Basically, I’m trying to be productive and we’ll just have to see how that works. Anyway, I love you guys and wanted to thank any of you who have been patient enough to stick around after a month of exactly 0 content.
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Loss of a Lifetime.
Oh god you’ll have to forgive me for this. Me and my twin @chiarizipperhead love the song Lifetime by three days grace. And they offhandedly mentioned if someone wrote a sad song to the fic they’d devour it.
A/N. I warn you. There is no comfort in this. I sobbed writing it. I’m still crying. It’s not long at all but. Here ya go. I’ll put a read more once I’m on a PC. This is not beta read lmao. I wrote it. Sobbed. Posted it.
Johnny tried to regain his composure. The world was spinning. His stomach was turning. He couldn’t breathe. He looked at Price and tried to sob out a please no but all that came out was a choked noise.
His knees hit the ground before he could think about what was happening. Ghost was gone.
Simon. His Simon.
He didn’t know how much time passed before price was lifting him to his feet, dragging him in some direction before pulling him into a room. His room. His and Simon’s room. The air he had managed to hold onto left in an anguished cry as he collapsed onto his bed. Simons bed. The covers still mussed from where they were in too much of a hurry to make the bed before their latest op.
He placed his head in his knees and tried to catch his breath. Price was a welcome comfort at his side, a hand on his shoulder while he gathered his composure.
“How,” was the only thing he was able to get out. Price sighed beside him, not sure if he was ready but at a gasped please he relented.
“A bomb. Ghost,” he paused, taking a deep breath. “Simon got everyone out. The building collapsed before he could make it out.” Silence. Deafening silence. That was Simon, his Simon, sacrificing himself to make sure everyone else was safe.
“Do we have him?” Johnny could barely get the words out but Price understood him, nodding. “I need to see him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good,” but before Price could finish his statement Johnny was grabbing his shirt, pleading through hiccups. “Alright,” Price resigned.
He guided Johnny through the building to the landing bay where they collected their fallen comrades. He didn’t even have to ask which one was Simon. Off to the far corner near the front of the hangar was a stretcher with an incredibly large body atop it. A black gloves with bones peaked out from under the cover and Johnny could swear he felt his heart break even more.
He released price, going to stand next to him. He grabbed that hand, holding it like it was a lifeline as he pulled the cover down. There was Ghost, bloodstained mask, eyes closed. Johnny could almost convince himself he was sleeping except his chest no longer rose and fell. Falling to his knees, still clutching Simon’s hand, he placed his head on his chest and began rambling.
“You were the one that I wasn’t supposed to lose” was the only thing he managed to get out before another sob gripped him. His thoughts were swirling with everything he wanted to say. He couldn’t find the energy to voice them so he allowed them to float freely in his mind.
Simon wasn’t supposed to go first. How was he supposed to live without him? They were supposed to have their life after this, retire, grow old and be an old cranky married couple. How they were going to get a dog and a cat because it fit both their personalities. Just a few more years, a few more missions, they kept telling themselves. Johnny always knew they’d never get the life they talked about, that one of them would go first but he always thought it’d be him.
He was reckless, impulsive, sometimes even careless in the line of duty. Simon was efficient, pristine, calm, collected and most of all careful. The flash of anger that coursed through him disappeared in an instant. He was supposed to go first but still, he wouldn’t wish this on Simon either.
“You were supposed to be my lifetime, Simon.” He takes a deep breath before his gaze finds the mask again. “How am I supposed to do this without you? The team,” a choked sob, “we won’t hold together without you.” Even as he says it, he knows it’s true. They’ll try. They’ll try for Simon, for Ghost but they’ll fail. Even when they fail, and the team starts to show cracks, they’ll all still hold on. For him. So that Johnny isn’t left alone.
He doesn’t know how long he sits there before Price comes and ushers him back to his room. He doesn’t even manage to get his gear off, just collapses into the bed, into the space where Simon’s smell still lingers. He vows them to never wash these sheets. Hell sleep on others as long as he can keep his smell with him. Keep a piece of him alive, even if it’s just in his dreams.
The anguish Johnny feels can’t compare to the desperation he has to see Simon smiling again. So through the tears, he allows himself to fall asleep, hoping Simon will be there, smiling and alive. Even if it’s just a dream, it’s better than a life without his Ghost.
A/n. If you made it this far I am so sorry.
#ghost simon riley#john soap mactavish#ghost x soap#loss#grief#this is sad and horrible and I love it#hurt no comfort
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1, 2 (b – may I also ask what colour?), 4, 8, 9, 12, 13, 15, 18, 20, 25, 28, 33, ✨34✨, 35, 36, 38 (even if you are okay with sharing, i need to know what cats say about us), 39
Quite a lot, isn't it? You may skip numbers you don't feel like elaborating.
One more question from me: what particular question(s) made you reblog this questioner? If I didn't pick it (them) then answer it (them) anyway
What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? Calibri, size 11 font. Yes I care a lot. I've changed fonts three or four times since I started writing. I used to do Times New Roman, then Arial, then Algeraya, now I'm using Calibri and Arial occasionally.
If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil? I went to online high school and every summer you had to give back the laptops they loaned out. I wrote by hand for three months until I bought a laptop when I was 18. I know I could do it because I already have. Colors usually black or pencil.
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? Giggled. I hate it with my entire soul. Or yummy. If I could permanently remove words from the English language, it would be these two ^
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? Already did. Someone fell from their sky to their death. it was a one-shot I wrote five years about for HTTYD.
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know. Yes but no. I am one of the most skeptical people when it comes to the supernatural. I know you're going "........you're christain." and like yeah. Different than a haunting to me. I think 99% of hauntings are just mold or carbon monoxide poisoning. I would personally have to be possessed by a ghost before I took the story seriously. I am always going to try and find a scientific reason first, if I've crossed out all those, THEN i'm like "Yep. Ghost." I genuinely DO believe people have encountered the afterlife. I feel bad energies in places/rooms, and I've seen some stuff. But I DO NOT believe that every haunting is a haunting. It's ridiculous. Make sure your carbon monoxide detector is up to date.
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules. 1 - I get published and get a big fandom, 2 - one of my fanfics gets turned into a movie 3 - ChatGPT becomes illegal and doesn't overtake writing and ruin any potential prospects I have at making writing a career.
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? Hard: child death. Easy: child abuse.
15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? No I don't. If you damage a book, I feel annoyed. My sister loaned me a book she wrote in the margins of once and yes it was cool to see her thoughts, but she crossed out sentences and wrote it differently and circled unique words and it was really really annoying because it was so distracting. Have never written in a book that wasn't scripture, have no plans to start.
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.
"I'm sorry.
He moves down the hall. Tony's enjoying this. Making May uncomfortable. It makes him sick. He wants to scream himself hoarse and demand to know how anyone could ever want that. (She said sorry.) Peter pushes open the door to his room and stares at it.
There's no looming shadowy presence in the corner. Nothing to suggest what's been going on for all this time. (Nothing has been going on.) it looks...painfully ordinary. Normal. Numbingly so. Peter stares at everything with an ache in his chest. Staying with the Starks isn't permanent he reminds himself, just until he can work things out with M&M. Then he'll be back here. He just needs...not everything.
Sorry.
Peter moves into the room, leaving the door open behind him.
I'm sorry.
He shuffles to his closet and digs through the top until he finds a duffle bag and starts to throw things into it. Clothing, his laptop, his phone charger, a blanket, other things he barely processes, and a few books. He doesn't see his phone and realizes that it's probably still in May and Matt's bedroom. Which...great.
Peter moves for his backpack, stuffing anything school related inside. He doesn't know if he'll be back before winter break is over. He doesn't think so.
Sorry.
May said sorry.
Peter's stiff hands move across the desk, fumbling to grab his history book, but it won't stick with his fingers. The backpack falls from his limp hands, landing at his feet with a huff of air.
Sorry.
As if that's supposed to fix it. Take back everything that happened. Half a year of aching. Of hating. Of nothing.
May said sorry.
Matt pushed him down the stairs.
Sorry.
His arm is broken.
May said sorry. And he doesn't want to forgive her."
-> Not one for Chocolate Anymore, I see
This passage is in response to May apologizing to Peter. And Peter just. yeah. This passage went through a lot of revisions that I can remember, Peter fixated on different things. But the sorry was what struck a chord with me.
I was, at the time, struggling with a lot of personal issues with my parents, and had a similar vein of thought to this ^. Sorry doesn't fix it. Sorry doesn't make it better. It's just words. I wanted to showcase that.
People hound victims of abuse for forgiving their abusers, especially if they said sorry. Like it makes it all better. They apologized, didn't they? Yeah. But May neglected Peter for months. He doesn't have to forgive her. This was my response to that. Peter is angry. He's allowed to be angry. Sorry doesn't fix it.
20..If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch One true love. perfection doesn't exist and the potion would be useless. Plus I'm lonely and single and very much wish I had a gf.
25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? I always write Thor as hating poptarts because I like to subvert fandom tropes.
28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?
Loki. His head is haunted. Hela's a close second though. Her head is very haunted.
33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate? I draw. I play several instruments. I make collages and I build modals sometimes. The art comes into my writing sometimes, but not often.
34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go: It is utterly pointless. Look, there are very few instances that you NEED to have the oxford comma there. When you're listing things, people understand the and. I think that English is desperately trying to stick to outdated rules because they're "right" but the thing is, if you don't adapt with the language the language will die. Let it flow and change. It's normal. It's healthy. That's why English is how it is now.
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens? No adverbs.
38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? I write the chapter, let it sit for 3-4 days and then rewrite and edit it. Letting it marinate is just so weird to me.
39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? I like comments. I enjoy putting down stories and sharing them. I like seeing people put the story together in the comments. I like the community.
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
Poem I wrote a few years ago (I have pages and pages and pages of poems actually, it was my Thing when I was 13-15).
"Trapped and I can't breathe,
Blind and I can't see,
Alone I cry and grieve,
I'm afraid of me,
from this ask game
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The Vet (Keith & Nathan)
"Come on, John!" begged Keith. "You, too, John John!"
But neither of his dogs responded. And it was for good reason in their opinion... Keith was taking them to the vet for their yearly checkup.
"Please, it's just a checkup. They already gave you or shots. Please? We'll go to the Doggie Cafe when we're done. You love the Doggie Cafe."
Keith saw that even bribery wasn't working. He lets out a sigh.
"Alright, I see I have no choice."
With that... Keith activates his powers as a wind started swirling around him.
"SKY-"
But before he could finish, John and John John quickly get up and go to the door to await their master to put their leashes on.
"See?" said Keith, deactivating his powers with a smile. "That wasn't so hard."
A short while later, Keith came out of the building with both dogs on their leashes. On the street, Keith's partner, Nathan, was waiting for them in their car.
"So you finally came," they said. "They must really not want to go."
"Yes, it's a chore, but it's worth it," said Keith with a smile.
Keith and Nathan get the two dogs into the back of the car and the two of them went into the front. Then, they drive off to the veterinarian.
"By the way," said Keith. "Thanks and thanks again for the ride. My car is still in the shop."
"It's no trouble," said Nathan. "I have nothing planned for today until my dinner with Karina and Pao-Lin tonight, so I'm free. Besides, I'm curious about this Doggie Cafe. What kind of place is it?"
"It's a restaurant where dog owners can bring their dogs and eat with them. Sort of like a cat cafe. It's really popular... But I think it's mainly because Kotesu and Barnaby were in a commercial for it."
"I see. It must be exciting having a dog."
"It's a wonderful experience. You should consider getting a pet, too."
"I don't think so. When I was a child, I had a goldfish... It died a week later."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Besides, aside from being a hero, I also have Helios Energy to run. I may not have enough time to take care of it."
"I know... Come to think of it, and I know this sounds a bit personal, but how did you come to own Helios Energy. I know your parents owned it before you, but I thought they despised your for for your differences."
"It's true, even today, they still have some issues with who I am. But being their oldest child, they didn't have much of a choice."
"You must have had a lucky break then."
"Not really. When I took over, I was still met with disdain. The only difference this time was because I'm a NEXT. Now that part is lucky."
"I see. How did you overcome it?"
"I just remind myself of who I am and that they don't own me. Only I can control my life. Surely you remind yourself sometimes same thing."
"I never really thought about it."
Keith just stares out at the window.
"It's just," he continues. "I always thought about doing good and whatever the sponsors say. I never really thought that they would own me. I try to be more open with my feelings."
"That's actually a good start," said Nathan. "Being open can welcome many good things."
"If only it were that simple."
Keith lets out a huge sigh of longing.
"You're thinking about that girl again, aren't you?" asked Nathan, sympathetically.
"Is it that obvious?" Keith responded. "I may never know what happened to her. I was waiting at the park all that time and she never came. I hope wherever she is, she's alright. I hoped getting John John would help, but I guess it's not enough... But at least John is happy."
"He is. And I'm sure that girl is happy, too. And she would probably want to you to move on if it didn't work out between you."
"... I suppose you're right. I'll try to stay open and I'm sure I'll meet someone. All good things come to those who wait... Unless you're thinking..."
"Honey, you're cute, but I prefer mine to have more... junk in the trunk... Like a certain bison we all know."
"Guess I lucked out then."
The partners both laughed knowing that things are brighter in the future.
"Here we are," announced Nathan.
They arrived at the clinic. After getting John and John John out of the car and into the clinic. They sat in the waiting room when they spotted a familiar face... It was Ryan with his pet iguana, Molly, who was looking greener than usual.
"Bad case of food poisoning," he said.
The end.
3 Days Left!
#TnBuddyWeek!#tiger and bunny#tiger & bunny#tiger & bunny 2#Tiger and Bunny 2#nathan seymour#fire emblem#keith goodman#sky high#fanfic
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Hey, hope you're continuing to do well! How have you been? I had a very random Seventeen-related question for you. You're always asked who your bias is, but I want to know who in Seventeen you're most like personality-wise. So, who do you think you're most like? You can pick up to 3 members (I always choose my top 2, then an honourable mention when I play this "game" with my sister). PS. I'm very much looking forward to that Wonwoo fic. 👀 Take care! ❤
OOOHHH!!! Hello!! I'm just about the same - maybe a little more giddy than usual because of a certain Yoon . . . 😂
This is such a fun and different question! Thank you for asking!!!
Hhhmmm . . . tbh, part of the reason why I grew to like SVT so much is because I see a little bit of myself in most of them 😂 We were all 90s babies, so it's kind of fun growing into adulthood with them and that comes with shared experiences (as much shared as you can get with Kpop idols ofc 💀), but you said 3 so I will pick 3 😭🤣
I am a strange breed of Vernon, an extroverted version of Wonwoo, and sprinkling of Jeonghan!
I apologize in advance for how long this is 💀
A strange breed of Vernon because I'm fairly straightforward and honest with how I feel (if asked - I won't necessarily go around advertising or explaining it lol) and I'm this weird mix of go-with-the-flow and open-minded, but also very independent in that I have my own set of values I live by and are firmly grounded in? You do you, I do me - I don't really try to fit in and peer pressure doesn't really bother me anymore. Kind of like the person who goes to the party and ends up people watching? Apparently, according to my friends, I'm also very hard to read/don't expressing my feelings well (I just like to think I express them differently but idk 😭😂). . .?? I've heard ppl say that about Vernon at times. I'm going off the rails, but I also have a lot of other little things in common with Vernon! I'm a cat person (but more like a dog-like cat if that makes sense LMAO), we both love movies and music, wandering the city on public transportation - things like that :)
An extroverted version of Wonwoo (this is mostly based on what he said in SVT's docuseries, Hit the Road) because I also like to explore different hobbies lightheartedly. I don't get too invested in one thing or the other most of the time. I don't go looking for new things to do, but for better or for worse, I'm always up to try if I stumble upon it! I'm not asking for pity or anything, so please don't feel bad for me, when I say this! But for the longest time, I felt like I never really fit in anywhere too 😅 That said, I've gotten over it lol - I'm more extroverted than Wonwoo though in that if I find someone interesting, I'm not afraid to strike up a conversation with them either!
Last, a sprinkle of Jeonghan because I like bantering and I need boundaries between my work and personal life LOL. Jeonghan talks a lot about how he doesn't know much about Kpop outside of SVT nor does he spend much time outside of work doing Kpop-related things. I'm the same with my work! I won't specify what I do for privacy reasons, but in my profession a lot of people end up living and breathing it. I'm just . . . not into it the same way 😅 I will do my due diligence and work hard at the job, but I'm not about to pick up extra stuff related to it if that makes sense.
A bonus! After I saw your ask, I asked my IRL carat friends to name the members I most similarly too just to see how I'm perceived and if my thoughts lined up with theirs LOL. Surprisingly, they said I was a mix of Vernon and Chan???? Maybe it's because I radiate loser energy too??? LOL jk jk 🤣 They said it's the way we "approach interpersonal relationships" and "maknae who doesn't seem like a maknae" energy (Most if not all my friends are older!) 🤷🏻♀️
This was probably much longer than you asked for - again, I'm so sorry! 🥴😬 I've thought about this a lot (probably too much LOL) in parallel with my bias situation because I figured it could inform my final decision 💀 You gave my opportunity to flesh it out! 😂 (not that I feel anymore resolved . . . sjdfksdf)
How about you!? Who are you most similar to in SVT?
If you got this far, thank you so much for taking the time to ask and read all of this!! >.< Please don't feel pressured to make your answer as long LOL. If it is long, hey - I'm all for reading it and psycho-analyzing ourselves in the lens of SVT! hahaha
You take care too!
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Tour production run through and review, praises and criticisms for Act 2! I am getting really tired while I’m writing this so sorry for any typos or if something doesn’t make sense lol. I’ve got other things to do tomorrow I wanna get this out.
Same disclaimer as last time. You know I’m the 98 bitch. Don’t get mad when I say I like something in 98 better.
About 5 minutes before intermission ends, Old Deut comes back on stage. He wanders around a little, seeming lost in thought, and goes to sit on the tire. Eventually he waves out the other cats. I think Tanto, Cori and Cass were the first ones out, and then everyone else comes out. THere’s no announcement that intermission is over, which really sucks if you get stuck in a big line or something and can’t get back to the theatre LOL but simply be me and don’t leave your seat the entire time and you’ll be right there waiting when the lights suddenly go off and the intro to Moments of Happiness starts playing.
It was great. It’s primarily unchanged and I’m thankful for that. It’s very emotional, for me specifically, to sit there in person and hear it sung, because my moments of happiness come from Cats, and the memories I have with it! It gets you right in the feels.
And then you’re brought to my personal highlight, which is Gus the Theatre Cat. Even writing about it right now, I’m about to cry. I really, really love this song. It always makes me emotional, and John and Kayli’s performance really put it over the top for me. I started weeping lmfao. It’s just!! So wonderful! Tonally it’s somewhere between the 98 version and the 2019 version, and I think it’s a sweet balance. The music is the same, the words are the same. But then it continues! When Jelly goes to take Gus off stage, he swings back and addresses the audience like he just remembered something else he wanted to say, and he brags about having saved a child from a burning building if I remember correctly lol. It was such a funny little moment!! It’s not appropriate to scream like you’re at a concert for Theatre Cat but boy did I want to lmfao. And he mentions that he used to be able to make “bloodcurdling noises” very seriously, and proceeds to make these noises, which are very funny yowling cat noises. God I loved that. I cheered for him there and he did a little “thank you” nod at me. He then mentions that he once played the Rumpus Cat, and that he could do it again. Old Deut says, “So do it again!”
And we move into Pekes and Pollicles.
First night I wasn’t sure how I felt about this version, but after seeing it twice, I can say I like it! It’s a lot more serious than the 98 version, and it’s also shorter. The intro is longer though. There’s 3 bits of “bum! [pause] bum! [pause] bum! [pause]” in which Gus COMMANDS the stage. The lighting is insane in this part, illuminating different parts of the stage in intense dark red and white. I lost my shit. The tune is changed in some places in favor of bits of Growltiger, which I thought was a nice way to incorporate it, but like I said it’s quite serious, and missing the frantic, hilarious energy the 98 version has. The bagpipes bit is missing, as is the bit about dogs from around the world. There’s not really any mishaps like the barks getting messed up or people tripping over each other so I definitely miss the humor aspect. The costumes looked pretty much the same though and that made me very happy! I’m obsessed with the yogurt cup dog masks for the poms so I was sooo happy to see them. And god, every tom looks fucking adorable with their little floppy pollicle ears and snout. Also once again ALONZO my beloved!!! He gets to be the police dog, comes out with his baton at the ready. I definitely whooped for him as if I saw a stripper on stage lmfao. There’s also a bit where he waddles off stage in his dog costume and it’s so cute and appropriately silly UGH I wanted to snatch him up.
I had no idea how Rumpus Cat would look or work in this show. Rumpus Cat is (for some reason) my mom’s favorite bit of the 98 version. She just loves seeing that freak fly out on the spring board. But this Rumpus cat was Gus, not a young tom, so obvs I knew that wasn’t gonna happen. It wasn’t until I was sitting there seeing it that I remembered I’d actually seen this bit in the tour trailer, but yeah! The light in the oven turns bright red, and Munk pulls down the oven door, and amidst heavy smoke and sharp lighting, Gus comes rushing out to center stage. His costume was drippyyyyyy it was his patchwork coat turned inside out. It’s black and covered with ruffles, and he has big glasses that are his Rumpus Cat eyes. What a badass. I love you grandpa. So yeah while I miss the silly chaotic mess in the 98 version this version is really cool and enjoyable!! Only thing that’s a little weird is Gus kind of shuffling off stage and Deut just turning and starting Skimbleshanks immediately, but hey it’s an awkward transition in 98 too so lmfao who cares!! It’s Skimble time!!
Skimbleshanks is pretty much exactly like the 98 version. That shit was sensational. And me being me, I know pretty much all the choreo from the 98 version, so being able to very lowkey do it along in my seat was so so nice. The traaaaaaain “THE TRAAAAAIN PURR YEAH” it’s so cool to see irl!! LIKE GOD WHAT THE FUCKKK IT’S THE TRAIN!!! And I mentioned it in another post but Chris played SUCH a good Skimble and he makes it look effortless. One of my favorite bit is “where I met the station master with elation!” for the jump and he got that so high and clean 😭😭😭 It’s fun, it’s familiar, it’s perfect. Zero complaints there.
When Mac comes to kidnap Deut, he appears center stage right behind him as a jumpscare. Everyone freaks out of course. Munk and Deme are front and center downstage when this happens and she’s on her knees, naturally stressed out. Munk stands and moves to confront Mac immediately, and she tries to stop him at first. He tells her to stay there, and runs up to Mac. He hypnotizes Munk and puts him right to sleep and harasses the other cats while the henchcats drag Deut off stage, and they’re not gentle either!! Demeter of course freaks out and stays out of the way best she can, and Mac runs off the left side of the stage. The whole thing was wild. Munk breaks out of the enchantment the second Mac is gone, and he’s up and he and the toms run off to find Mac.
Macavity. Macavity!!!! Vocally POPPED OFFFFFFFFF PURR YEAH Lauren my beloved my self christened Demeter. I’m very picky with Demeter’s, I really only liked Aeva vocally up until this point, but Lauren gets my approval stamp. Her portrayal of Deme in general is like. Me when I’m having a really good day (which makes a lot of sense because it’s the day of the jellicle ball! it IS a good day!) and so that was mwah. Chelsea’s Bomba I already gushed about BUT I’LL DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE HER!! Her solo in the song literally gave me chills. The song is audibly unchanged, thank god, but. But. BUT. Here we go again with the choreo changes. It bothered me the most in the Jellicle Ball, and this is the runner up when it comes to my disdain for it. IF IT AIN’T BROKE DON’T FIX IT!! And Lynne’s choreo for this number is not broken!! They changed so many iconic bits, particularly the claws out, spin, and then arm extension on “there’s no one like ma-ca-vi-ty” and that REALLY fucking hurt. Like pleaseeeeee why would you take that away?? The other queens are there in the back doing their backup dancing, which doesn’t bother me, but I certainly didn’t pay attention to it lol, far too busy looking at deme and bomba. Overall approval. Still fucking mad about the choreo changes.
Now the Macavity Fight is where the revival gets my true stamp of approval. It’s a good change. Now if you’re me the 98 one is still scary lol but this version is way more intense and interesting. The music is different, the entire thing is different. Munk actually comes back from searching for Mac while the queens are finishing the Macavity song. He comes down from the tire when it’s over and stands beside Deme. The fake Macavity looks incredibly convincing from a few rows back. I’m a major fan of revival Mac’s costume in general (though I admit I find the 98 one smashable too LMFAO HELP) and the decoy quality is right up there. I couldn’t tell it was a mask until the second night when I sat in the second row. He comes out and of course pretends he’s brought Old Deut back, and quickly leaves the stage. Everyone is a little hesitant to greet Deut, but they’re glad to see him anyways. He faces away from the stage most of the time so unless you know about it, you probably wouldn’t guess it isn’t really him. Deme revealing him works the same and it’s impressive to see IRL.
And then shit really kicks off. I already sang my praises for Aiden’s Mac and the only reason I won’t do it again now is because I’ll be sitting here forever, but yes. Perfection.
The music is tense, the lighting is deep and red. Macavity hypnotizes everyone to do his bidding, and here’s one spot where the jerky choreo works really well. You really get the sense everyone is bewitched. Munk is either impervious or breaks out of it immediately, or Mac was Looking for a fight with him thanks to Munk stealing Deme from him, because they start fighting. When they face each other and get down on the ground and circle each other dude my freakin heart was beating so fast lol. I was so STRESSED. Munk gets a hit at Mac first, but Mac comes back with a vengeance. He really tears Munk up in this version, and when Munk is down for the count, Mac crosses the stage to claim Demeter. He drags her across the floor (not me pausing in writing this before i DISSOCIATE #kinpain) to the center and she fights back. She tries to get him to let go of her.
Here is where ALONZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO once again shines. He manages to break free from Mac’s enchantment when he sees Deme struggling and he launches himself at Mac. The bit where Mac has Deme in his grasp and Alonzo is behind Mac trying to rip him off of her lives rent free. Rent. Free. Ouch. Alonzo’s efforts are rewarded, during which Mac loses focus enough for the other cats to break free too, and he quickly decides he needs to reevaluate the situation. He enchants them all again just long enough to get up to the top of the stage and turn out the lights so he can make his escape. The boom of the lights shorting out made me jump so hard both times lmfao. It was insane. So yeah. This. This.
Nick really played up being hurt in the aftermath, and I definitely started yearning when he and Lauren had their little demestrap moment LMFAO. This is also the point where even when watching the 98 version I get MAJORLY SAD because my brain says “hey it’s almost over.” It was no different here.
Now here’s where some of y’all are gonna get mad again. But Mr. Mistoffelees, while overall enjoyable, had a lot of letdowns for me. The biggest letdown was the conjuring turns. Paul is fucking incredible at turns, but they didn’t let him do many! He did like 6 to 9? AND THE MUSIC WAS CHANGED. I can’t tell you how obsessed I am with the conjuring turn theme and that’s actually one of the things about 98 that makes me sad, because it was cut. I thought I was finally gonna get to see that moment, and then it didn’t happen. A lot of his solo choreo got changed and severely downgraded. It was more like a contemporary magic show. Which, showing him doing more magic is fine, but no explosions? No big gay ribbon? WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THAT FROM ME, especially in favor of strange, almost possession like movements from him attempting to do magic? He makes Cassandra’s fur glow in different colors like his own, which is fun, but I’m not afraid to say I miss the explosions. However on “produced seven kittens right out of a hat,” they take a giant sheet and run it up and down the stage while several cats hide beneath it, and that was very cute! I liked that a lot.
Old Deut did not reappear under a sheet. There was no drumroll or anything like that. Instead, Misto caught bits of light and handed them to the other cats. They all combined their lights in the center and stepped back to reveal Old Deut. Without the drumroll build up I didn’t see it coming and it took me a second to register what had happened. Does it work? Yes. Which one do I like better? I’m not sure. Probably the 98 one though. Criticisms aside it was fun to watch and I led the cheers for the brief turns, and you could feel Paul’s joy while performing, and that was wonderful to see. Goes without saying ofc Zach does a wonderful job singing, and Misto sings about himself too! They work well together. Misto gets that iconic leap-into-your-arms hugs with Deut and that made me very happy.
Daylight is unchanged from the 98 version and that’s that. I’m thankful for it. There’s not much to say besides that lol. Seeing all the cats turn their backs on Griz as she walks in too is always sad, and being in the audience makes it really feel like you’re all Griz has left. I’d say overall during the show Nickustrap was far more curt to Griz than the 98 one, but not aggressive or disrespectful by any means. I forgot to mention it but during the Memory prelude I believe he literally gestured to her and gestured to the edge of the junkyard, telling her to leave, and then refused to look at her. I think the motion was a little on the nose, but I guess for people that don’t understand the story, I can see why they added an obvious moment like that.
ANYWAY,
Memory is Memory. Thankfully, it’s pretty hard to fuck up. Sitting right there the second night made it unforgettable!! I cried. I knew I would. It’s pretty hard not to cry haha. Seeing it in person really makes it feel real. You wish you could touch her yourself. It’s amazing.
From here to the end, the show is pretty much exactly like the 98 version, which had me ALL up in my feelings jesus christ. It really felt like you were in there and watching it all at the same time.
Journey to the Heaviside Layer makes me cry very often, it squeezes my heart so tight. It happens just like in the movie. She walks around getting touched by the tribe members, and Munk leads her to Old Deut, and they walk up on the tire. Literally about to cry again writing this, but when I tell you my heart shattered in the right way when the tire started rising up and the smoke came out beneath it.... The staircase came from the left side instead of the right like in the movie so I missed it the first time, looking in the wrong direction HAHA but it was there!!! And there she went, and a piece of my heart went with her. Amazing.
Ad-dressing of Cats makes me make the saddest little screwed up emotional expression on a good day and makes me full on sob on a bad day. So I knew it would sucker punch me AND IT DID. There’s really not much else to say about it. From the time it started to the time it ended with that iconic last note I was so far gone lol. It was perfect. It was home.
So overall I still prefer 98. 98 is my home. It’s My Junkyard. It’s my heart. But this is a Junkyard I will gladly visit again given the opportunity. Despite the clunky choreo and occasional weird pacing, it’s enjoyable. I still hate the makeup. I can admit it’s not quite so horrendous when you’re far away, but I still don’t enjoy the designs. I just don’t. The downgrade in costume quality isn’t as noticeable on stage either thanks to the dynamic lighting, but it still bothers me because the performers deserve better. But whatever. I think seeing it live definitely elevates this production. I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed this production nearly as much if I just watched it on youtube or something. I def wish I could see it a few more times, just to get more familiar with the details, and ofc the experience of seeing Cats live is wonderful, but this didn’t really change anything for me. I still have My Junkyard lol. However it reinvigorated my enthusiasm (which wasn’t even lacking to begin with) so rip to everyone but I will go back to watching 98 at least once a week. I deserve it.
Anyway if you have any questions about either acts or my experience in general, feel free to ask. If you made it this far good job.
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Content Warning: Death in childbirth, transphobia
Gone.
"I'm sorry I left you with such a burden. Your life is a miracle, and if you're reading this, it was one I never got to witness. I have so much I want to say to you. So much I want you to know. The thought alone for me is painful. I'm sorry."
Olive sat on the bench on the front porch, and their uncle brought them out a cup of tea. A wagtail flew down, poked at the grass growing through the cracks in the bricks, and then flew off again as Olive sipped.
"So... yeah," Olive said, "I want to know about my mother."
It was the 40's. I was in Sweden, I was on my way to see a doctor who said he could help me. The laws had only recently been changed, and I'd been on a waiting list for far too long. I had some trouble getting around; I always wanted to go, but I never learned the language. I mean, I tried learning Japanese once, and god damn was the Kanji difficult. But yeah, I went in and they told me they could do it, and I cried, I cried for days I was so happy. Sorry this isn't very informative. I'd hoped to tell you in person, but I was always a rambler anyway so I hope this catches some of that energy.
"We didn't hang out a lot. She was a bit of a shut-in, you know, she was basically teetotal, she never drank, she never smoked, she didn't even like coffee or tea that much. I don't know if there's much to tell."
Olive nodded, "She wrote me about that. She said she didn't like the thought of things that altered her mental state. That she needed a bit of control."
Olive's uncle laughed, "God, she was too much like mum. That's not a good thing, by the way... Don't talk to your grandma."
"She said that too. Though she said it's because she'd be a jerk."
"Yeah, that's mum for you."
It was all over the news, the entire planet was outraged. The religious crowd really had it out for me, we'd get protests every day. Calling me a sinner, calling me a crime against god. I wasn't religious. Don't be religious. I mean, you can be if you want, I'm not going to stop you, I support whatever decisions you make, but throughout my life I've seen no reason to believe in a higher power. Well, except maybe you, though, and I'm gonna be totally clear with you here, if you turn out to be some arsehole who goes around spreading hate all the time, I will disown you from the grave. Be better than that. Learn all the angles, don't rush in, figure people out. Then, when you're good and ready, don't make accusations, don't make assumptions, make deductions and keep them to yourself until they matter. Let them change with new information. Don't... I'm rambling again aren't I. The church wanted me dead. Mum wanted me... well, she wanted you dead, she stayed bitter. Don't talk to mum.
Olive put their tea down by their foot.
"Do you think she'd like me?"
Their uncle sighed.
"I think she'd find you annoying. Every time I visit you, you do something that would make her cringe. You love dogs, you love the zoo, you hate cats. You put tomato sauce on everything, you hug people after you paint, you play shrill, loud instruments in the morning, and you like sophisticated dramas she'd never watch."
Olive bowed their head, "Oh..."
"She'd love you. She'd fucking adore you. She would make you her entire world and then some. I think she proved that when she had you. Trans women don't just give birth, you know. It still rarely happens today."
I think Elon Musk tweeted about me. He was some shithead, you don't have to worry about him -- don't look him up he's gross -- but he was like some famous billionaire transphobic piece of crap. I got so many phone calls from mum being like "you're going to die, I don't want my baby to die, I don't want you to do this"... She deadnamed me in all of them. I'd been on estrogen twenty odd years. I'd known who I was even longer. I don't even know how she got my number. But, yeah. I want you to be happy. I don't want that for you. I can't guarantee it, but I want you in a place where you can grow into yourself. It's gonna take a long time for the world to change. If you end up any flavour of trans, things are gonna be especially difficult. I don't want to put you in danger but I have just by existing. I'm really sorry for that.
Olive gathered the mugs and headed back inside with their uncle.
"I feel like every time I read what she wrote, I don't really learn much about her," They said, "Thanks. This has been kind of helpful."
Their uncle laughed, "I barely knew anything. We just bonded over cartoons and video games. She'd be proud of you though."
"What, because I was non-binary?"
"No, idiot, she'd be proud of you for living your life."
Olive smiled.
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Your Fish Died on Tuesday
This isn't the way I thought id start writing to you, but here we are... you're 4 years old now, and your beta fish died.. you called (FaceTimed) me from your dads house, totally distraught. I'd spent all day supporting M and his best friends through the death of one of their best friends. I was surrounded by pain all day, by the immeasurable weight of grief for those around me. Your dad giggled a bit through your despair over your dead beta fish, my heart broke for you...when I see you in pain, I often think Im not built for motherhood. I understand why parents can chuckle a bit at a loss that's so small in the grand scheme of things but your pain, in any amount, can bring me to pieces. I understand that pain is part of life, I understand that it shapes us as humans and that being human is beautiful and yet.., I struggle to cope with your humanness. When you cried it was the same as the cries of everyone around me that day..struggling to grasp the "WHY" of his death, and understanding the permanence of it. You're 4 years old now... and you've already experienced the loss of your great grandmother, your grandfather, your dog and your cat but this fish... it was the first time I could tell you understood that being dead meant he was really gone. Your dad flushed your fish down the toilet,.. I wish he wouldn't have. I wish i'd had the opportunity to put him in a box for you, and bury him.. because to you, he was as precious as any other living being..I should have been there, I should have been able to hold you, and tell you I know it hurts right now, but the pain will change with time and it will be okay but I couldn't, I was miles away and id had a few beers at the celebration of life I'd just attended. I know to most it seemed like "just a fish" and I knew in the moment and I understand now that you'll be okay.. but I can't help but regret that I couldn't be there..I said the words and I did my best through video chat but it wasn't what it should've been.. and I guess that's what brings me here at 3:30am the day after your fish died. All of this to scream to the void that I'm struggling. Im struggling being away from you half of the time. Ive struggled with motherhood since the day you were born, it has been very tough for me at times as it is for most, yet being away from you half of the time goes against every fiber of my being. Coparenting feels like torture to me, many think I chose this but I hope someday you'll understand that walking away from your dad was the hardest and most painful decision of my life. We had the most beautiful life, it was hard at times like anyones life but it was beautiful and it felt like it was on the verge of blooming into the life we'd dreamt since we were teenagers. Due to what happened, I was left with very little choice, if any at all and while I know there's many that could never truly understand, I hope you grow to understand I made the choice I know is best for you, for all of us in the long run.
There's a lot I want to say, but given the circumstances of the last few days, before anything else I need to say these few things.
I love you
I love you more than I ever thought I could love another human being. Though I don't enjoy every moment of being a mom, I enjoy every moment of being YOUR mom because in any moment, good or bad, I get to be your mom and I am grateful for that...for however long I get to be your mom on this earth I am grateful, and when I exit this earth (hopefully before you (sorry that's going to hurt someday).. I will still be your mom. I will follow you through every lifetime as I believe I already have. When I shed this body, my spirit will follow you and I will do everything I can to radiate love from the other side so you know, I'm always here. Hold space and energy for me, okay?
Regarding what happened to your dad and I's relationship...because eventually you will find out, if you haven't already. The greatest comfort in my suffering, is that it allowed your dad to be free.. and for that I am grateful.
I know my writing may be scattered, as my thoughts often are (you'll learn as you grow up lol) but I hope you're able to make sense of it eventually.
Love,
Mom
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I just assumed you were taking a break from talking.. Since I never do expect anyone to reply right away, or replying back as often either, so I thought you just wanted a break to do other things for yourself. And that is fine too. I never rush people into replying back every time at all either. The only reasons why I reply back right away is either so I don't forget to reply, or because I actually have energy to reply to someone. But depression is completely different because I probably won't reply, at least until after the depression is over. And being an introvert, I'm a person who is always social either. So it depends on how social I am.
~
You would think our devices would be used to how we spell the words by now. Like names. I know that I'm spelling the names right but then autocorrect keeps changing the names. Or the curse words. Dick and fuck are always changed to duck, cunt is can't, twat is that, shit is sit.. And basically so many other words get changed too. My device really should be used to my words, my cursing, and every other words too.
Spellcheck is one thing, but autocorrect is completely different for us just because spellcheck tells you the word is spelled wrong. And then autocorrect just changes the word without you realizing it lot of times as it is. That shouldn't really annoy me. But it completely annoys me.
~
Ironic how I have mixed feelings about snakes, yet I have two - maybe three - original characters with snakes as their animal motifs though.
Then I might not mind seeing pictures of animals then, it you actually wanted to send some pictures anyway. That's entirely up to you when it comes to that. I'm only just against any violent pictures of animals.
I know Japan has beetles. At least I see a lot of beetles in shows, even movies - including anime and manga - in Japanese cultures. But I am too knowledgeable about animals and insects that I can't comment.. I knew they had beetles though. But just different beetles in Australia.
The simple fact that grubs looks like maggots is skeeving me out.
~
Yes. Only High&Low characters at the moment... Watching any horror genres, I realized there are a lot of female characters who do have the witchy styled aesthetic. Amongst some people I know personally too.
And... y'know... Talking about superstitions, like black cats, even really made me think of witches. Which made me think of the witchy styles.
So that wasn't a random question. At least not for me anyway.
Rocky is definitely open minded to every type of woman, he's not one to discriminate against women. Nothing against looks, personality, or style. So I feel like Rocky might be excluded from certain questions.
I keep imagining women having a more edgy style to their look, when it comes to Cobra and Hyuga. And maybe the Amamiya brothers too. And maybe the Mugen guys now that I think about it. But.. Any styles from witchy, punk, biker and maybe even goth for some of these men might work. Unless they're into the cute preppy or tomboy type girls.
~
I have just about every season where I live. And even though we really have every season... I can see that our seasons are too bad compared to other states and even countries too. Like our winters, are never like in Alaska. Our summers can be really hot, but nowhere near humid as it is in other areas. Like with how humid the weather is in Arizona too.
So our weather can be extreme but never that extreme either... Which I am grateful for. If it's too hot or too cold, then I just stay in the house as it is. Simple as that. You've never experienced snow? You may even hate blizzards. We've had a few blizzards last year, a few feet of snow.
I never left my house. When it comes to stormy weather.. I would stay in my house, wrapped up in blankets, possibly snacks if I'm hungry in that moment while binge watching shows or movies. And sometimes my dog may join me to, if she is actually being affectionate enough to be cuddling with me. So she's only affectionate when she wants to be with other people. Oh! And candles too. It's very atmospheric for me.
So the season of autumn is different becoming cooler weathers now.
~
I don't think that I've ever tried dating sites? Or apps? Not that I could think of. I rarely ever have pictures of myself on any accounts... Either because there is rarely any decent pictures of me when I take selfies - since I'm not that good with selfie pictures, or because pictures that's been taken by someone else is always a horrible picture of me that I'd deliberately see online. I have to complain until they actually delete all pictures of me. It's not a joke. I hate when people take pictures of me.
And conversation is also another problem of mine.. I rarely start some conversations with people, I hate small talk - I prefer the conversation (about common things) over small talk. I have no interest in small talk at all. And if I have no interesting in talking, I would never reply back.
So there's that.
At least some people know you're out? So that's a start... I am no help with this. So I can't comment. At least some people know about you.
~
I have so many mixed feelings about my family, including my parents, and.. If I am being honest... I feel like most of my feelings are negative than positive. I'm a very resentful person. I admit that. Especially with my mother of all people. I have mixed feelings for her as it is. Like I do know she does everything to and for me because she cares about me in her own demented way. I know she was abused as a child so I have known that is her reason for being overly protective over me. And the reason why she rarely ever lets me leave the house on my own either, which is also another reason why I rarely bother leaving the house for myself anyway. I'm a grown woman who is still treated like a child just because of my size. I feel like she is the reason why I don't have a very normal life in the sense of having friends, dating, and anything else in this situation. If you read The Devouring Mother archetype. That's the actual definition of my mother. My mother and I are opposites in a lot of ways, in any and every way known to people who actually know us.
So my experience with my mother is kind of similar to your own too.
My mother never wants to let me leave the house, so I doubt that she would ever let me leave the country alone. And from what she did see of the movie Hostile.. She is afraid that would happen to me. Which is another reason why she's very protective of me. A smothering mother is the type of mother she is. I blame her for not having a normal life.
And besides... I think the other reason is because if I attempted going to another country. Besides money. Is that the countries I would want to visit, I might have to learn their language to communicate with any people there. And I also heard they're not always so kind to foreigners either. Depending on where you travel. And even different rules, laws, and regulations in every country as it is so I could be worried about it.
Don't forget tourist traps in some countries too.
I have been to some amusement parks in my life, not including pricey places like Disneyland. It's noisy, it's crowded. So much of everything.
Personally I think amusement parks are overrated in my opinion.
~
Okay. So I hate mentioning anything considered political.. I'm not one to mention it because the reason why I'm social media is to avoid any politics to the best of my ability. I use my exist reality, just not relive it either. But one pet peeve I have is that I follow celebrities... And this is not about their political opinions. Not at all. So if I celebrity is actually posting online (pictures that has nothing to do with politics in no way at all), then why the fuck do people political comments. And this is so the main reason why I never read comments including the other main being too many arguments and stupid commentary in the comments too. Another reason why I can not ever tolerate opinions from people.
~
Oh! You did say that before. But yeah.. You'll find out if there might be one season, depending on the finale. You'll find out in a couple weeks.
And you'll have Squid Games coming up in a few weeks.. So there is a chance you might end up seeing more of him. Unless he dies though.
Really? I liked It Follows. That was just one of the better movies I have seen in a while.. And horror movies have become so disappointing for me now. Smile was the most recent horror movie that I actually liked.
There might be more. But I can't think of any more shows and movies at the moment.. I just woke up so my mind isn't actually thinking yet.
The Terrifier was okay.. Just okay. I really feel like people overly hyped the movies. Those movies were actually more gross than scary to me.
So ew.
And exactly! Despite not every Saw movie having the best plot, they'll make an attempt to have a plot in some way or another. If they're able to. But I don't remember past the third movie since I really only watch the first three movies, I've never actually liked the movies after that.
You need to watch more anime. If you do watch more anime, I may be able to recommend some series to you. But it depends on everything.
I love Death Note, Deadman Wonderland and Kakegurui. And... Based who I am. If you ever combine the personalities and mannerisms of L, Near with the height and style of Misa. Then that's me! Even though I know it was never explicitly stated, L and Near are completely perfect examples of autism. At least for me. And! I'm not saying that because they are popular characters either (since people seem to assume that about me). But that might give you some perceptive on having one of my characters being autistic. If and when I actually write my stories.
I might have even watched one or two episodes of Shiki, but that was a lot time ago that I can't comment on that series. So no comments.
I heard of Corpse Party. I never watched the anime, and I think there's even a video game too? I never watched, played, or anything with this series. So I can't comment about this show either. So there's that too.
I know of Zom100. I've only see the trailers for both versions but I just haven't watched it yet. Maybe I will. But no promises about it though.
I don't think that I've ever heard of Happy Sugar Life, Darwin's Game, High Rise Invasion or Vampire In The Garden. No comments over any of these series either. And I would've recommended Tokyo Ghoul. But the anime doesn't live up to the manga though, they leave some plots out of the anime. So it's like this watered down version of the manga.
But I will really recommend Hellsing: Ultimate if you haven't seen it.. It is one of my favorite Dracula series. If you're interested, that's a series for you. Oh! And one of my favorite underrated series is Red Garden if you never watched it. If you do decide to watch it, I'd recommend you watching in English (since I don't know your language preferences for anime) since the series takes place in New York. Actually... I've always wanted to write a story with a similar concept of Red Garden, but just not sure for which fandom if it would be for another fandom. Anyway.
- 💋
i do a lot of writing on my ipad and even on there, autocorrect is messing with me. like, by this point, it should recognise the capitalisation of specific names that i’ve typed a hundred times. at least i’ve finally gotten in the habit of editing my fics, but there’s so many older ones with minor little autocorrect mistakes. bleugh.
~
i can see the mental line from superstitions to black cats to witches. my brain works like that too. just connecting two things that might not seem related until all the little bits are laid out.
i think a witchy style would really fit against rocky. like both of them having very, clear defined styles and aesthetics. also the obvious ‘opposite’s attract, yin yang, black and white’ thing.
i think it depends in the kind of aesthetic you’re working for the ship. like i can see cobra and hyuga being into punk-y, ‘baddass’ chic, tomboy-ish styled girls for a duo kickass couple. but i can also see them liking cuter styled girls, for the opposite’s dynamic. i think yui is a lil bit of a mix of both, she’s got a pretty mixed style but has some ‘cuter’ personality aspects, like her collection of cute stuffs.
~
it’s too hot for snow in the northern parts of australia. i think maybe tasmania gets some snow but idk. i think there’s snow in canberra?
~
i haven’t heard anything about a second season so it might just be limited series, one and done. but so long as i get my ha joon content, it’s all good. i might end up rewatching midnight actually. for halloween!
he was supposed to have died in the first season, but apparently that might not be so. he got shot in the shoulder by his brother and fell into the ocean, but his fate was left ambiguous.
i just thought it was a bit boring. i haven’t seen it in a while, but i was just kinda. bored with. i like the lead actress tho, she’s pretty. have you seen revenge, the movie from 2017?
i’d started watching death note with my brother back in the early 00s, but we’d never ended up getting very far in it. it was back when blockbusters (aa video rental shops, i do miss u) were still around.
corpse party was a game first iirc, and then the anime was based on it. i remember watching a playthrough of the game back years ago. it was like one of The games that got me into indie horror rpgs. both the game and anime are pretty gory, but entertaining. apparently there’s a couple live action movies but i havent seen those.
darwin’s game, high rise invasion, and vampire in the garden are all on netflix. darwin’s game and high rise invasion are a bit like alice in borderland, in a death games survival type way. vampire in the garden is more dark fantasy as opposed to straight horror, but it’s very visually pretty. i don’t remember who recommended happy sugar life to me, but it’s a psych horror iirc?
red garden looks interesting, i’ll put it on my list! i usually prefer watching subbed anime, just because sometimes dubs are bad. but also one of my favourite childhood animes is digimon adventures so. i can’t talk that much crap on dubs ahshdjdl i’ll send you a vid of the digimon movie dub being What It Is. it’s so funny now, but i didn’t notice how weird it was when i was a kid. it explains everything about why my sense of humour is fucked.
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Brad and Mike; Bradley and Bria; and Rob and Phoenix were on a triple date. Bradley was having fun getting to know her friends. Mike and Phoenix teased Rob about being the only vegan among them. He shot back by calling them murderers for eating meat. They laughed. It had been a few months but Brad was back in Los Angeles. Bria was four months pregnant and was feeling a lot better since her morning sickness had subsided.
She also had more energy. They were hopefully going to find out the gender at her next appointment. Rob didn’t necessarily want kids since he liked his quiet time, but he was interested in her pregnancy. There was something so beautiful about a woman when she was pregnant. Her stomach was starting to show from behind her shirt. She bought maternity clothes to keep her comfortable.
They sat in the back of the restaurant, though they were still photographed together. It was annoying but there was nothing they could do about it. A little kid around four years old came over and asked her why her belly was so big. She told him she swallowed too many watermelon seeds. His mother looked so embarrassed and she apologized. She didn’t think it was a big deal. They left quickly with her pushing him away. They laughed because it was adorable!
Her stomach wasn’t that big but little kids had zero filters. That would be Mike and Brad’s kid in a few years. She joked that if they were anything like her, they’d be in trouble.
“You said it. Not us”, Rob said.
“Fuck you.”
“No, thank you. I’m content with the boyfriend I have.”
They laughed. After a few months of dating, he and Phoenix started calling each other their boyfriend. He made the decision not to come out as gay or bisexual because it wasn’t anyone’s business. The band respected that. Mike was bisexual while Phoenix was gay. Sexuality didn’t matter to them because they were brothers no matter what.
They weren’t planning for the future, as they were just wanting to live in the moment. Brad and Mike were planning on getting engaged in the future. Maybe in a year or two. Bria and Bradley were also talking about getting engaged in the same time frame. Were they going to have any future kids? Maybe. It had to be the right time. Mike, Phoenix, and Rob were surprised to hear she had changed her mind. She had been against having kids because of her childhood.
She didn’t want to repeat the same choice her mother did. Maybe being in a healthy relationship and being pregnant convinced her. How many kids? Just one or two. That was all they could keep up with. Bradley also wanted a couple of dogs. The only condition she had was that they had to be cat-friendly. He agreed to that. Phoenix was also thinking of getting a dog.
Either a Rottweiler or a Labradoodle. How was Misty? She was as wonderful as always. How old was she? She was two years old. Her favorite thing to do was to bring him her food bowl when she was hungry. She also loved acting like a big baby and pretending like she couldn’t climb the stairs, so he would carry her. That’s adorable! They laughed. They should have a play date sometime with the cats and Misty. How were the cats? Oh my god.
They were two teenagers. Sometimes they liked her and sometimes they didn’t notice her until they were hungry. She joked that Brad had competition for Mama’s affection.
“Who is stealing my girl”, he asked.
“Bradley.”
“She just likes me for some reason”, he said with a smile.
“I can handle you dating Bria but stealing my cat, that’s going too far!”
“We can go outside and you guys can duke it out”, Phoenix joked.
“Nah, Bria will kick my ass”, Brad said.
Yes, she would! While talking about first dates, they learned she preferred meeting at a restaurant. How come? It let her see who the person truly was. It was something she picked up while escorting. A guy would be nice to her but rude to the waitstaff, the valet or whoever he thought was beneath him. It was also in public, so she could have an escape if her date didn’t go well.
They thought about that. It made a lot of sense. She didn’t tolerate rudeness or entitlement. Could she have left if her date was inappropriate or disrespectful to her? Oh, yeah. She could report them to the website and they would investigate. Thankfully, the only bad dates she had were guys who loved talking about themselves a little too much. They wouldn’t let her talk at all, so she had to pretend to be interested in him for a few hours.
After paying their part of the bill, they got ready to face the paparazzi waiting for them outside. How did they know where they were? Someone called in a tip. Maybe someone from the restaurant or another diner. Bradley took her hand into his. The six of them went out to their cars with lights flashing from the cameras. They pretended they didn’t notice them.
Rob and Phoenix hugged her. They all said goodbye to each other before they went their separate ways. Bradley made sure the paparazzi gave her enough space because he was scared about them hurting her or the baby. Back off! They stepped back but continued taking pictures of them. Another set of paparazzi were taking pictures of Brad and Mike, as they got into Mike’s car and drove away. They finally had a picture of his secret boyfriend.
“Are you okay”, Bradley asked her.
“Yeah. Thanks for having my back.”
He took her hand and kissed it. Brad apologized to Mike. He didn’t take into account they would be there. Mike wasn’t angry or upset with him. They would have found out who he was eventually. Phoenix and Rob were able to get away without being photographed. They had sympathy for their friends having to be photographed by the paparazzi just because they were out in public. Bradley and Brad were just normal people. They weren’t celebrities to them. Not anymore.
They had the privilege of privacy. The pictures were public the next day. They showed them having an evening out as friends. When they got home, the cats were wanting attention. Meow. She sat down on the couch. Sitting on the floor was dangerous because she didn’t know if she could get back up. She couldn’t even bend over to pick them up.
Slash jumped up and went over to her. Hi, human. He rubbed his face against her belly while purring. There was a tiny human inside. He could sense it. She petted him and scratched his head. Even though she had fun, she was tired and just wanted to relax before bed. Bradley came over and sat down next to her. That gave Mama a reason to join her brother in getting attention. He laughed and petted her. Bria rested her head on his shoulder. This is what happiness felt like. He kissed her head, making her smile.
@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia
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pet death / animal death / alcoholism /disassociation i think tw, it's just a personal thing but i have to write it later and fix it I'm just emotional right now. i'm jjust rambling. I just can't sleep
It's negative
I'm at 1 hour and 45 mins at 24% and I don't have the photos on this
laptop, so I'll have to come back and add them in, but I'm crying a lot right now and I thought I should write it.
I don't know how to start it, so I'm just gonna say.
Today, as I was walking up the pathway to the front door, the black cat from across the street with the little white spot on his chest came towards me from the porch and my heart stuttered for a split second before it came crashing back on me that you're gone bc I rreally thought it was you. I keep feeling like it's going to be a mistake, there's going to be a moment suddenly where you show up meowing at me for breakfast or I'll wake up and you'll be behind my leg
And then the realization hits again that that's never going to happen again.
It's like the feeling I had when I first moved in here and I kept thinking when am I going home, when am I opening the garage or going upstairs, or closing the window in the living room. I haven't lost the feeling, yet, but I don't think of that place as home anymore so eventually I know I won't expect to see you anymore.
I feel so selfish and when I was telling Nahaci about it because I was thinking for a couple minutes that maybe I could adopt the puppy she's trying to get rid of and instead of getting another cat, we would just have three dogs, I could tell she was unimpressed by me. She's feels pity but even if dad would allow the dog and the puppy wasn't going to grow up to be too big for me to handle or it wasn't going to be way too much energy to keep such active dogs mentally/physically stimulated, she wouldn't let me have her especially after hearing about you. I've had some sympathetic responses tell me I can't blame myself, so it was kind of surprising when she asked 'You're going to get another cat?' the way she did and it makes me not want to tell her anything, and makes me feel a little petty.
I really don't want another cat, though, I want to go back to when I was deciding I was going to leave you and Lady at the house with mom and change my mind. I could have said something like it would make the trip easier if I had one animal...... Ultimately it was one animal
But I was thinking of taking Lady because I didn't really trust her not to let her get out into the street if she got drunk one night and the gate didn't latch or something.. but I decided it was going to be 2 days and i would trust her for at least those two days. I left you with mom because she wanted to see you and she wouldn't get the chance for a long while after, but now what is it.
Now she gets the chance too often and it's like making her step on glass, the knowledge that the trip took you away is always going to be there, no matter how much I try to reassure her I dont blame her for it happening
I don't know what she tells you and I don't know what she felt towards you before and after. She had to see you in the worst state because I couldn't look at you and remember you that way. I still wouldn't want to and I couldn't but maybe if I had seen what happened I wouldn't have this strong feeling that you're here or you're going to be sleeping on my car, curled up on the chair, padding across the patio in the backyard. if I hadn't seen you unbroken the last time before she woke me up telling me you were dead, that she thought it must have been instantaneous bc of t he condition of your skull
But I felt like I was unraveling and I deserved it and I had failed the most basic fucking requirement as a pet owner, and I did fail. I got some responses, but the time inbetween what was said and what I was rambling about I was sure that there was no way.
Most of my overly emotional or lonely or broken things aren't important to anyone, I can't share a lot of it with my sisters because they're in the same boat and I don't want to hurt them with my negative feelings but whatever crying I might have done while I was holding you if you were still here, I didn't tell you all this so I don't know why I'm rambling so much
Maybe if I had taken my meds while I was down there I would have reacted more quickly to the idea that I needed to bring you in the house and set you up back upstairs, it really seemed like the balding was coming back so if you had gotten sick it would have been something you should be in the house for anyways
I can think of a lot of maybe scenarios but none of those matter
I took for granted you were going to be okay and this entire post is just a jumple of fucking.. emotional scribbling so I need to redo it because this isn't good enough but I'm writing it so I'll write it and then think of something more polished and heartfelt to remember you by
I'm just emotinal all of a sudden and thinking about you being here and how you first came up to me in the snow and then kept coming by the house and I don't know I don't think that. If we hadn't ultimately brought you into the house I'm sure you would have died sooner. You and that little black and white cat that I thought might be from the same litter as you would have ended up freezing or getting eaten or getting hit by a car... months before it happened. I thought once I got back I would see the little orange cat but the only one I see is the black cat and I wonder if he was a stray and got hurt, too
I think I prolongued your life but I don't know, you had lived months and months before we moved in and you were fed by everyone
I hate that couple that abandoned you to the streets because I think maybe if they had taken you with them you would still be alive and I wouldn't know any of this
Sarah doesn't know still
Neither does her neighbor who knew you as Richard
Your old owner who was so happy you weren't so shy anymore will never know either, but the other two or at least Sarah have to know eventually and I'm scared because I feel like I took a cat that didn't belong to me that was theirs and didn't protect him
I think of all the things I did while I was down there that were so complacent and lackluster and wonder if I even cared until you got hit
I still really want you here. I stillreally want a cat here, I feel like I need a cat, I emotionally need a cat, I love Lady and Hazel, but it's not the same, but I can't get a cat because all I really want is you and I know if I get a cat I will still just think about you, I will see that cat and think 'But where is Fancy' whether it's just the expectation or an actual thought, so I'm not ready for it, but I really do need a cat. I want to wait, I want to make sure I'm not still expecting you or time has helped me a little bit, but
I never failed as badly with any animal as I have with you and I wish you were here with me. Even if all that happened was you ran away and found another family, it would be better. If you vanished and I constantly called mom, even when she was as obnoxiously drunnk as she has been getting, just to see if she might have seen you or you had come back because you ran away when I was in Oregon, it would be fine. Knowing exactly what happend and knowing where you're buried and knowing you're never going to be with me again
Why can't you come back, I'm going to sound like a toddler and ask that
There should be something
I can't even handle this much, I'm pathetic but you never should have been made to suffer such a terrible pet ownere why didn't I just make sure you were in for the night at the very least I don't know when it happene maybe you would have been okay, maybe it was that fucking monster that likes to speed through at 2 in the morning and you would have been okay if you hadn't been outside
mom thinks it was a construction truck and because of that i hate the construction site now. whatever work they do around the area i'm always going to remember it might have been one of their fucking trucks
I'm really floating now so I have to stop because I can'tell my hands are attached to my body
#it's very negative#if you read more it's kind of do you like the color of the sky but i'm crying and i miss my cat
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On the Road Again
- north to Tomatin, Scrabster and Orkney (23rd and 24th June)
It was in the last week of my previous trip that I contemplated, not for the first time, quitting the rental on my Lake District cottage and moving into the van full-time.
I thought, as on previous occasions, that I would change my mind on getting ‘home’, but this time that didn’t happen. The idea just grew. I could see only pluses, and had a sharp retort for any minus that arose..
Here (in the photo below) was ‘home’… Roja and I in the Lowther river as all swelter in the recent heatwave, enjoyed only it seemed, by the many biting flies..
It will be missed, but there are other wonderful places, many of which I haven’t discovered yet.
I have so many places I want to go. On getting ‘home’ so much of my time is spent planning the next course, counting down the days until it arrives.
It seemed pointless paying rent, council tax, and services 12 months a year to live there for just 5, which has been the case in the last two years, and would have been less this year.
The energy I used is almost completely from the sun, only in the winter months do I have any need for the grid.
The backdrops to daily life are almost always spectacular.
I will quite contentedly spend many days with only Roja for company, and the various birds and beasts of the locale, though the occasional people I meet usually provide a worthwhile distraction.
A writer from one of my favourite publisher’s, Tartarus from Sheffield, inspired me with his words when he himself gave reason for moving on.. ‘to live more widely’.
The only minuses that concerned me were that it might be a struggle another rental place such as the one I had. But the more I thought about this, the more I will relish the challenge. I have no idea where that will be anyway at the moment.
Life in the van will have a shelf-life, but at the moment I can’t say whether that will be 2 years or more. At the moment, I just see it as another gap-year, my fourth.
I expect to look for short term rental for three months in the winter.
My cottage was so small that it wasn’t really possible to pack anything up until the lock-up I had rented became available. So, in the course of the last week, I boxed stuff up, binned quite a bit of it and felt good about it, and moved it into the lock-up just off the A66 by Dacre. For the bigger items, I had help for which I am very grateful. That was a hectic Thursday, the first busy day I’ve had for a few years.
Friday morning I was away, starting with a last trip, for now, to the lock-up, a coffee with my mum in Carlisle, and then an uninterrupted journey up to Tomatin.
I hadn’t expected much in terms of a stopover. I looked first at the Distillery overflow car park, but it wasn’t suitable; wrongly titled as it was tiny, sloping and litter-ridden. I headed out on the small and rarely used road into the valley of the River Findhorn. There was a place marked on Park4Night, and a Dutch van already in it. I had a chat with the sole woman owner, who had a dog and cat with her, and we got on well. She too, was considering living in her van, and on her way back home to resign from her job.
Though the place was remote, quiet and scenic, it was dirty, with lots of evidence of toilet waste. I moved about a hundred metres back along the road after an exploratory dog walk, where it was a bit higher up, with a good breeze. I expected midges, but they never came. It was a great place, and a real bonus as I had expected much less.
For much of the night it rained heavily, but the morning was clear, and perfect for Roja to base himself outside as has become his habit, me to finish my book and take coffee, my habits, then head out for a couple of hours wander.
There is a new wind farm nearby, but new deer fences and new locked gates which made access to the route I had planned impossible. Tracks that had been used by mountain bikers and hikers a few years ago were now closed. In Europe I have seen the opposite happen, the construction of the farms has meant new tracks which after construction were then opened to riders and walkers.
Nonetheless we found some good country to walk.
From there it was just 20 miles into Inverness, and a quick Tesco visit. Then onwards and northwards to Scrabster up the A9, all of which was very smooth going.
Flash-backs kept coming to me on the northerly section of the road, after Dingwall. We cycled this in the year 2000 as part of a relay team non-stop Land’s End to John O’Groats attempt. It was a group of about fifteen 14 to 17 year olds from King Edward Lytham. By this stage the team that was resting had become very difficult to wake. We took just over 4 days (100 hours) to complete just over 1000 miles, and chances to sleep were rare, and very brief when they did happen. I recall the van driving at 4 mph alongside a newly woken cyclist pouring strong coffee down them as they rode and I drove, and Dylan blaring, One More Cup Of Coffee Before I Go..
I was into Scrabster just after 4 pm and wanted to head out on the footpath just next to the ferry terminal to Holborn Head, and its lighthouse. The previous time I was here, May 2021, I had no time to do it.
It’s just a half hour hike to the cliffs at the Head, and well worth the slight effort. I sat chatting to two women there for a while. One, a Thurso resident all her life, was being visited by her school friend who now lived in Virginia. The last time they had been at this spot they were 14 and skipping school, with cans of cider, sat with legs over the cliff edge. Today all three of us were ten metres further back throughout.
They’ve had very little rain here for the last two months, as we have in the north of England. It was 26C in Scrabster at 4 pm, humid, with thunder clouds building, hardly average conditions for the time of year.
It’s a 90 minute ferry to Stromness, skirting the spectacular cliffs of Hoy and passing the Old Man in the evening sun. The ferry docked on time at 8:30 pm, and twenty minutes later I was on Skaill Beach. There are several such beaches adjacent to small roads on Orkney mainland that make idyllic stop-overs. There were two other vans there, but each more than fifty metres away. Though it had been warm here also, it was pleasantly cool in the late evening sun, with a magnificent sunset, just after 10:15 pm.
I had my second of three frozen meals from my old freezer, a Malaysian Rendang curry cooked a couple of weeks ago as the daylight slowly faded and midges failed to appear. It wasn’t dark properly until after 11:30 pm.
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