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#he lived without knowing love its so fucked up
milla-frenchy · 16 hours
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7 AM
0k8 | Joel Miller x fem reader | ao3 Summary: Joel fucks you by the window, some guy watches you Warnings: 18+ mdni. Exhibitionism, rough sex, dirty talk, piv, creampie. Mention of somnophilia. Reader’s hair can be pulled.  No age specified, no outbreak a/n: same couple as 5 days and 3 hours, but can be read alone @aurorawritestoescape thank you for beta reading 💕🫶 Gif in the mood board by @pedropascalsx 🙏
Masterlist
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The sun's rays woke you up early, too early for a Sunday. You contemplated going back to sleep, before glancing at Joel. He was snoring softly, lying on his stomach, one leg slightly bent, his face turned towards you. You looked over him, from his tousled curls to his bare back. His arm was hugging the pillow, the sheets were tangled just below his ass. He’d gone out with friends the night before, and had fallen asleep wearing his gray sweatpants.
It was one of the rare nights when he didn’t fuck you before you two went to bed or while you were asleep.
You smiled looking at him and decided to let him rest. You got up and left the bedroom, closing the door behind you. After making yourself some coffee you went to the living room. It  was bathed in light. You walked to the window and saw a few people who were already jogging outside. You put your coffee on the windowsill, waiting for it to cool off.
You felt Joel behind you before you heard him, right before he placed his hands on your hips.
“What are you doin’ here, sweetheart?” he asked, his mustache brushing against your ear.
He pressed his crotch against you before you even had time to respond. His morning wood found its place against the crease of your ass, leaving you breathless.
“Mmm?”, he insisted, leaning more against you.
“I…didn’t wanna wake you up.”
“Is that right?”
You felt him pull down his sweatpants, just below his balls. His hard cock sprang free towards the ceiling before he slid it between your thighs with a firm hand on his shaft. He pushed your panties to the side, and grabbed your breasts under his large t-shirt.
“Mmmm…you smell like me”, he murmured.
“Joel…people could see us.”
“Yeah? Shoulda think about it earlier, sweetheart.”
He pressed on your back to bend you further towards the window, and nestled his cock at your entrance. You held your breath. You always loved it when he fucked you without preparation, whether with his fingers or his tongue. The painful second when he thrust in always gave way to long minutes of pleasure when you  forgot about everything, except for his shaft ruining your pussy.
When he pushed in, you let out a soft “fuck” biting your lip.
“Yeah, take it, just like that. Good girl.”
He bottomed out, growling, his hands tight on your hips and his gaze down on your ass.
“Shit, this pussy’s barely wet. Poor baby...must be harsh to take this big cock without me spreading you first.”
His pace was slow, but so powerful, that your forehead hit the window each time his cock sank between your folds. He grabbed your hair when you didn’t respond, pulling your head back.
“So cockdumb, when I fuck you raw like that. That’s what you wanted, when you woke up?”
He kissed your neck before nibbling on it, pulling you back against his chest. His hand left your hair to grab a breast and he picked up the pace, thrusting in faster. Then he bent you forward again, making your forehead hit the window, one hand firmly gripping your shoulder for leverage. A jogger passing the house glanced up at your window and slowed down when he saw you.
“Joel!!”
But he neither stopped nor slowed down. He pressed down on the back of your neck, holding you against the window, chasing his orgasm. The stranger was almost walking at that point, watching you two. You slipped your hand into your panties, desperately twirling your clit under your finger.
“Fuck…you’re gonna get off while some guy’s watching you being pounded? Oh, baby…didn’t know you were such a bad girl.”
You couldn’t help but look at the man, now standing in front of the house. There was a smile on your face when the orgasm hit you, your pussy clenching on Joel’s cock. He stopped, buried deep inside your core as his cum spurted over your walls. His eyes were fixed on the man, still watching you.
“Damn it, Joel…”
Once your pussy stopped milking his cock, he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him, tucking his member back into his sweatpants with the other hand.
“What are you doing?”
“You’re gonna ride my face, right now, in bed. And this time you're gonna cum without looking at a damn stranger. Bet he’s gonna jack off when he’ll get home, thinking about this pussy he can’t have.”
You looked out the window one last time. The man readjusted himself before continuing his run.
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Same couple : 5 days and 3 hours
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Thank you for reading 🙏
Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️
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@pascalsanctuary @littlemisspascal @survivingandenduring
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hazz-a-bear · 20 hours
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LATE NIGHT TALKING, wen junhui
♡⸝⸝ Jun would go through all his practices, his schedules and all the draining busyness of his life ten more times if, at the end of the day, it meant he could still curl into your arms and melt into a bliss of comfort, spilt-tea and a whole lot of shit-talking.
.ᐟ fluff. like no angst this time, i promise. just jun and reader engaging in sleepy late-night talking. jun is the best person to share tea with, change my mind. sugar daddy black card owner woozi makes an appearance (this should be a earning of its own) mention of some sexual activities. some seungcheol slander but we love him. also seokmin being a clumsy little ball of sunshine.
a/n - finally finished a fluffy jun fic because I keep giving him hell in all my other drabbles. took me so long to finish but so so worth it! please give me some feedback <3
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"We should really go to sleep, baby. We have to get up early tomorrow, remember?"
You groan when Junhui reminds you, for the nth time that night, about how you're supposed to wake up at ass crack of dawn tomorrow to go to work.
"Do not even, Jun. I feel a migraine coming when I even think about it" You complain from where you're laying on your stomach, arms spread out and one cheek pressed against the mattress. You watch as Jun laughs next to you with his eyes crinkling and all. He turns his head your way, looking at you with his familiar starry eyes.
"But really, love" He says, bringing up a hand to brush against the back of your head. His arm is bent at a weird angle since he's laying on his back but it doesn't stop him from stroking the back of your head, knuckles comforting running along your hair in an attempt to soothe you down. "I have to leave early too. Rehearsal is starting at 7.00"
"Jun, Noo" You whine, the idea of the two of you two parting for the day annoying you. "Why do you have to go early?"
Jun laughs again as you roll onto your back, ending up half on top of him in the process. Instead of pushing you away, Jun let you sprawl out on top of him without a complaint. You're spread over him, possibly suffocating him, when one of his hands comes up to slither around your stomach. Silently, you let Jun manoeuvre you into the spot right next to him, body curling in on him once you're safely tucked to his side.
"I know, baby, I know. I wish I could stay with you too. I hate going to practices and not seeing you every day"
"Woah" You smile with faux astonishment, looking up at Junhui. "Can you say- here let me get my phone. Can you say that again, Jun. I bet Seungcheol would love to hear that"
Jun watches you with amusement as you reach over him towards the nightstand, where your phone lies. But before you can pick up the device, he's pulling you down on top of him with a fond giggle.
"Oh, you're so eager to get me fired, hm? Is that it? Is that it, baby?"
You push your face into his t-shirt as Jun wraps his arms around you, almost suffocating you as he tries to annoy you with his best baby voice. He continues to coddle you, pulling you more into him and burying his face in your hair while trying to jostle you in his hold.
"Now, now, we can't have that, can we? Who's gonna pay off my Amazon wishlist if you lose your job?" You laugh trying to get out of his grip. "We absolutely can't have you getting fired"
"Woah, your amazon list? The one where you have like ten thousand items on? You expect me to pay all of those?" Jun dramatically gasps as he pulls back to look at you, eyes wide and all kind of dramatic. "Baby, I'm no Woozi"
His comment immediately has you throwing your head back.
"Oh my god, Jun" You speak through your chuckles. You can feel Jun's eyes settled on you, watching you laugh into your sleeve with glistening eyes.
"Speaking of, Junnie. Have you seen that one clip of Woozi handing his black card to Vernon? To get fucking bubbles?" You groan, rolling on top of Jun again. "I need someone to hand me their black card to get bubbles too, Vernon is living the baby girl dream, it's not fair"
Jun groans at your voice, hands coming up to hover over his face. "Baby, I gave you my card yesterday and you got-"
"No, like, imagine Jun. Having a sugar daddy like him?" You suddenly cut him off and turn to him with a serious look in your eyes. "Wait, oh my god. Do you think you can set me up with him?
Jun looks unsurprised while you scramble to sit up from his side in a sudden urgency. "Oh my god, Jun, please. Please tell him to hit me up"
"Yup, of course. I'll ask him" His voice is light, unphased at your eagerness. After all, it's common for him to listen to you and beg him to set you up with somebody from his own group. It happens on a daily basis, with different members over and over again. Last month, it was Seokmin. You had been watching Hansol's 'Black Eye' music video on a loop for the entirety of the last week. And now there's a Mingyu pc dangling from your work bag.
It never bothers Junhui. Because who cares if it was Jeonghan or Jisoo in the back of your phone as long as he's still the one who's in your heart and goes to bed with you every night? (And especially not when the considerably sized Junhui shrine has been sitting in the back of your closet like a proud monument over the years)
"Oh my god, thank you so much. I love you, baby" You whine and reach to press a fleeting kiss to his cheek, Junhui accepts it with a nod and a broad smile. "Ugh, I'm literally on my knees"
"Like you did about thirty minutes ago?"
Of course. This is Wen Junhui we're talking about.
"Junhui, you- oh my god. What the-" You stutter for a moment before, "Wait, wait. Hold up. Why was that kinda good?"
Jun shrugs when you eye him, still in his lying position. "That was a good comeback, Ten out of ten, good job baby"
"Is it blowjob worthy?"
What's the point of his existence if he doesn't throw in some earth-shattering comment at the most surprising time in the most laidback voice?
"Nope" You deny as you lay back down next to him "It wasn't that good, baby, know your limits. And, also, you can't keep getting horny all the time, Jun. I'm convinced you're a dog in heat now"
"Oh, I know you love it, you freak" Jun laughs lightly.
A silence blankets the two of you after that, the only sound falling in your ears being your synced breathing. The night around you is chilly, prickly against the skin of your fingers.
Your body heat has always run colder than usual, palms and feet are always cold. So when you inch towards Jun and sneakily drag your toes against his legs, he's grumbling.
"Yn, no. Cold feet- get away from me" You laugh as Jun tries to shuffle away from you, deemed unsuccessful when you throw a leg over his him and lock him down. Jun continues to let out all kinds of groans of complaint, going off about how he's sick with you trying to rub your cold skin against his.
You listen to his complaints, half bemused and half pretending to listen with a pout. Yet you couldn't help but let a genuine smile paint across your lips at the way Jun keeps talking, hands flailing and everything.
"- See, you're not even listening to me" Jun is staring down at you, his speech on 'why my girlfriend trying to freeze me to death; with proof' long forgotten. "Yn, are you?"
"Not at all, baby" You hum, attention set on the way wisps of brown hair fell against his forehead.
Jun just looks so soft like this. In his sleep shorts, a white t-shirt that you don't know belongs to which one of you, hair feathery against his and eyes laced with tiredness yet not enough to lull him to a night of sleep - he looks like a little pampered baby and it makes your heart swell a little.
"What are you staring at?"
"You look so cute right now" And immediately, even under the darkness of the night, you can see the way a flush washes over his face. Jun is so easy to fluster.
"What do you mean?" He says shyly, looking away. "I always look the same"
"True, but," You reach up, bringing your fingers to brush away the strands of hair that fall into his eyes. Your palm settles into the side of his face, keeping his eyes on you. "You look so rested, baby. So well. I love you like this"
Your eyes flutter close when his lips settle on yours. His hand comes up to hold your own against his face, pulling you to him. It's a lazy kiss, just lips resting on each other and nothing more, nothing less. Your thumb brushes across his cheek like they always do. A simple declaration of love whispered in the dark of night with just a press of lips.
"Let's actually go to sleep now, yeah?" Junhui whispers as if not to disturb the quietness around him. His eyes are still closed and his lips brush against yours when he speaks. "I love you"
You feel him pull away, making you lay down on the sheets again. He reaches towards the bedside table where a silicone night lamp in the shape of a cartoon cat sits. It's the first gift you have given him. No special occasion, just because it reminded you so much of him.
It's been years since you gave it to him, all shy smiles and surprised eyes from him. And to this day, Jun turns it on a moment before the two of you sleep, illuminating a small part of the room in a warm light.
When Jun returns to your side, you latch yourself to his arm. One of you will wake up with a dead and prickly arm tomorrow but neither of you cares anyway. Jun pulls you more into him, legs entangled and your head resting on his shoulder. You're almost certain that he's falling asleep at the silence but no, neither of you are done yet.
"Yn, oh my god. I forgot to tell you" Jun's voice is pitched, excitement bubbling at his words and immediately you're all ears. You roll, almost on top of him, before propping up with your hands under your chin. The angle is uncomfortable, with your hands digging into his chest and you having a view up his nostrils but if the tea is hot enough, you need to hear it.
"Seokmin almost burned off Seungkwan's foot today" Jun says, breaking in a story that happened during practices today.
"What the fuck? How even?"
"Okay, so," And then he starts, his sleep postponed. "Seungkwan wanted some hot water because his throat was acting up. And he asked Seokming to get it from his. So Seok got the flask it was in and you know, he was trying to be extra nice and pour it into the cup and give it to Seungkwan"
"Oh no, Seokmin's hand-eye coordination only works on stage" You gasp, making Jun nod his head frantically. "Did he spill it?"
"Exactly, baby" He confirms with wide eyes, matching with yours. "He almost dropped the entire thermal on Seungkwan. And mind you, yn- this is like hot hot water we're talking about!"
"Oh my god"
"Yeah! He fumbled and somehow ended up with everything on the floor. Right there, in the practice room," Jun finishes with a sad sigh, one hand falling against the mattress and the other on your back.
"Oh, lord. Poor Seokminnie" You say, making him look towards you with equally sympathetic eyes. "I bet Seungcheol made him scrub the floor"
When Jun stares at you with an exasperated look and tight lips, you gasp and sit up a little.
"No way, he actually did?" Your voice is loud as you scramble on top of Jun, an accusatory voice shooting out of you. "That fucker. Everybody knows Seok's not good at pouring stuff or holding things for more than 10 seconds, baby, it's not his fault"
'I know, Seungcheol is just a grumpy old man. He likes to see us suffer" Jun's laughter dies down slowly, and a quietness settles in once again around the two of you.
If there was anything you loved more than quiet nights like this - Jun's breathing against your chest and his hand running down your back in the softest touch, it would be when he starts talking. As cheesy as it sounds, his voice was something you could listen to forever. The way his voice sounds feathery when he's happy, the way it muddles together without a beginning or an end when he's excited or even the way his voice withers in breathy hiccups when he pushes his face into your neck and breaks.
Jun's voice - all slurred words, sometimes jumbled together and spoken in a comforting baritone - was your favourite sound in the whole world.
(That might be a lie because your actual favourite in the whole world sounded something like the voice in the app that reads out your bank balance, but Jun doesn't need to know that)
"You're getting sleepy," The said voice of your boyfriend is what breaks you out of your trance. Blinking your eyes open, you realize you've closed your eyes during your inner monologue without even noticing.
"I'm not. I can stay up," You say in an assuring voice, going to cuddle into the warmth of Jun's body. "I wanna keep talking to you"
Jun's arms tighten around you as you mumble, eyes heavy with exhaustion. You can almost picture him gazing at you with lips down turned and eyes dripping with fond.
"Oh, sweetheart. I know you want to. But we should get some sleep, yeah? Busy day tomorrow for both of us. So let's go to sleep, okay?"
A reply comes to him in the form of a whine. He should've expected you to put up a fight at the end of the day, not wanting to close your eyes and rest instead of staying up late gossiping with him. And as much as he wanted nothing less himself, he also knew the regret you both would face tomorrow if you didn't get enough sleep. After all, neither of you was a stranger to sleeping through alarms, running around the house half-dressed and feeling all kinds of miserable while almost falling flat on your face at work.
"Junni, did I tell you about the love triangle at work? Lord, I don't think it's a triangle anymore, baby"
Jun almost snickers at your sleepy mumbling, eyes drooping and words slurring in a state of half-awake. The way you try to keep the conversations flowing even though sleep is clearly overtaking you gnaws at his heart. His soul swells a little when he is reminded of how much you enjoy chitchatting with him.
Whether it's family gossip, shit-talking about your co-workers or absolutely destroying your neighbour and her seventy-year-old chihuahua - the two of you could go on for hours, days even. And the fact that you are so willing to throw away your sleep schedule, just to spend time with him makes him choke back a sob.
"- yeah, I think it's a lo- love pentagon now. It's all such a mess, Junnie"
"Yeah?" Jun eggs on your mumbling, hand still running down your back in the way he knows would put you to sleep. "Baby, as much as I like to hear about Sarah and her twelve boyfriends, let's go to sleep, yeah? I promise I'll listen to it tomorrow. You can tell me all about it, okay, sweetheart?"
When he finally receives a small nod in return, Jun sighs. Knowing you're too tired to keep it up, he moves the two of you slightly till you've got one leg thrown over his hip and one of his hands on your back. You nuzzle your face on his shoulder, trying to find a position comfortable enough to fall asleep on and Jun almost cried at the way it resembles a cat. But for now, he sticks to brushing off your hair from your forehead and pressing his lips to your skin.
"I love you, sweetheart. So much, okay?" He lets his lips rest against your forehead, your skin cold against his. He can feel you press your own kiss to his shoulder in a fleeting manner.
"I love you too. I'm gonna miss you tomorrow"
And finally, after what feels like hours of laying next to each other, Jun feels his own eyelids drooping. The exhaustion of the non-stop rehearsals and schedules finally catches up to him as time passes. Although curling into you at the end of the day always soothes his soreness away, he still allows himself to bask in the feeling of his limbs melting into the mattress. The fact that he has to get up early tomorrow, go through the labour again and work himself to the bone nags at the back of his mind. Yet the thought of you being there with open arms and a shit ton of stories about everything immediately makes it somewhat better so he closes his eyes with a small smile grazing his lips.
But just when he's finally settled into the comfort, breathing even and sleep just around the corner - you're scrambling next to him.
"Oh my fucking god, Jun, I forgot to tell you about the baby-"
Oh god. He loves you so much.
"Baby, I will throw you across the goddamn room if you don't shut the fuck up"
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acourtofthought · 11 hours
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You often mention that because Lucien already lost Jesminda — someone he believed to be his mate — he won’t lose his mate again (Elain). That Sarah wouldn’t do that to him.
But have you considered that this could also be the very reason why Lucien doesn’t want or need a mate, and may not end up with Elain?
Think about it: Lucien loved Jesminda. He mourned her death for centuries. Now that it’s revealed that Jesminda isn’t actually her mate… and Elain is… do you think Lucien somehow loves Jesminda less? Or views their past relationship in a lesser manner? I doubt it.
If anything, it would prove to Lucien that in the grand scheme of things, a mating bond has little bearing on true love.
Jesminda, as per canon: had loved Lucien “without question” and “without hesitation.” Jesminda had “chosen” him.
Elain, as per canon: is only involved with Lucien because of the mating bond that neither asked for (basically a glorified arranged marriage). There is question, and there is certainly hesitation. When it came down to it in ACOSF, Elain chose Azriel, not Lucien.
Jesminda wasn’t Lucien’s mate, but loved him with all she had. Elain is Lucien’s mate… and seemingly wants nothing to do with him. Again, wouldn’t this just prove to Lucien that a mating bond really means… fuck all?
An apt comparison is to the Rowan/Lyria/Aelin saga. Although Rowan loved Lyria (and even once believed they were mates), when it came down to it, Rowan later reflected that he and Lyria were such different people, and were never that compatible in the first place.
“He'd come to love Lyria--that had been true. And the guilt of it ate him alive whenever he thought of it, but he could understand now. Why Lyria had been so frightened of him for those initial months, why it had been so damn hard to court her, even with that mating bond, its truth unknown to Lyria as well. She had been gentle, and quiet, and kind. A different sort of strength, yes, but not what he might have chosen for himself.”
Doesn’t that sound familiar…?
Instead, Rowan found his match in Aelin. From the start, even when they were arguing and bickering and cruel to one another, there was always a spark. Always passion.
In the same way Vassa and Jesminda (who we know Lucien adored) are described in the same way. Compatible. Lucien is lighter around Vassa. He found a home with her, when no one else offered him one (including Elain).
And never once was Rowan blushing around other women, or travelling to nearby continents to save other women while Aelin remained at home… as Lucien was for Vassa.
Never once was Aelin near kissing other men, or buying other men gifts while Rowan was in the same house… as Elain was for Azriel.
“A bird of flame ... and a lord of fire. I wondered if they'd found each other yet."
Why would SJM say that for it to lead to… nothing?
So what I just gathered from that is your acknowledgement that it took Rowans real mate to help him finally move past his sadness and guilt with Lyria (who he believed was his mate), and eventually fall in love with Aelin, his actual mate.
It also seems like it took Lucien meeting his real mate to start moving on from his guilt and past with Jesminda, who he thought was his mate. And could also eventually have a HEA with Elain, his actual mate.
For both males, it took their actual mate to move forward.
And yes, Rowan did separate from Aelin for a period of time. Just like Lucien is living elsewhere.
Are they the exact same scenarios? No but why would they be? Did Aelin have a sister that she was living with? Is Elain an assassin who had other business to deal with? These are different characters with different stories and Elucien is the only SJM pairing to have a bond snap like it did. Elain was the only character engaged and in love with someone else when that happened.
For the females:
Aelin did not have feelings for Rowan for quite a while as she was nursing broken feelings from her relationship with Chaol. Where she slept in bed with Rowan yet still did not develop romantic feelings for him.
Which is similar to Elain not jumping immediately into Lucien's arms after her fiance rejected her (something not even Aelin had). Giving her a pretty valid reason to instead focus on an innocent crush as she's overwhelmed by the enormity of her mating bond and has not really been in a place to process those feelings.
And no, Aelin didn't hook up with someone after meeting Rowan because they were planning for a war. She had other things on her mind at that time.
Nesta definitely did though! Even though she claims she always wanted Cassian.
Lucien's not just a Lord of Fire though is he? Why would SJM have Elain say she needs "sunshine" then reveal Lucien to be the heir to the Day Court? Weird how your argument works in my favor too! ☺️. Especially when my girl Elain is still the one he longs for after living with said Bird of Flame. If he's had a year to get to know Vassa yet Elain is still the one he wants I'm thinking Vassa just doesn't do it for him, sorry! 🤷
You're trying to say that because Lyria wasn't what Rowan would have chosen for himself the same can be said of Elain for Lucien except... It kind of seems like Elain is what he wants since he's still coming around despite her distance?
You can't honestly believe Lucien truly knew Elain the very first time he met during her depression which led to him thinking back on Jesminda..
He was remembering Jesminda when she was happy and free. And he had recently discovered Elain was in love with someone else and therefore he was struggling with the realization she probably wouldn't want him. Of course the two females seemed very different to Lucien in that moment. It doesn't mean Lucien didn't end up liking what he learned the more he learned of her.
And Rowan was a warrior which is why he was best suited to a mate who was also a fighter.
Lucien has no interest fighting (though he'll do it when he has to). Doesn't it stand it reason that a female who isn't a warrior, one with a different sort of strength, is the perfect fit for him? Exactly as his real mate is described?
Lyria was married to Rowan and he thought that of her. When Lucien and Elain are married, we can compare notes 😉.
Again, Lyria was his fake mate. Probably why Rowan wouldn't have chosen her.
Elain is Lucien's real mate.
And what Lucien wanted in his youth is not necessarily who he'd want now. Jesminda was wild and free and Lucien at the time would have given up his title for her. That doesn't really sound like the right fit for a grown Lucien who wants to help the courts and is set up to be a future High Lord with responsibilities.
And Az blushed at Mor while Elain was in the room. Are you trying to claim that all blushes equal endgame love interests? He blushed for Nesta in SF.
You might want to check out the TOG series because a male who wasn't Lorcan blushed at Elide.
Also, Lucien wasn't blushing at Vassa, he was blushing because Feyre was embarrassing him in front of his mate.
It's funny how e/riels come onto my page acting like Elain isn't special compared to Vassa, just to ship Lucien with anyone else.
She's Elain Fucking Archeron. The most beautiful female he'd ever seen. She's kind, wise, thoughtful, generous and loving (all words used in the series to describe her). AND she's his mate. It's very amusing that you think Vassa could top that for Lucien.
He's desired by many females but there's only one he wants.
You're also forgetting that it's not just because he lost Jesminda that I feel this way. The author was going to pair him with Nesta but didn't because she realized they'd be a poor fit. Why would she pair him with the other sister if she was also going to be a bad match for him?
That wouldn't make a lot of sense now, would it?
Oh! Adding an Edit:
Lucien also loved Jesminda to the point that he thought she was his mate because he had never experienced a mating bond, he was able to convince himself that what he felt was the love from a bond. Now that he knows exactly how powerful and consuming a mating bond is, how can he ever go back from that? Not only will another female never have the potential of being his mate (meaning he'll never love her to the point of thinking she could be because he knows she never will), but he will also be lacking the thread that exists between them.
He knows what a bond is now. He knows that it helps him sense Elain. That sitting with her and feeling her caused him to blush.
Once your eyes are opened up, you can't go back from that.
Knowing that Elain is his mate and understanding what a mating bond actually is means that it will be difficult for him to be without it.
I know he doesn't love Jesminda less than he once did but there will be a difference for Lucien in his first love versus his forever love, especially once he shares a bond with. It's silly to think that just because he believed something in his youth, he can easily go back to that after centuries and the new experience he's gathered with having a real mating bond with someone.
And Vassa and Jesminda are the furthest thing from similar. Jesminda was "laughter and mischief". Please show me where you've gotten hints of that from Vassa's character.
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victoriadallonfan · 2 days
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Hi, since I haven't seen anyone mention this on reddit or tumblr, I'd just like to say, as someone whose first language isn't english, Worm's cape names are fucking weird. Are all of them words? Who knows, i read Worm and Ward without knowing Eidolon and Brandish are real words and not made up words. Or they are words i know but idk wich meaning is? Is March like the month or like the organized walking verb? So do all cape names mean something, and say something about the one who chose them? I refuse to google them at this point, but Anelace? Cinereal? Myrrdin? Couldn't they pick more known 2 word combinations? Do parahumans get a discount on thesaurus? Thats all I wanted to say, thanks. PS. Wildbow, the fuck you doing using Califa de Perro as a name, couldn't you ask any Spanish speaker?, i'll kill you.
BIG ANALYSIS INCOMING
Eidolon = spectre, phantom, and idolized object/person
Brandish = to flourish and wave about an item, usually a weapon. Also an epitaph for Athena
March = to move in a uniform manner and derivative of the roman god of war, Mars
Anelace = double-sided dagger used by civilians
Cinereal = grey matter of the brain and nervous system
Myrrdin = Too many to count but generally tied to Myrddin Wylt, prophetic folklore bard and a facet of Merlin (genuinely more work than I can ever give on the topic of how insanely intertwined those myths are)
The thing about Wildbow's cape names are two-fold:
In the 80+ years of superhero genre, a LOT of cape names have been chosen and used already. Taylor mentions this to Armsmaster as a meta-joke in the first arc (ironically, DC also has a Skitter, who debuted in 2011.... the same year as Worm), so he has to be creative and sometimes creativity is simplicity.
He loves giving character names multiple meanings.
To go down the list:
Eidolon's name is ironic, because he notably not idolized (and pushed out of the spotlight compared to Legend), and he ends up becoming one of GU's spectres.
Brandish creates weapons, yes, but there's connection to Pallas (brandishing) and Athena accidentally killing him while distracted to Victoria accidentally caving her head in while distracted. (There are several story iterations, including one where they had a parental relationship).
March is about how she organizes her megacluster like an army or marching band, but also reference to her civilian name (May), the Mad March Hare from Alice in Wonderland (which her entire fight with Vista is a huge reference to), and the Ides of March (notorious for the stabby stab stab of Julius Caesar)
Anelace is a master of weapons, but he's notably reluctant about that fact, and is noted to have a healthy civilian life by other characters
Cinereal is the grey matter of the brain. She is the Atlanta Protectorate leader that turns things into grey matter (ash)
Myrddin = See the King Arthur and various clusterfuck of mythos
Even his main characters have this: Taylor tailor makes her outfits and is a silk Weaver, Khepri is an Egyptian god that bring a sunny morning... and she debuted on Gold Morning. Victoria is a Roman Goddess of Victory (Contessa uses her to find "the Path to Victory"), Antares means "Anti-Ares/Rival of Ares/Anti-War" and is the constellation "heart of the scorpion" which is Victoria inside of the wretched forcefield. We can even stretch this to Khepri and Antares: Khepri is a beetle that carries the sun on to a new day. Antares is a binary sun system (with one sun being invisible to the naked eye). In the slaughterhouse 9 fight, Taylor and her beetle (khepri) carry Victoria and the fragile one (antares) to safety (to live another day).
WE CAN EVEN GO FURTHER: Atlas is the man holding up the sky in Greek Mythology, which Taylor names her beetle. Victoria's PHO name is Point_Me_@_The_Sky (which is also a Pink Floyd reference). In Worm, Atlas holds Victoria up in the sky.
Its really fun to analyze.
Califa seems to be a simple goof. Or maybe Taylor just butchered his name.
They can't all be winners.
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docholligay · 3 days
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The best thing about this episode is the way it plays out the unique pain of grieving someone you do not love. Or worse maybe even, someone you did love, once but they disappointed you so intensely that all you can feel is rage and despair.
Bojack actually doesn't have to be giving this eulogy at all. That's not a requirement. There's no rule that says you have to have any kind of funeral at all.
But he does. And he keeps going on, even after he says that he has nothing more to say about his mother. Because he does. He has so much more to say, and there is no other place in his life where he will ever just be allowed to talk about his mother and the way he felt about her, outside of the therapy that he is absolutely not going to go to.
Complicated grief is an interesting thing, and for my money it's harder than "normal" grief (if grief is ever really normal) and that's why this is one of my favorite episodes of anything ever, is I'm not sure I've ever seen it dealt with where the emotions are so much more than just sorrow. Sorrow isn't easy, but it is simple.
But, what Bojack goes into, is anger, and disappointment.
It starts with him continuing to joke, with telling his mom to knock once if she's proud of him, and him saying how nice it is to be in a room with his mother and just be able to talk without her telling him to shut up. It's this knife tip, just working its way out of Bojack's mouth, and the jokes keep coming, but they are less funny and more this weaponized humor.
Then even that breaks down, and he starts to realize what the problem was, what the problem has always been. Even while he's realizing that he is perpetuating this same set of problems, he's thinking about the grand gesture. And how Tv convinced him that someday, he would see the one thing that let him know his parents loved him.
But it's the consistency. I love the way here, he basically yells at the coffin.
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To love someone who has consistently disappointed you, to be joined with them, and the rage that comes out of that, it's so real. And Bojack can't even look at his parents and say, 'You tried" because they didn't. They didn't try even one day in their lives. Not with him. But there are so many people in our lives we allow to disappoint us over and over again, and when they die, or leave your life completely, you have this realization, that, they were never ever what you needed. You convinced yourself that maybe someday they would be, but they were never going to be, maybe they even couldn't, and then YOU feel like the fucking idiot. For wanting it. For thinking that it could happen. And then we're all Bojack here, yelling at a dead body, and it's worse than pointless, and that is part of the complication of this grief, is, not only is it not going to get any better, but you can't even offload it back onto that person. You have to swallow your role and their role in it all, forever.
And then we come back to that "Knock once." asking her if she loved him and wanted him to know that he made her life a little brighter. He knows she won't knock, he knows she can't respond. It's still a joke but it's a joke he's playing on himself.
This anger, that she was never going to be the mother he needed, comes around at the end in some of the best stuff, and this is the kind of stuff that gets it so right that it causes me physical pain.
The worst part, of someone dying, that you have a difficult relationship with, is that it will never get better. Someone disappoints you, and they disappoint you more, but then someday, they die, and they can never ever get better. They can never turn it around and they can never make it right. "My mother is dead, and everything is worse now, because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across a room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see you." WHile someone is alive, they could always get better. At one point in my life, I was a selfish, mean-spirited person who spent my days doing whatever I wanted and my nights drunk, and doing whatever I wanted. I didn't do anything that would put me out. I got better, because I lived long enough to pull my head out of my ass.
But when someone doesn't do that. When you wait for them to have some epiphany, and hold out their hand, and do better, and then suddenly, they can't, and, everything is going to be stuck, the way it is. It is the death of possibility that makes this sort of complicated grief so painful. Someone who was wonderful dies, you miss what they were, but someone difficult dies, you miss who they could have been, and that's so impossible to describe to someone that I had never seen it well done, before this episode.
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sillyyuserr · 3 days
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Not exactly an analysis but possible parallels/basic comparisons <3
Comparing none other than terukane (teru x akane) and dangerously yours masquerade, a 1944 podcast/radio show, in summary is about a french spy named Catherine that is sent to make an American man Rudolf Stephan fall in love with her so she can kill him and gain information, but in the end she falls in love with him too, but he makes her think he never loved her so she can complete her assigned mission (or something like that?)
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i saw stuff ab terukane and dangerously yours on tiktok and thought it was so interesting so i wanted to make a thing ab it 😭 FYI this is gonna be alotta words and like zero pictures so turn ur brightness down and don’t kill ur eyes
just the basis of these two are incredibly similar, two people from opposing sides forming an unlikely bond, originally unwanted but now shared?
Comparison/Possible parallel 1:
the line
“if i betray you, i betray myself. if i betray him, i betray my country. my country is very dear to be.”
“dearer than i?”
“… no not dearer than you..”
feels not like a parallel, but so uncomfortably fitting for them. (Akane being in Cathrine’s place and teru being in Rudolf’s place) if taken from akane’s place, “if i betray you, i betray myself, if i betray him, i betray my country, my country is very dear to me” easily we could associate “country” with aoi or one of akane’s supernatural duties or wtv he does with his clock keeper shit
from teru’s place, “dearer than i?” The “i” would pretty obviously be teru
the basis of being in between sides, not knowing which to chose but regardless of which you end up choosing you’re fucked one way or another is a common ground for both catherine and akane, especially with what happened in chapter 112
Comparison/Possible parallel 2:
the line
“I will betray you”
“If you do, you will betray yourself at the same time”
“yes… yes i know”
also feels eerily similar to them aswell. Again akane in cathrine’s place and teru in rudolf’s. This also especially relates to what happened in the “betrayal” part between teru and akane. Again relating to akane not knowing which side he should choose.
in summary, the doomed lovers cathrine and rudolf have so much in common with teru and akane its kind of crazy. how could one possibly look at them and not think of terukane? Akane/Cathrine being inbetween sides (the two sides being their counterpart and their duties) and in the end choosing their duties but still hoping for a seemingly unachievable chance at their counterparts. Ive specifically avoided using words like “coded” or “heavily implied” because i’ve never been completely sure,
Taking it into account, AidaIro are Japanese, and in japan homosexuality isn’t exactly normalized. yes queer people are in japan, they are everywhere and always have been but queer people in japan often conceal their sexuality and from what ive seen simply mentioning homosexuality in the wrong crowd is frowned upon (although don’t take my word for it 100%, i don’t live in japan)
And from what ive seen, AidaIro are pretty “traditional”. Literally name one female character without a male love interest that isnt shijima mei or tiara.
although the whole “lemon and akane” thing happened, it really was just for fun and jokes, although it seems to be a running joke in their friend group that “akane likes lemon” so make of that what you will
queer people being in tbhk is very much possible, we’ve seen panels of boys wanting to be teru’s boyfriend, nene blushing at sakura and claiming she was duped by her gorgeousness, mitsuba constantly accusing kou of wanting to do “pervy” stuff with him, akane mentioning his confusion on how teru can attract both genders (when their current topic had nothing to do with that? Are you the male attracted to him akane?) and natsuhiko’s entire character, but the likeliness of there being multiple queer characters is much lower than just one, of course im not opposed to there being multiple, the more the merrier, but we need to remember homosexuality is not normalized, and in some asian countries homosexuality blatantly doesn’t exist. like you could propose to someone of the same sex and people would say “omg such bffs!!” and we don’t know much about AidaIro besides they’re both girls, both Japanese, one’s a writer and one’s an illustrator.
although this alone does not down-right dismiss the queer implications, it still makes you think. We can never be too sure
Make of this what you will :3 ive been thinking ab compiling every possible queer implication or hint in tbhk but i feel like that sounds stupid and no one would read it
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funsized-loser · 12 hours
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For the @sambuckylibrary TFATWS Anniversary Event 2024
Week 2: Victory Party | Rated T
--
It's a party, but Sam isn't celebrating.
I'm so sorry, Sam. She's gone--sacrificed herself for the Soul Stone.
Steve's words ring loud in Sam's head. When he first heard it, it sent him to his knees, both Steve and Clint scrambling to his side in the dirt. Clint looked hollowed out next to him, while Steve held him like he might disappear again.
But now, there's music playing from a speaker somewhere, drinks flowing, and a joyous atmosphere after a hard-fought battle, and all Sam wants is to scream at the top of his lungs. 
He looks at old friends reunited and clinging to one another. He sees Pepper, Rhodes, and Banner huddled near the vehicle waiting to carry away Stark's body. Clint is on the phone, teary-eyed but happy. Sparkling portals still open here and there as the sorcerers bring in more supplies or a few people leave.
Sam takes in the destruction of the compound that he once, briefly, called home. He can picture morning runs around the property, silent breakfasts in the crowded kitchen (the Avengers weren't exactly morning people), and boisterous game nights in the lounge. 
And in every memory, Nat is right there in the thick of it. She'd always been a driving force in the group, a quick barb or joke at the ready, sharp eyes gleaming. Even while they were on the run; Sam swears she's the one that kept him and Steve alive. 
And to think he'll never see that smirk again--it hurts. It fucking hurts. 
He was gone, but came back. There's no coming back for Natasha. 
Sam wanders off to a secluded spot and drops onto a fallen slab of concrete. A sob works its way out as he buries his face in his hands. 
“Sam?”
He looks up and sees Bucky standing a few feet away, as though waiting for permission to approach. He quickly wipes his face and musters up something resembling a smile. 
“Barnes,” he replies quietly. 
“I think by now you can call me Bucky. And you look like you need this more than me.” 
He takes a couple steps forward to offer Sam a beer bottle. Sam plucks it from him and takes a swig. And promptly gags.
“What the hell?! This is not beer,” he eyes the bottle warily before glaring at Bucky. 
 “Oh, yeah, sorry,” he grimaces, “that talking raccoon gave me this. Regular alcohol doesn't do shit for me. But, you seem to need a stiff drink right now. You ok, all things considered?” 
“Not at all. You?”
Bucky just shrugs. “Been disappearing and reappearing for years now, starts to lose its shock value.” 
His grin slips when Sam doesn't respond, so he takes a seat next to him.
“Seriously though, is something wrong? Should I go get Steve?”
“No,” Sam shakes his head, “can you just– can you just sit with me?” 
Without risking a glance at Bucky, Sam can feel the concerned stare. 
“Sure.”
They sit in silence for a while, the noise of the party far enough away that it almost feels private. 
“I just can't believe that she's gone,” Sam eventually says. “She'd been a part of my life for years. And then, in what feels like a blink of the eye, she's gone. But not like us, y’know? We got lucky, we got to come back, but she–” he breaks off to wipe away more tears. “I'm tired of losing people. I just keep losing people that I love.” 
Bucky reaches out to squeeze Sam's forearm. 
“Hey, look at me.”
Sam turns to look at him and is met with wide, imploring eyes.
“I'm sorry you lost your friend. The way I heard it, she died so that the rest of us could return, right? So now, live a life that would make her proud. I know a thing or two about second chances, trust me, you gotta actually live. I'm sure you know that you can't dwell on everyone you lose. Live so that their memory lives on.”
There's a moment of guilt as Sam thinks about all the people that Bucky has lost. He knows everyone here has lost someone. Maybe that grief is what keeps them all in the fight: a need to keep others from losing people. 
Sam focuses on the feeling of Bucky's thumb rubbing circles into his skin where his hand still rests on Sam's forearm. Once his breathing evens out, he asks, “When did you get so wise, old man?” 
Bucky just grins and gives his arm another squeeze. 
“Thanks for that. I know all of this. It just never gets easier. But now it's a whole new world I'm facing, and I wish my friend was here.”
“You've got the rest of us though,” Bucky says and nudges him with his shoulder.
Sam chuckles. “Oh, we're friends now?”
Bucky gives a faux gasp. “Really, after everything we've been through, you still don't think we're friends? That hurts, Wilson.” 
That gets a full laugh out of Sam. 
When he looks over at him, Bucky's eyes are crinkled from how big his smile is. Sam's never gotten to see this side of him, and a small part of him hopes he gets to see more of it. 
“Pinky swear?” Sam jokes.
“Pinky swear.” Bucky's hand slides down so that he can lock his finger with Sam's. His eyes flick down from Sam's eyes to his lips for a second, but they are clear and sincere, and there's a softness that hints at something more. “You've got me; I'm not going anywhere, Sam.” 
Sam shifts his hand and interlaces his fingers with Bucky's. Neither of them say a word, but the look in their eyes speaks volumes. 
Bucky angles towards him and slowly lifts his left hand to cup Sam's face. Sam is surprised by the warmth of the vibranium, but when Bucky’s thumb brushes across his lower lip, he can't hold back anymore.
Sam surges forward and kisses him. They explore each other with a hunger that Sam prays is not just lust or grief and leftover adrenaline. When Bucky suddenly pulls away, Sam's stomach drops. 
“Steve's coming,” Bucky whispers with a frown. 
They let go of each other just as Steve calls out.
“Buck, you over here? Have you seen–oh, there you are, Sam. I've been looking for you. You alright?” 
Sam nods, “Yeah, feeling a little better. Thanks, Steve.”
Steve squeezes his uninvited self into the space between them and throws his arms over their shoulders, pulling them into his side.
“You two have no idea how happy I am to have you back!”
“If you don't squeeze us to death, you might have us around longer, pal,” grumbles Bucky from under Steve's left arm. 
They all laugh, but Steve does loosen his hold. 
“I know, sorry. I just keep thinking that at any moment you'll turn to dust again, so it's like I have to physically reassure myself you're actually here,” Steve says quietly. 
That comment causes both of them to wordlessly wrap an arm around Steve and give him a squeeze of their own.
They don't know what their friend went through without them. But he's got the same haunted look that everyone who wasn't dusted seems to possess. 
“We're here, man. Tell us what we missed,” Sam tells him.
And as Steve fills them in on the past five years, Bucky's hand is clasped over Sam's behind Steve, thumb rubbing soothing circles into Sam's skin.
Sam thinks he'll be just fine in this new world.
THE END
(Side note: did I make myself sad thinking about the six months of ghosting awaiting these two?? Maybe. Or the fact that they'll both miss their shared BFF?? Also maybe.) 
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carnivalcarrion · 7 months
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warlock wizard Wally scribbles... Thinkings! oh and a bonus bard-ish Barnabys in the corner for flavor
outfit ramblings:
first of all that is a Terrible rendition of what Home looks like in my head. i just needed to fill empty space </3
the staff was the toughest part honestly. bc it Had to be paintbrush-themed, but then halfway through scribbling i was like "oh shit. there are only so many ways to draw a paintbrush-wizard-staff and Weevmo already hit it out of the park." so if you're seeing similarities! you're right! i tried to make it as different as i could! there is Inspiration from their marvelous design, however accidental or subconscious! Apologies!
he gets a pointed hood instead of a hat because a) it looks great on him! and b) it has less of a chance of messing up his hair! also c) it helps muddle the difference between Wizard and Warlock. typically hoods have evil/duplicitous connotation - blur the lines! i want his long gloves and forearm wraps to have the same vibe. his neckerchief is a big help in hiding Home's seal!
his layered (loosely apple-themed) capelet (which the hood is attached to) has a nice high collar & hides the details of his loose shirt - eye embroidery! and some flowers on the shoulders but yk, mostly eyes. on one side of the shirt buttons has open eyes, the other side they're closed! there's also one big eye on his back!
his belt buckle is two halves of an apple! he wears tall thigh-high boots w/ low heels to feel Taller! he has a book-holster hooked to the back of his belt, which holds his grimoire! and he has a lil thigh-bag that has been magicked to be Bottomless and warps size! he can fit pretty much anything in there! canvases! paint! apples!
his half-skirt thing (idk what the word for it is!) is really plush, like a quilt - his capelet is the same fabric. soft, cozy. sometimes he'll use the skirt thing as a blanket in a pinch, or as a picnic placemat!
is his outfit a little Complicated? is it annoying to replicate? yes and yes. but im a maximalist at heart and Nothing But The Best for the blorbo <3 layers my beloved <3
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biillys · 1 year
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billiestevies: the question was “why does billy hate lucas so much?” - i think that really probably answers your question in more of a back-story sense, of why was he the way he was. because - his dad.
dacre @ stranger con, chicago (9th oct 22) bonus:
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mostlymaudlin · 11 months
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was starting to hijack in the tags of that post i just reblogged but ohhhhh it is so juicy to me that the end of TKM is just part of the rising action of andrew's character arcs. and yet the way the novel leaves off, you can have so much hope in the ways its going to continue -- especially because neil proves to us on the last page that he's going to fight like hell to hold onto him whatever comes next.
it's just !!!! all andrew's deals are done. neil's big happy moment of relationship security comes from the fact that andrew didn't deny its existence lol. BUT neils correct to be happy about this, because he knows andrew is a black & white thinker, and he's entering unchartered territory! all his lil lies he uses to duct tape his sanity together are coming apart, and that break is going to be FASCINATING. i doubt it'll be explosive or anything -- andrew's more the "quietly self-destruct climax" type than the "defeat the mafia thru the power of sports climax" type -- but it'll sure be something interesting. and then once it all breaks, we know he'll have neil and kevin and his family and the foxes to help him heal -- and he'll have to believe it when they show they care about him, because he literally doesn't owe anyone anything
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natjennie · 1 year
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like seriously whatever you do dont think about the captain and that story about someone calling into gay bars and not saying anything, just listening to queer people living and laughing and having fun. definitely don't think about the captain doing that. haha.
#both during his life and in death#i just looked it up and the 1930s british queer scene was beautiful like jazz age stuff#the idea of the captain just discretely privately calling into places he's heard rumored to be queer#just to listen to the saxophone over the static of the telephone and know that there were gay people living and loving somewhere#and then to think about him missing that EVEN MORE in death because now he cant LEAVE#he cant hear rumors from people he cant call in#imagine the favors he'd have to owe julian to dial a number and let cap listen to the receiver without knowing what it is#like of course julian wants to know and he pesters him. but when cap is Deadly Serious and scared and sad.#a face julian's never seen. he winds his jokes down and agrees to do it#making cap think it was his idea- 'a bit of charity for the old walrus then'- instead of a deep understanding and love#and since its been decades of course the number he calls isnt a gay club anymore. maybe it doesnt even connect#and it breaks his heart and it takes him another decade to gather intel and the nerve to ask julian again#but when he does he finally gets a place and the phone quality is INCREDIBLE he can hear so much#he can hear people and their upbeat music and their laughter and their love#and he cries#and if julian sees it and pretends not to then its so that he can have the blackmail later thank you for asking#anyway im making myself emotional#bbc ghosts#EDIT Becuase then when julian overhears he tries subtly to make the captain feel more comfortable#bc julian is an asshole but he's not homophobic i mean he fucks everyone#so he tries to pepper in more stories about men but that just makes cap uncomfortable#and hes frustrated bc he cant think of anything else to do other than flirt with him but thats a bad idea#but then he remembers that he went to bars and places and maybe he'll like that#so he 'accidentally' dials some clubs he knows were cool and leaves the phone off the receiver for cap to find#and cap just gives him a curt nod and a clearing of his throat and they Dont Talk about it but they Know
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nandermoenthusiast · 7 months
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guys i have been in a state for days. i am giddy i am gasping for air i am broken inside i am blushing i am sweating i am twirling my hair i am suffering i dont know how to deal with the very real possibility that nandor has loved guillermo for years and has been restraining himself, feigning aloofness, keeping his distance, because all these years he understood that maybe guillermo would never be ready for vampirism - and maybe hes been so depressed in the latest years because hes finally found someone he wants to spend eternity with, and he strongly suspects he will spend eternity missing them instead
#i truly truly truly dont know how to deal#this season recontextualised the whole show for me#if i shipped nandermo before now i am absolutely batshit crazy about them and its all i think about#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#what we do in the shadows#nandermo#this is just speculation but i just - i feel it in my bones#like fuck imagine having been alone for 800 years. fuck. imagine losing lover after lover and being kind of a disaster at romance actually#imagine finding someone you so easily connect with and theyre so amazing you love them so much they can even hold their own against you#and fuck they like you back. and then you understand that they are too fundamentally kind to be a monster.#and its like a fucking stake through the heart its like youre made of glass and youre shattering#i hate this and i swear to god. they need to end up together. not just to end up together#they need to spend the rest of their lives together and ideally eternity tbh#i dont care gizmo you get over the killing hangup and have nandor turn you and spend eternity in#bliss and shenanigans. like man. man. man. i love how this season turned out i really do#but i hope its more of a ‘he had not thought it through and wasn’t ready and also we need to have nandor do it fr’#anyway nandor becoming human is also ok but i really hope that they find a way to navigate guillermos inability to kill#like. nandor killing for him or him robbing blood banks or him only hunting predators etc#or him feeding without killing people#just bc i still really like the concept of them having so much time together and their time together not be limited#i feel like after all those years pining for one another. they deserve that
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s0fter-sin · 3 months
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AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOT ITS TEETH IN ME BUT I’M ABOUT TO BITE BACK IN ANGER
#take me back to eden is so ghost coded it kills me#like im shit at lyric interpretation ill fully admit that but it Screams ghost#‘i spit blood when i wake up sink porcelain stained choking up brain matter and makeup’#‘room feels like a meat freezer i dangle in it like cold cuts’ SCREAMING BITING BITING BITING#its the butcher hanging from a meat hook imagery for me lads i Cant#and my god the soapghost of it all#just ghost lashing out bc he cant understand soaps attention#rejecting his affection and his care bc hes never felt a kind touch without it becoming cruel#and i know we dont acknowledge mw3 but#‘i guess it goes to show does it not? that we've no idea what we've got until we lose it#and no amount of love will keep it around if we don't choose it’#losing johnny being the only thing that snaps him out of it and makes him realise that hes in love with him#‘no amount of self-sought fury will bring back the glory of innocence’ that realisation turning his love inward and fracturing into hate#he couldve been with johnny they couldve been happy together#so he cracks and destroys every enemy he comes across as he hunts down makarov#leaving price and gaz behind as he lets vengeance consume himself#‘i have travelled far beyond the path of reason take me back to eden take me back to eden’#but bc fuck mw3 soap lives and ghost finds him and they live happily ever after#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#ghoap#soapghost#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#take me back to eden#we’re a team. ghost team
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your tags on parenting make me super emotional <3 that's exactly the kind of parent I want to be one day
Thanks! I feel the same way honestly. I have a lot of opinions about parenting and I can't say that I will be the perfect parent because that doesn't exist. I can't even say that my hypothetical future kid/kids will be perfect because children don't grow in a vacuum. I can only control what I do and say and try to be the best version of myself and hope for the best.
#i often hear people say that involved parenting is too difficult to be realistic or that modeling behavior is too hard#and yeah. yeah it is. it is one of the most difficult things a person can do. but who the fuck has a kid thinking it'll be easy?#kids are hard work and commitment. they should never be something done on a whim. you should never half ass raising a kid#and not to say that people should be perfect all the time or that people shouldn't have 'me' time#its just that i genuinely don't understand people who shove their kid into as many activities as possible to get away from them#or put all their hopes and dreams and expectations on them. if it's so easy and attainable to live up to your expectations as a parent#then do it first. you want your kid to have straight A's? great. show me your report card at that age#im just... kids are just people. and they just want to hang out with their parents and receive love and attention#and anyway ive lost my point im just very passionate about this topic#very passionate#when im older and financially stable I want to foster teenagers i think. i want to be there for them and model healthy adult behavior#and help them make that transition. i want to be that person for them. because everyone needs help and love and family#and honestly? my parents fostered kids my entire life. THEY MODELED THAT BEHAVIOR#i understand that family is not a given. i understand that family is above all else forged. and that applies to everyone#not just found family or fostering. if you don't know your bio child then can you really call yourself family?#family is *forged* regardless of the context. and if it isn't? if you skip that step with your bio kids? well thats a major fucking issue#anyway nothing but respect for my parents who bought groceries for my foster sister when she was out of care. FOR MONTHS#nothing but respect for my parents who took me with them to give my foster sister their old stroller when she needed it#nothing but respect for my parents who take in my old foster brother every weekend to 'babysit' because they know he isnt in a loving house#nothing but respect for my parents who adopted my siblings without a word when they asked#honestly they are why i am who i am today. i was a kid with adhd and learning disabilities who hated school#and now I'm an honors student and getting my doctorate. because they did the academia with me#and im not saying they did my schoolwork. im saying that they assigned books to read over the summer and we would read them as a family#and we would discuss the literary concepts and themes together as a family. i love dissecting media! and thats because of my parents!#it was a family activity! same goes for science and art and music#and coding and history ect ect#anyway im going off on a tangent but basically what im saying is that my parents didn't ship me off to camp every summer#we just did things as a family together. i remember the time and bonding with them. and i modeled that behavior#and not to brag but i think I turned out alright#anyway tangent over!
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cestacruz · 21 hours
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Mmm Jeanne
#servants cant learn new stuff (i'll talk about jalter in a second) therefore#jeanne shouldnt know how to read or write#we actually Dont get a confirmation that she can do those things in summer 3. because the book that jalter thought jeanne wrote#was actually Her own book#jeanne works with marie. maybe she comes up with the ideas and does rough drawings that marie would be Delighted to bring to life#marie reads to jeanne is my image#jalter taught herself how to read and write and i think that was possible because of the unstability of her existence#if you try to teach jeanne how to read and write it will stick for a second but if like idk 15-20 min pass she would likely find herself#unable to read again and her writting to be suboptimal#she can sign her own name ofc thats historical#she can recite the bible from memory iirc#i love jalter's ability to be her own person even if it comes with the fact that she is very much. an ephemeral dream#like her FCKING SKILL IS CALLED.#WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS FGO#anyway. now jeanne again but physical#oughhh thank u for the support in the tags when i said jeanne should have self image issues because she looked different in life#i hadnt fully talked bout it i just went with hair but yeah. i need to check again because im pretty sure her body wasnt Suuuper different#but i just gotta confirm#but im just so i love the idea of her just not liking the way she manifested abd not knowing Why she manifested like that#when there are Countless depictions of her with her short brown hair#sieg looks to the side whistling (its not his fault but he knows the pseudo servant part#and its probably a mix of . fate apocrypha's manifestation and of how some people imagined jeanne looked like#but it still upsets her#not that she'd ever complain to people#you can probably get it out of her tho#unrelated and only to those who reached this far: im thinking of a singularity set in 15th century orleans in the Middle of the hundred year#war. but the difference aint “oh jeanne d'arc came back to life evil” rather than “there seems to be a battle here where it shouldnt and oh#my god is that jeanne- oh god jeanne d'arc fucking died--#and chaldeas has to try and fix the war without living breathing jeanne d'arc#actually thats not the middle of the 100yearwar but yknow what i mean. also haha jk unless...
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truckstoptigers · 3 months
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can my brain shut up for like two seconds please
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