#he looks like a fucking twink

[jedi-starbird]

A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:

Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."

Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)

"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."

"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."

Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'

"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"

"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."

He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."

"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"

As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.

"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."

"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."

"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."

I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.

Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.

I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.

Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.

Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)

Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!

Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.

#yes i will put jedi on social media into everything #i think early 20s menace obi wan with equally menace cody is so good #cody looks at this ginger twink and is like oh theres definitely something wrong with him but he amuses me so hes allowed to stay #cody: obi wan has 57 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces how can i not fuck him? #star wars #obi wan kenobi #feemor #codywan #commander cody #feemor and obi wan #jedi order #disaster lineage #star wars fic

[nightlocked-in]

“peeta is bisexual” you guys are losing the vision. peeta isn’t even straight. katniss INVENTED sexuality for him. whatever katniss identifies as, he’s like “yeah, i’ll take that one” no questions asked

#katnissexual #i’m joking btw #and i agree with yall #he says you’ve ruined all other women for me #yeah twink we know #the hunger games #katniss everdeen #thg #nightlocked-in #everlark #peeta mellark #hunger games headcanon #hunger games incorrect quotes #thg incorrect quotes #bisexual peeta #peeta what’s your sexuality? #idk #what do u mean u don’t know #i’ve never thought about it #well i mean… do you like guys? do u like girls? #he thinks for a second…. girl #just one #katniss he says #i’m convinced in modern au’s when he’s dating someone else he just pictures katniss when fucking and then feels horribly guilty for it later #peeta why don’t you look at me during sex? #huh? oh glimmer uh… i just get distracted by how uh… good it feels. yeah that haha #katniss was his first love in every thing and not only was she his first love she was his ONLY love #so he’s never even considered being attracted to girls besides her #so when he tries to date he finds girls that are objectively attractive but on a scale of 1 to katniss they are still 1’s to him #and that never stops being a problem

[jqmiietartt]

jamie tartt on social media / my royjamie social media au

i started making jamie social media posts and seem to have accidentally created all this lore so here it all is hehe

roy & jamie come out on ig - read on ao3

jamie just posts whatever he wants on twitter & it gives keeley a stress headache every time

some misc jamie ig posts

interview in attitude magazine one year after they came out

roy & jamie celebrate christmas

jamie and colin are interviewed about coming out for gay times magazine

roy & jamie announce their engagement on instagram - read on ao3

#royjamie #roy kent #jamie tartt #this all started with that pic of phil w a rainbow on his face and someone said it looked like he was coming out so here we are #none of this fits into the canon of the show and idc! #also that fucking engagement ass shoot brett and phil did like #i have so many more jamie tweets too #long post #if youre wondering 'who is that twink in the christmas pic' its tom daley

[cephalocrow]

human ikkabi

#ikkabi #ikkan #warabi #mashup #quinn #splatoon #diss pair #disspair #splatband #splatbands #gijinka #humanization #ask to tag #sorry for making warabi look like a twink that's just what he fucking is to me

[antipolygon]

chai and i have the same taste in fashion and music so i’m just straightup giving him my outfits cuz all i wear is band merch

#(and also i’m GAY) #hi-fi rush #hi fi rush #hfr #chai hi fi rush #chai hi-fi rush #hi-fi rush chai #hfr chai #UGHH WE NEED FEWER TAGS FUCK #elliott art #digital art #kicking my feet twirling my hair omg chai hiiiiii #tango gameworks made this guy in a lab for me specifically i think. he’s a dumb twink. he likes indie rock. he’s neurodivergent #i am rotating him in my mind like he’s in the microwave while i listen to mid 2000s alt rock #chai babygirl i could introduce you to so many bands you would love. have you ever heard of the hives #MANY MORE ADDITIONS TO COME THIS IS JUST THE FIRST TWO LOOKS I GOT A WHOLE DRAWER OF SHIRTS TO GO THROUGH #(also for the shippers i KNOW u all exist I’ve seen u in the tags so ur welcome for pajama chai. go ham)

[ingravinoveritas]

God, 1940s!Crowley really is doing the absolute most...

#good omens 2 #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #crowley #sexy ginger demon twink #looking like a high fashion model in the middle of the Blitz #interestingly the same way David looked like a high fashion model in the middle of a plague #that long hair during lockdown was everything #far too much attractiveness in one person #thankful for the periodic reminder that i absolutely still would fuck Crowley #let's spare a thought for Michael's admirable restraint #even though we all know he was thinking it too #bless

[klanced]

I still have no idea how Veracxa actually played out in the show but I’m enamored by the idea that the team spends years fighting like the bitchiest most tenacious most androgynous lesbian ever. And then she becomes Lance’s sister-in-law.

#veracxa #voltron #I’ve always thought of Acxa as being almost like Jessie from pokemon in that she’s Always Fucking There #meaning like the team goes anywhere and then acxa is just There as well for some reason #keith goes to the farmers market planet. he reaches for some space peaches only for acxa to grab them first. #she’s literally there by complete coincidence and then 5 minutes later she's sets the market on fire and nearly killed keith three times #I think Acxa and keith would have the funniest in-law dynamics #because Acxa is the closest keith thinks he has ever felt to being attracted to a woman (because Acxa looks like a twink) #and then likewise keith is the closest thing axca has ever felt to comphet (this is her first time experiencing a Warrior’s Bond) #shitpost #axca

[happyvoltz]

#finding out he was 20 and not like 30+ ruined my gaming experience #jk but like tht is not the face of a twenty year old #in game aiden looks like he has mortgage cutscene aiden is just some twink idk what happened #let aiden fuck that old man #aiden caldwell #dying light 2 #dying light stay human #my art #dying light hakon #hakon x aiden #haiden #hakon

[skitskatdacat63]

Pictures that fuel the 007 vettonso au that exists in my head(for now)

Also go listen to "You Know My Name", and think of Vettonso while doing so because I think it is SOOOOOO them coded(but also f1 in general tbh.) And also if you've seen Casino Royale, hey, remember that chair scene? >:)

#anwyays some thoughts on the au: #thinking that seb is Bond of course and Nando is a former 00 agent whos gone rogue 🤭 #(<- so basically like Raoul Silva lol) #(also my god basically im weirdly obsessed w the daniel craig bond movies(mostly casino royale) + #(+ bcs my brother and i watched all of them in two days last Christmas so theyre just forever embedded in my consciousness ig) #(SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME YKNOW) #tbf the only reason this au is just in my head is bcs it would require me to draw them more masc handsme #bcs bond is not a twink(😔) and im not good at drawing men like that so UGH #mayne one day itll make its way into art. would you guys be satisifed w chibis? 🥺 #i wanna recreate one of those iconic movie poster poses or smth but yeah not my forte ig #but if i was drawinf LESBIAN james bond id be on it instantly(one day. one day...) #<- speaking of that. fucking hilarious how i can only draw fem men and masc women. duality!!! #but gaahhhh yeah this au is sponsored by eternal casino royale brainrot #just imagining vettonso playing cat and mouse is so !!!!! #also side note. all these pics are from various fia galas. waahhhh wouldnt that be an interesting setting for a bond film #i bet bond would like f1 🤭🤭 fast cars!! #also bond au btw literally originally just comes from the fact that they both race for Aston...its just so fitting #the fact that seb actually named his amr21 after a bond girl!! #well dw bcs Fernando in this can be both his bond villain and his bond girl. dualityq #fernando is an mi6 agent(0014) who seb looks up to but he defects and turns evil bcs seb gets promoted above him #as grace said when i told her this: seb would be a great Bond with his cockiness and jokes and confidence etc etc #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.rambling.txt

[azoosepted]

its 10 pm and im cackling like an idiot at erlking heathcliff love nikki dressup queen how did i get here

#anzu says shit #canto vi spoilers #project moon #limbus company #i cang stop laughing he looks so sTUPID? #HE LOOKS LIKE A TWINK. WAILING. #maybe the midnight prisoner dst makeup is the only male dst makeup we truly need #the idea of thsi came from my friend thoubh. #tbh im so glad they came up with that idea its so fucking funny and i cant stop laughing at our seperate versions of love nikki erlking #especially the post with my everycathy it is physicslly ending me at the moment

[no-light-left-on]

I adore each and every post-doto fic where the now-human Outsider just waltzes into the Tower and simply moves in

just imagine working at the Tower, your employer likes to sneak out at night to run about with her definitely-not-father, you somehow survived the witch coup and when things finally start looking up, the lord protector and his protégé (who is certainly not related to him by blood) suddenly welcome in a boy of indiscernible age who somehow manages to look more pathetic than a wet kitten, but the lord protector and the empress instantly take a liking to him, come up with half-cohesive stories about his origins that you choose not to pay attention to, just like you don’t pay attention to the two of them covering their left hands at all times. and then a couple days, maybe weeks pass, and the lord protector seems to smile more, and the bed of the guest of honor is always made even though he Insists that he sleeps  in it and you have to move on with your life and pretend that the lord protector isn’t fucking his daughter’s new friend

#dishonored #dh #doto #corvosider #I am just. having many thoughts #the maids and the guards have Seen things while working for the Kaldwins and they just gotta move on with their lives #the old empress had an affair with her bodyguard? okay #the new empress is the product of said affair? fair enough #both her and her definitely-not-dad have magic powers? thats just one more secret to keep among the many #the empress welcomes in a sad goth twink like they are old friends and he just so happens to look like the whale satan? none of your busines #the lord protector is fucking him now? somehow you dont find it in yourself to care #bonus points if the outsider refuses to call emily anything other than 'emily'

[baejax-the-great]

I keep thinking about the suggestion that Apollo hated Achilles so much because Achilles was literally just like him but mortal (blond, musical, good with a sword, talented at medicine) and he just didn't care for that.

#Apollo looking in a mirror like #I want that twink obliterated #there are some other similarities #apollo was a god of moderation and reason and despite Achilles' rage he also was known for these things #looked down on drunkenness #and as a student of Chiron was the most learned of all the greeks in Troy basically #his reputation got a little fucked up when the Romans took the wheel but prior to that he was very noble and upstanding #also archery #while achilles doesn't use archery in the iliad he was taught by Chiron so we have to assume he was great at it

[soullessjack]

a lot of yall are gonna have to accept that your favorite gay fat old men characters are actually fat old men with wrinkles and big stomachs instead of skinny youthful twinks and grow the fuck up about it

#todays scalding take brought to you by skinny mark hoffman and lawrence gordon fanart I found on Google #and also the good almonds fandom trying to act like aziraphale doesn’t look the way he looks #cal.txt #idk. #stuff #criticisms #good omens fanart #aziraphale #mark hoffman #crowziraphale #multi fandom stuff #old man yaoi #destiel #this is also destiel because Dean and Cas are in their fucking 40’s and some fanart simply refuses to acknowledge that #this also for dean and Cas being gruff old bloody alcoholics. let them be like that !!!!!! #being a skinny effeminate twink is not a prerequisite for being a gay or queer man and you people need to learn that eventually #lawrence gordon #lawrence gordon fanart #mark hoffman fanart #aziraphale fanart #fatphobia #fatphobia in fandoms #sort of #I don’t even know #it’s not like exclusively a fat man thing it’s just. men being old and dirty phobia ??? lmaooo idk bruh I’m hungry

[tiredmaster]

I desire him carnally.

#security breach: ruin #fnaf #glamrock bonnie #security breach: ruin spoilers #LOOK AT THIS TWINK #five nights at freddys #what the fuck is he wearing #<3 #(said lovingly) #i was so ready for him to be in the game #like i was vibrating excitedly #but NOOOO #denied. rejected. hated. stabbed. abandoned. etc. #fr though was he. like. locked beneath the bowling alley?? was that his room? #was he counting days he was locked in there? #there was another similar room with the numbers and a chair in the corner accessed via mask #and i am frothing. give him to me immediately. #and let me save monty and chica. i hate this cruel world. i need my bimbo and himbo saved IMMEDIATELY.

[jvhdb]

ive never listened to the magnus archives and only know about it through others but i do know for a fact that elias bouchard is so funny as a character because all these other avatars are like “i can end the world with famine, i can kill people through suffocation” and elias is just out here like

#like literally whats he going to do? whats he going to fucking do? trigger your scopophobia until you kill yourself? #perceive you to death? #if i wanted to get stared at by a twink id look in the fucking mirror #edit: keri apollo dodgeballed me earlier with these tags

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

Idw Tailgate

#maccadam #transformers #poll #smash or pass #idw #tailgate #i wanna say funny lil guy but i feel like we forget how fucking built this guy is #look at this fuckin shoulders. why is he so wide and yet constantly carries tiny femboy twink energy