#he made mistakes but he's so fucking funny

[makeyoumine69]

Memory Reboot x2

PAIRING: Patrick Bateman x gn!Reader

SUMMARY: After wrestling with the lingering thoughts of Bateman, you finally found yourself open to Paul Allen's offer — a life-changing opportunity. But despite your resolve, you couldn't shake the need for closure. Determined, you sought one last encounter with Patrick, intent on resolving the unsaid and the undone before the cityscape of New York faded into your past.

CONTAINS: Smut, angst, mutual pining, obsessive behavior, desperate & sensual foreplay, anal fingering, pegging, sex toys, face riding, penetrative sex, rimming (Patrick receiving), oral sex (69, blowjobs), edging, biting, spanking, cum shot, masturbating, praise kink, body worship, drug usage, pet names, dirty talk, needy Patrick, misogyny, swearing, gaslighting, manhandling, mind manipulation.

WORDS: 8.7k

SONG REC: VØJ, Narvent — Euphoria

A/N: Hello everyone, I'm sorry it took me quite long to write this, I hope you like it! If you find any mistakes regarding gn!reader, please let me know!

LINKS: [MASTERLIST]; [CHAPTER 1].

The clock’s ticking was the only sound in the opulent meeting room of Pierce & Pierce office. Your heart seemed to beat to the rhyme of ticking, while you were nervously spinning the thin cigarette in your hands but never really trying to actually smoke;  the glass ashtray in front of you would probably be left empty till the end of the day. It was even funny how drastically things changed after that…moment of privacy you shared with Bateman. Starting from that, you couldn’t really get him out of your head, even though it has already been several weeks of your pretending game of “nothing had happened” between you and Patrick. It was a matter of time, when your colleagues would start to notice your strange behavior whenever you and Bateman were in one room. 

Squeezing the cigarette between your shaky fingers, you turned around in the leather chair to look at the New York skyline through the wide window. ‘That it is not an exit,’ echoed in your ears and you tried to shake the nervousness off from your tense shoulders, but the more you were being alone, the more surrounding space was weighing on you as if you were on the very bottom of the Pacific ocean. 

The moment the door swung open and Timothy Bryce entered the meeting room, you were more in control of yourself. “Hey, Tim. Haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Sorry, (y/n). Had a business call with some delusional prick.” Bryce snarled and took a seat across from you.

“Delusional prick?”

"Yeah, you know...delusional," he chuckled and glanced at the cigarette in your hand, which was still more like an accessory. "The guy thought I gave a fuck about his life and his wife, who used to be a whore, by the way."

With a soft snicker, you made yourself more comfortable in your chair, throwing one leg over another. “Wanna smoke?”

“Yep,” he leaned over the table to take the cigarette, your fingers touched for a moment but none of you paid attention. “So, what happened? Why did you want to see me?”

Confused, you took a moment to think about your answer. You worried a lot about picking the right words, but now you were even more anxious. ‘I just need to tell him the truth and that’s all,’ you reassured yourself before turning to face Tim. “Well, the thing is - I’m quitting P & P.”

Tim’s face remained unchanged for a second, but then the man furrowed his brows, tilting his head and rubbing his ear as if he didn’t hear. “You're what? Quitting?”

"Right," you gave him a half-smile and continued. "Recently, I received a very... very good offer from one company in Chicago."

“Jesus Christ. Chicago? Really?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

Bryce lit the cigarette and leaned back in his chair. “Who the fuck even gave you this idea? And why so sudden? You have such a good job here, with a good salary and…” He paused and blew a few rings of smoke. “Do those bastards pay well?”

Laughing heartily, you crossed your arms over your chest and watched the smoke dividing the room in two with a white veil. “So many questions. Are you interested in leaving Pierce & Pierce too?”  That was not a serious question, since you knew that Bryce was more than satisfied with his job. “If I say who recommended that place to me, will you keep it a secret?” Tim nodded even before you could say something else. “I was at one P&P party, that one you decided to skip a week ago. So, there I met Paul Allen and we talked a bit and he mentioned that he just came back from his business trip from Chicago…we had a long conversation, but as a result he proposed to me to think about the option to change my current job.”

All the time while you were speaking, Tim was glancing at you with wide open eyes, his prominent brows curling up and down whenever you mentioned Paul Allen’s name. It was always funny for you to watch Bateman & Co getting so frustrated and annoyed whenever Allen was around or whenever someone discussed his success with having the Fisher account. To say the least, his ability to get a reservation at Dorsia. ‘I’m not gonna tell any of them that Allen offered me dinner in Dorsia after that party.’

“So you were unsatisfied with your job all this time and didn’t say anything? That sucks, (y/n). Didn’t expect that to come, not gonna lie,” Bryce made a low sound which was very similar to growling, but at the same time it also sounded like a scoff. “But, if that really is what you want, then who am I to judge you? We have only one life to fulfill all our needs, right?”

Timothy’s statement was like a balm to your soul, that was exactly what you hoped he would tell you and when he did, you felt some kind of relief washing over you like a breeze of fresh air.

“Thank you, Tim,” you finally grinned and put your elbows on the table. “Glad you didn’t start to read me notations.”

“Are you gonna tell him?”

“Him?” You squinted and tilted your head; your intuition was screaming that something was so damn wrong.

“Bateman,” with a sly smile, Bryce put the cigarette out in a glass ashtray; his glance was eloquent but you never really managed to read it. “I bet he will be upset. Very upset.”

“Bryce ” you rolled your eyes. ‘Is he lying or…?’ That question remained unspoken. “Leave these cheesy jabs to yourself, okay?”

Tim only laughed at your weak attempt to threaten him and stood up from the table. “You know, I saw him with Jean in Arcadia last night…” Now this information could come in handy… “I think they had some kind of date or something, huh,” he chuckled again and fixed his tie, giving the picture on the opposite wall a scrutinizing glance. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but something is definitely happening. In my opinion, you should tell him about your…unexpecting leaving, you know.”

Before you could respond, Timothy Bryce looked at you one last time and left the meeting room. Now, you were left alone but not really alone as the weight of the newfound information lay on your shoulders like two massive dumbbells. ‘If everything is too obvious for Bryce, what other things might the others think about me and Bateman?’ That was a rhetorical question mostly, but still you couldn’t even get up from the chair, sensing the strange, chilling fear inside your chest—what if you were mistaken with accepting the offer of a new job?

Gritting your teeth, you snarled and almost kicked the table from beneath, your palms were clenching and unclenching, thankfully no one could see you like this. Swiftly but nervously, you finally stood up and headed out from the meeting room, striving to avoid any of your soon-to-be-ex colleagues on your way to Bateman’s office. 

How many times have you rehearsed the words you were going to say while you were walking up there? Countless. But still, when you entered Patrick's office and saw his lovely secretary, everything inside you froze - words, emotions, even your breath.

“Hi, Jean,” you mumbled, with a half-smile on your slightly tensed face. “Looking good.”

“Uh, thank you,” the blonde woman replied and fixed the stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

As soon as you heard the echo of Patrick's voice through the office door, a lump formed in your throat and you had to cough several times because of the unpleasant dryness.

“Well,” you paused and glanced at the closed door with a nameplate ‘Patrick Bateman’ on it. “You would help me a lot if you let me have a private conversation with your boss.”

“Patrick is,” her voice suddenly wavered, implying that something was wrong. “He’s busy right now.”

“Oh,” you stepped back involuntarily. “Okay, I can come later.”

“No,” Jean replied curtly. “I’m sorry, but today is not an option at all.”

‘Is that some kind of joke?’ You hummed to yourself, already regretting coming here in the first place. “All right then. Have a nice day, Jean.” Turning around you already stepped out from the office when you head her voice:

“(Y/n), wait. Oh, I hope I pronounced your name correctly.” She blushed once you came back inside. “I think I can tell him about your visit, when he will be less busy.”

That offer was not something you would expect. “Actually, that would be nice,” you clicked on your tongue, considering your next steps. “Tell him that I have a reservation at Dorsia at eight o’clock–”

“Today?” Her question cut off your bluffing. “Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

You just grinned politely in return. “Yep, today. Tell him…that I need to talk with him about business and stuff. And, that it would be probably the last chance for him to catch up with me.” Jean’s eyes widened for a moment, but you reassured her instantly. “No drama, just changing my job.”

“Uh, that was probably a tough decision?”

“Not really,” you winked at her and crossed your arms over the chest. “But don’t tell him about that, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” She tried to hide her confusion behind a warm smile but failed. “I’ll tell him that you will be waiting for him at Dorsia tonight and that this conversation is very important.”

“Uh-huh,” you hummed and for a moment just stood there, looking at the closed office door. “Thank you, darling. For everything.”

You made a special accent on the word ‘darling’, purposely embarrassing her and leaving no room for any questions and other stuff that would make a current situation even more fucked up. 

After you left Bateman’s office you had to find Allen as only half of what you told Jean was actually bluffing—you knew that Paul had a reservation at Dorsia tonight, considering he was inviting you for dinner. Allen’s strange interest in you wasn’t your top priority at that moment but using it for your sake was something you couldn’t deny at such a situation. So when you finally found Paul in one of the meeting rooms, you persuaded him to give you that reservation, explaining that you wanted to show one of your colleagues Dorsia before you would leave New York and move to Chicago. And even though everyone would find out that that colleague was Patrick Bateman, you wouldn't’ care since you would be far away from here.

A few hours later, the melodious voice of Whitney Houston reverberated off the walls of the opulent living room in Bateman's apartment, the lyrics of "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," which Patrick knew perfectly, striking a chord in his chest every time the song came on.

But today everything was different.

Everything, except some random blonde bimbo who was on her knees between Bateman’s spread legs, sucking his thick cock but not actually giving him any pleasure. Frustrated, the man tugged on her hair without any compassion, bringing her closer, so her nose was almost brushing against his hairy pubis. But almost immediately, the woman began to whimper and claw at the perfect skin of his hips, and he didn't like it.

“What? Already tired?” Bateman sneered and fixated the blonde’s head in one place for a moment by her neck. “Or is that your first time? Then, I’m so fucking honored!"

As soon as the man let the blonde go, she pushed him away and sat back on her ass, breathing heavily. “Are you crazy?” the bimbo inquired and pressed a hand to her half-exposed breasts, her whole appearance looked messy. “I was about…t-to choke on your fucking dick!”

Sighing, Bateman rolled his eyes and just stretched out on the couch, lazily stroking his half-hard shaft. "So, this is your first time?" The woman hesitated to answer, which only made Patrick mock her even more. "Did you tell me that you have a boyfriend? And he works at P&P, right?"

Wiping her mouth with undisguised contempt, the blonde started to get up, but Patrick stepped on the hem of her dress and she almost fell. "Marcus! Stop it!"

"Uh, look at you," the man chuckled, watching her feeble attempts to get up. "Such a pathetic little bitch, pathetic and greedy," the man added, giggling. "Ready to give head to every vice president at Pierce & Pierce! Your boyfriend should be so proud of you."

The woman was on the verge of tears when Bateman finally allowed her to get up and collect her things. She had been in such a hurry that she had left her panties on the glass coffee table. All this gave Patrick much more pleasure than the blonde's inexperienced blowjob.

"Ask your boyfriend to teach you how to suck dicks," he blurted out as the woman rushed into the hallway, rifling through her purse looking for something. "Since he's probably a pro at that sort of thing."

But the girl was already gone. So the man could only laugh to himself, so proud of his cheeky jabs, if only he didn't feel like a schoolboy dreading his upcoming meeting with his teacher. With a heavy sigh, Bateman closed his eyes for a second, his cock was already soft, but his sac were still tense and full of his cum; he felt too unsatisfied with himself, which only made things worse.

What was it even for?

The man could just take some coke, lie down on his bed, close his eyes and think of you—that was enough for him to cum so hard that he had to go to the laundry almost every day because he ran out of sheets. But today was different, considering that Patrick was going to meet you, and not just anywhere, but in fucking Dorsia. It seemed that everyone in this town could get a res there, but not him.

Biting his lower lip, the man looked down at the throbbing cock in his hand - the mere thought of you was making him horny as hell. "Shit…" If only he could reboot his memory and get rid of that scene in the Tunnel. If only. Meanwhile, the Whitney Houston tape continued to play the song "Where Do Broken Hearts Go". Bateman doubted he would be able to masturbate, he was too nervous and stressed out, even imagining you while that bitch was giving him head didn't work. Although it usually did. "Dorsia, huh," the man giggled nervously and checked his Rolex - he still had plenty of time. As if spellbound, Patrick slid to the floor and kicked off his leather shoes, his red tie already loosened and his pants hiked down. Leaning against the couch, Bateman threw his head back and began to jack off, recalling the forbidden, sinful sensations of your hand sliding along his hot flesh. "Mmm-fuck," he moaned and shivered, his free hand already gripping the edge of the white couch, several beads of sweat running down his tense temples. What if today he finally found the courage to confess? Confess that all these days had been a fucking torture for him, that he was ready to crawl on the walls from how much he longed for you, not even physically, but mentally. Maybe, just maybe, your reassurance that everything was not over for him, that maybe he still had a chance to have some normalcy in this cruel world—could change everything?

"Fuck, f-fuck!" Patrick cursed, sensing that his impending orgasm was slipping away from him just by reflecting on the things that were happening between the two of you. Jerking off and thinking about your sexy voice, your hot body and your cheeky smile was one thing, it always turned him on better than anything else, but thinking about the complexity of your relationship… that was not a turn-on for him. Not at all. Cursing to himself, Patrick slicked back his auburn hair and quickly got up to stagger to the bathroom, where he nervously opened the cabinet behind the mirror and found a small white jar of pills. Xanax was his only stress reliever so far. Taking a deep, almost desperate breath, Bateman looked at his reflection, his bloodshot eyes full of tears that threatened to cascade down like a waterfall. "This is not an exit." Patrick told his reflection, but opened the jar anyway and took a handful of pills. Frustrated, unsatisfied, he didn't know how he was going to survive dinner with you, and Dorsia was the last thing on his mind. "Because I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared."

Luckily, the marble walls of his bathroom were the only witnesses to his downfall.

Dawn came to New York faster than you could imagine. All the way to Dorsia you were nervous, but still confident in the plan you had made earlier that day. Even though you had failed in your previous attempt to dot the T's at the Tunnel, today would be different, you were sure of it. ‘I don't even know why, though,’ you chuckled to yourself, and the taxi driver gave you a concerned glance, but you just shrugged it off, signaling him to concentrate on the road.

In the restaurant everything looked the same as when you were here with Paul Allen, but this time you were not the one who was invited, but the one who invited another person—named Patrick Bateman—and speaking of whom, was late and that made you quite anxious. ‘What if he just doesn’t come?’ This thought made you fidget in the chair, your hands fumbling with the napkin on your knees and after telling the waiter for the second time that you were expecting someone else to come, your fingers became cold as if they were frozen. 

“Maybe I can bring you some drinks?” The waiter didn’t give up, spurring you to order at least something to drink.

Quickly running a hand across your strained face, you exhaled loudly and nodded. “Yeah, drinks,” you stummered when you looked past the waiter, noticing the familiar elegant silhouette coming close to your table. “Can you…bring…some water?”

Confused, the waiter glanced down at the full glass of water next to you. “Uh, more water?”

“(Y/n),” Bateman’s voice echoed across the space. “I hope I didn't make you wait for so long,” he chuckled and took a seat at the table. “Had some important business affairs.” The moment he noticed the confused waiter, Patrick gave him his most sassy smile and checked his Rolex for no reason, probably just to show them out. “Can you please bring me a glass of J&B and some fresh salad to your taste.”

‘A salad, really?’ You almost snickered, but instead your face turned into a neutral expression. "Business, huh?"

Bateman rested more comfortably in his chair after the waiter finally left. "You know, some affairs with blonde hair and long legs, big tits and an amazing ass."

That came out of nowhere. 

Still calm, you watched the man across from you smile, surely proud of himself and so damn bossy it was almost absurd. "You mean someone in particular, don't you?"

“Oh, yeah,” Patrick put his both elbows on the table, clasping his hands, revealing his gold Rolex once again. “Her name is Stephany, if I’m not mistaken, she’s a girlfriend of one of our accountants,” the man paused before snickering. “That one who makes monthly reports, you know him. So, I’m a bit late because I couldn't leave such a lovely girl without a treat she deserved.”

Right now, you didn't care if it was true or not—his well-framed—confidence was something you found very interesting and even amusing, as it was proof that he was preparing for this dinner just like you were.

"And that's when I thought vice presidents actually worked at Pierce & Pierce." With a slight grin, you joked and finally took a sip of water, feeling your throat suddenly go dry, just like when you were talking to Jean earlier.

Bateman's sudden laugh rang out like shattered glass. "'C'mon, (y/n), don't pretend you don't know that-"

"I know that your father owns almost half of the company," you interrupted him abruptly, and he wasn't happy about it. "And that gives you certain privileges."

"Don't be envious. It doesn't suit you."

"Envious?" You set the glass of water aside. "I think it was me who invited you here so that you could finally visit Dorsia… at least once."

The air between the two of you was thick with venom and something even more poisonous. Nevertheless, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't think Bateman was acting like the jerk he undoubtedly was. But, to be honest, you expected him to act a little less smug.

"I still think this place is overrated," Patrick hissed through clenched teeth right as the waiter brought him his whiskey and salad with sliced vegetables and some cheese, which he didn't even touch, taking a big gulp of his drink. "So, uh, Jean told me you wanted to talk to me about something important. What is it?"

The waiter didn't even try to offer to check the menu again and retreated, but he would definitely come back later with the same request, since you hadn't ordered anything yet.

"Well, it doesn't seem to matter anymore," you suddenly declared, crumpling the paper napkin before dropping it on the finest tablecloth. "The thing is—I'm quitting P&P and moving to Chicago. That's it. Nothing special, really."

The moment of silence washed over them both like a tidal wave. Visibly shocked, Bateman just sat there, then nervously straightened his tie and looked around as if to call for help. 'Not so ballsy anymore, Patty?' There was something about the way he was humiliated, something that stirred a burning flame in your gut that came dangerously close to burning you alive from the inside. And again, you would be lying to yourself if you pretended you could control it.

"Chicago?" Patrick repeated as if he hadn't heard correctly.

"Why do both you and Bryce react as if Chicago were a desert island?"

"Heh," Bateman rubbed the bridge of his nose and leaned back in his chair. "So Bryce knows everything. Why am I not surprised?"

"I'd tell you more," that was the moment you'd been waiting for so long—the moment of his vulnerability, and you couldn't stop yourself like a shark who sensed blood in the water. "Paul Allen was the one who actually recommended this job to me."

Patrick's jaw clenched at the mention of Paul Allen. "Really?"

"Yes," you continued to corner him. "One day we were having dinner, here, in Dorsia," you grinned, catching every little change in Bateman's no longer confident face. "He said one of his buddies was starting a new company, and they were looking for specialists… like me."

"Well," he began, sliding his hand across the table's surface as if to calm down. "Good for you, (y/n). Congratulations!" That was the most fake 'congratulations' you ever heard, even though you were expecting a slightly different reaction. "But I don't understand. Why didn't you talk to me before? Before you made your decision."

This question almost made you choke. 'Did he really say that?' And just as you were about to answer, the waiter came across the table again, choosing the perfect moment. Before he could offer to check the menu, you raised your hand in an irritating gesture. "Bring me a vodka and orange juice," Patrick's eyebrows arched almost immediately. "Double vodka, please."

"Yes, s-sure." The waiter stuttered before taking the crumpled napkin and walking away, very stressed.

Without giving yourself time to think, you leaned against the table and muttered. "Why should I? We are not friends."

"Of course not," Bateman scowled, crossing his arms over his broad chest, the black pinstriped suit outlining his physique perfectly. "Not after you gave me a decent handjob in the Tunnel bathrooms."

Patrick caught you off guard by injecting this argument so blatantly into the conversation. "Decent? It was fucking amazing." You growled and quickly turned around to see if anyone was paying attention to your table, and when you were sure there was nothing to worry about, you faced Patrick again. "Too amazing, considering you seem to be thinking about it all the time."

"W-what? I… I didn't…"

Sneering, you tapped your fingers on the table in nervous anticipation of your drinks, even though you hadn't planned on drinking any alcohol, wanting to keep yourself as sober as possible for the dinner and everything that might or might not happen afterwards.

"Relax, Bateman," you rested your chin on your clasped hands, finally allowing yourself to examine his handsome appearance, including the way his cheeks were tinged with a red hue. "You've said too much already."

And from that moment on, you began to feel relaxed, even pleased with all the things Patrick revealed to you, accidentally or not, you would use every little detail to your own advantage when the time came.

A little later, when the waiter finally brought your cocktail, you finished it too quickly, so you asked for it to be repeated under the attentive hazel eyes of the man sitting on the other side of the table. The more drunk you got, the more topics you discussed, but when you mentioned Paul Allen again, you noticed that Patrick's good mood was fading.

"Wait a minute!" You held out a hand to stop him from jumping from one topic to another. "Can you tell me why the mere mention of Paul Allen triggers you so much? Is there something between you two?"

Bateman couldn't hold back a loud, hearty laugh. "That joke's too tasteless even for Bryce," he finished his whiskey, the salad still untouched on the table in front of him. "Allen…he's…not the person he tries to pretend to be."

"Oh?"

"I think he's part of that Yale thing."

You narrowed your eyes and leaned in closer. "Yale thing? What do you mean?"

Patrick quickly licked his lips, not expecting you to delve further into the subject. "Well, I think he's probably a closeted homosexual who likes to do a lot of coke and have orgies with male hookers."

At first you just giggled out loud, not caring that some people were looking at you, but then your face suddenly became serious. "How do you know about that? Did he tell you or…" you smiled playfully. "Did he do something… that made you think so," you bit your lower lip and drank the last drop of your cocktail with unabashed thirst. "That sounds strange…very strange."

"You're drunk, (y/n)," Bateman murmured, tilting his hand as if thinking about something. "Too drunk, which gives me the impression that you're as much of an amateur at drinking as you are at doing coke."

"Uh, s-shut up."

"See? Can't even speak words."

"Maybe...maybe I am drunk, now what? Are you gonna be a fucking gentleman like you always try to be and offer me a ride? Or maybe," you fixed your hair nonchalantly, your vision slightly blurred. "Would you be brave enough to show me your apartment?"

As soon as those words came out of your mouth, you knew there was no turning back, and your inner voice, which usually kept you from doing shit you would regret, seemed to fall asleep from the high level of alcohol in your system.

The man across from you straightened up at your bold suggestion, reading the subtext with ease. "Is that what you want? For me to take you to my place?"

His question hung in the air for a moment before you managed to come up with an answer, but you didn't know how to get out of this situation and turn it into a joke, as you usually did. Maybe you just didn't want to get out of it? Just like you didn't want to let him go when he helped you get up from the table after he'd paid for dinner and the two of you were in a cab. Not to mention when you almost fell down and the man caught you in his arms, but there was still a barrier between the two of you—an invisible wall—the only line that kept you apart. The line that was too dangerous to cross, but too tempting not to think about what lay behind it.

By the time the cab pulled up at the American Gardens Building, you were half asleep on Bateman's shoulder, his Lancome cologne not helping at all, making your mind even more cloudy. But you did your best to get out of the car without his help, letting the cool fresh air bring you some relief and clarity. 

In the elevator, Patrick began to mumble about his musical preferences, but you didn't really pay attention because your brain was overworked trying to come up with a plan B in case things went too far. 'As if they hadn't gone too far already,' your inner voice suddenly tried to break through the thick layers of alcohol, affection and uncontrollable desire.

Bateman's apartment looked exactly as you had imagined—opulent, stylish, and very minimalist. Everything seemed to be in its place, including you, standing next to the tall window in his living room.

"Not a bad view," you admitted, taking off the jacket of your suit. "Not Central Park, but not bad at all."

"Central Park?" Patrick asked, hiding in the kitchen, which was perfectly connected to the living room, but you couldn't see him behind the wall as he examined the large number of different kitchen knives.

"Yeah, you know, Paul Allen's apartment faces Central Park, looks really fancy," you didn't mean to hurt Bateman's feelings, but the moment you turned around and saw him, it was obvious that your words had reached him. "But, I really prefer your place...it's more modern for my taste."

Puzzled, Patrick didn't hurry to join you in the living room, his thin fingers never ceasing to slide up and down the sharp blade in his hand, but at the very last moment, the man put the knife back in its place. With deliberate steps, he walked out of the kitchen and approached his stereo system.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief, as if his life depended on your answer.

Such a reaction from him was oddly appealing, the vulnerability, the desperation in his brown eyes. This was a level of satisfaction that no drug could ever match. Meanwhile, Bateman turned on the music, the charming voice of Phil Collins filling the room as "Invisible Touch" began to play.

The man was examining the tape in his hands when you slowly approached and gently cupped his face, inducing him to look at you. "Yes, I do," you confirmed your previous words, and when Patrick didn't flinch from your touch, you decided to go on, tracing your finger along his sensual lips, fighting the urge to kiss them here and now. "Speaking of preferences," you removed your hand only to place it on the lapel of his suit. "Would you be a good boy and give me a full tour of your apartment, including the bedroom?"

In any other situation, you would probably die from shame at saying something like that, but not now. Not with him, because no sooner had your question escaped your lips than you noticed that his hands were shaking, and the CD was about to fall out of them, so you had to gently grab it and pull it out of his hands. Bateman reminded you of a man struggling with addiction, every twitch of his plump lips, every furrow of his perfect eyebrows spoke volumes about the undeniable affection between the two of you, an affection you were both too exhausted to fight and hide.

Without further ado, you placed the CD on top of the stereo and pressed Patrick against the nearest wall, holding the lapels of his Valentino suit and sealing his hot mouth with yours, opening it wider with your tongue, so eager to taste him again after such a long wait.

"Mmhm," he purred into the kiss, his hands desperately wrapped around your waist, then going lower to cradle your hips, groping and squeezing a little too hard so that you had to bite his lip to make him stop, but the man just growled and pushed you closer, your groins rubbing against each other in the most lewd way possible. "Bedroom...go to the bedroom...and wait for me there."

Bateman's words right after the kiss sounded like nonsense, which you found oddly arousing. With a foxy smile, you licked his cheek, then his neck, almost biting the artery and sucking on the reading mark. "No, no, no, Bateman," you shook your head, grabbing his neck slightly to kiss him again, but he did it first. Even now Patrick was trying to take the lead, your tongues fighting for control like two snakes entwining around each other. "I'm in no mood for games or waiting."

The moment you said it, Bateman lifted you with practiced ease as if you weighed nothing, and you didn't even have a chance to protest as he began to move toward the closed room behind his white couch. In his arms, you finally felt complete, even if you let him take the lead for a while. Noticing the pair of panties on the glass coffee table, you wrapped your legs around him and buried your fingers in his silky hair, ruffling them and letting them fall on his forehead, making him look even hotter.

Jesus, you were on the verge of an explosion just from the foreplay alone.

Bateman's bedroom greeted you with stark white walls, the brightness of which was almost painful to look at as he turned on the light holding you with one arm, and the king-size bed on which he carefully placed you, but you didn't let him pull away, tugging at his tie and forcing him to lay on top of you.

"Fuck, look at you," Patrick grazed your earlobe before massaging your chest through your shirt and hovering over you. "So insatiable, aren't you? Running in circles like a trapped kitten."

Growling, you pulled him closer again to suck on his lower lip, letting your body rub against his so you could feel how hard he was, so painfully hard, considering the sound he made when you snaked your hand between his legs to cradle his bulge. "Are you gonna cum in your pants if I don't stop?"

With a determined persistence, you continued to massage his hard cock through the layers of his expensive clothes as you removed his jacket and then his suspenders, one by one. Bateman didn't interfere as he was also busy getting rid of your clothes without actually tearing them apart.

"Let me," you insisted as soon as you noticed him struggling to unbutton your shirt. "This is my favorite shirt, you know," you gasped, your own fingers trembling, making it difficult even for you to finally remove your shirt. "I don't want it to get torn."

When you finally got rid of the top part of your clothes, the sight of your exposed skin made Patrick grunt in hunger, and the next second the man was already sucking on your nipple, his muscular frame shaking on top of you from your teasing ministrations on his twitching dick and hard balls. Damn, you wanted to suck him dry as much as you wanted to ruin him until he forgot his own name.

"Don't like it anyway," Bateman muttered suddenly, holding your hands above your head. "You need to go to some... fashion shows... maybe you will have more free time in Chicago, considering Paul Allen offered you this job. I'm sure it would be some boring shit."

‘Good Lord, he mentioned him again…’ You rolled your eyes and turned away from his face, eliciting a low rumble from Patrick's massive chest. "What the fuck is wrong with Paul... are you... jealous of him or something?"

"Me?" he asked, confused and you took the opportunity to release your hands and roll over so that you were now on top of him. "I'm not the one bragging about having dinner with him in fucking Dorsia!"

Bateman sounded like a little boy who was upset that no one wanted to play with him, which made you giggle, but then you straddled him and opened his white shirt and removed his tie.

"The more you talk," you murmured as you ran your hands along the smooth skin of his torso, paying special attention to his toned pecs and abs. "The more you make me think you two had a history," you leaned down to teasingly lick his lips, your sneaky hands already working on the zipper of his pants. "But still, I don't care." In one swift motion, you pulled down his pants along with his boxers, watching his thick cock pop out, yearning for your attention. "Mhmm, the last time we were alone you worked me up really good, I wanna return the favor," your hands wrapped around the base of his beefy shaft, the small droplets of his pre-cum already covering its tip, forcing you to lick your lips in hunger. "If you have nothing else on your mind?"

Did you really care about his feelings since you asked him that question? 

The man beneath you was definitely growing impatient, his hands gripping your hips as if he was about to imprint his fingerprints on your skin if you were not wearing your pants. 

"Lie on your side," Bateman suggested suddenly. "Take off all your clothes and lie down here," he tapped the spot next to him and you stood up quickly, as if he had cast a spell on you. Never in your life did you get rid of your clothes faster than now. "Uh, what a cute ass you have, (y/n)."

You frowned at his words, giving him your dead stare as you slipped out of your underwear, giving him the full view—the glint in his hazel eyes was too much to ignore—so you turned around and presented yourself to him; Bateman couldn't help but lazily stroked himself, putting a hand under his head. 

"Tell me, Bateman," you began, your hands slowly sliding down your bare skin. "Have you been thinking about me all this time?" You cupped your ass, bending over a little so he could see the spot right between your legs. "Or have you found a way to forget things you don't want to remember?"

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a second. "I wish there was a way to forget." Patrick murmured and watched as you lay on your side in the 69 position, then he did the same, his hot breath scorching the soft flesh between your thighs. 

You wrapped your hands around his hips and eagerly took his drooling dick in your mouth, while he was lapping at your crotch. "Mm-fuck," you jerked against his face, your fingers digging deeper into his skin as Bateman feasted on you like the most delicious meal. "Me too, Bateman, m-me too."

Having said that, you swirled your tongue around the swollen tip of his veiny cock, causing a muffled moan to erupt from his mouth, its vibration sending shivers down the base of your spine, only spurring you on to go further, pushing his dick deeper into your mouth. Soon the room was filled with the soft, wet sounds of your shared oral pleasure, punctuated by soft but powerful moans and groans as you both teetered on the edge of ecstasy. Gripping your ass, Bateman responded to your actions with the same passion, devouring every drop of your flavor and giving you no chance to escape, his strong arms like ropes around your body. After giving his cock the attention it deserved, you decided to tease his heavy balls with light lapping on them, before slipping a finger inside his tight ass, you expected him to protest but instead you heard him moan and the next moment his hips began to move towards your penetrating movements.

"Good boy," you praised him, rolling your eyes at the way the man was sucking on your most sensitive spot. "Taking my finger so well..."

The coil in your lower abdomen was about to snap at any moment, but you still wanted more, you wanted to feel that cock inside you, even if it was going to rip you a apart. Breathlessly, you didn't even remember asking him about condoms, and how you managed to get out of bed and go to the closet, where you found a little box Bateman was talking about—its contents almost made you gasp in awe, so you decided to take it with you.

"Well, well," you crooned as you stepped back into the bedroom. "Should I ask you what this is or are you going to tell me?"

With a wide grin, you held out a large purple dildo, Patrick's eyes twitched and he gulped, leaning on his elbows. "I... I use it with hookers," the man confessed, licking his glistening lips covered with your juices. "Why?"

"Hmmm, you like watching women play with it?" You asked as you reached the bed. "How about actually using it and not just watching?"

Damn, you could swear you saw his breath catch in his throat, his muscles tense and his dick throbbing just at the mention of using that sex toy on him. 'So he likes that idea, what a naughty boy,' you chuckled to yourself and took your place on the bed next to him. "This is going to feel so good, baby," you brought the dildo to his lips, suggesting that he lick it for lubrication, and when he did, you could barely keep yourself from cumming, just from the sight of his tongue flicking around the tip of the silicone sex toy. "Get on your knees and let me take care of you."

"Fuck," Bateman cursed, but it was too late to turn back. Embarrassed but extremely aroused, the man got down on all fours and gave you full access to his firm ass, which you immediately fondled, spreading his buttocks and biting them one by one. "Mmh-hmm, (y/n)."

"Relax," you stroked his hips, kissing the lower part of his back just above the dimples that were too sexy to ignore. "God, you have such a beautiful body," you decided to praise him, knowing the effect it would have on him. "I would worship it forever if I could," which was only half true, or maybe...it was not. Leisurely, you showered his soft skin with little peaks here and there, dotting it with your marks of love, not even realizing that you were giving all of yourself to the process.

As you pressed the tip of the dildo against his puckered muscle ring, Patrick tensed at your touch, gripping the sheets and closing his eyes, so overwhelmed and confused at the same time, but your reassuring hand on his trembling one encouraged him to look back at you as you hovered over him to kiss his lips, his neck, his shoulder.

"(Y/n)," Bateman suddenly huffed through his clenched teeth. "I want you to..." he gasped as you flickered your wet finger around his tight asshole. "...fuck."

"You want me to feast on that delicious ass of yours?" You finished the sentence for him, grinning in pure gratification at his complete submission. "Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, y-yes," he grasped the sheets and positioned himself more comfortably on all fours— a clear sign that he was not used to this position and you couldn't miss it. "I want to feel your tongue... all over me."

"Shit, Bateman, you're a real sweet talker." With that you put the dildo on the bed next to you and before you knew it you were spreading his ass cheeks wide open to make a flat lick along his tight hole. "I wanna hear you," you gently but insistently probed his ass with your warm tongue, giving him several slaps on the buttocks that drove the man wild as you felt his velvet walls tighten around your tongue. "Good boy, c'mon, spread it out for me."

Blushing, Patrick used both hands to spread himself for your eager ministrations as you fucked him with your tongue while your hands traveled all around his hips before you wrapped one of them around his pulsating cock, fuck, he was so close, you could tell by the way his balls tensed when you gave them a slight squeeze.

"Don't cum until I let you," you commented and the next moment you were already pushing the sleek sex toy into his ass and this time he accepted it gradually, taking it in with ease—the sight made you gasp but you focused on giving him pleasure. "Tell me, Bateman, how does it feel?"

The question remained unanswered for a brief moment as you began to slid the dildo in and out, stimulating his prostate and causing him to shake and whimper in pure bliss, but when you decided to add fuel to the fire by jerking him off and sucking on his strained sac, Patrick could barely contain himself, his legs about to give way at any moment.

"F-fuck, a-aahhh, mmhhmm," he murmured into the pillow, his hands finding their way to your messy hair, gripping them almost to the point of pain. "I...c-can't...hold...it any longer," Bateman's wailing bounced off the walls of his luxurious bedroom, which had never seen anything like it before. "I..."

Though you wanted him to last longer, you were too overwhelmed yourself, feeling the string in your belly ready to burst. "Let it go," your words were like a balm to his ears as, just a moment later, his cock pulsed in your grasp, spraying loads of his thick cum across the Chinese sheets that Patrick had always been so fond of. "That's it…" You didn't stop fucking him with a dildo, nor did you stop pumping his throbbing dick, milking it until the last drop of his seed. "Good boy, you're such a good boy." 

Panting, you pulled out the sex toy, covered in his slick, and brought it to his trembling lips, inducing him to suck it before taking it into your mouth, feeling the mixture of tastes on the tip of your tongue. Then, Bateman rolled onto his back, desperately gasping for air, his cock still hard. That was fucking phenomenal, but you didn't comment, thinking about your own orgasm at last. Locking your eyes with Patrick's hazel ones, you touched yourself the moment he beckoned you over, and without words, you mounted his flushed, sweaty face, riding it as desperately as you could, using his tongue and lips without shame. Tilting your head back, you grabbed his head and almost clawed at his scalp, feeling your insides about to fucking explode from the tension. So when you peaked, your scream could be heard all over Bateman's apartment. The orgasms you had before were nothing compared to this. It took everything from you, it made you die and rise again.

The final chord of the parade of shameless lust was when you let him fuck you in a way you didn't even expect. Spooning you from behind after he put the condom on, the man lifted your leg and sheathed himself inside of you till the hilt, making you feel so full you had to wrinkle the fabric underneath, but that was just the beginning as Bateman pulled you closer, trapping you in his arms like a cocoon, his tongue sliding around your ear shell with undisguised affection,

"Mmhmm, fuck, you're...so perfect," the man whispered into your ear, setting up the pace and resting his hand between your legs for extra stimulation. "Holy fuck! I'm cumming again, omh-shit..."

"Fuck m-me, yeah, just...l-like that...a-ahhh," you coaxed him to fuck you harder as you suddenly found yourself on the verge of climaxing again. "Gimme everything, baby, a-awww...goshhhhhhhh," you were the first to fall over the principle of pleasure, twitching along his body as if you were hit by the electric shock, all your nerves were on fire. "Bateman, mmhm-fuck-fuck! Your dick feels s-so good.."

Your vivid orgasm became the last straw for his second release as you felt him bite at your neck, his buffed frame shaking in spasms of pure rapture, you even had to hold back a scream from how painfully Patrick's hands squeezed your hips, but it was pleasurable pain of being ruined, of being fucked into a wet mess. Barely breathing, you didn't even remember how you passed out from exhaustion and for the first time in the last few days you fell asleep completely satisfied and happy.

When the first rays of sunlight crept through the blinds into Bateman's bedroom, you were already awake, as was he, but since you were lying with your back to his face, you didn't notice until the man kissed your shoulder, snuggled up against your neck, and made you roll over to face him.

As you did so, you dared to look directly into the brown eyes still clouded by the aftermath of your shared pleasure. "Hey." He muttered in a husky voice.

"Hey," you murmured back, hugging the pillow. "Did you sleep well?"

“Surprisingly—yes," the man stretched his arms, flexing his muscles and checking himself in the mirror on the other side of the room, which you hadn't even noticed. "(Y/n), I want you to go to the office and tell everyone that you're not going anywhere."

Shocked, you blinked several times, not knowing what to say as you hadn't expected anything like this.

With a nervous chuckle that turned into a hearty laugh, you rolled onto your back before sitting up on the bed. "Oh God, you're such a little Delulu, it's even funny," you looked at him—his face was nothing but a blank space without any visible emotions. "Did you really think that random sex would change my mind about changing jobs?" You chuckled again, louder this time. "I mean, the sex was really good, but... it's not like I'm going to give everything for this, you know?" With that, you got up from the bed and wrapped a blanket around yourself. "Can I take a shower?”

Trapped in the thought that only he could know, Patrick rolled onto his back, his eyes fixed on an invisible spot on the ceiling above him. "Yes," he murmured, barely audible. "Do whatever you want."

Walking towards the bathroom, you suddenly stopped and turned half around. "You better forget it," you said, savoring every word and finally returning the favor. "Maybe ask Paul Allen for advice," you grinned as you watched Bateman close his eyes in a feeble attempt to distance himself from everything that had happened. "Maybe he knows something about memory reboot machines that can help."

Without waiting for his answer, you continued on your way to the bathroom. Even though you were pleased with yourself, your revenge didn't taste sweet, but bitter, and its bitterness would remain on the tip of your tongue even after you washed yourself clean under the hot streams of water.

But the game was worth the candle, as they said.

Was it?

P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my side blog @makeyoumineagain and turn on notifications to know when I update!

#american psycho #patrick bateman x reader #patrick bateman imagine #patrick bateman #patrick bateman x female reader #patrick bateman x you #slasher x reader #slashers x reader #slasher x you #slasher smut #patrick bateman smut #patrick bateman headcanon #christian bale smut #christian bale x reader #patrick bateman reader #christian bale #patrick bateman imagines #patrick bateman x male reader #gn reader

[sturn3]

i lowkey really got out of hand, girl... i'm sorry, i can re-do it if you'd like!!! (btw im not really sorry, im kinda proud of the smut i wrote) tw: not proofread cause im kinda lazy rn

matt's girlfriend was the sweetest angel anyone had ever met. always putting everyone's needs before her own. never wanting to disappoint anyone and she just had a very motherly nature, needing to take care of everyone around her.

so, that translated that she was a pathological people pleaser. taking up extra shifts at her work, always saying yes to her boss even though she didn't want to do something he suggested, giving her coworkers rides home, baking them the cookies she once brought to work and everyone continuesly asked for, giving rides to her coworkers and so much more.

her natural instinct of saying yes to everything to please everyone left her exhausted all the time. so, when she did have free time all she'd do is nap, that would be the case, of course, if no one of her friends called her to hang out or have her do some kind of chore. matt had finally had enough of missing his girlfriend so much and never having any time with her. and that's when he decided to intervene.

firstly, he decided to mix up her white laundry with a piece of red clothing, painting all of her formal clothes and cute lingerie, pink. you moved on and said, "That's fine, sweetie. everyone makes mistakes." matt had to work harder to pull out the beast he knew you were hiding.

secondly, he started messing up all of your orders. putting onion and peppers in every order, two vegetables you hated passionately.you did show a little more aggression towards that, but you picked the disgusting veggies off and made no deal about it.

thirdly, matt thought this was his best shot at getting out the worst version of you. you were currently enjoying a party at full swing, everyone was having fun and drinking. you were with your girlfriends a few feet away from where you had last left matt. what you had failed to realize yet was that matt had some added companion from the last time you looked over to him. a girl glued to his side. at that moment ,you didn't think you'd ever been angrier. matt tried to hide his smirk as he saw you stalking over to him with crossed arms over your chest. when you got there, you tapped the girl aggressively on her shoulder, causing her to turn around and give you a look as if you were the one interrupting something. she suddenly spoke, "what do you want?" she said as her big brown eyes bored over your figure,"for you to stop talking to my boyfriend." you said as you pushed her out of the way and grabbed matt by his hand.

you had to managed to get away from the crowded house party and inside his parked car."can you tell me why the fuck that bitch was on you like that? you fucking bored of me or something?" you said as you slapped down his neck, matt couldn't help but smile wickedly. "maybe." he replied testing you even more, he knew he was playing with fire. "maybe, huh?? i'll fucking show you how boring i am, matt. get in the back and strip." he knew not to piss you off more so that's what he did. finally, you climed to the backseat right after he had obeyed and done everything you had asked him to.

"so, you think you're funny, matt, yeah? you think i'm such a people pleasure who would let you fuck some random dumb whore?" oh my god, did he love seeing this side of you. he made a mental note to piss you more often. he was getting a bit too excited while you were sat on top of his lap and quite literally could feel his dick stood up against your thigh. "no, no that's not what i was trying to do. i love you, baby." you laughed bitterly at that, grabbing him by his face and pulling his lips close enough to yours, touching but never kissing, "well, i think you deserve a lesson, baby." you said mocking him. so you got to work. you were currently on your knees on the floor of his car, leaving kisses on the length of his dick and occasional "kitten" licks on his tip. taking your sweet time teasing him and making it more painful each moment you passed without doing anything further. the growns you'd hear of him, making your core drip to the carpet of his car, due to your lack of underwear. whenever he'd to push your head so you could take him further into your mouth, you'd shake your head and shot him a disapproving look and he'd quickly let go. after a while of teasing him, you decided to fully take him in your mouth. he almost came when your warm mouth came into contact with his dick. your movements slow and steady. keeping him guessing your next movement. he knew not to try you, either. but when you felt his dick twitch in your mouth, you decided it was time to let go. you had brought him to such point of overstimulation and overwhelm that he could feel tears spill from his eyes. sat perched up on his lap with your legs spread, your skirt so shirt, giving him a view of your pantie-less pussy, he wanted to cry. so, when you finally leaned in to kiss him, he sighed in relief. your lips moving so hungrily against each other, his kiss so bruising. you could feel his hands grab the bottom of your tight crop top and pull it off your head. hands immediately going to grab at your breasts, meanwhile kissing and sucking your collarbones. then, he went down to suck your nipples, paying equal attention to both of them, his hands dropping to play with you clit. your pornographic moans filling the silence of his car. when you pulled his hands away to replace them with his dick he was gone for. he came almost immediately, as expected. but that didn't stop you. you weren't gonna stop if you didn't get to cum. so you eagerly moved on his dick trying to reach your high. your breasts jumping up and down on his face, a sight he wishes he could see every waking second of his life. that fueled him to thrust up inside you, not being able to resist but play with your tits once more. kissing and sucking. "you're so perfect, baby. no one could compare to you, my love." he said as he pulled from your tits and looking up at you with a lust filled gaze. both of you came to a high eventually. completely spent from your actions. "you love this side of me, don't you?" you accused matt, he couldn't help but let out the biggest smile "mhm yeah really turns me on how crazy you can get.", "oh, is that so?" "yes, i love my sweet kind girlfriend but baby you need to let out more the insane girl only i get to see."

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader

[soopertiddies]

anon is so funny. “forgive” as if watcher personally attacked you or killed ur dog or something. they’re a business who made a business mistake, they took accountability and changed their decision. now we move on

watcher came into my house and pushed my grandmother down the fucking stairs, they just pushed her. and then shane fucking flossed over my grandma's limp body while steven made it rain with fucking money and ryan tried to get an EVP of my grandmother even though she was still alive and he kept saying "i'm making my own ghosts" i'm screaming and throwning up gu ys

(I agree with everything you said)

#watcher

[hrryshoney]

Yea tell my why my brain went to Matty spanking tennis player reader with a racket this is embarrassing a need a brain cleanse

oh yea this is insane, ily olive. the way i need this badly!! this has themes of heavy spanking/impact play w an object (tennis racket obviously) so don’t read if it’s not for u

You hadn’t been bad, but maybe you’d been less than good. You were practicing today, per usual. And Matty was watching you, per usual. But you were practicing with a guy, not so usual. It had happened before, but normally you chose other women to practice with. It prepared you for your matches more.

But Theodore was a friend of yours, and so you said yes to his offer of helping you out. And maybe that was a mistake. Because you swore you could feel Matty’s glare burning through the side of your head from where he was sat in the stands.

So maybe Theodore was being more than friendly. You could always recall that he was typically the flirty type. And that was fine when you first started being friends with him, but you had a boyfriend now. And Matty made sure he made that very obvious when you introduced the both of them. He was all over you, hands on your hips and chin on your shoulder.

So when you were switching sides of the net and Theo’s hands brushed your waist, you shivered. And when he made an off handed comment about how ‘you look even better when you play.’ you clenched your teeth. “Oh, Theo. Please, I do have a boyfriend.” You laughed, keeping an airiness to your serious tone. You swore you could hear Matty scoff.

You thought Theo’s chuckle was the end of it. It should have been the end of it, but apparently he doesn’t know when to stop. Because his next words were, “I’m sure he understands, if you see something pretty you have to act on it. How he did with you, I assume.” The expression that graced your face probably did little to hide your internal expression. One of.. confusion, as you tilted your head to the side.

Before you could open your mouth, Matty was beside you in an instant. “Well, you know what they say about assuming, mate.” His hand came to wrap around your shoulders, fingers digging into the skin on your upper arm. “Shame I have to cut this session short, Tony-” Matty’s cut off as soon as he starts.

“Theodore.” He cuts in, jaw set and eyebrows furrowed. His eyes are jumping between yours and Matty’s.

“Sure. Well, we have a family emergency. Take care, then.” And before Theo can get another word in, Matty is dragging you off the court. He bends down to pick up your bag, but otherwise keeps walking. Your racket was still in your hand as he pulled you to the familiar path of the locker rooms. He drops your bag to the floor with a thud.

“Matty, are you-” Your sentence is interrupted by a squeak as Matty’s lips crashed into yours. You were in the middle of the locker room now, and your racket fell from your hand. It made a loud noise as it hit the floor, echoing around the empty room. His hands are on your face, pulling you closer as you moan into each others mouths. He pulls away and lets his mouth trail down your neck.

“Were you just gonna let him act like a sleaze towards you?” His voice is rough as he licks over your collarbone before sucking on your skin. Your eyebrows raise, and you almost want to say ‘rich coming from you.’ but Matty’s not finished. “With the way he was eye fucking you, I’m surprised he didn’t take you on the court in-front of me.” His voice sounds disgusted, and you try to hold back your smirk.

“Well I was going to tell him off before you came to the rescue, superman.” You tease, the situation was funny. You’re Matty’s girlfriend. You can never keep your hands off each other. And he thinks you would lose sight of that so easily for Theo? No way. “Don’t be one of those ego guys, baby.” You say jokingly.

Matty’s hands grip your waist rough, and his teeth sink into your neck. You wonder how many hickies will be on your body by tonight. “Don’t mouth off to me, brat.” He pulls you in, hands now resting on your ass. Grinding his hips into yours, and you can feel how hard this has made him. You guess you have no room to talk, as you can already feel your panties dampening. “Should punish you. Weren’t my good girl today.” He punctuates his words with a firm slap to your ass, and it makes you gasp in surprise.

You let a moan slip out of your lips as you squirm in his hold, and you can see the smirk starting to form on his face. You skitter your eyelashes. “Yes, Sir. Please punish me.” You whine when he laughs, his breath ghosting across your collarbone forcing goosebumps to rise. The groan that leave his mouth is sinful, and he pinches the skin on your hip.

“Like when I spank you, baby? Like when your Sir is mean?” He looks behind him to locate the bench that’s not far from where you two are positioned. He walks backwards to meet it, sitting and spreading his legs wide to accommodate for you. “Crawl to me.” And then, his face lights up. Like he just had an epiphany, “And bring your racket to me.”

Your face went hot as you listening to his command, picking up the racket before dropping to your hands and knees as you made your way to him. There wasn’t that much space between you, but you still felt small under his gaze. When you made it to him, you sat back on your knees. You place the racket on the bench next to him, looking up at him expectantly and putting your palms on his knees.

“Not gonna get my cock that fast. Think being a slut means you earned it?” He shakes his head, “Stand up and lay across my lap.” Matty says it so nonchalantly, and it almost turns you on more. Like he couldn’t care less that he has you infront of him, bending to his every whim.

You do as he says, feeling even more exposed when he flips your skirt up. Your light lavender panties had a wet spot in the middle, you were soaking through. Matty’s thumb presses down on it through your panties, and you arch your back. “Sir, please. I need you so bad.”

He runs his hand over the globes of your ass, giving you a light tap. The sting made you clench your thighs, and he wedged his hand between your legs to prevent it. “Turns you on when I spank you, huh?” He tuts his tongue, and if you could see him, you’re sure he’s shaking his head. Matty’s hands fiddle with the waist band of your panties, and he pulls them down your body. He doesn’t completely take them off, leaving only your ass and cunt exposed to him. He can see how wet you are, he runs his fingertips through your slit. “Dirty little girl. You rile me up on purpose just so I could remind you of your place?”

You moan when you feel his touch, shaking your head vehemently. “No, Sir. I’m sorry.” You squirm in his lap, and you feel humiliated at how you’re already soaked from this. You hear the clang of your racket being picked up from the bench. You gasp when you feel the cold metal of the rim caress across your ass. He pushes the strings into your skin, watching how it makes a marking when he pulls it away.

Matty twirls the racket in his hand, trailing it along your body again. He smiles when he hears your gasp, and presses it into your body harder. “Can I spank you with this, sweetheart?” He asks, tone genuine as he asks for your consent. “Make it so every time you have to go out there and play, all you think about is how I had you dripping over your racket like a whore?”

The groan that comes out of your mouth is guttural, and you almost feel dizzy from how hard you’re nodding. “Shit- please, Matty. Need that so bad, yes.” You grit out through clenched teeth, body tensing as you wait for the impact. Matty runs a hand over your bare ass before he does, coldness soothing his hot your body has become.

“Okay, gonna spank you with it five times, can you count for me?” His voice is so gentle in comparison to what he’s talking about, and that only makes you want him more. You nod, but he presses his thumb into the center of your back. “Need words.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll count for you.” You look back at him the best you can, managing a smile. He leans forward to peck your lips. In a second, he switches back into dominance. Gripping your jaw and turning your face away from him.

“If it’s too much, tap my leg three times, okay? M’gonna start.” He removes his hands from your body, and you hear him bring the racket up in the air. The way the holes in the strings filter the air. Then, Matty brings the racket down and spanks you. The strings hit you, and a pleasureful sting fills your body. You let out a loud, pornographic moan. He didn’t do it too hard, but it was just enough impact. “Forgetting something, sweetheart?”

“O-one.” You manage to push out, your whole body feeling set aflame. You’re chasing by the feeling of the racket hitting you again, already addicted to the feeling. Without warning, he brings it down again. You scream out again, this time Matty’s name. It meets your skin as a fierce strike. Matty’s hand rubs over the area, trying to help dull the ache. “Two.”

“Good girl, so amazing for me. Bet Theo wishes he could have you like this. All spread out and writhing on his lap, but he doesn’t get that. Does he?” He says his name like a curse, almost as if it disgusts him just to do so. He effectively riles himself up, bringing the racket down to spank you again. This time, only a hair harder. When he lifts the object, he sees he’s started to imprint on your skin, a light undertone of red appearing. The sight was enough to make him get hot, as he presses his hand over your slightly raised flesh.

“T-three. No, he doesn’t. Only you, Sir.” You can feel tears prick behind your eyes, but the pain is mixing with pleasure so deliciously. Your empty hole clenches around nothing, and you already know your pussy is leaking for him.

Matty blows a gust of cold air over you before he brings the racket down again, making you jolt forward slightly from the unexpectedness. “That’s fucking right. You’re mine. Everyone knows it, your body knows it too.”

You nod at his words, “Four.” Your voice shakes a bit, and a tear falls from your eye. The sensation feels so good, you can’t hold back your emotions. Matty hears the distortion in your voice, and that’s when he realizes you’re crying. He can’t help but smile.

“My little slut crying? Feels too good when your Sir spanks you with your racket, huh? You’re filthy, baby. Should have you lick it clean. One more.” He says his words with little consolation, and the promise of having you clean your own racket makes your hole clench again. He’s so hot when he’s in his dominant headspace, it could drive you crazy.

For the last time, Matty lets the racket hit your skin. You whimper out, now knowing to expect the force of the spanks. You sniffle, “Five. Thank you, Sir.” Your body is tingling, and your ass feels hot to the touch. Matty admires the raised skin and red marks from your racket, lightly trailed his fingertips over them. You jolt at the sensation, and whine out again when his fingers find your cunt. You were so wet, his middle finger slips inside of you easily. He quickly pulls out, leaving you with nothing. “Please, Sir. I’m so empty, need you. Need to cum so bad.” The stimulation from him spanking you almost brought you to the edge, you could probably finish from just him playing with your clit.

Matty lightly spanks your cunt with his ring and middle finger, your wetness a lewd noise against his digits. He circles your clit, and stops stimulation all together upon hearing your sigh of relief. “Did so good for me, baby. I’m proud of you. Think you can be a good girl and wait to cum until we get home?” His pupils were dilated, chocolate brown eyes practically black.

“Matty-” You whine out, almost like a petulant child. He swats at your ass, pulling your panties the rest of the way down your legs. He flips your skirt down and pats your thigh, signaling for you to stand up.

“Don’t get bratty now. You waited all this time, you can wait during the drive home.” He pockets your panties and stands up. “Gonna have you walk out of here in just this tiny skirt with my makes on your ass so everyone knows who you belong to. Maybe you’ll drip on the floor while he walk.” He smirks and your face goes hot, embarrassment coarsing through your veins. He picks up your racket from the handle, and your eyes go wide. He really might have you clean it off when you get home. He wraps a hand around your waist as you two walk. He leans in closer to you, a hand on the small of your back while you walk.

Through the winding path to the parking lot, you see Theo standing there. A small smirk on his face as he looks at the both of you. Matty seemingly sizes him up. He leans in closer to you, a hand on the small of your back while you walk. “Meet me in the car, want you to spread your legs nice and wide while you wait for me, okay?”

The last thing you hear before you shut the car door is your boyfriend’s voice shouting, a small echo through the lot.

#tennis!reader #HEHEHEHE #hopefully this isn’t too crazy guys #and if it is look away #not proofread lmk if it sucks

[not-goldy]

Honestly goldy, i don’t know why you even bother going back and forth with these solos. These people are not ready to listen to anything because they’ve made up their minds that they hate Jungkook. To hell with what Jimin thinks about him or how important he is to Jungkook. These people don’t care, all they care about is what they themselves feel and if you really think about it, it isn’t even really about Jimin but about themselves. Why do you think solos usually disregard the things their faves do and say on a daily basis? It is simply because this “fight” is more about “them” than it is about the people they claim to be fighting for because how are you not ashamed sitting here shitting on somebody Jimin is literally enlisted with as we speak? How are you sitting here calling Jk the devil because of something he said donkey years ago when he didn’t know better even though we have heard Jimin say multiple times how much he loves and cares about Jk and how he knows he can rely on him and he feels like Jk can protect him? Is Jimin an idiot? Do you go about saying all these about a person who doesn’t give a tiny rats ass about you? This is why solos will always be dumb and useless. The truth is, y’all cause more harm than good for Jimin and you don’t care about it. Even the so called “good” you think you are doing for him is really for yourselves because you want to “win” this senseless war you have with other solos to prove that your fave is better.

Y’all are sitting here wanting to crucify Jk for mistakes he made when he didn’t know any better as if Jimin himself didn’t say things to people that could come off as insensitive. Jimin is the kindest and most considerate person i have ever seen but even he is not without flaws or a past. Jimin made a jokeabout RM a monkey/ baboon or something of the sort. Jimin has called other members “pig”and he himself was the captain in calling himself ugly. What y’all don’t fucking understand is that, at some point the words “ugly” or “pig” were not even considered insults anymore especially among the guys because it was just like a normal “blast” between them. Yea Jimin did look a little hurt by those words sometimes but that was probably because he already thought he was ugly and not necessarily because the members said that sometimes. Plus Jk only said that once and it was more or less a joke. Was it an insensitive joke? Yes it was but Jk didn’t know any better. He himself spoke about the fact that when he was younger, he had an issue recognizing how his words and actions made other people feel plus the boy was young and immature. If Jimin has forgiven and moved on who the fuck are you to hold unto those things? It doesn’t matter what they all said to each other years ago because they have clearly grown so much. And it’s funny how y’all hang unto those moments but ignore the moments when Jk himself even at that age kept calling Jimin handsome, pretty, saying his eyes were beautiful, calling him charming and speaking of how kind and caring Jimin is.

https://x.com/jjksonyeondan/status/1353155329241059334?s=46

https://x.com/jjksonyeondan/status/1353155222223388674?s=46

https://x.com/jjksonyeondan/status/1353155189558140928?s=46

Why do you choose to hang unto the negative and ignore all the nice things Jk said about Jimin? Since Jk moved on from that stage who has given Jimin more compliments than Jk? He is the one constantly calling Jimin pretty, cute, beautiful, sexy. He is the one charging at pple with frying pans for almost hitting Jimin, he is the one warning Tae to not fling a pancake at Jimin, he is the one scolding suga and asking him to make Jimin feel better after suga teased Jimin for saying “sorry” at the UN. He is the one gently pulling Jimin away when members hit him on his birthday, Jk is the one scolding RM for saying that Jimin’s kiss has contaminated a trophy. Jk is the one waking up and making a bigger pancake for Jimin because he has penalties to do, he is the one alerting the members to shut up because Jimin is not done answering his questions. He is the one leaving his spot to go console a crying Jimin on stage, Jimin cooks and the food is tastes bad and while other members are complaining about it and refusing to eat it, we have Jungkook going to eat the food and not complaining about it so that Jimin doesn’t feel bad. We have members complaining about a drink Jimin bought, saying it tasted bad and Jk turning to Jimin and saying “i liked the drink you brought”. We have Jk all the members teasing Jimin and Jk being the only one who doesn’t say anything, we have Jk asking tae to pass him a bottle of water so he can give Jimin and guess what? Jimin didn’t even ask. Jk is always the one looking out for Jimin or being the one praising him and telling him he did good when others are teasing him. Jk is always the one telling Jimin he looks cute, beautiful, sexy. He is the one who quietly holds unto Jimin’s chair so Jimin doesn’t fall off, he is the one who uses his hand to break Jimin’s fall to make sure Jimin doesn’t hurt himself when he falls. He is the one going to pick Jimin up after he falls off a chair. Just because Jk doesn’t scream about his love for Jimin like Jimin does, doesn’t mean Jk doesn’t care. He loves Jimin and protects him in ways that if you blink, you might miss it.

I usually don’t subscribe to all these slowed down analyzed videos but this one is pretty straight to the point and if this doesn’t show you why Jimin has loved Jungkook dearly for over a decade and still continues to, if this doesn’t tell you why Jimin keeps saying Jk will protect him, then nothing will. This is something that almost everyone will miss but this speaks volumes.

https://x.com/enoonsti/status/1736758350904484106?s=46

So y’all can continue holding unto a past that Jimin doesn’t remember anymore while that boy just keeps on loving Jk because unlike you, he actually knows him and knows what Jk does for him.

Period purr purr

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 18

chapter 32:

1. SCREAMING!! ITS BARTY!!

2. also, reg waking up and asking for james, even though it’s been MONTHS freaking hurts

3. “"Lovely. Genuinely, nothing pleases me more than being a thorn in the side of the hot ghost that lives in your dreams."” -barty

4. “"I do so love when you demand I come lay beside you through the night, mistake me for another man the next morning, and then immediately kick me out afterwards. Truly, you know how to make a man feel special."” -barty LMAOOO HES SO FUNNY

5. the arena took the comfort of baths away from reg and i will forever be angry

6. i love barty and reg’s bickering 😭😭😭

7. plssss not barty thinking reg needs to have more orgasms 😭😭😭

8. 😟 why is james coming by to see reg through the window every day so heartbreaking???

9. OMG OMG OMG IM CRYING CAUSE THATS SO SOFT!!! every single day, james leaves something at reg’s doorstep, and every single day, reg rushes to the door to see the flower. and he presses it in between his books. that’s. AHHHHHHH

10. AHDKAHDKDJKSKDKS MARY!?!??????? MARY IS HERE?????

11. james can’t help chop firewood for his dad anymore because the hatchet reminds him of the arena 😟😟😟

12. james is a little shit about his leg and i love that

13. AWWWWW SIRIUS MADE JAMES A CHAIR TO GET UP THE STAIRS ON DAYS WHEN HIS LEG IS BAD!!!!

14. “"Flea, be a dear and spit in my mouth," Effie says.” ADJKSHDKSKS

15. shit shit shit shit i’m sobbing. sirius started building things again

16. 😟 sirius made jegulus a bookshelf for their other life

17. i’m glad orion and walburga are scared of sirius and regulus. i also wish sirius would just throw them out to the curb

18. 😧 riddle is here. fuck fuck fuck fuck

19. god bless sirius black and his skills at conveying important information with so little words

20. 😟 the horcrux hornet. i can’t deal with this shit

21. riddles a fucking bitch and i can’t wait for him to die. (psa, i am not a fan of violence and i do not indorse murder. however, as this fictional character is worse than satan, i am looking forward to his murder)

22. i love that parents try not to let their little kids watch the games (basic humanity amiright?) also! the fact that the kids treat james like any other adult and don’t know the horrors he committed

23. “Regulus could have been Hodge, if Sirius didn't volunteer for him.” 😧 that’s vile

24. james still using his cane >>>>>>

25. TRANS MARY SUPREMACY!!

26. james losing track of where he is when he sees a horcrux hornet makes me want to cry

27. the coffee question pissed me off

28. 😧 sirius talks to the moon in order to talk to remus. i-

29. as always, i’m in love with the authors notes

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #fanfic #sirius black #crimson rivers #starchaser #sunseeker #mary macdonald #effie potter #euphemia potter #fleamont potter #barty crouch jr

[sgiandubh]

I'm interested to know whether you came to enjoy Greek music during your many years living in Greece. Do you have any favorite Greek artists or songs that you'd be willing to share? I always enjoy your posts about Greece and all your travel stories for that matter 🙂

Dear Greek Music Anon,

This is a beautiful question and you have made my day: thank you for asking and come back whenever you want, whoever you are - you are always, always welcome!

If you think Greek music is just this...

... then you are touristically biased, Anon. And that is ok, to some extent and not really your fault, because this is exactly what they will have you listen to, when you make the childish mistake to book that Greek Evening on your cruise or tour. For some unfathomable reason, this is what they imagine foreign guests should be shown. But then there is music for their and their friends' souls, something completely different and a whole universe to discover.

This is Greek music to me, Anon:

The best Greek female voice of all times (Callas does not count, for innumerable reasons, we do not discuss a Goddess), Our Lady of the Rebetiko: Haris (it means Grace, by the way) Alexiou. A true Dame Blanche, witty, warm and rightfully worshipped. When I was first introduced to her, I was so moved I almost couldn't open my mouth in awe. I was stupidly glued to my French formulaic praise and I remember I just mumbled something along the lines of 'eh merde alors, fuck it, I just wanted you to know that to me, you are not only the voice of my teenage years: you are the Voice of Time itself'. She laughed and the rest is, as they say, history.

This happened in November 2018, after one of her concerts at the Gazarte hall in Athens: a dificult comeback for her, after a cancer scare. We were very moved and fangirling AF, my Culture and Press colleague (remember her from the Mycenae story? Greek music made us instant friends - I was the only one to know what she was talking about) and I:

I have blurred my former colleague's face. I am not sure she wants to be seen on Tumblr, LOL. And see, Anon? I really look like an overwhelmed twat, in this pic. Chances are I'd look the same at Landcon 2025 (what was the last price, 149 euros? Sweet Baby Jesus, the results).

Haroula's one time lover (speculation is still rife and many shipped those two during the late Eighties and early Nineties, unaware it was completely true) and probably the Greek equivalent of Sinatra is George Dalaras. A., my colleague, is absolutely nuts about him and as such a big, boisterous presence in this man's fandom. She follows him just about everywhere (I didn't understand her and residually still don't, to be honest), so it's not a surprise I quickly got to meet the guy, after one of his extraordinary stunts at the Klimataria, a well-known tavern and rebetiko joint smack dab in downtown Athens (I think it was one week before I met and befriended Haroula, funny that):

Now, he looks like a banker. But back in 1993, he looked and sang like this:

This is his greatest hit, if you ask me. Βαμμένα Κόκκινα Μαλλιά (Dyed Red Hair) is the score of a very successful Greek TV series during the Nineties (don't ask, it's very syrupy) and legit one of the most beautiful Greek love songs ever written. But unlike A, I am completely chilled as far as Dalaras is concerned and I think it showed, when we met. He offered an autograph and I said no, just because I am completely dumb, like that. The trouble is, he gently remembered me and he always brought it up every single time we met (at a couple of events and receptions) - how's that for totally embarrassing, eh?

And then you have the opera divas, among which is my dear friend Sonia Theodoridou, one of the best Greek sopranos after Callas. Sonia came back to Athens after a rich career in Germany right in the middle of the economic crisis turmoil. Things were not easy for her and I have to say, bless her heart, she is not an easy person, either (which opera singer is, mind you?). But her voice is magical and she loves to play with it. See what she can do with a really meh song, written and successfully performed by Pandelis Pandelidis, the one-time local Justin Bieber (he unfortunately died in 2016, in a motorcycle accident):

The strange instrument you see in the clip is a Cretan lyra, by the way. I hate it with a passion. But I still love Sonia, no matter what.

We shared a lot of things, Sonia and I. Here is our first pic, together with her ex-husband, Theodoros (still a friend):

These people are those I personally know and like/love. I haven't told you anything yet about the formidable, mythical Maria Farantouri, Mikis Theodorakis' muse or Vicky Moscholiou, another diva (different niche, though). Nothing about Miltos Paschalidis, either, the mathematician turned singer or Alkinoos Ioannidis, perhaps the best Cypriot voice after George Michael. The only reason I won't, for now at least, is that I don't really like mammoth posts. And this is quickly turning into one of those.

But I digressed. You asked me about my favorite Greek song, Anon. It's Manos Hatzidakis' Kemal - a masterpiece with a strong, subversive political message in the guise of an Oriental cruel parable:

Do I know it by heart? Of course I do (and I always, always cry, because I am a sentimental idiot, like that). Singing along with the locals at concerts, in taverns, in your car, on that bus ride, is a mandatory part of the Greek experience. And the most heartfelt homage you can pay to all those wonderful men and women who make our world a brighter, better place.

#anon #travels #Greece #diplomatic life

[theoldkyokodied]

If you follow my main you had to know this was coming… anyway. Enjoy these bloodweave doodles :)

#bloodweave #gale x astarion #astarion x gale #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate more like baldurs gay amirite folks? #yeah sorry the themes of hunger abuse and power got to me. I’m not immune to thematically mirrors #I have so many thoughts about the it’s not even funny anymore #oh you mean to tell me that canonically gale would offer up his blood if asked and that astarion can’t even do that bc of the orb ?? #tasteful irony that the guy who would want to help can’t do that bc of a mistake he made for love. #especially devastating for someone who measures his self worth in usefulness #oh they are so fucked up and they could understand each other in ways hardly reachable to others #once I start an origin run it’s over for you guys I will be so insufferable. even more than usual

[ohitslen]

College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)

#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell #and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling #Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy #he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore #fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors #so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested #as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments #and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group #separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader #and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him #but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line #like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security #one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again #“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’ #then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying #education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy #Trigun Uni! AU #because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #wolfwood #vash #Nai saverem #millions knives #lenssi draws #pen!

[scattered-winter]

insane to me how buck stans are some of maddie's biggest haters tbh. like don't they realize that if these characters were real buck would punch them in the face for talking about his sister like that

#yes yes we were talking about the prey movie now we're back on firefighter brain. get with the program. #but its literally so fucking funny to me. #''oghhgbh maddie made mistakes raising buck so she should lose custody of her own kid and buck should raise her instead 🥺🥺'' #buck would kick ur ASS for saying that. he is maddie's number one defender forever and always. #leo get ONLINE i need my fellow Haver Of Correct 911 Opinions to back me up here #winter speaks #911 abc #evan buckley #maddie buckley #buckley siblings #this applies to chim hate too tbh like do u really think buck would stand for such SLANDER directed at his BEST FRIEND his BROTHER IN LAW?!

[smarterthantheaverageloser]

Saw atsv and no one is ever allowed to say that art is dead again

#art is ALIVE and WELL and I JUST WATCHED IT FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS #I LOVE HOBIE BROWN #I also think they could do a really funny bit with pravitr where it's like #nothing bad ever happens in his universe ever #it's like fate has decided that he's too good to experience hardship #also I DO NOT LIKE MIGUEL AS A PERSON but WOW WHAT A COMPELLING CHARACTER #PENI LOOKS AMAZING I LOVE THE NEW MECH #THE FUCKING ANIMATION #DONALD GLOVER CANON IN SONYVERSE #TOBY MAGUIRE AND ANDREW GARFIELD MENTIONED #GWEN MADE SOME VERY BAD MISTAKES BUT ALSO! HER ANIMATION AND STORY!! #It is so nice to have a gwen whose character isn't just. woman #also GWEN TRANS REAL #I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY BUT MY HEAD HURTS FROM WATCHING AN UNINTERRUPTED MOVIE SO I WILL WAIT #atsv #oh one more thing SPIDERSAUR LOOKED GREAT ok I'll go now

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Got any thoughts on pluto?

(Not the planet but that's also welcome)

honestly .. literally none whatsoever sdkjgndkfj orz;;

due to the Angela Hyperfixation he Litcherally did not exist to me for like the entire game, and i Still havent retained anything about him. Due To The Angela Hyperfixation. i in fact retained so little i completely mixed him up with another, completely different guy. oops. um. anyway. he seems funny, the tail is a Very good look; idk if hes necessarily my type of character but i Would like to study him. bows.

oh pluto the planet though is my best friend who could forget dear pluto my best friend pluto i love you pluto miss you pluto

#ithink he was th character i went 'oh shit theres a guy here. i guess theyll explain him later :]' adn then i shrimply Never Learned dkjfng #reading his wiki i literally didnt know like Any of that. thats so funny. i have Got to take better notes kdjfng #piktalk #projmoon #man i really missed to what degree the ensemble is just several layers of '[points to roland] ayo fuck this guy in particular.' #roland buddy i know u made a Lot of mistakes and Even More enemies but Fucking Hell Dude how did you manage That ????

[hayaku14]

Actor!Kaito au where Kaito has put down the mantle and became a great magician as himself but then decided to pursue other things alongside magic.

Kaito is notorious in the industry for never breaking character in front of the camera. Every single cast member could be breaking out in laughter and Kaito would just look into the camera with a deadpan stare. His co-actor is already on the floor dying of laughter but Kaito continues with his lines, even improvising which makes his co-actors laugh harder and everyone else in the room breaks. He's always in the blooper reels but it's never him making the mistake. It's always his co-stars in tears, choking, and out of breath.

It's not like he doesn't smile when everyone's practically breaking their backs laughing. But he doesn't just smile, he grins. There's a twinkle of mischief in his eyes and playfulness on the upturn of his lips. Because, ah! Of course this is a game to him, of course. Kuroba Kaito commands you into a fit of giggles and considers it his win.

After a while, it becomes some sort of challenge to try and make Kuroba Kaito break out of character, to make him laugh. On shoots, his co-stars will try and fail every time. This man is unflappable.

But there's one man who also wanted to challenge the great Kuroba Kaito. Always had, even when he was tiny and less than half his age.

Kaito seems pretty smug about the whole thing so Shinichi decides to show up on set one day with no warning, determined to wreck havoc.

He was sooo gonna mess with Kaito.

--

shit shinichi does whilst directly in kaito's eyesight while he's filming:

puts on that one blue sweater kaito loves to see him in (cause it makes shinichi look soft and it makes his eyes pop, but most importantly, because that sweater belongs to kaito).

starts sucking a lollipop. it's sweet but it's also coffee-flavored. he came prepared. kaito, however, was not.

blatant eye-fucking, real sultry, seeing kaito flub his lines unexpectedly turns him on, he's gonna visit sets more often.

lots of lip biting and lip licking. are his lips dry and cracked? yes. is he gonna keep biting and licking anyway? if the way kaito can't stop staring at him continues then of course he's gonna keep doing it.

winks at kaito. actually winks at him. kaito trips over air.

drops something behind him accidentally which leaves him no choice but to turn around and bend over. kaito actually chokes.

--

When Kaito walks up to him red-faced, supposedly annoyed, but looking more begrudgingly pleased, Shinichi knows that Kaito knows exactly what he's doing.

Shinichi summons his best Conan act and cutely feigns ignorance. Kaito is sulky but the pout is cute. He understands now why Kaito loves to pull shit like this on him.

He decides he's gonna do it more.

He brings out the banana.

---

(alternate version under the cut lol warning it’s corny)

there was a different version of shinichi making kaito laugh lol

it’s still about kaito being an unflappable man but this time shinichi doesn’t purposely make him laugh. 

anyways, i wanted them to laugh at something stupid that kaito’s chuckles carry over to the scene he’s filming

kaito is filming overseas and shinichi is on a visit. they’re in his waiting room where kaito practices his lines and shinichi reads a book. kaito has a line where he goes, “...his chin caught...” or something like that and shinichi snorts out of nowhere, trying to stop his giggles but ultimately fails.

kaito asks whats so funny and shinichi still can’t stop laughing. 

he then reveals that the line sounded like “chinko” or dick and it made shinichi laugh

it’s so dumb and stupid but shinichi has been hearing english everywhere for days and suddenly he hears kaito say something that sounds like ‘dick.’ he just couldn’t help but laugh.

kaito looks at him unimpressed. doesn’t particularly finds it as funny as shinichi does but seeing shinichi laugh so heartily pulls the giggles out of him easily.

later on when kaito is finally filming the scene, he gets to the ‘dick’ line and he can see from his peripheral vision that shinichi is trying to stifle his laugh. kaito is caught off guard and he can’t fight off the giggles suddenly bursting out of him. oh he is fucked.

they try some more takes but kaito cannot stop laughing. can’t even start the line without bursting into laughter anymore. shinichi is dying trying to hide but can’t help his laughter.

“SHINICHI! I’M SERIOUS, STOP IT!!” Kaito yells as he tries to stifle his laughter and profusely apologizes to the director and his co-actors.

“O-okay..pfft- sorry! I’m leaving now.” He leaves giggling all the way out.

Kaito can’t help but smile.

(This alternate version was cause I watched this compilation from Uramichi Oniisan where miyano’s character was laughing at dumb dick puns and it made me think of kaishin doing the same. just kaishin laughing at dumb things and inconveniencing the entire staff lol)

#kaishin #dcmk #detective conan #kudou shinichi #kuroba kaito #dc prattles #YES THIS HC IS FINALLY FREE #this has been rotting in the drafts im sorry babe #i literally wrote this before that 'kid saviour' shinichi au LOL #anyways whatever its there now #it's corny and it's mushy but fck it i love it anyways 🥺 #shinichi finding the joy in breaking down the poker face but make it funny and cute 😌 #ANYWAYS everyone on set can definitely feel the UST lol #but they cant help but laugh at kaito tripping over air missing cues and flubbing lines #no ones seen this shit happen before lol everyone their felt like thwy were witness to some secret part of the universe #also seeing kudou 'i will kill you with my stare' shinichi blatantly eye fuck his boyfriend is both wild and hot and feels like #a once in a lifetime experience lol #also yes kaito isnt perfect and he couldve made mistakes BUT i like to think that kaito thiugh he's retired #he doesnt want to let go of the skills he honed as KID so he as someone whose life was on the line depending on how good his act was #acting with anything else on the line seems to pale in comparison so 🤷 #also shut up i just wanted kaishin eye fucking on set okay leave me alone!!!!!!! #(i added the alternate and dumber version under the cut lol i love it)

[sidesteppostinghours]

me playing through fhr with cyrus again: haha wouldn't it be fun if i made cyrus a heraldchargestep- *glowing red dot appears on my forehead*

#pulp speaks #cyrus becker #his fucking 80+ relationship w ortega is getting to me ok #THEY HAVE CHEMISTRY. CYRUS 100% THINKS HES STILL HOT. PLUS THE 'ITS COMPLICATED' ROUTE W HIM IS SO FUCKING FUNNY #THEY COULD GET BACK TOGETHER #BUT THE WAY CYRUS RELATIONSHIP EVOLVES W ORTEGA IS TOO IMPORTANT TO ME #also i think if i tried herald would start getting grey hairs #please help i made a mistake #i shouldve never chosen past flirting the first time i played cyrus #im never going to be well about those two again #i talk about them enough that they can genuinely get their own ship tag and thats concerning

[woozi]

THIS FR HAD ME CHOKING AGAIN AND THE FIRST PERSON I THOUGHT OF WAS YOU 🤣😭😭

ALSO HI 😭😭 I bring cookiessss for theeee 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 nom nom nom nom 🫶🏻

#THATS THE LOML (loser of my life) WYM <333333 #he's so cringe fail but that's why i love him so much 😭😭😭 #ALSO NOT TO BE EMO ABT A FUNNY POST BUT LIKE #i really admire how hard he tries 🥹 and he isn't afraid or ashamed of #*ashamed of making mistakes and that's so fucking 🫶🫶🫶 to me #ANYWAY #THE WAY THIS MADE U THINK OF ME WHAT IF I SLICE MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST N SERVE IT IN A PLATTER FOR U RN #giving u a kith 😘 I MISSED U SORRY IVE BEEN MIA #love the cookies thank u for bringing me gifts i give u 💍💍💍💍💍💍 in return <33 #mina 🍉 #yoonzinoswife #y.ask

[carefulfears]

every now and then in the midst of the most deranged garbage you’ve ever watched when californication gets actually very very sad 🫠

#keep thinking about karen telling hank ‘angel i love you so SO much’ and then weeping #and hank saying ‘i can’t stay. i can’t stay.’ and her ‘i know.’ #and when he goes back in the house and becca just looks at him and KNOWS he’s leaving. and tells him it’s okay. hugs her dad goodbye. #it’s fucking depressing y’all #it’s like a combination of his past mistakes/choices and his addictions and his own personal flaws and failings #that just keep him from ever actually being able to show up for them and they are just TRAPPED. #and for as much posturing as the show can do about what a super cool genius last Real Man hank is #i think it does know that he’s fucking destroying his family. ‘his girls.’ #and they cannot escape!! they will forever cling to the potential of the partner/father they know on good days!!! #and it IS sad when the show inevitably pulls back to expose the damage being done. how for every funny or sexy tryst or escapade there’s #the only people he loves weeping on the porch #anyway. it’s the worst television show ever made i literally want to be watching it 24 hours a day #californication