#he really goes out and commits atrocities and thats so hot of him

[loavesofoaves]

GOT: Episode 7 x 03 Review

You know, for a season that D & D have been hyping as “nonstop action,” I’m rather bored. Just because the pacing is fast does not mean anything of actual substance is happening. Episode 3 proves that.

The episode opens with Jon and Daenerys meeting for the first time; a meeting that has been hyped since the show began. And it was remarkably underwhelming. As to be expected, Deadpan Targaryen is only concerned with the throne, and Jon tries to tell her that they have bigger fish to fry and that winning the throne will be for nought if the White Walkers invade Westeros. They have a back and forth on what’s more important: Jon bending the knee or the fight to the North, which goes nowhere after 20 minutes. But hey, we got some memeworthy Daenerys reading off all her titles and Papa Davos saying “This is Jon Snow” so LOL. (BTW, is Davos even a character anymore? I feel like he exists solely to be a straw man and fatherly mansplainer.) Also, why is Jon’s resurrection a secret now? You’d think with this show logic even Hot Pie would know about that.

 The thing is, I really want to sympathize with these characters. If Emilia Clarke didn’t play Daenerys as so god damn deadpan, she almost would’ve had a nice speech about how she is not going to back down after all she’s been through. I’m shocked that they acknowledged that Drogo raped her when it turned into TRUE LUB on the show. And if there are bigger fish to fry, then why doesn’t Jon doesn’t bend the knee, especially considering Winterfell isn’t even his god damn birthright anyways?

 But dramatically satisfyingTM, amirite?

 There are also a few scenes at Dragonstone that reflect the sad truth that GOT has become a parody of itself. Jon stands brooding on a ledge and Tyrion gives him shade for it. Tyrion tries to outsass and mansplain things to Daenerys and she calls him out for making shit up and pretending it’s the most sage advice ever. I honestly can’t tell you what any of them talked about other than mining Dragonglass, that’s how boring those scenes were.

Remember when these characters actually had development, guys? What sweet summer children we were.

Speaking of ruined character development, we see Euron parading Yara and the Sand Fakes around a cheering King’s Landing. Because no one cares that Cersei blew hundreds of people up and it was totally an accident? MMkay. Euron brings Ellaria and Tyene as a gift to Cersei and then asks Jaime if she likes being butt-fingered, I shit you not.

Cersei locks up Ellaria and Tyene and basically kills Tyene the same way Myrcella was killed by kissing her with poisoned lips. Yet another example of characters somehow finding out exactly what happened offscreen because it is convenient. The scene is also an example of Lena Headey and Indira Varma blowing it out of the park despite lazy writing. These actors are too good for the material they were given to work with, and it shows. It’s hilarious how many roles D & D have “reconceived to suit their actor’s talents” that actually ended up being less dramatic and meaty than they would’ve been had they followed the source material. But it looks like we’re done with Dorne for good at least.

Next we see Cersei giving Jaime a blowjob because they are just in true love, guys. And then they end up doing the do and I believe Lena’s body double is back. I just don’t understand why D & D are trying to push the twincest on us, but god damn. How little regard they have for Jaime’s character arc is astounding.

 Cersei also has a conversation with Tycho Nestoris from the Iron Bank in which she demands money because Dany will free all of the Iron Bank’s slaves....even though Braavos doesn’t permit slavery?

Just counting down the days until Confederate is cancelled, good grief.

I will say it was surprising to see a scene that was attempting to establish some sort of logistics even though it failed miserably.

Back in Winterhell, Sansa is a boss ass bitch and tells everyone what to do as if they are not experienced lords. This totally would’ve been earned if D & D had actually followed Sansa’s political plotline from the books, but I guess rape powers make you a leader. Littlefinger, who is officially the most pointless character on the show at this point, takes Sansa aside to give her a nonsensical speech thats only purpose was to fill the season 7 trailer. He is interrupted, however, by the return of Bran. But unlike the genuinely heartwarming reunion that was with Jon and Sansa, Bran is now a robot because the three-eyed raven must have no emotion for some reason. Sansa, of course, has no idea what Bran is talking about, so Bran decides the best way to demonstrate his powers is to remind Sansa of being raped and tell her how beautiful she was when it happened.

I screamed “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK” at my TV.

D & D are seriously messed up. They aren’t just incompetent, they are fucked up.

There are just so many things wrong with this. One, we did not see Bran’s transformation into this robot, so we can’t just accept this drastic change without reason. As of last season, Bran still seemed human. Of course, the deaths of Hodor and Summer were tragic, but Bran doesn’t even bring them up as a reason for his detachment. So this sudden character change just comes out of nowhere. And even so, the fact that D & D gleefully like to trigger Sansa and the audience like this by bringing up rape for no reason just shows how juvenile they are.

And Bran. Well, they’ve never been invested in his character development since Season 2, so at this point it’s easy to just call him a plot device and not try to explain anything.

Well, RIP book Bran. Book Jaime’s holding a seat for you.

Oh, and there’s also a scene showing that Jorah is OK and basically all you needed to do to cure Greyscale was peel it off, because of course it would be that easy. Jorah decides to go stalk KHALEESI, Sam experiences the very real task of being an unpaid intern who doesn’t get credit for anything, and that plotline went nowhere and served no purpose! But someone needed to get greyscale because….?

Oh, and there’s a pointless Theon scene just to show he survived.

I am literally trying to remember what else happened this episode, but it was so boring that my mind is blanking….oh yeah! There were some fights somewhere. Grey Worm and the unsullied storm Casterly Rock, and Tyrion narrates how they’ll go in through his hoe-door because he is oh-so-clever, but oops! They get bamboozled by Euron Greyjoy. It turns out most of the Lannister forces were actually marching on Highgarden and take it offscreen because gay people obviously don’t know how to fight.

I have to laugh at Benioff’s ignorant-ass comments in the “Behind the Episode” sequence. Like, bitch, do you remember who won the battle of Blackwater? So much blatant homophobia in assuming a house that has an openly gay character has a shit army when the whole point of season 2 was showing that the Lannisters needed their army? HOW did GRRM decide these guys were the best choice to adapt the show again?

Anyways, Jaime confronts a defeated Olenna. Olenna, who is just too damn good for this show, agrees to drink poison as her execution, and then reveals to Jaime she was behind Joffrey’s death. She has the same thing on her mind as the audience: Why the fuck is Jaime still with Cersei? A woman who’s committed the atrocities the Mad King threatened to do? Jaime retorts with some bullshit and leaves Olenna to die, but she’s the real winner here, escaping this shitty writing and absolute bullshit. Oh, and she calls Joffrey a cunt because swearing is cool (I know, I am guilty of being a potty mouth, but that’s not out of character for me).

Oh! And I just remembered that Varys and Melisandre have a conversation. It wasn’t a bad conversation, and it wasn’t even out of character, but I was so outraged by all of the things happened this episode that acceptable scenes fell through the cracks.

I am just stunned that even shownlies could watch this crap and think it’s anything more than shock value entertainment. The writing just keeps on getting lazier and lazier, and it didn’t even pay off with anything of real excitement or value. Even the fanservice is lackluster. I am actually dreading Season 8 at this point. It is so obvious D & D just want to be done and they don’t care about logic as long as they can get from point A to point B.

If anything, the show has made me appreciate the books more, so I guess that’s one positive that’s come from this.

#game of thrones #got #7.03 #7x03 #episode #spoilers #ASOIAF #proud book snob #review #The Queen's Justice

[jones573]

the following is a list of characters who appear in the ‘St. George’s’ RP saga (even tho they havent been at St George’s in like, a long time, shush, details). 

characters with an ‘r’ are played by reynarda , with a ‘t’ by tsukasakadoya, and with a ‘j’ by me, still_jones573 . 

some characters do not really belong to anyone and are just there, or have only been mentioned by certain characters that DO belong to someone but said character isnt really being ‘played’ by anyone because they havent appeared, you know.

The Gang: aka the primary characters, they all currently live together in a townhouse owned by Vlad & Bram

(r) Vladimir Drakoni: Full vampire, born in like the 1400′s?, has a long-standing feud with the Council Chair, Claudios Von Batts. His family was removed from the Council, but he is still pretty involved in their business, cuz he’s nosy and doesnt trust them. Magically tied to Bram by things beyond comprehension, and has after many decades, gotten used to it and they’ve even been able to harness the power of friendship, to the horror of their enemies everywhere. Is short (at least enough that Bram likes to tease him for it), has dark hair (?) 

(r) Abraham Lluewen (??sp?): Human, born in like the 1400′s to the family of hunters that created ‘silverblood’, a liquid silver that is particularly dangerous to vampires. Has worked for and with the Hunter’s Guild over the years, most recently as the head of St. George’s (a monster-hunting school, basically), though is now on ‘parental leave’. Along with Vlad, has a tendency to get into dangerous situation, and also to collect sad magical children and make sure they eat their veggies. Is the tallest member of the Gang, has red hair

(r) Devon Von Batts: Claudios’ son, lived with his human mother until she died when he was a preteen. Stuff happened, he went to juvie, Von Batts Sr. found out he had a son and asked Vlad to pretty please deal with that. Devon lived as Claudios’s son for a few years, having previously been ‘privately tutored’ or whatever. Was part of the plot to infiltrate St. George’s school with young vampire spies, but a lot of stuff happened, he got a bit stabby, things went south, etc. Is now in the care of Vlad and Bram. Recently got his fangs! Has blonde hair, is tall but not quite as tall as his sister (tho this could be because she has a soldier’s posture, and her skininess makes her seem even taller than she is)

(j) Winona Von Batts: Kidnapped from her human mother at birth, raised by creepy vampires who were obsessed with creating a perfect weapon, though they had many and often contradictory ideas about how that should be done. Basically, it really sucked. She eventually killed her ‘family’ when they tried to force her into killing young human girls and drinking their blood, and was picked up by the Guild. Was not exactly communicative, so she ended up at St George’s. lots of stuff happened, now she lives with Bram and Vlad. I think outside the townhouse gang, no one knows (or should know) that she and devon are, in fact, only half vampires. winona is quite tall, and muscular in a way that suggests she was encouraged to exercise frequently but had poor nutrition, tho that has likely been getting less obvious over the last few months. she has brownish stubble across her scalp that might prove to be lighter if it grew out some, but she scratches herself and rips at her head when she’s nervous or often while sleeping, so her head stays buzzed and her nails short.

(t) May Garrison: Quite possibly the destruction of the world is small, adorable human form. a sacred magical ritual on an island went wrong, and the resulting magical baby was taken home by bill garrison who likely did not realize the next 20 years would be spent thinking ‘i was just being a good person, why does magic exist’ may eventually left his island home, and met gabriel, who tasked him with (???? i honestly dont remember the specifics) being at st georges on a plot-heavy day. the aforementioned stuff happened, and tho the Council was reluctant to deal with WInona themselves they also DID not want to just let Vlad have her, so May volunteered his services as a neutral party that would report on Winona’s progress. Is asexual, uses magic through precious gems and stones, likes pineapple on his pizza to the dismay of many. the shortest member of the gang by far (he’s like 5′1″? 5′2″?), i think he’s blonde?, and he wears a lot of very bright outfits

(j) Alex Moraes: Full vampire, from standardly rich and powerful family. Grew up living on the Yates plantation, going to fancy boarding schools, alternatively learning ball room dance and financial investment strategies, visiting the Moraes home in the Andes, etc, etc. Feels a LOT of pressure to be a perfect son and heir, in the human and vampiric traditions, tho honestly he could probably relax about that, as he is already doing WAY better than his parents were at his age. Is gay and closeted and has a lot of conflicting feelings about that, also has an enormous crush on May that is obvious to everyone but may. Is growing his hair out because he wants to have a stylish mane like his father, and because he no longer goes to a boarding school that forbids that sort of thing. maybe also because sometimes may admires it, but im sure thats just convenient

The Legal Team: aka other important people that show up and do stuff, mostly covering everybody’s ass even tho they themselves are kinda an ass

(t) Gabriel Last Name?: Vampire (presumably full, as his family used to have a Council seat), lawyer, May’s employer and friend. Has his fingers in many pots as it were, perhaps not all entirely legal. Bad blood between him and his brother Chris, who absconded with all the family’s wealth and hasnt been heard from since (many many years ago- at least 20 or 30?). Not really the most warm and generous seeming of people, but has come through for the gang. Most notably, he was their legal representation in the case of ‘yall dont really want this dangerous vampire child who might kill you while you sleep, why dont you give her to bram and vlad while you clutch at your pearls and pretend you care about atrocities committed on your watch mkay?’ he and his boyfriends (denatro, a full werewolf and Locke, a bitten vamp) came to the townhouse for an awkward yet hilarious yet terrible christmas dinner. has red hair, generally dresses himself in a corporate fashion

(j) Maria Moraes: full vampire, Council member, member of indigenous population based in the Andes mountains that no longer exists any more, trans woman, also born in like the 1400s (honestly i forgot??), alex’s other mother but that is known to like, three people. a shrewd and savvy businesswoman, Maria is a no nonsense lady who is very unimpressed with the amount of nonsense alex has recently gotten into. but also sees the value of having Von Batts in her debt, and allying herself with Vlad and Bram, as well as Winona- she doesnt like wild cards, but she’d rather they be in her hand than loose in the deck, as it were. she secured the votes of other councillors for the ‘vlad gets winona and devon’ plan, and is apparently quite comfortable manipulating her colleagues. she has many business and political connections in the human world as well, as she does not subscribe to the isolationist theory many old supernatural beings prefer. in a not-serious-but-maybe-serious relationship with Mags, a werewolf gal from Deno’s pack. practices magic, but more like ‘spells’ and potions than the abilities Vlad has. can turn herself into a hawk, which is quite useful as she hates mechanized transportation

The Extended Fam & Friends: aka some more people that the Gang is fond of

(t) Bill Garrison: May’s adopted father, a very patient but bewildered man. His family, especially his parents are well respected in the community, which allowed him a bit more flexibility in the ‘adopting this random and potentially dangerous baby’ thing. handyman and builder

(t) Henri LastName: May’s best friend and confidante. Is a ‘guardian’ (i think that’s what they are called? basically, she’s involved with the giant world eating snake thing their island has going on, though she seems much more friendly with May than the others in her position). A take-no-shit lady, sells fish, i dont think she gets along with her mother? rocks a nice suit

(j) Matt Moraes: Alex’s ‘father’, Maria’s older brother, married to Annabelle. Enjoys art perhaps a little too much, as he seems to have taken the ‘my wife and sister can do as they please so long as im not interrupted from this project’ and honestly, they have some /dangerous/ projects that could use somebody willing to stand up to them. But generally, a kind man who has a good life- his marriage to annabelle is primarily a political one (they’re both gay), but they get along well enough in public that few would suspect they aren’t genuine. also, absurdly handsome. has a great beard and great hair, College Professor Hot™

(j) Annabelle Yates: full vampire heidi klum. elle woods disposition and charm, the manners of a southern belle, but also a cross between iago and mrs. bennet- she loves to know everybody’s business and she LOVES to be involved in it. not necessarily ill-intentioned in her manipulations, but manipulative nonetheless. has dabbled in most of the potentially high-profile ‘socialite careers’, tho right now is mostly focused on cooking and catering (but goodness knows that could change on a whim). she makes it a point to always look put together and have control over any situation, but she is incredibly protective of alex. loves parties, loves being adored, loves being right. has been known to flaunt whichever lingerie model she’s been seeing at maria, her ex, in attempts to make her jealous. does not actively practice magic, as her family has the rather unfortunate predisposition to go mad with power lust in their obsession to acquire more and more dangerous magics. has long, bright red hair and a smile a dentist would love to use in advertisements. (also, is maybe pregnant! this was going to alluded to more heavily in a thing i will hopefully eventually post that explored matt’s relationship to his family, but i was having difficulty with the dialogue and abandoned it for the time being, so)

(t) Denatro LastName: Deno, full werewolf, son of his pack’s previous alpha and younger brother to the current one, but has not been ‘home’ in years. his dad was an asshole that made him feel like having had a complicated birth (has only one eye, usually wears a patch over it in human form) was somehow in his control and thus his fault his mother died. Married to Locke, and the two are dating Gabriel. Deno is somewhat grumpy, not keen on people or tidiness or many other things besides. His wolf form is on the smaller side for a werewolf, but he’s faster and nimbler for it (i think he has black fur? and a very good nose?) annabelle thinks his butt looks nice in his suit, deno thinks wearing suits should be outlawed. has tried to eat a cat at least once.

(t) Locke Smith: owns a gas station with Deno in canada, bitten vampire, that’s not his real name (i mean, at least none of the Moraes-Yates gangs are still going by their original names, so he’s fine). Got into some real awful shit with some vampires when he was younger and had to kill his sister after she got violent, first met gabriel as his lawyer. eventually took up hunting, met and started dating Deno, got bitten at some point, got married at some point. reconnected with gabriel, they started seeing each other. like deno, is not keen on socializing, but is far more patient and polite about it. seems to wear a lot of turtlenecks

Ye Olde Baddies: people the gang dislike and/or have to fight against or are just generally suspicious

(r) Claudios Von Batts: Council Chair and leader, full vampire, full trash bag. i keep wanting to sympathize with him, but R assures me not to bother. slept with a human woman (the indignity! for a respectable vampire anyways) after his vampire wife died, obviously did NOT follow up. feels comfortable enough going to vlad when he needs help with child custody stuff, but also is cool with kidnapping and torturing vlad, so. power amongst the councillors and the supernatural community in general have been shifting, and Von Batts wishes to hold onto his at all costs. Is blond, is paranoid, lives alone in his huge mansion (maybe he listens to phantom of the opera as he swoops around? who knows)

Gautier: i almost forgot about him? full vampire, Council member, french dude. generally, a grade A creep. likes to ‘collect’ things (people, lbr). Assumedly connected to and even employing Rawe, and perhaps behind the kidnapping attack on May. i described him as looking older and ugly, but at times ive also implied vampires can influence their appearances, so who know. maybe he likes looking a guy colbert would make fun of

DeLuna: another random council member? wants von batt’s power for herself, seems suspicious of the commonly held belief that the twins were his late wife’s children. had her car stolen by May and Winona.

(j) Jack: cosmic entity charged with making sure sentient life doesn’t magic itself out of existence on accident. why Maria and Matt are the only remaining members of their civilization, gained the ability to posses a human body after helping merlin out, and now just hangs around on earth sometimes, eating food and enjoying carnal delights, etc. has become fond of Matt over the centuries they been sharing the second, but is unlikely to admit it. is absolutely enthralled by the prospect of May, and was invited to the New Years party in an effort by annabelle to satisfy jack’s curiosity without exposing may to much danger. is currently inhabiting the body of a dutch coma patient, and sorta looks like a man who hasnt left a hospital bed in years- very grayish skin, limp black hair, creepy eyes

dr rawe: .... a boogey-man, magic scientist dude? we needed to shake stuff up with some drama, so i created him to kidnap May and then came up with the explanation for what he was later on, dont judge. at any rate he’s dead now, having been quite injured by the gang and then eaten by jack

party goers: people at Annabelle’s primarily-human New Year’s Day party that the gang and others are interacting with

(j) Ilhan: human, Alex’s friend from prep school who is currently studying at MIT. Also, his girlfriend- the relationship was always a bit of an intentional ruse, but Alex has never actually talked to her about it, and probably should. I suspect that she genuinely does like him and would be hurt if he admitted that he has no interest in her, but probably not surprised. is wearing a white hijab and a long dress with galaxies across it

(j) gavin LastName: human, son of the fictional texas governor. a real asshole. he and alex dated secretly for awhile, under the pretense that gavin would be ostrasized and disowned if he came out, and became very manipulative of alex. it eventually became clear that gavin was largely just using alex for his own means, mutual friend Ilhan got real damn angry and things went south. gavin is... bitter about this. i keep trying to sympathize with gavin and give him more complex motivations (there are lots of people who cannot come out and that is valid! it is not inherently abusive to ask your partner to keep your relationship private! -things that i think and also alex probably thinks when he frets about it and wonders that maybe he /was/ in the wrong, no matter what ilhan claims) but honestly hes just a superficial high school jock villain and it can probably be left at that

(j) Chris Yates: i gotta rename him because there are only so many red haired characters that can have a brother named chris, but he’s annabelle’s younger half brother and runs their security firm. (they freelance with the mob, they are NOT the mob, its different) a decent dude, though was a stereotypical ‘big brother’ to alex growing up- as in, he was WAY cooler to hang out with than alex’s parents, but also likely to tell him scary stories and encourage him to do dangerous things that annabelle would have absolutely forbidden. i got some other backstory on him with the Yates family and the civil war and all that stuff, but basically he was very useful when annabelle exerted herself as head of the Yates family (i dont wanna say he shot folks who disagreed with her, but thats pretty much what happened)

annabelle’s ‘family’: yall i keep meaning to post something meaningful about the ‘cousins’ but basically its a large collection of full vampires and bitten vampires and a few in-the-know humans who were brought in as significant others but didnt want to be bitten. its not exactly ‘Council approved’, but they’re basically a coven of vampire rednecks and muscle thugs and the council was like ‘if we recognize the Moraes-Yates marriage and give Moraes a council seat then we have power over Annabelle and by extension her coven, without actually having to directly interact with her coven, soooo’ Technically Maria is ‘head of the family’ in the ways that matter for vampire law, but to the cousins, Annabelle is head of the family in the ways that /actually/ matter, and in the ways recognized by the old magics of the yates matriarchs. she keeps them out of trouble, disciplines them as needed, and the Council generally gets to sleep sounder at night knowing that at least things are much better than they were before annabelle took charge (and killed and exiled a good portion of said trouble-causing family, but thats another thing!)

Assorted Side Characters: aka people who i forgot to mention or didnt have a category

(r) the vampire doctor lady whose name i forgot: she’s friends with Vlad and gets away with because the supernatural community is pretty shit about medical research and the Council can’t really afford to alienate the world’s best (and only) expert on vampire health and wellbeing. probably one of vlad’s inside eyes and ears on the Council, has been treating Winona to recover use of her voice

nora: winona’s primary care-giver until she was maybe seven or so, and protected her from some of the abuse of the others. was presumably killed by the others in the coven, but if we ever need a new plot idea, nora can definitely be alive. though goodness knows if she really cared for winona or was just another manipulative sicko, so i supposed i would have to figure that out

victoria: a mysterious lady that Bram used to date, much to the displeasure (and detriment, it seems) of Vlad. Possibly why Vlad is so against Bram dating in the present

the folks on the island: May’s community is something of another mystery- Henri and Bill, at least, are very much on May’s ‘side’ as it were, but it seems that sentiment is not widely embraced, and there may be some who are anxious for May to die young, as has been predicted

(j) FirstName Domagala: aka ‘Mags’, a werewolf from Deno’s pack. She is older than him (maybe 5, 7 years? idk) and is also in a somewhat self-imposed exile, tho the details of that are unknown to us (aka i havent decided) and she formally left the pack several years after Deno had. She initially left to study medicine (surgery, specifically), but in recent years her seizures (which she used to only get after transforming) have forced her out of practice. is ‘seeing’ Maria, and weirdly enough, it seems to be approaching a ‘real relationship’, tho who knows. her parents were well respected and loved, her father being deno’s father’s best friend. she DEF killed him. it should be noted that Mags has several variations and though Werewolf Mags is certainly not warm and personable, she is a LOT nicer than Apocalypse Mags and Mutant Mags. 

sara weaver, greg parker, some other gal whose name i dont remember: the other kids in this generations vampiric baby boom. greg was the youngest by a few years, and real shy and nervous i think? and sara and alex have always been friends in the same way you might be friends with the kids of your parents college friends that you see once or twice a year- you get along and enjoy catching up, but outside of that connection, you dont make a lot of effort into maintaining the relationship. initially they were maybe going to be closer, but i decided that if alex supposedly had a ‘normal’ life he should maybe have some human friends, so ilhan became his primary friend outside the gang. sorry sara.

apologies for the many details i got wrong or outright neglected (like gavin’s last name, which i have already forgot, or Mags’ first name, which i STILL havent come up with, despite the character having originated even before her appearance in the Northern Ridge Werewolf RP sheesh i should get on that) i tried to include physical descriptors when i remember them, but obvs they are not complete nor necessarily accurate.

#st georges info #st georges