#he says its not shameful but scary and i relate to that a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

primalspice · 1 year

Note

Sewma: A2, A3, A7, A10, A20, B2, B8, B16, C2, C3, C7, D1, D3, E4, E5, F1, F4, F6, F11, G1, G5, H7, H9, I2, I5, J3, J7, L9

sewwy...

A2: What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et cetera…

chaotic good i think.......... hes definitely out doing Good Deeds but definitely also without regard for the opinions of others opposition......or laws.....

A3: Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

honestly after all that's Happened to him he's come out relatively unscathed (MENTALLY, mentally). he's traumatized from the ivy event and is coping with it kinda strangely but if he has any degree of ptsd its not severe. besides his questionable womanmode-ing and relocation to the border (might've done that anyway even if things didnt go the way they did), he's recovering mentally better than anyone could reasonably ask of him. he's relatively neurotypical otherwise he's just a weird guy.........Horrifying.

A7: Is your OC confident in their reactions to life in general, or do they get embarrassed or easily shamed for it? I.e., if something startles them, do they insist it WAS scary? When they cry, do they feel like they overreacted?

he is OVERLY confident he thinks he is always correct never wrong ever in his life. the only person really remotely capable of shaming him into reconsidering his reactions are people particularly close to him (ivy, leslie Especially) because he cares about their opinions. otherwise, he's kinda always been the first guy to make a fuss about something without caring about the general climate of opinions. which is sometimes good but sometimes really fucking annoying LMAO. i promise he has positive opinions on things too.........somewhere in his brain.....

A10: Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?

I'd say no but i mean....he IS housing the ex president..... i think the compromises he makes are still quite strictly limited to being made Only due to his code of ethics (career-related or otherwise). His big beliefs about pacifism and turning no one away and etc can be a little..... 'liberal' at times. he PROMMIES it will pay off in the longrun and it makes you the bigger person he prommies he prommies (he barely believes it anymore himself but hes not ready to accept such a thing)

A20: Are they harsh on themselves?

as hard as a highly arrogant person can be LOL i think he has a lot of guilt over things he couldn't/can't have control of but i think that goes hand-in-hand with the arrogance. like GRR WHY couldnt i STOP ivy from being murdered and SOLVE region-wide hunger and STOP the spread of radiation and cancer im DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT (i know this for a fact and if u tell me im not you are wrong)!!!!

B2: Do they get frustrated when lines at places like pharmacies, check-outs, delis, banks, et cetera, are moving slowly?

he does because he's an impatient and angry person but he could never admit it because that would be 1. hypocritical 2. not very leftist unionizing justice slay of him

B8: Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?

LMAO IDK I THINK HE TAKES HIMSELF TOO SERIOUSLY TO BE TRULY FUNNY BUT HIS RANTS ARE OVER THE TOP ENOUGH TO BE FUNNY AT TIMES. VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT SILLY SHIT.

B16: Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

he fucking LOVES attention. always has.

C2: Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?

he feels bad and looks for a way to excuse himself anyway LOL once again this would only happen in one of those aforementioned conflict-of-interest type situations. he'd probably say something about how it benefits the cause in the longrun or at worst how he's constantly Learning and Evolving 😤

C3: Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own?

absolutely. important enough that he'd skip military school over it. important enough that he'd start a doctors' union and zine periodical and community-building projects and doiflkhgdfkghdfkjhfkj. its not that he CAN'T be around people he doesn't quite align with, its more like those people wont want to be around Him bcz hes obnoxious. it's part of his Identity and Community at this point (u can see why the past few years have been so painful to him)

C7: Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?

he has a ton of faith in peoples' ability to change WITH effort and community support. i think it's part of why he agreed to take harvey in. classic case of guy who thinks he can fix everyone. he IS a doctor after all cmon.

D1: How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

religion is pretty unspoken about in general Regionally so he doesn't really consider it much. i think if he lived in Outsider America he'd be horrified by how many wars its caused/played part in, generally speaking, and be pretty turned off by it LOL. he'd probably enjoy the stories though (only the ones that involve kindness to the less fortunate). and he'd enjoy the idea of ghosts and eternal souls and such since for now he's busy eternalizing people via the Things they've left behind. oh also i was originally gonna make him a member of some fringe religion before i even Designed him, just to make him more of a social reject ig LMAOOO. that never stuck

D3: How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

see above. he's not particularly comfortable with it mentally, like it bothers him and it specifically upsets him that it's happening so much more than it needs to, but he's gotta be able to cope with it, again, considering he's a doctor n all. he does what he can to avoid dying, personally. he's relatively careful about his health n all (as careful as one can be in region zero? LOL). he wants as much time as he can be afforded. he deeply hopes that he wont end up like his peers who have died. he doesn't want to die a gorey or painful death, he's already dealt with enough gore and pain and made it out to see the aftermath. he wasn't as afraid of dying as he should've been when he was closest to it. i think he believed he was going to live like 80% of the time as shit was going down with the ivy incident. which is strange for someone to believe foa (he is overconfident in himself in all situations) but also sucks for him because now he's gotta actively think about how he's gonna deal with his dead friend and the disfigurement he's actively undergoing while it's all happening??? GREAT.

E4: Did they enjoy school if they went to it?

absolutely not LOL he's booksmart n all but he'd skip a lot. he'd blame it on hating the structure or the prison-like qualities or something but i think the real answer is that he didn't like it because he doesn't know how to shut up and sit down for extended periods of time. guy who gets an A on all his tests but a D- in homework. once he got more hands-on in medical school he enjoyed things wayyyy more. he needs the human interaction and freedom to move around.

E5: What’s their highest education level? Do they want to continue their education?

He's been through the equivalent of medical school basically, he's current a Medical Doctor officially speaking (and practices primary care/family doctoring basically). He finished normal civilian high school, went through 2ish years of basic college-level schooling in the military then started working toward his medical license there as well. After he left the military he completed his 'residency' type training with Leslie at the community clinic mostly + her extension of her family's practice while that was a thing. He's not gonna continue his education he hates classrooms and ppl telling him what to do so much.

F1: What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?

:) he lives in ivy's office that she was gonna relocate to with him and probably leslie eventually :) he IS technically a co-signer on the paperwork for it its not illegal for him to stay there. its just fucking weird LOL. especially when there's so much work to be done back in the suburbs and so few comrades to do it. he moved there a few weeks after the ivy incident because he couldn't take how tense shit was getting between him and leslie and couldn't take being reminded of everything that happened every day. he wouldn't word it that way tho.

F4: How clean are they overall with home upkeep?

not messy, but messier than you'd hope your doctor to be LOL. he's not dirty, just disorganized. HE knows where everything is but it would never be very obvious to anyone else.

F6: How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?

he's basically on-call 24/7 but what he actually does is.....whatever he can do <3 he takes a few patients per day for checkups and prescriptions and referrals and such, basic urgent care type stuff. and he takes a lot of phonecalls from people with questions. it's definitely not what he'd prefer to be doing in terms of doctoring jobs but he's not ready to face the world and interact with more patients as he is.

F11: What are some of their favorite things to do for recreation? How did they get into it? What part of it do they like the most?

he loves to COMPLAIN RECREATIONALLY and WATCH JEOPARDY and PLAY DRESSUP (THIS IS NOT AS RECREATIONAL AS HE CLAIMS IT IS). this is SELF CARE to him. rare selma pre daily beautification routine:

G1: Is your OC close to their family?

Nah they kinda hate his ass for being difficult and he kinda hates their asses for being military scum but. he IS their only child. they probably talk once in a while but not recently. not since the ivy stuff especially.

G5: Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

idk if he had anything especially typical, he was just a kinda bougie brat LOL. probably the first kid to try alcohol Once in his friend group in middle school and brag about it really hard.

H7: What do they look for in partners? (Emotionally, mentally, physically..)

he looks for someone who has the same values as him (very important) but can also challenge him Intellectually. someone who will entertain his more abstract ideas (he wants to start a band so bad). someone who will balance his cunty femmeness.

H9: What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

bad politics 😒

I2: Do they have any eating requirements or preferences? Allergies, vegetarian, organic-only, religious restrictions…

i think given his pacifism it only makes sense for him to be vegetarian but his options are pretty limited considering the Nontoxic Food Shortage......

I5: Are they a good cook?

hes not a BAD cook. hes definitely no chef tho LOL he knows how to make like 6 meals thats enough <3

J3: How politically active are they?

incredibly politically active for a guy who has like 675599484 better things to be doing. as least he Used to be that way up until the past year. he's on hiatus now because he dare not show his wretched face around his people but he still supports the cause. he's REFINING HIS PHILOSOPHY give him some time.

J7: How much interest in environmental health do they have?

very much interested, it's one of the pillars of his politics and he believes it to be one of the biggest overarching issues facing the region currently and in the future (it is). he's not extremely well-versed in environmental protection or how any of that really works, he's kinda learning as he goes/talking to other people who know more. doesnt take a rocket scientist to say 'hey maybe we need a more sustainable method of income and maybe less improper disposal of toxic waste people are dying'

L9: How did you come up with your OC?

he kinda took a longer time than the others to design/decide a specific role and personality for. had to grow on me for a while. i wanted someone to be a strong contrast to harvey tho. he fluctuated for a long time between being someone generally hated and someone generally appreciated LOL. i never really originally intended for him to be such a political person (more of an eccentric one than anything) but he eventually grew into that. plus i got like 2 more ocs out of it (his comrades) <3

#ask game #selma

1 note · View note

kirisaki-daichi-scenarios · 3 years

Text

a discussion of jabberwock with team interaction hcs + deeper nash analysis

for anon who asked "Can we get some headcanons for jabberwock members or like headcanons when they're together? (its okay if it was jason or nash only)" and made me realise it's about time i get these guys' personalities down

note before we start: cause i didn't know their names until i wrote this

zack is the bald one, allen is the one with a headband, nick is the other white guy apart from nash.

team hcs

nick gets bullied for being under 6ft, but not by jason

nah good old jason teases all of them for being short fucks, emphasising that they’re all 5ft tall in comparison to him

he 100% lifts things out of the others' reach and then laughs for ages after when they try get them

unfortunately though, they’re all used to this and now just ignore him. either that or nash stares at him so intensely jason actually repents and hands it back

zack’s another one with a very good glare, but he’s used it too often on jason and it’s since stopped working.

also jason gives me ‘straightens his back as much as possible when getting measured so he’ll measure in as 7ft’ vibes

oh and he thinks he could wrestle a gator and win. i’ve got no explanation for that except for the fact you can't tell me it's ooc.

allen’s very protective over his white headband - it’s his lucky item - but he’d never let anyone know that

he’s confident in his abilities like the rest of them, but there’s nothing wrong with wearing a headband just in case

(nash knows anyway)

they watch nba matches together and do not shut up once throughout the entire match - lots of jeering, booing each other if someone criticises a player they like, lots of “i could do that”, lots of “get your fucking hand out of my popcorn do you want me to punch you in the face” etc

they used to all live together, but nash has since moved out. he was sick and tired of trying to make people do chores, as the only one who kept their room clean.

yeah the others’ house looks like a heap of trash but also very much “where’s my toothbrush?” “it’s in the third coke can by the orange peel behind the sink” *silence* “yeah thanks” *a minute later* “who the fuck has been using my toothbrush”

they’re all “bro your dribbling sucks why are you on this team loser” to one another, but also very protective (aka arrogant for one another) if anyone else Dared to criticise one of their teammates

then again, what kind of person would criticise jabberwock

half of the time he spends with jabberwock, nash is a Single Mother TM trying to get a bunch of man children to behave; the other half of the time, he's just as bad as the rest of them

i talk about this a lot but i get the feeling nash is an exceptionally hard worker, but at least he gets to let his hair down around his teammates sometimes

nash is also the only person jason thought was truly ‘strong’ at first sight

and nash is also the only person who can beat jason in a fight, and also the only person who can get nash to train, and also the only person who can.. [etc. you see my point].

(n.b jason calls himself the ‘almighty me’, nash says that ‘even god can’t beat me’. point made.)

you know how jason silver’s motto is “I have never thought”

imagine him proudly stating that, before zack adds with a straight face, “yeah cause nash does it for you.”

in short, the team would fall apart without nash.

although the team’s communication and coordination is very fine tuned, nash is the guy who keeps everything in order off the court to prevent what is essentially a team of aces ('main characters', if you will) from falling apart

they hang out together a lot, but do all have other friend groups that do not overlap

team bbqs

unofficial rule not to criticise anchovies on pizza because the one time nick did, nash snapped

however pineapple on pizza is fair game, even though zack quite likes it

more than once, jason has brought a girl home and nick has stolen her attention away with effortless trick shots, funky ball manoeuvring etc

more than once nick has had to trek to nash’s place (with a black eye) at midnight to have somewhere to sleep

do you see a correlation?

oh and everyone in the team has been walked in on by nash when they were naked with some girl

nash has absolutely no shame

he apologises to the girl with a charming albeit insincere tone, and then remains standing in front of the bed/couch until his teammate does what he expected of them

usually it involves not having come to practice

allen learnt a few (emphasis on ‘few’) words of japanese before they travelled to japan and was disappointed that he never got to use them

that said, one of those words was hentai

and now a quick analysis of some panels

a) so there's at least one player who wasn't underestimating vorpal swords. if i were to overanalyse, i'd add that nick's wearing a hoodie (possibly athletic wear) whilst nash has a 'fancy' shirt on; perhaps nick wasn't expecting them to be going to host clubs instead of chilling/training?

b) i know what you're thinking: "how can you say nash is a hard worker when he didn't want to practice for the match". i reckon he was still pretty high on the complete and utter success of their previous match, that plus being around girls, encouraged him to have a more 'jason-y' personality. (either that or fujimaki didn't want to add too much depth/realism into nash's character bc he's unequivocally the villain, right? and obviously this helps with the plot and the jabberwock bad geniuses gom good geniuses rhetoric.)

earlier, i mentioned how nash is the only one that could keep the team together, and is thus the undeniable head of the team; here's a clear example. you can see both jason and zack have no interest in continuing - if anything, there's disgust in their faces, kinda just saying "we spat on all of japan, now we can go home". whereas nash won't allow for the slightest of possibilities that there might exist a team stronger than them, and hence agrees to the match. the key thing here is that the others do as he says without too much fuss.

another thing to note is nash's reference to harakiri. now what can we make of that, alongside his proficiency in japanese, in relation to his character? the way i see it, he's either a weeb or possibly has some japanese lineage. (you could spin that even further and say his mother was japanese, taught him the language, then abandoned him, and hence his almost excessive hatred/mockery of the japanese people.) (is that why he wanted to do another match in japan..?)

just a quick point. "thanks to him" - jason isn't so superior as to think that he could win this match effortlessly without nash's support. links pretty nicely with my earlier idea about how nash is the only person jason has always considered 100% strong.

yet another point about how nash is the strongest of the team in pretty much every way you can think of. you know how scary/powerful you have to be to shut jason up (after he's getting real pissed from being prevented from scoring?)

i personally think this is a pretty important panel, though i've never seen anyone mention it before. did nash grow up training in a professional basketball training situation, as opposed to growing up playing streetball like i suspect the others did? well, to answer that question, imma bring in another panel.

here we see visible rage on nick, zack and jason's faces - they can't accept their loss, which is fair enough. but i'd argue that nash's face seems to depict sadness more than it does anger like to rest of them, look at how downturned his mouth is - and he's looking away from the 'camera', as if hiding his shame.

when you combine that with what he says here, i have no doubt that this is someone who has experienced some proper lows in basketball - as would be expected from someone who's played 'properly'. he's possibly not even a prodigy like the rest of them - compare jason's motto with his. "i have never thought" versus "do not suppose opportunity will knock twice at your door".

there's various lines of thinking you could design with this - he might have been trained by alex (hence, himuro having heard of jabberwock, though he should have known of a team as popular of jabberwock regardless), he might have grown up with professional basketballer parents etc. but here's my own little theory:

nash received serious basketball training from early on - maybe because his parents were living vicariously through him, or maybe he always loved the sport and wanted to be no1. so there he was training away, but, as he grew older, it started getting all a bit too much.

he didn't want to dedicate his entire life to basketball. after all, his hobby is water sports and his speciality is boxing; that's a lot of different things to be keeping up with, whereas the pipeline for promising athletes demands people focus solely on basketball. as a result, nash become bitter: stopped attending practice regularly, got in trouble for trash talk of increasing severity, etc.

result was he was kicked out of the program.

only when he was no longer playing basketball again, did he realise how much he missed it. and hence he got into streetball, where he was tremendously successful as someone with so much training, 'elite skills', and the overly confident attitude to boot.

then, one fateful day, he met jason and the rest is history.

151 notes · View notes

inviberu · 3 years

Text

mirror

An old mirror dirty enough to the point you can’t see your reflection anymore. Faust decided to take a better look at it. He never expected it to turn out as a lost relic from a once prosperous city.

“Oh dear me!” Snow gasped, putting his hand over his mouth to appear more shocked than he actually is. A thoughtful smile suddenly took over his expression not long after as he put his hands on his hips. “I would’ve never thought I’d see this again in this day and age.”

“You know what this is?” Faust’s eyes widened as he examined the mirror in his hands once more, its golden rim giving off a shiny gleam after recovering it from the ruins during their last expedition to the Eastern country. It managed to pique the hermit’s interest after seeing it lay bare on the ground in such a terrible state, wanting to recover it to its former beauty. In some way, it reminded him of himself.

“But of course! This was awfully revered back in the day by both humans and wizards alike. It’s a good thing that my weary self was able to remember it.” Snow chirped, taking a closer look at the mirror. “A relic from a once-famous city—a mirror that is said to have the ability to show you the future. After their downfall, no one had any idea about where the relic laid rest. Ohoho! You’ve come across an exquisite item indeed.”

“The ability to show me the future? That’s ridiculous. I just picked it up from the ground, there’s no way a mirror like this is a lost relic.” Despite the sureness from his words, his voice held a certain kind of doubt that believed Snow. There was no reason for someone like Snow to lie to him after all, there was simply no merit in doing so and Snow wasn’t one to lie about this sort of stuff just for his own amusement.

“You think I jest? I see, then why don’t you try it out for yourself?” Snow’s expression held a smug smile before he remembered something and he let out a small gasp. “I heard it was very moody and picky though, so it might not work on your first try.”

“A moody mirror? The more I hear about this mirror the more I think that it’s a joke.” Faust shook his head.

“Ohoho! Try saying ‘please and thank you’ to the mirror when you try.” What Snow said sounded like a tease but Faust knew well that he was being serious. He didn’t know which one was worse—he could only let out a sigh as he inspected the mirror again. Could a mirror truly tell him of the future? Such an item is far too dangerous to be left out in the open.

“Woah, so you’re telling me this mirror can show you the future?” You wandered inside Faust’s room back and forth but your eyes remained fixated on the mirror placed on his desk, its intricate golden design never failed to catch your interest. It was hard to believe such a thing was capable of showing you the future when all sorts of magic relating to that were either forbidden or extremely hard unless you were gifted with the gift of prophecy like the twins from the North.

Faust let out a sigh, he couldn't bring himself to believe it either but there were a lot of strange things in this world—this was just one of them. "Apparently," he pushed up his glasses as he took the mirror in his hands and looked at his reflection. "Do you want to give it a try?"

"Me?" You asked curiously, wondering why Faust would ask you such a thing but you weren't against the idea of the mirror showing you your possible future. Though you can't help but feel a little bit scared when you thought about the possibilities—there was nothing more terrifying than the unknown future, after all. Faust handed you the mirror and you stared at it blankly. With much hesitance, you nodded.

"I'll try… how does this even work in the first place?" You tried tapping the glass, wondering if it was some sort of touch screen mirror but you were met with disappointment when it did nothing.

"Snow said to try saying 'please and thank you' to the mirror, I don't know if that'll work though. He said it was moody." Faust let out a dry chuckle, the thought still ridiculous to him but never crossed it out as impossible. If the mirror would truly respond to something like that, it only proved the strangeness of this magical world. You shot him a strange look, a moody mirror? But you pushed back the doubt to the back of your head and put your trust in him instead.

"Mirror, can you show me the future? Pretty please?" You cooed, feeling a bit stupid for pleading to a mirror like this. You waited a few moments for a reaction while looking at the object expectantly, only to be met with utter disappointment when it did absolutely nothing. Faust was silent along with you until he let out a small laugh, did you look stupid when you were doing that? You questioned if Snow was just pulling both of your legs, that mischievous old man!

"As expected, it won't work just because we asked it to."

"Geez, Faust! Do you really think a shabby thing like this can show us the future?" Shabby was the last word you would use to describe the mirror had it not been for your rage towards its defect. It looked elegant and regal, as if it didn't spend centuries lying beneath some rubble—it was a miracle the glass wasn't broken by such heavy fragments lying atop of it. You shook your head and gave Faust the mirror, giving up on it after you added: "How about you try it? It might listen to you because you're the one that picked it up."

He shot you a hesitant look, he had a feeling this wasn't going to end well yet he pushed that feeling into the back of his mind and stared at his reflection—he caught a small glimpse of your face in it while you were looking away and he couldn't help but break into a small smile. At that moment, something changed.

The hand mirror shook slightly in his grasp. Faust, alarmed, tried to make it sit still by gripping it tighter but it proved to be futile when it flew from his grasp and a blinding light filled the room—eliciting gasps of shock from the both of you as Faust grabbed to shield you from whatever was emerging in his room. When the light disappeared, it took him a while to get adjusted to the sudden change but once he did, he saw the hand mirror transformed into a full-body one sitting in the middle of his room.

"What in the world…" Faust left your side to carefully inspect the area, making sure there were no more risks in the area before taking your hand while telling you it was safe—aside from the now huge mirror residing smack middle in his room, its golden glow giving off an intimidating aura. You felt your initial shock turn into excitement.

"Isn't this great? It responded to you! What did you say?" You asked him, curious. You weren't paying attention to him at that time, perhaps you missed something.

"Nothing, actually. It just started vibrating and this happened." Faust tipped his hat slightly, closing his eyes and let out another sigh. One strange thing after another, he was bound to be drained at the end of the day, wasn't he?

"That's strange, you didn't say anything and yet it responded to you… curious." You stroked your chin. Faust stepped into the mirror's view and nothing was out of the ordinary, it showed him nothing of the future, only his reflection. He paused, was it broken after being left there for so many centuries? It was a plausible explanation. It was just like a normal mirror now, it was a shame such a relic has lost its true value—eroded along with the years that passed.

That is, until you stepped into the view.

The moment you stepped into the view, everything that the mirror showed suddenly changed as it emitted a faint white glow. You closed your eyes for a second and you could hear the faint sounds of… bells? You opened your eyes slightly to look at the mirror only for Faust to slap his hand over your eyes to obstruct your vision before you could get a small glimpse of what changed.

A bunch of incomprehensible sounds fell from Faust's lips and you tried to remove his hand from your eyes but that just made his actions more frantic. He grabbed your wrist and dragged you away from the mirror to outside of his room. You tried asking him what his problem was but you were left unheard as he left you outside and shut the door to his room aggressively. By the time you tried making sense of the scenario, you were already staring at his door from outside—did he just kick you out?

Your mouth was wide open when the realization dawned on you—what was his problem!? You crossed your arms grumpily, a part of you wanted to knock on his door again to demand an explanation but another part wanted you to storm off without saying anything to him. You pouted, or was he trying to protect you from something dangerous? Magical items could be dangerous if not handled correctly, after all.

In the end, you didn't know what to do and rested your forehead against his door frame with a clenched fist ready to knock at any given time and a defeated look.

To say Faust panicked back there was an understatement, he felt as if his soul was about to leave his body right then and there when he saw the scene the mirror showed him. He could only breathe a sigh of relief, he was glad he acted quickly before you caught a glimpse of it—that would've made things worse and he wouldn't know what to do. He slumped against the door, feeling a bit light-headed and fuzzy, the heat refusing to leave his face. He was embarrassed.

The sight wasn't something particularly scary or tragic. In fact, it was the complete opposite—though that made it all the more confusing as to why Faust would stop you from looking at it. It was a scene that he saw in one of his many dreams, something that flustered him to no end and wished it would leave him alone.

The bells that rang in the background, the happy couple dressed in white as they looked at each other lovingly, a perfect wedding scene straight from the dreams Faust doesn't tell anyone. A perfect wedding scene of you and him in the distant future—together.

To think your fate was intertwined like this… Faust could only hope that it's a future that's bound to happen. But, right now, he can't let you find out about this lest he wants to live the rest of his life inside the forest hiding from you. He would simply pass away from sheer embarrassment, oh how would he even face you? His cheeks burned red at the thought of a wedding with you once again.

#mhyk #mhyk writing #my writing #promise of wizard #faust #mhyk faust #faust x reader #promise of wizard x reader #mahoyaku x reader #faust lavinia #faust lavinia x reader #no beta we die like white #the wedding rot ... immaculate

85 notes · View notes

spaceocean9 · 3 years

Text

I am back on my Wandavision bullshit! I am rewatching the show and there is so much that us bothering me with the framing of Wanda and her actions. It would be something if this was a phenomenon that was unique to this show, but I dont think it is. It is a small reflection of society and how we treat white women in relation to depression.

I am going to compare Wanda and Tony again. I am comparing Wanda and Tony so heavily because they both have well defined canon depictions of mental illness. Hell, Tony is even featured a psychology textbook as an example of PTSD in media. While Bruce and Thor also have mental illnesses (depression, suicidal ideation)they are not focused on as heavily or as seriously(which is a shame).

The treatment Wanda and Tony get in the narrative of the mcu are pretty different. Tony is constantly reprimanded for his behavior. He faces some sort of consequence in almost every movie, even if he has a mental health issue. And while his progress is shaky at times he always tries to do better. A big part of Tony's character is redemption. Even if you personality think that Tony should be punished more harshly, the point still stands that he is criticized in the narrative. The intention is there.

I would go so far as to say that sometimes the mcu is harsh to Tony when talking about his PTSD. His mental illness being outright ignored by teammates or the people around him for a long time. I totally remember in Iron man 3 when Tony tried to talk with Bruce about his issues and he was sleeping. It was supposed to be funny that he was highly disinterested. A lot of people are annoyed with Tony's PTSD rather than concerned. It doesn't matter if Tony is likable or not, that is not okay. And even though Tony saved the world and is hailed as a hero at the end of his story, it is important to remember that he is dead and his death was kind of framed like it saved him. Pepper says that he can rest now. That is clearly a reference to his mental health struggles. And I dont love that. Not at all, especially with the rates of suicide for people with PTSD. I have PTSD and that is a thought that haunts me constantly. That death is the only way my mind will relax. I am sure that the writers didn't intend for his death to come off that way, but I dont know. It feels squicky to me.

Wanda on the other hand isn't held responsible for her actions. She is downright coddled. She is presented as younger than she actually is in civil war. POC characters that she has tried to actively kill make a thousand of excuses for her, and even say that they would do the same. The POC people that she has killed( Johannesburg and Wakandan citizens)are pushed aside and ignored. She abuses Vision and it is not addressed. When he walks down in his retro outfit and she all fucking gleeful that he is going along with her whims, and then he states that it was the only thing in the closet; absolute chills. Wanda knew what she was doing to the poor people of Westview. She might have not known at first but she caught on pretty quickly. Wanda is the villian Wandavision, even if the narrative doesn't want her to be and tries to distract you with Agnes. Agnes was just piggybacking off of Wanda's creation. She didn't create this nightmare. Agnes is only the big villian because she is opposing Wanda. Wanda is framed as the absolute victim so much, especially in this show. God, when Monica says to Wanda" they will never know what you did for them" I wanted to chuck my remote. WHAT?! She tortured them. Made them her dolls to play house with. She did nothing for them except give them trauma and uprooted their lives. The people of Westview are even presented as threatening and unreasonable at the end of the show, with them looking at Wanda and she looking small in her hood. Ugh, it so nauseating. I'm sorry, but the accords never looked so good right now.

There could be many reasons for this difference in treatment. I think one of the big ones is because Wanda is a white, skinny, traditionally pretty woman; and they are the face of idealized sympathetic media depression. I would even say that Wandas depression is treated with more care than Thor's and Bruce's. And PTSD is not understood very well. It flip flops back in forth between the" scary" illnesses( bipolar, schizophrenia, personality disorders), which leaves it in this realm of misunderstanding. There are actually a lot of people who don't even know its an anxiety disorder.

#anti mcu #anti wanda maximoff #anti wandavision #tony stark

156 notes · View notes

bigshotspambot · 2 years

Note

we're all simps down here...,.., /lh ,ghfj, so no shame👍

also👀.. (warning lots lots of text and bit of deep thunk ahead sorry lol)

do you know any reason (or words to describe what is that) why we may like someone who's big tall strong scary intimidating and could easily crush or kill u but chooses not to and is instead gentle caring loving and protective (of a small gentle self insert/reader char..,,,.)

like yes that in relation to sneo and reader, but also what is this phenomenon when it applies to other chars, anyone with that dynamic😳 sorry if its a deep question, i just keep thinking about it and wonder if other spamton enjoyers may know the answer ghfj

(my one theory is it being kinda like enemies to lovers, with someone seeing all of your worst traits and vulnerabilities but still somehow ending up loving you...., something like that, combined with wanting to be protected/to feel worthy of being protected..🥺😳)

anyway yes, 👍 ghfj; (and again sorry for much text, and no pressure for anything its mostly rambling/thinking out loud if someone might know what is this thing)

spamton neo enjoyers discussing the psychological/scientific reasons as to why they want to hold a giant robot’s hand

(Continued under the cut)

That’s a good question. Ngl I wish I knew, and I’ve thought about it before. cuz I’ve had crushes on other characters with the same dynamic oops

Perhaps it’s a manifestation of wanting to lose control, but in a safe environment, and with somebody you trust? In contrast to how events in everyday life make you feel out of control with no way to stop it. In some ways like a coping mechanism?

And his scary appearance might add to that even more. It’s physically dangerous, but it’s actually safe because there’s trust and intimacy between you and him that he won’t hurt you. So perhaps being able to feel comfortable with him, even with his dangerousness, only emphasizes how much you trust/care about one another. Could also be a “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” sorta thing, but. He looks pretty good to me idk what else to say LOL

I hope that makes sense. Deep thunk. Welcoming any further discussion too because it’s interesting

#long post #SPAMTON NEO X READER CONFERENCE 2022 #spamton neo #spamton neo x reader #❓ASK TO YOUR [Beating Heart’s] CONTENT

43 notes · View notes

mk-wizard · 3 years

Text

Big Hero 6 The Series: It could have been better

Hello, friends. Today, I will be analyzing a TV series based on a movie that I fell in love with for its colourful themes, deep plot, compelling characters, great CGI and memorable messages. Before I get into it, I want to take a moment to say that I have quit doing videos. They are too big of a pain in the petunia to make and I write better than I speak, so I will stick to writing essays, reviews and more. Anyway, onto the analysis.

All I can say about Big Hero 6 the series is that it had a great concept, it presented some great ideas and tried hard to be a cartoon of the times, but it could have and should have been a lot better. The show’s downfall all centers around trying too hard to be kid friendly which makes the shame sting all the more because Big Hero 6 was already kid friendly even with its dark themes, sharp edges and intelligent writing. If anything, even the brightest kid friendly cartoons (Steven Universe, She-Ra, etc.) had those things and actually benefitted from them. By needlessly trying too hard, character development got scrapped, the edges were all smoothed out, storytelling was subpar, the humour was too silly and the executive meddling in the end produced a dismal final season. However, I don’t want this analysis to be one lengthy negative rant about how awful the series was because in its defense, awful is an unfair word. It did have potential and ideas which are worth carrying over to a reboot that I hope will be done someday in the future. Also, we should root for a reboot because Big Hero 6 would not be the first story that needs it before striking gold. Just look at how many times Spider-Man was rebooted in film before MCU found the version that worked. Anyway, I will list all the things in Big Hero 6 that could have been better in my opinion;

1- Go easy on the laughs and be more generous with the action. - I love adding comedy to my own writing because I think a good sense of humour makes everything better, but Big Hero 6 is not a stand up comedy routine. It is a superhero story where we expect action, suspense and life or death situations that are to be taken seriously first. The comedy should be for relief and with the right timing. Also, the chibi cutscenes and having characters act like fools aren’t funny. Ren and Stimpy are the exception not the standard and their way of making you laugh doesn’t fit an action series. In a show as big as Big Hero 6, real life physics and danger matters.

2- Make the villains menacing and gritty. - I admit that after having a movie villain like Yokai who was the stuff of nightmares, it is going to be a challenging act to follow, but it was obvious that the writers were trying especially with some villains who could have easily gone into some dark relatable territory. For example, Mr. Sparkles (the gentleman in the photo above) embodies social media and Internet personalities. Right off the bat, you have a long list of things which embody the dark side of that like scams, fraud, using social media to dox or harass, driving people to suicide, online predators, the Internet personalities being very depressed people in real life, and much more horrifying things. When you stop and look at it, Mr. Sparkles even looks like the Joker which hints how dark and scary he could have been if the stops were removed. The same goes for enemies like Hardlight who embodies online gaming, Liv with cloning, Obake an amoral and insane scientist, and Trina and Noodle Burger Boy (more on him later) being evil robots. Globby especially should have been painted and written in much darker colours rather being played off for laughs because he has many parallels with Clay Face. The only two villains who I can say were supposed to be campy, charming and comical were Baron Von Steamer and Supersonic Sue because they were a satire of the Adam West style villains.

The rest of them needed to be dark and threatening including Mr. Sparkles. In fact, I would love a rebooted version of Mr. Sparkles who gives me the heebie-jeebies. Going back to Noodle Burger Boy, I must confess that I was actually excited when I heard that he was going to be the main villain of the final season because I thought he was going to fulfill his master’s final wish and as a reminder, Noodle Burger Boy was based on a super robot for military purposes.

It would have been fantastic if Noodle Burger Boy was upgraded into a full military war machine with a new threatening look. For that, I think all of the villains deserve to be rebooted and have their full potential unlocked for better or for worse.

3- A show about geniuses merits genius level art quality. - I am usually forgiving towards art styles, but in the case of Big Hero 6, the oversimplified style with minimal details and lack of textures did not suit the show. The characters blend in with the background which makes them look flat and the special effects were extremely dulled down. I also know for a fact that Disney can do a lot better than this because I saw how superbly Tangled the Series was drawn.

You can see and almost feel the difference in quality, the number of layers and level of detail between the two styles. I think there was no excuse Big Hero 6 was not done in the same style and at the same level if not better as Tangled.

3- Don’t dumb down or flanderize amazing characters. - I absolutely detest it when characters are flanderized because it makes them one dimensional and grating. For example, Go Go is tough as nails and extremely calm, but she is not cold or hesitant towards helping her friends. She doesn’t require very special episodes for us to know that. If anything, the movie version of Go Go reminded me a lot of Garnet in how she deconstructed the broody character. She isn’t cold or emotionless. Just calm and mature. Another good example was how Honey Lemon was rewritten to be overly positive to the point of toxicity, naïve and oblivious with a juvenile obsession with stickers. Then you have poor Fred who was rewritten to be an incompetent fool. The spark that makes Big Hero 6 shine is that they are a team of geniuses meaning they are all intelligent. Even Fred is genius in his own way just not a scientific one. He has a vivid imagination, he is resourceful and can get himself out of tight spots. Please, don’t turn characters into dummies especially if their intelligence is a part of them. It doesn’t make them better or funnier. It ruins them.

4- Tadashi needs closure and honour. - I am all for Hiro making peace with the loss of his brother, but Tadashi is to the Big Hero 6 team what Uncle Ben was to Spider-Man. His loss was the catalyst if not the reason. He should never be forgotten. Moreover, there was never any true closure to him especially with the possibility that he may still be alive up in the air. After all, like Callaghan, his body was never found and it turned out that Callaghan was still alive.

With that said, who is to say that Tadashi was not secretly still alive and just hiding or being hidden? This is something that Disney really needed to clear up if not for the fans, then at least as a service to such an important character. Never just forget about them.

5- The format can only be episodic with a deep plots, continuity and character development. - Random episodes with a mere monster of the day is an outdated format which doesn’t fit Big Hero 6′s modern and bright setting. In seasons 1 and 2, when the episodes were plot heavy with character development, the series shined brightest. It also helped move the story along, but with the final season, plot was removed, closure was abandoned or poorly written if any was given, and characters were disallowed from growing. A good example at how plot and character development could have made this series and its characters better was the relationship between Hiro and Megan. Would it have truly survived or would they have broken up?

Would Richardson Mole have eventually lost interest in his obsession with besting and bullying Fred or would his obsession consume him compelling him to become a super villain? I do see quite a few similarities between Mole and Reverse Flash.

Then you have Karmi who is in my opinion, the biggest wild card of the bunch. She was intentionally introduced as an arrogant, prickly and unlikable yet complex character who rivaled Hiro bitterly.

Yet had a huge crush on his alter ego and as time went on, started to grow up and even form a friendship with Hiro. What would have happened further down the road with her? Would she have become a super hero herself? Or maybe even another love interest for Hiro kind of like how Black Cat is for Spider-Man?

Is Obake really gone?

What does the future hold Diana (Liv’s clone), Liv herself or the Sycorax the genetics company?

Is Alistair Krei going to become an ally to Big Hero 6 or an antagonist? There is also the issue at how little we know about the other Big Hero 6 characters other than Fred, Hiro and Baymax. What are Honey Lemon, Wasabi and Go Go’s backstories? These questions matter and while not every mystery can be solved, leaving none of them solved is lazy writing.

6- Executives, kindly stay out of the writing and any other part of the creative process. - I’m sorry, execs, but there is no nice way to say it. History itself proves that every time executives got involved in the creative process of any media, it got worse not better. Leave the writing to the creative team and the execs should only handle the legal stuff. Please. We understand that TV is a business, but writing itself is not. It is an art which you just don’t have a talent for. Let the creative people do their thing with the freedom necessary and you do your thing, deal? Deal.

7- Focus on Hiro and Baymax. - The are the main characters so keep them at the heart of the series no matter what happens around them. That is all I can say.

And that sums up all the things that could have made Big Hero 6 the series better, but this is all just my opinion. What is yours?

PS: I am well aware that the Big Hero 6 series is being retconned because a new series called Baymax is in the works as well as the long awaited sequel to the first movie. I am looking forward to both with an open mind. PPS: I also am aware that some people liked this show the way it was including the art style and I am cool with that. An analysis for art that includes cartoons is never right or wrong. It is solely based on opinion. I may have thought this series could have been better, but there are people who make arguments that it could have been worse.

120 notes · View notes

pineapplesagainstpizza · 3 years

Text

Hello! I’m a Black + Asian person and here are some of the issues I had with MAG 185. *Disclaimer: I do not speak for all POCs and how they felt about this episode. Just myself. I also recognize that Jonny constructed this episode with the best intentions in mind and has always been anti-cop and isn’t doing this for drama or “woke points.” I’ll try to make this as brief as I can because I’m sure some of the fandom is tired of this already.

There isn’t anything in the statement portion of MAG 185 that I would consider to be horror. The driving force of the horror element of this episode is a hyper realistic account of a woman being wrongly imprisoned for a crime she didn’t commit and being dehumanized by law enforcement. There isn’t anything else scary or horror related in this episode. No supernatural forces or entities in here. And this is the part that bothers me the most. Using a police brutality as a stand alone, driving force of horror to invoke a sense of fear in your audience is cheap tactic. You’re relying on your audience’s trauma or fear of police abuse to make the contents of this episode scary. It’s kind of like using jump scares or triggering rape scenes in movies to get a reaction out of your audience. It’s just gross and problematic. Trauma and triggering scenes (on their own) aren’t horror. (I also think it’s different from the Doctor David ordeal because there was enough metaphors and innuendos to suggest that the author was making a point about medical professionals that abuse their patients. And the fact that Doctor David was almost cartoonish-ly villainous, which is very different on how the cops were depicted in MAG 185)

There are previous episodes that I think handled police brutality a lot better like Wonderland (MAG 177), The Processing Line (MAG 178) and The Accomplice (MAG 179). There were other elements to horror. There were supernatural elements (which adds some surrealism to these situations) and police brutality weren’t the only horror element in these episodes.

I felt very lukewarm about the thematic message of this statement. “Police brutality is scary” or maybe even “police brutality effects more people than the people it targets and should be considered a societal problem” isn’t a scorching hot or powerful take. In my opinion, it’s not as powerful or insightful as the other takes we’ve gotten in season 5. “You can’t hunt a monster you refuse to see” in reference to police defending their co-worker’s murderous altercations with civilians and unlawful behavior, is a take I liked much more. (here marks the end of my personal take of MAG 185)

I think I’ll also address some of the fandom controversy while I’m still typing.

To the people that are saying that “some people aren’t aware this is a horror podcast and only came for Jon/Martin”: There are some people that are uncomfortable with the huge tonal shift of escapable, almost entirely supernatural horror to season 5′s more realistic/meta sort of horror. It’s a shift that few people were expecting and some people didn’t sign up for this type of terror.(Unlike how when we all started this podcast, we knew it would be a tragedy.) So when some POCs think that trauma doesn’t have a place in horror or are uncomfortable with Jonny writing about a trauma he doesn’t experience, it’s not the job of white people to speak over them or tell them they are wrong.

Additionally to the people shaming other people for skipping this episode, being uncomfortable with its content , or not being able to consume or handle commentary like this: please stop. Most of these people uncomfortable with this episode aren’t avoiding important discussions/evading real life situations but are probably very traumatized and overwhelmed with current events. I know in America, the police (in some cities) have been suppressing the people every single day, non stop, for months. There are people that might be mourning victims of police brutality, know or have been injured in protests, or are submerged in racist opinions about this matter daily. It’s very much a fresh wound for some people and they aren’t ready to talk about it yet.

#for people that are curious #I probably wont be listening to the statement portion of the new episode because reading it alone made #me uncomfy #tma #the magnus archives #the magnuspod #mag 185 #tma 185 #tma discourse

403 notes · View notes

firemanwhenthefloodsrollback · 3 years

Text

thoughts on bargaining

bargaining is one of my absolute favourite god tier buffy episodes, the start of my favourite season. the acting and the writing are both pretty much flawless to me. I'll fight forever for it to be recognised for its many excellent features, which include:

- flawless integration of comedy and very painful subject matter

- giving very deep character insight to all of a large ensemble cast including the buffybot. it doesn't really feel like anyone 'owns' this episode the way that some do. every character is broken and desperate in their own individual way, and we see how they are all suffering at the same time as how they relate to each other and all the characters' relationships are subtly different from how they were before

- spike has clearly grown and changed a lot offscreen since the gift, but james marsters makes quite a different version of spike feel completely natural and absolutely heart wrenching. the way he looks at the buffybot when she says how much she loves his washboard abs with such absolute shame, horror and grief is just so perfect I have no words.

- anya and tara take on a lot more narrative weight than they ever really have before. they feel indispensable to everything that's going on for the plot and thematically, and we see them having a lot of insight into what's going on in different people's heads. they become 'main scoobies' with willow and xander for the first time and it's a fascinating set of interactions to watch

- we actually get to see a Scooby eat a large Scooby doo style sandwich for the first and only time in the whole show, which I think is very meaningful

- sarah michelle gellar is incredible as the buffybot. this is one of my favourite performances ever of a human playing a robot, it's uncanny, eerie and sad without ever being 'I am playing an unnerving robot'. her weird naïveté never feels force and is always just a bit off rather than actually scary. the buffybot and dawn's reactions here are so deep and painful

#buffy #btvs #buffy meta #buffy the vampire slayer #season six #bargaining #tara maclay #anya jenkins #spike #buffybot

44 notes · View notes

waveypedia · 3 years

Text

Leaving the Nest

Companion piece to The Family We Make (can be read in any order)

Ao3

Granny’s posture is as immaculate as always, but her knuckles grip the pan just a little too tight. To an outsider, she would seem the perfect picture of serenity, but Webby knows the tells that give her away too well.

Of course she does. Granny is Webby’s favorite person in the entire world.

Webby’s family has grown and grown over the last few years, and she wouldn’t trade that for the world. But if it came down to it, Granny is more her family than anyone else. Even the boys. Even Dad.

“Dear, I think we should talk about… the other day,” Granny trails off, awkward and lame. It would be disorienting to see Granny, normally so put-together and articulate, struggling with words. But a couple days ago, Webby saw her chained and captured, crying and beaten, forced to spill her darkest secrets and then knocked out. Manipulated. Nothing Granny does can faze her in quite the same way.

Webby takes a deep breath. “I… I think so too,” she says. “But, honestly, I don’t have anything to say. You’re my Granny.”

Granny’s shoulders slump in relief before she catches herself, her decades of SHUSH training snapping in, and she reorients herself to her ever-present poker face.

“I’m not, you know,” Granny says quietly, her voice full of shame. Webby stiffens, and glances away before Granny can see the tears pooling in her eyes. “I- I stole you from a SHUSH compound. The photos you have of your parents were a lie. Just another lie among many.”

“I don’t care,” Webby snaps, with more anger in her voice than she intended. But as soon as the words are out of her mouth, she realizes that she truly does feel that anger. Not towards Granny herself, but towards the notion that Granny isn’t her grandmother.

“You’re my grandmother,” Webby declares passionately. “I don’t care if you’re not related to me. I don’t care if I’m a clone of Dad. You stole me from a FOWL compound because you cared about me from the moment we met. You gave up your entire life and a career you’d been working towards for decades for me. You raised me. You locked yourself in the mansion to keep me safe. You’re my grandmother.”

“I’m happy to hear that, dear,” Granny says in the softest of whispers. “More than you could ever know.” Webby thinks she hears Granny’s voice catch, but she can’t be certain.

“But I lied to you, even after I promised I wouldn’t,” Granny continues, her tone more subdued. She crosses her hands in her lap, making a controlled effort to smooth them out. “You have every right to be angry with me.”

Webby reaches forward and takes her grandmother’s hand in both of hers. “I do,” she agrees. Granny’s head snaps up and she stares at Webby, eyes wide. Webby shrugs nonchalantly, shoulders loose, emulating Louie’s calculated facade of easy calm without realizing it. “But that’s not the kind of person I am, Granny.”

Webby glances away, pursuing her lips. She can’t bear to watch Granny’s face twist in pain. “I… I am frustrated that you lied to me and broke your promise,” she says slowly, haltingly, choosing her words carefully. She’s walking a thin line, basically a tightrope with no net, of expressing her feelings and not upsetting her Granny. “Just don’t do it again, please.”

Granny’s face softens. “Of course, Webby dear. No more secrets.”

She reaches out to hug Webby, and Webby obliges, but she says stiff. “That’s what you said last time,” Webby mutters into Granny’s shoulder. Her words are almost too soft to be heard, but judging by the way Granny stiffens, she does.

Granny pulls back, her hands still on Webby’s shoulders. She opens her mouth a few times, frantically searching for words, some kind of placating promise that she didn’t already break.

“You’re right. Of course,” Granny acquiesces at last, hanging her head. Strands of grey hair drip out of her bun by the pull of gravity. Webby swallows thickly, bile pooling in her throat. Granny is reacting perfectly, yet all she does is remind Webby of when they were stuck together in a dark FOWL interrogation room, a wall of pain and deception painfully thick between them.

Webby reaches out a small hand to touch Granny’s shoulder. “Granny, please,” she whispers. She’s not sure if Granny understands the true meaning behind her plea in its entirety, but she pulls herself back together nonetheless. For a few minutes, silence hangs between them. It’s not a comfortable silence, but it’s not stifling, either. It’s just… anticipatory.

“I can’t simply promise that I won’t lie to you anymore,” Granny says at last. Her voice is quiet and subdued, but honest and vulnerable. It’s open in a way Granny rarely is. “But I will do better from now on. I’ll prove my sentiments through actions, not empty promises.”

Webby smiles gratefully. It’s not her usual wide, face-splitting grin, but it’s soft and vulnerable, with layers and meaning behind it. “Thanks. I… I want to know things. About SHUSH. Classified things. The parts of my past you could never tell me, and new information, too.”

Granny’s gaze shoots away. “I-I can’t,” she replies immediately, and Webby’s heart drops. It must show in her face, because Granny’s own twists with guilt.

“I- Well- I suppose I did just promise to, didn’t I,” Granny says, half to herself, with a small chuckle. There’s little humor behind it, but it’s fond. “I will do my best, Webbigail. But please understand that there is some SHUSH information that is simply beyond my classification to give you.”

“I understand,” Webby says simply. “But the information you can give me… I want to know, Granny.”

Granny’s fists clench and unclench in her lap. Webby knows how uncomfortable and out of her depth she must feel. She protected Webby with her life for years by hiding these secrets, and it takes time to undo such habits. But she’s trying, and that’s all that Webby cares about.

“Do you remember the day I met the boys?” Webby asks, her voice lighter and more casual than she feels. There’s a pit of fear steadily growing in her stomach, but her voice is blessedly steady.

Granny’s smile is small but fond. “You snuck out,” she replies, a hint of reproach in her voice, but no malice. It’s a wound long since healed, leaving only a soft scar as a reminder that it existed at all. “You ignored my number one rule and left the mansion for the very first time.”

“Yeah, and it was new and scary,” Webby replies lightly, ignoring the jab. “But you let me go, because you knew it was for the best. Because I was growing up.”

“Because Mr. McDuck could keep you safe,” Granny adds pointedly, but she’s smiling, if a bit pained.

“Yeah, and he did! I’m fine, Granny. Besides, I can keep myself safe.”

“Tell that to the you that landed yourself in FOWL headquarters with all your allies captured and no real clue what was in store for you,” Granny quips. “My worst nightmare, come alive right in front of my eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Webby mutters, dropping her gaze to her feet. “But hey, if you’d told me the truth, maybe I wouldn’t have been so misinformed.”

Granny dips her head. “You make a good point. I concede that one.”

“Anyway, that’s just what this is like,” Webby continues. “It’s a big change. But it’s a necessary one. I’m ready for this, Granny. You are too. And in time, this’ll feel completely normal, and we’ll have forgotten what it was like to live like we are.”

Granny is silent for a few moments. Webby glances up, nervous, only to find Granny smiling proudly, and wiping a small tear away under her glasses.

“Webby, dear, you are so wise,” she says, her voice thick. Webby’s heart clenches. “Aren’t I the one supposed to give you the deep, heartfelt talks and inspire you, and not the other way around?”

Webby gives her a small smile. “You’ve done it before, Granny. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Granny sniffles rather uncharacteristically. Without warning, she lunges forward and scoops Webby up in a tight hug. “Oh, my dear,” Granny says, her voice choked with tears. “You are just lovely, you know that? How did I ever get so lucky to have you for a granddaughter?”

“Well, it’s partly because of you,” Webby says, smiling into her grandmother’s back. “You raised me.”

Granny nods into Webby’s shoulder. “And it was lovely.”

When Granny finally pulls back, she tugs Webby back to face her, her hands on Webby’s shoulders. “You’re growing up,” she says thickly. “Oh, Webbigail, I am so proud of you.”

Webby beams at her grandmother. “I’m proud of you, too.”

“Oh,” Granny says thickly, and hugs her again.

HEY REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I WOULD WRITE THE CONVERSATION WITH WEBBY AND BEAKLEY WELL HERE IT IS :D (rip my poor math homework i’ll be up all night finishing that ugh)

i wrote this in like,, 45 minutes because i had to get the few sentences i was thinking about down before i forgot them and just,, kept going lmao. rip the webby & lena convo story i’ve been chipping away at that is going absolutely nowhere rn. i’ll get to it

webby and beakley’s relationship is SO important to me. beakley literally gave up everything for webby. it’s so obvious how much beakley cares about her, but also,,, they had this entire episode about trusting each other and then beakley promises not to keep any more secrets from webby and she has absolutely zero intention of keeping it. that always gets me. especially since webby is one of the most trusting characters of all time and would never doubt her grandmother of all people after they made up. i’m not salting on beakley or anything, but it’s very interesting to think about going forward since beakley will obviously try to do better, especially once the major factor keeping her quiet is gone, but she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on since she broke her promise. definitely an interesting concept we should talk about more

we talk a lot about how scrooge never apologized to webby after telling her she wasn’t family in last crash of the sunchaser and she immediately forgave him. scrooge def should’ve apologized but it’s interesting to note that webby basically can’t and won’t hold a grudge for the life of her, at least when it comes to the people she cares about (she definitely can with goldie DJDFKLSLDF). it’s sweet. i imagine beakley feels incredibly guilty after the finale but webby’s just ready to move on and to enter a new chapter of their lives where they’re completely honest and open with each other. i don’t imagine she’s not upset at the deception, but she’s not mad.

also man that interrogation scene? that probably traumatized webby. man. what a shitty situation to be in i can’t even imagine.

beakley and webby’s relationship will always mean the world to me, especially with the added context of their backstory. beakley literally saw one (1) baby and was like i’m about to end this man’s (me) whole career LMAO. it’s incredible.

#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #dt17 #webby vanderquack #bentina beakley #mrs beakley #dt spoilers #ducktales spoilers #the last adventure

72 notes · View notes

sou-ver-2-0 · 3 years

Text

What “things” did Shin learn at Sou’s house?

There are scenes in YTTD that are explicitly gruesome and violent, but the scene in Chapter 3 where Shin AI describes his abusive relationship with Original Sou is disturbing in its subtlety. Shin AI seems aware that their relationship has problems, but he still calls Sou a friend, much to the distress of either Kanna or the living Shin. One of the lines that has haunted me since I first heard it was Shin AI’s enigmatic statement, “Who he really is… I really, truly know nothing… Though I learned a lot of things at his house.”

I wanted to write a piece analyzing Shin and Sou’s relationship based on this line. In this post, I’ll make references to different types of abusive relationships, but I won’t claim anything specific for them since the nature of their friendship is deliberately open-ended. I think this line is vague enough to both mean everything and nothing. Perhaps we aren’t meant to read too deeply into it, but…It was a line that affected me deeply, so I wanted to share my own views.

Keiji makes a neutral observation after hearing this statement: “You had a long acquaintance, huh?” He deduces that if Shin frequently visited Sou’s house, they must have known each other for a long time. That’s the only concrete information we can gather from this line. However, Shin AI’s emphasis on “learning things” is intriguing; it implies that Shin gained some knowledge or wisdom from visiting Sou. It implies that this relationship changed Shin somehow. But Shin AI won’t elaborate on what he learned; he probably presumes that his lessons are irrelevant to the Death Game.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized you could interpret this statement innocuously. For example, perhaps Sou had special Asu-Naro technology at his house, which could have inspired Shin’s interest in computers. That would be a positive takeaway for Shin from his relationship with Sou. I think that’s an entirely reasonable theory, and I’m sorry for not realizing that sooner, because it led to me misunderstanding a well-meaning Anon.

For me… This line has always felt sinister. It’s situated in the middle of a disturbing scene. We’re finally learning about the pivotal abusive relationship of Shin’s past, even if only sketched in the vaguest details. I assumed that the “things” Shin learned were specifically related to Sou’s abuse of him.

When I discussed this line with my sister, she said that the line reminded her of Little Red Riding Hood’s song, “I Know Things Now,” from the musical Into the Woods. I thought that was an excellent reference, and it dovetails with my thought process about the line, so I’ll share the most relevant lyrics:

“And he showed me things

Many beautiful things,

That I hadn't thought to explore.

They were off my path,

So I never had dared.

I had been so careful,

I never had cared.

And he made me feel excited-

Well, excited and scared.”

[Image description: Shin AI says, “He’s…a scary friend of mine…”]

“When he said, "Come in!"

With that sickening grin,

How could I know what was in store?

Once his teeth were bared,

Though, I really got scared-

Well, excited and scared-”

[Image description: The Living Shin says, “Dammit, how sickening… Seriously…” when he sees the Shin AI in Midori’s office.]

“And I know things now,

Many valuable things,

That I hadn't known before:

Do not put your faith

In a cape and a hood,

They will not protect you

The way that they should.”

[Image description: Shin still clings to his brightly colored scarf, as if it can protect him.]

“And take extra care with strangers,

Even flowers have their dangers.

And though scary is exciting,

Nice is different than good.”

[Image Description: Shin in the First Main Game asks the group, “Don’t you doubt when others are kind?”]

Little Red Riding Hood’s song parallels Shin’s dialogue in revealing ways. The lyrics’ repetition of the vague word “things” hammers it in how difficult it is for a victim to describe their abuse. “Things” can cover all manner of sins, can’t it? The song itself has a subtext of sexual abuse, while the fairytale literally tells a story about a wolf who manipulates and eats a little girl. Meanwhile, we still don’t know exactly how Sou harmed Shin, beyond that Sou enjoyed provoking fearful reactions in him. I think the vagueness of their relationship makes it easy for the player to project their own fearful nightmares onto Sou. In a similar way, the player can relate to Sara’s love for Joe by projecting their feelings for their own loved ones onto him. This is especially true after Joe’s death, since his presence becomes fuzzier. Even though I’m interested in learning more details about Sou and Shin’s relationship, I appreciate how the word “things” is horrifying by leaving the worst to your imagination.

Little Red Riding Hood’s description of the Wolf as “scary and exciting” also parallels Shin’s description of Sou as “a scary friend of mine.” If Shin believed that Sou was “exciting,” that would help explain why Shin was still drawn to this person who wanted to hurt him.

The phrase “sickening grin” also stood out to me. Not only does Living Shin use the word “sickening” to describe Midori’s behavior, but “sickening grin” is an appropriate descriptor of Midori’s constant smiles. He is someone who puts on a friendly face to hide malicious intent.

I also liked the song’s reference to “putting your faith in a cape and hood” as if those clothes could “protect” you. Little Red Riding Hood learned that that her brightly colored clothes could not protect her when it really mattered. It reminded me of how Shin in the game is always clinging to his brightly colored scarf, as if it can protect him from the Death Game. Shin ought to know better as the song lyrics say, but he clings to the scarf anyway like a security blanket.

Finally, I wanted to discuss the song’s parting lesson, “Nice is different than good.” This moral reminded me of the lessons Shin continually imparts to the group throughout the story. Shin warns you not to trust people just because they’re nice. “Nice” people have the potential to be the most dangerous once they’ve gained your trust. Shin gives two dramatic speeches on this topic; the first quote comes from the First Main Game, and the second quote comes from the Massacre Ending.

“Ahahahaha! Amazing, miss Sara. You're a prodigy at seizing people's hearts! Shameful, the rest of you. The riffraff. Don't you value your lives? Don't you doubt when others are kind? Do you not even have brains to think for yourself? Death is just a matter of time for you! That's the way weaklings live! Hahahaha!”

“This is... reality, Keiji. The strong will tell you... "I'm your ally"... "Don't be afraid, trust me"... And in the end, they'll betray you!! At the convenience and whims of the strong...! The weak will die!! Well? Learned a little something about how uneasy a weakling always feels...?”

It’s easy to apply these quotes to Shin’s own experiences as a “weakling” who was betrayed by a “strong” friend.

When the Shin AI said that he “learned a lot of things” from Sou, I assumed that the “things” were these painful lessons Shin references throughout the story. Even without knowing the full details about Shin’s experiences, we understand the wounds Sou’s abuse left on his heart. We already know what the relationship taught him. It taught him to not trust others. It taught him that strong people will act “kind” until protecting weaklings becomes “inconvenient,” and there is nothing that weaklings can do about that. That’s “reality.”

As I’ve said, I’m not sure how deeply we’re meant to read into this line. And perhaps Shin learned plot-relevant things at Sou’s house too. (Personally, I’m betting that he at least got his key necklace there, but that’s just a theory.) But it was still a line that moved my heart for how these vague “things” could refer to the very lessons Shin has been trying to impart from the beginning.

#yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #your turn to die spoilers #sou hiyori #shin tsukimi #sou and midori #mine #asks #meta #If Anon is reading this I'm really sorry!! It was a really good question and I did my best to answer it!#You didn't do anything wrong and I'm the one who made a wrong assumption since i'm used to making weird jokes with irl friends #This was emotional to write...I think about this relationship a lot

373 notes · View notes

blackjack-15 · 3 years

Text

Two Can Keep a Secret (if the Family Tree is Dead) — Thoughts on: Ghost of Thornton Hall (GTH)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN, WAC, TOT, SAW, CAP, ASH, TMB, DED

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with my list of previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: GTH; SPY; mention of ASH (and the ASH meta); mention of Nik/HER’s spoilery hints about GTH.

NOTE: THIS META CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF AND REFERENCE TO SEXUAL ASSAULT. MORE DETAILED SECTIONS ARE MARKED, BUT THIS WARNING STANDS FOR THE WHOLE META.

The Intro:

It’s time to get our Spooky on, lads. And we’re gonna do it in a meta of truly staggering length, so maybe go to the bathroom and get a snack before you start. My apologies.

Due to the (to be quite frank) absence of nostalgia surrounding them, there’s not really many games that are post 2010 that the fandom tends to agree on, but Ghost of Thornton Hall happens to be a standout in that pretty much everyone has found something to like about it. It often tops the charts of “best newer game” polls, and puts in a valiant effort against the more nostalgic mainstays.

There are a lot of reasons for this, in my mind – the quality of the writing, the choices that Nancy can make that actually affect the outcome of the game and especially affect Nancy, the fabulous voice work, the purposely-unanswered questions that give a deeper sense of horror — but if you ask me, the love for GTH really boils down to one thing:

Atmosphere.

Nancy Drew game fans (and I’m including myself in this) tend to prioritize atmosphere in the games, probably because without good and proper atmosphere it’s easier to pick apart the formula as you’re playing and to avoid being immersed in the game’s story, and GTH has it thick on the ground (figuratively and literally). The fear, unease, and overall sense of being an Intruder in this story comes from the overwhelming atmosphere provided by the grief of the characters, the time-sensitive nature of the crime, the secrets of the house and family, and, of course, the rather stellar visuals and locations.

The Thornton’s house and grounds really feel alive, but dead — in fact, they almost feel alive in the way that a zombie is, where they function and feed but have no heart. The gloriously (and meticulously) decorated walls are cast in shadow and grime; the portraits feel ominous and disapproving rather than lifelike and nostalgic; even the graveyard, as spread out and opulent as it is, feels claustrophobic and unwelcoming.

In a word, the game is – visually, thematically, story-wise, and atmospherically — haunting. And I think that overwhelming feeling of being haunted is, in large part, what draws fans back to this game again and again.

It should come as no surprise, then, that the scariest parts of this game are the things that you, as the player, do not see. Sure, the apparitions of Charlotte, the ghostly figures, the appearance of Harper — these are all scary, but the fear is gone after a moment, leaving the player unsettled but not running to hide under a blanket. The deaths of the fifty-four souls, the secret behind Clara’s birth, Harper’s breakdown — all these things that you don’t see, that you can only hear about or have hinted at are where the fear of the game kicks in, especially for older players.

It’s no secret that, despite the games being labeled for ages 10 and up, that the actual age of the Nancy Drew games fandom hasn’t been around 10 for some time — most people playing these games are in their 20s or 30s, or have siblings who are in their 20s and 30s and got into the games through them. Sure, there are some outliers, but the Clue Crew is much closer in general to the ages of the River Heights crew than they are to the age that that box says.

Because of this, the writers (and I’m going to especially hat-tip Nik here) behind the games have been able to slowly graduate the topics of the games to be a little bit older, hiding the true horror behind things that younger kids just won’t think about. This is especially the case with GTH and SPY, but you see it in a lot of the newer games, where the implications of events are normally scarier than the events themselves.

GTH takes that and runs with it, choosing to hint at and dance around truly upsetting — for any age — topics, presenting a mystery and a story that only get scarier once you’ve finished staring at the screen. The characters’ emotional problems and issues — loss, abandonment, anxiety, guilt — are like this too; while they’re present in the game itself, when you take a step back after finishing the game you realize just how badly scarred everyone is in the story.

Because answers were purposely left vague in order to 1) make the player work for it and 2) keep the 10+ rating, pretty much everyone who plays GTH has a slightly different opinion on what went down at Charlotte’s party, who the Thorntons really are, the circumstances of Clara’s birth, why the children of a female Thornton take their mother’s name — you name it, and there’s around 10 distinct opinions on it, and many more offshoots of those opinions besides.

I’m going to talk a little bit here about a couple of the “biggies”, since I don’t want it cluttering up the Suspect portion of this meta, so bear with me. I’m not so much interested in “this is the Correct answer” as much as just presenting the information from the game and wondering about its conclusions…but I (like everyone else) have my little pet theories, so what follows will be a little bit of reporting, a little bit of inference, and a little bit of supposition.

What follows is a frank discussion of topics such as rape and incest as they apply to GTH. If this is something you’d rather not consume, skip down to the next bolded line.

The most talked-about question left hanging in the game is, of course, who Clara’s father was. I think this question is best addressed from a two-pronged approach, however, because to figure out who Clara’s father could have been is a question that requires another question to be answered: why would Clara’s mother not tell her, even on her deathbed.

The most popular — and horrifying — answer to this is that Clara’s father is Jackson, and that she was a product of rape and incest. Now, just looking at the timeline, this theory adds up; Rosalie (Clara’s mum) would have been 25 when her father was 51 and would have raped her — young enough (especially in relation to her father, a middle-aged man of a lot of power in and out of the family) that she would have been scared to tell anyone anything, but old enough to not have it be super out of the ordinary that she got pregnant and had a baby — especially in 1968.

To add to this theory, there’s the note in the cellar that asks “who was this Jackson?...what’s he hiding, and who put it there? Was it Charlotte?”. If you’re looking for clues with the incest theory in mind, this seems to point directly to it — “who was this Jackson”? both Rosalie and Clara’s father. “What’s he hiding”? his crime of raping his daughter and impregnating her. The mention of Charlotte alludes to the supposition that Charlotte found proof of this crime — tangible proof — and put it somewhere; this pretty much supposes that there’s a document somewhere that names Jackson as Clara’s biological father, such as an admission of guilt or a paternity test.

The final “proof-positive” to this theory is that Rosalie refused to tell Clara who her father was even on her deathbed. We know from the family tree and Wade that Clara was between 5-10 when her mother died (I’m inclined to believe the family tree, and chalk the discrepancy up to either the writers not being concerned with math or, more likely and more charitably, to show that Wade isn’t a Perfectly Reliable source, just like everyone else), and Rosalie’s protection of Clara from the truth makes sense with a child in that age span. It’s one (horrible, horrible) thing to be forcibly impregnated by your father, but to have to say it out loud, and to say it to your child — that’s something that no one can even remotely blame Rosalie for not being up to, especially when weakened by sickness.

There are smaller points — like pointing out that this might be why Virginia (Wade’s mum) was skipped over in inheritance — but these small points have dozens of explanations, so they’re not really good for bolstering a theory unless you’re already dedicated to it and are looking for crumbs to shore it up.

End of frank discussion. The previous topics may be alluded to and/or mentioned, but not discussed in detail from this point on.

Now, let’s talk about another explanation. I think there’s a tendency to jump on the “Jackson Theory” because 1) there are clues that support it, but more importantly 2) because it’s horrifying, and it’s natural to leap to the scariest thing you can think of when considering a game that relies on fridge horror in the first place.

In the “Jackson Theory”, Rosalie would have hidden Clara’s parentage because of shame, horror, and trauma, and probably to (at least momentarily) spare Clara’s feelings — but Jackson isn’t the only explanation for her reticence.

Generally, we can break apart the reasons for Rosalie’s silence into three distinct emotions or emotional states: shame (supports the Jackson Theory), trauma (supports an assault by a known wolf), or, often overlooked, ignorance.

Clara is mentioned repeatedly as being outwardly and obviously scared about her place in the family — a fear borne from and exacerbated in her childhood, as Nik plainly states (“her insecurity wasn’t just a personal flaw, it was a response to her uneven upbringing,” emphasis mine).

An easy way for Rosalie, worried as she must have been about leaving her daughter alone, to fix this if Clara really was a product of incest, is to name a distant Thornton cousin, preferably one who was already dead or out of the picture, as the father, which would assure Clara’s place in the Thornton line by both blood and her future adoption. This way, if Clara’s parentage was tested, she’d show up as a Thornton from both sides in a way that wouldn’t be suspicious, and her daughter would have an easier life.

But Rosalie didn’t do this — she never even hinted at the identity of Clara’s father. As a woman known primarily for secret keeping — not just about Clara, but about everything (“She loved her secrets,” Wade says), Rosalie would have been adept at hiding things through various means, including through lies and subterfuge, not simply staying silent. Given the little we know of Rosalie’s character, then, let’s consider why she wouldn’t have said anything — even something false — to ensure her daughter’s safety when she died.

Looking outside of Jackson (and with any other known Thornton being quite unlikely), the vast majority of assaults are committed by those known to their victim — friends, acquaintances, classmates, etc.

The Thorntons were — and are — an incredibly powerful family, both monetarily and socially. Having dealt with families such as the Thorntons before in matters like this one, it is frankly incredibly unlikely that, had Rosalie been assaulted by someone she knew, that the truth wouldn’t have come to light through another source, and that the perpetrator would have been punished in every way possible.

BRIEF DISCUSSION OF ASSAULT STATISTICS AS THEY RELATE TO ROSALIE’S POSSIBLE CASE.

Some people familiar with only the post-20th-century world as “the modern age” and with a less stellar grasp of the pre-tech-boom world might raise an eyebrow at this supposition of punishment, but this is Exactly what would have happened — and did happen with regularity — even as “far back” as ’68 — especially when the crime was committed against a young, privileged, wealthy woman of the community.

Note, this is after the USMPC adjustment to the definition of rape in ’62, but before the adjustments in the early 70s; in 9 years, forcible rape rates (this number includes only female victims, so the true number of victims is indisputably higher, given the enormous jump in rape statistics in 2016-present as male cases have been included) had soared in the United States from around 17,000 per year in 1960 to, in the year Clara was born, 31,000 reported cases (source: DisasterCenter). With these soaring numbers came soaring awareness, and combined with Rosalie’s identity as a rich, powerful young woman in a rich, powerful family, it’s on the outside of belief that, had her attacker’s identity been known or suspected, that it could have remained a secret and gone unpunished.

END OF BRIEF DISCUSSION OF ASSAULT STATISTICS AS THEY RELATE TO ROSALIE’S POSSIBLE CASE.

Given this historical and social backing, the simplest and unavoidable potential answer to why Rosalie wouldn’t have either told Clara who her father was or made up a “brief love” who abandoned her Dishonorably, is this: she didn’t know.

(I’ll spare a mention here to say that, ignorance because of being a “wild child” in the 60s and having had multiple partners would be a possible theory, but it disregards everything else we know about Rosalie and her behavior, and that her reputation as a party girl would have been common knowledge, unable to be hidden from those who were alive at the time. So let’s move on to what else would cause ignorance.)

Though attacks by a person unknown to the victim are, in relation to known assailants, rare, in the absence of other evidence, the simplest answer to Clara’s parentage was that Rosalie was assaulted by someone that she did not know and had no way of knowing — and who had no idea of the social power of his victim.

Rosalie truly left nothing behind that points to her daughter’s parentage, even for later discovery or for Clara’s private eyes in a bank lockbox when she came of an Age that Rosalie deemed appropriate — so the conclusion to be drawn is, in the absence of evidence, that Rosalie didn’t answer Clara’s question because she simply couldn’t.

This ties into the other theory/mystery I want to cover here — that of what happened the night Charlotte died, and how (and in what way) Clara was culpable and responsible for Charlotte’s death. We know that, according to her, Clara went there simply to “scare” Charlotte — and given the circumstances that Clara gives this confession in, I’m inclined to believe her — and it’s my opinion that the reason didn’t have anything to do with the truth of the identity of Clara’s father.

My stance here — and it’s here that I take a solid stance, rather than presenting options — with Charlotte (and I’ll talk more about her general character in the Suspects section) is that Charlotte found the same breadcrumbs as the players did and came to the same conclusion — that Jackson was Clara’s biological father. The difference, however, is that I believe Charlotte’s conclusion to be understandable, but ultimately incorrect, and that Rosalie’s assaulter was a stranger.

Horrified, this is where Charlotte’s “cryptic obsession with Jackson” (mentioned in the note in the cellar) began, and what led to her changing the beneficiary of her will from Clara — poor, pitiable Clara, already a victim of so much, whose insecurities would be compounded by this truth — to Harper.

An important part of this theory — and of really any theory — is the consideration that Clara was pregnant with Jessalyn at the time. Not only does this partially explain why Clara’s thought was to save herself (and her baby) rather than dragging Charlotte out with her (regardless of any other factor), but it also brings a potential answer as to why Charlotte would change her will to favor Harper, rather than Clara. Just as the cellar note asks “Who was this Jackson?”, I find myself asking a similar, but no less important question:

“Who was this Austin Neely?”

Listed as Jessalyn’s (still living) father on the family tree, Austin Neely isn’t present anywhere else in the game — not by name and not through mentions of “Jessalyn’s father” or “Clara’s ex-husband/ex-boyfriend” or anything like that. There’s not even a mention of Clara contacting him as a guest for the wedding or to help search for their daughter. His absence is glaring, especially in a game so focused around family — so the question of who is Austin Neely is a question that seems incredibly important to me, given that Clara was pregnant at the time of Charlotte’s death.

In mentioning this theory, I do fully acknowledge that I have only some circumstantial evidence — mostly emotional, and based off of who the characters are/were — to support it, but given the total lack of information on Austin Neely, my guess is as good as anything else.

So here’s my theory: Austin Neely is not Jessalyn’s father, and Clara, like her mother, became pregnant via some type of assault (and given that this was the late 80s and given Clara’s age at the time, I would say the most likely culprit is date rape). When Clara became aware that she was pregnant, given her insecurities about her place in the Thornton clan and her lack of knowledge of her own father, would have come to this conclusion: she was not going to let her baby go through what she herself went through. So she did what her mother could have — and honestly speaking, probably should have — done, and lied.

Austin Neely was probably a friend or an acquaintance of Clara’s — someone her family didn’t really know, but that she could make up a story about dating/being engaged to and became pregnant by before it all fell apart. He would have likely received a payout (probably a rather large payout, given the Thornton’s money and influence) and disappeared from the area and the Thornton’s lives, signing off any responsibility or claim to “their” child before he left.

As a result of this, her child now has a father and doesn’t have to grow up wondering, and Clara avoids the stigma, court case, and general Uproar that would come with attempting to find her attacker. She also, importantly for her, avoids that mess for her child, who will grow up in a semi-normal atmosphere, surrounded by family, not doubting her place in the world — and no one has to know.

Except, of course, one person would know. The head of the family: Charlotte Thornton. From then on, based on this series of events, the story behind Charlotte’s death becomes quite straightforward.

Clara’s paranoia and general cleverness clue her in to the fact that Charlotte has changed her will in Harper’s favor, and is scared out of her mind; having recently experienced a trauma and being pregnant with a child, she’s afraid that she will be left with absolutely nothing, that her machinations with Austin Neely and all her striving will have been for nothing, and she will be cast off, unable to give her child the life she wants to give her.

Compounded by her ground-in fear that she does not belong, she decides to try to settle it with Charlotte — she’s going to scare her, to punish her, and make Charlotte rethink the changed will.

And Charlotte, bearing the weight of the family name and business, not to mention its continued propagation on her shoulders, sees a woman who has been — like her mother — assaulted and left pregnant, whose mental state is already fragile, and who the “revelation” of who Charlotte thinks her true father is would topple her completely — sees poor, pitiable, emotional, suspicious Clara, and refuses.

I think that, more than anything else, would have set Clara off. Remember what she yells at Charlotte’s ghost?

“You had so much, so much, and I had nothing.”

In answering some of the questions about the game, Nik/HER’s response is to say that Clara did not literally light the match that burned Charlotte alive — but we know that Charlotte burned all the same. In the video of her birthday, there are candles; in the dust and soot on the floor where Charlotte died, we see candlesticks. And in the response, again, we know that Charlotte lit the candles for the celebration.

In my ASH meta, I discussed the many meanings of the word “fire” and the term “setting the fire” — and that’s important here too. In this case, the fire was set by Charlotte refusing to reconsider the terms of her will; in her refusal, she probably touched on the same point that she makes in the note in her room — that Clara isn’t stable enough to take over the company. Now, I doubt she would have said that straight to Clara’s face, but even framed as a “you have enough to be going on with and I don’t want to burden you” sort of thing, that just would have reaffirmed all of Clara’s fears — that she was unwanted by the Thornton clan, that her child would be unwanted as a matter of course, and that she would truly have nothing.

And so my guess would be that Clara shoved her. Not hard enough to break anything, not even into a direct flame, but shoved her, and Charlotte jostled the table, and a candelabra fell to the floor, where we see it still in the modern day.

When Nancy sees Charlotte’s ghost out in that house — and yes, I’m firm on that being Charlotte’s actual ghost, as she’s out in the open air so carbon monoxide doesn’t figure in, and there’s no way for that to be Harper/Jessalyn — she burns from the skirt up, which follows with a candle falling to the floor and lighting that incredibly flammable dress on fire.

The last thing to note from HER/Nik’s response is that at the end of the game, Nancy faces the exact same choice that the Thorntons have: to help, or to save herself. In this, we have to look back to Clara and Charlotte, and conclude this: Clara chose not to help. It’s debatable how much help she could have really been — we’re not sure how pregnant she was at the time — or if it even occurred to her until she was already out and chose not to go back in — but at the very least, Clara’s guilt comes not only from the fact that she quarreled with Charlotte right before her death, but that she could have tried to prevent it, and didn’t.

Given the supposition that Charlotte was literally on fire, I really do doubt that getting her out or finding water to throw on her would have been successful, but it doesn’t matter — because Clara looks at it as a choice, and Clara (more importantly) looks at it as the wrong choice, and a choice that she’s been punished for since the day it happened. That’s why, when speaking to Charlotte’s ghost, she says this:

“Haven’t I suffered enough for you?”

The last point I want to make in this OBSCENELY long introduction is about GTH’s place in the pantheon of “Haunting Games”. When you look at the bare-bones (heh) circumstances that make up GTH, you’ll start to see shades of other games.

A relationship/marriage gone a bit wrong, a family secret, an ancestral home, a relative/ancestor whose spectre looms over the story, mysterious apparitions and appearances, and Nancy’s status as an outsider and a skeptic — yeah, both CUR and HAU should come to mind immediately.

Having said my piece about, well, the badness of CUR and HAU and their unsuccessful approach to their basic plot points, it delights me that GTH takes a good hard look at them and says “well, what if we did this well this time? What if we gave our characters the complexity, the emotional resonance, the secrets and lies that we should have the first time?”

Like CUR and HAU, the Family is at the center of the game — except this time we believe in this family, in their relationships to one another, and we feel the effects of the family and their choices, not just hear about it from a diffident 9-year-old or a cranky caretaker. The history of the Thornton clan comes alive through the house, the graveyard, the books and journals that we have of them. We understand what this family is and the choices that they make — even if we don’t approve of them — and they feel real, not just like a background chucked in to Make The Spooky Things Happen.

Also like CUR and HAU, we deal with a central relationship and the complexities that come over two people deciding to get married. Happily, this game (unlike CUR and HAU) treats the central relationship as a thing of Import, and comes to the conclusion that it’s the happiness and well-suitedness of the couple that matters, not the family that surrounds them or anything else. It asks the question “what happens if one person runs away from the relationship?” and answers it, quite satisfactorily, with “there are probably some issues that need ironed out before anything else should happen”.

Interestingly, GTH also takes the good points of CUR and HAU – especially HAU’s atmosphere and CUR’s love of family tidbits — and improves upon them as well. Instead of Jane showing off her studies so that Nancy can solve a few puzzles, Wade walks her through the Thorntons were (at least in his eyes) and helps her get to know the people she’s helping. Instead of being duly impressed at the atmosphere in a bombed-out castle, everywhere on the island is teeming with fog — literal and figurative — as Nancy tries to decode the past to help the future.

Now then, let’s leave the general behind, and focus on the specifics of GTH.

The Title:

Ghost of Thornton Hall is a great title in the way that Secret of the Scarlet Hand is a great title – moody, evocative, gives us our location/focus right away, but not in a way that spoils anything, etc. If anything, it’s a little more flexible – are we dealing with The Ghost of Thornton Hall (Charlotte), the ghost(s) of the Thornton family, the ghosts of those who died on the island, or — in a very fun way — are we talking about the ghost of Thornton Hall — the spirit of the building where so much life and death has happened?

As a title for a Haunting game, you really don’t get much better than GTH, and it centers the player’s attention right where it should be — on the messed up family that the game centers around, and how their past impacts their future.

The Mystery:

Nancy’s phone rings in the middle of the night, with Savannah Woodham’s drawl on the other end, informing her of a kidnapping that’s taken place. She’d go herself, but believes wholeheartedly – and is frightened by — the ghost that’s taken up residence on Blackrock Island, Georgia, and doesn’t believe she’d be enough help.

Of course, this isn’t the whole truth, but we’ll get into that later.

Armed with both her detective skills and her inherent skepticism, Nancy sets off for Georgia to find the missing bride-to-be. Of course, when she gets there, she quickly discovers that the family — and family history — is even murkier and laced with tragedy than the presence of a ghost would suggest, and that, even with everyone searching for Jessalyn Thornton, she is nowhere to be found.

To find her, Nancy has to delve deep into the Thornton family lore, Jessalyn’s relationships with her family and friends – not to mention her preoccupied fiancé — and figure out what really did happen to dear, sweet Charlotte Thornton nearly two decades ago…

GTH, as a mystery, is chock-full of hints, clues, red herrings, and background facts that make figuring out the truth behind everything a joy and a delight — not to mention a task that will take more than one playthrough. GTH is also unique in that its mystery can end in more than one way, and that Nancy’s choices actually have more of an impact than just what souvenir she sends home to her erstwhile boyfriend. Choosing to save herself, to save just the “innocent” (for a certain value of innocence), or to save everyone leads to different endings not just for Nancy but for everyone involved with the Thornton Clan, from its matriarch all the way down to a certain spook-hunting ex-girlfriend.

Underpinning the mystery is this question: did Charlotte really come back as a ghost to haunt Blackrock and the Thorntons, or are her appearances just the result of sneaky relatives and atmospheric maleficence? Can all of the sightings be explained by a mixture of carbon monoxide poisoning, a few relatives playing dress-up, and huge amounts of suggestion and guilt? Is it the case, as Rentaro posited a few games earlier, that a ghost doesn’t have to be real to haunt you?

In a word, no. In a few more words, of course not.

Tying the whole of the ‘haunting’ mysteries together is this (previously mentioned) fact: Nancy is not remarkable for being a Skeptic, she is remarkable for being a Skeptic in a world where ghosts exist. The moving wood (and possibly the silhouette) in MHM, Camille’s ghost dancing along in TRN, the reflection of Kasumi in the water in SAW, the ghost of the Willow in GTH — these are all real, unexplainable-by-tech-or-imagination ghost sightings, and the fact that Nancy doesn’t believe in them doesn’t change their reality one bit.

In the house, you can cite carbon monoxide and Jessalyn/Harper running around in a costume for at least some of them — though not all. But the sightings outside — carbon monoxide does not stay in the system for very long in clear air, blessedly — of Charlotte? The consistency of the spectre? The apparition of her burning up at the site of her birthday party? These aren’t things that you can explain by costume theater — especially since these sightings have been happening for over a decade by people who haven’t stepped foot in Thornton Hall.

When they say that Blackrock belongs to Charlotte and has since the fire, it’s not a literary turn of phrase — Charlotte is there, and refuses to be forgotten. Nancy’s status as a Skeptic prevents her from hysteria, but it does not stop her from being haunted by the Ghost of Thornton Hall.

Now, let’s talk about the players — dead and alive — that make this mystery as complicated and dark as it is.

The Suspects:

Beginning with the matriarch of the Thorntons seems as good a place to start as any, so let’s talk about Clara Thornton. Cousin to Charlotte and Harper, Clara was taken in after her mother’s untimely death (but before her aunt and uncle’s equally untimely deaths) and became the equivalent of a sister in at least Charlotte and Harper’s eyes — though Clara herself was always unsettled and wary about her place in the family.

After the events of Charlotte’s tragic birthday (covered above), Clara visited Charlotte’s grave every night for a year, and was hospitalized after being pushed off of the widow’s walk (more on this later). Whether due to her upbringing or her Thornton blood – or, most likely, both — Clara is secretive, paranoid, wracked with guilt…and a loving mother and extremely capable businesswoman.

Though GTH doesn’t actually have a culprit —Jessalyn wasn’t kidnapped and Charlotte wasn’t murdered — Clara is, as the resident secret keeper and witness to Charlotte’s death, the closest thing that we’ve got. Clara’s sense of guilt is far beyond anything that she could have done, and is haunted so completely as to turn her rather cold.

I have a lot of sympathy for Clara, who made a mistake in a fit of anger (whether that’s pushing Charlotte or just not helping her when she started to burn) at the age of 21 and has been wracked with guilt and haunted by the spectre — real and imagined — of her ‘sister’ ever since (not to mention knowing that her other ‘sister’ blamed and hated her for it). Charlotte died before she had the time to make too many mistakes, but Clara had the entirety of the estate and the business — thousands of people’s livelihoods — thrust into her hand when she was a single mother of 21 years of age. Even had Clara been completely stable, it would have been a lot, and it’s no wonder that she rules the company with an iron fist.

I also want to point out that, due to Harper’s breakdown at the funeral and her afterwards, that even had Charlotte’s second will been found right then, Clara still would have inherited until at least Harper received her bill of mental health, as the closest heir to Charlotte of (legally) sound mind and body.

Let’s talk then about the other heir, Harper Thornton. A fan favorite for a myriad of reasons — her Helena-Bonham-Carter-esque design, her wonderful VA (props to Keri Healey, voice of Hotchkiss, Sally, Paula, Simone, and Madeline!) knocking her lines out of the park, and her dark sense of humor, Harper is, like most of the Thorntons, incredibly unstable, paranoid, violent…an affectionate aunt, and a pretty darn good detective in her own right.

Since GTH doesn’t have a ‘culprit’, Harper stands in her own guilty/not guilty paradigm along with Clara. She had nothing to do with Charlotte’s death personally, but was the one who caused assorted injuries and thousands of dollars in property damage at the funeral, and the one who pushed Clara off the widow’s walk and hospitalized her. Yes, Harper was young — 18 when Charlotte died, but pushing your cousin/sister off of a balcony is wrong at any age.

It’s worth noting that of the three Thornton ‘sisters’, one is guilty of some degree of manslaughter/criminal negligence, and the other of attempted murder. When Charlotte notes that she herself has a dose of the “Thornton paranoia”, she’s not just whistling Dixie.

The biggest problem the Thorntons have, honestly speaking, is that all of them are way too emotional and react without thinking. Clara confronting Charlotte, Charlotte not taking Clara aside to talk about the will, Harper’s injuring of others and blaming/pushing Clara, Wade destroying machinery, Jessalyn disappearing rather than talking things out…none of the Thorntons, past or present, have seemed to think with their brains since the woman who received the land on Blackrock Island after the Civil War in the first place.

In keeping with the theme, I want to talk about Charlotte Thornton next. A girl who inherited the Thornton land and business at way too young an age — I don’t even wanna know why Jackson hated his adult daughter Virginia (and yes, I know that there’s a supposition to this in the “Jackson Theory”, but it’s pure supposition) so much that he would stake the family future on a 20-year-old, no matter how much everyone liked her — after the death of her parents four years prior, Charlotte was the darling of the Thornton family.

Well-liked by everyone with a beautiful singing voice, Charlotte was nonetheless every inch a Thornton; she outright acknowledged her own paranoia, kept secrets and locked rooms closer to her than her family, and had a flair for the dramatic and emotional. After considering her cousin/sister Clara too unstable for the task of inheriting the family Business, Charlotte, rather than turning to her older aunt or naming multiple beneficiaries to ease the load, instead leaves 100% of it to her younger sister Harper.

I do want to point out the irony here in leaving the business to Harper over Clara on the grounds of mental stability. Whatever else Charlotte was good at, she was not a good judge of character, even giving leeway for her being 21.

After her death, Charlotte haunts the family home, unable to leave the place that was, for a year, hers to inherit. But why would ‘dear, sweet’ Charlotte haunt, frighten, and otherwise unsettle those around her — from family to neighbors to curious kids — especially to the extent that she does?

To answer that question, we need to talk about the family member that everyone says is incredibly close to Charlotte in personality — our missing bride, Jessalyn Thornton.

Clara’s daughter, Jessalyn is painted as being a sort of return of Charlotte; everyone loves her (all Thornton employees are combing the island looking for her, for heaven’s sake), everyone agrees on her, and she’s next in line to inherit the Thornton family business. She’s even around Charlotte’s age (24, rather than 21, but close enough) during the game, for heaven’s sake — the comparisons are not subtle, nor are they meant to be.

Since it’s more than halfway through the game that Nancy meets Jessalyn, the things that people say about her are the best clues to her personality that we have…right?

Everyone agrees that Jessalyn would never run off and make people worry like this, that even if she was scared or had second thoughts about the wedding or even just needed to be alone, that she would never do this to her family. And, as it turns out, everyone — her mother, her uncle, her best-friend-cum-fiancé — everyone is wrong. Jessalyn did exactly that — she ran off, made everyone worry, and didn’t think about her family, friends, fiancé, or employees one bit.

It also takes her no effort at all to fully believe a woman she’s never met that her mom is a vicious, cackling murderer just because her (single, incredibly busy) mother is a bit emotionally cold, so she’s also not a great judge of character.

And remember, we’re told over and over again — Jessalyn is just like Charlotte. Sure, Jessalyn is also our Nancy foil in this game — a young woman who needs to learn the truth about her mother, coerced/guided by a quasi-unreliable source, worrying her family by running off — and that’s important for Nancy’s character, but Jessalyn is first and foremost our Charlotte analogue. Jessalyn’s family and friends don’t understand who Jessalyn is…so I think it’s fair to say that Charlotte’s family and friends didn’t understand who Charlotte was, either.

We see Charlotte, through her writings and actions, could be thoughtless, was a poor judge of character, was secretive and paranoid — all things that no one even alludes to when speaking of her. Sure, there’s the idea of not speaking ill of the dead, but someone would have noted these things, even fondly or mildly.

So why would Charlotte haunt this place, haunt these people, when she was so good and kind and loved everyone? The simplest answer, the least convoluted explanation, is just that she wasn’t. That the Thorntons didn’t understand Charlotte, as much as they loved her, just like they didn’t understand Jessalyn.

Speaking of Thorntons who may be misunderstood, we’ll focus on Wade Thornton next. A little more rough-and-tumble and a little less refined than his relatives seem to be, Wade is introspective, superstitious, hard-working, and a bit gloomy…along with having some anger issues, vast amounts of distrust, and a bit of egotism.

Wade’s (at least legally) guilty of a few things in the past, but since he won’t even go into Thornton Hall, he’s a pretty easy cross-off of our list of suspects. Wade’s there to give Nancy information on the Thornton Clan, to provide the explanation as for (partially) why Savannah isn’t there herself, and to show another facet of the Thorntons — their anger.

Whether or not you agree with Wade’s actions that led to Clara pressing charges — though I think everyone can agree it’s pretty stupid to destroy your own family’s machinery, especially when the only danger to the employees was caused by him scaring them half to death — and it highlights that Wade, philosophical though he is, is just as much a Thornton as those he despises. He even calls himself out on it – that while he used to think he was on the side of “Good Thorntons”, he’s not so sure anymore.

The best (serious) line in the game does come from Wade — I will be in love with his description of dating Savannah as “[falling] for her like a Black Tuesday banker” until I die. It’s a perfect metaphor without sounding pretentious, and shows just how bleak his own worldview really is.

Next is The Fiancé, Colton Birchfield, who has the most hilariously WASP-y name to ever come out of a Nancy Drew game. A man who’s struggled with depression and anxiety all his life, Colton was born to two politicians and has lived in the spotlight — and his marriage to Jessalyn is getting just as show-stopper-y as a campaign trail before she disappeared.

I mentioned above that the resolution to Colton and Jessalyn’s relationship is the healthy, sane version of what should have happened in CUR and HAU, and I stand by that. While I don’t necessarily like him going back to Lexi after the game is over — a relationship interrupted by one party being paid off is not the healthy, loving, loyal relationship that Colton needs — it’s clear that he and Jessalyn would have made each other content, but never fulfilled romantically.

Colton’s guilty of nothing more than not being in love with his best friend, and he’s a refreshing breath of air as someone related tangentially to, but not cast down by, the Thornton family drama. He may get less sympathy than our other cast members, but he’s no less deserving of it, and I’m really rooting for him to find someone that will give him the same amount of love and loyalty that he’ll give them.

We’ll journey outside the Thornton family and their (almost) relations for our next ‘suspect’. Addison Hammond, Jessalyn’s friend and bridesmaid, makes a cameo phone appearance here to tell us that Thornton Hall is Totes Spooky, and that Jessalyn vanished not once, but twice in the night.

I quite enjoy Addison, not because she plays a big part or because she’s an exceptional character — she’s as bare-bones as we get in the later games (ignoring MED/SEA/MID), honestly — but because she’s simply a girl in her 20s reacting the way that most of us would if our unnecessarily spooky friend dragged us to an old haunted house and then vanished twice. Good for you, girl.

Coming in for a wonderful appearance is Savannah Woodham, ex-ghost hunter, ex-girlfriend of Wade Thornton, and the detective who was supposed to be on the case. Savannah’s too scared of the Ghost (and too reticent to talk to Wade face-to-face) to risk stepping foot on Blackrock Island herself, but she’s more than willing to send the biggest skeptic she knows, hoping that Nancy’s skepticism will keep her safe.

As lovely as Savannah is in SAW — and I adore her in that game — she really shines in GTH. Probably the biggest moment she gets in the game — and probably my second favorite moment in the game period — is her tale of tracing the shape of the old willow tree on her wall, only to have a body discovered under that exact willow tree after a storm. It’s a delightfully creepy — and most importantly, completely inexplicable by any means other than accepting that the supernatural exists — moment, and I think it’s key to understanding Savannah as a character in GTH.

Savannah suffers under the weight of knowing that there truly are Things that Go Bump in the Night, that can’t be arrested or captured or gotten rid of by normal, legal means. Her background knowledge of the Thorntons helps Nancy to get an initial feel for the family, and it helps to not have an ex-girlfriend wandering around that the Thorntons might have a grudge against or dislike for.

She is, in effect, the mirror image of Nancy — what Nancy might have become without her inborn skepticism — and that alone, even ignoring everything else about her, is fascinating to me.

Our other phone contacts are Ned Nickerson and Bess Marvin, teamed up due to George’s absence while doing an internship (at Technology of Tomorrow Today, no less!) and Bess’ extreme boredom without anyone else to hang out with.

The lovely thing about Ned and Bess is that we get to see Ned when he’s not Solo Boyfriend Ned, but a college guy hanging out with his friend. Their light-hearted banter is hilarious and comfortable (Bess dramatically asking permission to do a spit-take in his living room is of particular note), and we really get to see a different side of Nancy’s oft-abandoned boyfriend.

You can tell that their voice actors are having a terrific time as well (Scott Carty’s pitch-perfect imitation of Jennifer Pratt’s cadence and tone makes me laugh every time), and it really helps bring a bright and colorful spot to this otherwise rather tense and grim mystery.

We’ll round out our character list with the quasi-amateur, quasi-professional detective herself, Nancy Drew. Through her foil with Jessalyn — discussed above, so I won’t get too into it here — we get to see Nancy in a slightly different light, and get to look at the effect that she has on those around her when she disappears.

We know Carson and Ned (and occasionally Bess/George, and even more occasionally, Hannah) worry about Nancy while she’s off on a case, but this is the first time Nancy herself is dealing with what she leaves behind every time she jets off to Venice, or gets trapped in a lava tube, or lost in a rock maze. Nancy hasn’t investigated a straight-up kidnapping (or what appears to be one) since Maya in FIN (no, I’m not counting HAU, as it’s not played as a kidnapping nor does anyone think it is until 2/3 of the way through the game), and she has the same sense of urgency here that she did back then.

Upon replaying the game, the player will lose that sense of urgency for Jessalyn — we know she’s alive and well, and was never kidnapped — but Nancy’s reactions to the family are what stay interesting. She’s concerned for Jessalyn, but does most of her detective work through getting a sense of what the rest of the family thinks of the missing girl.

Given Nancy’s reputation as a good girl, a solid presence (if an occasional one) who loves her family and friends, and who is always responsible, it’s easy to see why she misses the one question that would have helped her solve the case in half of the time: what if Jessalyn isn’t missing? After all, Jessalyn, like Nancy, would never jet off after hearing an unsubstantiated claim about her mother without telling anyone or pausing to confirm it through a different, more trustworthy source, right?

In this game, we discover a huge characteristic about Nancy: she is reckless. Now, we know this already from other games — that Nancy is reckless physically, confronting bad guys alone, diving down into murky catacombs, jumping from pillars in ancient tombs — but here we see that she’s also reckless emotionally. Even though it interferes with her investigation, Nancy gets personally involved in this case; she’s mad at Colton for “cheating” on Jessalyn, she’s upset by the tragedy of Charlotte’s death, and she’s concerned for Jessalyn’s safety in a different way than she usually is with a victim or suspect.

Nancy’s always been willing to take huge risks, but she always stays emotionally on the surface level of a case — a good and necessary trait for a detective, and one that allows her to face down killers, saboteurs, and forgers without blinking. Here, Nancy’s dragged down into the web of the Thorntons, and — as we see in the middle and bad endings especially — she doesn’t quite recover from it. Nancy loses a bit of objectivity here, but what she gains is humanity — and she’ll need that for the last two games in this meta series.

The Favorite:

With such a well-executed game — even though it doesn’t fall in my personal top 5 ranking — there’s going to be a lot to love, so let’s get down to it.

My favorite puzzle is probably Nancy’s trek to ‘discover’ the ‘ghost’ — aka completing Harper’s tasks in order to meet her, culminating with reciting Charlotte’s rhyme while blindfolded. It’s a different kind of puzzle than the type we get commonly with Nancy Drew games, and really helped spark and keep the tension needed to maintain such a spooky game.

My favorite moment in the game is a quieter one — it’s Nancy’s remarks on Charlotte’s room. She’s taken aback at how, after a game of everyone talking about Charlotte, that it’s opening the door to her room that cements Charlotte as a living, breathing person. She continues that she can’t let that feeling distract her, that she needs to treat the room like the rest of the house and gather tools that will let her find Jessalyn, but it’s lovely to see the effect of the Thornton’s history really settle into Nancy’s bones as Charlotte Thornton turns from a scary rhyme that children chant to a girl who lived and died in the same walls that Nancy’s exploring.

There are, of course, other things that I love — the objectively creepy poem (“we’ll let you share with Charlotte/a gown of coal and glowing flame” is an incredible line), Savannah’s story about the willow tree, the small Francy crumbs of Frank being sullen after his Very Revealing voicemail in DED and considering an MBA, the multi-layered relationship that Wade and Savannah have, the gorgeous detail of Thornton Hall — and all of these add up to a game that’s frankly just enjoyable to play.

The big thing to mention in this game, as I talked a bit about in the intro, is its atmosphere.

Throughout the entire game, there’s this palpable feeling of death and grief and loss and pure pain, and those emotions are what GTH relies on to keep itself Scary, not the few spectre scares and swinging scythes that it also has to offer.

I don’t normally quote things other than the games/words of the cast and crew in these metas, but I do make exceptions when the quotation is this good, so I tip my hat here to Tumblr user aniceworld, speaking about ranking GTH their top Nancy Drew game of all time:

“The reason GTH is so successful as a scary game is because there’s such a pervasive sense of sorrow at Thornton Hall. People have died here who shouldn’t have. A family has been destroyed. The house has seen so much trauma it can literally no longer stand on its own. There are ghosts that live here, whether you can see them or not.”

This horror is far better than bloody slashers or obnoxious “continuous mysterious accidents”-style thrillers that tend to permeate the genre; instead of random death-by-umbrella or scary-guy-in-the-shower incidents driving the plot, the emotion behind death and loss and betrayal gets to take a turn at the wheel, and the game is much better for it.

The Un-Favorite:

As with any game, however, no matter how good the atmosphere, there are some things that I don’t love.

I’m not actually the biggest fan of Harper; while her design is great and her VA does a spectacular job, she’s a little cartoonish among a cast that endeavors to stay as far away from broad stereotypes as possible.

It’s fine to have a large personality, it’s fine that she’s a bit cracked, it’s great that she has her own reasons and motivations beyond “expose the truth” (especially since she’s not interested in exposing the truth, just in proving that Clara’s a murderer) — she’s just really not my cup of tea, and I prefer Harper as the Anonymous Note Leaver to Harper the Conversational Partner.

Even if she does get some of the best lines in the game.

I don’t really have a least favorite moment or puzzle that sticks out to me; there are puzzles I struggle more or less with, but none of them are immersion-breaking or so frustrating that I have to get up and walk away. The ones I love, I enjoy solving; the ones I don’t love, I turn to the walkthrough and finish them up to get on with the story.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Ghost of Thornton Hall?

Even given my small problems with Harper, I’m not sure I’d change her. Sure, she’s a bit Broad for the game, generally speaking, but she’s also another example of what loss can do to a person — it can make you cold and withdrawn, it can make you righteously angry and dismissive…or it can turn you malicious and violent. She’s an important presence regardless of my personal taste, and while I might tweak a line of dialogue or two, it’s important to note that her Persona is just another thing for Nancy to discover and re-discover as she investigates the Thorntons.

While not a perfect game — very few, if any, of the Nancy Drew games qualify for that title — Ghost of Thornton Hall is an excellent entry in the Nancy Drew series as a whole, and in the smaller series of Nancy-centric games. Through it, we get to see what happens to those who are left behind after a tragic, sudden, and even violent loss — and that becomes more and more important as we leave behind the gloomy Georgia island and leap across the pond to Glasgow.

#nancy drew #nancy drew games #clue crew #ghost of thornton hall #nancy drew meta #GTH #my meta #long post #video games

37 notes · View notes

crescentsteel · 3 years

Text

Imagination

plot: Halloween with Kiyoomi Sakusa genre: fluff, crack warnings: sorta creepy wc: 6.3k (went a bit overboard sorry lol)

A/N: - This is collab from our server @babythotshq. See others spoofy stories from our server here. - I’m posting another halloween fic later, sum Semi fluff. lmk if u wanna be tagged - Thank you so much @newfriendjen for the betaread and @aomineavenue for that idea u gave me ehe - Sakusa brainrot

Nothing beats the spirit of Halloween, the best holiday ever invented. Ghost stories, people in costumes, haunted houses, scary movies, everything about this holiday — you love and welcome them all. Last year, your Halloween adventure was you and your friends trying to make a documentary (actually it was just you hogging the camera and tripping your friends that you’re seeing apparitions) in an abandoned building.

But the highlight of that Halloween wasn’t that. It was meeting Sakusa. Albeit how sweet that sounds, the whole of it was honestly ridiculous.

A year ago, you and your coworkers agreed to join the Halloween party at the club near your office. You drew lots on what will be the theme of each person’s costume in the office. The person whose costume fits their theme the most gets a prize. When you got “something unexpected” at the draw, you were thrilled at all the possibilities your imagination could think of.

But then work fucked you up until you barely had any time left. You only had less than 48 hours to come up with an award-winning costume. As you’re scrunching for your work deadlines, you look around for possible costume inspirations. And voila, your eyes landed on that certain object near your monitor.

You laughed your head off when you pictured what you’d look like.

At the club at the night of the Halloween party, it was expected to have most people in costume. No one gave anyone a second look for being all dressed up.

Except for you.

When you entered the bar, people were staring. You made your way to your colleagues, uttering your excuse mes and sorrys to the people you bumped. Once your officemates saw you, they guffawed simultaneously. You were wearing white boots, surgical , a light blue long-sleeve top, and black short shorts. On top of the long-sleeve top and shorts was a white box hanging inches just below your thighs which made it look like a box dress. Printed on the front of the box dress was “GERMINATOR. Kill 99.9% germs” complete with its logo. At the back of it was the product’s information. It even had an improvised pump on your head. On your bare thighs was a holster holding sanitizers instead of guns.

You twirled in front of your colleagues and they all gave you a round of applause.

You were so stressed out with work that you drank your heart out before the party even began to reach its peak. Your nearing drunk ass was letting loose when your back collided with someone and you nearly tripped.

It was a guy with white streaks on his hair that was held up by gel or wax. He gasped as he took in your appearance. “Miss! Please come with me.” The guy didn’t really give you a choice when he grabbed your wrist and dragged your tipsy self to wherever.

“Omi-kun! I brought you someone.” He said while he hid you behind him.

“Really, Bo-kun? You think he’d be interested in anyone from here?” You heard someone say despite the noise. The guy who just hauled you there moved away to reveal that certain someone, aka you. You went with the flow and gave them a curtsy while your vision started to sway a bit.

You easily distinguished who he’s with since they’re all wearing the same yellow jacket. “What are you s’ppsed to be? A boy band or somethin?” you asked but no one answered.

You are met with different reactions. Two of them dropped their jaws. One had a wide smile on his face, obviously proud of finding you. Then, there was this guy you couldn’t make out because he was wearing a face mask. After recovering from their shock, the three men looked at the one who wore a face mask.

The guy with white streaks turned to you and said, “I’m Bokuto,” referring to himself. “That’s Hinata,” he pointed out to the shortest guy in orange hair. “Miya, “ the blonde one said, then grabs the face masked-guy who has a stiff frown on his half-visible face. “And this,” he pushed the face-mask man in front of you, “is Sakusa.” Everyone looked so entertained and so amused, except for the one directly in front of you. But you don’t acknowledge the somber aura coming from him. You like being the source of entertainment, especially for this event.

“Oh you unsanitary boys! You can call me,” you grab two sanitizers dramatically from your holster and pose like a sailor scout, except weirder. You couldn’t even tell how you exactly posed your arms in the air, you just let the alcohol do the work. As a finishing touch to the pose, you winked and announced, “Germinator-chan!!!”

At that, Miya spilled the drink he was about to take while Bokuto put his hands on his hips as they both laughed uncontrollably. Hinata walked beside … what was his name again? You’ll just continue calling him face-mask man. “You look so cool, Germinator-chan!!” Hinata beamed at you while scanning your whole look. “We should’ve dressed up as well,” he added with a slight pout.

Ah. Sakusa it was.

Miya ,who was still laughing his heart out, put an arm around Sakusa, “My, my, Omi-kun,” he paused to chuckle, “We’ve found yer dream girl!” Sakusa tried to shrug Miya’s arm off of his shoulder. “Please don’t touch me.”

Bokuto came closer as well and spoke to Sakusa, “Are you still leaving? Germinator-chan can keep you clean.”

“Of course I’m still leaving. I shouldn’t even have come in this germ-infested place” he said and was about to saunter off towards the exit. Before he could even pass you by, you block his path and extend your arms.

“Germ, you say? I got you,” you said while you poised your sanitizers in place, ready to give him some if he extends his hands to you. You find no shame in how flippant you seemed. This is what Halloween parties are all about. You, yourself, are having fun even if you don’t entirely grasp why they’re teasing the guy. He probably has a cold and wants to avoid too many people.

You weren’t expecting it, but Sakusa held out his hands. You thought he was just going to ignore your antics because he seemed annoyed. You heard him mumble something, but because of the music and his face mask, you didn’t hear it.

“Sorry, what?!”

He comes a bit closer, close enough for you to notice how he’s not as serious as he was before. More so, he looked pleased. Since half of his face is covered, all your attention went to his eyes, and at this proximity, you became aware how pretty they actually looked. Or maybe you’re already drunk and he’s just too close.

“Thanks, miss,” he uttered softly.

“BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! You’re perfect for each other!” Bokuto’s laugh drew your attention away from Sakusa.

“Before you leave, Omi-san. Can we take pictures with you, Germinator-chan?” Hinata asks with his phone already on his hand.

“Ah yes yes, Shoyo-kun. Clever idea.” The Miya guy said with a widespread grin on his face. Once again, they all gathered around Sakusa. You joined them with silly poses as they took several selfies with you. The three of them were obviously having fun while Sakusa’s expression was the same in all the photos. Even with the face mask, you could tell. He’s pissed. As soon as they put the phone down, he was on the move again.

“Wait, Omi-kun!” Miya stopped him once more. Sakusa looked like a vein was gonna pop on his temple. Maybe you just imagined him being pleasant a while ago.

“We’re letting ya leave, don’t worry.” Miya smirked prior to adding, “after ya take pictures with Germinator-chan.” You see Sakusa’s shoulders slump in defeat. But you didn’t feel bad for him at all. In fact, you also wanted to keep on teasing him.

As they snap pictures, you kept on doing superhero poses with your costume. Sakusa’s impassiveness doesn’t bother you one bit. You kept on flailing around him while they took pictures. When they had their fill, they said their goodbyes as Sakusa walked away without even looking back.

“Byeee. Stay germ-free!” You half-shouted as he already gained some distance away from you and the three men. When he reached the exit, you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned on your heel and saw Miya offering you a drink. “You, Germinator-chan, are fucking awesome.” The three boys wore big smiles on their faces which you reciprocated. You bowed as acknowledgment to the compliment and took the offered liquor. You gulped a significant amount before excusing yourself “Bye boyysss.” You head back to your coworkers, faltering on every step of the way.

Two days after that Halloween party, life went on. You regret drinking so much that night. You barfed like crazy when you got home and you had a massive hangover the morning after so you had to take the following day off. Since everyone in your office knew why you had to be absent the previous day, they made you do additional work that day.

You’re a Lifestyle writer, but the Sports department needed another person today. They weren’t able to do the interview for some players the week before so you’re needed to do the last set of interviews. You don’t really know anything Sports-related. They just gave you a list of the people you’re going to interview and the questionnaire for them to answer. The most you could do is follow up on their answers. You looked at the names to be interviewed.

Shion Inunaki

Kiyoomi Sakusa

Shoyo Hinata

You don’t know why, but the names were awfully familiar. You shrugged it off. Maybe you just saw some articles about them from the Sports department.

You arrived at the gymnasium and went straight to their manager, stating that you were scheduled there to interview some players for your magazine. You took your seat at the sides and waited. The first interview with Inunaki went smoothly. When you’re done with him, he called the next guy and got back to their practice.

Upon seeing the next interviewee, you stare intently at him for he looked incredibly familiar, you just had to remember where you met him. Black, curly hair that framed his face nicely. Two moles located right above his right eyebrow. Sharp, serious eyes. But something’s off. Something at the back of your head knows that you’ve seen his face, but something’s amiss.

Face mask. He wasn’t wearing his face mask.

Sakusa.

Drunken memories came rushing down to your sober mind. You even heard your frilly voice saying Germinator-chan!!

You looked down and fixed your glasses as an attempt to hide your face. You cleared your throat and deepened your talking voice so that he wouldn’t perceive any resemblance you may have with what you looked like two nights ago.

You started the interview and took down notes more keenly than you should, just so you wouldn’t meet his gaze. From your peripheral, you saw him trying to get a better look at your face.

“Excuse me, have we met somewhere?” he said after answering a question from your list. You smile thriftly and shake your head. “I don’t think so.” He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t press on.

‘Kami-sama, I swear to take care of myself and not contaminate my precious body with alcohol. Just let me go through this unnoticed. I’m begging you,’ you prayed silently.

Fortunately, the interview ended with Sakusa not figuring out who you were. When the last interviewee sat down, a pair of bright hazel eyes stared at you with glee.

“GERMINATOR-CHAN!” Hinata yelled while pointing at you happily. It echoed in the whole gymnasium and how awfully lucky you were, everyone was on break. You felt everyone’s eyes on you. Not long after, you’re crowded by not only the four boys you met that fateful night, but everyone else in the team.

“Wow. This is the Germinator-chan?” A player you didn’t know asked.

Apparently, Miya shared the pictures to every single one on the team. Inunaki joined their fun and tapped the back of Sakusa. “Real nice, Sakusa-san!” You heard a familiar voice and found Miya beside Sakusa. “Well, well, Omi-kun. Her alter-ego’s real pretty.” The taunts were focused on Sakusa, but you felt like sinking on your seat that moment.

“Um!!” You got all their attention. “Sorry, but can I finish my interview with Hinata-kun first?” You smiled as professionally and as nice as you could. They all uttered light apologies and dispersed back on the court. You resumed with the interview as fast as you could. You thanked Hinata and their manager and semi-sprinted out of the court when you had the chance. No way you’re gonna get hounded by any MSBY member again.

The exit was just a few steps away and finally, you can rest easy. You let out a breath of relief when you reached outside with no problem.

“Germinator-chan.”

You yelp from the sudden voice behind you. You slowly turn around to confirm if it was who you thought it was. And behold, it really was Sakusa Kiyoomi. You twiddled with your fingers while thinking of what you should say. You didn’t want to apologize for your behavior the other night. You liked having fun and going crazy. You saw nothing wrong with that. You didn’t do anything inappropriate. It’s just that you didn’t think you’d see any of those men right when you’re working.

He walked towards you until you were face to face. Without his face mask, you end up staring at his whole profile that was partially hidden that night. He must’ve been really sick to want to cover such an attractive face.

“What brand of sanitizer did you use?” You blink twice from the confusion. “What?” you ask dumbfoundedly. “That night. The sanitizer you gave me felt nice. Did it have 70% isopropyl alcohol?” You couldn’t tell if he was just messing with you cause his face is dead serious. That’s when you figured it out.. The face mask, the early escape from the crowd, attention to disinfectant — he was a clean freak.

“Umm. I-Uh.. I’m not really sure. I didn’t really check,” you said, then laughed nervously.

“Do you want some recommendations?”

“Huh?” You felt like an idiot for not fully grasping what he was talking about. If you weren’t staring so hard, you wouldn’t have noticed it, but something broke his stoic expression when his eyes averted your gaze for a second. He looked a bit unsure.

“I can help you choose a good sanitizer...and stuff.”

The smile that broke in your face was wide and it hurt your cheeks. You’ve been asked out several times, but that. That was unlike any other you’ve ever heard. It was so weird. It was the kind of weird that appeared so charming to you.

You just had to go out with him.

A year after that, you find yourself in his apartment to celebrate Halloween. Originally, you wanted to go to that Halloween party again, but no matter how much you pouted, begged, and pestered him, the answer was a big, fat no.

This is your most-awaited holiday of the year. There’s no way you’re missing out on Halloween activities with him. So days prior to this, you brainstormed on what activities you could do with him.

Haunted House? Dirty. Abandoned buildings? Dirtier. Street Parties? Crowded. Ouija Board? You’re scared something will actually happen. Zombie run? Dirty and crowded.

You almost gave up until you remembered your vast collection of untouched horror movies, documentaries, and series that you didn’t have the time to watch because of work. You instantly texted Sakusa if that was okay with him.

Okay

You’ve never been so glad to read a four-lettered text after receiving a constant n-o, no to all your suggestions. Finally. FINALLY, you came up with something you two could do.

Halloween weekend came and you both decided on Sakusa’s apartment to do the movie marathon. You keep shifting in your seat from excitement. Tonight, you get the opportunity to watch some of your hoarded horror pieces, and much better, you’re watching it with Sakusa.

“Is there anything you’d like to watch in particular?” you ask him with your eyes still glued on the screen, browsing your bought movies. He moves closer to you and slouches so he can better see his options.

If Sakusa will be honest, he’s not really a fan of horror. He doesn’t see the point of scaring oneself from something that is make-believe. So he’s not that enthusiastic about it.

But you were.

If watching freakish movies makes you happy, then okay. Out of all your ideas this year, this is the only one he can tolerate. He knows how dedicated you are in celebrating this event. Last year was already a solid proof of that.

“Don’t you get scared by watching that stuff?” He’s looking at you but your focus is on the screen as you scroll down. “I do. But that’s the point!” You squeal from excitement. He still can’t wrap his head around the whole concept, but he’s willing to indulge you.

“Do you get scared by these?” you peel your eyes away from the TV and shift your attention to him.

He shrugs indifferently. “Not really,” was his answer even though he still hasn’t watched a full length horror film. He just couldn’t imagine how a fictional work could potentially frighten him.

“Okay. Let’s go with something light since the night is still young,” you said, then clicked on some movie that he didn’t catch the title of. You huddled closer to him. You tuck your knees in and hug your legs as the movie starts.

You’re so elated that you don’t notice the tug in the corner of his mouth as he studies your face. He asked you out on a whim because that day, he didn’t really have the time to think twice. He wasn’t sure if he’d see you again. If he’d been honest, he thought you were all over the place when he first saw you. He didn’t usually find that appealing, but he couldn’t deny that you looked so cute as Germinator-chan, especially with your eyes twinkling in glee as you offered him that sanitizer.

Even though asking you out wasn’t a well-thought of idea, he made the right decision. He didn’t need to match up to your outgoing personality. You never made him feel that he wasn’t enough or that he needed to be more than himself. He never felt pressured to make you happy because you already are with whatever he gives. You’re you and he’s him, yet your relationship is more than satisfactory for both of you.

You might have noticed him gaping at you since you suddenly turned to him and raised your eyebrow. “What’re you staring for?” Your lips formed the cute smile he’s always adored.

“Nothing,” he replied more quickly than he should. He takes in your smile for one good second before shifting his gaze to the screen. The movie starts with people going to the woods for their idea of fun.

‘Ew’ he thought to himself.

As the film progresses, it gets even worse. There are body parts getting dismembered. It’s so bad when someone’s arm was severed, blood splattered all over the place. He unconsciously grips your thigh to ground himself. You don’t notice this since you shrieked happily at the scene. You were even clapping your hands.

“Yeeess! Cut those arms, dude.”

He couldn’t believe you found this fun. He couldn’t bear to look at the mutilated body parts, even if it was just on screen. He just looked away until he thought it was safe for his eyes again. That’s what he’ll do every time there’s a bloody clip.

After a while, you finally sense that his hand was clutching your thigh because of the gradual increase of force he unknowingly put behind it.

“Kiyoomi?” You look at your boyfriend whose face is now drained of color. “Oh no. What’s wrong?!” Your full attention is now on him despite the film still rolling.

Your face is a pile of concern. A while ago, he was painfully uncomfortable in your choice of movie, but seeing your once cheery facade get all worried cause he couldn’t take the blood made him feel bad. You already adjusted your Halloween plans for him. He can at least try harder to get through this movie.

He gently shakes his head. “I’m okay. Don’t mind me. Let’s keep watching.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to do it if you’re not okay with it.” It was very like you to look out for him and adjust to him, even at your own expense. You’re easygoing, loud, fun, and everything he’s not - that included messy and clumsy. Despite that, you accepted his needs and boundaries without any qualms.

He removes his grip from your thigh and wraps his arm around you.

“I’m really fine, sweetheart.”

Your face lights up at his endearment, completely melting away the worry you had a while ago.

Now, he just needs to pin it on his mind that the thing isn’t real and he can survive the night.

However, it proved to be more difficult than he imagined when the scenes keep getting messier, bloodier, and dirtier. He keeps on focusing on your entertained face to distract himself from the screams and the sound of blood splashing and gushing.

From the short moments that he was able to glance at the screen, he can tell that the movie is reaching its climax already. He decided that he’s going to keep his eyes on the screen starting from now, just to fulfill your wish of him actually watching with you.

A few minutes into it and he was starting to feel sick. He gets nauseous when someone's head is crushed by a rock. Unable to continue, he pulls you closer and leans his forehead on your shoulder with his eyes closed.

You immediately notice him wavering and quickly turn off the television. You cup his cheeks and brush away the curls blocking his face. He opens his eyes and looks at you weakly.

“Sorry, we were almost done… but the blood was too much,” he confessed defeatedly.

“No, no, no. I should’ve realized that it would make you uneasy.” You felt guilty for not figuring it out sooner. You’ve been with him for a year now. You should’ve put two and two together.

“Let’s do something else. What do you wanna do?”

“We can watch another scary film. Just less blood.” He suggested a compromise. He won’t let you do all the adjusting this time. He’s getting fed up with himself being coddled by you all the time.

“Swear to me that you’ll let me know if it gets too much.” Your tone was serious.

“I swear Germinator-chan,” he says monotonously but you catch the humor behind it. This is Sakusa afterall. Because you’re used to his non-expressive self, you’ve gotten used to the intricate details of how he conveys his emotion.

You couldn’t help but smile while rolling your eyes back to the screen. You choose a more recent movie that’s a sequel to a very famous horror franchise you’ve been following. It was perfect because it was just plain creepy and scary without the gore.

You make yourselves comfortable again. Around twenty minutes into the film, there's no one who’s body parts are missing from their bodies. You’ve been keeping an eye on him. Thankfully, it seems like he’s calmed down now that he’s leaning on the couch with the color back on his face. He looks focused on the movie that was playing. With that, you are able to relax and do the same.

The calm was short-lived though. This movie is quite distinct from the last one. The previous film was chaotic and fun (for you). Now, the room is drowning in ominous music as you wait for the next jumpscare to happen. But it doesn’t. It leaves you at the edge of your seat when you tortuously wait for it to come. The eerie background music stops without any sign of the demonic ghost showing up. You finally let out the breath you were holding in your chest.

That is until you see something in the corner of the screen. It was hazy and it looks like it’s just part of the background. You fixate your eyes on the imagery while you feel a familiar dread rising in your throat. You want to make sure that it was nothing. You squeeze Sakusa’s knee while leaning a bit towards the screen to get a better look.

When you find that you’re close enough, the screen completely turns black, but only for a millisecond. It pops back up to reveal the same background you were looking at earlier. Only now, the thing you were closely looking at was not there anymore. You don’t know what to expect as there’s only silence.

In a blink of an eye, the object of your focus was revealed. A woman’s face occupied the whole screen. She had blood-shot eyes wide as saucers accompanied by an inhuman grin that spread too wide, making her face look unholy.

“SHIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!”

Your reflexes kick in. You use the hand you have on Sakusa’s knee to propel yourself and launch yourself to him. Both your hands find their way on his chest, clutching tight the fabric over it. You bury half your face on his chest and close your eyes.

“Is she gone?” Before he even answers, you open one eye cautiously and peek at the screen to see if it was safe to look again. You see that the scene is cut to a crowd with mundane music. You exhale heavily. You loosen your grip on his shirt and look up to him with a sheepish smile.

“I thought you’re used to this.” He remarks inquisitively while looking confused as to why you were so frightened when you were the one who suggested the horror marathon.

“Do you watch this stuff when you’re alone?” He asked further.

“Of course not. I live alone. I might not get any sleep if I watch some by myself.” You giggle. “And it’s more fun to watch with others.” You let go of your grip on him and go back to how you were previously sitting.

The movie went on with several more screams from you. You begin to feel Sakusa tensing up. You notice how intense he’s leaning on the couch. It’s like he doesn’t want any space behind him from the way he pushed his back to the cushioned backrest and seized the armrest with his right limb. His other hand was holding yours rigidly. Like him, you also start to be agitated as the appearances of haunted apparitions become clearer and more frequent.

It came to point that you were kneeling on the couch and had your arms around him. You have no control on how tight you were holding on to him. You’re pretty sure you were squishing his cheeks sometimes, but you don’t hear anything from him. He seems to be immersed in the story as well because you can feel him flinch and jerk at jumpscares. At the turning point of the movie, it was basically a screamfest held by you.

Seems like you blew his ear off since he tugged you to sit back down. Still, he doesn’t say anything and encloses an arm around you instead. You respond accordingly and use his embrace as your cover.

When the movie ends, you breathe a sigh of relief, which is followed by a laugh and an applause.

“That was so good!” Your eyes are beaming brightly from satisfaction. “Right?” You turn to him to see his reaction.

He has a faint smile on his face, then nods twice. “I didn’t expect you’d be that jumpy,” he said. You scratch your head while laughing embarrassedly. When you settled down, you just found yourselves staring at each other. The thick restlessness from the scary film was gone, replaced by something intimately familiar to both of you.

He makes the first move. He gently cups your cheek and lets it linger momentarily while his eyes shimmer with tenderness as they remain on yours. Some people, namely your coworkers, found it weird that someone like you is dating Sakusa. According to them, you’re a firecracker while he was a defective explosive that only lights up when playing volleyball.

But they’re wrong.

They just don’t know that this Sakusa in front of you exists. He has his own ways of letting you know how much he cares. They were quiet gestures that spoke loudly and exclusively for you. And yes, you are a chaotic bundle of energy, so there were many days that even you, yourself overwhelm yourself. But he gives you peace that nothing or no one else has provided you.

So when he leans closer to capture your lips, you immediately melt to him.

What started out as an affectionate kiss begins to heat up when he grabs your waist and pulls you closer. Then, he grazes his tongue on your lower lip before biting it gently. To hell with your coworkers. He’s nowhere near a defective explosive when he makes you burn up like this.

You want to feel him more, so you take the lead and straddle him. You grind your hips against his crotch and cover his mouth with yours. You’re getting eager to touch his bare skin so you pull up his shirt which reveals his toned chest and abs that made you drool. Best perk of dating a pro athlete. You look down a bit to relish the sight of him topless.

“Um. Can you tie your hair?”

“I washed my hair right before we watched. It’s clean.” You don’t look back at him and continue trailing your palm down on his abs.

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” You still keep your eyes on his torso while biting your lips.

“You’re like the demon lady with your hair down like that when you look down.”

You snap your head back up and find him clearly avoiding looking at you. You try to imagine what he’s thinking - the demon lady on his lap and is about to do the nasty with him. You throw your head back and roar from laughter.

“You have quite the imagination, you know that?” you tell him with your eyes still twinkling from amusement.

“You looked like her for a minute,” he insisted. You click your tongue while shaking your head. “Too bad, Omi. I don’t have my hairtie with me.” You get off from his lap and sit beside him. “Let’s watch a documentary instead?” He only replies with a nod.

“Sorry.I tried, but I can’t unsee it.”

“It’s fine.” You giggle and kiss him on the cheek. “I don’t want you having nightmares of me as the demon lady.”

You grab the remote and put on a ghost-sighting documentary while he puts on his shirt back. It fell flat compared to the other two that previously went on, but you did not change it. You gave it a chance. Maybe there’s something interesting about it.

….

Sakusa woke up with the TV already displaying its screen saver. Before he passed out, he recalls you were starting to get drowsy with your eyes hazy while leaning on his shoulder. He doesn’t remember when, but he must’ve fallen asleep.

Not realizing that there was no weight resting on him, he looked beside him.

You weren’t there.

That was odd. If you moved to the bedroom, you would have woken him up. He blinks a few times to clear his vision before scanning the corners of this room from his seat. His only source of light was the one emanating from the screen, but that should be enough to get even just an outline of your figure.

But there was no sign of you, just the darkness engulfing the inanimate objects in the room.

“Y/n?” He called out, but there was no response.

He grabs the remote and turns off the TV. On the slight chance that you are already in his bed, he walks to his bedroom.

The cool metal of the doorknob wakes his senses. He’s suddenly more wary of everything around him. Because he wanted to reduce the accumulation of dust in his place, he did not place any unnecessary object that can cause dirt. That made his place look spacious and wide. It was only now that he became aware of the vast empty spaces on his back.

Yet despite the seeming emptiness, it feels like something is occupying the place, lurking in the vacant arrays of his home.

A sudden breeze grazes his nape.

‘It’s nothing. It’s usually cold this time of the year.’ He told himself even though he could feel the chill creeping up on his spine.

He hurriedly turns the doorknob and opens the door, only to reveal an empty bed and an empty room. You aren’t there. He’s about to shut the door when the curtains suddenly fly softly at its hems. Yeah. It’s definitely windier than usual.

He closes the door and moves towards the bathroom. The lights are off in it, but you sometimes don’t turn it on when you get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. You don’t like sudden bright lights. Although when you do that, you usually leave the door open.

The bathroom door is shut. His hand was ready to knock when he saw a shadow from his peripheral. He wanted to ignore it, but his trained eye caught the figure. He harshly spun to see what it was.

Nothing.

It was nothing. The deafening silence augmented the dread that was starting to consume his being. He can feel the tips of his fingers get colder, his skin prickling from goosebumps, his throat getting dryer.

“You’re just imagining things,” he uttered to himself to quell his nervousness. He enjoyed the movie earlier, but he didn’t think it would get in his head.

He turns back around to the door and knocks three times. No answer. He knocks again, louder this time. Where the hell are you? It wasn’t like you to leave without saying anything.

He heads for the kitchen to get some water, hoping that it can erase the uneasiness on his mind and body. Then he’ll call your phone as a last resort.

When he makes his turn at the corner of the living room leading to the kitchen, his breath gets suspended in the air at the sight.

A woman who’s looking down stood in front of him. He’s never seen something so sinister. Her black pupils occupy the whole of her eyes. Her hair is down and framed her face in a perfect V shape.

“FUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!” His thick scream broke the stillness of his apartment while stumbling a few steps back. It was followed by the woman’s screechy wail as she looked up to him.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Her hair falls a few inches away from her cheeks, giving him a clearer view of her face. It was not a haunted apparition.

It was you!

Now that he looks closely, your eyes were actually normal. It’s just that it was so dark and your eyelids were half closed so it seemed like your eyes were a complete block of black.

When the two of you stopped exchanging screams, it was you who recovered first. He was still frozen in place with terrified eyes. “Oh Kiyoomi.” You put your arms around him and dipped your head on the crook of his neck. Your relieved heaving quickly bubbled into tittering as you realized how stupid you two must’ve seemed.

You put a gentle hand on his face and looked at him. He’s still a bit shaken, but he meets your gaze. “I called for you. Why didn’t you answer?”

“I got a voice call from one of my editors so I was listening intently.”

“Why here?”

“I was getting water when I opened the message.”

“Were you in the living room just now?”

You frown at him. “No…. well actually, maybe? I was spaced out while walking when I realized I didn’t really get the water I came for. So I immediately went back to the kitchen.”

The breath he exhales is deep, but you feel his shoulders loosen up from it. “You didn’t even see that TV was already off and I wasn’t there anymore?” His tone was a bit irritated.

“I was preoccupied with what my editor said.” You pout.

His demeanor softens up. He takes your hand off from his cheek and holds it tenderly. “Let’s just get to bed already.”

When you two lie down, you’re surprised that he’s spooning you. He never does. He doesn’t like your hair touching his face, even though you tell him that you’ve thoroughly cleaned it. Usually, you are the big spoon, which was weird because he’s way too huge for you, or you position yourself a bit lower so that your cheeks are on his chest and you aren’t obstructing his face.

“Next year, let’s go to that Halloween party instead. I’ll dress up in a PPE so no one touches me.“ He says in your ear while his arm snakes around your waist.

“Hmm. I dunno. I quite like this to be honest.” You hold the arm he has around you and snuggled closer. Yep. You’d rather have this.

Taglist: @shinhiromi @elianetsantana @moonlightaangel @vicassa @shrimpypenis @sunshine-hina @isentsworld @kozupresh @humanitysbiggestsimp @omibaby @atsumubabe @sachirou-senpai

#bbthots #spoofythots #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #sakusa scenarios #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x you #imagination

168 notes · View notes

dailydnp · 3 years

Link

British YouTuber, presenter, and author Daniel Howell offers a practical yet poignant look into mental health – his own struggles held up as a mirror for anyone else going through the same – in his book You Will Get Through This Night.

Written in conjunction with psychologist Dr Heather Bolton, the book is an amalgamation of Howell’s own experiences and Dr Bolton’s expert perspective combined to create a reading that feels like a personal attack in the best of ways, forcing you confront, embrace and then overcome your perception of your own mental health.

Best described as, “a practical guide to taking control of your mental health for today, tomorrow, and the days after,” You Will Get Through This Night takes readers through Howell’s mental health journey, wrapped in his trademark sense of humour and nuggets of wisdom that urge them forwards in their path to a healthier mindset.

Speaking to 1883, Howell describes what pushed him to write the book, learning to question his normal, how upbringing and culture impacts one’s perception of mental health, the role that a sense of humour plays in getting the conversation around mental health started and more.

Was there a particular moment that solidified your decision to write this book?

I think it was just realizing the power that every single person has to tell their story and break down the wall. Because with mental health, it’s the thing that every single person has a universal experience of. And yet, we all like to go, ‘I’m fine,’ when we’re completely having a meltdown on the inside and it was me opening up, not because I thought it was a nice idea just because I thought I had to open up about what I was going through with my depression, my sexuality. I went through 27 years of terrible mental health, without even realizing that you’re not supposed to be that way. It’s the idea that we all think we are broken, born in a certain way and doomed to feel that way forever, and that’s fundamentally wrong. I thought I’d like to write this book because other people may see themselves in it, notice that they relate to something, and therefore maybe there’s something about themselves that they need to work on. I literally I just wrote the book that I wish I could have read, because for me it was a struggle to even find the resources and the advice I needed.

You’ve mentioned in the book, that you never questioned your symptoms and that you were taken aback when the doctor said you were suffering from depression. But where there moments before that you started questioning this perception of what was normal to you?

I think it became my normal to feel bad all the time, which sounds dramatic but it was me. I thought it was all to do with my choices, age, environment and my job. But mental health is deeper than that, it’s something deeper and it’s something that you can actually have a positive effect on, which is what I wish I knew earlier, and it only happened when I got to a point where I was struggling, so much that I couldn’t even function day-to-day. In my mind, there was either nothing or there’s crazy. I thought you just have to get over your problems or you are totally crazy, which is so ignorant but that’s just not the truth. So, I went to a doctor and he said I think you might have depression and that is a real thing. And there’s lots that you can do about it. It’s about just understanding everything to do with how your thoughts and feelings work, the relationship between your biology and how you interact with the world physically. It was such a slow and painful journey to learn all of that that I thought, I’m just going to put it all in here and the idea is that for someone who picks up this book, they can go right in. I’ll put it up on the shelf and then when I need to read it, I’m going to pick it up and open it again. So, I just wanted to be super practical.

I really liked this quote in the book “breakdown can be breakthroughs”. So, when was the last time you can think of that a breakdown led to a breakthrough for you?

Every other week, like you know, all of us. It’s just human instinct to try and stick through it and ignore the problems especially with work. It’s a great excuse to lie, “ I know I feel bad but I’m really busy.” And it goes like that until things get way too intense. For me, there were moments where I felt I simply cannot keep going in my career or day-to-day life or try to pretend like I’m funny, until I deal with the fact that I’m gay. And though there was this terrible feeling like “have I hit rock bottom?” But the thing with any obstacle is that it stops you from going in the wrong direction and when you are forced to turn around usually it means you’re confronting the truth for the first time. Usually if someone has a breakdown, if you hit that wall in your life, that point where you absolutely can’t keep going until you turn around and something scary is going to be waiting, it means you’re going in the right direction. When you have these moments of confrontation, instead of procrastinating or running away, if you face it then it’s hopefully better days ahead.

Speaking of procrastination, you talk about burnout and the five-minute rule in one section. How do you strike a balance between not procrastinating and getting things done, but also not overworking yourself?

The human concept of work is very strange and it’s just one of those great examples of something that we’ve all brainwashed ourselves to see a certain way, to put value on certain things that are ultimately probably not great and inevitably lead to another dramatic moment of self-destruction and procrastination, which are both associated with so much guilt and shame.But in reality it’s not because I’m lazy that I don’t want to start this thing, it’s probably I’m terrified of starting this thing because I know that it’s important, I don’t want to fail at it. So, think of the five minute rule as ripping the plaster off, because it’s always the fear of starting. That was me, writing this book and feel like I’m not in the mood to do that, but then moment I start then I’d just write for consecutive hours. Again, it’s just snapping out of the mindset that you’re probably on, which goes I’m doing this because it’s important, and I have to do it. You probably don’t have to do it, you’re probably just running from something else. So, whether you are procrastinating, you think you’re lazy, or you’re telling yourself that you have to put up all of your issues to deal with whatever you’re busy with, you need to flip it around and look at it, not just from in healthier way but in more honest way. I’m not going to cripple myself with guilt and shame about procrastination but I’m not going to over work myself.

You’ve also written about how one of the worst things you can say to someone going through depression is to get over it. What’s the hardest of trying to get people to understand that it isn’t something you can get over?

I think you cannot underestimate how profoundly ignorant most of the world still is about mental health and that’s not people’s fault. It’s just that science, education and culture has just not been doing the right thing even if science recently has come a long way. We’ve got hundreds of years of stigma that come from. Breaking down the barriers, by being honest, with someone one-to-one is a great way to do that. And it just telling them “I’m not going to pretend that everything’s fine. I just want to tell you that, I feel that way.” And for a lot of people who say they don’t understand depression, anxiety etc, if just say I feel bad and I want to do something about it, people usually empathize with it. I also think lot of people want not take it seriously when other people say that because they feel like where was their help when they needed it? I think that the human nature is usually to feel almost jealous that someone else is asking for help or sympathy and they want to get better but you have to talk back to that voice and say maybe this is an opportunity for me to finally, be honest about how I might have been feeling the whole time. Because at some point you have to break the cycle.

Though you’ve said how you can’t underestimate how ignorant people can be, there’s a section of the book where you talk about how you uploaded your video, “Basically, I’m gay,” and braced for negativity. But that you were surprised by all the positive responses. So, what’s the most recent instance you can think of where you were pleasantly surprised by humanity?

Something that anyone that has to admit something, they’re going through and has in common, whether that’s something that’s come out as gay or someone just admitting that they’re just really stressed or feeling very anxious, is feeling like they have to constantly explain themselves. This is just an example of how you can be afraid of what people will say but when you’re really just honest about something that you’re going through, people usually relate to it on a day-to-day level. Whenever I talk to someone about mental health or sexuality, who may think its weird at first but as I describe my thoughts and feelings, they may relate to it even if they aren’t going through exact same thing as you. For me, a year after coming out and I still have that conversation on a daily basis. As a teenager, I had that deathly fear, that I couldn’t tell anyone because it would be terrible, but now I realize that actually most people are just scared. They aren’t inherently hateful; they’re just putting up that wall because they think that being vulnerable leaves them for attack. But actually, if we’re all vulnerable we’d be a lot happier.

Speaking of vulnerability, you touch upon your upbringing in the book and how it sort of taught you to keep a stiff upper lip. When did you start learn to be vulnerable and what was the biggest challenge with that?

Being a young British man, going to an all-boys school or the comedians that I looked up to on TV – everyone was so cynical. It was about trying to be as like edgy as possible and like act tough, and not show this vulnerability in case it’s seen as weakness. I think that I carried this perception all the way into my mid-20s, it seeped into every part of my personality. A lot of the stuff that I made, when I was younger, had this cynical edge to it and it was only when I started to get more followers from around the world that I began people started questioning that cynicism. At first, I’d go “this is British humour,” but a few years later, I just started to reflect about the way I was about myself and realized it was a bit more than a joke have, I actually started to let this self-hatred and the lack of empathy towards how I feel sort of eat me up. I think because only because of the people who have followed me over the years, giving me a reflection of who I am through how they’ve perceived me that I’ve been able to break free of my default programming.

About your sense of humour and how you kind of make sense of how you’re feeling through jokes, have you ever felt misunderstood -particularly given the cultural differences of your audiences you just mentioned – like you’re trying to make light of something that a lot of people suffer from?

Yeah, there’s a weird line and there’s lots of conversations these days about what you’re allowed to joke about. What the difference between talking about something, being comfortable with it and almost glamorizing it. But I think if the biggest problem with mental health globally is people don’t even want to admit that they’re wrong. And that they don’t even know that they were wrong. A bunch of people joking about how depressed they feel could be a good thing because they have at least taken the first step. So, I think it’s good that people can joke about things in a way that breaks the ice as long as they all know, in the same way that my book might make them feel very personally attacked that just behind that joke that you put up to protect yourself, there is something that you should work on. Even if it’s painful, that it will make you happier.

You mention celebrating small wins in the book. What win are you celebrating today?

I have just moved house and I have a toilet that doesn’t flush yet. But I managed to stick a coat hanger, inside the toilet and to make it flush. I just got my own toilet to flush, and for me, that’s such a miracle. It was a perfect example of how we take so many things for granted in life, whether it’s something huge to do with your health, the state of the world, your privilege. But I now have a flushing toilet and everything else felt easy. I can handle it because I got some perspective.

You also touch on the importance of inner circles in the book. , When was the last time, you personally reached out to bring someone into your inner circle and do you remember how you did it?

I am so awkward and awful at making friends and it’s something that usually, I’ll have one of those breakdowns where I go, “I have no friends.” The next day, I’ll wake up and DM people, out of every three people I DM two-point-nine will just ignore me and I will be very embarrassed. But then one of them will say “ yes, in two and a half weeks, we will go get a pizza.” And you only have to succeed a couple times ever to make friends that you hopefully will see more than once. I know from experience, it can be embarrassing, painful and not fun to try and reach out to new people but you just start adding one person, every two years until you have a friend group.

While working on this book, I know you consulted with a psychologist for it, aside from your lived experiences. What did you learn about mental health while looking at it from an outside, expert perspective?

I think one of the biggest revelations for me while writing this book is realizing how much of it isn’t a logical thought in our head. So much of mental health is controlled by our body, and the physical things that we experience. It’s about just how we breathe, how much light, and fresh air. And the problem is in our modern world, our brains are looking at everything as a threat. As soon as you realize actually, humans are not as complicated and mysterious as we think, we’re just little animals trying not to get murdered. It was freeing to know because that meant we aren’t born with this magically broken consciousness, that’s just doomed. It definitely made me look at mental health for what it is rather than the mysterious fog of pain that I thought it was for the last 10 years that I had absolutely no control over.

You’ve said that you’re obviously not done with your mental health journey, but where are you on that journey at this moment in time?

I’m doing a lot better than I was simply because I can understand what I feel, and why, and that it’s normal now. And I honestly feel like that’s 90% of it. Most people don’t ever question their lives. If they spend too much time, feeling overwhelming you stressed or if they worry too much and they’re just not enjoying life day-to-day. But just knowing that there’s something you can do about, it gives me enough hope. From writing the book, I know everything I can do to get better.

Finally, what’s one question no one has asked you so far that you wish you were asked?

I think it’s just how do I convince the other people in my life to take mental health seriously? I realized from writing this book and now, talking about it that the biggest problem I have is that most people simply do not think the conversation about mental health, or mental health, applies to them because they’re fine. So many people think mental health is only something for people that have crippling depression or serious anxiety disorder, but it’s just how all of us, think and feel all the time. If you have bad self-esteem, if you worry about everything, if you have a way of looking at the world that’s really negative and you expect the worst, then you might not need to immediately have an intervention with a psychotherapist, but you need to understand your mental health. Even if you read this book and say you are totally fine, then you still need to know this stuff so you can understand why you are fine. There will be a point in life where you need to make yourself feel better and mental health isn’t about waiting until you snap, and then picking up the pieces and going on medication. It should be about knowing how to keep yourself healthy and happy so that you don’t have a breakdown. Everyone has mental health, and that’s the thing that I wish I could just shove into everyone’s faces.

#daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dan #phan #mine #interview

25 notes · View notes

trashmenofmarvel · 3 years

Text

Branded - Chapter 36

Pairing: Demon!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky tries to convince you why this is the only option.

(This is a fan AU of Falling’s Just Another Way to Fly by araniaart . Please check out this incredible series for all of your demon Bucky needs.)

Chapter Warnings: Heavy angst, dissociation, past references to abuse/torture, grief

AO3

It was like you were in a dream. Or more accurately, a nightmare.

Bucky had taken you to a secluded room, one that looked suspiciously like the room you’d stayed in before, and he tried to explain why this was the best option. Why putting him into some magical fridge would temporarily negate the bond.

You could barely listen to him. Couldn’t even look at him. You couldn’t believe this was really happening. It was too sudden, too fast, he hadn’t even talked to you about it. He’d just made the decision on his own, and it was too late to take it back now.

At first came the anger. The rotting, bitter rage that he would do this to you. Betray you. Leave you again when he promised not to. You wanted to scream all of that at him, but you didn’t. You let him know in a low, flat tone just how hurt you were, and his sorrowful expression only made you angrier. What right did he have to feel sad when he was the one who’d done this?!

Once the rage bled out of you, you tried to reason with Bucky. Told him to think, to really think about it. How did they know it would work? That you wouldn’t drop dead as soon as the bond was severed?

Bucky explained, much too calmly and reasonably, that he’d been through something similar before and why he knew it would be safe.

That was also how you found out about Steve.

“Back during the war, he… he rescued me from HYDRA,” Bucky said, chewing his lip nervously. “They’d started the ritual to turn me into a demon not long before that. Zola hadn’t had time to enslave me with a bond, and when Steve was untying me, he was hurt. He bled on the open wounds on my chest, carved there as part of the ritual. Apparently, that was enough to complete what they’d started… and make Steve my first master.”

You didn’t say anything as you listened. You were sitting on the bed, hugging your knees to your chest as Bucky sat in a nearby armchair. You were too upset to want to be touched, but at the same time, you missed it so much. Missed the effortless affection when you’d been in Boston.

The yearning twisted in your gut at his next words.

“The urges came soon after that. I tried to resist them. Tried to sate the hunger by picking up girls at the bars, whenever we had time to stop in a town. It didn’t work, not like it does with you, because I was a… a succubus then.” He shifted in discomfort, his expression flushed with shame. “Finally gave in and hooked up with a guy. It was exactly what I needed, and I hated it. Or rather, I hated that it made me confront things about myself that were already true before Zola got ahold of me. Things you were supposed to keep hidden away in shame back then.”

He looked down at his claws, glaring at them angrily as if they were to blame. You remained quiet, curious and afraid of where this tale was going.

“I looked normal back then, so it was easier to hide what was happening to me. And then I got involved in a pretty scary situation, a bunch of guys cornered me in an alley. The pheromones took over and I let them all…just…” He cut off his words with a shake of his head. “Right after, that’s when I grew my tail. Not as big as it is now, but I was hysterical, anyway. Tried to cut it off. Did cut it off, actually, and it grew right back. I didn’t understand that large wounds like that will induce a heat.”

Bucky licked his lips, his shoulders hunched and tense. You wished so badly to touch him, but you didn’t.

“I was starving, in agony, and there was no one else around to help… but Steve.”

Something clicked into place, and suddenly it was like you could see one of those 3D eye-puzzles where the image was always out of sight until you focused just right. Bucky’s affection when talking about his friend, the haunted look in his eyes, it all made sense now.

“Steve saw the tail, I was in no damn condition to hide it, and the pheromones kicked in bad. I tried to fight it, but he said he wanted to help, so… I gave in. Didn’t have a choice at the time, but he kept helping me after that. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d had feelings for Steve long before then, and… God, this is not the way I wanted to tell you.” He gave a bitter laugh, and this time you did reach out and put your hand over his.

Bucky looked up at you, his eyes glass and red, and you squeezed his hand tighter.

“I’m glad he was there for you, Bucky.” And you meant it, too. You couldn’t imagine how terrified he’d been, his body rebelling against him, tormenting him until he was forced to have sex—

Or, maybe you could imagine it. You could imagine it, which was why you were suddenly so grateful to have Bucky there when you were scared and in pain. And you were glad Steve had been that person for Bucky.

Bucky’s expression softened as he whispered, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You interlaced your fingers with his. “Really glad. He seems like a great guy.”

“He is.” Bucky’s faint smile faded and the haunted look returned. “For a while, we were actually happy. We were in the middle of a war, part of a special unit trying to track down more of HYDRA’s occult labs, but we had each other and… I should have known it wouldn’t last.

“We were on a mission to retrieve Zola when it all went wrong. I fell from the train… and the Soviet branch of HYDRA found me.” Bucky’s expression darkened further, his lips pulling back from his sharp teeth. “I was in and out of conscious as they worked on the arm I lost, but I woke up during the surgery. I could feel Steve, hurting, dying. I found out later he’d plunged into the ice. Not dead, but… the bond was broken enough that I could be bonded to someone else. And I was.”

Bucky’s features twisted into bitterness as he looked down at your interlaced fingers.

“So my point is, no. It won’t kill you. But I won’t lie and say it won’t hurt. Because it’s gonna hurt like hell, and I’m sorry you’ll have to endure it.”

“Then—why do it at all?” you pled as you slid forward on the bed, sitting on its edge as you tightly gripped his hand. “If the bond is that dangerous, then we can stay here. They can monitor us and make sure no one can get hurt.”

Bucky shook his head before you’d stopped speaking.

“What kind of life is that? Keeping you trapped in this place like a prison. What would you tell your mom? Your sister?”

Eyes stinging, you looked away, hot shame now mixed in with your lingering, ever-present anger.

“That’s low, Bucky.”

“You have a life. You deserve to have a life.” He scoffed and for the first time finally sounded angry. He stood up, dropping your hand in the process, his tail twitching as he paced the floor in front of you. “How did you think this would end, realistically? That we’d get our happily ever after and go live in a two-story house with a white picket fence? Maybe a dog and two-point-five kids?”

Directed at you or not, you weren’t going to let that go unchallenged.

“What if I did?” you snapped, standing up from the bed. “Would that have been so bad? Maybe we could have made it work, but we’ll never know because you didn’t even try!”

He rounded on you and your heart leapt in your throat as you stumbled back. But Bucky didn’t do much more than glare.

“I am doing this… for you.”

“You’re doing this because you’re afraid!” you shot back.

“You’re goddamn right I’m afraid!”

He immediately closed his eyes and took a deep breath, curling his fists and releasing them. You stood completely rigid, barely breathing yourself.

Like a flower wilting, his shoulders sagged, curled wings drooping. Even his tail hung limp behind his legs.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” He walked up to you, carefully keeping space between you. It hurt. “But this is the right thing to do. I regret I had to do it this way, without talking to you about it, but ultimately… it was my responsibility.”

“But—“

“This isn’t a romance, sweetheart. This is captivity.” Bucky met your eye and didn’t look away. “No matter how much I wish otherwise, we can’t be in a relationship when neither of us has the option to leave it.”

The words cut through the middle of your chest life a knife. Because nothing cut as deep as the truth.

You turned away and hugged your arms tightly around yourself, as if warding off a chill or protecting yourself. That’s what it certainly felt like. Shielding yourself from the pain blooming in your chest like a flower of daggers.

Bucky’s voice was close and low behind you, but still he didn’t touch you.

“I’ve spent the last two days getting things… prepared. I know this will be difficult for you and I didn’t want to leave you all alone, so I… reached out to Steve.”

You slowly turned back around.

“You… what?”

“Strange had his number.” Bucky dipped his hands into his pockets, pointedly avoiding eye contact. “When I called, Steve was shocked, to say the least. And then angry, which, I’m sure you can relate to.”

You shook your head, more to clear it than as actual response. Bucky reaching out to Steve was a huge deal, especially now that you knew the depth of their past relationship. You couldn’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for him.

“What… what did he say? What did you tell him? How much does he know?”

“Everything.” Bucky’s smile was brief and unhappy. “It’s why it took two days. We had a lot to talk about. He’s… mostly okay with it now. Just pissed. Not at you, of course. At me for not letting him know I’ve been alive all this time.”

As if in afterthought, Bucky rubbed his jaw.

“Bastard sure hits a lot harder than when he was scrawny.” At your concerned frown, he added, “Look, a sucker-punch to the face is the least I deserve, even if that bastard does hit like a truck these days.”

“Bucky…”

“My point is, I asked Steve to check up on you when I’m—“

“No.” You shook her head vehemently and grabbed him by the jacket. “No, stop talking like that. You’re not doing this. I won’t let you do this! You are not throwing your life away because of me!”

He wrapped his fingers over yours, his smile so sad it hurt.

“My chance at a good life was taken away from me a long time ago. It’s not too late for you. When this is all said and done, you can go back to your old life. You’ll have Steve to talk to, now that he knows who you are, and I know Davin will be there for you too.”

“Davin?” You wrinkled your nose. “Why would you bring up Davin?”

“Because he’s a good kid.”

You eyed him, wanting to say something scathing and sarcastic, but the way he was rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand was very distracting.

“I thought you didn’t like him,” you finally said.

“Okay, I admit,” Bucky said with a grimace, “I was more of a hard ass than I needed to be. I didn’t know the guy. I thought he was just some young punk who would run his mouth the first chance he got.”

He looked down and released a slow inhale.

“I was wrong. You know the whole erasing memories thing I can do?”

You blinked at the abrupt change of subject, but nodded slowly.

“Yes.”

“Well…” He released one of your hands to run his fingers through his hair, wings slightly shuffling behind him. “After we brought you and Davin here, I went and tracked down every human that was in contact with the heigore, before and after it had possessed your friend. I took away the memories that showed evidence he was acting odd. That’s what I was doing while you were at the Sanctum. When I was gone those few days.”

“Oh.” You remembered that time very clearly. The loneliness, the fear of abandonment. The boredom that had inevitably led you to follow Monster into the vault. You shivered.

“I was going to do the same to Davin. Erase the memories that the heigore was ever there. I can’t change memories, and the large gap in his memory wouldn’t have been good either, so Strange was going to give him the suggestion that he’d been very sick. But your friend, when I asked him if that’s what he wanted to do? He said no.”

Bucky slightly tilted his head brow dipped and his tail twitching with unease.

“He said, ‘If she has to remember it, then so will I. I don’t want her to have to live with it all alone.’”

Davin had said that? You were touched, really. But…

“Yeah, Davin is a good guy. And I’m sure Steve is too. But they’re not you, Bucky.”

“I know.” It was there in his eyes, quiet resolve. He wasn’t going to change his mind. You were going to lose him, and there was nothing you could do or say to change it.

“When?”

He didn’t have to ask what you meant.

“Tomorrow. Three PM.”

New Year’s Eve. You were going to lose Bucky just in time for the world to celebrate a new beginning.

That’s when the sorrow wormed its way into your heart. It weighed on your shoulders like gravity, and you didn’t know how you could stand. The conversation was over, and you were left with a blank numbness that felt uncomfortably close to dissociation.

You wouldn’t eat. You refused to go home. The wizards allowed you to stay the night without much of a fuss, and you couldn’t even give them a thank you.

Bucky stayed with you through your detached state. He held your hand, rubbed your back, tried to assure you that everything would be fine. You didn’t say a word.

He tried to get you to sleep but you just lay curled on your side, trying to make yourself small enough to disappear. It wasn’t until about 5 in the morning that there was some stirring of life in you. You crawled over on top of Bucky and buried your face in his neck.

Breathing you in, Bucky hugged you tightly, wrapping his wings around you and created a safe, protective bubble just for the two of you. Only then, did you allow yourself to cry.

Next Chapter

#branded #bucky barnes x reader #demon!bucky barnes #demon!bucky x reader #past stucky #bucky barnes fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing

118 notes · View notes

geminid20 · 3 years

Text

Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai Chapters 1-42 Self Understanding and Analysis

I made a tumblr account to write my thoughts about this anime which has a strong grip to my soul. I need to write it down somehow to let it go. And this is Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai (Twittering Birds Never Fly) by Yoneda Kou. It's a BL manga. I am into watching anime ever since I was little, but no manga has captured my being except Saezuru. I happen to watch a clip of it on the internet and I fell in love with the way of its animation style and of course how handsome the characters are. So I searched for it and read the plot and I thought it's very interesting. I am not into BL manga but Saezuru is way beyond that. The storylines, the characters, plots and the psychology behind them. There are always a story behind every person. A reason why they are like that and how. Saezuru tackles the very sensitive matters in society that we overlooked and never acknowledged. May be because of shame, guilt or whatever. It shows on how the environment shape of who and what a person can become.

Yashiro's character is so relatable. He's very intense and complex. He's very unpredictable and you never know what he's truly thinking and saying. He never likes commitments or attachments because of his trauma not because of his fear. To lose himself completely just like when he lost his innocence as a boy abused by his stepfather. And if he ever loses himself, he thought he won't be able to get back up anymore. Yashiro says in the chapter where he's talking with Hirata making him confess that he doesn't like to die but he's not keen on living either. He wants to live but not the worn out life he has now. He just met the wrong people at the worst times of his life. That's the difference.

I happen to went to a bookstore and read a page in a book that perfectly describes how Yashiro thinks and acts. It's on page 116 from Alice Smith's book, "Beyond The Lie". I bought the book and currently reading it.

What's written in this page shows how Yashiro thinks and acts.

Yashiro accepted his present fate. He accepted that, the way he becomes was never anyone's fault but it's just his life. He is just a fleeting soul directionless. And while he's at his messed up life, Misumi happened to find him and brought him to the world of Yakuza. At that time Misumi, was at the verge of grief from his loss of Kurobane in whom he holds dear and he was finding a woman. He happens to find Yashiro at that grieving moment of his life and established a connection. Somehow Yashiro reminds Misumi of the woman he's looking for and seemed to have focused his grief holding on to Yashiro as a replacement to Kurobane. May be somehow he finds Yashiro comforting to his grief. You know how people redirect their emotions to things or people? That's how these characters are holding on to things and people they find comfort at and never let them go. He became interested in him because Misumi has a fetish on Yashiro's feet. He happened to like it. You can find this in chapters 1-5. I encourage you to reread the manga to understand how Yashiro ended up in Yakuza and why he stayed.

He brought Yashiro to his Yakuza world and is pretty much very obsessed with him. Misumi never wanted to let Yashiro go nor let anyone hold him dear. Yashiro is his prisoner and Yashiro knows that. He hated being a Yakuza and in their world. He hated everything about it but he felt like he has no choice but to be in that Yakuza world. Misumi tricked him of being indebted to him and Misumi and his men treated him badly, physically abused. Yashiro stayed because somehow he found the reason why and that is to protect Kageyama. Yashiro found out that what Misumi was acquiring is a land owned by Kageyama and his mother. Misumi even wanted to hurt Kageyama just to get the land. Misumi is so persistent about it and Yashiro, despite being the way he is, he begged Misumi to let the land go. Misumi became intrigued of Yashiro's actions so he ran a background check. Yashiro suddenly has determination so he made some money to pay back Misumi. But it wasn't enough so Misumi manipulated Yashiro to formally join the Yakuza and says that he can only earn the money and can do what he wants, the power and control if he joins Yakuza. Misumi made a deal to Yashiro in exchange of his friend's safety. That's the time Yashiro used Misumi to get ahead.

Yashiro never had any dreams because his dreams has been crushed when his step father robbed him of his innocence. So ever since that traumatic event he just floated away and be surround by the wrong people. He lived in an illusion that he loves doing it and he is a masochistic person when in fact it is just a mask.

Yashiro treasures Kageyama because he is his first ever close friend who he spends his time to a crucial time where no one cared for him. A special close friend. Kageyama felt pitiful to Yashiro and that's just it. Or may be there's a backstory. Even though Kageyama is always with Yashiro, Yashiro seemed like he's still alone. It's because Kageyama never really tried hard to help Yashiro's being. He's just physically there and doing his own thing, planning his life. That's why Kageyama was surprised that Doumeki and Kuga seemed to know Yashiro's personality more than him when he knows him for 20 years. He was also surprised when Doumeki asked him why he did not stop Yashiro from joining the Yakuza. As a friend, he has a moral obligation to do so. To guide Yashiro in his life since he knows what Yashiro has been going through. And Yashiro was just waiting for him. Kageyama did tried to stop Yashiro but Yashiro had no choice at that time. Misumi knows he's hung up to Kageyama and how important he is to him so I think Yashiro is considering that since Misumi is one scary person.

I think Yashiro never really got over Kageyama while spending time with Doumeki. He even said that Doumeki kinda looked like Kageyama when he's in highschool and that bathroom scene in chapter 24. Come to think of it, Kageyama's personality in highschool kinda resembles Doumeki. They're both poker faces and never really cared about their surroundings. They are also both kinda slow picking up things but Kageyama's numbness to Yashiro's feelings are way over the top. So that made me realized that Yashiro is still hung up on Kageyama and that's what Yashiro needs to overcome when he wants to be with Doumeki.

And here Doumeki comes along to Yashiro's life. I think Doumeki is one pure soul as Yashiro said. Doumeki picks up things so late and very clueless. He never realizes something until someone told him about it. Chapters 23, 24, 25 which are my favorite chapters of the manga portrayed such an honest, raw and vulnerable Yashiro. The bathroom scene.

In the previous chapter, when Yashiro was laying on Doumeki's lap, Doumeki is telling him of his story about that pedophile school nurse who took his innocence. And his experience in prison when his cellmate keeps on abusing him.

Because we all know how slow witted Doumeki is. And may be this is one of the reasons why he is not interested in doing it or to women and may be he is also scared to be like his father.

I am also curious to whatever happened to Doumeki in prison. May be just a bit of a backstory. After all, Yashiro never get to know Doumeki that well before they parted ways.

Doumeki said that he's never really great at showing emotions and that the only time he can show it is through kendou practice.

Doumeki is very mysterious. I think he has a lot of secrets. He has some darkness. Noticed how he is always self-restraining? Self-restrained people usually are dangerous because you never know how they will embrace their darkness and when will they lash out. He has some aggression problem too because people with pent up emotions usually are aggressive when triggered. Even Sugimoto noticed that he's somewhat dangerous described in the chapter where they first met Inami, the crooked cop whom Doumeki hates.

I think Doumeki is aware of how dangerous he might be so he's always aware to restrain himself. In the recent chapters when Doumeki asked Kamiya why he volunteered to do the job despite knowing he slacks off, Kamiya said to get some points and was going along with Doumeki if he ever gets promoted but Doumeki said that it's better if he did not expect him to get promoted. So this rings a bell.

I am also curious on why he tried so hard to cut his ties with his family. I mean, he's the real biological son of his mother. Why did he leave them behind?

In the next chapters around 23, 24 & 25 Yashiro was in panic.

Yashiro woke up in Doumeki's house with the set up just like his own house where his stepfather abused him. And everything came back to his memory, the memory he wanted to forget. According to a book about traumas, people who experience these traumas wanted to forget. Because Yashiro was in a house similar to the set up of the house he's been abused by his stepfather. He thought he's forgotten about it but his nightmare came back and he lost himself completely. I think that's why Yashiro left Doumeki and went to die in Hirata's hands.

Doumeki says his confession to him but he never took it seriously and forgot what he just said. Yashiro was in panic and went to the bathroom. His trauma came back and he is afraid. He knows that it's not the same but it is his trauma causing him all that. He forgot to take off his arm cast or his clothes and he was in shock and just sat on the bathroom floor with the shower on, contemplating. Doumeki, then followed him to remove his arm cast when he saw Yashiro looking so down sitting on the floor and asks if he's okay.

Yashiro realizes how confused he is of Doumeki. On how he can handle him. Yashiro has always been so sure of what he's doing, and strong but to Doumeki he became vulnerable and reminded him of his vulnerability when his step father abused him as a child. Yashiro keeps saying he doesn't want to do it with Doumeki and even said he wanted to puke. But Doumeki lost his control and still did it. It reminded him of his past abused so he cried just like when he was a child. And that's why he doesn't like to be pinned down. He knows Doumeki is different but he reminded him of his nightmare.

He asked Yashiro why he cried and Yashiro told him a lie that it is because it's good.

It was when they were taken to the hospital that Doumeki realized that what he did to Yashiro was wrong. It was when Nanahara said to Doumeki that Yashiro can't remember him and that he's obviously lying. Nanahara said to Doumeki that he heard Yashiro was into it since he was a child and that may be Yashiro does not really want to do it. That's the time Doumeki realized that he failed to understand Yashiro's trauma. He felt so guilty that he looked defeated and decided to part ways with Yashiro. He remembered the guilt he felt towards his sister. And blamed himself for letting it happen yet again to Yashiro.

I think it's timely that Yashiro and Doumeki parted ways for the time being to find themselves. To give time for themselves to heal partially because of those moments. To be sure of their feelings.

For Yashiro who is still hung up on Kageyama and reminded Doumeki of him. For Doumeki to be sure of himself whether it's an indebted feeling, desire or love. They both need time to sort things out.

First of all, Yashiro became interested in Doumeki because he reminded him of Kageyama. Yashiro also has a fetish for beautiful eyes. When he visited Kageyama at his father's funeral, that's the time Yashiro finally realizes his feelings towards Kageyama when he saw him cry. Doumeki became interested in Yashiro because he thought he's beautiful and wasn't sure of what makes him drawn to him. And somehow he wanted to be by Yashiro's side because of what Yashiro did to his sister. Remember, the chapter where Doumeki's sister keeps on loitering at their office and Yashiro made Doumeki mad? And Kageyama asked Doumeki if he's indebted to Yashiro since he thinks highly of him.

Hurt people, hurt people. That's why Yashiro likes to sully the beautiful, to destroy and hurt the ones close to him. He thinks he is unworthy and his worn out life and self is not worthy of any pureness of anything may it be love, affection or comfort. He never thought that despite being the way of who and what he is, someone like Doumeki would come along and made him feel he is also worthy of these beautiful things and feelings in this life. At that moment, he acknowledged that what his step father did to him was wrong. That, what he had been living his life was wrong. In the past he just accepted everything passively and just live a life he has now disregarding everything he truly needs for himself. His self-worth and self-respect. Acceptance is different from acknowledgement.

In the recent chapters, Yashiro seemed to have lost his memory of Doumeki. I think he did lose his memory of him and that it's not a lie because in the recent chapters he often has dreams of Doumeki but he just can't remember his face. May be he is traumatized. Yet again. And gradually remembers bits and pieces until he finally remembers everything when he saw Doumeki's face. So may be it's trauma.

I am also sad that Yashiro might be losing his eyesight. May be it's just temporary because of trauma and may be in the end Doumeki will bring the light back to Yashiro.

Doumeki has been consistent with his intentions to Yashiro. I think he became a Yakuza to become stronger and protect Yashiro. You can find Doumeki's thoughts in a chapter where he brought Yashiro to his apartment. He said he wanted to be stronger to protect him. In reference to this, remember how Yashiro became a Yakuza to protect Kageyama? Here now, did Doumeki become a Yakuza to protect Yashiro? This confused me because remember in the backstory, when Doumeki is threatening Chestnut where Yashiro is and Chestnut asked him if he wants to find Yashiro for vengeance and Doumeki said that's the plan but he would not do it now? So, this is kinda trembling if he really does this in which I think he won't because he's still hung up on Yashiro and the way they parted ways at the hospital, the conversation with Nanahara when Doumeki realized the reason why Yashiro cried.

If you see Doumeki at the recent chapters he has a lot of visible scars on his face and may be on his leg and chest because of the gun shots. Come to think of it, he took a lot of wounds in just 3 to 4 months being on probation. What I am curious about is whether Doumeki has a tattoo on his back. I think there will be many backstories to tell. I am also curious of how Doumeki saved Tsunakawa's daughter, Niki. Why would Niki be reminded of Doumeki of her dog Riki? Why Niki can't remember anything of her abduction? What is Tsunakawa's intentions? What is Amou's intentions? Amou is one shady guy. We never know about him really. He seems to be betraying Misumi. Amou is also seeking recognition and love from Misumi. I think he truly thinks of Misumi as his own father. So I don't know what he'll do when it comes to Yashiro and why did he bring Doumeki to Tsunakawa? Was there a deal? Come to think of it both Amou and Doumeki have expressionless faces.

I am also curious to Kageyama's gesture to Doumeki in the chapter where they went to his clinic when Nanahara was abducted. Kageyama touched Doumeki's scar and asked if he's needs treatment and Doumeki said he's fine. Yashiro noticed that. May be because of Kageyama's fetish? But after that, I think Yashiro get jealous so he made a move on Doumeki in the car. Kageyama also said to Doumeki when they first met up and was drinking together with Kuga that he also find him interesting but not in a way Kuga does. What's behind this statement? Yashiro got jealous that he crashed their get together. After that, Yashiro took Doumeki to the cinema to do that. I think Yashiro focus his frustration, depression and his ill feelings towards that sort of thing. Just like others. We tend to shift our feelings towards some things or people for comfort, stress relief or something. Like when we get mad or something bad happened at work, and we can't express it towards that person we're mad about, we find something or people to let go of those pent up emotions. It's a bad action.

Also, I am curious to what Kuga said to Kageyama about competing. It seemed like he is competing with Yashiro in Kageyama's heart. So does Kageyama has feelings for Yashiro all along? After all, love can have different interpretations from each person.

On the other hand, Doumeki's partner Kamiya somehow reminded him of Yashiro so he treats Kamiya just like Yashiro. When he gave Kamiya a sweet bun because Yashiro likes sweets. They also both have the same hair and face. And kamiya is also older than Doumeki.

And it seems Tsunakawa and Kamiya is very interested in Doumeki and Yashiro. I think Taunakawa felt pride that he somehow owns Doumeki because he took him in and Misumi is like that too to Yashiro. I hope Tsunakawa is a cool boss to Doumeki, I have that feeling. I applaud how loyal Nanahara is to Yashiro. He's a genuine friend and not just an underling. I love Nanahara and Sugimoto. Ryuuzaki is a sweet guy despite his looks. He has an unrequited attraction to Yashiro and that feeling always reminds him whenever Yashiro wears something like a T-shirt. He protected Yashiro.

I never hated Hirata but his insecurities led him to be that cruel. Despite knowing that Kurobane and his niece are the only ones together as a family, Hirata killed Kurobane. Why did he kill him? Jealousy? I don't hate any character because they all have a story to tell. In Hirata's case, he is so mad at Yashiro because Yashiro accepts himself of who and what he is. Hirata seemed to be ashamed and in denial of who and what he is. Yashiro made him realized that during the scene at the airport where the cleaners abducted Hirata in chapter 34.

Yashiro made him confessed. I think Hirata loves Misumi and Kurobane took Misumi away from him and there comes Yashiro who replaced Kurobane instead of him. It seems that Misumi and Kurobane's fate is repeating itself thru Yashiro and Doumeki. Doumeki is like Kurobane. They both have un-Yakuza like traits and personalities but aggressive when triggered. They also both cut their pinky finger when they failed to protect their boss. The left pinky finger. If history repeats itself who's gonna kill Doumeki? Who's gonna kill Yashiro? As portrayed in chapter 34, they are both just, gentle and noble as the english translation described Kurobane. I just hope that even though Misumi has an obsession of Yashiro he would let them be and be happy together. I think there will be fights as Tsunakawa has enemies. Remember the former general manager who parted ways with them with some underlings? There is something more. In fact, so much more with this kind of storylines we'll take 20 years. Hahaha.. It's just this manga is so incredible. I've never encountered something like this before. Yashiro's character kind of reminded me of Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. (just my personal opinion) They both never wanted people to see how kind and caring they are and only let people believe what they showed them to believe, but the people who genuinely cared for them can truly see through their masks.

I just want Yashiro and Doumeki live a peaceful and happy life. They deserved it. I have mad respect and honor to Yoneda Kou. This is such an amazing story in which I can't find the words to truly describe how beautiful this manga is. I keep rereading the manga and rewatching the movie thinking about the little details I might have missed. Actually, I edited this post for over 20 times already. I'm so absorbed to it like it felt like it's so real and they exist in this world.

This manga also made me realize towards my view on this gender. Before, it made me wonder why a man can be attracted to a man? This manga made me realize that this attraction is possible despite the gender. You can not describe it but you just wanted to be with that person and protect him/her. Regardless of relationship or gender, you just do these things selflessly. And this perfectly describes Doumeki and Ryuuzaki.

These are just my analysis. I love stories like this pertaining to psychology and stuff. I'm a new fan and I can't wait for the next chapters. It's so agonizing to wait but I will wait because we can't just rush this. Even if I have to wait for years, I will as long as the story goes as well the way Yoneda Kou wants. I just hope it's a happy ending. A lot of fans would want them. What a beautiful manga. I've been reading the fans comments and analysis on this and wow I'm so amazed of how they think. Really amazing!!!

And my favorite scenes are the bathroom scenes, when Yashiro kissed a sleeping Doumeki, touching his face and everytime he is laying on Doumeki's lap and just having conversations. That's love.

And I happen to dig some songs on my playlist which I think perfectly describes this manga.

1. Jewel - Foolish Games

2. Sara Bareilles - She Used To Be Mine

3. Coldplay - Fly On

4. Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do

5. Coldplay - Gravity

6. LP - Lost On You

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru fandom #twittering birds never fly #yoneda kou #Doumeki #Yashiro #Yakuza #Anime #Manga

93 notes · View notes