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#he shoots her or something
double--blind · 5 months
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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation
So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?
We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive
It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.
(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)
Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.
Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.
You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.
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This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.
It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.
Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.
By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.
It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?
Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?
Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.
Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.
It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.
So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.
Becomes worse.
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So Nintendo really said “if you want to upgrade the outfit ur girlfriend made you, you have to shoot arrows at her 😘”
Cmon man
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quietwingsinthesky · 5 months
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it ever hit you out of nowhere that castiel is living in a dead guy's body and the show just does not care. it does not care. jimmy novak might as well not exist the moment he or claire is out of sight. cas stole a guy's body and his face and his life, and we can't ever talk about it or discuss it in detail because of how fucking horrifying it is that sam and dean's best friend just walks around in a dead guy suit. there's not even a human soul in there anymore. it's just a corpse. stone-cold body snatcher indeed.
#castiel spn#spn#this is not like a Castiel Crime (tm) to be clear. this is more me being (un)surprised that the show is Like This.#castiel is a horror story he is so much a horror story in the rapture#and then they just uh. never bring up again how horrifying and fucked up this is for another like 7 seasons#and when they do its to briefly go :( claire lost her dad :) but its okay! she forgives cas for it!#which!! NO SHE SHOULD FUCKING NOT!!!#but we can't have that discussion. we can't talk about that. because to acknowledge that it's fucked up would mean making cas kind of. evil#in a way that would vastly improve his later character arcs btw. if we had to reckon with not only this massive transgression#but with the fact that cas himself STILL DOESN'T SEE IT AS ONE.#that on a lot of fundamental levels. he is still functioning as he did in s4. a lot of that base programming is still there.#something something how cas never changes out of his suit under his trenchcoat#but it's like. jimmy said yes. so it's fine. that's what it is to him.#anyway. i wish they hadn't been scared of making all three of the boys more fucked up in later seasons.#thank GOD for dean being interesting in how he becomes Worse <3 because they were not bringing that for castiel.#again. good version of spn where jimmy's bloodline is an off-shoot of the lucifer vessel bloodline. explaining a) how lucifer Got In There#and b) letting lucifer possess claire later so that the two of them can have daddy issues together.#something about cas being the monster-not monster that jimmy let in that destroyed his life.#something about lucifer being the monster-not monster that castiel lets in later. the cycles. they are cycling.
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0xeyedaisy · 4 months
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I've seen ppl make Orin Ayo ocs and thought I also wanted to join in on the fun! Plus a little out of context meme
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chirpsythismorning · 7 months
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shrikeseams · 6 months
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When you idly think about Celegorm possibly being most like Nerdanel of all the sons of Feanor, and then you start thinking about Nerdanel getting a post-Darkening moral decay arc all of her own to mirror her son(s)'s.
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tlouobsessed · 8 months
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Ellie, being unable to sit normally on a chair, keeps leaning back way too much, the chair creeks. Joel warns her a couple times, "Im not gonna fall, Joel don't worry!". And then she does, the chair leg breaks and she falls hard, Joel runs over from the living room after hearing a loud thud followed by "SHIT!". He gently helps her up and notices that she's gone quiet, and softly whispering "Im sorry, Im so sorry". and his heart drops, she's scared... he kneels infront of her and grabs her hands, "Hey, hey, it's okay, it's just a chair, are you okay?". It takes a bit to completely calm her down, he asks her if he can take a look at her back to see if she's hurt, to his relief its a small bruise, nothing too serious. Joel decides that just replacing the chair with another chair isn't smart so he builds her a rocking chair, he admits he's very proud of his little idea and is beyond excited to show it to Ellie, he sees her eyes lighten up, her thankful look and her big smile. He may not be able to erase the damage Fedra did to her but he can make sure that she can finally be a kid.
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knowssowell · 6 months
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lucy waking up from a nightmare about her DOD and being comforted by tim is so detrimental to me. i need it more than the oxygen that fills my lungs.
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grantwilsonenjoyer · 6 days
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something so funny about matt saying "its just like shooting a deer!" about grant killing the chimera. and freddies "yeah but no one has had to TELEFRAG a DEER"
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meiloorun-notthefruit · 4 months
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Someone called Thirteen the chillest incarnation of the Doctor and I’m throwing up blood and cackling because that’s not true it’s not true tell me you didn’t watch her seasons without telling me you didn't watch her seasons.
Fourteen is the way he is because Thirteen was so emotionally closed off and emotionally unstable. I’ll accept chill for Thirteen if they meant that Thirteen was very good at freezing her companions out.
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descendant-of-truth · 7 months
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I think Rockman deserved to have a breakdown like this for real after everything he goes through on a weekly basis
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fluffypotatey · 10 months
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OH YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REMEMBERED!!!!!
ok, ok, so Guggenheim Museum attack is where Gwen meets Miguel and Jessica and joins their spider society, right?
well, when watching this movie a second time, i noticed that Miguel gets an alert on his watch-thingy about a ‘Canon Event’ happening! he even tells Jessica to be careful and not disrupt it. and you know what happens after they defeat the (very beautifully, ink animated) Vulture, Gwen reveals herself to her dad.
apparently, according to the little algorithm thing Miguel’s got, Gwen was always meant to be forced into revealing herself to her dad and have this ugly falling out and i just—
I literally sat there in shock (and more tears) during this scene because both Miguel and Jessica were aware (i don’t know how aware or how much about this canon event they knew) and chose to not interfere until the very end.
maybe, i’m wrong tho or maybe i misheard, but it really helps put into perspective that while Jessica and Miguel have empathy and consider themselves to be good people (or the people who have to do what’s right even if it feels wrong), they are steadfast in their goals. they are willing to have a teenager go through that (a forced coming out basically is what they was. Gwen saw no other way to maybe have some kind of talk with her dad even if she didn’t want the reveal to happen like this).
and i’m just….idk i’m not okay
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pyramidofmice · 10 months
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Sally's apology to John really struck me as a raw, meaningful parent-to-child apology. She didn't dumb anything down, she didn't lie to soften anything, she claimed all of her actions... he was so young, and Sally reacted to his age not by talking down to him, but by finding a way to describe the whole truth so he could understand
Most importantly I think is how she kept saying that John is a good person. Like...she thought she was about to die. And she didn't spend that time asking John for forgiveness or to remember her in a good light. She dedicated her words to making John feel loved. She spent that precious time giving him something to make sense of it all, to heal somewhere down the line even when she's not there
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“I would prefer not to spend the little time we have together with idle banter.”
“Well then... what do you suggest?”
“A dance.”
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science-lings · 1 year
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You all know how I like to make botw Link a nerd when it comes to potions and botany but I have now decided that it would also be neat if he was also more interested in mechanics and physics than he seems, like even before the calamity. 
I mean, just imagine, this kid who since the age of four has been naturally great at fighting, the latest in a long line of royal knights, his path only being reinforced when he’s discovered to be the reincarnation of the hero, his duty to the crown being reinforced in his head for years and years, and maybe at first he thinks that he and Zelda would get along due to their similar interests. But she immediately hates him for the sword on his back. 
So every time he escorts her to the royal tech lab, he desperately wants to participate and tinker but he’s just a guard, and all he can do is listen. He loves it when she rambles about what she’s doing and he finds it all fascinating but it’s also been fused to his being that he’s just a soldier meant to gladly die for her and his thoughts don’t really matter. 
Then, when he comes back from the dead, in a room full of mysterious ancient tech, the first thing he’s given is the sheikah slate. And the whole theme of the game is curiosity and discovery and exploration and why should that be limited to just the world? He should be so excited to get the runes and learn how to use them and be baffled by how they defy the laws of physics. He takes pictures and figures out puzzles and has a blast working through problems with the tools he’s given. (also the implied building mechanic in totk... you cannot tell me that he’s not super hyped about making his own car) 
He would think that the champions dlc would be totally worth it when he’s given the master cycle zero, he even gives it the new name of Vah Epona. He powers it with his near infinite supply of apples as if it were a living horse and balances zooming around with teleporting to shrines because that’s just as exciting. 
But in the end he’s still supposed to be the hero, so he can’t stay to talk about tech with Robbie and Purah, he’s happy with waiting for those lectures until Zelda is freed, he has a feeling she’d be interested in it too. 
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eddiemunsongf · 2 years
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the thing about when people say “oh, eddie was just comforting chrissy because he’s such a good guy” or even “his first response to seeing a girl in distress was to make her feel better hes so scrunkly!” is like.... that’s just not what happened there. eddie’s first response to chrissy’s visible distress was to be defensive and haughty. he thought she was scared of him, and it hurt his feewings, so he was brusque and then tried to bail completely. he had a very “sorry to be an imposition >:(” energy. 
it wasn’t until chrissy reassured him that he wasn’t the problem, and beyond that, asked him to stay, that eddie relaxed. i love eddie a lot, but it was chrissy who was instinctually kind and empathetic here. she was the one who put her trust in a relative stranger, one most of her peers mock and judge and even fear. maybe he was her only option to get drugs, but she chose to open up to him and be vulnerable. he just reciprocated. 
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