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hellraiseher · 4 months

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Hello Imogen! I hope you're doing great!

So I reread your Halloween book for probably about four times. The amount of details and love you put into it is fascinating. Truly remarkable. If that's your first time writing something so lengthy I'm truly impressed! It would have been interesting to hear about your influences and inspirations!

The character of Laurie is very complex and exquisite. She is rigid, stubborn, sometimes sassy, yet delicate and vulnerable.

I just love how carefully you designed her femininity. How you didn't shy away from it, but embrace it. The small things in her room displaying her girlhood, her relationship with her sexuality, her friendship with Annie and Lynda, how she perceive her beauty and just how she wanted to know if Michael finds her beautiful or not!

And that scene when she killed him... lives in my mind rent free to this day. Obsessed just how you merge and conjoin violence and sex and love. How the things that are so obscene and debaucherous can truly show their devotion to each other. So animalistic and carnal and sensual an-

The way you portray erotica and their intimacy are incredible. It filled with so much of that youthful curiosity and shyness, yet so sensual and sexy. Love Laurie's exploration of Michael's body, the contrast between his emotionless persona and very much real man's body is striking. How she herself having that realization during her close proximity to him. How she explores his humanity and pushes it even further and further, until she gets every piece of him. Laurie is a greedy girl.

And I want to emphasize just how I appreciate the fetishism in your work. Specifically the mask fetishism. I know it's bad manners to compare, but so far, your depiction of it has been the most validating and visible to me. Not only in Halloween fandom. The way you let Laurie acknowledge his plastic features, their unique shapes, how they changed after her passionate touches. How she sees and understands his every emotion, every mannerism. Searching for hints of the glimmering eye in those black pits of his. Hungry to take every clue that his mask will allow.

The scene when she cuts the hole where his mouth is. So perverted and so dear to my heart. Wanting his tongue and mouth, yet not wanting to part with his real face. The vision of a man desperately shoving his tongue, through plastic imitation of a mouth, to taste her, is very erotic.

Most of the times when I read stories with mask kink, it just, like, never or rarely mentioned, or the focus goes to what underneath the mask, which is quite disappointing... So I definitely want to compliment you on that!

The man that unleashed upon her such trauma and horror is the one that, in a way, freed her. He will always embrace and welcome her ugliness and rage. Because it mirrors his own.

His overall insanity over her, the surrender to her feminine force. She is his goddess of love and passion. She tempers his masculine and bestow the power of immortality and killing victories. He begs to serve and wants to love her to death.

Speaking of song references, I adore your Playlist for s1 of The Devil You Know ( haven't thoughtfully listened to the second one yet! Not in the right mood, my apologies!). The song choices and their lyrics definitely reflect the depth of your work. The collection of songs are very unique and some of them are definitely now in my listening drafts. Nora Guthrie, Dusty Springfield, Joyce Heath, The Shangri-Las, Jessie Ware to name a few. Filled with that girlish and feminine perspective, the lyrics and delivery are so touching. It's so refreshing to hear that type of style.

(Love how Laurie calls him tiger. Could be wrong, but something tells me it's Lana's influence...)

Also your blog is very thought-provoking and aesthetically pleasing to me! You're very intriguing and interesting young lady!

hello tsotsou!!! thank you so much for this gift of an ask, everything you've said will feed me well into 2024 🤍

i have tried to properly structure a response to all the aspects you've touched on, i'm prone to tangential infodumping when given enough incentive and if the platform allows. even trying to condense in my notes app was a challenge... but since most chapters clock out at around 17k-20k words, i don't think a modest 2k essay will overstay its welcome 🤭

my major inspiration/influences feature:

angela carter (namely the bloody chamber)

david lynch (namely twin peaks)

obvious but clive barker (also obvious namely: the hellbound heart/hellraiser. extending from this, i would say candyman but mainly the bernard rose adaptation)

emily bronte's wuthering heights, alongside charlotte bronte's jane eyre. while i think their works are ubiquitous and unspoken/spoken touchstones within a LOT of gothic romance/female-led horror fiction, i feel the formative influence their novels had on me is so potent that they can't go unmentioned.

helene cixous' essay the love of the wolf.

park chan-wook (namely thirst and stoker)

margaret atwood's power politics and the robber bridegroom

eiichi yamamoto's belladonna of sadness (our third eyes are looking directly at each other)

music!! which will undoubtedly be referenced now and then throughout subsequent paragraphs... i don't think there is a single instance where i can't link a certain scene i've written back to some kind of song or soundtrack!

anything that visually, thematically, conceptually or even emotionally to me if i decide, channels the death and the maiden trope.

originally i was going to detail why each feature had such an impact... but then this answer would be equally, if not just as long, as my chapters... and this reply is already a whole dissertation. if you (or anyone reading this) wants to know any specifics though i am more than happy to answer!

moving on!! to the most important topic: laurie laurie laurie!!

with her i feel like i was able to take advantage of what was already provided in the source material. teenage girls' bedrooms in contemporary horror are especially evocative of a decade and genre-specific youth, revealing so much about their interior lives in set-design that script may not allow ... (whoever pinned up that james ensor poster, thank you for my life etc.) but i think what i found the most endearing about her was how she's capable of being incredibly confident (babysitting tommy, answering a philosophical literary analysis question in class even after being distracted, girlchat with annie and lynda) but also painfully shy whenever BOYS are brought up - to such a degree that she relies on annie to call out michael stalking her.

however, as hesitant and dismissive as she is with annie's teasing about pursuing her crush on ben tramer, she is clearly a romantic - what with the lyrics of the song she sings. people use this as s diagnostic reason for michael stalking her, but it also reveals so much about her!! when she thinks she's alone, when she's just walking to school in the town she knows so well, she is fantasizing about Not Being Alone but Alone with Someone Else.

relevant digression but there is an interview with howard ashman, who wrote the songs for disney's the little mermaid and beauty and the beast, in which he pinpoints how the introductory songs that these heroines in musicals sing describe an ideal life. and i always interpreted laurie's introduction aligning with this paradigm. except while the likes of ariel and belle describe the desire to transcend their current provincial or inhibiting circumstances, wishing for a freedom they can only dream of comprehending, laurie sings of a lover she can only dream of comprehending, a companion who is peerless in mutual devotion - 'i wish i had you all alone, just the two of us' (although the attraction to rejection of societal expectation and norms is tied up in this, too). her fate also exists within the same constellation as the older, more brutal iterations of those fairy tales (hence angela carter influence). it's why chapter 6 of tdyk directly acknowledges snow white, sleeping beauty and references cinderella. the fairy tale heroine being the grandmother of the final girl.

she longs for fairy tale romance !! yet as soon as she's presented with the opportunity to pursue anything romantic - annie threatening to ring ben - laurie immediately shoots annie down. i don't think this is just her voiced insecurity from the lack of male attention she receives but that she also has more traditional and exacting standards of wanting to be courted.. but she would never say this because she is a Liberated Woman like her friends who is supremely self-sufficient and mature in all other aspects of her life!!

as much as she may consciously enforce this commonality with her friends, maybe she has less in common with them than she thinks. her distinction from them is obvious in her wardrobe design. her femininity is noticeable compared to annie and lynda's, her floral skirt and tights contrasting with their bell bottoms. she is comfortable in this femininity. her gait and mannerisms while she's walking to and from school have this graceful stride, almost floating... which makes her outfit change to a more masculine michael-coded blue palette so inchresting. when she changes after repeatedly seeing michael throughout the day, especially after seeing him watching her through the more invasive framing of her bedroom window, there's this awkwardness to her: when she hurries to annie's car struggling to carry the ridiculously large pumpkin, when she tries to smoke weed and just coughs and chokes, her fidgeting and twirling her hair. of course, this is understandably the anxious aftermath from being stalked but i do think there's a general discomfort displayed in this 'new skin' she's trying to assume.

it's why i wrote her as being envious of michael's masculinity - chapter 6, again - which he embodies to a patriarchal degree without any effort at all. in the next chapter there's more overt insight into this but on a more attraction-level-basis; an attraction to masculinity that laurie is able to consciously register and accept. now, she is much less concerned with being inaccessible to him by trying to adopt his infallibilty because he has increasingly made himself accessible to her... which brings us to...

THE KILL !!! i knew from the first chapter that Something Like That would go down, and it wouldn't be difficult considering DBD's Whole Deal to configure a plausible cresting point. that, and i wanted it to clearly be laurie's choice (deranged, albeit). and i wanted her agency to be integral. there is clearly a difference between attacking out of self-defense and attacking as a form of outlet. just as there's a difference between being groped and making sure michael is doing the groping right. from michael's perspective, much like how he doesn't just want to watch her but be watched by her, he doesn't just want the infatuation reciprocated but ALSO for her to reach the realisation the two of them are not so different after all. this reciprocation of attention and ego is so very key to me. if each boundary between them is a wall then michael isn't so much as demolishing through them kool-aid man style (anymore) but is the sledgehammer laurie is using... and this inevitably involves a convergence of languages they are each fluent in !! laurie in romance and michael in violence... except laurie is learning his very effectively!! vice versa! vice, indeed..

and on that note, greedy laurie, indeed!! not just biting but devouring the hand that feeds (literally in next chapter. somewhat. 🤐) did laurie effectively exercise girlpower by taking advantage of michael's sexual ignorance, essentially granting him with a sexuality?? probably not !! but where michael has (previously) been sexually ignorant, laurie has (previously) been sexually ignored. their navigation of this new mysterious world (and each other) has to consider this lack of experiental knowledge, resulting in this youthful curiosity as you phrased it (💓) but also that visceral physical communion and emotional/spiritual completion that comes with Two Becoming One... it is not enough to self-recognise through the other but to demolish the self and become the other!!

in terms of their sexual intimacy, from a writing perspective i trace a lot influence back to depeche mode's discography, especially their track in your room. a lot of their songs have an not-so-implicit eroticism in which the narrator (engendered as masculine with dave gahan's baritone vocals) embraces the subjugation in devotion, unashamedly worshipping his partner. this also relates to your point on michael easily and essentially deifying laurie. in your room is the pinnacle sex song (to me), just soooooooooooo heady and theatrical. the lumbering rhythm of the bass, the ghostly backing vocals, those synths that just build and build! and the lyrics !! how the narrator only finds true liberation in this clasutrophobic physicality - through this communion and only by completely possessing his partner, the lines 'i'm hanging on your words / living on your breath / feeling with your skin' parasitically merging subject and object, can his and her obsession be reconciled with.

i'm surprised michael's mask isn't fetishized more! but it just makes common sense to me that laurie's attraction to him would include the mask and this involves her gazing and touching and sometimes changing it... in chapter 4 i compare him to a hellenistic sculpture because it was a period of sculpture that valued expression. however, it's also paradoxical in the material being so rigid - the face is immobile but the action is hyperbolic. this comparison immediately mythologizes him but laurie has indellibly left her mark with his neck scar, thus creating a keyhole she can peer through when she wants to glimpse any of his humanity-inhumanity. and then of course the mouth she carves for him turns the keyhole into a door (into another door into another door)... and much more !!!!!!

if we are going to get even more Laurie Freak Strode... when considering michael doesn't have any eyes for show, the mask gives the sense that he can gaze at her without needing to blink - his voyuerism is eternal and omnipresent. there can be a 'guardian angel (demon)' value in this, and when laurie knows that the only person he wants to look at - and the only person he cares to acknowledge as a woman with thoughts and feelings - is her... while that should be horrifying, she eventually can't deny the pride that instills. because of this, instead of the fear that the mask would ordinarily evoke in others, there's an emotional inversion that laurie would experience as attraction and arousal. it turns out that laurie likes being watched equally as much as michael likes to watch.. everybody wins! (apart from anyone else who impedes on michael's view of her)

michael 'freeing' her, despite all previous crimes and abuses, is definitely apt!! it's safe to say that, at this point, any animosity or abuse laurie encounters (and has to tolerate) is in trials from other killers. if there are any destructive or abusive interactions with michael, she is often the instigator... which michael doesn't mind at all. he is more than happy to witness and enable any extremity of her emotional state!! if laurie is charging into the Coping Mechanism Store and picking the worst ones that are kept behind the adults only curtain, then he is carrying her shopping for her...

on a more sincere note, i've always kept the challenge of laurie trying to maintain her agency at the forefront of tdyk. she has very little within the confining context of the fog but then, by stark and overwhelming contrast, she can do whatever the hell she wants to (and with) michael. this strengthens her dependency on him and, in turn, makes the tenuous relationship she has with her team more frail. this major conflict is obviously apparent throughout tdyk but is especially so in the next chapter, laurie balancing her infatuation with him - the addictive affirmation of Being Seen and Being Known and Being Loved (to devastating degrees and effects) vs The Team conforming to a desensitisation and resignation to each other's routine deaths which is necessary for their survival. she is trying to balance on a thread-bare tightrope and it's only a matter of time and missteps until it snaps.....

i am glad you liked act one's playlist!! and of course no pressure to listen/like act two's! finding the right song with the right lyrics and atmosphere can really make a scene / chapter for me, and it's an ideal way to visualise how a certain scene will play out.

her nickname of 'tiger' mainly stemmed from the playful aspect of acknowledging and declawing his predatory status while he is pawing all over her.. but miss lana's influence can never be overstated !!!!!! NFR is a frequent album i put on while writing, how can it not be with those opening lyrics ....

and i'm glad you enjoy my little blog!! 💗i love the curation of yours, too, and adore your art of course!!!! (another inspiration). how you capture their likeness is so masterful and the depravity in their intimacy makes me lose my mind!! the size difference in their proportions 🥰 if it were safe to do so i would print out your galleria and liquefy it to directly inject into my veins ..

#i never talk about tdyk on here unless prompted otherwise this will happen #but thank you for the lovely review!! 🤍#i've almost finished the first draft of chapter 15 so i'm hoping to post it early 2024 🤗

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confused-stars · 1 year

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this is just a plot less one-off thing because i enjoy making them have conversations, but anyway, here’s lawlight

__ Light woke up to L staring at him. It wasn't an unusual occurrence - so far, it seemed like the detective only slept in cat naps during the day when he wasn't alone with his suspect - but normally Light didn't wake up until morning. He'd never been prone to nightmares, and couldn't remember ever having been woken up by one, but the Kira investigation was slowly chipping away at everything he'd known about himself until now. He was exhausted. And frustrated. And, right now, his heart was pounding.

"God, Ryuzaki, can you stop staring at me for one minute?" he snapped, glaring because he refused to turn away from L and show even more vulnerability. It felt worse to know L's eyes were boring into the back of his head anyway. Being chained to him was bearable most of the time, when he reminded himself why they had to do this, but Light longed for some privacy. It had been months since he hadn't been constantly under observation. His nerves, in this moment, felt raw and exposed. How much longer could he really keep this up? For the first time in a long time, he wished he had a couple minutes to just be a teenager and maybe have a little breakdown because he had damn well earned one.

Unfortunately, L was merciless.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Light." He didn't even blink, still peering down at Light from where he was perched against the headboard of the bed, illuminated blue by his laptop screen. It made him look almost ghostly, his skin even paler in the dark, his eyes pinning Light down like...

"Were you the kind of kid who'd collect bugs to pin them down and study them?" Light asked, brushing some sweaty hair out of his eyes. Gross. He wanted a shower, but even showering was annoying with L present on the other side of the curtain.

"Books sufficed," L said, thumb between his lips. "But I would never compare you to a bug. That would indicate I think of you as inferior, and that's simply not true. Kira may very well be my equal."

Light ground his teeth together until his jaw protested with a stinging pain. "Well, I'm not Kira, so I guess I am a bug."

Kira was the very last thing he wanted to talk about right now. So he did finally turn his back to L and tugged the blanket tightly around his body to signal he was going to try to go back to sleep.

"Was that what your nightmare was about?" L hadn't gotten the message at all. Or, more likely, he'd chosen to ignore it.

Light had to resist the urge to do something childish like try to smother L with a pillow. He glared at the wall instead. "I'm not going to talk about that with you."

A beat of silence. "So it was about Kira."

Light wished he could just storm out right about now. It wasn't an unfamiliar instinct. "Ryuzaki," he growled, "I will punch you again."

L hummed. "Interesting."

Fucking. Interesting. Light turned his head into his pillow and let out a drawn out groan of frustration. "I'm just going to go insane from this," he told the pillow, "I'm going to go insane, and then when you catch the real Kira, you'll look like a real idiot."

"If you're not insane at this point, I doubt being in my proximity will be what does it." There was still no inflection whatsoever in L's voice, but Light knew better than to judge his emotions based on that. He didn't even think it was on purpose, L just didn't express himself like other people did. Light could still tell that he was amused, based on his words alone.

"But if I were Kira, I'd already be insane and hiding it. So me keeping it together this well until now could be suspicious in itself." Light hated that he was playing along. He couldn't help it. Something compelled him to say out loud what he suspected L was thinking. There was a thrill in those little hums of agreement, in the way L naturally expected him to be on the same page, barely waiting for a breath when he spun his deductions. Light's ego was easily stroked, apparently. At least when it was the world's greatest detective doing it. Keeping pace with him was exhilarating. Using his brain, even against himself, made him feel alive. And L knew that, too.

"Normal human reactions would alleviate some of my suspicions, yes," L agreed, "Though whether or not Kira is insane depends on the definition we apply. Insanity is so unspecific. I believe he is delusional and has a God complex. A dangerously overinflated self-confidence, and a sense of self-righteousness that he uses to justify his actions to himself."

Light turned his head away from the pillow to look up at L, who wasn't looking at him anymore, but staring out the window with his thumb caught between his teeth.

"He sounds like a real piece of work. It'd be really unflattering if you were talking about me." Light didn't think he was any of these things. Alright, maybe a little self-righteous. But not to the point where he would murder people and call it justice.

"Yes," L murmured, that lilt to his voice that Light could only ever describe as wistful. "I suppose it would be, wouldn't it?"

Silence. Light didn't want to think about how he didn't hate some of Kira's ideals, as far as their understanding went. Some people were too dangerous and shouldn't get away with their crimes. But Light also didn't think himself above the law in any way. He knew that rules were in place for a reason, and while he was exceptionally smart, he was only human and didn't have a right to decide who should live and who should die. In the end, neither the current system nor Kira were ideal. What would his solution be, if he could choose? What would L's be? Clearly he thought very little of Kira's idea of justice. He also didn't think very highly of Kira himself, but also considered him an equal. Hm. Maybe he had self-worth issues that he hid incredibly well.

Light tucked an arm underneath his head, still peering up at L. "Ryuzaki, do you think you're a good person?"

Normally, he never would be asking such personal or direct questions. It was deeply impolite, for one. His father would have been mortified. But it was the middle of the night, and it was just him and L. And L understood him so intimately that Light found he didn't mind dropping his manners just a bit. Normal human reactions would alleviate his suspicions? Fine, then Light would act like a normal human being with fears and doubts, who could slip up and be rude. L didn't expect him to be perfect. If anything, L probably appreciated authenticity. He'd overanalyze everything Light did and said, but it wasn't like Light had anything to hide. Annoying and callous as he was, Light needed to... trust L. That was something Kira definitely would never do.

"An interesting question," L said, and Light could guess that his train of thought had wandered in the same direction. "How would you answer if it was directed at you?"

Deflecting. He wasn't going to answer. Light shrugged. "I'd say that I try to be, but nobody can be perfect. Nobody is free from flaws and selfish impulses. All we can do is work to be better."

"A very diplomatic answer." L sounded like Light had just confirmed something he'd been thinking. Sometimes Light wondered if he scripted out entire conversations in his head before they happened, and then just followed along the predicted lines.

"... are you going to give me yours?" Light asked, already suspecting a no.

But, to his surprise, L turned to look at him and shrugged. "I don't believe in good or evil people. And if we're considering a hypothetical scenario where the world is like that... then I would still not fit into either category, I think. I do a lot of good. But are my motivations pure? Am I terribly arrogant to believe my own judgement to be superior? Would everyone agree that my methods are justified, or would there be months of debate on whether I am going too far, whether I need to be controlled somehow? Whether I'm a monster that they can't understand?"

Light stared at him. He thought back to what it had been like in that cell. That was something he'd agreed to, he himself had asked L not to let him out until he could be sure. But it had still been awful. He'd drifted off into a dream world half the time, trying to hold onto his sanity. And then, his father pulling a gun on him. Misa begging for his life. Screaming.

"You do what's necessary." Light tried to sound firm. "It's not like any of it is your fault. You react. It's the criminals that make the first move, and you do what it takes to catch them. When a case reaches the point where your involvement is needed, the situation is already bad enough that we need to compromise on ethics. Kira is a monster. He's killed an insane amount of people. Anything you might try to do is fully justified. It doesn't make you not a good person. It just makes you utilitarian."

L tilted his head and blinked. "You sound like you're trying to reassure me. I don't need it. I'm content with the way I am, regardless of some morality others might assign me. But I suppose it is interesting that half the things you said apply to Kira as well. He reacts. He compromises on ethics for his own image of justice. And yet, you call him a monster but not me?"

And there it was again. Why hadn't Light ended this conversation when he'd had the opportunity? Now L's suspicions had grown a bit again. How was he supposed to talk his way out of this one? He didn't agree with Kira!

"You don't go as far," Light said slowly, calmly, "It's ridiculous to compare the two of you. He's delusional, as you said. It might be more about his ego than justice... and I know you're driven by winning, too, but you'd never kill people to prove a point, like he did with those FBI agents. You're not a murderer. You still work with the authorities and follow procedure. You don't claim to be above humanity as a whole." L was... odd. He didn't act like other people did. But when he did show real emotion, he was almost painfully human. At least to Light. L was more real and authentic than most people he knew. And Light thought that L loved humanity, in his own, distant way. Despite seeing all the horrors people inflicted on each other. He obsessed over justice because he saw it as his form of kindness. Giving victims the closure they deserved.

L wasn't particularly good at being nice. But he certainly was kind.

And Light believed that was where the difference between him and Kira lay. Kira was cruel and callous and treated human lives like chess pieces on a board that he owned. And while L played the game with him, his true feelings were different. L had placed himself upon the board with firm courage, and he intended to see it through side by side with his team. Fighting for the world as part of the world. Not as a capricious deity.

Light turned around again, resolute in his intention not to roll back over this time. "You're not a monster. You're human, and you're aware of it. At peace with it. Kira's pushing away his own humanity. That's what makes him monstrous."

L was silent for a long time. Long enough that Light was actually starting to get sleepy again.

"It seems you've studied me closer than I thought you would be able to," he finally murmured, in that soft tone again. "You might be the only person in the world who could do that and like what he sees."

Light didn't know what to do with that. So he didn't say anything.

He did like L.

He liked him quite a lot, even if he was the most frustrating human being on the planet.

"... that lack of humanity is why you're so afraid of being Kira, isn't it?"

Never mind.

Light glared at the spot of the wall that had become his designated glaring spot days ago. "Ryuzaki, I know you don't need to sleep, like, ever, but I'm actually quite tired and if you want me to be useful at all tomorrow, you should probably let me sleep."

L was quiet again. But it was clearly the kind of quiet that meant he was deliberating on what to say next. "The truth always shows itself much more readily during these hours. You're tired and your guard is down. That's also why you've been refreshingly open with me."

Was L really just keeping this conversation going because Light was more likely to slip up and say what he was thinking? ... yeah, that sounded like him. Opportunistic bastard.

"I've been..." Light broke off. If he told L that he had been honest with him all this time, the lie would either be called out or brushed over. But L definitely wouldn't buy it. L always knew. Instead, Light changed gears. "I've been worried about your suspicions being right, that's true. And yeah, it's not because I'd get arrested and executed if that were the case. At the moment, I don't wish for anything more than to not be Kira."

He hadn't planned for this much actual honesty, but maybe L was right and the slight drowsiness and the late (early) hour was influencing him more than he was aware of.

Something warm touched his shoulder, but it was gone by the time he craned his head to look up, and L had his face turned towards the moonlight, eyes closed. "If it helps you at all to hear it, I'm hoping for the same thing. For once, I would be quite happy to be proven wrong." He sounded sad again, and Light watched him for a long moment.

L really did care, didn't he? He was a kind person, somehow. He believed, at the moment, that Light wasn't Kira but had been and could be again, and so he was offering him all the comfort he could at this time. This in-between. Light cleared his dry throat.

"Do you think I'll disappear? If I become Kira again? Do you think I'd still be in there, or would I be a completely different person? Dead, for all intents and purposes?"

His nightmares had him watching helplessly as his body moved about his life, as his mouth formed around honeyed lies, as he watched his victims drop like flies. Not just people Kira had actually killed, but his father, his mother, Sayu, Matsuda, Aizawa, Watari, sometimes even Misa. Often it was L. He knew the detective believed he was capable of such things, and as long as it was all in theory, Light could pretend to think like Kira, could visualize his thought processes and relate to his ideals. But in practice... it made him feel sick.

"I don't intend to find out," L said softly, opening his eyes to look at him, "You have my word that I'll do my best to protect you, Light. Even from yourself, should that moment ever come."

His eyes seemed darker than usual in the night, boring into Light. Intense, like he'd just sworn an oath.

Light rolled onto his back. "For all that it's worth, I'll try to protect you, too, Ryuzaki. I would, even if our fates weren't tied together by these handcuffs. You really are my first friend, too, you know?"

L blinked, and Light knew he'd managed to surprise him a little. That lifted his mood somewhat. It was rare. Then, the corners of his mouth raised into an oddly wobbly smile. It looked out of place on his face, but somehow endearing at the same time. It wasn't the mischievous little smirk that Light had grown accustomed to. It was... cute. "If we both survive this, I would like to stay friends," L said, his voice a little firmer than before, as if he wanted to convince Light he was serious about this. It was also warmer. Less calculating. This was an honest desire L was voicing.

Light watched him for a moment, letting him stew, then he laughed. "If we both survive this, I'll give you a run for your money as the world's greatest detective soon enough. I'm currently learning from the best, after all. A little competition between friends has a lot of benefits for everyone involved."

L's smile was wider now, and a deep chuckle rose from his chest. Light had never heard that sound before. He stared at L, dumbfounded for a moment. It was such a nice sound. Warm and rich. A shame he didn't get to hear it more often. Unless he tried harder to make him laugh again.

... that was a totally normal and heterosexual thing to think, surely.

"I dare you to try and come for my title," L said, holding out a hand.

Light grinned as he propped himself up and reached over to shake it. L's hold was strong and firm, his skin a little cool to the touch. Their eyes met, understanding flaring between them, and... oh, who was he even kidding?

Light dropped back down onto the mattress and closed his eyes.

Shit.

He really liked L, didn't he?

This had to be the worst timed crush in the history of the world.

The detective shifted next to him, and the chain connecting them jingled in a way Light could only describe as mocking him specifically.

#yotsuba arc light my beloved #he's just some guy #also ya i didn't have to make this explicitly romantic except i couldn't pass up the opportunity for the classic fanfic 'oh. oh shit' moment #lawlight #j writes #misc fics

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druidgroves · 11 months

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ok here it is my whisper/deacon brain rot for their web weaving is under the cut. i'm mentally unwell about them.

1. trust no one

this one is pretty obvious. it's deacon's first and favorite lesson. little does he know that after coming out of vault 111, it was greta's modus operandi as well.

2. vulnerability is the last thing i want you to see in me, but the first thing i look for in you.

this quote was more deacon-focused, but it does apply to both of them. upon "first" meeting (that was face to face), deacon is still looking for any signs of cracking in whatever façade greta has created for herself by this point. he wants to pick people apart, but makes sure that no one can do the same to him. for greta, she isn't too great at emotions after being thawed out (she became a lot more withdrawn in that department, despite pretending to be an open book). she'll make sure she can pinpoint your vulnerabilities before you're even aware of them, just so you don't notice her own.

3. i don't understand your specific kind of crazy but i do admire your total dedication to it

this is peak whisper/deacon while doing shit for the railroad. they work together extremely well, in part due to whisper's career as a spy before the bombs (of which deacon has no idea about but he has Suspicions). a big part of their relationship is trying to outdo the other, constant one-upmanship; who can tell the most outlandish lies, put on the most well-crafted personas, or pull off the wildest stunt while clearing the way for safehouses. they are both insane.

4. i want to take a bite out of you, figure out what you're thinking

while working together, they obviously get to know each other--or they get to know as much of each other as they are willing to show. it's both fun and frustrating for them with neither wanting to fully give.

5. our eyes had the most devilish affair; meeting in secrecy in a room full of people.

these two dance around their feelings like they're legally obligated to, but they'll just say that neither of them have done anything about it because of "anti-fraternization" rules put in place by their fearless leader.

6. the nonsense has escalated

this was there purely because their nonsense (feelings) escalates. that's it.

7. the great pretender

i always see this as a deacon song But it fits both of them. they are both extremely lonely people in similar and different ways and put on different masks to compensate.

8. not because i don't trust you, but because i can't bare for you to see me as i really am.

another one showing how much they share and how much they don't. at this point in their story, greta has come clean about a lot of stuff: her real name, her career as a spy, looking for a son she isn't even sure she wants to find, as well as her familial connections to the calverts (who i argue could be partially to blame for the way the war went tbh). she has always lived with a lot of self-loathing and that's part of why she is the way she is, putting on different personas to hide the fact that she hates who she is. for deacon, this is when he tells her about the up deathclaws, about barbara, and about joining the railroad. they finally get to see the other's vulnerabilities.

9. sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.

in trying to understand each other, seeing each other's ugliest parts, they find that they might never understand each other completely. it doesn't quite drive a wedge between them as much as things are a little awkward between two people allergic to talking about their emotions.

10. how to disappear completely and never be found

so deacon talks about wanting to "bug out" and leave sometimes, but in this case, greta is the one who bounces after destroying the institute. she's got a lot to deal with internally and needs her space to process.

11. an exercise in love: i have left the door unlocked, just in case

deacon won't admit it, but he's always on the lookout for her after she disappears. he listens for her laugh, the sound of deliverer, anything, but she doesn't show for a while. but if he knows anything about his whisper, she'll come back again, and he'll be there waiting.

#rae.txt #ship: a relief and a horror to be known ( greta x deacon )#if any of this sounds off it's bc i haven't traveled with deacon in game in a hot minute lmfao

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bisexual-horror-fan · 1 year

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Bex's Blossom By Kate Winborne Annotations.

Hello, hello, hello! SO! This has been a project that I have been working on since August of 2022. I have been re-reading and annotating Blossom by Kate Winborne or @xmichaelmyers here on tumblr. I love Blossom, it is a fantastic book and when the hardcover update came out I just had to get it! So I did and when I did I thought why not write my thoughts out as I go? I have never annotated a book before. Kate didn’t ask this of me, I am not being paid, this is purely out of the sheer love I have for Kate, her work and these characters. So! Settle in and watch me scream in a spoiler heavy annotation of Blossom. Seriously I talk about spoilery things, if you haven’t read it and want to than please read the book first.

I am going to annotate the next book After The Lamb Bites Back in smaller chunks as I go when I start reading it soon and will post them here on my blog so you can experience my going insane as it is happening! I will give notice and give this a tag if you wanna blacklist for spoilers! Now, under the cut, let’s get into it! Warnings for me being horny on main and discussions of heavy topics and violence and gore. (P.S. Food is a big thing in this book so I outline what I ate before and during and after my reading sessions to be extra.)

—

Starting at 7:41 PM on August 5th. Blossom Re-read of the hardcover edition. Dinner: Chili lime fish tacos with pickled red onions, salsa and chipotle mayo, drinking whisky and ginger ale over ice, snacking on while reading, salted caramel caramilk bar.

What Kate wrote inside the cover is still so sweet. As is the foreword, so much love and so much excitement.

Prolog:

The opening of the women watching their daughters in the park, still hits. That is the first thing from the book I ever read when Kate started posting and it still stands out so well. I want white wine and cheese now.

It is wild how Kate can drop a fucking line about a throw away character, one we just meet, overdosing three hours later, someone we know nothing of and should not give a fuck about and are made to feel and care. Amazing, haunting, I feel bad for his son.

THE WHORE IS HERE.

THE TREES KNOW MORE THAN THEY DARE SAY INDEED!

–

Chapter One

–

I love the description of us truly seeing him, it is so evocative. Also. I am weak. Professor Williamson, has such a good ring to it.

Henry in the showerrrr. All of that is good but the man just going for it and getting off. Amazing image, ten outta ten.

The man eating one packet of oatmeal and not even finishing it and whiskey for dinner while watching a nature show. This man. He needs someone to cook for him. I am that someone.

The first sex scene of the book, Henry taking home a woman from Happy’s is short but vivid. A great insight into him. Henry is not satisfied by this encounter, to me, when reading it, the impression that she is seemingly so into it, so close and intimate, doesn’t make him feel comforted or seen, but rather the opposite. It makes him feel more hollow, more aware of the hunger inside of himself. This is one of the parts I kept thinking about knowing this re-read was coming. Henry is entirely unknowable, this woman and her illusion of closeness only serves to remind him of that. No one can know him, there are things about him that no one could ever understand and so he has to hide them, forget about the fact that he does NOT have the ability to allow someone so close to him or tolerate such vulnerability and honesty and emotional intimacy. What a lonely fucking guy.

The detail of a single hair left behind that he curls around his finger until it breaks really stands out.

He’s got a new casssse!

—

Chapter Two.

—

The casual and consistent use and description of colours is one of my longest standing faves in this book. So effective!

Henry shoving the bible into the nightstand out of sight? Fucking same dude. My guy!

The man packing the alcohol in his bag so fucking neatly to make sure it is safe. To then get drunk and pass the fuck out. He is not okay.

Ahhhhh this discription of The Town is so fucking good!

“-residing alongside the trauma that coated her tongue like honey, sweet as ripe tangerines, but bitter against the back of her throat like coffee grounds.” I still think of this line often. It will pop into my head unbidden frequently.

—

Chapter Three.

—

Henry looking down at his medication with disdain before swallowing them down with cold coffee making me like, hey king you need to talk? Need your dick sucked? You know my number get at me.

I would eat at this hotel's breakfast. I really would.

Blossom is officially here! Vanilla almond milk latte, as someone who has worked in coffee shops since seventeen on and off, reads as a very her drink.

I have always really loved the description of Bethany. The detail of her avocado socks always stuck out. Considering the use of colour Kate applies throughout the whole book I know I should think of them being just the colour avocado, but part of me likes to think of them as printed with little cartoon avocados and that is cute as fuck and I love it.

Blossom sees Henry for the very first time! God, the excitement I feel from this is far too much!

“She wanted to crack him open like an egg, spool through his brains, his guts, burrow herself deep inside his roughness. As if there was a safety to it all. A home in all that damage.” The first line that really hooked me my first read and it still hits. It is a line just so full of, God, promise of so much shit to come.

Henry met Sophie and this time around, I feel differently about it just her saying that nothing bad has ever happened in this town is just, infuriating? On a deep level. Nothing bad has ever happened here? Really Soph? Not even in your own home? You fuck.

I am begging, begging the people in The Town to acknowledge the horrors in front of them as if I am Charlie Day in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia ranting about Pepe Silvia.

Sophie seeing Blossom staring and being like “Please, for once, PLEASE-” and Blossom being like “Ahahaha, no! <3.” Adore it.

—

Chapter Four.

—

Norman has arrived. He wants a steak before seven thirty. This man is an animal and not in the good way. Henry’s reaction is appropriate for once, I too, am disgusted.

Stop judging Sophie! The man BARELY eats, he needs all the nutrition he can get! Let him have his fucking raspberry pie and ice cream!

Discussion of the first two murders. Henry is much too excited by the prospect of a serial killer, which bitch, same?!

Henry going into the detail of the first real gruesome crime scene he was sent to like damn, DAMN! FUCK KATE!

Henry talking shop! About the pattern, how confident, talking about the killer being addicted, the parallels. Mannnn.

PROLONGED EYE CONTACT!

Finished reading for tonight at 10:11 PM. 60 pages covered this first session.

—

Wednesday August 10th. Second session. Starting at 9:20 Pm. Off tomorrow. Dinner: Peanut and sesame noodles with chilli oil and green onion. More whiskey with ginger ale over ice. Snacking on hot cheetos and a crispy caramel kit-kat while reading.

—

Chapter Five.

—

Oh the HOSPITAL! YES!

Tv is on a cooking channel because of course it is.

Henry just cutting the small talk short asdfghjkajshglakhdg, “Take me to the bodies FRANK-” And Frank being like “If you got the stomach for it.” Like Frank. Honey. You know nothing of this man.

Henry being totally unfazed by the smell of the dead. This man is not okay. (This will be said many times throughout this.)

Why, why, why do I love this passage so much? Talking about how Henry looks over the body? The image is so crystal clear. It is almost like I am in the room. Like I can smell the bleach as I look over his shoulder, watching as he inspects the cadaver below him, watching how the bright harsh lighting catches on the cold thick blood clotting between his gloved fingers? I can see Henry at this moment. Like I could just reach out and touch him. How can something like this be written in a way that is so telling, so intimate yet so detached? It is captivating as hell. Just like Henry himself. This was another moment during my first read though that made me want to know more about him.

“Coffee, yeah. Thanks.” That is such a human moment that just reeks of reality. A phrase I have heard uttered a million times in my line of work and I can hear how it was said perfectly. The little details really make this.

Shit coffee indeed, let me make this man a good cup of coffee PLEASE-

He needs a fresh body!!!

—-

Chapter Six.

—-

Man is so particular about his coffee honestly I love what it adds to his character. It says SO much by saying so little.

Oh my God and Mr.Clemmington was a cook.

Henry hating small talk makes so much sense. What an asshole. Love him.

Name drop! Blossom James ooooohhh.

“Anyway, I hope no girl in this town is capable of such a thing…” Oh giiiirlll. You don’t know shit about shit.

Henry taking his pills with leftover coffee with cigarette ash in it like SIR can you PLEASE take care of yourself even just a little?!

Henry, you need more than dry cereal for dinner.

—

Chapter Seven.

—

Henry’s breakfast, coffee, cigarettes and fucking twizzlers apparently.

Watching him at work is captivating. Henry rattling off what should be done and in what order is justttt a sickening delight. What a freak.

Ethan is missing. And Henry is a little too defensive. “I didn’t say anything.” Mmmhmmm. You didn’t have to.

—

Chapter Eight.

—

Henry deadass like “We are looking for a body-” and Norman just, “Oh you’d like that sooooo much wouldn’t you?!” Uh. Yeah. Duh dude, he’s the worst.

Ethan and Blossom went out, eh? Oooh boy.

This chapter is short but so fucking gooood. I love how they haven’t even formally met and he is getting frustrated by her! The build up and teasing before we really get to know her is just so fucking delicous.

—

Chapter Nine.

—

The description of the hotel’s restaurant is another stand out. I can imagine myself sitting there, smelling the vanilia of the candles and partaking in the food, almost as if I can taste the vegetable medley myself.

I love Blossom's dress, periwinkle is an underrated colour and the meaning of her wearing it here, tonight, during their first official meeting is not lost on me and the impact is strong.

They are sitting, they are talkING-

Blossom clearly has thoughts about Ethan. I can hear the bite of the way she says ‘Golden boy’ and it is telling.

“Henry.” Whore. Him. Not her. He is the whore. Like call me Henry, the fuck IS that?! Asking her to use your first name? Mmm? Already so informal? Like a slut? Have you no shame?

“Picky with your food.” “If you’d call it that.” The TENSION! I’ve already read this before but I am still so like !!!!

“-he just didn’t fuck me anymore.” girl fucking say it.

“Do you like me Henry?” I mean fuck how could he not?

Oh mannnn another masturbation scene hell yeah baby! Unlike the first one this one lingers for longer and it is good. The idea that he doesn’t even necessarily enjoy the act of this, it is a means to an end, an annoyance, it’s a mix of anger, of disgust, of maintenance, of hatred, it’s this balance that is just so fucking right. The idea of hating the act of this is just, so interesting to me. Not just from a narrative perspective, not just for the way it lets us into Henry’s mind, but because it is so utterly different and conflicting from my own personal feelings about the act. Not even the act as he is doing it but my own relationship with it on a deep and personal level, the differences between he and I, they don’t divide me from his character, if anything, they intrigue me further, beckoning me to know him.

“The taste of her name as sweet as the frost-glazing of a strawberry filled cake, flowering in his chest until it choked him.” Pure poetry. Gorgeous. Perfect. Another stand out line. Makes me think of so much, the images of digging my fingers into a pretty little decorated cake, of ripping and tearing and splitting it open simply to destroy something beautiful, to mirror what Blossom is already doing to Henry in such a short time, to then just lick the mashed and sugary strawberry mixture of the filling from my fingers, just because, flit through my mind while reading this line. What is this book capable of? The things it can conjure up cannot be understated.

Hot, hot, hot. Love he was still half dressed and just spills himself onto the sheets.

—

Finished second session at 10:53 PM. 45 pages covered in the second session. Word count over 2K now.

—

Such a large break happened because of me leaving my previous job, moving into a new town and starting a new job, better late than never, I am back on it!

Starting this session at 11:02 AM on January 17th, a Tuesday, I have the day off today. Breakfast was cereal, I am having ice water and no snack because I will break for lunch soon.

—

Chapter Ten.

—

I adore the description of Blossom’s house, it is so clear that just like all things Kate writes, a ton of thought was put into every detail.

More food, this reminds me I should make meatloaf again soon,

“Seeing the Agent made her hungry.” I fucking LOVE.

“Breathing out with the softness of a flowering bruise, tender and hesitant.” Kate I simultaneously want to kiss and punch you for always doing this! You throw out just the best fucking lines so damn casually. As if we are roommates, I finished a long day at work, sitting at the kitchen table and you just stride into the room, drop one of the most profound things I have ever heard and then just waltz off back to your own space as if it were nothing and I am not left changed and struggling to contend with what you just forced upon me. That is what lines like this feel like and do to me. Does that make sense?

And here it is, another real heart stopping and revealing moment of what makes Blossom her. You just know from the jump that there is something more to her, and this passage makes it abundantly clear and makes you feel for her. While I personally have experienced my fair share of this sort of thing in my own life it is of course, like a lot of stories, different from what she has but my heart goes out to her. Why can’t Blossom use, abuse, and take from these men as they have taken from her? Why not?

This chapter isn’t long but it doesn’t need to be, it is honestly very necessary and I love the look into Blossom alone and at home.

—

Chapter Eleven.

—

Man fell asleep still dressed and cum covered. What a fucking whore, what an inspiration, what a guy. How down bad am I, do you ask? So bad that I read this and my first thought was, “I could fix that. Fuck the shower, I have a mouth-” With all the coffee he drinks, his alcohol problem and the smoking his cum must taste terrible. Still wouldn’t stop me.

I love this so much. Having Blossom showering in the last chapter towards the end and Henry at the next towards the start and difference in how they do even down to the temperature they prefer, amazing.

Back at the diner, another meeting, more tension and of course, more food. It is impossible to read this and not get hungry and also slightly nauseated at points, it is beautiful.

“-reached for more, satisfying herself in front of him.” I fucking canNOT.

I love any scene with them talking back and forth.

This is so fucking good, she is getting to him so easily and just how unapologetically she is eating. Also, “But you’re not sorry. Why would you be?” Might be one of my fave quotes so far, it stuck out my last reading as well.

Interrupting Henry when he immediately assumes the killer is a man and her fighting him on it.

“Don’t underestimate the rage of a woman, Special Agent.” YEAH HENRY! And maybe it WAS a threat. What are you gonna do about it?

Invite Blossom to the search part apparently.

—

Chapter Twelve.

—

I feel it is important to mention at this juncture that I cannot read in silence so I have on a thunderstorm in the woods audio going and it feels just totally perfect for reading this

Henry runs through the details of the practised lie of what happened between him and his wife with a shocking amount of detachment, but not that shocking for him.

Mr.Whitmore you should learn to like, I dunno, lie better.

The cropped tea and pink bell bottoms is unironically one of my favourite Blossom looks described in this book.

This conversation, the back and forth and talking about favourite colours, their characters really shine here, another stand out moment. After having read this once before Henry saying “Blue” and knowing what will come later, I had to put the book down for a moment, and not just to type up this annotation.

“How old are you, Blossom?” “Eighteen.” Old enough to legally...Vote. But on the real again the tension in this scene, sharing the cigarette, the closeness, just THIS.

A body has been discovered!

Blossom admitting she doesn’t feel anything upon seeing the disgusting corpse is just so fucking good.

Chapter twelve was fucking great, I forgot how much happened in this one chapter, a total fave.

—

Chapter Thirteen.

—

Blossom and Henry are just lying to police now, alright, alright.

Short but to the point, I enjoy the small details in this one. Describing the grotesque nature of the body especially was very effective.

Also the forgetting a clipboard and letting Blossom write on his back, cute, realistic, adore it.

Course you can’t pass up a fresh corpse Henry you fucking freak.

—

Chapter Fourteen.

—

The entertainment centre! I remember simply adoring this next chapter, I am excited!

Grilling Mr.Whitmore on why he works here occasionally. Henry you are so, so transparent and projecting really hard here. Being so critical with him being so close to the teenagers when what are you doing with Blossom? You woke up splattered in your own cum after passing out post-nut, post-jack sesh thinking about a certain eighteen year old blonde, remember?

More Henry and Blossom talking <3

“Oh, come on. You can’t deny that…You don’t look at all these…Preppy, skimpy seventeen and eighteen year old girls and don’t think about when you were that age with the impulse control of a twelve year old.” HENRY!

“No. I don’t. Because I’m not seventeen, or eighteen anymore, Henry. And neither are you.” “Doesn’t mean I still can’t look.” He is so fucking gross. And yet…

I do feel for ol Norm here but at the same time he really does need to let Henry do his damn job.

“We’ll see if the Coopers are ready to talk and resume the work on Monday. I’m sure the killer will understand.” What a note to go out on Henry damn.

A knock on the door? This late? Who could it be? I ask having fully read this book before.

I was right by the way, this chapter was so good and so engrossing.

—

Chapter Fifteen.

—

Of course it’s Blossom who is here. Obviously. Who else?

Naturally she comes in.

Absent mom and a dead mom. Gotta love two people with mommy issues getting together.

I find myself unable to pull away during their conversations, they are just still so engaging to read. That being said, “Why don’t you like white wine?” “I’ve always preferred something stronger. Something that bites.” Oh I bet you do.

She’s making the move, SHE’S MAKING THE MOVE-

The description of Henry here, hands up, not looking at her, trying very, very hard to maintain his composure and will and not touch her. Oof.

They are kissing! This is where it all starts to really go tits up and I am so here for it.

“We shouldn’t be doing this-” Oh but you’re gonna Henry, you are, we all know it just do it!

He really is trying here, and he does make a good point, they shouldn’t get involved with each other like this but that is part of what makes it so good!!!

She isn’t wearing any panties.

Man is done for.

And he gives in! Get it Henry! I wish that were me. Who in this scenario? Like a true bisexual. Both.

Just going for it and with no protection! Henry, you animal.

His garden. This whole section is phenomenal. People could learn a thing or two about writing sex scenes from reading how Kate does it!

Kate’s work is just mind blowing. It is incredible how she writes the differences between Henry and Blossom post their first time together. For him feeling like he can breathe for the first time in years and her imagining becoming one with the forest, consumed with rot and dying like the way they view sex and each other is so intensely fascinating. It just so interesting too because I have felt like Blossom has, chest feeling scooped out and hollow and empty but never relating to sex, reading this book with just how different my perspective on physicality with another human from there's never bores me.

“RISE AND SHINE, ASSHOLE, NEW DAY! AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE NOW!” That is just this book and Henry’s life all over, huh? A good alternate tagline.

Ahhhhh a dream sequence and such a fucking good one! The imagery in this is immaculate, the one that stands out to me the most is the mention of Blossom’s hair in a high ponytail tied with a pink ribbon, so fucking good and so clever. Blossom becoming a literal monster and tearing him apart, what do you think it means Henry? C’mon, THINK!

Another fantastic chapter, of course.

—

Chapter Sixteen.

—

He is making her breakfast. Also blueberry pancakes are in fact the best, I will not take criticism at this time.

“Colour me impressed.” My gesturing to a board covered with papers and tacked with pins, red strings connecting seemingly random things and moments, “It all comes back to COLOUR! IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT THE COLOUR! DO YOU SEE-”

“Yet, there was still nothing ever as tooth-rotting as Blossom James.” I am punching the air!

—

Chapter Seventeen.

—

Her being so excited to see him oh my GOD. “I missed you.” “You always miss me.” Things that happen between me and my husband all the time, no word of a lie.

Planning secret meetings ooooooh.

“I want you to do exactly what you wanted to do the day we found Ethan.” Blossom. Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Also I love the little jump here. The few weeks and the mention of just how many times and places they have fucked thus far, they have clearly been very busy.

Fucking right next to the scene of the crime, extremely risky but also, extremely hot.

This is all fucking amazing. The depth, the feeling, Blossom’s and Henry’s worry and doubt and hungry fervour for one another being so all consuming constantly. The question of how does this end is a good one to leave the chapter with.

How will it all end?

—

Chapter Eighteen.

—

Kate describes kisses in a million ways and I am here for all of them. Preppy and sickening or otherwise.

This man smokes. So fucking much my God. Third read I should do a cigarette counter.

Henry drinking and getting sloppy and good ol Norm comes to the rescue.

Bro. Dude. Asking for Blossom in your drunken stupor is not going to help anyone or anything my GOD DUDE!

He is such a fucking messss.

—

Chapter Nineteen.

—

Yeah you forgot your shit at the bar you fucking walking embarrassment of a man Henry.

I’m part of the Abby fanclub.

I really like Sophie and Norm interacting. It totally reads that they have known each other a very long time and I love the easy and playful air between them both very much. A joy to read.

The suspensions are not misplaced Sophie, not at all.

Blossom comes by to bring a lot more than just coffee in this scene that is for damn sure. Norm is really trying to give Henry the benefit of the doubt and struggling. I think he is almost trying too hard to convince himself but as he told Sophie before, what else can he do?

Another great chapter with more tension. I am stopping for now to break for lunch. I am thinking of an egg salad sandwich. It is 1:34 PM. I covered 110 pages this round, over halfway through the book. This has been the longest session so far and the doc is now over 4,000 words.

—

It is January 29th, a Sunday, it is 12:31 PM, I have the day off and the laundry going as I sit down for this session. I had a sleep in and a late breakfast of an open faced sandwich consisting of egg and honey ham with chive cream cheese and hashbrowns. Water and no snack again.

—

Chapter Twenty.

—

Blossom is having a party and again, I love the outfit described here, it is one of the first ones I think of, totally iconic and so her.

Blossom in the bathroom with some fucking guy and this guy, Kyle, God, I hate him. Hated him the first read, hate him this one too, what a complete shit stain.

I hate and love how real this is. It is just so fucking sickening because it is so common and happens all the damn time and has happened to her how many times? I wish Blossom would, I wish she would rip his teeth out, or scream or something but I know all too well what can happen in these scenarios and why she doesn’t. God, Kate, stop being such a good writer all the time damn it!

This is the kind of part that makes me want to reach in the pages and kill Kyle myself. Reminding myself he is a fictional character means nothing because Henry and Blossom are fictional too, you know? But the feelings they make me feel are real, what I get from reading this book is real and while they aren’t real living breathing people, Kate writes them so well they feel like they are. Even if they are fictional and I am real and I cannot touch them in a tangible way, this asshole, Kyle is fictional just as they are and therefore can and chooses to do harm and the threat of Blossoms hurt by him feels so sharp I could cut myself on it.

“Did you cum?” Kill yourself Kyle you pathetic rapist fuckwad.

Mr.Whitmore why are you at a high schooler’s party exactly???

“Rather, there was a tenderness to his bruising touch.” Kate. Girl. I am eating this line. Crushing it up and snorting it, need it in my bloodstream.

The drama of it all, neither of them can communicate properly at all like just please can you for once be normal. I say as if I don’t love them at their absolute worst.

—

Godddd what a fucking chapter, so good, so much happened but not enough to feel like overwhelmed by it, you know? Stellar as to be expected.

—

Before. Technically Chapter Twenty-One.

—

The wife is here. Cindy, poor, poor Cindy. Love the pjs tho.

Siiiigh, you too Henry? I say as I read him about to force himself on his wife as if I have not read this before.

This scene is so hard to talk about but I want to talk about it, you know? Like it is very intense how unintentional it seems to be, he didn’t come home planning to kill his wife, it isn’t a big premeditated thing, also I love how real this is. How he is so comfortable, so sure everything will be fine and cares so much about what he wants or feels he needs that he has no regard for her and pays the heaviest fine for it, her death, being the one that killed her. But also, even though we see him leaning on booze and pills and the rest, the man is still alive, he still goes on living, walking free after he did that.

RIP Cindy, we hardly knew you and you definitely deserved better.

—

Short chapter but it is deff supposed to be, gets across just what it needs to and it hit hard and is insanely effective.

—

Chapter Twenty-Two.

—

Blossom got into the car and now after a short but tense drive they are having a conversation and this conversation my Lord! Henry is totally upset that Blossom is right by the way, she knows he likes how she looks next to him and how she makes him feel but he’s all “oh I’m so much older, my job, my station, my morals-” WHAT MORALS HENRY?

Also Henry has a point, Blossom James does have main character syndrome and is just constantly inserting herself into the narrative but she is fucking interesting as hell and I wanna see her all the time so damn Henry let her live!

“You know nothing about me.” Mmmm don’t be so sure Henry.

Blossom is again correct, you wanted to fuck her from the moment you saw her, don’t deny it you mess of a man!

Him hitting her !, her nose bleeding and her smiling up at him with fucking red teeth, !!, the description I never get tired of reading ever of her being a predator of equal conviction !!!!!!!!!

Like I could go on and on about this section just it is so fucking good! Henry’s complex and swirling emotional state consuming him so thoroughly and being unable to control himself around her! The conflicting wants and feelings and him being just thoroughly unequipped to deal with it all! They are a car crash I cannot look away from, nor would I ever want to. I stare and let the images of them tangled up in a gory flaming pile burn into my retinas until the fumes of spilled gasoline make me literally pass the fuck out.

Me dancing in my chair as I read how Henry wants to kill and main Blossom, just a nice Sunday afternoon.

Henry saying he doesn’t want to fight her. Like I don’t believe you again Henry,

They are fucking in the carrr! Which like yes, hot, get it, but also, Blossom are you good?

Henry chasisting her over smoking, like, dude. For real?

Blossom calling him Daddy, him calling her disgusting and shotgunning smoke into her mouth, her being so fucking coy and pleased with herself, “And you love it.” Like yeah he does and so do I! Do it again!

Blossom asking him to the fucking dance! THE DANCE IS COMING! AH!

Henry of course you can’t go to the dance you old fuck but also her teasing him about going with a boy her own age and him getting so angry over it has me so amped, like the playfulness on display here it is just all a game to her!

—

I want to make this chapter breakfast in bed and then smash the coffee mug over its head before giving it a big ol kiss.

—

Chapter Twenty-Three.

—

Chinese food late at night in a hotel room sounds so fucking good right now it is unreal.

Okay but now I need a disgustingly detailed section of how exactly Henry eats pussy or do I gotta do that myself? I can do it myself! I just need to know, we know I can deliver it too. I just gotta think on it.

Blossom asking to get choked by him like girl you don’t know what you are asking of him! He CAN hurt you! He wants to! You are meddling in forces you do not understand!

Every little piece and look into Blossoms past is so fucking sad. She has been through so much I hate it.

Must every guy in Blossom’s life suck so fucking hard?

Also the milk and honey thing coming around and around again is so fucking perfect and apt and slots into this story fucking amazingly well.

Blossom making him breakfast! I would eat what she made, it sounds fucking good honestly.

Another amazingly described kiss that is so fucking perfect I ache.

—

Another banger of a chapter my God I feel so full and spoiled during this re-read.

—

Chapter Twenty Four.

—

Why are all the suspects older dudes? Hum. I wonder.

Also Henry dressed like a total slut today, we love to see it!

Someone who hangs around the younger guys and girls. Man, I wonder who he is thinking of!!!

I could listen to Henry go off about this kind of thing forever, Freud or otherwise.

Stacy do be Stacy though that is for damn sure Norman.

Norman inviting Henry for dinner and asking him for a smile that turns out to be so unsettling that he is just straight up like nevermind please don’t ever do that again oh my God. Perfection. Hilarious. Whenever and I do mean WHEN, not IF, the movie or tv series or whatever adapt of this happens, that detail needs to be left in.

Blossom out alone with a bunch of boys in the woods and drinking, a horrible idea really.

I can hear the “I wasn’t gonna let them do anything, I was just playyingg-” in my head and it is great. Also sure, Blossom.

This girl will not stop running her mouth to save her life. You are gonna get you and Henry in so much trouble!

I don’t blame Sopher for hating Henry, man is always acting suspicious.

And so it comes out again! Henry I think you do have it out for Whitmore and I think it is because you see an uncomfortable amount of yourself in him at times and refuse to acknowledge it. But also yeah Whitmore is really weird, keep an eye on that guy.

Ooooof. Norman laying it down, like he knows what is up! He isn’t dumb Henry! “I hope to fuck I don’t.” Hits so fucking hard.

Man I do not like Sophie but that is totally a ME and my issues thing because she is right about a lot of this.

—

Another fucking awesome chapter, the scene with her in the woods and Henry coming by is another stand out in my mind I find myself thinking of often.

—

Chapter Twenty-Five.

—

Henry finding the old pictures of Blossom on the fridge and wondering what made her so “hard” like man if you only knew.

God, the imagery you describe Kate everytime it gets to me. Reach into her brains and feel around, discover what is really wrong Henry do it!

The girl was just fucking waiting for him! Also the lingerie sounds cute as fuck.

C’mon Henry we both know you are gonna fuck her, just do it my guy.

The give and take between them both, the constant fight and unease and just inability to just exist without conflict. Man do I love it.

Blossom calling him daddy has me feeling some kind of way.

The choose to kiss me thing has my in knots just it is fucking fantastic Kate just truly something else.

The softness and the not wanting to be so vulnerable but being unable to help it.

—

Finished this session at 2:31 PM. Stopping at page 288. I covered 73 pages this time around. The doc is over 5.5K words. Less than 100 pages left to cover. The next annotation session might be my last. Excited to finish strong!

—

It is January 31st, a Tuesday, once again it is my day off. I have less than 100 pages left to cover in Blossom and I am going to attempt to complete the book and the annotations this session. For breakfast I had a fried egg sunny side up on a single slice of buttered toast, topped with green onion and everything bagel seasoning. No snack as I am planning on lunch today, perhaps mac and cheese? I am drinking a country peach herbal tea out of my mug Kate sent, “The Trees Know More Than They Dare Say” stares back at me as I put on more thunderstorms in the forest sounds at 10:56 AM and this new reading session begins.

—

Chapter Twenty-Six.

—

I don’t think I have mentioned it until now but Henry smoking Marlboro’s just makes like way, way too much sense. I can see him holding the classic iconic white and red and gold pack in his hand very clearly.

Henry staring into the forest and wanting to lie down and rot and let it all overtake him in many a similar way that Blossom has is so interesting. Also it makes me wonder like are they just this similar? Or is something up with this forest in particular? But then I remember all the time I have spent in forests and that they are just Like That.

Henry plays nice at the dinner with Norm’s family and I love the honesty of him telling Norm when asked, that he doesn’t give a shit what he thinks but what Stacy thinks actually matters. Good shit, consistent with his character and just an awesome detail.

Norm filling in Henry on the ‘rumours’ and him brushing it off as just that. Henry is understandably very upset as am I!

Another shower, him gripping the sink and staring at himself in the mirror, again, reminiscent and similar of Blossom earlier.

Talking about her perfume being on his coats and his pillows, and then this, “She was everywhere. Infecting him.” She so is! I love how slowly it happens but how clear it is here, how much she is burrowed inside him and has affected him so heavily, she has set up camp inside him and he isn’t even fully aware of how much she has. I am obsessed.

“He felt as if she was the biggest mystery of all.” Fucking cut, print, beautiful note to finish on. Another moment I can see put to screen.

—

A fantastic chapter, seriously so many good smaller details, thoroughly enjoyable yet again,

—

Chapter Twenty-Seven.

—

This chapter is only about two pages but what a two pages.

Two pages of Blossom breaking down after expecting Henry to reach out and him not, her sobbing, clawing at herself and drinking. The descriptions here at the end, of so desperate for relief you hurt yourself immensely in the process, willing to tear till you see bone just hoping for a moment’s peace, goregous.

—

Ethan, or, Chapter Twenty-Eight.

—

Another very short chapter, describing Blossom in the cemetery and Ethan following her there. The conversation is brief, him saying she shouldn’t be out like this, him affirming that it’s not girls like her that are dying, it’s boys like him and him assuring her that he can “bench 200” so the guy will have his work cut out for him. Okay, nice attempt to flex Ethan /s. But this last line is the stand out to me, “-and Blossom let her head fall back, snaking her arm around his shoulders and closing her eyes, engulfing him.” Phew. Truly a banger.

—

Chapter Twenty-Nine.

—

Oh my God this is it, this is the chapter, the long, extended dream sequence. I dunno if I am ready again! This part is so intense but so good. Okay, okay, be cool, here we go.

We kick off with a wonderfully descriptive scene of Henry eating, frantic, hungry, desperately trying to satisfy himself, right? Eating meat, drinking red wine, eating pomegranate, and it’s all fine until we pull away to see that he is actually eating Blossom. And not in the way we have seen before, we are talking full out, full on, raw, animalistic, cannibal style consumption.

It isn’t enough and it will never be enough as he feeds and eats until there is literally nothing left of her, going so far as to consume bone, marrow and cartilage.

He reaches back in and instead of finding warmth and hopefully more food instead he finds a nest of baby spiders and I get a chill every time I read this part ugh!

This image is the best. Henry trying to fight to get the spiders off, almost tripping and then Blossom, still dead, reaching out, catching his wrist and holding him there, mouth opening and dark legs of a much larger spider reaching out from the darkness just- my GOD. Horror, pure, horror, goodness.

Tea update, I have gotten so distracted reading and annotating it has now gone cold.

The dream shifts suddenly to Henry being in front of and then going into Blossom’s house in search of her, the hope that he will find her safe is one that I cannot share with him because Henry, awake or asleep she is never safe with you.

The description of the room in total disarray is fantastic and also again something that one can picture so easily.

Blossom is dead and Henry is holding her and sobbing and I am FEELING!

Him crying and apologising is everything.

But, it was all a joke because all of this is a big fucking joke to Blossom, even pretending she is dead all for him to discover.

“Does it make you feel good? Tearing those around you apart? Destroying those that care about you?” Go off Henry. But also yeah Blossom, does it?

“I’m sorry.” “No you’re not.” - “You never are.” Fucking snaps Kate.

This moment still fucks me up, Henry realizing that he is dead on the floor, has been watching himself this whole time.

“Are you going to hurt me like you hurt her?” She asked. “Do you want to hurt me Henry? Do you want to kill me too?” This whole scene, this whole sequence is indescribably good. I wouldn’t want them to cut a single moment or movement from this pure gold.

Words are failing me.

He’s awake!

The bitch is back and she is drunk.

I have read a few reviews that claim the work of Kate and this book in particular to be ripping off Gone Girl, calling it plagiarism, especially for this next part. Blossom, drunk and a mess giving a speech, a rant, going the fuck off about the awful treatment of men and expectations thrust upon her and all women and that just pisses me off. The reviews, not her speech, her speech is great. I hate that reviewers see a woman giving a speech about mistreatment, and the entitlement of men and look at Kate and her work and compare her to Gillian Flynn negatively. Because don’t you know there can be only one book like this? Only one story delving into the rage inherent to the feminine? Only one book can have this kind of character, this kind of story, everything else is clearly a copy, a cheap imitation, instead of insulting and making unfair and frankly incorrect claims, looking at the broader picture. These reviewers look at this and compare instead of seeing that both these stories and many more like them can have their own spot in the conversation, and can co-exist. And the biggest point of all, maybe, just fucking maybe, the reason there is multiple stories, conversations, rants, characters like Amy and like Blossom is because what they are talking about, what they preach has distinct truth and basis in the reality of the experience of tons and tons of women and that is why it hits and resonates.

Also Henry thank God you stopped yourself from saying that shit because holy fuck no one is ever asking for it ever.

Henry not believing female rage, like alright bud, sit down.

Blossom’s feelings are so valid here. The want for people who have harmed you to see how they have and understand it and share that feeling. It is fucking powerful, this whole section is!

“Would you kill to take back your power?” Henry, you are getting closer to getting it.

The way I need this whole scene filmed yesterday.

Blossom’s got a fucking gun. The first time I read this my stomach dropped.

This scene with her holding the gun to him is so tense.

Kate you could write about the issues with women only becoming empowered in media through abuse and hurt from men for hours and hours and I would eat it up. Oh shit, wait, I already have. I’d do it again.

I like to think for sure a part of Blossom wants to stop this, wants to be ‘normal’ wants to love as Henry describes but again, the constant mistreatment from everyone all her life prevents that. How can she just swallow back all this hate and not let it poison her? How can she just move on from that? It IS like saying that they won, she becomes another person standing idly by, a part of the problem.

Finally she falls asleep and the chapter ends.

—

This is my favourite chapter in the book by far. I could scream on and on about it more than I already have, the dream sequence I could read it and go line by line diving in deeper I swear to God. I gotta hold myself back in some places though.

—

Chapter Thirty.

—

A hard and tense conversation is had once Blossom wakes up in the morning.

Henry keeps on choosing her, she didn’t ask for it, true but he isn’t unreasonable in wanting her to choose him back and some proof of this.

She clearly doesn’t want him to go, but he does.

She usually has cold showers but takes a hot one in an attempt to understand. I could never take a cold shower so Blossom girl, I do not understand you in that respect.

—

A shorter but extremely emotionally driven chapter that hits the spot after the last one.

—

Chapter Thirty-One.

—

Blossom asking for some help with her photos.

Oh my God Mr.Whitmore you fucking creep. Yeah I will look over your photos for the end of year project, how about I bring a bottle of wine along?! You sick fuck I hate you.

She is eating once again, drinking once again, watching a nature documentary and wishing she as the wolf and the prey all at once and I am still just so fucking captivated by it.

Yeah those Barbie commercials suck, I’d turn off the TV too.

—

Chapter Thirty-Two.

—

We finally got another body hoooo boy!

Again tied with a pink ribbon, again many, many stab wounds, throat slashed this time, leaving him to choke on his own blood.

I afforded myself a ten minute break at this time to grab an ice water and make lunch, I sit back down with my mac and cheese ready to eat and read.

The killer is being unorganised and cocky, in broad daylight no less?

A school ID at the scene of the crime!

A frantic call from Blossom oh my God!

Mr.Whitmore is with her and when Henry gets there he is dead and she is holding the knife.

Her sobbing about how she lost control is haunting knowing what we know. Knowing how important control is to her and this is why she is doing this, convincing herself whenever she is being hurt or used she is still in control it is like what happened? The tension!

—

My mac and cheese threatens to go cold at this rate because this book, again even on the second readthrough, is so captivating.

—

Chapter Thirty-Three.

—

Blossom is in the hospital and Henry is there with her.

The girl has been really fucked up my God.

Norman is totally a bit salty and mad at himself that Henry was right this whole time about it being Mr.Whitmore.

Love Henry describing the motif of the pink ribbon representing Blossom, just, real good.

I really, really like Norm and Sohpie’s interactions, again the air of how long they have known each other hangs heavy.

Of course it actually happened Norm. Come on. What kid lies about that?

—

Another chapter in the books that I love, a big smooch for this one.

—

Chapter Thirty-Four.

—

We are finally at the dance hooo boy.

The theme of the dance being love, gag me.

Henry is here like she wanted!

Be still my heart she is wearing fucking blue. SHE IS WEARING BLUE!

It’s all like a dream, an actually good one for once Henry, a rarity for you I am sure.

They dance and yeah all the parents watching on like uhhh? Hilarious, like shut up you don’t know them like us the readers do!

And they leave the dance togetherrrr. God I love them way too much for how bad they are for each other.

Back at the hotel, much making out and getting drunk together.

He wants to rip away the blue and bury himself in her pink oh my fucking-KATE! I love you.

Blossom is that girl. Drunk all like, “I wanna go swimming!” And fuck I felt that.

Kate could write something just listing colours over and over and I would love it.

Of course he doesn’t want her in the pool. She wants him in the pool with her, so she drags him in, naturally.

The build up of what you think is going to be a steamy sex scene poolside ends up with Blossom breaking down and man my heart hurts.

—

This chapter is just so well paced AND well placed, you know what I mean, it is just mwah, amazing, very needed, tonally it flows so well.

—

Chapter Thirty-Five.

—

It’s summer, a month after the dance and Henry pays Blossom a visit.

We get to hear some of her statement and mannn. It is just, fucking pitch perfect, immaculate.

“I want to love you…So badly…” - “But?” - Blossom didn’t answer. I am ripping my own hair out oh my God.

Blossom is so empty inside, nothing there at all and so she instead of dealing with the internal pain, she seeks physical pleasure.

Okay this next sex scene, so fucking good, just I love the juxtaposition of the flowery language with harsher terms thrown in there, it is through the whole book and it feels like it sums up Blossom the character insanely well.

“In return, Blossom gave him exactly what he needed, at the same time, taking exactly what she wanted. A perfect balance.” Can I get this line tattoo’d on the inside of my eyelids as well as marry it?

—

Chapter Thirty-Six.

—

Post fuck our fave creep Henry Williamson watches Blossom shower and I wish that were me.

Oh he is smoking less look at him!

“He wondered if this could last forever.” Doubtful. A nice thought though.

You’ve been here how many times and you only look around her room now? Alright.

Of course you go for her underwear drawer you little freak of a man!

Henry finds an envelope and in it a series of pictures of the bodies, of the crime scenes but they aren’t copies, oh no they are originals and very different from the ones he has seen previously.

A delectable little cut back showing Adam Hall from the start going to the woods for a run and Blossom following after him oh my God.

—

And just like that the book is over. It is, amazing, truly a gripping read even the second time. I noticed more, picked up on more and really loved it even more. Blossom being the real one behind all this is fantastic, well played and woven without it feeling shoved in your face or obvious and reading it now after the first time knowing she did it was a trip! This book is fantastic, I could read it over and over and I intend to! It plays like a movie, I love the characters and it is just phenomenal. I cannot recommend it enough. Seriously everyone needs to read this and then review it afterwards I am begging! Kate, this book is just, ugh, so special and something so different and I am just totally enamoured with it and you and how you write. In case this 8.6K document didn’t express that already. Thank you again so much for this story and now I can’t wait to read After The Lamb Bites Back!

#Blossom #Blossom By Kate Winborne #horror fiction #BHF writing #annotations #I fucking love how this came out and hope it captures how much I love this book #my thoughts and just how insane it makes me #I LOVE YOU KATE #Fr there are spoilers in this tho so tread lightly #Henry Williamson

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overtaken-stream · 1 year

Note

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

Well well, I'm not a big fan of TV shows/Movies so don't have much to say about that. I love a lot of characters from all kinds of anime tho!

I had to think really hard to organize the characters in order, this was painful.

!!Spoilers!!

#10 Hanagaki Takemichi (Tokyo Revengers)

Tokyo Revengers for me was the first fandom I've seriously joined and spent a lot of time in it. So the anime means much to me, I've met a lot of good friends there. I'm not AS obsessed as I was back then, but it still kind of left a bitter taste in my mouth when it ended.

Takemichi was also the first character I became a fan of. I still love him to death and would 110% die for him. He's just... So sweet and precious. Sure he was cringy when I think about it (Anime gave me so much secondhand embarrassment my god.) but that means nothing compared to his self-sacrificial attitude when it comes to his friends.

I think his kindness and brightness in Tokyo Revenger is what just... Made me fall in love with his character, the relatability being second. My boy did not deserve the unnecessary suffering he went through only for Mikey.

#9 Keigo Takami AKA Hawks! (BNHA)

Even though I'm not very active in the BNHA fandom, I still enjoy the new seasons and characters, and a lot of my memories of it are fuzzy since I started it in 2019 and I most definitely need to rewatch it again, but Hawks... He always stood out to me, maybe it's the wings since for as long as I can remember I always dreamed of flying. I was still new to anime at that time and BNHA was one of the first anime I've ever watched! And it wasn't like I've heard of spoilers either.

The reason I liked him is that on the surface he seems this popular "Jock" type of guy. Keep in mind, I don't read the manga, but so far from what I can gather from spoilers he is a very sad boy inside, the 6th season proved me right. I love how emotionally open he seems when in reality he is closed off and insecure in some moments. You can never know just what hides behind that relaxed smile of his, which is his training shining through.

In the moments such as fighting with Dabi was the most vulnerable I think he has ever been. It's something special about that scene, emotional for both Dabi and Hawks, But yeah, that's pretty much it.

#8 Shikamaru Nara (Naruto)

Naruto was such a banger, the fanbase?? Not so much. Shikamaru was the only character for me.

I love serious men and Shikamaru is as serious and normal as a character in Naruto can get.

I LOVE AND I MEAN LOVE THE NARA AESTHETIC I WISH THERE WAS MORE FOR ME TO CONSUME

He is such a good character in Shippuden, his development is just *chef's kiss* I can not explain how many tears I've shed over Asuma's death. or over Shikamaru. His personality and relationships, his judgment and how clear-minded he is in stressful situations like in chunin exams.

I loved how he was always calculated, and knew his limits. But it was such a blast to see him rage quietly, his revenge was the greatest as it could have been, with a lazy guy like him who, even though lost his cool to still somehow managed to "be cool" during that moment and not go batshit insane? Yet somehow committing murder???? (does it count as murder when your opponent is still alive and immortal???)

His moment with his father after Asuma's death changed my view completely though... Made me respect him on a whole new level.

Also his hairline is funny looking.

#7 Arataka Reigan (Mob Psycho 100)

Reigan is a character that no one can truly hate. If they do, they hate him lovingly. He is just so pathetic yet sad, realistic and talented.

I am in love.

He is such a funny character and his morals I stand. His worldview is also realistic which I haven't seen so far, and the gentleness with the way he treats Mob and teaches him that it's okay to be afraid is BRUTALLY different from the way Aizawa treats his students in the beginning.

He never lets Mob see the side of him that he realizes is not healthy, he seems like he is never weak.

Oh to be adorned by a child is such a heavy burden, he is afraid of failing Mob's "expectations." when in reality he set those expectations himself, and Mob is just a kid looking for advice from someone he thinks can relate to.

#6 Kurapika Kurta (Hunter x Hunter)

Proper overworked bloodthirsty avenger. HxH is still one of my favorite anime and it's because of Kurapika and his soundtracks.

Akaku akaku🛐🛐🛐🛐

But seriously, I do love his character and how it starts from smiling and calm and disintegrates into this terrifying beast at the end.

It just seems more reasonable and he hits the right buttons for me.

#5 Armin Arlert (Attack on Titan)

Just sad. I love him for pure sadness.

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, man I miss them so much. Jean and Armin have always been my favorites but I loved Armin from the start. Attack on Titan was also the very first proper anime that I watched!

A kid dealing with insecurities watching a show about a kid with anger issues and liking the unstable intelligent friend.

I love him so much that it hurts when I rewatch the show because I know what will happen to them and that happiness is temporary, I grew up with him and discovered how life isn't always goes the way you want.

Can you see the repeating patterns yet?😅

#4 Buggy (One Piece)

Remember what I said in Reigan's part? This is a great example of me loving this pathetic red-nosed clown.

Fake it til you make it taken seriously by its enemies🤩

I'll count the unresolved trauma he (and Shanks) have in this too. At first, like almost everyone, I didn't think much about him, especially in orange town.

His taste in outfits is atrocious and should be a hate crime.

My liking REALLY blew up in the impel-down arc. He was so emotional and funny I remember laughing and sobbing at the same time.

I sometimes forget that Buggy was raised by pirates and the bluff everybody is believing💀 only we can see the reality, everyone else just sees a terrorist who has blown up towns and imagine discovering that he was on Roger's AKA The Pirate King's crew.

And now he teamed up with the Number 1 Swordsman?? Who would have thought he would come this far?

It makes me laugh how his fandom is EXACTLY the same as Buggy's crew in the anime.

They think he is overpowered, actually... He IS overpowered. Change my mind.

He can become The Pirate King and I would have no problem with it.

He is such a random character to like I can't believe myself.

#3 Aoi Ashito (Ao Ashi)

The anime for this show premiered recently, at that time maybe I was a fan of this manga for about 5 months.

It's about football but unlike Blue Lock, Ao Ashi focuses more on the characters and their personal life too.

Ashito the main character in the show took me by surprise, their selfish desire to become rich for his family mixed with his love for football and coach Fukuda's assholeness leads to him becoming a defender which isn't something I've seen in sports anime.

His interaction with his family is definitely my favorite so far (+ Brotherfoot).

I like how observant he is, and how he evolves his talent throughout the series, it's really interesting to see him admire and "follor the flow" of more experienced people, his hard work is something I admire.

#2 Katakuri Charlotte (One Piece)

His character design. The pink.

But to be fr I love Katakuri for his image, how he was supposed to be the "perfect" brother, he was and will be such a fantastic character, from the introduction to his battle with Luffy just drips of epicness.

To see the cold man, who supposedly never lies down, take the time out of his day to just build walls around himself to be relaxed, not caring about his mask of perfection and eat doughnuts was goofy, I have to be honest.

You would think Luffy out of all people would respect somebody's snack time🙄

Let's not forget whose son he is. Big Mom.

It's such a sad thing to see her collect monsters and all kinds of creatures, only for her to tell her own kids to cover the part which makes them "monstrous." spawning insecurities within every single one of her children.

He is a caged bird and I could go on about this forever, we need to see more of him.

ALSO HAVE YOU SEEN HIS SIZE?!

#1 Sanji (One Piece)

Continuation of me loving the pathetic men in the series.

The number one spot goes to this sad creature. He is special on every level, starting from his self-sacrifices continuing to his relationship with Zoro, and ending it with two incredibly sad traumatic backstories.

I am such a fan of Mr. Prince but I also love the post-timeskip Sanji, in the Whole Cake Island arc he proved how much of a fan I was.

I cried over him, his mother, his childhood and how he was sorry... For being so weak.

He tries so hard to prove himself to be useful to the straw hats, I can't imagine how horrible he must have felt during the whole situation.

I can go on forever talking about him and everything that has built his character over time, but I won't.

He is just so sad. I want to hug him.

But he is perfect. In his own way.

The only downfall is his gag jokes that last way too long than they need to. But I just pretend I never saw that.

•

Special mentions (I'm sad to say they didn't make it to the list):

Usopp, Brook, Law (One Piece),

Connor (Detroit: BH),

Tokoyami Fumikage (BNHA),

Eren, Mikasa, Jean(Attack on Titan),

Sakura, Rock Lee (Naruto),

Kaidou Shun & Saiki (Saiki k),

Kakyoin, Polnareff & Iggy (Jojo)

#Asks #anime #anime thoughts

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jupitercomet · 1 year

Note

Hey, bugs!

Let me start by saying that it's totally fine to feel better because of my... interesting and questionable choices and about me having no idea what I'm doing.

I mean there's something so calming in comradeship especially when it comes to being confused.

And just wanted to tell you - I'm probably watching the news with more emotion compared to my expression when I'm reading smut (then again, when I'm reading fluff, I get all flustered, and I just-)

About the Defending Jacob question - I'm one of those super annoying people that kind of insists on reading the book first, so even though I've read a ton of fanfics about the show, I haven't watched it yet (but hopefully, I'll get around reading the book soon and then watching the show).

And in my country, a degree also doesn't matter much - except if you want any sort of a public job, but I prefer working in the private sector, so yeah. That's what I remind myself of every time while I freak out - that I don't actually need a degree and that my brother found a great job without even having one (even though he got his last year).

And please, please, please have Peach recreate the iconic painting! It'd be sooooo gooood! Actually, I might try recreating it with Jake, Bradley and Mickey on my graphic tablet and might send it to you, but I'm not promising anything.

Also - I kind of realized that Nick and Jess are the tropes grumpy x sunshine and idiots in love.

I don't know if you've watched (500) Days of Summer (it's with Zooey Deschanel), and I just realized how this film and the episode where Jess admits her feeling to Sam are kind of the same (at least at its core) but with role-reversal.

And just wanted to say that I loved how Schmidt got turned on by emotional vulnerability while having the cast - it'd be so funny if you did that with any of the boys in The douche bag jar (not pressuring you or anything, just the thought makes me laugh).

Lastly - I remembered yesterday how you said once you live in the mountain time zone (it was the first time I heard of it!), so I checked our timezone difference, and there are like 9 hrs between where we live (my time zone is gmt+2). How insane is that?

"there's something so calming in comradeship" literally truer words have never been spoken 😪

also I was today years old when I learned Defending Jacob was a book (actually I feel like I knew that, but also I feel like I didn't know that)

ugh degrees are dumb and stupid and we should abolish them all

PLEASE if you do end up recreating the painting I'll add it in 100%, I feel like if I tried, my photoshop skills would end up making a literal crime against humanity

you are so right!!! also I LOVE the grumpy x sunshine trope I literally eat that shit up

I actually haven't watched (500) days of summer but I definitely will now and let you know my thoughts (I'm a sucker for rom coms so I'll probably love it)

AND OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THAT SCHMIDT SCENE !! the thoughts are thinking and the brains are storming so we shall see 😉

and 9 hours seems so weird like my day is basically your night and vice versa (does this mean I have to post smut in the morning if I don't want you to read it over a bowl of cereal?)

#acatwriteshere #what’s up doc

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weirwoodking · 3 years

Text

say one bad thing about agot jon chapters and I immediately don’t trust you

#rereading jon’s book 1 chapters after reading his book 5 chapters is like #oh my god the boy really did get killed #he shows so much emotional vulnerability in the first book it’s insane #he immediately tells sam about the winterfell dream. he TALKS to his FRIENDS #this scene with mormont... holy shit can we talk about that? extremely underrated #when he tells him that he hates his sister but that doesn’t mean he loves her any less than jon loves his sisters #and then he pauses and says ‘or maybe it does’ and then arya is what causes jon to abandon his vows!!!!#and we can’t forget ‘when dead men come hunting in the night do you think it matters who sits the iron throne?’ ‘no’#like yessss that’s it! right there!#asoiaf #jon snow #jeor mormont

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bigteefsmallbrain · 3 years

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General Soul Eater HCs please

Soul Eater: General headcanons

Death the Kid:

He’s an art critic

Hear me out

He is obsessed with symmetry, and loves the beauty in it

So when he sees something non-symmetrical, especially in art, he can’t help but to critique it

May go as far as to send a personal letter to the artist (If they’re alive) about how offensive it is that they created something so asymmetrical

If he can’t send a letter to the artist, he’ll send one to the owner/museum and request it be taken down, while listing reasons why it’s horrible.

Anything he writes has an even amount of letters and words

Be that his test answers

Essays

Letters

Diary entry

Speaking of diary entries, he definitely has one

But it’s actually just a catalogue of symmetrical things he’s seen

He puts photos into it and writes about how beautiful it was to see

He doesn’t care what it is much, just that it was beautiful

Meaning he takes photos of people too

Which can be unnerving at times

He’s probably taken a photography class before, or at the very least is self taught

Literally has a photo album of things he views are beautiful, but non symmetrical and he would die if anyone found it

Like a particular sunset with uneven hills

Or a flower with one too many petals

Definitely has an 8 ball, not a magic one, just an 8 ball, it’s placed on a velvet pillow in his room and he frequently polishes it

Elizabeth Thompson:

Makes several backup plans as a way to cope

Especially after dealing with an experience with a ghost

She has notebooks full of them, labeled and detailed

At one point she started putting them in alphabetical order but stopped immediately when she realized Kid’s perfectionist habits were rubbing off on her

She practices acting in the mirror

Usually so she can charm a man into dating her

But also to con people

She used to be a “Street rat” and that thought of ending up on the streets again constantly plagues her mind

She takes full advantage of the “Rich life”

Shopping sprees

Quality makeup

Salons and spa days

The works

She lets Patty’s thought that she knows everything get to her head

The fact alone that her sister believes in her that much is enough to make her a bit egotistical

And Patty’s admiration for the girl makes it ten times worse

She literally doesn’t care if she ends up being wrong because she’ll just be right next time anyways

So stubborn in that aspect

Patricia Thompson:

She likes dark humor

You can’t convince me otherwise, you actually can’t, I have evidence

She made an origami Giraffe, and broke its neck

Laughed when Kid said he “wants to die”

She literally pokes him with a stick when he’s depressed

She likes dark humor, and probably looks up jokes to tell others just for kicks

She’s secretly sadistic, and likes scaring her sister and others

She may act naïve and innocent, but she is anything but

She definitely has, more than once, banged on Liz’s door at 3AM just to hear her sister squeal like a little girl

Honestly, she probably purposefully gets their pose wrong, just to see her sisters annoyance and laugh when Kid gets smacked

She likes origami

Probably first got into it because of the paper ninja stars

Then just found it relaxing

She most likely makes the ninja stars mostly, and keeps a box of her origami creations somewhere

Has in the past, and will not hesitate to do so again, beat someone up for kicks or just to destress

Patty has two faces, the childlike innocent one, and the insane anger one

So it’s not too far fetched to say that she’ll hide her anger till she can corner someone alone and beat them up

Or that she gets bored and decides to do so

I wouldn’t be too surprised if her sister occasionally joined as well

Maka Albarn:

She’s a Harry Potter nerd and you can’t convince me otherwise

She loves the concept of magic

Loves the dynamic between Ron and Hermione, though feels a bit of Deja vu thinking about it

Probably used to write fanfiction, but in a way that made it seem like it was actually part of the story

She will hit you if you mention it

Definitely the type to compare books to their movie counterparts

Not in like, a critic way, but she will definitely rant about the differences, or how a character looks exactly like she imagined, or if they didn’t put in a particular scene she liked in the book

Forces Soul into movie nights, but it’s only the movie counterparts to her books

I can see her forcing everyone into a group study session

Be super organized about it, and setting it up in a way so that no one can refuse

She probably has specific ways for everyone to study

Like having Black☆Star work out while studying so he retains the knowledge better

Or setting up the session in a symmetrical way so Kid doesn’t freak out about it

She writes letters to her mom, as a coping mechanism for when her emotions get to be a little too much

Like when she’s having a bad day

Or if she’s particularly peeved at something Soul did

She writes a lot more letters when it comes around the time of her mom's birthday or death anniversary

She likes the thought of an old timey romance, and often listens to songs that give off that kind of feel

She really likes “It’s Been a Long, Long Time”, it’s one of her favorites

She also likes the old Disney songs, like “Once Upon a Dream” and “So This Is Love”

She would be so embarrassed if anyone found out though, especially if it was her dad or Soul

She isn’t quite sure why she’s so worried about Soul finding out though

Speaking of, she half realizes, half doesn’t with anyone's romantic feelings, including her own

She’ll fantasize about getting a love letter or having someone present her with a bouquet of roses

But if it actually happens she’s like “Oh, thanks friend!”

She knows the behaviors, she just can’t put two and two together

They would have to be extremely blunt, no over dramatic confession, just “I’m in love with you and want to be romantically involved with you”

She reads dictionaries for fun

She really likes to read out of date dictionaries, just to see what words and slang existed back then

She also highlights words she likes and uses them frequently on accident

She has most definitely yelled “I have cupid’s kettlebells*! I’m not flat!” at Soul before

Soul Evans:

Bottles. Up. His. Emotions.

He’s influenced by “toxic masculinity” and fully believes that being vulnerable in a serious way “isn’t cool”

He will bottle everything up so deep down inside that it seems impossible for it to surface

Feelings of inferiority to others? Bottled

Want to cry or break down? Nope, gotta be cool

Started crying in front of someone and can’t stop? He’s not crying, you’re clearly blind

Speaking of crying, once he starts, and I mean genuinely starts, it’s so hard to get him to calm down, and even then the tears don’t stop

Sometimes he’ll start to freak out and send himself into a panic attack because the tears just won’t stop

He’s that influenced by the thought of being vulnerable

On a lighter note, he does adore playing the piano, but the only person he’ll play for is Maka

He swears it’s not favoritism, and it’s partially true, but favoritism does play a large role in it

He frequently drags Maka to his room to show her a new piece he put together

And if he notices her feeling a little down that day, he’ll start playing a song that he knows she likes

He definitely knows about her love for old timey romance songs and is very embarrassed to admit a lot of the pieces he constructs are based off of that

The walls are p a p e r t h i n , he can hear her music through the walls

He secretly finds it adorable when he catches her listening to it because she’ll be dancing around to it

He also frequently finds himself thinking about those moments

He’s the stereotype that parents tell little girls about, with how boys will bully their crush

He’s a lot more playful and easy going, but still teases Maka, so much

Unlike Maka, he’s fully aware of his feelings, and acknowledges them, but bottles it up, only letting himself entertain the thought every once in a while

He jabs at Maka’s lack of “Cupids Kettlebells” as a way to try and ensure she won’t fall for him, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if she does

He reads the same dictionaries that Maka does, not for fun, but so he can know just what the actual h e l l she’s saying

More than once he’s had to look up a particular word or phrase online because he can’t find it in the dictionary

“What the hell? It’s an old Victorian saying!? Where does she keep finding this stuff!?”

Subconsciously, as time goes on, he starts using old phrases as well, he was so embarrassed the first time he got caught saying “Keep your idle daddles* off of her!” when defending someone from a perv.

Black☆Star:

Is so unbelievably selfish with food

It’s not even funny

He will stab someone if they reach for his food

He surprisingly eats healthy most of the time though?

Says something like “I have to otherwise I’ll never surpass the gods!”

The only person who could ever p o s s i b l y steal his food is Tsubaki, but even that’s pushing it

He has the weirdest dreams, and I mean weird

Dreams like being turned into a potato and being cooked, mashed, and devoured by Tsubaki herself

He didn’t talk to her for a week after that dream, and refused to eat potatoes for a full year because “You never know if it could be a person turned into a potato!”

He was also very offended when Tsubaki ate potatoes during that time period

He takes things very literally

Like up above, if someone does something in a dream, he acts like it was real

Or if someone makes a joke about fighting, he will drag them outside to fight

He’s secretly scared of Tsubaki

But it’s for literally the stupidest reason

And he fully believes that because of it she could fight god and win

She used to have a pet cockroach

One of the flying ones

And he is so unbelievably scared of them, because for some reason they just don’t die, and they have w i n g s

So the fact she owned one as a pet scares him so bad even though it was literally for only a week

He has a soft spot for children

He doesn’t really know why

He just does

Is secretly really good with kids

Literally the definition of dad material

He has his flaws but still

Little kids are the only people who could steal his food and get away with it

Every. Time. and it makes the others so mad

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa:

What can I say, she’s perfect

She probably receives love letters

Reads them over when she’s feeling sad

Likes to keep them in a shoebox she painted

She definitely paints to unwind and relax

Likes to go outside and paint the sunrise/sunset

Takes note of beautiful scenery so she can come back in her free time and paint it

She probably draws/sketches too

Carries a sketchbook with her

More than likely has drawn Black☆Star doing something

Like napping or training

She’d never show him though, too scared of inflating his ego or giving him the wrong idea

Stress bakes/cooks

We know she cooks

Liz took advantage of it and pretended Tsubaki’s cooking was her own

So we know she does

Sometimes painting/drawing doesn’t cut it

So she heads to the kitchen and bakes away her worries and unwinds

The main reason Tsubaki would possibly be spared from Black☆Star’s stabbing habit with food is because she cooks all the meals

She makes sure everyone is comfortable around her

She’ll go as far as to learn someone's customs and practice cooking their unique cuisine just to make sure that they feel comfortable and safe in her presence

She radiates mom friend energy

She’s perfect mom material, perfect wife material, perfect in general honestly

*Cupid's Kettlebells is a old term for a woman's bust

*Idle daddles is a old term for hands

I Hope you like these general headcanons for the main seven! You didn’t say which characters you’d like to see, so I played it safe by putting the main characters! Thank you for the ask!

#soul eater #anime headcanons #headcanon #general headcanon #maka albarn #soul evans #blackstar #tsubaki nakatsukasa #patricia thompson #elizabeth thompson #death the kid

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razorblade180 · 3 years

Text

RWBY vol8 ep11 review

Hello! I’m a little late but taxes are scary and I’m a little sleepy still. Let’s get started!!!!

I’ll probably have to rewatch this again but as it stands right now, potentially my favorite episode of RWBY and this episode saved this volume for me in a couple of ways.

First of all I just want to talk about how last episode left me thinking Oscar’s blast killed all the grimm. I’m so glad it didn’t; that broke so much tension if it did and kinda made me upset. Weird thing to be happy about, but I am happy regardless.

I love how much of a mess things are for the Ace Ops in particular. They all know this is a mess but it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I actually found it a tiny bit insane for Marrow to think he could walk away from this. He’s seen Ironwood shoot people for less. He’s lucky Winter has a big heart and hit him before he got shot; which I’m positive she did intentionally. I also love how every side is not sure if Ironwood is bluffing or not.

[Ruby is me at the tax office and Blake is the nice lady putting my papers in order.] Seriously though, I’m glad this happened. I’m glad RT committed to Ruby being fed up and it wasn’t over after the Blake speech. I’m glad Yang ran after and it only her. This is the stuff I wanted! Having optimistic and heroic characters doesn’t mean they can’t feel bad or can’t be in the wrong.

Listen, I don’t like dumping on other ships typically. It’s rude and all ships are different. However; it’s pretty crazy how strong Renora is built compared to bmblb in my opinion as person who likes both. Ren and Nora aren’t technically even dating but this relationship is allowed to have them to disagree, agree, comfort each other physically, verbally, and say they love each other; as well as respect each other’s space. Not to mention how great this was for Nora! Their feelings are out in the open and even though she wants time to come into her own like Ren has been doing, they are now closer than they’ve ever been. It makes me really happy and at the same time wonder why we can’t get this for Bumblebee? They have the same if not more moments than Renora but they’re mainly flirty or “conflicts” that either vanish, feel glazed over, or end as soon as they began. (I should stop complaining about the farm seen and basically V6. Not today though)

Do I even have to say it!?

I’ve maintained the mentally all this volume these two needed to talk about the way things were being lead and just needed one really good moment of emotional vulnerability from both of them. I’m happy Ruby tossed Yang’s remark back at her to show it really bothered her. Yang and Ruby recognizing that both of their plans were messy and discussing their mother together for the first time in this show was really nice. They always linked Summer coversation to Ruby without Yang being prevalent until recently. It also felt like Yang wasn’t torn up over Summer and more focused on Raven until recent episodes. They really needed this talk and I’m happy for sibling moments. I probably won’t get a Qrow and Raven moment but I’ll dream.

This was cool, like really cool. In case you all haven’t noticed, I like this episode a lot because they address things I wanted addressed and it’s done well. The topic of Penny just asking Ruby to kill her instead of someone else using her for the maiden powers was a topic I at least wanted said. I don’t want it to necessarily to happen, but it would’ve been crazy if that avenue wasn’t mentioned. Also I never realized Emerald’s weapons are like Ren’s, but like 50 times cooler.

Second thing that I can get behind is Penny’s soul fighting back the virus. I needed more than “that’s just a part of you” because that’s not how programming and hacking works. It just can’t be repressed. Knowing what is repressing it and that someone else had to help her keep it contained longer makes it feel less hammy in my opinion. Also everyone know realize maybe Oz not telling the truth from the start and being cautious out of fear/uncertainty is easily the most relatable ever. Beef is squashed; teamwork is happening again.

I’m actually very excited to see what she does. I want to know what Cinder looks like when she’s getting her shit together. I don’t think the world is ready for Cinder to actually start being better at her job. Even Watts seemed psyched.

All in all, strong episode. One thing I glazed over was Robyn telling Qrow to shut up and think, because he has honestly become the most insufferable character to me. They’ll probably bump into Marrow and Winter. Robyn gains a few points in my book because even she thinks going right up to James to kill him is insane. It might be the most insane thing.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #lie ren #rwby volume 8 #renora #jaune arc #blake belladonna #emerald sustrai #cinder fall #james ironwood #winter schnee #qrow branwen #robyn hill #oscar pine #nora valkyrie

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obeiii-mee · 4 years

Text

So, I finally finished part 2 for the original ask. I’ve had a bit of trouble with writing the twins because I think this would affect them particularly bad. I hope you enjoy all this angst, cuz I sure as hell didn’t im fucking sobbing alright?

Pt. 1

Enjoy!

————————————-

The Brothers Reacting to MC sacrificing themselves to bring Lilith back, Part 2:

Satan:

-Satan felt like the stupidest demon in DevilDom. He was supposed to be the intellectual, the logical one, the one with more than a few spare brain cells to work with. And yet he never twigged there was anything going on with you. The signs were all there. You had asked him for very specific book recommendations for the past few weeks, about the Celestial Realm and the full power of souls. He even let you borrow some from his own collection without giving it a second thought!

-In hindsight, your goal was very obvious but at the time, he hadn’t even stopped for a second to consider it. It just didn’t seem like something you would be capable of doing. But you did. Of course you did. You were the most driven human he had even met. You managed to live for a full year with seven of the most dangerous demons in hell and make pacts with them no less, so anything is fair game when it comes to you.

-Lucifer and Lilith found him in the library, like usual, reading what seemed to be a very graphic book on different wars that took place in the human realm over the centuries. What can I say, the man wanted to know more human history for your sake. He was one of the few brothers who hadn’t even noticed you were missing and never thought anything was amiss. Sure, he missed your presence but the cynical fourth born isn’t exactly paranoid.

-Now, if it was Lucifer alone that had come to check up on him, Satan would have been very tempted to just ignore him. But obviously he noticed a slightly smaller, less threatening figure next to him and he forced himself to look up from his book. Lowkey hoping it was you because he often complained his brothers got to spend way too much time with you. Satan and Lilith technically never met, face to face. However, I like to think that since Satan was born out of Lucifer’s wrath, he has a small connection with his memories and therefore Lilith. After all, Satan was the only one that never participated in the war or actually fell down as angel.

-He never met her before. Yet he immediately recognised her as she came in. She had every trait you would expect an angel to have. Except she wasn’t an angel anymore of course. She was dead. Or at least supposed to be. Lucifer just stood in the doorway as she approached him. Lilith fidgeted in front of him as she tried to come up with the right words to introduce herself.

-“I’m really happy to actually-“

-She didn’t get to finish because Satan had embraced her almost immediately, almost like he was on auto mode and couldn’t help himself otherwise. She welcome the gesture, glad their first meeting wasn’t as awkward as she had predicted it would be. The eldest brother was watching, slightly in awe because, as far as he knew, the only person he had ever hugged before this was you.

-Of course, the spell had to be broken. Lucifer knew better than to step in and allowed his sister to explain. Satan was going to have a bad reaction nonetheless, but he might become even more aggressive if it was him delivering the news. Lilith never had to deal with this particular brother of hers or any of his fits but somehow, it was like she knew what to do.

- Their sister did her best to explain it to Satan as calmly as possible, as if that would make much of a difference. Satan remained oddly quiet throughout all of it, showing no reaction besides a neutral one. Lucifer found this strange. Yeah, his brother/son was usually the silent type, the sort of demon to think, not speak. But he expected some sort of emotion in there. Anything, really. Anger definitely. Maybe sorrow and misery. But not this.

-Lilith noticed the shaking before even Satan did. His body had just started convulsing on its own as he processed the idea of you laying there, unmoving and cold; dead. He involuntarily clenched his fists and he had to sit down before his legs gave over. Lucifer was still outright confused while Lilith struggled to soothe her brother. He hated feeling like this. All vulnerable and weak, like the skies of hell will fall on him and crush him. He was Satan for fuck’s sake. He was probably considered the most fearful creature in all of existence. He shouldn’t be feeling like this.

-But of course he did. You were always able to do that to him, bringing out that soft side of him he never knew he had. Or at least refused to acknowledge he had. The funny thing was, since you were the one being subjected to that side of his, he didn’t mind. Because you are MC, a literal ball of sunshine. Nothing him and his brothers deserved but you were still willing to spend time with them. The least they could have done was to protect you.

-They couldn’t even do that

-He couldn’t even do that

-Satan is even more retreated now than before, more hostile toward his own brothers and basically everyone else. He will snap at anyone for very minor reasons and lock himself up in the library even more than usual. Anything to get his mind off how much he must have disappointed you. It hurts too much to even hear your name being spoken. God forbid they choose another human to come down there as an exchange student because he will unleash all of his wrath on them on your behalf. How dare some lowly human try to replace you? He’s more prone to fits of anger now too. Long gone is his self control and calmness.

-The one person that understood him was dead. The one person he allowed himself to be close to and genuinely kind to was gone forever. Satan will never get over this. Or the fact that you were smiling so brightly before you died.

Asmo:

-He’s just so sick of it. So so so sick of it. So sick of watching everyone he cares about either die or get taken away from him. If he was a mortal he would have probably gone crazy. Maybe he already reached insanity and just didn’t realise it. After all, everyone has a breaking point, even demons. And once you go beyond that point, your whole world will shatter.

-To him, it seems almost impossible that just that morning he had seen you at breakfast, laughing along with his brothers and overall just being the intriguing, silly human you were. You were right there! Right in front of him, talking to him like it was any other day. And now he has to deal with the unbearable fact that he will never hear your voice again.

-Asmo was out, hanging out at the Fall as usual, when he realised he had missed several, frantic calls from Mammon, who at that point wasn’t aware that you were long dead.

-He brushed him off, initially, thinking his brother was just having another one of his melodramatic moments. So the fifth born went around Majolish, basically buying everything he could get his hands on to ignore the uneasiness creeping up on him. He could feel something bad was happening. He just didn’t know what.

-At this point, he was a bit unsettled which is very unlike him. He is pretty optimistic as a whole so seeing him so startled and on alert was a sort of disturbing sight to see. Lucifer called him after lunch and told him to come home. Normally, Asmo wouldn’t have taken his older brother’s words too seriously but hearing his strained voice on the other side of the phone forced him into action.

-He rushed home, faster then he had ever done before., because let’s be honest, he prefers being outside of the house more often than not. He searched for you everywhere, but you were nowhere to be found. However, he bumped into Lucifer and Lilith in the middle of the upstair’s corridor in his frantic search for you.

-Unlike his brothers, Asmo noticed Lilith immediately, way before he even acknowledged his brother. It was such a shock to him that he thought for sure that he was hallucinating, though things like that never happened to him beforehand. Asmo stopped breathing for what felt like centuries because he didn’t want to raise his expectations, he didn’t to be disappointed if Lilith truly wasn’t there and he was just making her up. He didn’t want to deal with the grief once again.

-However, Lilith remained exactly where she was and flashed him one of her brilliant, warm smiles that he had loved so much back in the Celestial Realm. That he, on more than one occasion, tried to copy because he wanted to have as much in common with Lilith as possible. He wasn’t imagining her and the moment he realised this, he threw himself at her, the worry of his hair being ruined long forgotten and now his only concern was that she would dissipate in thin air.

-Lilith did not yield and embraced her brother, she gave enough hugs today to last her a lifetime but she couldn’t be happier to see her beloved brothers again. It took every ounce of strength on Lilith’a part not to burst into tears from both joy and sorrow.

-Lucifer hated this. He hated having to cut in the happy moment and lay down the bad news. But he had do it. Because no one else would. He was the eldest. He was responsible for everyone. A sadist he may very well be, but it absolutely destroys him to see his brothers suffering from such extreme distress. He told Asmo everything as bluntly as he could, thinking that ripping the bandaid straight off would result in a better outcome.

-It did not.

-Mammon’s reaction to your death was expected, but Asmo’s took both Lilith and Lucifer by surprise. They didn’t expect him to be as emotional as he ended up being and both of them handled it awkwardly because the Avatar of Lust was usually such a confident and admirable creature, it felt weird to see him act in such a way. He fell to his knees in a moment of pure despair and cried enough tears to drown himself in them later. He sobbed for a long time and did not stop immediately, instead going through several stages of weeping, from hiccuping to panting and then back to crying. It was an endless cycle of sadness.

-Lilith half carried half dragged him to his bedroom, while her other brother watched, a bit mesmerised. Asmo usually loved having company and now that his sister was back, he 100% needed it but at the same time, he wished to remain alone for a while. It would be painful but he needed to gather his feelings in one place before he could even put together a conclusion on how he was feeling. So they both left and with the door closed, all the air seemed to suffocate him and drag him into endless despair.

-Asmo received a lot of damage from your death, changing his personality very abruptly. Compared to his brothers, his change in attitude is not so subtle and now he basically hates anything that reminds him of you. He no longer enjoys hanging out or clubbing at the Fall or even go shopping anymore unless it’s necessary because those were things he used to do with you! And now, they seemed so pointless he often wondered what was the point of actually doing it. The only sort of satisfaction he gets is being in your room because if he closes his eyes, just for a moment, he can pretend you’re still there with him, whispering words of comfort to him.

-Yes, he still has one night stands and tries to seduce people left and right but it’s a sort of distraction more than anything else. He doesn’t do it out of need anymore, but out of desperation to get you out of his head. He’s also been sneaking to the Human Realm a lot as of late, as if hoping to randomly bump into you up even though it’s not possible and he knows it. He’s just torturing himself further. Hopeless. Just hopeless.

-You made him feel so much more than just Lust. And now that he had you, even if it was for just a short amount of time, Asmo knew he would never feel that way to anyone ever again. He would never fall in love with anyone ever again.

-He knew the risks of getting attached to a human. He knew how much he would suffer in the end. After all, humans are mortals, they are not destined to live for long. And yet he went and did it anyway because you were too amazing to ignore. You gave him something he never realised he yearned for and you left before he could reciprocate.

The Twins:

-Neither Lilith nor Lucifer was surprised to find the two of them together, relaxing in the attic. It’s common knowledge at this point that the twins have a hard time being separated. And especially more so than before after the whole attic incident, which concluded with them refusing to leave each other’s side. Usually, you were with them too, of course, for good measure. Obviously, they weren’t able to find you anywhere like everyone else. Belphie got tired of searching and just suggested that they go upstairs and that eventually you’ll joking them.

-Lucifer was, understandably, extremely worried at how the twins would react to all of this. Just seeing their adored sister in the same room as them would be more than enough to cause them to malfunction. But if he let them know that you died mere hours ago? And for smuggling Lilith’s soul back into existence no less? It would be chaos. At least with his other brothers, their reactions he could more or less predict. But the twins were slightly different. Especially Belphie. You can never really tell what goes on inside his head.

-Beel noticed his sister before Belphie did. He was so taken aback, he tumbled backwards and off the bed, accidentally dragging his twin with him. It was quite a comical fall actually. Lilith would’ve laughed if it wasn’t for the circumstances. She missed them, of course. Truth is, she missed all of her brothers and their memories back in the Celestial Realm. It always hurt so much to think that she could see them but never really interact with any of them. Except through you since you were heir in a way.

-Beel was a mess, first of all. You can easily imagine the distress he was in at the sight of his little sister. His dead little sister. Dead because of him. It might’ve been centuries since Lilith fell from the heavens and got transformed into a human but he continued to carry that burden with him because how could he not? He should’ve been able to save both Lilith and Belphie even though, logistically speaking, it would’ve been impossible. He saw the despair in her eyes right before she disappeared below the clouds. That image had and will haunt him for the rest of his eternal days.

-He was on his knees before her in a split second, grabbing the hems of her sleeves and sobbing into them as if the whole of DevilDom was about to crash down on all of them. Beel was yelling incoherently, switching between begging for forgiveness and stuttering mid sentence, unable to get the rights words out. The whole mansion was filled with his distraught weeping and he just couldn’t stop.

-His sister knelt down and embraced him, almost awkwardly because of the position they were in, as she began crying as well. Out of exhaustion more than anything. She’s dealt with so many breakdowns in one day that she couldn’t handle holding her emotions in anymore. With the death of her descendant and the sorrow of her brothers, she wished from the bottom of her heart she had just stayed dead because everything would have turned out alright that way.

-Belphie was more cautious. He stood at the back of the room, watching as his sister hugged Beel and sort of held him in a way that would quieten him down. Careful. He casted Lucifer a glance, as if to ask “what the hell is going on?” before once again staring at the ridiculous sight before him. Usually, he wasn’t one to look to his eldest brother for help. There was some dangerous hatred he harboured for him deep in his heart after all. But he was so confused and conflicted, he couldn’t fight the urge to seek guidance from him.

-Lucifer didn’t know how long it had been since he last saw his youngest brother be that openly vulnerable. It felt like an eternity now, to be honest. He was like a rock hard, clamped sea shell since their fall as angels. He walked over to him and placed his hand on Belphie’s shoulder. For the first time in millenniums, his brother didn’t try to swat it away.

-“Lilith is back.”

-That was all he needed. Those three words. As soon as Lucifer finished his sentence, he ran straight into his siblings who were still crying on the floor. He almost bulldozed them over if it wasn’t for Beel’s strength. The youngest landed on top of them, almost starting to cry as well. Beel, seemingly tired himself out so much that he went a bit limp in Lilith’s arms, still gripping onto her for dear life as if she were on the verge of disappearing again.

-“MC is dead.”

-It was a horribly timed moment to drop that bomb in, to be fair. Lucifer tried saying it as casually as he could but he could hear his own voice crack and see his own hands tremble. His mind was focused but his body had betrayed him. The twins were so into the moment, so glad to see their sister after all this time, it was almost like they didn’t hear him. So he repeated the statement, this time in a more composed manner. Belphie immediately reacted. He got off his siblings and straightened his back, glaring at Lucifer in shock from the other side of the room. Beel stayed where he was, but craned his neck to gawk at Lucifer, who was standing solemnly, waiting for the predicted chaos. Lilith closed her eyes and winced.

-Beel was in outright denial which was surprising. He wouldn’t, or rather refused, to accept that you could be dead. I mean, the idea itself was propestrous, right? You’ve almost died once and you managed to outdo death. Or more accurately, your future self did. You could do it again, couldn’t you? Just the image of you laying dead somewhere was enough to send him in panic and another, this time almost silent, meltdown. He seized fistfuls of his hair and pulled, as a method of escaping the pain that came with the thoughts of you and death being correlated in any way. If Lilith’s death wasn’t enough to push him over the edge, this sure as hell was. Could demons go insane? Probably. Beel certainly felt like he was. Even with Lilith there comforting him, he had the impression he couldn’t stand or even look up from the floor.

-Belphie didn’t make a move to aid his brother or help his sister. He stood, teeth gritted and jaw clenched, staring at his oldest brother with an odd gleam in his eyes. For a few moments, he was motionless. Then, he turned on his heel and marched out of the attic, slamming the door behind him so hard that the whole room shook. Lucifer didn’t try to stop him. It would be meaningless anyway. He wouldn’t listen to him. And his sister was still occupied with Beel, who kept mumbling with tears trailing down his cheeks about everything being his fault and not being there when he should have.

-The twins did not even go through the same stages of mourning their brothers did. Beel was dealing with the grief of someone incredibly close to him by eating even more than he normally would, causing his siblings quite a bit of concern. But they couldn’t argue much. He was the epitome of gluttony in the end. Belphie didn’t change much in terms of his daily activities. He slept as much as he could during the day. And at night, he stargazed as he always did. But more bitterly than usual, despising the fact that he wasn’t going to enjoy another starry night with you ever again. He didn’t blame you for dying. He was angry you left and to do something so stupid as bringing Lilith back in return for your lost soul. He was angry you couldn’t be selfish for once and let yourself be happy with them.

-He was angry at Mammon too. He learned he was supposed to be with you earlier that day. He wasn’t. And now the two aren’t speaking. For some reason, he is slightly upset with Lucifer too but that is only because he was the one who delivered the sad news. But most of all, he was very furious with himself. Because he promised that he would never let anything happen to you again after the whole choking incident. He swore on his honour as a demon to protect you and he couldn’t.

-Don’t tell him they’re bringing another exchange student in. He will kill them. He 100% will kill them. He doesn’t want to replace you. And neither does Beel. He would probably eat the new student within a few minutes. But it would take a while until all of that is sorted out. After all, even Diavolo himself is bound to be mourning in his own way. Not like you were meant to know, but you were definitely the favourite child exchange student.

-It wasn’t fair you had to leave. It wasn’t fair that you didn’t even get to say goodbye. It wasn’t fair that the three of you couldn’t spend more time together. Beel won’t be able to ever taste your cooking again and Belphie won’t have anyone to cuddle with in the morning and be generally lazy with. And again, they had even more of a reason to curse their father for ruining the one good thing that’s happened to them since their glory days as angels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-The 7 brothers will continue to grieve your death for the rest of eternity, be assured. Their sister just as much of course. And at some point, the whole of DevilDom had to in a way as the prince himself wasn’t his usual, peppy self. At least Lilith’s presence had a calming effect on them but not one that could compare to the trauma of knowing you were truly gone. They would wait and with time, there will be healing.

-Except time doesn’t heal anyone’s wounds. It just teaches them how to deal with the pain.

——————————————————————-

This took so much longer than planned, Jesus Christ! I guess I was really unhappy with it at some point and gave up, then sort of rewrote it which took a while. And now it’s done! I’m sort of proud on how it turned out. A bit cliche but I feel like it created the right atmosphere. Also, the last quote above is a favourite of mine that I thought would be a good idea to add in.

The twins are joined because I thought it would not only save time but also make more sense since the two are together almost all the time. Hope no one is upset I didn’t do the twins separately, it would’ve taken even longer then!

To add, 1,080 followers???? Wtf, I haven’t even posted anything in a while, thank you so much! You’re all too nice istg.

@doggonudez asked me to tag them in this post, so I hope this actually works lmao.

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #angst #death #🔥 own posts #🌪 angst #📚 Satan supremacy #🪞Asmo supremacy #🍔 Beel supremacy #💫 Belphie supremacy

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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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What I Thought About "Echoes of the Past" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

What probably gets debated the most in the fandom is the legitimacy behind King being the King of Demons. Some believe that there's truth to his statement, while others, like me, like to think that he was just some stray Eda picked up off the streets. Either option seemed likely, especially since Season One never gave an answer that leaned one way or the other.

Then here comes the writers finally answering the question of who King is in episode THREE of Season Two! Because, again, they don't waste time on giving fans exactly what they want.

Fans wanted answers behind King, we got 'em, and analyzing what those answers mean requires going deep into spoilers. So if you haven't checked the episode out yet, I highly recommend that you do. Trust me, it's worth seeing.

Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Luz Experimenting with Spells: Hey, look! More proof that Luz isn't an idiot like some people flanderize her to be!

But, seriously though, this is a perfect little thread to introduce into the story. Luz collecting knowledge from Lilith's old books and past work she and Eda made adds to Luz's intelligence while also providing a believable explanation for how she gets new spells. It's also nice to see that she has this little notebook (or spellbook) to help see what works and what doesn't. It's a level of experimentation that proves her dedication to becoming a witch while also exemplifying how she isn't stupid. Occasionally reckless, sure, but you can't say that the person who figured out an invisibility spell through showing her work is also an idiot.

Francios with a Knife: How did Francois get a knife? I don't know. But the fact that a random knife plopped out behind him with little to no explanation is funny, and I will not hear otherwise.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

Luz’s Invisibility Spell: I breezed past this, but I honestly love this invisibility spell. More specifically, I love that there's a limiter. It can turn you, objects, and people you're in contact with invisible, but only as long as you can hold your breath. It helps make the spell something the characters can't always rely on, which is appreciated. Because if it works as long as they concentrate, what's stopping them from sneaking into Belos' castle and assassinating him in his sleep? It's a smart way of explaining why they can't always rely on something, despite how insanely useful it is.

Luz: Let's gush about Luz some more, shall we!

"Echoes of the Past" is another episode that has Luz on top form. She is constantly supportive of King, even if Lilith has a point in the dangers of indulging his fantasy as a powerful tyrant. Doing so would cause more harm than good, especially when King finds out Luz doesn't believe him, but her going along with it was all done with the best of intentions. Luz doesn't want to hurt her friend, and even if she did in the long run, she still makes up for it by helping King learn more about his past.

And, as another reminder, Luz isn't stupid. She's the first to say they should leave when it's clear how dangerous the castle is and is quick to figure out there should be more at the top. Luz is a loyal and caring friend who's also guarded and intuitive when the situation calls for it. This episode understood that, so here's hoping other fans will too.

Lilith: Yeah, she's still growing on me.

I feel like this episode shows a better idea of Lilith's place in the group more than the past two. She's a person who's obsessed with knowledge and learning but considers herself above the jovial nature of King, Luz, and definitely Eda. Therefore, she acts as the perfect catalyst for what jumpstarts this week's adventure. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she almost instantly dismisses King's claims due to considering herself more knowledgeable than everyone else. Still, I like how she's willing to believe King once she finally sees evidence that seemingly proves he really was the King of Demons, to the point of referring to him as "her lord." Hooty does the same thing, but it comes across as him fearing for his own life and choosing to be friends with someone who could maybe kill him in an instant. For Lilith, her newfound respect comes from the desire to learn more, and it's that desire that makes Lilith an enjoyable character to me. It's adorable to see, and it has some comedic flavor in moments like when she dismisses everyone else and their emotional revelations to take pictures of the carvings around her. I'm sure she'll cause some controversy like other characters with rushed reformations, but for me, I'm more than ok with her addition to the main cast.

More of Lilith’s and Hooty’s Friendship: HOW DOES THIS WORK!?

ON PAPER, IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA, BUT IT F**KING WORKS!

HOW?!

WHAT BLACK MAGIC DID THESE WRITERS USE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP SO UNEXPECTED COME ACROSS AS SO ENDEARING AND ADORABLE?!

And where can I get some for my stories...just asking.

But seriously: HOW?!

Hooty Making Himself Portable: Ah, yes. The classic bit where a character does something horrifically grotesque off-screen, and we have nothing but character reactions and sound effects to imagine what happened between shot A and shot B. It's an oldie, but given how hard I was laughing (mostly because of Luz's gagging), it's still a goodie.

Eda’s Portable Bathtub Boat Thing: I mean...I was expecting Eda would use something to catch up with the others, but...that thing...well...I mean, I'm still laughing just by thinking about it. That should tell you how well executed this joke was.

John Luke: ...I'm gonna go ahead and add him to the list because HOLY S**T was this guy disturbing! From his design to his movements to even the sounds he makes when moving, everything about John Luke screams as something that will stay in kids' nightmares for a while. Now, this might seem like a complaint, but to be honest, I'm more than alright with how creepy John Luke is. I highly doubt adult viewers will consider John Luke scary, but I guarantee he'll terrify some of the youngins that this series is aimed for. And that's fine. It's good to creep kids out a little bit with something somewhat scary, as it might introduce them to more good horror stories later in life.

Plus, the reveal that John Luke was only a guard for King is pretty solid narratively speaking. You can see how John never really meant to hurt King aside from one accident when Eda escaped with him. If you want to read into it, I guess it might be questionable to tell kids that something that looks dangerous is secretly nice, but that's really nitpicky, in my opinion. John Luke was a fantastic threat that is designed and animated well, with a solidly executed twist. Some might hate what he presents, most will fear him, but we can all agree on one thing: His theme is awesome (can I get the track for that, please)!

King’s Backstory: Finally, at long last, we know who King is, thus putting an end to a year-long debate. And I fully mean it when I say that the writers gave the best possible answer. Because in a way, everyone was right. Yes, King was just an animal that Eda decided to adopt, like the nature-loving hippie she is inside (She's got the hair for it). However, while he may not be the King of Demons himself, he is still the son of someone who deserves that title. So while he isn't the King, there's a chance he might be the Prince. Once again, there's no direct answer, but given how the writers came up with something that pleases everyone while still providing more questions for debate, it acts as a brilliant move, in my opinion. So whatever answer we get next, I'm sure it will be just as perfect.

Baby King:

My heart was not prepared for that level of cuteness!

King’s Breakdown: NOR WAS IT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF SADNESS!

But in all seriousness, a HUGE round of applause to Alex Hirsch for his performance in this episode. He expertly captured the raw emotions of shock, anger, betrayal, and sadness that King must have felt when finding out that everything he believed he was is a lie. It's one of those moments where I don't hear a person voicing lines in a booth (or wherever the hell VAs are voicing characters nowadays), but instead hear a living person being emotionally torn apart. It was heartbreaking seeing King so vulnerable as he's so guarded with his emotions. Seeing him like this adds so much more layers to a character that many would mistake him as a cute, comedic animal sidekick. But just like with Luz, there's more to him than people will tell you.

“I don’t even know what’s real or fake anymore!”: I'm just pointing out this line because I believe it's what convinces Luz to help King learn more about who he is. Hell, not knowing what's real or fake is the main reason why Luz got sent away in the first place, so I feel like she can relate to King when he's in a similar predicament.

Hooty and Lilith vs John Luke: This was just a cool scene with some epic moments of dodging John Luke's attacks and some funny ones, like how Hooty said the word "pain." It's a ten out of ten that I would rewind to watch again.

King’s Other Horn: I'd question the logistics of how a horn that got broken off when he was a baby still manages to fit perfectly in the present...but it is neat symbolism of King accepting his past and letting it be a part of him, so who cares?

(The fact that the colors of the broken-off piece don't match the rest of the horn is nice attention to detail as well.)

WHAT I DISLIKED

It's a Little Too Predictable: I pretty much figured almost every little twist the episode offers. But, I'm willing to say that's because I'm in my twenties, and I've seen enough stories similar to this one, so I'm more likely to know what will happen. The little monsters watching this will see it for the first time, so they'll most likely get more surprised than me...And that was my only complaint about the episode...which is more of a personal problem than an actual issue...I guess that means it's perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Echoes of the Past" is an easy A+ in my book. It gives lore and backstory that furtherly develops the characters that episodes like this should. It also tells a tragic story about King that still sprinkles in a few good jokes every now and again to lighten up the mood. Sure, there are some nitpicks I could mention (how did King remember his own birth?). But when the good stuff is done so well, what's the point of dwelling on small, insignificant issues? This is still a phenomenal episode that flew past all expectations I had for it, and it continues the winning steak this season is having so far.

(But that's still three home runs in a row. Meaning that a stinker is coming. Ooiee, is it coming!)

#the owl house #the owl house season 2 #king of demons #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #toh hooty #the owl house reviews #what i thought about

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thetrap · 3 years

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why i think deancas just might go canon

i’ve been wanting to write this for a bit, but i haven’t really had the time until now. basically this is just a super unorganized collection of thoughts i have on why i think that dean and castiel actually have a fairly decent shot of becoming canon (and by decent shot i mean like.....a solid 5% chance. and that’s being generous). this is based off of the show itself (obviously), quotes from andrew dabb, and other things.

1. andrew dabb is deancas positive

i made a post a while back that never made it out of the drafts, but it was basically a summation of all the good deancas shit dabb has given us as a writer. here are the bullet points:

- the hug/"i'm not leaving here without you!" moment in purgatory (8x02)

- "don't lose it over one man"

- "he's in love.....with humanity"

- cas/colette parallel ("dean. stop.") in 10x22

- just the fight scene from the prisoner in general like......wow

- sam/jess and dean/cas parallel in 12x23

- "we've lost everything......and now, you're gonna bring him back" + dean's just generally overwhelming grief in 13x01

- "and how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.....you know, everything"

and these are just the big moments.

also notable is the fact that an activist sent dabb (and some of the other producers of spn i think) a book about dean and cas and why the fans want it/why it would be a good thing for the show. a few years later, meghan fitzmartin (who wrote the most recent episode!) was hired as dabb’s assistant, went into his office and posted a tweet a with pictures of the book, saying something along the lines of “doing some reading for work!”

the fact that dabb actually kept a fanmade deancas book for years.....the fact that he’s consistently written episodes with really strong subtext for years.....the fact that the dean and castiel romantic tension has only picked up since he took over as showrunner (mixtape, lily sunder, cas’s death, dean’s grief arc, the entirety of season fifteen, etc.)......idk i just think it’s really interesting that there has been such a marked shift since he was put in charge.

2. the mixtape

i know this was a few seasons ago, but it’s still relevant because like. a mixtape is not platonic. this scene was not platonic. full-stop.

and it’s not even the act by itself; it’s also the dialogue!! “it was a gift. you keep those.” this is more than likely a direct callback to aragorn and arwen in lord of the rings (that’s the first thing i thought of, at least).

the fact that dabb let this slide, like......he knows what this looks like. berens and glynn, who wrote this episode, know what it looks like. they knew precisely how this would be perceived, and then wrote and aired the scene anyways.

and that’s not even getting into the camerawork. like what?? was this shot???

yeah so. definitely not platonic.

3. the trap

honestly i thought about just posting this part of this overlong essay thing, because to me, this is the episode where i went okay, so this might actually happen.

there are SO many things in this episode that made me go insane the first time i watched it (”i left, but you didn’t stop me”) but the thing that stuck out to me the most was dean’s reaction to castiel saying, “you don’t have to say it. i heard your prayer,” when dean tries to tell him something.

like?????? he does not look relieved!! nor does he look particularly happy!!

hell, if you go back and watch the video you can literally see him swallow his words down like....jensen ackles is the master of micro expressions and that shit is Not Accidental. this moment 100% gives the vibe that there is something that is not being said. the camera following dean as he gives cas a lingering look is really interesting too.

3. dabb’s comments about dean and cas in season 15

this part is actually sort of related to the point above, since a lot of dabb’s comments are in reference to “the trap.” here are some interesting ones that i want to point out:

But the Leviathan won’t be the focal point of the purgatory story. Rather, it’s about what Dean and Castiel are going through. “They’re not going to resolve the emotional stuff, but it allows them to redefine their friendship a little bit in light of what’s happened especially earlier this season,” Dabb says. (x)

the key thing here is that dabb said that, in 15x09, dean and cas are “not going to resolve the emotional stuff.”

now. i don’t know about you, but dean falling to his knees, praying to cas and weeping feels a lot like emotional resolution to me. like, sure, things will probably be awkward between them for a while, but surely this is the peak moment of their emotional vulnerability with each other, right? surely this is the moment where they’ve resolved the issue between them? like how the fuck does it get more intensely emotional than this??

yet dabb seems to be implying that it will, which leaves us with the million dollar question: what is left about dean and cas’ relationship to resolve?

keep in mind that as of 15x16, there hasn’t been much forward movement on that front; that is, we’ve had some cute moments between them, but in terms of serious conversation about their relationship, there’s been basically nothing. so we can assume that this development, whatever it is, will occur in 15x18, since dean and cas will be separated for most of 15x17, as cas will be off with sam.

aka the episode where cas will likely get yanked away by the empty. aka the episode with the teary (!!!) conversation we saw in the promo between dean and cas.

also notable from the above quote is dabb saying that dean and cas are redefining their friendship. like....redefining how? to what?? that wording is just really interesting to me.

another quote from dabb re “the trap”:

(x)

it forces them to “start that process.” indicating yet again that the prayer scene between dean and cas is not the moment where whatever is between them is resolved. yet, from where we are right now, dean and cas seem mostly fine. which means that whatever they have yet to work out doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their fight.

lastly:

a really significant chunk of what happens to dean in 15x09 is him confronting his issues with cas. don’t get me wrong - there are other important things that happen in the episode - but the fact that an episode where so much time/emotional energy is given to dean and cas’ dynamic is considered a turning point for dean is very notable and, to me, speaks to the importance of their relationship for the rest of the season.

4. dean/cas and sam/eileen being set up as units

i’m of the opinion that sam and dean will (by choice) go their separate ways at the end of the show. i think this for a variety of reasons that i wrote about here, and to add onto this, i think that dean/cas and sam/eileen are, in a way, being set up as two units.

this theory comes from two points:

1. the fact that eileen got brought back at all

this isn’t to say that eileen isn’t an interesting character all on her own/outside of her romance with sam, but the fact that they brought her back and then proceeded to set her up in this romance feels really significant to me. what’s especially interesting is how, even after she leaves in 15x09, we get a continuation of their romance in 15x14. i don’t necessarily think that she’s sam’s endgame in the sense that the final episode will show sam going to her or whatever, but i do think that part of the reason she was brought back was so that sam would have someone who he loves/someone he could potentially build a life with after he and dean defeat chuck.

2. the way the two couples were portrayed in “the trap”

like....just watch the future scenes in the bunker. there’s very much a sense that these are two couples living together. and “ever since the mark made cas go crazy, ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box.” note the use of i, not we. and then dean/cas and sam/eileen are directly paralleled when dean tells sam he needs to give it up after eileen’s death, comparing it to how dean has given it up after having to bury cas in the ma’lak box.

5. dean does not do Well without cas

this is probably an understatement. there have been a couple of notable instances in this season where the viewer is given a glimpse of what happens to dean when cas dies/is in danger of death/is separated from dean (in case the whole ass widower arc in s13 wasn’t enough).

two of these are from “the trap”:

1. dean freaking out/crying/praying when he’s separated from cas in purgatory

2. dean giving up on life/hunting after burying cas in the ma’lak box in the future world

3. dean’s reaction to cas temporarily going to the empty in 15x13

the one i want to spend the most time on is number two, in large part because sam was witness to it and i think that this might get brought up in 15x17.

part of my spec for that episode is that cas will tell sam about his deal/sam will find out somehow, and in reaction sam might tell cas about how dean reacted to his death in s13 - a conversation that was notably absent from the show when cas finally returned in 13x05. i also think that he might mention no. 2 above, basically telling cas that if he dies, dean is done. that he won’t be able to handle it/move past it. the show has been telling us this over and over for a while now, and it’s only been emphasized more in season 15. i think that 15x17 is the episode where this will finally be verbally expressed.

to me, all of this emphasis on dean giving up when cas is gone isn’t for nothing. in my opinion, it’s being done very purposefully to set up an endgame where dean and cas are together in some sense of the word. and a lot of what i’ve said above is what makes me think it’ll be a Romantic together.

5. bobo berens’ three part deancas saga

so we all know that berens is pretty much spn’s foremost deancas warrior, and what i want to point out here is how this season has been utilizing him as a writer.

this season, berens has three solo episodes (he wrote “galaxy brain” with meredith glynn):

1. the rupture

2. the trap

3. despair (formerly known as “the truth”)

so far, these first two episodes have had major deancas moments. you could even label them as:

1. the rupture (the breakup)

2. the trap (the reconciliation)

3. depair (???)

keep in mind also that berens wrote 14x18, where the dean and cas sort of had a preliminary breakup. he’s been in charge of this arc for a while, and the fact that so much of his writing this season has been deancas focused.......i don’t know, i just think it’s significant in part because, while berens has always been deancas positive, he also writes plenty of episodes that aren’t focused on dean and cas. but now, in the final season, the dean and cas emotional arc has been handed to him, and it’s been the primary focus on his writing.

(sidenote: berens was promoted to executive producer for this final season)

to me, this is all leading to a big moment between dean and cas in 15x18 - and the fact that it was at one point called “the truth,” only to be switched back to despair - makes me think that there will be some sort of confession involved. my money is on cas being the one to say it (especially since this would line up with the leak), especially given the glimpse we saw of (what might be) this moment in the promo. which leads me to...

6. cas does not cry

i saved this for last because the promo where we see teary-eyed cas is actually what pulled me back into this shitshow.

cas does not cry. like. ever. he got a little teary in 15x15, when jack told him of his plan to sacrifice himself, but we have never - never - seen him shed actual tears. and in the promo, particularly that shot where cas says “you have fought for this whole world,” it 100% looks like cas is about to cry cry.

cas has seen his son die. he has seen dean die. he died himself, over and over and over. and we have never seen him cry.

yet for some reason, in this moment of vulnerability with dean, he’s crying. i find it highly unlikely that cas would cry because of his impending death, for a number of reasons (for one, he wouldn’t want to upset dean more than he has to). so, assuming he’s not crying because of his own death, then what is making cas so emotional that he is genuinely crying for the first time in the twelve seasons he has been on the show?

my guys.....i can only think of one thing.

#THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG OH MY GOD #i'm so sorry for this i just have SO many thoughts about this and had to get them all down #disclaimer: i still think it's highly unlikely we'll get confirmed romantic deancas #but i do think there's a chance #and this is why #deancas #destiel #s15 spoilers #spec

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