#he truly could not tell jack he was gonna die for dean because jack would have found a way to die first and was already actively

[ash-winchester]

First Attempt at a Fanfic. Please let me know what yall think.

“Don’t you think it’s time boys? The sweet release of death?” Billie hisses with a coy smile, running her scythe down the wall as she calmly chases Castiel and Dean through the Bunker. They were never out of her sight for too long, not since they left Death's Library.

Castiel pulls Dean into a storage room in the basement, helping Dean lean against one of the shelves before digging in Dean's pocket for his knife. Finding it, the angel cuts his palm and starts drawing warding on the door.

As Billie approaches the door, the warding glows a deep red, signifying that it was completed.

Castiel turns to Dean as he asks, “Did it work?”

Dean nods silently, standing straighter as the pain subsides. He turns and looks at Cas, a pained smile in his face.

Castiel lets out a sigh of relief, but it's short lived as Billie starts banging on the door.

“Will…. Will it hold?” Dean asks Castiel, turning to stare at the door. He had squared his shoulder, preparing for a fight.

Castiel nods. “It will hold for a short period of time.... but it will not hold for long.” He says, moving so Dean would turn to look at him. “And once it stops holding, we will fight."

“This is all my fault.” Dean says quietly, shaking his head. “I couldn’t hurt Chuck, so I led us into another trap. I n-needed something to kill because it is all I know how to do. And now everyone is going to die and....and I can’t stop it. She's going to break through that warding and kill you. A-and then she's gonna kill me.”

Dean looks up to Cas' eyes, his own eyes filling up with tears. “And no one can stop her.”

Castiel goes to speak when he blinks, a memory making itself known. A last resort of ideas. “There is…. There is one thing that can beat her. One thing that she is afraid of.” He takes a deep breath. “I made a deal with The Empty in order to bring Jack back.”

Dean stares at Castiel, his eyes wide in disbelief. “You... made a what?”

“The deal was my life for Jack's,” Cas explains. “When I finally experience true happiness, the empty will come and take me forever.”

Dean shakes his head “Why…. Cas, why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like.” Castiel looks at Dean with a fondness that Dean has rarely seen. “I… never found an answer, because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't having, it's being. It's in just saying it.” Cas says, his own eyes start tearing up.

Dean looks at Cas. “What are you talking about, Cas?” he says, his voice filled with desperation as he tried to piece together Cas' words. But he knew exactly what Cas was saying.

“I know how you see yourself Dean.” Cas continues. “‘You are destructive, angry, broken. You are simply ‘Daddy’s blunt instrument’ and that you think it’s the anger and hate that drives you, that… that’s who you are.’” He swallows hard as he fights back his tears.

“But it’s not, and everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have done- the good and the bad- you have done for love. You raised your brother for love. You fight for the entire world for the sake of love. That is who you truly are.”

Dean's face looks like it's struggling to hold back all emotion, not wanting to lose Cas.

“You are the most caring, selfless, loving human being that I will ever know. Ever since I met you, you have been changing me. Because of you, I cared about you. About Sam and Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you.”

Dean's despair crashes over him as a tear finally falls down Cas' face, crashing on the floor.

“You have changed me Dean.” The angel finishes.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?” Dean asks quietly, his voice wrecked beyond repair. There was nothing to fix the pain he felt. The one person who said they would never leave… was finally leaving him. For good.

“Because, it is.” Castiel admits, tears falling freely now.

He takes in a shaky breath as he smiles widely. “I love you, Dean Winchester.” Cas says, watching the Empty start to ooze into the room as the door behind him breaks down.

“Cas-” Dean starts saying, opening his mouth to continue and keep Castiel here. However, he stops when Cas places his hand on his shoulder, over the brand he had made those many years ago when he pulled the righteous man from hell. Dean's words catch in his throat, choking softly as his eyes become watery with tears.

“Goodbye, Dean.” Cas says, pushing Dean to the wall as the Empty takes Billie. Dean tumbles to the floor, his mind heavy with Cas' words as he watches the angel. No. His angel. Castiel.

Castiel smiles as the Empty wraps its tendrils around him and sucks him into the darkness.

Dean sits up, in shock as he runs his hands through his hair and the tears in his eyes finally fall. “I never got to say it back.” He finally whispers to the silent room.

Sam and Jack arrive back at the bunker a few hours later, the building silent and still. Dean hasn’t moved from the basement.

“DEAN!” Sam screams, hoping his brother is still here.

Dean stands slowly, heading upstairs to the Library where his brother and Jack were.

Jack looks at Dean as he enters the room, his head tilted slightly in a similar way Cas would have.“Where... is Castiel?” He asks, looking behind him. Jack was expecting Cas to be coming up right behind him.

Dean shakes his head. “I lost him. That damn son of a bitch sacrificed himself for me.” He says quietly, his voice sounding pained.

Sam pats Dean’s back. “I lost Eileen…” He says softly, “...and Gabriel.”

“This....This is different." Dean shakes his head. "You got to tell her that you loved her. I didn’t tell him ANYTHING!” He screams before storming off to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Jack tries to go after Dean, but Sam puts his arm out to stop his action.

“He needs some space, Jack. That is what we will give him.” Sam says softly, looking at the kid with a sad smile and a nod.

Jack frowns but nods back, following Sam into the library as they search for a way to bring everyone back.

Dean sits in his room, taking his phone out of his pocket. His head races as he stares at the screen, pressing a button and putting it to his ear.

“Hello Dean.” Cas’ voice says through the phone's speaker. “I noticed we were running low on food in the bunker, so I went on a supply run. I purchased beer and some pie for you. They were out at the store we normally go to… so I had to go a bit further than usual, but I didn’t forget the pie this time.”

“End of Current Message.” The automated voice says. Dean presses another button, his jaw clenched hard as tears fill his eyes.

“Hello, Dean. I think I found a case for you and Sam. There seems to be victims missing their hearts in Dodge City. I know you’re probably excited, after all, I know how much you love cowboys.” Dean smiles when Cas chuckles in the recording. “I will meet you there, and I will be sure to bring the hat you bought for me last time. Oh and, I still have my badge. After all, I’m your huckleberry.”

“End of Message.”

Dean brings his knees to his chest, trying his best to hold back his tears. “Dammit, Cas. Why do you have to be so damn selfless? Why did you- why did you have to go sacrificing yourself?” He says softly into the empty room. He takes off his jacket, running his fingers gently along Cas’ bloody handprint. He lays his hand over the dried print on the shoulder before placing it gently on the chair in his room. The same chair that Cas has sat in so many times before.

Dean continues to listen to Cas’ messages as he lies in bed, listening to him talk about more hunts as well as the supply runs he ran. Dean feels a smile on his face when he hears Cas tell him about a case he just did. Defeating a vampire nest.

Then, without a thought, Dean dials up Cas’ number.

“This is my voicemail. Make your voice…a mail.” Dean can’t help but chuckle softly, the sound broken as it leaves his throat.

His battery continues to dwindle as the night creeps on, but Dean finally reaches the voicemail he saved for last.

“Sorry for being gone for so long, I am sure you must have been worried. I am fine though. I’m coming home. See you soon Dean.” Castiel’s gravelly voice says through the phone, before the phone dies and goes dark.

Dean’s eyes slowly close, tears falling onto his bed as he curls up and falls asleep, dreaming of a man with electrifying blue eyes wrapping him up in an embrace he would never feel again.

The next night, Dean sits at the table in the library, his computer open as he drinks beer after whiskey. He watches Cas’ love confession, tears streaming silently down his face as he remembers it all.

With hesitation, the hunter takes out his pocket knife- the one Cas had used to protect him from Billie- and starts carving the word "Cas" into the table next to their initials. However, once he reaches the "s", he can’t stop because that means it’s really over. That Cas was… really gone.

So he keeps carving until Cas' name is finished, tracing it lightly with his fingers. He doesn't know he held his breath until after his fingers traced across the indented wood.

“Castiel…” He whispers. “Please... come back to me.”

A few days on the road later, Sam runs inside an abandoned diner to grab some food while Dean waits outside.

Dean wasn't looking for him, but it was as if a Miracle that Dean spotted a dog sitting nearby. He smiles for the first time since Cas sacrificed himself, but it's quick-lived. His smile was bright, only for it to fade when Chuck snaps his fingers again, standing in the fields nearby with a cruel smile.

Time passes once more, just Sam and Dean on the road. Nothing but open road ahead of them.

When they finally confront Chuck, Dean grabs him by the lapels, pushing him against the construction sign nearby saying, “We’ll do it!”

Sam stands a few steps away as Dean growls, “You want the whole Cain and Abel thing? You've got it, but first you have to bring everyone back. Bring Cas back.”

Chuck laughs, removing Dean's hands from him. “Why would I do that? 'Bring Cas back'. This is such a better punishment for you two. You Winchester's have given up everything to protect this world only for it to slip right...through...your fingers." Chuck says with a wicked smile. “So, why would I give you reprieve from this emptiness, from knowing that you failed and I won?”

Chuck then disappears, his laughter echoing in the wind.

Sam stares at the ground as Dean punches the steel pillar sticking up from the ground.

“Dammit!” Dean yells, storming off to his car. The drive back to the bunker is a long, quiet one, and once they arrive back, Dean shuts himself in his room for the rest of the night. He doesn't look to see if Sam is okay. To see if his brother even came down the stairs.

Sinking further into the bed, Dean holds his phone to his ear as he replays Cas’ voice mails with muffled sobs and tears.

“You promised, Cas.” He whispers into the darkness. “You promised that you would n-never leave me. Why would you think that you…. You could never have me? Why did you wait for so long to tell me? Cause of course…. Of course I loved you. I still do, with every fiber of my being. I have l-loved you for so long… but I’ve never been good at this romance thing. I keep… I keep waking up and hoping that this is all a bad nightmare. I keep hoping for a miracle. You are…. You were always so good at those.” Dean drags a hand down his face, wiping away the tears as more fall. “Please Cas, just one more miracle? One more miracle for us?” He asks into the darkness of his room. However it’s only the silence that answers back. Defeated with no answers, Dean closes his eyes, crying himself to sleep once more.

Sam comes home with Jack the next day, finding Michael in the bunker.

“Where is Castiel?” is the first thing Michael asks Dean once he comes into the room.

Dean says nothing, staring at the floor.

“I am sorry. He was a good soldier.” Michael says solemnly, his face showing the briefest glimpse of sadness.

Dean shakes his head. “No. No, he was more than that.” He says quietly.

After Michael and Lucifer had finished duking it out and Chuck had killed Michael, Sam and Dean had fought Chuck with everything they got. At the end they only ended up bloodied on the ground, until Jack absorbs Chuck’s powers and heals them.

Sam and Dean walk over to Chuck, with Sam explaining their whole plan to him.

“This is a fitting end to my story.” Chuck says after finishing looking through his “empty” book. “To be killed at the hands of Sam Winchester, of Dean Winchester. The ultimate killers.”

Dean frowns, thinking back on what Cas said. “That’s where you’re wrong. That is not who we are.”

Chuck looks up at them. “Wait, what? What kind of ending is this?” He asks, panic slipping through his normal cool facade.

Dean looks at him “The kind we wrote. The kind of ending where you are just like us, you grow old and eventually die, forgotten and unloved by your creations.”

Sam, Dean, and Jack all climb into the Impala, leaving Chuck lying on the ground, ignoring his pleas.

“Are you coming back to the bunker?” Sam asks Jack as Dean laughs.

“Of course he’s coming with us!” Dean says, but Jack looks at Dean and shakes his head.

“I’m not coming back to the bunker Dean. In a way… I am already there.” Jack lifts his hand. “Goodbye.” He says with a soft smile before walking off, fading as he leaves.

By the time they arrive back at the bunker, it’s late at night and the hunters go back to their respective rooms.

Dean reaches his room, climbing into bed and listening to Cas’ messages again. He falls asleep to Cas’ voice, “...See you soon Dean” being the last thing Dean hears as he drifts off into unconsciousness.

When he wakes up in the morning, he presses the phone to his ear, waiting for the messages to start when all of the sudden his phone says, “One new message.”

Dean freezes, hearing a voice he never thought he’d hear again.

“Hello Dean. I am coming home. See you soon”

#supernatural #destiel #supernatural angst #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #spn fandom #spn scripts

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 336

The Trap

“The Trap”

Plot Description: as a captive Sam endures horrid visions intended to break his spirit, Castiel and Dean venture to purgatory to find a key element for defeating Chuck

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: no one died

Oh it seems this is the episode before they went on winter break

Fuck you Chuck. Like on top of everything he’s done, he’s decided to make ableist digs at Eileen??

Thank you for talking some sense into your boyfriend, Cas. Also calling him stupid was a fun touch…he deserved it after the things he’s said to you this season

Yeah Eileeeeeeen!!! Ah, goddamnit. He’s forcing Eileen to probe around in Sam’s wound with a scalpel

I mean…Chuck…I HAVE seen the series finale. They very much DO win. He has every reason to have hope

Ok….no because Dean and Cas asking a leviathan where they can find a flower is actually extremely funny

Noooooo Benny’s dead 😭😭😭

The visions are starting: Sure this seems a little boring but it’s NICE. It’s DOMESTIC. What is gonna go wrong?? Do not try to tell me Claire dies 😭😭

This fight is not an unwed couple fight. Cas and Dean might as well be married. This purgatory run is not going well. Go save your husband, Dean

The number of revelations that just happened to Cas in this version of the future. I don’t know what’s worse: superhell or going crazy from the Mark of Cain and being buried in a Ma’lak Box. Dean talking about being practically forcibly retired from hunting

Oh. Oh. Oh, Dean!!! My heart is BREAKING for him. He’s got half an hour to get out of purgatory, Cas is missing from the leviathan ambush, and he doesn’t even have the leviathan bloom

Dean you get angry like that because you’re eldest daughter coded. You bottle it up til it comes bursting out because of that

I need to know if this nest is the same one they’ll eventually hunt in the finale

I don’t trust….mmmm, yeah no, I still don’t trust that this is truly Cas. It’s just too convenient

In the future Chuck is showing Sam, the boys die on December 9, 2022…they never get to see Dabi’s Dance get animated 😭

OH! They’re turned into vampires and then Jodi and Bobby kill them…that IS a crappy ending

Sam actually did like that ending marginally better, I bet. At least he or Dean didn’t have to kill the other

Did we know someone would have to take the mark of Cain for this spell?? I don’t like that things are happening like in Chuck’s vision

I love how defiant Sam is even after all this

It’s so frustrating how often all the hard work they put in for half a season or a full season just goes to waste

I don’t understand why any of what just happened is forcing Eileen to leave…(but yay Sam and Eileen kissed!)

If I were Cas I’d get it but I’d be PISSED that Dean could so easily forgive Sam for literally fumbling the ball that they worked so hard to get to hurt or destroy Chuck.

WHAT WAS THAT LAST SCENE OF BILLIE TELLING JACK “it’s time” IN THE EMPTY?!?! WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAN??

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[avawilsonfan]

like. the whole point is that dean is his father as time passes he mirrors his moves and when he's lived his dad's life fully he starts spiraling and intensifying everything john ever was. john tells dean you need to take care of sam if i cant do it dean tells sam we need to take care of jack. dean's first thought was a demon deal to bring sam back in early seasons because that's what john did for dean. john is dean is dean is sam and each child gets sharper and gruffer and more terrifying until the spokes of the wheel catches on a branch and the cycle stops.

if i didn't know you i'd want to hunt you. lose my number if we make it out of this alive. if you step out that door don't come back. man up son and kill the girl. i'm gonna be sick.

i had a dream two nights ago where sam was dead in the desert, rotting under the sun with the stink of sinew and flies yet his corpse perfectly intact. he wanted to be found so his ghost could be burned and he could die, because enough was enough and at a point you get tired, but he didn't want to be found because dean and mary would surely find some way to bring him back. he wants his family to find him because that would mean they looked for him, but he doesn't because he shouldn't take up that kind of space in their minds and the weight is driving him insane. and he knows, he knows if they don't look for him then he's truly alone. he knows if they do look and find him it's some twisted form of familial obligation and perversion of love that he doesn't want. he doesn't want to be some kind of zombie walking around unable to form a coherent thought but wearing a veneer of normalcy for them.

it's you, it's you, you're the problem. but as time goes on and the days, then weeks pass, sam feels so alone, so truly alone. okay. if they aren't looking for him, he's heartbroken because of what they're supposed to be. i went to hell and you just settled down to live a normal life? you told me to get out. yeah but we don't actually do that, you weren't supposed to. dean is supposed to be looking for him and things are truly bleak- lose my number- if he isn't. but if that's the case maybe they'll help me pass. and his fuzzy sun-addled brain chooses a direction and starts walking. he's a ghost, it doesn't take much out of him. all he has to do is take his jewelry from his body and affix it to his ghostly self and he can disappear to wherever he wants to go. but right now he doesn't really want to be going anywhere. he knows he probably won't get what he wants from his family, logically, but he goes anyway. he's spent lifetimes sitting in the dark of the cage and these months of steady sun rise, sun set, rot not setting in has fucked with his perception of time and taken him back somewhat.

so he walks long enough, and eventually he ends up in the foyer of the bunker, unsure if he found his way here or if someone took him here after chasing him down. it's all barbed words and white knuckled hands clasping his, chastising words and soft platitudes telling him how worried they were and asking him, where's the body, where is it, where are you. it's sam trying to speak wondering how his throat can even get dry and out of use like this feeling the hands all over him and having weight settle where his stomach would have been telling him how wrong this all is. it's spelled equipment, handcuffs that keep him here and necklaces that make him solid to the touch without his effort that he can't remove. it's a soft room with salt at the door and a stack of classics on the nightstand next to a king sized bed. it's blood sacrifices and making sam watch, telling him that they just need to find the body, can't you remember where it is, i hate doing this but we need you and you're not allowed to leave. it's hugs that leave him feeling suffocated and pats on the back that make him flinch. it's his careful undressing and the dissection of his scars from the two people he least wants to see all of him. its castiel visiting and telling dean that's he's sorry he can't help more in front of sam, giving cold glances his way as he sits catatonic at the kitchen table.

it's terrible, and it's almost worse than if they had just found the body. who put the sigil in his body that's keeping them from finding it? all sam can tell them is that it was a desert somewhere, which is weaseled out of him by jo or charlie who pretended to be sympathetic and willing to burn the body for him. it's betrayal of the highest degree when dean tells him how he's disappointed, how it's dean that gets to be mad and feel betrayed.

theres two generations where theres the alcohol and anger next to the snappy disappearing act. because sam did this to himself, he created this by acting out the parts of the story that led them here. he was born into this, his birth was where it all started going wrong. you are your father and this is your son and you hate him as intensely as you love him.

[steveyockey]

cas really looked his child in the eye and told him “us eternal beings must continue to live after those we love die but we will be sustained by our memory of the happiness they gave us” while in his head thinking “except me. I’m gonna die for dean. I will not tolerate a single second of existence without that motherfucker”

#FATHER OF THE YEAR #why is this SO funny 🤣🤣🤣 #he truly could not tell jack he was gonna die for dean because jack would have found a way to die first and was already actively #doing basically that #having dean and cas as dads like. you really are gonna try to sacrifice your body for the cause if someone doesn’t pull you aside to try to #tell you you can just like. hang out #spn #ziz watches spn

[perlukafarinn]

coda to 15x20, not because i liked it but because i hated it and it needed fixing. don’t mistake anything in here as justifying the choices made in the finale, i just needed to fix it up in order to write an actually happy ending

Dean doesn’t know how long he’s been driving - it feels simultaneously like ten minutes, ten hours, ten days. He’s not sure how time works in heaven.

Not sure how prayer works, either, or at least has forgotten since the last time he was here. Either way, it might be different now, with Jack in charge. Dean just has to hold on tight and pray and hope that just once more, he gets an answer.

He feels it before he lands and then Cas is there, in the corner of his eye, sitting in the shotgun seat.

Dean wants to pull over, pull Cas into his arms. Doesn’t. He’s got stuff he needs to say and it’s easier to get out like this, hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road.

“So,” he says. “Got out of the empty?”

“Yes,” Cas answers and Dean can hear the smile on his lips, can picture it, tender and proud. “Jack has grown so much.”

Dean clears his throat, uncertain of how to continue. 

“I’m sorry you died,” Cas says as the silence grows too long.

“Yeah, me too. Sorry your big sacrifice was all for nothing.”

Cas puts his hand on Dean’s arm, tugging, and now Dean has to pull over. He’s not sure if cars can crash in heaven and he’s not eager to find out. He kills the engine and finally, reluctantly looks at Cas.

He looks... the same. Maybe a little more relaxed, a little less tense around the eyes. 

“It wasn’t for nothing,” Cas says. His hand is still on Dean’s arm, warm and heavy. “Dean, if you had died then who knows how things would have ended? Chuck might have won, Jack and Sam could be dead, and you wouldn’t have gotten the rest you deserve. It truly would all have been for nothing.”

His eyes soften, his grip relaxing. “Of course I wish it hadn’t come to you so soon. You had earned a long life, it shouldn’t have ended so quick. But I’m not sorry I saved you and I don’t regret what it cost me. And I don’t regret...” he takes a deep breath, for the first time looking hesitant. “I don’t regret telling you I loved you.”

Dean laughs. It’s weak, wavering. At some point he started crying, full-on weeping in a way he’d have been embarrassed to let anyone see before. He’s not embarrassed now.

“You’re kind of scooping my big speech here,” Dean admits. “I had a whole thing planned out.”

Cas looks him over. Dean has never seen this look on his face before, this mixture of fear and hope, and he hates and loves that he has this power. But he’s damn well not gonna misuse it, not anymore.

“You- you can’t just tell a guy you love him and then die on him without waiting for an answer.”

“I wasn’t aware you had an answer,” Cas says softly.

“Yeah, well.” Dean shrugs. “I didn’t really, not right then. But if I can’t nut up and tell the guy I’ve been in l-love with,” he blushes, ducking his eyes as he stumbles on the word, “for fucking years how I feel, even after we’re both dead, then when can I?”

He waits. Shoulder tense, stomach coiling, and how is it that even now, with everything on the table between them, he’s still so scared? 

He startles when Cas’ hand lands on his shoulder. Looks up, gaze catching Cas’, and his breath stutters at the wonder, at the overwhelming love and adoration in Cas’ eyes.

“Dean.” Cas raises his hand, brings it up to cup Dean’s cheek, and Dean leans into the touch without even meaning to.

Before he can lose his nerve, Dean leans in.

It’s like coming home.

#deancas #destiel #spn fanfic #episode coda #perlukafarinn writes #first kiss #post-canon #you know what? writing this actually made me feel better #i'm just glad to know this mess of a finale didn't kill off my love for these two #and i know we'll treat them better now that they're out of the show writers' hands #spn spoilers

[dirtangeldean]

but i’m singing like a bird 'bout it now.

for @tootiredmotel’s celebration: regret (thwarted!)

[available on ao3!] [ 7/7: complete! ]

features: arospec!Dean POV, acespec!Cas POV, Jack, Sam, Amara, and indifferent!The Empty POV. Cas has a squick and is not sex repulsed. Dean is allo and only accidentally romantic (and that's ok!).

"Because it is."

This is gonna be it. The final time Cas would look into all that love. The forever split streams of love that spilled out of Dean's eyes damn near every minute of every day in big and little ways. He could see it at the levee of the bottom of Dean's eyes right now.

"Don't do this, Cas."

Dean's head shakes a little, whether it be in disbelief or confusion he doesn't know. Yet, Cas does not feel forsaken. So this will be it then. Over the last two years it was never clear when the deal would even end up on a timeline in Cas' life. He truly believed that in the end he would watch Dean grow old and die. With hope, Dean would do so in his sleep. He hadn't considered whether any of his actions would eventually bar him from the gates he felt Dean deserved but Cas supposes Heaven wasn't ever truly his home.

"I love you."

Soon darkness will take him and he will be sure not to make it loud. Right now, there's a banging at the door that holds Cas’ last blood sigil. He marked his love in blood. Much like he did when he banished Zachariah. That had been a love letter to Dean too. Not that it matters now. He can only hope wherever Dean ends up that today is not his end.

Cas takes a step forward, determined; no, today can't take Dean. Billie will go where he will go and that will be the end of it. He looks at Dean now. There's a pleading look that makes Cas reach his hand out to touch his face but falter. Cas feels reverent in his last moments, as he always does. But he knows that nothing, not even his long and lost love, can get in his way...

————

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Dean thought he had said that in his head. He would have said it out loud anyway. He wanted to know—hell, he needed to know. He wanted to hear anything Cas had to say at the end of their road. But he heard a god awful horrible answer. Just his fucking luck.

Love, returned, what a fucking curse, Dean thought.

He was so sure that he could muster up the guts for one last good feeling-bleed before Billie busts through the barrier like a bat out of hell. He was going to make it count, tell Cas how he feels. Everyday. For damn near a decade. He felt them, all those tightly-packed confessions along the years breaking their own seals, breaking past his rib cage and up his throat. It was bound to come up outta him one day; Dean figured he owed Cas this one big truth that he was too big of a coward not to keep from him. Cas, his best, his one, his only.

Last thing I see, it's gotta be him, Dean thought right before Cas opened his beautiful fucking heart. Now Dean's throat was too tight to choke out what he meant to say before Cas got to talkin’. Fucked up his one good chance to be sincerely honest and direct about what was now threatening to strangle him before Billie does. Believe it or not, maybe hands around his neck would help. If not to keep the words—all the words from Purgatory to today at bay—maybe to squeeze them out like honey from a bottle. Because the way he's hearing it from Cas, the Empty could come any second now so if he acts fast maybe, just maybe, they're maybe not gonna die. But if they do, Cas has to know. He's gotta know what to do, Dean’s gotta know somehow. Dean shifts his feet as he hears that god-awful gurgling. The wall behind looks like black blood and Leviathan slime. Ugly, awful—Cas doesn't deserve shit like that.

He's an angel, my angel, He thinks.

Dean's gotta act fast or he'll lose Cas to it either way, whether he speaks up or not. Now's not the time to fawn or freeze. He turns back around to glistening eyes. And tears that shoulda never fallen, his head thinks. The way Cas is looking at him has Dean feeling like a baby chick under a heat lamp. Adored, precious, vulnerable. Scared. There's a type of overwhelming fondness in Cas' face that is in no way something he deserves, not today. Not for the type of sacrifice Cas thinks he has any right to make right now to save him.

A deal to leave with the friggin' Empty, no way out. Dean seethes internally for a flash, careful to keep what can still be contained in his chest. He doesn't know if Cas can see what’s playing out on his face right now but his eyes don't leave Dean's face, not once. What can still make Cas so sure Dean Winchester deserves to be saved?

With no fucking way for him to escape or save him, Cas, lost forever. Dean, all at once, feels delirious.

Suddenly there’s a heat that overtakes him as he locks onto Cas' face. He feels like his skin is burning off and there's not enough time to shed a layer or two. Dean doesn't know when his fingers curled into fists. Maybe it's when Cas brought up the quip about him being a blunt instrument. Cas, always the earth-side angel who saw too much of him and felt too much of him and yet doesn't believe that's what he is. After Purgatory he'd have given up a shot at ever escaping Lucifer's personal corner of Hell to see Cas look at him the way he's staring at him now. But today, Cas' loving gaze leaves him feeling singed like an egg thrown on a cast iron to fry.

He can't go, not like this, Dean's head rings with panic.

He can't ever leave, not when just two minutes ago Dean was gonna break his rib cage open with any words he could find in the moment and bare his whole heart to Cas. Now he's looking at Dean like he's memorizing his genetic make-up, the stuff he literally stitched back together 12 years ago from atoms to bones to skin. It's been so long Dean had almost forgotten. On another day he'd love to have had a shot at seeing this look on his face. Not after today, he might not get that after today. Not now or ever again.

Dean's not sure he'd have the brain power for any lore on the Empty if he watches Cas get ripped away. Not without a guarantee that Cas can stay by his side for the rest of his life. Something deep in Dean’s chest goes off like a pipe bomb when a tear falls down his angel's face. His heart is about ready to fry. Cas reaches for him and Dean can't be sure that he can bare to let go if Cas makes a connection. Especially knowing right after that he'll be gone, he'll disappear for good. No take backs, no reaching Cas. Not with a shout or prayer like in Purgatory. He'd stay gone forever this time if The Empty takes him.

Dean shakes his head a little to clear it. All that's too far ahead for what he's dealing with right now, and at most, the next minute. And all he really wants to do is hold him. Cas. If this is really all he gets, he just wants to hold him. The Cas who knows him, the Cas who rebuilt him and got him out of more real and personal hells than he can count right now.

Something fires off in Dean's head. Hope. Maybe a bit of Michael's angel energy is somewhere still in him. Right? Maybe his sword composition is still active. Maybe he is still a sword, just one only he can take a blunting belt to sharpen and wield for himself. That could be enough. It's gotta be. All the work to shape our bloodline has to count for something… The Empty doesn't know each individual angel, right? Cas couldn't have been with it for long enough to know, and although Dean doesn't have all the details of Cas' deal, the Empty just can't really know Cas enough to really catalogue him, Dean's decided. This is too much thought for the mere inches Cas is from reaching him. Dean's about to burst out of his skin. So he moves.

Dean's hands are vice grips on either side of Cas' face in an instant. He's never seen the angel's facial expression transform so quickly but in a moment he's too close to see the expressions on it. Dean's body seems to actually be working as an instrument in this moment. He takes Cas' bottom lip in between his own and he inhales the rushed breath Cas exhales right up into him. The exchange is divine, his eyes shutter close. He can feel Cas fighting between relaxing and resisting.

And then the door behind them sounds like it's bursting open like a sound grenade and hitting something behind it.

This could have been a better moment, gentler maybe. Dean can admit that. He feels the angel's right hand grip his shoulder, shifting quickly in intensity between the same kind of gentle and firm strength Cas has always shown him. But just as unsure as he had looked in Purgatory. It feels like...wavering. It feels like panic.

Well, buddy, that'd make two of us, he thinks to himself. Because Cas' lips feel like stone between his. And then he feels it, the vibration building up in Cas. He doesn't even know where it's coming from. Cas feels like a gong that just rang.

Fuck, Dean squeezes his eyes shut and braces for whatever could happen next. There's too much going on around him to know for sure if pulling away will make a difference, he just knows that even as the last thing he does, Dean'll try and save Cas. He can't save anyone else. In this moment, all he has is Cas. But Cas isn't making it easy. The one part of the angel that is moving towards him--the only part--is his hand on Dean's shoulder which is closing like a fist around the rough dyed cotton of his jacket, staining it blood-red. Dean tenses as he remembers the first time Cas' hand was there.

It's not an actual memory, more like an inner knowing that lives in his bones. Despite the cotton layers it'll bruise if they make it out of this alive. Their only option. Cas might not be into this but there's time for apologies later. Maybe this just isn't what angels do when they love. Maybe Dean’s fucking with a code of conduct Cas still keeps. Dean is not Meg, and he's no angel either. He doesn't fucking know. Three minutes ago he thought these feelings only went one way. This ache and reaching between him and Cas doesn't feel returned at the moment.

Fuck, What the hell is he gonna do when this is over? Dean's not so focused on making it good for Cas, he just wants to blanket him. Can't be a sword; maybe I can be a shield. Though he doesn't know how long until it may come down to damn near wrestling the angel he's hellbent on shielding. Something threatens to pop in his shoulder. Cas may be an angel but if the ripping he hears from tears in the back of Dean's jacket are any indication, this is either hurting Cas or it’s too intense of a moment for him. Or he's pissed. He's probably pissed. But Dean can't let him go. Not when he's unsure if what he hears behind them is gliding past them or about to swallow Cas whole. He had already trapped them in the bunker with Billie, if Cas is going to leave him then he's gonna leave with Dean wrapped around him. Flesh against stone. End of story.

Except this isn't the end; there's a cold chill that runs down his left side that shocks him so fast that he snaps his eyes open just as the black ooze leaves his field of vision and travels back towards the wall it came from. He can only think that if angel radio was still a thing and anyone had their ears on, they would maybe hear his heart yell out as loud as it could.

Castiel is saved.

————

These fucking gremlins, again. And this time, a tag team effort. What a cruel and bothersome bait and switch.

The Empty is not known for kindness. It's not built for rage either. It's built to contain. But it senses it. Of all the reapers and demons and angels and vampires and otherworldly fools it has collected, none have irritated The Empty more than ones with personal connections to Castiel and Dean Winchester.

Jack's noise was one thing, this overpour of love and sadness is quite...Other. That's what brought the Empty here to begin with. Sensing Castiel's spike in elation. The Empty had been willing to wait for the eons Cas had offered but the speed of the peak should have sealed the deal. This should have been quick and easy. Open up, face a bright light, find a happy angel, take a happy angel and leave.

But...here is Billie and that happiness is gone, replaced instantly with something closer to grief. It's nervous, angry, miserable.

It sounds like it feels...disgusting.

The Empty can't be bothered to care about the flavor of it or question the plummet because Billie is enough for The Empty for now. Once it consumes Billie it wants out of the bright and back into sleep (Cas be damned.) Clearly, if the joy is gone before The Empty could even arrive if it wasn't enough to enjoy, register or really qualify. What a fickle thing, emotions. Maybe this deal with the insufferable celestial annoyance wasn't worth the trouble. Castiel is too...the circumstances...are too fleeting. He would require more alertness than he's worth. The Empty can't think of a single reason to stay awake long enough to monitor if the trip is worth another push.

And then there's the matter of Dean. Weirdly relevant, always in the way. Just like a Winchester. Currently panicked out of his body and if Cas was happy, The Empty might have enjoyed putting that very panic into turbo mode. But no, Billie will do and The Empty will have had enough. Besides, their band of gremlins would simply be too...eventful. Castiel is just too much work; too much to keep track of, too much to take, too much to keep.

The Empty starts to consider a cosmic barring order...time to contact Amara.

tag list, feel free to be asked to be added or removed!:

@14x06 @caskarass @lily-sunder @billiewena @hauntedrederadean @mermaidhair4lyfe @impala-atnight @emeraldcas @castumes @green-blue-heller @starlightdeastieljail @rogue-cas-witch @thegeekcompanion @spookydeastiel @kellykline-main @shmegel @fistfulofsadglitter @deanolantern @pumpkincakecas @screamqueencas @casperdean @angelinthefire @youre-only-gay-once @lauramarlingnatural

#deancas #destiel #otp: i could go with you #tootired #tootiredmotel #spn #fanfic #destiel fanfic #tootired500 #da.writes #da.txt

[chaoticdean]

Supernatural and the topic of found family — family don’t end in blood… or does it?

I know I’ve talked a great deal about the way the complete erasure of both Cas and Eileen from the two final episodes of SPN made my blood boil, but after careful consideration and a lot of talking with several very clever people (you know who you are), I think what hurt me the most on top of it all is the way Supernatural decided to essentially throw away an entire section of what made the show what it was for the best part of the last decade and a half: the topic of found family, and how they’ve carefully crafted so many important side characters and relationships only to throw them all away for the sake of having one last episode essentially disconnected from the rest of the story. 

[Because I’ve talked about in great length over the course of the past week and a half, and although there are undoubtedly more issues with Supernatural’s series finale than just this (ie: the Destiel treatment and the queer erasure, along with the complete erasure of Eileen, the only disabled character this show has ever known), I’m going to concentrate solely on the treatment of found family, and why its erasure from the finale storyline is deeply upsetting on top of being utterly inexplicable. If you want to read an incredible article about this, I’d redirect you to @chill-legilimens article’s, The Trauma of Silence]

When Supernatural started airing in 2005, the show essentially focused on Sam and Dean and their relationship, with a dash of John Winchester and mending the broken pieces between a father and his sons into the mix. The first side character that gets introduced to the audience as some sort of surrogate father to both Winchesters is Bobby (1x22, Devil’s Trap), and he quickly became a fan favorite to the fandom. Interestingly enough, Bobby is also the one who comes up with the “Family don’t end with blood” line (if I’m not mistaken, the first time it’s said on the show is during 3x16, No Rest for the Wicked). Once this line gets said, it quickly became more than just a slogan within the fandom, and it’s often referenced as a motto for the show as well (Dean even uses it during his talk with Crowley in season 10 to explain what family means).

Over the years, so many characters got introduced and became fan favorites (off the top of my head, I can come up with half a dozen already) and have grown within the show, to the point where they’re introduced to the audience as some sort of found family to both Dean and Sam. The boys get invited to Jody Mills’ and her wayward daughter’s house for dinner, spend what can only be qualified as a slumber party watching Game of Thrones with Charlie Bradbury in the bunker, keep running around and bickering with Crowley, spends time in the bunker with Eileen (the margaritas and Sam and Eileen being hungover the morning after in the bunker’s kitchen lives rent-free in my head). Even the Ghostfacers keep popping in almost every season for a decade. The audience gets to learn who these characters are and connect with them on several levels, most of them also becoming fan favorites over time.

But if I had to pick only one side character to make a point, Castiel is undoubtedly the one that comes to mind first.

When Misha Collins came along during season 4, he was only supposed to be in for a couple of episodes and be done with it. But because of his masterful performance (and because the character of Anna, who gets introduced around the same time as Castiel, doesn’t seem to work as well as the writers thought it would), Misha stayed along for the whole ride, and ended his run on Supernatural 12 years and 144 episodes later, with a character that is so beloved by the fandom that it elevated him to the rank of third lead. Castiel is not only an angel of the Lord, he’s also Sam and Dean’s best friend who would do anything to protect them (and, well, has done so, multiple times). He’s grown within the show to the point where the audience directly refers to him as being one of the family, even though he’s not blood, because “Family don’t end with blood” after all.

Another example that is particularly telling over the course of the last couple of seasons is the treatment of Jack’s character, who’s quickly adopted by the boys and referred to as “their kid”, the three of them acting like surrogate dads even though in the end, Jack is Lucifer’s son. Once again, the show makes a point of showing the audience that although Jack is not related to Sam and Dean in any way (I’m guessing since Lucifer is basically Castiel’s brother, he is somewhat related to Cas, but since I don’t have a degree in angel DNA, I can’t 100% be sure), he’s still family, he still matters.

The story basically tells the audience that even though you might not have a blood-related family, that doesn’t prevent you to find people along your life’s journey that becomes intrinsically connected to your story, both on a deeply emotional and practical level. It tells you that you’re not required to have a blood family to be someone’s kid, or sister, or brother. It tells you that blood doesn’t define who you choose to share your life with, and most importantly, it tells you that you’re allowed to choose.

So why on Earth did anyone think that ending Supernatural’s 15-year run with an episode that essentially showcases Sam and Dean and sidelines the wide majority of the family they found along the way (with the exception of OG Bobby showing up in Heaven) was a good idea?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Bobby, I really do… But what was the excuse for not having either Misha back (the literal third lead of the show, who confessed to being in love with Dean, the second lead of the show, two episodes prior), or Alex (Jack being one of the main focus of the past two seasons at least)? I get that Covid made all of this difficult, but you can’t tell me you’ve been able to bring back Mark Pellegrino’s Lucifer for a two minutes and a half cameo in 15x19, but not Misha fucking Collins to end his character’s arc (and Dean’s, who’s arc is deeply wired with Castiel’s) after 12 years. 

I’m gonna say it again, because I feel like it’s been used as an excuse for everything ever since the finale aired: Covid cannot be the sole excuse for everything. It cannot account for the absence of literally EVERYONE around the Winchesters.

At that point, I should probably add that although I was incredible baffled by the one-off mention of Cas (well, two, if you count Sam saying he misses him and Dean deflecting during the Pie Fest at the beginning of the episode), what probably set me off the most is the part of Dean’s death speech where he says “when it all came down to it, it was always you and me, it’s always been you and me”. 

I’m sorry Dean, you know I love you to pieces, but what the actual fuck was that? What does it even mean? That single line essentially strips away any kind of meaningful contribution of any side characters… Including Castiel “always happy to bleed for the Winchesters”’s, and Jack’s who quite literally saved the whole world ONE EPISODE PRIOR.

Not to mention that the fact we don’t get to see Cas again leave Dean’s entire character’s arc incomplete. What was the point of season 15, which focused so deeply on Dean and Cas’ relationship, if in the end the entire character’s arc gets dropped?

So what’s the message being sent here? 

“Found family was a myth, it’s always been sorely about the Winchesters”? 

“Ha! Tricked ya!”?

Why did Supernatural, after a decade and a half spent consolidating the contribution of side characters, decided to essentially throw it all away?

Why did Supernatural, after a decade spent crafting meaningful relationships within the show, decided to light it all up on fire and end its run with an episode that basically tells the audience that none of it really mattered, it’s always been sorely about Dean and Sam.

I would’ve been fine with a Sam and Dean episode if Castiel had more than a one-off mention, if they didn’t give Sam a blurry wife, if Dean had the funeral he deserved (with a rock band, whisky, and all the fellow hunters and family he found along the way), if Sam didn’t spend the rest of his life mourning his brother. I would’ve been fine with only getting Jim Beaver on screen (because Covid) if we had been given something more than just Dean driving for his last 5 minutes on screen. It would have been FINE, if Supernatural hadn’t essentially forgotten about what made Supernatural, well, Supernatural.

Long story short, I feel tricked. And I know a lot of you feel tricked too, because this isn’t what we’ve been fed for the past 15 years. Supernatural was a show about finding your way through life and death and horror and trauma, with help from people you found along the way who became linked to your story because you cared for each other. And Supernatural ended by telling us that found family didn’t really matter, that Dean was always going to die on a random hunt, that Sam could never be truly happy without his brother by his side. Talk about a downgrade, uh?

I don’t know why they decided to throw their entire legacy to the wind. Truth be told, I don’t think we’ll ever get to know. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to stay pissed about it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to ever be okay with my favorite show deciding to end its run with a finale episode so deeply disconnected from their 15-year story that it felt utterly shallow.

They said “Family don’t end with blood”… But after all of this, doesn’t it, though?

#idk what this is i had a lot of feelings #spn meta #sorta #found family #spn #spn 15x20 #jus.meta

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

#15x20 wank #spn finale wank #spn finale meta #15x20 meta #Andrew Dabb #spn #supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #deancas #misha collins #jensen ackles #long post #sorry im on mobile #this is the longest post i have ever writen

[amarienne]

Long and tired 15x20 rumblings. Beware of spoilers and the F word.

It’s been 10 hours since I watched the episode and I still can’t believe that was real and not a prank episode.

Let’s leave aside the destiel of it all, alright? We all knew getting a huge and proper destiel scene was not gonna happen, no matter how much we clowned the last few days.

But that was a shit show of writing and plot. Fair enough, they felt like a MOTW episode was very fitting to be the last and you know what, I agree. That first 10 minutes of a simple life jogging, making breakfast and petting the dog? I am all for it. Pie Fair? Perfect, who doesn’t like pie? And Dean surely deserved to eat to his heart’s content with no worry in the world.

But at the same time you are trying to tell me that Dean didn’t even blink while Sam mentioned Cas being dead? And that we didn’t even see Sam at least texting with Eileen who just one episode ago vanished in thin air and Sam, had to perform some pretty heavy self control and restraint so he didn’t break because of the loss? How am I, the audience, supposed to believe that??

Still, I was happily going along with it all still keeping hope (lol, what a fool) until they entered the barn. I saw that freaking rod while they were fighting. Don’t believe it if you don’t want to, but I saw the freaking metal rod and I saw Dean being attacked and I was like fuck no he’s gonna end up on it. And surely enough a second later he was. And being the naive person I am I thought ‘huh, interesting. maybe that’s how we see Jack in this episode, or we see Dean in the hospital fighting for his life because he realises he doesn’t want to keep doing this.’

Buuut nooo, ofc not. We get 10 minutes of Dean hanging from a nail making an otherwise lovely speech and Sam standing there listening to it. We get a *w*nc*est* aura with the hand holding and forehead touching? REALLY? I couldn’t fucking believe it. And then Dean dies.

Dean, who just last episode did not take vengeance on Chuck because ‘that’s not who I am’. A fact I am betting my life on comes of course, of course, from Castiel’s confession. So we finally get to see Dean accepting the fact he is not just a killer, but actually he is made of love and for love and he deserves to be happy. Guys, you can see it in his face, he starts to believe it. And he chooses to walk away with his brother and Jack and to simply leave Chuck behind to have the thing he is more scared of- the thing Dean craved more than anything: a normal life.

Enter a sad excuse of a funeral, a pathetic montage of Sam in the bunker and then a call for another hunt. And Sam leaving (forever? who the fuck knows) the bunker. And just as I feared we get to Heaven. And Dean is welcomed by Bobby. That scene was actually fine. At least we get to fucking know Cas is no longer in the Empty- that presumably Jack saved him and they are now together or were together to build Heaven. And the fact they all share a heaven is sweet, okay? Baby is there, Dean goes for a drive, Kansas is playing. Cheesy but lovely.

Montage of Sam living a normal life? A toddler with ‘Dean’ stitched on his clothes? Enter me losing my fucking mind on the turn of events. So Sam named the kid he had with a *faceless* woman Dean in honour of the brother that died like 3 days after saving the world. Huh?? Really? I mean really? What the fuck happenned to Eileen?? She was too precious for this episode and this fucking story.

At this point I am like, I wish I had not pressed play on this mess. But the God awful montage continues. We see Dean Jr (*retching from disgust on the cliche*) telling Sam it’s okay, mirroring the first death. Also what’s with the tatoo? Is he a hunter too? Did Sam continue hunting and pulled his son into it as well? Or was it just a general precaution/tradition. Fuck knows of course. Heart monitor goes beep (the fucking cliches will be the death of me) and we see a bunch of pictures. The faceless wife remains faceless because *who cares* let’s just show the parallells between the two brothers’ deaths.

Oh I forgot all this is to the sound of a pop cover of Carry on my Wayward Son. They didn’t even have the decency to keep the original playing.

And here I am thinking, wishing, being ready to make a crossroads deal that all this is not actually real. It’s a dream, or a nightmare, or an alternate reality or - my biggest hope- Gabriel’s playing a prank somehow.

But as we all now know, dear strangers, that was not it. Nope. Dean stops in a lovely bridge (after apparently a couple hours of driving) and Sam appears. They hug it out. And they watch the sun set over the fucking mountain top.   

Oh and then we have the god awful goodbye message. The final blow so we stay on the ground.

Un-fucking-believable. That was like the worst fanfiction, wrapped in a last minute essay you’re writing that is due in six hours, dipped in a diary entry from when you were 9 and dusted with a touch of *who gives a fuck let’s just finish this*. Also let’s blame *COVID*.

All the beautiful scenes and moments of the past 15 seasons. All the character progression we thought we were witnessing. All the symbolism we thought we were seeing. All the secondary characters we got to love to just not see if they actually made it back after 15x18. All the blood, sweat and tears our four boys went through in the last few episodes. All yeeted out the fucking window. It was all for fucking nothing? For an ending my four year old niece could come up with on the spot?

They all die and live happily ever after in Heaven?

Betrayed does not begin to cover how I feel. I was not a hardcore fan of SPN by a long shot. But I know stories. This is not how a good story ends. And SPN was a good story. It deserved better. We deserved better. Our boys deserved better.

I am standing and slow clapping for the actors though. They were truly brilliant, they worked with this shit writing and managed to get to the other side of it. I would sell my left kidney to find out what they actually thought of that ending and to also ask the showrunner what kind of drunk dream made the basis of this finale. Oh, and also ask the folks at CW who green lighted this shitstorm how they’re feeling? The 1 star ratings at IMBD are raining like the fallen angels, bitch.

God. This was long and awful but even if noone read it, it made me feel better.

I can’t even begin to form coherent thoughts regardging the lack of Cas and destiel. Maybe on another post.

#supernatural #spn #spn 15x20 #dean #sam #destiel #supernatural finale #supernatural spoilers #shitshow #supernatural betrayed us #mine

[finaledenialist]

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!! 

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no. 

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true. 

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I  am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity. 

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal.  And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn. 

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

#ask #asks #anon #long post #destiel is endgame #cas is in love #everything is beautiful but it hurts #spn 15x18 #spn spec #spn speculation #Anonymous

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 303

Beat the Devil

“Beat the Devil”

Plot Description: with some involuntary help from Lucifer, Rowena is finally able to open a rift to apocalypse world. But the journey there has dire consequences

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: the only thing that died was the rift with….not enough or not strong enough archangel grace from Gabriel

That dream sequence with Mary and Jack back in the bunker was cruel though. So I guess Sam’s happiness also died a little when he woke up

I get Sam’s reluctance to go try to get some of Lucifer’s grace but with Gabriel’s failing, what choice do you have? Michael and Raphael are dead over here

Gabriel and Rowena are an underrated scene sharing team. Omg they’re checking each other out. Honestly if two characters were going to hook up while the boys decide what to do about the fate of existence, it would be these two

Why is Rowena’s makeup always so gorgeous? The dark green eyeliner is stunning on her, bless the director for insisting on a close up of her eyes

It was difficult to get this with Meg jumping all over the place but LOOKS

Castiel averting his gaze after they caught Rowena and Gabriel fooling around 💀 relatable

Lmaooooo Lucifer having to meet up with two people he reeeeeeeeally thought he killed

I guess when there’s only one way you truly die, and the person who’s gonna do it is going to apocalypse world, it’s cool to stay behind with Lucifer

How is Cas some magical apocalypse world gps?

Fuck you, Lucifer. Bringing up what you put her through before breaking out of her magic handcuffs

Ohhhhhh, girly…..you just endangered the whole mission. Ohhhhh, babe, have you developed a conscience? Or at least a fondness for the boys?? You were about to leave…you could have left, but you’re staying to help them

Is it bad that I’m not fazed by this tunnel full of starved vampires?? Honestly, that one reminded me more of gollum than anything…there seems to be one following the group. Are they actually gonna get their own gollum??

I think if they’d gone through something like this earlier in the series before I got desensitized to a lot of this, it would have made me on edge

YO! I was not expecting to watch Sam get bitten and blood gush out of his neck

Cas telling Dean they don’t have time and can’t save Sam 😭😭😭

The change in Dean’s demeanor toward this poor girl…because it’s partially his fault they got caught up in the vampire mess

Noooooo, I mean, yessssss, they found Mary, but Sam’s absence is immediately noticeable.

I hate when Dean cries but at least Jensen is a pretty crier

Nooooooooooo…Lucifer saved Sam…and is the only thing holding a whole nest of vampires from tearing into Sam.

God. The horrible parallel of Lucifer saying he lifted Sam from the darkness and brought him into the light to Cas’s “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” all the way back in season four

Its really not a hard decision though: go with Lucifer to where you were already planning on going OR get eaten by vampires…again

Jack was glad to see Sam 💖 but then Lucifer walks in seconds later

(I’ll do doctor who tomorrow)

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[thevioletcaptain]

Coals Aglow

11.4k | Explicit | DeanCas 

A years-delayed 13.21 coda, in which Cas uses his grace in ways that it is probably not supposed to be used, and gentle-doms Dean into asking for what he wants.

{i}

It’s been several hours since the rebels split off into groups—half retiring to their sleeping quarters while the others walked with purpose to keep sentry around the camp’s perimeter—and Castiel has made a point to visit every one, speaking with each of them until he understands as much of this place as he possibly can. Just in case.

Castiel supposes that he could have just asked Jack, but despite Sam’s unexpected return he’s been quiet all evening. Almost withdrawn. It makes sense, considering how Sam came to be here and who he’d been forced to bring with him, but it still makes Castiel uneasy. Even after all these years, after his slip-slide into feeling, the emotional discomfort is something he’s not quite accustomed to.

Close to one in the morning, he spots Dean sitting on a log by the remains of a fire at the center of camp, picking idly at the bag of Skittles he’d packed for the trip and referred to as “trail mix” to irritate his brother. Sam is nowhere to be seen now. Dean appears to be doing little more than quietly passing the time.

After what happened this afternoon, Sam’s absence from Dean’s side is noteworthy enough to make Castiel apprehensive about joining him, but he pushes past his reservations and powers ahead. He’d rather sit with Dean in silence than go anywhere else, and though Dean has never said so, he knows that he’s not alone in his preference for spending what little downtime they have together.

Up close, he can see that the fire has burned down to little more than coals and ash. Dean prods at the sole remaining log with a stick, disrupting sparks and dark plumes of smoke that curl up into the night.

As Castiel sits beside him, the log shifts, pressing down into the loamy earth. Dean glances over to look at him. The weak light of the embers casts him in its deep orange glow, reflecting in his eyes, bright as the long-gone sunset. Something in Castiel’s chest settles at the sight.

“You doing okay?” Dean asks, offering the bag of Skittles. Castiel can only shrug as he takes a few and pops them into his mouth.

Almost as soon as he starts chewing, they dissolve into their component parts—citric acid splitting into carbon and hydrogen and oxygen; sucrose molecules breaking down into fructose and glucose. With effort, he focuses on all of them at once and captures a glimpse of the intended taste, just for a moment, before an unfathomable number of branched chain starch molecules unravel on his tongue, overwhelming the bright flavor he’d briefly enjoyed.

He’s been working on this. Testing things, training himself to taste the sum and not the parts. It’s a work in progress, but it’s one that he’s resolved to see through until it’s an automatic process.

“Relatively,” he says, and swallows the candy before he has to taste it any longer. “How are you?”

“Relatively,” Dean parrots, folding the bag up and poking it into his jacket pocket. “What a day, huh?”

“Mm.”

“Where’s Sam?”

“With Mom and Jack. Sleeping. Don’t think he wanted to be alone while he’s in the camp.”

Dean doesn’t gesture toward the place they designated to hold Lucifer overnight, but Castiel looks toward it anyway. He imagines he can feel his brother’s cold, prickling energy down to the tips of his fingers. Like frostbite. He frowns and turns back to Dean; tries to soak in his warmth instead.

“You should get some rest, too,” he says.

“Yeah, probably. Tomorrow’s gonna be a bitch.”

“Even by our standards,” Castiel agrees.

Dean huffs, his mouth ticking up to the right, and scuffs his heel in the dirt. Castiel watches as he picks idly at the log they sit upon; the twitch in his cheek as he hisses and inspects his index finger before raising it to his mouth. The shape of his lips as he tries to suck a splinter loose from where it's buried itself beneath his fingernail.

“Damnit,” Dean mutters, pulling his hand back to look at it with a frown.

“Here.”

Reaching out, Castiel catches Dean’s wrist in one hand and his fingers in the other, expending a shimmering wisp of grace to work the splinter free. He’s not sure what compels him to make such a show of it — he could have healed the minuscule injury from where he’s sitting without touching Dean at all — but he can’t help himself.

At some point, years ago, his duty to help Dean and his desire to be close to him got all tangled up. He can no longer recall when he’d started healing him through unnecessary touch, but it’s the singular selfish thing that he does, and he’s not planning on stopping unless Dean tells him to.

The splinter falls silently to the dirt at their feet. Castiel curls the tip of his index finger against the tiny puncture in Dean’s skin, directing his grace as it knits back together.

Beside him, Dean lets out an unsteady breath, and a pulse of love stretches out from his soul to brush against Castiel’s true form. If he’s being truly honest with himself, this is another major reason why Castiel allows himself to touch him in moments like this; he knows that Dean enjoys it as much as he does.

Despite all his half-hearted blustering about personal space, Dean is a tactile person, and the moments when Castiel heals him are the moments when his heart is the most open. When he lets himself feel the way he feels without holding back, just for a breath or two. It’s enough. It’s always been enough.

But now—the feeling draws out longer than usual, shifting to something closer to hunger, to desire, and Dean’s fingers flex a little in Castiel’s hand. When Castiel starts to pull away they turn to gently grip him back. And this…

This is new.

Not the feeling—that has been there for years, poorly concealed and just below the surface—but the action that echoes it. Dean has never done something like this, and Castiel has never been brave enough to try it himself. He’s still not, he realizes as he looks down at their hands tangled together and tries to strategize a safe response.

He’s got no ideas, so he doesn’t move. Couldn’t move if he tried.

“Y’know,” Dean says, interrupting his thoughts with his voice pitched low, and Castiel glances back up to see that his pupils are blown wide. Apprehensive. Tense. Aroused, Castiel’s mind supplies, and he pushes the thought away just in time for Dean to make him wonder if he’d been too hasty in rejecting it. “I don’t think I can stand to be alone tonight, either.”

There’s a clear, deliberate weight to Dean’s words, and although Castiel recognizes it for what it is almost immediately, he hasn’t got the slightest clue how he’s expected to address it. How could he? They’ve kept such a delicate balance for so long that even this one sentence feels monumental. It’s as though Dean has casually dropped an anchor onto a scale that would have been thrown off kilter by a feather, and now he’s just sitting here, acting as though he hasn’t just thrown out the entire rule book of their relationship.

Castiel is afraid to respond at all. He wishes he wasn’t, but fear compounded by habit is hard to shake.

“I could watch over you,” he offers eventually, hating himself for taking the easy way out even as he says it, and waiting for the inevitable refusal. Dean exhales as he slowly pulls his hand away and shifts his gaze back to the glowing embers.

“Aren’t you tired, Cas?”

“I’m running a little low on grace, but—”

“No, I mean—aren’t you tired of… of this.” He waves between them with an open hand, the movement far too casual to be anything but calculated, and glances back to meet Castiel’s eyes. “We could die tomorrow.”

“You could say that about every day, for us.”

“Yeah, but,” Dean huffs. “Look, can we just—”

Pushing to his feet, Dean takes a few steps away before turning back to look at Castiel, his hands tense at his sides, clenching into fists and releasing, over and over as though he needs the movement to keep from… something. Castiel isn’t sure what. But his eyes are pleading. Begging Castiel to meet him halfway.

Castiel wants to. He’s just trying to figure out how.

“Can we skip this part?” Dean asks.

“What do you—”

“The—” Dean briefly lifts his hands, then lets them fall helplessly back to his sides. “The… I don’t know, man. The freakin’ confessions. The discussion. The… the whole what now thing. All that bullshit.” He looks up at Castiel. “Can we just skip it?”

Castiel blinks, slow.

“You mean—”

“I mean I’ve had enough, Cas. I’m tired, and I don’t— I don’t see the point in ignoring this anymore. I haven’t really seen the point in a while. Didn’t want to rock the boat, I guess, but now…”

“But now you’re tired.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re rocking the boat.”

Dean doesn’t respond to the question directly; just looks at Castiel with a determination in his eyes that leaves no room for misunderstanding, and says, “I’m going to bed. You should come with me.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply. Doesn’t even pause to see if his assumption that Castiel understands his meaning is correct.

Castiel is surprised at his confidence. Not because he’s wrong to have it, but because even though this thing that’s been growing between them for near on a decade has been more difficult to deny with every passing year, even though Castiel has been able to feel Dean’s longing for him as sharply as he’s been able to feel his own, Dean has still never acknowledged it in any concrete way.

For his own part, Castiel has given him more openings than his pride would like him to admit, but Dean’s played things so close to his chest the entire time that Castiel has always assumed he didn’t want to deal with it at all.

He just didn’t think they’d ever get here.

There’s always been something in the way. An apocalypse, a near death, an actual death. Something. When he came back from the Empty, miraculously alive again against all odds, he’d thought to himself, it’s now or never, and Dean had barreled into him, fingers pressed to the back of his neck as they’d embraced in a dimly lit alleyway, and Castiel had felt love radiating from him like light from a star, and still nothing had changed.

So, never, he’d thought. He’d made his peace with it. Being near Dean was enough, if being with Dean was not an option.

But now—

Dean is already nearing the dilapidated mess hall he’s been set up in for the night—the camp only has so much space for sleeping quarters—and Castiel hurries to catch up. He slips through the door behind him and into the dark.

Inside, the main room is cluttered and overfull with folding tables.

A dozen or so chairs are stacked along the walls, and the faint scent of instant coffee lingers in the air. Ahead, Dean maneuvers through a tight gap between tables toward a dark red door. When they make their way inside, it’s to find a cramped storeroom, where a thin bedroll and blanket has been set out for Dean on the floor alongside several unlabelled boxes and a shelf of cleaning supplies. His backpack sits at one end like a makeshift pillow.

Near the ceiling, there’s a single narrow window, and the moonlight that filters through its dusty pane catches on the buttons on Dean’s jacket, reflects bright in his eyes as he turns to look back at Castiel.

Years ago, in a similarly cramped storeroom in the Rexford Gas n Sip, Castiel had knelt on the floor to gather his things while Dean waited outside in the Impala, and wondered if perhaps one of them would be brave enough to ask for a single room at the motel they were headed toward.

He’d known already, even then, that what they felt for each other was far beyond the limits of friendship. Had felt it for a long time before that night, too, though it had taken an abrupt fall from Heaven and a brand new soul grown under the worst possible circumstances for him to truly understand what it meant.

But just for a few minutes, kneeling in that storeroom, he’d thought that perhaps this was the night. That Dean would make his move. That he’d summon the courage to make a move himself.

The way Dean had looked at him earlier that night had him feeling recklessly hopeful, and he’d been halfway convinced that they’d arrive at the Rexford Motor Inn, and their hands would touch as they walked to the room, and some understanding would pass between them.

That they’d fall into one another before they even managed to get through the door.

He’d thought about it in sharp detail. Imagined confessing to Dean, telling him how the first thing he’d felt when the angels stopped falling was the overwhelming desire to hear Dean’s voice. To see him. To hold him. To breathe him in.

How his fledgling soul ached every day that they’d been apart; how he’d realized, finally, that this thing between them was love.

He’d imagined it countless different ways as he pushed to his feet with a plastic bag in his hand, as he left the building and locked the door behind him, as he’d gripped the cool metal of the Impala’s door handle. As Dean’s hand had settled on the back of his seat while they reversed out of the parking space, fingers brushing carelessly against the back of Castiel’s neck.

He’s lost in the memory, still trying to wrap his head around what they’re doing here when Dean laughs aloud. Castiel meets his eyes, and feels the soul tangled up with his grace sing at the sight.

“Sorry,” Dean says, and there’s a touch of wild hysteria in his voice. “Just…” He gestures loosely around them. “Kinda hilarious that this is… we’re basically in a goddamn closet.”

Castiel can’t help but huff out a laugh himself, and Dean’s gaze drops to his mouth. It’s not the first time that’s happened. It’s not even the first time Castiel has noticed. It’s different now, though.

Because this time, Dean doesn’t immediately look away. He doesn’t step back or crack a joke or lash out or deflect. He looks at Castiel’s mouth, and he keeps on looking. And looking. And looking. Castiel feels as though he might buzz right out of his body if he doesn’t just—

“Dean.”

Dean’s eyes lift to meet Castiel’s, and there’s a shade of reckless humor in them. Something devious and endlessly irritating that makes Castiel want to throttle him for making him wait, even now, when they’re supposedly not doing that anymore.

“Yeah?”

“What are you waiting for?”

The answer, as it turns out, is nothing. Dean grins, and crowds into his space, and kisses him. Just like that.

As though it’s always been this easy. Maybe it has been.

Raising one palm to rest against Castiel’s chest, Dean slides the other into his hair, thumb dragging soft against the back of his ear as he moves him into place, and Castiel lets himself be directed. Lets Dean push him back until he’s pressed firmly against the door. Lets Dean tilt his chin just so, and deepen their kiss.

The memory of Dean’s fingers accidentally brushing against his neck that night in the Impala comes rushing back full force now that Dean is holding him there so purposefully. Kissing him with a hunger that Castiel had resigned himself to thinking would never be sated.

Even now, he’s still not sure it will be. Dean is kissing him, but Castiel still longs for him as though they aren’t pressed flush together.

Castiel isn’t sure if his perception is skewed by love, but as Dean’s lips part, he decides that despite the molecules, Skittles taste better on Dean’s tongue, and it suddenly feels incredibly important that Dean knows. Not about the Skittles, but the rest. Everything.

Can we skip it? Dean had asked, but now that they’re here, Castiel realizes that doesn’t want to.

They’ve avoided talking for years, and as Dean put it—Castiel is tired.

With his hands on Dean’s waist, working under his jacket to pull him closer still even as he breaks their kiss, Castiel does what he hadn’t been brave enough to do in Rexford. He tells Dean the truth.

[keep reading on ao3]

#deancas fic #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #cass writes fic #here have some smut

[jawritter]

30 Minutes In Heaven

Summary: Your life, like many hunters before you, was cut short. You had no idea at the time the Fates that were at play in the universe were really those of dick angles and egotistical assholes with massive god complexes. And you also had no idea that they were really the reason you lost your life, and you had no idea why… Until around 30 minutes after you made it to Heaven.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Reader (Y/N), Jack Kline

Warnings: SPN SERIES FINALE SPOILERS!!!! IF YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK AND HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET DO NOT READ THIS FIC!!! Brief use of Christian biblical text at the beginning as a reference. Language I’m sure, because hello, it’s me. Slight angst, mentions of character death all over the place, past, present, and upcoming. Some fluff. I don’t want to give too much away.

Word Count: 2722

A Huge fucking thank you to @miss-nerd95​ for Betaing this fic!! You’re a lifesaver!!

A/N: Okay, this was a fic I started before the Series ending, then when it ended I dropped it like a hot object because I just couldn’t finish it, and struggled with the fact that I could easily tie in the canon Dean Winchester ending. Then one of my Patreons requested an ending that placed the reader, Dean’s soul mate, given to him once he made it to Heaven to give Dean the happy ending he deserved, well that’s when I decided to go back and finish it, give Dean and the reader a reunion over there. I was originally going to just post this to Patreon, but I feel like we ALL needed this, so I’m going to be posting it to tumblr and wattpad as well! I hope you all enjoy this one, as it was a bitch to write I’m not gonna lie.

**MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A PATREON**

2 Peter 3:8 Says But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 

You had never known  the gravity of that one verse of scripture from your time on earth. It was the only thing that resounded to be true in all that you had experienced once you had made it to Heaven. There was no way of truly knowing exactly how long in earth time you had been here, but something deep down in your heart knew that it had been a very, very long time. You would venture to say it had been close to ten years, but again you couldn’t be sure. 

For you, it had only felt like 30 minutes. 

In that 30 minutes a whole lot of things had taken place. You hadn’t even gotten settled into your little cubicle here before the place began to shake. Then talks of falling angels and power flickering were happening. There were whispers of new gods and old gods, there were whispers of the devil and his death. There were whispers of all manner of things as you stood with your head to the wall of your childhood bedroom. 

One name you kept hearing was Dean. 

Dean Winchester. 

You had been a hunter in your former life, and you had heard of the Winchesters before. Part of you wanted desperately to know what was happening on earth, what could Dean Winchester have done to literally cause Heaven to quake? 

You had tried to find a means of escape, but you seemed trapped in this room, no matter how much you tried to find a way out. 

Then before you even had time to panic, another rumble shook Heaven, and people were saying something about a 'darkness' that had befallen of old. A darkness that had overtaken Dean. That were the longest five minutes of your life. The angels talked of the righteous man that had once shed blood in hell now bathed in it on earth to save the world. 

Over and over again you would catch snippets of stories, passing and confusing glimpses, while you remained trapped behind the all too familiar walls of your prison cell. 

You screamed and pounded, but it all went ignored until a sudden bright light consumed you, almost blinding you completely. 

The next thing you knew, you were standing in a little cabin type of house. One you had always dreamed of having-one you had always hoped for but were never foolish enough to believe you could have due to your lifestyle, right down to the stone fireplace in the corner of the little living room that oozed warmth, and the bookshelf that lined around that, upon closer inspection, had many of your favorite books. 

There were birds chirping outside the windows, and the sun was shining. There were beautiful mountains off in the distance, and for the first time a profound calmness fell on you. You didn’t have time to ponder your sudden release from your prison before a voice behind you made you turn on the spot, old hunter instincts kicking in like they had never left. 

“Hello,” it said, and you turned to find a young boy in a white jacket standing with his hand raised in an almost alien-like greeting and a warm smile on his face. 

“Um-hi,” you responded, slowly taking a step back, more than weary of everything, for it could be an angel or even a demon in this place. 

“Oh, don’t be afraid of me. I’m Jack, Jack Kline,” he said, settling himself against the arm of the old leather couch in the living area of the cabin. 

You had heard whispers of his name before too, but knew very little of him aside from the fact that he seemed to be in the same circles with the Winchesters. His name had been whispered a lot amongst the angels passing down what you could only assume was a hallway by the small room you were trapped in. 

“What do you want?” you questioned him defensively, looking around for anything you could use in case you had to defend yourself against, uh-whatever he was. 

Jack nonchalantly clasped his hands together in front of his lap. Looking around the little cabin fondly, almost like a proud decorator would look at his finished product before his eyes traveled back to your own. 

“This place is cozy, it’s perfect, it’s everything you and he deserves,” he said, grinning at you in an almost childlike manner. It was confusing, and you wanted to run, but for some reason you held your ground. 

“I asked what do you want?” you asked again, and this time Jack nodded before meeting your gaze knowingly. 

“You have no idea who you are, do you?” he asked, the same kind smile on his face. 

You said nothing, just waited there ,watching him for any sudden movements. Jack stood and made his way around the cabin, and looked outside the window next to you, admiring the scenery around with innocent wonder you had forgotten could even exist. 

“You were cheated out of life, Y/N Y/L/N. You were cheated out of a lot of good things you were meant for. You were killed before your time because my grandfather was angry with Dean and couldn’t control him, so he took you away from him before he could ever even have you. In doing so, he took away Dean’s only chance to have any happiness or peace while on Earth.”

Jack turned to face you while you froze up, him seemingly unfazed while you tried to make sense of this riddle he was giving you. Sensing your confusion, Jack gave you a moment before finally speaking again. 

“Do you remember how you died, Y/N?” he asked, and you tried to. It was all really hard to remember. You knew you had been on a hunt that was supposed to be a simple Salt and Burn, but since the Winchesters had opened up the gates of hell a few years back, it wasn’t always what it appeared, just like it wasn’t that time. It was a trap set up by demons, and while you couldn’t remember the pain you went through, or the details of your death, you know that they had been your end game. 

“Chuck sent those Demons to kill you so that Dean would never meet you in this life, and he intended to keep you locked away here forever so you two couldn't get together even in heaven. You were Dean’s soulmate, see. A rare and beautiful thing in the cruel world my grandfather built. You would have grounded Dean, given him a family of his own, a reason to fight against the darkness that he never should have been forced to take on in the first place. If you would have been his, the way you were intended to be, then Dean would never have become a Demon, he would have never had to let go of Lisa or even go to her in the first place, and he wouldn’t be on his way into a warehouse right now to die alone with his brother as witness on a crude piece of rebar.”

Your eyes widened as you struggled to keep up with what this teenager was telling you. You were Dean Winchester’s soulmate, and this Chuck had you killed so that you would never meet him. There was supposed to be no tears in Heaven, or at least that’s what you were always told, but you could feel them slipping down your cheeks as images of what could have been flashed before your mind, no doubt controlled by  whatever power Jack had. 

Images of a little boy in Dean’s arms, images of sensual touches, passionate filled moments, images of yourself and Dean old and sitting on a porch in a rocking chair with your grandchildren played in the yard with a dog that Dean called Miracle. It was all stolen from you. It would never be yours, you were robbed of this man and the life you could have shared together, it was earth shattering. 

“What happened to his Chuck?” you asked, sudden fear gripping you that he would find you free of your prison, and destroy you utterly. 

“Dean defeated him, he’s cursed to live life alone and die as a lowly human. I promise you, it’s more than what he deserves.”

Jack made his way to the front door of the cabin, opening it and stepping out on the porch, leading you to sit down on one of the old wooden rocking chairs, as he took a seat next to you. “He should be here any moment now,” Jack said, smiling at you before looking down the long dirt road almost longingly. 

“What happens when he gets here?” you asked him, following his line of sight, your heart already longing for a man you never knew you missed. 

“He gets to have the heaven he deserves, with you.” 

The ground underneath you seemed to rumble lowly, and Jack’s smile widened as he stood from his perch in the chair next to you before looking at you excitedly. 

“He’s here, Dean’s home,” he said, giving you a smile before stepping out into the open driveway, looking back over his shoulder before yelling at you, “Wait here!” and disappearing on the spot. Leaving you alone with birds singing happily, and your heart pounding in your chest. Images of what should have been still fresh in your mind, and for some reason no doubt at all that he’d be happy to see you here, a reassurance residing in your soul you never understood until now, but knew it was meant to be there all the same.

“Come home to me, Dean,” you whispered to the passing wind, settling down to wait on the man that had saved the world, and now was finally ready to lay down his weary, war beaten heart in the hands of the one person he always longed for, but was forced to do without, you.

Dean’s POV: 

“Right here!” Sam said from the passenger seat of the Impala as Dean turned the wheel into a driveway of what looked like the perfect little farmhouse in the middle of a beautiful clearing not far from where his parents little place was nestled. 

As soon as Dean put Baby in park Sam threw the passenger door open, the front door of the house opening to reveal Jess in a long white dress. Dean had a hard time suppressing the smile as he watched his little brother run into the arms of the woman he had always loved. He was finally home. Sammy was finally happy, and that made him more happy and at peace than he ever thought would be possible. Dean waived to his little brother before he and Jess disappeared inside his new home, leaving Dean alone yet again in the Impala. 

This place, it was almost perfect, but even still Dean felt like a vagabond. Putting Baby in drive he made his way down the road a little ways back to where he’d started, Bobby no longer sitting on the porch, but he was sure he could hear him and Ellen laughing just off in the distance as he killed the engine. 

Everyone had their place, but Dean. Dean didn’t have a home or a long lost love waiting for him, and he felt something he thought he wasn’t supposed to ever feel again in Heaven. He felt lonely. 

“Hey Dean,” Jack’s voice cut into the fog of his self pity, and Dean spun in the driver's seat to find Jack smiling at him in the back, a smile breaking over Dean’s weather beaten features, revealing the eye crinkles deep in his sun kissed skin that Jack had missed seeing, and didn’t get to see nearly enough while they were both on Earth.

“Jack! You’ve done a great job man! This place is everything anyone could dream of, you and Cas really outdid yourselves.” 

Dean’s gaze locked with the boy in life he’d hated almost to the point of death, and all he could find now was utter and complete peace staring back at him, and he wondered if he would get to the place where he could feel the same peace everyone else seemed to feel.

“Dean, glad you finally made it,” Jack said, leaning forward in the seat and looking around to the road and pointing for Dean to drive up the gravel path hidden in the trees. Dean did so without question, putting his beloved Baby in drive, and pushing onward until a little cabin tucked away in the hallow appeared just in sight. You were sitting on the porch, watching, as if you were waiting for him, and as he turned to Jack in confusion Jack just smiled as he once did when he tried to give Dean his first Christmas present, only more deep and with more pride. 

“I don’t remember her,” Dean murmured, turning back to look at you as you were  standing up slowly and making your way to lean against the rough cut railing of the porch, eyes tracing over Dean’s cars almost fondly. 

“That’s because you never got to meet her while you were alive. She was stolen from you Dean, long before you ever got the chance to find true happiness.” 

Dean’s face contorted with confusion, but Jack simply placed his fingers to Dean’s forehead lightly, showing him all the things that could have been, and should have been, but never were, just like he did to you. When Jack was done, one giant tear rolled down Dean's face as he uttered the only thing he could have thought would possibly have been able to take something so precious away from him, so willingly. “Chuck.” 

Jack nodded  and looked back at you where you were waiting for Dean to finally get out of the car. 

“This, Dean, this is the Heaven you deserve. This is home. This is peace. You did good Dean, and now it’s time for you to have everything without any terms or conditions.”

Dean’s eyes traced over your features and his heart swelled in his chest. He could feel it, the magnetic pull, the piece of him that was always missing beckoning to him to come home and lay his weary soul to rest. “Y/N,” he murmured before looking back at Jack. “How do I know her name?” he asked. Jack just smiled, looking into Dean’s eyes knowingly.

“Go home Dean, she’s been waiting for you for a long time.” With that Jack disappeared, leaving Dean alone in the car. 

Slowly, Dean pushed the door open, and his eyes met yours as a smile spread across your face. He was perfect. He was everything you had missed and didn’t know you needed. He completed you.

You were the deepest piece of his soul that he had always missed, you were the reason his heart was beating now, and had always been the reason he got up and fought every day to get to the rest that he had found now. You were home, his home. 

Dean placed a large hand to the side of your face as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him, and brushed your hair away from your face. His green eyes bore into your own with more emotion and love than you had ever felt in your life. There was no darkness there. There was no hurt, or self loathing, there was no weight of the world, there was no more fight and heartache. There was nothing but love and resounding peace that would last for the ages. 

“I’m sorry I took so long, sweetheart,” Dean said, his lips brushing yours as you melted into his hold, humming at the warmth of his breath against your skin. 

“S’Okay Dean,” you tell him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders as the two of you just held each other there in your little piece of Heaven. You finally had all you’d ever need. Dean had you, and your warrior was finally home.

Forever Tags: 

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#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn one shot #dean winchester one shot #jensen ackles #jawritter #30 minutes in heaven #x reader inserts

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 150: 14x17

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

April 4, 2022

14x17: Game Night

Written by: Meredith Glynn

Directed by: John F. Showalter

Original air date: April 4, 2019

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean race to help a friend in need. Meanwhile, Mary is concerned for Jack's wellbeing, and Castiel enlists help from Jo/Anael to track down a miracle.

Features:

Mousetrap and Jiffy Pop, Donatello speaking in tongues, Anael and Cas bonding, Nick breaking Jack’s nose, a new Samulet, the most disgusting lockpick, battle of the Satan vessels, a ritual to rescue an angel from the Empty, an intervention gone wrong.

My Thoughts:

The first time I watched this episode I was so delighted by the family game night and I couldn’t wait to have a cute happy episode where they get like, transported into Mousetrap or something. Whoops.

It’s nice for Stacked purposes that we get the new Samulet and the information about Joshua so close to having watched Dark Side of the Moon. I wish Cas had been involved in the main plot of the episode though - it would have been interesting to see him see Jack doing the first truly horrifying soulless thing with killing Nick. It’s a nice thematic line up with Anael making him accept the reality of the situation, though, and having two people capable of healing would have messed up the plot a bit.

I like seeing Sam dealing with anger issues again, it was such an integral part of the earlier seasons and I missed that kind of fire and interesting characterization.

There’s a lot to be said about Mary being fridged again, but honestly I don’t hate it as a plot development. After all, we’re not far away from learning that God is telling a story, and what do you do right before the last act other than take away every support that your protagonist has? So Mary has to die, which drives Jack and Cas from Sam and Dean, who are then left at their darkest point. I also think the scene between Jack and Mary is really well played. Jack is going by the script he learned from the Winchesters, which is that you stop the bad guy and that makes you a good guy. They haven’t taught him the nuances because they barely understand them themselves, and he doesn’t have the mechanism to feel out what’s right. He’s still a child in terms of experience, and he has a child’s reaction to being told he did a bad thing, only he has way too much power to do that safely.

I am so torn between the ritual plotline, because on it’s own it’s kind of a sexy plot to have the devil’s vessel choose him and want him back so much that he’s willing to go to insane lengths to do it (if only it wasn’t Pellegrino, rip). On the other hand, they PERFECTLY SET UP a way to bring Cas back from the Empty and then just… didn’t. They have his blood on Dean’s jacket, if they needed a vessel or some leftover grace they could have gotten Claire, it would have been perfect.

Notable Lines:

“So he saves one angel… and watches millions of people die screaming, every day. What does that say about him?”

“Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 8.6

IMdB Rating: 7.8

In Conclusion: This is beautifully setting up what is in contender for my favourite season finale, so I love it for that at least.

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#Stackednatural #supernatural #spn #14x17 #Game Night

[theymadeitlh28]

I am convinced Cas knew about Dean’s feelings for him. He almost confessed twice. The first time Dean said „I need you“ and not in the „hey, man I need you to heal me after hunts“ but in the „I need you in my life bc of you, bc you are my best friend and I don’t want to go on without you“ kinda way. The way he said it the second time almost sounded like „I love you“ bc of the way he pronounced it, bc of the intonation, and that is what snapped Cas out of it. (They cut it out of the original script bc they felt that Dean would not say I love you this early. He hadn’t even said it to his brother only to his mother in the dream he had bc of the ghoul. But the fact that it was intended to be I love you gives the I need you even more meaning) However it didn’t go as he hoped he would bc Dean never mentioned it again, kept calling him buddy. So he doubted his thoughts and kept his feelings to himself, afraid to push Dean away.

Dean’s second almost confession happened 6 seasons later. Dean’s prayer. „I‘m sorry it took me so long to say it“ is not only about the forgiveness. Prayers are not always spoken out loud, we don’t know if he added anything in silence, all though I don’t think so. Dean didn’t say I love you there, maybe because he thought Cas deserved to hear it when he was standing right in front of him and not through a prayer he isn’t sure Cas could even hear. So when he finally found Cas you could see determination on his face. I believe he wanted to tell him then and there. And when he started with „Cas, I need to say something“ and Cas interrupted him he was confused and devastated, but he respected Cas decision. He didn’t push after „I heard your prayer“. Maybe he also was relieved for the diversion bc he is emotionally repressed and he is not the character who says I love you lighthearted, maybe he also thought that Cas doesn’t reciprocate and this time it’s Dean who is afraid to bring it up, afraid to risk their friendship. But Cas knew he had to stop him bc if not he would have been happy. It would not have mattered that the world was ending bc he would have been truly happy and he couldn’t risk it, so he interrupted Dean.

The last time it is Cas who confessed bc he hasn’t got anything to lose. He could only win bc even if he is gone he had saved Dean and the all of the others. But he already knows Dean loves him, he is almost certain he does. (The actors changes the script here a few times.) After the „I love you“ Dean said „Don’t do it, Cas“ (Script said Cass). He doesn’t look like he is disgusted that his best friend is confessing his love to him, no he is afraid. Yes, he is shocked and surprised and can’t say it back therefore. He is after all still an emotionally repressed character. But his „Don’t do it“ is a plea for Cas to not go there. It’s a don’t tell me you love me to then leave me alone, don’t give me all I wished for and then take it away before I can get a say in it. It’s a longing for Cas to take it back just so that he won’t leave him again. Dean knows what life felt without Cas and he pleads that Cas won’t put him through that again. But it’s to late and he knows this too, so when Cas pulles him on while saying „Good bye, Dean“ he wants to ask him something, you can hear the „What..“ that hangs in the air. You see that he is too shocked to do anything but expects something at the same time, maybe a kiss, maybe a hug, anything at all but not being pushed out of the way. He crumbles as he watches Cas being taken by the Empty and you can see that in that moment he is numb. He looks around for him and when he realizes that this was Goodbye forever, he breaks. At this exact moment Dean’s world ended. Outside of the walls he was leaning against was his brother, his son who needed his help but he had no fight in him. He ignores Sam’s call and he had never done this before. This man lost the love of his life in that moment and simultaneously the reason for him to fight.

Another big thing is that Dean seems happy in the final episode. We know he was always devastated when Cas was dead. A walking meat suit so to say. Dean is the best hunter with Sam together, he never made a mistake that was so banal that he overlooked a screw he saw more than once during the fight. He knows how to take on a bigger persona, a stronger monster than him, he knows not to launch himself at it, so why did he. Psychological speaking, a person who is keen on dying makes peace a few days prior with their decision, appeares calm, happy and content; suicidal or not, taking their own lives or dying bc of a letal disease. This is what I see in the last episode. Dean knew his brother was finally happy, had someone in his life to look after him when he would be gone, but he wasn’t. He was numb, he had no reason to life. He had no son on earth, his purpose in saving the world was fulfilled. He couldn’t retire bc then he would have nothing. He had no one waiting for him at home bc the one thing he wants is the one thing he can’t have. In Dean‘s mind Cas is gone forever and most of the people who are most important to him are in heaven. Dean wanted to die. There is no other explanation as for why Jack didn’t send Cas to heal him or did it himself. It’s why Dean asked his brother to tell him it’s ok, so he knows Sam will be able to get over his death instead of telling him to get help. And Sam knows bc he doesn’t tell him to hold it together, to keep fighting till he gets help. No, Sam pleads to Dean not to go just like Dean pleaded that Cas won’t leave him. When Dean arrived in heaven he was content, he wasn’t happy yet, he was relieved. „At least I made it to heaven“ is so important here bc it is common sense that suicide is a sin, that people that take their own life go to hell. Dean hoped that by dying in an accident he would bypass this fact even if he provoked the accident. He is also surprised about the changes made in heaven that his kid , as Bobby said. You can see his face fall for a minute when Bobby mentions his Dad, like he is afraid he disappointed his father by becoming the person he was, maybe even by falling in love with a gay angel. The moment Bobby mentions that Cas helped Jack Dean smiled, smirked even bc his plan not only worked but bc his dream came true. He had his Cas back, or at least Cas was alive and he could see him. „It’s almost perfect“, what did he mean by this. Was he talking about Sam only or was he missing something else too. Bobby then tells him he can have anything he wants anything he wishes for and Dean gulps. He diverts Bobby‘s questions about what he is gonna do about it just like he always did when someone mentioned his feelings for Cas on earth, but then his face falls on baby and he seems determined. He answers „I think I‘ll go for a drive“ casually but his face is not the face of someone who just wants to take a stroll through heaven. His face is the face of someone who is determined to get something done. Call me delusional but I think Dean took that car to go and find Cas. To finally tell him that he loves him too. To get everything he ever wished for and bc that means all of them happy he meats Sam on his way, maybe after he went to see Cas and Jack, maybe before. But Dean decided to take his car to a specific location, he was determined when deciding to go for a drive. We don’t get to see Cas and Dean reuniting, but we all know that for Dean to be truly happy he needs not only Sam but also Cas. And as Bobby said You can have all you wish for, we know that Dean got to have Castiel.

#destiel #supernatural finale #confession #dean loves him back #heaven #deancas #castiel #my interpretation

[mattzerella-sticks]

Thoughts on "Carry On" after I've mulled it over:

Now that I've had time to sit on it, I can be a little more precise on my thoughts of this finale:

- Dean's 'ending': Taken out by a rusty nail... I hate it. Then I heard some opinions - without Chuck there were no magic fixes, and this was bound to happen if they continued hunting because of that. It was a human, ordinary, accidental death meaning the Winchesters are just ordinary. Still, being taken out by a nail or rebarb or whatever wasn't a satisfying death for Dean Winchester. Added to the fact he most certainly wanted to live (Miracle, job application, etc.) And he didn't want to hunt anymore either! He wasn't looking for hunts (like Sam was). They stumbled onto that hunt by accident.

From a writer's point of view, I can say now it makes sense with the plot of the episode (only). Dean's death was a catalyst - to give Sam 'freedom' and to show us, the audience, what Heaven was like now that Jack is God. His own sort of 'freedom', I guess.

Unfortunately the plot of the episode still sucked. Just because it makes sense 'story wise' (and I say that very loosely because Dean didn't even get his loose ends tied up nicely). A death during a hunt was something Dean figured would happen in his youth, and he didn't care because he practically was a ghost without many physical attachments. Now he has so many they decide to take him away and for what purpose? It is the last episode. A series finale should only hurt in saying goodbye to the characters, but not like this.

And a goodbye like this, for a character who has had suicidal tendencies and from the looks of it was moving past that, who never really thought about his wants until this moment, and who was on the cusp of being textually confirmed queer (which would have been monumental just saying), it felt like we as fans were stabbed by the rebarb. Which goes to show how much we love the character, one thing. And I think that's why they knew it would hurt. However, they were so wrapped up in this 'shock' they didn't think about any of the consequences listed above as to why this would hurt not only us but their legacy. They figured it'd be a bookend, only for a book whose story ended a decade ago.

- Cas: A one-sentence reference sucks. That's just it.

Fanfiction was mostly built around Cas, too, and I had a feeling they wouldn't show his rescue because leaving that to us would be a good gift. "Here, Cas is alive and human but we won't tell you how - our last fanfiction gap". But Cas's absence wasn't a fanfiction gap, it's a canyon. So much of this episode doesn't make sense without Cas. And, honestly, a good chunk of outrage could have been avoided if Misha was allowed to film (or, if rumors were true, if they left his scenes in). Like it's been proven the majority of fans love Cas, and Jensen and Jared love Misha, so not having him in the finale gives credence to, that the cast and crew might love Misha, TPTB certainly didn't. And doesn't that tarnish your legacy, that you have a man dedicate 12 years of his life to your show and this is how you repaid him? Even if they decided to 'no homo' Cas's declaration (which i doubt they would have because those optics are much worse) at least show it.

Which leads to why he wasn't included in the finale. If he was there, they'd have to have him and Dean talk. About that night, when Cas told Dean he loves him. And if they did, and had there be a reciprocal confession, I bet things on Tumblr would have felt a little different. An equal exchange instead of plain highway robbery.. Yes we would all still want Dean and Cas to live long, human lives, but at least Dean and Cas's emotional arcs were resolved by the SHOW WRITERS, whose job it is to do so. Not ours! But they never understood how to give Castiel good things. Clearly, they know how to make Castiel give good things (like creating Dean's perfect Heaven for him) but not receive them in kind (reciprocated love from Dean). By not having this, it plays exactly into the bury your gays trope we were all afraid of, even if Cas is back. Because he, a queer character, is still living his life for a character he believes doesn't love him back - even if Cas 'doesn't need to know if that's true'. The audience does, and I'm sure Misha did as well.

The writers set up such an easy win but what this finale did was put every character back to season one, and given Misha didn't show up until season 4, makes sense why he wasn't in this episode.

- Sam's life after Dean: Sam liked being a hunter. We had how many countless episodes show that? He enjoyed saving people, research, being a leader - he was good at it. Hell, they even made it a point to have him find someone in the life who understood what it was like to hunt and wrote a beautiful relationship that also gave disability rep.

Only they never followed through.

Like, with Dean, so much of this lead up was then tossed out the window by Sam starting a family, which he never had any indication he wanted to do in these later seasons. Since season 8, really. What we got was that he liked to hunt, he was good at it. He could have restarted the Men of Letters, America chapter, and made the hunters even more connected than before!

Not saying he didn't do that, but knowing how Sam was raised I doubt he would let himself hunt with a kid. So, by showing him marry and have Dean Jr., it's a non-textual confirmation he retired. Which, like with Dean's ending, didn't make sense with what he wanted. It felt like a "might as well" since Dean wasn't there any longer. Like, whats the point of doing something I love now that I don't have my brother with me?

Instead of leaving the Bunker he should have transformed it into a bustling center of activity so he wasn't alone. Extend the Winchester family further and become the hunters' patriarch. Eileen being the matriarch.

Which, circling back, Eileen should have had textual confirmation, too. They showed a brunette woman standing far back, and I get if the actress couldn't be there to film why they would do that. But why not show pictures of him and Eileen if they did marry? I mean, there's a giant picture of Sam with Dean, Mary, and John I DON'T remember them ever having. Why he would blow that up after having two previous episodes talk about how much of a bad father he is...

Sam's ending falls in the same vein as Dean's in that it's unsatisfactory and doesn't fit the character anymore. Not saying Sam didn't want this in the past, but we all saw him change. Hunting was in his blood, and he was fantastic at it. It used to be a way for him to hang with Dean but it would have also been good to see him carry on the legacy in Dean's honor. A better way then by naming his son Dean.

Which strikes another nail on the head. We have Dean, a subtextually queer/textually ambiguous sexuality character, die, and because of this Sam can go on and live the 'apple pie life'? Cas's confession scene wasn't homophobic, but damned if Sam didn't spend the thirty years after Dean's death yelling 'Straight Pride'.

Textually, giving characters a family is a common trope in these sort of epilogues. Harry Potter, Hunger Games, etc. A way to show they've moved on from trauma and are trying to be happy (albeit in a very antiquated way). But at least it fit with those characters and stories. This was Sam trying to be a person who he wasn't anymore, who clearly would rather be on the road hunting (given that ugly wig scene in the garage with Dean's Impala). Actually, worse, it felt like Sam was trying to live a life Dean always wanted. Which shows that even if he's alive Sam isn't happy with what his life was, he was content. He was waiting for death.

- Dean's time in Heaven: Like I said previously about Dean and his 'death', it makes sense to have Dean die early if the goal was to show how Heaven had been changed. Which hurts worse because that again reinforces how Dean's storyline truly is left unresolved for plot development.

And, honestly, they should have cut this entire sequence if they weren't gonna have the cameos. They should have changed the script so that Dean didn't die, because there was no emotional pay-off of Dean going to heaven. We're told it's freedom, however it's more like a waiting room. For Dean, driving endlessly until Sam dies. And for us, being told we can't start writing until Sam gets there and we finish his montage.

Like, is it beautiful that Jack and Cas remade heaven so Dean would be happy? Yes. Did I need to know this until like maybe the last few minutes? No. Dean could have lived a long life, with Cas/without Cas, and then die first and be taken to Heaven. And then after Bobby gives him the rundown, about how time works differently here, we get the Sam end of life and see him pop up too. And when Sam asks what happened to Heaven, Dean could have clapped him on the back and told him he'd explain in the car and they drive away knowing they lived a good life, and have eternity of peace.

Because having Heaven be an open sandbox, for us, to let characters roam free and see those they love without them being memories - beautiful and exactly how Heaven should be. It definitely is something we as writers would have enjoyed if we didn't get it how we did.

Because it hadn't felt like Dean nor Sam deserved the deaths they got. Making Heaven, ultimate freedom, seem such a dangerous idea. That the only true peace is in death (Dean) and life is spent waiting for death so you can be reunited (Sam). What about any of that makes it seem like any of what Sam and Dean did was worth it? Was good? At least on Earth. Sure, without them (and Cas and Jack) Heaven wouldn't be the way it was. But that doesn't seem like a good reward for them. Their reward should have been living long lives (both of them) and them buttoning it with those five to seven minutes of how Heaven changed (more if they decided to leave Cas as an angel despite that being, again, zero character growth and not aligning with how the story was unfolding)

And after a painful, undeserved death, we get Dean in Heaven but still not happy? It was clear Dean was still waiting to let himself enjoy seeing all his family, his friends, Cas, because Sam wasn't there. Which shows he hadn't broken the sacrificial cycle because he's not putting himself first! "Oh but he has eternity to do it!" Yes, but he shouldn't have had to wait still. His whole life has been spent waiting and he gets killed just before he gets his due, and we never see him particularly 'enjoy' his reward, which is too tragic for a series finale. "He could have done more than drive, we don't know!" Yes, but if they're not showing it then why should I read into it? This finale isn't deep. "But covid-" Yeah, I get that. They should have changed the script because without those cameos Dean's time in Heaven was more than pointless and this whole finale was just an exercise in how to hate your main characters.

What this boils down to is that we, as fans, were told that this was for us, except we already knew Heaven was ours because Heaven was supposed to be the implied. Heaven is whatever we make of it. We didn't need to be told this through the show. Having this be the goal of this episode, of the finale - which sums up the goal of the entire series, really - be totally focused on the life we get after death instead of doing the most to make life on Earth paradise for you, was rotten. And Sam's 'happily ever after' was cheapened because of Dean's death.

- Family Don't End in Blood?: Taking into account all of the above, the show has failed the core message of what we as a fandom loved. Family don't end in blood.

Again, I get that covid stole any chance of reunions in Heaven, but it also stole so many others. Like Sam wouldn't have called Garth, Jody, Donna, the girls and Eileen, to have them here for Dean's funeral? Sam wouldn't have burned Dean alone! We know there was some time that passed since the hunt and Dean's funeral by the dog being there, but it should have been more people. Which, again, they should have axed it from the story if they couldn't get them because, like these side characters have done from the beginning, they change the context of the show! Sam's loneliness would have hit harder if it was a room full of people all telling stories about Dean to then just him, alone, in the Bunker trying to move on.

The writers thought we didn't need all these cameos, but we did because - as we keep repeating - while the show, at its heart, is Sam and Dean, there were so many more people who gave their characters depth and allowed for this show to continue. It should have been a celebration of who the boys became and how it was through these bonds they were able to overcome so much.

Which, if redone in that context, Dean's speech to Sam could have been so much better. More poignant and hopeful instead of sad. I mean, I could barely focus on what was being said because I was in too much shock of what was being done to Dean. If they had a similar speech, given with Dean and Sam parting ways to start new lives. Dean reminding Sam he's done so much good, that he's proud of his brother and knows he can do so much even without him, the emotional beat would have still hit! Probably even better than with his death. Because my takeaway from Dean's death isn't "Dean is proud of Sam" it's "Dean died stupidly".

Going to show that this entire script was a series of choices that were all the worst possible outcome, stitched together and handed in. It didn't feel congruent to the story and, instead, a bunch of items checked off of a list the writers were given. It didn't feel like the culmination of the series like we were promised, instead a 'what if the show skipped fourteen years after season 2, John's dead, Mom's killer dead, and no demon deal'. It felt like (even if it wasn't intended) the writers telling us "don't expect people to change or that happy ending exist in life" which, given current climates and attitudes, is dangerous.

Overall:

They were trying to satisfy an audience built around fandom and fanworks, they wanted to leave so much "up to interpretation" so we can continue crafting our narratives through this open sandbox. What they failed to consider is that we don't care where the brothers, or any of the characters, physically are in this show, we care more about the characters themselves and their emotional goals. That's why we write fanfiction. That's why there's a lot of canon divergence. We thank them for the world and play around in it. So, by giving Sam and Dean these 'half-lives' on screen, letting loose threads hang so we, as an audience, can fill in the blanks (Dean and Cas's heaven reunion, who Sam married, what Dean did while driving for fifty years, etc.) was a poor and lazy decision because we are tired of having to do your job! Supernatural is a collaborative effort yes, but they misunderstood the assignment. We still need textual goalposts, like seeing Cas or Eileen. We needed them to finish what they were saying, so we could then take over and continue the story.

A series finale should feel poignant but the only really emotional moment was Dean's death (not for good reasons), and the rest was filler. Your series finale should not feel like filler. It felt rushed. It felt sloppy and - because of not including a certain character - plain rude. Just... it didn't work. The short of it is that the finale, as a whole, didn't work. It didn't wrap the show up in its entirety like we were promised it would. And if they do revive this show for a mini-series or movie, they best forget what happened in episode 20.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #destiel #spn15 #deancas #jack kline #eileen leahy #saileen #15x20 opinions