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#he worries so much

okay this was from a couple discourses ago (oops) but i’ve left it in my inbox because it made me 💖💖💖

like. hm. there’s a lot of media (i’m from marvel in another life and in an even farther back life i was a doctor who fucker and i’m vaguely in the star wars orbit) about how Grim and Lonely it is to be Special and how Jaded and Sad it makes you. and like. yeah! you see enough bad shit, you probably get really disillusioned with humanity in general. it’s hard to be expected to Do What’s Right even after you’ve seen the world at its worst.

and nicky and joe aren’t like that. andy is, and booker is a bit, and god knows how quỳnh is going to feel about everyone when she’s back. but nicky and joe started in a really, really brutal place in 1099 and today they’re…..kind. and that’s gotta be a choice. because i cannot imagine that loving humanity for that long is easy. i am a teeny tiny fraction of their age and i’m already tired of this shit lol. so they really, really had to choose that they weren’t going to let the centuries turn them bitter. they had to choose to keep their hearts open and their consciences raw (and IMAGINE how hard that is, to really FEEL everything - nicky’s concern about the girls in sudan, joe’s face when he finally snaps keane’s neck). it’s what andy says they should do but like. god. that CANNOT be easy, especially because they literally choose to engage with terrible people all the time!! that’s their cause!! and the fact that a lot of their work is violent!! 

AND THEY’RE STILL. SO. KINDHEARTED. they’re very tender people, and i think that was a choice, and i think it was a hard one but one they have no regrets about making.

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my sister said i almost got the coffin ending 😶

#lulu.txt, #999 lb, #do i have any idea of what this means? NO........, #at this point i think she has more zero escape 999 knowledge than me bc when i got very sad and upset about snake's death, #and i was talking to her that some stuff didnt make sense bc. the numbers of the door. so she was like 'what about number 9? if number 9, #and 1 went to the door with snake (2) would be 12 and 1+2 = 3 right.....?' so i told her the number 9 was thr first one to die in the, #game and she was like oh. :-( but i was just 'hey. NOT OH :-( i hated that guy so much. he deserved it, #i still hate him i hope he always dies like u dont even have to do anything he just dies, #yesss this is what u get for doing that to clover 😈 VIOLENCE., #and then i think my sister went to check clover's wiki and said she wouldnt tell me anything she just wanted to check the wiki so she would, #have the knowledge 💀 I REMEMBER WHEN SHE GOT OUT OF THE BEDROOM SHE WAS LIKE 'o_o................' and i was just 'what? :-D' and she just, #'dont worry about it :-)' DONT WORRY SBOUT IT. I THINK I KNOW WHAT SHE SAW. this is so fucking funny, #but also i remember she asked who some characters were but it was bc. i didnt have enough screenshots of all the characters 😭😭, #i have like....three screenshots with snake. i dont even remember the beeping sound the text makes when he talks 😭😭, #feel like pure shit i just want him back. also when i was playing that last part of my playthrough when junpei noticed, #that clover picked up something i was like O_O HEY WHAT THE FUCK and my sister was just O_O WHAT........., #SHE KNEW IT. THIS IS SO EVIL. but also man 😭😭😭 i was expecting that BUT. GOD..... EVERYONE DIED., #that was pretty scary man like....god....😨 good thing i didnt continue playing at 2am and decided to leave it for the next day <3, #WHEN SHE HIT JUNPEI WITH THE AX I JUST SCREAMED......i wouldnt do this if my sister and i werent alone at home bc it would be so, #embarrassing to explain to my parents that pixels on my laptop screen scared me 💀 god., #BUT THEN MY SISTER WAS LIKE 'wait....let me check what ending u got :-)' and she looked up the games endings but she said she wont tell me, #anything BUT she wants me to replay and tell her what happens bc shes curious but shes not playing this game bc its scary 💀💀💀 HELP., #she was 'oh. it seems that u got the axe ending' and i just 'wow are all endings names self explanatory like that?' 'yeah...', #and then she asked me the order of the doors i went through on my playthrough and. she told me, #i almost got the coffin ending im???? the WHAT ending now????????? HUH..................okay now im, #torn between trying to get the coffin ending bc she told me i would probably only have to do only SOME stuff different im ? or, #to just replay it without thinking about it like going through doors that i didnt went through on the first playthrough, #like the next time i'll start with door 5. i miss snake o<-<, #OKAY giant ranting in the tags 💀💀💀💀 sister has zero escape 999 knowledge and shes not even playing the game
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idk what u expect me to do when i’ve had to listen to my very own brother YELL about how much he hates women on many different occasions for the past few years. i know it’s due to trauma. but how the hell do you expect me to act. am i too sensitive? am i taking his words too seriously? am i weak as shit for not being able to speak up and try to change his mind?

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