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onewfantaesy · 7 years

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7-Eleven

Taemin can feel his grades dropping as he slouches behind the counter. He can’t believe he agreed to switch shifts with Amber the night before his midterm. He should be studying - going over notes and the Google Doc that some kid from his lecture sent everyone. But no, he’s stuck in this scratchy red shirt and absorbing the smell of day-old hot dogs still revolving in the hot box.

After he rings up the high school students who come in every Tuesday night like clockwork, the 7-Eleven is empty. It’s the boring time of the night, and no one’s going to come in for at least another couple hours. And they’ll probably be stoned out of their minds, Taemin realizes with a groan. He can’t wait to have to make them a shitty pizza and pick out their shitty hot dogs and ring up all their shitty chips.

“I’m going in the back to take a nap, don’t bug me,” Shindong says five minutes later.

“What if someone comes in and wants cigarettes? Or a beer?” Taemin asks.

“Just ring it up for them, I don’t care,” Shindong says. “Now don’t bug me.”

“Some manager you are,” Taemin scoffs under his breath, but when the door swings shut behind Shindong, Taemin leans against the counter and takes out his phone.

Shindong is back there for literally at least two hours. Taemin swears he can hear him snoring, and he rolls his eyes as he texts Amber all about it.

i cna’t believe i’m putting up with shindong’s dumbass for u

Omg is he sleeping in the back again? Go kick his ass until he comes back out!!

he would crush my pour innocent soul i’m not going anywhere near his snoring ass

Then suck it up weenie

i’m going to pretend that u didn’t just call me a weenie when i’m literally covering for u the night before a midterm

Love you you’re the best I’ll buy you an XL slurpee next time I see you!!!

that’s only like $2 u better buy me a bag of chips to go with it

Fine now leave me alone I’m on a hot date and you’re Interrupting

bye have fun use a condom

Suck my dick Taemin

only if u put a condom on it

🖕

🙃

With his only source of entertainment now thoroughly ignoring his texts, Taemin resorts to looking at the different Snapchat filters. He sends at least three dumb videos of himself to his brother, and he’s in the middle of making a fourth video when the door opens and a ding rings throughout the store.

He shoves his onto the counter and pretends that he wasn’t just making a dumb face at it and saying something stupid in a dumb voice. The man who walks in just sends him a tight smile, and Taemin returns the gesture.

When the man starts going to browse the drinks in the back, Taemin goes back to playing with his phone. He promptly deletes the video that only got half-way filmed, and checks his Twitter feed instead.

Minho’s watching some soccer game on TV and getting way too into live-tweeting the score, Jinki is studying in the library like the good little senior-nerd he is, Kibum is at dance club and didn’t invite Taemin how rude, and Jonghyun is crying over a candle his sister sent him in a care package. What the hell, Taemin wishes his brother would send him a care package. Maybe he should text his mom about it, she would definitely send her sweet adorable youngest child a care package while he’s a whole 30 miles away at college.

The more Taemin thinks about it, the more he realizes that Jonghyun’s sister probably sends him shit because his family lives like 200 miles away.

Whatever, Taemin still wants a care package. He’s totally texting his mom about it in the morning.

Taemin almost forgets that there’s a customer in the shop until a small slurpee is put down in front of him. He definitely did not flinch, definitely not.

“Is this all, sir?” Taemin asks, putting his phone in his pocket and looking up.

The man just grunts.

“O-kay,” Taemin says. “That’ll be $1.28.”

He hands Taemin a five-dollar-bill, and Taemin moves back so he doesn’t get jabbed in the stomach when the register opens.

Taemin is about to start picking out the change when a gun is held up to his chest. His mouth goes dry as he lifts his head up, and he stares at the hooded man. He lifts his hands up above his head, and he shuts his eyes while the man throws a bag on the counter.

“I’ll give you all the money, just don’t shoot me,” Taemin pleads. “Please, I have a midterm tomor- actually, maybe- no, please don’t shoot me.”

Taemin can’t believe he just almost asked a robber to shoot him to get out of a midterm. Sure, it’s something he jokes about with his friends, but he it’s not something he should actually try. God, he’s so stupid sometimes, he can’t believe himself.

The man barks for Taemin to put the money in the bag, and Taemin is quick to take all the money out of the register and shove it in the bag.

“Now the other one,” the man says, jerking his gun towards the register to Taemin’s left.

“Okay,” Taemin says in a strangled voice.

“Hurry up!”

“Oh my God, I’m hurrying,” Taemin whines. “God, don’t shoot me, man, I have dogs. They’re not gonna understand why I don’t come home.”

“You have dogs?”

Taemin looks up and stares at the man like he’s an idiot. Is he really going to ask Taemin about his dogs while he points a gun at him.

“Yeah,” Taemin says, opening the register and shoving his hand inside.

“What are their names?”

“Adam and Eve,” Taemin says through clenched teeth.

This is fucking unbelievable. The man starts fucking laughing at him.

“That’s cute,” the man says. “Hey, don’t short change me, asshole, get it all in the bag.”

“Oh my God, I’m doing it, I’m doing it,” Taemin squeaks.

“You better not have hit any silent alarms or that bullshit.”

“That shit’s only in banks, dude.”

Taemin regrets his lack of filter when the gun gets jerked towards his chest again. Taemin backs up against the cigarette case when the man takes the safety off.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Taemin whines. “I thought we bonded over the dogs, dude, please don’t.”

Taemin ends up having to open the cigarette case and shove them inside the bag. Where the hell is Shindong while this is all happening, Jesus Christ.

Taemin thinks he’s home free when he shoves the bag back over the counter for the man to take, but a group of people come through the front door before yelling and running back outside.

“You said no silent alarms!”

The gun gets held up to Taemin’s chest again.

“Jesus Christ, there is no silent alarm!” Taemin screams. “You’ve been watching me the whole time, when could I have pressed some make-believe button?”

Taemin closes his eyes and holds his hands above his head.

“The dogs, man, the dogs,” Taemin says.

Taemin is actually very surprised at the speed at which cops storm into the shop. He would prefer it if they weren’t so damn loud, because he swears his just flinched half his life away. They keep talking to the man about how he doesn’t want to shoot the boy behind the counter, how there’s no where for him to go, and how a murder charge is a lot more of a pain in the ass than armed robbery.

“Thanks,” Taemin spits. “I’m so glad my life comes down to whether or not it’s a pain in the ass.”

“Taemin what the hell?”

Taemin turns his head to see Shindong staring at everyone in the shop, a line of dried drool on his chin.

“Oh, now you’re awake?” Taemin screams at him. “Goddammit! I don’t get paid enough for this shit, dammit, I want a bonus if I don’t die tonight!”

A shot goes off, and Taemin falls onto the floor hiding his head in his hands and he swears his did not just let out the girliest shriek he’s ever heard. There’s a lot of shuffling and shouting, but when Taemin peers over the counter, he sees the man being taken away in handcuffs. He falls back on the floor and leans against the counter, closing his eyes and thanking God and Jesus and Mary for the fact that he’s not currently dead.

“Taemin, get up,” Shindong says, walking behind the counter.

“You were just sleeping through a robbery, asshole, give me five fucking minutes!” Taemin shouts.

A female cop comes over and sits with Taemin, asking him questions and jotting down his answers on a notepad. She then starts telling him that he’s probably in shock, and it would be best if he called someone to come pick him up and take him home.

“He still have three hours left for his shift,” Shindong says.

“He also almost just got shot,” she says back.

Taemin likes this lady very much.

“I’m gonna,” Taemin chokes out, “I’m gonna call a friend. To come get me.”

“Taemin-”

“I have a midterm tomorrow, asshole, let me go home,” Taemin seethes at him.

The cop and her partner stay with Taemin until Jinki comes running inside.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Jinki asks, coming over to Taemin and holding him close. “This is why you shouldn’t work here, shit.”

“Can you just take me back to my apartment?” Taemin asks, leaning his forehead against Jinki’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jinki says, putting an arm around Taemin’s shoulders and leading him outside.

“Taemin, you can’t just leave!” Shindog argues.

“I’m gonna tell Sooman about your naps, you jerk!” Taemin shouts back, but Jinki just keeps taking him back out to his car.

“Jjong said he and Key would come get your car,” Jinki tells him. “You can crash at mine and Jjong’s tonight if you want.”

“Please,” Taemin whispers.

The second Jinki pulls out onto the road, Taemin feels his hands start shaking. By the time they get to Jinki and Jonghyun’s apartment, Taemin has started dry-heaving, and Jinki is hurrying him into the bathroom in case he actually starts puking.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Kibum asks, rushing into the bathroom behind them.

“Did you get shot?” Jonghyun asks.

“Dude,” Kibum hisses, nudging Jonghyun in the ribs.

After Taemin stops choking over the toilet, he sits back on the floor and leans against the tub.

“So do you think I can get out of my midterm tomorrow for this?” Taemin asks.

Jinki taps Taemin’s shoulder, but all of them start laughing.

When Jonghyun and Kibum come back from getting Taemin’s car, they also come back with bags of McDonald’s in their hands.

“Did you get me a large Sprite?” Taemin mumbles from where he’s lying down against Jinki on the couch.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Kibum says, holding up the drink-holder. “Jeez, you almost get shot and suddenly you’re the ruler of the world.”

“I hope you got me some nuggets and a hashbrown, too,” Taemin mumbles.

Jonghyun puts the bags on the couch and tells Taemin to pick out whatever he wants. When Taemin pulls all three of the bags to his chest, they all start telling him what a little shit he is, and he just laughs as he pulls out a box of nuggets and a thing of sauce.

“Oh fuck yes, you got the sweet ‘n sour sauce,” Taemin hisses. “You’re the best.”

Kibum just pulls the bag away from him and takes out one of the things of french fries and tells him to eat as much as he wants.

“I’m totally getting out of my midterm tomorrow,” Taemin says through a mouthful of nugget. “I’m gonna email my professor right now and everything, someone hand me my phone.”

He does, in fact, get his midterm postponed to the following week after he sends a copy of the police report.

And Amber high-five’s him next time she sees him and buys him an extra large slurpee and an entire pizza for getting Shindong fired after ratting him out to the owner.

“He deserved it,” Taemin says, his lips wrapping around the straw. “He literally slept through me almost dying.”

“I know, you were very heroic,” Amber tells him. “Now can I have a slice of the pizza that I bought?”

“Excuse you, this is my I-was-almost-shot pizza,” Taemin says.

“And I bought it, so hand over a slice.”

“Fine,” Taemin huffs, and he moves away from where he was shielding the pizza.

“I’m never working another night shift again.”

“Sure you aren’t.”

Taemin only takes an obnoxious slurp of his slurpee and huffs as he turns to go help the customer who’s looking at the lottery scratchers.

#taemin #amber #shinee #onew #key #jonghyun #711 au

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tornadorojo5 · 6 years

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Top 10 Dumbest Promotional Mistakes that Made Companies Lose Millions Marketing going Wild

If you are a small business owner and get angry because of that small Facebook Ad you paid for $5 didn't work all that well, well, imagine that you are one Chief Marketing Officer, working for a "Blue Chip" company and realize that instead of making the company money, his marketing mistake actually cost his company millions.

So here it is, the Top 10 Dumbest Promotional Mistakes that Cost Companies Millions!!!

Number 10: Apple-U2 Giveaway

You would have probably heard of this one, the story that made U2 part of the meme world for years to come, but just in case you don't know, let's go ahead and explain it a bit.

Back in the year 2014, some genius at Apple, Inc came up with the idea that people would love to have their new product prepackaged with an album that no one really cares about. At this point, you might think, "well, just a simple give away, what is wrong with that.?" well, aside from the annoyance it caused for people logging into iTunes for their very first time, there is also a mythological thing called "Royalties." So Apple, Inc paid an undisclosed fee in royalties to U2 and also took a whopping of 100 million in marketing campaigns for the band to promote their new album. As shocking as this might seem, Apple even stepped in to defend the promotion and the band which clearly led to a bunch of undesirable responses within various online communities.

Number 9: Walkers Weather Prediction

Answer quick, when I say "British Weather" what comes to your mind.? it was RAIN, right,? well you are probably smarter than the guys running marketing for Walkers Crisp and this is how the story goes. Some genius decided that people would have fun predicting the weather if they could win a prize for it, so Walkers Crisp decided to pay their faithful customers 10 pounds if they correctly guessed where the rain will fall on a grid map of the UK, of course, they weren't that stupid as they charged everyone the cost of a bag of chips (40 pence) to have a go, but as you've probably guessed, offering a total of $25 return to anyone that can guess the climate of a country with such a predictable weather pattern is not a great deal. Rain kept pouring during the time of the promotion and Walkers bravely followed through with their promises at a great cost. After the contest was over, Walker Crisp had to pay nearly 700,000 pounds to cover the entire contest but to be honest, you can conclude that it ended up working well as a marketing promotion since it made people remember the name "Walkers Crisp" for years to come.

Number 8: Ballon Fest in 1986 in Cleveland

For some people, the word "balloon" would cause them to have a flashback to the time United Way decided to release 1.5 million balloons over Cleveland and screwed up miserably. The whole stunt had a neat little idea behind it, since they basically wanted to do a little fundraising and grab the town's attention for a while, so they built a giant box the size of one city block and had 2500 students do the balloon filling while they waited for the crowds to gather. Once the launch started, it was one of the most beautiful things you could see, that is, for about 2 minutes, you see, nobody actually accounted for the fact that wind exists and therein lies their downfall...literally. The 1.5 million balloons started falling into the ground causing massive damage, the clogged the streets, waterways and pretty much every nook and cranny in town. If this wasn't bad enough, the balloons were blamed for the death of 2 fishermen who were found drowned 2 days later after the balloons interrupted coast guards in their attempt to rescue them, in fact, one of the fishermen wive's sued the company for 3 million dollars but settle for an undisclosed figure.

In the aftermath, United Way ended up paying millions to the city and the cleanup crews, not to mention settling several lawsuits from not a few citizens who were damaged by the balloons.

To think that the Persians in the "300" movie used arrows to bot out the sun, what a waste, they should have just gotten United Ways to plan their attack and doomed the Spartans to a certain death.

Number 7: Jagermeister's Pool of Death

If you think the title is a bit too much, as you read on you will realize that is not far from the truth. This goes again to show that the marketers sometimes ignore the basics. So let's go a little into chemistry, some genius in the marketing team department decided that they'll make a gigantic pool party for Jagermeister's drunken fans, which I must admit, it was a great start, but then they wanted to have a lot of fog above the pool for that added effect which again, should be a plus to the sick party, however, what was not nearly nice was the liquid nitrogen they used to create the fog by pouring it into the water. Now, this is where everything goes to hell, the liquid nitrogen basically made an unbreathable fog above the whole area when it came into contact with the water and the marketing team must have been shocked big time upon realizing that humans need air to survive. This whole event was a mess and actually left one party-goer in a coma while hospitalizing 8 others. Jagermeister never actually disclosed. Now I realize that you need to see this by yourself so, here it is.

youtube

Jagermeister never actually disclosed how much they had to cough up for this mistake, but considering that they put someone in a coma, we can assume that it was a lot. Just goes to show, if you want to play smoke on the water, don't go happy on the chemicals.

Number 6: The Energizer Bunny

How can a cute little bunny screw up a company that much.? well, to answer that, go ahead and tell me the brand of the batteries in your remote. I bet you don't have a clue, and that was what the marketing team of energizer realized after it was a bit too late. While the bunny is actually a cute little mascot and it's probably known amongst the young whippersnappers of my readers, you can't really pull off that kind of marketing for something like a battery. The campaign was successful for sure, but the problem was that the actually managed to advertise their competitor in the battery field.

Duracell released a report after the Energizer Bunny first aired showing that their profits had actually doubled at that time because people thought that the bunny was advertizing Duracell, in fact, it worked so well that Duracell uses a bunny as their mascot now.

Now, as you may see, while the company didn't lose money, directly, the drastic drop in sales and all that money wasted on promoting your competitor is enough of a burn to make sure that they are more careful next time.

Number 5: The Tesco Math Problem

Tesco is praised for being a fairly cheap place to go shopping in the UK, but after this marketing failure, you might think that it's just because they really suck at math. Back in the year 2011, Tesco decided to do a special little promotion to outdo its competitor ASDA. Basically, it was the whole: "we will refund you twice the difference if our competitors item is cheaper." Tesco sadly forgot that most people go to school and know basic operations and count, and even if they didn't, they managed to learn on the way, so all its customers got savvy by only buying items that were on sale at ASDA, so they could go to Tesco, buy the same items on sale at ASDA and then after checking out they'd request double the difference by refering to ASDA website. For example, 1 shopper spends 200 pounds on Tesco in a shop that would have cost 120 pounds on ASDA (on sale products), so he or she is entitled to claim a 160 Pound voucher, therefore, Tesco is actually receiving 40 dollars for all that shopping.

You can see that doing this multiple times would save you a whole lot of money at the expense of Tesco. While this was a monetary and marketing catastrophe for Tesco, you have to give them props, they actually made a promotion that ended up being great for its customers...(dumb asses).

Number 4: Oprah and KFC

As we all know, Oprah is the omnipotent master of our destinies, so when she offers people a free KFC 2 piece meal, we all jump to get it, so why was it such a catastrophe.? Well, you can imagine that KFC was not all that pleased when people managed to print out over 10 million free food coupons from Oprah's website. During the time of the promotion, KFC gave away over 40 million dollars worth of free food and probably paid Oprah and an obscene amount of money to get her to do the promotion for them. No need to say that KFC will not be contacting her anytime soon.

Number 3: Silo...Bananas for Stereo

Now, this one didn't cost a lot of money but it was really stupid on the marketing side. So the same old formula comes to play,

savvy customers + dumb exchange = price

Silo, a chain of electronic stores decided that a dumb exchange item would be bananas and the prize would be a stereo. Imagine their surprise when after the whole thing settled, they ended up with 11,000 bananas in their warehouse and a lot of stereos given away for around 40 dollars. So the only way to go is being nice and giving away all the bananas to the local zoo. Still, it kind of makes you think how wasted you have to be to come up with an idea like that in the first place.

Number 2: Mc Donalds Olympics

Well, pairing McDonald's with something that requires you to be fit, is a bit weird, but it gets weirder fairly quickly.

During the Olympics of 1984, McDonald's had a catchy slogan "If the U.S wins, you win." They included a ticket you could scratch on every meal and you would win a Big Mac for a gold medal, french fries for silver and a coke for a bronze medal in the event that was on the ticket. The problem was that the Soviets boycotted the Olympics and the USA ended up with 83 gold medals, 61 silvers and 30 bronze.

Basically, Mc Donald's lost a huge pile of money because the Russians were too lazy to compete. It seems that Russia can screw American businesses, even without the hackers.

Number 1: Lucky Number 349 by Pepsi

Riddle me this, what happens when you over estimate the powers of numbers.? If your answer was extreme riots and lawsuits, you probably work for Pepsi. Back in 1992, Pepsi had its "Number Fever" promotion and promised to give away 1,000,000 pesos, the equivalent to 40,000 US dollars to one lucky person with the right number on its bottle cap, the problem was that they had accidentally printed the winning number, 349, on 800,000 caps, due to an oversight in the manufacturing process. Consequently, they accidentally promise to give away a total of 55 billion of today's dollars. So people calmly understood the mistake and caused no trouble...Hell no!! people got furious, thousands of Filipinos began writing on the streets, demanding that Pepsi paid their rightful prize, which now totaled in millions. People even filed 689 civil suits and more than 5200 criminal cases for fraud and deception. However, Pepsi wasn't entirely at fault. It is believed that this marketing failed was caused by DG consultors, a Mexican consulting firm that Pepsi had hired to randomly pre-selecting the winning numbers which were clearly instructed not to make the number 349 a winner but, they clearly didn't read the memo.

Obviously with such a costly mistake, Pepsi couldn't affort to pay everyone, instead settled on giving just under 2000 US dollars, so Pepsi ended u paying nearly 10 million dollars for the whole campaign, rather than the original budget of 2 millon dollars.

Till next time friends,

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#What If-Nowadays Interesting Facts #https://whatifinteresting.blogspot.com/2018/05/top-10-dumbest-pr

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