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#he’ll have to chop off someone’s hand for that to happen
Note
Looking for a saucy medieval tradition to weave into your historical romances? Have no fear, foot-of-the-gallows marriage is here! Basically, if a man was about to be hanged and a woman stepped forward and said “I will marry this man!” he was spared because it was was seen as like “oh, she’ll rehabilitate him so we don’t have to kill him.” Now, I heard this from tiktok, so I could be wrong, and it could just be a folk tale or something that rarely happened in actuality. Either way, it’s a cool troupe I think more people should use (and I myself will be using). I think it would work really well with Orcs and Elves!
This is such an intriguing idea! I had to try it. If you end up writing it, tag me, if you are comfortable! I'd love to see what you do with it ^_^
I keep getting Orc ideas, and I can't resist them *feral invasive Orc thoughts* ( ̄ w ̄)Ψ
Orc (Saber) x GN elf reader
Word Count: 6K
TW: discussion of hanging, bad mother, sfw Orc fluff, a bit of melancholy with a happy ending, nonsexual mention of private body parts in the context of bathing
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“Goodness, what’s this all about?” you grumbled, clutching your basket closer to you as you made your way through the crowd. 
The stench of rotten vegetables and too many people lingered in the air. 
“It’s a hanging,” a helpful imp beamed, hopping on his tiptoes to see over the crowd. Why people gathered all around to watch someone die, you had no idea, but more importantly, the crowd was blocking your path home. Industrious vendors selling ale and popcorn wove through the throng to collect what coins they could from the event. In the capital, everyone had a hustle, and few left the chance to make some money at the table. 
“Out of the way!” You shouted, shouldering whoever was unlucky enough to be in your way. 
The voice of the city guardsman who was reading off a list of offenses to the crowd drowned yours out, but with a few well-placed shoves, you managed to make it to the front. You were looking around, trying to figure out how to get across the plaza, when you glanced up to see a familiar face. 
“It’s you!” you blurted as your eyes locked with the brilliant chartreuse irises of the Orc standing on the gallows. 
He gave you a wan smile, lifting his tied hands to wave at you. His straight nose was up in the air as if all the rabble around him should be fortunate to have the privilege of watching him die. The thick olive locs you remembered being long had been roughly chopped short around his ears. Still, even dressed in an ill-fitting prison jumpsuit, he had a regal air about him. His barrel chest was puffed, strong muscles peaking between the frayed fabric. 
“Fifty counts of robbery…25 counts of counterfeiting gold coins…seven counts of horse theft…”
The Orc you’d met before’s name was Saber. He’d helped you get your broken cart into town one rainy afternoon…, and then he’d also stolen your necklace, which you’d realized after he’d disappeared. 
“As per the King’s edict, If any citizen pledges to save this soul from the gallows by way of marriage, please step forth.” 
Though he was handsome, no one raised their hands to save him. Instead, they all booed. Judging by the rotten vegetables hurled at him, he seemed to have robbed almost everyone in the capital. 
“Aye!” you shouted, hiking up your pants to pull yourself onto the stage. 
The guardsmen’s eyebrows shot up when you’d straightened yourself.
“I’ll marry the sorry bastard.” 
“Are you sure? He’ll most likely rob you and run off. He’s better off dead.” 
“I have business with this one,” you informed him, snapping your fingers. “Come on then. Let’s get this over with.” 
The guardsman shrugged and jerked the noose off of his neck, a little disappointed. The crowd wasn’t happy either, hurling insults along with their vegetables. 
“Quiet! Quiet!” the guardsman shouted after shoving Saber forward for the “ceremony.”
He took a deep breath, jerking a notebook out of his pocket.
“Alright,” he began, snorting. “State your name for the record.” 
“(Y/N).”
“Lovely elven name,” he murmured as he jotted it down. “Now then, do you (Y/N) take this here, criminal, Saber Wintermaple to be your lawfully wedded husband?” 
You gave him a sharp nod. 
“I do.” 
He swung a lazy eye at Saber. 
“Do you Saber Wintermaple, take this kind elf to be your betrothed?” 
He gave you a bright smile. 
“I do.” 
The guardsman snapped the book closed, shoving Saber towards you. 
“I hereby declare you two duly betrothed under the King’s law. This Orc is your problem now, citizen. You’d better keep him out of trouble, or you’ll be up here next to him!”
He handed you the thick rope looped around the binding, keeping Saber’s hands tied, and waved you two off. The audience, bored without bloodshed, had already started dispersing, making it easy for you to tug Saber towards the road leading to the forest. 
“I didn’t know I made such a pleasant impression,” Saber said cheerfully, following you out of town.
You whirled around and jammed a finger in his face. 
“I wouldn’t describe it as pleasant. You owe me a gold necklace! Give it back, or you can work off the coin you owe me!” 
He chuckled.
“I’m fresh out of coins, little elf.” 
He scratched his chin and looked up, thinking. 
“I’m pretty sure I lost that necklace in a game of dice.” 
He shrugged. 
“You lost my only possession of any value in a game of dice?” 
You scrubbed your hand over your face, counting back from ten so you didn’t explode.  
“Maybe I should have let you die.”
Frowning, you looked over him from toe to head. 
“At least you look strong enough. I’m sure I can find something useful for you to do!” 
You stopped where the two of you stood in the middle of the trail and pulled a small charm from your basket. 
“I was going to use this on my coin purse since there was a thief on the loose, but it’s probably better applied to you!” 
You looped the charm around his neck, closing your eyes to whisper the spell. A gust of spirit wind, fluffed your hair as the magic twirled around Saber. When you opened your eyes again, there was a blue thread linking the two of you that only you could see. 
“What was that?” he asked, narrowing his eyes on you. 
“It’s a binding spell, so you can’t run off with my stuff again,” you explained.
His eyebrows jumped, and he tugged at the little talisman around his neck. 
“It won’t come off.” 
You nodded proudly. 
“Exactly.”
He took a moment to examine you carefully, tapping his chin again. 
“Interesting,” he murmured.  
“What? What does that mean?” 
He smiled and shrugged.
“Lead the way, spouse.” 
You sighed, turning and pulling him through the bumpy trail in the woods to your little home. When you’d fled your homeland to the Capital, you’d been lucky to find an abandoned cottage outside the city walls. It wasn’t massive, with only the basic living quarters, but it must have at some point belonged to someone’s Saber’s size, as the door and counters were much too high. You’d spent much of the money you earned selling charms and ointments, buying stools and ladders to reach things. 
“You poor thing,” Saber sighed as you passed through the magic barrier you’d cast to keep your home hidden from bandits.
“You don’t need to patronize me,” you huffed. “You’re the one almost hanged and run out of town.” 
He ignored you, looking around. 
“I feel kind of bad for stealing your necklace now that I’ve seen where you live. This place is a mess.” 
You examined your home, trying to see it through his eyes. Every available surface was covered in books, alchemy equipment, or ingredients. Even the chairs were covered in cast-off scrolls, books, or charms. 
“It’d be nice to have a workshop,” you admitted. “But that’s much too expensive.”
You straightened your slumping shoulders and lifted your chin. 
“No matter, you won’t be spending much time sitting down. I’ve got loads of things that need doing.” 
He gave you a sharp nod and held out his hands. 
“You’ll have to untie me if you want me to work.” 
Pulling a small blade from your basket, you sawed through the thick binding. Free to move as he pleased, he wrung his stiff wrists as he perused your living room. Occasionally he would pick something up, then put it down again, finally crouching to examine a bucket filled with water. 
“What are you doing?” 
He peered up at the leak in the roof that was letting rainwater drip through. 
“This needs fixing, or the roof will rot out.”
Pushing off of his knees, he turned to you. 
“How long have you been living alone?” 
You blushed, embarrassed. 
“I dunno, my whole life, I guess. The elven town where I came from didn’t have an orphanage or anything, so when I was old enough, I took off toward the capital. It took a while to get here…but here I am. I thought there would be more…I don’t know…opportunity here.” 
“How has that worked out for you? Living in a house clearly not meant for you and marrying a man on the gallows.” 
You gave him an indignant snuff. 
“At least I’m not a thief!” 
He chuckled, leaning against a bookshelf, rolling a gold coin on his knuckles. Your eyes narrowed on it, and you reached in your pocket to find you’d been relieved of your day’s earnings. 
“Hey! You stole that!” 
He laughed, revealing straight white teeth, and jingled the other coins in his pocket. 
“Don’t worry, I can’t get away with it, right?” 
You sucked in a deep annoyed breath. 
“I have things to do. Make yourself useful and chop some wood. It’s going to be cold when the sun sets.” 
“Whatever you say, spouse,” he replied, giving you a sarcastic salute as you dropped your basket and hurried to the kitchen to get started on dinner. 
What had you been thinking marrying a criminal? You paused for a moment, eyes growing misty. You didn’t really think he still had your necklace, did you? You let out a sigh just short of a sob. Were you really that lonely? Maybe it hurt that he’d been so kind to you, just to trick you. You should have been happy to see him hanged, yet the lingering magic that followed all elves had whispered that you ought to save him. 
But why? You weren’t in any position to support a husband. Though you’d instructed yourself on the knowledge of various potions and charms, you weren’t the only one. The city was teaming with Academy-bred alchemists who far surpassed your skill. They had access to rare ingredients and an army of assistants. You had to scrape out a living selling your wares far cheaper than the competition even to get noticed at the market. Hustling day to day, you certainly didn’t have the time or money to pretty yourself up to find a partner. 
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” you grumbled, returning to chopping tubers for soup. 
A thick THWACK, drew your eyes out the kitchen window to Saber splitting logs across the lawn. He’d divested himself of his ratty shirt, and every thick muscle was on display as he lifted the ax over his head and dropped it down again. The logs felt apart like they were nothing more than twigs under his might. 
Your eye focused on the dark, wet slashes across his shoulder blades where his jailors had beaten him. He must have felt your eyes on him because he glanced up and waved. Blushing, you hurriedly pulled the curtains, returning to your task. 
Unable to get his injuries out of your mind, you felt bad for making him chop wood while he was hurt. When you’d plopped the tubers into your cooking pot, you gathered up some healing and numbing salves, making your way out the door. 
“Need something?” he asked, looking up from his task. 
“Sit down,” you barked. 
A thick eyebrow rose, and he tipped his head. 
“Why? Planning on lobbing my head off?” 
You wrinkled your nose at him. 
“No, of course not! You’re massive. How would I even go about burying your body? I can’t have a rotting corpse stinking up the place. Just sit!” 
He leaned his axe against the stump he was using to brace the wood and sat down on it. You dug in your basket, pulling out some cleanser to clean the wounds. Beside the big ugly gashes, Saber’s skin was a smooth, pretty green, the planes of his muscles sharp and defined. The first brush of your hand on his back made him jump. 
“S-sorry,” you muttered.
“‘Ts fine. Just not used to people touching me. Go on.” 
You spread the thick gel you used carefully over each angry line. 
“What do you mean? You’ve never had a partner before me?” 
He paused for a moment before he jerked his head. 
“I had a girlfriend once, but she left me.” 
“Why?” 
“Some noble offered her his hand and well…I couldn’t compete.”
He sighed. 
“She was happy to keep me on as her side piece, but I’ve got too much of an ego to be someone’s toy.” 
Your eyebrows jumped at his candor, but you just hummed, plastering clean wraps to his skin so the wounds could heal. His skin was warm under your fingers, making the tips tingle. When you were done, you found yourself tipping forward on your toes to peck the back of his neck. When you’d realized what you’d done, your ears burned, and you coughed loudly. 
“Sorry, ah…sorry,” you muttered, unsure what to say. “You’re…ah…going to have to sleep on your stomach, so you don’t make these worse.” 
He swiveled around to look at you, smiling. 
“Thanks, doc!”
“I’m not a doctor.” 
He shrugged. 
“What’s the difference?” 
“Ten years of special-”
You shook your head, realizing he was teasing you.
“I think that’s enough wood for tonight. Come inside. Dinner’s almost ready.” 
He grinned at you, his stomach grumbling, as he scooped up some of the wood he’d cut and tucked it under one arm. You wondered how much they let him eat in prison, worried he was starving. 
“What’d my sweet little spouse cook for me?” he asked. 
“Just some sweet potato soup. It’s not gourmet.” 
He frowned. 
“No meat?” 
You blinked at him. 
“You have all the money I made today in your pocket. How can I afford meat with those few coins?” 
He nodded, appearing to be thinking through the problem thoroughly. 
When you returned inside, you dipped the two of you bowls of soup, filling his twice as much as yours. You assured yourself it was because he couldn’t work without proper nutrition, not because you liked him. 
“So how far does this magic thingie let me go?” he asked as you sat down at the table. 
“Why, trying to run off?” 
He smirked. 
“No, why would I want to run away from you?” 
He chewed on a big spoonful of sweet potatoes before he continued. 
“I’ve got a cute little spouse who makes me dinner and kisses my cuts.” 
Your cheeks blew up in flames, and you choked on a mouthful of soup. You tried to retain your composure by quickly wiping your mouth with a napkin. 
“A couple of miles in any direction.” 
“Wow, didn’t think you’d give me such a long leash.” 
You shrugged. 
“I can’t be right at your side every minute.” 
He gave you the biggest puppy dog eyes you’d ever seen. 
“You don’t want me by your side every minute of the day?” 
Unsure if he was joking or not, you jerked your spoon at his soup. 
“Let’s…stop talking for a while. Eat up. You’ll need your strength.” 
While the two of you ate quietly, you did your best to keep your eyes on your bowl. Every time you happened to glance up, he was watching you with an odd smile on his face. Almost like satisfaction. 
You were relieved when you finally finished and could turn your back on him to rinse the dishes. 
“You can take the bed if you want,” you called over your shoulder as you stood on your tip toes to return the bowls to the cabinet. As your arm stretched, Saber appeared behind you, plucking the dishes out of your hand and easily placing them where they were supposed to go. 
“Where are you going to sleep?” he asked, extending a hand to help you off of the little ladder you were perched on. 
“There’s a couch in the living room.” 
He wrinkled his nose. 
“It’s covered in stuff.” 
You shrugged, trying to hurry past him. 
“I’ll clean it up.”
You found your feet swinging in the air as he picked you up and tossed you over his shoulder. 
“Wh-what are you doing?” 
“My spouse is not sleeping on the sofa. I never thought I’d have a spouse, so I’ve got to take proper care of you.” 
He patted your butt for emphasis. 
“Are you crazy?” you snapped, only not banging on his back with your fists because he was injured. “We can’t sleep together! We just met!” 
Your body bounced on his shoulder as he chuckled. 
“You weren’t concerned with that when you insisted on marrying me!” 
“They were going to kill you!” 
He flopped you down on your bed, caging you in with his big arms. His head dipped to drag the tip of his nose along the length of your neck. 
“So you do like me!” he whispered into your skin. 
“I do not,” you huffed, pushing his chest.
Though your muscles did nothing to move him, he rose so you could scoot out across the bed. You quickly scrambled into the bathroom to change into your pajamas. 
When you came back out, Saber was slipping off his pants. 
“What are you doing now?” You gasped, cheeks heating at the sight of the thick shaft hanging between his legs.  
He glanced up, a slight smirk on his face as he folded his clothes. 
“I can't sleep in these prison clothes. I'll get the sheets all dirty!” 
You sighed, rubbing your eyes. He was right. He was filthy from sleeping on dirty straw in prison. 
“Come on,” you said, flicking two fingers at him. “You need a bath. You’re probably covered in fleas! 
Fortunately, your house came equipped with one large enough to fit Saber’s big body. With a flick of your fingers, the tub was filled, and with a few whispers of a spell, the water was hot. 
“Get in,” you said. 
Making himself comfortable, he looked back at you over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised. 
“You tryin’ to watch? Naughty little elf!” 
You let out a long sigh. 
“No, I’m just going to ensure you don’t get your bandages wet, or it will all have been a waste. Supplies are expensive,” you huffed, picking up the sponge. “Now, sit still!”
Saber smirked but let you lift each of his arms as you scrubbed him. 
“So how did your old girlfriend take it when you decided you wouldn’t be your affair partner?”
He glanced at you, eyes ever thoughtful. His long look brought heat to your cheeks. 
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.” 
He shrugged, his jaw tightening. 
“She was rather smug. She spent her whole life wishing to elevate herself.” 
A long sigh slipped past his lips. 
“I could never make her happy. I lied, cheated, stole; whatever I could do…but she looked down her nose at all of it.”
Your mouth fell open. 
“I’m…I’m sorry. You don’t have to…”
He waved a thick hand, his warm palm gently landing on your head and lightly ruffling your hair. 
“Think nothing of it. It’s kind of nice to get it off my chest.” 
“So that’s why you're a crook? To make her happy?”
He smirked. 
“I was a crook. Now I’m a married man. I can’t get into trouble. I have a spouse who relies on me.” 
He pinched your chin. 
“Prison was difficult enough without knowing I was missing out on such a cute little face. Now, it would crush me.” 
Your cheeks burned even hotter, and you jerked your head away, grabbing the nearest towel and tossing it to him. 
“Careful, don’t jostle your bandages,” you wheezed before making your escape. “Whoever lived here before left some clothes in the chest by the door. They ought to fit.” 
You were so busy slowing your beating heart that you blew out the lantern and slid into your bed without thinking Saber would soon follow. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to feign sleep, when you heard his heavy footsteps approach. He paused for a moment, doing Goddess knows what, before he carefully laid down next to you. 
The mattress dipped under his weight, and your body slid into his. You heard him draw in a sharp breath as your warm forms pressed together. 
“Mind your wounds. Make sure you sleep on your side,” you whispered into the darkness. 
You felt him adjust slightly, and then a heavy arm draped over your waist. Despite yourself, it was warm and the weight felt nice. Comforting. Now that he’d used your soap, he smelled like home. His breath brushed the hairs on your neck and another arm slid underneath you to use as a pillow. You would have pulled away, but you’d never slept so close to someone before. 
Living on the street for most of your life, left you with scars. You didn’t realize how deep they’d cut you until Saber’s large body curled around yours. You felt safe. 
When you woke the next morning, the bed next to you was empty. Your heart thumped heavily in your chest, wondering where he’d gone. Had it all been a dream? 
The pile of dirty prison clothes folded and placed on top of a chest proved that it had not. 
Breathing slowly, in the meditation you’d taught yourself, you stretched your awareness out, reaching for the blue thread. Saber was half a mile from you. You wondered what he could possibly be doing. 
“Orc things, probably,” you muttered, making your way to the bathroom to clean yourself up. 
It wasn’t like he could run off; there was nothing in that direction but trees. Through the window, you could see the sun up over the tree line, telling you that you’d slept much later than usual. 
Usually, you’d have left at sunrise to sell your wares in the Capital market, but it was far too late now. Instead, you grabbed an apple from the kitchen and started fussing with your alchemy materials. Now that Saber was living with you, you were sure you needed to straighten up so he didn’t break something. 
Walking across the room, you automatically skipped around the bucket on the floor; only the bucket was gone. You frowned, but looking at the ceiling, someone had replaced one of the boards with a fresh one. Had Saber done that while you were sleeping? 
You huffed, returning to straightening your books. At least he’s putting himself to work. 
You were trying to remember the order in which a pair of books written in ancient elven were arranged alphabetically when the bell above your door jingled. 
Since your home was hidden with magic, the bell told you someone was nearby. It was a charm you rarely used. No one had any reason to look for you. The most it had rung was when you ordered a special cauldron or tomb and happened to have the cash to have it delivered. 
Curious if a traveler was lost, you put your books down and wandered outside. 
“Morning, spouse!” 
Saber’s voice made you jump when he appeared hauling a deer on his shoulders. 
“What’s that?” 
He shrugged the creature off of his shoulders. 
“Meat!” he announced proudly. 
You nodded at him, your eyes catching on his bare chest, glazed with a sheen of sweat. 
“Where are you off to?” he asked. 
“Someone is here,” you murmured, forcing your gaze from the sharp planes of his muscles to continue down the path. 
A shadow draped over you, and you glanced up to see him looming. 
“What are you doing?” 
“I’m going with you. It could be someone dangerous.” 
You shook your head but continued on your way with him in tow. 
“Helloooo? Helllloooo?” 
A female voice was screaming through the trees. When you rounded the bend, your eyes landed on an expensive carriage and a beautiful fairy shouting at the top of her lungs.  Her pink hair fell in glittering curls around her shoulders, and matching wings emerged from her back.
“Damn it! Saber! Where the fuck are you?” 
“Can I help you?” you asked as you stepped through your magic barrier. 
Her eyes narrowed, but not on you. She looked directly behind you. 
“Saber! There you are!” 
She grinned, fluttering her winds and flying past you. Irritation immediately pricked your heart as the woman threw her arms around him. Turning around, you found him looking at her with wide eyes. 
“Melody…what are you doing here? How did you find me?” 
“I’m here to see you, of course. I heard you were going to be hung, but an elf saved you! I asked around the market and was told you’d been taken here. I was so worried!” 
When she cupped his chin with her delicate hand, you crossed your arms, eyes narrowing. 
“Not someone. Me.” you interjected. 
You marched towards Saber and grabbed him by the arm. 
“Saber is my husband. Who are you?” 
She wrinkled her nose at you, ignoring your question. Her hand slid down Saber’s chest despite you. 
“Is there someplace we can talk? Privately?” 
Saber’s shocked face tightened. 
“I don’t think that’s an appropriate ask in front of my spouse, Melody.” 
She scoffed. 
“You’ve been married…what? 8 hours? Saber, I think I more than deserve a little of your time. Especially as the mother of your child.” 
Your jaw dropped, and your hand pulled away from Saber. It was true, you’d only known him for a few hours, but a child was something he ought to have mentioned. 
His brow drew, looking between you and her. 
“What child?” 
She huffed, frowning at you. 
“Fine…If you must do this, this way.” 
She turned to the carriage and yelled. 
“Nora, bring the baby!” 
A maid climbed out of the carriage holding a small whimpering bundle. You gasped as the woman presented Saber with a little green newborn. 
Saber’s eyes popped, his mouth opening and closing as the maid pressed the child into his hands. 
“This…he…is mine?” 
Melody nodded. 
“Yes, and it’s time for you to take responsibility.” 
He glanced up at her. 
“You want to get back together?” 
She let out a cruel but trilling laugh. 
“Oh heavens no. I need you to take him. Dante hasn’t seen him yet. He thinks I’ve delivered his child. I had the maids tell him I was recovering for the past month so I could sneak him out. If he finds out I’ve been carrying your baby this whole time, he’ll throw me out on the street!” 
Anger roiled under your skin. 
“So what baby are you going to present to him?” you demanded. 
She snorted as if that were a foolish question. 
“I’ll get a baby from the slums. Plenty of mothers would happily give their child the life of a Lord’s son without question.”
She fluttered her iridescent wings. 
“It only need be a fairy child.” 
You could see the pain and confusion settle on Saber’s face. Stepping between the two of them, you gently pried the bundle out of Saber’s hands, looking at his cute little button nose and glossy baby curls. 
“Of course, we will take him, but on one condition.” 
She glanced at you. 
“What do you want? Money?”
You let out a tight chuff. 
“No. We never want to see you again. If he is our baby, he is ours. Don’t think you can change your mind and come running back here looking for him or Saber. The second you step foot in your carriage, this child and my husband are dead to you.” 
Her eyes jerked to Saber. 
“Saber. You can’t mean that. Of course, I want to see you…Dante, however, can’t know. You understand, don't you? This is everything we've dreamed about! You ought to support me!"
You scoffed, rolling your eyes.
"I grew up in the gutter, too," you hissed. "But I'd never treat someone the way you have treated my husband. He is too good for you and I won't tolerate you buzzing around us like a nasty fly."
She glared at you.
"He's my child! You're just jealous Saber and I have history!"
Saber's jaw locked, and he put his arm around you, giving her a disgusted grimace. 
“Have you named him?” he asked. 
She looked contrite but lifted her chin. 
“I…ah…it didn’t occur to me...” 
He nodded and glanced down at you, holding his child. 
“Then…I agree with (Y/N). You’ll never know his name. You’ll never see him grow. You’ll never return to ruin our peace.” 
“But Saber-” 
“Don’t say my husband’s name, either.” you snapped. “You thought you’d come here and drop all of your responsibilities in his lap and then keep stringing him along as a toy? It’s not going to work like that. You have your family, and we have ours.” 
You jerked your chin at her. 
“Make your choice. Either leave the child or be prepared to explain to your husband who he belongs to. Those are the only options.”
Her pretty face contorted into an ugly, wrinkled mask, and she lifted her skirt to turn on her heels. 
“Fine! It’s not like I want the child of a thief anyway!”  
Snapping at her maid, she hovered back to her carriage, and they disappeared down the road in a cloud of dust. You smiled down at the little baby, who’d managed to sleep through the drama. 
“Saber, I know I shouldn’t have spoken for you…I just- He deserves better than to grow up with the knowledge his mother believes him to be less than. Can you imagine him living as her secret? Sneaking around to hide him? If she passed him in the street, she’d ignore him to preserve her status. He’d be heartbroken. I won’t let that happen. I hope I didn’t overstep, but I’m not sorry for it.” 
He dropped to his knees, eyes wet, and pushed his head into your shoulder. His big arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you tight.
“You said just the right thing,” he murmured, then turned his head to look at his son. “What should we name him?” 
You smiled at him. 
“Let’s talk it over over lunch.” 
The two of you walked back down the path together, both having a hard time keeping your gaze off the baby. He wriggled in his sleep, making you both see hearts.
“Maybe we should move,” you murmured. “Just to be sure…and to give him a fresh start.” 
He looked down at you. 
“You won’t miss this place?” 
You sighed. 
“No…this is just a house. We have a family now. He should grow up in a happy little town, not the capital…we’ll have to save for a few months, but I think we can do it.” 
“We don’t have to save. I have plenty of money.” 
You froze in your tracks, looking up at him.
“What? I thought you said you were broke?” 
He smiled down at you. 
“I meant I didn't have any coin on me. I didn’t just piss all of my ill-gotten gains away. I hid them. Follow me.” 
He tugged the two of you into the forest, walking quite a ways until you reached an oddly placed rock. Saber crouched down and uprooted a bush with a stiff jerk. Then he cleared the soil away, revealing a wooden chest. He turned the little dial a few ways until it clicked, and the chest opened with a creak. Your eyes widened at the hundreds of gold coins piled inside. He casually tugged the gold he’d lifted from you out of his pocket and tossed it inside with a metallic clink. 
“I think we can buy a nice place with this.” 
You were still completely confused. He rummaged around in the coins, producing the gold necklace he’d stolen. Standing, he fastened it around your neck with the nimble fingers of a thief.
“I thought you lost it gambling?” 
He shrugged. 
“I lied.” 
“Why did you keep it?” 
He gave you a long look.
“I’m not sure, to be honest. Something told me not to sell it.” 
“But…what about the rest? I thought you gave it all to Melody?” 
“I tried to…we grew up in the capital, in the same slums she wants to buy a baby from. It wasn’t ever about what I could provide her. She wanted to erase her past. She wanted a title…to be a lady, to be able to lift her nose at the very people she grew up with.
I started saving after she failed at her first attempt at seducing some highborn. At the time, I had this romantic dream that I could surprise her with a big house, start a business, and be the Lord she wanted so badly…but… as time passed, I realized I was already tainted in her eyes. She wanted the right blood attached to her money. It took me too long to be ready to pull away. Dante was the nail in the coffin, so to speak.” 
He tugged the chest from the ground, hauling it onto his shoulder before leading you back through the forest.  
“Even though I knew I wasn’t enough…I foolishly still loved her. I was a mess when he proposed. That’s why I got caught. I went on a bender that lasted most of a year…Fortunately, I never touched this. Maybe I held out hope since Melody still entertained my attention…but I got sloppy and ended up in jail.” 
His gaze dropped to the baby. 
“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn't have ever known about him. Anything could have happened to him if you hadn’t-”
He choked a bit, a couple of tears slipping down his cheek. You didn’t push him to finish his sentence. You knew what he was trying to say. 
“What about Arel?” you asked. 
“Arel? That sounds like an Elvin name.” 
You smiled at the little baby’s chubby cheeks. 
“It is…it means ‘treasure’.” 
He stopped, bending down to examine his son more closely. The baby’s eyes opened, and you saw that they were the same pretty chartreuse as his father’s. The two of them looked at one another in awe. 
“I like Arel,” he said, brushing a thick finger over his cheek. 
Arel’s big eyes grew wet, and he started to croon. 
Shock and worry bloomed on Saber’s face. 
“Is he okay?” 
“I think he’s hungry. I have some goat milk at home.” 
Saber straightened, and you had to almost jog to keep up with him, the two of you hurrying home to start your life as a family.
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luvrxbunny · 4 months
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i think Miguel would get turned on by little things. like little details that someone would normally overlook or have no reaction to
so what made me think of this is specifically when girls say to guys that they’re gonna like— “fuck the life outta him” because technically it’s the guy doing the fucking but i think the tiny bit of role reversal would haunt his mind. he’s distracted for the rest of the day. his boner that he acquired when you said that never goes away
also if omg— i think this is just gonna turn into Miguel secretly wanting to be dominated (or just generally wanting to be treated how he treats others in a relationship) so hold on tight
if you’re passing him in the kitchen or something and— AHAHAAAA okay wait
so Miguel is chopping something in the kitchen but you need to get past him for the fridge or something. so he’s chop chop chopping and you scoot by, resting your hands on his hips to lean him forward a bit with a small “sorry, baby.” as you scooch by. you’d just hear his chopping stop and he’s getting hard already. you have about 30mins before he’s fed up and comes to u begging.
AND IF U DEFEND HIM??? omg he loses his shit. like falling into subspace no matter where u guys are— maybe not fully under but man is slipping.
let’s say you’re at a bar w Miguel and you go to the bathroom for two seconds. a girl approaches him all like “wanna buy me a drink, handsome?” and he’s like “oh! i’m flattered but i have a girlfriend!! so…” she’s like scoff scoff!! “she doesn’t need to know” wink wink and that irks him. it’s rude to his character and it’s rude to u. “i would never do that to her” he’s done w the convo so he turns back to the tv behind the bar, opting to watch whatever is happening there rather than the bitch beside him. but she’s still yapping! “what?? babe.. this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for u!! u can’t bend your rules just a little? *batting her ugly lashes* for me..?”
he just straight up rolls his eyes at her. she looks nothing like you so— “you are far from what i’d consider beautiful” he doesn’t even turn to her as he says it— he’s done w the conversation! but this bitch starts throwing a fit. “you’re a piece of shit loser okay?? you don’t know shit about beauty!! have u looked in the mirror honey?? looking like a fucking meatball is not in style alright?? i was doing you a fucking—“ she’s going on and on. some of her comments are starting to actually hurt Miguel’s feelings a bit (w his body issues and all) he’s about to just get up and wait by the girls bathroom for you but he’s scared to be seen as a creep. he feels dread sleeping in. he doesn’t know how long he’ll have to endure this before you come back and you both can just leave. “you’re an ugly 👏🏻 mother 👏🏻 fuck👏🏻er okay sweetheart?? you—“
“i’m sorry. did you call my boyfriend sweetheart?” relief floods through him at the sound of your voice. his head whips to see you, you have a playful smile on your face— but he knows the anger hidden behind it. it sends a little shock of excitement through his body. the woman’s eyes are wide as she stares at you, like she didn’t believe him when he said he had a girlfriend. “i— sis, listen”
you cut her off “i’m definitely not your sister. go on.” she pauses for a bit— shocked at your coldness before continuing. “girl to girl. you can do so much better, okay? your man— although “loyal” he is—“ you cut her off with a genuine laugh at he way she put quotations around the word ‘loyal’. “baby? finish your drink, okay? we’re leaving soon.” you look right past the girl, barely acknowledging her presence. Miguel nods frantically and downs the rest of his beer as you turn back to the girl.
“look. he’s my boyfriend. my man. i don’t care what you have to say. i don’t care what you say he did but i bet you i can guess the entire scenario” you have a confident, almost smug look on your face that has a fire burning in Miguel’s stomach. “you.” you pause to look her up and down with a weakly suppressed laugh. “tried to get at him… and then threw a hissy fit when he rejected you.. right?” she’s obviously embarrassed, staring at her shoes with an angry look. “well he said that i was ugly.”
you’re grabbing your purse from the chair behind her as she whispers that last part. you can barely make out what it says but you’re not even surprised. “and?” is all you say before walking out with Miguel.
in the cab he’s silent, worried that you’re upset until you speak up. “sorry if i was a hit mean back there.” you laugh a bit embarrassed. you go on to say that you know you shouldn’t have been rude, that people should spread positivity and more but he has to cut you off
“that was so hot, baby.” you take in his obviously disheveled, incredibly aroused state and give him a smirk. “yeah?”
you end up jerking him off in the back of the uber 🤪
he’s super whiny, whimpering, and will not stop begging for more
when u guys get married he gets really into choking u cus it shows off his wedding band
omf you’d do something nice for him while he’s sick— like make him soup or something and he’ll get hard
“you- you made this.. for me?” you’re baffled. “yes..? Miguel you’re sick remember? oh god this is way worse than i thought… do you know where you are, baby?” he laughs. “i know where i am! i just— that’s so- that’s so sweet, baby.” you shake your head and give him a spoonful, feeding him like he’s a baby. you’re focused on his mouth, subconsciously making silly faces as you pour the soup into his mouth. he’s watching you the whole time.
after that spoonful you go for another but he takes the bowl and places it on the nightstand. “wha— you don’t like it?” he smiles and shakes his head at your immediate doubt. “i love it, baby” is all he says as he pulls you into his lap, pressing his dick into you and begging you to ride him for all he’s worth
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elexaria · 25 days
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living with ghoap was nice. two big burly fellas to keep you company, to reach the top shelves in the kitchen for you, to absolutely plough you into the mattress when you couldnt itch your own scratch for once. they were good lads.
but there were countless times where they’d be away for work, so you knew you couldnt be fully dependent on them. they knew that too, so they weren’t exactly going to object to you having fun without them. so long as you were happy and safe, they were content.
but fuck, the men out there are absolutely horrible to deal with. sleazy, there’s just… no ability to have any kind of banter with these things that think only with their cocks.
until you meet kilgöre alexander.
he’s gigantic, his shoulders probably share the same width as mount everest’s base. easily, kilgöre is the tallest man you’ve ever been with. he dwarfs simon in size, which is very telling in itself.
it’s hard to pry away at who kilgöre is as a person. he’s austrian, likes keeping himself to himself. absolutely refuses to tell you what he does for a living, because it’s on a need to know basis. “sounds like something a terrorist would say.” you jokingly coo one night at dinner, smirking as he rolls his foggy blue eyes at your comment. “har har, very funny.” he mockingly says, the corners of his lips twitching ever so slightly.
he’s one of the best things that’s happened to you in a while. he doesn’t know about the particular living arrangement you share with simon and johnny— like he says, it’s on a need to know basis. plus, you haven’t boned either of them since you met this fella. ghoap know what’s up, but they’re not bothered by it. they’re just glad to see you doing well for yourself. “ye have a glow about ye, love.” johnny coos in your ear one day, smirking as he watches you fluster and flounder around the kitchen, trying to make excuses. “it’s the vitamins i’m taking” this and “i’ve quit dairy” that. he knows the truth, simon know its too.
but there’s one thing that makes the attachment to this man absolutely unbearable.
he disappears from time to time.
some days it’s only a couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks at a push. absolutely no contact.
he swears it’s to do with his line of work, that one day he’ll be able to tell you everything. but for now, he asks just for one thing.
“just… wait for me.”
it’s been almost a month with no contact from kilgöre, and it feels like every morning with no text, no nothing, you have a growing pit inside of you that can’t stop gnawing at you, eating you up whole. what the fuck? what could he possibly do for a career that makes it so he goes days without checking his phone? it makes you feel sick to your stomach. what if he’s in a gang or something?
besides, how the fuck can you keep on waiting for someone who you don’t even know is even alive? for all you know, this behemoth of a man has been hog tied and dumped at the bottom of a lake with cinder blocks strapped to his feet. how are you supposed to wait for someone who shows no signs of leaving or coming back?
“that light in yer eyes has dulled.” johnny remarks one evening, a sad smile on his lips. your eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion. “huh? oh, yeah. uh… it’s the gluten intolerance i reckon.” you murmur to yourself, flashing a weak smile to consolidate his inquisitive gaze. “i’m fine, though.”
simon huffs as he leers next to you, skilfully flaying pieces of fish with a pensive look. both you and johnny glance at him, which only makes him grunt in response. you furrow your eyebrows at him, urging him to elaborate on what the pressing issue is.
“we reckon shit’s hit the fan with that new bloke of yours.” simon bluntly replies as he wipes off the chopping board with a damp cloth, hands gently scooping up guts, scales and delicate fish bones to dispose of. you scoff, eyes never leaving the cuts of fish meat that rest on a plate, waiting to be delicately battered and fried up.
“whatev—“
“and i know you, you’ll try and refute the truth that i know what’s going on. that we know what’s going on. so, none of this nonsense, alright? what’s up?”
johnny and simon silently watch you, their simultaneous waiting for any reaction from you making your skin crawl. at first, you scowl and huff. shifting your weight from foot to foot as you become defensive. simon cuts you off again, “none of that bollocks. tell the truth.”
you give in. on bated breath, you explain the whole situation. how kilgöre is the kind of man you had never expected to fall for, how he had managed to steal your attention even while being so elusive and secretive. how you desperately want him to come back to you, like he said he would.
johnny frowns, and simon nods in your direction, wiping his blood stained hands with the damp cloth. “fishy hands.” he murmurs, wiggling his fingers to prove he can’t comfort you with a hug. johnny nods, swiftly making his way around the kitchen island to come give you a warm hug. it’s a solid hug, one you’d never object to having. johnny’s large hands rub circles to your back, his bearded chin resting against your shoulder as he sways gently.
simon stands behind johnny, holding eye contact with you as he continued to carefully clean his hands. he raises his eyebrows in thought, before glancing down at his fingernails as he begins to meticulously clean underneath them to rid his skin of all things fish.
“this… kilgöre bloke. i reckon if he’s the one, he’s worth waitin’ for. but don’t think for a second he should get away with leavin’ you this long without so much as a text, yeah? rip ‘im a new one when he comes back.” he advises, glancing back up at you with a slight smirk when he hears you chuckle, your laugh strained with emotion.
he steps closer, carefully tilting your chin up so you can meet his gaze better. he gently wipes a stray tear from your cheek. “if he’s the man you think he is, he’ll explain everything if you ask him to. and if he does? great. if he doesn’t?” you wince at the idea, frowning.
he sighs, pressing a gentle kiss to your brow.
“then he’s a bloody eejit, as our johnny boy would say.”
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blckbrrybasket · 13 days
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ᯓ★ 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬
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MDNI
SFW
- King of telling the other soldiers of 141 to “knock it off.” They never do.
- Price sees Gaz, Soap, and Ghost as his boys but is shocked off of his chair when they view him even remotely as a father figure.
- No one has ever had to check if he was alive when asleep because he snores like he’s being exorcised.
- Used to be a boy scout and NEVER lets 141 forget it. He prides himself on his knotting skills. If you ask about it you’re in for a two hour long lecture.
- Had a punk phase when he was younger, like Soap. When he was a teen he hated all authority. When he sees old pictures of himself he cringes at the hairstyles, but not at his rebelliousness.
- During a mission Price took a cut to the face and had to shave his mutton chops to get stitches. He had an existential crisis. Afterwards he swore if it ever happened again nature could take its course instead of him shaving again.
- Knows slang from Gaz and Soap so he can follow along enough to understand half the shit they say. When they yap back and forth he heavily sighs and covers his face.
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SFW (serious)
- Wants to badly to be a family man, but he would never have kids to leave them while deployed. His own family has passed on or moved away. There’s a reason why he invites Ghost over during the holidays.
- Price dreads the day he has to bury one of his boys. Loses sleep over the thought, gets upset if the prospect of them dying is ever mentioned. Lost himself a bit when Soap died. All he could think about is that it was his fault Soap died. It can’t happen again. He wouldn’t let it.
- Absolutely would not want a partner to ‘kiss his boot’ so to speak. He views partnership as equality. If you’re unwell and can only give 40% to help with chores or such he’ll give 60%, but when you’re doing okay and he’s unwell he wants the same reciprocation.
- I think Price personally doesn’t like therapy for himself. He understands the importance of it, but doesn’t want to attend it knowing that once he shares a bit a dam will break and everything will resurface in his memory.
- Price forgets sometimes what it’s like to be a kid, but he sees a lot of his younger self in Gaz. Gaz wants to be more like Price but Price wants Gaz to be better than him. He hopes to whatever god there is that Gaz is a better man than me. Price is a good man but he has a hard time viewing himself as such.
- During a break up or if someone rejects price he accepts it pretty easily as he sees its already over if they’re rejecting him. He doesn’t want to have to fight for someone to love him. He still wonders every now and again what he did wrong.
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NSFW
- Price gets off at you receiving the best pleasure you can. Anything you want within reason he’ll do. It isn’t a problem for him to give up control. To him it’s never about control, it’s about you enjoying yourself.
- If you thought Ghost was private Price is another level. Ghost lets things sleep here and there, but Price was never one to kiss and tell.
- Price is a gentleman who takes you out for dinner then has you for dessert.
- He knows what he’s doing and he knows what his voice does to you. Price will purposely lower his voice when talking with you just to see your thighs squeeze together. “What was that sweetheart?” As if he hadn’t sat there for a good minute thinking of the best innuendo to say.
- Breeding kink. AMAB or AFAB Price will talk his shit when pounding into you. He would never intentionally get you pregnant, even if the thought overwhelms his senses.
- His favorite body part of you is your back. Price loves running his hands over the skin as he grinds into you from behind. Every now and again he gets lost in his thoughts and starts massaging the tension from your shoulders while his cock released the tension from below.
- So damn cheeky. Price has his own streak of not following rules, you can’t expect him not to tease you. He isn’t horrible, but he would pull you onto his lap to slowly make out keeping the same pace and holding your hips still so you can’t grind. “What?” He chuckles against your lips. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
- Takes aftercare so seriously. Step by step methodical treatment, but it doesn’t seem cold at all. Every action is filled with care. He’s a man of habit and makes sure he checks every box in making sure you’re taken care of. It’s sweet!
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screeching-bunny · 1 year
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Yandere! General Hcs
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Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Possessive Behavior, Reader is Referred as ‘You’
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🌟 Yandere! General is very controlling and likes order. He has a specific way of doing things and doesn’t like seeing things out of line. Will be very demanding and forceful things don’t go his way.
🌟 Yandere! General who is insanely scary when pissed off. He basically triggers everyone’s fight or flight response no matter who they are. Can easily break every bone in someone’s body if he really wanted to or was pissed off enough.
🌟 Yandere! General has many scars on his body due to his many battles in war. He enjoys it when you run your fingers down on them. His battle scars are extremely thick and run all over his body. They symbolize his strength and resilience.
🌟 Yandere! General would write the world's most romantic letter to you everyday while he’s out at war. He feels guilty for leaving you alone and wants to finish the battle as quickly as possible just to get back to you. Every minute apart from you is torture and would always carry a picture of you in his uniform chest pocket.
🌟 Yandere! General gives you the juiciest French kisses when leaves or returns from war. He expresses his emotions mostly through action and rarely verbally expresses himself. Will also bring back jewels and clothes for you once he gets back.
🌟 Yandere! General met you at a banquet hosted by a member of the royal family. You were an aristocrat and he couldn’t help but be enthralled by you once you introduced yourself to him. He spent the entire night by your side getting to know you and currying your favor.
🌟 Yandere! General on the next day is meeting with your parents to demand for your hand in marriage. They most likely will say yes due to his high social standing and his incredible wealth. However, if they say no he won’t hesitate to kill your parents or use any form of intimidation to make it happen. Would kill a suitor he’s most threatened by and chop their head off. Then mail them to other suitors as a warning sign for them to stay away from you.
🌟 Yandere! General would betray his country and kill all the royal family members in a heartbeat if you wanted him to. Although he has a cold exterior and aggressive way of dealing with you, your wants are what he chooses to prioritize. Don’t ask too much out of him all the time though, if he feels as if your being to demanding he may spank you.
🌟 Yandere! General is incredibly hard to run away from. If you somehow manage to do so, he’ll use his position to scour the entire world until he gets his hands on you again. When he manages to do so, he’ll permanently break your legs and disabling you. This would cause you to rely on him for everything and he lives for that. You can scorn him all you want but in his mind you deserved it.
🌟 Yandere! General grew up as an only child. His mother died when he was young due to a sickness and was left with his father. Killed his father with his own bare hands which caused rumors to swell that he is a savage. Nobody knows why he did it but no one is willing to ask why due to their fear of him.
🌟 Yandere! General was forced to join the army as a child soldier in order to survive and make a living. Climbed up the ranks and is now the most respected man in the military. Over time he’s hardened a lot and the sight of blood does not bother him, in fact it excites him. The thrill of a dangerous battle gets his adrenaline going and wanting to smash someone’s brains in.
🌟 Yandere! General loves it when you read a book to him while he cuddles with you. It’s the peaceful times that he yearns for the most. Being out in war all the time and having to fight battles since a young age really traumatized him. A change in scenery is really like a breath of fresh air. He can only really feel at serenity when you’re in his arms.
🌟 Yandere! General has a very unique and strange sense of humor. He likes to make a lot of pun jokes which most of the time leave the room just silent. Thinks that he is extremely hilarious and gets proud of his jokes. When he tells a joke to you, you usually just ignore him but he will keep repeating that joke until he gets a reaction out of you. Usually it’s a pity laugh or a really tiny awkward chuckle.
🌟 Yandere! General keeps weapons hidden from you. Does not trust you enough to handle them and doesn’t like you holding them. Why would you need them when he can protect you himself? Won’t allow you to learn how to properly use weapons because he believes that it isn’t needed with him around.
🌟 Yandere! General is very strict with you. He doesn’t like seeing you do things that he deems as “out of line” such as escaping. Has a daily routine that he likes for you to follow and won’t hesitate to demoralize you if you don’t. Although he can be very mean to you at times that doesn’t mean he’ll allow others to do the same. If he ever sees a maid bullying you, he’d gladly hang them in the middle of the city for everyone to see.
🌟 Yandere! General has so much power that at times, not even the royal family can stop him. He’s very influential and the only thing they can do is look at him in horror. Many successors in line for the crown will try to curry his favor in order to stabilize their position as the next ruler. His say is the most powerful out of all the noblemen combined. Absolutely no one can compete with him.
🌟 Yandere! General is very tall and extremely muscular all around. He’s the most well built person you’ll ever meet. His boobs are probably bigger than yours. Is as hard as a rock, if you ever tried to punch him you’re fist would probably break and is easily one of the most strongest people in the world.
🌟 Yandere! General isn’t as book smart as he’d like to be. It’s not surprising because for most of his childhood he’s been in the military. Most of his learning came from trying to understand important documents and make sense of them as a child. He loves to learn though and is willing to learn your native language if you have one.
🌟 Yandere! General has a lot of pent up stress due to paperwork he needs to complete. He lives to put you on his lap while he does his work in his office. Having you there just gives him delight and encourages him to complete his work faster. These days are very slow days to him and time just seems to drag on.
🌟 Yandere! General makes sure that you’re well taken care of and loves putting collars or chokers on you, it's just another sign that you belong to him. Don’t ever try resisting him because it just never goes too well for you. Just give up there’s nothing you can do.
Pt. 2
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bioloyg · 7 months
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Ngl, I love the idea of Carmen purposefully doing shit to turn Sydney on once he realizes she’s attracted to him and having that backfire and turn into a sexual arms race.
It starts because Sydney twists her ankle while they were at some summer festival fucking around outside. Carmen gives her a piggy back ride back to his car, and when he gets her up to her apartment he’s already in full “stop trying to get up, you need to ice it otherwise you’re gonna be miserable during service tomorrow” mode. Sydney is allergic to having things done for her though, so she’s trying to tell Carmen she’s fine and that he should go home. But by this point, they’re fully best friends so my home is your home and, “I’ll go back later.”
So, Carmen stays until it’s late. At some point they’ll have migrated to the couch together to shout cast at the people cooking on Chopped, telling each other what they would have made with the basket ingredients and trying to predict who the winner will be. Sydney’s feet will be in Carmen’s lap, and he’ll be massaging her ankle almost absentmindedly. I firmly believe this man knows how to use his hands, legally he has to, so Sydney is going to make a completely involuntary sound that sucker punches Carmen in the chest. She’ll be mortified, so she’s gonna pull her feet away and fake a yawn and say, “Well, it’s getting late. I should probably — I’m gonna go to bed. Get some rest, y’know? Long day tomorrow.”
Carmen will be outside of her apartment and the door will be locked behind him (he has a key) before he’s even done processing what just happened. He’s mostly worried he made Sydney uncomfortable, somehow. They’re pretty flexible on personal space when it comes to each other, but he had to run into the boundary line eventually. It isn’t until later that he realizes Sydney is attracted to him and that’s why she pushed him out.
It will be Eva’s birthday party. Everyone from The Bear will be in attendance, having brought food potluck style. Marcus bakes a gorgeous cake, Sydney makes some approachable but still incredibly fancy hors d’oeuvres, and Carmen is working his soft drink wizardry and grilling like a fifty-five year old father of three. It’s as much a fun time for the adults as it is for the kids, and this time Carmen’s not being strong-armed into doing it so he’s having a pretty good time.
At some point though, someone is gonna come up behind him and dump a bucket of ice water on him superbowl style, and since he’s a white t-shirt and some jeans kinda guy, there’s not gonna be a whole lot left to the imagination. Sydney is gonna make a strangled noise in the back of her throat and do this thing with her face Carmen has only ever seen her do when the new, roguishly handsome delivery guy was dropping off their produce. And, “Oh. Fuck me. Does she —?”
When he tests his theory the first time, he’s just trying to be sure. It’s not intentionally dickish on his part, he wants to know what’s up. He’s been silently nursing a crush on Sydney for a while now, but he values their friendship wayyyyy too much to fuck it up with his feelings. But… if Sydney is into him as much as he’s into her (and he’s hopeless, just absolutely gone on her), then maybe it’s not a pipe dream. He has to know for sure, though.
So, Carmen’s doing the most. He (truly) accidentally gets something on his shirt while they’re workshopping their fall menu. Rather than change in his room, he decides to take his shirt off right there in the kitchen as he’s turning to go to his room. He makes sure to come back out with the new shirt only halfway on and — oh yeah, she’s definitely into him and has been doing a pretty damn good job of hiding it. She still is, but now that Carmen knows what he’s looking for she may as well be holding up a sign that says “I kinda wanna climb you like a tree, but I’m being very brave about it.”
Carmen isn’t particularly boastful when it comes to things other than his culinary prowess. He’s a little self-conscious, he was kinda dorky looking as a kid and he never had any girlfriends until he was well out of high school and had finally grown into his body. He’s not used to using his appeal like a weapon, but apparently he doesn’t need to be. All he has to do is lift a box onto his shoulder while he’s wearing a t-shirt, his muscles flexing in full view. All he needs to do is tell Sydney to close her eyes and taste something, get a liiiittle too close when he’s whispering something to her.
Carmen knows he’s riling her up, he can see it, but what he doesn’t realize is that Sydney is starting to catch on. They go out for their monthly “let’s try out food at a new place” trip and she’s eating a maraschino cherry, minding her business, but she catches the way Carmen’s eyes linger just a little too long. How he swallows and looks away a little too quickly.
Then she asks, “can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?”
Now Carmen is thinking about her tongue in other contexts and because he’s white as a sheet (sorry homie) it’s super obvious when his ears turn red and he’s blushing. He’s stammering and getting annoyed and Sydney is laughing and says she’s just fucking with him. And she is fucking with him.
And it only gets worse.
She’s hooking her chin over his shoulder to watch him cook dinner in her apartment while they’re hanging out, she’s using him for support when she needs to put her shoes on, licking ice cream off her fingers and humming in delight when something tastes really good.
Carmen is going fucking insane. The touch, the sound, the way she looks. Fuck.
He’s competitive as hell though, and two can play at that game. So, he thinks, let’s fucking go.
Carmen’s putting his hand on the small of her back when they’re out together, when he needs to get by her in the kitchen, lets his fingers drag along her back as he passes by. She gets something on her cheek and he brushes it off, but he “accidentally” skims his thumb across the corner of her mouth. He thinks he’s successful in not smiling when Sydney presses a hand to her cheek and laughs nervously before saying, “thanks.”
Now Sydney is losing it. She’s hatched a plan though. She’s got friends coming into town and they’re gonna have a girls night out. It’s been a while since she’s had a night life though so, “Hey, since you’re here, would you mind helping me pick out an outfit?” And it’s not that the outfits Sydney is choosing are particularly salacious, but Carmen is so used to seeing her in jeans and colorful oversized shirts and sweaters that when he sees her in a form-fitting skirt with those legs that go on for days he nearly swallows his tongue.
His voice is cracking, and he’s actively fighting a hard on, and he feels like he’s a fucking teenager seeing a pretty girl for the first time since his libido woke up. Sydney asks for his help zipping up a dress and Carmen’s resolve just fucking snaps the second she turns around and brushes her hair back over her shoulders. She’s got this look on her face, her eyes drawing him into her event horizon like a black hole and he is not going to escape because he knows that look. He knows what she’s doing — and she certainly does too.
So… he kisses her. And when he pulls back, Sydney says, “it’s about fucking time,” before reeling him back in by his shirt.
Carmen is muttering shit about that stupid fucking dress in between kisses. Sydney laughs, but Carmen turns it into a moan when he backs her into a wall and licks into her mouth. She’s still in competitive mode too though, so she rolls her hips forward and Carmen groans, and they go back and forth like that until it’s clear that they’re just gonna go ahead and knock this one out of the park and get that home run. Fuck the bases.
Anyway, Sydney takes a rain check on that night out with her friends :)
352 notes · View notes
greenflamedwriter · 4 months
Text
I'm the protagonist, bitch!
What if SY transmigrated as Luo Binghe and had to go through the main trials and abuse under the scum villain Shen Qingqiu?
And in typical SY fashion, ends up deluding himself and no longer cares what Sqq is doing? Since Luo Binghe knows he's going to go into literal hell everything sqq does seem tame in comparison? He starts thinking "If being whipped is making me cry...how will I be when I lose a limb in the abyss!?"
Then he starts seeing this as inpromptu training, he gives SQQ the peerless cucumber roast of a lifetime JUST to get more punishment! He has to get stronger!
And of course in true Scum villain fashion, SQQ backs off and starts treating LBH as a disciple and just ignores him.
This is grossley unfair!
Shen Yuan AS Luo Binghe.
 So SY transmigrates as Luo Binghe and already doesnt feel comfortable as a grown ass man taking wives who were mostly Binghes age with the occasional milf thrown in there. So he decides fuck it, he’ll get stronger deal with he abyss when he gets to it and at first wanted revenge on SQQ then decided it was too much hassle. He just wanted to be left alone. But the scum villain keeps bothering him, and actually seems to like him- why? What changed!? The hell!?
-SY transmigrates as Luo Binghe.
Has the horror that as the protagonist his lufe is a living hell, continous tortourous chores, being whipped and beaten for the tiniest offense how will a millenial survive!
[Welcome Host you can you up! As the protagonist you are the workds child and no lasting harm will befall you-]
“Yeah but I’ll still be harmed.”
[An over powered protagnosit at the start if his journey is too unrealistic.
 Tasks for hosts are;
Create a harem.
Fall into the endless abyss.
Take revenge on Shen Qingqiu.
Merge the realms!]
“I dont want to do any if that!”
[System has heard users complaints and sees that Host will only do one scenario!]
Oh thank god
[System has taken the liberty of choosing the task- endless abyss arc!]
You fuck!
-SY stole a manual. If he wanted to survive the abyss he had to be stronger. Having an unstable core will do him no favours…
So far he was able to keep his head down but realised something. When he first transmigrated the first thing that happened he was beaten. And it hurt.
Then he was whipped and it hurt but…
Luo Binghe was going into the abyss- even with his demon blood awakened he would face a ton of horrors and so much pain his own arm ripped of.
“A-lou? You look pale,” His shiejie spoke placing a hand over his head.
 If he wanted to survive he would have to build up his pain tolerence…
Steadying his rabid heartbeat Luo Binghe smiled.
“This one is fine.”
He purposfully acts out, and tried not to cry- it was just intimidating okay! That he was being whipped while his Shizun supervised-
Did Shen Qjngqiu really have to sit there and watch the sadistic fuck!
Even so, he built himself up stronger.
He accidently proposed to Ming fan that he had no intention of seeing Ning Yinying that way as she was like a sister.
But seeing a man bully someone they percoeved as their little brother how would you react? If Ming Fan acted kind to Binghe he could also hang oht with Ning Yingying.
 “You can have one on one time with Ning Yingying, she’ll be happy that we’re getting along.”
“You just want me to help with your chores-“
“Of course not. This one will do extra and Ning Yingying likes to talk or gets bored easily you can stop and play with her instead.”
And just like that he matchmaked the two, and had all the wood chopping to himself.
It was frustrating coming from a modern eorld you’d think he knew hie to get stronger.
But that was all er-ge. He knew the difference between working out and only looking like a model but was weak and unfit. Meanwhile people who gained weight and looked bigger were often stronger.
Even so, Luo Binghe used the kitchens to his advantage while eating he would study and in his own time would train even dyring the night.
 And if he felt tired he would purposfully sleep in during his Shizuns lessons.
Extra points for snowing loudly.
Of course he rejoiced in the day he no longer felt pain on his back. He even told Shen Qingqiu himself that what point was the punishment if he now felt nothing?
So now he had to sit on pins, hanging off the mountain and not fall to his death because his arms got tired.
 Even so it’d make him stronger.
“Ah binghe can you take this to Peak Lord Shen?”
He blinked then stared at the food. 
And he suddenly had a wicked idea.
He may not want revenge kn his scumbag shizun, even though he deserved it. Lucky for him he was so lazy!
 But this would be the most sweetest revenge.
He decided to take the food up for Shen Qingqiu passing it to Mong Fan.
 “What are you doing with Shizuns food?”
“I was already in the kitchen, while the cooks told me to bring it.”
Ming Fan looked suspicious and Luo Binghe held the urge to roll his eyes.
“You can taste test it if you eant although, Shizun wont be pleased by the delay.”
To be fair, Shizun never ate. He never slept either. The only time he oerked was when he went doen the mountain. He sure had an addiction.
Luo Binghe almost said nothing then remembered he needed to get in trouble and punished!
 “Visiting the brothel, again, Shizun?”
The other gaped at his audacity, to be fair, Shen Qingqiu could kick him of the mountain, but after reassuring with the system that would never happen.
 Shen Qingqiu paused and only glanced back, cold eyes sneering down at Luo Binghe.
 Luo Binghe shivered, he sure was the scum villain alright, so scary!
Such a waste of good looks too.
 “Luo Binghe to the wood shed.”
He bowed, “Yes, Shizun.”
Unknwowing that to others he was practically going whth a slring in his step.
“Why do you rebel against your master so? Are you a glutton for punishment?”
Luo Binghe was forced to kneel before Shen Qingqiu, his legs bloodied and skin torn.
 The original goods would’ve broken Shen Qingqius legs for that.
But kneoing he may lose a leg in the endless abyss he was fine with it.
 “This disciple has nothing but respect for Shen Qjngqiu.”
Hah as if! He wished for nothing but Shen Qingqius castration!
 “This disciple is aware how…behind he is compared to everybody else and only wishes to be stronger. After being whipped to the point of no linger feeling pain?”
He missed the wide eyes of Shen Qjngqiu as he kept speaking.
 “This disciple knows many more trails are to come and this one has to be stronger to face them. So far the punishments have given this Binghe so much thatvhe can’t hope to ever repay. But as the years passed noticed less punishments…”
It was strange usually this was when Qjngqiu got worse.
“This Binghe never wanted to lose all that progress and so…to continue this disciple had to…escalate such things to get what I wanted.”
When he glanced up he blanched, he’d never seen Shen Qingqiu look so enraged!
Luo Binghe realised what he said then bowed, face red in shame.
“This disciple apologises! He should have spoken with Shizun first! And never went about his own training in such a way! This disciple was wrong!”
“Oh, so now you understand?”
Easy for you! Binghe was focused on survivng the abyss! Not your ego! 
 “It seems this Shizun was rewarding such behaviour. Are you truly a masochist?”
Shen Qingqiu used his foot to raise Luo Binghes chin from the floor!
Luo Binghe kept hos face impassive the only thing giving him away was a small twitch.
 He did not want that type of attention from his scumbag Shizun! God damn it!
“N-no Shizun this lowly one only wanted-“
The foot moved, and before Binghe could even relax, Shen Qingqiu rose as he stepped on his head pushing him intk the floor, Luo Binghe turned his nose just in time befkre it made contact.
He grunted, unable to move. Only riding it out until his scum Shizun got it out of his system. But this sucked.
 “What a degenrate beast, thinking he can take advantage of his Shizun. You don’t care aboht getting stronger only using that as an axcuse to get away with being disrespectful.”
Luo Binghe opened his mouth then closed it, to be fair…Luo Binghe did enjoy being able to clap back and roast Shen Qingqiu and even being beaten bloody and blue he thought-
Worth it!
Shen Qingqiu noticed then pushed his foot down harder.
Luo Binghe scowled.
 “With this type of punishment sometimes wonder werher you get off on this, Shizun.”
Shen Qingqiu paused, “What did you say?”
“Visiting all those brothels, and favouring Ning Yingying so, what if sineone where to walk in right now and see this, wouldn’t they jump to conclusions?”
Shen Qingqiu gripped his fan- ha a reaction! Even the original goods had never made him break his fan!
Luo Binghe wanted a record, lips twitching.
 “Whose the degenerate now? Pervert Shizun.” 
 Shen Qingqiu grabbed his hair yanking it back then slammed him into the floor.
 It was too quick to hurt.
All Luo Binghe knew was the blood pouring down his nose all over Shizuns lamenated flooring.
 “Clean yourself up. Then come back and clean this mess and if this stains this master will,”
Luo Binghe looked up at him tiredly, raisng an eyebrow.
 He’ll what? Beat him, burn him?
Kill him?
Ha! he can try he’s the motherfucking protagonist!
 Shen Qingqiu paused, eyes narrowing and Luo Binghe had to inwardly cackle.
Ha he did it! He broke Shen Qingqiu!
 Who knew his tried and true method of pissing of trolls online was apathy and not caring! Peerless cucumber for the win!
 Luo Binghe bowed, “if that’ll be all Shizun, this Binghe will return to clean his mess.”
That you made, he left unsaid.
After that things went…wrong.
Shen Qingqiu ignored him.
No one bullied him, no one hit him. Even when Luo Binghe poured tea all over Shen Qingqius head, it was scalding hot too!
He wasn’t punished.
No. No. No. no-
 The endless abyss was only a year away! 
And are you freaking kidding me! What wanting to get punished made Shen Qingqiu finally act like a decent Shizun!?
That asshole.
Whenever he saw him Luo Binghe couldn’t help but glare his scowl darkening and saw the smug bastards smirk.
 It was awful, Luo Binghe was so used to being on the attack and on guard.
So now he jumped at the slighest sound, thank god no one was there to see him flinch away from a bunny!
And his workload was depleted! He barely had any chores and suddenly realised he had so much free time!
Damn that scumbag!
 Its funny, the lriginal goods would give his left leg to be treated this way…as an actual disciple of Qing Jing Peak and yet…
 It felt wrong. Luo Binghe was completely thrown off it almost affected his appetite!
Wait.
Luo Binghe paused, the endless abyss was a matter of survival.
He was going to have to get used to not drinking water or finding food as well as fighting.
 Luo Binghe, who was going through the motions as he sparred with the rest of the disciples, going through the qing jing peak forms-
He never did before, too busy doing chores to never realise his manual was fake.
…he could’ve went to Mu Qingfang but knew his meridians were healthy and could easily be called a liar.
So he instead left two manuals on Shen Qingqius desk and wrote in the best caligraphy to ever grace the earth;
“I know this is a fake asshole.”
Of course Luo Binghes writing was awful in lessons! But now that Shen Qingqiu was no longer punishing him. Luo Binghe didnt hold back or doodle anymore.
Instead writing as many pages as he could neatly and was done befkre the glass.
The only irritation when Shen Qingqiu realised was a slight eye twitch.
 As well as other lessons, easily able to create the object they were supposed to paint before Shen Qingqiu could even critisice him Luo Binghe beat him to it.
 “The perspective is off and the bounce light is coming from the wrong direction. This disciple apologises for wasting paint.” He spoke in a bored tone.
The other disciples whose work was way worse felt themselves drop in shame.
If Luo Binghes was bad how in the fuck where they going to compete!?
 With all this three time, he decided to spend every moment in the library and study demonic beasts.
His memory was good and he of course knew every single weakness how cluld he not? The monsters were the only redemable thing in PIDW.
Poor Binghe he deserved better!
 He could train with Liu Qingge? Maybe say hey my Shizun is better than you and I can prove it fight me!
 Huh thats a plan. 
But the fact that Liu Qingge was alive was weird, after asking around it turns out Shang Qinghua had something to do with that…
 It was strange- but he didnt have time for that he had to focus! And being hungry was really making it hard.
Even so better doing this now in an enviroment where the wkrst thing that can happen is him collapsing.
Other than the abyss where he might end up dying.
 His head was splitting, he could barely sleep because of the pain.
  There had to be good spots in the abyss for water but airplane skipped it!
Oh no the porn was more improtant than survival! Dumb fuck!
Even so, he had to be lerfect in class, as well as remain consistent in his spars and able to face off against disciples.
And he was doing great! He wasnt hungry as much he could still fight okay the headaches he had grown used to so its fine!
 If he couldn’t fight hand to hand with a freakin disciple then how the fuck was he going to last one day in the abyss!
What Luo Binghe didnt know was he was the world child and the abyss wouldn’t be so bad in the sense it was supposed to make him stronger.
In the original story, Luo Binghe only clawed his way out for his hatred for Shen Qingqiu.
The system was very aware that this Luo Binghe…had no ambition.
 With nothing to keep him motivated, Luo Binghe may give up and so the system had no choice but to make the abyss easier.
Although technically it wasn’t unlike the original goods who was tossed in unprepared, terrible base, and ignorant.
This Luo Binghe has been training so of course it was going to be easier.
 But seriously host was damaging himself!
Luo Binghe, was panting harshly, his hands weak.
 He had to pace himself.
He knew his stomach would shrink if he stopped eating, he couldnt over indulge or he might hurt hinself or his stkmach might explode.
He had to get used to smaller bites.
 And learn how to ration food.
It got to the point where even Shen Qingqius food which used to smell heavenly just smelled.
It was still good. But he didnt want to eat it.
He knew logically his food tasted good, he just didnt care for it.
 When he delivered placing it down before his Shizun.
 Remebering the time Shizun found out his meals were cooked by Binghe! Was pricless he looked like he could cough up blood! 
The truth cane out when Binghes hands were injured, and of course he couldn’t train so he bawled telling Shizun not his hands how will he cook for him!?
 Thats when Shen Qjngqiu found out, and he had the most darkest mood ever.
The disciples of course took it out on Binghe, then he remembered oh yeah, Luo Binghe lost a limb in the abyss! Ergo more training!
So he was able to dodge and fight his way out with just his legs!
The fact that he was in a tree when Shen Qingqiu found him, with a ton of disciples tormening him he almkst laughed at Shen Qingqius face!
 Oh if only he still had a cellphone.
Ah if only his hands could work and take one too!
Instead Luo Binghe decided to paint Shen Qingqiu and it had to be his best work yet!
He had to admit it was the only healthy way to get the aggresion out his system. 
Art was therapytic no matter what Qingqiu said!
 And his woodshed was…covered.
On one hand he wanted to hide them, on the other?
He wanted someone to see and get pissed and punish him for it.
Now, Luo Binghe thought bored, he never gets punished. He was starting to miss it.
 doodling another Shen Qingqiu, his fault for being so handsome!
He drew Ming fan occasionally as well as the other male disciples.
Ying shijie always pouted that he never drew her as his french girl.
But he couldn’t!
Knowing the relationship the two had, anything could trigger a romance he did t want to risk it!
Men were safer!
He just said drawing ugly people was better to learn, Ning Yingying is too lretty unfortunatly!
She flushed then decided to say nothing else.
 Even so, Ming Fan was growing into his looks, he wasnt as gokd looking as Binghe but he no longer looked like an awful mini Scum.
 Luo Binghe was so tired he found his limbs shaking.
 His clothes were too big and he kept tripping on them.
And his head was pounding.
 One foot then-
He blinked his eyes open to see a ceiling, what?
 He tried to get up until a hand grabbed his head and lushed him back down.
Luo Binghe yelped, looking up to see Shen Qingqius dark face.
What? Was he upset Binghe was still alive? Well sorry oh great and bountiful Shizun this Binghe will try harder next time!
Shen Qingqius lips twitched into a sneer.
“Luo Shizi. Please don’t try to kill yourself no matter how much you want praise from someone.”
 Luo Binghe blanched, did he say that outloud?
“Now, might want me to explain why Luo Shizi is neglecting hinself?”
Mu Qingfang asked sktging before Luo Binghe.
It was…weird seeing two peaklords staring him down…
“Um, This Binghe wanted to be prepared in case…at any point found himself somewhere with no food or water and had to survive.”
He spoke, it was a very valid fear! Anything can happen to a cultivator!
“Why would you think that would happen to you- to take such an extreme risk such as this, to prevent it?”
 Luo Binghe’s eyes flickered to Shen Qingqiu for a split second but it was enough to make Shen Qingqiu snap.
“You really believe this Lord will do that to you?”
Luo Binghe stared at him and Shen Qingqiu looked more annoyed.
“Stop looking at me like that!”
Like what? Was he pulling a face?
(He was, he always gave Shen Qingqiu that look when he thought the kfher was being fumb)
“Luo Shizu has Shen Qingqiu done something to make you act this way, has he hurt you?”
“No.”
Both spoke at the same time, Shen Qingqiu looked surprised at Luo Binghe who stared straight ahead at Mu Qingfang.
 “This Binghe, has never been harmed by Shizun. In fact this one has been spoiled! This Binghe only wants to get stronger and prove that Shizun didnt make a mistake in making me his disciple!”
Mu Qingfang melted “Oh Shizi, you don't have to prove yourself. Afterall most of the peak knows that you are a gifted young student!”
Now Luo Binghe paused, sorry what? Since when!?
 “So theres no need to push yourself. You are a growing boy! And developing an eating disorder in this stage could damage your cultivation!”
Luo Binghe blinked, well…no it won't matter to a heavenly demon.
To a human sure, maybe but he was the protagonist he would be fine!
“Shen Qingqiu, you’ll have to watch him.”
Oh sweet! Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t give a shit! As long as Luo Binghe was careful and ate a little bit he wouldn’t collapse and be more careful he should be fine!
Both noticed Luo Binghe perk, Mu Qingfang felt something ease to know how much the disciples loved their Shizun.
Meanwhile Shen Qingqiu gave the other a narrowed eyed stare on why the thought of Shen Qingqiu watching him would being him delight?
As soon as they walked back to Qing Jing Peak, Luo Binghe turned in the direction of the wood shed to continue reading his books until he choked as the back of his collar was tugged yanking him back.
 “Where do you think you’re going?”
Shen Qingqiu asked, lightly fanning his face while holding Binghe by the scruff like a misbehaving dog.
 “My…room?”
Shen Qingqiu’s eyes twitched.
“You really believe this lord is going to leave you unsupervised?”
Luo Binghe gave him that look again.
 And Shen Qingqiu’s first impulse was to slap him.
 He held back, knowing his wayward disciple probably enjoyed that!
“Since this Shizun has been so neglectful of his poor student,” 
Luo Binghe twitched, tensing up waiting for the guillotine.
What was his Shizun up to?
 “This Lord will have to personally take care of you hinself.”
Luo Binghe blinked then froze.
Shit.
Shit!
He had no idea this could happen- but to be fair he thought his Shizun would bite off his own tongue rather than pretend to be caring for someone like Binghe!
 “From now on you will be living with me in the side room at the bamboo house.”
If Shen Qingqiu wasn’t holding him Luo Binghe would’ve fell on his ass.
 What?
“Come on, what meagee things did you need at your room that you were in a hurry to get?”
Luo Bknghe grit his teeth and had to turn stiffly as he walked towards the wood shed and entered.
Shen Qingqiu stayed at the doorway not entering, and instead watching Luo Binghe gather his books and manual.
 He checked the contents making sure it wasn't another fake one the shoved it in a quirken pouch.
 He wasn't stupid or had an eating disorder for christ's sake!
 He just could be reliant on constant fokd only to die of something silly like starvation or hunger day 3 in the abyss!
 And Shen Qingqiu did not even comment on the wood shed being his room other than the dorms.
The bastard.
 “I’m ready, Shizun.”
Instead Shen Qingqiu didn't move, baring his exit while he stood on the doorway.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
 His eyes flickered to the back wall.
…that was full of his paintings and charcoal sketches of Shen Qingqiu and…others.
Okay sure after fighting Liu Qingge he had to draw him too!
 Luo Binghe didn't move.
“The disciples can use it as tinder for the fire if needed. So why move them?”
 Luo Binghe tilted his head, “And Shizun does not expect this disciple to live in the side room for the next foreseeable future this Binghe will return back to the woodshed in no time so why move them?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.
Shen Qingqku snapped his fan shut and turned with a flourish of his robes.
How unfair, Binghe was still in his disciple era and can't do that yet.
 With each step he followed Shen Qingqiu to his new home, mulish expression on his face.
  The other disciples scowled darkly at him in envy.
Afterall its the first time any one other than the head disciple had been so close to the peak lord.
 Luo Binghe went straight to the side room and started tidying.
 He’ll have to sort out the linen sheets and wash them, dust, then wipe the floor, open the window for ventilation-
 He ended up washing the sheets outside and once they were dry with a tailsman he brought then back then paused to see his room was done.
Somebody had already cleaned and wiped down the floor.
The window was open allowing a nice cool breeze in the warn room.
“Ming Fan had finished your room. All you have to do is put your things away. You are under direct orders from Mu Qingfang not to over exert yourself.”
Luo Binghe scowled “Yes, Shizun.” 
It was a nightmare.
His Shizun would demand lunch and watch Luo Binghe eat then would make sure he didn't go to the bathroom to throw it up-
Like he would!
 Shen Qjngqiu even told him to stop eating when he seemed to realise it was too much for Binghes recovering stomach before even he knew.
 Even so he was monitored, made sure he slept and didn't read well into the night.
When Shen Qingqiu learned this he ended up tying Binghe in immortal binding cables and laying him in bed.
 Shen Qjngqiu was more aggrieved to learn that's why he was sleeping through his lessons.
 He couldn’t train as much, and usually Luo Binghe would act cool and aloof.
 But this was killing him.
Ming Fan was taking some sick delight out of this he knew it.
 And Luo Binghe’s temper was growing short, the immortal alliance was coming up soon and with the way this was going he was not going to survive.
 [Host! In order to complete the endless abyss arc- user has to prove he can enter the immortal alliance conference or he may be dropped from the list!]
…what?
“I- I can skil the abyss?”
[Luo Binghe must enter the abyss. Failure to do so Hkst will be ejected from his body and restored to the original one]
Luo Binghe blinked, placing a hand over his chest at the thought.
 He had to get better or he wont jump to his possible death?
What was the point?
 Luo Binghe clutched his arms, and made himself smaller in the room.
Okay. Okay he can deal with this.
The next morning, Luo Binghe felt as if he was run over by a truck.
 His emotions were all over the place… probably from his fucked up diet. 
 He glanced up at Shen Qingqiu who ate with poise.
Mu Qingfang told him it was better if Binghe ate with someone. And that someone had to be his scumbag shizun.
He really didn't understand him…you'd think he’d encourage this type of behaviour? 
 “Stop staring and eat your food, mongrel.”
What a dick.
Luo Binghe was pushing his food around and forced himself to take a bite.
“Shizun?”
“What.”
Luo Binghe stared down at his food.
“If this disciple regulated his eating habits only to then fall back into the same habits later down in the future- what would happen?”
“You would die.”
Shit-fuck!
“So this disciple should stop eating now instead-“
He was hot with a fan.
It was less painful that anything Shen Qingqiu has done to him before. It just surprised him.
 “Why prepare for something that may never happen? Why not just build your own grave then lie in it and be done with it? Theres no point wasting this masters time by making you a disciple just to watch you throw it away. You can’t be trusted, that is no longer your body. It’s mine, not one scratch, not one bruise and not one bone protruding without my say so.”
Luo Binghe scowled down at his food.
So now he cares? 
 “This one can still function as a disciple discreetly if you're worried about what others think. Contrary to popular belief I don't want to die.”
Shen Qingqiu looked unimpressed,
“Then what do you call this? Do you miss those punishments so much you would reduce yourself to self harm?”
Luo Binghe blinked, “Self harm? This is only to get stronger, now this Binghe can function without headaches after skipping meals compared to before-“
“Stop.” Shen Qingqiu really looked irritated.
“You are a cultivator, if you don't want to eat work on your core instead, so you have inedia.”
He would but Meng Mo told him if he pushes his core anymore his demonic cultivation will throw it out of balance. So far he’s been working on building that up. 
 By the systems calculations he wouldn’t be able to unlock that ability for the abyss.
To make it more angsty for the readers.
For fucks sake.
So now he was back at square one. Couldn’t train like before and had to go back to the same amount of chores as the others. Finishing quicker but befkre he could even help Shen Qingqiu would aopear like his fucking shadow and punish the ones Luo Binghe helped.
Shen Qingqiu realised he was fine with punishments but when others got hurt on his account Luo Binghe would back off!
Why!?
The original Luo Binghe would be ecstatjc to have such a kind and caring Shizun! But he had to wonder what the fuck changed!?
 Luo Binghe in PIDW did everything to get Shizuns approval but was kicked into the abyss for it! He was punished for breathing!
Now Luo Binghe would give anything to chop wood till his fingers bled or feel the burn of the whip on his back!
And it wasn’t weird he was just under stimulated! 
 He needed to do something!
So he ended up in the kitchen aggressively cooking deserts.
 And it smelled nice.
He already over cooked a ton to feed the entire peak!
He sighed after pulling out his last batch.
 May as well give them out, wouldn’t want to waste food.
“Strange how you can cook such delicious foods yet treat them so callously.”
Luo Binghe flinched, fuck me!
He didn't even hear the devil come in!
Luo Binghe glared, another thing he would’ve been punished for, and yet Shen Qingqiu only seemed amused by it.
…was his Shizun bipolar or what!?
 Luo Binghe glanced away.
“This disciple was only stress baking, I bought the ingredients myself so it's not wasting Qing Jing Peaks resources.”
 Shen Qingqiu picked up one of the steam pead flour cakes he just baked and tasted it.
 Luo Binghe waited for the verdict.
 He hoped Shen Qingqiu wasn’t going to make him eat all this food he may actually develop an ED if he did.
“Eat this.”
Luo Binghe fucking called it.
Before he could even reach for one, Shen Qingqiu pushed the food towards his mouth, Luo Binghe had to eat otherwise it would make a mess.
 Suddenly flavour exploded on his tongue.
It tasted so good, of course it was the protagonist cooking!
 He slowly chewed  then swallowed it.
 “How did it taste?”
“Good.”
What was Shen Qingqiu getting at?
“So what is the problem,”
Luo Binghe tilted his head. Was it bothering him that much that Binghe refused food?
 “Its not the taste of the food. Its the fear that I’ll grow so dependent on it and find that I suddenly cant have it.”
“But getting stronger and studying beasts, what's the point in that if you run your body into the ground.”
Luo Binghe had enough, throwing the tray of food to the side.
“Why do you suddenly care!? You whipped me because I talked back but you dont do that now- I starved in that wood shed you never cared, my back was bloody my hands mangled you did not care. So why start now? You may be fine with acting like the kind Shizun. The great Xiu ya Peak Lord Shen, but excuse me for not buying it. For waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
 So what will it be next? After this would it be sleeping? Is that going to be our new thing once this is done? How many mkre ways do you need to torture me.”
“You torture yourself. I did nothing.”
Yet.
But he will throw Luo Binghe of a cliff into the abyss to kill him.
 “You hurt yourself then blame me. You enjoyed those punishments as training, so I stopped realising it was teaching you the wrong lesson. You’re different from other disciples, stupid. To think this is how any respectable cultivator would train-“
“I’m not a cultivator.” Luo Binghe spoke tiredly, looking at Shen Qingqiu with a bored expression on his face.
 It riled Shen Qingqiu up.
“This one was an unwanted disciple, a waste. All because Ning Shiejie wanted a shidi and you wanted to win one over Liu Qingge. Because he wanted me first.”
 Shen Qingqius eyes widened and Luo Binghe looked down.
“You never wanted this disciple, and this Binghe is fine with that. But after giving me a fake cultivation manual, making me fight elder hammer with posion that could kill me. How can you blame this one for flinching waiting for a third blow?”
Shen Qingqiu looked shocked that Luo Binghe even knew that much.
He walked past, ignoring the food plans of distributing it around the peak forgotten.
 Luo Binghe sat before Shen Qingqiu. Forgetting that he had to eat with the devil.
The only thing that gets Luo Binghe through the day is karma.
Everytime something unfortunate happens to Shen Qingqiu (who had such unfortunate luck) 
 He would bare witness to it.
Being bested in a duel by Qi Qingqi. He ended up cheering her on the loudest.
 Seeing Shen Qingqiu try to practise sword fighting and making a huge hole in qing jing peak.
He acted like he did it on purpose but Luk Bknghe was fascinated by his tells and knew the man was embarrassed.
Dropping a tea kettle on his foot he even hopped up and down with a yelp.
That was the best one!
Thoughts like that got him through.
He ate mindlessly not tasting anything. And had to stop when his stomach ached. 
“Keep eating.”
Luo Binghe paused, “What?”
“Keep eating. After all this Shizun is cruel and would force poor Binghe to starve so keep eating.”
What a petty bitch.
 Luo Binghe did staring right at Shen Qingqiu and kept eating. Until his bowl was finished.
His stomach was killing him.
But he ignored it.
 Then he began to swallow more, saliva pooling in his mouth, and-
Luo Binghes eyes widened, he dropped his bowl into the floor and lunged for the bathroom, even Shen Qingqiu flinched at the breakneck speed then grimaced when he heard Luo Binghe throw up.
 Luo Binghe didnt eat the next day.
And Shen Qingqiu was begging to lose his temper.
“If you don’t eat properlly you’re not going to the immortal alliance conference!”
God dammit!
 Luo Binghe had to admit defeat.
He had half a year left, it would make it more difficult but he had no choice.
 He started slow, eating fruits out in the open after training where everyone would see.
Starting off small.
 Sharing snacks and eating them himself, and when it came to big meals, would still leave food left but not as much as before.
Its fine, when he’s in the abyss he knows what to expect.
 He faces monsters in the beginning, has to keep moving into the centre where he finally finds some springs for water, but no food. Maybe he can prepare a quirken pouch to take supplies.
After all what if water is stored in things, like plants, or trees or even rocks!
It can happen!
 If he has tools to store water, and food and make it last then thats eight out of ten problems.
 Then theres madam meiyans adventures with the succubus clan…hmm, he really wants to skip it.
Losing his first time in an abyss is not the best place, but he would need new clothes…
He had no idea while he was recovering eating, passing Mu Qingfangs bill of health.
 Everyone even peaklords praised Shen Qingqiu for being there for his disciple and helping him through somethimg so trying.
It pissed him off.
No one gave a shut ablut his eating habits, he sweats mu Qingfangs care for his own disciple than his fellow maritial sibling.
 And Shen Qingqiu knew Luo Binghe.
That look in his face when he was alone, the anxiety, and panic before settling down.
 It was refreshing. Before Luo Binghe would always show that fake smile and act friendly but underneath Shen Qjngqku knew something was wrong with the kid.
The relief when he finally showed his true colours and stopped pretending.
If its one thing, Shen Qingqiu hates its liars.
 But no, Luo Binghe may be showing signs he was okay maybe he really is over this bad habit.
 But now its when a new habit appears.
He mentioned sleeping so now Shen Qingqiu is more vigilant making sure he goes to bed on time and stops studying those demon books.
Why is Binghe even writing notes on how to defeat a monty python rhino? 
 He’s too young to be fighting that- he was given a list on what to fight in the alliance why was he studying something else!?
“Maybe he’s trying to copy you?”
Shen Qingqiu paused, lowering the tea cup from his lips.
“Excuse me?”
Mu Qingfang only looked at him cooly.
 “Its not a secret that Shen Qingqiu doesnt sleep, is a bright young man but is weak in his cultivation, and is too skinny.”
Shen Qingqiu scowled. “Thats ludicrous and untrue. He’s never went to a brothel.”
So there!
“Not yet, maybe it’ll happen in time.”
“Why would Binghe copy me?”
“Most do, to someone they respect, or idolise. Maybe wanted to understand you better.”
No. Mu Qingfang is definitely wrong at this.
“Binghe is making his own mistakes. He’s not following mine.”
Mu Qingfang hummed, “Its only a theory, unless he starts showing…signs. Maybe you might have to have the talk.”
Shen Qingqku stared then his eyes narrowed “Certainly not. That's the hallmasters job!” 
“Maybe there's a lot of things he doesn't know-“
“He had a mother. She would’ve told him.”
“What?”
As Luo Binghe came back ho- the bamboo house he wanted to collapse onto his bed.
 He wanted to skip dinner so bad but he had to eat now.
Like a respectful adult ugh! 
 “Binghe!”
“I have moon cakes! I’m eating moon cakes from Ning Yingying!”
He snapped back, he just got into bed! Now he had to stomp because Shizun would want him face to face.
The typical parent yelling for their kid then not answering when they respond.
 “Not that, impertinent brat. Sit.”
Luo Binghe sat. What? What could his bipolar Shizun want now?
 “If you visit brothels or make nong yingying pregnant I will castrate you,”
Whoa- what!?
Luo Binghe blinked “Shizun, this disciple must have hit his head at sparring today and didnt hear you right. Can you please repeat that?”
What the fuck?
Shen QingQiu sneered down at him.
 “Someone brought to my attention that you like to copy me.”
Luo Binghe started looking around and Shen Qingqiu scowled.
“What are you doing.”
“Looking for my fan. But I can’t seem to find it.”
As well as tge stick up my ass but thats not there either so clearly he’s not copying!
“Being a recluse, hiding away from others and assuming the worst of others and your strange relationship with food then you mentioned sleeping habits….”
Luo Binghe glanced back up, surprised.
 Even Shen Qingqiu…?
Luo Binghe glanced back down then realised where Shen Qingqiu was going with this-
“I don't need the talk!” He yelped face red. He did not-
He stood up walking away.
 “I’m not copying you- I’m not going to end up in a brothel with tons of women-!”
Although original Binghe would’ve-
That wasnt him!
He wasnt interested in a harem! Maybe find some girl settle down study beasts get a bet one.
Oh how cool would that be?
The protagonist with a giant fucking wolf as his companion?
Yeah a big heckin chihuahua. 
 Luo Binghe had to start cooking something or he was going to go nuts.
 …Shen Qingqiubeas seriously starting ti scare him.
When his diet was back to normal, his workout began again. And now he was studying arrays.
 Fucking stupid, he was.
Why didn't he think of this before? Keeping food hot or frozen to last longer.
And even have inside pockets so he wint lose his shit willy nilly!
He soent all his tike studying, and sewing and-
Bang!
Most of it exploded in his face.
“Shizun!”
“Don’t tell Shizun!”
It was an accident! It wasn’t on purpose!
But Nong Yingying snitched and now he had to go over sewing techniques and arrary work with the hallmaster again.
 And when they saw what he was trying to make they laughed. Claiming it was impossible.
Luo Binghe gree mullish, fuck you he’s the protagonist he can fucking do it!
 After hiding away from prying eyed and working on smaller fabrics was able to make a heating AND freezing charm.
He experimented with cold foods first to see if they stayed frozen in the pouch then crowed with delight that it worked!
Now to make it bigger!
 And just like that he was able to store large amounts of food in his pouch oldest at the friend newest at the back sk nothing got too spoiled.
 He was so giddy.
After making tons of pouches and even showing them off and how they worked and why they existed.
Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat.
 “Write your progress into a report. We’ll place your findings in the library with the rest.”
Huh…huh!?
“And Binghe.”
Luo Binghe stood at attention as Shen Qingqiu gazed down at him.
“You are approved to go to the immortal alliance. Do not disappoint me.”
 What oh- oh fuck YES!
-he wanted to ditch these disciples why join kf they’re going to struggle!?
Then the demons arrive! About time! Ah these were mich better to fight than the easy ones!
Even the spiders were easy!
 “Everyone! There is a snow flower that is a deterent to demons! Up this way!”
Once they were safe did Luo Binghe sigh with relief.
 At least now, its all on him.
“I’ll go find help!”
He left the disciples before they could utter a word.
Now alone all he had to do was wander aimlessly until the abyss opened.
 He was nervous, like exams, dentist, and blood tests all into one.
 He just wanted it over with. As soon as he was in the abyss the better.
 “Binghe.”
“Fu- Shizun!?” He nearly died- what the hell? 
Oh yeah, Shizun was supposed to toss him in.
 “What is Shizun doing here?”
Shen Qingqiu scowled, “Rescuing disciples such as yourself. Come on.”
Mobei-jun comes in, and Luo Binghe feels his hands shaking as he watched as Shang Qinghua was hit into a tree.
 This was wrong.
Shen Qingqiu was actually fighting a demon and telling Binghe to run?
“Hmm, what a weak cultivator.”
Shen Qingqiu growled, “You demonic spawn- this Peak Lord is the Xiu ya sword! And you will fall by my blade!”
Shizun was hurt.
Shen Qingqiu evaded the most of the ice crystals, but was pinned to a tree by a viscious one.
Shen Qingqiu may die.
Luo Binghe moved, not even aware just lunging for the ice demon with a yell, swiping his sword down.
 He’d forgotten all of his training, only using his bare hands as Mobei-jun looked at him with interest.
“Binghe- run stupid boy!”
Luo Binghe wasn’t paying attention, instead he evaded even getting slammed into the ground, almost breaking his arm he ignored it, until Mobei-jun grabbed his head.
“Hmm, human but not.”
Wait- the monty python…
Luo Binghes eyes widened as a clawed hand reached towards his face, he screamed at the pure agony in his forehead as he was dropped to the floor. 
 He clutched his skull feeling the mark of sin burn into his forehead his whole body becoming liquid fire when his demonic core burned through his meridians along side his spirtual veins.
 Luo Binghe panted, fuck he felt awful.
Mobei-jun replaced the rhino… why was it different?
“Beast.”
Luo Binghe looked up, eyes drooped and out of it. Until a sword touched his neck.
Luo Binghe stiffened, remembering where he was and what he was supposed to do.
“Shizun? Want to tell me what your doing?”
“Who are you calling Shizun, demon mutt?”
Ah back to pet names huh? Luo Binghe hummed, “This disciple is just as surprised as you.”
He glanced to the side and saw Zheng Lang destroyed.
 “Shizun, can you do this one a favour?”
“No.”
Luo Binghe shifted back, and stood up, Shen Qingqiu held his sword high, green eyes almost black with the dark scowl on his face.
 Luo Binghe took another step back, then another.
  His eyes remained on his sword, he really…wanted to take the sword with him…having a sword would be easier in the abyss now he can’t.
He missed the wide eyes look of his Shizun, missed the panic as Binghe took another step back.
 “Shizun, can you fix my sword? Say…Luo Binghe died…a human.”
Shen Qingqkus eyes widened, his sword faltering, as Luo Binghe took another step back.
 Then felt the ledge under his foot and paused.
 “This one has always trained for this…You were never a good Shizun, but this past year…” Luo Binghe turned to look down at the abyss, his chest suddenly tightening, it was terrifying, he was scared. Who wouldn’t be?
 He was procrastinating at this point, the timer ticking down.
 “I think I might miss you. Shen Qingqiu.” Luo Binghe smiled, showing all his teeth no different to how he looked before he did something to piss Shen Qingqiu off.
Then he fell, falling back into the abyss, eyes squeezed tight breathing heavily to hold in his scream.
 The rift shut with a snap.
Leaving Shen Qingqiu with his hand held out, eyes wide in shock.
 He fell to his knees, wounded, in pain…and numb.
All this time he wanted to do away with that brat, he dreamed off it-
Now?
“Shen Qingqiu!”
“Shen-Shidi!”
His eyes slid over to the broken sword…he moved and began to pick up the pieces.
 He may as well honour that brat. And do this one thing for him.
____________
Luo Binghe almost collapsed against the broken stairway, almost there.
 He lost track of time of how long he was in the abyss. He barely had time to think or feel, just respond to each attack and survive.
The only reprieve was when he found a little oasis when the system would pipe up.
 And tell him hints with b-points that he earned in the development arc Disciple days.
Luo Binghe almost slumped with relief, food and water was scarce, it was worse than Qing Jing Peak, he knew if he woke up he would be halfway down a beasts mouth.
 -gets a dog
-loses a dog
System makes him go to madam meiyan.
“You upled the difficulty on purpose!?”
[stop doing side quests and go to madam meiyan! You need new clothes and then you can get Xin Mo!]
Luo Binghe paused, Xin Mo?
“Why didn’t you say so?”
Like an autistic stuck in a closet and forgotten about, Luo Binghe was actually getting used to the abyss.
 But after the loss of Pear…
Yeah, he wanted to call him mini peerless cucumber but that was a mouthful in the abyss. But he wanted it affiliated wkth fruit and thought Pear was a good name.
 When Pear was ripped to shreds in front of him, Binghe drove off any cute baby animal that got too close.
He thought that as the protagonist- he really wanted to go home with lear, watch him get bigger and be an intimadating badass!
 The system knew he was dodging basic Luo Binghe plots and waa dojng his own thing so to give him angst it decided to make him break down.
Losing his pet, his one stability, his confirt in this wasteland. Shen Qingqiu never betrayed him, so he had to accept loss in one way or another.
It just sucked!
And so after finally trudging up to Madam Meiyan, reluctently, then felt bad because she was nice.
He told her he didnt want anything to happen in the abyss, not until he was safe.
 She patged his hand yet still helped him get new clothes.
She didnt act like the femme fatale side fling of Luo Binghe. She acted like a caring older sister.
He slumped in gratitude, and finally adorned the black and red robes.
He checked himsekf oht in the mirror lerking up. 
Now that is a protagonist!
 Complete lady killer! But not in this world!
Luo Binghe, as a reader, always thought if at any point he would have to marry?
It’d be Liu mingyan.
She was smart, strong and cool. Best girl.
 Even so Madam Meiyan was so kind, it almost made Luo Binghe cry.
 Even so, he couldn’t stay in the den long, thats just inviting disaster.
 He began his journey again, rationing his food and thankful that other than the beggining, at least food was no loner scarce and he could eat and not have to worry.
 [That could also be inedia]
Or that too!
Even so, the monsters had to get stronger thats how you level up!
And Luo Binghe wasted no time grinding he wasnt a newb!
He was going to keep fighti bf every single demon he could lay his on to get stronger.
 [Host is procastinating to avoid Xin Mo]
He was not!
…maybe- even so he needed duel cultivation to deal with it.
And he didnt want to deal with it.
So when he finally made it up the stairwell, leaning heavily on the wall and leaving blood and ichor on the pale stone,
He saw Xin Mo in tge centre of the room.
 Before he was scared, now he had to get over it.
 He beat his training, he was literally having a vacation in the abyss, after Xin Mo magbe that will no linger be a problem.
He approached extending his hand and grasped the handle.
Quiet.
Then a sudden flood of screams, intense rage and anger swarmed into him.
He grimaced falling to his knees, breathing his throat aching when he realised he was screaming too.
[Host! Soend b-points to temper Xin Mo?]
Yes yes a hundred times yes!
The screams didnt stop, but dulled down to a feint baackgfound noise.
God how did Luo Binghe deal with this.
He raised his arm and sliced downwards into an arc and a portal opened up.
Luo Binghe gazed at it like the first sunset honest delight on his face.
He didnt think it would work the first time!
 As he stepped through the portal still open he glanced at the sword and three it back into the portal.
“Yeet.”
Instead it slung back missing his neck to slam into the tree behind him.
The portal closed.
[Host and Xin Mo are bonded for life. Only destrkying Xin Mo can release its hold.]
Luo Binghe brushed a hand over his face, really?
At least that was his new goal. Destroy Xin Mo.
The system even had the nerve to make that as a bullet point on his list lf tasks.
[What else will host do now that he’s free?]
Well other than the abyss, he didnt have to do the other plot points.
 He didnt have to return to cang Qiong. Or even go to Huan Hua.
 He coukd just wander PIDW to his hearts content and fight monsters, rescue damsels, without marrying them.
It sounds like a dream-
[Warning! Character arrival! Task: defeat important character!]
Mobei-jun appeared even seeming surprised to see Luo Binghe.
What? Why? Why!?
[To fix plot holes ;)]
You tricked me!
Luo Binghe leaped back, evading Mobei-Jun attack- it was weird.
How weaker Mobei-Jun was.
He could kill him, just use Xin Mo and sate it for now…but Mobei-Jun was a loyal fighter…
And he wont be able to spar with Liu-Shishu again. As Luo Binghe kept dodging, considering expression on his face, he was unaware it kept pissing off Mobei-Jun.
“Take this seriously!”
Oh? Ah he was being rude. Compared to when he was a child, he was easily slammed into the ground.
Luo Binghes claws extended as he grabbed Mobei-Jun by the throat and slammed him into the ground.
Mobei-Jun grunted eyes wide to see Luo Binghe straddling on top of him heavenly sigil glowing with red demonic eyes looking down at Mobei-Jun like he was an interesting bug he decided to play with knstead of squish into the dirt beneith his biot.
“Do you lield and swear your loyalty to me, or should this one kill you know and save myself ghe trouble?”
Mobei-Jun swallowed eyes bright.
“This one will follow you, Junshang.”
[Congragulations! Luo Binghe is now a lord! Next task- defeat the saintess Sha Hualing to claim title as demon emporoer!]
Luo Binghe stood up leaving Mobei-Jun on the ground, onlivious to the ice kings new sexual awakening-  
And stared at the system.
“Are you telling me that I HAVE to do those plots?”
[Yes! Become a demon emporer! And also be adopted into Huan Hua! Investigate plot points! Revenge on Shen Qingqiu is optional!]
Oh?
[Merging the realms is also optional!]
Hmm.
Even so, the reason Luo Binghe merged the realms was because of paper work.
 He’ll need people, unlike the og Binghe who couldn’t trust anyone and had to hold his empire himself but also going on adventures and picking up flowers every five minutes? Garunteed his rule wouldn’t be great especially since Mobei-Jun kills his spy who also HAPPENED to be tge advisor.
 “Mobei-Jun.” He glanced over, time to start planning.
 “Not to be a pain, but this Binghe is tired. Can you be accomidating and give me a room? Prefferbly in your northern palace of course.”
Mobei-Jun looked stiff then nodded with a small bow.
“Of course Junshang.”
He opened up a portal and and was soon making his way to his new home.
Luo Binghe never liked the cold, in his former life or this one.
 But he’ll have to deal.
____
First order of buisness after dealing wkth Mobei-Juns unruly court.
 Linguang-Jun had to go.
Any infatuation Mobei-Jun had fizzled. Luo Binghe only sneered down at the blood smear of what was left of his uncle and said.
“Just some cannon fodder who didnt add to the plot, bound to backstab for further gain when given the chance.”
He had a point but still.
Then he demaded to see Shang Qinghua.
“Relax, Mobei. This lord only wants to reunite with his precious Shang-Shishu.”
Mobei-Jun kelt giving excuses, making Shamg Qinghua overworked on purpose so he would never meet their ecentric demon Lord.
Luo Binghe must have grown tired breaking Mobei-Juns hand and warning him that he was being polite but now enough was enough.
The three kf them sat at a table together, Luo Binghe spread like king, relaxed. A contrast to both Qinghua and Mobei-Jun who sat stiffly.
“So your the spy who ruined the immortal alliance and backstabbed Cang Qiong to align with demons! Never knew you had it in you Shishu!”
Shang Qinghua looked like he was going to vomit.
 Hmm, the man was always…different.
More cold. And evil.
This guy was a gerbil.
“Hmm, first order of buisness. Mobei-Jun.” Luo Binghe looked up glaring at him.
“No killing Shang Qinghua. No matter what, even if he betrays yourself or this Lord being him to me to punish, understood?”
That seemed to surprise both.
“J-Junshang? Thank you for the order on my behalf, but ks there any reaoson…to…”
Shang Qinghua lost his vouce the more Luo Binghe stared at him.
What? Whys he so scared for- he doesnt know me yet or how string I am-
[Host has a resting scary face]
That was just cruel.
“This lord…likes paperwork.” Luo Binghe spoke aving his sleeves and moving forward to pour tea.
 “Its calming, helps keep my thoughts organised. Excessive paper work, redundent paper work, incompetant paperwork is something I’d rather not do. If this lord plans on conquering the south or even plans on dessimating Huan Hua-“
Here Shang Qinghua twitched.
Other times he would’ve missed it.
But in the abyss any movement reflects so much.
“Havkng a base in the human realm and demon realm garuntess my hands will be full. Shang Qinghua is managing the northern realm as well as Cang qiong. Someone that competant will lighten the load.”
After making the tea he sliced his hand calmly watching the blood pour into the cup.
 He saw from the corner of his eye, Shang Qinghua breath hitched, his face pale.
“Here Shishu, drink. Swear your loyalty to this demon lord.”
He wondered why Luo Binghe never did this to his close subordinates in the first place.
Make sure he’d never get betrayed and reward people under his emply with healing beneifts.
Join Luo Binghe we have health care!
“Hmm, why so hesitent Shang-Shishu. You wont bettay this lord so what worry is there?”
Shang Qimghua gulped then grabbed the cup chugging it down.
Luo Binghe laced his fingers together as he gazed at Qinghua.
“Hmm? Does Shang Qinghua know something?”
Shang Qinghua was back to his pale trembling self.
 “N-no Junshang. This Qinghua knows nothing.”
…he’s lying.
Luo Binghe dropped the playful act and tilted his head.
Shang Qinghua immedietly started sweating buckets.
“Do you like reading Shang Qinghua?”
The other nodded “Y-yeah?”
Hmm.
“Theres a book this lord can’t stand, the worst literay piece ever known to man. I regret laying my eyes on such drivel. Its called Proud Immortal Demon way, has Shang Qinghua heard of it?”
It was instant, Shamg Qinghua almlst stopped breathing.
“Yes.”
Luo Binghe felt himself relax, and in turn Shang Qinghua looked like his strings were snapped.
Luo Binghe almost felt nad for him.
“Yes I didnt like that story, so I decided to change a few things in it.”
Shang Qinghua began to oerk.
And in turn Mobei-Jun began to glower-
Itvwas strange woth how a fee words he had Qinghua relaxing and leaning in closer.
 Mobei-Jun would’ve guessed it was the blood but he felt no different.
…or maybe…
No. He felt no different.
Of course when Shang Qinghua came running to him screaming he of course hid him out the way until it was junshang trucking towards them.
“Airplane!”
“Ah dont kill me!”
Mobei-Jun stood stiff “Mobei-Jun get out kf my way.”
“No killing Qinghua. Your order.”
Luo Binghe blinked then scowled at Qinghua who stuck his tongue out at him.
The killing intent was string even Mobei-Jun almlst buckled from it.
Luo Binghe scowled “Fine!”
“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve used my blood parasites dipshkt.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Hmm hmm.”
“Your inside me-“
“What? Ew why are you like this!?”
A/n:
Shen Yuan: Luo Binghe was influenced by Xin Mo it wasnt his fault.
Shen Yuan as Luo Binghe with Xin Mo: does nothing inappropriote and is a distinguished gentlemen.
-Shen Qingqiu trial
Luo Binghe wanted nothing to do with the scumbag and just let the consequences of his actions continue their course.
 As Luo Binghe was investigating the origins if his parents (since the system was adament ablut it for some reason) he didnt think his inlut mattered.
 But then  it was his reputation that came into it.
 He realised he should have….maybe…thought this through.
 “Is it true that Shen Qingqiu abused his disciples?”
 If it was one thing, Luo Binghe wanted to be fair. Shen Qingqiu never abused him, but he may have murdered Qui Haitangs brother.
But if Luo Binghe expressed nothing was wrong then the whole cultivation world will see him as a backstabbing disciple!
 Luo Binghe was also…curious, why the original goods never invaded both dreams to see what really happened. Verify the evidence so to say.
 “This Binghe has his own personal reasons to remain here at Huan Hua.”
Not to mention, Shen Qingqiu could blackmail him as being a heavenly demon.
 Luo Binghe already felt like he could t relax and retire not with this threat looming at him.
“And Shen Qingqiu has never abused me.”
Here he saw Shen Qingqius twitch, and ignored it.
 “But his past with Qui Haitang is something I am unfamiliar with.” He could tell the tide was changing against him.
 To stand aside while his Shizun was being condemned? How unfilial.
“And so this Binghe has decided to personally investigate this case as a neutral party.”
Qui Haitang looked his way-
“What!? So you can hide evidence and help your scumbag Shizun!?” She yelled and Luo Binghe spoke.
“On the contrary, a rogue cultivator claiming a Peak Lord had murdered her entire family with only servants to survive? Where are such servants why is there not more witnessed to confirm this case? This could just as easily paint you Miss Haitang in a poor light with just the right defense.”
Luo Binghe gave her his best charming look, hoping to give off friendly big brother vibes to aplease her.
“Dont worry Miss Haitang. This Binghe will only uncover the truth on what happened that night and help you find peace.”
[Congragulations! +50 Charisma points for Miss Haitang! Possible love arc begin-]
No no no- it wasnt- no! Cancel love arc CANCEL!
-uses his dreams and finds out the truth from both.
Speaks to Shen Qingqiu in the water prison.
Hunts down servants. Who are scarred and reveal the abuse of Qui Jianlou and his crimes. How they speak kindly lf Shen Qingqiu who got them out.
 How Luo Binghe accidently saved Shen Qinqqiu-
“Why help this Master? It can’t be because you want to play the part pf a loving disciple? After all,”
Shen Qinqgiu leaned close, speaking softly so others wouldn’t hear.
“This master tried to kill you three times after all.”
Luo Binghe smiled, “This Binghe knew he had bigger threats to face, after knowing the trials I had to overcome…you didn’t seem that scary all of a sudden. And this Binghe knows of worse things to come that taking revenge on my scum Shizun seems like a waste of time to me.”
After Luo Binghe removed the red immortal binding cables, tenderly holding Shen Qingqius hand and unwrapping each rope, his eyes furrowed at how thin Shen Qingqius wrists had become. Shen Qinqqiu had lost weight-
“Luo-Shizi.” Luo Binghe straightened, “ah Sect Leader Yue!” He bowed hastily.
“Apologies, this unfilial disciple never meant to disrespect Cang Qiong mountain-“
Instead the sect leader took his hands and made Luo Binghe look up, the look on his face was stra ge and made Luo Binghe uncomfortable.
And the worst thing happened.
The sect leader bowed to him!
“It was Cang Qiong who has done a great disservice to Luo Binghe.” Everyone in the room heard such a thing, Huan Hua bristled but all the lthers practically hungered for the drama.
 “That we had failed in such a way that you felt that you couldn’t return and felt undeserving. Cang Qiong doors will always be open to Luo Binghe, he doesnt have to prove his worth or fear rejection to come home.”
Oh- oh!
 He had to admit, Yue Qingyuan was similar to him, killing them with kindness. Making it seem as if they were the perfect sect family outside, and creating this humble narrative that Luo Binghe didnt deviate and spit on Cang Qiong but it was in fact a simple miscommunication!
 Then Shen Qingqiu spoke as well, “Yes. Qing Jing Peak is your home, unless Luo Binghe doesn’t want to return to the mountain that took him in?”
Oh, now everyone was watching Luo Binghe.
 But…they both could accuse him of being a demon, so why not use that instead?
Even so, both of them were looking at him expectantly, they all were.
“This Luo Binghe is grateful, and relieved to know that his worries were unnescary and that Cang Qiong still accepts me.”
Shen Qingqiu smirked, looking like he was about to win- until…
“But this Binghe is ungrateful. Huan Hua took me in after I was injured and this one wanted to repay that debt, maybe even foster good relations to both sects. And further more…This Binghe wanted to learn more about his past, the Luo River is closer to Huan Hua where I was born and wanted to learn about my past.”
 Luo Binghe gave them both beseaching looks.
“Can this one still stay at Huan Hua until I find the answers I am looking for?”
Shen Qingqiu looked annoyed, the Palace Master even inturupted.
“Yes! Why Luo Binghe was forced to find sanctuary here and never returned to Cang Qiong is a mystery! And Shen Qinqgiu! You claimed he had died at the immortal alliance!”
Shen Qinqqiu gritted his teeth, and the others became more rowdy.
 “Luo Binghe will remain here, until he feels comfortable speaking the truth and has no fear of the power and influence both of you have.”
Luo Binghe was touched this father figure was coming to his aid, but he couldn’t be more wrong, he was a demon emporer. He had a lot of power and influence.
________
“Afterall I’m the scum Shizun! And you are the victim! Always blaming me when in reality you hurt yourself,” luo Binghe paused huh?
 “What? No- never ind that.” Why was Shen Qingqiu upset anyway? “Look I’m at Huan Hua now, far away from you. And we can both pretend the other doesn't exist!” Then Luo Binghe paused.
“What are you doing taking missions so close to Huan Hua in the first place?”
Shen Qinqgiu ignored him.
 “What this master does with his own time is his own buisness.”
Okay.
Even so, Luo Binghe figured Madam Meiyan may help with Xin Mo, he can only spend so many b-points on suppressing it, but if it acted up in Huan Hua he may accidently trigger a papapa scene with one of the women and he didnt need that!
Why was it that no matter what mission and what he wanted to do, Shen Qingqiu was there!?
Always in trouble, always causing trouble, really playing the petty scum villain and being an overall pain in the neck!
Xin Mo kept telling Luo Binghe to just kill him and one of these days he may just listen to it!
 -wife plot with SQQ
 He had no idea why, Luo Binghe was on his way to another peak to investigate his mothers origins Meng Mo found a lead of a familair disciple who knew Binghes ‘mother’
Also the imposter syndrome he figured Origianal goods would lose face but this Luo Binghe was only looking into the plot, if his parents were alive he doubted they would be close, 
_____________________
And this is where I lost steam and had no idea what to write next, that LBH/sy is ignoring sqq and focusing on himself but when the others in trouble he goes "Ah well its the scum villain who cares...but I have to ask questions I'm the protagonist, and I want to ask questions about this plothole and such-" accidently uncovers Sqq past and reveals it was self-defense.
Whoops?
Now SQQ wants Luo Binghe back at Cang Qiong NOT because he cares about the little beast- it looks bad on HIM as a Peak Lord that he has some unruly disciple avoiding his peak like he's some abused little maiden running away from her husband.
Shen Qingqiu would break his fan at the thought, that little brat loved it! Shen Qingqiu has never raised a hand to the beast in years!
Luo Binghe even claims he hates him, that he's a scum Shizun and never cared so why does Binghe go out of his way to save Shen Qingqiu? instead of washing his hands of him, it doesn't make sense....
_______________________
Yeah I do want SQQ and Binghe to be end game, like SY is fascinated by SQQ as a character and has more interest in him than the women of the harem.
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blocksgame · 6 months
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QSMP drabble, Phil & Etoiles & the code shield
/rp
“Phiiiil. You are ignoring me. Stop making blocks. Hit me with sticks instead.”
“Hey!” Phil barks. “Stop interrupting me. You don’t look away while you’re using a stonecutter. They’ll chop your fingers clean off.”
Etoiles stops his parkouring, intrigued. “Really?”
“Yes. The life of a builder is very exciting.”
Etoiles laughs. “I thought what the shield does is bad enough.”
He realizes his mistake a minute too slowly, as Phil’s expression changes. He considers lying some more, doubling down, but then he remembers that Phil is smart, maybe he’ll know something.
 Hell, Phil could even end up bearing the shield himself at some point - if Etoiles dies, it’s who he’d think to bequeath it to. Phil should know the details.
“...Etoiles, what does the shield do?” Phil asks, after a moment, like he's caught him out, which to be fair, he has. His eyes are still locked on his handiwork. (God, Etoiles loves this guy.)
“It's not that bad. It makes my arm go numb. And code comes out.”
“...It makes your arm go numb and corrupt and you didn’t think you should stop using it.”
“No, no no no, listen, let me show you.” Phil stops working and stands up. Etoiles conjures the shield onto his arm. The static sets in instantly, like he's elbow-deep in another dimension, but it's not even strange anymore. “Hit me.”
Phil rolls his eyes. But he pulls out his best axe and takes a colossal swing at Etoiles, fuck yeah, that’s what Etoiles likes about him, that when Etoiles says to hit him, he’s not fucking around with a stick or an iron sword or whatever, he knows he can take it. That makes his point better too. Etoiles catches it on the shield, easily. 
“Okay, look,” he says. “I haven’t moved.”
“Right, no Knockback - ”
“No, see, I haven’t moved at all. Look, I’m not even braced. I’m like - I’m like if a guy was just standing here!”
Phil snorts.
Etoiles goes on: “Normally if you swing a sword, I should stagger. Even if I’m braced, I’m still putting the force into the ground, so I should move a little. But when you hit this shield, I think it takes all that energy inbound and just deletes it. It’s gone. I think that’s the magic of the shield, that nothing can happen around it.”
Phil is looking at the edge of his sword. It’s an interesting question, actually, whether he’s lost durability or not, Etoiles hasn’t thought to grab someone and check  -
“Okay, so how does that lead to your arm going numb? ...Oh, like you’re saying if it’s, fucking - ” Phil starts putting the pieces together.
“Yeah, it’s deleting the sensation.” Etoiles puts the shield away. “Yeah, look.” Sure enough, neon strings of raw data creep up and down his arm.
“WHOA!” Phil yells. Then he leans in, horrified and curious. “Jesus christ.” After watching the data pulse, he puts his fingers to the bridge of his nose and looks very dire indeed. “...And how sure are you that it isn’t deleting your data?”
“It goes away after a few minutes. And my arm is fine and nothing is missing.”
Phil relaxes a little. “Then where’s that data from?”
“I have two ideas. One is that it’s data from the hits, that the information the shield deletes comes back out like this. Or two, it’s data from inside the shield. The shield is broken and was put back together, you can see, so either way, I think maybe it wasn’t supposed to do this. It’s probably supposed to just cancel out from one side. But really, it’s no problem. I go back to normal afterwards. It’s like, uh, you know when you fall asleep on your arm?”
“...Yeah, yeah, okay.”
“It comes back.”
“Yeah. Sure. Okay. Does it do the, uh, the fucking, pins and needles thing too?”
“Yeah. Exactly. It’s exactly like that.”
Phil takes Etoiles’ hand to examine it. Etoiles can't look away. It’s still all static and Etoiles is almost glad except for how he wonders what it would feel like to die and he thinks that the more he felt this, Phil holding his hand tenderly and curiously, the closer he'd feel to death. He watches Phil bend his fingers, look between them to see where the code is. Numb, it's dreamlike and disconcerting.
“It was like this from the first time you used it?”
“No, it’s, uh, I didn’t notice at first.”
“So, it’s gotten worse over time.”
Son of a bitch. “Well Phil, when you say it like that, it makes me look bad.” Etoiles laughs.
“It’s not you.” Phil squeezes his fingers and Etoiles could swear he does feel that, the pressure, nerves deep down or something. It’s electric. “Look, I,  uh - I get why you’re not stopping. The code wants to kill kids. And because of the shield and this busted-ass sword it got its hands on, now it’s just you. If I had that thing, no way in hell I’d be letting go of it. I mean, fuck.”
“Ohhh,” Etoiles sighs, “Thank god. I think if Baghera or Antoine see this, they’ll be like: you idiot, stop using it, it’s your own fault if you die.”
Phil smiles, thin, wry. “What do you tell them?”
“I don’t. I wait for it to go away before they see.”
“Shit, man.”
“Yeaaaaah.”
“...Well, that’s enough fuckin’ feelings. You want a stick fight? Maybe I'll get a win while you're distracted.”
“Yeaaaaah!”
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snapnov4 · 2 years
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jjk men + acts of nonsexual intimacy !
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wc: 684
pairings: gojo x reader, geto x reader, nanami x reader
cw: tooth rotting fluff
authors note: i wanted to write something softer and more intimate so i settled on this! this was actually really fun to write so, as always, i hope you enjoy! <3
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✯ gojo finds immense amounts of comfort in having his hands on you in any way shape or form. you being near him grounds him and makes him feel like less of a weapon and more like a person, so throughout the day you'll catch gojo tracing out designs on your skin, drawing shapes on the small of your back, and tracing lines up and down your arms. when he's feeling pouty or jealous he’ll trace his name out along your collar bone. sometimes you'll even find him tracing out the nonsense scribbles on you in his sleep. you'd think he'd want to hold your hand when you're out together but he commonly opts for just drawing shapes on your hand. he'll reach his arms across tables and seats to do it. even though you find it to be a little odd, consider it one of his many little ways of saying he loves you.
✯ at heart gojo is a softie, he tends to touch his nose to yours a lot. he likes how close he can get to you, simply pressing your noses together, he’ll close his eyes and sigh, and you can feel relaxation flow through his body, before he presses a chaste kiss to your lips and continues about his day. he likes when you cuddle face to face so he can touch his nose to yours. he often greets you by pressing your noses together. if he's away on a mission the first thing he does when he gets back is press your noses together, before kissing you until you're breathless but that's another story. if you notice him having a bad day just press your nose to his and tell him it's okay, he'll brighten up immediately.
✯ geto loves when you wash his hair especially after a hard day, he’ll sit back and let you comb your fingers through his hair gently. he’s thankful that you've memorized the extensive and meticulous routine he has for his hair, down to the exact amount of shampoo and conditioner to use. and in turn if you're having a bad day he’ll wash yours too. even if your hair isn't as “high maintenance” (your words not geto’s) as his, he hopes you feel the same amount of comfort he does. it's his favorite way to wind down. your heart swells every time you see him close his eyes and sigh a breath of relief.
✯ geto also loves a handwritten note. if he leaves before you he’ll leave you a small note. his handwriting is languid and flows easily but he sucks at drawing, so you'll frequently wake up to a note on your bedside table that reads “left early today, i love you” with a messily drawn heart beside his name. you don't know if he's aware that he draws the most god awful hearts on the planet, but you can see where he's erased them trying to get it right, geto knows the effort he puts into his hearts on every note, birthday card, and gift he gives you, so geto swallows his pride and tries to get the heart right every time.
✯ nanami loves a home cooked meal. after working all day, he's usually too tired to cook anything, which resulted in him moving further and further away from his favorite home cooked meals and more towards anything he can make quickly and easily. that is until you come around, then he has someone to cook for, and to cook with. nanami loves when you two cook together, in any capacity. he’s happy when you chop the vegetables while he prepares the stove, or when you wash the dishes as he finishes using them, or when he's cooking for the both of you and you run into the kitchen to wrap your arms around him. nanami wouldn't trade a sharing home cooked meal with you for anything in the world.
✯ nanami can’t sleep without you beside him. he finds it extremely hard to doze off if he can't wrap his arms around you or simply feel your presence in bed next to him. anytime you get up throughout the night he always wakes up and waits for you to come back to bed. if you happen to leave town he’ll sleep on your side of bed. if he has to leave however, he’ll often call you before bed, in hopes that hearing your voice will soothe him to sleep. he’ll let you talk about your day and sometimes you can hear him softly snoring on the other end of the call. if nanami has a particularly jarring day, he’ll often lay his head on your chest so he can hear your heartbeat, falling asleep knowing you're here and you're breathing and your heart is beating helps him more than you'll ever know.
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silentsamlikesham · 4 months
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Sanji injured his hands and is struggling to get things chopped in the kitchen. Who better to help than the ships swordsman?
Wordcount: 2,349
...................
The wood creaks as the ship sways. The ropes of the hammock dig lightly into Sanji’s back as he stares at the lines in the wooden ceiling above him. It’s a daily discomfort, one he doesn’t even notice anymore when he’s tired. But now, he’s wide awake.
The boy’s room is always dark, no matter the time of day. It’s clear to Sanji though that it’s morning. His mind has woken him up as usual, pushing him to go get breakfast ready. For once, the routine is a bitter one.
He runs a hand over his face, wincing at the motion. He lifts his left hand up, framing it against the wood. He stares at the purple bruise across the back of his hand in disgust. It hurts to flex his fingers, to close his hand into a fist, to hold a fucking knife. 
He brings his other hand up, glaring at the brace on his middle and ring fingers. His middle one had been dislocated. He can still see the sly grin on the pirate he’d been fighting, his cruel smirk as he realised Sanji’s weakness…his hands.
He’d caught the chef by surprise, smacking an iron bar into the side of Sanji’s head when he’d been distracted by a scream of pain from Nami. He’d crumpled to the ground, already placing his hands flat on the deck to push himself back to his feet, to kick the asshole into oblivion. The world had seemed to stop, the foot coming into his view in slow motion as the oaf had cracked his boot down hard, crushing Sanji’s hands in one stomp. 
The pain itself was nothing, the guttural scream from Sanji had come from a place of pure panic as he thought his treasure had been crushed, destroyed. He could feel the dread in his chest, an immeasurable force that had winded him, throwing him into despair in the middle of the battlefield.
Sanji likes to think he would have gotten through it. That he would have beaten the guy despite his state. But he’ll never know, because seconds later Luffy had rammed into the guy at full gum gum rocket speed. He wasn’t sure if his captain had seen what had happened or if it was pure luck that he ended up colliding with the enemy.
Either way, Sanji was once again grateful for his captain. Even if watching the enemy pirate fly off the ship had been bitter-sweet, it was satisfying enough. 
Chopper did his best when the fighting ended, examined Sanji’s hands with careful hooves. Worry had been building in Sanji’s throat like a bubbling poison, he could feel his breathes coming shallower and quicket until Chopper had looked up at him with a small smile.
“Nothings broken, Sanji! Although…they may hurt for a while…I’m sorry…”
Sanji ignores the pain of his hands as he pulls a cigarette out, lighting it in his hammock and watching the smoke swirl upwards. He lets himself get a couple of draws in before he forces his legs over the edge of the hammock and jumps softly to the ground. 
He’s just going to have to suck it up and use the bruised hand as well as he can to chop. It’s not like he can make it worse, it’s just going to hurt. Although it had been enough last night, trying to prep for dinner. His shaky hand had left his vegetables uneven and ugly in his eyes and it had taken him far too long to get ready. Still, he’ll make do, he must. He has a hungry crew to feed after all. 
He gets changed quickly, not bothering to throw a blazer on after going through the agony of buttoning up his shirt. Putting on his shoes is probably the worst of it though, and as soon as he’s in the hallway he lets himself angrily stomp to the kitchen.
He pulls the door to the galley open, surprised that someone has already lit the lanterns in there, as the sun still hasn’t risen this early in the morning. 
He freezes in the doorway, blinking stupidly at the silhouette of the person standing against a countertop at the other side of the room. No one is ever up before him,
“Morning, cook.” 
Zoro looks like he’s been napping where he stands. His eyes blinking blearily open, trying to focus on the blonde as Sanji shuts the door and marches towards him.
“What the hell are you doing here, Mosshead? I swear if you’ve touched anything in the pantry-”
Sanji is already rolling up his cuffs as he makes his way to stand in front of the green-haired idiot. He tries to hide his flinch as his hands slip on his sleeves, a simple motion so frustratingly difficult.
“Relax, Curley.” Zoro doesn’t seem phased by the aggression. He just yawns in Sanji’s face, undisturbed by the way Sanji is swinging his hip, rearing up a kick.
“I thought you might need someone helping you with sousing or whatever…” The swordsman looks away from Sanji as he speaks.
If Sanji had been shocked at the doorway, he’s floored now. He’s pretty sure his brain has short-circuited somewhere, the lightning flashes in his brain overflowing with static as he tries to piece together what the blush on the other’s face means.
“Sousing? Do you mean a fucking sous chef, you moron?”
His words are harsh, but there’s no bite to them. Sanji is struggling to close his mouth, just gawking at Zoro as the he begins to fidget under Sanji’s gaze.
“Whatever.” Zoro shrugs, like it’s not a big deal, like anyone can be a sous chef.
Sanji tsks, taking out another cigarette to calm his nerves as the scene become unbearably uncomfortable. It’s so out of character for Zoro, it’s freaking Sanji out. 
“A sous chef is a serious role in a kitchen, Mossy. You wouldn’t even keep up as a porter.”
Sanji can practically see the red tick on the back of Zoro’s head as he whips his eyes back to Sanji’s, glaring at him again. At least that’s more normal for them.
“I’m not here to wash dishes.” He hisses, surprising Sanji. Surprised he knew what a porter did in a kitchen.
“What do you want then? I need to start on breakfast, and I’m not in a mood to play make believe with whatever weird fantasy of being a chef is brewing in that moss brain of yours, Marimo.”
“Being a chef? Shut up.” Zoro yells, his cheek bright red at the comment. “As if, why would I need to know how to cook when you’re more than willing to do it? I just noticed how shitty you were at cutting stuff for dinner last night, and figured you needed some help.”
Ah. So that’s what this was about. What an asshole! Underestimating Sanji…
“As if you’d know what well cut vegetables were like if they slapped you in the face and decorated your swords.” Sanji barks, his leg flying up and down towards Zoro’s shoulder, intent on dislocating it. 
Zoro’s eyes widen for a brief second before he brings a hand up to catch Sanji’s ankle, his grip like iron as he holds Sanji’s leg in place. The blonde hops briefly on his other leg, getting comfortable in his stance as he tries to push his leg past the hold.
“As if I’d ever need your help.” Sanji spits, shame burning in his gut at the thought. He wasn’t helpless, he could do this. He doesn’t need Zoro’s pity.
“I don’t need to say shit, Ero-cook. You know I’m right.” Zoro grins, knowing the best way to get through to the idiot cook is to have him accept what Zoro is saying, rather than make him admit Zoro is right.
He pulls at Sanji’s ankle, forcing the other to follow the tug until he’s leaning closer to Zoro, forced to look him dead in the eye. Their bodies are pulled against one another, Zoro relaxed while Sanji is all tense lines. His body straining to remain upright in this position, despite his flexibility, it’s not the easiest. 
“Let go.” He hisses, wondering if he can manage to swing the other leg up in this position, but worried Zoro would drop him and any support he has the second his grounded leg lifts.
“Let me cut.” Zoro counters, looking the cook up and down in his compromising position, enjoying the flush of anger that colours Sanji’s face at the move. 
Sanji weighs up his options. He can either tussle with the idiot for the next few minutes, he’d obviously win, but it would take time. Sanji isn’t really willing to have breakfast served late to their captain, not with how restless the captain has been while they’ve been searching for a new island.
On the other hand, the thought of letting anyone, of letting Zoro touch his knifes…it’s not a pleasant feeling. A chef’s knives are sacred to them. He spends hours with them, relying on them, looking after them. Sanji’s eyes flick to Zoro’s katanas…well, maybe if someone was to understand...
“Fine.” Sanji sighs, the fight leaving him as he feels himself getting antsy to have everything ready in time. 
Zoro tilts his head, dropping the other’s leg as promised. He didn’t think the chef was going to give in this easily. Then again, Zoro knew from the start Sanji did need the help. The idiot is just being prideful about it.
“But you’re going to do exactly as I say, Marimo. No backtalk when it comes to kitchen work.” Sanji points a finger at him, ignoring the pain as he locks eyes with Zoro with the sharpest look he can muster.
“Whatever.” Zoro agrees, not wanting to start another fight. 
Sanji turns, ignoring the response as he heats a pan on the stove, pouring a generous amount of oil onto it before he takes out a chopping board, grabbing onions and bell peppers from the pantry and leaving them beside the wooden block.
He can feel Zoro standing behind him like a shadow, watching his movements with interest as Sanji hovers a hand over his block of knives. He swallows back a nervous lump as he picks one up. 
“Dice them, you know even little squares.” He passes Zoro the knife, holding the handle out to him.
Zoro rolls his eyes, trying to hold back his exasperation as he mutters a quiet “I know what diced means.”
Sanji chooses to ignore him as he goes to find some eggs. Not trusting himself to watch Zoro without grabbing the knife out of the oaf’s hand and doing it himself. He tries not to flinch as a rhythmic beating fills the kitchen, the sounds of the knife hitting steadily off the wood as Zoro gets to work.
Sanji focuses on breaking and whisking the eggs. The task isn’t easy on his hands either, but it doesn’t require the same amount of precision and force as chopping does. When the eggs look well whisked and fluffy, he turns to see Zoro is leaning against the counter. 
The onions and peppers lay waiting in a bowl that Sanji had left beside the chopping board. They’re well cut, the pieces almost in perfect uniform to one another. It’s both a relief and extremely annoying that the swordsman is actually good at it.
“Not bad.” Sanji comments as he takes the bowl and pours the contents into the pan, the kitchen filling with the sound of sizzling oil. Sanji focuses on spicing things as Zoro quietly washes the knife and places it back in the block.
There’s a weird warmth in Sanji’s chest from the gesture. He ignores it by barking at Zoro.
“You can set the table if you’re just going to stand around.”
He misses the eye roll he receives in response. 
By the time Sanji has the eggs scrambled, Zoro has set the table and placed the last of their bread onto the table, surrounded by butter and the different jams that Sanji liked to lay out.
It’s not long before the rest of the crew wake up, strolling into the kitchen in various moods and energy levels as they all get through the morning at their own pace. Sanji smiles as he serves coffee to the ladies and dishes out breakfast to everyone. 
Luffy comes bounding in demanding the bacon that Sanji had put on last, knowing it was best hot and ready to go for the nutcase. 
He barely spares a glance at Zoro throughout the meal. It’s only as everyone disappears from the kitchen table, plates piling up and ready to clean, that Sanji notices it’s Zoro carrying them over to the sink for him.
It’s Zoro that stands at his side again with a towel, taking the cleaned plates and drying them before stacking them to be put away.
As Sanji carefully dries his hands, gently patting around the bruise and doing his best not to jostle his brace, he finally looks at the swordsman who has just shoved the dishes back into their cabinet.
“Oi.”
Zoro turns to look at him, his eye twitching uncertainly like he’s waiting for Sanji to yell at him.
“Thank, Marimo.”
There’s a pause. An unusual silence, a tension clenching the air between them. A weight to a simple word that neither of them really know how to hold.
“Don’t mention it, dart-brows.” Zoro shrugs, his hand grabbing his hilts on reflex before he leaves the room.
Sanji lets out a held breath as the door closes, slumping against the sink as he’s left alone.
Is he going to have to go through this again at lunch? 
His hearth thumps insistently against his chest, almost as wild as when he gushes over the ladies on the ship.
He did not need this; he thinks bitterly as he stares at his hands.
He has enough to worry about now than thinking about Zoro’s hands clasping his knife-
Nope.
No, he’s not going there.
He needs a fucking cigarette. 
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joelsgreys · 1 year
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Moved On (Andy Barber x Wife!Reader)
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A/N: Thanks for this request! I attempted an Andy Barber fic once but tbh I wasn’t happy with it and deleted so thank you for sending this one in so I could have another shot. <3 This fic takes place three years after the series. A few things deviate from the book/television series, but I you like this, anon.
Pairing: Andy Barber x Wife Reader
Warnings: Language, angst, Laurie Barber.
Length: 2.4k words
Andy crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the granite kitchen island as he watches you in pure adoration while you go about setting the table for dinner. He knows that he should probably be helping you out, but he simply can’t help himself as he stands there and stares at you in complete and utter awe—he never would have believed that this was the life he would be living. Sometimes he can’t believe this is the life he’s living, even after all this time. It often feels like a dream, a blissful dream he's afraid that one day he’ll wake up from.
If someone would have told Andy three and half years ago that one day he would be remarried to the love of his life, expecting his second child, and that his teenaged son would be healed, healthy, and happy, he would have scoffed right in their damn face. After everything that had happened—the murder trial, the near fatal car crash, and Laurie being put behind bars for nearly killing herself and their son, Andy could have sworn that his life was over. Laurie had been put in the psychiatric unit of a women’s correctional facility to serve her four and a half year prison sentence and shortly after that, Jacob had come out of his medically induced coma with an incredibly long and painful road to recovery ahead of him. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, Jacob had been wounded so deeply by everything that had happened and Andy feared he wouldn’t be able to be the strength his son needed to go on. He’d been left all on his own to pick up the shattered, jagged pieces of the world he once knew, with no idea of how to even start putting them back together again.
But then you happened.
Andy never saw this coming—never saw you coming.
When he first met you, from the first hello you two exchanged, Andy couldn’t have possibly imagined that you would end up being exactly what he and his son needed.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” You tease, smiling over your shoulder at him.
“Sorry, honey.” Andy chuckles and shakes his head, uncrossing his arms as he pushes himself away from the kitchen island. “What can I help you out with?”
“Can you pull out the salad from the fridge and bring it over to the table?”
He quickly nods and does as you request, bringing over the bowl of salad that you’d chopped up earlier to the table. He sets it in the middle of the table before taking his seat at the head of the table. “Where’s Jake? Let’s get him down here, I’m starving.”
“Jacob!” You call out loudly. “Dinner’s ready! Let’s go, shut off that video game!”
Andy frowns. “Video game? Isn’t he supposed to be studying?”
“It’s Friday, so I let the kid live a little.” You wink at your husband as you take a seat beside him and drape a clean white cloth napkin across your lap. “And besides, he’s been doing really well in his classes. His counselor e-mailed me the other day. Jake’s grades have never been better.”
“He has a good influence.” Andy reaches over and places his hand over yours.
At that moment, your seventeen year old stepson comes down the stairs and takes a seat across from you. He has a white envelop clutched in one of his hands.
“What do you have there, bud?” Andy questions suspiciously as soon as he sees it. He raises an eyebrow at his son. “You’re not in any trouble, are you?”
Jacob doesn’t reply, and instead, he simply shoots you a nervous glance.
“Go on,” You encourage him, grinning excitedly. “Tell him, Jake.”
Andy glances between the two of you, confused. “Tell me what? What’s going on?”
“It’s an acceptance letter,” Jacob informs him, handing it over. “My first one. It came in the mail earlier today.” He shoots his father a sheepish look. “I was going to wait for all three of us to be together to open it, but I couldn’t wait and neither could she,” he explains, tossing you a quick smile. “We figured we’d just tell you over dinner.”
Andy opens it and he beams with pride as his blue eyes glaze over the document in his hand. “Northeastern University?”
Jake nods. “I’m going to e-mail the school and commit first thing on Monday for the upcoming semester.”
Andy’s smile fades ever so slightly. “Commit? Already? Are you sure this is where you want to go? You’re still waiting on other letters, Jacob. Isn’t it a little too soon to make the commitment?” he asks, setting the letter down. “You still have a couple of months left in the school year. Don’t you want to wait?”
“Not really. This school is the closest to home, dad. I don’t want to move somewhere too far for college, especially since I want to be close enough come and see my little sister after she’s born.” Jacob turns from his father and his eyes meet yours. “I want to be a part of her life as much as possible. I can’t do that if I ship myself off too far for school.”
You place a hand on your growing baby bump. “He’s got a point, Andy.”
“Well, if that’s your decision, than you have our full support.” Andy puts a hand on Jacob’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “I’m so proud of you, Jake. We both are. We know you’ve got a bright future ahead of you.”
“Thanks, dad.”
After dinner, Jacob excuses himself from the table to watch television—normally he’s the one to help you clear the table and clean up, but Andy decides to give him a pass for the night and volunteers to help you himself. You’re in the kitchen tossing scraps into the silver, stainless steel trash can when Andy walks in, takes the plate from your hand and sets it down on the counter. He then grabs you and takes you into his arms, pressing his lips to yours in a long, slow kiss that sends chills up and down the length of your spine. As his hands start to wander, you break away from him ever so slightly, resting your hand gently on his chest.
“Mm, someone’s feeling extra affectionate today,” You murmur against his lips.
“I’m just really happy, is all. Ridiculously, deliriously happy.”
“Oh?”
“Mhm.” Andy moves his mouth to your neck and starts to trail his way down to your chest.
You laugh, lightly pushing him away. “Let’s finish cleaning up first, lover boy,” You tell him, eliciting an impatient groan from him. “I cleared off the dishes for you, can you just load them into the washer for me?”
“Fine.” He playfully rolls his eyes. “But wait until I get my hands on you later tonight. I had dinner, now I want my dessert,” he smirks at you. “My sweet tooth is aching for you.”
“Jesus, Andy! Jake is in the room next door! Save it for the bedroom,” You remind him, blushing as your attention turn back to the trash can. You grab at the bag, tying together securely before pulling it out of the component. “I’ll be right back, I’m just going to go take this outside.”
Andy shakes his head and reaches out. “Sweetheart, let me do that for you—”
“Andy, I’m pregnant, not wounded. I’m perfectly capable of taking out the trash,” You tell him, shooting him a look. “I’ll be right back.” You make your way through the house and out the front door, stepping out into the chilly, evening air. You walk down the long driveway towards the black garbage can, lift the lid open and quickly toss the bag inside, letting the lid slam shut. As you turn and begin to walk back up to the house, you stop when you get the sudden feeling that you’re being watched by somebody. Furrowing your eyebrows, you slowly turn on your heel and let out a gasp when you see her standing there right beside Andy’s Audi.
Laurie Barber.
You and Andy have been hearing faint whispers around town about Laurie’s possible early release due to her improvement and good behavior. After the car crash, Laurie and her defense lawyers had taken a plea deal from the prosecution in order to avoid having to go to trial. While her sentence may have been light considering the serious nature of what she had done, the mandated court order to stay away from Andy and Jacob had been much harsher. She was not allowed to come into contact with either of them after her release or it would violate the terms of her probation. And yet, here she is, standing right in front of you, outside of your family’s home.
You stand there, frozen solid on the spot, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
Laurie stares at you, her eyes falling to your swollen midsection.
Instinctively, your hand goes to your stomach.
Her eyes flicker to the diamond ring on your finger. “You must be his new wife,” she says, rigidly. “I heard he remarried. But I didn’t know he was having another baby.”
You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out and you clamp it shut.
Unsure of what else to do, you give a small nod of your head.
“I’d heard the rumors that he’d completely moved on,” Laurie says. Despite the stiff, and cold tone of her voice, you can see that her eyes are brimming with tears. “Part of me refused to believe that he could forget about the life we had together, just like that. That he could move on so quickly.”
“Laurie, you shouldn’t be here,” You finally manage to say. “You need to leave.”
“How’s Jacob?”
“Laurie, please, you need to leave right now before Andy sees you—”
She ignores you, firmly repeating, “How is Jacob?”
You let out a small sigh, feeling conflicted.
One on hand, you can’t stand the woman for what she had done. But then, on the other, you can see the remorse in her eyes and you know that she’s desperate to hear about her son. “He’s doing great, Laurie,” You tell her. “Jake is thriving. He’s doing well in school, he’s been accepted into a good university. And most importantly, he’s healthy and he’s happy.”
“I need to see him.”
“You can’t. The judge ordered you to stay away from him.”
Laurie steps forward and grabs your arms. “Please! I need to see Jacob—”
“Get your fucking hands off my wife!” Andy’s growl comes from behind you, startling both you and Laurie. He snatches you out of her grasp and pushes you behind him, his broad shoulders squaring protectively. He speaks again, his tone venomous as he faces his ex-wife for the first time in over three years. “What the fuck are you doing here, Laurie?”
She lifts her chin, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I’m here because I want to see my son.”
“After you tried to fucking kill him?” He nearly shouts. “Are you fucking insane?”
“I made a mistake, Andy! I wasn’t in the right frame of mind! After everything, after the trial, everything was just falling apart and I couldn’t take it!” Laurie shouts back at him. “It was a fucking terrible mistake!”
“A mistake that nearly cost our son his life!”
You step beside your husband and place a hand on his chest. “Andy, please! You need to calm down before Jacob overhears and comes outside.” You look up at him, your eyes meeting his. You can see the anger, the pain, all of his emotions swimming in them and your opposite hand slips into his, lacing your fingers together. You give his hand a small squeeze. “Please, just calm down.”
Andy nods in agreement and takes a deep breath before turning back to Laurie. “I don’t know where you got the nerve to show up at my door,” he says. He’s certainly calmer than before, but there’s still an angry edge to his tone. “How you can even show your face around here after what you did is beyond me.”
“I’m sorry,” Laurie whispered. “For everything. Andy, from the bottom of my heart, I’m so fucking sorry. You have to believe me, I wasn’t in a good place. Mentally, or emotionally.” At this point, the tears were now streaming down her face. “I love my son, and I live with the guilt and the shame of what I did every damn second of every damn day. I never meant for any of it to happen, Andy. You have to believe me. I love Jacob.”
Her apology doesn’t faze Andy, but it fazes you.
Perhaps it’s the pregnancy hormones that have you on the sensitive side. But you just can’t help but to feel some sympathy for Laurie Barber.
“Please. I just want to see my son. I want to tell him I’m sorry. At least let me do that,” she pleads. “Let me apologize to him, face to face.”
Andy is about to protest when you place a hand on his arm to stop him.
“Let us talk to Jacob, first. And if he decides he is up to seeing you, then we can contact our attorney. They can speak to the judge and perhaps we can arrange something if he allows it.” You glance between Andy and Laurie. “It’s a decision that Jake should make. And everyone will respect his choice as well as the choice of the judge. Can we all agree on that?”
“Okay. I can agree to that.” Laurie nods. “Andy? Do you agree?”
His lips press into a tight, thin line. “You’re lucky my wife is here to be the voice of reason. Because if it were up to me, you’d never fucking see him again. Not a fucking chance. Now leave my property before I call your probation officer.” He grabs your hand and starts pulling you towards the house. “Come on. Let’s go back inside.”
“Wait!” Laurie reaches for your opposite hand, holding you back.
Andy’s nostrils flare. “Don’t fucking touch her!”
She ignores him, her desperate eyes meeting yours. “If Jake decides that he wants nothing to do with me, can you just do me a favor?”
You nod slowly.
“Look after him for me, please. From a mother to a mother. Please, just look after my boy for me.”
“That’s what I’ve been doing all along, Laurie,” You tell her in a low voice. Before you can stop yourself, it slips out, “I’ve been the mother he’s needed for the last three years.”
Laurie releases you, feeling stung by your words.
“Let’s go,” Andy says firmly, pulling you towards the house.
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bananasofthorns · 1 month
Text
now that it's all gone
read on ao3
At the end of the day, after Ren and Big B are dead and the smell of smoke hangs heavy in the air even though the fires have mostly gone out, they return to the ruins of The Relation. Something heavy settles in Joel’s throat as they approach, squinting against the setting sun. He spent an entire fucking week on that boat, and it’s just— gone. There’s nothing left except a fraction of the hull, some scattered bits of wood and wool, and scorched grass.
He should’ve known better, really. Should’ve remembered that it’s no use getting attached to anything, not in a world like this.
He’d thought that burning down half of the rest of the server had helped, but suddenly all of his raging emotions are back, filling his chest in a way that makes him think his ribs are going to crack with the weight of them.
A furious, guttural scream tears itself from his throat. Behind him, Etho startles; he ignores it and slams his axe into the only remaining piece of their boat, cleaving it in two. The force of the strike leaves his palms buzzing.
“ Fuck,” he shouts, suddenly breathless. 
He’s on the verge of either screaming until his voice gives out or shattering into a thousand pieces. He needs to kill something, needs to feel blood on his hands because maybe this time it’ll stop them shaking and soothe the ache in his chest— if he wears out his axe enough that the blade goes dull, then maybe he’ll feel okay again. It hasn’t really worked before, but, hey! Third time’s the charm, right? Right?
“Joel.”
He reaches up and tears a half-burned plank from what’s left of the boat. Splinters dig into his palms but he doesn’t care, just squeezes it tighter in his fist until his nails leave gouges in the charcoal.
“ Joel.”
With another scream, he flings it at the world border so hard that he sees the forcefield shiver. He does it again, and again, and again, until the remains of their boat are scattered in the field before them, highlighted in dull gold by the sunset.
“Joel!”
Someone grabs his shoulder. He jumps and spins, axe already rising into a sloppy attack. For a moment, his brain doesn’t register anything more than threat, and he’s a centimeter or two away from chopping off Etho’s head and ending both their lives when a hand, cold and surprisingly strong, catches his wrist.
“Seriously?” Etho asks, eyebrows raised; his tone is incredulous and unamused, but Joel knows him well enough by now to see the alarm hiding in his eyes.
“Shit,” he breathes. “ Shit, Etho, I could’ve killed you! What the heck? Why’d you do that, are you a fucking idiot—?”
“You weren’t listening to me.”
Joel takes a slow, deep breath. He lowers his axe. “...sorry. I just—” He runs his free hand through his hair only to remember a second later that it’s covered in soot. Shit. “Sorry.”
It still feels like there’s fire in his blood and a wild animal in his chest, trying to claw its way out of his ribs and up his throat. If it were anyone else in front of him, they’d be dead.
“...Did you wanna talk about it?” Etho asks, awkward. He’s still holding Joel’s wrist; the freezing points of his fingertips serve to quiet some of the inferno raging in his head.
He scoffs. “What is there to say? I’m fucking pissed, Etho. I spent an entire bloody week on this ship, only to have it burn down in less than an hour! This always happens and I never learn!”
His voice rises until he’s shouting again, staring up at Etho’s ever-impassive face and wondering why it’s so easy for him to act like he doesn’t care.
“Well. Even so. It was nice while it lasted,” he says quietly, like it means something, and apparently Joel’s body takes that as its cue to stop the adrenaline keeping him on his feet.
Etho yelps when he all but collapses onto his knees, dragging Etho down with him since he’s still holding onto his wrist. With an annoyed groan, he tosses his axe aside - careful to not hit either of them on the way - and flops back to lie on the grass. 
“Dude,” Etho laughs, finally letting go. 
Joel flexes his hand. “Sorry. Kind of tired myself out, there.”
“You think?”
“Shut up.”
His anger has faded, leaving a bone-deep exhaustion that makes him want nothing more than to pass out for a week. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen, but it’s a nice thought. He lies there for a moment longer before sitting up, adjusting so that he and Etho are side by side.
This is something that’s different from every other time he’s experienced this: he’s got a partner this time. They’ll get through it together or die trying, but Joel really hopes it doesn’t end up being the latter, because he wants to win.
He glances at Etho out of the corner of his eye. Part of him wants to say thank you, but he feels like that would be weird. He wouldn’t know how to put it into words, anyway. He’s never been good with stuff like that.
“Did you know that your hands are absolutely fucking freezing?” he asks instead.
Etho laughs. “Oh, are they? Are you sure?”
Joel isn’t fast enough to dodge the hand he rests on the back of his neck. He shouts, then shoves Etho away.
“Oh, you jerk!”
It’s twilight. They’re both laughing, sitting on the grass a few feet away from their burnt-out husk of a boat. Joel still kind of wants to kill someone, but he’s exhausted and knows he needs to rest. There will be time for revenge later.
For now, with Etho by his side, he can wait.
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rinbowaman · 9 months
Text
S E 7 E N : A S M O D E U S   P A R T   S E 7 E N
Warnings: drying humping, breaking entry, harassment, assault, torturous abuse, blood, gore, groping, and cussing. i think that's it.
Suddenly, just as you felt the man pressing his blade on your skin, you remained with your face turned to the side, eyes winced shut, bracing yourself for the excruciating pain to hit you…when the door opens…even with the locks still intact. You remained with your face away, but the group turn over as they watched a young man enter, dressed in black as well, yet was elegant and lavish with his expensive fabric and fiery copper hair. “Who are you?” “Oooh trust me…you don’t need to know that. Especially you..” Hearing that familiar voice, you turned your face to see Sunoo standing a few feet away as he points over to the man who had his knife in hand, ready to slice you up. “I demand that you-“…………… ……………….
The clanking sound of the ka-bar knife landing on the floor is the only sound heard in the room as the man suddenly disappears, literally in a blink of an eye. “W-where did the Governor go? What happened?” The men look around before turning their gaze to Sunoo. “You! This is your doing?! What have you done?” Sunoo merely smiles as he stands with his arms crossed. “Governor? That’s too funny…you people seriously think you’re something special…all because you’ve discovered something that no human should be meddling with.” Propping up a hand, he admires his fingernails. “Well sorry to tell you, but your ‘governor’ crossed the line…I mean you all did but…”
With a momentary pause as he focused on admiring his nails, he continues as he blows on his fingers. “I’m afraid he went too far. I’m pretty sure my elder brother is getting veeeeeery creative with him by now, and by the time I return, he’ll be nothing more than fertilizer for the flowers he’s growing for his bride, which so happens to be the dazzling beauty you have in your disgusting hands. Get them off her before I chop them up to pieces.” The men lure a series of insults as they all narrow in towards Sunoo, one of the members remained gripping on to you, pinning both your arms behind your back. “Oooh.” Sighing, Sunoo merely stands, recrossing his arms as he looks at the men with amusement. “Every time when I gain hope because of someone like her…” nudging his nose of in your direction, he continues on as he flares at the man who harshly had you in his grasp. “I am reacquainted with disappointment because of idiots such as yourselves.” Without entertaining his words, the men lash out as they lunge over to him. With the same hand that he admired a moment ago, Sunoo merely places his hand up, palm facing the group and his fingers remained all spread apart. Much like the meaning behind the sign language he displayed, the men that were nearly inches away from him all stopped…their bodies straightened and completely perpendicular, much different than how they were just a second ago as they were leaning and rushing in to attack. Curving his fingers in towards his palm, he balls it up into a closed fist as he shifts it over, displaying all the fingers to face the ceiling. With a tight grip of the air that lurks within his empty grasp, he merely chuckles as each time he tightens and squeezes, the men all scream in immense pain.
The only one who didn’t seem to feel the effects of Sunoo’s display was the one behind you, yet you could tell he was panicking as he screamed out trying to reach into his fellow members as they remained standing yet squirming violently in pain. From the exterior, there was nothing that seemed to be causing the horrendous screams that were eluding out of throats. You then started to wonder… ‘Is he doing something to them from the inside?’
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Just as suspected, you watched as each man suddenly drop down in a harsh thud as blood oozed out of their ears, mouth, nose, and eyes. “W-what…what have you done?!” The man behind you shouts out. “Looks painful, doesn’t it? I suppose having your heart exploding in your chest cavity would be.” Sunoo calmly explains as he glares at the man, taking steps forward towards your direction. “Now for you…since you don’t like to listen, I believe i specifically told you all…to get your hands off her….” His gaze became sharp and beyond fearful as he took on a dangerous tone towards the man. “Looks like I’ll have to teach you how to listen…” Sunoo softly states. Suddenly, the man releases your wrists, yet it wasn’t willingly as you slightly turned and saw his expression of fear and confusion when it dawned on you and him, that he had no control over his body. Pulling you away gently as he leans your back against his chest, his large overcoat draped over his shoulders, he takes the large and long sleeves, and cradles them around your exposed breasts as he issues for you to hold on to them. The moment your hands pinched on to the fabric, he cups your breasts, slightly caressing and pinching your nipples softly in between his fingers. Whispering in your ear, he asks you… “Darling, would you like to know my real name?” He kisses your cheek as you slightly whimper from his touch as he continues to massage your breasts in the most tender manner. “Would you like to know who I reeeeeeally am?” He kisses your ear. “To see how I handle shitheads like him?” He kisses the tip of your nose. “To see how I punish those who don’t want to listen?” “Yes….I do.” Your answers and eagerness to see these men do their worst was more confidant f and accepting as you started to find comfort in seeing them holding the cult members accountable for their hidden display of hypocrisy. With another kiss, this time on your lips, issuing his tongue inside your mouth as he gently bites your lower lip, he whispers to you… “Fucking Queen…you were made for him.” Looking at the man once more, Sunoo begins to calmly speak towards the regulator. “Look at her….you want her don’t you? Don’t deny it…I know you do. You desire her…” The man gazes at you, beads of sweat dripping down his brow, he struggled but reluctantly answers…it came out as if it was forced out of him. “Y…yes….” “I know you do…you desire to grab her hair….feel her skin…..to put yourself inside her…don’t you?” Sunoo remarks as he taps his fingers along your breasts. The regulators breathing becomes heavy and deep, unable to speak, he clenched his jaw shut. “Oh I know the answer…there’s no use in hiding it. You’d do anything for the sake of your lustful state to be appeased…wouldn’t you?” Once again, the man struggles as his eyes begin to roll towards the back of his head as Sunoo continues to speak out an hypnotic tune of sultry words. “You’re so weak…men like you become weakened flesh upon the sight and sound of a woman. Those like you, who are weak become the pinnacle of disgrace and a poor definition of your kind…you touched her, you enjoyed placing your filthy hands on her. You watched as that man was going to cut into her, and worse than that…you were going to enjoy it….enjoy hearing her scream out of anguish and pain…” Sunoo’s tone began to get deeper, it reached a level of darkness that was similar to his brothers before him. “So let me teach you, and send you back to your leaders so you can show them, just what happens when you don’t listen….and when you touch her.” Observing, you watched as a ring of red appears around the man’s wrist. Emerging from the clean lining, blood overflowed and drips down, coating his forearms as he begins to screech out in pain. “Now….hear me you pitiful soul…hear me as I speak loud and clear, and forever know just whom you attempted to defy this very night….” Sunoo’s voice grew to a roar as he held you close against him. Licking up and down your neck, he announces his identity as both you and the tormented regulator hear of his true name….
“In the abyss of your hearts, your crown, and your wandering soul,
The impurities of your weakened mind, takes on its toll.
Though you were free to choose, evil versus good,
I watch as you strip and taint virgin flesh, from whence they stood.
You yearn for the waves and motions, the screams of pleasure…
To your own advantage, you reach limits beyond your measure.
As you relish in the forbidden desires of the Sin City,
Succumb to the depths where I, Asmodeus, King of Sodom, Lord of the Nine, shall pierce your flesh, without any pity. “
Your eyes widened as you looked over to the side, shifting your sights over to Sunoo’s side profile. His face resting atop your shoulder, which allowed him to be so close in distance, that your lips grazed over his cheek as you glanced over.
‘Asmodeus…the Prince of Lust…’ You didn’t process how it happened as it came about so quickly, within a blink of an eye, the man’s hands were both twitching on the hardwood floor as he screams and clashes into the walls of your hallway. Shifting both your bodies off to the side so casually, Sunoo holds you by the waist, the door opens on its own. You continued to observe as the man begrudgingly walks out. Looking like a puppet, his moves weee choppy, coerced, and sloppy. “Tell all your friends now. They should be mindful to stay away from here…I would if I were you all.” At the last bit of this words, the door slams shut. Turning you around gently, he looks you over. “Darling, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” He asks in full sincerity. “N-no…I’m fine…thank you….thank you for saving me.” You remarked as you reached up for his chest while staring at the door. “Of course. Now…I was given strict orders to remain here for the night.” He takes both your hands and kisses them. “So that means…” he kisses your hands once more. “We have all night to continue our lessons.” He smiles as he holds on to your hands. You nod as you gazed into his sharp eyes. “Um…yes…I just…” “What is it darling? Tell me, what’s on your mind?” Just as you were going to remake the mess inside, with the pools of blood and the bodies lying on around you both, not to mention a pair of stray hands, still twitching nearby your closet, you looked down to suddenly find that everything was all gone.
The bodies, the blood, the hands, and even the knife…everything was all gone and had disappeared. “What is it darling?” “Oh….nothing.” “Oh that s good. You shouldn’t have to worry about anything. Now….are you ready to learn a thing or two?” His finger drags down your chest in between your breasts. “Yes….I’m ready..”
“Because that she had been married to seven husbands, whom Asmodeus the evil spirit had killed, before they had lain with her. Dost thou not know, said they, that thou hast strangled thine husbands? thou hast had already seven husbands, neither wast thou named after any of them.” Tobit 3:8
C H A P T E R 5 I V E
Taglist: @deobitifull; @solstramaii; @vampiregirl215; @nshmrarki; @enhypen14; @iamliacamila; @lisaaannna; @nikstrange; @jaehaki; @luv-enhy-skz33; @silcry @honeysjae; @crackedcameraa; @stinkmonkey ; @baekxo07
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oneshotnewbie · 1 year
Note
A blurb of Natasha shooting someone that kidnapped you pls?
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Authors note: Just a little blurb today, sorry. The day was really exhausting; I haven't slept almost the whole night and a lot has happened that makes me a little not okay. Nevertheless I hope you like it ♥
---
"Shoot him in the hand." you gasped out of breath as you sat down on your lower legs on the floor; desperately holding the increasingly reddening area on your throat, where a few moments ago his hand tried to take your life.
Natasha looked over her shoulder at your body crouched on the floor; her gun gripped tightly in her hand and aimed at the large and muscular body. Her emerald green eyes were dark and while she would not admit it publicly, they were filled with concern but also relief that she had found you at the right time.
At your statement, her eyebrow furrowed questioningly and her lips pressed together; confused and not knowing why you chose that particular spot. "Why? There are dozens of places to non-fatally shoot someone, and there are much bigger targets too. I could miss the hand."
"Yes, but you won´t." you gasped, slowly finding your voice and letting it successfully escape through the previously pinched airway. "Not when this way comes with the option of destroying his hand forever. He’ll literally never be able to do this to anyone ever again.”
The redhead went insane at the thought of what could have happened to you if she had not tracked down your existence. She had helped to set Alexander Pierce free by trusting him and letting him escape. If Natasha had known that he just wanted out to get revenge on you and kill you in front of her, she would never have let him take a damn foot out of the cell.
But she did and you were gone in less than 24 hours. Pierce had taken you and through torture tried to get information about the whereabouts of the data stick that Fury gave to Steve. You persisted, unwilling to tell him something that could kill your entire crew and instead remained silent. This resulted in masses of broken bones, lacerations and other injuries.
Black Widow, who meanwhile had turned her gaze back to the man in front of her, tilted her head to the side and you could feel her grin even when your back was turned to her. "It’s evil, but it’s so tempting.”
The click of the gun as the redhead loaded her shot gave you a moment of reassurance. Only now had your body dared to safety, adrenaline draining from your veins and allowing you to take along, deep breath.
The soft click of the trigger sounded in the storehouse before the propellant began to explode with the characteristic sound, catapulting the projectile out of the gun´s barrel and accelerating.
The sound of the cartridge case clattering on the concrete behind you mingled with Pierce´s scream of pain as the bullet drilled through his hand; ripping through skin and muscle and shattering his skullcap with a crunching crack.
"Touch her again and I will break your hands and chop your fingers off."
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Too Much
Fandom: Top Gun, Top Gun: Maverick, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, f!reader
Word Count: 1832
TW: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Breakdown, Feeling Overwhelmed
Note: Thanks to the anon who requested this ask. Hangman might be slightly OOC but this is very self-indulgent given the week I've had 😅
Top Gun Masterlist
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Standing at the kitchen sink, you stare blankly straight ahead. This week has been one disaster after another. First, your most reliable teammate at work quit without notice leaving you scrambling to complete not only your work but theirs as well. Next, the washing machine broke, and it was going to be almost a week before someone could come take a look at it. Then today when you came out of the grocery store, you noticed a huge dent in your car door that hadn’t been there when you went in, and no one had left a note. 
And on top of all of that, Jake was being sent on another mission in a few days, leaving you home alone to worry that he might never come back. Just the thought of his impending trip was causing you to have nightmares which then left you too shaken up to fall back asleep. This resulted in you only getting a few hours of sleep for the past three or four nights. It was just too much for you to handle all at once.
You hear the front door open, and you quickly wipe away the tears that were forming in the corners of your eyes. Jake has enough on his plate at the moment, he doesn’t need to worry about you too. Especially not over such trivial things. He needs to keep all of his focus on the upcoming mission.
So, as he walks into the kitchen with a sigh and throws his jacket on the table, you turn and give him a small smile. “Hi, honey. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, those idiots just keep screwing up the mission training. No one besides me has been able to complete the practice run without being shot down and if they don’t shape up, they’re gonna get us all killed.”
You go rigid at the thought, and you bite your lip to try and keep the tears from welling up again. Jake doesn’t seem to notice as he comes over, wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder. “How was your day?”
“Fine,” you say curtly. “I’m almost ready to stick dinner in the oven but it won’t be ready for another hour. I hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jake says distractedly as he stares down at your hand. “What happened here?” He gently twists your wrist so he can see the gauze you had wrapped tightly around your palm.
You pull out of his grasp and try to downplay it as much as possible. “Oh, it’s nothing. I wasn’t paying attention and I cut it while I was chopping the vegetables. But it’s fine.” You didn’t mention the half of a roll of paper towels you went through trying to stop the bleeding or that you had already changed the dressing once. It was just another thing that Jake didn’t need to worry about.
Jake continues to stare at you suspiciously, but he nods as he changes the subject. “So, they want me to leave on Monday instead of Tuesday. They think it’ll be better to give us an extra day onsite to make sure everything’s in order.”
You slowly release a long breath. “Okay. I’ll try and see if I can change those reservations we had to Sunday night instead.” Turning back to tonight’s dinner preparations, you ask, “Do you think the rest of your team will be ready by then if you said they still haven’t completed the run?”
“They better be. Twister still hesitates before taking a shot and Chopper won’t take any risks while flying. He’ll only do by-the-book maneuvers and it makes him just too damn predictable. I keep telling that idiot he’s going to get shot out of the sky immediately if he doesn’t cut that shit out, but he doesn’t listen.”
You chuckle softly, “And I’m sure you were nice and polite about it when you told him.”
Jake grins, “I may or may not have thrown around some choice words and called him a few names, but I think I got my point across.”
As you open your mouth to reply, you pick up a glass off the counter to move it. Unfortunately, because of the thick layer of gauze wrapped around your hand, the glass slips from your grasp and crashes to the floor, shattering instantly.
Jake glances down at it and casually shrugs. “Oops. Oh well. Let me go get you the broom.”
While it seems as if he doesn’t care about the mess, you stare down at the broken glass spread across the floor as if it had been a Fabergé egg or a priceless heirloom. You know it was just a cheap glass from the supermarket, but it is the final straw. Tears start to leak down your face as you stifle a sob.
Jake, who is just about to leave the kitchen to get the broom, turns back to look at you in confusion. “Babe, it’s okay. It was a $3 glass. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I don’t care that it wasn’t expensive! It’s just one more thing going wrong! Why does everything always have to go wrong?” you cry, struggling to keep some sort of composure.
The confusion in Jake’s face deepens. “What are you talking about? What else has been going wrong?”
But instead of answering him, you turn back to the food you were preparing, still trying to hold back your tears. “Nothing. Just…. nothing.”
You can hear Jake crunching over the glass as he approaches you and rests his hands on your shoulders. “Hey. Talk to me.” Yet you just shake your head.
With a sigh, he takes your hand and begins to pull you out of the kitchen, but you resist. “Jake, if I don’t put this in the oven now, we won’t be eating dinner until after nine o’clock.”
“So? We can eat at midnight for all I care. Right now, this is more important.”
Reluctantly, you allow him to lead you over to the couch and pull you down so you are settled on top of his chest, your head resting on his shoulder. As you snuggle back deeper into him, you feel his lips gently brushing across the back of your neck and across your shoulders. “Now, what’s wrong?”
You start to brush him off again, but everything has been building up so much that as soon as you open your mouth it all just comes tumbling out. “Everything’s been going so wrong this week! First work, then the washing machine, then my car, now my hand and the glass! And through everything all I can think about is that you’re about to leave again!”
A sob interrupts your rant, but Jake just holds you tighter as he silently waits for you to continue. “And I’m so tired. I try to sleep but every time I close my eyes, I just see your plane going down. I know you’ve been in risky situations before, but this is so much more dangerous than those. You said they’re predicting you’ll have to get into some real dogfighting. No one’s managed a confirmed take down in almost thirty years. If you get into a fight….” You trail off, unable to actually say the words out loud.
Jake places a long kiss on the back of your neck. “Baby, you know me. I’ve got this.”
“But…. What if you don’t? Don’t get me wrong, I know you are an amazing pilot, and you can out-fly pretty much anyone but all it takes is one small thing to go wrong. I just…. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”
You feel his nose nuzzle gently right behind your ear. “You’re right. It’s gonna be really dangerous and I can’t promise you without a doubt that I’ll make it back. But what I can promise is that you’ll never be out of my mind, and I’ll fight with everything I have to make it back to you. I hope that’s enough.”
He twists you around slightly, so you are now looking directly at him. “But baby, why didn’t you tell me any of this? If something was bothering you, I need to know.”
“Because you’re literally about to go risk your life in just a few days and you need to focus. My stupid little problems in no way compare to that.”
“Your problems aren’t stupid. And yeah, I need to focus, but part of that comes from knowing you’re okay. You do so much for me every single day to make my life easier while making yours harder. I mean, like tonight. You’ve been having a terrible week yet here you are making sure I have dinner when I come home. While I appreciate that, this relationship isn’t supposed to be one sided. It’s not always you give and I take. I know I can be a little self-centered or selfish with other people-”
“A little?” you snort teasingly between tears.
Jake nudges you playfully. “-but I don’t want to be that with you. So, if you’re having a rough time and need me to pick up some of the slack, just say the word.”
You search his face for a moment. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Like right now, what can I do to make you feel better?”
“Can we just sit here together for a bit?” you ask.
Jake smiles and presses a kiss to your temple. “If that’s what my baby wants, that’s what my baby gets.” He pulls you back against his chest once again and you bury your face into his neck. The two of you just lay wrapped in each other’s arms, safe and relaxed. And soon, with the beat of his heart against your back and the soft brush of his breath on your cheek, you drift off into a dreamless sleep.
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You are awakened by the smell of something burning. Opening your eyes, you instantly notice the layer of smoke that has filled the room. Glancing over toward the kitchen, you see Jake standing there holding the blackened, charred remains of the dish you had prepared earlier. Cursing under his breath, he attempts to close the oven door with his foot, but he almost topples over instead.
You giggle at his antics and his head shoots up to see that you are awake. Grinning sheepishly, he holds out the pan. “Dinner’s ready.”
You climb off the couch and walk over to him, noticing all the glass has been swept up. You close the oven door with a smirk before glancing down at the ruined dish then back up to him. “So, this is you picking up the slack, huh?”
Jake shrugs. “Hey, I tried! But why don’t we just agree now that the nights you don’t feel like making dinner, I’ll just stop and pick something up on the way home.”
You smile as you lean in for a kiss. “Sounds like a plan.”
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switch-writer · 5 months
Note
Could I request Lee and Ler Buggy the clown hcs? (I'm so sorry)
Buggy The Clown Tickle Headcanons
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A/N: I’ve seen both the live action and anime and we NOSE that BUGGY IS ON TOP 🗣️ So I had a lot of fun writing these HCs, I’ve been busy recently so I liked writing these in my spare time. So, do enjoy and feel free to request more! 💙
• Okay. First off, he isn’t usually the type to start tickling, it’s rare if he does, and if he did, it’d be within his first mate(s) due to the fact it’s silly and he likes to be a bit more feared. Tickling doesn’t help that usually.
• On the off chance he does choose to tickle someone first, he will constantly have a big grin on his face.
• “Oh? Repeat that again. Please. I dare you.”
• He will detach/chop(?) his hands and hover them above whoever it is, wiggling his fingers all dramatically.
• He also likes using his detached hands to sneak one hand behind someone and poke/tickle them from behind to be sneaky.
• When he was growing up with Shanks, he would probably get easily offended (though that hasn’t changed) and then tickle Shanks to get back at him.
• He likes to occasionally detach his hand and poke someone to get their attention then act all innocent as if he didn’t send a little electric sensation through someone for the fun of it.
• Buggy however is someone who usually doesn’t full on tickle someone, he’s too ‘feared’ to do that… BUT. If he does, he likely was provoked and is doing anything for you to take back whatever you said.
• So on this rare chance, he will constantly be changing spots, tickling you all over and sporadically. He also doesn’t have a gentle touch, so his tickles are messy and meant to make you burst out laughing.
• Won’t stop until you take it back so he can fix his wounded ego.
• Buggy when he’s on the receiving end however. He’s honestly going to be a moody/pouty child after receiving tickles.
• Besides the moodiness, he is certainly ticklish and will burst out laughing with simple scratches towards a spot.
• Soft/very gentle tickles throw him for a loop and confuse him. He doesn’t expect it to be gentle so it throws him off, but he finds it slightly more tolerable.
• He’s the type to flail his arms or be smacking his fist on the ground to make it more bearable.
• Snorts a fair amount. He also always has a loud laugh. He naturally is very loud, so you have zero chance for him to be quiet.
• Probably someone who needs to sit or lay down or else he’ll just tumble to the floor and roll around. He gets very weak from tickles.
• Buggy will probably be recovering for a bit after being tickled, but give him 30 seconds and he’ll whip his head around and scold whoever tickled him afterwards.
• He’ll squirm as if you’re murdering him, he will thrash and kick his legs like crazy, and his hair will be all over the place. He’ll look like he was just in a tornado.
• Buggy can’t handle anticipation in the SLIGHTEST. He will start squirming and practically shrieking at you to quit thinking about what you’re about to do and probably try and have a boxing match with you.
• Revenge is very common with Buggy. Its a way for him to gain his pride back.
• His weak/worst spots are probably his soles and his belly. Although, a honorable mention would be his ribs.
• Despite the pouting/hurt pride and all, he actually admires the bravery and will comment on it. Thats his way of saying he’s fine with what happened afterwards and excusing it.
• However, usually after that, he’d quickly shift gears and go running after you to get you back.
• In short, he’ll be angry and pissy. If you’re someone like Shanks? He’ll tolerate it… He needs the trust aspect to find it alright and allow the vulnerability.
• Don’t get cocky however, his hands will always manage to catch up with you.
Hopefully you enjoyed!
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