#he’s not ugly you guys are just mean :

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

He's a Beautiful Butterfly!

#tgcf #hua cheng #xie lian #In a moment of perfect seridipity; this was on the same page as my forgotten pahknohk redraw. #Butterfly creature hua cheng is one of my favourite doodles to do when I'm sitting around waiting for something or in a long meeting #They are all very silly and he is always having a good time. As he should be. #'OP Why?' I am once again putting it out in the universe that all the poorly drawn characters are 3-7 cm tall. They are all creatures. #If you wanna see pretty; ask to see San Lang. He's just the normaliest guy ever! #Hua Cheng in particular deserves to be a lot more monstrous and uncanny. Love me some uncanny HC designs #I also do want to reflect on the fact that initially I was like 'Dang his esteem is so low - he should be genuinely monstrous.' #then i realized 'oh god he's just like me for real (grew up ugly and unwanted and now can't reconcile with being Not That as an adult)'. #Growing up pretty privilege is not doubting what the hell people mean by complementing you. Why are you lying. What do you want. #Shout out to all of us insecure creatures. We'll get there eventually <3

[front-facing-pokemon]

#palpitoad #this is SLIGHTLY more respectable than tympole? significantly. more respectable. but i still do not respect him very much #only a little #everyone's asking me why i'm being so mean on the tympole tags but all you have to do is LOOK AT IT #AND THAT'LL TELL YOU WHY LOOK AT ITS FACE. ITS EYES. ITS EYEBROWS???? THE MOUTH. GROSS #and the “stop this shit at ONCE!!!!!” is a jerma reference. ok #i don't remember why i was THAT mean considering i wrote those tags on the sixteenth and i'm updating these now today but #i mean i still think it's JUSTIFIED LOOK AT IT!!!! IT'S SO UGLY #SEE TUMBLR USER MEOWSTIX AGREES WITH ME. GREAT URL BY THE WAY YOU ALL ARE JUST HATERS OF ME BEING A HATER #“you guys are bullying a literal tadpole” ok but do you know what tadpoles do? they turn people into mindflayers. case closed #tympole would absolutely be the type to try to turn me into a mindflayer are you kidding me? he wants to go inside my brain #and turn me into a palpitoad. this is tympole's dream. do we want to let them take over the world like this? instate the Grand Design? no

[1unatica]

I need to stop religiously checking the murderdock tag it might be an issue

#he means so much to me #i want him DEAD #i hate him #holy fuck i hate him #he’s so silly though :(( #i need him beat to death with a 2 by 4 #he’s like an ugly bug that you step on 8 times #someone should kill him #sorry guys i just needed to express my mixed feelings #Murderdock

[qcomicsy]

Listen I like Tim and Steph but I don't go there, however.

Sometimes I remember that one monologue from the Diane of Bojack Horseman when her ex-husband got another girlfriend and think about Steph wondering how did she not have a mental breakdown regarding her and Tim breakup until today.

Because if Red Robin is still cannon and I was her I would have very much a mental breakdown eventually.

Monologue under the cut

"You accidentally see your soon-to-be-ex-husband kiss someone else. At first you think, oh, it's a fing. Whatever. They're drunk. It's a party. But then he puts his hand on the small of her back exactly the way he used to do to you. It means, "I got you." And when he did it to you, it made you feel safe. And you realize he will never do that to you again. And it breaks your heart again. After you thought your heart was so broken that it could never get any more broken. You thought it was safe. But it somehow finds a new way to break. Because even though you're the one who asked for this, now that you've got it you are completely adrift. With no compass, or map"

#like– just broke it off and didn't even explained to her the reason #they've dated for so long an in and out and got broken up and together again and then suddenly he breaks up with you for real and shows up #with a totally different boyfriend and then you realize. Yeah it's actually over. It's definitely over. #And he's happy and says to everybody how happy he is and how he finally found himself and you get wrapped up in his confusing past #confronting the fact that the person you dated years was someone who wasn't ready yet to be full himself with you now he even realized he #wasn't being his full self with you #and then theres his friends and his best friend– #I mean man. #I would very much #despite how much I liked the guy and am happy for him eventually have a real ugly cry about that #and before someone has any doubt no I'm not against timbern in fact I like timbern very much and am happy for Tim and absolutely love their #dynamic #but I think about steph sometimes #platonic timsteph #q rambles #q rants

[druidshollow]

"what would your character be like without their trauma?" is such a hard question for me because it makes me feel like a massive asshole LMAO

(im attaching a picture of a tundra literally to add context to my ramble in the tags because my posts are structured by a sane person) (you should read the ramble in the tags i talk so much about rivers fsr)

#like. rivers would probably just purpose funky things for the hell of it and study lizards and stuff #i think environmentalism would matter to him since he was created long before the great equalizer when there was like. actually a view #have you guys ever looked at a tundra for real theyre so pretty. i think the colours would be funkier though #purples and blues along with the reds and oranges i think but id have to draw it tio be sure its not ugly #anyways. rivers would probably be interested in nature conservation especially since the ancients destroyed the world- #but the iterators construction obviously had a massive part in that so hed feel ownership #him and glass wouldve got along VERY well in this circumstance since that matters a lot to her (specifically animal conservation though) #but at the same time glass doesnt exist without rivers trauma right. she cant exist if flowers isnt in his life because he Literally built #her (glass) just to be mean to rivers #doomed for real #i....... want them to be friends in the walky au. my massive block is trying to think of some reason nights Needs to leave his can because #he wouldnt if not required. and glass just wouldnt leave him. in no circumstance would they willingly separate from eachothers company #theyd ALSO need to be really fast because the only opportunity nights would get to get out is when odyssey goes to him to help her build #the weapon she needs to kill dune. (odyssey has the gift. the twins dont know anyone else who does((other than phrases obvsly))) #this happens a considerable amount of time after phrases and rivers escape. they have like. a month's time on them #odysseys like “if you guys are for real about leaving do NOT go straight south. dont. dont. dont. youre like 2 feet tall you WILL die” #nights is like “DEAR GOD SERIAL KILLERS??????” and glass is like “wtf youre only like a foot taller than us” #anyways i think glass and rivers would get along and rivers has a positive arc here right and realizes hes wrong and hes glad he didnt. #kill the twins. yeah its good you didnt do that dude #i jsut really really think theyd get along if rivers had the chance to associate her with anything but flowers horrid treatment of him #because in the normal story all he sees when he sees her is flowers. and like flowers could the twins can tap into his work and see his #files and logs and such whenever they wanted. they didnt do this very often- glass really never looked at rivers work unless she was told t #but rivers was just made SO paranoid by flowers abuse that thinking of being watched makes him feel sick and horrible #and his whole thing is trying to find a way to feel less horrible right so thats (part of) why he decides to get rid of them #hm. if rivers wassnt traumatized hed like nature and creatures. anyways #oc posting #look to the tags for the oc posting

[quietwingsinthesky]

Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!

There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!

I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)

And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.

#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive #at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just #makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection. #he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up #hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess. #and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the #parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the #time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this #part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is. #he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this. #Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who #can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him #being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and #then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation. #it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody. #maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now. #spn #dean winchester #tw abuse

[derpinette]

i have this "alter ego" that only exists in my head where essentially i am a fat sloppy drunk old fisherman with no loved ones living in misery & isolation & i often imagine myself as him especially in moments of patheticness

#& he is always a fisherman not a farmer not a fisherwoman either ( too badass... ) #past life ?! caus my ♯azn side was all fishers & stuff like my grandfather ETC but like all of them looked anorexic instead of fat so #also i imagine the guy as kind of vaguely mediterranean looking so maybe not because that side of my family are mountain farmers #when i read the old man & the sea ( i hate hemingway BTW ♯NotPete ♯ActuallyMikey ) ( uhm sorry about that... ) #i was like this is my life/future if it was better... 🚬 But that was a good while after i was already thinking of myself like that #closest thing i felt to a kin moment is when we analyzed miss brill like wow me & i am not even old that is genuinely just my life #as a (at the time) seventeen year old. & also carol ledoux from repulsion literally 100% only i am an ugly freak instead of beautiful #i pretty much never think of myself as myself in my head & actually never when i was younger up until age 9 i remember vividly #& i just had this thought while making my lazy “bite sized” onigiri ( bowl of seasoned rice +tunamayo +vache qui rit +avocado +spoon ) #but even when i make the non lazy version i get so overwhelmed & irritated & SLOPPY i feel like a drunk old man with nothing to #live for #anyone else feel like this sometimes... #if any of you weeaboos judge my terminology by the way i will kill myself just FYI #IDCCCC about the actual name you know what i mean. quasi poke bowl but each “component” has its own dish. whatever OK...

[hella1975]

im so easy when it comes to immoral characters like okay do you bear your pain terribly? get behind me

#fandom is looking at a traumatised guy and going 'they deserved better' #but let me fucking TELL you if that guy goes on to let their trauma absolutely mutilate them then im gonna be there #bad victims etc etc #bear it terribly. bear it ugly and mean. bear it with your teeth stained by innocents that had nothing to do with the slaughter #let it make you worse. lash out. kick down. become the terrible thing #im defending that guy until the end of time #touya todoroki #andrew minyard #touya is the closest anyone has come to andrew in a very long time for me when it comes to this #like andrew is THEE baseline of this ive never seen anything like the way he does it #he was treated terribly and it made him terrible. shamelessly. he took the bad thing and decided to be worse for it #and while it's unsustainable in a person it's so fucking cathartic for a reader to just see that happening despite the tragedy of it #it's touya stood over his abuser and ripping his world apart with his bare hands while laughing #because he spent 10 years in hell for this moment. this single moment. and the audience and the characters call him a monster #it's andrew threatening his own cousin at knifepoint to defend a stranger's integrity simply because that is one of andrew's lines #and you do not cross them. no one ever will again. and the audience and the characters call him a monster #it's watching people who were treated awfully refuse to swallow that pain. refuse to forgive. refuse to move on #it's watching them embrace the wreckage of it and self-destruct either in one glorious explosion or gradually over years #because they are willingly choosing to live this way instead of getting over it. they are rejecting healing with their eyes open #because they were hurt so badly that healing now seems like a denial of that pain #and then u get to read fanfiction where they heal and are acknowledged for what they suffered and u cry and cry and cry <3

[shittywriterbrain]

me: yeah, i like this character a lot, especially their monologues

also me whenever that character opens their mouth: shut up. shut the fuck up. who asked

#this is about hamlet and franz von moor thank you #tragic: no one in my drama class can appreciate franz #i mean. hes an asshole. and his mental health issues dont justify his actions #but hes neglected by his father. always compared to his genius handsome brother karl. told that hes ugly and dumb and will die and #be forgotten #and then he decides to get back at karl and his father but in the process he just drowns in his own shit #he has a monologue about it. how all humans are is morass. (his surname meaning bog/swamp. btw. smth smth sinking in his own morass) #and in the end after he realises hes thrown all humanity overboard he kills himself so he wont submit to heaven #and the entire play hes incredibly bitchy. and cringy. and he talks A Lot #yes he was disgusting towards amalia. im not trying to defend that. i mean amalia had the upper hand in All of their interactions #but still. that was incel behavior and cant be excused #but i am so fucking obsessed with this guy and the deterioration of his mental state #which no one but me seems to be able to appreciate or even see. like come on #anyway. hes blorbo from my german classics #hamlet #franz von moor

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

they just didn't have to write him as "a great philanthropist"; "a generous benefactor of the empire bay planetarium"; "frequent officer of the empire bay press guild"; "a frequent target of political slander and false arrest because of generosity towards the press"

and at the same time write him as the first of the others to organize drug trafficking; a man who tried to kill all his competitors; "a shady bastard, even for guys in this business"; "ruthless modernizer"; a man who secretly views his close friend as a liability; "the man who killed his own boss" to take his place

"few will moan moretti's passing" from the lost heaven's newspapers and there's nothing like that in the cut-out news reports about carlo's death

#like do you remember . “Micky the Crab” who was falcone's soldier and whom falcone eventually left to clean the fucking toilets #when the guy lost almost all his fingers #and ofc i don't think this whole charade with charity and the press is sincere (can sense 100% money laundering w charity here) but #i think he still felt some appreciation for empire bay bc this city accepted & raised him instead of sicily #i believe that there were also good intentions with the planetarium and maybe other things #maybe not everything was just a money laundering #“your teeth are a gift from god u can sink them into anyone's flesh and call it an act of giving” this is what i mean #that fact that his fucking (ugly but still) MANSION is in a poor residential area it just feels like a slap #violently shaking carlo by his shoulders WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! (gets shot right after) #the fact that he had a reputation as a shady guy among the mafia and a reputation as a philanthropist in society . carlo. why r u like this #this man is a fucking contradiction in some absolutely fucked up gross way and it's killing me. wouldn't want him any other way tho #m2 #like can you imagine. if he actually felt warm towards empire bay. can you imagine if he was actually interested in making this place bette #but still organized the drug trade(which is objectively even worse than a racket) #love mixed with selfishness and violence and greed and and in the end it's creation mixed with destruction #sorry i can't get my thoughts into sentences that make sense all this week #but this contrast is killing me and i think about it a lot and i just wanted to put it together in a compilation

[selkiecoded]

okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds

#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys #im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF) #+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as: #I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone #but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring) #but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying. #right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch) #(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation) #but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner?? #it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!! #in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes #but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek.. #the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad... #follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical #(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.) #god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog #lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc #go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them?? #and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum #SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY

[nowendil]

i wish i was normal about that old man. instead of feeling like ripping him apart like a cat with a piece of cardboard. i'm hanging off his pantleg like a chihuahua with behavioural issues. i wanna throw him our of the window

#he's literally just some guy. he's literally just some middle aged four time divorcee & a self proclaimed womanizer. who cares #but also he dresses so ugly and so often. and he does it so well. he is like. 170cm or something. under 6 ft of glorious eyesore outfits #he linked his brainwaves with his boy bestie's so they'd always find each other no matter the time or place. he used to be an astronaut????? #and the show tries to make me believe that he wouls be an admiral. in the navy. a real decorated officer. what #i simply will not accept it because it makes no sense for his character. at least where i am right now with the series #maybe they completely chabge is character on later seasons idk #he had a crisis about being attracted to his bestie on screen?? and then he just. went to therapy and it went away? #anyway. what the hell was that #they linked brainwaves. they have a “our song”. “they are that close? / just like me and you.” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT NEED ME” #these two dont even need to kiss or anything whatever the hell they have going on right now is way funnier #quantum leap

[britneyshakespeare]

You know. Sorry for another sporadic unprompted post about that friend who has caused me so much trauma in the past year. But I remember this one time his old high school friend I met once, he's really nice I liked him a lot. Cool guy. But he lives far away so they don't meet up a lot but they text. One time he sent this friend some pictures of us that were taken at a cooking class that he'd been bothering me into going to despite that it was all the way in Boston, there was a lot of walking to get to it, etc. And I was like constantly feeling sick and run down and exhausted from having Covid recently. He texted his friends those pictures of the two of us and his friend asked "Are you and Diana dating lol" like pretty innocently but honestly curious.

And he just replied "Are you fucking high" and he showed me and told me about it. Like. Like it was uncomfortable for HIM to be asked that.

Like his response isn't SUPER INSULTING TO ME.

#and also just really fucking mean to that friend. like???? WHO TALKS LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE #his friend was like 'oh lol sorry. but itd be cute if you were' like why make him ashamed of asking a normal ass question??? #the way this guy was possessive over me and entitled to my constant attention youd THINK he was my fucking boyfriend #this anecdote is actually a good example of how even if you just do smth completely normal (in this case asking a question) #but he doesn't like it he'll just turn it on you and make you feel wrong or crazy. FOR NOTHING #he doesn't reflect at all on the insulting unthinking ways he treats ppl either. why would he? he's always right #and if he's ever not right it's always someone else's fault somehow. #that's why i can't bring up any of this shit to him. his response is always 'well you couldve just told me' but no #NO ONE CAN TELL YOU ANYTHING BC YOUR ANGER AND EMOTIONS ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S RESPONSIBILITY!!! #motherfucker has no idea what the word imposing means #tales from diana #i truly loathe this little boy bitch baby #'are you fucking high' it's funny bc that makes it sound like he'd never be attracted to me #it's very likely he was. i hate to be like this but im not FUCKING UGLY AND HATED BY EVERYONE?? UNLOVABLE??? #im found attractive by ppl pretty often and im not offended by it. #but hed get so weird whenever someone expressed interest in me #one time he humiliated this guy i barely knew by telling him he knew that guy asked me out for valentine's day. #the fuck???? why are you making that guy explain it to you??? it wasn't WEIRD. i just said no you FREAK #makes human beings feel ashamed of human emotions bc he doesn't have any of his own.

[todayisafridaynight]

DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭

NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3

#snap chats #ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO #the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream #and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened #it just the build up ig.... anyways... #I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW #AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG #when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine #it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :) #the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍‍♂️ #right after asking about the exam 🧍‍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me.... #my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it.... #call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3 #anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those #and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards #so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL #what a day... it's no one's day today apparently..... #anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes... #did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...

[quietwingsinthesky]

funniest part of spn fandom is when people go “ugh i can’t STAND sam (or dean) because he’s so self-righteous and annoying and selfish and mean to his brother-” as if these are not traits that apply to them both equally. putting aside that yes, sometimes characters will be characters and have aspects of them that bring them into conflict with other characters, (even characters you might like! scary!) the show’s been off the air for like four years now, can we not all just admit at this point that 99% of brother favoritism isn’t about who they are as characters and is more about which one you find hot or which one’s daddy issues you were able to relate to more.

#spn #its just so funny to me how transparent it can be like. ‘sam is so fucking annoying i hate him. also i find him ugly and dean is so hot.’ #or ‘why is dean such a piece of shit. i dont think about what he’s going through ever btw because sam had it worse’ #this is the stupidest thing in the fandom. guys its the brothers show. you kind of do have to at least understand where both of the brothers #are coming from. else the whole emotional impact of them sacrificing themselves for each other and returning to each other despite how much #they do to hurt each other and in the end that love being what saves and damns the world time and time again. i mean. you miss out on that. #dont you? if all you can think about is that you think sam is a whiny selfish baby and that dean is an asshole who doesn’t care about anyone

[derpinette]

whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them

#you know since i have bangs #just leave me alone freakazoid LEAVE ME ALOOOONEEEEE #they always say i seem scared Hm probably because i am now PISS OFF #guy two days ago ( skipping today & had a free day yesterday ) entered the same class as me & tried to chat me up #did not look back at him or bother to remember his name but i shook his hand:-/ i feel compelled to not leave people hanging #felt like self immolating after He was like are you always this stiff & quiet you seem scared do you have problems #yes i do & that problem is you FUCK OFF & now he knows my name & face but IDK his i am so goddamn retarded #i just kept answering in shrugs & IDKs but what i should have done is use my FFP ( Foreigner Face Privilege ) & pretend not to understand #but since i am an english major he would have just switched to bothering me in english UGHHH WHY CAN I NOT SAY NO #i feel really disgusted with myself RN #skipped today because i am too freaked out about everything trying to come down from heart palpitations i really hate when this happens #i always feel too anxious to go after i wish i lived in a female only world but also i feel really ugly lately too #which means it should be illegal for me to go outside #also i missed my bus right by like 5 seconds the moment i was about to cross the road it flashed away so... #i took it as a sign to not go ( after waiting for ~15+ minutes... sorry i am a quitter but not that fast )