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#he’s so talented and handsome he deserves so much more recognition than he gets for the roles he plays
hyunjining · 2 years
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actually genuinely depressing how so many people don’t realize that louis was the driving force behind 1d and they never would have been what they were without him
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babybluebex · 1 year
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Fic of reader dating Jamie but she gets so much hate after the ST release, like how she’s not good enough for him and too ugly, and she breaks up with Jamie because she can’t handle it. She doesn’t tell him the real reason why she broke up with him and they meet up by accident a couple of months later and it’s like this big thing where it’s so dramatic and you can feel the love between them. And whatever happens next is up to you!! Do they get back together, does she tell him the truth, has he moved on? Angst, fluff, smut, whatever you want!! Thank you :))
𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 | 𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you break up with jamie, thinking it’s for the best, but, after you reunite months later, he helps you see how wrong you were. 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jamie campbell bower (rpf) x fem!reader 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: angst, break ups, happy ending 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: this is my first jamie fic and i’m so excited to share it eek!! i hope you all enjoy it!
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You knew that, once Stranger Things dropped, everything would change. And you were right. 
Up until then, you and Jamie had lived in relative anonymity— every so often, you’d get someone who recognized him from Twilight, sometimes the lone fan who asked for an autograph from the singer of Counterfeit, but, after Stranger Things, that became a daily occurrence. You couldn’t leave your house without having someone stop you for a picture, and you loved that Jamie was finally getting the recognition he deserved. 
What you didn’t love, though, were the comments. Jamie was a natural at taking things in stride, any ugly comments about his performance or looks being cast aside like water off of a duck’s back— he had been doing this for a lot longer than you had been and had perfected not caring. It didn’t take very long for you to figure out that people didn’t like you, though. For one reason or another, it seemed that the vast majority of Jamie’s fans were not a fan of you; under every post Jamie made that had you in it, even just in the background, someone had something to say. 
ew, why is she there? or jamie deserves someone better or i bet she’s using him for his money. The first few hate comments were funny and you had laughed at them, but it started to take a toll on you. Maybe you weren’t good enough for the handsome and talented Jamie Campbell Bower. Maybe he did deserve someone better, funnier, prettier than you. 
It broke your heart when you ended things with him, but it was necessary. You rarely fought when you were together— even when you did, you managed to keep cool heads and resolve it within the night— which made the break up all the more painful. When you closed your eyes, you could still see Jamie’s big blue eyes, rimmed with red as he held back tears, pleading with you. “Darling, why?” he had asked, his voice scratchy and distraught. “What’s happened? What’s changed?” 
“Nothing’s happened,” you lied to him. “I just think we might be better off seeing other people. I…” You swallowed thickly, and your heart rammed itself painfully into your throat. You needed to make sure that there wasn’t a fight, that Jamie wouldn’t beg and grovel for you to come back; you needed to hurt him. It was the most painful thing you ever said, the words feeling like daggers as they left your soft mouth: “I don’t love you anymore.” 
“That’s bullshit,” Jamie said instantly. “Please just talk to me, I can help you—”
“No, you can’t,” you told him, your voice shaking. “I’ve made my decision. I don’t love you anymore, and I’m not going to sit here any longer and lie to you that I do.” 
“You’re lying to me now!” Jamie exclaimed. “Wh-What about last night? I thought— You said—”
“I know what I said,” you told him, and you did. Sweaty bodies, limbs entangled, his mouth pressed against your breast, you had told him “I’ll always love you”, and you had meant it with your full heart. “But I didn’t mean it.”
“So, what, are you just using me for sex at this point?” Jamie asked, his eyes narrowing. “Is that it? You don’t love me, but you’ll fuck me? And now I guess you’re bored of that now too? Fuck, you’re heartless, you know that?” 
“Better heartless than a liar,” you told him. You sighed and crossed your arms over your chest, feigning annoyance in a way that made your chest hurt. If you could, you would take back everything and run into his arms, but you needed to hold out. He deserved better than you. “Jamie, listen to me: I’ve made up my mind about this weeks ago, I’ve just been waiting for the right time to tell you. And last night got me thinking about it, so—” You shrugged, and you watched his thin face fall completely, becoming an emotionless mask. 
“Get out,” Jamie told you. “If you don’t care anymore, I don’t either. Go to your flat or wherever the fuck you find yourself, I don’t care, just get out of my house.” 
It took everything in you to delete his number from your phone, but it was for the best. You watched as every trace of you was deleted off of his social media, and you saw the fan response almost instantly. did jamie finally break up with her? Someone tweeted. took him long enough. A post from some low-brow gossip site asked Has Jamie Campbell Bower And Longtime Girlfriend Called It Quits? The comments under it were blistering, seemingly endless sighs of relief and declarations of good, she was fugly anyway. 
What you didn’t expect out of everything, though, was the song. You woke up one morning a few weeks later to texts from your friends, asking what you thought about Jamie’s new song, and you had groggily pulled up YouTube and found it. It was called Heartless, and it was an anger-laced song with low, crunchy guitars, where Jamie begged for answers: “Any truth will do/Your crooked lies blast me through/You’re so heartless but I still love you.” 
You couldn’t help yourself— you turned to Twitter. Jamie had tweeted out a simple link to the video, and the comments under it were ruthless. jesus did SHE break up with him?? does she think she can do better or something? Nothing satisfied the mob, and you cried as the full gravity settled on your shoulders. Nothing would satisfy them. You had broken up with Jamie, pushed away the love of your life, over something as trivial as anonymous online hate. And you had broken his heart so thoroughly that his one solace, his music, had been corrupted by you. It made you sick.
You never intended to see Jamie again. Los Angeles was a big city, and you didn’t anticipate ever finding yourself in a room with him again. You knew that, if you ever did see him again, it would take everything in you to not run back to him, and you knew that you weren’t strong enough for that. 
Which made seeing him again suck so much more. 
You had just wanted a drink, and you made the mistake of assuming that he wouldn’t turn up at the bar. It had been your place first, after all, you had shown it to him, and you had assumed that he would avoid places that reminded him of you. But, as you sat in the back corner, away from prying eyes, you saw the shock of blond hair that made your stomach flip. 
Jamie looked good. Tall, dressed in all black, his hair done in that perfectly undone way that you knew took either a whole team of people or forty-five minutes alone in the mirror to achieve. You used to giggle at him when he would fuss over his hair so much, but he liked your teasing. His dark roots were showing, and you frowned at it; he wasn’t taking care of himself. He could look as put together as he wanted, but you knew the real him, and he was regular about touching up his signature blond tresses. He was slowly falling apart without you, and it only made you feel worse.
Jamie spotted you just as you were getting up to leave, and you swallowed thickly as you willed him not to come over. That tiny bit of resolve you still had begged him to stay to himself, but his eyes raked over your form before he made his long-legged stride over to you. 
“Hey,” He said simply. Hey? After everything, that’s all he had to say?
“Hi there,” you said. “I was on my way out—”
“I know,” Jamie said. “I was just hoping we could… I don’t know. Talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you,” you told him. “I’ve said everything I want to.”
“But that’s not fair, is it?” Jamie asked. He lowered his eyes for a moment as he composed himself, and he calmly said, “You say what you want but don’t give me the chance to respond?” 
“I think you’ve responded plenty,” you said, eyes thin with anger. “How many streams does Heartless have now? Great song, by the way, I really liked how you made me seem like a cunt to everyone.” 
“I’m sorry,” Jamie told you on a sigh. “You don’t deserve that, but I just… I think you need to know how badly you hurt me.”
“Believe me,” you muttered. “I know.” A moment passed, and you took a deep breath. “I meant for it to.” 
Jamie’s face screwed up with confusion, and he said, “What do you mean?” 
“I don’t—” you started, and you edged past him in order to leave. You couldn’t get into it with him at that moment, or else you risked everything falling apart. The less he knew, the better. You heard him call your name from behind you as you left the bar, and you cringed at the downpour that you met outside. It hardly ever rained in LA, and you hadn’t seen any impending rainstorm on the forecast, so you were shit out of luck for a coat or umbrella. You crossed your arms over your chest to keep yourself warm as you started the walk back to your flat, but a familiar warm hand shot out and grabbed at you before you could make it very far. 
“What did you mean by that?” Jamie sputtered in the rain. “You meant for it to hurt, what does that mean?”
“Jamie,” you sighed. “I don’t wanna get into this—”
“Well, that’s too bad,” Jamie said. “Because I do. What’re you doing, why’re you running away? You lied to me, something happened to make you break up with me, and I just, I can’t figure out what. I’ve tried and tried and tried to understand, to come up with anything, but I’m coming up empty. What happened? Tell me the truth!” 
“Nothing happened!” you told him, and the lie burned on its way out like acid. “I just don’t love you anymore!”
“Okay, no!” Jamie exclaimed. “That is bullshit, and you know how I know?”
“How do you know?” you asked. “How could you possibly know more about my emotions than I do?” 
“You have never once lied to me,” Jamie said, his grip on your arm tight. “No white lies, nothing of the sort, and suddenly you’re lying over something huge like suddenly falling out of love with me? You’re keeping secrets from me and not— Y-You always talked to me! We were so good, and suddenly it means nothing? I don’t believe it for a second.”
“Can we not do this now?” you asked. You were shivering in the rain and Jamie’s hair was stuck to his face in wet patches, but he shook his head quickly. 
“No, we’re doing this now,” Jamie told you. “I’m tired of not knowing. Don’t lie to me; did you meet someone else?” 
“What?” you seethed. “What makes you think that there’s someone else?”
“It’s the only thing I can think of that explains why you’re acting like this,” Jamie said. “You met someone else and he’s doing more for you than I could. I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend to you, but I thought that I was at least enough—”
“Stop it,” you said. You sniffled and finally let your tears fall, hot as they rolled down your cheeks, and you wiped your nose on your arm. “You were enough, J, you were more than enough! You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had—”
Jamie let out a growl of frustration. “Then why don’t you love me?” he asked. The question, asked with those big baby blues full of tears and the tip of his nose all red, shattered your aching heart, and you jerked your arm out of his hand. 
“I do!” you finally admitted. “Is that what you want to hear? I do love you, and I’ve never stopped. I lied to you because… Because I was tired, okay? I was fucking exhausted of getting shit on everyday by everyone, and I thought that leaving you would make it stop, but it didn’t! It only made it worse, and then you had to go write that fucking song…” You trailed off, sniffling and sobbing, and Jamie’s face softened. “Everyone hates me, and I thought that…” You couldn’t even say the words out loud. You thought that leaving him would fix it.
Jamie watched you for a moment, taking in every part of you, and he dragged you into him with a tight hug. His warm chest was a comfort, and you cried as you threw yourself fully into him. His hand cradled the back of your head as he held you, and you nestled your cheek into his chest, just over his thumping heart. 
“When you told me you didn’t love me,” Jamie started, his voice low and rough. “It felt like you had driven a stake through my heart. You hurt me, and I never wanted to see you again. But… Darling… All of this because people don’t like you?”
“It’s okay,” you whispered. “You can call me stupid or heartless or whatever you want to; I deserve it.” 
“No, you don’t,” Jamie said gently. His palm moved to your cheek, and he cradled your face as he titled your head up to look at him, into his achingly beautiful blue eyes. “You deserve none of this. I’m so sorry that I didn’t see this before.” 
“It’s not something you should’ve been worried about,” you mumbled. “You have your own life—” 
“Obviously it was something to be worried about, if this is how it ended,” Jamie said. “I’m so sorry.” 
“Please don’t say that,” you told him. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I-I’m totally at fault here. I know how you feel about me, but, please, if any part of you still loves me—”
Jamie silenced you with a kiss. His lips pressed to yours harshly, kissing you deeply, imbuing every ounce of love that he had in his body into it. You held him tightly, kissing him back, your lips moving together perfectly. It was as if you had never parted; your lips still remembered his. 
When you broke away, you nestled your head underneath his chin, and you whispered, “Please take me home.”
“Of course,” Jamie whispered. “I’d do anything for you.”
A fat raindrop fell onto his forehead, and you giggled lightly, still sniffling away your tears. “With the rain, it’s like our own dumb little romance movie, huh?” you asked, and Jamie tilted his head a bit.
“Is it raining?” Jamie asked, and you melted under his fond gaze. He was smiling, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked. “I hadn’t noticed.” 
“Fuck, you’re so cheesy,” you breathed, and you dragged him back down into another kiss. “I love you, Jamie.” 
“I love you too,” Jamie whispered. “Please don’t ever make me doubt that again.” 
“Never,” you told him. “Never, ever again… And, fuck, I actually love the song. I think it’s your best yet.” 
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jangmi-latte · 7 months
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What is ur opinion on my son, sebek zigvolt :3
(I'm bored so heehee :3)
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I THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME BACK TO LIFE WITH THIS WONDERFUL QUESTION AND SIT BACK BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE LONG
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sebek is just, wow. honestly, he's a really interesting character to me; most especially with his development since his debut in the game to what's currently happening in the main chapters. i can not fathom enough how much potential there is for sebek to just grow. and despite his strong mentality, loyalty, and perseverance, he's still young. i see his motivation to be so fruitful and raw.
but of course, everyone has their own flaws. sebek is a decisive man and has the tendency to be close-minded when it comes to certain opinions that revokes against anything when it comes to malleus. however, again, he can still grow. most especially when he really tried his best to go against malleus' ideals when he overblotted. otherwise, when it comes to objective topics, sebek is honestly a group member i'd like to have in a group project. he's just really, astoundingly, reliable. just a bit more work on communication and teamwork and he's ideal. and he's someone i don't want to go against with when it comes to debates KSJUDHIUHFJUIOSFH i feel like i'd CRY
in his personal story, i can tell he's good at listening when need it be. he's also a really good observer. he's the epitome of the guard he wanted to be but he can be blind and deaf at times. it's just something that makes him inherently humane of him. he brings out more of being a human than fae. he's also straightforward and honest, i find that a bonus. you can't catch this man lying at ALL.
i can also tell he's been raised really well by his parents and was really loved – and probably had a childhood he deserved. his parents would provide as much childhood they can give to him and his siblings. all his stories about his childhood just warms my heart so imagine how broken i was when he faced baul in that dream 😭😭😭. you can't tell me otherwise that he takes pride in his family.
speaking of which, i just believe that at first it would be awkward and hard to try and befriend sebek but as time goes by, i feel like he'd just keep someone in his life and treasure them wholeheartedly. like, quality time with him would be so sweet. quiet reading in the bedroom or library with him while exchanging opinions??? 100% it's beautiful. exchanging lil notes in class? PLEASE. he definitely needs someone to hold him down on the floor and make him LISTEN and GROUNDED – and silver and lilia are there and it's just UGH
when he sees potential in someone he really wants them to BRING IT OUT. MANIFEST AND CRAFT that talent or strength into something NEW. make it BLOOM. like if you want to take up something and you're hesitant and shy?? ma'am sir this man would MAKE you do it you won't have a choice and eventually make you see that you're BORN for it.
another thing is his denial for his emotions. it softens my heart when i see him cry and express himself because i know sebek is feeling something deep down about himself that he doesn't want to bring out. his fears and tribulations are there to sense. he won't speak it out – he most definitely won't even acknowledge it unless he needs to. when he cried about baul??? i wanted to just give him a hug. he really wants to craft himself into this perfect go-by-the-book knight and i know that someday it will eventually take a toll on him. stay strong sebek, you're always a step closer. but i think he needs to really take it slowly and acknowledge his emotions and weaknesses more.
just tone down the voice a bit croc boy you're getting there.
i have SO MUCH more to say about sebek you have no idea. i may not yell so much about him but he's just so important to me as the other casts. he's this friend that i really want to see grow and i know he'd make people proud. he needs more recognition,,, honestly.
+ he's handsome 🤷‍♀️
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wheeboo · 8 months
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for 1k since i just answered this question NOW U HAVE TO ANSWER IT 🫵
who's ur favorite actor/actress (if its a tie then list all of them) AND WHY THEYRE UR FAVOURITE + WHAT DRAMAS YOUVE SEEN FROM THEM
join the celebration!
zanna this is an absolute torture of a question to ask me WHY WOULD U DO THIS TO ME. ok yk i literally cannot pick one so i'll just put my top 7. this is in no particular order!!
han sohee
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other than this woman being so damn fine SHES SO FREAKIN TALENTED in all the dramas i've watched with her so far!! her performance in my name was absolutely spectacular which easily rose her up to one of my top actresses and i just love her calming yet also dgaf personality too!! and again,, she's too fine for this world
dramas i've watched with her in: my name, nevertheless, soundtrack #1
rowoon
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um excuse me why is he so attractive in this pic i swear rowoon deserves a lot more recognition and roles as an actor!! i fell in love with him thru watching the king's affection which was like the first historical kdrama i've ever watched and he just,, took my breath away he was so silly and HANDSOME and CUTE!! then i watched extraordinary you and tomorrow for him and i just love the versatility in his roles!! i hope he gets more soon
kdramas i've watched him in: the king's affection, extraordinary you, tomorrow
lee dongwook
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when i'm telling you this man can act... him in strangers from hell? i was squealing from how good he looked but also screeching by how CREEPY HE WAS. GOD I LOVED IT I ATE THAT DRAMA UP SO MUCH. he needs to play more villain/psycho roles because omg he completely fits it perfectly
dramas i've watched him in: strangers from hell, bad and crazy, goblin
park jihoon
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just wanna thank u zanna for introducing me to this man he has actually a gift from god. like his acting in weak hero class 1? IMPECCABLE. him being the absolute cutest cinnamon roll in at a distance spring is green? HAD ME BLUSHING GIGGLING N KICKING MY FEET. he has so much potential in him and i cannot wait for what future dramas he'll be in cuz he deserves more roles!! ALSO EVERYONE LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC PLS ITS AMAZING
dramas i've watched him in: weak hero class 1, at a distance spring is green
lee jongsuk
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i've seen like 3 of his dramas and enjoyed every single one of them!! big mouth had me crying and screeching, w two worlds had me amazed the entire time it was such a creative concept, and the hymn of death was absolutely heartbreaking despite being so short like 3 eps long. a talented king fr
dramas i've watched him in: big mouth, w two worlds, hymn of death
park eunbin
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i have sm respect for her as an actress shes just THAT GOOD like not joking at all. watching extraordinary attorney woo had me falling for her HARD that i ended up watching another 2 of her dramas
dramas i've watched her in: extraordinary attorney woo, the king's affection, do you like brahms, hello my twenties
jo byeonggyu
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the uncanny counter is all the convincing i needed to know how much i'm in love with him
dramas i've watched him in: the uncanny counter, sky castle
honourable mentions: sejeong, seo yeji, IU, ahn hyoseop, nam joohyuk, kim soohyun, park boyoung, lee jaewook, song hyekyo, lee soohyuk
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chidoroki · 2 years
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Ya Boy Kongming! EP1-3
EP1: came for the OP, stayed for Eiko
Good, we’re starting with a history lesson because my knowledge of this Kongming guy is at zero. All I know is that the OP is a bop.
Whenever I see the translated title all I can think about is “it’s your boy Guzma!”
Not only was he reborn in a far more peaceful time but as a grown man too which I guess is another plus. Could’ve been worse if he came back as a child or stayed an old man ya know?
He was placed right in the middle of Shibuya during Halloween, that has to be so crazy but works out for him since literally everything thinks of his attire as cosplay.
Our dude thinks he’s in hell and taking loud music and drinking as punishment.
Well damn, that girl has a voice! yet she was rejected at her recent audition? How?? She’s lovely!
“I desire to command a corpse army and engage in battle with the spirits of the war dead!” Someone please tell this man he’s alive..
Thank god, now he’s probably in for the culture shock of his life.
Poor Eiko was stuck answering all his smartphone questions for four hours.
He found his own wiki page! He’s so intrigued and proud!
Ah, I didn’t think of that either, how is he speaking Japanese so fluently if he was originally from China? Even he seems surprised by this.
Of course I saw the many guitars in her room earlier but I dunno why I’m so surprised to hear Eiko actually play them, but it’s beautiful. So talented that she even brought Kongming to tears.
Bro I feel just as lost as Eiko when they dive back into the historical lingo.
He is so lucky the club owner is a Three Kingdoms fanboy.
He’s quite the efficient bartender.. he even knew what one guy wanted before he finished his order!
Aaahh our girl was so upset with life that she almost stepped in front of a train? Oh nooo, I wasn’t expecting my feelings to take a hit like this so soon!
Kongming offering to help Eiko achieve her dream absolutely warms my heart. I just haven’t the faintest idea on how he’ll assist..
Ohh even the ending song is catchy, as expected.
EP2: our brilliant mastermind!
Yeeaahh here comes that darn OP that was somehow stuck in my head for days!!
“Why don’t you put that flappy thing in here?” “I consider it like a part of my own body..” The fancy fan was finally addressed.
This Mia chick definitely has the skills to work a crowd.
Kongming really walked up to her dressing room to chat like it was no big deal.
Having Mia invite Eiko to perform at an event seems nice and all but I have a feeling I shouldn’t trust her..
She has to perform at the same time as Mia? Oh that could prove to be troublesome, Mia has such a larger following.
I see Mia is more than a pretty face, she’s buff too huh.
Kongming’s plan was to draw in a crowd with free drinks?
Okay wait, what happened with the stairs? Are these people too drunk to find them or something?
What exactly did he do with the knowledge of the floor plans of this club to attract so many people to Eiko’s stage?
Dude he planned so much with the lighting, smoke effects, bar and decoration placement that no one can even find their way off the floor.
Bless this man, now Eiko gets the recognition she deserves!
Don’t worry Eiko, you stole my heart for sure.
Aw, she reached over 1,000 followers!
EP3: me falling for the same tropes yet again
Eiko’s precious little face when looking at all her new followers.
Goddamn. The middle guy in the Jet Jacket poster caught my attention right away. Are we gonna se him at all?? I must!
They’re gonna perform on the stage right across from Eiko hm? Good, I’m liking these odds.
Speak of the handsome devil, there he is!
He seems fine but I got a bit wary of that tiny smirk he pulled once he found out that Eiko’s stage was having sound trouble.
Wait, so the “damaged equipment” was just a bluff? What trickery are you gonna pull this time Kongming?
Hm, does the Jet Jacket singer have voice/throat issues I wonder? From the close up of the scarf, the water bottle and his neck I feel like he can’t push himself too hard or something, hence why they have to rely on digitally aided sound like Kongming mentioned.
Ah ya see, that’s exactly it. Not to mention they have their own big concert tomorrow so they shouldn’t pull out their big songs now, which would just put strain on the lead singer’s throat even more, so now Eiko could easily draw in their crowd instead. Kongming is so observant.
The hell is the singer’s name though?? I love him!
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magnetic-rose · 3 years
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danny pudi........... my beloved.
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wenellyb · 3 years
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My journey in the MCU fandom on Tumblr: Sharing my thoughts on the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, racism in the MCU fandom and the best and the worse of the fandom
I wasn’t going to write this much but here I am… I don’t even know where I’m going with this but since The Falcon and the Winter Soldier just recently came out, I wanted to share some thoughts.
I joined Tumble because of a show I loved but most of you don’t know it “ Hit the Floor”
I stayed on Tumblr for two reasons only, Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan.
Before the Captain America:Civil War premiere, a friend sent me the link to the Sebastian and Anthony ET interview, and I was hooked. In just one interview. I discovered Anthony Mackie. The guy was hilarious!!! I just couldn’t get enough and I knew I had to know more about him. How could he improvise so many funny lines on the spot? He was just amazing.
I had pretty much watched all the avengers movie but that was it. I was not involved in the fandom. So I knew Sam Wilson’s face, but I couldn’t even remember his name if my life depended on it. That’s how much the MCU treated him as a side character.
I was like how the f*ck don’t I know this guy?
His talent reminded me of Eddie Murphy, Jim Carrey or Robin Williams, like yes they can make some emotional or serious movies, but when they want to make you laugh, you will laugh. Whether you want it or not.  I kept wondering how this guy wasn’t more famous.
And the banter with Sebastian Stan? Wow, you could tell their friendship was strong, the way Sebastian lighted up when Anthony was talking, and keep bouncing off his jokes. It was art. the way Sebastian said “ I love you” at the end of the interview. Pure gold.
I then started to watch some of the interviews and boy was that a mistake!!! I literally couldn’t get enough. So I watched all and I say all their interviews, it was the best. We got some gems:
“Why aren’t you looking at me as much”
“Which way is the beach Seabass”
*Them saying nonsense in Spanish and then Sebastian Saying Papi Chulo*
 ¨And so many more, ....
I watched other solo Anthony interviews and he was still HILARIOUS, but you could also tell he felt a little bit more at ease with Sebastian around. I won’t pretend I know him or his personality, but Sebastian seems like a little bit more of an introvert and looks like he doesn’t enjoy the interview experience unless Anthony id around him. Just my thoughts
I watched the interviews before I went to see the movie, I even cosplayed as the Winter Soldier to the movie premiere and I was IN!!! When I saw Captain America Civil War, I became a SamBucky shipper, these two were hilarious and I really so the potential for a great realtionship I love enemy to lovers stories.
I also shipped Stucky because, to me, the trope of the movie was Superhero gives up everything to protect his long term friend” Hollywood movies have some codes and if Bucky were a female character, there is no doubt in my mind that the movie would have been marketed as romance.
Stucky really was an easy ship! But then the MCU fandom of Tumblr fandom messed up everything for me. You see I really liked the CACW and I I liked Stucky, I liked Sambucky, and I loved the introduction of t’Challa’s character, but one of things that affected me the most in the movie was that it was the first blockbuster I watched with 3 black main characters, Rhodey, Sam and T’Challa. That, and the fact that they were planning to realease a Black Panther movie in two years, I was super excited, and that’s the main reason I got involved in the MCU fandom so much, when before, I was just a casual watcher.
If this seem weird to you, then you have no idea how we were only getting crumbs before. For me it was soo huge, I even told all my friends, and they were laughing at me. But usually blockbusters, especially superhero movies get one black character and that’s it, usually the best friend or something and never the leads. So, for me it really was a big deal. How sad is that by the way…
I became more involved in the fandom and, at first, I wasn’t focusing on anything special, Sambucky, Stucky, Stackie, the Black Panther, and even Zemo, whose character I really liked.
But soon I noticed that the CACW tags were always flooded, and I mean flooded with the same two white characters: Steve and Bucky. I told myself, ok that’s fine Steve is the lead after all, but it would be good to see the other characters too.
And then I noticed another interesting trend: Evanstan…. Wait what?
Chris Evans, and Sebastian Stan… did I miss something? Listen, obviously I’m sure they must be friends or something, but you’re going to tell me you watch all MCU the actors and you’re going to focus on Steve and Sebastian? I’m sorry what?
Sebastian and Anthony are right there… Or Chris and Anthony, they even have a secret handshake, only the 2 of them do… what more do you want?
Tell me one iconic Evanstan moment… go ahead tell me… See??? There isn’t.
Because of this and because of how badly some Stuckies were treating Sam and Anthony. I became less and less of a stucky shipper . I mainly focused on SamBucky, Stackie and the Black Panther,
And then the Sebastian Stan stans saw how popular Stackie, Sambucky, were becoming and I started to see some problematic stuff in our fandom too.
I don’t want to generalize, but when you go into the Stackie tag, and you see cropped pictures of Sebastian without Anthony, it’s easy to assume that a Sebastian fan did that. And we know damn well you cropped out Anthony because we watched all Stackie interviews and know exactly which interview your picture was taken from. We know that Anthony was sitting right next to Seb.
You post a picture of Sebastian laughing but you crop out the person who was making him laugh??
“but it has nothing to do with race” How do you know that?
“Sebastian had more screen time” More screen time than Anthony in CATWS or CACW? I don’t think so.
“I have been a fan of Sebastian for longer”, that’s fine but don’t go out cropping Anthony, just post gifs of Seb in his usual, sad, and Anthony-less interviews, not the ones where he’s smiling because his best friend is next to him.
Some of you really are the worst. And just so you know, your fave Sebastian is Anthony’s biggest fan, if he saw pictures where you cropped out Anthony, he would block you on the spot.
When I realized that Anthony Mackie would be the next Captain America I was screaming, no actually, I was crying, Sam Wilson will be Captain America, and Anthony would finally get the recognition he deserves.
You would think that the MCU fandom would focus on Captain America or at least one the two leads, instead of just Sebastian? Right? Right? WRONG.
Anthony is handsome, he’s funny, he’s a great actor, he went to freaking Julliard, he’s at the top, I don’t see what else the man can do??? He should already be a superstar, but no, you will side-line him even to he is the lead of the show.
Even when they are the actual leads, you guys would do anything to bring up the White characters even if it means ignoring the Black characters.
I remember I was having a conversation about Black Panther with my friends and I asked one of my white friends who was his favorite character in BP was and he told me Martin Freeman (don’t even remember his name in the movie) Martin Freaking Freeman, there are half a dozen of great characters and your fave is the only white man??? Ok, ok, that’s great.
Don’t give out automatic reply like “It has nothing to do with race, if you haven’t thought about it first”, because there’s a high probability that it is indeed about race. Stop saying it isn’t, sit down and ask yourself, “Am I biased?” “Why am I reblogging only stuff related to the white characters”.
One of these days you guys are going to make me hate Sebastian with the sh*t you are pulling.
I looove the Stackie friendship and the Sambucky dynamic but after seeing the way some of you treat Anthony and Sam’s character, it make me want to focus on Sam’s character and forget about the rest.
 I remember they were some posts about how Anthony was problematic, and I just lost it. Apparently, there was an old article that resurfaced were Anthony was making a joke about women making sandwiches or something.
If you were offended by the sandwich joke, that is totally ok, and I can understand that.
But if you were offended by the sandwich joke, and saying Anthony is problematic BUT you still stan Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, ScarJo or even Sebastian Stan, just know that there is a high probability you’re racist.
They have all said or done problematic stuff, and people only seem to remember stuff related to Anthony, which was probably just a joke by the way.
Chris Evans and Jeremy called Black widow a wh*re, ScarJo took roles that she maybe shouldn’t have and I didn’t forget Sebastian shady Instagram post, when Kaepernick was kneeling. There are so many more things to be said about Jeremy Renner but google is your friend.
Anthony also got hate for hating on Tom Holland? Like what? Do you guys even hear yourselves? Don’t you have any friends you like to tease? If you hate someone, do you go around talking about him every chance you get? It was obviously friendly banter but some people wanted to turn it into something it was not. Sigh.
I really cannot with this fandom
 The stackie fandom was small at the beginning and the Sambucky fandom even smaller, but we were there and it was amazing. Sebastian and Anthony received the same amount of love from the fandom and I wish we could go back to those days.
Stop pretending the fandom isn’t racist. Stop saying “it isn’t about race” when you haven’t even thought about.
Saying “it has nothing to do with race” only shows that you haven’t thought about anything but don’t want to be called a racist.
There is racism in this fandom and it will always be there, but if you guys want to do anything about it, you have to acknowledge it first.
You can’t be pulling off stuff like “I don’t see colors”, “ it has nothing to do with race”. Stop, sit down, think about it and then we can have a conversation.
If you’ve made it till the end, I apologize for the typos and grammar mistakes, I wasn’t planning on writing this much.
388 notes · View notes
mammons-tax-returns · 3 years
Text
comforting you about your body insecurities pt. 1
beelzebub, mammon, lucifer
:) ! first post back!! (rest of the brothers coming later)
🧋MALE MC🧋
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Lucifer is a very attentive demon, despite being busy with his nose shoved in a stack of papers around the clock
He really does find you wonderful, both just to relax with and to admire.
And he’s known that you piqued his interest ever since you appeared before him in the stuco room. And this is LUCIFER. He normally doesn’t give any human a second glance. Unless ur some powerful and dangerously talented sorcerer with white hair 🤧but that aside
Tonight, he gets a break from Diavolo’s workload because there is yet another ball being held at the castle.
He sprays a faint but expensive cologne on his skin, quietly hoping that you would like and comment on it so he could respond with some flirty line. That would be nice, he thinks.
Then, he’s taking long strides leading out of his bedroom, and heading over to yours beside the kitchen, where he hears his siblings bickering over the best fruit.
He knocks on the door first, waiting for a response that never comes. He only hears your favorite song from within.
He calls your name, only becoming more confused the longer the silence grows
When he pushes open the door, he’s nearly relieved to see you standing in front of the body mirror, fixing the the collar of your outfit. You turn to look at him offer a smile. “Hey, Luci. You’re punctual, as usual.”
He hums under his breath in response. A silent “i know”. He pads over to you, placing a hand on your hip affectionately. “You look good enough to eat, handsome. Asmodeus may have his moments but he certainly knows how to dress anyone with anything.”
You look at your own eyes in the reflection, not able to respond entirely. Lucifer means well, you’re sure of it. He doesn’t know that the past hour of preparation for the ball was spent scowling at the parts of you that you could never quite enjoy entirely.
Lucifer looks questioningly at your expression from the mirror. “y/n? Is something the matter?”
At that, you snap back to reality and look back at him. “Huh? Oh... Right— Sorry, I just,” you trail off, at a loss for words. Was this the right time to mention your thoughts, before a ball? “It’s nothing, just lost in my thoughts, I suppose.”
Lucifer’s eyebrows knit in the way that they tend to do when he worries. “Mind sharing? I’d love to sit and listen.” His hands slide around your waist until he’s hugging you, and you catch a whiff of his cologne which makes you melt. Once again you wonder if this relationship was something you deserved.
“Luci...”
“Don’t give me that, lovely. I said I’d like to listen, no?” As you turn your head away, he takes the opportunity to rest his head on the crook of your neck.
You sigh, smiling hopelessly. You hate to admit it, but his response makes you feel jittery on the inside. “It’s silly really, I just wasn’t feeling myself just now. The clothes are amazing! But...” You know exactly what you’ll say next, but the words feel venomous in your mouth. “I’m wondering if Asmodeus understands how wasteful it is to put them on me, you know?”
Lucifer is at a loss, and his heart aches at your words. “Oh dear... Well that’s no good. I can’t have my gorgeous lover worrying himself over something that’s so far from the truth.”
You are already aware that Lucifer will always support you no matter what, and the thought is both heart warming and bothersome. “Yeah, yeah, Lucifer... I’ve heard it all alr-“
“Then what do you not understand?” Lucifer cuts you off promptly and confidently. “Do you really believe that I’d sugarcoat this? Anything?”
You swallow thickly. “N-... No. You wouldn’t...”
“Good. That’s a good response.” He places a sweet kiss on your cheek, ruby eyes flitting up to your own gaze in the mirror. “I’m almost afraid of other demons trying to steal you away in such a dashing outfit, to be honest. Enjoy yourself, but if any of my brothers try anything, I swear...”
You laugh a little, running a free hand through his hair and noting how he almost sinks into your touch. Almost like a cat. “Thank you, Lucifer. For everything.”
Lucifer kisses your hand softly. “You are perfection, darling.”
You look forward to slow dancing alongside the eldest brother now, losing yourself in the music. Lucifer was right, there was really nothing to worry yourself over.
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Mammon, unfortunately, had to cancel date night plans for the weekend for a modeling gig.
You were disappointed, but not mad at him. He told you in advance, offered to make up for it, and usually tries his best to uphold his promises.
He offers to bring you with him, guilty at the thought of your alone in your room.
You don’t know whether to accept it or not. Would you fit in on a set full of gorgeous, picture-perfect demons?
Mammon has his hand on the back of his neck, nervous that you’re too angry at him to want to say yes.
To his delight, you smile and agree to go with him. Maybe, this way, he can avoid others flirting with him when they know that his boyfriend would be in the room.
At first, it makes you feel a little bit happier seeing Mammon light up with joy after seeing him pout like a puppy moments ago.
The day has come that you step onto the modeling floor. The photographers and staff know you well due to Mammon’s insistent bragging about you and your relationship. Clutching your D.D.D. anxiously, you make your way over to Mammon, who is already posing for a camera under bright studio lights.
You keep to the shadows as you watch him intently. Mammon is well known for his idiocy, but he is one handsome devil.
The evil snickering of two demons sound behind you, to which you ignore. You were too nervous to actually move, anyways.
Whatever... It doesn’t concern me... Right?
The giggles don’t stop, and you can’t help but listen in on their whispers. It sounds as if they purposely spoke louder than normal just to bother you.
“Look at how his eyes are shining... Obsessed with Mammon, much?” Oh boy. It really seems like they’re talking about...
“Let’s talk about those clothes, though... Are you kidding me... Does the human world really have that low of standards— or is this the bottom of the barrel.” At that, the two burst into a fit of cackles.
Luckily, a photographer hisses at them, irritated with the noise breaking his concentration. They quiet down, but continue to berate you in ways you had never even considered.
You’re sweating bullets now, itching to use your hand to wipe the oncoming tears of embarrassment. You blink them away, and don’t notice that your boyfriend is now finished with his shoot.
You tense upon seeing him speaking to the camera tech. Your heart nearly jumps out of your throat. The last thing you needed was him seeing you cry right now. He’d be worried sick.
Not even bothering to excuse yourself, you slip into the bathroom and can only focus on the laughter of the other demons behind you. The sound causes you to shake slightly as you shut the door behind you.
There is more than one stall, so you briefly worry that someone would come in and find you bawling your eyes out in the middle of a semi-professional setting. You sigh heavily and turn the sink on to wash your face.
The more you stood in front of the sink rubbing your face, the more vividly you remember the rude comments made about you. Could they have been true?
With a troubled look, you sneak a glance at yourself in the mirror.
You didn’t think that your clothes were particularly “bad”... They said so much, and it’s all coming back like a vicious and cruel tsunami.
No matter what you do, you can’t seem to stop crying.
“Oh y/n!!~ Where are ya’ at?” Mammon crashes through the door, hands on his hip with a toothy and closed-eye grin.
Thinking quickly, you reach over to grab a hand towel and press your face into it. “H-Hey, Mammon, you looked good out there...”
Mammon must have picked up on your wavering tone, because he pauses.
You’re frozen on the spot when he places a hand on your shoulder, although you can’t see him through the towel.
“Uhh... What’s up with you? Don’t tell me that you’re...” It’s too late to react when he pushes the towel aside to find your teary eyes.
“Wh-What?!” His heart drops immediately. “What’s wrong babe?! Are you like... I dunno hurt or something?!”
You exhale shakily, still trying to calm yourself. “Those models out there are just... A little too honest about me, I s-suppose... But it’s really fine. I just... I don’t know... I guess I just needed a minute to... Freak out a little?”
“Honest? What the hell do you—“ A sudden feeling of recognition pulled at his features. Truth be told, he knew those demons personally, having worked with them before. Then the guilt of knowing exactly what happened began to eat away at him. “Oh...”
You shifted, wishing that he would drop the subject. This was getting much too embarrassing to bear, and the way his eyes drooped with sadness made your stomach churn. “Mammon. I-I’m serious, I’m okay—“
Mammon’s arms surround you like a sturdy, calming veil.
“I know you’re not, y/n!” Mammon had no desire to listen to you pretend to act unbothered. “I don’t know what they’ve told you, but I can guarantee that I have been given comments just as bad as those- and I’m The Mammon.”
You grip onto his shirt, avoiding making eye contact with him. “But... That’s the thing Mammon. I’m not nearly as confident or perfect as you.”
Mammon holds you tighter, voice softening drastically. “Don’t you think that’s exactly what I think of you when you comfort me on my bad days?”
A pool of warmth starts to seep from the depths of your chest. And your furrowed brows start to relax. “Really..? You mean it?”
“y/n, you are precious to me, and all of my crazy ass brothers. And there is no way in hell that I’ll allow some scum of the world get in the way of realizing how flawless you are.”
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Beel wants nothing more than to spend every second of the day with you. And Belphie.
But unfortunately, most of his time is spent in the gym, if not the kitchen.
So he asks you if you would like to start working out with him at the gym, or even if you were just interested in hanging around and nothing more. He just wanted your presence.
The idea itself made your heart swell. But after a bit of thinking, you weren’t so sure. You’ve never been to a gym in Devildom before, but you were sure it wasn’t very different from human gyms.
It would be filled with confident and toned bodies that would put you down without even trying.
And as much as you wanted to be there with Beel, you weren’t ready for the prospect of the nasty looks you’d receive sitting beside the sixth-born who is a perfectly sculpted athlete.
After all, he seemed a bit too good for you, as it seemed in your head.
Beel wonders why you turned him down. Had he done something to upset you?
He’d have to get down to the bottom of it, lest he regret ignoring your behavior.
To do this, he takes a day off from the gym, thinking that the answer to this situation would be to spend time together. Smiling to himself, he clutches a bag of sweets to his chest.
y/n has got to love this, he thinks excitedly.
Knocking once, he can barely keep himself from barging in and tearing into his baked goodies. “y/n, I’m here. Wanna share these cookies with me? There’s also pound cake and cupcakes... The mini ones with enchanted apples on them.”
His smile falls a little when there’s a long note of silence. “y/n?” He questions.
“Oh! Uh... Sorry, Beel... Maybe another day. I’m studying for that final right now.” Beel knows you sound sincere, but something about this response seems off.
His heart sinks a little, feeling a little embarrassed after being rejected. He hadn’t expected this.
“Ah... Are you sure?”
“...”
There’s a silence from the other side of the door, and the sixth born starts to genuinely worry.
Truth be told, you had been weeping alone looking through images of famous demon athletes that advertised the same gym that Beel attended regularly. It was a dangerous thing to do, but how could you look away?
You take a glance at yourself in the mirror. your eyes were barely puffy. A bit red too. But overall, nothing seemed very different. Maybe— Just maybe, he wouldn’t even notice.
“Hello? You in there?”
You stiffen at the sound of his voice.
“Coming!” Hopping to your feet, you rush to the door and open it.
“Oh man, I was starting to get antsy smelling this bag... Let’s hurry and dig in.” His eyes are trained on the food in his hands, and his mouth is watering.
“Oh, Beel... You have some drool again!” You lightly scold him and wipe the corner of his mouth with a napkin from the table right beside the door.
At that, he finally gets a good look at you.
“Oh, thank y—... ou...” He trails off instantaneously. “Your eyes...”
You sigh and bow your head sheepishly. “Agh... I should’ve known you’d catch me. It’s not anything serious, I just was... I was watching a sad movie is all.”
His eyebrows knit together. “So were you studying or watching a movie?”
He caught me.
He pushes forward, closing the door behind him and taking your hands in his. He leaves the bag abandoned on the floor.
“y/n... What’s been up with you lately? You’re seriously not yourself.”
Your face flushes, and you sigh. Your throat suddenly feels tight. “Uh... That’s...”
He’s noticed this entire time. I’m an idiot.
“Listen, Beel...” You squeeze his hand. “I’ll tell you because I know that if I don’t, you’ll be worried sick.”
He nods hurriedly, heart rate increasing.
“I guess I just...” The words struggle to make their way out. “I don’t understand how-how someone like you; handsome, kind, and strong could end up with...” You pause, starting to tear up. “With someone like me.”
Beel takes a moment to process your situation.
And when he does, his head starts to spin, and his heart feels heavy like a boulder.
“y/n... What are you even thinking?” Is all he manages to whisper. He pulls you into a tight, comforting hug and sniffles.
“Beel—“
“You mean literally more to me than anything or anyone else.” He says firmly. “I don’t know what part of you you’re so hung up on, I couldn’t even imagine there being any reason to be.”
“You don’t have to—“
“I do.” He cuts you off firmly. If he didn’t, you may try to deny his definite truth. “y/n, I know i’m all about food and training... I’m sorry I don’t know how to make you realize how wonderful you are.
But I’d like to learn that with you. Is that okay?”
Your tears finally fall, soaking through his tank top.
“Of course... I’d love that.”
201 notes · View notes
alj4890 · 3 years
Note
Hi,if Liam would sing and play guitar to pregnant Riley,what song would it be?Please use the guitar of Liam's mum 😊
😭 WHY DIDN'T PB LET THIS HAPPEN???? Oh goodness. That would have been a scene I would have thrown diamonds at to get. It would have been so sweet! I doubt I can do it justice, but I will try 😭
I'm using the lullaby that was sung in a classic movie from the 1950s, Bundle of Joy. My mom is the one to give me my love for classic cinema and she had this particular movie playing often when I was little. I ended up memorizing this song along with the others in it, LOL. I also sang it to my boys when rocking them to sleep. Poor things. They were stuck with my awful singing voice. No wonder they fell asleep so quickly when they were infants 😂
Lullaby In Blue from Bundle of Joy.
@gkittylove99 @darley1101 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg @twinkleallnight @amandablink @neotericthemis  @mm2305
Masterlist
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Sweet Memories
"Liam?" Drake rounded the corner when he heard something he hadn't heard since he was little.
He saw his friend sitting outside, strumming an old guitar.
"Is that your mom's" he asked.
Liam's cheeks heated with color. "It is." He set it aside and stood up.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he avoided eye contact.
"I didn't know you played guitar." Drake muttered.
He was curious at Liam's reaction to being caught with it.
"I learned how after her death."
Drake's eyebrow lifted. "You did? How come you never told any of us?"
Liam shrugged. "It was a way for me to hold on to her memory." His brow furrowed. "Now that Riley is pregnant, I want to pass that on to our child." He hesitated. "But I've been trying for weeks now to remember the lyrics to a song my mother used to sing to me."
He felt such guilt over this. Each day, he would tell Riley he was going for a walk around Valtoria. He had been using that as a time to practice and hopefully jog his memory.
It was eating him up inside that he couldn't remember the very song his mother would sing to him at night if he had a nightmare or felt unwell.
"Why is it that I can only recall the melody?" He raked his hands through his hair. "I wish Father was here. Perhaps he knew the song."
Drake folded his arms and tried to think back to anyone who might have heard it. "I bet my dad knew it too."
Liam sat down once more and picked up the acoustic guitar. His fingers moved over the wood as he willed his memories to come back to him.
He could see her so clearly. Her blonde hair in a neat bun. The blue dress that perfectly matched her eyes. Her bright smile as she let him strum while she made the chords.
He could almost hear her laughter when he made up silly lyrics to go along with the music she created. Her sweet encouragement that he too had musical talent.
"Do you like my song for frogs?" His six year old self had asked.
"Like it?" Eleanor reached out and gently ruffled his hair. "I adore it, dearest. I've never heard a more perfect ballad for amphibians."
"I'm running out of time." Liam explained. "In a couple of weeks, the baby will be able to hear us." He turned to Drake. "I wanted one of the first sounds that he or she heard be a song from their grandmother."
"Somebody has to remember it." Drake argued. "Maybe Maxwell or Olivia. They spent time with her too."
Liam felt a glimmer of hope. "They are supposed to arrive tomorrow for a visit." He set the guitar back in the guest house he had hidden it in. "I'll find a way to talk to them without Riley knowing."
"She doesn't know?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise for her too." Liam smiled softly. "I told her I played guitar during our date at Ramsford. She's never heard me play before. This can be something special for her and the baby."
****************
"I remember that!" Maxwell exclaimed. He hummed the rest of the tune.
"You do?" Liam felt his hope grow. " Can you remember the words?"
"Sure." Maxwell hummed the beginning. "Um...it went...hmm." His brow furrowed. "What were the words?"
Liam practically deflated. If Maxwell couldn't remember a song then all hope was most assuredly lost.
"I remember snippets." Maxwell paced back and forth. "Like, Sandman is commin and he'll be here--"
Liam sat up when those words jogged his memory. "Mighty, mighty soon. And if you don't cry--"
"He'll be dropping by with the great big lollipop moon." Maxwell belted out. "I always loved that part of the song. Who wouldn't want the Sandman to bring them a moon shaped lollipop for going to sleep?"
Liam strummed along, repeating the words Maxwell had remembered. He stilled at not recalling any of the others. "How does it begin? Or for that matter, end?"
Maxwell sat down beside him. "It'll come back to you." He patted Liam's back. "Just keep at it."
****************
The next day, Liam took a walk with Olivia.
"I've been digging around some more about Bradshaw and Isabella. Nothing concrete yet, but it never hurts to have something on them." She told him.
Liam wasn't overly concerned at the moment with the monarchs wanting an alliance with Cordonia. "Do you remember my mother's songs she used to sing to us?"
Olivia stilled. "What brought that to mind?"
Liam averted his eyes. "I've been trying to remember a song she would sing to help me sleep. It was some type of lullaby that made me smile. Maxwell remembered part of it, but the beginning lyrics have eluded me."
Olivia began to walk forward again.
He couldn't help but notice how tense she appeared.
"Olivia? Is something wrong?" He jogged to catch up.
He then saw the tears in her eyes.
She took a deep breath. "What difference does it make if you can or can't remember a song?"
He stepped back from the bitterness in her tone. "I wanted to sing it to the baby." He slipped his hands into his pants. "I've been practicing on her guitar and wanted..." He sighed. "I wanted my child to have something precious of my mother's. You remember how much she loved music."
Olivia lowered her eyes. "I do. Queen Eleanor would hum and sing even when walking down the halls."
"I didn't mean to upset you with my question." Liam apologized, regretting the fact he had dragged his friends into this.
"No. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." She sniffed and squared her shoulders.
Although thoughts of her childhood held a great deal of bitterness, Liam and his mother had been the one bright spot in her lonely existence. She couldn't deny him her help, no matter the heartache those memories contained.
"Now. What song is it?"
Liam led her to the guest house. He strummed the tune and noticed her expression light up in recognition.
Before he could even ask, a clear alto slipped from Olivia's lips as she sang the song.
🎵Hushaby... rockaby. Listen to my lullaby in blue
Bluelululululululu
How I love my pretty baby
Sweet and precious pretty baby
How I love my pretty baby
Honest to goodness I do
See here, Sandman is commin'
And he'll be here
Mighty mighty soon
And if you don't cry, he'll be droppin' by
With a great big lollypop moon🎵
Liam joined in, remembering how the rest was sung with two people. That thought reminded him of the times his mother encouraged his father to join in, their voices blending into a sweet note as they focused on their young child.
🎵Dream dream dream (How I love my pretty baby)
Be an angel
Dream dream dream (Sweet and precious, pretty baby)
Be a darling
I love my pretty baby (How I love my pretty baby)
Honest to goodness I do
Honest to goodness I do
Bluelulululululu🎵
"It's called Lullaby in Blue." Olivia told him. "Your mom sang it to me when I first came to live with you." Her eyes became distant as she thought back. "I asked her to teach it to me so that I could sing it to my stuffed dragon when he had trouble sleeping."
Liam reached over and grasped her hand. "Thank you. I know you don't like thinking of the past," he squeezed her fingers, "but being able to share this song means everything to me."
Olivia slowly smiled. "You better practice then. Your child deserves nothing but the best."
She wrote down the lyrics and left him alone to practice.
When he began to sing the words, he could hear his mother's voice singing too.
***************
A few week's later...
"How are you feeling, my love?" Liam asked one evening.
Riley rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm fine. I think the baby is not too happy I ate those brownies Hana made, but i am determined to not throw them up."
Liam pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I have a surprise."
"You do?" She sat up with a big smile. "What is it?"
"Wait right here." He left her on the couch to retrieve the guitar.
Her eyebrows raised when he returned with it in hand. "Liam! Is that your mother's?"
He paused before her. "You remembered."
"Of course I do. How could I ever forget our first date?" She patted the spot next to her for him to sit. "You promised me that night that one day you might play for me." Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "I didn't know a girl had to get pregnant to get serenaded around here."
Liam chuckled at that. He was touched that she recalled their date so clearly. That was the best night of his entire social season, well other than seeing her again at the Masquerade Ball.
Hearing she loved him during the Coronation Ball was also up there. If only it had ended differently.
He pushed those memories to the side. "I thought it might be time to start sharing with the baby a song my mother used to sing to me."
Riley's smile turned tender. "I think that sounds wonderful."
She watched, fighting back tears, as he positioned himself on the floor so that he could sing directly to her belly. The expression on his face as he began the lullaby was one that touched her heart.
His love and wonder for their unborn child was stamped across his handsome features. Each word he sang was done so with a smile unlike any she had ever seen before.
When he ended the song, he pressed a kiss to her baby bump.
"I hope you liked that." He gently rubbed her tummy. "It was a favorite of mine from my mother. I wish you could have met her. She was the kindest, most gentle woman I have ever met." His hand moved to hold Riley's. "We're lucky though that you have a mother just as wonderful as mine was."
"Liam." Riley gave up on not crying.
He pressed a kiss to her hand before continuing. "I love you and your mother more than anything. I intend on you hearing that every single day I am blessed to have with you." His fingers tangled with Riley's. "That song is a reminder of just how beloved you already are to both of us."
Riley tugged him back on the couch. She kissed him, whispering how much she loved him, how happy he made her.
The two cuddled together and thought of the day coming soon when their family would at last be complete.
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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years
Note
My third and final prompt I promise: Wen Zhuliu. WEN ZHULIU. What if instead of being Wen Chao's babysitter/bodyguard he was a different young master's? Picturing him heaving a long suffering sigh at Huisang or Zixuan's antics is hilarious to me. I just want to see all the different interactions with the Core Melting Hand!
I apologize in advance for writing a fic that technically fulfils your prompt but also is...not quite about what you asked for
That Bitter Draught (ao3) 
It wasn’t that Su She was entirely unaware of what he was like.
He was a man almost entirely consumed by bitterness and envy, his eyes so firmly fixed on what his neighbors had that he couldn’t appreciate the blessings in his own life. He was selfish and ungrateful, and hated the ones he admired the most, hated all of the ones who were better off than him, even the ones who pretended to be fair and equitable about it.
Especially those.
He’d been born to an ordinary family, not cultivators at all – a feeder family doing agriculture for the sake of the great Lan sect, who never much thought nor cared about where their vegetables came from. He waded knee-deep through the muck and the mire for the first six years of his life before some passing Lan cultivator had discovered he had a bit of potential, and next thing he knew his parents had handed him off to be someone’s servant, taking him away from everyone he’d ever known – from his parents and his animals and his siblings and his brother – and he was supposed to be grateful for it.
There wasn’t anything wrong with being a servant, Su She supposed. It was a livelihood like anyone else’s, and maybe he wouldn’t be so bitter about it if he’d stayed that way, the way he was supposed to, as a servant with just enough skill at cultivating to not disturb the tranquil and thoughtful atmosphere of the Cloud Recesses as he rushed around doing all the things that were necessary.
(The Cloud Recesses – so pretty and clean and pure, except there was muck here, too, and no amount of pretending by the sect disciples that their shit didn’t stink the way everyone else’s did would change that.)
Maybe Su She would have been fine with being a servant, though he suspected he wouldn’t – in the darkness of the middle of the night he sometimes thought that his ability to be content had been taken away when he had, that the black gaping hole in his heart that had once held his family would always be a yawning pit that always wanted more than he had, forever incapable of getting the one thing that would fill it up again – but he didn’t stay that way.
No, see, Su She was good at cultivating. He was really good - not quite a genius, but his hard work paid off and he got better and better at what he was doing even though they barely gave him any time to do it in.
After all, someone had to make sure that everything was ready for the sect disciples when they woke up at the start of the mao hour, and that meant he had to be hard at work by yin, and of course the fact that they went to sleep at the end of the xu hour only meant that his work stretched well into hai, but despite all the disadvantages they loaded him down with he cultivated like a madman at every free hour, squeezing it in between work and even more degrading work. He got better and better and better, and eventually, finally, someone noticed him again.
This time they made him a disciple.
They expected him to be grateful for that, too. As if he hadn’t bought the chance with his own sweat and tears and blood, and all to be one of the blessed ones, one of the lucky ones, one of the ones who could – if they were meritorious enough – get a pass to leave the sect to go where they liked.
(Moling was too far to reach by foot, not even for the New Year, and he didn’t make enough money to buy a horse. But once he had a sword, gifted to him from the sect, once he could fly – once he was old enough – once he was trusted enough –)
Being a disciple meant that he woke up at mao hour and went to sleep at xu, that his chamber-pot disappeared in the morning as if by magic, that his food was brought to his table instead of being stuffed into his mouth in the crowded staff room right off the kitchen in the brief reprieves he had between duties…all things he had to adjust to, things that were strange and felt almost unnatural.
Now that he was a disciple, he had all the same rights as all the others, the ones who had been born to it instead of raised up from a lower level for it.
It was supposed to mean that they were all equal, all Lan disciples the same, except that all the arrogant young masters looked down their noses at the former servant who’d stepped above his station. They ridiculed him for it: for being ambitious, for being envious, for thinking too highly of himself, for not knowing the things they’d had a chance to learn and he hadn’t, for smelling like the shit no matter how clean he kept his clothing or how much he washed.
Equal – hah!
The worst, though…the worst was the Twin Jades.
Lan Xichen was powerful, yet kind and generous to the point of selflessness, a proper gentleman; Lan Wangji, equally gifted, always did the right thing, no matter the circumstances, his expression solemn and serious, his reputation famous for his righteousness.
Su She hated them. He wanted to be them, wanted to be Lan Wangji so bad it made his blood boil, but he also hated them – hated him.
The Twin Jades. They didn’t deserve to be called that, not with the three year age difference between them and at least four points of difference on their face, if you were looking; not when Su She’s brother had been born so soon before him that he’d been born clutching his ankle as they left the womb together. Not when the only difference, the only difference, between them was that fucking Lan cultivator’s comment that he only had enough room in his cart to take one of them with him.
A servant, even with cultivation potential, was worth less than a bag of bok choy meant to serve as a side dish on a trueborn Lan disciple’s plate, and so his brother was stuck in the muck back at home while Su She fought his way through the muck that was the Lan sect’s glorious principles and discipline.
He didn’t even know for sure if his brother was still alive.
Oh, Su She had the sect’s permission to write them letters, but what would it help? No one in his village could read, he certainly hadn’t been able to before he’d been forcefully taught so that Lan sect elders could pass him notes instead of condescending enough to speak to him, and the cost of paying a scholar to read it to them would be a waste of the money he faithfully sent them out of his wages every month.
So yes, Su She was bitter. Su She hated. Su She envied, and envied Lan Wangji most of all. After all, he was handsome, but not as handsome; he was talented, but not as talented; he was smart, but not as smart; he was powerful, but not as powerful; he was a twin, but no one cared about him and his brother the way they cared about Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen – Lan Wangji, who got to have his older brother with him any time he liked, but spent the entire time standing there stone-faced and driving him away.
And, of course, Lan Wangji also had – him.
Yu Zhuliu was the sort of guest disciple that was really a servant and not a proper Lan disciple, although his cultivation was high enough to rank alongside some of the shining stars of the Lan sect – even more so than most, given his cultivation of the unique ability that had made him renowned throughout the cultivation world as the Core Melting Hand. It was only that he had been too old, at the time the Lan sect had rescued him from some misfortune that Su She had never heard specified, to learn their ways properly, and for some reason the elders resisted allowing him into the sect properly.  
Perhaps it was because he was what was termed an ‘inconvenient child’ of Meishan Yu, the bastard child of a daughter of the clan; a liability that could neither be killed nor kept.
Perhaps it was because his ability was truly too terrifying, attacking as it did the golden core that all cultivators strove so hard and so long to form.
Or perhaps it was simply that he made a very convenient servant.
Yu Zhuliu was, to put a point on it, Lan Wangji’s servant, acting as both bodyguard and attendant.
He was a deputy to help Lan Wangji with whatever he needed, big or small. The Lan sect prided itself on discipline and humility, but only to a certain extent – only to the extent it looked good or was pure – and of course they were desperate to keep their precious young jade safe from the growing predations of Qishan Wen; it was not so strange that they assigned him a bodyguard, and of course if he was already doing that he might as well do the rest.
After all, who could expect a proper young gentleman to care for himself?
Su She hadn’t taken much notice of Yu Zhuliu at first, other than a brief stabbing feeling of pity when he heard of the man’s circumstances. But then one day he’d noticed him rolling his eyes as Lan Wangji stiffly recited the rules in advance of yet another punishment he was inflicting over something minor – no one loved the rules as much as Lan Wangji did. There was a reason nobody talked to him, perfect disciple that he was, and of course unlike the lowly Su She who, despite himself, longed for the company and recognition of his peers, Lan Wangji rose above it all, was above it all. And while no one could claim that his distribution of punishments wasn’t as fair and equitable as might be asked, it was evident to Su She that he only did it that way because it was the subject of yet another rule.
But no one ever seem to notice or care, no one ever thought it as stupid as Su She did, right up until that moment when he’d seen Yu Zhuliu making a long-suffering face like that where Lan Wangji couldn’t see, and Su She couldn’t help but smile a little, heart suddenly warm with a feeling of fellowship.
Yu Zhuliu had seen him smiling, caught his eyes, and rolled his eyes again, this time more pointedly – a gesture aimed just at him, a shared joke – and that was it; Su She was lost.
Su She was in Lan Wangji’s age group, even if they weren’t close (no one was close to Lan Wangji), so it wasn’t hard to find time to go over and talk to Yu Zhuliu.
The conversations were mostly one-sided to start with, which Su She had expected. Yu Zhuliu was a reserved man, and of course there was always that master-servant divide lying between them like a gulf. Still, Su She had been a servant once, which Yu Zhuliu knew – everyone knew – and in time Su She got him to ease up a little, talk back, commiserate.
Su She told him about his family, the little he remembered of them after all these years; in return, Yu Zhuliu unbent enough to tell him a little about his own background: the mother that hated him as the living sign of her disgrace, the constant accusations that he didn’t deserve to bear the Yu surname.
“Have you ever considered changing it?” Su She asked, helping him fold Lan Wangji’s laundry. It wasn’t something he’d ever have permitted himself to do under other circumstances, knowing how important it was to distance himself from all things relating to servants, but he was willing to make some compromises if it meant getting to spend a little more time with Yu Zhuliu. “Obviously if you want to keep it, it’s yours; they can’t deprive you of your birthright like that. But it doesn’t seem like you particularly want it.”
Yu Zhuliu was quiet for a long moment. “Once,” he said, his eyes distant. “I considered it once, before I joined the Lan sect. I wasn’t yet sure who had been the one to – well. Suffice it to say that I was seriously considering an offer I had received to join a different sect, and they offered to allow me to adopt the main clan’s surname as my own if I performed well.”
Su She shuddered in automatic revulsion at the thought.
Yu Zhuliu saw it, of course, and chuckled. “It would have been a great honor,” he reminded him. “Especially for someone like me – to be able to shed my old name would have been enough, but to replace it with a name that was even more powerful..?”
“Gratifying,” Su She agreed, a little begrudgingly. The idea of giving away his identity like that, giving in to the arrogant young masters’ lies that they were better than him just because they had a fancier surname, revolted him, but he could, he supposed, see a little of the spiteful appeal of it.  “Like – stamping on their faces with it, showing them what they’ve lost.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you take that offer, then?” They both knew the Lan sect would never in a million years extend a similar offer, even though there were plenty of branch families surnamed Lan and another one more or less wouldn’t much matter. It wasn’t proper, though, and no one cared more about propriety than the Lan sect. “With the clan surname, they would have had to make you a proper disciple.”
Su She would never agree to such an offer himself. He might want, in the darkest parts of his heart, to be Lan Wangjii, to be something better than he was, might occasionally daydream of what his life might have been life if they’d been born swapped in place, but he didn’t – he wouldn’t sell his surname for it.
(He wouldn’t sell his brother for it, even if all he had of his brother was a surname and some swiftly fading memories.)
But Yu Zhuliu hated his surname and all it represented. He wasn’t like Su She, always thinking of the past and the might-have-beens and growing fat on all his resentment and grievances; if Yu Zhuliu could shed his skin like a cicada, emerge somewhere else a brand-new person, he would do it in a heartbeat.
“It was the Lan sect that saved me,” he said simply. “And so I owed it to them to come here, no matter what the Wen sect offered me.”
The Wen sect. Wow. That was sure some offer to turn down; they commanded the loyalty of over a third of the smaller sects, maybe even close to half, and Yu Zhuliu could have gotten their surname.
Of course, the Wen sect offered that out much more readily than other sects did, but still.
On the other hand, if Yu Zhuliu had accepted, if he’d become Wen Zhuliu, then Su She would never have had the chance to meet him, or would have only met him under bad circumstances.
Maybe he wouldn’t have liked Wen Zhuliu that much at all.
“Your loyalty is admirable,” he finally said, after wracking his brain for something appropriately neutral to say.
That got him another chuckle. “Did you know that lies make you look like you’ve tasted something sour?”
“I,” Su She said with dignity, “am a great liar. You just haven’t noticed it yet.”
Yu Zhuliu was silent for a moment, maybe reviewing things he knew about Su She. “I suppose you probably are,” he said thoughtfully. “Which means it’s the Lan sect that you don’t like.”
Su She shrugged. “I don’t think I’d like any sect,” he confessed, even though he knew he shouldn’t.
Yu Zhuliu’s overwhelming trait was his loyalty, after all – he’d sell Su She out in a heartbeat if he thought the Lan sect deemed it necessary. Su She was mostly just counting on being so pointless and insignificant that Yu Zhuliu wouldn’t think it was worth telling anyone about him.
It probably wasn’t, either. Why would the Lan sect care about someone like Su She one way or another? He wasn’t anything to them, not really; even as a disciple, his only purpose was to act as an adornment, to bring honor and glory that would reflect upwards onto the great clan surnamed Lan.
“Why?” Yu Zhuliu asked. He sounded honestly curious – honestly interested, interested in Su She for something other than being an extra body in a formation or another cannon fodder to throw to the dogs when a night-hunt went badly.
Su She wanted to tell him everything.
But Yu Zhuliu was loyal, always loyal, and Su She may not be as smart as Lan Wangji but he wasn’t stupid.
“They’re all the same in the end, full of arrogant young masters,” he said breezily. “I mean, did you see the group of disasters at Teacher Lan’s lectures?”
Perhaps that was a harsh assessment, but he’d humiliated himself in front of them all on that night-hunt that went wrong against the Waterborne Abyss, with his still-shaky control over his sword, trying as always to live up to Lan Wangji’s example the way they kept always telling him he should and then being looked down upon as an idiot for even trying – why would he do something so stupid obviously he can never match Lan Wangji always aiming above his station and thinks too highly of himself still a servant after all obviously he’ll never be good enough – and the mere thought of them tasted like bile and hatred in his mouth.
“The head disciple from the Jiang sect seemed fairly smart,” Yu Zhuliu said, and Su She scoffed.
“He’s very smart, very smart indeed,” he said scathingly. “So smart that he’s forgotten who he is and where he came from. Eventually someone’s going to remember that he’s a servant’s son, not a proper young master at all, and he’ll pay for it in blood and tears – if he’s lucky.”
“Do you think so?”
“The Jiang heir has an inferiority complex as deep as the ocean –” Su She knew what one looked like; after all, he saw one every day in the mirror. “– and eventually the time will come when he has to be sect leader in his father’s place. On that day, all those pretty words about how wonderful Wei Wuxian is, how smart, how talented, what a credit to his sect, they’ll all fall onto Jiang Wanyin’s ears like a lash on his back. And when the time comes that he has to sacrifice something, well, we’ll see how much being smart helps Wei Wuxian then.”
“An interesting perspective,” Yu Zhuliu remarked.
“An accurate one,” Su She retorted. “He was raised as a proper young master, not a servant, and so he won’t even know to see the danger when it comes. None of them would.”
“No, I suppose not. It’s always the things you don’t know you don’t know that can harm you the most.” Yu Zhuliu straightened up – the laundry was done; they’d finished it ages ago. “We will have to continue this discussion another time, Su-gongzi –”
“Su She, please. Su Minshan, if you must.”
“Su Minshan, then. I look forward to speaking with you again.”
When Yu Zhuliu let, Su She hugged himself in glee, allowing himself a moment of triumph at a successful conversation with the person he liked, then went to wash himself clean again. He wasn’t dirty, and it was the middle of the day, but he wanted to make sure no one could smell the bleaching herbs they put in the laundry on him. He didn’t want to risk any more mockery, and anyway, it had gotten to be a habit.
As he went to the baths, he saw Lan Wangji standing on a nearby pathway, looking up at the sky as if deep in thought. He must be on his rounds again, even though it wasn’t his day for it, or even the right time; he’d taken to haunting the routine work of it as if it were the only thing keeping him grounded.
Whatever. It wasn’t Su She’s business.
Except maybe it was, because Lan Wangji kept – looking at him, over the next few days. Which was weird, because Lan Wangji never looked at anybody, his nose firmly stuck up in the sky where mortals dared not tread, and it was starting to make Su She nervous.
Surely Lan Wangji couldn’t tell – about him. He’d never been able to before, why would he start now?
And yet…what if he could?
What if Lan Wangji had figured him out? Figured out Su She’s rebellious heart, how he wasn’t grateful at all not matter nice a face he put on, how he hated the stupid Lan sect rules and the stupid Lan sect disciples and the stupid Lan sect arrogance, how he secretly schemed to learn everything he could and transcribe everything he couldn’t memorize so that he could take it back home to Moling one day and show his brother everything he’d learned, how he despised them all for their arrogance –
“Will you be attending the archery competition?” Lan Wangji asked stiffly. He did everything stiffy, like he was actually a statute carved out of jade and only just pretending to be human. “At the Nightless City?”
“Naturally,” Su She said, not bothering to look up from the verses he was copying. Not the most polite, not as kiss-ass as he ought to be when faced with the glory that was the second jade of the Lan sect, but he’d found that as long as he kept his tone as formal and humble as possible, he could get away with a little. “It may be nothing like yours, Lan-er-gongzi, but I do have some skill at it, you know.”
Not that most people thought so. They would be travelling to Qishan in three groups, for easier and more secure travel – one for the adults, one led by the Twin Jades to represent the shining hope of their sect, and the last of everyone else making up the numbers. He was in the last group, of course, even though his talent for musical cultivation was one of the strongest in the junior generation and his swordplay good enough to only lose to Lan Wangji three times out of every five – better results than a good half of the group of well-born Lan clansman being sent out as the representatives of their sect.
Was he bitter about it? Yes.
Lan Wangji hesitated for a long moment, and even shifted from one leg to the other – a sign of nervousness in most people, maybe. In Lan Wangji? Who even knew.
After a while, he said, “My group has an extra place,” sounding almost like it was an offer, and the entire thing was so bizarre that Su She immediately became suspicious.  
“What do you want?” he asked.
Lan Wangji blinked at him.
“He who is unaccountably solicitous is hiding bad intentions, Lan-er-gongzi,” Su She clarified, glaring up at him and unable to keep his mouth from twisting as though he’d bitten something sour. He knew he often looked like that, and it made the female cultivators downrate his handsomeness, but he’d been the subject of too many jokes to stop himself from being so bitterly defensive. “You don’t know me, you don’t like me, and you don’t go out of your way to offer a better place to anyone, even if there’s no official rule against it. So what is it you want?”
Lan Wangji shook his head.
“If you don’t want anything, why offer?” Su She sneered. It would be just like Lan Wangji to have decided to recognize a promising disciple that deserve a chance to shine – he was perfect like that, after all, always thinking of others, always a true gentleman. Well, Su She had endured a lifetime of being seen as promising by gentlemen, being recognized as a talent without once being thought of as a person, having to humiliate himself in front of them like a dancing monkey and worst of all of having to be grateful to them for allowing him to do it, and he was sick and tired of swallowing down that bitter draught.
He didn’t need the better spot, not this time – he would be going one way or the other – and he wasn’t willing to give Lan Wangji of all people the satisfaction of doing him a favor he didn’t even want.
Lan Wangji shifted from one side to the other again, waiting a long time before he spoke again. Maybe it was nervousness.
“Yu Zhuliu is in my party,” he finally said.
At first Su She didn’t understand the point Lan Wangji was making, terse and oblique as the other man habitually was, and then he understood it far too well.
He saw red.
“What business is that of yours?” he shouted, dropping his brush and jumping to his feet, forgetting all of his good intentions to try to keep his head down and his tone at least plausibly polite. “So what if I spend some time with him when he’s free? Not every waking hour of his is yours!”
Lan Wangji’s eyes darted from side to side. “No,” he said. “I didn’t mean –”
“You didn’t mean what?!”
“You like him.” A meaningful pause. “Very much.”
“Yes, I do,” Su She said, his cheeks flushed red. “So what? So I cut my sleeve sometimes, big deal. It’s not against any of your stupid rules – every attempt to introduce such a restriction formally has been rejected, I checked. This isn’t something you can punish me for!”
He could, of course. No one would question Lan Wangji issuing yet another punishment – he could say it was due to Su She’s noise, no shouting in the Cloud Recesses – and of course not every type of punishment was the sort that got meted out in the Punishment Hall. There were other types, more insidious – isolation, ostracization, missing out on opportunities for advancement, resources…even merely sentencing him to write lines could be used to deny him his coveted spot at the Nightless City.
Lan Wangji wouldn’t do that, though.
Somehow that just made Su She angrier. Who told Lan Wangji to be so fucking perfect?
“You can add it to your list of achievements,” he adds bitterly. “Everyone knows you’re better than me - better at manners, better at cultivation, better at everything, and now better in this way, too, because I’m a cutsleeve and you’re not –”
Lan Wangji flinched.
Lan Wangji flinched.
Su She’s jaw dropped in shock. “You are?”
Lan Wangji’s features weren’t exactly easy to ready for anyone except Lan Xichen, but at the moment it was plain enough that even Su She could figure out that he was miserable.
“For who?!” A terrible thought slipped into his mind. “It had better not be Yu Zhuliu!”
“No!” Lan Wangji said hastily. “No – no. Not at all.”
“Good,” Su She said fiercely. “Because he’s mine. Or, well, not mine, we haven’t agreed on anything, I haven’t even said anything, but I’m trying and – well, it doesn’t matter. You know what I mean.”
He wasn’t actually sure Lan Wangji did. He wasn’t sure he knew what he meant.
But Lan Wangji nodded, as if his confused rambling had been as clear as a Lan sect rule.
“I thought you might like to spend more time with him,” he said, and – oh. His offer. The Nightless City.
“…I would,” Su She said begrudgingly. “Thanks.”
For Yu Zhuliu, he’d even put up Lan Wangji’s charity.
“Who is it for you, anyway?” he asked, unable to resist and wanting to take advantage of this strange intimacy, this momentary breach of etiquette undoubtedly never to be repeated, but Lan Wangji shook his head, refusing to share. “Fine. Have it your way.”
It wasn’t that he cared, anyway.
Not about Lan Wangji’s mysterious lover, and not about Lan Wangji himself – this wasn’t a charming little flaw that made the whole seem more relatable, wasn’t something that generated fellow feeling, the way Yu Zhuliu’s gentle mockery had. So what if both of them were secretly cutsleeves in a sect that most assuredly did not approve of such things? That didn’t mean anything. It didn’t give them anything in common. They still weren’t the same, not at all, not with Lan Wangji was nobly bearing the burden of it while Su She had given in to temptation almost at once…
No, this was just more of the same.
More of Lan Wangji being, despite all of Su She’s efforts to the contrary, Su She’s idol, his ideal. The person who he hated most because he envied him the most, the person who made him hate himself as being nothing but the lesser copy, the person he despised for making him sometimes feel as if maybe Lan Wangji’s better birth really did entitle him to be better.
So no. He didn’t care.
(It wasn’t that Lan Wangji had seen him, recognized him as something the same. As a person, worthy of recognition, even if not of respect. It wasn’t.)
Maybe he cared a little bit.
He must have cared, or else he would have just run away when the Wen sect descended on the Lan sect with flame and sword instead of being a stupid idiot and going to look for him.
(He told himself it was because Yu Zhuliu would undoubtedly be wherever Lan Wangji was, and it was a pretty decent lie, except that he went to the Library Pavilion and Yu Zhuliu wasn’t there. So he told himself that Yu Zhuliu would have wanted him to protect Lan Wangji, and that lie worked better.)
Of course, once he got there, the stupid noble gentlemanly fucker wouldn’t even listen to him and run.
“Aren’t you supposed to be the important one?” Su She bellowed. This was clearly not the time for manners, and anyway Lan Wangji had already seen beneath his mask once; another time wouldn’t hurt. “Yu Zhuliu’s out there fighting to keep you alive and you’re wasting all his efforts, you’re just standing here, waiting for them to come get you –”
“It is necessary,” Lan Wangji said, solemn as ever. “Someone must keep their attention here, instead of following my brother.”
“Oh fuck you,” Su She said, and took out his sword. Lan Wangji just had to play the fucking brother card, didn’t he?
Yu Zhuliu would want me to do this, he told himself as he tried to fight. He was pretty decent, but he was just a disciple, not a soldier, and as a Lan sect disciple he’d never killed anything before. After a while, he ended up shouting for Lan Wangji to throw him his guqin – the one Su She favored was rented from the sect, lacking as he did the money to purchase her in full, and so he didn’t have it with him – and he attacked with that instead for a while, being better at music than he was at the sword.
The lash of his music was less powerful than Lan Wangji’s single-note waves of power, but Su She was also sneakier about it, and a few unexpected distractions during a battle were much more helpful to Lan Wangji’s defense than any amount of getting himself killed waving a sword around would have.
In the end, unsurprisingly, they were defeated. Su She ended up surrendering in fairly dramatic manner, knowing that the Wen sect might preserve Lan Wangji’s life as a useful hostage but that they couldn’t give a damn about his own and, as always, humiliation was the path to survival; he bet Lan Wangji was already judging him for it, for his weakness, for how pathetic he was when he was sniveling at Wen Xu’s feet as they beat him black and blue to make a point to Lan Wangji, but he didn’t care because he bowed his head and lived while the disciple next to him that didn’t died.
Lan Wangji didn’t bow his head either, but they just broke his leg before throwing them both in a carriage headed to the Nightless City.
The worst of it was, he didn’t even have Yu Zhuliu around to comfort him.
“I ordered him to go with my brother,” Lan Wangji said in belated explanation. “To protect him.”
“You could have said,” Su She said, curled up in the corner of the carriage and feeling sick to his stomach. He should have just run away. He could be in Moling right now if he’d just run away, and who would have known? Of course, then he would have to have left behind all the things he’d prepared, and Yu Zhuliu, too… “Maybe I’d rather have been on that team. Why’d he run, anyway? I bet he had a great reason.”
“He took the key books of our sect –”
Su She rolled his eyes. Of course there was a good nice selfless noble reason for Lan Xichen having fled, leaving his younger brother behind as a sacrifice to cover his tracks – proper young masters never did anything without one of those. It was like they thought that admitting that they were afraid for their lives would be worse than actually dying.
“He took what he could,” Lan Wangji said, his eyes cast down. He wasn’t really talking to Su She. “But so much was still lost.”
Su She thought about all the copies of the books he’d been making, all the knowledge he’d been slowly siphoning away over the course of years, and how they were hidden far away from the main buildings of the Lan sect. He’d probably have more than they did, when this was all said and done, assuming he survived. Wouldn’t that just drive them all up the wall? All those stiff smug elders who thought they were better than him would have to come and beg him to give them the books –
Lan Wangji would, too. Those books were probably his only friends, just as they were Su She’s.
“…maybe not all lost,” he said begrudgingly, and curled up tighter, cursing himself as an idiot.
He might be feeling all warm and fuzzy towards Lan Wangji over something as stupid as a single moment of shared misery, but just because he had feelings about it didn’t mean Lan Wangji did. More than likely, when it came down to it, Lan Wangji would put aside all his noble manners and sell Su She out in a heartbeat, and probably not even count it as a betrayal. After all, in the end, Su She was still just a servant that had temporarily made good, still just cannon fodder, meant to be used and sacrificed for the sake of his better-born master.
At least Lan Wangji had probably given up on expecting him to be grateful about it, given the despicable personality he’d already seen Su She display.
It irritated him how much that mattered.
“There’s always copies, after all,” he added. “And before you say anything, I know it’s not the same as having the original, but it’s worth something, isn’t it?”
He was worth something, even if he was only Lan Wangji’s copy.
“That’s true,” Lan Wangji said. He was quiet for a long while after that, long enough that Su She started seriously considering going to sleep because unconsciousness was preferable to worrying about what was going to happen to them once they got to the Nightless City, and then he said, “You are unhappy.”
Su She turned to goggle at him. “Of course I’m unhappy! The Cloud Recesses was lit on fire, we’re prisoners, we’re probably going to die painfully –”
“Not now. Before.” A pause. “With the sect.”
Su She shut his mouth and glared suspiciously.
“I won’t say anything,” Lan Wangji promised. “I only want to know.”
Su She shook his head stubbornly. “You won’t understand,” he said, a little helplessly, when Lan Wangji continued to look at him, wanting an explanation. “It’s not – something you would understand. You’ve always had everything, all your life.”
Lan Wangji frowned a little, clearly thinking it over, clearly taking it seriously, and for a moment there Su She kind of hated Yu Zhuliu for making him actually like Lan Wangji a little bit. “Not – everything,” he finally said. “My family…”
He trailed off, probably thinking about where they were now. A father locked away in seclusion was different from one on the verge of death; a missing brother, an injured uncle…
Su She huffed and turned his head away, refusing to feel sympathetic. “At least you had them,” he said bitterly. “I haven’t seen my family since they sold me to your sect, and at this point I’m too scared to go visit them.”
“…the Lan sect does not keep slaves.”
“No, of course not,” Su She said. “You just offer people more money than they’ve ever seen in their lives if they’ll hand over their six-year-old son to be properly trained as a servant, because it’s better to get them while they’re young – teach them to be quiet and inobtrusive and grateful for how much better it is to spend their life cleaning up the shit that sticks to your boots. And the worst part is, you are grateful for it, no matter how bad it is, no matter how much you miss your home or your family or your brother, because the buyer could have picked him instead of you and then you’d be the one stuck on some farm somewhere doing nothing with your life, just waiting to see if he’ll come back one day.”
The difference with Su She was that he’d figured out pretty quick that going back wasn’t enough.
When he’d realized how important it was to cultivate a golden core at a young age, he’d saved up every bit of money he could on top of what he sent his family every month, volunteered for every job that paid and even bit his tongue and took out extravagant loans from the sect that he would be paying off for years to come, and he’d hired a rogue cultivator to go teach his brother the basics of cultivation.
He hoped that was enough to make up for all the years he’d been gone, even though he doubted it; he wouldn’t think it was enough, himself, and surely his brother was like him. He was still too young to go outside the sect by himself – he would have to apply for a token, and agree to take someone with him, and he didn’t want to take anyone with him except maybe Yu Zhuliu, who wasn’t an option.
He didn’t want anyone to know if his return home went as badly as he feared it would. If his brother turned out to be as bitter as he was, and turned that bitterness against him –
“You have a brother?” Lan Wangji asked, because of course he’d noticed the important part.
“A twin,” Su She whispered, and turned his face away.
They did not speak again until the Nightless City, and even then it was limited to necessary things, neither of them wanting to risk the fury of their Wen sect guards. After a while, it was announced that the Wen sect would be holding a camp for all young masters, meant to indoctrinate them into righteous conduct, and that they would be attending whether they wanted to or not. They had probably assumed that Su She was well-born because of the fine clothing and fancy hairpiece he wore, and never knew that they were loaned to him by a sect that liked to surround itself with pretty things even if it had to pay for the clothing itself, and Su She had never been happier to be counted among his supposed peers.
Still, when the indoctrination camp began, and Wen Chao – accompanied by three bodyguards at all times, because he was even more of an arrogant snot than even Su She had previously imagined an arrogant young master could be – began lording it over them all, Su She drifted over to Lan Wangji’s side again.
Mostly because no one else would, other than maybe that troublemaker from Yunmeng, Wei Wuxian.
“I know some curses,” he told Lan Wangji, pretending to be casual about it as if he hadn’t accused Lan Wangji’s sect of various awful things. “Really nasty ones. Want me to try one on Wen Chao? I can be subtle.”
“He’d figure out it was you when he checked us all for the inevitable backlash marks,” Wei Wuxian put in. “Then he’d just kill you to get rid of it. Stupid idea.”
“Depends on how quick-acting the curse was,” Su She said peevishly. He hadn’t even been talking to Wei Wuxian, and he hadn’t forgotten who it was that had charged in like a hero from a play to rescue him when he’d overreached himself fighting the Waterborne Abyss even if he doubted Wei Wuxian remembered him in return. “Also, why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be off somewhere drawing fire onto the Jiang sect?”
“What? No,” Wei Wuxian said. “I’m not –”
“I mean, I certainly can’t think of any other reasons for your actions, Wei-gongzi,” Su She said, his voice set at its most simpering. It wasn’t like there were any Lan sect elders here to punish him for being disrespectful, after all, and he figured that helping defend the Library Pavilion with Lan Wangji probably earned him a little space to be himself for once. “Aggravating Wen-gonzi, making light of everything, galivanting around flirting with girls – one might almost feel as if you’re on vacation. Surely your Jiang sect will not have to pay for any of that, politically speaking; it’s not as if the Wen sect thinks of them as one of their greatest rivals and is looking for any chance to cut them down…but no, surely it’s my misunderstanding. I’m sure Wei-gongzi has a thoughtful plan, being such a good servant to his sect.”
Wei Wuxian frowned at him. “But that’s not what I’m doing,” he said, but his voice came out a little weaker this time. “That’s not it at all, I was just…hm. Hey, Jiang Cheng! Jiang Cheng, I have a question for you…”
Su She watched him leave with satisfaction, then turned back to Lan Wangji, who was looking at him again.
“Why do you dislike him?” he asked before Su She could change the subject.
“I don’t dislike him,” Su She said. “I envy him, sometimes. The rest of the time, I pity him.”
“You think Jiang Wanyin will cast him aside, one day,” Lan Wangji said, and Su She thought back to that conversation he’d had with Yu Zhuliu. Lan Wangji had clearly heard more of it than he’d let on.
“Well, yes,” he conceded, because he did. He’d seen how close they were, which was only going to make it worse for them both when it inevitably happened.  
“Would you tell me why? In your own words?”
Su She frowned at Lan Wangji, who raised his hands as if in surrender. “Please.”
Well, if he was going to ask nicely…
Su She decided to pretend that he was talking to Yu Zhuliu.
“Fine. You want my opinion? Whoever raised Wei Wuxian ruined him,” he said bluntly. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but he doesn’t act like a servant – he doesn’t even act like a second son. He acts like a master. He acts like he’s the next heir to the Jiang sect, not Jiang Wanyin; you’ve seen how he’s always bossing him around and refusing to listen to him even when he tells him to behave.”
“He’s his shixiong,” Lan Wangji objected, but mildly.
“For now. Do you really think Wei Wuxian’s going to suddenly learn how to be obedient the second Jiang Wanyin gets instated as sect leader? Or do you think he’ll continue to run rampant, doing just as he likes the way he always has, with Jiang Wanyin bending to his every whim the way he always has? What do you think the cultivation world will think of that?”
Lan Wangji was frowning deeper now, thoughtful.
“The cultivation world isn’t kind to servants who forget their place. If he keeps acting the way he has been, the time will come when he does something so outrages that Jiang Wanyin will have no choice but to throw him away,” Su She concluded. “A servant’s son, however precious, is nothing when weighed against the duty owed to the sect inherited by your ancestors. I mean, even your brother put that first and foremost, and he’s your blood.”
“…I agreed with Brother’s decision.”
“Sure. But did he ask you first?”
Lan Wangji remained quiet.
“If it makes you feel better, there’s always a chance that it won’t become an issue,” Su She continued, mostly to avoid having to listen to Lan Wangji’s injured sort of silence. “Maybe they’ll luck out and instead something will happen to remind Wei Wuxian that he’s a servant and that his job is to throw himself into the abyss to save Jiang Wanyin, probably without even getting thanked for it.”
Lan Wangji looked at him sidelong. After a long few moments of contemplation – Su She really couldn’t stand the way Lan Wangji looked at him, as if he was trying to figure out an interesting puzzle, but he also couldn’t get enough of it, it was horrible – he said, “It will not be that way, with Yu Zhuliu.”
Caught, Su She glared at him.
“How would you solve it?” Lan Wangji asked.
“What?”
“You were a servant, once,” Lan Wangji pointed out. “You are no Yu Zhuliu, no Wei Wuxian, to sacrifice yourself for the Lan sect, and it pains you to pretend to humble yourself before us. What is your solution? You are too clever not to have one.”
Su She wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he didn’t enjoy being called clever as much as he did. It didn’t sound condescending when Lan Wangji said it, the way it did when the Lan sect’s teachers did – like praising a well-performing pet that they’d raised themselves, patting themselves on the back for doing such a good job in training him. He sounded almost as if he resented Su She for being smart enough to see the messy contradiction that was Wei Wuxian’s life, and for being the only person he could ask to shed some light on the subject.
Su She didn’t mind resentment, not even aimed at him. On the contrary, it made it feel real.
Why wouldn’t Lan Wangji resent having to respect someone like him?
“I’m leaving, eventually,” he confessed. “I’m going to start my own sect, or try, anyway, if I can get the money for it from somewhere. Back at home in Moling. Maybe, if I’m very lucky, I’ll be able to convince Yu Zhuliu to come with me, notwithstanding the stupid debt of loyalty he feels he owes your sect.”
Lan Wangji looked contemplative again, surprised but not displeased, as if Su She had suggested something he’d never even considered possible. “What cultivation style will you use?”
“Yours, of course,” Su She said, rolling his eyes at him. “What am I supposed to do, come up with a new one of my own? In what free time, exactly?”
“People will say you’re copying the Lan sect.”
“People have said I’m a copy all my life,” Su She pointed out. “Let the cultivation world sneer and the Lan sect break its rule against gossiping to look down their noses at me – I’ll still be sitting by myself as a sect leader in my own right while they’re just disciples. I’ll make my own rules, admit anyone into the sect that I want, and that’ll be worth all of their disdain.”
He hoped it would be, anyway. He suspected he’d end up being bitter about it, but then again he was always bitter, and anyway, what could he do about it?
If life had taught him one thing, it was that there was no way to make people stop talking, stop mocking, because no matter if he took three baths a day and scrubbed until the blood ran red he would still underneath it all be a servant, a farmer’s son. But he was more than that, he knew he was more than that, and the only alternative – to stay in the Lan sect as a second-class barely-better-than-a-servant for the rest of his life – just wasn’t tolerable.
He’d do what he could and figure out the rest when he came to it.
“You think Wei Wuxian will do the same?”
“Probably?” Su She said and shrugged. “I mean, he has the reputation for being an unorthodox genius, so maybe he’ll come up with his own cultivation style to go with it – you can do things like that when you’re rich and have the time – but as for whether he will form a new sect…how would I know? Maybe he’ll go be a rogue cultivator instead, the way his father did when he got tired of being stuck in the Jiang sect’s shadow. Depends on how many people go with him.”
Lan Wangji hummed thoughtfully. “A rogue cultivator has only to concern himself with his own wellbeing,” he said slowly, as if feeling something out. “A sect – with others.”
“I mean, you could try to take a family around as a rogue cultivator, but I think Wei Wuxian is a walking illustration of why you don’t do that.”
A small flinch. Why were all these well-born sons of the nobility so delicate? It was only loss.
“But you are certain he will go.”
“Well, yes. Either he figures out that he needs to shut up and listen to someone else for once or he leaves, and I don’t think he knows how to listen.” Su She shrugged again. “Why do you care, anyway? He’s Jiang sect. It’s not any of our business.”
Lan Wangji was silent, but somehow it came across as a meaningful silence. An almost pointed silence.  
An embarrassed silence.
“…him, really?” Su She said, twisting around to gawk a little at where Wei Wuxian was having a furious whispered conversation with Jiang Cheng that involved a lot of gestures and even more suspicious looks from the nearby Wen sect guards. “I mean, sure, he’s attractive, no one’s going to deny that – he’s not rated fourth for nothing – but…really? Him? He’s not exactly the quiet-and-thoughtful Lan sect type I thought you’d go for, you know?”
Lan Wangji, with all the great grace and dignity and pomp of a proper young master of high birth and proper breeding, buried his face into his hands.
Su She covered his mouth with his sleeve to keep from laughing at him. It wasn’t exactly nice to laugh at someone who was clearly all too aware of their evidently terrible taste in men.
From the way Lan Wangji glared through his fingers, he wasn’t doing a very good job of muffling his snickers.
It was a good laugh, which was nice because it was the last thing Su She had to laugh about for long while.
The “indoctrination camp” was frankly awful. It wasn’t that he thought being forced to do servant’s work like tilling fields or doing laundry was the worst thing in the world (although he did resent that they didn’t bother paying them for it), and memorizing useless maxims was more or less what the Lan sect excelled at the most, but the constant air of vicious supervision, the threat of punishment, of having the swords they had all worked so hard to obtain taken away from them…
And that was all before they were forced to act as bait in Wen Chao’s night hunt.
“I’m serious,” Su She muttered to Lan Wangji. “I know so many good curses.”
Lan Wangji condescended to elbow him in the side to get him to shut up.
“I miss Yu Zhuliu,” Su She complained instead. “He’s much better company than you are.”
“No one is better company than Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian piped up. He was hanging out by them – not quite with them, but nearby – again.
“I thought the Core-Melting Hand was terrifying,” Jiang Cheng opined. He was following Wei Wuxian, as always, and sticking as close as his shadow, as if he was afraid of losing him. Maybe he was. “All silent and stoic and looming.”
“He doesn’t loom. He’s just tall.”
“All tall people loom. Look at Chifeng-zun, he looms even when he’s sitting down.”
Chifeng-zun, who was the leader of the Nie sect, was, in fact, unreasonably tall and, yes, loomed quite a bit.
“Well, Yu Zhuliu doesn’t,” Sue She said. And then, because he didn’t actually like either of the Jiang sect’s young masters no matter what Lan Wangji might think of them, he added, “Not that you of all people have the place to say anything, Jiang-gongzi. Family shame should not be spread in public.”
He thought that would make an impact, remind them of their manners, but instead all three of them – Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and even Lan Wangji – looked at him in confusion.
“What?” he said, staring at them back. “I know Jiang-gongzi’s maternal family is Meishan Yu…isn’t it?”
“It is,” Wei Wuxian said, sounding baffled. “But what does…wait. Yu Zhuliu – his Yu is Meishan Yu?”
“Yes?” Su She said, looking between them. Yu Zhuliu had said it was no secret, but the junior generation was treating this as if the information had hit them like a sudden landslide: Jiang Cheng had gone white, Wei Wuxian’s jaw was hanging open, and even Lan Wangji’s eyes were as wide and round as the moon. “You didn’t know?”
“I assumed it was another Yu,” Jiang Cheng croaked.
“Meishan Yu probably doesn’t want to admit that one of their own went to work as a servant for another sect after they kicked him out,” Su She concluded. It seemed relatively reasonable to him, but somehow that made all of them look even more upset. “What’s the matter?”
They all just shook their heads and made their way away, looking stunned to a man, and Su She was left to roll his eyes and wonder what in the world made young masters act like that. Something in the water, maybe?
He would curse himself later for making the joke, because there was something in the water of the cave they went to, and that something was, apparently, a corrupted Xuanwu.
(Lan Wangji was still glaring at him for trying to pull the girl out when Wen Chao’s whore demanded it, but it wasn’t his life on the line if the Wen sect went through with their threat to start slaughtering disciples left and right if they couldn’t get to her. Anyway, it wasn’t like he wouldn’t be able to cut her in a way that let out a bit of blood but left her the mobility she might need to escape – she was a cultivator, too! What did it matter that she was a woman?)
Wei Wuxian was holding the Xuanwu’s attention with a fire talisman, and Jiang Cheng was leading the disciples to the pool with the water, which Lan Wangji had identified as containing an exit…as usual, all the young masters were showing their stuff. In a burst of resentful fury, the sort he hadn’t had in weeks, Su She leaned down and grabbed a bow and some arrows. If he shot the Xuanwu’s eye, he might be able to –
A hand fell on his shoulder, and Su She turned to look.
Lan Wangji shook his head. He didn’t seem angry about the girl anymore.
“Keep them,” he said, nodding at the arrows. “There will be Wen sect soldiers waiting for us outside.”
“You don’t think I can make the shot,” Su She accused, feeling obscurely betrayed. “You scored so high in the archery competition – I bet you think you could do better, is that it? You want –”
“If you miss, you may anger it further,” Lan Wangji said. “And I have promised Yu Zhuliu that I would see you safe.”
Su She’s anger was extinguished as quickly as a candle blowing out. “You – did? He asked about me?”
“Before he left with my brother.”
“You should’ve said something,” Su She grumbled, but he let himself be lured into allowing Lan Wangji to use him as a crutch as they waded into the water. At the last moment, Wei Wuxian threw the fire talisman into the air and ran after them, causing the Xuanwu to go crazy and chase, and then there was a bit of frantic swimming – it felt more like drowning, even with Wei Wuxian leading the way for them both – before they got to the other side.
“I’m going to be sick,” Su She groaned, spitting up water, and then he still had to sit up and shoot an arrow back at one of the Wen sect guards that, as Lan Wangji had predicted, were out there.
Of course, a few seconds later the Xuanwu came bursting out of the side of cave, so they all had a whole different set of problems to deal with.
At least the Wen sect mostly ran away.
(Not all of them. A few of them stuck around to shoot some arrows at them – every bad thing Su She had ever thought about any young master, he thought twice for the Wen sect.)
“Next time we deal with this inside the cave,” Su She shouted, running for cover. He was able to get the arrow into the Xuanwu’s eye the way he had planned to in the cave when he finally had a little time to stand and aim – admittedly, he might’ve missed in the cave, he never shot half as well when he was angry – and in the end Lan Wangji shouted something about Chord Assassination and Wei Wuxian had a brilliant-stupid idea about using it like a spider web to make a net and Jiang Cheng swam like a fish to lure it through the right spot and all together with a bunch of the others they ended up chopping the Xuawnu’s head off.
Well, chopping was the wrong word. More like a shichen or more or wretched sawing using Chord Assassination as a garotte, relying mostly on Lan Wangji’s arm strength – Su She and the few other Lan disciples that knew the trick were holding the strings down with burning bleeding fingers, an essential part of the process but ultimately only a prop to help Lan Wangji do what he needed – and by the time it was done their robes were more red and crusted brown than white no matter how many bleaching herbs and special arrays had been used.
“All right, the threat is gone,” Su She said, feeling bitter again as he scanned the treeline. He didn’t even know what the bitterness was about this time. “Can we go already?”
“You can come to Yunmeng,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s closest.”
No one disagreed.
More or less the second after they arrived, just as soon as they’d had baths and a change of clothing, Lan Wangji wanted to go back to the Cloud Recesses or to travel around looking for Lan Xichen. He looked strange in borrowed Yunmeng purple, even if they’d politely given him the lightest and bluest shade they had – really it was at best a pale lavender at best – but that sure didn’t seem to bother Wei Wuxian from the way he kept gawking at Lan Wangji when he thought Lan Wangji wasn’t looking.
“If you don’t trust your brother, trust Yu Zhuliu,” Su She told Lan Wangji irritably after yet another request that was swiftly denied. He’d made a half-hearted effort to remember his manners after the stress of the moment had passed, but Lan Wangji seemed unhappy any time he did so now he was back at being a bit more of his awful actual self. Of course, Lan Wangji liked Wei Wuxian so maybe he just had a kink for rude people? “Do you really think he’d take him anywhere you could find him?”
“Then I should be at the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Wangji said firmly. “To help rebuild –”
“To help make them a target again, you mean?” Su She said scathingly. “Did you forget, somehow, that you’re still a valuable hostage? That they’ll be expecting you to go back? Or is it just that all that nobility is starting to make your brain rot, you stupid fucker?”
Lan Wangji glared at him, tight-lipped, and stalked away, which meant that Su She’s point had probably been taken and they could have at least a little rest before having to start running again.
Before the war started. War, which terrorized the common people…
He needed to go to Moling to check on his family. Even if his brother rejected him, as he feared, he had to go – better rejected than bereaved, surely..?
Consumed with dark thoughts, Su She didn’t notice that he wasn’t alone until he walked straight into Wei Wuxian’s chest.
(Why were they all so tall?)
Wei Wuxian was glaring at him. “Listen,” he said, sounding angry. “Listen, whatever your name is, you can’t talk to Lan Zhan like that –”
Su She punched him in the face.
Wei Wuxian stared up at him in shock from where he’d fallen on his ass on the ground, but Su She didn’t care; he turned on his heel and stormed off, his face hot with rage and shame and bitterness.
“On second thought, we can leave right now,” he spat at a shocked-looking Lan Wangji. “I’m not staying here one more fucking second.”
Whatever your name is.
Like they hadn’t just gone through life and death together, hadn’t fought side by side, like he hadn’t risked his life on Wei Wuxian’s stupid plan, none of that mattered; he wasn’t important enough for Wei Wuxian to remember his name. People like him really were nothing but side characters to people like Wei Wuxian, weren’t they? Their lives, their hopes, their dreams, their bitterness – all irrelevant. An aside at best, mere marginalia, a splash of color to liven up the background.
Su She would bet money that Wei Wuxian knew the names of all the rich young masters that had attended classes with them, whether he liked them or he didn’t. He even knew the name of that little Wen clan member that he’d so bravely stood up for during the archery competition. But not Su She’s name, no, even though he’d been so graciously suffering all of the stupid back-and-forth pining Wei Wuxian had been doing with Lan Wangji, even though he’d let himself foolishly believe that because he and Lan Wangji had something in common that they might be something like friends or at least companions, that he might be treated as an equal –
No, these stupid rich young masters were all the same. He’d been right the first time.
Actually, now that he thought about it, why was he even here? Did he really think Lan Wangji would take his side over Wei Wuxian, who wasn’t only his peer in every sense of the word but also his beloved?
What a waste of time.
Su She left again. He wasn’t stupid enough to try to walk away just as he was, no matter how furious; how far would he get with no money, no food, and even his sword back in Wen custody? Instead he made his way down to the kitchens to ask for travel rations that could last for a while, and planned to visit the armory to borrow a sword after that. He’d need to pack lightly, but comprehensively: who knew how far the Wen sect’s influence spread? He might not be able to risk going into the cities and towns on the way to get supplies, not even wearing borrowed Yunmeng robes – even if he hid the incredibly obvious white forehead ribbon with a hat, he still walked like someone from the Lan sect, something he’d only really noticed once he was surrounded by people who slouched and bent and took large ground-eating steps instead of the sedate pace that he couldn’t quite break the habit of using.
“Su She,” Lan Wangji said from the door to the room they’d been given. Su She didn’t look at him or stop stuffing the travel rations and the spare robes he’d obtained into a qiangkun pouch.
“If you’re coming here to scold me about hitting Wei-gongzi, spare me,” Su She said stiffly. “We’re not in the Cloud Recesses; you don’t have any role over discipline here –”
“The silencing spell would have been more effective.”
Su She blinked, surprised by the apparent non-sequitur, and turned to look at him. “What?”
“To silence him,” Lan Wangji clarified, meaning Wei Wuxian.
As if that was the problem with what Su She had done.
“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng piped up – Su She hadn’t seen him standing by Lan Wangji’s side. “Hitting doesn’t work, he just pops right back up again. Please ignore him in the future; he’s an idiot.”
Well, Su She couldn’t disagree with that.
“You have a guest,” Jiang Cheng added. He looked almost – nervous? “Could – would you introduce us? Properly, this time.”
Su She couldn’t think of anyone he knew that Lan Wangji didn’t also know. Why would they ask him? The only person –
He stiffened abruptly, hope welling in his stomach. “Yu Zhuliu? He’s here?”
“Brother sent him to check on me,” Lan Wangji said. “And to tell me to stay where I am. You were right.”
It was – immensely gratifying to hear that.
“He and Mother are having tea,” Jiang Cheng added, looking impressed. “She insisted. It’s so weird.”
Yu Zhuliu looked the same as he always did, when Su She finally got to see him: tall and broad-shouldered, steady as a mountain, untroubled by wind or rain. There were a few points of similarity between his face and Madame Yu’s, if you looked for them, and he seemed pleased by her surprisingly gracious reception – when they spoke about it later, it turned out that he greatly admired her, the famous (or infamous) Violet Spider who had made a name for herself as a fierce warrior and top-grade cultivator, and who had never looked down at him for his birth when they’d both been younger.
Wei Wuxian didn’t apologize at any point, though he also didn’t call Su She out as the cause for his black eye. Instead, he opted to act as though their earlier confrontation had never happened, bounding into the room Su She shared with Lan Wangji – no one else rose at the same hour they did – and insisting on taking them around to see the sights of the Lotus Pier, to spend a day on a boat, another picking lotus seeds, and yet another shooting down kites.
Su She refused to go shoot down kites, not wanting to risk humiliation at something he was actually pretty decent at by competing at archery against Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji, and spent the day with Yu Zhuliu instead.
“I missed you,” he blurted out instead of saying something reasonable. “I mean – not that I wanted you to be there and suffering, it was pretty awful, and who knows what the Wen sect might have tried to get you to do, it’s just – you know – ”
Yu Zhuliu was a reserved man who did not speak much. He put his hand on Su She’s and said only, “I know.”
Su She swallowed, and stared down at the hand that rested on him. It was a good hand, to his mind: broad in the palm, with short fingers that were the exact opposite of the long graceful ones favored by the Lan sect, but it did its vicious work well enough that the whole cultivation world knew about it – the whole cultivation world feared it.
Su She had never once worried about it. That probably made him a fool.
“Yu Zhuliu,” he said, very cautiously, even though he knew he shouldn’t speak; it was him being a fool again, except only this time he was a fool a hundred times over. “I know – I know that the Lan sect is very important to you. They rescued you at a bad moment in your life, and you owe them your loyalty; I understand that. But…do you think...maybe – one day in the future…”
Yu Zhuliu was looking at him steadily. He didn’t pull back his hand.
Su She gathered up his courage. “I’m going to go home to Moling, someday. Maybe even someday soon. And when I do, I’m not – I’m not going to go back to the Lan sect afterwards. I’m going to start my own sect, if I can manage it. When I do, would you – consider coming with me?”
He waited for Yu Zhuliu’s response with bated breath.
Yu Zhuliu looked serious and thoughtful, and he opened his mouth to respond –
There was a giant clatter from outside their door. “Wen sect!” someone shouted. “They’re here!”
Su She and Yu Zhuliu looked at each other, alarmed, and rushed out.
Unfortunately, that just meant they got a front row seat to the travesty that happened next.
Su She felt sick to his stomach: he’d predicted long ago that Wei Wuxian would one day rediscover that the Jiang sect saw him as only a servant, as something that could be sacrificed for the good of the sect, but each sizzle and snap of Zidian on Wei Wuxian’s back made him feel worse and worse. Su She’d been beaten plenty of times before, even whipped on occasion, but then again he’d never really taken the Lan sect to heart as his family – it wasn’t Wei Wuxian’s fault that he’d been so badly raised, tricked into thinking that they loved him like one of their own, into acting like a proud and arrogant young master who had a family that would hold up the world for him no matter what he did.
“She’s pulling the blows,” Yu Zhuliu murmured in his ear, too low for anyone else to hear, and that helped, a little. But not that much, since it was clear that Jiang Cheng, horrified, couldn’t tell, when it wasn’t clear if Wei Wuxian could, and then in the end it turned out to be all for nothing because Wang Lingjiao still demanded his hand.
Worse: he wasn’t sure if it was that, or the casual mention of a supervisory office, that was the step too far for Madame Yu.
Su She did not especially appreciate Madame Yu’s comments about Wang Lingjiao’s status as a servant, unsurprising and almost expected though they might be – although in a moment of horror-stricken hysteria he noticed that her words made Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji simultaneously flinch and glance over at him in concern, apparently all to a one forgetting the circumstances they were all in out of fear of his sharp tongue – but seeing her beat up the disgusting Wang Lingjiao was oddly gratifying.
Right up until the Wen sect guards she had brought with her started attacking from the inside, while from outside the sound of bombardment began – Wen sect’s armies had been lying in wait.
“Kill them!” Wang Lingjiao screeched the second she was free to do so, lunging forward with claws extended at Madame Yu’s face. “Kill them all –”
She never got that far.
Yu Zhuliu’s palm caught her dead in the belly, the force of it throwing her backwards into the arms of one of her guards, who quickly scurried away with her.
“A waste,” Madame Yu said, straightening her clothing. “Of your abilities, primarily. Did she even have enough of a golden core to justify melting?”
Yu Zhuliu didn’t bother responding, drawing his sword, and the next thing Su She knew they were all being given swords from dead Wen sect guards and heading out into the battlefield.
“Oh, I really hate this,” Su She said, looking down at the one he was given. As a Wen sect blade, it wouldn’t have any pity on him, and he didn’t think he was good enough to avoid getting skewered the first second he got angry and stopped paying attention to all of his weak spots. “Doesn’t anyone have a spare guqin I can use instead? I know some really good attack songs.”
“I think I have one in my room, actually,” Wei Wuxian said, and led him away from the others, limping only a little. Madame Yu really must have been pulling her strikes – not that Su She hadn’t believe Yu Zhuliu, of course, but still.
“You play?” Su She asked as they hurried through the hallways. “I thought you used a dizi.”
“I – considered picking it up. Briefly.”
“Just kiss him already,” Su She advised, deciding to try to be nice for once. “It’ll be faster, and your reception will be warm.”
“Kiss…who?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of genius?” Su She growled, and took the never-used guqin. It had been impossible to use anything more than the most straightforward sound attacks when they’d been fighting at the Cloud Recesses, given how many Lan sect disciples and even servants cultivated with music, but here at the Jiang sect where just about everyone was a swordsman first, musician later, and only Lan Wangji to compete with, Su She had a bit more freedom to go find a nice safe spot near the walls to play.
He wasn’t a guqin player on Lan Wangji’s standard – it still burned to admit it even if he maybe didn’t hate him as much as he used to – but he’d spent an awful lot of time in the library looking for things he could use when he was building his own sect and, well, he’d always liked the weird stuff.
“Wait, are you playing ‘Banish Evil’?” Jiang Cheng asked at one point, hopping over a wall to get near enough to ask.
“What? No. Are you deaf? They barely sound alike,” Su She said. “Now get out of range already before it you’re affected.”
Not long after, the effect started to show, with Wen sect cultivators falling left and right out of the sky above his head once their qi started locking up in response to his music.
Had he looked up a method to lock someone’s qi through music just because it reminded him of Yu Zhuliu? No, but it sure did help motivate him in learning the abstruse and needlessly complicated finger-work for something that, yes, okay, maybe sounded a little bit like ‘Banish Evil’, but not enough for people not to immediately call him out on what would otherwise sound like an incredibly bad rendition of that song.
“Once formed, your sect will be immensely unpopular,” Lan Wangji informed him as he flew by on his sword, his own musical cultivation acting as a shield to allow him to fight unaffected by Su She’s music.
Su She grinned down at the guqin and thought to himself that he’d be keeping this one. They could consider it payment for having made him have to put up with Wei Wuxian.
At some point in the battle, Sect Leader Jiang returned and ended up fighting back to back with his wife, which – once the battle was over – turned into a shouting match.
Yu Zhuliu, when he arrived, took one look and his eyebrows went up. “Perhaps we should assist with clean-up on the pier,” he said, delicately enough that Su She immediately figured out what he was implying.
“Yeah,” he said, covering up his smirk with his sleeve. “Let’s go quickly.”
“Don’t you two worry about our feelings getting hurt by it,” Wei Wuxian said, sounding amused, as Jiang Cheng nodded along. “We’re more than used to them fighting.”
“Is that what you call it in the Jiang sect?” Su She sniggered, unable to resist, and both of them paled.
“How would you even know about that?” Jiang Cheng eventually recovered enough to volley back. “Being from the Lan sect and all – I’m amazed it isn’t against one of your rules.”
“Su She is starting his own sect,” Lan Wangji, appearing from who-knows-where, interjected. “With fewer rules.”
“Wait, really?” Jiang Cheng asked, looking – he looked impressed, actually. “A sect of your own? That’s amazing!”
Su She flushed, his face hot and red at once. No one had ever said anything positive about his idea before. “Not anytime soon,” he demurred. “I mean, even a small cultivation sect has to have money enough to buy a house – pay for swords, musical instruments, things like that – and I’m broke.”
“Oh, money,” Wei Wuxian said, in a tone of someone who’d never had to do without, and Su She was already starting to secretly plan his murder – yes, he was aware that Wei Wuxian had reputedly spent some time on the streets as an orphaned child and no, he did not care – when he added, carelessly, “You helped save our home, the least we can do is give you something to help start yours.”
Su She stopped dead. “Are you serious?”
“Certainly,” Jiang Cheng said, and fuck, they were being serious. That was the Jiang sect heir saying he would give him money, not a servant, someone whose words could plausibly be held to be binding on the rest of his sect. “Do you have a plan for what cultivation style you’ll teach new disciples?”
“Uh,” Su She said. His mind was blank. “I was just planning on using the Lan sect techniques.”
Wei Wuxian looped an arm over his shoulder. “With some innovations, thought, right? That qi-locking music was pretty nice, and I’ve never seen it used before.”
Su She puffed up a little. It was pretty nice, good of Wei Wuxian to recognize that – and he hadn’t even seen the teleportation talisman Su She had been painstakingly teaching himself how to use!
“Nor I,” Lan Wangji said, and looked pointedly at Su She. “I suspect it comes from the forbidden section of our library.”
“No, it isn’t,” Su She said immediately, holding up his hands. He knew what the punishment was for going in there without permission. “Not the forbidden, but the forgotten – I was one of the people assigned to sort through old inheritances. Books from abroad, obscure books no one ever bothered categorizing, that sort of thing. The big jumble in the basement of the secondary library…you know, the fire hazard. The one that blew up in the Wen sect’s faces when they tried to light it.”
“You remember enough of them to make it work?” Jiang Cheng asked, now looking even more impressed.
“Well, no,” Su She admitted. “But I made copies of everything that looked interesting and hid them in an abandoned root cellar halfway down the road to Caiyi Town, so they should still be intact.”
Lan Wangji lit up, which for him was a slight bit of color to his cheeks, a slight arch to his eyebrows, a faint curve to his eyes – in other words, he was positively glowing. “Would you permit copies to be made of your copies? We would gladly pay for the privilege.”
“And if you put that together with our money, and you should definitely have enough to fund a sect,” Wei Wuxian said enthusiastically. “And we can come visit!”
“Sooner rather than later, actually,” Jiang Cheng said, rubbing the back of his head. “Before the yelling started, Mother and Father agreed that we younger generation should lie low somewhere for a few weeks somewhere obscure to avoid any immediate reprisals from the Wen sect – and once they’ve lost the trail, we go out to recruit new sects to join the war.”
“That would be in line with what Brother requested that I do,” Lan Wangji observed, voice carefully neutral as always. “I would not object to spending some time in Moling, courting a newly formed sect.”
Su She didn’t know what to say, his mouth moving open and closed. It was almost everything he’d ever wanted, and he only need to reach out and grasp it – his own sect, his brother, the respect of the arrogant young masters…
Nothing could be better.
A hand fell on his shoulder, the warmth of it lighting him up inside.
“Our sect would be happy to host you,” Yu Zhuliu said.
Su She was wrong.
Now
it was perfect.
415 notes · View notes
vanitylang · 2 years
Text
Wow, we're getting down to the final bits of commentary. Don't worry, I am going to avoid spoilers and only vaguely talk about them (no screenshots).
That said, let's begin!
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My baby is finally getting the recognition he deserves. 😭 Thank you, Ye Baiyi! I was meaning to mention him before in my commentaries, but I figured I'd save it until this moment. He is certainly a fun character and I've enjoyed how much of a savage he can be, harsh with his words sometimes but hella wise. I know some people like to ship him and Xie'er together. It is definitely a much healthier ship than ZJ×Xie'er (though I've still indulged in some ZJ×Xie'er fanfics. #guiltyascharged >.<). I think my overall fave ship is Prince Jin×Xie'er. Was not expecting this third ship at all, but after some fanfics I've read of them, I am hooked! Haha
But anyway, back on track with the commentary.
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Baby is slowly rising to power. Love to see it!
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But tread carefully, my child. Do. Not. Trust. This. Man. Do not fall for it!
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The small upturn of his lips. The look in his eyes. On the surface it's pretty much like, "I wish you much success, Yifu." But beneath the surface, Baby is plotting sweet, sweet revenge. I can sense it. (Given that I already saw his monologue prior to watching this. Lol) But like, this is what I'm saying about Li Daikun. Like I know I'm a total fangirl and I go feral over how handsome/beautiful he is, but like there is so much more to this man. He is so freakin' talented, it's truly admirable. And I love him in interviews. He's just so funny and witty.
Okay, I'm getting off-track again. Sorry. Lol
We continue on with more Xie'er images, but also an image of Beauty Ghost. I love her too, and I have not posted about her at all. I am horrible! >.< I really love the dynamic of their interactions. I didn't realize how much they would end up interacting. It makes sense though.
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I also love how Xie'er is genuinely worried about her, and he shows a soft side that we don't see him showing anyone else. It's like he sees a small part of himself in Beauty Ghost, given how much she's suffered. He wants the best for her and I'm just like baby, I want that for you too. Why can't you try to do that for yourself as well? 😭
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Like why would you want to give him one more chance? He doesn't deserve it. Meanwhile, you deserve the world, baby. 🥺
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Like, look at him though! He is baby, your honor.
Working our way back to plot now before I keep going on about Xie'er.
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Baby girl took a stand and I was so there for it! You go Gao Xiaolian, you seek that justice for your dad!
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Again, what do these bros have to look so darn pretty for? Like why are y'all flaunting like this? Haha
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Lastly, I adored this part! I wish I could make a gif, but screenshots will have to suffice. He's just like nope, nothing to see here. Talk to the hand.
Peace out y'all! Until the next and final WoH commentary. It's really quite bittersweet. 😢
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shadowsinger11 · 4 years
Text
Golden Snitches And Old Wounds
Pairing: James Potter x Insecure Reader
Word count: 2787
Request: Hi! I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well. I wanted to ask you if your requests open. If so can i request a james potter imagine with a very self conscious reader? Thank you!
Warnings: Suggestive themes, references to anxiety and depression
A/N: I actually like how this one turned out. It's way sadder than intended but I hope you enjoy! If you want to be tagged, let me know! Requests are open!
Masterlist
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Lily and you were sitting on a bench right on top of one of the twelve colorful towers around the massively wide pitch, waving your Gryffindor flags in excitement.
The scene before you represented a blur of scarlet and green and you struggled to spot your boyfriend of two years, James Potter, among the fourteen players. 
His leather-gloved hands gripped the handle of his broom tightly as he was swiftly avoiding bludgers and students, rushing to catch the quaffle.
"Potter, on your left!"
On instinct, James drifted to the right a mere second before his head managed to collide with a bludger. The boy kept soaring high up in the clear spring sky, eyes focused forward.
"Brilliant! Potter tossed the quaffle into the ring!" the speaker roared, "The score is 120:120. Will Gryffindor's Chaser be able to score another goal and give their Seeker an opportunity to catch the snitch?"
"Oh, I sure hope he does," you muttered, sitting on the edge of your seat, eyes focused on the Gryffindor Chaser.
The commentator excitedly shouted, "Robertson passes the quaffle to Smith, he passes it to Potter- no! It was stolen from Taylor, that Slytherin son of a-"
"Joshua!"
"Sorry, professor," the boy sheepishly smiled at McGonagall though he wasn't sorry at all, and returned to retelling the match. "Potter's caught the quaffle! He's swooping down, the three Slytherin Chasers on his tail…"
Over the noise you heard Lily exclaim, "What's he doing! He's getting further away from the ring."
"I don't know, I think he's trying to get rid of the Slytherins, distract them maybe?" you shrugged. You really hoped James was doing this for a reason but yet again, when has he ever thought things through?
Meanwhile you noticed Sirius, a Beater of the team, covering his buddy, making sure to guide the bludgers in the direction of team Slytherin. You had no idea if those two had planned this beforehand or if Padfoot was just improvising.
"A bludger knocked Taylor off his broom!" Joshua happily announced. "That's the moment for Potter to strike!"
And exactly then James swiftly turned around and sped up towards his aim. He threw the quaffle with all his might, the ball piercing the air and going right through the ring.
"Yes!! He did it! What a brilliant attack!" the commentator screamed. Lily and you squealed and clapped, cheering him on. "Now it's up to the Gryffindor Seeker to catch the Golden snitch and that'll be the end!"
James tried to spot you in the audience and when he did, his grin grew even wider. He threw a wink your way but he didn't have much time to celebrate because his task now was to make sure Slytherins didn't score another goal and maybe get another 10 points himself while he was at it. He drifted between teammates and opponents, the summer wind ruffling his hair. He prevented numerous attacks from the opposite team, winning a good couple of minutes where the score was even and Gryffindor had a chance to win.
"Where the hell is the Seeker!" Lily groaned, "It's a matter of time until Slytherin strikes a goal."
You understood her frustration but had faith. You always supported your boyfriend and his team during matches regardless of which house they were up against. You were aware of how much stamina James had, especially when it came to Quidditch, and even more so now that he could almost graze the win with his fingertips.
Suddenly, the Seeker emerged from the depths, a small ball shining in his grasp.
"He's caught the snitch! Williams got the Golden snitch, Gryffindor wins!" Joshua roared, rising to his feet.
The air shook with the screams and cheers of Gryffindors and Gryffindor supporters. Some students hugged each other, squealing in euphoria, others whined and screamed in frustration. The audience turned into a sea of scarlet flags, the iconic lion on display for everyone to see. Professor McGonagall smiled, something rare for a woman as stern and serious as her. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement.
Lily and you high-fived and rushed down the stairs, impatient to greet the boys. When you ran along the pitch, the team was already surrounded by fans and you saw Sirius carrying James on his shoulders, their other teammates doing the same with Williams. Slytherins were quick to exit the scene, muttering curses and complaints.
"Not trying to steal my boyfriend, I hope?" you asked Sirius and laughed.
"Boyfriend?" he feigned being shocked, "Why didn't you tell me there was someone else, James?"
James only rolled his eyes and his friend let him down. Potter walked up to you, standing tall in all his red leather glory. His chest heaved with every breath he took, his spiky hair was disheveled beyond recognition and his uniform was wrinkled and covered in dirt. He was a mess but still managed to look so perfect in your eyes, he was absolutely irresistible.
"Did you enjoy the show, babe?" he smirked as he placed his gloved hands around your waist, pulling you close. You giggled and pecked his nose, "Indeed I did. You're such a show-off."
"But you love me nonetheless," he mumbled, out of breath, and leaned in but you pulled away before he got to kiss you.
"I suggest you shower first, you're quite sweaty."
He frowned and pouted his lips but couldn't help but grin, caressing your cheek. You were staring into his hazel eyes and when they focused on yours, your cheeks turned the same color as his uniform. James was incredibly confident, charming and charismatic and he never failed to make your heart flutter every time you caught him glance at you.
He seemed perfect to you and your expression suddenly darkened when poisonous thoughts clouded your mind. He was perfect, but what about me?
Before James had the chance to ask what was wrong, his friends pulled him aside, "The coach wants to talk to us." He couldn't do anything except for giving you a sad smile and a wave as he left.
A tap on your shoulder snapped you out of your trance.
"Let's go to lunch, I'm starving."
You nodded and followed Lily out of the now empty pitch.
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Prodding your salad with a fork, you were still processing your thoughts from earlier, replaying them over and over in your head. You couldn't get rid of the image of James. You were smitten by his messy hair, goofy smile, the way his uniform clung tightly to his body, highlighting his broad shoulders and strong biceps. His physique looked way more impressive and massive and the sight made you lick your lips.
Your daydreaming was interrupted when the doors of the Great Hall opened wide, the winning team walking through. The Quidditch players were greeted with loud cheers and clapping which some of the teachers joined too. Even in just his plain Gryffindor cloak James managed to look astonishingly handsome and he did it so effortlessly. His black robes were flailing freely behind him as he made his way over to you and sat down on your right.
"Clean and fresh just for you," he smirked and pressed his lips to yours, lingering for a bit more than you expected. After that, you proceeded to eat your meal while he placed a steak, some salad, sauce and other different kinds of food on his plate.
"You did an amazing job up there, really."
He smiled, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice, "Did you ever doubt me?"
Ah, that cockiness. It might have sometimes gotten on your nerves but it was a part of what made your boyfriend unique and you adored it. You laughed, trying to cover up how flushed he had made you, "Absolutely never, Potter. You're one of a kind."
"So are you."
His compliment caught you somehow unprepared and you slightly froze. You looked at him only to find him already staring at you with such loving eyes, it made you shift in your seat.
"What?" you giggled, dumbfounded.
"Thank you for being there. It really matters to me," he gave your hand a light squeeze.
Seriously, what did you do to deserve this guy.
He's amazing in so many ways, I just can't compare.
You noticed students sending you dirty glances from across the hall and you wished you could shrink in your seat. You lowered your gaze and silently finished your meal.
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"Seriously, what's the difference between Felix Felicis and liquid luck? The professor crossed off "liquid luck" and replaced it with Felix Felicis! That's not fucking fair," you groaned, checking your graded essay. You were pretty sure you'd get an Outstanding but you only got Exceeds Expectations which you were slightly pissed about.
Lying on your boyfriend's bed, you were rambling on and on about school work, earning occasional chuckles from James as he was getting changed.
"I mean, Remus always gets the best grades, how on earth does he do that! I swear, he's like a walking encyclop-"
Your words got stuck in your throat at the sight of a half-naked James. His shoulders, toned arms, back and abs were on display while he paced around the room, trying to find his sweater. His muscles flexed under his flesh with every move and you could feel your mouth begin to water.
Once James found the clothing, he turned around. He grinned when he saw your blushing face and didn't miss the opportunity to put on a show for you - he slowly put on his sweater, his jeans falling low around his waist when he raised his arms above his head.
James wasn't only caring, loving and talented. He was also extremely hot. A kind soul wrapped in a pretty package.
Your mind started to wander and you thought about all the girls and boys who would die to be in your place; to be able to date the infamous Marauder and see him shirtless all the time like you got to. You knew many people envied your relationship and you tried not to care that much but you still somehow did. You always did.
"Are you alright, love? You're doing that again."
"I-uh… what?" you stuttered, embarrassed.
James, now dressed, sat in front of you on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, "You tend to space out from time to time, you stop listening to me. What's on your mind?"
You shook your head and started to rearrange your books, attempting to appear busy, "Yeah, I do that sometimes, sorry. It's nothing though, I just get lost in my thoughts."
James was eyeing up and down your stiff figure and his heart stung when you lied. One of the things he despised most was being lied to and it hurt him immensely when you did. He knew you meant well but he wanted you to trust him and talk to him like he did.
The boy abruptly but gently grabbed your trembling hands and you froze.
"Talk to me," he pleaded, looking into your eyes for a sign, any sign to reveal how you were feeling on the inside.
Your nervous smile faded and you dropped your gaze to where his hands held yours.
The room was ghostly quiet and you felt trapped, unable to run away or escape the situation.
You opened your mouth to speak but your lower lip quivered and no words came out. James simply stood there, patiently waiting for you to say something while soothingly rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. After taking a deep breath, you choked out.
"Why do you like me?"
He seemed slightly confused but his expression remained calm, "What do you mean?"
You chewed on your lip, considering how to proceed. He deserved honesty and he was genuinely worried so it wasn't fair to keep secrets from him.
"It's just… I am…" you sighed, frustrated. "You're amazing, James. People love you. You're smart, athletic, outgoing and your personality lights up the room. You charisma is undeniable."
You stopped to inhale again, your throat tightening as tears blurred your vision. Your voice was shaking and so were your hands. James only listened. "You're an exceptional person yet you're with me. I-I don't get it. You could choose someone more impressive, someone whose abilities can compare to yours… Someone who's not me."
A tear rolled down your cheek and it pierced through James' heart like a burning blade. He brought your hands up to his face and softly pressed his lips to your knuckles. James let you cry it out first before he dared to speak, knowing you needed this moment to simply let yourself feel before anything else. There was time for figuring things out, but it was not now.
You sobbed and he reached to brush a piece of hair behind your ear, "I've got issues, James. I'm hard to deal with. I struggle with many things and I'm afraid I'm just being a burden to you."
James immediately pulled you into his embrace, arms wrapping around you as you hugged your knees. He rested his chin on top of your head which was leaned on his chest. The boy could not believe a person as breathtaking as you would think so lowly of themselves. You both stood there for awhile, not talking at all. James needed time to take it all in just like you needed time to calm down.
"What makes you think like that?" he hesitantly whispered, voice trembling.
You stared off into the distance, tired eyes unseeing. 
"I don't know. I just do. I've always been looked at as if I'm a disease, as if I'm wrong to feel happy," you muttered, using your sleeve to wipe your nose. "Something's wrong with me and I have no idea what. I'm just scared... and exhausted."
You heard James sob.
"How long have you been feeling like this for?"
You swallowed and took a breath, "Years."
James' arms tightened around you, sheltering you from the cold world. You took peace in the vulnerability, you had no strength to hide or pretend, you were free to simply exist.
"At some point I gave up on happiness. That was until I met you," you explained. "You gave me hope and though it was painful and risky for me, I decided to trust you. You never let me down but I'll always be afraid you'll leave me for someone less troubled than me. Like most people did."
"Then I'll always be here to remind you that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be by your side to help you."
You held onto his sweater, scared to let him go, "Thank you."
James rubbed your back up and down and pressed a kiss to your head, "You wanted to know why I love you?"
You hummed, turning to him.
He took a look at your bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face and he fell in love even more.
"I love you because of your pure soul. No one has ever treated me with such sincerity. You always support me, guide me and ground me when my head's up in the clouds. I'm far from perfect, I'm flawed just like everyone else. But you don't only make me a better person, you make me want to be better. For you."
A few tears rolled down your cheeks, this time from gratitude and love.
"I'm amazed at how torn you are, but still willing to give a part of yourself to those who need it. Your kindness knows no limits and I admire that in you. You might hate the hurt, damaged side of yourself, but I find its rawness to be astonishing. Because I love you. All of you."
Warmth spread throughout your body and for the first time you felt truly safe.
James slowly kissed your chapped lips. He stood still, just letting the moment take place. You savoured the feeling of his lips on yours and were surprised to feel something wet drip on your cheek. When you pulled away, you saw his glossy eyes.
"I love you too," you replied softly and nestled back into his lap. James hugged you, relieved to finally know what was going on with you. He vowed to himself to help you in any way he could and to constantly remind you that you're not fighting your battle on your own. You, on the other hand, were way calmer as well. It was refreshing to be understood and accepted, to not be judged or blamed for a change. You didn't have to act a role or lie. You let down your defences and let the rotten wound inside you bleed. And you smiled.
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Reblog if you enjoyed my work!
Tag list: @self-ship-love
Masterlist
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gutwrenchflowerbomb · 3 years
Text
Note: This is long but I felt like getting it out there not just for the sake of newer fans but because it’s been a long time since I’ve written about wrestling and I’d like to get into the habit again.
So I’m still pretty new to the current form of WRESTLING TUMBLR™️ but I am a Tumblr vet (joined in May of ‘09 baybee). I am also a vet when it comes to being a wrestling fan. I’m talking 25 years (since I was 10). And I feel this urge to be the cool aunt to all the newer and/or younger fans. I don’t wanna act like I am some super authority figure or that my thoughts and opinions are fucking gospel, but like...apply the wisdom I’ve learned over the years.
Especially as someone whose favorite wrestlers tend to be somewhere in the lower to upper mid-card range.
There is a lot of anger/disappointment/etc right now regarding AEW and some of the recent booking and I just wanna say a few things about it that hopefully will resonate or ease some of that.
-People who are upset with Kenny and/or the Bucks being the champs because they are EVPs :
They deserve it. Why? Because AEW is their baby. Yes, Tony Khan is a big part of it but ultimately the Bucks, Kenny and Cody are the originators. They took a huge risk and it has paid off handsomely. So why is it that just because they happen to be EVPs that means they can never be booked to win big? This whole industry is and has been booked that way. Plus, it’s not like they put the straps on themselves instantly. It’s been over a year and I think it’s fair to say they earned it. Also: they won’t have them forever. Wrestling isn’t fun when the belts never switch hands. We know this and they know this as well.
- Chuck and Trent being underutilized and Orange Cassidy being pushed the moon:
I am a HUGE Best Friends fan. Have been for years. In fact, one of the first shirts I ever bought that wasn’t WWE was a Best Friends shirt and I’ve worn that bitch to All In, Double or Nothing, All Out and Revolution. Do I think they could be on Dynamite more often? Sure. Do I think they are being buried or anything like that in favor of Orange? It’s not that simple.
I love OC. He’s cool, fantastic in the ring, looks good but most of all he is just soooo different than what most casual wrestling fans are used to. In this case, it’s worked out to his (and the company’s) advantage. I can’t tell you how many videos I’ve seen online that show people who don’t know shit about wrestling reacting to him in the ring. The Buzz is good and the result is TNT is VERY interested in OC. We all know TK loves him too. The result has been Orange getting more screen time. But I hope most folks realize this is not his fault. Plus, there’s always gonna be like...designated roles in a wrestling stable. There’s gonna be your singles guys, the tag teams and sometimes a woman or two. It’s just naturally how stables are. And people who are in stables generally are seen supporting their fellow members.
The Best Friends do appear to be on the back burner as far as storyline/prominence goes right now and that’s ok. There is so much talent on that roster, especially in the tag division. If you pull back and look at the episodes objectively, you’ll see that they (the bookers) really try to get everyone screen time as much as possible. When’s the last time PnP had a match? Or Jurassic Express? I can count on one hand the number of times TH2 have been on dynamite this year. That means that a lot of times a team won’t actually have a match on Dynamite for a while. They usually try to even that out by having them on Dark. Again, that is ok. The only alternatives to this would be to A.) cut screen time to several other performers in favor or just one or two teams or B.) have more performers on but the matches would have to be cut to 3-7 minutes. Personally, I would rather have longer matches less often then every week have some dumb ass short matches. 
- My favorite ______ deserves ___!
Listen, everyone has favorites and naturally we all want to see our favorites as much as possible and want them to be dripping in championships. The reality is, if the same people/teams are the champions all the time it’s boring as fuck. Seriously. In good companies, there is a nice ebb and flow of changing of championships. Titles changes that happen too often lose their prestige. When they take too long to change hands it becomes boring and predictable. 
In my over two decades of watching wrestling I’ve learned to embrace this. When your favorite finally gets booked in a higher profile feud, it makes it all that much more exciting and important. Take my current favorite AEW star: I am patiently waiting for Colt Cabana to get something bigger than his current position in the Dark Order. It may be a while. It might be in a few weeks. In the mean time, I just appreciate it when I get to see him at all. 
- The women’s division is trash in AEW right now
It could be better, but believe me: it could be way fucking worse. If any of you remember the Diva’s Championship era of WWE know what the hell I’m talking about. I think that right now, with Covid-19 and injuries for some performers, the women’s division is in a holding pattern. It sucks. There’s no way around it. If you watch Dark, that’s where the ladies shine. There is often 3-5 women’s matches on there and they feature some bigger players and some lesser known jobbettes. Sometimes that means there’s a squash match. But often the performers are given a solid 6+ minutes to go at it. That doesn’t sound long but it’s actually pretty generous especially for those performers who are new/unknown. Yet on Dynamite we usually only get one MAYBE two matches and generally it’s involving the same people. 
I think this is probably going to continue to be the case until the pandemic is under control and they are able to travel again. Not just travel in the sense of going to different cities, but also travel for performers. I personally cannot wait until we get some of the wonderful Joshi ladies back in the mix. I honestly think AEW really truly wants to have the women in their company to shine as bright as the men but they are struggling to figure it out. When the company was started, they had some big, well known names in the men’s division i.e. Chris Jericho. I mean, Double or Nothing we got Mox debuting. That’s some name recognition that the women’s division didn’t get and I think they have suffered because of it. That doesn’t mean that the women are any worse than men or that they are any worse than other companies’ women’s divisions.  
I hope if anyone actually read all this comments to let me know what they think. Again, I never want to come off as an elitist (lol) or know-it-all but rather like the weird old cat-lady who’s lived through some. 
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fanmoose12 · 4 years
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How about one where hanji has taken a job that seemed innocent enough but it turned out that her job were experimenting on criminals (trying to make like a superhuman or something). Hanji hated the revelation but they'll kill her if she leaves. She got really close to Levi who's one of the promising candidates. One day she heard they're going to kill him so she helped him escape. Her boss found out and was going to kill her until Levi saved her. They ran away together 💛
 thank you so much for your prompt, your idea was so cool!!!!
i hope i managed to write it equally cool :0
Hange should have known better. She should have known better than to trust a stranger in a rich three piece suit and round glasses, who looked both handsome and smart and who was waiting for her after her shift at that shitty restaurant. She should have known better than to accept his job proposition, which definitely sounded too good to be true. She should have known better than to blatantly ignore all of the warnings just because she thought that she had finally found a perfect job.
Hange should have known better.
But she didn’t.
In her defense, in the beginning, it all looked innocent enough. Sure, there were some very suspicious signs, like the fact that she had to work in an underground laboratory, or the fact that there was too much security around for it to be a simple science organization, or the fact that she was provided with her own personal bedroom, so she could work all day and not go home in the evenings. But the work was so fascinating, her research so thrilling, that Hange decided to ignore all of it.
Zeke, the man, who offered her this place, told her that she was hired to develop a formula, which could enhance human physical abilities and accelerate regeneration process. It would help save millions of lives, Zeke said.
And Hange, stupid and naïve Hange, believed him. Or, maybe, she just chose to believe, turning the blind eye on the suspicious occurrences inside the lab.
It was really her dream job, and Hange was happy, finally getting recognition for all of her talents.
And even after Zeke started bringing men in, telling her to test her formula on them, Hange still continued her work.
Those men were criminals, Zeke said, rapists and murderers, who didn’t deserve to live. And again, Hange believed him, and she didn’t care how much pain she brought these men. They probably deserved something way worse than what she did to them.
So she ignored their screams of pain, threats of revenge and pleas for release. She ignored it all and proceeded with her work.
But then one day, everything changed. Hange understood what a monster she had become, and how far she went in her pursuit of knowledge.
Everything changed the moment Hange laid her eyes on him.
                                                             ***
Levi Ackerman was just another filthy criminal, Zeke said. But this time, Hange didn’t believe him.
There was something different about him, Hange had felt it the moment she laid her eyes on him. Hange watched him for a long time, trying to pin point what exactly it was.
And then, as he raised his head to glare at her, it finally hit her.
His eyes.
They were beautiful, the intense anger behind them hypnotizing Hange.
But that was not why he was so different from Hange’s previous test subjects. Even though he was glaring furiously, murderously, at everything and everyone around him, there was no malevolence in that gaze.
He wanted to escape, but he had no desire to kill them. His eyes didn’t show the need for power or hunger for violence. Even though, Hange just met him, even though they did not exchange a single word between them, somehow she knew. The man in front of her was cruel, but he didn’t enjoy it. Maybe, he stole and hurt and killed, but it was out of necessity, a way to survive. He didn’t enjoy what he did, didn’t like causing other people pain.
And then Hange understood another thing – neither did she.
“I’ll leave you to your work, Doctor Zoe.” Zeke walked past her, but Hange paid no mind to him.
Her eyes were still focused on Levi Ackerman, Hange couldn’t look away from his angry eyes. If looks could kill, Hange was sure she would be a dead woman ten times already.
Slowly, with her legs shaking, she made her way towards him.
She stopped right in front of him, not knowing what to do.
Of course, she knew what she had to do, as she had done it a dozen times already.
She had to take the man’s hand in hers, inject her serum into his vein, and then monitor the results, writing every little reaction of his body in her journal.
But looking at this man, Hange couldn’t find it in herself to do it. She was sick of just the thought of hurting him.
“What are you waiting for, four-eyes?” the man hissed, baring his teeth at her.
“I don’t know,” Hange let out a bitter laugh, surprising even herself. “I just don’t want to do it.”
And Levi raised his eyes, studying her face. “Are you new around here?”
“No,” Hange’s knees continued to shake, so she sat down on the cold floor. She studied her fingernails, avoiding Levi’s confused eyes. “I’ve done this to a dozen of men, but for some reason… I can’t bring myself to do it to you.”
“And how am I different?”
Hange shrugged. “Don’t know. But you… you don’t look like a person, who deserves this. You don’t look like a person, who likes hurting innocent people.”
“And neither do you.”
Hange snapped her eyes to stare at the man. He stared right back.
“What’s your name?” Levi asked suddenly.
“Hange… Hange Zoe.”
Levi nodded. “Alright, Hange Zoe. Just do your thing already. I know that if you won’t, Zeke will still make you do it by threatening or hurting you.”
“This thing,” Hange nodded at the syringe with her compound, which she held tightly in her hands. “This thing will hurt you. A lot.”
Levi shook his head. “I’ve had worse, I can take it. Besides, I don’t want you to suffer because of me.”
“You seem to be incredibly kind for a criminal,” Hange regarded him with wide, surprised eyes.
“And you seem too soft for a scientist, who experiments on people.”
“Touché,” and despite herself, Hange grinned at Levi.
With a deep breath, she grabbed his hand, holding it tightly. She clenched the syringe. Her hands trembled.
“Are you sure?” she asked, looking up at Levi beneath her fringe.
“Just fucking do it already, four-eyes.”
And Hange injected the syringe into his vein.
She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see Levi’s face contorted in pain.
However, ten seconds passed, and then another ten, but she didn’t hear Levi’s screams of pain even grunts of discomfort.
Hange slowly opened her eyes, and was shocked to see that Levi remained completely calm in his seat, his posture relaxed and unfazed.
“Are you…” Hange began slowly, not believing her eyes. “Are you alright?”
Levi nodded.
Hange looked at the syringe in her hands, she was sure it was the right one, but why hadn’t it worked? All the men, she had tested it on before, immediately began to convulse violently and scream in unbearable pain the moment her compound entered their bloodstream.
But Levi didn’t even break a sweat.
“Do you feel something?”
Levi nodded again. “I feel… weird, as though… some kind of power is cursing through me. And,” Levi lifted his shirt, searching for something there. “There was a cut. One of Zeke’s men cut me, when they tried to capture me. But look at it now.”
Hange stared at it with wide eyes. There was actually a wound on Levi’s stomach, but it was rapidly closing in. In seconds, it was completely gone, not a trace of it left. It didn’t even leave a scar!
Hange’s head was reeling.
“It worked…” she whispered fervently. “My serum actually worked…”
                                                      ***
When he found out about the news, Zeke was beyond himself with happiness.
So glad her work had finally produced results, Zeke gave Hange her own office, and even provided her with her personal assistant. Moblit Berner was a nice, quiet man, who was just a victim of circumstances, the same as Hange was. She took immediate liking to him. He listened to her carefully and obeyed her every command. They made a great team.
Hange expected to continue her experiments with other test subjects, but Zeke told her to focus on Levi.
He was their first success, and Zeke needed Hange to understand why. What was so special about him, what part of his organism made him so susceptible to Hange’s formula? What did he have that others lacked?
And Hange studied him thoroughly, searching for something abnormal in his system, but she couldn’t find it. Even without her compound, Levi seemed to be stronger, quicker and more adept at survival than ordinary people. But Hange couldn’t find an explanation to this.
She spent almost every waking moment with Levi. She studied him, she checked the changes in his body, which were induced by her compound, she pushed him to his limits to see just how strong he was and she trained him to become even more powerful.
And during all of this, she unintentionally, accidentally, completely unwillingly… fell in love with him.
                                                               ***
Levi was amazing.
Not just his physique or his quick reflexes, he himself, his mind, heart and soul were extraordinary.
At least to Hange.
He was such a hard person to understand. He rarely spoke, and even when he did he never said what was actually on his mind. His words seemed cryptic and inapprehensible. His face never betrayed his feelings.
But that didn’t stop Hange from trying to understand him. Levi was a mystery, an enigma and a challenge. And Hange was never the one to give up a good challenge.
So she studied his behavior, his quirks and habits just as thorough as she studied his organism.
She looked for the smallest changes in his eyes, face expressions and tones of voice. She learned to understand him. And the more she learned, the more she looked at him, the more Hange liked what she saw.
And then, Hange found out that Levi wasn’t difficult to read at all. He was hiding all of his true feelings, because he was afraid to get hurt. But deep down, he was one of the kindest, most caring person Hange ever knew.
Hange hated what she had to do to him. She hated poking him with needles and syringes, hated making him run a hundred laps, just to see how much it takes before he was utterly and completely exhausted, hated seeing him fighting with a dozen of Zeke’s men, testing his reflexes and strength. Hange’s heart broke every time she saw his sweat-covered face, his trembling limbs and the cuts and bruises on his body.
But she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help him.
She knew that she was a prisoner here, just as Levi was. She knew that if she dared to disobey then Zeke would kill her, and then assign someone new to Levi, someone, who will be much crueler and less considerate to him.
So she continued her work, proceeded with her research and against all odds hoped that Levi would be merciful enough to forgive her.
                                                             ***
“Why haven’t you tried to escape yet?” Hange asked him one time.
She made sure there was no security around. The only people in the room were her and Levi. Even Moblit was absent, since Hange knew that Levi didn’t trust her assistant the way Hange did.
Well, she hoped he trusted her.
“Are you encouraging me to escape, four-eyes?” Levi looked up at her, and Hange saw a ghost of a smirk on his lips.
“No!” Hange protested. “I just…” she waved her hand uncertainly in the air, thinking about her next words. “I was just thinking about it for a while now. I know you’re strong, I know exactly how strong you are, and I’m sure that if you tried, you have big chances to escape unnoticed. So why are you still here?”
“You’re my watcher,” Levi told her seriously, staring deeply into her eyes.
Hange gasped, understanding everything Levi left unsaid.
“Are you saying that—”
Levi turned his head to the side, facing away from Hange. His voice was almost angry, as he spoke. “I’m saying that if I escape, the blame will fall on you, four-eyes. And Zeke will make you pay. I don’t want that to happen.”
“Levi…” Hange took a step towards him, but he turned to look at her and the fierceness of his gaze paralyzed Hange.
“I know it’s stupid,” Levi said. His fists visibly trembled. “I know that you’re one of them, and I should hate you, but. I can’t. I’ve tried, but you’re so fucking nice to me! Ever since our first meeting, you’ve been nothing but kind. You looked at me – a thief and a murderer, who could kill you with his bare hands, — and you still chose to be kind to me. You were afraid to hurt me! What the fuck, Hange?” Levi crossed the distance between them swiftly and gripped Hange’s shoulders. He stared into her face, searching for something there. “Why don’t you hate me, Hange?” he whispered. “Why aren’t you disgusted by me?”
“Because I know you,” Hange laid her hand on his cheek, smiling warmly at him. “I see you, Levi. I know you’re a good person, and that’s why… that’s why I want to help you.”
Levi’s gaze turned confused, he opened his mouth to ask Hange to elaborate, but she beat him to it.
“I know how you can escape.” Hange began, turning away from Levi. His beautiful grey eyes, which looked at her so intently and with so much emotion, were distracting her. The way he still gripped her shoulders tightly was even worse, and Hange took a step back, getting away from his warm and strong hands. “Zeke told me that he wants you to go on a mission to test your skills in practice. I don’t know yet what this is going to be, and there is going to be a lot of security with you, but I think… I think it can work. I’m sure you can deal with all the guards, and that way the blame wouldn’t be on me. If that concerns you so much.”
“It does.” Levi told her quietly, but fiercely.
“A-alright!” Hange said and hurried to get out of that room.
Being so close to Levi, listening to his words and looking into his eyes, Hange felt confused. She simultaneously wanted Levi to stop and at the same she wanted him to continue, wanted to hold him in her arms and never let go, protecting him from the world around them.
“We’ll think of a plan some other time!” Hange put on a forceful smile and then exited the room, closing the door behind herself.
She leaned her back against the door and took a deep, calming breath.
Just what kind of a mess she was getting into?
                                                       ***
Hange anxiously checked her phone for the tenth time, waiting for a signal from Levi.
His mission had begun three hours ago, and he promised to call Hange once he successfully managed to escape from Zeke.
Three hours. And still no phone call.
Despite herself, Hange was starting to get nervous.
“Is everything alright?” Moblit asked, looking at her strangely.
“Yes!” Hange smiled way too widely. “Of course, everything is great!”
“Are you worried about Levi Ackerman?”
Hange sighed. Nothing was getting past her assistant.
“A bit.” She gave Moblit a crooked grin.
“You…” Moblit began tentatively. “You are not worried about the mission, right? You were planning something else with him. Right?”
Hange widened her eyes, staring at her assistant in shock. How did he—?
“Didn’t know you were so observant, Moblit.”
He smiled warmly. “I’ve learned from the best.” Then looking at Hange’s still nervous face, he added. “You shouldn’t worry, though. Levi is strong and smart. He’ll be fine.”
Moblit placed a hand onto Hange’s shoulder, and squeezed it gently. Hange replied him with a small, but sincere and grateful smile.
“Another coffee?” he gestured at Hange’s empty cup.
“Yes please.”
Before Moblit had returned with her coffee, though, Hange heard a loud commotion in the main hall. She ran outside, dying to see an angry and pissed-off Zeke, who would inform her that he managed to lose their only test subject.
She threw the door open and was immediately met with Zeke’s furious face.
A victorious smile almost appeared on Hange’s lips.
But then she noticed a body, lying next to Zeke’s feet. Levi’s body.
Hange ran to him without a second thought.
“What happened to him?” Hange asked, as she turned Levi’s prone body around to take a look on his face.
“That son of a bitch tried to escape. He killed almost every member of my personal guard, before they managed to calm him down. I would have shot him like a dog,” Zeke spat angrily. “But, unfortunately, we still need him.”
Hange’s hands shook as she looked over Levi’s face. It was covered in bruises and cuts. Hange guessed it looked much worse before, as she could see that regeneration process had already started, even though it was slower than usual. That was probably caused by a sedative Zeke had injected him with.
“We won’t need him for much longer,” Zeke continued, breaking Hange out of her thoughts. She snapped her head up to look at Zeke, her heart racing wildly.
“Just what do you mean by that?” she asked slowly, willing her voice not to shake.
“Prepare him for an operation. As soon as we’ll find another candidate, you’ll transplant all of his organs.”
“What!” Hange exclaimed, completely shocked by Zeke’s plan. “It will never work! We still don’t know which part of his body makes him so susceptible to the formula, and if we transplant all of the organs, they’ll get rejected by the recipient’s organism!”
“It won’t work?” Zeke leaned in, staring dangerously at Hange. “You have to make it work, Doctor Zoe. Or I’ll find myself a better scientist. Do you understand what I’m implying?”
Hange nodded, swallowing heavily.
“Great!” Zeke straightened and clasped his hands. “Then start working immediately!”
Before he walked away, Zeke turned back to Hange.
“Here,” he extended a gun towards Hange. “I cannot provide you with security, so use this to defend yourself. In case, he wakes up and tries to attack you. Although, I’m sure it won’t happen. He seems to be weirdly fond of you.” Zeke looked at Hange knowingly. He gave her one last smile before leaving the room.
Hange exhaled shakily when Zeke closed the door after himself. This was much more nerve-wrecking than she expected.
Looking back at Levi, Hange felt her heart skip a beat. It was her fault he was like this. It was her plan, and it didn’t work, and Levi had to suffer for it.
Hange shook her head, getting rid of such thoughts. Now was not the time to become depressed.  She needed to concentrate on finding a way to save Levi.
She wouldn’t let him get hurt this time and she was ready to do anything to save him.
                                                         ***
Hange was carefully tending to Levi’s wounds. Superhuman or not, but due to a sedative, his wounds were healing slowly, and Hange didn’t want to risk an infection.
Besides, it gave her hands something to do, and it helped her bring her thoughts into order.
Just as Hange was wiping blood from a nasty cut on Levi’s left cheek, his eyes fluttered open.
“Hange?” he whispered, as he focused his gaze on her.
Hange nodded, avoiding Levi’s eyes.
“So I fucked up, huh?” he asked hoarsely.
Hange bowed her head, clutching Levi’s shirt tightly in her hands. “I’m so sorry, Levi. If it weren’t for my stupid plan, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Levi roughly grabbed her hand. “Look at me, Hange.” His voice was deep and commanding. Hange slowly raised her eyes. Levi was glaring furiously at her, his mouth set in a hard line. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this shit! It was my own fucking fault, so shut your stupid mouth.”
Hange freed her hand out of Levi’s grasp and took a few steps away from him. “Zeke wants to kill you.” She said quietly, her voice shaking. “He wants to find another candidate, and then transplant all of your organs to him. He hopes that this way, the new test subject will be able to receive my compound.”
“Oh,” Levi’s voice was strangely quiet. “Will that work?”
“No!” Hange shouted. “I won’t let that happen.” She promised him fiercely, her eyes burning with intense fire. “You’re getting out of here. Right fucking now.”
And then she took Levi by the hand, dragging him out of the room.
“Oi, Hange,” Levi tried to free himself, but Hange held him tightly. “Stop, goddamn it! We don’t even have a plan, what the fuck are you doing?!”
“Do you trust me?” Hange asked, not stopping and turning around to stare at Levi.
“With my life.” Levi answered.
“G-good,” Hange stammered, looking away. Levi’s earnest and passionate gaze confused her. “Then follow me. And quietly, please. You managed to get rid of most Zeke’s security, but there still may be some guards around. I’ll lead you to the back door. There shouldn’t be any soldiers there, and you will be able to escape unnoticed. Run until the end of the alley, my friend Erwin will be waiting there for you. I called him, while you were unconscious, and he agreed to help you with finding a hiding place. With Erwin’s help, I don’t think Zeke would be able to find you.”
Hange stopped in front of a corridor, leading to the back door of the laboratory.
Levi stared at her, his eyes wide.
One more step, and he will have his freedom. But Levi wasn’t keen on getting there, he didn’t want to say goodbye to Hange just yet.
“Go with me,” he blurted out suddenly. He didn’t mean to, but looking up at Hange, Levi knew that he really wanted that, he really wanted to run away with her. “I know you hate working here, so let’s escape together.”
Hange shook her head sadly. “I can’t leave just yet. Moblit is still here, and I can’t leave him all alone.” She smiled gently, but unhappily. “Maybe, we will meet again. I’m hoping we do.”
“Thank you,” he said, and for the first time in his life, Levi regretted his complete inability to express his feelings. He wanted to say so much more, Hange deserved to hear so much more, but he just couldn’t find the right words. So Levi hoped she would understand him.
The soft look in her eyes told Levi that Hange managed to read him as easily this time, as she always did.
“I need you to do one more thing,” Hange said before Levi turned to walk away. Slowly she reached behind her back and took out the gun. She extended it to Levi.
“Hange, I don’t—”
“Zeke will know if I just let you walk away,” she explained, cutting Levi off. “We need to make it more believable. Make it look like I’ve tried to stop you.”
“No.” Levi said resolutely, knowing exactly where this was going. “No, Hange, no fucking way. I’m not going to do it.”
“Levi.” Hange pressed, her voice serious. “I would have done it myself, but Zeke is smart and will know if I shoot myself. So,” she took Levi’s palm and closed it around the handle of a gun. “You have to do it.”
“Hange,” Levi whispered in desperation. “I’ve killed dozens of men and women, but I can’t. I can’t do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’ll be fine,” Hange promised with a soft smile. “If you don’t do this, Zeke will do something way worse to me.”
That seemed to convince Levi, as he focused on the gun in his hands. He raised it slowly. “Will that assistant of yours take care of you?”
“Of course,” a smile didn’t disappear from Hange’s lips. “Just do it, Levi. I trust you.”
“You really shouldn’t.” he muttered, shaking his head.
Without breaking an eye contact with her, Levi pressed the gun into Hange’s abdomen. His finger trembled on the trigger.
Levi took a deep breath and fired.
He dropped the gun immediately, as his hands clutched Hange’s stomach. He took off her lab coat and pressed it to the wound.
“You need to apply pressure to it.” He spoke urgently, feverishly. Levi carefully sat her down, so her back was leaning against the wall.
Hange’s face was contorted in pain, and she breathed heavily through her nose. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she said. Her voice was shaking.
She put her bloodied hand onto Levi’s shoulder and weakly pushed him away. “You need to go, Levi. Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.”
Levi’s face paled as he watched her struggles. He wanted to help, to soothe her pain, but he knew it was his time to go. Hange risked her life for his chance of an escape. He couldn’t let her down.
But before he walked away, Levi leaned in and placed his hands on both of Hange’s cheeks.
“I’ll come back for you, I promise.” He looked deeply into her eyes. He quickly pressed a kiss on her forehead.
It took all of his willpower to withdraw himself from Hange. He gave her one last look, and then disappeared behind the door.
Hange didn’t move from her place on the floor, her head spinning from all the pain. She clutched her wound tightly, counting the seconds in her head. She needed to wait for at least two minutes, to give Levi some time.
When two minutes passed, Hange took a deep breath, gathering all of her energy.
“Help!” she screamed at last.
And then, she passed out.
                                                          ***
Hange woke up in a hospital. She turned her head to the side and sighed in relief upon noticing Moblit sitting by her bed, a book in his hand.
“That was the most stupid thing you’ve ever done,” he said without putting his book down. Then he closed it with a bang and lowered it down, revealing to Hange his fierce glare.
“I didn’t manage to fool you?” Hange asked, honestly surprised. She thought her plan was so smart…
“I spend too much time around you. I know just how stupid you can be.” Moblit sighed, and then his eyes became a little softer. “Don’t worry, though. Zeke didn’t seem to suspect anything.”
“Thank god,” Hange breathed out.
“Why did you do this, Hange?” Moblit asked as he got up to pour Hange a glass of water. His back was facing her, when he asked his next question. “Are you in love with him, with that Levi Ackerman?”
Hange chuckled softly. “Nothing gets past you, eh, Moblit?”
“Why are you still here?” Moblit passed her a glass of water and studied her face intently. “Why didn’t you run away with him?”
“Oi,” Hange smacked his arm, feigning offence. “I can’t just leave you here. Besides,” Hange gazed in the window, her gaze becoming distant and wistful. “I have to destroy everything in that lab. I can’t let Zeke recreate my compound, I have to make sure that he would never hurt other people again.”
Moblit shook his head, staring at Hange softly. “You’re too righteous for your own good. But that’s why I admire you so much. Whatever you need, I’ll be there for you, Hange.”
Hange smiled at him, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it tightly. “Thank you, Moblit. You are the best assistant in the world.”
                                                        ***
Through the next month, Hange tried to bury herself in her work. She tried to be as obedient as possible, following through Zeke’s every order and restricting herself from questioning his decisions. She tried to be as unsuspicious as possible. Zeke was a very smart man, and Hange knew that even the smallest mistake could lead to her downfall.
Zeke brought her new test subjects, and Hange focused her whole attention on them, making changes to her formula to make it work.
There wasn’t much success in her attempts, but Hange didn’t give up. She couldn’t allow herself to, because every time she wasn’t thinking about her work, every time she let her mind wonder, her thoughts were always about him.
It’s been a month since she last saw Levi, and since then she heard nothing about him. She was sure that Levi was safe with Erwin, she was sure that her friend was taking good care about him but… Hange wanted to hear his voice so much, wanted to talk him at least once. However, she didn’t dare to call Erwin and ask about Levi. Zeke might have wired her phone, and Hange didn’t want to put Levi’s safety on the line just to calm her nerves.
So she worked and worked, and then worked some more. She tried to completely exhaust herself, so every time she went to bed, she would immediately fall asleep, her mind blissfully empty from any kind of intrusive thoughts.
And it seemed to work, even though Moblit was looking at her strangely and hovering above her even more than usual. But Hange repeated to him again and again: she was fine.
Looking at herself in the mirror - skin pale, eyes bleak with dark circles underneath and cheeks thin – she repeated the same mantra. She was fine.
And with each passing day it became harder and harder to believe her own lie.
                                                           ***
Hange looked up from her notes, suddenly feeling strange. Something… something was wrong. Hange felt as though something, someone, important was missing.
She looked around the lab, the realization dawning on her.
Moblit!
For the past month her assistant didn’t leave her for a second, always following after Hange and making sure she was eating and drinking regularly. But Hange hadn’t seen him at all today.
She felt her stomach twist itself into knots.
Something was wrong.
Hange closed her journal and got to her feet. She pushed the door to the lab open and headed towards Zeke’s office.
Surely, he must know where Moblit was.
Maybe, he became ill or overslept. Surely, nothing bad could happen to him. Hange was just panicking over nothing. Perhaps, her sleep deprivation and crazy work schedule were to blame.
Hange walked up to Zeke’s office, opening the door and walking inside.
And she froze immediately, her eyes going wide in shock.
Two of Zeke’s men were holding the kneeling Moblit tightly in their arms, while Zeke was grabbing him by the hair, making him stare directly at him.
As he heard Hange walk in, Zeke looked up.
His lips immediately curled into a sweet smile.
“Doctor Zoe,” he drew out, releasing Moblit. “What a great timing you have! We were just talking about you.”
“What is going on here?” Hange asked, not taking her eyes away from Moblit’s back. She couldn’t see his face just yet, but she knew she wouldn’t like the look of it.
“I just told you. Mister Berner and I were having a very lovely conversation. You should join in.”
“Let Moblit go.” Hange demanded.
“Oh?” Zeke raised his eyebrow. “And what else should I do?” He swiftly walked up to Hange, gripping her elbow roughly. “You’re forgetting yourself, Doctor Zoe.” He hissed into her face. “One word from me, and your genius brain will be all over my wall. But we wouldn’t want that to happen, right?” Zeke straightened, fixing his tie. His face was back to normal, all signs of anger disappearing.
“Go on and kill me,” Hange told him in a low, dangerous voice. “And what will you do next? Do you think you will be able to find another scientist so quickly? Someone smart enough to work with my formula, but stupid enough to agree to work for you? Good luck.”  
“Ah, I have to admit you’re correct, Doctor Zoe. You are an exceptional woman. So smart, so bright. And all of it has gone to waste. Because of some dirty street rat!”
Hange’s eyes widened just a fraction. But it was enough to confirm every last one of Zeke’s suspicions.
“I knew something was up.” Zeke sighed, turning away from Hange. “I knew something was up from the very moment I saw the expression on your face, when you first met that beast, that monster, that Levi Ackerman. But your work had been as good as ever, and you even succeeded with your formula! I tried to ignore all the signs: how you spoke too gently with him, and how both of you stared for too long at each other, and how he lashed out at everyone around him, except for you. And then he escaped. Right from under your nose. But you got shot. Excellent idea, by the way. It really convinced me that you are innocent, that you just lost your focus for a moment, and that bastard took advantage of it. But that was a lie, right? A plan, carefully constructed by you, and perfectly executed by Levi Ackerman.”
Zeke shook his head, looking at Hange with disappointment.  “Do you know what gave you away?”
Hange didn’t reply to him, staring back at him defiantly.
“A few days ago, my people managed to find him. He disappeared as quickly as he appeared. He wasn’t alone, though. A man was with him, one Erwin Smith.” Zeke smiled at Hange. “Surely, a name rings a bell to you, right?”
“Never heard of him.” Hange said through gritted teeth.
Zeke tsked. “Just what kind of a person forgets her university friends, huh, Doctor Zoe?”
Hange cursed under her breath. “So you know everything. Then why didn’t you just kill me? Why all of this show? Why do you need Moblit? He is innocent in all of this!”
“Maybe, he is.” Zeke gestured to his men, and they led Moblit to him.
Hange was horrified at the sight of her friend’s bruised and bloodied face. Her loyal and dear assistant. All of his sufferings were on her.
“But you were right, Doctor,” Zeke grinned, as his eyes remained cruel and calculating, watching Hange’s every reaction. “Unfortunately, I do need you. I can’t kill you. But I don’t need him. Maybe, his death will teach you a lesson.”
“No!” Hange cried out desperately. “Please, don’t do this. He has done nothing wrong! I’ll do anything you want, just don’t hurt him!”
“Anything I want?” Zeke’s grin turned feral, as he looked up at the ceiling, considering his answer. “Alright, I won’t kill him. I’ll even let him go. On one condition,” Zeke’s pleased expression made a chill ran through Hange’s spine. “He will bring Levi Ackerman to me. I’m sure that if Mister Berner tells him that you’re in trouble, he’ll come running here, hurrying to your rescue.”
Hange looked up at him. She was having a hard time believing that this man could be so cruel. And so smart. He had played her like a damn fool, managing to twist everything to his favor.
“Gentlemen,” Zeke turned to his guards. “Escort Doctor Zoe to her room. And make sure to lock it. She’ll be waiting for her knight in shining armor there. And Mister Berner,” Zeke flashed him a brilliant smile. “I hope you won’t disappoint me. And if you do, know that your dear superior will die in horrible pain. Understood?”
Moblit nodded, swallowing heavily.
With one last look at her friend’s anguished face, Hange was led out of the room.
                                                              ***
Hange stared at the cracks on the white ceiling in her bedroom. She scoffed at the thought. Her bedroom. It was nothing more than her cage, and she was nothing more than a prisoner.
She was a prisoner, and a fool, a goddamn idiot. To be caught so easily…
If she wasn’t so naïve, if she was content with her work at that shitty restaurant, if she didn’t strive to be something more… None of it would have happened.
She would have been living a boring, but safe life. Moblit and Levi wouldn’t have suffered for her mistakes.
And now she even got Erwin involved in her mess.
She was such an idiot!
Hange grabbed the pillow underneath her head and punched it in frustration. She raised it high above her and then smashed it into the wall on the opposite side of the room.
It hit the wall with a loud ‘pouf’ and then landed softly on the floor.
In the next moment, a door to her room opened.
Hange tensed, raising her head in alarm. Was she behaving too loudly?
However, her heart stopped beating inside her chest as she took a better look at the person on the threshold. Her heart stopped for a moment and then started beating with twice its usual speed.
Levi was standing right in front of her.
It couldn’t be.
Had she not noticed how she fell asleep? Was it just a dream?
“The fuck you’re still sitting there, four-eyes?” It was his voice, deep and husky, just as Hange remembered it. Just as she heard it so many times in her dreams.
“Levi?” Hange asked, still not quite believing it was actually him.
“Who else could it be?” Levi huffed in annoyance. He walked inside the room and took Hange by the hand. His touch was soft and gentle. “Come on, get up and let’s go. We don’t have much time.”
And while Hange agreed completely with him - if Levi actually came to rescue her, then they needed to run, and fast. But… Hange just couldn’t stop herself.
She launched herself onto Levi, holding him tightly in her arms.
“I missed you so much,” she whispered, laying her cheek on top of Levi’s hair.
“Hange, we don’t have time for this,” Levi replied in an unusually soft voice. Despite his words, however, he laid his hands onto her back, pressing himself even closer to her.
“Alright, let’s go,” Hange said after a few seconds. She let go of Levi, returning her posture and grinning at him.
Before she could turn around and start walking, though, Levi grabbed her wrist.
“Wait,” he said, taking her face in his hands and inspecting it carefully. “Did he hurt you?”
Hange shook her head, her heart skipping a beat at the sight of Levi’s worried gaze.
“I’m fine,” she reassured Levi.
He nodded and let go of her. In the next moment, he took her hand into his, intertwining their fingers.
“Let’s go then                                             
                                                       ***
As they ran together through the dark corridors, Hange couldn’t get one particular thought out of her head.
“Is Moblit fine?” she asked Levi finally.
“He is. Erwin will look after him, don’t worry.”
Hange breathed out in relief. “Thank the goodness,” she whispered. “It’s my fault he got hurt.”
Levi tugged harshly on her hand. “Stop this shit, Hange. None of it is your fault. That son of a bitch Zeke is to blame.”
Hange said nothing, just stared at Levi with grateful and gentle smile. She squeezed his hand tighter.
                                                     ***
Soon they reached the stairwell, and Hange stopped.
“You should go now,” Hange said, nodding to the stairwell. “I need to finish something first.”
She tried to free her hand out of Levi’s grasp, but he held on tight.
“Jesus Christ,” Levi hissed angrily. “Just how much of a shithead you are, Hange? I came here to save your sorry ass, and I’m not going to let you go. I’ve done it one time and I’m not repeating this mistake ever again,” Levi’s eyes bored into hers with fierce intensity. Hange couldn’t look away. “If you need something done, then I’m going with you. And then we get out. Together.”
“But it could be dangerous…” Hange protested weakly.
“That’s why I’m going with you.”
Levi didn’t let her say anything else, and pushed Hange forward, following after her to the laboratory.
As they descended down the long stairwell, another thought popped into Hange’s mind.
They ran through the whole complex, passed through a dozens of rooms. And they saw not a single guard.
It couldn’t be possible. Zeke should have known that Levi wasn’t going to surrender so easily. He should have known that Levi would try and save her.
Zeke should have known.
“Levi, wait!” Hange tried to stop him, but it was too late. They already reached the doors to the laboratory.
And Levi had already opened them.
                                                               ***
Hange looked inside the lab.
And just as she predicted, Zeke was already there, already waiting for them. Heavily armed guards stood behind him.
“You are so smart and yet so predictable, Doctor Zoe,” Zeke said as soon as Hange and Levi walked inside the lab. “I knew you would come here. Couldn’t leave your invention behind?”
“I came to destroy it.” Hange replied, holding her head high and staring at Zeke defiantly.
“A shame, really,” Zeke took off his glasses and started cleaning them with a handkerchief. “You could have changed the world,” he told Hange, smiling sadly at her. “But you chose to save one man instead.”
“Let us go, Zeke,” Levi stepped forward, partially covering Hange’s body with his. “You know you can’t fight me. And neither can your stupid lackeys. Let us go, and no one will get hurt.”
Zeke throw his head back and laughed.
“You think you can beat me?” Zeke put the glasses back on his face. He stared at Levi, his eyes cold and dangerous. “You may be stronger than me, Levi Ackerman, you may be quicker than me. But you are definitely not smarter than me.”
In the next moment, Levi started moving.
He ran so swiftly, Hange’s eyes couldn’t quite follow him.
He approached the closest soldier to him, and punched him. The man lost his balance, and Levi used this to disarm him. He grabbed the gun, shot the man and then aimed the gun at the next one. Before the other guard could react, Levi already shot him right in the face.
The rest of the guards came to stand in front of Zeke, hiding him behind their backs. Their guns were all trained on Levi.
They started shooting, and Levi moved, dodging all of their bullets. While they were busy recharging, Levi already killed three other soldiers.
Levi raised his gun to his next victim. However, before he was able to fire, a man in the middle dropped his gun and lifted his hands.
“Please stop,” he whispered shakily. “We surrender.”
“Good,” Levi nodded. “Then get the fuck out of here.”
He didn’t need to be told twice.
The other four men lowered their weapons as well and then followed after their friend, leaving Zeke all alone.
But he was far from surrendering.
Zeke held his own gun. But it wasn’t aimed at Levi.
It was aimed at Hange.
“Lower your weapon, please,” he told Levi, smirking victoriously. “Or I blow her brains out.”
Levi cursed, but slowly put his gun on the ground.
“What do you want from us?” Hange asked loudly, fearlessly taking a step towards Zeke. “You know we wouldn’t work for you anymore, then what’s the point? Just kill both of us and be done with it.”
“My dear Doctor Zoe,” Zeke shook his head. “You disobeyed me. You destroyed everything I’ve worked for. And you want me to just kill you? That’s too easy. I want you to suffer. I want you beg me to kill you.”
“I will never beg.” Hange’s voice was strong and confident. She made another step forward, her forehead almost touching the barrel of Zeke’s gun.
Levi wanted to shout, wanted to shake Hange and ask what the fuck was she doing. But then Hange glanced at him, for less than a second, but it was enough for Levi to understand.
Hange stood so close to Zeke, and now all of his attention was on her.
She was giving him a chance to attack. Levi didn’t waste another second.
He charged at Zeke, grabbing him by the waist and knocking him to the ground. Hange came to stand above Zeke. She stepped on his hand, which was still holding the gun.
“Surrender, Zeke,” Hange looked down on him. “Surrender, swear not to look for us anymore, and we’ll let you live.”
Zeke said nothing, his eyes darting from Hange above him to Levi, who was keeping him in place with a knee on his chest. He couldn’t escape.
“Fine,” he said finally. “I surrender.”
“Smart choice,” Hange grinned at him.
She kneeled next to Zeke. She grabbed him by his tie and then punched him in the face, still smiling happily.
Hange’s fist managed to broke Zeke’s nose, as his face immediately became covered in blood.
“That’s for Moblit.” Hange told him in a sweet voice.
Then she got to her feet and, extending her hand towards Levi, helped him get up as well.
“Let’s hope it was our last time seeing each other, Zeke!” Hange waved her hand, as she started walking, Levi following after her.
“If I ever see you again, I’ll kill you.” Levi promised him darkly.
Hange giggled, as she saw the expression of pure terror on Zeke’s face.
Hand in hand, they walked out of Zeke’s laboratory, leaving all of its horrors behind.
                                                      ***
His fingers gently stroked the small scar on the otherwise smooth and warm skin.
“It didn’t hurt that much,” Hange whispered, noticing the troubled and painful expression on Levi’s face.
“But it did hurt.” Levi refused to raise his eyes to look at Hange, his gaze still focused on the mark on her abdomen.
“Levi,” Hange called him softly. She lifted his chin and gently kissed his lips. “That was my idea, and it was me who convinced you to do it. Besides, it had worked for a while.” Hange sighed. “It would have worked for a lot longer, if Zeke wasn’t a noisy asshole, who probably scrolled through my Instagram account until he found my picture with Erwin.”
A slight smirk graced Levi’s lips. “At least, he left us alone.”
“Mm, yeah,” Hange lazily kissed his chin. “That’s because you saved me. My knight in shining armor.” She added with a grin.
Levi flicked her nose. “You’re so stupid, Hange.” His voice was annoyed, but his eyes looked at Hange with softness he rarely shown to anyone else, but her.
“Besides,” he added, his hands coming to embrace her. “You saved me first.”
Hange smiled softly, and then gently kissed Levi’s forehead.
“Let’s go to sleep,” she mumbled quietly, laying her head on Levi’s chest.
Levi nodded, covering both of their bodies with a blanket.
Now that Hange was safe in his arms, he could finally sleep peacefully.
123 notes · View notes
bananban-feature · 3 years
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Stan Talent, Stan Pentagon
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So many reasons to stan Pentagon:
1. Self-Produced
They just have a ton of talented songwriters in here! Cube is popular for self-produced idols after all, like BtoB, another super talented group.
Hui is a composer-producer, not really a secret because he’s well-known as a genius as he also composed hit songs for other popular groups (such as Energetic by Wanna One)
Kino and Wooseok wrote a lot of songs in their albums too, including some of my favorites Spring Snow (Kino) and Nostalgia (Wooseok). Kino also wrote their special single Eternal Flame. Wooseok had a big contribution in writing my absolute favorite, Daisy (but mostly written by Hui), and honestly his songwriting talent seems to be underrated.
Jinho has also composed a few and helped write a lot. Yuto also composed songs (aside from his rap lines), one song being Camella that a lot of “unis” love. *Universe/Unis = fandom name
Both Kino and Yuto have their own soundclouds for the songs they write/produce.
Yeo One composed his own solo songs (yes, even as rookies, they were already composing), and they’re actually so good. 
Also, in general, they are so creative in their songs and performances. Example: their Road To Kingdom performances, and also their super fun b-sides like Round 1 and Round 2!
My personal favorites: Obviously the genius Hui, Wooseok (I love him so much!), and Kino (such a talented person)
2. Vocal Kings
Their main vocals (Hui and Jinho) are absolutely top-tier vocalists, two of the strongest ones in the kpop world (imo).
Jinho was LITERALLY a vocal coach of kpop stars. Incredible vocal range.
Their lead vocals Hongseok (actually now a main vocal) and Yeo One are potential main vocals! And their sub-vocals, Kino (honestly surprised he was a sub-vocal cause he’s waaaay too good to be sub!), Yan An and Shinwon, are on par or better than other groups’ lead vocals, imo.
Vocal kings of harmonization. I love it so much, they sound so good! They take after their sunbaes BtoB, the OG harmonization kings. (Song references: You Are, and Shine acapella version).
Wooseok and Yuto’s rap are also so good! Honestly, I go crazy sometimes, especially with Wooseok’s delivery.
Edit, random trivia: I actually found out Wooseok auditioned in Cube as a vocalist and a model. Thank God, he discovered his talent in rapping later on, because dang, this guy is SICK. His rap touches my heart. He is proof that the basis of what a good rapper is doesn’t need to be about how fast you can say your words.
My personal favorites: Hui, Jinho, and Yeo One (what a beautiful voice, and he’s so good and stable live, halp huhu, totally underrated), Wooseok’s rap (I’m a big fan, my eyes are filled with hearts)
3. Musical ability (in general) and Dance
Being composers/producers, they have a good understanding of music theory and techniques, especially for Hui (obviously, the genius), Jinho (as a vocal coach) and Kino (I think).
Musical Instruments: Almost all of them (except for Hongseok) plays musical instruments
Piano: Hui, Jinho, Kino, Shinwon - I have to make a special note here. These guys can really play. They’re not the type to say they play the piano but only press a few chords here and there a bit and sing a song. They play their keys!
Guitar: Yuto (he is really good! he posts electric guitar covers on Twitter), Wooseok, Jinho, Hui, Yeo One, Shinwon
Erhu (Chinese traditional instrument): Yan An - studied it for 10 years. Haha! This is so unique, I’ve never seen him play it, and it’s not exactly a useful instrument to have for kpop music, but I love it!
Edit: I also found out Wooseok can play the violin. Not only that, he’s won a violin competition.. I couldn’t believe it! Violin it’s such a hard instrument. It’s not easy to be good at violin, let alone win a violin competition. Wooseok really surprises me with the musical talent he has sometimes.
Dance: Quite obvious as a kpop idol group, even though admittedly they aren’t exactly the best as a whole group. 
But anyway, Kino is the main dancer. (Also known for being such a good dancer of girl group songs. Hihi cute)
Lead dancers: Hui, Yuto, Yeo One
Apparently, Kino is also the choreographer! I think he was the main choreographer for Daisy. (Don’t @ me, I’m not sure. But in general, yes, he does choreograph for the group.)
My personal favorites: Kino, Hui - this also includes stage presence.
4. Visuals
Their official visual is Yan An. (Pentagon is whipped for Yanan, btw.)
Other unofficial visuals, at least in my book: Yuto, Hongseok, Yeo One, Kino (but tbf, as a well-loved idol group, everyone becomes an unofficial visual)
Shinwon was actually a legit model before being an idol, and he became viral for being “the handsome part-timer” at a cafe Exo went to.
Men’s Health Korea models (YES, ACTUAL MEN’S HEALTH COVER BOYS aka gym freaks): Hongseok, Yeo One. *PS: I have a feeling Yuto will also be on there soon, one of these days
Let me just reiterate though that while Hongseok is known for his muscles, he more than his abs. He’s smart, funny, and talented, as you can see in this whole post. So yeah, basically, please don’t objectify him.
My personal favorites: Yuto (the reason why I checked Pentagon out in the first place! my heart went deugun deugun), Hongseok (what a great face, beautiful eyes), Yeo One (cutie), Kino (very very pretty face)
*check ending for gifs/pics*
5. Other talents
Acting
Literally THREE of them are musical theatre actors, and all were actually the main characters in their respective musicals: Jinho (already a theatre sunbae), Hui and Yeo One. Honestly, this shows both acting skills and strong vocal ability. (Imagine the strong vocal ability of the lead vocal, in PTG, Yeo One, a main character of a musical. It gives you an idea of how good the vocal line up is.)
I think some of them had some acting in dramas, like Hongseok and Yeo One
Update: Yanan and Wooseok are also on dramas/will be on dramas now. That makes almost everybody in Pentagon (still waiting for Yuto and Shinwon) an actor.
Another update: Kino is now hosting his second podcast with Dive Studios! :)
Randoms
Hongseok, Jinho and Kino speaks three languages pretty comfortably: Hongseok/Jinho (Korean, English, Chinese), Kino (Korean, English, Japanese) ---not super fluent but able to have good conversations. And foreigners Yanan (Korean, Chinese), and Yuto (Korean, Japanese) are obviously fluent bilinguals.
Kino drew and painted the album art for WE:TH / daisy. He even gifted a painted version to Hui for his studio!
6. Personality
Let me start by saying Pentagon is a crazy group. They aren’t really kids but they are so chaotic. I love that they have no filter!
Even the leader, Hui, who’s not really young, is very chaotic! Hui is actually such a cutie pie. And also so funny, especially in their TMIs
Hongseok is so funny, so witty, and has absolutely no shame. I love it!
Shinwon is very witty, and is known to be the mood-maker of the group.
Yeo One is a little 4D. He’s like a messy kid and sometimes has his own world. :)) An absolute cutie!!!
Kino is the sweetest person ever! He never fails to tell Universe how much he appreciates us.
Jinho is known to be the kind and caring hyung they can depend on.
My personal favorites: Hongseok (hilarious and crazy, has me dying), Hui, Yeo One (ugghhhh super cute personality!), Kino also!!!
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Overall: They have a bunch of all-rounders! (My personal favorite all-rounders: Hui, Kino, and Yeo One) They’re so talented and deserve a lot of recognition and support.
Hui is my bias and my ult, but I can’t decide who’s my next bias.
Update: I think Kino is my next bias, cause he’s just so good, so multi-talented! I can’t with this guy. I’m even considering adding him to my ult list.
But my gosh, Changgu is absolutely adorable. Wooseok talent. Huhu idk if second tier bias or...
***Not to be this obsessive OT10 fan, but I really like Dawn (formerly E’Dawn), so I’m writing his skills as well: Great composer (Shine, one of my faves huhu), such a great Rapper (he gets some amount of hate for his voice, but I actually really like it!), Main Dancer (what a good dancer tbh), and very unique personality. I love him, he’s so talented. (But anyway, even with him gone, Pentagon isn’t lacking! They’re still so great!)
If you wanna see my fave visuals, click below:
The legendary Yuto ponytail
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PG-13 Hongseok GIFs only!!!
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Also PG-13 Changgu only 
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Sweet sweet Kino
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11 notes · View notes
call-me-bha · 4 years
Text
The Medical Man (M)
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Pairing: Gynecologist!Seokjin x Reader
Genre: Smut
Words Count: 5,449 (My longest one so far! But not my best oops)
Warnings: Mentions of bad gynecological experiences (nothing too triggering and very LIGHT but I prefer to inform you), Fingering, oral (f receiving), semi-public sex, swearing (a whole lot), spanking, safe sex, degrading names (mostly slut), seriously this one is a pure PWP
Summary: It was no surprise to anyone who knew Dr. Kim that he was the fantasy of many women, even the ones who weren’t his patients. His talents were known all across the city and you were no exception to the list of “fans” he had.
A/N:  From the Workers!BTS series (The story and image/moodboard are my originals)
A/N*: Take a shot every time I wrote “gynecologist” and “check-up”.
A/N**: So sorry for the amount of time it took me to write this and post it but it’s finally here (yay...) And I’m really not pleased with so feel free to tell me if it is shitty. Xx B.
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You’ve been going to the gynecologist since you were around fifteen years old. The first time being for the painful periods that you wanted to treat with medicines. You only got a bad memory from it. Your first experience being an old woman who was way too quick and not focused on her work, left a mark within you.
Years later, when you went to college it was not better as your medical person was an older man- in his late 40s you always thought- who, he was maybe way too focused on his work. Nothing too indecent in fact but you just weren’t really at ease with him. That resulting in not going to a gynecologist during your whole university course.
But a year ago, two of your colleagues talked to you about a miraculous doctor that one of them was seeing.
“Seriously how can one be so experienced in that?” Nana, the lucky one said.
“Is he that good? I mean does he check you better than anyone else? He can predict your next menstruations or something?” You dared to ask, clueless.
They both looked at each other before looking at you, laughing out loud “Honey, you’re not serious right?” the other one, Paula, asked you.
“Look, Dr. Kim Seokjin is the best in his sphere you can trust me on that... or any of his other patients for that matter.” Nana said with a wink.
“Hum okay...” was all you managed to answer to that.
“But I heard he doesn’t take any new patient, and that he even took out many of his regular clients from his list” Paula said with a pout.
“Yeah he became really selective” Nana shrugged “I mean it’s understandable with all the ‘recognition’ he got over the years” she added.
You just looked at them as they kept on talking about the prowess of that Dr. Kim. You didn’t tell them about your no gynecologist lifestyle you’ve been living for the past 3 years. First, because it was none of their business and second, you weren’t in the mood for their judging looks and remarks.
This discussion was long forgotten since that day. You only heard about that doctor then and there but didn’t pay much attention to it.
Until last week. You had a date planned with a guy you met at a cafe and you wanted to have a check-up down there. You knew you had to, but you just couldn’t get yourself to do it. Your past experiences still lingering in your mind whenever you thought about them.
After hours of inner debates, you finally decided to make an appointment with a gynecologist. But as you looked for a convenient one who didn’t look like a complete pervert or an annoying grandmother you saw that most of them had appointments available only in two months or so. It was way too late for you as the date was supposed to be in two weeks.
So you sighed loudly as you thought about the option of having to go to a private doctor. The ones that were more expensive than a pair of brand new shoes or a weekend in a spa all options included.
Scrolling through the various names, a particular one caught your eye, Dr Kim Seokjin. You knew that the name wasn’t foreign to you but you just couldn’t remember where you knew it from.
Seeing that he could take you for an appointment in two days you clicked on his page not daring to look at the price section. You scanned his profile, experience, qualifications and some of the clients' comments. All of them were positive and insisted on how good that doctor was. But two things got your attention. One is that there was a little exclamation point sign above the comment section, meaning that some type of comments and particular words were forbidden to use. The other was that there wasn’t any picture of the doctor himself on the page, only pictures of the cabinet and the assistants.
But you didn’t have the time to linger on this detail. You had to get an appointment quickly and he seemed to be your only option so far- not that you went very far but still.
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The following day consisted in you overthinking the situation and questioning your decision, did you have to shave or not and other silly questions, to a point where you were wondering if you should cancel the date. But you remembered that you didn’t get laid in years and that stroke you when you seriously thought about it. How could you have spent so many time without properly getting dicked down by someone?
Well, you did back in college but not a whole lot and they were mostly just foreplay that was interrupted or protected quickies during which none of you actually reached the peaking point- not you at least.
But this time was different, you were now a grown woman who deserved to be fucked properly, and who didn’t want to live this deprived life anymore.
So you were more than determined in your decision, you were going to get this check-up from that damn gynecologist so that you could have the best sex you ever had.
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Clearly, that determination vanished over the D-day. You woke up a little anxious about the check-up. You didn’t eat anything for lunch, only drinking a hot coffee to keep you awake as you didn’t sleep much either.
You were now driving to the cabinet, hands clutching at the steering wheel. You kept your eyes on the road trying to not get distracted by the loud music playing in your car.
The building was exactly what one would imagine, a modern glass-covered edifice. You were toddling until you reached the reception desk where a young blond lady with a pearly white smile welcomed you.
“Good afternoon Madam, how can I help you?” She asked, her smile not leaving her face.
“I have...” your voice was inaudible, so you cleared your throat “I have an appointment with Dr. Kim.” You said à bit more clearly.
The woman eyes you for a split second before her smile was back on her face “Good, the gynecology cabinet is on the 12th floor” she informed you “The elevators are down the left hallway on your left” she added.
You just nodded and walked in the direction she gave you. Your steps were so slow you thought that the appointment could be canceled. Reaching the elevators you clicked the button and one of the two opened with a little ‘ding’ signaling its arrival. You entered the spacious lift that had a whole side covered by a mirror. Looking at the pushbuttons command you noticed that they were numbered from 0 to 12. But what was extremely odd was that they weren’t any ‘10’ and ‘11’ knob.
Not minding it too much you pressed the ‘12’ knob and the doors closed. You turned to face your reflection on your right. You were pale, any hint of color left your body, pupils so tiny that you were wondering how you could even see anything and let’s not talk about your clothes that were just the plainest pieces you had. You just looked at yourself with pity and you couldn’t ignore the look of anxiety that was on your face.
The ‘ding’ of the elevator brought you back to the actual situation. With a deep breath, you got out of the lift and made your way to the big dark wooden doors that were facing you. You rung the bell and waited until the doors opened.
Two young men welcomed you. Both of them incredibly charming, making you regret your current looks. You lowered your face as you gave them your ID. One of them offered to give you a glass of water or a hot drink but you declined. All the while his colleague was entering your information on the computer.
When he handed you your card you looked up only to see that both of them were still smiling politely at you.
“So Mrs, as you are a new patient-“ the one who entered your pieces of information, a badge with ‘Jimin’ on it was written, started but you interrupted him.
“Miss please, I’m not married,” you said before you could think.
They both smiled wider “My bad, Miss... So as I was saying, you are a new patient and there some things you need to know before your first consultation” he spoke again.
The other handsome man was still standing next to him, your eyes went to his badge where the letters forming the name “Hoseok” were inscribed black on gold.
You just hummed mindlessly, your thoughts wandering to obscene places where you would be having the time of your life with the two men who were standing in front of you, their all-white attire leaving just little to your imagination.
“So can you sign please?” Jimin said, interrupting your imagination.
“Huh?” You asked looking at where his hands were pointing.
He had a pen in one hand and a file in the other. Your name and last name were written at the bottom of a page he was showing you.
“It’s the confidential agreement you have to sign in order to get your medical consultations” he said again.
You looked at him puzzled but took the pen anyways and signed. You guessed that it meant that anything that happened during the appointment had to be kept a secret so your identity would never be revealed and you were more than thankful for that, in case you would collapse or even die during the whole thing.
“Good, you may sit on one of the couches in the room behind you, we will come to you when the doctor will be ready for you” Hoseok said, his blinding smile reassuring you a bit.
“It shouldn’t be long, you are the only session of the day” Jimin added.
You nodded with a weak smile and went to sit in the designated room. Another door was just meters next to it. The room was all white just like the rest of the cabinet and the table that was in the middle of it had candies, newspapers, and flowers on it. Only one wall had a painting on it, an abstract red colored painting.
You looked around for what seemed to be a minute when Hoseok entered the room and told you that the gynecologist was waiting for you. Gulping ridiculously as your throat was pretty dry you just got up and followed him to the hallway where he indicated you to go through the other door you saw.
Pushing the door, he made room for you to enter. As you entered the first thing that stroke you was how much taller the man standing right in front of you was. He was taller than the two men you met just moments ago and so, much taller than you. But his imposing height was nothing compared to his unbelievable charm. He looked like he wasn’t real. His fluffy raven hair looked incredibly soft and shiny, his skin was glowing and not a single flaw was on it, his perfect brows flattered the soft gaze he was giving you.
Despite all this, the feature that caught your attention the most was his plump, full rosy lips. They looked insanely tempting and inviting, especially on y-
“Hum” the handsome man now standing right before you cleared his throat “Don’t worry my hands are clean” he said, his hand still lingering right before you.
You shook it and remarked how bigger his hand was compared to yours. You didn’t let go of it until he did it. You looked down as he chuckled in reaction to your ridiculous behavior.
“Don’t worry you’re not the first” he stated “the first one to act like this I mean” he added, making his way to the chair behind his desk.
You joined him by sitting on the opposite seat. Only then you allowed yourself to look at him and once again it was as if your breath was stuck in your throat, causing you to cough.
“So Miss, I see that you are a new patient...” he lingered on the last word, placing his glasses up his nose bridge “May I ask what is the reason of your presence here?” He asked.
“Well..” your voice was hoarse due to the dryness of your throat “Sorry-“
He got up suddenly making his way to another room that was behind one of the walls of the cabinet. Your eyes followed him with pure confusion before landing on the various diplomas hanging on the walls and the golden plate with ‘Dr. Kim Seokjin’ beautifully written on it. Soon after the doctor was back, a cup of water in his hand. He offered it to you without saying a word, just a faint smile on his lips.
“Thank you” you said almost quietly, grabbing the small cup with both hands and gulping down the freshwater in it as if you were trying to drown yourself in it.
Placing the cup on the wooden desk, you looked again in his direction just to find him already looking at you, his chin resting on his hand.
“So, you were saying?” he reminded.
“Yeah..hum” you started “I’m here for a check-up” you admitted, feeling your cheeks getting warmer.
“Well I sure hope you are” he chuckled “What else would you be here for otherwise?” he rhetorically asked, “I meant what exact examination are you here for?” You felt like his words were implying something else.
“Oh..” you fell silent for a little while before resuming “The thing is... that I didn’t get a check-up for two or three years” you scrunched your nose at your own words “And I feel like I need to get one as it’s been too long since the last time I saw a specialist” you finally said.
Seokjin’s hands were now down on the desk surface in front of him, his fingers intertwined “I see...” he only answered.
You looked at his fingers, avoiding any sort of judgment that would come your way, and noticed how crooked they were. How could someone with that kind of fingers do that kind of job? Or maybe was it because he had these special fingers that he was good at his work?
“First, there is nothing to be ashamed of here okay?” He told you out of nowhere, causing you to look back at him, he was tapping something on the keyboard of his expensive-looking computer “I know as it is my specialty I should be telling you that it’s bad and that you should see a gynecologist at least once to twice a year but seriously no, not at all. There are plenty of women who never went to one and lived well so don’t stress out” he said reassuringly.
You nodded slowly, imprinting his words in your mind. You didn’t even notice that a small smile formed on your lips until he returned you a genuine one.
“So Miss, as you are new I’m gonna have to go through the usual questioning to have more information on your case so that I can work properly with you, is that okay for you?” He asked you.
Taking your nod as a positive answer he looked at his computer before looking at you.
“So, have you ever been to a gynecologist in the past?” he started, even though he knew the answer already due to what you said before he went on with formalities.
“Yes, I did” you simply answered, standing more confidently.
“How old were you the first time you saw one?”
“Around fifteen I think”
“Would you describe your menstruations as painful?”
“Not anymore, they used to be during the first years”
“Did you get treatment for that?”
“Yes I did”
“Do you still take this treatment?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Are your menstruations regular? On a steady cycle?”
“I believe that they are.”
“Would you describe your bleeding as abundant?”
“On the two first days yes”
“When was the last time you got your period?”
“About two or three weeks ago”
He tapped all this before clearing his throat again and looking at you.
“So we are done with the first part here. Let’s start with the second.” He informed you “Are you a virgin?” he asked.
“No, I’m not” you replied with a little shake of your head.
“Are you on the pills?”
“Yes I am”
“Since when approximately?”
“Since I was fifteen.”
“Are you sexually active?”
“Well I just said that-“
“Meaning, are you currently sexually active?” He specified with a raise of his brow.
You gulped seemingly, not answering his last question. Shame or shyness, you didn’t know.
“Come on, you really don’t have to be shy” he sighed “Not when I am about to examine your vagina” he said with a little laugh.
His words made you cringe but surprisingly you felt a weak wave go through your lower half. As if you were anticipating this moment? Excited by the idea of this handsome and bashful man to touch you down there.
“I’m sorry that wasn’t really professional of me to say” he rubbed the back of his neck with a small frown.
“It’s o-okay, really” you said “No.”
“No?” He asked, confusion in his tone.
“No, I am not sexually active these days.” You said with the rest of the confidence you had in you.
“May I ask a span of time? When was the last time that you had a proper penetrative relation?”
“A year or so.”
“Sorry if this may sound rude but, I am talking about a sexual act with a human being, not a toy or any other phallic object.”
Now it was your time to frown “Well that’s what I meant! I didn’t get fucked by a man for a year!” You exclaimed, words leaving before you could think them.
To that, the doctors just chuckled. You brought your hands to your mouth with a gasp “I am so sorry that’s not-“
“It’s okay, don’t apologize. I probably pushed the button too far it’s my place to present you my apologies here” he said with a smile “Okay then last questions. Do you masturbate?”
You felt your cheeks getting to an impossible heat “Yes I do.”
“How many times a week?”
“I don’t know...” you looked at his expression which was telling you that he didn’t believe any of it “Maybe twice a week...” you said.
“Do you use any sex toy?” That’s when you noticed how low his voice got since the begging of the interview.
At that moment you just wanted to melt away, not being in his company anymore and having to answer his personal questions. You were even wondering if it really was part of his job to ask you those.
“I do.” You finally said with a sigh “Are you gonna ask me what kind too? Is it really relevant for you to know that I have a purple dildo, a metal bullet, and a vibrator?” You asked shamelessly.
He just laughed, throwing his head back, he muted the sound of his laugh by placing a hand in front of his mouth.
“Actually Miss, I was done with the questions.” he said as your eyes widened “But I am really pleased to see that now you trust me enough to give me these elements.” he added with a wink.
Tapping in your last answers, he then faced you, taking off his glasses.
“So now I have one question, but don’t worry it isn’t part of your file. Why did you come to my cabinet and not another one?” He asked, a serious look on his face.
His change of mood took you aback. You didn’t know what to answer, were you just going to tell him about your dick appointment or create a complete lie? Did it really matter at this point?
“Did you get any recommendation to come here?” he asked “You see, the thing is that I kind of have a reputation in the area and I had to have a list of regular patients and get rid of others” he admitted.
“I-“ he cut you.
“It took me months to see who really needed my help and who was just here for...me.” he said “Not that I was complaining, I was really flattered, but I didn’t want to get patients only for that, you see?” he questioned.
And there you got him. You remembered who Dr. Kim Seokjin was and where you heard of him. He was the gynecologist your colleagues told you about. You could only understand why he had such success within women. But you didn’t quite get what he was implying with his confession.
“I only opened my schedules and new patient agreements last month. And you are actually the first new one that comes to see me for a very long time.” he finally told you.
“I see...” you paused “To be honest with you doctor, I did hear about you a long time ago, about a year or more. But it is not the reason of me being here” he looked you right in the eyes “It’s been too long since I saw a gynecologist and I need a check-up before I go on a date with someone and you happened to be the only one able to give me an appointment in the near days” you conceded.
Not risking to look anywhere else but his gaze, you exhaled a deep breath that you were holding for a long time, probably since you entered his office.
“Alright” he sais before getting up “Follow me please.”
You did as said and joined him in the other room that was as white and bright as the other rooms. An examination couch was in the middle of the room. A little curtain hanging from the ceiling just above it. The rest of the room was filled with two cupboards supporting various medical instruments. A medical appliance in a corner and a water bottle in the other. The only natural light that was penetrating the room was coming from the office itself.
“So you can get ready now.” He indicated, his back facing you as he busied himself with the tools.
You took off your pants along with your underwear, the fresh air of the air conditioner caressing your skin and leaving goosebumps on your thighs.
You shivered a little and went to lie down on the cold leather seat. You breathed out as you looked at the white ceiling and its little grey patterns. Your ears started to be on alert as you heard fumbling noises, water running down and hands rubbing with soap before the click of gloves.
An almost inaudible gasp escaped the doctor’s mouth “Okay I’m going to touch you now” he warned you.
You just nodded even though you knew that he couldn't see you due to his lower position. You yelped a little when you felt two cold rubber-covered hands touch your inner thighs. Fighting the urge to jump out of the damn chair and close your legs, you just shut your eyes closed as you tried to empty your mind. Thinking about the cleaning waiting for you at home, how you would dress for the date, where you w- Oh.
“Hmmm” a sudden moan left your mouth. Your eyes widened in shock to the obscene sound that you just made “I am so sorry” you apologized.
“Don’t be!” He was quick to say “It is nothing really. Absolutely normal.”
His index finger pressed once again on your clitoris with little tapping movement, providing your needy bud with some friction and making you wiggle lightly. He then took a speculum and pushed in against your entrance. You scrunched your nose, anticipating the coming intrusion. Lifting a brow and opening an eye you looked at him by lifting your head and saw how his hand was going back and forth.
“D-did it get in?” you asked, unable to hide the surprise in your tone.
“Yes, it did” he chuckled “Sorry, I didn’t say it because I don’t want to sound inappropriate” he paused, leaving the speculum in your core, making you feel full “But you were dripping...so it was easy” he confessed.
You felt all the blood of your body going straight to your face and couldn’t handle the situation anymore. Trying your best to keep your calm, you started to get your feet off the chair. But his firm hands kept you in place on the spot.
“Where do you think you’re going now?” he chuckled lowly “I thought we agreed on not being shy here? I’m here to do my job on you and you need my help so please...let me help you” he said before drawing down the curtain so that they were just under your breasts.
You didn’t get time to do or say anything when you suddenly felt bare digits rub against your folds, toying your clit. The moan that escaped you next was louder than intended.
“Wh-what are you doing?” you asked between moans “Why are you..hmm”
“I told you to let me help you now, didn’t I?” he said putting more pressure on your sensitive nub and taking the speculum out of you.
Your hands grabbed the soft curtains, pulling on them until your knuckles turned white as you felt something else touch your womanhood, a wet muscle. Seokjin started to lick you up, exploring every single part his tongue could reach. 
“Oh fuuuuck” you screamed “fu-fuck Dr...Dr please please” you begged.
He didn’t pay attention to your cries and kept on with his ministrations. A low chuckle resonated in the cold room.
“What are you even begging me for?” he said “Are you liking it too much? Is your slutty little pussy loving what it is getting now?” he questioned.
You groaned at his words, feeling yourself getting even more aroused.
“Say it!” he suddenly demanded “Say how much of a slut you are! Tell me how good that feels for a horny cunt like yours!” he spat.
“Oh f- GOOD! That feels so damn good hmpf” you cried out.
“Good...Now get up” he said with a slap on your pussy.
Looking troubled you got off the chair awkwardly and wobbled to face Seokjin and his sly smirk. With no warning, he turned you and bent you over so that your behind was facing him. A hard slap landed on your bare skin before another one and another one.
“Like that...that’s how you should be treated right? That’s how you like it? Being treated like a horny slut huh?” he said as he kept slapping your now bruised ass “I’m sure you were sent to me so that you could have a taste of my medicine like all the others am I wrong?”
“N-NO! I swear I didn’t know-” a harder slap cut you before you felt his soft hand sooth your skin.
“On all fourth now please” he demanded.
As you positioned yourself as asked you felt the fresh air of the aircon caress your blazing body and more precisely your burning ass. Anticipating his next move you flinched a little and moved forward to escape another slap on your behind. But it never came. In fact, you didn’t feel anything but only heard noises like a drawer being opened and closed, then a foil-like sound.
“Now I would like to fuck you, would that be okay with you Miss?” he asked nonchalantly, making you gasp at his abrupt and crude sentence.
But at this point you felt like you couldn’t take anything back and that you didn’t want anything more than getting that Dr. Seokjin’s dick that was so praised. So you nodded greedily to answer him, not trusting the sounds you could make.
“Hum you see... I am going to need a more explicit answer here love” he laughed “So please, go ahead, use your words” he added while caressing your marked ass cheeks.
“Y-yes, please” you said quietly “I want you” you added.
He only groaned before unzipping his trousers and ripping open the condom he was holding for the last minute. He then positioned himself at your entrance, spreading your legs wider for him to enter you.
“God you’re really dripping” he said, letting down all formalities.
With one swift push of his hips, he entered your needy and warm core, both of your groans resonating in the room.
“Fuuuuck you’re really tight...hum” he praised “And so fucking warm, you really are taking my dick well for someone who didn’t get any for quite some time”
“Yea-OH fuck” you cried out as he set a quick and steady pace, his fingers planting in the flesh of your hips.
Just as he thrust a particularly hard stroke you felt a fabric against your bare back, the material of his blouse. He was still dressed. That idea disappointed you somehow, but you couldn’t mind it too much as his movements were driving you wild just as much as his filthy words.
“P-pleaaase Doctor” you begged “I wanna see you.”
With one last hard thrust, he obeyed and helped you position yourself on your back, in your original posture. As your eyes met, you were blinded by his beauty, how dark his gaze was, some of his hair was sticking to his forehead and his lips were parted as he looked you up and down.
“Can you take off your clothes too?” you asked shyly “I really wanna see you, all of you” you insisted.
Indeed, you couldn’t even see his dick in his standing position as it was hidden by his coat, only seeing the form of it, straining against the piece of clothing.
“You do?” he asked surprised “You are probably the first one to ask such a thing” he confessed.
But without further ado, he quickly took off all the garments that were on him and came back between your legs, not letting you the time to register each aspect of his appealing body. Then he entered you again at the slowest pace possible.
“Ugh” you groaned “That feels soooo good Doctor” your eyes rolled back.
“Yeah? You feel really good princess” he said “You are so fucking tight, it drives me insane hmpf” he stopped his thrust before going back to the quick pace he had before.
“Yes yes deeper d-OH my goood fuck that’s good yes” you cried out again, tears filling your eyes.
“You look so sexy like this princess, begging for me to dick you down like a slut” he growled “Such a dirty mouth, begging like a slut too huh?” he shoved his thumb in your mouth.
You sucked on his finger hollowing your cheeks as your tongue swiped around his digit. You looked at how his pupils expanded at that very moment and you swore he was about to explode right then and there. He took his finger out before directing down to your clit and making tight circles on it.
“Oh myyyyy...” you moaned, feeling your climax approaching.
“That’s it Princess, let yourself go, come for me now” he insisted by moving his finger faster on your nub.
You closed your eyes shut when you saw him approaching his face to yours and finally felt his tongues licking your neck. That was it, you felt the hard and intense wave of your orgasm shake all your being as he kept his assault on your neck, clit and inside your pussy.
Moaning louder and scratching at his back you tried to make him understand that it was getting too much to handle, you clenched around him until he came too and milked him dry. His groans rapidly turned into high pitched moans as he emptied himself into the condom and that was probably the sexiest sound you had ever heard in your life.
After some time, you regained your clothes and you two got back to his office where he entered all the additional information he needed to complete your file.
“Well Miss, I think that you will probably need another appointment, what do you think?” he asked, his polite and ravishing smile back on his face.
“That is one pleasing idea, I would like the sooner possible Doctor” you answered a large smile adorning your own face.
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