#he's a bard for fucks sake lmao

[mrcrowblargs]

The final battle... to confront the Netherbrain. Even though I had gotten more used to switching up the party during Act 3, I wanted to have my favourites along, though I ended up choosing Lae'zel over Karlach because one Lae'zel quest thing remained.

So it was Aldiirn, Astarion, Gale, and Lae'zel, all in for a big headache. End spoilers below!

big brain! big scary brain! Throwing the Netherstones was scream inducing. They gave a variety of options for each throw but it was always my weak stats grouped together lmao. Aldiirn passed the first INT check, then fucking whiffed the second CHA check because I just assumed I would pass and hit continue... but then I kinda got the sense passing or failing would not make much difference here and... yup.

Empy scoops us up into the Astral Prism and it's Orpheus time, babey. Freeing Orpheus was no question but I did question, "what if I became the mindflayer" which prompted Astarion to be like, "could we have an aside, privately? You're not really going to throw away that pretty face of yours?????" very cute.

Aldiirn knew Emperor was vehemently against freeing Orpheus, but hoped he could convince Emperor to see reason. Like they all got the same goals, they can all combine their power, we can talk Orpheus into cooling don his blood feud for the sake of a bigger bad. Aldiirn's a fucking bard with +15 Persuasion if anyone could do it, it would be him, but--- NO!!! EMPEROR HAD TO BE A GODDAMN BITCH AND SWITCHED SIDES LIKE. IMMEDIATELY. NO DISCUSSION. BRUH.

Also one thing I feel there was a missed opportunity on was confronting Emperor over, hey buddy weren't you the mindflayer that put tadpoles in our heads??? It's definitely Emperor in the opening scene. I really wanted to hear from it about what happened on the nautiloid but all we got were like, some records in Gortash's palace and it's ambiguous if Emperor was of itself at the time. alas.

Gave Lae'zel the honours to free Orpheus aaaand here's the mindflayer conversation all over again. And like, shit, after everything that was done to free the guy and drive the githyanki revolution, becoming the mindflayer felt most in character for Aldiirn. I'm pretty sure I sat over the decision for a solid ten minutes like WONT SOMEONE PERSUADE ME OUT OF THIS lmao. But Astarion kinda had with the aside before. I might make a comic to flesh out the moment like... I think it would be a good one of the party backing Aldiirn up to choose his own freedom after pushing for everyone else's.

Orpheus became the mindflayer, tragic but necessary. I felt so bad for Lae'zel. Uuggh the emotion in her face here.

and then the goofiest smile ever in High Hall haha. Everyone from Gather Your Allies being mushed in there felt a little contrived but, what the hell, SUMMON YOUR SOCIAL LINKS!!! I love a good friendship moment.

Hooboy the battles here really gave the D&D experience: waiting 40 minutes for your turn in initiative to show up. IDK why but at first I thought it would be a brilliant idea to surround the enemy but soon realised it turned the battle into an immediate slog. Reload, and instead fought starting from the wall on the west side. Got this nice little screencap of my mans fighting side by side even though neither should be anywhere near melee haha.

I have to say, I think I would have preferred that all the companions be allowed into the battle over the ally summons for the final battle. At least the origin ones. I want to replay it at some point with the party limit begone mod.

The tower was the hardest part, getting up past that stupid statue that COULDNT BE BROKEN DOWN... Aldiirn and Lae'zel could fly but Astarion and Gale couldn't even see where to teleport. It's SO annoying that Dimension Door has to be a point you can see now, its whole thing in 5e was that you didn't need to.

Whenever Gale brings up exploding himself I wanna do that Archer slap fest bit to him. Buddy, no, we are ALL getting out of this alive!

Up we go to the brain of the bad bitch herself and THE BIGGEST TRAITOR BITCH!!!!!! okay but bringing out the dream visitors to fight was cool. Seems Aldiirn's got reverted to the default drow dude (he should have had similar green skiin and short white hair) and I'm guessing the others are just kinda like, stock random ones. Looks like they are all human female. Would have been nice to see ones tailored for each companion you bring. Then they can all chide each other later like "so THAT'S what you find attractive?" hehe

Remember I stole that runepowder bomb from Wulbren? Yeah, I brought it with me as a parting gift for Emperor. Threw the bomb at its feet and then KA-BOOM!!!!! Wiped out Empy, all the Guardians, and fucked up everything else INCLUDING ALDIIRN. I have no idea WHAT happened -- maybe Emperor's shield of thralls??? -- because I'm certain he was behind Lae'zel when she threw & exploded the bomb and she was kind. Aldiirn just fucking dropped dead behind her. I just laughed and rolled with it, Astarion got Aldiirn back on his feet.

Fight was good, the most annoying bit were the Mindflayers and Dominating Aylin AGAIN. I swear to got that woman can never pass a WIS save.

And then when we got to the unshakeable will of the netherbrain???? Lae'zel fucking shredded it with 9 attacks. Astarion gets a crit with an Arrow of Aberration Slaying (but no sneak attack). It's hanging on by a thread.

Aldiirn enters.

"TWIT"

"TWAT"

"TWERP"

fucking. Vicious Mockeried the BBEG to death. The most legendary goddamn move a Bard can ever do. No other bard I play will ever top that.

Down she goooooes and oh fuck everyone's getting fucked from the tadpoles dying in their heads

And then... silence. it's over. Aldiirn has his cute face back I wanted to sob seeing it again. I really expected more consquences for taking the Astral tadpole but... still, I wanted him to survive and enjoy the rest of his life.

But of course there were still things to go wrong.

Lae'zel and Orpheus, I couldn't let Lae'zel devote her life to another cult and endless war when she could have her own freedom, forge her own destiny, so I persuaded her to stay on Faerun. Orpheus went and committed sudoku which, eh, tbh I feel like he was weak willed for that. It does feel a bit like everything done to free Orpheus was for naught but Lae'zel deserves a chance to live her own life.

Side note, I was amused that Aldiirn apparently still had his Illithid Expertise feature as that was his source of Persuasion Expertise at the end heh.

continuing the mood of "fuck doing anymore quests" I told Gale to leave the crown in the river... completely fucking forgetting that Mystra was gonna remove the orb in exchange for it afhdjkfsd. I like to think it keeps Aldiirn awake at night sometimes. "why did he listen to me. why hasn't he gone back for it. all our brains were fried right then why couldn't any of you make your own decisions." lmao.

and POOR ASTARION. Just fucking fried right there in the beautiful sun. Gale's like "well we'll never see him again" UH BRO WHAT??? PLEASE JUST HOLD THE OTHER END OF THIS FUCKING TARP SO WE CAN GET HIM INSIDE SOMEWHERE. Thooouuughhh I headcanon that Aldiirn cast Darkness on Astarion and tell him to hold on while another pressing matter ignites...

Karlach, baby, noooo!!! Promising to be with Karlach at the end is the only reason Aldiirn wouldn't immediately chase after Astarion and, yeah. Aaa my eyes were tearing so much. I thought back to her post-Gortash breakdown and was like, "karlach. you want to live. you SHOULD get to live. Go with Wyll to Avernus."

Kicking demon ass never looked so good. I figure, there's some hellish real estate opening, those two should look into it, and the REAL celebration party should be at the House of Hope so everyone can be there. :D

Aldiirn would have gone with Karlach and Wyll, but he's needed on this plane.

God, Astarion looks so hollow when he mentions losing his time in the sun. Aldiirn wants that back for him so badly, but also needs a fucking break from adventuring. I headcanon that reverting the partial illithid transforation was not a clean cut thing by any measure and Aldiirn has a longer road to recovery ahead of him. But he's not gonna sit idle. There's thousands of vampire spawn in is home, the Underdark, that need guidance, and just maybe a bardy bard is just the type needed to inspire them to band together. Aldiirn's gotta know of a large enough abandoned megadungeon that could house them all while they work to support themselves. And then, when he's in good enough shape, Aldiirn will find a way for Astarion to bask in the sun again.

#crowbar plays bg3 #aldiirn bg3

[jackienautism]

saw someone call re3make jill valentine a brat and i havent been the same since

(rant under cut. was just gonna rant in the tags but i reached the limit LOL)

take everything i say w/ a grain of salt. since i havent played the og re3 nemesis or re5 andits been a while since i played the remake. i just finished playing re1 though

ANYWHO. this person basically said smth along the lines of. old game jill was noble and kind yet still human. while remake jill ws just a bitter bitch w/ a shit personality. [jill voice] ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU /FUCKING/ KIDDING ME?

LIKE. i dont know what goddamn gamesw e played but jill in re1? her personalitu is nonexistent!!!!! maybe its the misogynistic tendencies of the game maybe its the subpar voice acting and writing thats throwing me off BUT. i reaaaaaally dont think there's anything special that stands out abt re1 jill

i get theyre probably just bitter over them remaking a beloved old game or w=fuucking whatever but GOD@!!!!!!! sorry tht jill was rightfully being a little bitter bitch towards a group thats been making her life hell for th past who knows how many months! ILIKE. jill didnt watch almost all her friends and colleagues DIE and get betrayed TWICE in re1 JUST to act friendly towards anything associated with umbrella. yeah ofc barry def made up for it after doing what he did w/ wesker but GOD tyou think jill is going to easily trust anyone aftee that whole debacle? ESPECIALLY it being between 2 STARS members? aka people she THOUGHT she could trust without any afterthoughts? NO!

hr acting like an asshole makes sense for the trauma she experienced in re1 AND what she went through prior to re3! umbrella has purpoisely been making her paranoid due to the information she has and investgations shes been conducting iirc…. and they even make a whole ass bioweapon to track her down and kill her LOL I DONT THINK SHES GONNA BE VERY FRIENDLY WITH UBCS….. LIKE BE FOR REAL DOG an d also carlos' unnecessary dcomments and advances towards jill that she made VERY CLEAR were unwanted and uncomfortable? she has every right to be mean and retaliate

like. i think jill had every right to be a 'bitter brat' towards these people LMAO and even despite ALL THAT.... sjhe STILL decides to stick with the group and work with them…. because why? THE SAKE OF THE TRUTH GETTING OTU IS AT STAKEq!!!!!!!! at this point. jill def couldnt give LESS of a shit abt her own life. hell. look at how shes been living for the past few months! what matters is the whistle FINALLY getting blown on umbrella.... adn thats what she displays by working with UBCS! aka a group she has ZERO trust in! she shows how much she CARES..... albeit in the mosr destructive way but. this talk about lack of nobility and sense of justice is such bullshit LOL

and the funny thing is? SBE WAS RIGHT TO NOT TRUST THEM..... THEIOR MISSION WAS TO KILL DR BARD AKA THE ONLY PERSON IIRC WHO HAD AN ANTIDOTE TO THE VIRUS..... jill jhas MORE than enough reason to act wikth abhorrence when it comes to UBCS, so yeah, MAYBE its a bit frustrating rto wtahc the way she acts but FUCK does it make SOO MUCH SENSE.... she didnt go through + hasnt been going throughALL THAT just to be brushed off as unreasonably bitter

like yeah thr whole kindness thing was thrown out the window but sometimes.... that's what happens when you're put through a bunch of garbage out of your control...... it HARDENS you it WEARS YOU DOWN....... and jill experiencing this pipeline fits w/ all the bullshit she lived through

and just saying but it would’ve been Looooooads better and funnier if jill remained a little bitch for the entirety of the game. like. it’s just ? more in character for her, esp for what little character / context we’re given at the VERY beginning. her remaining snarky and shit would’ve made more sense… especially considering her situation AND how we’re meant to perceive her… she doesn’t seem like someone who’d just throw away her initial (CORRECT, BTW) opinion / instinct all because of one (1) save from some dude… it just doesn’t make sense

any normal human being would’ve acted the way jill did towards them?????? like? especially after reading about and only IMAGINING the intense and awful shit she must’ve been subjected to both while in and out of stars. i’m SORRY but one gesture (even if it WERE saving her life) from some random guy i just met isn’t going to magically erase all the trauma i faced from umbrella themselves???? like UGH god fucking hell. i understand that you can only make something such as a video game so long or so short but come ON man!!!!!! if you SERIOUSLY want to include this sort of development in a game like resident evil, ever heard of this thing called good pacing? FNSHCJSKKFS like??????? even within game this all would have occurred under 24 maybe even under 12 hours???????? it’s just. in no way in under ANY circumstances is this sort of change of opinion realistic! esp not for jill and what she’s had to go through! like [jill voice] BITCH your corporate overlords have been making my life HELL for the past who knows how long! i may be fine with Carlos the Person, but i am NOT fine with Carlos in UBCS. and until that title is separated from your name, i will Not be associating with you outside of this mission!

like it makes sense that jill would so quickly comply bc 1. her life is in danger and sticking w these guys may increase her survival thus getting the truth That Much Closer to exposure and 2. her cooperation may help tons of lives… and of course she’s not going to turn away from saving others. soooo. and just to clarify, jill’s own life is obv the LEAST of her concerns here. like. the only reason why she’d prob want to stay alive is bc. she has all this dirt on umbrella! dirt that NEEDS to reach the light of day! that’s prob one of the ONLY reasons why she hasn’t given up completely, the information that ONLY she has and so it HAS to make it to the people!!!!! if it’s Huge and Important enough for umbrella to create a whole ass fucking buffed BIOWEAPON bitch to hunt down the remaining stars members? yeah. i have a feeling it’s incredibly important for the world to know

and just. in a writing sense? i think it would’ve been much more entertaining if jill kept that act up until like idk they realized that hm. i don’t think i wanna be associated w these bitches (umbrella) anymore. regardless, on the other hand, i still can def see jill’s demeanor softening as the game progresses (esp after she bonds w the people themselves and NOT the platoon members. and after they help each other out) but like overall? i just. i can’t see her letting her guard down that easily! it just isn’t fucking right! or realistic! it’s a bunch of bullshit actually!

AND ITS ONLY WITH THE GIRLS TOO..... GIRLS CAN NOT ACT IN RESPONSE TO THEIR LIFE AND BRAIN ALTERING TRAUMA WKITHOUT BEING DEEMED AS ABUSIVE OR BITTER OR A BITCH..... THE SAME FUCKING THIGN HAPPENED TO THE FANDOM'S PERCEPTION OF MIA IN RE8 LMAO......

i WANT more girls to be bitter! to be upset! to be assholes! to be nasty! to be little shits! whether justified or not! i WANT more girls to be different from the cookie cutter safe depictions everyone EXPECTS a women to be! and don't get me wrong resident evil is FAR from accomplishing this goal LMAO i just believe jill is and COULDVE been such a great example

this went all over the place (i copy and pasted another note of mine discussing the topic while also adding new thoughts) but in conclusion: let jill valentine be a little bitch. there's nothing wrong w/ her being a little bitch. i ENCOURAGE her to be a little bitch. it makes sense for her character and what she's gone through, and while criticizing her demeanor is valid, taking her behavior out of (very much needed) context isn't ok or right. and sayinf that she lost all her nobility and sense of justice is just straight up wrong. jill did everything she did in the re3make BECAUSE she cared more for the lives of others, her own personal feelings clearly meant nothing, seeing how she still helped UBCS out despite her inital harsh reaction to them.

#jill valentine #mine #started playing re3 again... wanna try and get the rest of the achievements #may elaborate more later. but for now. here #wrote the bulk of this on 2/12/23 #[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done #my thoughts #my RE tag #RE #RE3 #my jill tag #text

[sharonisthebettercarter]

The Adoring Fan. But Butchlander.

fuck. okay. hwy. fuck. no wait i--.

FUCK.

goddammit... why would you do this to me?

FIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEE.

for those that don't get the reference. you don't want it. don't click that video.

jesus fuckin' christ. okay. fuck. FUCK ME--.

OKAY.

but butchlander?

... you know that actually plays out pretty simply if you follow some of the theories on this yellow haired fucker. but i suppose it's not much different from billy being the stalker he is to begin with, lmao

obviously, there's only one guy obsessed enough to be the 'adoring fan' and one guy famous enough to be our 'grand champion' or whatever the fuck from starfield i guess.

one lovely little dark theory is that this motherfucker is secretly an assassin that sticks close by at every chance he gets so he can figure out your character's weakness and take them out, and lemme tell ya, for butchlander? OOOOOOOHHHH--. checks the fuck out.

provided he can keep himself together enough for it, william butcher could absolutely do his gosh darn best to be the dick ridiest most annoying piece of shit stalker fan just to get close to homelander and find out his weakness... it may require some kind of mental breakdown prior to that state and possible disguise?? whether the story is a full on rewrite from day one or a post canon divergence, i suppose decides that sortaish?

but i could definitely picture billy movin' in close, not leaving the poor boi the fuck alone, and driving him absolutely bananas and nuts while he tries to figure out a weakness

romance along the way~<3

the other way goes full stalkerazzi in ways that just... really put the love in loveknife material and the obsess in billy's obsession. and that's certainly an idea that has intrigued me for a hwile i must say~<3

the idea that billy goes so fucking far with his whole shtick that it genuinely freaks out and even concerns and slightly arouses homelander just does somethin' to me~<3

leik. this guy *has* to have dealt with stalkers before. there's just no way he hasn't. but billy? BILLY is on a whole. nother. level. whether it's a revenge boner or other.

extra fucking points if billy is indestructible/essential/immune to fall damage/has insane plot armor and evades every attempt homelander makes to either abandon or kill him. and billy always ALWAYS comes back to be the most annoying turd

i will never not suggest giving butcher a swampy little man cunt. so even more extra fuckin' points if he's just a total whore for homie<3

he's homie's biggest fan, he'll follow that boi until he loves him--WHAT??

imagine if they were soulmates and that was the cause~<3 really imagine it<3<3<3 although i'll save that deep dive for another time ;)))))))))))))))))))

and then there's the reactions from homelander. ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i imagine this could do some serious deep diving for AU's sake if it actually does go into elder scrolls or starfield lore which... i mean i wouldn't argue with some fantasy au's being thrown into the butchlander collection~<3 there's also always the classic bard following the hero option but billy would just be the WORST bard in all existence.

oh, who knows~<3 maybe he'd surprise everyone<3<3<3

OOH!

shittiest hero homelander and shittiest bard billy<3<3<3

ugh, there's def a lot to be explored with the fantasy genre<3 but i think i'll end it off with the brain wormy of old world hero billy (fable games) and new world hero homelander~<3 (canon) maybe clashin' it up in a slightly different way~<3]

that's def a dive saved for another time<3<3<3

also, someone needs to make homie a fuckin' dragon. he'd be perfect for it~<3

#lol #the adoring fan #starfield #oblivion #the elder scrolls #yep #butchlander #homelander #john gillman #billy butcher #william butcher #the boys #fic ideas #prompt #butchlander prompts #obsession #hero worship is unhealthy #fable

[riddlerosehearts]

more bg3 thoughts with my half-elf bard elenion. first i want to mention that i actually changed his face/head a bit because it had started bugging me that his ears looked longer and pointier than a half-elf's should really be--they were too much like a full elf's. so i took a closer look at what options were available in the head presets mod i have installed, and i found one that's really similar to what i already had with the biggest differences i can notice just being the ears, and also it has freckles built into it which i was thinking of adding to him anyway. he looks like this now:

i may or may not have cool dyes really early because of mods lol. also, i get really sad about gale in this post!

first thing i came across in the mountain pass was some lady who wanted us to steal a githyanki egg for her so i said no because that just sounds like bad news and i don't think my character would do it. yes i'm locking myself out of quests for the sake of roleplay LOL (i also said no to helping the zhentarim with whatever the fuck they were doing) but it is technically still open if i change my mind, and if not, then it's something i'll get to explore on another playthrough.

HEY IT'S ELMINSTER. I KNOW HIM. and elenion does too because bards get a whole class-specific conversation for this!

i don't usually reload just to try different options but i figure if there's class-specific stuff then i might as well, so i tried all 3 of these and saved elminster's responses. this is what he says about each option:

i actually liked the sound of the last one's title, but elenion hates anything written by volo on principle because of exactly what elminster is describing and therefore that is not going to be their actual response. i think they probably like the first one best.

???? and now elminster is telling us that mystra will only grant "forgiveness" to gale if he stops the absolute by killing himself. and gale is just not objecting to this at all. that is NOT one of the many things i was spoiled about. what the fuck.

well yeah, and elenion is a half-elf who's falling in love with a human and is already keenly aware of the difference in their lifespans and how little time they might have with him (they're not thinking about gale being a powerful wizard who could magically extend his lifespan because they'd never assume that someone would want to do that for them. and more importantly he kind of has a bomb in his chest). there is no way they'd let that time be cut even shorter by allowing gale to kill himself for mystra, and neither will i 😭😭

seriously. it is insane how chill gale is acting about this and how little self-worth he has. elenion already feels responsible for the death of their father and is not going to let someone else they love die if they can stop it. also i hate mystra right now because literally what the fuck?! what kind of goddess asks that of someone?! before i started playing this game i saw people hate on gale and complain about how "he never stops talking about his ex" but they left out the fact that his ex is the actual goddess of magic who is abusing him!! of course he's going to talk about her!! i'm so sad wtf.

this is actually so completely insane that i'm considering having elenion eat some of the mindflayer parasite specimens and using this as a justification for them feeling desperate enough to do it, because what's the point of any of this if they once again aren't strong enough to save their loved ones? but i'm also still torn because on the one hand the power the guardian is promising could still just be a trick and i'm sure there will be some sort of story consequences down the line for putting more tadpoles in your brain. on the other hand whatever consequences there are might make things more narratively interesting. why am i so indecisive about this omg.

anyway:

this entire conversation is incredible LMAO. i love karlach. i now desperately wish we could see gale's live reaction to karlach telling him that.

you know... maybe lae'zel's words here would help convince elenion that he doesn't need to use the illithid powers to be strong enough to protect gale, when he's got such a powerful group of allies backing him up. this also definitely makes him like and respect lae'zel more, when he's spent most of the game so far finding her abrasive and frustrating to deal with but unfortunately necessary to have around.

THIS on the other hand is not going to make him dislike astarion any less. astarion is a powerful ally and will become a fascinating subject of many great tales if they survive all of this, but if he doesn't stop being such an ass then they are not going to become friends.

for the record, i like astarion as a character. he's hilarious and i'm intrigued by his story and really want to do his romance eventually. elenion just doesn't like him because he kind of sucks as a person right now, and also they're currently a wreck from having just heard that mystra is ordering gale to kill himself while astarion is acting like the real problem is not being able to control the cult. like. i can like astarion and still say that this comment is crazy insensitive of him.

YESS THANK YOU WYLL. wyll is so sweet and good and is basically saying the exact same thing as lae'zel. and elenion puts a lot of stock in his opinion because i've got 97 approval with wyll so they're definitely besties lol. so you know what. i'm going to continue ignoring the tadpoles and i'll roleplay my own indecisiveness as elenion himself having felt really torn up and afraid after talking to elminster and gale, and very strongly considering listening to the dream guardian before speaking to everyone and feeling reassured that there must be another way that doesn't require giving himself more brain worms.

and speaking of wyll and elenion being besties--when i crossed over to rosymorn monastery i got a bit of banter between shadowheart and wyll where he named off a couple of dramatic-sounding titles and was like "i'm trying to decide on a title for this chapter of the blade's adventures!". so they are definitely bonding over wyll being kind of an overdramatic dork who loves talking about his heroic adventures.

after wandering through the monastery area a lot, i found my way to the creche. i checked out a portrait of vlaakith and had a dexterity check option to draw a new face onto it. elenion would not vandalize artwork like that but i couldn't resist so i did it and then reloaded to do the history check instead LMAO. i'm obsessed with the fact that not only is this possible to do but your tav gets this ridiculous grin on their face while lae'zel gets mad:

exploring the creche and seeing the cruel and unforgiving environment that lae'zel has been shaped by is fascinating. in the classrooms they force children to fight to the death, and i had to pass a very high persuasion check to convince the teacher to leave a student who didn't want to kill someone alone. in the infirmary, lae'zel says that if certain protocols are broken then kids are hit with barbed whips. in the hatchery, only one egg has yet to hatch and there's a letter to its caretaker that says that if it can't hatch on its own it should be destroyed--and according to lae'zel, most caretakers would do so. it really is no wonder she's the way she is, and i can't wait to see how she develops.

but also if you tell the caretaker you want to take the egg to another creche that's more forgiving lae'zel approves and then says she feels drawn to its warmth omg 🥺 i just know she has a soft spot for kids.

i keep going back and forth on how i think elenion should feel about the dream guardian. i guess i can roleplay that as them being conflicted, like they were about consuming the tadpoles. i think they definitely want to trust the guardian and believe that she's not just protecting them as a way to use them for her own motives, and generally they do choose to trust her, but they've also been afraid of what could happen if they use the tadpoles and something goes wrong. however, i also think that after getting to meet the dream guardian face-to-face and learn all of these insane things about the githyanki and vlaakith which were then backed up by kith'rak voss, they've become more inclined to believe her.

anyway i am really glad i went to the mountain pass!! and now i definitely don't want to pass up on whatever cool story beats are waiting in the underdark. so, roleplay reasoning for this is that we were already planning to double back anyway after going to check out the creche since it was seemingly the most reasonable lead on a cure, but that uhhhh did not work out and now continuing to travel through the mountain pass feels especially dangerous.

#star plays bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[scarasweetheart]

"you're the most possessive man i know." / "you know other men?"

characters, ranked from most to least possessive: venti, xiao, scaramouche, childe, diluc, kaeya, kazuha

genre: slightly(?) toxic, technically sfw

warnings: gn reader; THESE R NOT YANDERE HCS (except for maybe scara lmao there is no "healthy relationship" w him 💀💀💀); just what breed of possessive/how these men r possessive over u; idk these r realistically how i think their Possessiveness would tie into y'all's, otherwise healthy, relationship; mentions/talks of murder; slightly suggestive (kaeya), small spit kink; stalking (venti, xiao, scaramouche, childe, diluc)

a/n: "most to least possessive" as if they arent all stupid fuckin possessive over u 💀; POSSESSIVE ≠ JEALOUS

:: venti ::

         ↬ god of freedom ranked most possessive on this list uh oh 😦‼️ "but cali, why would the god of freedom be so possessive?" BECAUSE he's the god of freedom fool

         ↬ venti is. So Old. and he has seen So Much come n go and has lost so much. so when he's acc in a relationship w you ??? aha ! good luck ever trying to get rid of him — venti is genuinely so Obsessive and Possessive ?;((,?;??? but in such a casual way 😭💀💀

         ↬ like. everyone, yourself included, thinks it's just him being stupid clingy ("what's new🙄" yk) so they never rlly think too much ab it

                 ↬ and he's so direct too ?? LMAO he's a bit ("a bit" 💀) of a stalker too, so like, if u actually managed to go somewhere w/o him, he'll outright ask the townspeople if they've seen u around anywhere, n they always tell him if they've seen you bc "oh it's jus the bard lookin for his lover" no one's gonna bat an eye at that

         ↬ and bc he's usually such an attention whore, he has absolutely no problems just throwing himself into ur lap if ur at the tavern if ur paying Too much attention to anyone that's not him, or pulling u in for a kiss that's a little (way) more heated than it should be if a vendor seems a little too chatty or friendly than they should be

         ↬ he's not above threatening or killing others either 💀💀 like childe (cali writing outta order again), venti wouldn't outright threaten anyone while ur around, he'll glare them into their grave (esp w the way his eyes glow 😟) whenever ur turned around, and maybe make some sort of vaguely threatening gesture, but its more than enough to get his point across to the other person

                 ↬ and if he does kill, he always gets away w it too (and he Knows it) 🥰 he tries not to, for ur sake, but he's certainly not above it. he's the anemo archon and what ???? "a wandering bard" ?????? no one's gonna suspect him, and if they ever did, he could very easily drop off the face of the earth — and take you w him

:: xiao ::

         ↬ jesus christ r y'all rlly surprised ???? he's an adeptus, he's 2000yrs old, and you are one of the only good things to have ever happened to him so you'd be outta ur fucking mind to think xiao's not gonna be insanely posessive over you. AND he's got Hella jealousy problems to add insult to injury 😭😭

         ↬ xiao ............. can exhibit some stalkerish tendencies i cannot even lie to y'all. it's not all the time, but from time to time he'll end up acting as ur shadow n following you around, just out of ur line of sight, and keeping an eye on you. his reasons are pure !! bc in his head he's jus making sure u stay safe !!! (even if that's not how others may interpret it)

         ↬ othertimes, he just. Will Not. leave you alone ??? that's not to say he's all touchy w you (in public anyway), more like him following u around right by your side; BUT if someone's flirting w you or looking at you in a way he doesn't approve of (which is more often than you'd think), he Won't hesitate to wrap an arm around ur waist, or, depending on the severity of the situation and/or his jealousy levels, he will 100% pull u in for a very heated, very out of character, kiss while making direct eye contact w whoever his jealousy is directed at

         ↬ tbh i think he Unintentionally ??? acts like you're his, and his alone ?? he doesn't mean to, he really doesn't, but :(( you're so pretty and perfect and he's so, so scared of losing you, that sometimes he acts like you belong to him.

         ↬ another overprotective mf (i say this like he isn't the second one on this list, i'm just writing out of order 💀💀). xiao is just. he worries ab you a whole lot, and he doesn't even begin to know how to express that, so it comes off as him devoting himself to you, and acting as ur personal bodyguard

         ↬ xiao wouldn't actually kill for u, i don't think. his karmic debt is more than enough as is :(( he will, however, rough (read: stab) someone up for u !!!! but only if u request as much, or give him the ok (whenever his temper gets the better of him). but overall i rlly do think xiao would prefer to keep violence to a minimum (archons knows he's had More Than his Fair share)

:: scaramouche ::

         ↬ stares. blinks. oh lord. y'all alr KNOW what i'm ab to say. 😭💀 now, if i had not included xiao and venti on this list. this mf would be no.1 without a doubt. it's just that. xiao is xiao, and venti is a literal god so 🙁

         ↬ anyway. SOSOSOOOOOO STUPIDLY POSOSEESSSSEIIVVVVEEEE OHHH MYN GOGOOOODDD you r by his side 24/7, or somewhere where he can keep an eye on you (bc he doesn't trust Any of his subordinates to watch over you)

         ↬ in scara's mind, he genuinely believes that u belong to him ??? and as a result he almost treats u like a doll (ironic 🙄). don't be surprised if he actually gets u a collar w his name on the tag as a gift 😭😭😭 and the way he genuinely gets offended if u don't wear it ????? yeesh

         ↬ STALKER ALERT STALKER ALERT 🗣🗣 unlike xiao, scara's stalking comes from a place of control (and ig 🙄 ur well being 🙄🙄) but mostly control and obsession. he hates how infatuated he is w you but . there's nothing he can do ab it. so he gives in to it. stalks you, makes you live w him, keeps u under his direct supervision (the way he is just genuinely a yandere 😭💀💀)

                 ↬ he's also the type of stalker to write things down ab u too i think 🧐 none of that surface "all ur likes and dislikes," bc he rlly doesn't care, but little notes ab your mannerisms he's noticed, any sort of sensitive information that u told him, all that 🥰

         ↬ he's not afraid to show you his violent side either !! (such enthusiastic punctuation for someone whose ab to write ab murder ............) scara doesn't really bother to hide the fact that he killed someone for whatever reason (someone complimenting you or vice versa; bc scara Has to have your Full attention.) and if u ask ab who he killed ???? he almost gets mad 😟 and internally, it justifies his killing, bc you're STILL asking/thinkin ab someone who isn't him !!!

:: childe ::

         ↬ even in a healthy relationship childe is genuinely like a borderline yandere 😭😭 he treats you so insanely well fs, but he's so stupidly fucking possessive and everyone knows it too

         ↬ it usually plays off as him being clingy bc yk he's just a light-hearted dude (me when i kinda? lie 💀), but. he plays it off as light-hearted bc he doesn't want to like ?????? scare you ????? the only time he cares ab his image is when it comes to you 🙏 but it's not that hard to flip that silly/serious switch LMFAO

         ↬ he'll accompany and escort u places whenever he gets the chance to, actually. he's often busy w fatui shit but that doesn't mean he won't make time for u. like diluc, he's possessive in a sense of overprotectivancy ??? so whenever he does escort you places, or if ur just out in public in general w him, then he has a hand on you At All Times. doesn't matter where, but he is always touching you

         ↬ and. and bc hes a harbinger he would Actually kill for u !! he won't if it can be avoided for your sake, bc ur happiness outweighs his bloodlust but he Would Not hesitate to kill for you (or if u wanted someone dead but 🧑‍🦯)

         ↬ tbh childe isn't actually super jealous ???? like. he has his moments, 100%, but he's not nearly as jealous as you'd think ?? bc he's so secure in ur relationship n knows he doesn't have to worry ab other guys (egomaniac yasss king 😍 /hj) and also. who in their right mind is gonna flirt w tartaglia's partner ?"'?";,:??(),?;??? someone w a death wish, that's who !

         ↬ after a vv enlightening convo w @artiepooh, i'd like to say that childe is, in fact, responsible for several "accidental" deaths and ruining several people's lives all bc he thought they looked at u the wrong way (and tbf, they did !! he's just keeping his darling safe <3)

                 ↬ he's put so many merchants out of business and mislead so many travelers (to their doom🥰) all in the name of ur safety. get urself a man like childe yasss slayy murdering for you in a healthy way 😍😍😍😍😍

:: diluc ::

         ↬ ok so just to create an idea of what kinda possessive diluc is, IF these were yandere hcs (they're not), then he would would be the type to either a. not ever let u leave the manner, or b. keep u under his constant supervision; u would go everywhere w him and he'd be by ur side 24/7

         ↬ that being said, realistically and healthily, "healthily," anytime he's going somewhere, he does extend an invitation for u to come as well (is internally bitter if u decline or say ur busy, but he doesn't ever hold it against u (yasss bare minimum king 😍), it's just apart of his overprotectiveness, and he rlly can't help that :(( )

         ↬ always, always offers to escort u home !!! doesn't matter if you two r in two different places, he will go out of his way to go wherever you are so he can walk you home (this is also partially for his own peace of of mind). he knows how dangerous mondstadt can be, especially at night, and you're far too precious to him to risk ur safety like that (doesn't matter if u can fight or not, he Insists on walking u home)

                 ↬ he has a handful of stalkerish behaviors that he's not very proud ab, but like xiao, it comes from a place of genuinely wanting to keep u safe !! on nights that you turn down his escortation invitation (cali the rhymer omg), he'll still drop whatever he's doing to come to wherever you may be, and he'll watch over you from the shadows instead

         ↬ diluc wouldn't kill for you unless he deemed it Absolutely Necessary — total last resort. he doesn't, however, have any problems beating someone up for u 😊 i don't think he'd (usually) ever be one to instigate anything tho ?? he'll only fight if provoked bc yk. wealthiest man in mondstadt, heir to the company, image to maintain, appearances, reputation, blah blah blah

:: kaeya ::

         ↬ first and foremost if u have ever said that kaeya would cheat on his s/o i hate u w my whole heart and ur fucking Wrong

         ↬ like. r we talking ab the same fucking character ?? kaeya alberich w debilitating abandonment And attachment issues ??? cheating on his s/o ???? drop dead [disrespectfully] kaeya is Stupid Fuckin Loyal to his partner go argue w the wall ab it 😡😡

         ↬ anyway 🥰 kaeya's def not the jealous type by any means HOWEVER he's stupid possessive (he just genuinely wants u all to hiself; kaeya is not a "sharing" sort of man) !! anytime y'all r in public together. he just simply Does Not leave ur side if it can be avoided (it's even worse in private, it's like y'all r attached at the hip 😭😭😭)

                 ↬ he always has an arm around your waist or shoulders whenever yall r out and about

         ↬ he's like. only rlly possessive possessive when prompted ??? like if someone's flirting w u or getting a lil too comfortable w you, shameless kaeya is quick to pull you in for a v sloppy kiss in front of whoever was trying to steal ur attention away from him — he'd even spit in ur mouth if he felt the situation called for it (i'm so sorry i don't know how i keep managing to put a spit kink into every single thing that i write)

         ↬ finally someone whose not a fucking stalker. i mean. no i mean finally someone who isnt a fucking stalker LMAO he'll keep a watchful eye out for u whenever ur around, but he won't go out of his way to track u down unless it's dire or whatever

:: kazuha ::

         ↬ another casually possessive one ??? but not in a relaxed way like venti 🧐 its all in his words for the most part. thinks back to when he threatened to brand that hoarder's forehead w a whitehot iron. hm. so. emphasis on the Most Part. 😊😊

         ↬ OH i got it, he's possessive in an almost gentle way ?? bc you and everyone else can see how his gaze softens whenever ur around and how he seems to just absolutely melt under ur touch

         ↬ but both the way kazuha speaks of and to you is enough for everyone to know that you're His. he's genuinely a v intimidating guy when u think ab it, and his words never leave any room for arguments, so everyone who knows ur w kazuha would never dare to make a move on u

         ↬ and for the few unfortunate souls who Have tried to make advances or flirt w you ............. 🙁🪦

         ↬ IM KIDDING (mostly) LMAO but that's not to say kazuha didn't scare them half to death w a verbal threat that would haunt them for a Very Long Time should they ever get close to u again

         ↬ don't let him fool u tho, in regards to you, kazuha has little to no patience and if his words don't get through the first time, he's quick to resort to physical threats and isn't above actually branding someone 😭😭

         ↬ kazuha is. hm. he would be a stalker if he didn't insist on going everywhere w you — and when he's so sweet n protective with u how could u turn him down ?? u know kazuha takes very good care of u, and you've honestly grown addicted to his presence, so ofc u let him escort u or tag along w u everywhere <3

masterlist.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #venti x reader #xiao x reader #scaramouche x reader #yandere scaramouche #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #ajax x reader #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich #kazuha x reader #kaedehara kazuha #venti genshin impact #xiao genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #gn.reader #village.scribe

[probably-haven]

Hello!

So I’m the anon who asked for more Archon War Venti headcanons and I just loved it! I really like reading your headcanons cuz some of them are similar to mine but mostly are headcanons that I didn’t think of so it really is nice to read and see your thoughts about Venti!

I feel like as if I’m asking too much but could you keep doing these types of headcanons? Like it doesn’t have to be Archon War headcanons but like some headcanons about Venti’s relationship with the Ragnvindrs and Gunnhildrs. Because the first Gunnhildr was the first one who prayed to Barbatos and the first Ragnvindr was his friend who left but came back and I really wanna hear your thoughts on that!

And I’ve decided to get off anon cuz you just replied to my texts and I wasn’t expecting that so I’ve got a short confidence boost that I am completely taking advantage of! And thanks for the advice! or uhh comment? observation? I’m not entirely sure but thank you for that! I’ve heard that be said to me a few times and I have been trying to be more, uhh, assertive so thanks for that!

rfouierjkhfkecs i actually came across information on Gunnhildr and the "Red-haired warrior" yesterday when i was doing more research into the rebellion against Decarabian and I was like "wow this would be really fucking fun to research and theorize on, but its too specific/niche to include unprompted no matter how much i want to" but bestie you prompted, and im literally so happy right now because I didn't think I'd ever really get the chance to post about them!

also lmao yeah, i tend to try and reply to as much as I can, since it's a good feeling when someone does and all. but yeah, no problem! I’m glad you felt confident enough to reveal XD. 

This may be structured a bit more like analysis/theory/just citing canon things at first before it gets into a more headcanony format.

ehe i have so much free reign on this it's lovely

More Archon War Era Venti: one two three

spoilers for Venti's backstory and Diluc's(kinda, i think, just in case)

first things first, laying down some canon background because before yesterday i hadn't heard of either of them outside of that one cutscene.

the very reason Decarabian had his storm wall up in the first place was because at the time Andrius had declared war on him- and his tower, and the city of Mondstadt by extent, were basically constantly under attack by Andrius's blizzards, which since he was still alive back then, were a lot bigger and covered basically what seems to be the whole of Mondstadt outside the barrier.

This meant that people had two options. Live in the city under Decarabian's oppression, or live outside the barrier, and brave the blizzards of a warring god... which was not a good idea

but the Gunnhildr clan(not yet called that) tried- and they almost died because of it. In the midst of a blizzard, the clan chief's daughter, named Gunnhildr(which the clan would be named after later) sent out a prayer that was heard by a wandering wind spirit. And the faith of that prayer gave the spirit enough power to create a small shelter to protect them.

When her father past, she became the new leader and also a priestess. She would later lead the clan to fight Decarabian alongside four others. And basically the Gunnhildr Clan ended up as like sworn protectors of Mondstadt

-

as for the red-haired warrior, who is basically assumed to be the earliest known ancestor of the Ragnvindir clan(im gonna refer to as Ragnvindir for convenience sake, even though "Ragnvindir" is technically a different character from Vanessa's era)theres not much information on him, but heres what i have from the various wiki's

- he was a wanderer

- one of the first to use the sign of windblume to find other rebels(so he's intelligent)

- actively propped up the nameless bard so he could watch as the tower was destroyed

there's this little tidbit too from the Windblume Ode bow's description that im probably gonna talk about a considerable amount too: "Atop the ruins of the ancient tower, amidst the cheers, songs, and tears of those who had newly won their freedom. A red-haired warrior turned his back on the newborn god, hidden like a single raindrop in a tidal wave of humanity. He was first among those who passed the secret sign of Windblume, the one who wove threads of dawn throughout the long night. His name has since been lost to time, but his deeds are still remembered in song." followed later by "The fate of this clan will likely never change: they shall ever live in the darkness and bring forth the flame of dawn."

-

Now I'm going to start with the Ragnvindir(geez, why's it spelled like that tho)

My idea of his character is basically formed by a mix of Ragnvindir stereotypes and just generally analyzing text.

So what do we know about Ragnvindir's for sure? they are shady motherfuckers- or at least they rarely operate in the spotlight. also damn, these guys are more cursed than anemo vision wielders- like the only one who didn't canonically lose someone close to them was Crepus, but considering that Diluc doesn't exactly have a mom..... he probably did

so what do we know? - he was close with the nameless bard - he was intelligent - he likely operated primarily from the shadows "ever living in the darkness" - he was a wanderer - he abandoned Venti during the celebration - but his deeds were still remembered in song, so Venti and him were likely still close

now the question of the century: how will i choose to interpret "turned his back on the newborn god"? And honestly, I'm- not sure- at first i assumed he abandoned him completely- but Venti did still make sure to carry on his memory- which could just be Venti being Venti, but for the sake of sanity, this is how I'm interpreting it.

A lot of things happened to the Ragnvindir that day. He lost a friend, saw another become a god to replace the one they had conquered, and he saw his goal, his reason for being in Mondstadt, come to fruition. "see the world through my eyes" the bard had said, and the Ragnvindir had been a wanderer even before. Sure, the people had won freedom, and that was to be celebrated, but he's intelligent to recognize that people would likely see him as one of the key figures in leading the rebellion. And for him this was a solemn time, and ending to a chapter, and not being one to operate in the spotlight, the last thing he'd want is to be swept up in festivities and attention at a time like this.

It also likely didn't help that he's probably smart enough to understand the idea of "power corrupts," and seeing the wind sprite just readily accept the mantle of Archon was likely not the most comforting thing to happen in the given situation after all. But Decarabian was gone, and Andrius had ceased his blizzards, so without a word, he slipped into the crowd and left, a wanderer once more.

-

now back to Gunnhildr

she was the first to receive an anemo vision from Barbatos, no I do not take criticism on this "the power bestowed on her by Barbatos" like please, they basically said it.

It also mentions that she crowned Venti with laurels(symbol of vistory) after the battle- the book Biography of Gunnhildr additionally says "the Gunnhildr Clan will continue honoring the legacy of its ancestors and its duty to the Anemo Archon: to protect Mondstadt, the land and all who inhabit it, forever."

I really like this because it conveniently ties into my past headcanon about Venti granting visions to the people of Mondstadt and having them be the ones to erect wind barriers and defend the city in his absence.

So in the Archon War I like to imagine that the Gunnhildr clan had a lot of people who were actually granted visions and were basically in charge of protecting it from those who would attempt to ambush them.

Mondstadt essentially became known for this- the fact that the mortals within it were strong enough to fend off the force of a god without support from their own.

but regardless, Gunnhildr, as she had before, served as a priestess to Barbatos, the closest thing that Mondstadt had to a ruler, and yet she only took charge of prayer and protection.... i hate to just- equate them to their descendants- but to an extent- her role was kind of like a merge between Jean and Barbara- Except with a whole lot less structure.... i really dont want their characters to just be carbon copies of the descendants but- c'mon, the comparison was right there.

anyways besties- back to Venti so i can tie them in

The Archon War was one of the worst times for Venti in his entire life thus far. And the time immediately after Decarbian's fall, while Gunnhildr and the Ragnvindir were still alive, was the key period of time in which things could have gone very differently.

Venti is the god of freedom. That's a reoccurring theme and I think I've made that abundantly clear. But during this time, Venti was anything but free.

I've mentioned before how he would stay far from the city of Mondstadt so the shockwave of his death wouldn't reach him, should he fall.... well- Venti is new to a lot of things- godhood- humanity- war- freedom- and at this point he was trying hard to figure out how to be Mondstadt's god without becoming Decarabian, and while still being able to survive, and make sure they survived, and see the world for his friend, and carry on his friends legacy.

And this is a lot of stuff for what was once a carefree elemental being, and there were certain things that had to be done for this to happen. He couldn't just stay in Mondstadt, or he would grow weak and his people would be vulnerable to attack, but he couldn't abandon it, because despite being able to fend for themselves, there's always hat just in case. He couldn't stay in any one place outside of Mondstadt for very long or he'd be found and killed. He knew in order for Mondstadt to survive he would have to take an active role in the war, strengthen himself so he could defend Mondstadt, and thats exactly what he did.

He started by going after the less powerful gods, ones he had a chance at beating with the power he got from the Gunnhildr clan and the rest of Mond, and by wiping them out, he would grow stronger, so he kept it up- working his way up the metaphorical ladder.

but he couldn't let anyone near him either, because he knew just what would happen if he was attacked then. Were it not for Gunnhildr's prayer, the early years of the Archon War would have been without contest the loneliest time of his life, and there would be nothing he could do about it, bound by survival and his attachment to the legacy of his friend, constantly fearing for his life and going against his very nature as the god of freedom. Frankly thrust into that circumstance that early on, and having to face it alone, it's likely that Venti would have caved under the pressure and dropped his attachment to either his survival, or to his friends legacy... or just something entirely worse(isolation messes with brains) so I'm attributing the fact that he didn't do that to Gunnhildr's companionship, speaking to him and guiding him through it as he had guided her through the blizzard some time ago.

I also like to think that she's responsible for founding at least a number of the different celebrations that still happen in Mondstadt even now.

Ugh supportive warrior priestess- we stan

anyway meanwhile! we got the Ragnvindir

He hears about Venti taking part in the Archon war during his wanderings and returns to Mondstadt to check in, wary of what he might find.

Venti, who hadn't seen him since the rebellion, is elated to say the least and they do a bit of catching up because they need it

and then the conversation turns more serious, and the Ragnvindir brings up a third thing that Venti needs to hold onto- his humanity.

See, in the early years, just desperate to get a foothold on the world, Venti's first number of targets were just indiscriminately going after those he knew to be weaker than him, and the Ragnvindir points this out, saying that while it's not necessarily bad, if he keeps doing it, it won't be long until he causes his and, by extent, Mondstadt's legacy to be tainted by a reputation for slaughter, no better than any of the other bloodthirsty gods that frequented the war's fields. "Think of what the bard would do, we were both close enough to do that much"

And Venti becomes yet more caged, but recognizes that he's right, and this is another turning point, that in the coming years would keep Venti from losing himself.

also- Gunnhildr, Venti having told her about the Ragnvindir's concerns that he now shared, probably organized some kind of event (not unlike the right of part, but also, yes unlike it) that was deliberately intended and designs to serve as an excuse that Venti could chose to take to visit Mondstadt, something she know he desperately wanted to do, but wouldn't allow himself for fear of putting them in danger. But if she made it an official celebration, then it would give Venti the opportunity to visit his people again, under the guise of it being a responsibility, not having to deal with the moral implications of doing so at a time when he was already dealing with enough of those already.

Also on his travels, the Ragnvindir probably started and spread a number of rumors that could end up working in Venti's favor, not that anyone ever knew it was him of course.

basically Gunnhildr protected the people of Mondstadt and did all she could to keep everyone in as high spirits as possible, Venti included.

And as for the Ragnvindir, he took a more realistic approach, traveling and getting venti followers in far places, spreading false information about him, and just overall making sure that Venti didn't do things he'd regret.

And when they died, Venti would carry their legacy with him as well, not losing his humanity to the tide of war as he very nearly had(though he still often came close), and trying to spreading high spirits where ever he could without fail.

#genshin impact #genshin venti #genshin impact headcanons #genshin theory #genshin headcanons #archon war era venti #genshin barbatos #genshin decarabian #nameless bard #genshin ragnvindir #genshin gunnhildr #genshin lore #genshin spoilers #spoilers #angst #venti angst #archon war #old mondstadt

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Hello, sweetheart! I have a prompt for you ❤️ Geralt has chronic pains since the mutations. Sometimes he can't get up, because everything hurts so much. Sometimes he does not eat for days (weeks...), because he cannot go out hunting. As the years have passed, he has managed to mask the pain on his face. Nobody needs to know. His brothers have already looked for a cure, but the potions only ease the pain for a few hours. +

+ When Jaskier started following the witcher on the path, whenever the pain became unbearable, Geralt told him that he had picked up a contract. A contract that would perhaps take days. And then he went into the forest as far away as possible, so that no one would be able to hear his cries of pain.+

+Jaskier knew he was lying. But he just didn't know what he was lying about. Until one day, tired of this situation (he's his best friend, for God's sake!), Jaskier decides to go after Geralt and find out what's going on. You can change anything you want ❤️

BAAAAAAABBBBEEEE 

listen I lived the chronic pain life for a while and if someone would have just told me to shut the fuck up and confront the problem things would have been WAY easier lmao 

Warnings: Lots of swearing. ye ole self-depreciation. chronic pain.

__________

His back had ached for the last six decades; this sort of twisting torment was nothing new. His second round of trials had induced horrible spasms and, according to Vessimir, Geralt had broken the restraints usually used for young witchers and damn near writhed off the table before the sorcerers had restrained him. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in sixty years because of it.

Eskel and Lambert had sourced out different potions and spells over the years, sometimes putting him under Axi just so he can sleep despite his body, but with the extra mutations came heightened adaptability. If he took any potion too frequently it stopped working, used any spell too often it would barely touch him. While this made his job much easier, and much safer, he was in a never-ending nightmare of shooting and radiating stabbing pain emanating from various points in his spine. It was worse than any stab wound or monster bite he’d ever endured on the bad days, a dull throb on the good days. 

Traveling with Jaskier was surprisingly helpful in this aspect. He made it easier to get rooms with real beds and didn’t care that Geralt’s limbs draped over him in the only comfortable sleeping position he could find most nights. He insisted on getting Geralt hot baths he would never be offered on his own and once blackmailed someone into letting Geralt into a sauna. Of course, Geralt had never told him, there was no point, but having an advocate when he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, defend himself was nice. 

However, as with most things in Geralt’s life, things eventually went to shit. A fall off a two-story roof chasing a vampire the week before had depleted the few potions Eskel had scrounged up for him last they spoke and, bed or no bed, there was no way Geralt could stay with the bard and pretend he was fine. The longer he tried the more explosive his behavior, and well that wasn’t fair was it?

He had gotten up early, before the pain had time to settle in the pit of his stomach and make him nauseous, to head off to the foothills. Giving Jaskier a lie about a contract a town over and meeting up later, he headed to collect Roach and disappear. 

Mounting was a miserable affair, even with a hay bail to help him up. His leg nearly gave out from what felt like one of Yennefer’s electric shocks running the length of the limb before he had the bulk of his weight over the saddle. But once he was on, he was relatively fine. Not trotting fine, but comfortable enough to go at a steady pace out of town without groaning or screwing up his face in agony. It wouldn’t do to scare the townsfolk if he wanted to come back and collect his bard. 

He let Roach meander as far as she wanted off the road running parallel to a stream, letting her choose where they’d be camping for the night once they were far enough from civilization. 

He hated doing this, letting his guard down and in the wilderness no less, but he was holding himself upright on the pommel by the time Roach found a sandy bank next to the stream. He practically fell out of the saddle, unbuckling the girth and giving its bulk just enough of a tug to let it fall off the mare’s back. Even the little effort put into untacking was agony, but he needed his bedroll off the saddle and Roach needed a break. He collected the wood he would need for a fire before he let himself rest, knowing that as soon as he stopped moving the muscles would tighten and cramp up, making it impossible to move until morning. 

He was peeling his shirt off ever so gingerly when he heard a twig snap. Dropping the garment back over his shoulders he gingerly turned to peer into the woods in the sound’s direction. If something or someone came upon him now he was at their mercy unless he could muster enough energy for a sign. 

“A contract, huh?” Jaskier stepped out of the treeline with his arms crossed and a surprisingly parental look of disappointment on his face.

Geralt relaxed a little, plastering the mask of calm on his face as he got back to tugging his shirt over his head, “You followed me?”

Jaskier deflated, dropping his bag and lute next to Roach’s tack as he moved to help Geralt out of his clothes, “I knew you were hiding something from me, but this? Geralt? How long have you been injured?”

The witcher laughed, wincing at the dull ache through his entire torso from the previous effort of keeping himself in the saddle, “Half a century? Give or take.”

“What?” Jaskier sounded offended, why was he offended?

Geralt just grunted, clenching his jaw to keep from yelling as he stood and waded into the stream of snowmelt. All the air left his lungs when he lowered himself into the freezing water, but as it lapped over his back and sometimes even his shoulders he felt a small bit of relief. Being able to lean back a bit and be supported by the current was almost intoxicating after all his muscles had nearly turned to stone over the course of the week.

Jaskier was now standing at the bank with his arms crossed and a look of fury on his face, “I’m your best fucking friend- don’t look at me like that we’re using the ‘f’ word today- and you tried to hide a debilitating long-term injury? Geralt what the fuck?”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” Geralt huffed, doing his best not to get angry. He hurt and he was vulnerable and Jaskier was using the ‘f’ word and getting his hopes up.

“Oh shove it up your arse. You make everything else my problem, why not this?” Jaskier was on the verge of yelling and Geralt still couldn’t figure out why. 

Geralt stared forward in silence, calmly noting his hands shaking from the cold, or maybe it was the pain, he didn’t really know. 

Jaskier swore and turned to rummage through their things, arranging and rearranging things as he waited for Geralt to get out. 

However, Geralt didn’t want to get out. He wanted to be left alone to be miserable in peace. He wanted to have one fucking day where he didn’t have shooting pain running through most of his body. Long ago he’d given up hope of a day free of pain, now he just wished for an aching sensation rather than this bullshit. He also found he was liking the water. It wasn't as cold as it first was and his breath was coming easier. 

Jaskier rolled up his trousers and waded out to the middle of the stream where he sat, “C’mon Geralt, you can’t stay here all night. You’ll die.”

Geralt frowned up at him, “I like it in here. Hurts less.”

“Dumb Fuck, you’re turning blue. Out. Now.” Jaskier held a hand out and Geralt found raising his arm was nearly impossible. He got it about halfway to the bard’s palm before he stalled out, shaking and staring at his hand in horror. 

“I- Jask I can’t-”

Jaskier sighed, “You’re damn near hypothermic, here.” He reached down and hauled the witcher out of the stream, ignoring his grunts of pain as he walked him back to the fire he’d started. Jaskier went about stripping his soaked pants off, toweling him off with his old shirt, and redressing him all while glaring at him. Jaskier made him sip some boiled water before he bundled the both of them in one bedroll, wrapping himself around the still shivering witcher as completely as possible.

“Th-thank you.” Geralt gasped as Jaskier angrily shoved his arm beneath Geralt’s lower back, the warmth alone was lovely but something about the way his spine laid over the extra bulk was even better.

“You’re welcome.” Jaskier growled, head tucked into Geralt’s chest, “I’m still furious with you. It’s been over a decade and you didn’t think to tell me?” 

Geralt swallowed back tears as he felt some of the tension ease in his back, “No one else really cares…”

Jaskier tilted his chin up to look at the witcher like he was sprouting a horn out of his forehead, “The fuck do you think I’m doing here? You think I enjoy being run out of towns and almost dying every other day? Shit, Geralt, you’re smart but sometimes you’re fucking thick.”

If it wouldn’t have hurt Geralt would have playfully smacked his shoulder, but moving any part of his body was a risk at the moment, “Thought you liked the adventure.”

“No, dumbass. I care about you. A lot.” Jaskier settled his head back down over Geralt’s chest, “In the morning I’m taking you to a healer. Or a sorcerer or mage or anyone who will give us answers.”

“Julek…”

“Shut the fuck up and sleep. Cute nicknames won’t get you out of this one. I’m still furious.”

#geraskier #geraskier fic #angry jaskier #chronic pain geralt #the witcher #the witcher fic #geralt of rivia fic #jaskier fic #chronic pain #listen i asked myself how many times i could make jaskier swear and it was fun #regan writes #comfy writes

[messiambrandybuck]

People who's voice/appearance gives you gender envy?

Hello, love! Thanks for the ask, and I apologize because this might turn a bit lengthy? We'll see lol.

Joey from Friends

90% of trans tiktok

Colm McGuinness Music on youtube (his vocal range-)

that metalsmith going around? the "modern thorin" on tiktok

Pretty buff boys (I'm looking at you, Korea *glares*)

@dannyphantom.exe on tiktok

(I've mentioned that app more than once and now I feel like I'm going to get hate-crimed slkdjslkjdlsjkdl)

Fedya???? I honestly don't know what social they're on but *anger noises*

OH OH KILI- FUCKING SJKSJDSJK AIDAN TURNER-

(whether or not I cried when I figured out his name was Aidan, as well, will remain undisclosed for the sake of my pride)

The baritone/bass singer guy from that one 60's quartet "The Temptations"? Honestly so not fucking fair

On the note of deep voices: Felix Lee from SKZ(kpop) and it makes me want to become MUTE

E-boys as a whole?? Apparently???

Dark Academia

One Topic At A Time from youtube (a great ally btw)

JamieDodger (also from youtube) just because he's been transitioning for a while

Thorin??? In a way???? Not all the time, but sometimes-

The same thing goes for Bard

This is by no means even close to a normal list and I am so sorry for that lmao. I also kinda blanked on this? So I'll make sure to make an official post about this some time lmao

#this is just me suffering as I remember each of them #I hope this isn't annoying? #there's a lot going on I'm so sorry #aidan answers #kinda #more or less #asks #anon #transgender #trans

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

request: jaskier x reader enemies to lovers in which the reader is not a jealous asshole lmao

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 3,273Rating: TTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle @writingstudent @mlleecrivaine @coffee-and-stories @ultracolorfulnerdcollection @astouract @your-not-invisible-to-me @kemmastan @mycat-is-mylove @amirahiddleston a/n: Hey! I am a sucker for an academic rivalry and that’s the way I approached this. It’s really long but I hope you enjoy!

You took a deep breath before entering the classroom, plastering on a serene, professional smile. There were more students present than usual which only rankled further, knowing they had come here to see him instead of your usual classes. He wasn’t there yet (typical) but you were grateful. Walking in to see so-called Professor Pankratz beating you to your own class would have been more than you could bear. Then again, he was never on time for class when you were students so luck had been on your side.

“Good morning class, so nice to see that so many of you have recovered for your many ailments and just in time for a presentation for our guest lecturer,” you said. The students chuckled sheepishly and you fixed them with an accusatory look that melted into a smile and a head shake. They were just kids. It hadn’t been terribly long ago you were in their shoes and there were many times you wished you could have jut run off and avoided your responsibilities like others you’d known. Right on cue, the door opened and in strode Julian Pankratz or – as he was known now – Jaskier.

He looked practically the same as he had back then. Chestnut hair shorter and roguishly swept to the side but the same hue, golden highlights catching in the sun that streamed through the large windows. Smile quirked into the exact same cocky little grin, sky blue eyes sparkling with amusement, always on the lookout for a good time. His clothing choices had become more ornate but the same good quality they’d always been, him and all the other nobility thinking nothing of the clothes they wore or the fact that a single doublet would pay for a semester of classes. As he caught your eye a familiar look of smugness came over his features and you bristled. You’d always been academic rivals. You didn’t usually care about someone being smarter than you, most were anyway, but someone who swanned into Oxenfurt Academy, resting on his family’s laurels and roving around missing classes yet still somehow managing to give you a run for your title as Valedictorian was another matter. On the rare occasions he did deign to show up to class he’d usually be half-hungover, lacking all supplies, and yet teacher’s stopped calling on him to make an example because he’d always know the answer. Good answers, too. So no, you didn’t hate Julian because he was smart or handsome or well-liked or even because he was your fiercest competition in school. You hated him because he was all of these things and didn’t work for any of it and didn’t seem to appreciate its value. This position you held as a professor at a university that had been an impossible sounding dream for a child who grew up in poverty meant everything to you. But for Julian, it was just another honor bestowed on him. Hell, he was invited to teach today.

“Ah, Julian, right off time,” you said dryly.

“Professor Pankratz I think it is, Y/N,” he replied. You bristled and bit back a litany of oaths.

“As I was telling the students, Julian, you are here today to provide a guest lecture and if anyone has questions-” two dozen arms shot up in the sky eagerly, “They will wait under after the lesson.”

The arms retracted glumly but the students lit up as you stepped aside, giving the bard a space at the podium.

“Thank you, Y/N. You know, your professor and I go way back. We were school chums just like you. She’s always been incredibly smart. I mean, the record may show that she never could quite top me but she still gave me a good run,” he winked at you as he said the words and then gave you a wicked smile, like a child who knew they were being bad in public and didn’t care what would happen when they got home. You kept the same serene smile on your face like a mask and you spent the next hour and a half of his talk imagining the different ways you would use the historical tools of torture display in the history wing to wipe that smug smile off of his face.

—–

After the lecture (which was exceptional, damn it) Julian suggested the question and answer portion be done outside because it was “such a lovely day” and you “probably wanted to review your notes over his lecture to include in the class’s curricula” and they poured out of your class leaving you in blessed silence. You had to admit you appreciated the extra time to prepare for tomorrow’s class. You finished grading and even had time to clean the chalkboard thoroughly. You were gazing at it in admiration of a job well done when a voice popped up by the open door.

“Admit it, that was brilliant.”

Suddenly your good mood vanished. You cut Jaskier a sharp glance from the corner of your eye.

“The students aren’t here anymore Julian you don’t need to stick around,” you said coolly.

“Oh I know,” he replied, moving into the room further, “I thought I’d ask an old friend for a drink. Catch up properly since I’m in town.”

You scoffed and shook your head, turning to face him.

“We’re not friends, Julian. We never were and I don’t see why we would be now,” you said bluntly. He smiled at your words, not an unpleasant or false one, a genuine, nostalgic smile.

“Gods I’ve missed the way you never put up with my shit,” he said. You blinked at him in surprise.

“What?”

“Everyone else was impressed by the Pankratz name and my other, admittedly many, charms but you always saw through it. I think that’s why I tried to impress you so much. Hell, maybe it’s why I’m still trying,” he said.

“I thought you hated me, you were always a prick. And don’t try that stupid ‘boys torment girls they like’ bullshit with me because that’s bollocks at best and dangerous at worst,” you argued. He smirked.

“Oh no, you were a bitch. You kind of still are. But I’ve grown to develop an affection for bitches.”

“Get fucked, Pankratz.”

“Ooh not as eloquent as you were back in the day. What was it you called me that one time? As stupid as an ox and half as useful?” he quoted. You smiled in appreciation of your younger self’s burn.

“Come have a drink with me,” he offered again. Despite yourself, you were curious about what Julian had been up to. Sure you heard the rumors and the songs and knew he was a celebrity. But you also knew that the stories you heard about people rarely matched the truth and perhaps with enough ale and the right questions you’d get somewhere close to that.

“You’re paying,” you said, taking up your purse and getting out the key to lock the classroom.

“But of course,” Jaskier said in faux surprise, “What kind of a gentleman would I be if I didn’t treat the lady to drinks?”

For the sake of peace, you bit your tongue.

—–

“Alright,” Jaskier said once you’d both ordered your drinks, “Let’s get this out of the way. Ask me about Geralt.”

“The witcher?” you asked. Jaskier nodded, a weary nod that suggested he’d had this talk many, many times before. “I don’t really have any questions.”

Jaskier eyed you suspiciously, disbelief plain on his face but you weren’t kidding. You knew about witchers, had read many different accounts from believe who head varying levels of respect and fear towards them, but you didn’t really concern yourself with them. As far as you could tell their primary trade was killing monsters and you weren’t one so you doubted you’d have any dealings with them.

“People usually want to know what he’s like, if he has horns, does he eat babies, etc.,” Jaskier explained.

“Well those people sound… ill-informed,” you said tactfully, “I do have questions though. Not about Geralt, about you.”

“Me?” Jaskier sounded surprised.

“Of course. A classmate goes off and becomes a renowned bard and you don’t think I’m going to have questions?” you asked.

“You never showed much interest in my life or affairs before.”

“I didn’t have to hear about some new rumor about you every day from students before. Well, actually I guess I did. But there were fewer rumors of immortality and frankly based on how you look I’m starting to think those might be right,” you said, taking a sip of your mead and giving him an assessing look. He laughed and took a drink from his ale.

“Not as far as I know, no,” he said.

“But the rest is true, then? Touring the country, the bard with his pet witcher, wooing and rutting around the countryside with great aplomb?”

Jaskier smiled ruefully as he looked down into his drink, thinking about the portrait you painted of him, that had been painted while he was off. He could lie and tell you it was true but he had a feeling you’d know. As he’d said, you always saw through his bullshit.

“Quite the opposite, really. True my songs are well loved and I have successfully reformed many opinions about Geralt, if not witchers on the whole, but I am more often treated as the “pet” of Geralt. The human that follows him around. It’s… not entirely wrong but it’s also horseshit, you know?”

You were surprised by the vulnerability. This wasn’t the proud, blustering Julian of a decade ago. He was still there but there was also a maturity to him. It was deeply unsettling.

“That must be hard for you. You never did like standing in another’s shadow,” you said.

“I have little experience doing so. You understand,” he volleyed. You glowered at him as you took another drink. Yes, some things were still the same.

“And adventuring? How is that suiting you? You a natural at that as you were everything else?” you asked, a bit of bitterness slipping into your tone.

“Gods no,” he said laughing, “No I am… well, I’m better than I was, but I’ve also nearly died more times than I can count so that doesn’t speak to a great amount of skill.”

You felt a little guilty about how validating it was to hear Jaskier state that there was finally something even he couldn’t fake his way through.

“That must be very difficult,” you said, working to keep the satisfaction out of your voice, “Finding the one thing is this world you aren’t naturally adept at without any effort or work.”

“I worked, Y/N,” Jaskier replied, frowning at the implication, “I wrote the same papers you did.”

“Yes, but yours were written 15 minutes before class or turned into an improvised ballad performed on the spot and mine were toiled over for hours in the library and edited mercilessly. We are not the same,” you argued.

“Do you want me to apologize for being naturally talented?” he asked. You scoffed and shook your head, fighting the urge to throw the remaining contents of your cup in his smug face.

“No, Julian, I want you to appreciate that you’re talented. I want you to stop acting like you’re somehow superior and I want you to stop getting everything you want handed to you because you’re from a titled family and famous and never had to really worry about taking care of yourself,” you snapped.

“You think people took care of me?” he replied incredulously, “Y/N my family didn’t give a shit about me. Hell, I don’t know if they even realized I was gone when I went to school. Even the people around me at the university, I knew they didn’t give a shit, they wouldn’t have my back or stick around if I wasn’t constantly making myself useful to them. And you think that’s somehow different now? The witcher barely tolerates my presence some days and I have to work hard to find ways to be useful because I know that if I stop, even for a moment, he will be gone too.”

After he finished he kicked himself for saying it, waiting for a look of pity from you as you listened to him complain. Or contempt because even he knew that it could be worse. But you just nodded slightly, a look of understanding dawning on your face.

“Well. You’re still an ass,” you said, taking a sip of your drink. A wide smile broke out over Jaskier’s face and you couldn’t help but return it. He had that effect on people. For once it didn’t seem self-serving, though, just genuine happiness.

“So is that what you’re doing with me?” you asked, serious again, “Trying to find a way to be useful or charm me so you’ll have a contact back in Oxenfurt?”

“When you put it that way I sound so self-serving,” he scoffed, “No, Y/N. Frankly I don’t need you as a contact. I was invited to lecture here and I seriously doubt you were the one did that.”

You didn’t say anything, glancing awkwardly down at your glass.

“Wait… no… surely not,” Jaskier squinted at you suspiciously and you heaved a great sigh.

“Fine, alright I did. But only because very begrudgingly I have to admit you know what you’re talking about and this segment is hard for students if they don’t care about what they’re studying and nothing makes students care like hearing it from someone new and exciting and oh for the gods’ sake if you don’t stop grinning at me like that I will kick you,” you snapped. Jaskier didn’t heed your warnings, the grin overtaking his face and this time you could resist the pull to smile back. You crossed your arms in front of you in a huff, waiting for him to throw it back in your face, to make some snide remark about proof that he’s smarter than you after all.

“Thank you,” he said after a beat of silence. There was sincerity in his eyes, also unsettling, but also not a bad look on him. “I enjoyed it. I’ve missed the school, really.”

“I suppose it wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened in my classroom. Granted, someone was murdered there a few hundred years ago so the bar is pretty high for that honor,” you sighed. The rest of your evening passed quickly as you shared anecdotes and laughter. Before you knew it the tavern was closing and you were told to get a room or get out. Jaskier had shot you a suggestive smile but you’d rolled your eyes and told him he could walk you home.

“You know this is going to sound silly but I think… Well, I wish maybe we’d been friends in school,” you admitted, lips loosened by the mead and the newfound sense of comradery with the man walking at your side. He laughed, the sound turning to mist in the cool night air, and grinned at you.

“No, I don’t think so,” he said. Your face fell and you began to feel embarrassed.

“No, not because of you!” he explained quickly, “But I wasn’t really the sort of person I think you’d have liked back then. I mean, clearly, because you’ve harbored such a long hatred of me.”

“Hatred is a strong word,” you lied, “But you’re probably right. I could be a bit stuck up myself.”

“I’m glad that we’ve reconnected, though. Or I suppose, connected for the first time,” Jaskier said. You arrived at home sooner than you’d expected and you lingered at the door.

“How long are you in town?” you asked.

“I leave tomorrow.”

“Oh… with, uh, what’s his name?”

Jaskier beamed at you as though you’d just given him the finest compliment in his life. And in a way, you had. For once he wasn’t the one whose name was ignored and forgotten.

“Geralt. And yes, I told him I’d meet up with him. Onto the next adventure,” he explained. He was excited by the disappointment in your eyes, almost as excited as the fact that you weren’t yet going inside, perhaps even considering offering him an invite.

“If you want to come back sometime, to lecture and maybe get another drink with an old…” your voice trailed off as you tried to decide what to call what you were now.

“Colleague?”

“Friend?”

“Yes, alright, friend,” you assented, earning yet another wide, beaming smile from Jaskier, “I’d like that. If you have time. I know you’re very busy and important.”

You said the words sarcastically and Jaskier nodded and sighed heavily.

“It’s true, the world needs its songs. But I would be happy to come back again. And see you. And do my part to enlighten the youths of the world. And see you.”

“You said that twice.”

“I meant it doubly much.”

“Doubly much? That can’t be good grammar.”

“Gods, do you ever turn off?” he huffed in amused exasperation.

“Never, it’s one of my charms,” you replied, smirking. Jaskier moved closer and you were reminded of how tall he was. And broad. And handsome.

“I have half a mind to kiss that smirk right off your face,” he murmured, the pale blue eyes caressing them with his gaze.

“You have a half a mind period,” you sassed, a defensive reaction that struck when you were nervous. Most men were turned away by it, and you couldn’t blame them. But sparring was an old game for the two of you and Jaskier smiled, chuckling darkly before saying,

“Alright now you’re gonna get it.”

His lips brushed against yours, featherlight and teasing, and then swept back, a little firmer, capturing your mouth and pressing in closer, one arm wrapping around your waist and pressing you against the door as he slid his tongue through your slightly parted mouth. You sighed into the kiss and he gave a soft moan in return as your tongue found his, entangling and learning the warmth of each other’s mouths, the brush of teeth against lip, the taste of mead and ale blending in a heady mixture. By the time Jaskier pulled back you were both panting slightly. You swallowed hard and looked up into his eyes.

“Are you going to invite me in?” he asked, peppering your jawline with kisses. Your eyes squeezed shut and you licked your lips, summoning your will to be sensible.

“No,” you replied. His kisses stop and he pulled back to look at you, unabashedly surprised.

“No?”

“No,” you answered, “Go on your journeys, Julian Pankratz or Jaskier de Lettenhove or whoever you are or shall be. Go and then return to me. If you can do that, well… Perhaps.”

“I may die,” he intoned dramatically, though he made no move to continue his seduction, taking your words to heart.

“Then there shall be two great tragedies that day,” you answered in a tone that was just as dramatic, “That you have died, and that you never knew the pleasures of my body.”

He laughed, throwing his head back and then leaning in to plant another kiss on your lips.

“You’re a minx. But alright, it’s a date,” he said. You bit your bottom lip, fighting back an argument that it could only really be a date if they both declared it to be and really they had just agreed to meet up as friends but sometimes even you had to admit there was a time and place for being pedantic.

“It’s a date.”

#Anonymous #jaskier x reader #jaskier drabble #jaskier fluff #jaskier angst #reader request #jaskier imagines

[luci-cunt]

Hi @moonsandstarsaregay​ here’s just a list of perfect Geralt and Dandelion interactions in ONE (1) chapter [btw this is basically ep 2: the one with the Devil of Posada]

(this ended up being longer than I thought because they’re too iconic, I didn’t even make it through the whole chapter XDD maybe I’ll do a part two but I’m gonna get some food and let these dumbasses rest. 

But, spoiler: they’re literally so in love + feral/ insanely smart Jaskier is 100% canon)

[G+D leaving a pub where a bunch of people moaned about the galactic fuck-ton of monsters around them but then Geralt’s like, bye we’re leaving and Dandelion’s like ‘why?? monsters?? that’s your whole job??’]

"None of the creatures they mentioned exist.”

“You’re joking!” Dandelion spat a pip and threw the apple core at a patched mongrel [side note I have no idea what any of this sentince means]. “No, it’s impossible. I was watching them carefully, and I know people. They weren’t lying.”

“No,” the witcher agreed. “they weren’t lying, they firmly believed it all. Which doesn’t change the facts.”

The poet was silent for a while.

“None of those monsters... none? it can’t be. something of what they listed must be here. At least one! Admit it.”

“All right. I admit it. One does exist for sure.”

“Ha! What?”

“A bat.”

[You don’t even need context]

“...Eh, famous witcher? Haven’t you wondered why?”

“I have, famous poet. And I know why.”

[Riding on the road]

“Someone’s following us,” [Dandelion] said, excited. “In a cart!”

“Incredible,” scoffed the witcher without looking around. “In a cart? And I thought that the locals rode on bats.”

“Do you know what?” growled the troubadour. “The closer we get to the edge of the world, the sharper your wit. I dread to think what it will come too!”

[the afore mentioned cart catches up and suddenly the driver wants to talk, interrupting G+D bonding time]

“The gods be praised, noble sirs!”

“We, too,” replied Dandelion, familiar with the custom, “praise them.”

“If we want to,” murmured the witcher.

[and then later in the same scene]

“...I marked your expression and ‘twas nae strange to me. In a long time now I’ve nae heard such balderdash and lies.”

Dandelion laughed.

Geralt was looking at the peasant attentively, silently. 

[Still later the guy asks if they want to stop by his house cause they’re going the same way and Geralt’s like ‘hOw Do YoU kNoW wHeRe We’Er GoInG?’]

“As ‘cos ye have nae other way here, and yer horses’ noses be turned in that direction, not their butts.”

Dandelion laughed again. “What do you say to that, Geralt?”

“Nothing.”

[Dandelion talking about how gorgeous the land they’re traveling through is, Geralt teasing him like ‘oh so you know about agriculture?’ ‘Duh, poets know everything my dear fellow and agriculture is v important--’]

[Geralt] “you’ve exaggerated a bit with the [significance of agriculture in] entertainment and art.”

[Dandelion] “And booze, what’s that made of?”

“I get it.”

“Not very much, you don’t. Learn. Look at those purple flowers. They’re lupins.”

“They’s be vetch, to be true,” interrupted Nettly [the other carriage driver].

[Then Geralt zones out because now Nettly’s talking]

“The Valley of Flowers, that’s Dol Blathanna.” Dandelion nudged the witcher [...] “You paying attention?”

[They get to Nettly’s house and meet the village elder Dhun who want to hire Geralt]

The elder of the village nodded and cleared his throat. “Well, it be like this,” he said. “There be this field hereabouts–” 

Geralt kicked Dandelion–who was preparing to make a spiteful comment–under the table.

[Dhun’s explaining the situation more and then--]

“...stretches right up to the forest–”

“And what?” The poet couldn’t help himself. “What’s on that field there?”

“Well.” Dhun raised his head and scratched himself behind the ear. “Well, there be a deovel prowls there.”

“What?” snorted Dandelion. “A what?”

“I tell ye: a deovel.”

“What deovel?”

“What can he be? A deovel and that be it.”

“Devils don’t exist!”

“Don’t interrupt, Dandelion,” said Geralt in a calm voice. “And go on, honorable Dhun.” 

“I tell ye: it’s a deovel.”

“I heard you.” Geralt could be incredibly patient when he chose.

[Oh and, might I just add: this is Dandelion’s perspective–he’s the one pointing out how patient Geralt can be. I stg, TV!Geralt is quaking.

And, lmao, this whole scene feels like Dandelion was teasing Geralt for not wanting to deal with other company but now that there’s a job and Geralt’s attention is more on that he’s all pissy and that’s just hilarious]

[Dandelion goes on to interupt the story about 2 more times and Geralt tells him to be quiet both times and now he’s sulking]

Dandelion cackled again, then flicked a beer-drenched fly at a cat sleeping by the hearth. The cat opened one eye and glanced at the bard reproachfully. 

[Geralt takes the job even tho devils don’t exist, Dandelion is pissed, ‘why take the job if you know it doesn’t exist!?’]

“...I take it you haven’t abased yourself so as to get us bed board and lodging, have you?”

“Indeed,” Geralt grimaced. “It does look as if you know me a little, singer.”

“In that case, I don’t understand.”

“What is there to understand?”

“There’s no such thing as devils!” yelled the poet, shaking the cat from sleep once and for all. “No such thing! To the devil with it, devils don’t exist!”

“True.” Geralt smiled. “But, Dandelion, I could never resist the temptation of having a look at something that doesn’t exist.”

[alkjdf;klasdfjkdsafl LITERALLY k;aldsjflsd WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS???]

[They finally manage to hunt down the devil and feral bard is 100% canon]

“Uk! Uk!” Barked the monster, stamping his hooves. “What do you want here? Leave or I’ll ram you down. Uk! Uk!”

“Has anyone ever kicked your arse, little goat?” Dandelion couldn’t stop himself. 

“Uk! Uk! Beeeee!” Bleated the goathorn in agreement, or denial, or simply bleating for the sake of it. 

“Shut up, Dandelion,” growled the witcher. “Not a word.”

“Blebleblebeeeeee!” The creature gurgled furiously, his lips parting wide to expose yellow horse-like teeth. “Uk! Uk! Bleubeeeeubleuuuubleeee!”

“Most certainly”–nodded Dandelion–“you can take the barrel-organ and bell when you go home–”

[this goes on for a while. btw yes, those are the noises the book describes the ‘devil’ making aksdjf;alk]

[then they have to run away because Geralt didn’t bring his sword and they get back to the house--]

“Well, well, Geralt.” Dandelion held a horseshoe he’d cooled in a bucket to his forehead. [you really can’t make this stuff up he’s such a disaster] “that’s not what I expected. A horned freak with a goatee like a shaggy billy goat, and he chased you away like some upstart. And I got it in the head. Look at that bump!”

“That’s the sixth time you’ve shown it to me. And it’s no more interesting than it was the first time.” 

“How charming. And I thought I’d be safe with you!”

[Then Nettly and Dhun give Geralt some old book that’s supposed to tell you how to deal with every monster ever]

He lay the book down on the table and turned its heavy wooden cover. “Take a loook at this, Dandelion.”

“the first Runes,” the bard worked out, peering over his shoulder, the horseshoe still pressed to his forehead. “The writing used before the modern alphabet. Still based on elfin runes and dwarves’ ideograms. A funny sentice construction, but that’s how they spoke then [...like a whole page of Dandelion being brilliant..]”

[^^^ that book is also unreadable but there’s a really old lady who has it almost completely memorized so Geralt flips through it to prove it and lands on this page--]

The etching showed a disheveled monstrosity with enormous eyes and even larger teeth, riding a horse. In its right hand, the monstrous being wielded a substantial sword, in its left, a bag of money. 

“A witchman,” mumbled the woman. “Called by some a witcher. To summon him is most dangerous , albeit one must; for when against the monster and vermin there be no aid, the witchman can contrive. But be careful one must be–”

“Enough,” muttered Geralt. “Enough, Grandma. Thank you.”

“No, no,” protested Dandelion with a malicious smile. “how does it go on? What a greatly interesting book! Go on, Granny, go on.”

“eee... But careful one must be to touch not the witchman, for thus the mange can one acquire. And lasses do from him hide away, for lustful the witchman is above all measure–”

“Quite correct, spot on,” laughed the poet.

[This moment--]

[Geralt] “...This time ‘tis grateful I’d be to heareth more, for too learn the ways and meanes ye did use to deal with him most curious am I.”

“Careful, Geralt,” chuckled Dandelion. “You’re starting to fall into their jargon. It’s an infectious mannerism.”

[And just over a page later--]

[Dandelion] “...ye furnished him with ammunition for two years, the fools ye be!”

“careful.” The witcher smiled. “You’re starting to fall into their jargon. It’s infectious.” 

#the witcher #the last wish #luci doesn't shut up #this is literally just me typing out the whole book XDDD #god I love this so much #THIS IS TOP TEIR DANDELION CONTENT! #geraskier #I guess #XDDD #this was actually soo much fun lmao #I love this book

[microfeelings]

Well you know what they say, if you want to get things out there you... have to get things out there

So Fantasy AU with Game Grumps

Tbh i dont know how this started... It might have been something along the lines of Dan would make a great bard, and Suzy is totally a druid... and everything went downhill from there, but also, who knows how my brain works there is like 4 trains of thought at the same time and they're all roughly have the same thoughts if that makes sense? So I'm thinking of something in 4 different ways and its hard to pinpoint from wich train the idea came from... yall still with me? Cause I tend to ramble when I'm panicking (and also dont know what I'm doing)

The idea is basic dnd party doing missions all over the fantasy land and nearly dying/accidentally destroying cults in the process of getting to the big plot (WICH I DONT HAVE LMAO, remember that comic about the "oh man, two cakes" guy? This is me presenting the ingredients of the cake and calling it a day, I am so sorry, my brain is way over the place to get you something better)

So far I have three paragraphs and is like 80% rambling, I feel like a deer in the headlights. Anyways so the characters;

Arin: half orc barbarian, dont know how to describe my decision other than.... big arms. And also, not to be thirsty on main he would look so good with tusks (sidenote: I love half orcs, never played dnd but honestly i would probably only ever play half orcs). Basic adventurer, left the place he grew up with when he was of age to find himself and get stronger, also since he kinda didnt like himself he tried to get rid of his tusks and long hair, but eventually left them to grow. Always travels with a companion and that doesnt always end well. Sweet, kind and funny, he makes friends wherever he goes, but also lots of enemies (like a lot of people want him death, even demons, and Arin still doesnt understand why cause hes not the worst person ever come on) its hinted through foreshadowing (i talk like this is a fucking show) that he is a vessel for an old moon/sun god, or is the moon/sun god reincarnated and he hasnt remembered yet. And by implied I mean, I've been playing with the idea, but I dont know if I'll follow through (at least its a plot)

Dan: elf bard, of roughly 250+ years, hes got the most experience in the bunch as an adventurer but also feels out of time because he slept through 50 years straight cause he was sick, when he woke up he found out lots of people he knew had died and that kinda fucked him up. Diplomatic in a tipical bard fashion (he will fuck his way out of the mess) but an experienced swordman as well (with both a longsword and a rapier). When he first woke up he got the first job that he could manage (mercenary) where he met Brian, he later left the job because it didnt feel right with him, and started travelling on his own, he met Arin and started travelling with him cause friendship and also barbarian here to make sure you dont die in battle you squishy elf

Suzy: elf druid, keeper of a forest near where Arin lived a season, befriended him when he was younger, never left the forest cause it was her duty to protect it, but it got invaded by a group of mercenaries and it got impossible for her to drive them off (like come on, she is strong, but its really hard to drive off like 50+ people) she tried to ask for help in the nearby towns but nobody came to her aid for being the witch of the forest, until eventually Arin and Dan accepted to help her, she later joined them in adventures. Her body is covered in tattoos, and is trying to convince Arin and Dan to get one as well (pls). Her favorite forms to take are bear, snake and spider (to scare Dan)

Ross: tiefling warlock. The first person to travel with Arin when he was younger, they met when Ross initially tried to kill Arin but failed, they became fast friends and also ride or die for each other, and Ross would never tell him that his patron ordered to kill him and his initial intent was to do it, but ended up liking Arin too much to get trough with it. Loves to antagonize Dan for the sake of it and sometimes gets jealous of him (I was his friend first) wraps his tail around Arin when he gets scared/is sleepy and Arin thinks its adorable

Brian: human rogue. Part of a mercenary crew that is absolutely despicable, met Dan when he first woke up and accepted him as the only partner (he killed all the others) since Dan fell asleep below a tree near the town Brian grew up with, and troughout his life he always saw Dan sleeping under a tree and now hes awake asking for a job here? You stick with me, I promise not to stab you (too much). Since he has a wife and daughter he want to leave the life of mercenary, so Arin agrees to help him kill his own boss (A+ on the handling things boys)

And then there is Barry, who I want to be a recurring character but I never really got into GG until he wasnt there so I dont know a lot about him, and theres a bunch of other characters that are definetly a part but also there is only so much I can write here and theyre kinda more like background

I write like those old fanfic writers who are always interrupting their own work but instead of pluging in something like 'lmao im crazy' im having a panic attack

Also I feel like I need to say this, this is technically polygrumps? But like most romance in any tv show, it add nothing to the plot, I just like shipping

#egobang #polygrumps #fantasy grumps

[spinyax]

Hey there!!! I saw the post asking about dnd character questions if we have them and hey!! I would love to hear an absolute infodump about your dnd characters because I love hearing about characterssss

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED (under a read more bc its uh. very long)

SO starting off we have Orchid, my true neutral tiefling Ranger/Druid!

(art by @.spectralfelinae / @.spectralscribbles go check him out!)

- he has a pet swarm of butterflies and can turn into them since he's a circle of the swarm druid (the butterflies look identical to anyone else but he can identify each and every one of them)

- he doesn't speak! he's not mute, but in his culture they just don't talk. i haven't come up with a specific reason yet so if he comes into a campaign ill just let the dm figure that out lmao. he communicates with magic sign-language and if a spell requires verbal components he just whistles and makes bird calls instead

- he's lived in the forest for his whole life so any modern technology is VERY confusing to him and he's probably stabbed a train before

- one day im gonna hide him in a flower patch to ambush a target and its gonna look sick as hell

- personality wise he's very calm and serene, but also super brutal and unfeeling. kinda like Shinobu from Demon Slayer. (though the butterfly motif is unintentional aksjdhask)

- - -

NEXT we have Taliesin, my neutral good Dragonborn Grave Cleric!

- He has a Russian/eastern european accent

- Taliesin (or tallie) used to be a battle medic in the military before the war ended and left him real fucked up.

- He eventually found sanctuary in a temple devoted to the Eternal Shepherd and became an acolyte, eventually becoming head of the temple

- That's also where he found his son, Galahad! He was left at the temple a la baby left on the steps of a church but instead of a baby its an egg and instead of a church its a death temple. Talie was the only one who remotely knew how to take care of an egg so he was put in charge of it.

- Admittedly, Talie had no fuckin clue how to take care of a kid, and a lot of his parenting techniques were probably fucked up in retrospect (teaching galahad to read via obituaries, teaching him math with bones, playing hide and seek in a cemetery, etc) but he genuinely loves his son and everytime i think about them i cry

- Galahad is grown up now and probably doing something in the world that makes talie proud

- It's not super well shown but talie wears skirts/dresses bc pants are a Hassle for dragonborn so he said fuck it

- He also has a pet bearded vulture named Carry it's short for Carrion) she helps him find stray corpses for him to bless and properly bury

- Personality: Taliesin is basically a healing/support main that's too old for this shit and is 👌 this fuckin close to snapping

- - -

Xyraga Takimros! My first ever dnd character and the one i've changed the most over the years. She's a chaotic neutral half-elf rogue

[aight so i don't have recent art of her so uuuhhhhhh imagine there's a picture here]

- she's a dark skinned half-elf with long dark curly hair in a ponytail with a little bit covering her face. she has 3 scars on her face (one going over the bridge of her nose, one over her left eye bisecting the first scar, and another one on the corner of her chin) and yellow eyes.

- She used to be a member of the Courtyard of Miracles, a thieves/smuggler's den that focused on going out and stealing from rich cities to redistribute to their poor community

- she joined the court because her unofficial dad/caretaker was a founding member and she kinda got in because of that

- i have a whole bunch written on the court and how it was run but all you need to know is that xyra was the one who got stolen goods from point A to point B

- Xyra was a prominent member, known for being the fastest runner and the one who's been caught the least

- That's also where she met Bharu her orc husband. he was a bodyguard for her sometimes when they were transporting goods and eventually fell in love

- one day the courtyard is raided and xyra loses bharu in the chaos, so she's on a quest to find her dumbass husband and get the fuck out of dodge

- she also has a tattoo of a roadrunner bc that was her nickname when she still worked for the court (design isnt finalized but thats the Vibes im going for)

---

Up next is Oni! Oni's a neutral evil tiefling/half-orc/half-demon/????? barbarian/warlock

(i know the sketch is super rough but it gets the idea across)

- Oni is a half-demon/half-orc who's essentially the antichrist. i'll be honest i'm probably not gonna stat her out like a proper PC but i might make her a BBEG if i ever DM (which is super unlikely but the chance isnt 0%)

- Her patron is her dad and they both loath that fact

- Her entire goal in life is to kill enough gods to gain enough power to kill her dad, since he has her lifeforce in the palm of his hand and can decide on a whim if she dies or not and she's not about that shit

- she looked and grew up like a normal orc until she hit puberty, and then all the demon features came in

- She's like, super tall. even for an orc at about 8 1/2-9ish feet

---

THEN we have Halfey! She's my chaotic good high elf monk/bard

[i uh,,,, dont have an actual picture for her but i have a goofy lil sktch that'll just Have to Do]

- she's a dark skinned sun elf with a half-shaved head and bright red/pink curly hair

- she says she's 100 but she's actually only 75 years old (like 16 in Elf years)

- originally she and xyra were going to be twins separated at birth but i decided against it bc that was Too Much

- her parents are both high-ranking nobles and he was supposed to grow to be a proper noblewoman and be a bargain chip to marry some rich duke for the sake of alliances or whatever

- she instead grew up loud and rambunctious as hell and was the exact opposite her parents wanted her to be

- eventually they get fed up with her and sent her to live in a monastery in hopes the strict lifestyle would tame her in some way

- that didn't work lmao and she spent the next few decades miserable before the circus came into town and she snuck out to see it

- she fell in love with the general chaos of the circus and ran away with them, getting a job as a trapeze artist /tightrope walker and occasional dancer

---

FINALLY We have Connie! She's a lawful evil fallen aasimar paladin

[uhhhhh no image here, but one day i will]

- she's a pale-skinned aasimar with short wavy blonde hair done in that marilyn monroe hairstyle and has pure white and slightly glowy eyes. she also has a barely-there halo around her head. she's also got a southern belle accent

- her full name is Condemnation Odette Nancy Delilah Elizabeth Maybelle Newman the Third, but her friends call her Connie

- her deity is the first horseman of the apocalypse, Conquest (or Pestilence depending on who you ask) and she does everything in her power to bring on the end times

- tbh she's more of a joke character that i haven't fully thought out yet but she's fun

#holy shit this took al day akdjsla #but yeah these are all the characters i (currently) care about! #dnd #stored in the dungeon

[wadewilsonparker]

all except the gun one for Civil. I doubt civil's handled a gun.

THANKS KYLEA Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?He probably has some cousins who come over like once a year

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?Civil and his mom are suuuuper close and they spend a lot of time together and she’s the reason Civil is even a bard today. Civil holds his mother in the absolute highest regard and she is the person he loves and respects most in the world.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?Civil and his dad were not as close but civil did super love him and he used to lay on his dad’s study floor and write songs on his dad’s expensive teacher paper that he had imported directly from Sun’s Crown. Civil was really torn up when he died but like. He got over it. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?Haha nah

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?Probably like. 50gp. Uhhhh shit iunno

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?Preforming probably

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?Uh preforming badly?

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?Civil 360 noscopes everything

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?Nah. Civil has always been apart of the higher middle class. Probably like, lower high class even?? His mom is an accomplished performer his dad was a good teacher, maybe even wrote in a few fantasy textbooks that sell for like 99999999gp.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?Probably smth w this fuvkin group. Maybe the owl bear thing since he uhhh fucking rolled down right next to it.

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?Probably like the first time he preformed after his dad died. Like on some “Everything in my life right now is a mess but this always stays the same” shit

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?Nah. Actually. Probably depends on how much.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?Faces bc he’s a sucker for a pretty face (Tobias)

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?He’s less preoccupied w money and more w having really nice looking things but the prices don’t matter /that/ much.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?He sees happiness in success

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?Probably like a stuffed animal that he still has laying in his room

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?Ambition. He likes go getters.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?He’s really selfish and thinks about himself first in most situations. And holy shit yes it sure has.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?He probably compares himself to other performers as criticism to himself.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?Quick to blame others

What does your character like in other people?Looks. But seriously he likes nice people

What does your character dislike in other people?Arrogant. Like serious actual legit arrogance is so annoying to him.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?If someone risks their lives for him he’s gonna trust them and trust them hard.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?Not very. He’s probably more quick to suspect things if he’s closer to someone.

How does your character behave around children?He is super soft with kids and he loves em

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?Fairly seriously? Ig? If he knows it’s Actual Serious Business he’ll refrain from joking too much

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?He’s pretty slow to it unless it’s danger towards him

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?He wanted to be a singer and that came true

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?Probably barf or smthDescribe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.Probs doin something with Tobias

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.Not being able to lay out on the caravan

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?Defensive for like two minutes then willing to improve

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?Immediately move to another method

How does your character behave around people they like?Overly flirty and just like Really overdoing everything

How does your character behave around people they dislike?Doesn’t talk to them a lot probably rolls his eyes a lot around them

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?Defending his honor definitely

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?Remove himself

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?Probably like a dog when he was younger but nothing really serious

How does your character treat people in service jobs?Nicely bc he was pretty much raised around a bar

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?If u have the money u deserve it

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?Nah

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?Nah

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?Suuuuper easy like this boy is a….sap…….(ask Tobias lmao)

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?Fantasy heaven with fantasy Jesus. He doesn’t really think of it much tbh.

#civil #dnd