#he's just suffered so much and I blame his behaviour as Odin in Thor: Ragnarok as not thinking anything good could last for him

[worstloki]

Would Loki really cry if he had a best friend who loved and cared about him unconditionally?

first of all: yes

second of all: yes

there are loads of reasons for this but the first the foremost I think is that the lad was betrayed by everyone he could’ve considered close to him in Thor 1. and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing or any kind of indicator of how he normally behaves, but he spends maybe 70-80% of the film being generally overrun by emotions and crying about it. he literally spent his whole life being drilled into thinking he was inherently lesser than others and if having everyone he thought could’ve cared ripped away from him in the span of a few days put him in a constant state of emotional inequilibrium you’d better believe gaining someone who loves for and cares for him would be an equally jarring realization albeit in the other direction. it may even be more emotionally overwhelming considering he would’ve at least suspected that people didn’t value him as much as Thor his whole life, but his self esteem doesn’t really seem to be enough that he would suspect someone would genuinely care for even some of it which is when the confusion and general ‘overwhelmed’ part comes into play when he’d realize.

second off, we’re given loads of proof that even when people prove time and time again that they don’t really care for him he still cares for them. he is still impacted by things they say and/or do even when he covers it up well. boyo’s biggest character trait and personal flaw is literally that he’s selfless and forgives people too easily for slights against him. he just doesn’t hold a grudge because he’s sentimental it’s ridiculous. not only do I think his affinity for expressing emotions would extend to people who he knows are not actively abusing him but i’m almost certain that every time he’d remember there is someone who cares he’d have a miniature crisis and have to just process that because he’d have to personally come to terms with and remember that he was actually lovable and spent his whole life surrounded by people who just didn’t. It’d mean having to process a very real traumatic event and a life-time of small comments and lesser but no less real toxic environment which he may have believed at some point that he would not be able to leave, but had stayed in, and still holds feeling for.

tldr; yes, because he hasn’t processed past trauma including being betrayed and finding out he wasn’t cared for/loved unconditionally by people he’s known his whole life. yes, because loki is a person with the self-destructive habit of caring too much for people who don’t even deserve it and I refuse to believe he wouldn’t extend that affinity towards and put that energy into people who do care.

#i'm not kidding when I say loki would cry at having a friend #i do actually think mcu loki would #after they realize they actually have one #he's just suffered so much and I blame his behaviour as Odin in Thor: Ragnarok as not thinking anything good could last for him #probably hadn't thought he'd get to stay king for more than a few weeks so thought he'd enjoy it while it lasted #but I'm assuming Avengers 1/TDW/Infinity War characterization here not Ragnarok #I apologize if I rambled a bit #but it's canon that Loki had zero friends and we're not told why but with the way he's treated I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want any #he probably thought the warriors 3 and sif were his friends at some point #by Thor 1 he knows they value Thor more than him #but at some point he would've been younger and naiver and not known #you see we see Loki in Thor 1 as ridiculously wonderously good at jumping to correct conclusions #but we're not shown how he gets to that point #we know Loki's been ignored since they were kids thanks to the vault scene #but in Thor 1 Loki still hasn't given up on being treated as an equal #he gets growled at by odin and he manipulated thor into things and he knows people won't outright listen but he TRIES #which means he never gave up on receiving love/care even though he also acknowledges the slim chances of receiving it #i'm repeating myself but he's ridiculously empathetic and generally is ridiculously patient and and has crazy strong perseverance abilities #you'd have to manage to care for him and he'd recognize it but spend time doubting it so much #it would be quite a bit to process after a lifetime of not having any friend #and depending on what part of his timeline anyone proved they cared/loved him wouldn't change the fact that he'd cry #it would just change the amounts of cups he'd be able to fill with tears #and before anyone calls me out on it: yes i know emotional responses aren't directly equivalent in the 'opposite direction' #im just saying he'd be equally overwhelmed #you'd have general undertones of the same emotions (confusion sadness maybe a touch of fear... plus happiness) #i'm not an emotionologist and I guess it'd depend on his emotional state at the time but he would definitely get a pang in his heart minimum #there would at LEAST be teary eyes even if he'd cover it by thinking ''of course someone can care for me i'm great'' by the end of TDW #he'd frankly be '?!?' at realizing someone cares for him even conditionally because he associates having a use with being appreciated #he's smart and luckily self-aware enough to recognize unconditional love even if he won't admit it to himself and has no relative comparison

[nikkoliferous]

Loki Deserved Better

At last, Loki has been neutralised, Thanos's control over his mind broken. He's seeing his family for the first time since his suicide attempt. No one asks him where he's been. Or why he's done these violent things. No one notes how out of character his behaviour has been. No one asks him what happened to him. And Loki offers up none of these explanations, either because he doesn't think he would be believed or because he doesn't think it would make a difference. So he allows the people who should know him best to believe the worst of him. Because it's easier. Because they really don't know him at all. They never did.

From the very start of his conversation with Odin, something we touched on briefly already, Loki is reminded of just how little his "father" of the past millennium understands him.

► Loki is told, "Everywhere you go, there is war, ruin and death." But what of Odin's own past? He conveniently ignores his own role in the violent colonization of the Nine Realms. How many people has Odin killed in his long life? How little regard has he shown for those lives? This man raised his children to believe certain races were subhuman. Later, he will tell Thor that human lives are "nothing". Later, when Jane is brought to Asgard, he will refer to humans as "goats" in comparison to Asgardians. Later, in Loki's cell, Frigga will ask, "What of those lives you took on Earth?" and Loki will reply, "A mere handful compared to the number Odin has taken himself." It doesn't justify his own actions, but is he wrong?

► "All this because Loki desires a throne," Odin says. But it's not, is it? In Thor (2011), Loki—in the midst of a mental breakdown—tells his brother, "I never wanted the throne. I only ever wanted to be your equal." He does not mince words, and yet this family who still cannot seem to hear him, no matter how loudly he shouts, decides that he's just evil. He's just a bad kid. He's just greedy and selfish and power-hungry. And Loki lets them believe it because he's exhausted. He's tired of fighting to be seen for who he is. He's tired of justifying his existence to these people who seem intent on misunderstanding him, no matter what he does. No matter how hard he tries. He's done trying. He's done fighting for their approval.

► "Your birthright was to die as a child. Cast out onto a frozen rock," Odin tells him with a cruel smirk on his face. The last time Loki spoke with his kidnapper father, he was told he was Odin's son, irrespective of blood ties—that he was overreacting, twisting Odin's words. Any such pretense of love is entirely gone now. Why should Odin bother? Loki is of no benefit to him now that he sees the man for what he really is. Imagine your parent telling you that they should have left you to die. Incredibly, this is not the worst thing Odin will do or say to Loki before this "trial" is over.

► Finally, Odin reaches the grand finale of his cruel display. Loki was prepared to embrace execution. Instead, he's sentenced to the rest of his ~4,000 remaining years of life in solitary confinement (a punishment classified by the UN as torture). He's told that the only person who has ever cared about him, he will never see again. Death would have been kinder. And Odin knows this. He knows this will hurt Loki far more than execution ever could. Of all the cruel, baseless things Odin has said throughout Loki's sentencing, this is the only one Loki has an overt reaction to. He staggers as though he's been struck in the face. Because he has been. He knows exactly what Odin is, and still he cannot believe the man is this cruel.

Marvel has a bizarre penchant for leaving scenes that make Loki look sympathetic on the cutting room floor. In one such scene, we see Loki creating illusions to entertain himself. Illusions that see him respected, honoured, admired—things he's never gotten to experience in his life. It's worth noting that Loki's idea of worthiness seems to be inextricably bound up in being Thor. His fantasy dresses him in a red cape; he wields Mjölnir; he is adored by Thor's friends. In his wildest dreams, he cannot even imagine a world in which being Loki could be enough. And Frigga, witness to all of this, doesn't tell him that he doesn't need to be Thor. She doesn't tell him that he is already worthy. She merely criticises him for choosing to live in a fantasy world rather than face the reality of millennia alone and forgotten—as though he never existed. As though he did die that night he fell from the Bifröst.

Frigga and Loki spend some time arguing about Loki's genocidal actions and apparent lack of regret for the things he's done.

Frigga: "Your father-"

Loki: "HE'S NOT MY FATHER!"

Frigga: "Then am I not your mother?"

Let us not forget that this is the person who loves Loki most in the entire galaxy. This is one person he has ever felt valued by. This is what Loki knows as "love". To be manipulated. Gaslighted. To have his very real and valid pain dismissed as irrational and inappropriate. To be told in no uncertain terms, "you don't have the right to feel betrayed, even though you were, because it inconveniences the rest of us." And this conversation ends with Loki feeling like the asshole. This is abusive. There is no other word for it. There is no justifying Frigga's behaviour here. No matter what her intentions are or how much she cares for Loki, what she does to him here is unconscionable. I am immeasurably proud of him for standing up to her, for refusing to fall for her attempts at manipulation in this scene. And yet even though he did nothing wrong, their conversation will go on to haunt him.

Not only will Loki lose Frigga; he will learn of her demise not from his brother, not from his father, but from a random guard. He will not be allowed attend her funeral. He will not be permitted to say goodbye. He will grieve alone. He will blame himself. He will scream and cry and rage until he is utterly spent.

And when Thor finally comes to him, it is not to mourn their loss together but to use him for his own ends.

"So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me." - Loki, Thor (2011)

How prescient this statement was. "Did she suffer?" he will ask his estranged brother. Thor will refuse to answer because cruelty runs in this family. Thor is only here because he needs Loki. Thor always needs Loki. And despite his hatred and madness—and in direct contradiction to Ragnarok's narrative that Loki betrays Thor every time he takes a breath—Loki will always take care of his brother. Because that’s what heroes do.

There's a strange pattern in the Marvel fandom of conveniently forgetting every time Loki does something good. Loki risks his life to save Jane twice, despite barely knowing her, because he loves his brother. He sacrifices himself, fully expecting to die, in order to save Thor's life, because he loves his brother. And still people speak of his need for redemption. In Thor: Ragnarok, Loki is disparaged, dismissed and physically tortured by Thor*—and still he shows up to save the day, because he loves his brother. And still people speak of his need for redemption. And in Avengers: Infinity War, Loki faces down his tormentor bravely, knowing he's about to die, all to save Thor yet again—because he loves his brother. And still people speak of his need for redemption.

"Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man..." - Loki, Avengers Assemble

He deserved so much better.

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#the big damn ragnarok sucks compendium #loki meta #thor the dark world #loki #thor #odin's a+ parenting #frigga's b+ parenting #mcu