#he's so perfect it hurts

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Thistle Debut Day!

#dungeon meshi #Thistle #Old dungeon meshi fans remember the days when it was ambiguous what gender Thistle was. #Now we know Thistle uses he/him pronouns but in my heart Thistle is still non-binary. Clowngender elf with poor coping skills. #I hope the anime-only watchers know that this is a character to keep an eye on. #Love (in it's many forms) and desire (in it's many forms) is the main course of Dungeon Meshi and THIS silly jester? #My goodness. What a perfect encapsulation of how one can hurt other's so deeply in the name of love. #The actions we take to 'protect' other's is often the route to doing the most harm. #Love is letting go. Sometimes that means control and sometimes that means saying farewell forever to someone.

[lewalrus]

Malewife Deadman doing random stuff because I love to see my favs on domestic themes

#my art #death stranding #deadman #Sam's pov #deadsam #he is so perfect it hurts

[fujii-draws]

Fear

#pmd eos #pmd art tag #pmd Dusknoir #Riolu/Aimilios #dadnoir #<<(until it goes downhill) #hero/partner being afraid to physically be close to Dusknoir is a fun hc #in this case Aimilios. he wants to trust Dusknoir again so so badly. #but he can’t help but flinch. but feel terrified. #and Dusknoir knows this. it makes perfect sense for Aimilios to fear him. #still. it hurts. so much. #sorry for the rant in the tags I just love thinking abt the conflicting dynamic between these two. #after everything Aimilios still wants to be close with Dusknoir. #they both want to be close again. #but it’s going to take so much time. to get to that point again.

[lolottes]

Danny walked the streets of Gotham

he was hungry.

His steps were slow and I was still in pain, but under his abdominal bandages his wounds were much better.

but he was hungry.

he did not know since when he was in town.

he was hungry.

He didn't know what time it was, but an alarm sounded.

He was hungry.

but it wasn't the noise that woke him up, no, there was… a smell? no, it wasn't caught by his nose, but it made him salivate.

he was hungry.

His gums itched while his teeth took on a ghostly shape despite his human body.

he was hungry.

The smell, for lack of a better term, led him to the center of noise and bright light.

he was hungry.

as he mingled with a tense crowd he began to "see" his target even with his eyes closed. good thing because he was hungry. and his eyes must have glowed in response behind his eyelids.

he was so hungry.

the crowd seemed more than willing to let him pass as he approached his target's voice, it was so loud, it must have been speaking into a megaphone or microphone.

he was hungry, but not for long…

jokers: hoooo, we have a brave volunteer~

His food came down from its perch, probably the roof of a car. it was moving towards him, holding something out with confidence

jokers handing a microphone to Danny: a few words from our volunteer?

Danny: …I'm hungry…

His food seemed destabilized, but he continued to move closer, finally opening his eyes, seeing the reflection of their light in those of his food who had a little reflex of unnecessary recoil. One last big step and he was almost chest to chest.

The crowd didn't really know what they were looking at, the child stretched out his arm towards the jokers chest then when he pulled him back with some gently luminous light in his hands, the jokers collapsed to the ground like a puppet whose string have been cut off. Even before the jokers had finished falling, the child put the light in his mouth and a cracking sound echoed through the shocking crowd.

Danny sighed in relief, not satisfaction because it was one of the worst things he had ever eaten. But he feels SO MUCH BETTER now!

he wasn't hungry anymore

… For now

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp crossover #danny fenton #joker #ghost/ecto hunger #hurt danny #feral danny #survival instinct #Danny in need of ecto: healing burns his reserves much faster than he can produce them on his own and he has not finished healing #brain fog because of starvation and pain #jokers is getting too close from where danny was resting #the jokers died and came back so many times that he had a core / proto core #danny crunched him in a daze #an altered state of thought #technically the jokers is not dead his body is (almost) in perfect condition #danny did this in front of witnesses but he citizens have no idea what was happening #the thugs saw the child have dazzling eyes then bite something with non-human teeth weird then the light in his eyes went #yes danny could have attacked jason if he had entered danny's sphere of perception #even if jason would have immediately moved away rather than approaching with confidence like the joker in front of this child with a strang #for the moment Danny has eaten enough in any case #he is going to return to his hiding place to “hybernate” and heal #danny is still not fully awake he is acting like a sleepwalker #my #prompt #my prompts

[candyje11yfish]

IM SO UPSET THIS PART WASNT IN THE ANIME??? What was the point of removing that?? why??? trigger keeps taking out parts that make them so found family....

#mari.txt #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #Besides this im REALLY looking forward to the next episodes... you anime-only fans are in for a wild ride 😈😈 #GUHHHH NOOO IM ACTUALLY REALLY DISTRAUGHT THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVE MOMENTS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #studio trigger is so perfect for the anime but pleeeeassee stop removing cute parts... #i know its small but things like this make the series charming..... #in the past i praised the anime for being so close to the manga but whyyyy did u have to remove this part!!!! AUAUUGHHHHH #MY HEART HURTS #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #chilchuck dunmeshi #dunmeshi chilchuck #he and izutsumi are my faves :> #literally same w the misc monster tales. that BETTER get something #those are the best they have some of my fave moments in the entire series

[tangledinink]

For the Swanatello fam: what does everyone miss most about Donnie during his lake-induced absences?

for donnie, leo will gladly give every scrap of patience and grace and gentleness he has. he doesn't mind explaining things. he doesn't mind telling his brother the same things over and over. he doesn't mind it when donnie forgets or doesn't understand or needs his help to remember or process things.

but he misses the banter. the back-and-forth. the stupid fights and pranks and 'you said's' and 'i told you so's.' and, perhaps a bit selfishly, he misses when he didn't always feel like he had to be the bigger person for him. he misses when he still had the space to be childish and immature and petty towards his twin, and it wouldn't hurt either of them the way it tends to now.

[ swanatello ]

#swanatello #its no fun to pick a fight if you cant apologize and make up later #getting in that perfect GOTTEM line doesnt feel v good if the only reason is bc the other guy is confused/cant remember what ur talking abt #sure leo is still his typical brand of obnoxious and extra most of the time. esp when donnie is having a good day. #but the rules are just so different now. #hes so frustrated and tense all the time he has to step carefully because if he doesnt #he loses himself and crosses the line and says things that he doesnt mean and will regret #things that used to roll right off donnies back now sometimes really hurt him because he doesnt remember the context #or just because his emotional state is so volatile right now. hes scared and confused almost all the time now. #its stressful. its exhausting. so the threshold is different #leo will be gentle and careful and thoughtful with donnie for as long as he needs to be. even if he has to be for the rest of his life. #but he still misses when he felt like he knew all the rules. when it was easy. when he didnt have to be. #rottmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #donniesona #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k18 #rottmnt disaster twins #asks

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[sysig]

So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Papyrus #Sans #Mostly silliness :) Mostly :) #It's still fun to draw these two Gasters next to each other hehe ♪ Even interacting! #They're more similar than I think either of them would admit haha - ''No clearly we have very different ideals'' sure but you're both Gaster #I like the idea of classic being So Annoyed at any iteration of himself thinking positively towards humans haha #I mean it would probably hurt - that's a big piece of his trauma! - but on the surface it's just Ugh I can't believe this -.ó #I feel like they'd have a lot more common ground when it comes to their experiments tho - not a perfect Venn Diagram but enough! #Maybe even just different enough to offer a new perspective - enough to give them new ideas! Uh oh that's never a good thing lol #I do love Fell!Gaster just so pleased to be having a conversation haha so smiley - classic still not smiling but interested! #Cute face <3 #It was after making the Toriel comic that the thought Really occurred to me - like obviously I saw so I knew they were still in the gowns #But it took a bit for that to strike me as odd since I mean that's just what they wear! That's normal! For Handplates anyway #He talks a lot about isolating whatever it is in Monsters that Make Them Like That - what does that entail #Gaster no seriously what are you doing to them don't just smile actually reply #And as much as I like the boys being a bit more Fell-ish I've always been of the opinion that no matter what they're brothers! #They love each other <3 And in Fellplates they'd have to rely on each other even more than regular Underfell #If anything would cause some codependency it's the Handplates setup - no matter what version you throw at it! #They're still both delicate little things - they need each other to survive ♥ If Gaster is sometimes kind to them well... #Similar to Mercyplates but Not Quite hmmmm #At least sometimes doing cute and harmless things tho! Studies how they react to flowers and teaches them to make chains hehe ♪ #There's also that Underfell thing of Sans calling UF!Papyrus ''Boss'' rather than ''Bro'' yeah? Doodling ideas around that haha #An opportunity to teach! Sans only came away with the basics tho it probably annoys Gaster lol #The idea of them doing cute harmless little things and /that/ being what gets under his skin hehehehe #And ending with a Babybones! :D Surely he'd have no problem being attached since they're meant to be good...? Surely

[warlenys]

you are responsible // pearl diver, mitski

#ok this is about wilson being gay #but also his constant denying of his love for house so that he can’t be hurt by the immensity of it #but mostly him being gay #not giving in to his feelings until it’s too late #diving for pearls instead of finding love in house #always waiting for this superficial perfection #ruining himself for it #ruining house for it #and only giving in when they’re both dead #fun! #house md #hilson #housemv #amv #+

[suntails]

⚔️🦁

#6!! i so violently believe they are napping buddies. tell me. look me in my blue blue eyes. tell me they havent fallen asleep together #that botanical garden is prob silver's arch nemesis bc its so warm and cozy and HONK SHOOOOO its perfect napping location #leonas already there. like cmon. herbivore fell to the floor dead asleep to the world and leona shuffles over to make sure he isnt hurt #bam. a routine. i think its silly and fun #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #leona kingscholar #suntails #i said botanical garden but it might be called a greenhouse? i cant remember just use whichever is right

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bare skin, bare feelings.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #wei wuxian #blood #Imagine coming off as homophobic to your crush so bad he weaponizes a strip tease against you. #LWJ is just having a storm of bad emotions. His tummy hurt real bad and he was just trying to be brave about it! #WWX is just trying to be a good bro and heal his friendcrush. It worked but not for the reasons he thinks it did. #LWJ's shyness is also hilarious here considering they have bathed together before. Literally nothing there he hasn't seen before. #Granted it was a few years back and before he was left to stew in his feelings. #LWJ is more focused on his pride than being responsible and reasonable (getting is wounds treated). #His arc really is about accepting that he can't be perfect. That there is importance in being honest and vulnerable. #The tragedy is that he realizes this way too late. #Pride is the worst sin because it destroys your ability to protect anything other than the smallest crown in the world. #When everyone is gone and you are left alone - was it worth it to feel safe and protected from showing your flaws? #Control over oneself is in conflict with connection to others. You cannot pick both. #Hanguang-jun appears to us as a 'perfect guy' but the truth is that he is the version of LWJ who is done with *needing* that validation. #And this time - He can properly reach out to those he wants to be close with.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i like to think that Poppy holds Wally when she's scared/nervous

#hes very cozy #she probably has so much fluff its impossible to hurt him when squeezing #hes her... fuck what do you call it #not a stress ball or emotional support animal... somewhere between the two #the very faint upper right scribble is barnaby handing wally to her #twelve apples tall = perfect holding size #welcome home #welcome home fanart #welcome home puppet show #welcome home poppy #welcome home wally #poppy is Very easy to draw for some reason??? #it took me quite a few doodles to figure out wall and everyone else #i still havent gotten frank or eddie or howdy right #but poppy??? first try i was like Oh. Thats How #anyway i see a criminal lack of poppy fanart #shes wonderful <3<3<3<3<3

[skitskatdacat63]

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!! #i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again????? #mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :( #and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭 #perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ????? #also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art. #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

[argayle]

willel are not the best friends fanon makes them out to be. they are siblings. will eats the last of the eggos and el has a meltdown on him. el steals will’s good paints and he refuses talk to her for three days. will is chilling in his room listening to music with the door closed? not anymore. el has barged in, stuck her tongue out at him, and left the door open. el hogs the tv. will hogs the bathroom. both complain until jonathan drives them to the shops. el might use her psychic powers to trip will’s bullies, but she also uses them to steal his blanket when they’re sitting together on the couch.

but mike and el? those two are best friends. Mike and El are the ones that sit on the floor by El’s bed, talking shit about the stupid people in their classes. Mike is the person who lets El play with his hair. Will? Wear nail polish? Never. But the makeover El gives Mike behind closed doors… it’s eye opening, to say the least. But that’s pretty much the extent of their “girly” activities. Mike complains whenever El pulls him out of the house to go on nature walks or slouches around the driveway while El naively attempts to entice him into a game of pickup. It never works, and they end up sitting in the grass, and Mike gets a sunburn.

#willel #byler #down with mike/el friendship erasure! #i’m a bi mike truther and i think the REASON mileven isn't working is ironically because mike loves el #but even though he loves her #he can't figure out what feels so off about their relationship. like he likes girls. and he loves el. so what's the problem? #the problem is that they're best friends but he's never seen boy-girl friendships and is trying to force himself into a role that is just #unnatural to their actual dynamic #basically i don’t buy the interpretation the mike was intentionally lying during his monologue #or that mike feel he doesn’t really know el because they jumped into a relationship so quickly #because there is LOVE there. it’s just not romantic. and he doesn’t want to hurt her. #he’s afraid that if he’s not the perfect boyfriend or if he hurts her with the truth then he will lose her forever #anyways just my thoughts

[diedoverahat]

reading fanfics isn’t enough anymore i need mike schmidt oiled up chained to my bed.

#and whimpering #i know you whores can relate #i’m so unwell #like mentally #i am unwell #the ride of 23’ #totally normal about him #he’s so malewife #somebody sedate me #my stomach literally hurts he’s so perfect #and my man thank you to my man #fnaf #fnaf movie #mike schmidt #five nights at freddy's #micheal schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #josh hutcherson #micheal schmidt x you #jhutch #micheal schmidt x reader #micheal schmidt imagine #josh hutcherson renaissance

[jeanmoreaux]

do you guys ever think about how the story starts with andrew acting quickly slamming a random racquet into neil's stomach to keep him from running away and ends with andrew acting quickly breaking riko's arm with his racquet and then using it as a shield to protect neil. because i think about it all the time.

#aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #you guys. the metaphor in that. representing how their relationship changed over the books. it's both a perfect juxtaposition AND parallel #i mean the first is andrew keeping neil from running. making him stay when neil doesn't want to.not caring whether or not neil lives or die #the second one is andrew protecting neil who stayed. it's andrew protecting neil because losing him would kill him. #also ofc additionally to that andrew seeing someone as a threat to a person he cares about and instantly reacting. #but the way andrew sees neil changes so drastically in between these two scenes (and over the three books) #neil's a threat in one and the most valuable thing to protect in the other 😭😭 #and the symbolism of the racquet. #it being a random one that hurts neil in the beginning and then andrew's OWN racquet protecting him at the end... #I AM LOSING MY MIND I CANNOT GET OVER THIS 😭😭😭😭 #mish reads aftg #<- rereads but we all know that by now i feel.