hey uh i’m sorry could i get some darry w/ anxiety hcs? i’m sorry i’m projecting and need a hand lmao
yes babe of course!! i love my boy darry so much 🌸
trigger warnings// descriptions of anxiety, mention of character death, possibly historically inaccurate info ? (i tried to research anxiety meds back then but found a lot of conflicting information so i’m just hoping this is correct)
☆ i already headcanon him with anxiety tbh like,,, it’s not a stretch to say he probably developed it not too long before the time frame of the book. he’s been through SO much and he’s been thrust into this adulthood role that has everything on the line and honestly it would be more surprising if he didn’t have anxiety at this point.
☆ it starts the first time the state visits to explain to him the exact terms and conditions of keeping custody of his brothers. they talk to him about it first, without soda and pony in the room, and then they talk to all three boys together. darry doesn’t make it that long. he feels the first tightness in his chest as soon as the case worker says “boy’s home”. his hands get shaky, and by the time the conversation is over (it felt so, so long), he can hardly hold the stack of documents the case worker handed him. still, he doesn’t show it
(he’s used to holding back his emotions) until she’s gone. and by then, soda’s far too occupied with comforting ponyboy to notice darry slipping into the kitchen so that no one can see how he clutches his chest.
☆ he almost thinks he’s having a heart attack. his body has never felt like this before and he can’t breath and it’s like his body won’t stop moving no matter how still he tries to be. he’s close to tears, but of course, he doesn’t shed them. not yet.
☆ it passes after a few long, long minutes, and he hopes it’ll never happen again… but of course, it does.
☆ he starts having nightmares. not like pony’s, he doesn’t wake up screaming, but ones where he wakes up drenched in cold sweat and it feels like he has to throw up. the image of his parents’ funeral, of their graves, of the accident itself keep replaying themselves in his head. taunting him. always fading to him standing alone in the living room with all of his brothers’ belongings cleared from the house. it fucking terrifies him to think about.
☆ he starts doing odd things to make his brain stop spinning. checking on his brothers 4 times a night to make sure they’re still there. staying awake because he doesn’t want to lock the doors but he also because he’s afraid of something happening while he’s asleep.
☆ not that he can sleep much anymore anyways. he has to work late, and even when he does have time to rest, his mind keeps him awake. this leads to being tired all the time, which leads to coffee, which leads to worse anxiety. he’s constantly jittery and his heart is constantly racing.
☆ eventually, he can’t hide it completely. he’s with sodapop and it’s a trivial thing but a fire starts on the stove while he’s cooking dinner. it’s a small one, barely even a flame, but the kitchen filled with smoke and he just absolutely froze. his chest goes tight and he can’t breathe and his hands are shaking so hard he drops the pot lid he’s about to put it out with. soda jumps to action, puts out the fire quickly and moves to open a window, but darry has to sit down because it’s happening again and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. it was only a small fire but he can’t help the images he has of the flame engulfing the house and taking his brothers with it.
☆ soda notices as soon as he sits down that darry’s not looking too good, and for a second, he thinks his brother is having a heart attack. but when he dives over to the table to grab onto his big brother and shake him a little (in case he snaps out of it), darry grabs his hand. soda freezes in place for half a second, then pulls a chair over and sits down. they sit in silence until it’s over, and soda doesn’t mention the tears that are running down darry’s cheeks. they hug for a really long time once darry can breathe again.
☆ darry opens up a little more afterwards. going through a terrifying experience with your little brother will do that. and eventually, he scrapes up some extra money and goes to the doctor and he starts taking some pills that actually help a little bit
☆ but the thing that helps the most is actually talking about what he’s going through and that’s really fucking difficult for him but he’s getting better at it all the time :)
hope these were okay!! as always, headcanon requests are open <3
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