Rain always meant something to me
When i was really small i learned about the water cycle
It comes down, pools around, stirs up again and back around
Rain and lakes and falls and oceans and clouds.
When i was still small i learned about weather
Taller clouds fall in crowds and thunder makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up
When i was a teen came the droughts
The world is ending and i wont make it out
I will feel no more rain and the times it did fell on numb pain
When i grew up i was hopeless listless and grieving
The world ending tirelessly endlessly around me
Until i learned again when i thought i was done
The world isnt ending, she's still turning. She's still raining
Just with hotter fires and crying out
"What am i doing?" I wake and shout "it will matter to that sea star" i remembered
A beach of drying animals and distress, hopeless to save most let alone the rest
But the story goes that a little kid throws
Back to the sea, another day.
To that one sea star it mattered when it mattered most
Just because that little kid decided to say.
So when i grow up, i want to learn about the rain some day.
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With my pak i didnt need to breathe, so air would pass freely back and forth as i talked and commanded and would use my body generally.
Then, when i was weaned off my pak, i had to train my body to breathe normally. I had to teach my muscles how to breathe. And now, in this human form, i was grown up taking short breaths or holding it completely, due to the trauma and extended repeated forced reactions. Now, again, i am teaching my body how to breathe. Slow and deep in, gentle, and controlled, and long out.
Telling my muscles and reconnecting my deteriorated brain to my body which is exhausted and hurting. It's going to be okay.
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healing one day at a time by speaking up for yourself and refusing to let someone else tell you how you should feel
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when the sun comes through the blinds + early morning + the walls of my room are lemon yellow + my bed is cosy and i slept well last night + the songs that are playing are soft and hopeful + i will see my friends in just a few hours but for now i’m drinking tea and looking out the window and thinking about just how wonderful it is to be here, in this life this day and this body = that is a spiritual experience
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I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
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hc that no one on the JL (or any of the teams) will let bats do the heavy lifting, ever
Like one day they need to carry an unconscious Flash after a battle and someone else (who has a broken arm) is like “who is well enough that they can carry him” and Batman, ceo of ignoring his injuries™️, is like “I got this” but his mouth starts leaking blood while he’s carrying flash. Superman (who was holding up a building) x-rays him & is like “YOU HAVE THREE BROKEN RIBS AND INTERNAL BLEEDING. WHY ARE YOU CARRYING FLASH?” “…I am well enough to carry flash”
anyway this applies to all bats. Someone asks if someone else can volunteer to help them lift something and, no matter what, Kon puts his hand over Tim’s mouth bc of the broken leg incident™️. Tim will never even be allowed a chance to make a case or attempt to answer the call.
Someone asks if Robin can help to carry something and Jon immediately replies “no he can’t. I’ll do it tho.” bc Damian once tried to conduct cleanup (lifting pieces of broken buildings and concrete) post alien-invasion with a stab wound (it was multiple stab wounds but only Jon figured that out)
Someone asks nightwing if he can carry stuff to the car and all of a sudden you have eight people shouting “NO” bc he once offered to carry someone’s old 60 pound box TV to storage while he had a gunshot wound. They only learned about the gunshot wound after he fainted & the tv fell on top of him.
Jason leaves before anyone can ask him to help with anything
Edit:
Steph and Cass fight over who carries the thing for the other person, but usually neither of them volunteer. They're gone the second the battle is over. Babs never has to carry shit even if it's a loaf of bread because she goes "wow, really? have the wheelchair bound girl carry shit for you, sure" so the person stammers and she gets away with it every single time.
Duke is allowed to carry things. (Other teams have yet to find out about his injuries.) In fact, they compliment him on being responsible enough to not over-exert himself. He smiles back. (He's trying not to laugh.)
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Finally. Non upset kiba front.
I've alwaysss applied visuals and metaphors and story to my mental health. Always ended with demons chasing me through the canyons, tearing me apart. I fought. My duty is as a soldier. I march endlessly, memorizing the maze and washing the mud off and trying not to sink or be buried. Not to bleed out. My wounds were personally bandaged or Mitten would help. She was new to me at one point though. I used to be alone.
Healing and bettering in this analogy is escaping the pits, or growing plants around me. Helps produce oxygen, prevents me from sinking, softer on my body and my paws and it also prevented erosion. The floods, the wind storms and dust storms and mobs of angry festering demons, all disasters regularly sweeping through the musty brown wasteland. Years ago we realized we could plant seeds, we could build and we could tear down walls and make homes in the cliffs. We did. Things collapsed and changed and died and got lost, but we always marched on. Eventually with fruit and fresher water to soothe our damaged throats.
Eventually we realized this was internalized so hard its all in headspace now. Always always in bad spots i coughed up blood, covered in dirt and wounds. And plants always equated to life and healing and good.
Today i watched as dandelions sprouted and poured from my throat. I coughed up seeds and watched them billow, full into the wind from my muzzle. The yellow flowers and thick, bristly leaves springing out and tendrils draped down my body. I laid to watch it and breathe gently as i let it all flow out. Mitten sat ahead, smug and gentle and loving and knowing. Smug. A mean sounding word for her lovely demeanor. She was telling me it is okay to rest, that she was proud of me and glad i made it. I did. It's passing. This means it's going to be okay. These are plants that have begged to be released since i was so small.
That isn't a flower, it is a weed, it is to be killed. Life isn't fair. Pain is beauty. Do things you don't want to do, do things that hurt you and don't stand up to your authority. That's just the way it is.
But i was right. I said it all along and i said it when i was tiny. Since i could speak. Terrible, bad men and women would tell me no, tell me these awful things. I was fucking right. And these dandelions are spreading. And clover encases my feet with dew still laden in the leaves. My tail thuds softly and affectionately and knowingly and i am okay.
I am coughing up dandelions. Im choking on the leaves. The sun rises in the east. I moved toward it, in life and in mentality. I moved northeast, away from the flat plains. Away from the bobwhite quail and my brothers, soul and blood. I moved from my family and my community and i bled. I moved from all of those old stains to leave new ones. And the faded dark spatters are stained with yellow, and greens and light.
The leaf dappled sunny earth is springing and spotted with little new growths. Little bean sprouts.
Dandelions
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PROCESSING YOUR EMOTIONS WITHOUT SUPPRESSING THEM - TECHNIQUES
this post is all about how to process emotions that we are uncomfortable with, safely and positively. Today, I’d like it if you’d try to implement at least one technique today!
REMINDERS
Remember that when you feel an emotion, it is your body communicating itself to you. Listen to your emotion, and understand.
All emotions are temporary, and will pass. But some can leave a more long term effect on us.
Having the skill of sitting through uncomfortable emotions calmly, and not let it impact our lives greatly will serve you well.
TECHNIQUES
STOP TECHNIQUE
S- Stop what you’re doing, pause all activities and shut off your brain.
T- Take a few deep breathes, continue until your focus is only on breathing deeply.
O- Observe your thoughts, your body language, any physical sensations and acknowledge them within you.
P- Proceed with any activity that may help you process this emotion. Meditation, journaling, stretching, talking to someone, etc.
ALL TECHNIQUE
A- Acknowledge, accept and alllow what you feel. Identify what emotion you feel, if you can’t, try to associate it with something. Sit in this feeling for awhile and truly accept it within you.
L- Link it to a circumstance or situation that may explain why you’re feeling this way. E.g ‘I feel so irritated lately, it may be because I’ve been eating sugary foods more’
L- Learn what this emotion may be telling you. There’s not much detail on this because only you know what your body needs/wants.
SELF EXPRESSION
Draw, write, compose music on what this feeling looks like, sounds like, maybe even their taste. This really helps go deep in your emotions, analyse it and then hopefully process it.
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i want to do enough good and make enough progress that he would be proud of me 🥺 and if i have to improve myself and my mental health and self confidence being motivated by a fictional character alone than so be it
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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i love seeing out of context posts about long-running stories with deep lore because it's always shit like "MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!! i can't believe that the metallic athenaeum's envoy actually used never-ending dance of the 57th universe on rionne as if she's not LITERALLY the incarnate of august?!?!" it's like buddy boy thank you for the spoiler tag but all of those words are incomprehensible without at least 5 years of foreshadowed knowledge, 7 different fan theories, and 21 wiki entries
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I get emotional every time I think about ray toro's room circa 2005 with a twin bed covered in stuffed animals and not one but TWO posters for his own band on the wall. I want him
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PUSH DAT CART LADIES ! ! !
EDIT: added ref used below the cut!!!! original by K-jun1117 on r/tf2
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I'm also having a lot of fun with this game!!
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lament for a brave knight
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