#health issues and clearly are struggling and all you want is the best for them
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A Message From Your Person 💝💌
Pick A Pile Reading
(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)
Hello, Senstea Souls!
I hope you all are doing well. I am back with another collective reading. This reading will give you a glimpse about what's going on in your person's mind and heart.
For personal readings please DM me or email me at [email protected]
Pile 1
Tarot Cards- Three of pentacles, The magician, King of cups, Queen of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, Ten of Pentacles
Animal Spirit- Spider
Hello, my dear pile 1. This person is in love with you. Like REALLY. TRULY! Their efforts may seem a bit slow but they will be pacing up with time. They have this whole life planned or at least imagined with you. They love you with everything they have got. They try to keep a check on you. They see you as a stable and beautiful human being. They are trying their best to match your level. You are their home, their safe space. They too are trying to be yours. Just know that it will take some time for them to love you the way you deserve. To reach your standards they need to deal with their emotions first. But in the midst of everything they care about you. They need to come out of their comfort zone which they clearly know. Suffering and pain have somehow become comfortable for them but they know that you are their true calling. For you, they must come out of it. They feel overwhelmed when trying to communicate their emotions. Give them time and space. They have got so much to share and build with you but they are at a place from where they can only imagine and visualize a future with you. They are asking you to be patient with them. When the time is right Universe will clear all the blockages. Your person may be a workaholic. They need to set their priorities straight. For some of you I see that they are trying to make themselves financially stronger so that they can provide for you. They dream of a fulfilling and abundant life with you.
To know more about your situation book a reading with me.
Pile 2
Tarot Cards- King of Swords, 3 of Wands, King of Wands, Six of Pentacles, The World, Nine of Swords
Animal Spirit- Elk
Dear pile 2, currently your person is at a learning stage. They are learning some very significant lessons regarding relationships. The true meaning behind them. They are trying to understand what love truly means. They have searched for definitions from all around the globe. They may be spending a lot of time on the internet searching for the answers they need. They are generous and kind-hearted. They are trying to figure out how to begin this new journey with you and at the same time let go of the past hurts. Your person is charismatic. They may be magical. But they seem to be suffering some days. Their own mind plays tricks on them. As this year ends they will be out of their misery. Probably after the 21st of December, you'll see some positive change in their behavior. Somewhere deep down they love you. In the weirdest way, they are showing their love for you. But you can sense the hint of pain in their gestures. This pain will be over soon. Your person may also be suffering from health issues so they need to take care of themselves. They are letting you know that soon they will be able to spread love but before that, they must embody love within them. They are learning to detach themselves from their past relationship experiences. Sometimes it's a struggle and sometimes they sail smoothly. You need to give them time at least till January.
To know more about your situation book a reading with me.
Pile 3
Tarot Cards- Queen of Cups, Four of Swords, Judgement, Six of Wands, Eight of Swords, Temperance
Animal Spirit- Swan
My dear pile 3, your person wants you to know that it's okay to fall in love again. Don't hide yourself behind the walls. Don't give them excuses. Don't tell them that you can't do it for XYZ reasons. They know you have got so much love to give. They can see right through you. They know that deep down you can love someone again. To love them, perhaps again. They are asking you to come as your true self this time. Wake up and look in the mirror. Look what they see in you. Someone who is patient, loving, victorious, and who can handle transformation. Someone who is honest and doesn't give excuses. You're being too proud to show them your true side. They want you to drop your walls. Spend some time alone and assess your emotions. Ask yourself questions regarding this person. Sit in silence. You will receive the answers from within. If you or your person doesn't take a step towards each other then this bond can end very soon. Communication is needed. Pride needs to be set aside. They are afraid too of falling in love with you. But they are willing to give it a try. Think about it.
To know more about your situation book a reading with me.
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#tarot reading#pick a pile tarot#pick a pile reading#your person#love reading#love tarot free#free tarot reading#tarot cards#tarot reader#tarotblr#pick a pile#tarotcommunity#tarot readings#message for the collective#tarot witch#tarot#pac reading
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dadbur hc's to feel something
a/n; I am struggling to write full fledged fics rn so I let the brainrot win and I've now done...this. don't ask. also, thank you to lilly and elliot for decided what hc's I was meant to write, y'all are awesome and I love you both dearly<3
warnings; not much!! mentions of pregnancy, health issues (just general idea), pain mentions, this may worsen baby fever, sorry not my fault, blame wilbur.
reader is gn but in some cases afab!! (it's optional to read those parts, dw!)
masterlist (requests are open btw!)
—★—
- absolutely hated children as a teen and early 20-something
- babysat one baby of his friends and it was over for him
- absolutely adored that little baby and nearly cried when he had to leave them
- now as a husband, he wanted a kid so bad
- constantly gushing when he passes by baby shops or just melts when he sees a baby
- horrible baby fever. sorry to you.
- won't ever push the issue, but still mentions it and communicates clearly that he does want kids but he especially wants kids with you. heart melted
- if you don't want kids at the moment, he will absolutely respect that and will definitely do his best to shut up during bouts of baby fever
- I mean how could he not!! they're so adorable!!
- once you do actually have a kid, regardless of what way—he's doing anything and everything he can to prepare.
- he's buying parenting books; how to create healthy habits with your baby, how to raise a compassionate child, what to do and what not to do when becoming a parent
- he bought soo many baby outfits and onesies—all the way up to a year old. even grabbed some premie sizes, just in case.
- the nursery was set up almost immediately, a nature theme. he suggested a Minecraft theme but you shot that down immediately. there was pouting involved.
- but, you came to a compromise; dark green walls, light yellow accents, browns, etc. you even let him make Minecraft bees out of those wooden blocks and you thought they were the cutest thing ever. there were also stuffies of Minecraft animals scattered on shelves and on furniture. (please take Amazon away from this man, it's so dangerous).
- in the case of pregnancy; he was very insistent on being sure that both baby and you were in perfect health. and he never let you do more than he thought was appropriate.
- dishes? nope that's a father's job. going down the stairs? right by your side, watching your every step and yes, will make you hold his hand.
- to most others he was overbearing—but he was always like that and the whole pregnancy thing just enhanced it
- Wilbur is anxious and he never does well with medical or health things at all, his mind constantly running wild with various possibilities. it was scary for him.
- so yes, you'd get off dish nights and would be chaperoned down the stairs.
- but he also made sure you had your medicine on time, he documented every pain and complaint you had.
- he had already learnt the face you made when you were in any sort of pain—so he was right on top of it almost immediately.
- asking what hurt, what number of pain, how he could help, etc.
- he is an absolute sweetheart all of the time, but his softness was brought out by the entire experience.
- when the baby was born, or rather adopted—whichever way it happened—he cried. he cried a lot.
- he held the little one so gently, but so tightly in his arms
- he was insistent to not push gender roles onto the kiddos, but he did have two names picked out for a boy or a girl (or rather you picked them out and he agreed with them before you told him the reasoning)
- Willow for a girl and Spencer for a boy
- you didn't tell him until after the name was finalized that both options were after him
- he was so flustered and jokingly scolded you, but in reality, he loved it
- he felt so happy and so proud
- so joyful that you felt he was worthy enough to indirectly name a child after him, your child, his child.
- he was an absolute sweetie to the little one, and they took very quickly to him as well—immediately grasping onto his fingers as soon as they had the ability and cooing any time they saw him
- it melted his heart each and every time and it never stopped
- when the little one was older, they often took up the habit of grabbing at his hair or his glasses and sometimes his ears
- you found it to be the cutest thing ever and so did he he cried almost every time
- they absolutely adored their father, and if you didn't know better, you'd say they liked him better than you!
- when it came time to go back to work, to back to gigs and shows with Lovejoy
- Wilbur took off two weeks of work entirely beforehand, just to spend with you and the little one
- obviously he'd been on some sort of break since the baby was born/adopted/etc, but he still did things here and there, streamed a couple of times, went into the studio occasionally, etc
- but now that he was going to be physically gone a lot more, he knew he had to spend it wisely. and wisely did he spend it.
- most of the time was spent lying in bed with you on one side, him on the other and the baby lying on their back between you too.
- you'd both coo at them, tickle them, and talk to them
- oh did Wilbur love to sing to them, anything at all!
- he even came up with a few lullabies for them
- you'd watch from the door of the nursery as he'd rock them to sleep, humming a tune or singing the lyrics he came up just for them
- it killed you and totally didn't make you want another
- he was overall the sweetest father, and it became more evident when he had to leave for a while
- he'd call every morning, lunch and dinner as long as he didn't have anything
- and he would be so so sure that it was that time for you, it didn't matter what time it was for him as long as it was that time of day for you and his little baby
- he may have FaceTimed you and the baby during a few soundchecks, shh don't tell Dave!
- he would smile so big at the camera and wave at your little one
- he'd show them off to his band mates and they'd all coo at the little one, talking about how much alike they look like you and wilbur
- you personally thought they looked most like their father, his eyes, lips, ears. they might as well have been a spitting image of him! you looked at baby photos too
- Wilbur, on the other hand, begged to differ. he was very very insistent they looked just like you and nothing like him.
- it was most likely perception and bias that caused you both to think this way, but neither of you really cared all that much
- on days he couldn't call, for whatever reason, sometimes you'd play one of his old streams on the TV.
- the little one always responded to his voice and it seemed to calm them, usually into a sleep
- so just chatting streams and ycgma were go tos for sleepless nights lovejoys stuff kept them up and giggling
- when he was there for sleepless nights, he'd walk them around in his arms and talk about the most random things until they fell asleep
- he even offered to baby wear a lot more than most fathers did
- he just wanted to be close to them, and it always gave you a break, so he thought it'd be a double deal
- and it was! you'd get your nap, and so did the baby and Wilbur would just be gushing over his little one a few tears always shed
- he would sit with the baby on his leg when he was at his desk working, one arm snaked around them and his other on his mouse or keyboard
- at first, working was very cumbersome with the kiddo but he eventually found a work flow that worked and bouncing them on his knee helped keep things calm
- you were both hesitant to show your child on the internet and you didn't for a very long time, while people knew of them, it wasn't like photos were posted or they showed up on stream
- until, when the kiddo was about 2 or 3, they decided they missed their daddy and went running into the office when you weren't looking (I'll be using Willow as an example)
"Daddy!" Willow yelled or rather screamed out in that typical toddler way, running over to her dad's office chair.
She didn't know her father was live or working and she was much too young to understand it anyway—and the color drained from Wilbur's face when he realized. It was much too late now, chat was already spamming "Dadbur?!?" and "Baby Gold!!!"
Willow did her best to climb the side of her dad's chair before he sighed, a big smile on his face and he lifted her up by her armpits and placed her on his knee, first facing him so the camera didn't see.
"You wanna be on camera, sweetie?" He asked, realizing now how much trouble he may get in with you—but the giggle from his daughter and the smile on her face was so worth it, he didn't care.
"Yeah! Yeah!" And so he turned her around to face his PC and the camera.
"Wave to chat, lovebug!" He snaked his arm around her waist and waved with his own hand, his head dipped down to watch her. He had the softest, most loving smile on his face. He loved his little girl so so much, and he knew how it showed.
Willow waved and giggled, "Hi chat!!" and chat began spamming; "Baby Gold, hi!!" and "WILLOW!!"
It was the cutest thing he had ever seen.
And he desperately hoped he wouldn't get in too much trouble.
He spent the rest of the stream talking to chat, but mostly looking at his little girl as he conversed with her.
- it was over by then, and the little kiddo would make an appearance as much as you would allow
- and you were far from angry—you cried when you saw the clips—you were just frustrated he didn't go to you first yet you realized, he couldn't. your kid was much too like his father and much much too like you. stubborn and energetic.
- they only got more sassy and opinionated as they grew, and they most definitely became a spitting image of wilbur
- maybe #2 would look more like you
- oh, and don't let him wear plain tshirts unless you want more kids, that's all I'm saying
tags; @lillylvjy @lvrboysoot (if you want to be on a taglist thing, just send an ask and I'll add you!)
#wilbur soot x reader#wilbur soot headcanons#wilbur soot should be a dad#/j#i cannot stop thinking about dadbur#dadbur#dadbur headcannons#dadbur is my kryptonite<3#wilbur soot#wilbur#cc!wilbur#cc!wilbur x reader#cc!wilbur soot#wilbur soot x gn!reader#wilbur soot x y/n
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who’s talking shit? • pac
check out the patreon here + (patreon schedule)
if you’d like a personal reading ⬅️
choose your pile from the photos above or from the emojis below:
pile one • 🍎
pile two • 🍉
pile three •🍍
• pile one • 🍎
this is definitely someone who could be a coworker or someone who you have to work on a creative project with - or you could just both be doing the same thing as each other in the same space. this could also be a classmate if you’re in education. someone who you study with in particular. this may even be someone who you supposedly have a connection with (like a friendship, maybe even a relationship unfortunately), however this person has some type of envy towards your money, your materialism, and/or the work that you do. and i don’t believe that you see this because you’re so focused on your money or the quality of your work. they could talk shit about your ideas - especially anything creative that you propose to a group of people - because i feel like your ideas help to teach other people very valuable methods, skills, or viewpoints, to use and this person seems to be so bothered by the way that a lot of people learn from you. you could be the best out of a group or workplace full of people regarding something. they could also talk shit about your relationship if you’re currently in one. i’m seeing a specific message for someone: if you’re gay (a gay man specifically) and you’re in a gay relationship, this person talks mad shit about that. or if you date someone of a different race or ethnicity to you. just if there’s any major difference between you and your partner, or if your relationship is seen as unconventional in some way. this person could ironically be very quiet (silent or mute even) within whatever community you’re a part of, and very introverted too. this person may usually enjoy being in isolation mode or they have been recently. this next message is actually quite fucked up. if you struggle with mental health issues, then this person talks about that as if you’re just keeping yourself in victim mode - as if what you’re going through isn’t actually real. this person is ignorant as fuck. for a lot of you, they don’t like the fact that you’re gay, they don’t like you dating outside of your race/culture, they feel like you’re doing this mental damage to yourself because their ignorant ass doesn’t understand mental health issues (their own issues nor other people’s, clearly 🙃). and for some of you this person talks shit about how much effort you put into your relationship or friendship with someone. if you’re the one who is usually alone and introverted, this person talks mad shit about this specifically. it might be because they feel like you don’t want to be around them in particular, whether that’s actually the case or not. overall, all of this boils down to them hating the fact that you’ve discovered who you actually are in some way, as well as a skill that you’re highly capable of. i’m seeing a message that this person feels as though they’ve tried to mend the connection that they have with you, but it seems like they haven’t been successful. so this could be someone who you once had a friendship, relationship, or family relationship with that was damaged due to something. and it was most likely due to some bullshit that was said, a backstabbing that this person put you through already (talking mad shit like they are now), or just something said that was extremely painful. if this person feels like you’re being made aware of their shit-talking, then they’re bringing this to a finish. but the amount that they’ve talked shit about is a lot. a lot. this person doesn’t know how to shut tf up and just address issues with you directly. you may feel like it’s impossible to have a successful relationship with this person yourself - and you’re right.
• pile two • 🍉
for some of you in particular, this could be someone who you’ve gotten into a physical fight with before. or perhaps this person has physically attacked you before. this person could be your father or a water sign masculine. this is someone who pretends to have love and care for you but they actually have very sinister reasons for wanting to be connected to you. i’m hearing that this could also be someone who you cussed out, for some of you 😂. this person is talking shit about some type of good luck or good change that you have. this person could have a habit of viewing you as someone who just gets whatever they want or someone who’s ‘spoilt’. because i’m seeing that they’re really mad about any blessings that you have in your life - or any blessings that you experienced receiving in the past. and there’s a lot of anger coming from this person towards all that’s good that is happening in your life. they’re so fucking salty. i’m also seeing them complain about how you’ve ‘switched up’ on them. this is sounding like a deadbeat parent (for a lot of you) that you finally got rid of to build a positive life for yourself. but of course this could be a different person for others of you. this is definitely someone who you’ve put up boundaries with. i’m seeing that they know that you’ve closed out this chapter of your life that involves them - for good. they know that they can’t get back in. and they’re talking shit about the fact that people are generous or kind to you in some way. especially if anyone has helped you out with your finances, or your material or practical life. this is someone who’s always looking for handouts and who’s always looking for things to be given to them (like money) which is probably why they project what they know about themselves onto you. by calling you spoilt or acting like you don’t deserve any help that you get. this person is also someone who pushes everyone away from them due to their angry or harsh demeanour. they’re always in a bad mood and always have something to get riled up about. this is someone who doesn’t help anyone completely out of the kindness of their own heart. or, for some of you, this could be someone who you continue to reject help from sue to knowing about some type of strings attached that comes with this ‘help’. this person is someone who pretends to be friendly and helpful to you, though. they show their face as a friend when they’re really a foe. i’m seeing that they could be trying to learn how to get onto your good side, especially if there’s any conflict that has happened between the both of you before.
• pile three • 🍍
this could be a romantic interest, a twin, a gemini, a mystic (like a tarot reader or practitioner), or someone who’s usually very overwhelmed. you’ve shown a lot of genuine love to this person and that’s the worst thing about this. this person may not be someone who you see often, due to there being some type of unattainable nature to this person - like you can’t actually catch them in person when you’d like to/need to. this could also be someone who prefers to be quiet. regardless, this person is someone who seems to constantly be stuck and caught up in multiple connections with others (whether these are sexual, romantic, friendship connections). and this may be someone who constantly chooses the worst partners or best friends or just the worst close circle for themselves to have. i get the vibe that this is someone who’s extremely attracted to toxicity and non-stable people and situations - although they cry about having too many people to deal with or too much drama with other people 🙄. this person is straight up spreading lies about you. this person is actually intimidated as fuck by you, but they want to see if they can get away with saying some shit behind your back that really isn’t true. and i’m seeing this person hurling verbal bullshit your way behind your back. i hate people like this. people who have so much courage to talk shit and lie behind your back but they wouldn’t dare say any of their bs directly to you smh. they’re talking shit about how you’ve released some fears or anxieties around speaking up for yourself. you seem to be a manifestor who can create the life that you want. and they could be talking shit because you released them and their gossip + drama in order to focus on materialising your wishes and desires for yourself. they’re mad that you didn’t want to stay stuck in the same place as them. this person could also be talking shit about your friends - especially if this is an ex-friend who sees that you have a much better connection and much happier times with others. this person is actually very fearful towards you. towards a lot of power that you hold. especially if you’re a mystic or a witch yourself? and this person has seen you read energy or manipulate energy to manifest things for yourself in the past. that’s probably the biggest reason why they’re afraid of you. yet they talk shit about your power to try to trick themselves into not being afraid of you. doesn’t seem to be working much though.
#psychic readings#pick a card#tarot reading#pac#pick a photo#tarot#pac reading#pick a picture#tarot pick a card#pick a card reading#pick a pile
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invisible disability? it's rather visible to me.
summary. baizhu knows the struggle of maintaining a job while being chronically ill; as such, he is willing to offer an accommodating work environment for others who struggle like he does.
trigger & content warnings. angst (at first... it gets better i swear /lh), ableism, etc.
tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort. baizhu & chronically ill!teen!reader, qiqi & reader. 1.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader.
author's thoughts. he's out of nonplayable prison ygs!!!!! can't wait to see his character stories for..... personal reasons..... anyways i want to specify that i am chronically ill. i am constantly fighting with my genetics to be healthy, its ridiculous LMAO
imagine baizhu employing a chronically ill, visionless teenager.
baizhu can easily say he's known their family for a long time, so he of course knows that they have trouble keeping a job. they often mention little things like that about their life during their visits with him. never once has he found anything wrong with them; they're always in virtually perfect health.
that doesn't change the fact that they're very clearly struggling. he's observed just how much they overexert themselves in a desperate attempt to actually keep a stable job, simply to help support their family, but all the exertion only seems to make their invisible issues worse.
also... they've been in his care for heat stroke more than once in liyue's warmer seasons. the heat is just far too much for their body to handle if they aren't careful.
"What the hell is wrong with me?"
Their voice was so quiet and whispery that if Baizhu hadn't been attuned closely to them at that moment, he might have missed it. They half wished that he would have. Based on the brief glance he spared in their direction, they knew he was listening. Oh well.
"I mean... really. This is ridiculous," they murmured, knees drawn up against their chest. "Everyone thinks I'm just dramatic. I'm not. I do fine for the most part, but then it just... gets bad for no reason at all... how am I in perfect health?"
By that point in their rant, his undivided attention was on them. Though his gaze was thoughtful, musing, they interpreted it differently and winced slightly.
"...Sorry. I really shouldn't be complaining like this in front of someone who's chronically ill."
"No, it's quite alright. You shouldn't minimize your pain. Your struggles are as valid as mine. I find your trust, your ability to confide in me, quite endearing, even," he reassured, unbothered, to which their shoulders seemed to lose some of the tension they harbored. "In fact... I've been thinking about this for quite some time now. Chronic illness may show itself in a variety of forms. Sometimes it may show itself in the form of your symptoms. Would you like to learn how to manage your energy better?"
the liyuean doctor basically hired them right then and there, but they don't really realize that for the first few weeks.
in the beginning, they're just... spending time at bubu pharmacy, learning how baizhu manages his own limited energy and applying those techniques to their own life (it works shockingly well). that's all!
it slowly turns into them helping out where they can—packaging herbs, learning what exactly each one of them does, delivering prescriptions to those who cannot physically get the medicines themselves... even when people start to question if they've found a new job, they remain oblivious.
it's one day while helping mince herbs that they realize they're basically a junior herbalist.
A soft hiss left their lips when the knife nicked the pad of their finger. They were quick to put pressure on the little cut, pulling their hand away from the countertop to prevent any blood from dripping onto it.
"It's best to get rid of those herbs," Baizhu reminded, stepping away from his own work to gently bandage their wound.
A small pout graced their lips. "I didn't get any blood on them, though..."
Amusement and the vaguest hint of fondness twinkled in his gaze. "We don't know that for certain, do we, now?"
"...Wait a minute." Their eyes narrowed suspicously at him, drawing their freshly-dressed hand back once he was done. "This isn't about energy management anymore, is it? Have I been... I've been working here this entire time. These tasks are very employee-like."
"Come, now. Don't look at me like that. You were looking for a stable job, and I am more than willing to accomodate your needs."
"You could've at least said something to me. I've been doing free labor all this time, and as a child, no less! Hmm... now, I do believe that is illegal in this part of Teyvat~ It'd be shame to get Ms. Yanfei involved~"
in the spirit teaching them to manage their energy, he often takes them on house calls with him, starting off to just homes in liyue harbor and later to homes all the way in qingce village. it's a good way for them to gain stamina and get a better understanding of their job.
baizhu has a tendency to smile through his own pain for the sake of his patients.
this habit slipped by unchecked until [name] came around.
whenever they feel like he isn't doing very well, they'll take over for him regardless of what he has to say about it.
herbalist gui is very thankful for them—baizhu hardly ever listened to him, but he does take better care of himself for [name]'s sake.
(he swears that baizhu is oddly parental when it comes to them, but he wouldn't dare mention the doctor's blatant affections to his face.)
"welcome to bubu pharmacy," they'd greet with a kind smile after unceremoniously shoving baizhu towards the back of the pharmacy where he could rest undisturbed, "unfortunately, dr. baizhu is currently out of commission, but herbalist gui and i would be glad to take care of anything you may need."
sometimes changsheng can be seen wrapped around their arm! usually it's their dominant arm, which is terribly inconveniencing. still, it would be an honor to be Chosen™ by their loved one's pet... if only she wasn't so mean to them.
"Hmph. You're terrible at cutting herbs. It pains me just to watch."
"Okay? Go back to Dr. Baizhu then? I'm not holding you hostage, Changsheng. You came to me," they huffed. "Also... maybe I'd be able to cut better if you weren't strangling my dominant arm. Just saying."
It's a few moments later that they're sulking, murmuring curses as Baizhu disinfected their fresh snake bite. Changsheng completely neglected to apologize until Baizhu had prompted her to.
(They would complain that he found that incident a little too funny if anyone were to ask them. It really hurt, you know!)
changsheng bullies them lovingly <3 she bites them affectionately <33
(not that she'd ever say that, though. baizhu knows. he just chooses to let her believe he doesn't know.)
qiqi becomes very attached to them very quickly, i think. she'd like having a nice older sibling around and would address them as such without even thinking about it. "jiějiě," "gēgē"... she can't really tell what gender they identify closer with and doesn't remember to ask, so she tends to bounce between the two terms of address.
she has an entire page in her journal dedicated to little things about [name] that she deems to be important. she notes down things they seem to like, things they seem to dislike, their birthday, other important dates, defining features...
she also keeps important warning signs related to health episodes of their's jotted down, like how when [name] stands still a little too long, qiqi should urge them to sit for a moment because they're probably either dizzy or having vision issues, or how when their hands begin to tremble, qiqi should share a sunsettia with them.
she does miss these signs sometimes... she does her best, though! qiqi only wants to help the sweet junior herbalist that braids her hair and accompanies her on her herb-picking trips and hugs her and says "i love you, please stop this task, you might get hurt" with so much genuine affection that it often overwhelms her :(
it's rare, but sometimes, there will be a customer or patient that has little tolerance for their disability-induced weakness or slowness.
because their illness(es) is(/are) invisible, very few people take their struggles seriously.
some people take this as an excuse to verbally and even physically abuse them.
baizhu does not take kindly to people abusing his employees, especially not his chronically ill teenage employee. especially not them.
"Is there an issue I can help with?"
They didn't mind being the only one at reception during the days Herbalist Gui was out, Qiqi was herb-picking, and Baizhu was otherwise occupied. It wasn't a big deal, really.
At least... not until someone particularly impatient decided to make their job difficult.
Baizhu never took kindly to such incidents; this one was no different. Based on his tone of voice alone, it wasn't hard to guess that he was livid, golden irises alight with rage. Even Changsheng had hissed in their defense at the sight in front of her eyes.
He'd come back just in time to see them flinch away from the raised hand of some foreign adventurer.
"This one—"
"And who said I was asking you?" he scoffed, sliding behind the counter and checking them for wounds. They were shaking, he noted, gingerly supporting a fraction of their weight in case they were to collapse. "I was asking my herbalist, [Name]."
Baizhu was a man of patience and, really...
He wasn't all that confrontational. Despite that, any semblance of the supposed cowardice he harbored was gone in an instant.
His scarred fingers drew soothing shapes on their upper arm as he led them into the back of the clinic, guiding them to sit on one of the beds before their legs could give out.
"Are you alright?"
baizhu takes very good care of them after stressful encounters because he knows very well that such high-stress emotional experiences will take a toll on their body.
whenever a wealthier patient comes in, they've learned to overcharge them on purpose even if it's for the most ridiculous of ailments; oh? you say you have been sneezing quite a lot and are having a hard time breathing? no, no, it's not springtime allergies, who told you that? it's quite dire, in fact, and the treatment price will be awfully expensive... oh? you'll pay it? wonderful!
^ herbalist gui says that baizhu is a terrible influence on them sometimes.
in their defense, they get hefty bonuses every time wealthy people pay ridiculous prices for typically rather inexpensive herbs (like a certain ginger harbinger did one time! they still giggle at the memory of him paying so much for so little). the more wealthy people pay, the bigger their bonuses (fatui harbingers are very wealthy...).
simply put, they make more mora than the majority of their family put together because of this morally dubious behavior.
baizhu, gui, qiqi, and [name] are a chaotic found family but yk what? they all make it work <3
please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!
#aphelion's headcanons 🌸#: [ the junior herbalist! 🌸 ]#baizhu x reader#platonic genshin impact x reader#platonic genshin x reader#platonic genshin impact#baizhu x you#baizhu x y/n#genshin imagines#genshin x reader#qiqi x reader#platonic qiqi x reader
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Eddie Diaz’s Hair Meta
Hello friends. I was sent this ask a while back and it prompted me to take a deep dive behind what Eddie’s hair means to him. I am in no way a psychiatrist of any sorts, but I have taken a lot of psychology courses, and courses on behavioral studies. This is all just from my own perception of what I believe to be the significance behind his hairstyles/haircuts. So if you’re interested, then I hope you enjoy. And if this is not your cup of tea, well then that’s alright too.
We have seen Eddie go through many different hairstyles over the 4 years we've known him. I will go into depth of what I perceive these styles to mean in accordance to where he is in his life during those times. I will also explain how I believe there’s more to his hair than just a simple style.
To begin, hair is something that is so personal to most people. A lot of people use their hair to represent themselves, who they are, what they stand for, etc. But there’s a psychology behind the representation of hair as well. Hair can signify a persons identity. People use their hair to establish their own persona to others. But they also allow their hair to influence the way they want to define the person they are to themselves.
Most often than not, people respond to stress by grasping for things they can control when everything else around them is out of their reach. By changing the cut and/or color of your hair, you somehow convince yourself that things will be different, that you are somehow “starting over.”
This whole starting over process when it comes to hair change, comes most often when someone is recovering from trauma-whether it be the death of a loved one, end of a relationship, loss of a job, or deteriorating health, either physical or mental. People use this as a coping mechanism, a mild form of self-harm because when they change their appearance, it’s as if it’s the first step in changing other things in their lives. Whether it’s a quick cut, or dye job, it is essentially a quicker fix than tackling on the more pressing issues in your life. 
With Eddie Diaz, we’ve seen him have many different hairstyles in the time we’ve known him. When we meet him in season 2, we have him with perfectly coiffed hair, fluffy, and stylish. It’s always done and never messy which indicates that he has his life somewhat put together. We meet him as an Army veteran, a single dad, and very competent firefighter. He is the perfect package and we can tell by his perfect hairstyle that he’s not really struggling as much when we first meet him. We find out later on about his estranged wife but again, his hairstyle is always done so nicely. This indicates that he somewhat has a grasp on his life. He may be silently struggling but he’s not on the verge of a breakdown anytime soon! 
The first time we see Eddie changing up his hair is right at the beginning of season 3! He drastically buzzed off his beautiful, luscious hair and kind of reverted to an Army style haircut. Now why the sudden change? Let’s remember that people tend to change up their hairstyles as a trauma response for the death of a loved one.
His wife had passed away in a tragic accident towards the end of season 2, and then right after that, his partner/best friend got caught in a freak accident. So even though we see him smiling and appearing to be alright beginning of season 3, we can clearly tell something is not 100% Eddie with his new haircut.
As season 3 develops, we see Eddie struggling tremendously with the fact that his wife left him and his son again, and then his partner Buck temporarily was out of reach as well. He joins an illegal fight ring and slowly starts to fall apart. It all comes to a head when he almost kills someone during one of those fights. We find out during his conversation with Bobby that he very much is still angry at his dead wife for leaving him because he wasn’t enough for her to stay. The buzzcut makes sense because it’s low maintenance and one less thing he has to worry about while he’s working through all his issues. 
In season 4, we have a different hairstyle that we haven’t seen on Eddie before. It’s definitely longer than his buzzcut, which indicates he’s moving on from his grief of losing a loved one. It’s styled and unlike how we were first introduced to Eddie. That tells us that he’s trying to put on a façade and be someone who he really isn’t. It’s a very “dad” cut and style. He has his hair parted and gelled to the side. Now this change up can indicate Eddie slowly trying to move on with his life and we get confirmation of that when he starts dating again. He starts up a relationship, which is something new in his life.
Now why is this hairstyle relevant to the new change in his life? He got in a relationship with a woman who’s his “ideal woman” on paper. He’s dating her because he thinks she’ll be what’s best for his son. He’s been putting on an act and trying to maintain this relationship with her because he thinks that’s what’s expected of him, kinda like his hairstyle. Why do I mention this? Because again, hairstyles are how we want to present ourselves to others. How we want to be seen. His hair has never looked like this before and it’s the first styled and proper hairstyle he’s had since we’ve met him. It’s like those default American dad styles. It’s very unlike Eddie, and it kinda goes hand in hand with his relationship because it proves that he’s trying to be someone he’s really not.
In season 5, we see Eddie’s hair change up again and this comes right after he’s experienced trauma. He was shot in broad daylight in front of his partner and went through something horrific once more. It’s softer and has a little less product in it. Almost as if he’s struggling to keep it all held together. Almost as if he’s wanting to revert back to the real him but he’s at a standstill because he doesn’t know who the real him is.
We see as the season continues, Eddie’s mental health starts to border the line of deteriorating. His hair gets longer and it’s not as tightly kept with his gel. That indicates a breakdown waiting to happen. When people stop putting in much effort to fix themselves up, it is the biggest sign that they’re not doing well mentally. It all comes to a head when he tells the team he’s leaving the 118 in 5.10.
Afterwards, we get 5.11, when we see another one of Eddie’s drastic haircut changes. It’s shorter on the sides and spikier on top. This is a look we’ve never seen on him before. That can indicate a trauma response to the loss of his firefighting job. Not only that, but it also indicates deteriorating mental health.
He’s not spending his time or his energy on styling his hair anymore. He needed something low maintenance because he’s barely keeping it together. Him chopping his hair and changing this up is due to the fact that that is the one thing he can have control over. He’s not doing what he loves, his child is afraid he’s gonna die, he’s struggling with his ptsd. Everything is slipping through his fingers. So what does he do? He changes his haircut. He gets rid of some of the weight off his shoulders because that’s the only thing he can have control over. Changes up his look from the fake polished person he was trying so hard to be into someone a little more like his true self.
And we see that the haircut did indicate an impending breakdown, which we saw occur in 5.13. So that goes to prove that there is some correlation to Eddie’s differing hairstyles and what it says about the things he is going through.
Towards the end of season 5, we see Eddie much happier and embracing his new look. It’s still shorter on the sides, but it’s free from product. It’s kinda starting to look like the hairstyle we saw him with in season 2, but a more personalized version. Almost as if this is the real him and he’s finally embracing who he is as a person. I think season 6 will show more healing for Eddie and have us see him not try to put on a façade anymore. He’ll be living his true life and I can’t wait to see what this brings us.
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Hi, I’ve read your meta about addiction and I have a question about what’s come next. In the preview Sand asks Ray to go to rehab and I’m not sure it’s a good thing (you wrote about rehab and how Ray needs to want it for himself). So do you think it won’t work out for Ray?
Hi) It’s a good question and the answer is: I don’t know. As I wrote in part two, we need more information about how Sand will handle this whole situation - for now he’s good (in my opinion, again, I’m not a professional it’s all my own experience) but it can go wrong any minute. We also have no idea how Ray will handle it for himself, or how his surrounding will react on that. Whatever show runners decide I guess.
For example, I still don’t know how they’ll address the fact that Sand is connected to alcohol on a daily basis - he makes illegal wine. Also we can clearly see that in next week preview they drink together in the bar, and they drink together in the bathroom scene from the trailer.
I don’t think it’s necessary a bad thing actually - as I wrote, there is not one perfect way to deal with addiction that works for everyone. Some people prefer to quit once and for all, some people prefer to slowly reduce the dose of consumption - it’s a very unique experience and it’s fine to try different methods to find what works best.
Ray absolutely needs a support system and it’s a good thing Sand is here. Also I want to get that one to Mew - in their conversation he asks Ray to ask the therapist about quitting and it’s so much better from Mew’s side. He’s not judgmental as he used to be, he cares - that’s a character growth if you ask me.
About the rehab thing. I do believe that forced rehab doesn’t work - but I also believe that it’s fine for someone to motivate the person to try. In preview we see that Sand ask Ray about it and Ray agrees to do it for him. It’s okay. He can be motivated to do therapy, what’s important is for him to find a motivation not only in Sand (or Mew, or his friends, or his dad) but in himself. Love can’t heal him, but love can help him to want healing, you know? He can go for it because of Sand and find the reason for himself in a process, it’s absolutely okay.
The thing with Ray is that his addiction is not exist in vacuum - it coexists with his mental health issues. He has no motivation to get better because he believes he deserves only the worst. And it is something very important for his arc - to learn that he deserves better things. I hope he will find it, I truly do.
For now show does a pretty decent job on addressing mental health issues - with both Ray and Top (tho I do want to see more of Top’s). Both of them have struggles partially caused by ptsd - addiction (for Ray) and insomnia (for Top) and clear abandonment issues. I don’t know how show will handle it from here, we have three episodes left and I hope it’ll continue to do it right.
By that point I don’t have a big critique on the topic, but I kind of understand why a lot of people are a bit confused from the preview. I also do think that I’ll write another part on this topic - especially about Sand’s role in this whole situation - when the show ends and we’ll get the whole picture.
#ofts#only friends the series#only friends#only friends meta#asked and answered#what was the question again? I’m sorry I went on a rant
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Hello lovely Ducky! I was wondering if I could get an emergency request? I’m going through a lot and am struggling with bad seasonal depression. Recently, I’ve really needed encouragement and some sort of hope, but instead of it, I lost a friendship. It was kind of a huge blow to my mental health. No pressure ofc, I know it’s exam season right now and you’ve got your own life, so don’t feel pressured and don’t rush! thank you in advance and ily I hope you’re having an amazing day!! make sure ur drinking water!!
Heya, Kross!
This took 4000 years, so I hope it’s not too late!!!
I hope you’re feeling better :(
I will personally fight your friend, don’t even worry.
I hope this provides you some kind of comfort! If not, feel free to request again!
CW BELOW THE CUT: reader is depress3d, reader has lost hope.
𝐼𝑧𝑢𝑘𝑢 𝑀𝑖𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑦𝑎
Exam season at U.A was never an easy time of the year. Multiple tests, multiple classes of work to still turn in, and atop of all else, this time of year is when things started to weigh heavier on you.
You try your best to make it through the day, but it never seems to be enough for those close to you.
Although you explicitly have stated that this time of the year is hard for you, your friends swear that you’re avoiding them on purpose.
Overtime, you got used to it. But this year was different.
While you were studying for your heroics exam, a text buzzed on your phone. You reached over to it and read the words “we need to talk”
Instantly, your mind raced with all of the things that could’ve been the issue. You didn’t have to do much soul-searching, however, when you received a huge paragraph from your friend.
It was clearly copied and pasted, meaning that your friend had put some thought into, and maybe even asked others for help with, it.
Your heart dropped into your stomach as you read about how your “friend” claimed that you were avoiding them on purpose, and how they felt neglected by you.
Frustrated, you start to text them back, explaining in vain that it was just because of the time of year, and that you really didn’t mean to ignore them. By the time the text had sent, there was a delivery error.
Your friend had blocked you.
Your mind and emotions went numb. You shut your book and laid down on your bed with bleary eyes as you thought about all of the moments you had with your friend.
Defeated, you stood up to turn off your desk lamp, and went to bed with tears streaming down your face.
As time progressed, you had scarcely come from your dorm. You spent your time studying when your mind allowed you to. Most of the time, you could only lay on your bed in defeat.
Luckily for you, your green-haired best friend had noticed your recent absence. Izuku was nervous about your disappearance, and would bring a plate of food to leave at your door. When he knocked, you wouldn’t answer him, so he figured that something must be very wrong.
Eventually, Izuku gathered the courage to knock and stay there until you replied to him.
“(Y/N)? It’s me. I know you’re in there,“ he murmured as he rested his forehead against the door. “I just want to know if you’re okay.”
You sighed as you looked at the door. Were you really in the mood for company? What would his reaction be? Was it worth it?
You rolled over in your covers and stared blankly at the wall.
“(N/N), I’m not leaving.” His voice was a little more stern, almost as if he was upset with you.
“Go away,” you mustered.
A gentle gasp was heard from outside the door. “Please let me in… I promise I won’t bother you.”
You readjusted yourself to be turned away from the doorway. Sighing, you decide to let him in.“Door’s been unlocked since Tuesday.”
You closed your eyes and waited. Within a second, the knob of your door turned, and it was pushed open.
You heard a gentle gasp and a forlorn voice. “(N/N), please, talk to me.”
“Nothing to talk about.” You replied.
Izuku sat next to you on the bed and put his hand on your shoulder. “I will not leave your side until you at least acknowledge my presence.”
You rolled over and your teary eyes met with his own. You didn’t have time to react before the boy wrapped his arms around you tightly.
“I’m sorry if you don’t wanna be touched right now, or if you just wanna be alone, but I know in my heart that you need this.” He whispered, running his hand along your head. “Tell me, what’s going on in your mind?”
His soothing words and comforting touch made you instantly dissolve into sobs. Izuku held you close, whispering reassuring words into your ears. “It’s okay, it’s okay… shhh… I’m here, it’ll be okay. Im not going anywhere, I promise you’re safe with me.”
As soon as you calmed a bit, you started to pour out all of your troubles. They flowed out like water, and you were unable to hold them back.
Your friend held you securely, hoping to convey his solidarity. Izuku listened intently to every single world that you said, nodding in acknowledgement.
When you finished, he wiped your tears and took both of your hands.
“I’ll preface by saying that I’m so sorry that this happened to you… I can’t even begin to imagine how awful this must be, especially during this time.”
“I want you to understand that this isn’t your fault, not at all. You expressed clearly that you are feeling a certain way, and your “friend” didn’t respect that. You can’t be responsible for how they feel, because you tried to explain what had happened.” His thumb came up to your cheek as another tear fell from your eye. “They chose on their own to not listen to you. If it’s worth anything, I personally think that this individual is not your friend. If they were really someone who wanted to have a bond with you, they wouldn’t do this to you.”
“You can’t control how you feel either. Depression is a sickness, and you can’t force it to go away. You’re trying your best, and that’s all anyone can ask of you…”
You rested your head on his shoulder, and he kissed the crown of your head. Closing your eyes with a sigh, you finally spoke. “I just don’t get why you can be so understanding but they can’t…”
“Because some people don’t take mental illness seriously.” He replied, tracing circles on your shoulder blades. “It’s dumb, but some people just don’t understand how terrible it really is… I just hope that I can be enough of a support system for you.”
You hugged him back him tightly “You’re more than enough… You’re the only one who’s cared to check on me after all this time, so thank you.”
Izuku cradled the back of your head with his hand as you hugged him. “Just take a minute and rest, I’ve got you…”
As your residual tears finally started to dry, Izuku helped you to lay down and rest your head in his lap. He ran his fingers through your hair as you closed your eyes.
“Don’t worry about a thing right now… just get some sleep, I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Before you fully fell asleep, you swore that heard Izuku mutter a few words.
“I wish they’d only see you how the rest of us do…”
—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————
#ducky’s emergency requests#emergency requests#mha emergency requests#my hero academia emergency requests#mha#mha x reader#mha imagine#mha imagines#mha x reader imagine#my hero academia x reader#my hero academia imagines#my hero academia imagine#mha comfort#my hero academia comfort#bnha#bnha x reader#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#anime#anime x reader#anime comfort#anime imagines#Izuku Midoriya x reader#Izuku Midoriya imagines#tw depression#cw depression
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Leon BPD post
Now, a little disclaimer beforehand: I'm not an expert in mental diseases nor personality disorders, I'm not a psychiatrist or even a psychologist, my knowledge is pretty surface-level. I'm not affirming anything and understand that this is a children's cartoon so the following is nearly impossible to be true, and I'm definitely not trying to offend anybody on purpose. It's just me mumbling about my headcanons, and I'll be interested in hearing your ideas about Leon's mental state, cause he's truly a character tbh.
First of all, what is BPD or borderline personality disorder? It's a mental condition in which person's has drastic mood swings, instability in relationships and self-image.
One of the biggest signs of BPD is fear of abandonment, which Leon clearly shows in s1e8. Actually this is the episode that makes you question his mental health state the most, but I digress. So, in this episode he struggles with feeling left out because of all the lies of some dude, though he never had a good reason to even consider this. That could be connected to paranoia, as he most likely assumed the worst about others and how they view him if his initial thought is that his friend are ganging up on him.
That also leads us to another sign of bpd: unclear self-image. In the same episode Leon has these moments where everyone saying that they should leave him behind and kick him out of the group. Thus, we can assume, that deep inside Leon is not that confident. Furthermore, he always does something to make himself seem to be the best. For example, s1e2 where he wants to be the one to score the final goal or s2e12 where he almost leaves the team to live his dream.
Those moments mentioned above in the 8th episode can be considered as a sign of dissociation too. That is when he breaks down after reading "Marlon's" letter. The voices he hears and the whole change of the surroundings into gray, which, I guess is an artistic choice, however, it still represents him being at his lowest and losing touch with reality.
Another very important sign of bpd is instability in relationships. That often goes along with black and white thinking, which means there's no gray area for those people. It can lead one to either adore or absolutely despise a person. And sometimes the switch can happen in the blink of an eye. Now I don't really remember Leon having a "favorite person", but he does change his attitude towards people who do not what he's expecting from them. Take s1e9 for example, Leon changes his opinion about Markus after finding out he was playing for the other team. While it seems reasonable at first, later on he still refuses to change his mind and even acts as if he doesn't know him. Or in *guess what episode* 8. Marlon immediately becomes his enemy after some lies in the school newspaper. And it's not only about his brother, but the whole team, since all of them were saying bad words about him in his delusions. Also s2e4, a moment with Willi. Yes, everyone thought he abandoned them, but Leon was the first to jump into conclusion...again.
What can also outline bpd is mood swing. Honestly, I can’t remember Leon having those, but I remember one moment from s1e3 where they all came to the field and Leon was like «screw it, I’m out». Maybe that counts as a mood swing? Also, perhaps, the way he acted in the 8th episode can also be considered as a mood swing
Speaking of impulsiveness, it’s definitely s1e1 when he challenges Siegers without thinking. Plus he gets in verbal arguments a lot, though it's more about anger issues.
Now let’s count how many BPD symptoms he has:
Fear of abandonment - yes
Unstable relationships - yes
Unclear or shifting self-image - yes
Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors - yes
Self-harm. Suicidal behavior – no, but obviously you can’t put that in the kid’s show
Extreme emotional swings – mmm, even though there are some moments with it, I wouldn’t say so
Chronic feelings of emptiness - no, not really
Explosive anger - yes
Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality – yes
6/9 which is enough to get diagnosis.
Another question that can occur: why is he like that?
Well, things that cause BPD can be different, but we wanna look at the child neglect. I’ve already talked about Wessel’s family, but I feel like I need to mention it again. So my theory is that their mother left when they were still at the young age, so their dad had to raise his sons by himself. That could’ve caused trauma for Leon, which later progressed into BPD.
In conlusion,
And I think that’s all I wanted to say. Idk, if you liked this stuff I might do a similar thing with the rest of the gang.
#die wilden kerle#dwk#dwk animated series#die wilden kerle animated series#dwk leon#long post#analysis
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The not-so-longly awaited Jeremy Heere & family analysis:
Disclaimer before I get into this! I’m basing these observations on what’s canon and what can be predicted based on canon. I’ll be refraining from anything HC oriented! I will not be making up new scenarios that don’t at least have SOME actual context in the given plot. Also, please understand that these are MY interpretations that may be based on personal experiences/other sources of media I’ve seen.
ALRIGHTY! So, to begin, Jeremy is a character who is canonically seen to suffer from some sort of social anxiety disorder and possibly depression. It’s obvious BMC is meant to be heavily based on mental health, and Jeremy is our prime, classic mc example of that. He struggles with his self image and clearly can’t talk to people without resorting to typical awkward tendencies. He doesn’t understand his popular peers and can’t communicate with them. He’s unpopular, but wishes for a better future, dreaming about his own popularity. He was most likely born shy!
But that’s easily deduced. What I want to focus on is his parents' role in his upbringing.
From what we know from canon, Jeremy’s mom has recently left and his father was clearly not dealing with the divorce well. It’s implied that his mom recently got this divorce based on the conversation Jeremy and Michael have at the beginning of “Two-Player Game.” Michael is seen asking Jeremy how his mom is doing and whether or not he’s heard from her. Jeremy’s response is that his mom hasn’t talked to him, seemingly not caring (we’ll get into that later). The only reason Michael would open up a conversation this way is if this was a recent event. Michael, being the good friend he is, asks about it to check in with his friend.
Jeremy’s mom not speaking to him is a clear sign of one of two things. Either she literally doesn’t care for him, or she’s too dysfunctional to care for him. Thing is, Jeremy doesn’t seemingly have any trauma relating to an abusive mother… so that leaves me to believe she was an absent one. Many predictions can be made about her character. I’ve seen her portrayed as disorganized and overly anxious and possibly even bipolar. This would explain some of Jeremy’s own tendencies (such as his anxiety). This would also explain Jeremy’s reaction to her leaving. He does love her (and she probably loved him), but probably struggles to show this. Whatever you believe, it’s easily assumed that Jeremy’s mom was not the best parent.
In addition, with this divorce, you can also conclude that Jeremy’s parents did not have a good relationship (of course), in which his mom might have treated his dad with this offhanded attitude as well. There might’ve been explicit fighting, there might not have been. That’s unknown to me. I will mention that if there was, that might explain Jeremy’s indignation towards his father and mother. He treats his father poorly even before he gets the Squip.
Now left without his mom and with a deadbeat dad, Jeremy has to now deal with the stress and anxiety of school all on his own without parental supervision or advision (not that his parents were great before, but regardless, that’s not the point). He’s completely alone now, dealing with the feelings of social loneliness and self hatred. I’d also like to briefly mention that he can’t turn to Michael because Michael doesn’t relate, and therefore, cannot sympathize with his problems/insecurities (I can write a rant abt that later). Jeremy’s also gotta deal with the bullies that have tormented him for years. To him, he probably felt there was no one to love/guide him, and that if he wanted to fix his issues, he’d have to do so on his own. That’s why he buys the Squip. A desperate attempt to fix his life with his own hands. An attempt to keep himself from his dad’s fate.
The Squip was the perfect and easiest ‘out’ for him, because his self esteem was already too diminished to believe he could open up to others on his own by being himself. He felt he was a lost cause, so when he was presented with this easy solution that could guide and fix him, of course he took that opportunity!
That’s the gist of it ig. Lemme know if there’s anything else you guys want me to dive deep into ^^ I could do Mike and Jer’s friendship or smth
#be more chill#bmc musical#bmc jeremy#bmc analysis#why do I waste my life doing this#i read too much into things#rose probably needs therapy
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The push and pull of loneliness in your mind can really lead you to make decisions based on impulse, out of desperation but, when you stop to think about it more clearly... it really is a matter of choice between devastating options, with the "least" harmful being loneliness itself.
You look at the people you have been infatuated with in the past - and even now - and you're almost thankful nothing ever came out of these friendships or brief connections, mostly from their end but if it depended on you? Impulsivity would get you to take action, most probably. The relationship would not last (if it were to become one) and you would be the one to walk away, even though you're the one pursuing a relationship so urgently.
The reasons you are not being "chosen" by these people become clearer and clearer as you get to know them. That's why you come off as "intimidating," that's why they might be almost afraid of you and your reactions, because you have a self-esteem, you're independent and you thrive on your own. You don't need other people, that is pretty transparent and pretty "off-putting," too.
You chose them because you choose... anyone really.
And everyone get caught up in your filter right at the start: communication. That weeds about... everyone. To you, it's something as "simple" as being able to be vulnerable and open about one's struggles, to be able to trust and speak your heart without fearing consequences, to be able to be unapologetically yourself and not have that held against you. It's about the back and forth too, about the reciprocity, about showing up and wanting to be there, among other things.
You want to go deep, most people do not, it seems. That's too bad, so you keep on going.
Yes, absolutely, you could choose to compromise on all these values and boundaries of yours, to negotiate your non-negotiables, in the name of obtaining and trying to maintain/nurture a connection with another person.
The problem with that is not only incompatibility but also... these are the kinds of relationships and people you will outgrow - whether that is a friendship or romance - and that gives space to resentment and unhappiness.
Do you really want to nurture that ever-growing unhappiness building up in your core because being lonely is just too unbearable? Probably not, huh?
It is, indeed, a lonely place to be. To put so much work into healing, so much work into being able to properly communicate, to try so hard to open yourself to another so that a connection can occur and realizing that... most people don't seem to be doing that, at all.
They're never going to be a good match for you, because they will become a hindrance to you, or the relationship will.
You will always outgrow these people because they're on their own journey with their own lives and issues and struggles, that are not compatible with yours and with yourself.
It is so incredibly frustrating to realize that, in order to - maybe - be able to connect with another person, you will have to quite literally step on their level: be it masking, or watering yourself down, or making yourself more palatable or friendly, because most people are not so busy living inside their heads like you do. They're not taking psychotherapy and mental health treatment as a "full-time" job like you do. They're not disabled in the way you are.
They just have relationships, break ups, and try again and again. It's not a big deal, it was never supposed to be a big deal, but it is for you and there's only so much you can do about it.
Your feelings are not a mistake after all.
Even if the realization that all the work and effort you've been putting into yourself have, probably, worked against you and pushed you into further isolation...
It also has showed you that there's more than mediocrity and the bare minimum, and that you're not wrong for wanting it or pursuing it.
You deserve the best you can get.
You've done enough of making yourself small and chasing someone's shadows.
You deserve to shine, even if you shine alone.
A connection to someone else should not be a hindrance to you and if that's all what's out there, then you might as well remain alone.
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happy trans day of visibility! I know it's rough out there right now, especially for those of us who have other marginalised identities as well as trans and/or nonbinary-ness, because so often it seems like the news is either full of vitriol against us or going out of its way to frame our pain, discomfort, suffering and death as the only things that matter, leaving next to no room for the real joy which can be a part of the trans experience. so I want to tell you this:
in January someone important to me started using the right pronouns for me for the first time after years of really struggling to get my pronouns right. we've spoken about it before and whilst he understood what I was telling him in principle, he couldn't really follow through on it because it just didn't compute in his head. it was not an act of malice but a failure to conceptualise, and i didn't force the issue as much as i could have because i didn't want to (which is a totally valid choice).
i have, however, written several long coming out letters which this person has read, had many long, difficult conversations with them, tried my best to provide educational resources, and generally pointed out when their language or choices further marginalised people like me. none of this had a measurable impact on the way they talked about me.
last year, in April, I started taking testosterone and it's had this massively positive impact on my life. I'm happier, less anxious, and more comfortable in my skin. the change is really, really dramatic, though it's come on slowly. it's hard to fully articulate the difference this has made because it's so big but also so subtle. it's like existing just became incrementally easier and easier.
I'm happier and it bleeds into every facet of my life. I'm making healthier choices, I'm easier to talk to, and it's a far cry from the absolute rock bottom I hit several years back which this person bore witness to and which coincided with when i first came out. and it was just me being happier which made him understand what my identity meant, and which ultimately got him to the place where he uses the right name and pronouns for me.
i'm incredibly lucky to have had the access to medical transition that I have had. what should be the bare minimum of care is extremely hard for so many people to access, and it's so often down to the luck of where you're born, your ethnicity and your level of general health, and none of that is fair or right.
access to medical transition hasn't just changed my own life for the better, it's helped the people around me see me more clearly, and the joy I so obviously experience as a result has helped them completely reframe their views not just of me, but of the entire trans community.
(i do also wanna say that I know it's not going to be the case for everyone that they'll be able access medical transition at all and that even if they do it's not a magical trump card which will suddenly make everyone who's not accepting of your identity come around to seeing you as you really are.)
absolutely it's important that we hold people to account for the harm they do to trans people. it's important to remember the names of the people we lose every year to systemic failures preventing access to trans health care and as a direct result of a failure to empathetically educate the public about what trans and nonbinary identities are. there is a need to outline in detail all the ways we're being let down and how this harms not just us but everyone around us, and to outline how these problems are only more difficult for trans and nonbinary folks who also have any skin colour besides white, or who are disabled, or mentally ill, or in poverty, or any number of other factors which make it harder for them to move through the world.
but! trans and nonbinary joy is also desperately, desperately important. it can be a beacon of light to those of us in dark places who have forgotten that joy is even a possibility. it can give hope to children whose families turn against them and let them down. and it can also change the world. i know this because i've seen it happen in this very small way, where one person's views were reshaped by nothing more than me living my life and being happy in my own skin.
last of all, know that you are loved, whether you're out or not, whether you're happy or not, whether people see you for who you are or not. you are loved.
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Don’t believe what they say - John Stones
Request: Hi!! Can I pls request where reader has a breakdown/upset and she’s kinda horrible to John (stones) but he just takes it, knowing she’s struggling and ends up just keeping her close even though she doesn’t want to be and in the end she gives in. Angst into fluff? 🥺❤️
Warning: angst, mentions of anxiety realted issues
Tag list: @masonxomount @chelsealover @stonesyy
Those haters commenting on pics of you and John or on random articles about him brought you down, making you feel upset and miserable.
When you started being a wag you knew you had to take the whole package, not just the luxurious life your new position could benefit you but also all the downsides of it.
You've never been the most self confident person ever but those mean people, highlighting all your flaws made your confidence grow even lower.
The last thing you wanted to do was talking to John about that, he'd have got mad and you didn't want to bring negativity into his life.
Reading all those things affected your mood and your mental health so much you stayed home from work, calling in sick.
You spent the whole day slumped on the bed trying to report each one of the users who left nasty comments on the pics. Something kind of useless but it turned out to be something as addictive as a drug, once you started reading some of them you went on with another one, and another one…
"What's so interesting on your phone?" John asked curiously.
"Nothing" You threw your device on the sofa as you stood up ready to leave to have a shower, in the hope it would have helped you clear your mind.
"How was work?"
"I didn't go"
“How come?” John sounded a bit puzzled, as he trailed behind you. You skipped work only if you were really sick or if there was something rather serious troubling you and that was the case actually, but John didn’t know about it yet.
Once you entered the bathroom you huffed, taking off your clothes for your much needed shower.
John leaned against the doorframe, scanning your every move as he sensed there must have been something stressing you.
Usually you would have loved John staring at you, meaning all his attention would lead to something quite pleasurable but not that time; instead his gaze was making you feel somewhat uncomfortable and made you hesitate in taking off your underwear.
“John, can you…”
“What? Do you need a hand?”
“No” Your answer sounded quite annoyed, matching the roll of your eyes. “Could you just leave please?”
John pouted but, when he saw you were serious in what you were saying, he left without saying a single word.
While you were away, your boyfriend thought of relieving you a little by get in the kitchen to cook your favourite meal.
You smelled the food from upstairs, realizing immediately what John was cooking and making a little smile appear on your face: he was always so caring with you and you were treating him so badly, you didn’t deserve him. Maybe all those comments on your account were right. You were just an average looking girl not deserving of such love and attention from a handsome and successful man like him.
Those thoughts wiped the smile away from your lips, making you sick at your stomach as tears started rolling down your cheeks.
As you went down the stairs you could hear John humming a song, clearly trying his best to make you happy and forget about what was making you that sad. That view made your heart shutter into tiny pieces; you felt so ungrateful towards him but you couldn’t help acting like you were.
He heard your footsteps approaching and turned around to face you.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah…kinda…”
“Can you tell what I’m cooking, for my gorgeous girl only?”
“John, I’m not hungry…”
“You have to eat, Y/N. It’ll help you”
“But I’m not hungry”
John took your face in his hands, looking right into your eyes.
“Babe please, tell me what’s wrong” He was literally pleading for you to talk to him.
“Nothing John, I’ll be fine” his stare was too much to sustain, looking away as you felt your eyes filling with tears and your voice breaking.
Your hand loosely wrapped around his wrist to make him let go of his grip on your face.
“Please Y/N, I’m worried”
“Sorry John”
Your boyfriend stood there as he saw you walking away from him.
The screen of your phone lightning up drew John's attention, scrunching his eyes together in an attempt to read the notification that just appeared. He grabbed the phone as he read John Stones's not-so-sexy girlfriend wins as most boring wag according to…
He sighed reading that, knowing full well now the reason behind your behaviour.
John walked upstairs as he wanted to talk to you about it but he got a little scared when he saw you leaving the bathroom with your eyes puffy from all the tears and your face wet as you tried to freshen up.
"Y/N did you just -"
"Yes, I just throw up"
You sat on the bed, your gaze lowered to the floor.
"I hate seeing you like this. Tell me what's going on"
You didn't answer as John was standing in front of you.
"Did you read something on Instagram?"
That question was the drop that broke the pot, eliciting your crying once again.
"They hate me, John. I'm the ugliest"
"What are you saying? That's not true"
"That's true! I'm not like the other wags, they look so good while I'm here looking like shit"
John huffed, kneeling before you as he tried to make some eye contact with you.
“Hey, look at me” He held your hand in his, rubbing his thumb on your skin in a soothing way.
“You’re not the ugliest, you have nothing to envy other girls. You look like an angel and it’s not your fault if people can’t appreciate your beauty and all the good things you have to offer”
You weren’t really listening to him, as you were feeling kind of dizzy.
"Please John"
"I mean it, Y/N. You know you don't have to let those things get you"
"It's not that easy" You started sobbing, pressing the palms of your hands into your eyes as to convince those tears to go back inside.
You abandoned your worn out body on the bed, drying your tears on the pillowcase under your head. Without even realising it, you cried yourself to sleep.
Needless to say you were too upset to eat or to talk and your anxiety peaked when you ended kneeling before the toilet, throwing up, again. Your stomach was nearly empty and the awful thoughts in your brain were the only thing to blame for all of that.
That was the death blow to your already unstable condition, making you feel even more tired.
John knew for your own good he had to leave you alone, even if that sight of you hurt him a lot.
You woke up after a while, seeing pitch dark around you as the lights weren’t on anymore. The clock on the bedside table struck 2 am. You sighed as you felt John's arm wrapped around your waist, as every night.
Feeling him there, the warmth radiating through his body right onto yours made you feel so calm you felt as if you started breathing again.
You gently caressed his hand resting against your tummy.
John let out a little growl as you shifted on your left side to face him and cuddle into his naked chest.
You breathed in his scent, his cologne being so persistent even after a long day made you smile. Funny how a simple perfume could give a person such a sense of protection, making you feel safe and at ease as soon as a whiff reaches your nostrils.
“Baby…” He called you with his sleepy voice. He hugged you tighter.
“How are you?”
“Fine, better…”
“Good” He kissed your forehead, brushing his thumb lazily over your cheek.
“I’m sorry John…I love you”
“I love you too, baby…you’re the hottest wag out there”
You sighed, placing a lazy kiss on his chest.
“Not true but thank you”
“Shush and go back to sleep” His voice came out as a muffled sound due to his mouth pressed against the pillow.
You made yourself comfortable around his body, placing your left leg over his. He was like your guardian angel, always making sure you were safe with him and making you feel loved.
Everything finally made sense again, all the pieces fell back into their rightful spaces.
All thanks to John.
#john stones#john stones x reader#john stones imagines#manchester city#manchester city imagines#england nt#england nt imagines#football imagines#football writing#football fics#john stones fluff#john stones fics#john stones angst
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I have my exams next week and I've barely studied these last two months, now I have absolutely no motivation or energy. I'm depressed, I'm exhausted, nothing excites me anymore and the last activity I wanna do rn is study but I have to pass these exams. i don't even know how to begin to approach this , it feels like an entire world rn, even the most basic tasks feel like such a burden
Hello, dear. First things first, take a deep breath. Right here at this moment, all that matters is your breathing. Take a pause and breathe, let yourself relax your body. Let your mind wander, but don't stay anywhere too long. If you think of something that causes stress, just take another deep breath and let it flow by. When we become overwhelmed with work and anxiety, it becomes so intense that we cannot see ahead of ourselves in a productive manner. Slowing down is effective, and will help you in your discernment.
First things first, it is clear you are completely burnt out. That is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact, I was too very recently. You could try to slough through exams this way but it won't be good for you or your grades. So first, what are your options.
Ask for extensions and accessibility support - Contact your school and be honest with them about where you are. Depression is an illness, just like a student coming in and saying they have a physical health condition preventing them from succeeding, you can go in and ask for help. They may be able to offer you extensions on your exams, a different type of exam to take (written instead of multiple choice), or options you may not know exist.
Do what you can, and accept mediocrity - The reality is that you are struggling, and you simply may not be able to do very well right now. Ask for study help, try but accept that you may not do as well as you'd hoped. Put together a study plan aimed at getting through, not being the best. I still encourage speaking to professors and school offices for support so you don't fail but aim for a C and not an A. I am happy to offer a low-effort study guide if that is helpful.
Look into suspending your semester - If things are just too much, and you can't get through it there is no shame in stopping. So many students avoid this because it feels like the end of the world, but it is 100x better to take care of yourself until you feel capable of returning than to hurt yourself to get through. This is not uncommon, and the right offices will help you get there. You matter so much more than school.
Seek professional help - Reach out to a mental health professional right away. Depression isn't something to be fought alone. Most people will need tools like therapy and medication to take care of themselves. If you are unmedicated you could consider trying it as an option. If you are medicated but feel this bad, it is clearly not working and must be adjusted.
Look into the present, past, and future. - You said "nothing excites me anymore" so ask yourself, what did excite you? Why isn't it working now? How can you get there again? These have many answers, and may not be clean-cut. In my own recent discernment, I found that my old work and community excited me and it stopped working because I stopped having access to that work and community. I spent a long time working through it and came to the conclusion the issue was not a lack of effort but that where I was would never have what I wanted. It was not easy, but this exploration lead to me transferring universities and moving states. It was a lot, but it was worth it.
Right now everything will feel impossible, but as someone who just escaped that cycle, it does get better, you will be okay, and you will find passion, energy, and happiness again. Do not give up, and don't stop yourself from asking for help. I am here if you need support any time!
-Evan
#asks#anon#burn out#burnout#depression#depression recovery#depressive episode#school#university#studyblr#student
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just the amount of “ur blue” in her songs makes me feel he never sought out to make himself better //
Idk if this is very fair... Taylor has the right of not wanting to be with someone not in the best headspace for a relationship. There was clearly a lot of resentment built over his mental health issues, and she clearly struggles too, but depression and recovering from depression is not linear like that, you don't just get magically fixed forever... I don't know him or them at all to be able to have enough context to make assumptions, but just my two cents
exactly what I said. I’ve been diagnosed with MDD and been inpatient for it because I was posited as an s word risk and I was using alcohol heavily at the time too (not like I’m doing now where I’m still partying and I do realistically drink too much but in the drink 2 bottles of vodka lying in bed way and tbf a lot of you “met” me at that point so impressive some of you stuck around). I have recently been taken off of my SSRIs but I’m still on a generic Xanax. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist and my latest psychiatrist (a few have made weird calls) has recently diagnosed me with PDA which actually made a lot of sense but there aren’t specific meds for that which is why she took me off the SSRIs. I also see a couples therapist weekly which mostly helps but we still have problems.
and I know a lot of it is my mental health - he’s said he’s very bothered because he knows of the history when I don’t want to get out of bed and shower even if it’s a weekend like it starts to stress him out. I’m trying but trying is only gonna get you so far.
I will also say armchair diagnosis he’s full on ASD and I’m not saying that in a negative way but like he meets all the criteria for high functioning ASD. Last night he freaked out (not at me at all) because my one friend smelled funny and he couldn’t stop smelling it.
both of us have gotten and are receiving help (he’s never gone to be assessed for ASD and I think he should but that’s a separate story) but it doesn’t make living with the other person easy.
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Pierre Gasly: Change rules to prevent ‘porpoising’ or I’ll be walking with a cane by the age of 30
Pierre Gasly is worried he will be walking “with a cane at 30” as Formula One drivers continue to raise concerns about the damage that “porpoising” is doing to their health.
Lewis Hamilton described last weekend’s Azerbaijan Grand Prix as the “most painful” race of his career and there were question marks over whether or not he would be able to race this weekend in Canada due to the back pain he suffered from driving his Mercedes. He has had to have physiotherapy every night along with acupuncture, though it is understood he is not seeking out a specialist.
While the seven-times world champion has confirmed he will race in Montreal this weekend, he is not alone in speaking out about the health problems linked with the bouncing of this year’s car.
Gasly, of the Alpha Tauri team, said the issue had been discussed at the drivers’ regular Friday night briefing last week and called on F1 to change the rules to “save us from ending up with a cane at 30 years old”.
“It’s not healthy, that’s for sure,” Gasly said. “I’ve had a physio session before and after every session, just because my [spinal] discs are suffering from it. You have literally no suspension. It just hits going through your spine.”
“The team is asking me, ‘OK, we can compromise the set-up?’ and I’m compromising my health for the performance,” the 26-year-old added.
“And I’ll always do it, because I’m a driver and I always go for the fastest car I can. But I don’t think FIA [the governing body of motor sport] should put us in a corner where you’ve got to deal between health and performance.
“That’s the tricky part of it and clearly not sustainable. So that’s what we discussed at the drivers’ briefing and kind of alerted them on this problem — and tried to ask them to find solutions to save us from ending up with a cane at 30 years old.”
McLaren’s Daniel Ricciardo, who has not complained before about the bouncing, said after Azerbaijan that he had “really struggled” with it.
“It was, simply putting it, painful. It’s painful – but I guess like, unnatural. It’s literally like someone’s bouncing you like that, like a pro basketball player when they get the ball really low,” the Australian said.
“[It was like] being dribbled, being professionally dribbled by [NBA player] Stephen Curry or something.”
Ricciardo also expressed concern about the potential long-term impact of the bouncing.
“It’s not a normal thing, and I think also the frequency, this kind of shaking of the brain and the spine — I don’t think it’s good long-term,” the 32-year-old said.
“It’s one of those ones where we don’t want to be naive or ignorant and just tough it out when there could be some kind of long-term damage.”
Ferrari’s Carlos Sainz has also “kindly asked the FIA to look into it”.
Michael Fatica, a consultant osteopath at Back In Shape – an online rehabilitation programme for back pain — said Hamilton’s 16 seasons in the sport may be the reason he is feeling it more than other drivers.
“It might well be that Lewis’s body has made some adaptations regarding his spinal position which makes him more efficient while driving, but it means his body is less able to deal with the strain of repetitive impact,” Fatica said.
“The racing seat may have had more of an imprint on Lewis because he’s been doing it for a number of years longer.”
Fatica added that the extensive physiotherapy that drivers received would make it unlikely that they would suffer serious long-term complications, but warned that if the bouncing continued, it could mean that drivers were unable to stay at the top of their game for as long as Hamilton had.
“At this level, all of the athletes need to be the best,” Fatica said. “Any injury means there’s going to be scar tissue in the area, it’s going to affect your performance because your body has been disrupted and you’re competing against people who haven’t been disrupted.”
link to the original article
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Ok this is in relation to the new rule on my main blog
If you're struggling with mental health issues or are sensitive to certain topics there will be trigger tags so double check if you feel safe enough to read, I tried to water it down as much as I could but still
I don't really want to talk about it but if I don't it's just going to fester in my mind and make me feel awful
I ended up blocking them for my own mental health, and sent them an apology as an ask explaining that it wasn't their fault that I did so
So this is obviously in relation to someone who reached out to me about a very sensitive topic...
I wasn't sure if they could answer it if I had them blocked, so I finally decided to check after a long time of self debating and...
Just here <- that's the apology
I don't want any hate after them they're clearly struggling with something and don't need more on their plate
I thought they would understand my apology but apparently I worded it poorly...
I'm happy to help people but not when it comes at the detriment of my own mental health and I was getting red flags all over when they were talking to me...
The conversation up to the point very much sent guilt tripping vibes, starting by saying something along the lines of "I think everyone hates me" and it just felt more nerve wracking the longer it went on
I don't know if they were aware of that but I couldn't handle it with what I've gone through growing up
They opened up way too easily to someone they didn't even know, maybe they're an inexperienced little kid or not but...
I don't have the full conversation because I kept deleting it in hopes it would stop but I have the message that made me finally decide to block them
Do Not say things like this to strangers. you have no clue what they've gone through and it could just end up hurting both parties
See a professional if you have these problems
I am simply an online person trying to spread positive emotions and have fun with people I care about
Suicide is a very sensitive topic for me, but if you need someone at the time and we're friends YES GO AHEAD I will try my best to help steer you away from self harm and dangerous thoughts, but you also need to go talk to a professional
I cannot stress that enough SEE A PROFESSIONAL ABOUT THESE TOPICS EVEN AFTER YOU FEEL BETTER
AND FUCKING HELL DONT DO THIS TO STRANGERS
#serious post#jfc i know im the therapist friend but im not an actual therapist#and i didn't even know them#tw suicide#tw guilt tripping#i am an extremely empathetic person i do not deserve to feel guilty for not being able to help a stranger#do NOT do this#to anyone
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