#hearing about the new fucking crazy thing my cousin did. but thats behind us now. shes just sitting in her room having a bad time which like

[harrystylesleftkneecap]

New person, same mistakes (1)

This was requested a very long time ago. I disappeared bc school is hard lmao. I’m back and will take requests!

Summary: After losing your parents, you move to the OBX with your cousin to continue your teenage years. The RULE makes for unsteady relationships, and several heartbreaks. 

Warnings: mentions of sex, drug use, abuse, violence , read at your own risk. 

Kie and her family were such angels for letting you come stay with them. After losing your parents, a new way of life was so incredibly refreshing. You were finally finding out who you were. Your aunt and uncle were so accommodating, and Kie made it much easier to make friends.

After a long day on the boat, you were finally stepping off onto steady ground. Your legs were sore, skin burning from the blistering sun, and to say you were dehydrated would be an understatement. The boys only brought alcohol along, and you and Kie had brought along some Capri suns, but ran out halfway through the day. The alcohol was still in your system, and you slowly trotted to the chateau, cooler in hand making the trek no easier.

“Hey, let me get that.” John b spoke, coming to your side. You looked at the brunette boy, his freckles prominent due to the sun exposure.

“Uh, it’s okay John b, I’ve got it.” You sighed, refusing the help of your former flame.

“Seriously, give it here.” He sighed, his hand brushing yours as he took the cooler from your grasp.

You lied there, completely bare with the brunette boy sighing next to you.

“We can’t keep doing this.” John b broke the silence.

You froze, trying to comprehend the words that just fell past his lips.

“W-what?” You said, rising and letting the cover fall exsposing your bare chest.

“Cmon y/n, you know the rule.” He breathed, standing from the bed to put his clothes back on.

“What? The stupid no pogue on pogue macking? You’re really gonna try to enforce that now?” You scoffed, standing to get dressed as well.

John b looked at you, “if the others found out, they would flip. And we’ve been best friends for years. I feel like we should stop while we’re ahead.”

“Seriously? Stop while we’re ahead?” You scoffed, pulling your shoes on “ I’m pretty sure they’ve got a pretty good idea about what’s going on already.”

“Maybe I just want to stop.” He said, making you freeze once again.

You slowly turned to face him, trying your best to keep the tears from spilling over your eyes.

“You want to stop? What happened to love John B? Huh? Was that all a stupid play to get in my fucking pants?” You spoke, your voice raising slightly.

John b shot his hands out towards you, in an effort to keep you calm. “Y/n! They’re outside, don’t wake them up!”

“Whatever John b.” You scoffed, grabbing your things and flinging the door to his room open.

You quickly made your way through the living room, seeing JJ smoking God knows what on the couch.

“Hey, where are you going?” He asked, his face suddenly scrunching in concern as John b came out behind you.

“Home- kie’s- what the fuck ever!” You groaned, finally making your way out of the chateau.

JJ watched as you got in your car, and swiftly drove off, dirt flying up behind your tires.

“John b-“

“Don’t, it’s nothing.” He sighed, dropping his arms to his side and making his way to the fridge.

“Y/n?” You wer suddenly brought out of your thoughts when JJ spoke to you.

John B had long ago made it into the chateau, and you and JJ were the only ones outside.

“Uh yeah, what’s up J?”

“Well you were just kinda standing here, not moving.” He told you.

“Yeah, just, lost in my thoughts I guess.” You stifled a laugh.

He nodded, and the two of you made your way through the thick summer air to the chateau.

Kie always told you that you were too good for John b, he didn’t really know what he had when he had it.

It took months, but you finally got back into the dating game eventually. And so say the other pogues were happy for you would be a lie.

You missed John b, you missed what the two of you had. But you were with someone else now.

Before you entered the chateau, tires crunched onto the rocks, signaling someone pulling into the chateau.

You turned to see the all to familiar car, music blasting for everyone to hear.

You rolled your eyes as your boyfriend stepped out of the car, strolling up to your place on the porch causing JJ to scoff.

You slapped him lightly

“I’m gonna go inside before I kill someone.” He spoke, causing your boyfriend to roll his eyes.

As JJ stepped over the threshold into the small house, your boyfriend wrapped his hands around your waist.

“Hey rafe.” You giggled, turning into his chest and inhaling his woody sent.

“Hey babe.” He sighed, slightly stumbling as he pulled you in even closer.

“Woah, are you okay?” You questioned, tugging away to get a better look at his face.

He was flushed, warm with beads of sweat cascading down his forehead.

“Of course I am babe.” He brushed you off, moving his head to place a rather rough kiss on your neck.

“Rafe, what are you doing? We are literally on John B’s porch.” You spoke, trying to push his heavy weight off your body.

“Cmon baby, let’s go get in the car and I’ll make you feel good, yeah?” He purred, his hands snaking up your bikini top.

“Rafe!” You said loudly, finally mustering the strength to push him off you.

“What’s your deal?” He yelled, shocking you at his sudden outburst.

With wide eyes, you scoffed, “what’s my deal? What’s yours! You’re literally trying to get into my pants on someone’s porch!”

“You don’t want me.” He deadpanned, taking his sunglasses off and running his hands through his hair.

“Of course I want you, just not right now, an-and not on a front porch for Gods sake!” You responded, pulling your face into his hands.

“Rafe,” you questioned, staring into his eyes concern and fear bubbling in your stomach.

“Rafe, are you high right now?” You whispered.

He rolled his eyes, “it doesn’t matter y/n, what matters is you don’t want to have sex with me, you want to break up!” He nearly cried, sitting on the steps with his hands pulling at his hair.

“Baby, of course I want you. But not while you’re high off God knows what! What have you been doing?”

“Just get away from me!” He yelled, swatting his hand at your legs before standing to walk to his car.

You jumped back in surprise, and watched as your boyfriend stalked off to his car before swiftly pulling off onto the street.

You were shocked to say the least, why was he being like this? You gave him every part of you, sometimes when you didn’t even want to. All you wanted to do was please him, make him happy.

You turned to see your friends watching intently from inside, and your cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment.

You opened the door to silence, other than the light ping of a bottle cap hitting the counter as JJ brought a cool beer to his lips.

“Are you okay?” Kie began.

You scanned the faces in the room, some of concern and others reading disappointment.

“Let’s just go home.” You sighed, turning to begin walking out. Kie said bye to the boys and quickly followed you onto the path.

“What was that?” She questioned, the orange glow from the sun casting beautiful shadows across the water.

“I don’t know.” You sighed, continuing the walk to your home, or, Kie’s home.

You tried calling Rafe a million times that night, laying in bed contemplating what you did wrong. Why did he feel like he needed to use drugs, were you not enough for him, like you weren't enough for John B? 

thankfully, a light knock at your door pulled you out of your thoughts. A blonde head of messy hair peaked around the corner of you door. 

“Are you dressed?” JJ’s voiced sounded, and you just curled up into your covers more, willing him to go away. 

“I’m coming in wether you like it or not, and to be honest I don’t really care if you’re dressed or not.”

Once JJ fully stepped into the room, he contemplated following kie’s orders to drag you along to the kegger. 

“JJ I don’t want to go.” You spoke, staying put in your mountain of blankets. 

“Well kie is gonna kick my ass if i don’t come downstairs with you, so this isn’t really about you.” 

Sighing, you sat up to see JJ’s lips quirked into a smile. You knew she really would kick his ass, so for the betterment of your friend you obliged. 

“okay, but I’m not going to have fun.” You told him, and he chuckled softly. 

“That’s okay, come on you can wear that, we’re already running late.” He said, pulling you out the door. 

The kegger wasn’t too crazy, just a handful of people and a cool night. You sat in a lawn chair, eyes on the fire when you felt a presence next to you. you were met with those all too familiar hazel eyes. 

“Hey.” he spoke. 

you cleared your throat, “Hey John B.”

He sighed, kicking sand as he rested his chin in his hands. He took a deep breath before sighing,

“I just thought you should know that I’m with sarah now.” 

you rose your eyebrows, “Now? You were with her before we broke up, and then threw me away like I meant nothing to you.” 

He sighed and stood before saying, “Y/n I loved you, I really did-“

“Yeah but you love Sarah more, don’t you?” You chuckled dryly, bringing your beer to your lips.

“Y/n we-“

“Just go John b, I don’t want to hear it.”

He slowly stalked away, joining the blonde girl who had no idea you’ve had your hands on every inch of his body. Touched every dimple and freckle that littered his skin. 

Before you could spiral any further, a loud motor lured you from your thoughts. 

seriously, who would bring a motorcycle out here? 

Oh, thats who. 

You stood apprehensively as Rafe made his way to you. 

“Hey baby.” He smiled, wrapping you tightly in a hug. 

“Rafe where did you get that motorcycle?” You asked him. 

“Don’t worry about it! Do you wanna come back to my place?” He asked, placing his hands on your hips, slowly drinking in your appearance. 

“Um, no not right now.” You said, notice the same dilated pupils you had seen just hours earlier. 

“Rafe, your’e high.” You scoffed, pulling away from him. 

“Yeah, so what,” He chuckled, reaching into his pocket retrieving a bag of a curious white powder, “You want some?” He offered, pushing the bag to you. 

“What! No!” You said, shaking your head at the boy in front of you.

“Whats your problem Y/N? Just take some, it makes you feel good.” He pushed further, dumping some of the contents onto his finger. 

He thrust his powder covered digit towards your face, and you turned away in disgust.

“No Rafe.” 

“Cmon, stop being a bitch and take it.” He harshly urged, grabbing you by the back of your head, gripping your hair and placing his finger under your nose. 

You thrashed in his grip, before finally falling to the ground. White powder falling over you, almost like the snow from back home.

“Seriously! You fucking bitch! Do you know how much that cost me!” He yelled, throwing his hands up in anger. 

He was starting to catch the attention of the others around you, especially JJ.

“Rafe I-I’m sorry.’ You choked out, starting to stand when a blunt force rammed into your side. 

You screamed in pain as you fell back into the sand. A dull throbbing shooting through your body. 

Did he just kick me? You struggled to sit up as he continued his mindless yelling. 

Instantly someone was at your side, helping you up as you watched JJ and pope hold Rafe from doing any more damage. 

tears spilled over your cheeks, and your body racked with sobs as kie pushed your hair out of your face, trying to calm you down. 

Of course John b wasn’t here to help

Rafe noticed your tears, and he instantly calmed, his face softening. 

“Oh, y/n I am so sorry-” 

“Shut up Rafe, we’re through!” You screamed at him, sobbing harder as kie held you against her body. 

she shot at look at JJ and pope, making JJ say, “Okay man, you gotta go.” 

“No! Y/n I’m sorry!” He cried, fighting against the two boys once more. 

“I said go man!”JJ raised his voice, forcefully pushing Rafe back to the bike he came in on.

Rafe sighed, and turned pulling his hair and kicking sand.

JJ made his way over to you, standing behind you and placing his hands on your shoulders while kie continued to tame your sobs.

“JJ h-he kicked m-me.” You choked out, and he whispered a soft I know in your hair.

JJ nodded kie off, and she took the hint, allowing you to fall into JJs grasp.

“Cmon, let’s go get you cleaned up, yeah?”

You nodded, leaning into him as he held your arm to aid your limp.

“Where’s John b?” You whispered, and JJ kept quiet, slowly leading you back to the chateau.

The others started to clear the party, wanting you to be able to calm down alone.

Once again, someone treated you like you were nothing. Maybe you are trash. Where did you go wrong?

JJ slowly walked by your side, letting you lean into him before you reached the porch of the chateau.

“JJ, I-I’m sorry.”

“What? You have nothing to be sorry for?” He spoke, leading you through the kitchen and into the small bathroom.

“You- you told me about him, you warned me, a-and I didn’t listen.” You sobbed, JJ slowly easing you down onto the closed seat of the toilet.

“Sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with, it’s not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. And he’s lucky I didn’t bash his face in right there.” He said, squatting down to your level and Placing his hand on your chin to make you look at him.

Tears continued spilling out of your Y/E/C eyes, as JJ moved the sand clumped strands of hair out of your face.

His blue eyes looked into yours, and for a moment he contemplated his next moves, should he go beat the fucker up?

But he decided he needed to be here with you.

“You need to clean up, do you want me to leave you or?”

“I-I don’t think I can, my side really hurts.” You choked, steadying yourself in the blondes shoulder.

“Okay, I’m gonna go find kie-“

“No JJ, it’s fine, I just want to get cleaned up so I can lay down.” You told him, looking back up to meet his eyes.

“Okay, I’ll run you a bath.” He spoke softly, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder before starting the water.

“I’m used to people seeing me at this point.” You whispered, as he helped you stand and remove your clothing.

“What?” JJ was confused.

“I never really wanted to do the things Rafe wanted me to, I just thought I had to. I didn’t want him to leave me. But I guess it never really mattered.”

JJ wanted to cry, and go beat the shit out of the boy who forced you into things, kicked you, and made you feel like shit.

“You don’t ever have to worry about him again, I got you. I promise.” He said, lowering you into the warm tub water.

You closed your eyes as the warm water hit the throbbing bruise on your side, you continued crying as the events replayed in your head.

JJ slowly leaned you back to wash the clumps of dirt and sand out of your hair, your body limp as he held you.

His face scrunched up in concentration, seeming to have never washed another persons hair before.

You watched as his eyes focused on your h/c locks, rinsing them tenderly as to not cause you any unnecessary pain.

He raised you, water cascading down your back when a knock sounded at the door.

“Yeah?” JJ questioned, dunking a washcloth in the water and lathering it with soap.

“JJ, have you seen y/n?” Kies voice sounded from outside the bathroom.

“Yeah, she’s In here.” He spoke, beginning to wash your arms and torso as kie pushed the door open.

She gasped at the sight of her cousin, kneeling down beside JJ.

“Y/n...”

“I’m okay.” You croaked, throat sore from sobbing.

“That bruise is bad, do you think you need to go to the doctor?” She asked you, pushing strands of wet hair from your face as jj ran the washcloth over the forming purple and red contusion on your ribs.

You gasped and he let a soft sorry fall past his lips.

“I think it’s ok.” You whispered, as JJ finished and grabbed a towel to help you from the tub.

“I um- need clothes.” You whispered, clinging on to JJ as you stepped from the now cool water.

“Okay, I have some you can borrow.” He told you, sitting you down on the toilet to retrieve some clothes he had left in the chateau.

Kie looked at you concerned, wondering what you were thinking.

“I would’ve helped you with the bath you know.” She told you, sitting on the counter top.

“I know, I’m okay with JJ though.” You whispered, twirling your hair into a bun.

“Hey, are you alright?” Pope spoke, coming into the bathroom.

“Uh yeah, a little shaken but I’m fine.” You smiled.

He smiled back at you, falling into conversation.

Jj was rummaging through his room in the chateau, trying to find something decent to let you borrow. He could hear noises coming from John Bs room, and he rolled his eyes at the fact John b was to caught up with a kook to even know what had just happened to you.

Jj returned to the bathroom with a T-shirt and boxers, handing them to you before walking out with Pope to let kie help you change.

“He’s lucky I didn’t bash his face in man.” Jj sighed, leaning over the kitchen counter.

“What a dick.” Pope responded, falling onto the couch.

“John b doesn’t even know.” Jj said, looking to his friend.

“I know.”

#jj imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj x reader #john b imagines #outer banks #outer banks smut #pope heyward

[mike-faist-is-the-best]

Believe (Connor)

Summary: You find out a secret about Connor

Warnings: swearing, and I think thats it

A/N: Here it is! I worked really hard on this, and yes, there will be a second part. Enjoy :) @mekiimaki here you go babe

masterlist

When you were younger, you always wanted to believe in magic. Your parents were supportive, and bought you plenty of books about magic and mythical creatures to fuel your imagination. At age 11, you would play by the lake just a few minutes away from your house, pretending that there was mermaids in that lake. You’d imagine big, beautiful mermaids with blue luxurious tails and hair that was made of silk being your best friends. At school, you would brag that a mermaid was your best friend. As you grew older, though, those days of playing by the lake drifted away. You realized that there was no possible way that mermaids existed. At least, that’s what you thought.

“Hey, mom, I was thinking of going to the coffee shop after school.” You said, sitting down with an apple for breakfast.

“That’s fine, just make sure you have enough time to finish your homework.” She said, kissing your head before leaving for work. You knew she cared, but it was difficult to talk to her when she said a sentence to you a day.

“Thanks mom.” You said even though you knew she didn’t hear you.

“Hey kiddo. You going to the lake after school today?” Your dad asked, smirking slightly.

“No, dad.” You groaned.

“I remember you used to spend all your time there. You would grab your little drawing book, and draw pictures of mermaids and then run back home to show us a new friend you made.” Your father said, remembering the days you were naive and full of imagination.

“Dad!” You exclaimed, embarrassed about your past self.

“Hey! It was adorable.” he said, kissing your forehead before leaving for work himself. You decided to get ready for school, putting on a simple t-shirt and jeans, along with a necklace and couple of bracelets. It was tradition to you, wearing bracelets. One was a simple string with different colored beads, mostly blue, and the other one was a friendship bracelet you made yourself, but said a mermaid gave to you when you were younger. The only reason you kept it is to remember your childhood, and to have the same innocence as before.

“Hey, mermaid girl, seen any mermaids lately?” A boy mocked, looking at you as he was passing the halls. You heard light laughter from a group of girls who heard the comment. You ignored them, and focused on getting to your locker. Nothing anybody said would physically affect you, you thought to calm yourself down.

“Mermaid girl!” Someone called out, making you put your head down. Just ignore them, you thought, they don’t know anything.

You finally made it to your locker, and sighing when you saw stickers and drawings of mermaids on your locker. Slowly, you got the wipes from your backpack to try and get them off. This was a daily occurance, to have to deal with assholes like that. It was frustrating, but nothing like when people used to pour water on you to ‘be with them’. Your life wasn’t that miserable, most days, people left you alone, and only talked about you behind your back.

“Hey.” Someone said, scaring you slightly.

“Sorry, am I in your way?” You asked, thinking that they were trying to get to their locker.

“No, just, god this is stupid, I think that you don’t deserve the shit you get.” The boy said. He had shoulder length brown hair, but it seemed to be more of a golden brown, most likely form being in the sun a lot. He stood awkwardly, with a black hoodie, black jeans, and black combat boots. The only thing that he was wearing that wasn’t black was his socks that were bright orange and barely showing above his shoes.

“Oh, thank you.” You said, shocked by what he said.

“Oh, I’m Connor. Connor Murphy.” He said, holding out his hand.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” You said, shaking his hand. He smiled slightly before rushing off, presumably to class. That was weird, you thought, although a nice gesture. Looking at the time on your phone, you realized you needed to start walking to class, since it was on the other side of school and you didn’t want to run into anyone else after that bell rang.

“Mom! I’m back from the coffee shop!” You called out, walking into your house. “I got you a croissant!”

You sighed, realizing nobody was home. Dropping the bag on the counter, you made your way to your room. Your room was unlike other teenagers. It was fairly clean, with a few papers on the floor. At age 13, you wanted to paint one of your walls a light blue, so your parents painted it for you. The other walls were an off-white color, but were filled with drawings and posters of your favorite movies. It also had a rug on the floor that you’ve had your whole life. The rug was a blue color, slightly darker than your wall. When you were younger, you’d pretend that it was water, and you would swim with the fishes and mermaids. Some part of you still wanted to believe in mermaids, even if you got shit for it. Your bed was a decent size. It had been the same bed you’ve had for about 8 years. It lasted through silly sleepovers where all of you would jump on the bed. It lasted when you got your first boyfriend in freshman year and you’d roll on the bed to express the love you you thought you had, and then a week later when you got dumped, it sympathized with your broken heart and the tears you shed over that boy. Now, you didn’t really have those fun, childish moments. Your bed was mainly used for sleeping and occasionally sitting on to do homework.

“Y/N, hey, it’s Aunt Sylvia! Just wanted to say hi! I miss you so much and I really wish you’d call more! You remember when you would call me and talk about your mermaid friends-” You deleted the voicemail before your aunt could finish. It wasn’t that you didn’t love your aunt, of course you loved her, but your aunt Sylvia often loved to talk about your former obsession with mermaids that it made it annoying to talk to her. When Christmas would roll around a while ago, the only thing you’d ever ask for was mermaid toys and mermaid books. And everybody got them for you of course, but some of your older cousins laughed at how obsessed you were, but at that time, you didn’t care. Now when you faced your cousins, usually at family gatherings or around the holidays, you could barely have a conversation with them. You were embarrassed of your past, and you probably wouldn’t be if nobody made fun of you for it.

“You know what?” You said to yourself. “Who do I need to prove? I can go to the lake, and I can just look at the water.”

Getting to the lake was like a trip down memory lane. There was a little forest-y area you had to cross and you remember that you would wander through as if you were an explorer, searching for the sacred lake, or the home to the mermaids. There was a rock right by the lake, where you would sit and draw the mermaids. Another rock resided a little ways into the lake where you’d imagine a mermaid would sit, running a hand through their hair and flapping their tail happily. But, as you approached the lake, you noticed something. Someone’s clothes scattered around the shore. A black hoodie, black jeans, and, no, it can’t be, orange socks stuffed inside combat boots. The exact outfit you saw Connor wear earlier. Did something happen to him? Did he decide to run around naked? Skinny dip in the lake? That was crazy, especially since it was freezing this time of year, and you couldn’t see anybody inside of the water. It was almost dark, but you couldn’t help worry about Connor.

“Connor?” You called out, and you realized how small your voice sounded. If he was here, he would have to be extremely close to be able to hear you. “It’s Y/N, we met today. I don’t even know if you can hear me, but if you can, can you do something to tell me you’re okay? Like, if you’re in the water, splash or something, and if you’re in the forest, throw a rock or something. I’ll leave, I just want to know if you’re okay.”

At first, nothing came, but after a minute, a hesitant splash from the water was heard. You turned around quickly, trying to find Connor, but all you saw was unsteady water. You assumed he was hiding, maybe he was naked, or just didn’t want to be seen. You understood that.

“Okay, I’m leaving. Just, please, be safe.” You said, walking away from the lake.

The next day, you had a desire to go to the lake again. This desire hadn’t been there in such a long time. You smiled slightly, maybe you could grow to love it again.

Walking straight to the lake after school, you were cautious to avoid anyone from school. If they knew you were going to  the lake, you’d never hear then end of it. You reached the lake fairly quickly, taking different paths than you normally would. As you got there though, you heard someone else’s footsteps, cruching the leaves around you. Perhaps it was some teenagers who decided to make out in a secret place, or it was someone doing drugs away from home. But, as you peeked overthe tree you were currently hiding behind, you noticed someone with brown hair undressing. Oh my god! Connor was here again! Did he always have to be here? It wasn’t that you didn’t want him here, more that you were sure he didn’t want you there. As you were going to leave, you watched Connor dive into the water and something appear where his feet and legs were. It couldn’t be. Connor had a fucking tail.

“I need to talk to you.” You said to Connor as you found him in one of the halls after school.

“Uh, Y/N, hi.” He said with a hesitant voice.

“I saw you yesterday.” You said, pointing at him.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He was trying to act casual, and he was doing a good job at it, but you know what you saw yesterday.

“Yes you do. After school, you went to the lake and you jumped in the water and guess what I saw? A fucking-”

“Would you shut your goddamn mouth?” He asked, putting a hand over your mouth.

“What’s the real reason you talked to me a couple days ago?”

“Because you were getting shit-”

“No. It’s because you have a tail!” You exclaimed quietly as possible. Even if it was after school, there were still some people lurking in the halls. Some of them briefly looked over to the two of you fighting, but they didn’t understand what was going on and quickly lost interest.

“Okay fine!” He exclaimed. You couldn’t help but smile slightly. You dreamed of this moment for so long, and all that teasing, all that bullying. They didn’t know. “Why the fuck are you smiling?”

“I have so many questions.” You said.

“Well can we go somewhere else? I really don’t want to talk about this at school.” He said and you nodded

The two of you ended up at the lake, where you had put your feet in the water, and Connor was somewhat far away from it.

“When did you become a mermaid?” You asked and he rolled his eyes. “What, what’s wrong with that question?”

“At least say merman.” He said and you smiled.

“Okay, well when did you become a ‘merman’?” You rephrased.

“My whole life.” He said.

“Does anyone else know?” You asked and he shook his head.

“The only people who know are my family and now you.” He said.

“Is your family merpeople?” You asked and he nodded. “Do they live in the water?”

“Yes. But it’s different.” He said. “Listen, my family, they aren’t human like I am.”

“What?” “It’s more like you think it’s weird and different that I’m a merman, but they think it’s weird that I’m a human.” He said.

“Do merpeople have blue tails?” You asked and he laughed. “Why’s that so funny?”

“Yes, they do. But not all of them. It’s like hair color, except it’s colored tails. Most people have blue or green tails.” He said.

“Can you change the color of it?”

“No.” He said.

“What color is your tail?” You asked.

“Gray.” He responded and your eyes widened slightly.

“Are you like the odd one out?” You asked.

“I guess you could call me that.” He said. “My family’s royalty.”

“Holy shit. This is the best thing in the world. You’re like the Little Mermaid.”

“No! I’m not like the Little Mermaid!” He exclaimed, which made you laugh.

“Wait. If your whole family lives in water, where do you live?” You asked.

“Um, in the water?” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Where does your family live?” You asked.

“I don’t live with my family. I live in the water. But if you actually wnated to know, they live in the Pyltics.” “Pyltics?” You asked.

“Sorry, it’s like the rich peoples area.” He said and you nodded.

“This is like the best thing ever. You know, when I was younger, I dreamed of mermaids and eerybody told me they weren’t real. This moment right now, I finally believe in my dreams.”

#deh #connor x reader #deh fluff #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen headcanons #dear evan hansen imagine #dear evan hansen imagines #dear evan hansen headcanon #deh imagine #deh imagines #deh fic #deh x reader #dear evan hansen fluff #dear evan hansen fic #dear evan hansen x readeer #dear evan hansen x reader #Connor #connor murphy #connor fluff #connor murphy imagine #Connor Murphy x Reader #connor murphy imagines #connor murphy headcanons

[mattyslittleworld]

East Keansburg

P: Rob Sellig 

2:48 am / Thursday morning. Im listening to this new Tsu Surf & Mozzy project, thinking about this kid I grew up around. Ive been reading he passed away, which is such a shame. We grew up playing basketball together at St. Catherines in EK, middle school, high school, alternative high schools, programs together. Troubled youth. I have this specific memory of him from years ago. I believe I wrote about it in my last blog post, about watching somebody get curb stomped. I was a lost kid, me and my friends aimless, drifting from group to group. Ended up spending a lot of late nights in EK wandering the streets. This night specifically, there were about 7 of us. A homie of mine was interested in writing graffiti, and this was before music, so graffiti was basically my identity. So we met up at his house, where my friend had a group of heads over, and they were partying, selling, and just going off. He lived with his parents, which speaks volumes, because at this time in my life, everyones parents gave up...nobody gave a fuck, except mine, but they couldn't control me. One thing leads to another, my boy wanted to go bombing. So we leave his house with our paint, and just take the streets, 5 reckless kids fallowing us on skateboards and bikes. Wasted, loud, rowdy, reckless, but as an outsider, I found a silver lining in their terror....it was a middle finger to the society that never gave them a chance. It was a brotherhood. This specific kid, at this point, was in and out of county, witnessed him fighting over and over in school, and in the streets since day 1. We were walking tall through the backroads in EK....they were spray painting cars...houses...anything. No fucks given. Wasted...they were breaking windows...kicking dents in BMW’s. Playing music off the phone...they were all they got. Another group of kids ended up on the same block....and they went off. A fight broke out....and I have this specific memory of boy ripping his shirt off, passionate, raging with anger, to protect his brotherhood, his street crew, his family. Being around him since I was a little kid, school, ball, mutual friends....I never got to know him deeper than this...but I would always see him and just salute his pride, and his will to stand on his actions, and his will to fucking fight for who and what he loves. Rest In Power fam. A lot of homies reading this from EK who follow my music...yall know who I am talking about. I never got to know this man - but I salute him for how much of HIM HE REALLY WAS. I remember in 2006, I was a freshman in high school, and my cousin ended up in a fight with a senior over a friend who passed away. My cousin was intoxicated during this time, in school, and I ended up beating the dog shit out of this senior as a young kid. These EK boys were the only ones who showed love, who stood tall behind me, making sure I was good, safe, and assuring me I was doing the right thing. Cant let your family go down like that. Rest In Peace man.

Last year, days before Tsu Surfs album Seven 25 dropped, he doubled back and we hit the studio and recorded a song called “Make You Proud”. He dropped the album very shortly after and it went #2 on iTunes in under 24 hours, and I was sure I wasn't going to see that man ever again. A year later, here we are...a day before he drops this joint project with Mozzy...that debuted at #5 on itunes, were dapping up at a film set in Queens, NY to film the music video. A YEAR LATER, this man gave a fuck enough to pull up and bless my career with this video. That meant a lot to me. I specifically remember feeling alone, hopeless, in some of the darkest moments of my life. Just listening to his tape over and over and over....running laps at the track at Mader Dei Highschool. It gave me hope, it motivated me to get over the feelings that were weighing me down. My life was changing, and this eased the pain. Nobody likes the motions of change if it includes losing people you love....losing the ability to do things you love...and going places you love. You have to find new health, new wealth, and new routines. My new found routine was coffee in the morning...spending an hour studying the industry...listening to my podcasts...then immediately running laps listening to his tape. Anything after that was subjective. Nowadays its basketball instead of running laps....but it gave me health. Mentally and physically. I could collect my thoughts. I could hear real stories....being gunned down 5 times and bouncing back...then charting. Here we are. On set....once again with Rob...my brother on the directing tip. My new lovely friend Victoria, who's a beautiful, ambitious, ride or die artist of her own. Robs pops. Mike Oliva, who is a SAVAGE photographer and film maker himself. It was a trip. Over the past year, kids at bars, hardcore shows, normals, civilians, people from all over and the world have been DMing me about simply just a teaser and a photograph of me and Surf in a studio. With Albee Al, Casanova, Cage - its all a specific group of people. Mainly mainstream music consumers...radio listeners...people who are tapped into Instagram and culture. But with Surf - Ive had the pleasure of speaking to people from all walks of life. Old hardcore friends telling me how much his movement has touched their lives...so wild. I was late to his wave...Belv actually told me to tap in and do it, and that's my brother so I made sure I did for the team. We drank hot chocolate and coffee, listened to our favorite music so loud, have such great conversations, got amazing footage that im so proud of, and just overall killed the mission. Nothing makes me more happy. This was a moment for me....because for the first time...im not in silly poppy clothes...im myself...im spitting bars on it...I feel and look like the person who was painting freights in 2007. And that is very important to me. Sometimes you can get swallowed by the wave youre riding...and I am guilty of that. It influenced so much of me...and recently I said look...fuck all this. Fuck everything except for whatever inside me still lingering before back and forth. Because if those passions, those tendencies, those people, are still here and within me...theyve been growing all this time, strong, sticking by me, and that's me. Shitty hoodie. Airmaxes or vans, shitty hat, stupid hair, cutty as fuck, smiling. dirty skateboard kid just trying be great man. I miss my old Mercer Ave skate crew. Its been years. 

Im starting to go through a new awakening where im witnessing the ones around me unfold in such a distasteful manner. Its pretty crazy to spend time with people, face to face, and have dinner, coffee, laughing with each other one on one....and in my head at the same time think...this mother fucker dead ass hates me. Wants to kill me. Wants me to fail. Fucks heavy with EVERYONE who has done wrong to me. Has talked shit behind my back. Has stabbed me in the back. And they are such fucking clowns....they don't know that I know...and they don't even comprehend that im being a bigger person and not addressing shit below me, because I don't have room for shit like that in my life. This is the time where people fuck with you one foot in, for opportunity, to hit a lick, to keep the link, to get to the people you fuck with. It is literally so easy to show love...and yet people close to you just won't. Its an interesting concept. I am fortunate in the sense that I am self made, self built, and already a black sheep. If everybody in my life turned their backs, it wouldn't touch my career. So therefore, I don't have this fuckery nature in my behavior. I don't fuck with you, I don't fuck with you. Thats it. Im learning you cannot trust people who fuck with you one foot in....because that means they're prepared to step away at any moment when you're down. They don't got your back. They are around people who drag your name through the mud, and they allow it. AT BEST...since they have one foot in....theyll tap in and say such and such said this....but why didn't you defend me? Why were they okay with these actions with you? Because your friend has their other foot with the opps. Fuck these types of people. Forever. Ive been seeing people put up with this behavior, and I figured id speak on it, because its been on my mind. You don't have to get treated like shit to fit in. Truth is, your friends are probably wack. Your friends probably hate you. Your friends don't want you to do better than them. And no, it doesn't matter how long you've known them. Most relationships stem and grow out of convenience, and lack of change, lack of ambition, lack of dreams and goals. I always thought, its actually very easy to be a good friend when they need you...in moments of tragedy and misery. Because that doesn't shake your foundation, and make you realize you aint shit. It doesn't challenge your framework. Its harder for most people to be a good friend when their friend is celebrating success, because the human nature is to compare, and sometimes that can be a mirror reflection of how you AINT SHIT. Recognize these people and cut this cancer out of your system. Or if you are this person, we all have been at one point, cone to terms with how wack you are and be a good person lmao. I want to see my plumbing friend look me in the eyes and go “im the best plumber in this area and im gunna kill this job and make a living for my family and buy a BMW”, just like I want to see my graphic designer friends believe after their hard work that they're qualified OVER SOMEONE ELSE for their job, to make a great living. Just like I want to see a musician, or rapper, talk his shit and believe in themselves, go platinum, and make a great living and buy a Range. Being around greatness inspires me, never scares me. I love being at the bottom, it amps me up. It gets me going. It gets me off. I love the fight, the grind, the game. Whether its music, or washing windows in the freezing dead of winter for commission to pay for fucking studio time to be where I am right the fuck now boiiiiiii. 

Me and Belv have some crazy shit coming. That is all. Okay bye. 

[taylornock]

I waited 19 years for lollapalooza

its wednesday, and three nights ago - on sunday august 4th, the last performance of the lollapalooza festival weekend had just wrapped up; a beautiful concert by the female pop queen Miss Ariana Grande.

music has basically always been a HUGE part of my life; ever since my cousins showed me the fateful X factor videos of one direction that they had no idea would spiral into an unhealthy obsession of many years with 5 british boys who will never know my name or face. but that story deserves a whole nuther post!

i simply cannot imagine what the world would be like without the power of music. it is on literally everywhere, in every store + restaurant, in every car you step into, and playing in the streets of crowded cities with every breath of air you take outside. music is so common and so present in life that the mere idea of silence drives me up a wall; i have no appreciation for silence and almost always need music at least in the background so that silence is not so haunting as i make it out to be. i am blessed to live in a generation where if i want to hear a song, its not like i need to haul my ass over to the jukebox and dig for coins to hear it; i can crack open my AirPods…. (soft flex) case and queue it up on spotify in like, 20 seconds. sorry, i cant hear you was that someone poor speaking? (kidding)  as i said, i hate silence so much even cleaning my room is too much for me without some track playing even if i have heard it 300 times over.

the trend and infatuation with celebrities that plays a huge role in our generation also plays into the concept of music, as now just hearing our favorite artists / records is not enough; we now have access to unlimited media about their lives and who they are as people. not only can we hear their story through the music, but through all that they are willing to share outside of the studio. the ease and accessibility i have today is something i try not to take for granted.

theres something about music that makes you feel connected… connected to something, for lack of better word. the release of serotonin (science fuck ya) that is initiated when u hear your favorite song or your favorite voice is literally a chemical release triggered by something that you love. your body functions and emotions are connected when it comes to music! i think its cool, if i am even explaining this concept right. but, aside from science; nothing beats the feeling in your stomach when your favorite song is blaring. for me, when i hear the intro to Freaky Friday or Mona Lisa i feel like a new woman and am ready to go absolutely apeshit. when i hear the intro to cough syrup or the climb, my heart drops so low and i feel emotions i didnt know i needed to feel. when Feeling Whitney by post malone comes on, the ex i never had runs through my mind; and even though i relate to about 5% of what Post sings about in that song, it feels so so undeniably real to me and like i can sympathize with him through his heartache. im rambling clearly, but the main point here is MUSIC! IS POWeRFUL! TO THE SOUL BAYBEEE

so, furthermore, to explain the title. this past weekend i attended the lollapalooza festival in chicago with my mf sisters, my best friends.  + thousands of more people willing to pay over $400 for the music - or the instagram - either resonates with me. i talk about the connection you can feel with music, and literally NOTHING can surpass the feeling of that connection LIVE; when the artists that you have been screaming in the car to work everyday are there with you on stage, singing the same lyrics you feel like you may as well have written yourself at this point. concerts are one of my favorite things to do, as few things can make me as happy as i am when the band emerges onto the stage to start the set and that first beat hits to make you feel at home. this sounds cheesy and dumb but i promise its JUST HOW I FEEL I MEAN CMON youre telling me you wouldnt get chills hearing the first note of Redbone by Childish Gambino live? youre wrong. ~and not only do you feel that connection with the artist. but the people who are watching and singing beside you. i LOVE the concept of being able to talk to the homies around me who are all here for the exact same reason; to see the artist up on that stage. literally they could be anywhere in the world; but they are at the same damn festival and sweating it out in the same damn heat, dehydrated for the same damn reason you are…… to connect with the voice behind the albums they have on repeat. it will never not amaze me that 100,000+ people all come to the same place to hear hundreds of artists for four days. thats a fuck ton! i met lots of cool people this weekend, and even if i only talked to them for 20 seconds EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION mattered to me. its the little things. i will take my brand of being a people person to my grave and i love talking to people…. even if its an awkward interaction that makes me pee of laughter on Halstead Ln on the sidewalk (thats a story for the books).

the best best best best thing about this trip is that i got to experience it with my MOFO BUDDIES!!!!! i love these girls so much and i know i don’t say it enough - but they truly do mean the world to me and i have no doubt that without them there is no way the experience would have been the same. these are the girls that can make me laugh, that can make fun of things we shouldn’t make fun of together, that can turn a bike ride home into a 15 minute rave, and can make something like braiding hair so much fun. getting ready together every morning was so much fun, and i wish i could wake up and pour glitter in my friends hair every day. id be the happiest person alive!! i am not kidding you when i say i laughed harder on this trip than i have in MONTHS! everything was so funny, and maybe that was the exhaustion or maybe its because we are all (self declared) crackheads at heart. either way, i love these people so much because they can make the most basic things into crazy fun memories that i will never forget about. that dunkin donuts on the corner of diversey + halstead? i will forever associate with the foolery that elisa and i got into with the employees who didnt speak english and our dumbasses who couldn’t hear well enough to communicate through the accents. every time i get in an uber ill probably have a flashback to one of the weird drivers we had who either 1) hated us or 2) offered to take us to a dispensary for weed bc she thought we were cool. THERE IS REALLY NO IN BETWEEN lol. there are a million and 1 memories about the dumbest shit that will only be funny to the 5+ of us. so im not gonna put them here, just know that if u ever ask me to grab you a slim jim theres a 90% chance i will collapse in laughter because of a dumb 2 minute interaction in an Indiana rest stop that sent us all into hysterics.

i feel like these words are a little all over the place, but after a summer full of a stress + a year full of college stress and building anxiety, i didnt know how much i needed lollapalooza. i didnt know that wristband would make me so happy and have as much of an impact on my life as it did. i didnt know when i bought the ticket that this may have been the best weekend of my life, in 19 years. i waited 19 years for this experience and i didnt even know that it was waiting on me. and thats one of the most beautiful parts of life - you never know what the next day brings so you might as well say fuck it and do what you want or it will never come.

see you next year lollapalooza, shoutout to my parents for trusting me to navigate chicago by myself and have a weekend that ill tell your grandkids about some day. thanks for trusting me enough not to take street molly at the EDM stage! even though the offer was tempting, i listened to what you and D.A.R.E taught me about taking questionable narcotics from strangers.

“if someone offered me molly right now id honestly take it”

elisa, abby, julia, + chloe: id do a n y t h i n g to go back to last wednesday when we began all this. i love u all so mucho xx

xoxoxoxoxooxoxo

sad tender gossip girl; currently listening to sweet music by HOZIER wus good ????

#lolla #music #friends #i #love #you

[laencore]

broken promise

Alex: I'm not proud of you.

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. To hear that from the person you love most in life, she tore right thru me.

I've been with Alex for 6 years and she's the love of my life but there has been few occasions (5 she's been counting), where I have made her feel insecure, unhappy... I've made her feel like shit. She doesn't trust me. Before I say anymore, let me take you way back where this started.

Alex and I met in high school. It was a new school where I had no friends but two cousins Steph and Miguel. Thank God for them if not high school would of been a really dark place. Miguel and I were the new kids in school oh and a couple hundred since 2006 is where all California decided to more to Texas.

Steph already had been there and had a few friends and one of those friends was Alex. From an outsieders view Alex seems to be one of those girls that liked you if you were convenient, if not she would pay no mind. After getting not know her, I found out that she came from a family with great morals, someone who treats people like she wants to be treated and feel respect. We stayed friends all thru high school. I started noticing her differently after that. I developed felling along the way. Certain thing she would do I became in love with. For example, she's a pusher but in a good way, she pushes people to do their best. She's the type to cheer at a pool table game, even if you made the eight ball when your not suppose to. She's the most confident person, she goes into situation that are new to her with no doubt and if their is fear, i've never seen it. Never in a million year would i think this girl and I would be more than friends. I don't know how she decided to be mine but she is.

I have had this friend since high school, Celia. When Alex and I became boo's, Alex became insterested in knowing Celia. They both became friends and everything was great, if Alex and I were planning to go out or do something, we decided to invite her. Not that she tagged along all the time but everyone was good. The first year of our relationship I didn't know how to express emotions all that well, Alex and I called it quits. It was my first real relationship, even though Alex says it wasn't that serious, I cried like a lil' bitch that night.

Celia being a friend, she would be there. She would be the person i would vent to about everything that was happening. A few weeks passed and on of my cousin's, Miguel, would be turning 22 and decided to celebrate this birthday at this bar called SoHo in the middle of downtown San Antonio. I asked Celia if she wanted to drive together since she was invited too. The truth was, that asked for her to go with me because I knew Alex was going to be there.

Celia and I were one of the first ones there, we waited for everyone to get there. We sat on a table that faced the bar but you were able see the coming in. I saw her walking by, Celia and I both said "Hey Alex!" Nothing, not even a glance at our direction. Celia and I said to each other, "Fuck it, lets just have a good time." And we did. Celia was always there and so was I. She was a little boy crazy. If she was feeling down, I was there to cheer her up because she was there for me.

A few months after that, Miguel was graduating for community college and he wanted our group of friends (which pushed me aside for Alex) to have dinner at Piranha. Celia wasn't invited because her ex-boyfirend was dating a new girl and well Miggs (Miguel) is a no beef type of guy. I was sitting next to Kurk and Ed, which was Celia's ex boyfriend. He started talking about the Air Force since he had enrolled a few years back and hadn't seen him in a while. The door opens and I hear her laugh. I could feel peoples eye looking my way. I grab my drink and i sip my gin and tonic because that's what Colin Firth and Julianne Moore drank in, A Single Man, one of my favorite movies.

Still talking to Ed and Kurk, I'm eavesdropping on Alex's conversation with the group. She just flew in from Tempe, Arizona where she was working as a trainer for a call center for JP Morgan Chase. I looked up and said the first thing that came to mind, "How's the weather over there?"

She relied, "It was good, it's usually pretty cold."

We continue to talk asking each other how we've been... small talk. After everyone was caught up with each others lives and done with eating, Miggs, decides we should all go to Bar Louie to continue the celebration.

Some of us got there before others, Miggs and Johnny and I were the first ones there. They both say to me, "That went well." I reply, "What do you mean?" They continue, "You and Alex." I looked confused "What were we supposed to do, fight with each other, cause a scene? I don't think we're that type of people." Miggs and Johnny get closer "We're just happy everyone is getting along. It's been hard since you and Alex have slit. Sometimes we're not sure if we should invite you or her or both of you guys to things." I get louder. "Is that why I haven't been invited to go out with you asshole!?!" Both of them, "Yes! It's been hard, you guys left us in an uncomfortable spot."

Alex gets there about ten minutes after we did, we all get drinks and it feels less tense. Everyones laughing and telling stories of all the things we've done together. The times we've gone on our mini rode trips, the many wild nights at The House of Scum. The House of Scum was the home of Ed, Johnny and Miggs. They were in their early 20's and i think Ed was 19, you can only imagine what's happened there. No rules and no fucks given, good times.

The more and more Alex and I spoke, I knew I never stop loving her. Her laughter, her smell, the way she looks at you when you got her undivided attention. She makes you feel calm even if your in a bar full of people and a DJ blasting music. I knew she was the one. And that night was the night I was going to confront Alex. I knew I still had feelings for her and I didn't know if she had any feeling for me anymore but I was going to get her alone so we could talk. I leaned in and asked her is we could go somewhere we could talk. "Okay," that's was she said.

We walked out of the bar and she locked arms with me. Thinking to myself, "I might still have a chance." It was too cold to stay outside. We went to the nearest car with was her truck. She put the heater, we talk about how our year had gone, we both did a little bit of traveling which was our new obsession. I've always gone to Mexico to visit family but that year my brother and I had gone to Mexico by ourselves where we didn't know anyone and it was a life changing experience. She had traveled too and she told me she went to New York City and I was instantly jealous. I've always wanting to got to NYC and never did and here she knew how much I wanted to go. I had so many questions for her. After a few minutes I asked, "Why did it take so long to talk to each other?" asking her while rubbing my hand together to keep warm. "We've been busy." her looking outside into the lights of the parking lot. "Sure but we've always been busy and that never stopped us before." She smiled and said, "You talk more." I looked confused and said, "Really, should I shut up now?" With a half laugh she said,"No, I like it." I asked, "Why did we even brake up?" She took a moment and said, "We broke up because you didn't talk about much, I didn't know how you felt about things. If you were happy or if you were upset. I was talking to myself sometimes." "I didn't want to argue of get upset at things that don't feel worth getting mad over. I just rather enjoy our time together when we were together." "You would only talk about how you and Celia went to this place, how you did this or that. If you would get upset you would vent to her. Where was I in all of this? It would never be me." "I guess I never noticed until now." Her, still looking at the lights,"That's why..." "Why did you ever tell me?" "I'm not going to tell you how to do things. You're suppose to make your own choices. Plus, I'm not going to ask you to loose a friend." "That's it though, she's just a friend and good friend. Everyone else took to your side, I didn't even know there was sides and fucking left me. The only person that stayed was her." She looked at me, "I'm sorry, I guess thats my fault. When anyone mentioned you, I didn't want to hear about you." "If you would of told me how you felt things would have gone differently." It was silent.

"Do you remember Miguel's birthday?" she asked. "Of course I do. I said hi and nothing." I look at her with a frown. She continues,"I had all the intention for us to talk but who was there right next to you? Her."

"I never knew you felt that way," while holding her hand

"Well know you know." Her hand were warm like they always been. Mine were like popsicles, cold.

She got a phone call. She say, "I'm going with a co-workers party and Miggs is going with me but i want to see you tonight."

"Okay. What time?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, its a bit of a drive. I'll call you when I'm leaving the party. Stay up?" She asked with smile.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight." I told her.

A few hours passed and I get her text, "Are you up?"

I reply with a simple,"yup". I pull up to her drive way and see her in her car with. I get out of my car and knock at her window and she looked startled. She opens the car door and I whisper to her, "Why are you outside?" She whispers back, "Everyone's asleep and I don't want to wake them" We get into my back seat of the car. The stay up talking and in silence. She leans on my shoulder and says, "I missed you." I tuck her hair behind her ear and touch her face and say, "I missed us."

Since then, we've been together and that's been since 2012

The issue now is that I've betrayed my baby's trust. I've lied or kept where I've been going. While writing this i realized thats been an issue since we've broken up the first time. I've never cheated on Alex nor has that ever been an issue. There's nothing in this world more that I love than my Alex. I've always thought that i would do for her but I've failed. I'm willing to do anything to get her trust back. And it's hard to just tearing someone from your life but its harder for Alex to be torn by the person you love. I'm willing to sacrifice a friendship that hurts the person that I love. And I hope she can forgive me.

I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry, I stabbed you in the back when you weren't looking. I don't want to make up words and just say sorry because i've said them before. I broken the promise i made to you, i promised to never fail you, to follow you where ever you go. i'm sorry baby.

#sorry #ourstory