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Someone asked me to describe home, and I almost said your name but then I remembered you are somebody else’s home now…

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Watch “J. Balvin, Dua Lipa, Bad Bunny, Tainy - UN DIA (ONE DAY)” on YouTube

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Truly I’m not self sustaining nor have I managed to strengthen my roots in all 21 years of living so far. I’m like one of those high quality fake paintings that get forged and auctioned off. I’m so sorry to the bidders.

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i miss you.
that is all there is to say.
it seems that lately, it is all i can say.
you are intertwined throughout me,
meant to be pumping from my heart,
you should be running through my veins.
without you,
my heart has nothing to pump,
my veins are empty.

my friends are tired of hearing it.
you’re the same storyline from season one, 
only six more have passed.
but still,
here i am and,
i miss you.
i crave you.
i sometimes forget who i am without you.

you are everywhere,
in my dreams, in front of my eyes
constant reminders a plague.
but like a junkie,
i hold onto each.
just for the memory of that last hit,
the last moment of euphoria,
a glimpse of you.

it is all can do but hope,
i hope you are well.
i hope you are loved.
as much as it hurts, I hope you are loving.
but mostly,
i hope something in you,
anything in you,
misses me too.

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you broke me. left me with no explanation and no goodbye.

why? that’s all i wish i could ask you . . but i finally did myself some good and blocked you on every single thing, even though i kill myself every single day by checking up on your stuff . . and i should stop. i miss you, but i shouldn’t. i shouldn’t even think about you anymore, because i know you don’t miss me anymore nor do you even care about me. you didn’t care to even say goodbye or give me a reason for breaking my heart . . again. this was the second time. YOU came back, wanting that second chance to start our ‘forever’ again . . but you left. you turned out to be so toxic, an insecure narcissist. you flirted with everyone, even while dating me and treated it as if you didn’t care that i saw and you always got angry or annoyed when i brought it up. you didn’t like that i set boundaries the second time, all because i didn’t want to risk breaking up again. 

you knew you were my FP, aka favorite person, & you knew all about my mental health and my borderline personality disorder. you leaving, caused my BPD to become triggered so severely. physical pain, emotional and mental pain.. i cannot stop crying every single day or night. i haven’t even changed my clothes, and if i do, i clean the old ones then to put them right back on. i allowed you to see me naked, you took my virginity and i now regret that so much. i relapsed because of you. i now have more scars on my body . . including your initials on my thigh. you broke me. they say i deserve better, someone who actually communicates and treats me right. some of your family even told me i’m not the first person you’ve done this too; that makes me more upset. your ex best friend told me everything about your past relationships. you’re a cheater, a toxic narcissist who plays with people’s feelings. i can’t even watch my favorite movies anymore . . because i know that they are yours too.. 

i don’t even know if i can trust people anymore with dating . . with giving someone my heart and allowing them to love me. all thanks to you.. i regret ever messaging you back in 2020 to bring you into my life just for you to be so toxic and leave like i never meant anything to you. now… i doubt i will ever mean anything to anyone ever… why me? you broke the one person who would have never left you.. why can’t i just be loved? to be cared for? just like i tried to do for you… i try so hard to be the best girlfriend.. and i’m NEVER enough. i don’t even have friends because they all left me.. 


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y'all please hype up my story! it’s newly published and I think it’s gonna be great!! also please make comments and vote to help me improve my writing! much love <3

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My brain feels like it’s trying to attack itself. I hate when that voice in my help starts to verbally abuse me. God it just hurts so badly. It all just hurts so badly. It’s so difficult to believe this moment isn’t forever. Right now it just doesn’t want to stop and I’m not sure how to control it. I feel so incredibly broken.

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No matter what I do I’m never enough for you. Why do I constantly feel like I try so hard for minuscule crumbs. I feel like I’m being treated like an animal begging for attention from you. I feel like I’m a collapsing bridge. Simply another burden you’re just forced to deal with. I thought you knew a relationship was comprised of two people not only one.

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I’d sing through the night just to see you smile
I’d conquer worlds if they made you cry
But though it all, every once in a while
I’ll have to ask why

Why I have to ask
Why I have to cry
Why I have to stay when I’m offering time
It’s so easy to see you’re
Not just doing fine
But we don’t have to talk
We don’t have to try
Just don’t say goodbye…

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January 27, 2021

I told you I love you but I felt unhappy. I told you I tried to kill myself two weeks ago because I am so sad.

I needed you to hold me and tell me you were there for me and you understood how I felt.

Instead, I got “I don’t know why because I’m happy and It’s because you are crazy.”

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i wanted to love you so bad i would’ve given you anything

i would’ve taken care of you

i would have loved you more than anyone else until the end of time

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No era el insomnio quien me mantuvo tantas noches despierta, era mi profundo deseo de encontrarte una de ellas, esperando que quisieras encontrarme también.

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“Indeed — why should I not admit it? — in that moment, my heart was breaking.”

Kazuo Ishiguro - The Remains of the Day

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Take me away from here…. I’ve lost everything and I feel like I have no one. I feel like there is no point in carrying on anymore. The world has gone to shit and I feel like I will never be loved… Truly ever again. Even with people around me that can support me and help me I still feel empty and like no one will ever understand. I just want peace, I just want everything to be quiet and for the pain to go away!

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<div> —  echo and narcissus </div><span>i am cursed<br> to repeat myself<br> but no goddess<br> is responsible</span>
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