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I only hate myself, because nobody wants to love me.

Though I’ve never received, please take this love from me.

They say you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

But I’ve never had love, and that’s why I’m sad.

- “Love Is Complicated” - Self

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I literally cannot how deeply he broke my heart. It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve been in love once. I don’t even know if I ever will be again. But he came in like a wave and captured my mind in a way I didn’t think was possible. And now I am still aching.

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I never thought having breakfast and getting dressed can be this hard.

I want to call in sick so badly but I have no more days off this year and no doctor to sign me off as ill.

I will have to go out there and act like everytihng is fine, while I really just want to curl up and die.

I want this misery to stop, to never feel love anymore. I had my heart broken before, in ways so much uglier than this, but it never hurt so bad.

I still love him. I still want him. I’m incomplete.

Heartless fate, please stop ripping every crumb of happiness away already.

Or do take my life with it. End me.

For my own hands are too weak to cut so deep.

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鈥淒eception鈥 from聽鈥淟oving You鈥 by Brynne Aidlin-Perlman

you can鈥檛
look at me like that
and expect me to believe
you don鈥檛 have feelings for me.
because your eyes
they say,
i care.
they say,
i care so much.

but maybe you taught me that
are beautiful liars.

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And the problem with my heart,

Is that it doesn’t know how to move on when something ends. You see, I do not love easily, but when I do love oh how deep it becomes. It dips down until it spills to the depths of my soul.

You see, I don’t mean for it to skip beats involuntarily whenever I hear your name come up in conversations. I am not naive, I know that as years pass you forget me the same way you would a book. Knowing the rough outline of the story but forgetting the specifics that made you love it in the first place, and as for me I don’t dream about you as often anymore.

But I’d be lying if I said the memories of holding you never slipped into my mind when I was distracted. It’s not that I’m trying to still care about you. Honestly, I think we both know that, but if you called me right now and told me that you needed me there I would be on the next flight In your direction.

And it’s not that I’m holding on to hope, understand that I know that we have grown to far apart to even claim to know each other anymore. And yet, that doesn’t convince my heart to stop caring about you.

- And maybe that’s why you don’t call me anymore, maybe you know me well enough to know that I’ll always unintentionally be waiting to answer you.

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If anyone has experienced loss, this poem may resonate with you on several different levels. I wrote this piece about a time in my life when I was most vulnerable, and during this time period I had  lost someone I loved very much. The combination of the two left me a wreck but it marked a very significant turning point in my life. The pain of going through such a heavy situation like this reminds me everyday of how lucky I am to have the relationships I have in my life now. In any case, you live and you learn from these experiences and in the end it’ll only make you appreciate the good things in life even more. 

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Oft sprechen Menschen über eine Depression als ob es eine Schwäche wäre.

Aber diejenigen, die es durchleben, wissen, wie viel Stärke man braucht, um damit zu leben.


Originally posted by pockytreats4everyone

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