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#heartbreak

I hope your bedding still smell like me.

I hope you shed a tear when you watch our favourite series or hold our dog or go out to eat with your grandpa.

I hope he lets you know you lost a good one.

I hope you see me when you are fucking her.

I hope my toothbrush in your bathroom cabinet disappear into just something else in your messy home, and one day when you’re 15 minutes late for work it catches your eye and I hope it hurts, I hope 15 minutes turn to 30 and you are unable to get up of the goddamn floor because you can’t brush your teeth without me next to you.

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i am hurting

It starts off slowly

Then hits me

so fucking hard

i can’t breathe

-

𝗪𝗛𝗬 did you want this? Guilty expressions can’t be formed into mutual eye contact. If you haven’t healed from something don’t 𝗙𝗨𝗖𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 start something new. Meeting from an ending, seemed to make everyone the abuser. I said I don’t want to be the victim in my own story, and especially not in yours.

-

We won’t be friends after 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦. If you decide to part ways all our contact will die. I’ll make sure to erase any sign of my unrequited love until it becomes the korean war. 𝗠𝗬 𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗚𝗢𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗡 𝗪𝗔𝗥. I won’t leave a trace if you don’t want this. Just tell me the truth. How long were you trying to get over her because sometimes your jealousy slips out and I’m reminded of how much of a joke I am. 𝗚𝗢𝗗 it hurts.

-

During the beginning of the morning and late I night, I still 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦. I stay when I’m broken down and crying for this loneliness to disappear and I stay when I’m 𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑦 on the shower floor with nothing but scolding hot water to beat down on me, so I can finally feel something other than this pain. Why has my first real relationship made me feel lonelier than I have ever been in my life. You’re never there for me. You will never understand my 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑢𝑚𝑎, my likes, and my dislikes. You will never know me.

_

I wish you cared about me as much as 𝑦𝑜𝑢 cared about her. Did she make your ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑒? Did she make you feel love? Was she better than me so now I can never have your heart. Jealousy is a disease but so is constantly seeing your old memories. I’m tired of 𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 after a man who won’t be there during a panic attack and all I can do is scratch at my chest. You are supposed to be my boyfriend. So why are you never treating me like I’m 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠.

-

It’s been six months and we’re still strangers who sleep together but we call it dating without the 𝗘𝗙𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗧. I wish you would tell me what’s on your mind, except when you let a peek out I’m hit with so much 𝗛𝗔𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗗 I can’t look in the mirror anymore. I told you once that I don’t want to be someone you hated and you questioned me on why I would think that. Maybe it’s the endless 𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗦 you spill talking about everything you hate and how I’m almost the symbol for all of it.

-

I am the epitome

Of everything you hate

That’s why you’re my karma

From the lonely

Universe

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And you told me when you called my number thinking I was someone else, “I could never forget your voice”

And that, it got me.

Because in thirteen days, I am still leaving. I am still moving two thousand miles away. And I know, I cannot look back when I do.

And I won’t.

But, I never got the chance to say.. I can never forget your voice my love.

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Don’t ever get in a relationship with someone who’s mentally ill and who doesn’t want to get help or be helped and is in complete denial of their mental illness. They will throw that at you any time they can to guilt you into staying AND/OR simply put their toxicity on their mental illness (which they refuse to work on).

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I long to hear from you
But why I have no clue
The you I knew is gone
Erased with what you’ve done
I loved you like no other
My love was just a bother
Annoyance to your day
So you had found a way
To end my burning ardor
And still I tried yet harder
To show you that I care
My heart and soul I’d bare
You lied and pushed away
So I chose not to stay
Ripped out a piece of me
The truth I now see
And yet there’s no ill will
Though us you chose to kill
© 6.03.2020 -MyPoeticSoulNy (-mps)

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image

You haven’t woken up yet and I’m sick with this knot in my stomach from last night’s match.

I don’t know if you realize yet but even if you say you didn’t mean it or that it was just the venom running through your veins,

Some things can never be unsaid.

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atwiseText

Now my bed is empty without him, my cat now cuddles me in bed.

Pros:

+ she is perfect smol size to cuddle. Fits in crook of elbow

+ lets me nuzzle into her fur

+ she purrs which brings me joy

+ she loves unconditionally

+ she lets me cry into her fur

+ she knows when I have breakdown, and hops onto bed to snuggle with me

+ she gives me kisses

+ she looks at me like I’m the best thing she’s ever seen

+ she does not wake me up like other cats with paw on face. She will happ slepe in with meh.


Cons:

- she yawns and the fish breath nearly kills me but it is 100% worth it

- sometime she sits on my face

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