OH I FUCKING LOOVVEE THAT DESIGN TELL ME EVRERYTHING ABOUT HER!!!
FFBFBFBFBBFBF THANK YOUUUU okay so here’s what I have so far (cw for suggestive themes and mentions of an abusive relationship)
Her name is Delilah because I couldn’t resist giving her a biblically inspired name and backstory (she’s not THE Delilah from The Bible™️ she’s just loosely inspired by her)
During her life on Earth she was romantically involved with a gang leader. Even though he protected her from assholes who tried to mess with her, he was a dick and smacked her around. He considered Delilah his property, and his “protection” was out of possessiveness and jealousy, not love.
Delilah never participated in gang activities. She only hung around them when she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend. As a result, she was never responsible for any of the crimes they committed. But she didn’t exactly stop them from going out and doing what they did. She just wasn’t an active participant.
Delilah was bribed by a rival gang into betraying her boyfriend, helping to set a trap to get him killed, and in exchange, they offered to take her in and make her one of them to keep her safe from her boyfriend’s buddies that would 100% be out for blood.
Delilah justified her agreement to the deal by telling herself that this would put a stop to both her own abuse, and the nasty things her boyfriend did to others as well. This was for a good cause. So she lured her boyfriend into a situation where he assumed he was safe and let his guard down, only to be met with the business end of his rival’s gun.
Karma was instant, and instead of taking care of Delilah like they promised, the rival gang killed her too.
After she died there was a big debate about whether she belonged in heaven or hell. Delilah had a good heart, but she was put into situations that either forced her to do bad things, or she chose to do objectively bad things for good causes. This made it complicated to determine whether she lived a “good” life.
In the end, she’s sent to purgatory, a fairly new concept still in beta testing. She’s told that she can either 1) live as she lived on Earth and stay there forever, 2) indulge in sin and get sent down to hell, or 3) repent and become a better person and eventually move on up to heaven.
Delilah opts to walk the middle path and stay in purgatory. She doesn’t want to go to hell, but she knows she doesn’t belong in heaven and wouldn’t want to spend eternity suffering from imposter syndrome. That would basically be hell for her.
So she stays in purgatory and works as an “entertainer” at a seedy club that the people of heaven sneak off to when they crave sinful activities like sex and alcohol that are frowned upon in heaven.
By day it’s a pretty normal joint, nothing too crazy going on besides a little drinking and gambling. But at night it becomes a pretty bangin’ strip club and basically all of the dancers are more than happy to do “favors” for the right price. This is obviously kept a secret from the people of heaven that don’t frequent the club. The only people who know what goes on in there are the ones who would never tell and risk getting the place shut down.
Adam is their best customer, because of fucking course he is. He’s in there multiple times a week and knows every female employee by name. So when he sees a face (and pair of bazooms) he doesn’t recognize, he makes a beeline in their direction.
Delilah can’t stand Adam from the moment he introduces himself. He oozes narcissism and reeks of fuckboy and she does not like that one bit. However, cash is cash, and when Adam offers a lot of it to get some quality one-on-one time with her, how can she refuse?
Adam couldn’t give two shits about Delilah. All he cares about is getting action from some fresh meat who, as a nice little bonus, bears a bit of a resemblance to his first ex wife. If he squints, anyway.
Thus begins their extremely toxic fucked-up symbiotic “situationship” that definitely doesn’t slowly blossom into a weird sort of friendship that then snowballs into a still toxic mess of repressed feelings and emotional constipation. Definitely not.
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I was minding my own business at work today, just doing something, idly thinking about my nonsense. And then out of nowhere, like a burst of divine inspiration, an exchange that would take place in my Accidental Abduction AU appeared in my brain. And then I wrote a whole scene so that I could put that interaction in something.
So here's a random, out of the blue Accidental Abduction AU write. It takes place immediately following this one. Enjoy.
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Stan followed the girl alien through the spaceship halls. At first, the ship had reminded him of the things on Star Trek. The general shape and construction of the hall and rooms still did, but it wasn’t quite as fancy and clean. The ship looked a bit worn, like it had been used for a long time. There were also intermittent decorations, most of them looking like they were either purchased at a craft fair or made by children at school. Stan slowed to look at a vase that had been tucked away in a corner. He would have expected the vase to house some weird alien plant, but the flowers inside were regular Earth roses.
“My mother loves that kind of flower,” the girl alien said, noticing Stan’s distraction. Stan’s attention quickly snapped back to her. “We do not often go planetside when we are near Earth, but whenever we do, my father insists on procuring some for her. He even found seeds a few trips ago, which has allowed my mother to grow her own. They are not the same, though. Something about our atmosphere or climate makes them grow…different.”
“You guys go to Earth?” Stan asked, walking again. The girl alien began to walk as well. “Like, beam down on the planet?”
“We do go down to Earth, but we land rather than teleport down. My parents are, hmm, hopefully this translates properly. They are…old school. They do not like the teleportation function.”
“Yeah, parents can be sticks in the mud sometimes,” Stan mumbled. He frowned at the very inhuman alien girl. “How the hell do you guys visit Earth without the government capturing you to dissect or whatever?” The alien girl smiled, but this time, to Stan’s relief, hid her needlelike teeth.
“We have our ways of visiting without drawing suspicions.” The hallway suddenly opened into a wide room. A white table, laden with exotic-looking food, was set in the middle of the room, ringed by white stools. Underneath the table was a slick dark red rug and decorations like those in the hallway hung on the walls. An alien with magenta hair like the girl alien and light pink skin was cleaning the kitchen area in the corner. Next to the kitchen area was an entry to another hallway. One of the walls was actually a large window, looking out into the void of space. Stan was tempted to walk over to the window, but before he could, the very first alien that Stan had met on the ship spoke.
“Ah!” said the alien, the father of the family. He was sitting at the table, as was the alien girl’s brother. The alien dad smiled at Stan. “You have finally brought us our guest.”
“He was distracted by the roses.”
“I would imagine he was surprised to see something from Earth on our ship,” said the pink alien cleaning the kitchen. Judging by her voice and general appearance, she was the mom of the family. The alien mom turned around and scowled at her son and daughter. “I am so disappointed in you two for not letting us know early enough to return this poor boy home.” The alien girl and alien boy bowed their heads sheepishly. Stan stood in the entryway awkwardly, uncertain of what to do.
“Please, come sit,” the alien dad said. Stan hesitantly walked over to the table and sat on one of the stools. At first, the seat of the stool was far too low for him, but it automatically adjusted for his height, getting taller until he could reach the table properly.
Makes sense they’ve got their chairs set short. They’re all way taller than me. Stan glanced around, mentally taking stock of the aliens’ heights. The girl and boy were both at least six feet, while the dad was at least seven and the mom was nearing eight. Are women taller than men for this species? The alien dad coughed politely, drawing Stan’s attention.
“When we first met, I was too flustered to ask for your name. Would you mind sharing it with us?”
“Uh, Stan.” When Stan didn’t elaborate, the alien mom prompted him.
“Earth names from your culture tend to consist of a given name and surname. Could you provide us with your full name?” the alien mom asked.
“How do you know about- y’know what, never mind. My full name is Stanley Pines. But call me Stan.”
“Stan,” the alien mom said experimentally. She smiled. “How quaint.”
Dunno if I agree with that assessment, but I’m not gonna argue with the people I have to rely on for the next year. Ugh, I’ve got to depend on these guys for a full fucking year!
“Well, Stan,” the alien dad said, “you will likely be unable to pronounce our names, so we shall have to come up with a workaround for that. Now, however, it is time to eat. We have done our research and made some food that should nourish you well.”
“None of this stuff is gonna poison me?” Stan asked. He suspiciously eyed the item directly in front of him, which looked like a small loaf of bright red bread with blue flecks.
“Correct,” the alien mom said with a nod. “I am familiar with what foods humans can and cannot eat and have removed all items harmful to you from the table.”
“Um. Okay.”
“We will serve you,” the alien boy said quickly. “That way you do not have to worry you are doing something wrong.”
“…Okay,” Stan repeated. He sat silently as the aliens filled a metal plate with the items on the table. When the plate was placed in front of him, he stared at it. Almost everything was a color that made alarm bells go off in his head.
If I saw food on Earth that looked like this, it would either kill me or cost about a thousand bucks. He grimaced. But I don’t really have a choice. Stan picked up the utensil he had been given, which was just a spork, and scooped up the bright orange mashed potatoes with dark red gravy. He hesitantly took a bite. His eyes widened. The “potatoes” tasted like caramelized onions, while the “gravy” had a strong beefy yet cheesy flavor. It combined to form something Stan recognized. This tastes just like French onion soup! What the hell?
The first bite was enough to awaken Stan’s stomach. His hunger now roaring and curiosity about the food piqued, Stan quickly scarfed down everything on his plate. To his delight and confusion, all the food was delicious and most of it tasted like something he’d had on Earth.
“I knew the mashed rom would be a winner,” the alien mom remarked as she watched Stan inhale his food. “It is my mother’s favorite.” Other than that, the alien family left Stan alone during the meal, talking amongst themselves instead of trying to pull Stan into the conversation.
Under most circumstances, I’d be offended. But I’m honestly just relieved. I don’t want to talk to these guys. Stan looked at the alien boy and girl, the closest things he had to peers on the ship. The alien boy noticed and nodded silently at Stan before turning back to his sister. Not right now, at least. I need some space to deal with all this.
Stan finished his first serving, as well as his second and third, before he was satiated. Now that the growling in his stomach had been resolved, a new and urgent need made itself known. Stan crossed his legs and cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the alien family.
“Do you need something, Stan?” the alien dad asked.
“Uh, yeah. Where’s your bathroom?” Stan asked. The aliens all cocked their heads curiously.
“Do you need to bathe?” the alien mom asked.
“I mean, eventually, but not right now.”
“Try a different word,” the alien dad suggested. “Often, the translators work literally, and turns of phrase or odd terminology are translated incorrectly.”
“Um. The restroom?” Stan tried. The alien boy frowned.
“You mean your bedroom?” he asked.
“No! I- ugh.” Stan sighed.
I was trying to be polite. I don’t want to put my foot in my mouth like I usually do. But polite clearly isn’t working.
“I need to take a piss,” Stan blurted out. The aliens all blinked.
“Oh!” the alien boy said. “You are asking for the toilet.”
“Yes.”
“I will show you the way.” The boy alien got up from the table. His sister scowled at him. “What?”
“You offered just to get out of cleaning the dishes,” the alien girl said, crossing her arms.
“No, I did not! I-”
“Neither of you are going to get out of any chores,” the alien mom said. “Your father can help Stan.” The alien kids groaned but began to clear the table. The alien dad and Stan both stood.
“Follow me,” the alien dad instructed. Stan followed the alien dad out of the dining area/kitchen and back into the same hall that he had been through before. “Luckily, your room is next to one of the- what did you call it?”
“Um, a bathroom?”
“An interesting name, given the baths are elsewhere,” the alien dad murmured.
“On Earth they’re in the same room.”
“Odd. Regardless, your room is next to one of the…bathrooms on the ship. The room that actually has the baths, however, is past the eating area. Will you need to bathe before going to sleep?”
It’s been a while since I had a bath that wasn’t just baby wipes…
“Uh, yeah.”
“I will send my son to fetch you from your room after he and his sister have completed their chores.” They arrived in front of yet another circular door. Like the previous doors Stan had seen on the ship, the alien dad placed his hand on the door, causing it to light up purple, then blue, then finally descend into the floor. Before Stan could step into the bathroom, the alien dad spoke again. “I must apologize again for the circumstances under which you came into our lives. Rest assured, we will do our best to make you feel comfortable, perhaps even like one of the family.”
“…Sure.”
“If not family, then at least friends,” the alien dad said. Stan nodded.
“That feels more likely.”
“Then that shall be our goal!” the alien dad said jovially. He smiled as warmly as he could with his nightmarish teeth. “I will be leaving an item you can use to entertain yourself in your room. Please let me know if you would prefer something else.”
“…Sounds good,” Stan mumbled. The alien dad walked away. Stan entered the bathroom, the door closing behind him.
After using the toilet – which was thankfully very Earthlike in design – and struggling with the door a bit, Stan left the bathroom. Now that he had figured out the trick to opening the doors, he entered his bedroom without any issue. There was something placed on the desk in front of the massive window. Stan walked over to it and picked it up. His eyes widened. It was a sketchbook. A small box of writing utensils that looked similar to crayons had been set beside the sketchbook.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. Stan walked up to the window. He stared out silently for a few moments. Off in the distance, he could make out some asteroids. Stan walked back to the desk. He sat down, picked up one of the weird space crayons, and set the tip to the paper. The lines were jagged at first, as he got used to the alien writing implement. But eventually, a rough sketch of the asteroids formed. Stan sat back with a small smile on his face.
This, though, I can work with.
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