#heavens know i've done stupid stuff as a teenager

[wh-da-backup]

Lyric Dump posted sept 2010

bits of paper:

she walks like hell down the hallway, naked she wonders why they stare but doesn't care, she'd rather die than be repaired -----

he likes gore and she likes sugar they make the perfect dying team

I liked his words so I learned his side I like her words now I wanna learn her side

kiss me sugar breath breathe me candy death

the new Mr. Popular and his gangrene bride ---

the twisted phoenix of her mental ashes

you ask me why I feel so down, I finally tell you now look what I've done I've made both of us frown

but things are always better in our minds ---

you need her like a hole in your head watch out man it's a package deal

see the names she'll give you both yeah it's all in your head ----

I'd spend my evenings and stare at that shiny dumb failure of a child who never says a word and thinks she's a poet. how cute. ----

play their subtle obsession

lady love is out to get me

surgery under Anastasia ---

I don't care how you see it- these are my children

and I live for them and I comfort them I would kill for them I would die for them ----

love, could you be human oh could I? we're shiny silver trash machines

we've been programmed by airwaves

we've been programmed by wires spoken by liars

we've been designed, we've been designed is this alright? ----

they're lovers made of glass and lovers made of sound

catching a butterfly is not quite the same as catching a train --- Drive Me, Crazy

5th wheel's for you break the 4th wall and your bones and everything else

drive me, crazy, i wanna crash ---

i want my life back gonna have to take it ---

I was named after you but we're not the same I just can't take it just can't take the blame

the children are always afraid ---

she can have my blood I don't mind go infect the human race with mine

I'll scratch all night ----

gaping pores in teenage skin it's true i let a lot of stuff in ok ok ok

I'm fine I'm great I grin but it's true I keep my anger held in ok ok

and I fear it's a sin the state of mind that I'm in can I forgive my disaster created in turn I hope I won't have to burn in something clearer than blame like the face I've inflamed in the mirror ok --- Stupid Hair

I want you out of my face I want you lying on the floor instead I want you out of my life get away from me get off my head

I'd like to cut you up you're gonna die die die I wanna change you up dye dye dye ---

chosen one, I chose myself ---

can I borrow your self cause I don't like mine anytime anyplace anymore anyway

overreact like I do when you yell

I hang out with burners, maybe I'm one too we all got a price to pay ---

I need some brain bleach keep on thinking those razor blade thoughts ---

the man who likes to visit winter flashing lights and bubble eyes always draws his psychic lines ----

he lives his life in contempt for heaven

I have chosen to be undecided

once you've got it all figured out it's too late

setting fire to a world where nothing burns ---- Walking

coop us up all day we sweat and we stink

waiting for summer no cold to protect us from

at least we come in pairs sorrow to those who lose that friend

walk on me all day never hear your thanks hey man just set us free

just want to walk on the earth God made feel it on our soles ----

well I've got an identity and if you want to know then pay attention to the lyrics when i play these songs for you

well I've got a personality and if you'd like to know then pay attention to the lyrics when i play these songs for you

well I've got your reality and if you think you know then pay attention to the lyrics when i play a song for you ----

I think too much try to suppress it back I'm obsessed and ashamed and my confidence lacks ----

takes one to know one you are what you eat ----

a few hurtful words and we argued in bitter doesn't take much for a fire to start well she burned down the house and everything in it I told Heaven and Hell take good care of my guitars and write helpful critiques of my art ---

we'd stargaze at the empty ceiling ----

I'm thinking I'd like to be haunted tonight no need to thank me I'm frightened in return I'm thinking I'd like to be haunted tonight setting fire to a world where nothing burns. ---

that hour of your life that you gave repeatedly

you're my favorite plastic but you're not one bit of help

I know how I'm yours that my teeth absorb stains

I'm making up my list and so I guess I'll throw you in

reclining in a clean and quiet room ---

it's not damage it's this damn age we're living in blocked the flow of everything ---

and even if I had a gun I doubt I would shoot anyone I like /I'm fine

a fellow asked if i'm on drugs I don't need that to pull this off I'm fine

I've made myself disposable as a friend I've made myself unattractive so who am I to complain about it? my social capacity consists of a one-sided conversation between myself and a unanimous awkward silence (ding dong ding the witch is dead at 27) and so the universe gets its comeuppance ---- (cleverbot responses)

it's not funny your smile

so that's where his brain went

he was hard to read

I think you dislike cheese ---

facial constellations from scars I read the future in my stars I thought, I could be so pretty by pretending to be beautiful but I choose not to ---

It's been a few weeks since I've seen her as I've been away

wore a dress like an eyeris so blue like her eyes

she would blink to me in skies and I'd read them and sigh

I would read them and cry

painting stripes on my shirt

does it hurt to be from here

I do

in a car to be so far away far away

painting stripe on my shirt and I'm drowning in acidic paint I am blatantly lost to be so far away far away ---

stop touching your face

stain me with absence

turn the knives to forgiveness

peel myself from the floor ----

I'm not dirt

I get hurt

I don't bleed oil ---

another sunrise I'm already on my way nature's dying because now we start first

I'm sorry that I hit your head ---

we dug this grave to keep us alive for a little bit longer now hell seeps in through the walls along with the groundwater

wrote a letter home to you so a part of my can leave this place my love

breathing is bleeding nowhere to go but down breathing is bleeding nowhere to go but blind

together as parts of this great war machine but as souls we're alone ---

I wish this day had never been born wish i'd stabbed a knife in the womb of sunrise when I couldn't quite sleep from the dark in my eyes and now hours later the knife is meant for me

I don't wanna tell you you'll worry, you'll hurt I don't think I'm in danger and you'd think it's a joke a nauseating plea for attention you'd gag til you choke

nothing went down but a whole lot of staring i stared at the knives, the liquor, the pills, it all seemed so easy it all seemed so easy ----

songbook:

you're a wannabe wannabe and famous for that you know there's gotta be a catch catch catch hack don't look down on me just cause i'm a wreck you know there always gotta be a catch catch catch retch ---

girls in the schoolyard blabbing secrets they were told not to repeat by their parents ten years later walking around in the cold less cloth than skin they don't even have the dignity to be embarrassed

a girl died back in '93 and was buried are you really that gullible? paranoid about viruses you could be carrying are you that irresponsible? ---

mind. scent. way to pass your judgement interesting prop, hence why i'm still alive...

and you smell like chemicals you smell like chemicals you smell like chemicals ---

I never suffered teenage angst til now be careful what you wish for I never thought my heart would break be careful what you wish for I'm always eager for an eye be careful what you wish for I'm always dreaming half-deranged be careful what you wish for

sleep comes on four screeching wheels eyes are closed by dull iron lies sleep appears long-awaited ghost hello my friend where would you like to go? --- We Are

I think you lied to me before you left them lying on the floor there's now a key that locks the door built by the lies that tie the score they scar me more

and there's a way that we talk and there's a way that we breathe and there's a way that we are

you say that nobody will you say that nobody can just look outside where we are ---

there's a hole a mile wide it's in my soul it's in my pride from lies... rusted scalpels that they are

all that needles to is stitch frail threads on an open wound

you fill it all ----

drive me drive me i just want you to derive me round and round again until i am renowned state it state it just shut your mouth and stay sedated overrated don't overreact like they did

you're handling eyes now so set your pins and needles down (your sole important everything) ----

my arm laid out my gaze is wistful blood is gold i've got a bottomless wrist full what's it doing keeping me alive? we're such a waste together wish i could give it all away and that way i'd be good for something ---- Sharks

be careful when you find the one whose eyes could be your 2-inch ocean

look out look out look out seeing sharks

be the dagger of my eye ----

walk through the market avoiding the stares trying to plug up the hole in a china doll's chest

they threw us all in a prison cell we gathered our wax limbs and sat up the best we could

I on my side and you lying next to me our faces met close enough

we fell in love in a prison cell I'll lie here beside you and hold you until we die and our wax limbs will fall to the floor

holding you close only time will tell the others talk nervously don't say a word

our wax heads rolled off and I knew that the dream it had gone

[pretoriafics]

Runaway: A Teenage Dream alternative version

Hi! Well, I know a lot of you guys have been requesting me a part 2 of Teenage Dream (And it will come soon), but I simply had this idea. I was been addicted to daydreaming playlists on YouTube lately, and I found one who let me pretty inspired. All the links will be in the fic.

Notes: This is not Part 2 of Teenage Dream. It's just an alternative version, okay?

Derek just found a playlist on YouTube that shows him his soulmate from a faraway dimension: you. Now, he is determined to bring you to him. Word count: 1.712 Pairings: Different Dimension!Reader x Derek; Contain: It's pretty romantic, I guess; AU Soulmate Warnings: SONGFIC!!; English is not my main language <3; Inappropriate language Teenage Dream one-shot TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST

It was a cold and rainy night. Stiles and Scott just came out of Derek's loft. It was complicated to deal with them sometimes, with all that teenage stubbornness and stupidity in supernatural stuff. Without mention of the troubles they caused to Derek. Come on, they made him a wanted criminal!

His life is reduced to run away from some kind of threat to keep his survival. Derek was an eternal runaway, and he was starting to get tired of this shit. He can't even remember what home is anymore or how it is to not fear for his own life. Peace was an unknown thing for him.

Derek approaches his laptop on the table - where Scott was before. The werewolf sat on the chair in front of it, ready to turn it off, but he sees something that catches his attention. YouTube was open and in the video suggestions was a video called "a playlist for your soulmate in a faraway reality".

Well... Daydreaming playlists wasn't his thing. However, he was curious and tired. If that playlist would make him calm his nerves and relax, he would listen to it.

Derek clicks on it, and the first song fills the room: Runaway, by Aurora.

I was listenin' to the ocean I saw a face in the sand But when I picked it up Then it vanished away from my hands, down

Tired, Derek stands up from the chair and lays down on the couch. He closes his eyes, just feeling the music and all the stress running away from his body. The music, the rain outside... Yeah, it was comfy. It was... good.

I had a dream I was seven Climbing my way in a tree I saw a piece of heaven Waiting, impatient, for me, down

There, with his closed eyes, he just could hear that song and the rain outside. Suddenly the rain stops, and the music is the only sound that fills the room. The last Hale opens his eyes and finds out different things at his loft: He can't see anything outside. Everything was dark there. His loft was dark too, with weak lights and several light particles floating around the room.

What the hell?

And I was running far away Would I run off the world someday? Nobody knows, nobody knows And I was dancing in the rain I felt alive and I can't complain

It was like his loft was moved to a different place. Even with all his knowledge about the supernatural, that kind of phenomenon was new to him. He never heard anything that could seem like that. Suddenly, Derek heard a female voice singing with the music.

But now take me home Take me home where I belong I can't take it anymore

A cloud of golden dust started to unite at a specific point of the room, and you start to taking form. You were distracted, sitting in a chair with a book in your hands and a laptop close to you. When Derek stares at your laptop, he sees the exact same playlist he was hearing. Sure! Certainly was something pretty weird with that playlist. It was showing him you, a girl he never saw before. You were translucid, almost shining gold. And you were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

It was love at first sight.

I was painting a picture The picture was a painting of you And for a moment I thought you were here But then again, it wasn't true, down

You look up from the book with wide eyes, scared. Your eyes run to the playlist on your laptop. Well, you and Derek connected the dots on your minds before staring at each other again. Seems like the playlist in fact showed your soulmate from a different reality. A faraway one. You gave him a smile, and he gave it back to you.

"Can you hear me?" You said, looking at him.

"Yeah. Can you hear me?"

"Yeah!"

And all this time I have been lying Oh, lying in secret to myself I've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf

Derek gave a step forward to you, memorizing each detail of you.

"What's your name?"

"(Y/N). Yours?"

"Derek."

Your eyes got widen again. Oh, holy crap.

"Hale?" You asked in urgency. He looks at you, surprised.

"Yeah. Do you know me?"

"You are one of my favorite fictional characters. You are literally part of my teenage."

Oh, wow. So, he was a fictional character in another reality! It was creepy and funny at the same time. Derek stares at the laptop of yours, looking at the title of that playlist.

A playlist for your soulmate in a far-away reality.

Hm. He stares at you.

"So..." Derek cross his arms in front of his chest, looking at you "Seems like the part of your teenage is your soulmate in a far-away reality. Do you think this is accurate? Because I think it is."

You felt your cheeks burning, and your stomach froze.

"I think it sounds right."

And I was running far away

Would I run off the world someday?

Nobody knows, nobody knows

And I was dancing in the rain

I felt alive and I can't complain

You gave him a smile, the most beautiful one he had ever seen. Wanting to feel your skin, Derek reaches out his hand on yours, trying to touch you. However, his fingers pass over on your skin. He can't touch you. Upset, he let out a long sigh.

"I think you're too far away."

You are upset as well. You always felt things when you looked at him on your TV, but you always thought it was just a crush that everyone has in some fictional characters. But now you know that, no, it wasn't just a silly crush on a fictional character. Deep in your subconscious, you knew he was destined for you.

"What can we do to solve this?"

"I don't know, but I'll find a way."

Derek looked at each book and talked to every witch he knew. He heard an ancient legend with one of them, that said that, sometimes, the universe opens a bridge to different dimensions. Many werewolves find out their soulmate this way. That playlist was a cosmic event, the universe trying to unite two lost souls.

Then, he finally found a book. An ancient and rare one.

He almost didn't sleep lately. Eager to stay with you, Derek couldn't help but translate each page until he finally could find a way to bring you to him. Sometimes, he was listening to that playlist on YouTube just to see you. You were almost melting in pure love just seeing how hard he was working to stay with you. Runaway by Aurora was filling the loft.

But now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go Now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go Now take me home Take me home where I belong I can't take it anymore But I kept running for a soft place to fall And I kept running for a soft place to fall

"Do you found out something?" You asked, looking at him with your eyes full of hope. Runaway by Aurora was filling the loft.

Derek denied, flustred.

"Nothing yet."

"Maybe It's impossible..."

He swallowed hard. Stubborn, he denied. He can't believe it was impossible. There's a way, and he was sure about it! It should have.

"No. It should have a way to bring you."

There, sat at his chair and translating that book, Derek was determined. He simply can't lose you, his peace point. He belongs to you.

And I was running far away Would I run off the world someday?

And then, Derek finally found it! Seems like a simple spell to him. All he needs to do is to pronounce the words with the bridge - which means the playlist - open. He looks at you with a shine of hope in his eyes.

"I think I found it."

Oh Gosh. You felt your stomach froze in anxiety.

"Are you sure?"

"It's my best bet." His green eyes stare at you. "Are you sure you want to stay here? With me?"

You gave him a gentle smile while holds your own hands, playing with your fingers.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm just tired of running from all the shit around here."

He gave you a smile as well. Derek knew that feeling. Hoping that the spell works, he stands up from his chair with the book in his hand. With the best Latin he knows, he pronounces the words of the spell, and you feel shivers all around your body. The sparkly dust seems to be sparkly and luminous than ever, and the darkness outside gives place to the view of the streets.

But now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go Now take me home Take me home where I belong I got no other place to go

Your body was losing the golden shine, and stepwise the natural tones of your skin were being revealed. Derek's loft was showing itself for you, and you felt your body starting to get warm again. And, done: You was now at his loft. Physically. His voice got silenced, and the only sound you could listen to was Aurora's voice on Runaway.

Derek couldn't believe you were really there, in front of him. Almost without air on his lungs, he put the book on the table and reaches his hand on yours. A large smile was born on his lips when he felt your skin. You felt your cheeks burning at his touch. Wow. You can't believe this!

He pulls you close to him by embracing your waist, and all you could do is smile. You rest one of your hands on his chest while the other one gives him a gentle caress on his face. Without contain himself anymore, Derek puts a soft kiss on your lips. And it felt so right.

It felt like the place where he belongs to.

#derek hale fic #derek hale fanfic #derek hale fanfiction #derek hale x reader #derek hale fluff #derek hale imagines #derek hale imagine #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf fic #teen wolf fanfic #teen wolf fics #teen wolf imagines

[katedrakeohd]

What Happens in Paris...(7)

Masterlist

Back at the train, the men and women separate to get ready for the tea party. Down in Max and Drake’s shared room, Drake is sitting on his bed watching Max do his primp and polish in front of the mirror. Impeccably dressed in his black Gucci dress shirt and trousers, Maxwell is running a comb through his neatly trimmed hair and whistling. If he wasn’t his friend, Drake could almost hate him for it. His clothing style rarely changed. His way of taking his day look into a night look usually involved the undoing of a button on his shirt, and the addition of a hair product to keep himself looking sharp when he broke out the moves on the dance floor. Drake knew though, even by day when Maxwell appeared to be calm and collected there was always a three ring circus, complete with peacocks, going on inside his head.

Drake looked down at Maxwell’s shiny black shoes, and then glanced at his own scuffed and worn looking brown ones. As much as Drake didn’t want to dress all fancy for a Royal tea party today, he knew that Kate was expected to be there. Plus he wanted to witness the look of envy on Maddy’s face when Kate walked in all dressed up and stole away attention from the future Queen. Although he usually wouldn’t give a damn how he looked when he skulked his way into events after everyone else important arrived. This time he knew Kate would be under Liam’s lustful eye, and it made his stomach ache at the thought. If he was going to escort Kate into this stupid party, even as her seemingly platonic friend, he had to make an effort to fit in for his own peace of mind. Drake cleared his throat to get Maxwell’s attention. I can’t believe I’m doing this again. Heaven help me.

“Uh, Max? About this party today… I can’t exactly show up looking like some bum off the street. Could you help me pick out something fit to wear?”  

Maxwell gasped, dropping the lint roller he was using to remove fluff and hair from his trouser leg. “Really?! You’ll let me dress you up for two events in a row?”

Drake sighs, getting up from the bed and running his hands through his hair. “Well don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“It is a big deal. My grumpy best friend wants to impress a girl!”

Drake grimaced, “Tone it down will ya? Besides, you are not my best friend.”

Maxwell is unfazed by the brush off and just raises his eyebrows, nodding, “Oh right! We’re even better than that now. We’re family!”

Drake opens his mouth to protest and then closes it again. Technically Max was right, as painful as it was for him to admit. He raises his hands and gives Max an impatient head shake, “Alright! Alright! Whatever! Are you gonna help me or not?”

“Of course I will. Show me what you got.”

Drake holds his hands out to the sides to display his current denim disaster.

“No, no silly.” Maxwell drags over Drake’s suitcase and flops it onto the bed. Drake places a protective hand on top, shakes his head.

“No point in looking in there," Drake grumbles.

“Okay then, to the Royal Closet we go.”

Kate sits in front of Hana’s portable makeup mirror, while Hana runs a round brush through her hair, coaxing it into soft waves. “I love your hair Kate, it’s so soft and manageable. What shampoo do you use?”

With a shrug, Kate admires her freshly painted fingernails. “Some kind of fruity scented stuff that I bought at the drugstore. Drake forgot to grab the matching conditioner when we showered, so I hope my hair doesn't get all full of static and frizz.”

Hana meets Kate's gaze in the mirror and they both giggle. “Oh my goodness, Kate. No wonder you two were late for breakfast.”

Trying to hide her blush in the lighted mirror was impossible, “Yeah, well I did interrupt him while he was shaving this morning. And damn he looked sexy in that bathrobe.”

Hana sighed with envy as she parted Kate’s hair and swept it behind her shoulder. Kate hands her the golden, flower embellished comb from the counter. “What’s it like Kate?”

“What?”

“Having a King and his best friend both in love with you?”

"It's not as fun as you might think. They've both staked their claim on me in some way and I hate being the rope in their tug of war. The worst part is that Liam has already lost me and he doesn't know it yet."

“Poor guy, he’s going to be crushed. What does Drake have that Liam doesn't?”

“He doesn't have the weight of the kingdom sitting on his head and shoulders, nor does he have a bunch of noble ladies fighting over him. Plus he’s nobody important to the press or tabloids. I’m not as worried about being seen with him, because I know he’ll protect me.”

“He’s not worried about being pulled into the Tariq scandal with you?” Hana asks, a look of concern on her face.

Kate shrugs, “I know he doesn't regret coming to my rescue, except for maybe the punches Tariq landed on his ribs. He was very much a gentleman about the whole thing, which is a lot more than I can say for Tariq.”

“But speaking of having two guys interested at the same time, what about Neville and Rashad?”

Hana wrinkles up her nose with a frown of disgust, “They're so boring. And neither were very nice to Penelope when we first met them.”

Kate applies a pale pink lip gloss to the center of her bottom lip to enhance her lipstick, pressing her lips together and then checking the results in the mirror, “Well frankly, since finding out she participated in the smear campaign against me, Penelope isn't one of my favorite people either. But I get what you’re saying, especially with Neville. He creeps me out in the same way Tariq does. Rashad seems to be marginally better than his friend as far as character goes, having made his own way as a businessman. He’s not depending on his Father’s money like Neville.”

Hana tilts her head, considering Kate’s thoughts. “I suppose you make a good point. But still, neither are as important, charismatic, charming or handsome as the King.”

Kate smirks, “Liam's definitely a charmer. I wonder sometimes what he sees in an ordinary barmaid like me. Or what Drake does either.”  Kate meets Hana's gaze in the mirror. "Am I really worth all this fuss? What's so special about me that loving one man must mean breaking the other's heart?"

"You mean besides your charisma, charm, intelligence and beauty? You're a genuinely nice person Kate, and everyone is drawn to you. The other women in the room envy you when the men all look your way."

Kate turns around to look up at Hana, seeing the admiration in her eyes. "You're all of these things and more, Hana."

Hana looks down at her shoes, shyly,  "I wish. My parents have invested so much into my training, refinement and education. But they've rarely praised me for any of my achievements. Sometimes I feel like they'd throw me at any available bachelor if it would raise my status on the social ladder, especially if it got our names in the media back home."

Standing up from her seat, Kate places her hands on Hana's shoulders. "Hey now, don't beat up on yourself. You're more than just some guy's arm candy or potential wife. You need to stand up and grab the future you want for yourself. To Hell with your parents’ expectations. I bet you could excel at anything you put your mind to. You don't need a man to raise your status. Be the strong independent woman I know you can be.”

Hana smiles, “Thanks Kate. I wish I’d met you years ago. You're the type of friend I've been missing all my life.”

Kate smiles back, “You’ve been here for me too, so it's only right that I return the favor.”

Stepping back from Hana, Kate strikes a pose with one hand on her hip, raising the other in a provocative sweep of her hair to highlight her face and bare shoulders. “So what do you think of my finished look?”

Hana smiles broadly, with a clap of approval at her stylish handiwork. “You're going to be hotter than the tea, that’s for sure.”

Kate winks, “Damn straight. We are.”

Drake stands outside of Kate's train compartment, fidgeting. Dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and dark grey trousers, with his hair combed and set with some of Maxwell's styling compound; he felt like a teenager on Prom night. Drying his sweaty hand on his thigh, he's reminded of how thin the fabric feels compared to his usual denim. The way the slim fit of the pant legs hugged his thighs made him feel so exposed, almost naked, and he was starting to regret not opting for his usual jeans. But Maxwell had assured him that he looked good, and that he’d fit in just fine at the party.

He hoped he looked good enough to escort Kate. The sudden absurdity of wanting to dress up for a tea party makes him chuckle and he shakes his head. Damn it Kate, what have you done to me?

Sucking in a deep breath he knocks on Kate’s door and waits.

…

Crouching down to secure the gold strap of her shoe around her ankle, Kate hears the buzzing sound of a text message coming from inside her purse. She glances up, “I bet that’s Drake.”

Hana gets a pinging sound on her phone seconds later, “It's a group text from Liam. The cars arranged to take us to the tea party have arrived. We're to meet in the dining car to coordinate who is traveling with whom.”

Kate breathes a sigh, picking up her clutch. “Ok, off we go then.”

.

Drake is leaning against the wall looking at his phone when he hears the sound of voices to his right, causing him to look up. Kate and Hana are giggling as they approach hand in hand, and then they stop as Kate sees Drake and gasps. “Oh..my...God! Look at you.”

With a smirk, Drake straightens up blushing. “What..do I look that bad?”

Kate shakes her head, then appraises Drake all over again with a head tilt and a slow look from head to toe and then back up again. “Nah, ah. Hardly. You’re looking like a tasty snack.”

Drake clears his throat, raising his eyebrows. “Heh, look who's talking. If I’m a snack you're definitely dessert.”

Hana grins at them both, rolling her eyes, “Ok lovebirds, quit with the flirty food talk and making eyes at each other we’ve got a party to get to.”

Stepping aside, Drake nods. “But of course, after you Ladies.”

Taking in a deep breath and closing his eyes as Kate passes him in the hall, Drake falls into step a few paces behind them. Damn she smells nice, this party isn’t going to be torture at all.

:::

tagging: @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @mskaneko @speedyoperarascalparty @dcbbw @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @drakexwillow @kingliam2019 @kimmiedoo5 @gardeningourmet @drakesensworld @mfackenthal @thequeenchoices @debramcg1106 @fluffy-marshmallow-heart @wickedgypsymoon @griselda1121 @indiacater @texaskitten30 @nikkis1983 @lynne1993 @bobasheebaby @drakesfiance @moonlightgem7 @princessleac1 @janezillow @jlpplays1 @walker7519 @drakesensworld @furiousherringoperatortoad @samihatuli @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @rainbowsinthestorm @burnsoslow @bbrandy2002 @jessiembruno @msjpuddleduck @princess-andromeda-nazario @princess-geek @mom2000aggie @batgirlassociationofgothamcity @masterofbluff

#drake walker #choices #what happens in paris #drake x kate #long post

[team-free-winchester]

Am I Dreaming? Chapter 6

Summary: The spell has finally worn off and the boys find another case leaving y/n with Cas once again. This time though things -feelings- changed. Things shifted somehow between the two and now they have to figure out has to handle the new tension in the air.

Pairing: Castiel x reader

Warnings: angst

Two days after the curse wore off another case was found, one that was bigger than the little ones I agreed to go on. The day they left Dean and I both tried to call for Castiel beforehand, Dean and Sam we're both still a little apprehensive to leave me alone but when Cas never answered they didn't have a choice. I tried calling him a few more times after they left before I decided to stop because he wasn't going to answer and went about the rest of my day.

After cleaning the bunker I decided to just put on a movie and relax, until about five minute in there was a flutter of wings and a dip in the couch beside me. Castiel. The moment I heard the flutter my head snapped into the direction it came from locking my eyes with the blue eyed angel, “Cas, you're here,” I breathe out shocked and somewhat excited, though I wouldn't admit that part.

Cas nods softly as he pays attention to the movie playing on the screen for a few minutes before turning towards me, “I apologize for not coming when you called I had business to handle in heaven,” he says softly looking into my eyes with a content gaze.

We sat there for a moment, just staring into each others eyes like we were both held a trance on the other. A part of me longed to just lean in, closing the space between us and pressing my lips to his, I can just imagine how his lips would feel against mine. Almost as if he read my mind, the moment those thoughts entered it Castiel visibly stiffened as he turned to look back at the tv.

After that we sat in silence to watch that movie and one more before Castiel's shifting and the tension between us was too much for me to handle, “What is it Cas?”

“What are you talking about? What is what?” He asked and he seemed genuinely confused throwing me off for a minute.

“There has been a tension in the air since early and you've done nothing but shift in your seat for two movies. This isn't like you normally you're talking and asking questions, so what's wrong?” I ask turning so I'm facing him, something we both did for the other to know we were listening.

After a few minutes of sitting there in silence while the gears in his head turned to figure out what exactly he was supposed to say to me Castiel finally spoke, “things changed after the other day,” he mumbled and I didn't need any more of an explanation than that. The last day before the spell wore off Castiel spent the whole day with me, we were tangled up in my bed watching movies. Nothing more happened than that, but Castiel sensed how I felt the whole time. Later on that night he had tried to talk about it and I tried to pass it off as an effect from the spell, I tried to tell him it was just teenage hormones and he believed it at first.

But I'm not a teenager anymore, the spell wore off four days ago and all effects of it are long gone and the same feelings are still there. I know Castiel can sense it and I know that's what he is talking about, but I don't know what else there is for me to say. I could be sent back at any time, I wasn't going to put myself into a situation I could get hurt in.

“I understand,” I say softly turning back towards the tv as I try not to focus on Castiel anymore that night.

But I couldn't, I lasted five minutes before I had to excuse myself to my room after telling him he didn't have to stay with me. The moment I entered my room I slid down my door with my head in my hands silently cursing myself for being stupid enough to let my feelings get the better of a friendship with someone I've grown attached to. I don't know how long I sat there, I remember Castiel coming to the door asking if I'm okay, which I said yes to as quickly as possible to dismiss him before he sensed my feelings now as well. But after that I remember sobbing into my hands, letting down the emotional wall I had up.

What I don't remember is climbing into bed, or even falling asleep for that matter. When I sat up I knew what had happened though, it was pretty obvious once I locked eyes with him from where he sat across the room. Neither of us spoke, no we just stared almost like we were both scared to set the other off in some way. I don't know how long we sat there like that but eventually Castiel broke, he rose from his chair and walked over to me. He hesitantly leaned in and kissed your forehead before mumbling that he'd be back and fluttering away.

‘This is the type of thing that I didn't want to happen, our friendship was great until now. And then my past ruined it like it ruined everything else back in my world's I thought to myself falling back onto the bed and pulling the covers closer. After a few minutes Cas returned though causing me to sit up again, examining the items he's carried in his hands. In one hand he held a plate with a sandwich on it and the other had a water bottle in it.

He walked over and placed both on the bed before returning to the chair on the other side of the room. One he was seated he looked at me and spoke, “you should eat and drink that stuff, you cried yourself to sleep so you need it.”

I nodded before mumbling a faint “thank you” and do just that. He didn't speak again until I was done eating, instead he sat there and watched me intently.

“Y/n you didn't give me a chance to explain more when I said things changed between us,” Cas began but I cut him off.

“You didn't have to Cas, I had a pretty good idea about what was to come if I stayed it would have went one of three ways and none of them end good for me.”

“Now how could you possibly know that?” He asked tilting his head and studying me.

“Because I know you Cas I watched the show long enough to know what you'd do,” I sighed slightly annoyed.

“Well watch are these three ways then hmm?” He asked leaning back and crossing his arms.

“You care about me how I do you for you but that doesn't matter because this life is dangerous for me and you'd rather I went back home to safety, you care about me as only a friend and don't want to hurt me so you don't know how exactly to say it, or you feel like it's not logical since I'm from another world.” I say before leaning back against the headboard and studying him.

He sighs and before taking a few deep breaths and looking up at me. He studies me momentarily before he says, “you're right it wouldn't end good for you.”

I looked at him blinking back tears momentarily before I mumbled, “please leave, I want to be alone,” I knew what the answer was going to be before he said it, but that didn't stop it from hurting.

Taglist

@thecurlyhairdwinchester @sillydecoy @salt-and-burn-my-life

#supernatural imagine #supernatural #cas x reader #castiel x reader #castiel #cas #cas x y/n #cas x you #supernatural castiel #castiel imagine #cas imagines #cas imagine #castiel x you #castiel x y/n #supernatural cas #spn #team free will

[themindofcassiopeia-blog]

Reality isn't photogenic

Hey Astrophiles⚡

So everybody talks about the good. They publish, post and publicise the good, the things they want everybody to see and admire, desire, and applaud. Sometimes people talk about the bad, the sugar coated truth that still comes with the glory of it's own that sucks sympathy out of listening souls and ends the story with a praise that upholds their egos to the highest standards.

But what about the ugly? What about the fact that people around us are dying. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally and spiritually too and it's messed up how nobody can talk about it without being an attention seeker...

Today I was talking to a girl in my class and she asked about the bandage on my hand. I told her my cat scratched me and she continue to make a comment how "at least I didn't take a knife and stab myself or something". Now normally I can brush things off but she pissed me off with the way she said it. I proceeded with a simple "huh?". And then what she said next put me over the edge...

"You get some stupid pschyco thingie people who do stuff like that and cut themselves for fun"

Again "huh?"

"You know those people with those scars on their wrists and stuff?"

Self harm...she meant self harm.

And then I lost it. Mentally I slapped her, in reality I just walked into class and ended the conversation there.

Recently I spoke about OCD on my page and the same girl made a comment about OCD as well...

Just the other day I find out from my best friend that the people I used to once call my sisters were trash talking me and the fact that I have bipolar disorder and I'm "too sensitive". Mind you that one of them bursts into tears to gain attention and has done so many many times.

The point I'm trying to get across is that ignorance is a reality and it's ugly as heck. How are individuals, especially teenagers going through the hell we call high school, expected to cope and be okay when mental illness is not taught in our education syllabus? When ignorance drives people to feeling like they are worthless because they fight demons in their heads every single day but "it's not that bad". Feeling like until you are dead it will never be "bad enough" to not be attention seeking. And even when it's too late we are never enough.

As I said over the course of this blog I'm gonna talk about different things in the hope that I can eliminate at least one person's ignorance if nothing more.

So lets talk about the ugly because this crap is real and real is something that slaps us in the face all too often. We all have stories and struggles that nobody knows about and we have our ugliest moments inbetween the bad and the good. So let's be real now. I don't want your guys's sympathy. I don't want to be praised or apologised to. I don't want to be hated on or accused of seeking attention because if I could I would disappear from the face of an earth in a heartbeat because I'm not invisible. I'm painfully visible and completely ignored until I'm being criticised. Here's my ugly.

At age 8 I was already being called fat by my mother and the memory still sticks with me. From age 12 onwards I went through phases of not eating, starving myself for days and when forced to eat would shut myself in my room and exercise only to have no numbers drop. Resorting to purging which left me with my emitophobia. But was I really afraid of vomit or afraid of dying? As years go on I'm just getting worse and I'm lying to everybody. I go through phases of overeating, undereating, binging, purging, starving, 1000 calorie burning exercises and chewing gum on an empty stomach. Eating infront of a mirror and googling thinspo to one day achieve. But guess what, fat girls who get skinny are a success story and heaven forbid you fail like I am.

Holding a knife to my skin and making elaborate stories about paper cuts and looking my scars and not seeing scars but seeing a lie to my mother and invisible ink saying help me. Knowing that 2 people have seen those scars and getting a weird look from one and a lecture from the other. Scratches, getting into baths of boiling water and burning my skin, punching walls and bashing my head on door frames, scratching scrars and pitching my flesh to bruises.

Holding a knife to myself, standing over the railing at a school and having one person out of everybody grab me and pull me back into the corridor. Setting up a belt in my wardrobe, having a depressing as heck notebook that would make somebody scream like they were in a horror movie. Taking pills for the sake of it and getting to a point of not being able to do anything without taking pain killers because one day I hoped it would stop the pain.

The fear of messing up, not being good enough, being hated and alone and uninteresting and unloved haunting me while I stay up day after day with no sleep. Feeling too stupid to be anything and too smart because what's the point of being a brainiac if you're ugly and fat too?

So my life is ugly. It's freaking ugly and I hate it and I've been trying to change it for years. I'm not skinny, my face is too chubby, my teeth are scew, my hair is lifeless and falling out, my skin looks like a packet of red m&ms and I'm too smart, not athletic enough, too boring, not artsy enough, unpopular and too quiet?

What do I want? I want to be what is seen as perfect these days and reality is that I can't be that. Reality is that I sit on my phone but I have no messages. I sit on this blog but nobody follows it. I sit in my bed and feel like crying but no tears come out and I'm exhausted but my brain never turns off. I see the photos, the stories, the captions, the perfect lives of all my peers having a good time while I sit alone every day. Just be more social? Even when I am nobody wants me.

But all I am is attention seeking by marking up my body, all I am is a gluttonous freak because I'm fat, I'm a lame nerd because I struggle to speak up and I get good grades (which recently proved to not even be good enough). Ignorance. We don't know each other's stories. Some people don't make it to tell the story.

One day. One day it will be me turning down guys who ask me out, one day it will be me wearing skinny jeans and not looking like an elephant. One day it will be me who is called pretty and is invited to things and has a social life. One day I will be enough. One day I can feel like it's acceptable for me to be happy.

So here's my ugly rant. It's contoversial. It's my raw thoughts. It's real and this blog is the only place I feel safe being real because my name is Cassiopeia...not my real name. My baggage isn't glued to me, my life is unknown. Guys if you have a problem then please talk to me. I want to help. Let me know your ugly because no matter what it is it matters to me. Rant, scream, shout, cry, just let it out because I won't judge. The only person I judge is myself if I'm being blunt. So let's open up the conversation and stop the ignorance.

We need more real.

I love you guys so much and I hope this wasn't a waste of time. I needed to vent so thank you if you read all my crap. Thank you for following and reading this if you did💙

xx Cass xx