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#heepetal requests
dollediary · 3 years
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JEALOUS
dom!sunghoon x sub!reader
"i love ur writings so i would like to request u one smut, extremely jealous dom sunghoon with innocent sub, sunghoon using pet names for his sub and whispering things like “you are only mine” and all, i think that would be hot.."
these kind of writings aren't my niche, so it's probably more like asshole sunghoon who takes voices his jealousy in an obnoxious way with clueless reader srry😢
overview: oral(fem receiving) + edging + creampie?
word count: 2.7k
*story under cut*
sunghoon wasn't a jealous person. he knew this was a fact because in all of his past relationships he never batted an eye at other men talking to his girlfriends. he never cared when a guy checked out his past girlfriends when they went out in public in revealing clothing. he never cared when his friends would make their compliments a little too friendly. if anything, it'd be out of character for sunghoon to be jealous. because he wasn't. jealous was just something sunghoon could never be.
so why is it that he is sitting here with his jaw clenched at the sight of you leaning over the couch's arm rest to look at something on jake's phone? why is it that his fingernails are digging deeply into his palm to the point where it's on the verge of bleeding because of how tight his hand is clenched? why is it that his ears are nearly pouring out smoke at the sight of jake taking those small risks to look at your cleavage when you'd bounce at how funny the video is? why is it that it's taking all the power in him not to snatch you away and fuck your brains out in front of his best friend to remind him his place? why is it pissing him off so much? why is it that he's never cared about this before you?
he closed his eyes taking a deep breath when he heard you laugh again, already knowing your eyes were closed and you were bouncing out of habit. he didn't have to open his eyes to know that jake shamelessly let his eyes trail down again the moment you did so. why? because jake knew you wouldn't know. and he thought sunghoon was too indulged in the tv to realize, too.
but that's the thing. sunghoon wasn't paying attention to the screen. he was glancing at you, too. he couldn't help but peek up your skirt since he was able to see your panties everytime you bounced. it was his favorite pair. they weren't lingerie, they were just a simple comfortable pair of bikini style panties that always seemed to gradually get swallowed up by your ass cheeks.
he actually didn't realize the malicious intent that jake had until he trailed his eyes up and caught him in the act. at first he brushed it off as a moment of weakness or an accident, but how could he accidentally eye your breasts several times? it soiled his good mood. and the only reason he didn't stop it was because he didn't want to admit it made him jealous. and he didn't want you to blame yourself even though apart of him was blaming you. you just had to be attractive. you just had to know just how to dress in ways that complemented your body in all the right places. he was never mad at it before because he liked the fact that he could eye fuck you, but right now it's one of the reasons because his friend was the one eye fucking you.
another laugh erupted from your lips making sunghoon's eyes trail over to the repetitive cycle in front of him. you'd laugh, you'd bounce, while jake licks his lips and stares. even though he'd been trying to avoid calling it out for the past three minutes, he couldn't take it anymore. he snaked his arm around your stomach, pulling you backwards. "that's enough of that," his voice was stern with no emotion as he made you sit down correctly again. once you were seated and looking at him in confusion, he got up grabbing his jacket putting his phone in his back pocket.
"i'm tired, let's go home," he did his best to give you a reassuring smile, but it could only look so real. you nodded, and went to grab his hand beginning to walk toward the door. you only stopped again when your arm was yanked slightly for you to look back and see he was still in the same place. he reached his hands in his pocket, handing you the keys to his car. "you go on, i gotta ask jake something real quick."
even though you could feel the coldness the sentence held in reference to jake, you nodded silently and followed his orders, closing the door behind you as you walked out to the car. when sunghoon was sure you were gone he sighed and turned around to jake who seemed to have already read the situation. "you're my best friend, so i won't hold it against you too much even tho it pissed me off, but if i catch you eye fucking y/n again, ill personally film a video of us fucking while she speaks down on you to put you in your place," he threatened making jake throw his hands up in defense. "okay man, i get it."
you took the initiative to start the car while you waited for sunghoon, knowing it wouldn't take him long and he'd also appreciate it. you scrolled aimlessly through instagram to pass the time. when he opened the door and got in, you put your phone down immediately refocusing all your attention on him while he drove. "is everything okay?" you asked, making his jaw clench at the fact that you unknowingly made him recall the situation again. sensing the uneasy air his actions created, he instinctively took his arm off the armrest and placed it on your thigh, giving it a small squeeze. it was something he'd do in reassurance to you to calm you down.
"it's fine kitten, i'm just tired," he said. you were going to question him, but he started rubbing circles on your thigh, making your brain go blank as it only focused on that. instead, you hummed in response as your eyes stayed fixated on his hand on your thigh. your eyes widened when he started slowly trailing his hand upwards, making its way under your skirt. you panicked, grabbing his hand. "what are you doing? we can't do that here," you said, referencing the fact that you two were on the road.
he stopped driving seeing the traffic light turn red, taking the opportunity to look at you with a smirk. "would you tell jake that?" he asked, turning his attention back to the street as he started driving again, inching his hand up more. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.
"jake? what do you mean?" you asked spreading your legs for him to get easier access. again, his jaw clenched. just hearing you say his name set him off in an internal rage even though he was the one to bring him up to begin with. he chose not to acknowledge it and continued moving his hand up, smiling when you took the initiative to move your panties aside, already getting desperate for him to start touching you.
he rubbed his fingers through your folds collecting up the juices that were already forming. "so wet already..." he said as he started rubbing circles around your clit. you sucked in a breath closing your eyes. "for me or for jake?" he asked, making you open your eyes again. what is his problem? suddenly not feeling horny anymore, you moved his hand away, moving your panties back in place.
sunghoon smiled upon seeing you upset. he took his fingers that were coated in your essence, bringing them to his mouth to happily suck on. he was amused while you, on the other hand, were upset. you scooted away from him and closer to the window deciding that anything you two passed by was more interesting than whatever stunt sunghoon was trying to pull.
"judging by your silence i'm guessing it's for him," he added on, moving his hand to your thigh to pull you back over to him. you turned to him and pouted, moving his hand away again as you scooted away from him again.
"why do you keep bringing him up?" you asked, swatting away his hand when he tried to touch you again. "bringing who up?" he asked, this time resorting to pulling you by your arm, tightening his grip anytime you'd try to move or take his hand off of you. a sigh of defeat left your lips as you gave up. "jake," you answered. "why do you keep bringing jake up?" since you already gave up on trying to get away from him, you resorted to just turning your body away from him as you spoke.
"you must love saying his name," sunghoon teased for the last time as he pulled into the driveway. he parked the car, unbuckled his seatbelt, and got out. he walked over to your side so, as usual, you waited for him to open the door for you. but he just stood there expectantly. you sighed and got out yourself holding his hand when he reached out for yours.
he reached in his pocket with his free hand, unlocking the door for you two to silently walk in. his original plan had been to rile you up to get you as upset as he was, then take you to the bedroom to fuck both of your frustrations out of you, but it seemed like every step he took only made him more upset, even though you two had barely made it past the door.
his movements didn't fully register for the both of you until he already had you up against the wall, grinding his hardened member against your thigh while he kissed your neck mumbling out his angry words onto it. "you gotta know what you're doing, you gotta know what that shit was doing to me," he breathed out as he started sucking on your sensitive spot, making you whimper under his touch.
you closed your eyes gripping his shirt to pull him closer to you. "what are you.... talking about?" you managed to ask even though your mind was completely focused on his actions. he inched his hand up your thigh, to your waist feeling up your body slowly the way he always does to drive you crazy. once again, you were under his spell, giving into his touch so easily. "how could you not see the way he was looking at you? nobody's supposed to look at you like that except for me," he spat out as he brought his lips back to yours before you could whine again.
you kissed back, opening your mouth slightly when he bit your bottom lip for permission to add tongue into the mixture. you smiled into the kiss as he let you suck on his tongue. it was the one thing he found out you shamelessly enjoyed doing without getting shy about it. he went to push your skirt up, rubbing his middle finger on your clit smiling at the fact that your wetness managed to soak through with so little words spoken and little to no touches exchanged.
he brought his hand back up to place it on your hip as he started grinding on your thigh, throwing his head back at the feeling. he moved his hand, pulling the hem of your skirt down, your panties coming off with them. he looked down watching as you slowly worked them down your leg not bothering to do anything else. "kick them off," he whispered in your ear, making sure to leave a kiss afterwards. you complied, lifting each leg up to kick them away. his lips never left yours as soon as he caught them in another desperate kiss. he felt his hands up until they were under your shirt, but then he paused.
"maybe i should keep these on since jake loved staring at them so much today," he debated as he kissed down your neck to your cleavage, sucking and lightly nibbling on it, making sure to leave visible hickeys. "maybe that'll remind him who you belong to."
you frowned at the mention of jake, not wanting the mention of him to soil both of your moods again, but sunghoon only let out a laugh as he kneeled down, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder. he took a quick whiff of your aroma, closing his eyes in content at the sweet and intoxicating smell it let off. he couldn't help but hum as he brought his lips to place a kiss on your clit before licking up a stripe to pick up your tasty juices on his tongue. he let his tongue move in agonizingly slow circles that made you buck your hip up as a way to request for more. obeying your wordless request, he dug his nails into the thigh that he had over his shoulder, pulling you as close to him as he possibly could,
"keep grinding on my tongue," he mumbled against your folds, dipping his tongue into them before making it inch its way into your hole. you bit your lip, closing your eyes as you shyly, but firmly grinded against his face. you could feel your legs getting weak as your high approached, but right when it was about to hit its highest point before your orgasm crashed over you, sunghoon pulled away licking your juices off his lips.
you whined as he simply got up, unzipping his pants tugging them down then discarding them away somewhere in the room. soon his shirt was gone, too, leaving him in nothing but his boxers as his dickprint stood out clearly, though the cloth clung menacingly onto it. the sight of it was mouth watering, making you drop to your knees eager to have him in your mouth.
he let out a hum of disapproval, pulling you up to grab your hand, leading you to the couch. "lay down," he said, climbing over you once you did so. looking down at you, he could see the way your breasts flattened out, and he almost drooled at the sight of it. "you're so sexy, you don't even know," he groaned, leading down to kiss you again. while you were focused on making out with him, he snaked his hand down to play with your clit. you moaned into his mouth as your back arched upon him inserting a finger inside you.
he thrusted his finger slowly before adding another one into the mixture, making your movements stutter while you clenched around him. just when your high was about to reach its highest point again, he removed his fingers. "if you're gonna cum anywhere, you're cumming on this cock, kitten," he said, pulling his boxers off, finally lining himself at your entrance. after teasingly rubbing his tip through your lips to collect your juices, he thrusted all the way in slowly.
after waiting for your go, he pulled out and then thrusted all the way in before he started going at a comfortable pace. you threw your head back as you let your moans escape your lips, encouraging him to go faster. "bet jake wanted to fuck you on that couch, huh?" he grabbed your leg throwing it over his shoulder as he thrusted deeper, hitting your g-spot every single time. you reached out to him beckoning him to close the distance between the both of you.
while he was busy sucking and nibbling on your neck, you showed your gratitude by leaving scratches on his back as you wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him impossibly closer to you while your back arched, your chest meeting his as you did everything in your power not to orgasm if it meant that this would last a little longer. sunghoon let out a hiss at the fact that you were unintentionally clenching around him. "hold on baby, i'm close."
"s-sir.. i can't- i can't," you tried to stop it but, after being edged twice, your body had a mind of its own as you clenched around him, your orgasm finally hitting you harder than you've ever felt before. but of course sunghoon didn't stop there, his thrusts speeding up as he let the rest of his stress out. you whined at the overstimulation, reliving the feeling by digging your name into his skin, only making him go faster. "you're mine," sunghoon grunted, his hips stuttering with his last few thrusts as he came soon after, fully painting your walls with his seed before he pulled out.
his arms gave out as he plopped on top of you while the two of you caught your breaths. "sorry," he mumbled onto your skin before he got up, grabbing your hand to take you to the shower with him. even though he had originally gotten on your nerves for his behavior, he knew just how to fuck it out of you. so it's safe to say you forgave him.
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dollediary · 3 years
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I Still Wanna Try
I. False Hopes
yes this is a series now ;)
🏹 pairing(s): heeseung x female reader, heeseung x giselle, sunghoon x female reader, jake x female reader
🏹 genre: angst, smut
🏹 warning(s): language, manipulation? cheating
🏹 synopsis: y/n and heeseung, two highschool sweethearts whose relationship seemed to only have grown worse as time went on. what was once nothing but puppy love turned into an immature and toxic romance that lead to the downfall of their relationship. heeseung, the displayed unfaithful partner, went seeking comfort in the arms of another woman, essentially cheating on y/n. after the situation was brought to light, he lost y/n. now, with the help of his friend jake, we get to watch as he carelessly tries to win her heart over, while either earning her trust back, or making matters worse for himself.
🏹 word count: 3.7k
"...could i request a heeseung or jaeyun fic- prolly where they’re in a very toxic and unhealthy relationship , and they start another argument in front of their friends which leads to another one while they’re at home. jus bickering and heeseung or jaeyun being strictly mean to y/n. it could end up wid smut or angst! up to you <33 if you’re comfortable wid it"
I GOT CARRIED AWAY AND DID NOT FOLLOW THE REQUEST AT ALL I'M SO SORRY!!!😭😭 it's just like toxic heeseung x toxic fem!reader ft. jake and sunghoon 😩 also i didn't turn this into a smut because i was too excited to write an angst story!! i hope you enjoy regardless! (as always to my readers, dont be shy to send in requests u creative mfs‼️it takes some time, but i think i make it worthwhile! also i have another fic coming out that actually ties into this that is also a request, but i could potentially turn this into a smut after i post the other one bc the context of it would make it 100x better, but let me not get ahead of myself!! anyways i hope y'all enjoy because this is different than the works i've done so far i think??
[♪masterlist | next →]
"my god, y/n you do this every fucking time, do you even understand how unbearable you are?" heeseung said with the roll of his eyes as he laid down fully on the couch you recently were sitting on. you were up and about, and in tears, as you angrily grabbed your phone and keys, throwing them into your purse.
"unbearable, huh?" you seethed as you angrily turned your body to him and. "that's new. hm, maybe i should add it onto the list of 'shitty things my boyfriend has called me'," you pulled your purse up, throwing it over your shoulder as you stood there. a big part of you wanted to leave, but the other part was screaming into your ear to stay and argue, and that was the part you would always listen to.
"it's weird as hell that you're keeping a list," he said with a laugh as he nonchalantly scrolled through his phone. you rolled your eyes as you watched how unbothered he was. it was like this was only bothering you. it was always that way. you two would argue, whether it be over text or in person, and he would just sit there and act like he didn't give a shit. you were starting to believe that he really didn't.
"obviously it's not a real list, heeseung," you said, refraining from calling him out of his name so he wouldn't be able to use it against you if things were to boil down enough for a civilized conversation. "it's just always at the back of my head since you never fail to make me feel shitty about myself whenever shit like this happens."
"oh i'm sorry, i didn't expect you to hold everything i've ever said to you against me, y/n," he yawned, still not looking your way. "but what can i expect? you'll do anything just to remain the victim every single time, right?" his bitter laugh boomed through your ears like a siren you couldn't turn off. you clenched your fists hard, doing everything in your power not to blow off even more, but this man always made it so hard for you.
"because i am the victim, i never do this shit to you, yet you do this all the fucking time," you said, yet he still made no effort to pay any real attention. "i don't even want to be here anymore, you ruined my whole mood. i can't even be at peace in your presence without you finding a way to fuck with me."
"no one's forcing you to be here," he said, referencing that you could easily leave. he knew you didn't want to leave, that you wanted to get the last word in. usually he would let you, and let the conversation, for an actual discussion about your feelings be made, but he was so sick of always being the blame. always being painted as the shitty boyfriend when you were just as bad as he was.
still wanting to get a reaction out of him, you tried to think of a way to rile him up just enough to get the same energy you were giving him. then it dawned on you like a lightbulb switching on. "and no one's forcing me to keep this stupid ass neck lace on either," you said ripping it off in the heat of the moment. the weak golden chain that was once securely around your neck was now cracked and broken as you threw it at him.
you had finally caught his attention once the broken anniversary necklace landed on him. his ears started burning red with anger as he picked up the jewelry off of his chest where it landed. "fuck you!" heeseung said as he threw it behind him as he got up, towering over you as looked down with anger in his eyes.
"no fuck you! i'm tired of this shit. i'm not gonna let you keep treating me like shit!" you were unfazed by his gaze since you'd seen it so many times before. if anything, you were only gonna test him more to see how far you could push him. oh, but he had other plans in mind.
"oh, but you will, y/n! you know why? because you know no matter what i say or do to you, you're not gonna leave. you. never. do," he said, poking your forehead with every emphasis. you glared up at him as you smacked his hand away from you. a scoff left your lips, feeling like he was starting to tear your wall of anger down with that sentence. now it felt more... personal. because he was right.
"well my fucking bad for wanting to be loved by you, heeseung," your words and tone were still the same, but it was evident that what he said got to you. he knew it would anyways because, contrary to belief, he knew how to get under yout skin, too. and you deserved to be hurt after what you did to that necklace he spent his hard earned money on for you.
"well, fuck, y/n. you shouldn't be with a man if you feel like he doesn't love you, don't you think?" he asked, challenging you even more. tears brimmed in your eyes again as you kept eye contact with him. of course you knew you couldn't stop the tears from forming, but if there was one thing you could do, it was stopping them from falling.
"i'm obviously staying because i want you to love me." you know, the way you used to. before our heads constantly crashed together, before the first name was called, before the first block and break we took because of it. she wanted to say, but her pride wouldn't let her. and if there's anything or anyone she'll listen to, it's her pride. "but it's clear that you don't, so maybe i shouldn't be with you."
just by the look in your eyes, as well as the tears you let fall, heeseung knew that you were no longer being spiteful with him. though the two of you had argued badly in person, it's only gotten this bad through text. but even so, this was worse. and even though he knew what you were saying was said genuine, he kept searching your eyes just for another second, hoping there was some sort of evil intent. or some sort of lie.
but there just... wasn't. your eyes only looked back in his with pain. you felt a lump forming in your throat while looking back. his eyes scanning yours for something more was only making it hurt more. but every ounce of you was tired. daily arguments, daily disrespect, daily disregard for your feelings is making your mental health crumble. if you didn't leave now, you were sure you'd never be able to. but aside from that knowledge, this is also your brain telling you that, if he fights for you now, it's worth fixing.
"yeah," heeseung said with a sigh after juggling the pros and cons of breaking up, the pros weighing hundreds more. "maybe you shouldn't." he took a few steps back while you only looked at him, eyes widened while your heart only broke into pieces at his words. you didn't dare let out an audible sniffle, stopping anymore tears from falling so as to not show him that this was genuinely breaking your heart.
"uh, guys? i don't think this is the place to be doing that," you and heeseung's head turned to see jake sitting on the couch, phone in one hand while the other held one of his airpods that he'd taken out of his ear. you don't even know why that replaced your sadness with anger. and you didn't know why it made you mad at jake. how embarrassing is it to be broken up with in front of your boyfriend's friends.
"shut the fuck up, jake."
you turned back to heeseung who was looking at you with the same surprised expression. since when did you guys say shit in sync? he let out a bitter laugh while jake got up, quietly excusing himself so as to not cause anymore tension. you rubbed your arm awkwardly avoiding eye contact once reality set in again. heeseung noticed this and his heart fell once again.
"god, y/n," he said, pulling you into his embrace, your face buried in his chest. he had one arm protectively around your back, the other on the back of your head caressing it slowly. "you don't know what you're doing to me." you could hear the crack in his voice as he rested his chin on top of your head. you've never seen him get emotional, yet alone hear it.
"i'm sorry, i don't wanna break up."
"i don't want to, either."
"can we just go home and pretend everything's okay? even if it's not?"
"of course, baby," he said, grabbing your hand, leading you to the door.
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"you can't seriously be mad at me right now!" heeseung screamed following closely behind you. you ignored him, your stomping getting louder as you got closer to your room. luckily the door was open from when you left it open earlier, so it was easier for you to (at least attempt to) slam the door on him had his hands not been so quick. "y/n, stop ignoring me. i swear to fucking god."
"stop following me," you said, your tone as cold as ice as you made a quick u-turn walking out the room, but not before trying to pull it shut on him. he quickly reopened it, groaning frustratedly. "stop trying to shut doors on me, i'm tryna talk to you!"
"fuck you, i don't wanna talk," you said, journeying your way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door with unnecessary force as you angrily looked around for something- anything to drink.
"so you're just gonna keep ignoring me?!"
"seems like it!" you said, slamming the fridge door shut again you begin to walk away from him, only stopping when you feel him harshly tug at your arm, making you turn around to face him. to say you weren't still attracted to him, even though all you could see was red, while looking at him would be a lie. you could see his once fluffy bangs sticking to his forehead like glue from the sweat he worked up while chasing after you, complimented by the rosy redness of his cheeks and his chest heaving only a little bit abnormally while he got his breathing under control.
if you hadn't seen what was on his phone, you would've fallen back into his arms, cluelessly and willingly letting him sweet talk his point across. maybe it could've been something petty that you two would be able to have gotten over, or just a petty argument that you two would have set your prides aside for. but it wasn't. and it won't be, no matter how much you wished it were.
"look, i don't know what you saw on there, but whatever it was doesn't give you the right to go through my phone."
is that why you've gone out of your way to face your phone downward everytime we're together? is that why you've been voluntarily leaning away from me to answer your phone every time it vibrates? is that why you were bugging me nonstop asking me if i had anything to tell you? because you knew you had something to tell me? because you were so guilty, that you wanted there to be a possibility that i would have the same shame you did?
there were so many questions you wanted to ask. and so much you wanted to say. and you had genuinely thought earlier that if you were angry enough you'd be able to cuss him out about it. or start a whole new elaborate argument, over literally anything, for you to hit him with the information you found so you could have the upper hand before kicking him out.
but you weren't angry. maybe you were before, not anymore. especially not when you face him and look him in the eyes. not when he's looking at you as if you needed to be the one apologizing for going through his phone. like you needed to cooperate with him, now. not when it's as serious as this. and especially not when it's hurting you this bad.
your mind and heart raced as you looked at him, not wanting to say anything just yet because you knew whatever you'd say to him would be what you were really feeling. and if there's anything you hated, it's having people know that they've gotten under your skin or hurt you. and that's exactly what he did, maybe worse than that. "can you please say something?" he begged, the desperation being more than clear on his face and in his tone.
"am i not good enough for you?"
his eyes widened, then softened. his once tight and firm grip on your arm loosened as you retracted it back to your side where it belonged. you could tell he knew exactly why you asked that by the way he struggled to find the words to say. but what was there to say that wouldn't contradict his actions. "y/n... that was before we got back together. it only happened because... i only did that because i thought we were seriously going to break up. you know i'm not like that."
then what are you like? tell me. why are you still texting her, heeseung? why have you been texting her for months, going to her every time we have issues? why is she so comfortable telling you she'll be ready to pick up the pieces i leave behind the second we call it quits for real?
"you're giving her false hopes at a relationship," you sniffled, not being strong enough to confront the more important questions your body kept screaming at you to ask. he bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head.
"no, i didn't," he said defensively. "i told her i didn't know when we would break up. but that was only because she was asking if we'd be breaking up soon!"
"that's giving her false hope, you asshole!"
"how the fuck is that giving her false hope, y/n?!" he raised his voice, running his hand through his hair. "it's not like we're going to be together forever at this rate! i can't keep doing this back and forth shit with you, and i definitely can't keep doing this on and off, and blocking each other every other day shit, either. i'm tired of pretending like this relationship is still fixableㅡ like this is still worth saving."
"so why can't you just fucking leave me?!"
"because i don't know how!"
"so you just keep another girl on the sidelines in hopes that i leave soon so you can immediately move on?!"
"i already fucking told you it's not like that! she's just a friend!"
"i don't think friends are supposed to tell you they'll be “ready to pick up the pieces i leave behind the second we call it quits for real”, heeseung! i don't think you should be telling your friends to call you because you think we're “done for real this time”."
"well what else am i supposed to do? am i supposed to lie and tell you that i don't want you anymore? am i supposed to stop crawling back to you the second you give me the opportunity to? why do you think i'm here right now?! why do you think i'm still trying to love you!"
because you feel bad and pity me?
"why?"
"because i actually love you! and no matter what, i will continue to choose you over anybody any day. even if she loves and treats me better in months than you have in years, i will never look in her direction as long as you're in mine, y/n."
somehow even after all the wrong he's done, he still makes your broken heart beat faster at his words. his words were so sickeningly sincere. he genuinely felt like he loved you, afterall he was more than willing to go through the same draining cycle again and again with you every time you asked for him back. that was enough to prove it right? he held out his hand, silently begging for yours, and for a second you were almost trapped under his spell again, but you knew better. you stepped back and shook your head at him.
"no. this isn't love anymore." it isn't love. and i know it. no matter how hard i try to push this aside, or try to excuse it, it hurts too much to. i can let a lot of things go when it comes to us, but not this. not when you've already opened your heart, emotionally, for another girl to make her home. i just can't do it.
you wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn't come out of your mouth, instead they showed through your eyes while he kept searching them for something anything! any kind of doubt or second thoughts that he could twist and rethread to make you stay one last time. if you could show any signs of not wanting to let go, he could talk it into you and be better this time! he could cut her off without any last word and fix everything.
"no. no, no, no, no, no, no. please don't say that. we can fix thisㅡ"
"but aren't you tired of pretending like this relationship is still fixable? like it's still worth saving?"
"fuck! i only said that in the heat of the moment, i didn't mean it, please. i can fix this. please just don't let me go, y/n. i love you so much, you know this. and you know you love me, too."
your heart hurt too much to even reply to him at this point, all you could do was shake your head while you looked any and everywhere else but his eyes. by now his tears were falling, too. he knew now that he had become the shitty boyfriend. and no matter how bad you were in his eyes, you were no longer just as bad as he was. a sigh left his lips as he searched for the last piece of unsureness in you. maybe you were right. maybe it wasn't love anymore.
"fuck, i'm sorry, y/n. i really am. i don't know why i keep making these dumb ass mistakes. i don't know why i keep doing this shit when i know it hurts you. i don't know why i led her on when i knew that no matter what happens i wouldn't be able to let you go. i don't know what i'm supposed to do without you. i can't see a world without you in it. you still mean everything to me, i really don't want to lose you."
"please, heeseung," your voice was barely above a whisper, and even though you genuinely didn't want to look him in the eyes, you knew this was the only way to communicate it. "just go, you've done enough. i wish you two the best, we've been holding onto this too long. i can't force compatibility anymore."
he fell to his knees in desperation, grabbing onto your hand as he looked up at you putting aside all the pride he had left. "you don't mean that. we're not forcing anything! i promise i'm gonna change. i'll do anything, you can't let me go!"
you sighed, grabbing his hand with your other one, helping him get back on his feet. "thank you for being my first love but, at this point, that's all you can be. no love is worth this amount of pain. now, please leave. i can't handle any more of this. i love what you were able to bring into my life, but your heart doesn't belong to me anymore."
he took his hand back, looking up to blink back any other tears that were threatening to fall. "i'm sorry.," was all he could muster up before he finally walked out of the kitchen, then out to the living room and front door and ultimately out of your life. as if your heart couldn't break anymore, you felt the pieces break into shreds while you walked into your room.
by now you had no tears left to cry, so all you could do is stare at the ceiling, deep in thought while you hopedㅡ prayed for your roommate sunghoon to come in and comfort you. as bad as today was, at least life had the decency to call him into your room to let you cry onto his chest until you were ready to open up about the heartbreak.
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