#hell ruelle

[thesuninyoureyes]

fish slice?

sterling silver spatula?

a warlock called spoon?

julian being sarcastically polite? and coming in with the jokes

emma dressing up in a flowy dress and thinking it might be too scandolous when infact there were just a bunch of pruny old downworlders?

a wessa wedding reference?

this is my favorite entry so far😭

#apologies to the ones with Jace Herondale artwork in them #sobh #julian blackthorn #emma carstairs #will herondale #tessa gray #charlotte fairchild #henry branwell #hell ruelle #secrets of blackthorn hall #mark blackthorn #kieran kingson #cristina rosales #tid #tlh #tda

[heronchild-haven]

I love the energy in this scene.

#you can decide #wether this is what it looks like #but at the very least #James has some homicidal inclinations towards Kellington #james herondale #matthew fairchild #Claude Kellington #heronchild #chain of gold #hell ruelle #the last hours

[ziorite]

because on god i was picturing a piece of sashimi when mister spoon said fish slice

#not even questioning why henry and charlotte were gifting them a spatula #why is it called a fish slice #please enlighten me #sobh #secrets of blackthorn hall #zebulon spoon #zebulon #fish slice #spatula #julian blackthorn #emma carstairs #british english #american english #hell ruelle #tsc #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles

[thedamnephilimfangirl]

Omg Round Tom is at the Hell Ruelle

#was i the only one shocked at this revelation? #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #chot spoilers #chot #chain of thorns spoilers #chain of thorns #round tom #hell ruelle #tlh #the last hours

[tys-kitty]

At some point I‘m glad the Hell Ruelle still exists but on the other hand I don‘t want it to be an old men club

#cassandra clare #sobh #secrets of the blackthorn hall #emma carstairs #julian blackthorn #hell ruelle

[bookishjules]

Ragnor 🤝 me

Finding every reason to talk more about words and their symbolism

#sobh #secrets of blackthorn hall #hell ruelle #ragnor fell

[goodoldfashionednerd]

Cassie did the Hell Ruelle so dirty, what happened to get from point A to point B?

#sobh #secrets of the blackthorn hall #the secrets of blackthorn hall #tsc #tlh #the last hours #the hell ruelle #hell ruelle #tda #the dark artifices #julian blackthorn

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

first of all i just changed my phone background for the first time since literally last summer. (it’s the emma and alastair art. i realized that i look at it every day anyway so i might as well make it easy) and secondly i just got to the part in chain of gold where james and cordelia kiss….. my girl is down HORRENDOUSLY bad… cannot wait to see the rest of their whole thing i just know it’s gonna make me crazy weird insane

#also. wtf is charles doing at the hell ruelle. bro get out…. #he’s such a vibe killer oh my god #tlh lb

[seventies-arcana]

PAC: what romance trope are you?

hi lovies! i got a fun one for you all today. in this pac reading, you will find out which romantic trope fits your energy the best. this is purely for entertainment and enjoyment purposes only. seriously, i had so much fun doing this one! ask upon your guides/higher self to help guide you to which photo/pile you should select, then read the message. (basically, let them vibe check you 🤭) images are not mine. pick a picture to begin ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

pile one (the lollipops): the little things + self healing + true love this pile definitely carries friends to lovers energy. picking up on your persons quirks, anxious habits, reading their body language like it's second nature. knowing every detail about your person that you don't realize goes beyond the typical platonic relationship, until you've fallen too deep. not being able to confess your feelings after weeks of harboring them because you don't want to potentially ruin the friendship. the lingering gazes across the room that last just a second too long for it to be platonic. the passing touches lasting a bit too long to be excused as "normal friends being friends". the pining for each other, too blinded by your own attraction to realize it's mutual. at the heart of it all, the love is love. it's genuine, it's unexpected, it's rare. it's you, it always has been you.

pile two (the silk): casanova + protection + attraction this pile contains enemies to lovers energy, hands down. deep history, conflicting viewpoints, refusal to find common ground. but the tension is there. hell, the hatred might be nothing more than a surface level mask. it starts with a disagreement. it progresses into physical attraction. it'll end with romance. because no matter how many times you tell them that you hate their stupid face, you can't deny how much you want them. they'll say they don't need someone like you, but in minutes you'll catch them looking at you like they want to kiss you. eventually, it'll become more intimate. your feelings will get harder to conceal inside. and when you and your person finally tell the truth, the love is built on understanding each other, knowing each other at their worst. despite everything that's happened, i'll stand by your side.

pile three (the dice): solid decision + impatience + chance the energy of a forbidden romance is told within this pile. romeo and juliet, through and through. no matter what, against all odds, you and your person will try to be with each other. it doesn't matter if your told to find someone whose wealthier or offers more stability. you want them. the yearning you have for each other is so deep it's almost painful. the secret meetings are everything to you. you will give the relationship a chance, even if the path ahead is tough, because they offer you a sense of love unlike any other. you know that they are your person. it doesn't matter if someone else disapproves. you will fight for them, they will fight for you. this love is dangerous. it's risky. it's all consuming. it's dedicated. and it's yours. i will leave this life behind if it means i get to love you.

pile four (the cherries): newfound respect + fondness + deception these cards are carrying the energy of a faking dating trope. you're just trying to reach a common goal through this, right? wrong. the extended proximity will cause feelings to develop between the two of you. looking at each other after a few weeks of this obligation, and seeing something new. there's hidden desires sprouting deep in your soul that you'll push to the back of your mind, not realizing it's happen to your person as well. pretending that it's just a fake relationship, telling each other that it's nothing more once you two are alone, even though you continue to sit close together in private. the lines between what's real and what's fake begin to blur. the confession at the end of the fake relationship is raw, expressing how you want it to be real this time. i don't want to lose you, not after all this time together.

please like, follow, and reblog for more pac readings :)

#Spotify #seventies arcana #tarotblr #tarot community #divination #tarot #spirituality #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card reading #tarot reading #tarot readings #pac reading #pac #channeled message #channeled reading #love #free tarot #free tarot readings #oracle #oracle reading #romance tropes #romantic tropes

[snowfll]

The Other Side; Coriolanus Snow

pairing - young!coriolanus snow x fem!reader summary - neither of you saw it coming, will you ever let it go? ; you promised to stick by him, no matter what. he started to switch up on his values. words - 2.06k warning - snow is a cheater and manipulator!! he lies what a shocker note - alright ik EVERY new writer says this, but I genuinely have never written on tumblr before. plus the fact I haven't written in a while, so please, bear with me!! ofc this is based off of song The Other Side by Ruelle

In the fading light of the 10th annual Hunger Games, you stood by Coriolanus's side. Your tribute was long gone, but you stayed and waited, knowing Lucy Gray could make it. Of course, you cared for your tribute, but poor Dil was helpless and everyone knew it. Either way, you didn't need the prize money; being born into wealth had its perks. Coriolanus, on the other hand, clung to his desperate need for it. Although he would never admit it to anyone else in the Academy, his entire the rest of his family trusted you, so he trusted you with the knowledge of his home life.

As Lucy Gray sang passionately, with snakes surrounding her, the atmosphere was tense. Everyone was on the edge of their seats, particularly Coriolanus. The declaration of her victory allowed the room to erupt into celebration. Despite the throng of students rushing to congratulate him, his focus remained solely on you.

"Thank you for being here," he declared taking your hand in his. Your response, sincere and unwavering, conveyed a truth that transcended the surface of the celebratory chaos. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," you confessed to him, recognizing that your place is always going to be by his side. "We stick by each other," he insisted, extending his pinky toward you, a symbolic gesture of your enduring bond. "Always," you assured him.

As the festivities continued, whispers of congratulations enveloped the room. Amid the noise, your shared moment with Coriolanus lingered, an invisible string connecting the two of you. If only your words mirrored the internal struggles, for beneath the facade of your love for each other, an unspoken truth lingered - a truth that for the moment, remained hidden behind smiles and pinky promises.

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Coriolanus’s departure from the academy was sudden and a mystery to everyone. Leaving without a goodbye left you to wonder if Dr. Gaul’s words were true when she told everyone, “Coriolanus Snow has decided to enroll as a peacekeeper”. Unfortunately, that's all she would say on the matter, nothing of his whereabouts or when he would be returning. You wish you were able to write to him, but as far as you knew, no one was able to reach him, not even Tigris and Grandma’am.

Life in the academy without Coriolanus by your side was hell, you weren’t exactly popular amongst your peers. You spent your days sitting alone at lunch and in class, praying he would return to you; he never did. Still, you knew, where ever he was, he was still the boy you knew and loved. There was nothing that he could do to change that. You were sure he would find his way back to you and everything would be okay.

Little did you know that Coriolanus was enjoying his time over in District 12, the home of the one and only, Lucy Gray Baird. Being a Peacekeeper had its ups and its downs, ask Coriolanus and he’d say mostly ups. He loved you of course, but he wasn’t sure he’d see you again. His time in the district brought changes in your lives. Values you both once held dear began to fray, worn out by the insidious influence of those around him.

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Months passed, and slowly a year went by without Coriolanus making his return. Not only had he not come back, but his family had also left you in the past. The uncertainty surrounding his whereabouts and well-being left you with a sense of despair and fear. Questions raced through your mind - had something terrible happened to him? Was he still alive? The lack of information gnawed at you, making it difficult to find any solace or hope. The weight of the unknown pressed heavily on your heart, leaving you to wonder if you would ever find closure. Would you ever recover?

Without him, your days were spent in bed, moping around and skipping class. It’s a miracle that you even graduated, obviously, your parents had some part in bribing the school; Donating money to the academy to guarantee your graduation without a penalty of any kind, considering how often you were absent.

Eventually, you came to terms with what had happened, it took a while, but you made it through. You managed to make some friends, who made it their one goal to you back your happy self. Somehow they miraculously persuaded you to go back to University. This wasn’t something you were thrilled to do, but after they wouldn’t quit nagging you, you agreed to try it out.

That’s where you were now; stood in front of the prestigious University entrance, filled with a mix of emotions as you prepared to take on another day without the man you once needed. As you gazed at the grand entrance, memories flooded your mind; all the moments you waited at the gates of the Academy, waiting for Coriolanus so you could walk in together.

Walking into the building was hard the first few days, but now, months later, it was manageable. You headed inside and immediately walked towards your group - group meaning your two friends. Normally, at the Academy, you would head straight to class with Coriolanus, but without him, you didn’t feel the need to go early. When you reached them, you noticed they were talking about Dr. Gaul and a new student she would be ‘mentoring’.

“Who is this new student?” you were curious to see why everyone was making such a big deal over a student. They both turned to you with worry and guilt in their eyes. You watched their eyes slowly follow something behind you causing you to turn around. Oh.

In that moment, you made eye contact with someone you thought you were never going to lay eyes on again. Coriolanus Snow; he was supposed to be dead. Well, at least that's what you told yourself, with the fact he didn’t bother to contact you all this time. He looked different, his once luscious and curly locks were now straight and combed to the side. Still, he looked amazing, different, but amazing. He noticed you, yet he seemed to walk right past you.

“We’re sorry honey, we found out yesterday,” one of them spoke up, clearly having noticed how upset and confused you were. “We wanted to tell you, we promise; we just didn’t know how to bring it up to you.”

The news hit you like a ton of bricks, leaving you feeling a mix of emotions. Confusion, anger, and hurt swirled inside you as you tried to process the fact that Coriolanus Snow, the person you had loved and trusted, was not only alive but had kept his return a secret from you. It was difficult to comprehend why he would do such a thing, especially after all the promises you had made to each other.

As you watched him walk past you, seemingly unaffected by your presence, your heart sank even further. The pain of his absence had been unbearable, and now the shock of his return only added to the emotional turmoil you were experiencing. Questions raced through your mind - why did he leave in the first place? Why didn't he reach out to you? Was everything you had shared just a lie?

Now faced with the reality of his return, you were unsure how to navigate this new chapter. The pain and confusion lingered, overshadowing any potential joy or relief. Could you ever trust him again? You didn’t know, but one thing you did know is that you would not allow him to ignore you.

Your friends pulled you into a hug, knowing how you were feeling. You never spoke to them about how you truly felt after his disappearance, but they knew. Everyone from the Academy knew, how could they not? Although you were not well-liked, he was, meaning they treated you however they treated him. The two of you were the power couple, nothing could stop you guys, or so everyone thought.

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

After class, you marched right up to his apartment door, knocking and pounding so hard you could almost hear the hinges breaking. Who cares if you break the door? You certainly didn’t - at least it would grab his attention. As soon as you saw him open the door, you pushed him inside, shutting the door behind you with a kick of your leg.

Being this up close to him was enchanting, you waited for this moment for months, but all you could feel now was anger and hurt. The both of you just stood there staring at each other for what felt like hours. Finally, you crossed your arms and spoke up. “Coriolanus.” He knew he was in trouble, not once in the years you have known him, have you called him by that name. “wai-” he started but was soon cut off by the sound of your voice. “No, let me talk.” He was fully prepared to get yelled at, he already had been told off by Tigris.

“You disappear on me, for months. I don’t hear anything from you or your family.” Clearly, you were pissed as you began to hit your fist on his chest. He just let you do what you wanted, knowing what he did to you, “You come back and have the audacity to look at me and ignore me. How dare you. Coriolanus Snow. How fucking dare you.” Now you were yelling. What could you say, your emotions are all over the place. “After everything we’ve been through together? All the promises we made. Please don’t tell me they were all false promises. Please.” By this point you were crying, somehow you both made it to the floor, him holding you in his arms.

"I'm so sorry," Coriolanus whispered, his voice filled with regret and remorse. "I never meant to hurt you." His grip tightened around you as he began to explain. Though you weren’t sure if he was true to his words, it felt nice to receive an explanation after all this time.

"After the Hunger Games, I was sent away to District 12, against my will. Lucy Gray and I... we formed a connection. It was unexpected, and I couldn't resist her charm. We spent time together, and I thought... I thought I could forget about you, about us." He paused, his voice shaking. "But then she betrayed me, just as she betrayed everyone else. She left me, and I realized the mistake I had made."

Coriolanus took a deep breath, his eyes filled with sincerity. "Lucy Gray was a distraction, a moment of weakness. I was lost, confused, and I made a terrible choice. But it wasn't real, it wasn't true love. You are the one who has always been there for me, who has stuck by my side through thick and thin."

He wiped away a tear from your cheek, his touch gentle and filled with remorse. After a while, you were able to speak up and ask “What are you doing back here?”. He was hesitant to respond, afraid of what you might think of everything. "I am studying under Dr. Gaul now, working as a Gamemaker. It’s what my father would have wanted me to do."

As you listened to his words, a mix of emotions washed over you. “A Gamemaker, Coryo, under Dr. Gaul?” Confusion filled your mind, you guys hated what the Gamemakers stood for. All the nights, you spent lying next to each other, ranting about how you both desperately wanted to stop the horrific ways of the Capitol and put an end to the Hunger Games.

“I know, but while I was out in the Districts, I realized that they all brought this upon themselves; It's their fault.” You couldn’t believe what he was saying, after everything, he switched up just like that.

The pain and betrayal still lingered, but deep down, you knew that your love for Coriolanus was stronger than the mistakes he had made or the things he valued; which were clearly no longer on track with what you valued. Your promise to stick by his side is still there. Nothing could tear it apart. You would rather be manipulated and lied to again and again if it meant keeping him with you. After all, you already know the other side of the world without him.

#coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow #coriolanus x you #coriolanus snow x fem!reader #the hunger games #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tom blyth

[cheonsarchive]

Sunghoon | Unspoken

Pairing: Sunghoon x Fem!Reader

Genre: College!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive

Featuring: the rest of ENHYPEN, LE SSERAFIM, TXT, aespa

Warnings: Cursing, suggestive content, mentions of/implied sex (no explicit smut), reader is COMPLICATED (I'm sorry lmao), mentions of death

Summary: You expected your summer break to be all relaxed and cozy, that was until your best friend decided to confess to you out of the blue. Cue a chaotic summer full of complicated feelings, denial, miscommunication and even more pining for each other than before. Bonus: Jake giving decent advice for once!

Word Count: 18k (what)

Playlist: Ruelle - War of Hearts, Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo - Close, Lana Del Rey - Born To Die, Lostboycrow - Powers, Chase Atlantic - Meddle About, Aquilo - Losing You, Harry Styles - Falling

Author's Note: I rose from the dead to bring you a long awaited Sunghoon oneshot! I'm not too happy with it actually, but I'm a perfectionist when it comes to Sunghoon and I feel like I can't reach his standard anyway, so whatever lol. The first confession scene was inspired by Little Women (recommendation!), because it was perfect and needed to be reproduced in an ENHYPEN context. I would appreciate any kind of feedback. ❤️

If you want to be tagged in future ENHYPEN scenarios, let me know!

Masterlist

The ring of the bell that announced the end of the lesson made you slump in your seat in relief. You never anticipated the familiar buzzing noise more than today, the last class before the summer break being over making a wave of excitement rush through your body.

This semester had been absolute hell and you couldn’t wait for the break to start to be able to live with an empty head, at least for a couple of weeks, before you had to start studying again. You managed to hand in your last paper the day before, so you could officially call it a day once your last class was over and leave campus as fast as possible. Your friend Yunjin wasn’t as lucky, though.

“I’m so jealous of you, I really need to work on my time management.” Yunjin huffs in disappointment, still having to hand in two papers before she can start her summer break. You smiled apologetically at her.

“No need to be though, you’ll go to Italy soon and have the greatest time sipping Aperol Spritz in the sun while I will rot here without you,” you pointed out.

“Don’t say that, you will probably chill at Sunghoon’s pool every day anyway. Plus, we’re gonna have the road trip coming up at the end of the break, remember? That’s gonna be so much fun!” she chimed.

Ah yes, the road trip. Your friend group has decided to go to the countryside for a few days at the end of each summer break to detox once more from the city (and university) life before the next semester starts. It was Yunjin’s idea and ever since it was planned she kept talking about it nonstop.

“We’ll see about Sunghoon’s pool. If Yeji is being annoying again, we might have to move somewhere else. Sunghoon has been complaining about how she has recently become really obsessed with this one boy at school and wants to throw a pool party to invite him,” you laughed, reminiscing the phone call you had with Sunghoon the other day where he kept complaining for an hour straight how annoying it is to have a younger sibling going through puberty. When you had told him that he was like that as well once, he firmly denied it, being his usual stubborn self.

“She’s growing so fast! I wonder how protective Sunghoon will be once she actually starts dating.” Yunjin wiggles her eyebrows at you. You let out a dry chuckle in response, imagination running wild about how whiny he would be, pretending to be cold and scary when he was actually a soft, loving brother to Yeji.

“He will be the absolute worst.” You shook your head in amusement. You knew Sunghoon like the back of your hand, so you knew that he would absolutely freak out if a boy dared to hurt his little sister. It was probably a natural response, one you wouldn’t know as you don’t have any siblings, but he was exaggerating a bit. Sometimes you wondered if he just wanted to fit into the overprotective big brother trope.

“Hello ladies! What are we talking about?” Heeseung greeted after suddenly walking next to you. You smiled back at him and could see a familiar relief in his eyes, one that was probably coating all of your faces. Next semester would be Heeseung’s last one in college, so the pressure was on.

“Just how Sunghoon is going be the worst big brother once his sister starts dating.” Yunjin shrugged and Heeseung broke out in a chuckle because he definitely agrees. You almost felt bad for shading Sunghoon like that, but you enjoyed teasing him about it.

“Do I even want to know how this topic came up? There is more than enough time to shit-talk Sunghoon later, we should be discussing how excited we are for the summer break instead!” Heeseung jumped up and down and you realized just how giddy he was because he rarely acts this hyper.

“We were! It’s not that exciting for me though, because I’m not going to travel like you two,” you defended, making both of them exchange glances and scoff in unison.

“Please, you wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon anyway. It’s not like you don’t enjoy spending every day with him during summer break.” Yunjin laughed and you glared it her.

It was true, though. Sunghoon and you were inseparable like pen and paper ever since you were in middle school. You spent the majority of time at each other’s homes, to the point where you wondered which place you should actually call your home, his or your own? But during exam season, you usually spend less time with each other because you’re too busy studying. So it has become your ritual to spend the beginning of summer break together to make up for the lost time. It was easy too because that was usually the time everyone else travelled anyway.

The fact that you never grew tired of each other really amazed everyone around you. Rumors started spreading quickly that you might be secretly dating, or at least crushing on each other. You’ve always confidently turned down such rumors, but especially Heeseung and Yunjin persisted that something was going on between you two and loved teasing you about it.

“If it’s about what I think it is, I don’t want to hear it.” You warned, seeing the suggestive look in their eyes. You grew tired of always having to defend your friendship with Sunghoon. Maybe because deep down, there was some truth to it.

Sunghoon and you fit each other like a glove. You always knew what the other one thinks without having to articulate it, you can talk about everything without feeling judged and you balance each other out with your skills and knowledge.

It already started in middle school. Sunghoon was more skilled in creative subjects whereas you were good in trickier ones like mathematics or chemistry. You started tutoring each other quickly, which helped both of you get through high school. He helped you with your art projects whereas you explained his math homework to him.

Sunghoon was there during many difficult times as well. He was there when you experienced your first heartbreak, and he comforted you when your grandpa died who you cherished so deeply. Even years later, when you confessed that you’re still struggling with his death, Sunghoon was quick to drop everything and come over to you to help you get through it.

And if that wasn’t enough, Sunghoon also grew incredibly handsome as time passed. Puberty really turned him into the best version of himself and it was no wonder many girls at university swooned over him. So really, wasn’t he perfect boyfriend material?

“No.” You turned to Yunjin with a surprised face, confusion written over your features. “You finally need to confront your feelings. Even a blind person can see that the connection you have is more than just friendship.”

You rolled your eyes. There was nothing to confront in your opinion, which made you really question why they couldn’t just drop the topic. Though you sometimes wondered if the longing gaze from Sunghoon held more than you thought.

“Yeah whatever. Call me when you’ve handed in your papers!” You announced your departure, hugging Yunjin extra tight since you probably won’t see her again before her trip overseas. You promised to keep in touch before you separated from your friends to get on the bus to Sunghoon’s house. He didn’t have classes today, so he slept in and waited at home, promising you to celebrate the beginning of summer break with fresh watermelon.

“Lord have mercy.” You said with eyes as big as the watermelon in front of you. Sunghoon smiled cheekily, proudly presenting his purchase from the market. He posed like a model, and you slapped his arm playfully.

“That must have cost you a fortune.” You said feeling guilty, head dropping slightly. Sunghoon let out a tut at that.

“Don’t worry about it. Celebrating summer break is definitely worth it and much needed. I have to distract myself from wanting to curse at Professor Yoon.” Sunghoon exclaimed, the last part making you giggle quietly.

He expertly cut the watermelon in triangles and handed you a piece before sitting down opposite from you on the terrace. The sun had been cooking you and you wondered whether you will really survive a day at the pool. You really enjoyed spending time at Sunghoon’s house because of his big pool, but it stops being enjoyable once the temperatures hit a certain degree mark. The watermelon was not just needed as a way of celebrating, but also as a refreshment.

Once you took the first bite, you sighed in satisfaction, making Sunghoon suppress a laugh. You looked at him with a grim expression and cheeks stuffed like a squirrel.

“What?”

“Nothing, sounds like you really needed that one too. And you look cute with your mouth full.” He said, mimicking how your cheeks must have looked to him.

Yunjin and Heeseung might have classified that as flirting, but you knew Sunghoon was just bickering with you. He dropped comments like that from time to time, knowing you would always react with an annoyed expression.

“So, how is Yeji’s dating life going?” you taunted, trying to change the topic as you remembered the conversation you had with Yunjin and Heeseung earlier. Sunghoon’s smile dropped instantly and he groaned in annoyance.

“Don’t remind me. I told her to stay away from that prick but she is persistent.” He elaborated despite not wanting to have this conversation.

“You don’t even know him and call him a prick!” you laughed at your best friend being unreasonable, almost choking on your watermelon slice in the process. Sunghoon fixed you with a glare.

“I don’t have to know him to know he’s an idiot.” He defended but you could only raise a brow at him in response.

“Okay, you boy expert. You must know better.” You fake-praised but he brushed you off, taking another bite from his watermelon slice.

“I just want the best for my sister.” He said matter-of-factly, words almost unintelligible due to him chewing on his watermelon.

“I know, but you need to relax a little bit. Let her experience her first heartbreak if necessary and focus on your own miserable love life instead.” You joked, but Sunghoon grew tense upon hearing the second half of your sentence. He looked at you through his lashes, the way you acted completely unbothered by what you had just said irking him.

Once you finished eating you decided it would be too hot to stay outside, so you went to Sunghoon’s room to kill time. You plopped onto his bed while he was sorting some laundry, talking about everything and nothing. Unbeknownst to you, Sunghoon seemed stiff since earlier. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but you knew something was up with him today. It was like he was contemplating something.

For some reason, the topic of dating wouldn’t escape you today. Some time into the conversation, you drifted off to Yunjin’s boy escapades, laughing at the ridiculous stories she had told you.

You remembered Yunjin hooking up with that one guy from calculus, you guessed his name was Soobin, almost losing her virginity in a broom closet if it wasn’t for the janitor to catch them. She dropped him the moment she saw him drag another girl in said broom closet, able to imagine what was probably going on in there since she had first-hand experience. She never disclosed whether the janitor caught those two as well and you were oddly curious.

She started swiping on Tinder afterwards, meeting up with a guy whose name slipped from your memory, but you certainly remember the chaos that unfolded once she found out he was actually cheating on his girlfriend with her. For some reason, she was gravitating towards weird boys and she blamed it on them being Korean after a while.

So came Yunjin’s trip to Italy. It was honestly no surprise when she announced that she wants to start her “hot girl summer” experience with it. She started complaining about the lack of good-natured men around your campus and how she wants to try dating someone European. You started to question the intentions of her trip. Was it to relax and enjoy the Italian scenery, or was it to enjoy the Italian ‘scenery’?

“Maybe we should start our own hot girl and hot boy summer instead of being glued together all the time,” you fantasized absentmindedly, just the thought of it making you chuckle. You really weren’t the person to hit up strangers, and neither was he. Sunghoon tensed at your words, stopping in his tracks. His back was turned to you, but you could tell what you said stirred something in him. You patiently waited for his response, and he bit his lip, contemplating what to say.

“No, I don’t think that would be good.” he said quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. His breathing halted the moment you suggested getting to know other people.

“Why is that? I think you need to let go of the mysterious handsome guy image and finally get laid again.” you laughed, slightly confused by his changing demeanor.

“I don’t want to hook up with random girls.” He stated. At first, you didn’t think much of it. Sunghoon never seemed that interested in dating. He did have a short fling with a girl named Eunchae when he entered college, but it ended with a lot of tears and refusal to meet someone new. He tried to hook up here and there, but that stopped after a while too and you figured he might want to wait for a real girlfriend, not just some one-night stands with strangers.

It didn’t strike you how serious he was being about this. So, when he turned around to look at you, the atmosphere in the room shifted. His gaze held something you had never seen before. His gaze held so much, in fact, that it made you nervous. And like many times before, Sunghoon didn’t need to speak up for you to know what he meant. But unlike many times before, what he was thinking made your blood run cold.

“No.” you immediately blurted, eyes going wide in shock.

“Y/N, listen.” He rushed out once you started to get up from the bed.

“No, no. Sunghoon, please don’t.” you tried to shield from him, hoping it was all a misunderstanding. But things like misunderstandings weren’t in your code.

“Y/N it’s no use. We finally need to talk about this.”

“I think I’m going to be sick, I better go home,” you said, feeling the sudden urge to flee from the situation. You almost sprinted to the door and Sunghoon tried to block you from leaving his room, but you pushed him away in panic. As stubborn as he is, Sunghoon followed you suit, and you were glad that you two were alone at his house right now, because you wouldn’t want Yeji or his parents to overhear this conversation.

“Y/N please listen to me. I’ve started liking you a while ago already and I never said anything because I thought it wasn’t mutual. But sometimes I-… I just-… I got the feeling that we might have a chance as something more than friends. T-that you might want this too. I’ve waited so long for you to make a move and prove that I wasn’t imagining things and that you feel the same way for me. But it never happened, and I just can’t go on like this. I need you to know, okay?”

Sunghoon rambled so fast you almost couldn’t catch up with him, he blurted all that while you tried to get out of his house as quickly as possible. He kept going while you practically ran down the stairs, picking up your shoes and sliding into them. Before you turned the door knob of his front door, you turned around to look at him again. And it was a big mistake.

Sunghoon was wearing the most desperate expression you had ever witnessed. The fact that he just confessed to you made your stomach turn. You even noticed how his eyes turned glassy, was he crying? Disbelief was written over your face and all you could do was shake your head and say “No.” once more.

Something broke inside of Sunghoon when he became conscious of the fact that you were rejecting him at this moment. He mustered up the courage to tell you how he felt because everyone he had confined in told him you like him too and that he should finally tell you how he really feels. So, not only did he feel crushed by your rejection, but also by the backstab of his friends.

“Y/N I always thought we worked so well together, so I never understood why we couldn’t be more. Am I… Am I not good enough? I-is that the problem? If there is something I can change, let me know and I’ll-“

“Oh my God, Sunghoon, no. You’re literally perfect. I’m so grateful to have you by my side and I couldn’t be more thankful for all the times you comforted me and helped me to get out of trouble. You are honest and funny and- and you are committed, and I love you. But just not the way you want me to. I am sorry.” You interrupted him, feeling your eyes sting with tears, mirroring his. Sunghoon choked at your words. You realized at that moment that you haven’t seen him cry in ages. And to be the reason he was crying made you feel terrible.

“Please tell me why. I don’t understand.” He begged, sounding absolutely miserable while a tear managed to escape and run down his cheek slowly.

“I don’t know Sunghoon. I just don’t. We can’t ruin our friendship like this-”

“Who said this is ruining our friendship? Maybe we weren’t meant to be just friends in the first place!”

“Yes we were!” you snapped back at him, anger starting to bubble up inside of you, “Yes we were,” you repeated, more calmly this time, “don’t make this something it isn’t. Please.”

This was the moment you decided that you had to get out of there immediately. You couldn’t take the pressure anymore, the fact that he expected an answer from you. You were overwhelmed with the whole situation and couldn’t think straight, so your adrenaline rush decided for flight instead of fight. You quickly turned the door knob and rushed out of his home, leaving him behind.

“Y/N, wait!” was his last attempt to keep you by his side, but he was met with a door being slammed in his face instead. He stared at his front door in disbelief, trying to process what had just unfolded. How he ruined everything. Sunghoon wanted to hit himself for speaking up, he figured that he should have just stayed quiet instead. But it was eating at him how he was silently pining for you and you never reacted the way he wanted you to. It confused him how you always scoffed at him whenever he complimented you but enjoyed cuddling with him during your regular movie nights.

He always wondered if he was making everything up, if you weren’t giving him potential signs at all and he just interpreted them the wrong way. Yet, when he opened up to Jake about his crush for you Jake didn’t seem surprised and said that everyone knew you both liked each other. Emphasis on both. After some time passed, Jake reassured Sunghoon that it was no use pining like this and that he was sure you two were destined to be together. Sunghoon was still scared shitless because there was still the possibility of you rejecting him. And whatever happens, he can’t afford to lose you because of his stupid feelings.

Sunghoon can’t even remember when he started liking you. It randomly hit him one day when you were wiping some ketchup off his mouth after eating fries and his heart began to race uncontrollably. He started noticing how pretty your eyes and lips were, how well you carried yourself, how quick-witted you were and how you always seemed to be at ease when you were around him. He had an ability to calm you down that no one else had. And Sunghoon managed to mistake it for mutual interest.

Once you slammed the door in his face you stood in front of his house for a few minutes, trying to sort out your thoughts and get your feet to move. The gears in your head were turning at lightning speed and you couldn’t believe what had just happened. Wasn’t this what you always wanted?

You speculated if there was something more than friendship forming between you two from time to time. You started paying closer attention to Sunghoon’s small habits and the way he acts around you, appreciating the way he always puts your needs first and makes sure you’re always sorted first before he worries about himself. When your friends started asking about what you and Sunghoon were, you were quick to answer that you were just best friends, but you always questioned why they would ask that if you simply gave off friendship energy.

Sunghoon had everything you would look for in a partner. So why were you rejecting him? You never even calculated the possibility of him liking you back, and the sole idea of it made heat rush to your ears. For whatever reason it seemed so impossible to you that Sunghoon could hold similar feelings for you that you blatantly rejected any chance of you two getting into a relationship, pushing your feelings aside in the process. It annoyed you that your friends kept pushing you towards each other when it was clear as day to you that Sunghoon didn’t feel the same. For your own sanity, you couldn’t accept anything else.

It's been over two weeks since Sunghoon confessed to you. And ever since then, you two didn’t talk to each other at all. It was the longest time you went without texting, calling and seeing each other. And you hated every bit of it. You missed Sunghoon like crazy, not talking to him felt like torture.

“You wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon.“

You hated how your friend was right. But you couldn’t bring yourself to text or call him, let alone appear at his house. He was probably hoping for you to reach out because he didn’t contact you either. To be fair, it was your turn after you ran away from him like that. But to put it simply, you had no clue how to address this situation.

You had spent the last couple of days rereading your text messages, smiling at all the fond memories you made and the stupid memes you constantly shared with each other. It made your heart ache for him even more and you started being angry at him for ruining a perfectly fine friendship. Things should have just stayed the way they were and the fact that everything was different now bothered you to no end.

Apart from missing Sunghoon, you also felt incredibly bored. With Yunjin and Heeseung being out of the country, your closest friends were all unavailable and all you did was lay in bed all day and reminiscence old times. You wondered how this shift in Sunghoon and your relationship would affect the whole friend group dynamic. Did you just doom more than one friendship?

Your boredom got to the point where you considered texting friends you rarely hang out with out of pure desperation. However, you didn’t manage to send out the text messages you had written and rewritten several times. You felt like you sounded too eager and decided to just continue decaying in your room, hoping that Sunghoon will find the courage to reach out to you first.

When you felt your phone vibrate next to you, you have never been so fast to check who messaged you, obviously hoping that your and Sunghoon’s telepathy had worked once again and he was the one to reach out. When you were met with a notification from Ningning, you were slightly disappointed, to say the least. Nevertheless, you opened her message.

Ningning~: Hey Y/N! I haven’t heard from you in a while so I wanted to reach out again. How is your summer break? Are you in town? I wanted to ask if you would like to join me tomorrow. There’s a party hosted by Yeonjun and I thought maybe you’d like to come too! Just let me know xx

You sighed. You really weren’t in the mood to party. But you were also dying of boredom, so should you just ignore the offer you got at being less lonely and having some fun? Maybe it can distract you from this whole Sunghoon situation. Alcohol was always a good way to drown your feelings, right? Wrong, but who cares.

You: Hey Ning, thanks for reaching out! I’d love to go! Just text me the details and I’ll be there x

You cringed. It didn’t sound like you at all. You hoped she wouldn’t notice and ask what’s wrong because you only wanted to talk to Yunjin about this at the moment. You considered calling her, but she already announced on the first day of her trip that the internet is really bad and she probably won’t be able to call or text much. Great.

To your surprise, Ningning didn’t notice your strange demeanor, texted you all the important information and before you knew it, you were standing in front of Choi Yeonjun’s apartment. You took the chance to actually style yourself for once, usually being too lazy to put in any effort to look good during the summer break. It did give you a boost of confidence, but you still weren’t sure if the party was a good idea.

And you realized it definitely wasn’t a good idea when you entered the apartment and the first thing you saw was Park Sunghoon standing at the other end of the hallway talking to a friend. As if he had a radar for you, he immediately locked eyes with you from across the hallway. You couldn’t read his expression but noticed how you stared at each other for a solid five seconds. Your skin burned under his gaze and you couldn’t hold eye contact any longer, quickly disappearing from his sight into another room. Ningning was quick to organize drinks for you and she did an amazing job at chatting you up, making you forget about your unplanned encounter with Sunghoon.

Of course, Sunghoon was at the party. What did you expect? He’s close with Yeonjun, and the fact that you couldn’t put two and two together before going to the party baffled you. But it was too late to run away now, and you decided to just try and ignore Sunghoon as much as possible. To your surprise, you really didn’t catch a glimpse of him for the rest of the evening. In fact, everything started to blur once Karina joined you and Ningning with a round of shots. Afterwards, you continued downing shots like no tomorrow and before you knew it, you were seriously drunk.

You did know your limit and you stopped once you noticed how close you were to feeling sick, but that didn’t change the fact that you developed some mobility problems. You decided to sit down in the living room, but the moment your body met the sofa you started dissociating. With no idea how much time had passed since you plopped yourself on Yeonjun’s sofa, you were only pulled out of your trance when you were met with four pairs of eyes in front of you. Your vision was blurry and when you tried your best to make out who it was, you regretted it.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Sunghoon asked, a worried expression painting his face. Ningning was next to him, she probably called him over because she didn’t know what to do. You blinked at him several times before you carefully picked your words, trying not to sound too drunk.

“Yeah, I’m great!” you yelled over the music with a smile, so loud that the people around you took notice of your state as well. Sunghoon sighed, he really wasn’t in the best state either, but he immediately sobered up a bit once Ningning asked for his help to get you home.

“Let me take you home, okay? Come on.” He reached out his hand for you and you had to focus really hard to be able to take it. Once you stood up you started swaying, noticing again just how much alcohol was in your system. Sunghoon detected your difficulty to simply stand straight as well, holding your lower arm to keep you from tipping over. He gently guided you to the door, mumbling something about how walking might be better for you to sober up.

The moment you went outside you took notice of the brisk air. It cooled down a lot and you were surprised how much it smelled like rain without actually having rained. You took a deep breath which helped you follow Sunghoon who kept a close eye on you. Whenever you were dangerously close to tripping, he would hold your arm to steady you and you quietly thanked him every time.

It was a long walk, and you didn’t exchange a word. However, it seemed to be a comfortable silence. You could feel tension between you two, but you knew that you weren’t in the right mind to discuss the depths of your relationship now. Yet, you wanted to test the water and whether there was bad blood between you two.

You decided to purposefully bump into him and when he looked at you in confusion, you just smiled playfully at him. It didn’t take him 2 seconds to reciprocate your smile and bump into you as a form of revenge. To his surprise, you still lost your balance faster than expected and almost landed face first on the ground. Sunghoon was quick to catch you and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh God, sorry!” he let out a breathy laugh and you couldn’t help but laugh with him, shaking your head to signal him it’s okay.

With a more lighthearted atmosphere you continued your descent to your home. It didn’t take you long to feel the cold air biting at your skin and with goosebumps grazing your body you confessed to Sunghoon that you felt cold. Unfortunately, Sunghoon didn’t bring a jacket with him either. Because his house was closer to Yeonjun’s apartment than yours, he offered to take you in for the night. Considering the tension between you, you were caught off guard by his offer, but accepted it nevertheless.

Once you made it to his house you rushed inside quickly. Sunghoon was home alone for the week because his parents and sister went to a holiday camp Sunghoon didn’t bother to join. You instantly felt home and realized how much you missed not only being by his side but also at his house.

“Is it okay if I shower?” you said, slightly sobered up but still a bit wobbly on your legs.

“Promise me you won’t drown?” Sunghoon asked sarcastically, there was a seriousness in his glance that told you he was only half-joking. You nodded in response and rushed to the bathroom.

When you got out of the shower you felt really hot suddenly, so Sunghoon offered to sit on the balcony for a bit. You sat down right at the edge, letting your feet dangle over it. Sunghoon joined you, not sparing you a glance but rather focusing on the clear sky above you.

You didn’t speak for a while, and you questioned whether it was a comfortable silence or not. You gulped nervously before you scraped together all the courage you had left.

“I’m sorry that I stormed out of your house the other day.”

You hoped your words didn’t sound too slurred and Sunghoon would understand it as a sincere apology and when you glanced at him you noticed how he smiled slightly, still not looking at you.

“It’s okay.”

A small smile crept up on your lips as you kept your eyes on him, examining his features. You never noticed until now just how pretty his moles are, they are a perfect addition to his face. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol in your system, but you were suddenly craving to be near him.

Even though there were unspoken words between you, you decided to shuffle closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder. He jumped slightly for a second, not expecting the sudden affection, but he relaxed under you quickly, keeping his eyes on the sky. You didn’t know how much his heart was racing, but yours was uncontrollably beating out of your chest as well. You never felt this nervous around him before and you blamed it on the alcohol and the overall tension. Your heart was beating so fast because you were scared to lose him, right?

After a while, you noticed him shifting beneath you, turning his head towards you. You did the same and only noticed then just how close your faces were to each other’s. You could feel his breath on your face and figured that it would only take a few millimeters to close the distance between you two. Suddenly you were hyper aware of his every move, noticing how his eyes flickered between your own and your lips. You ended up doing the same, taking notice of the way his lips slightly parted, letting out a nervous huff.

The tension between you felt insufferable and you didn’t know where the sudden urge to kiss him came from. Sunghoon was slowly closing the distance between you two, giving you enough time to pull away. When he noticed that you weren’t going to, he finally captured his lips with yours. The kiss was slow and cautious, as if he was afraid you would still change your mind. His soft lips grazed yours and you needed more, becoming intoxicated by his scent. When your hand went up to his neck, he took that as a sign to deepen the kiss.

You don’t know how long you’ve kissed, but you only separated to gasp for air quickly before connecting your lips once again. You never felt a bliss like this before and started exploring his mouth as if you’d have to remember it because he could disappear from your grasp at any moment. Soon enough, your hands were all over each other and you figured that the balcony wasn’t comfortable, so you moved to Sunghoon’s bed to continue your makeout session.

You situated yourself on his lap and his hands wandered to your hips straight away, keeping you in place. You felt like you weren’t close enough, so you moved forwards, brushing your clothed core against his, eliciting a small gasp from him. When you noticed how a bulge was forming underneath you, you moved again, feeling Sunghoon’s hands on your hips tightening and guiding you on his crotch. The room filled with heavy breathing and before you knew it, you were dry humping him, feeling his erection grow beneath you.

Sunghoon quickly decided to attack your jaw and kiss down your neck, moving on to your shoulder while pushing the strap of your bra and top to the side to gain better access. You whimpered slightly, feeling overwhelmed by his ministrations. His hands were exploring every curve on your body and left behind a burning sensation on every part of bare skin he touched. When he reached the hem of your shirt again, he pulled away to look at you, pushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“Do you really want to do this?” he whispered, searching for any sign of discomfort in your eyes. Your pupils were probably as blown as his, telling him all he needed to know, but he only continued once you nodded eagerly. You never expected Sunghoon to make you feel like this, and you couldn’t stop yourself no matter how hard you tried. So with your shirt gone, the rest of your clothes was soon to follow.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache, wincing slightly once you gained consciousness again. You did drink a lot, but you were still surprised how strong your hangover was. Taking notice of Sunghoon’s posters on the wall you didn’t think much, recalling how he brought you to his place because you were cold. However, when you noticed an arm around your waist, you froze. You slowly turned around to face Sunghoon, who was still dozing off next to you. Suddenly, you remembered what had happened last night. Images of you touching, exploring, feeling each other flooded your memory and your eyes almost popped out of your skull.

What did you do?! This wasn’t planned at all. You wanted to talk it out with him when the time was right and you both were sober again, not take it to the next level like this. Your breathing became uneven, and you noticed how a shiver ran down your spine.

As if on cue, Sunghoon stirred slightly, opening his eyes. When he looked at you still half-asleep, it was like he was staring at his most prized possession, and it overwhelmed you immediately.

“Good morning” he croaked out, voice still laced with sleep and a small smile playing on his lips. He closed his eyes again to stretch his body a bit, and when he finally opened his eyes fully to look at you, his expression dropped instantly. You just stared at him in shock and he felt his breath getting caught in his throat. He did not like that look at all.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, totally dreading your answer.

“What happened last night?” you asked, a question that was totally useless to ask since you already knew.

“You don’t remember?” Sunghoon questioned, noticing how his blood started running cold.

“I do, I just-“ you couldn’t find the words to express your thoughts right now. The whole situation stressed you out again, and you felt like you took advantage of Sunghoon when you both weren’t stone-cold sober.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” The moment he asked that question, you felt his touch on your skin again, the way he was holding you so carefully as if you were made out of porcelain. No matter how you twisted and turned it, you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it. You did, very much in fact. But you still didn’t want it to happen, not like this.

“I- I did. It’s just… I felt like it was a mistake.” You said as you were slowly getting up, his arm that was around your side flopping down on the bed.

Hearing that sentence felt like being shot right in the chest, and Sunghoon slowly got up as well, looking at you in disbelief.

“Why would you say that?” he prompted carefully, trying to keep calm while noticing how you were collecting your jeans from the floor and squeezing yourself into them. This scene looked oddly familiar and Sunghoon started panicking.

“It shouldn’t have happened. Not like this. I’m sorry, I think I should go,” you managed to choke out, feeling like your airflow was cut off because you were so conflicted.

“Don’t do this to me. Not again.” He said, his voice becoming strict, a tone he had never used on you before.

You really didn’t want to do this to him. Not again. But something in you told you that this was a slip up, that you shouldn’t stay there, that you made a wrong decision under the influence. You didn’t know why you were so eager to get out of there, because deep down you knew this was exactly what you wanted. You craved him, now more than ever, but you manipulated yourself into thinking this wasn’t right. In your mind, you were ruining a perfectly fine friendship by hooking up with your best friend after a few shots of alcohol. You completely ignored the fact that he made the move on you again.

Ignoring his advances, you kept getting dressed, ready to leave until you were stopped by your best friend.

“Y/N, stop.” Sunghoon warned, once again using the tone you only heard him use on Yeji when she was being naughty. You gulped anxiously, turning around to face him. He stood in front of you in only his sweatpants, his milky skin glowing in the morning sun. He looked ethereal, and you hated it.

“I don’t get it. You apologized to me, craved being near me and I had the feeling you were just as into it as I was last night. And now you want to run from me again. What is going on?” he demanded an answer, and you could hear how frustrated he was. He ran a hand through his hair waiting for your response and all you could do was sigh.

“I don’t know, Sunghoon. I need time to think, okay?!” you were getting agitated because you realized you had no argument against it. Yes, you wanted this, yes you enjoyed it. And yet, you were terrified of the consequences. Of how quickly this escalated. Of how easily you managed to turn your friendship upside down.

“So I was good enough for a fuck and now you’re gonna dump me again? Is that it?” Sunghoon spat, and you were shocked at how petty he was getting. You had never witnessed him that angry before, not even with Yeji. He did rage from time to time, but never like this. And the fact that his anger was directed at you made your skin crawl.

“God, no! Don’t make conclusions like that. I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship, is it that hard to understand?!” your frustration was reflected in your raising volume, making Sunghoon flinch slightly. When you waited for Sunghoon’s reaction, you were stunned to see that he was laughing. A small chuckle escaped his lips before he clenched his jaw, looking at you with a gaze so cold it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Y/N. We already did.”

You gulped again, your shoulders that you had unconsciously raised in the heat of the argument relaxing when you smiled bitterly at him and nodded, tears blurring your vision.

“That’s too bad then.” You said in an unexpectedly calm voice before turning around and slamming the door of his room, leaving him behind just the way you did two weeks ago.

When Yunjin rang on your doorbell, she couldn’t wait to recite her trip in every detail. Apart from the beautiful cities she visited, the boys she got to know in Italy were also something to talk about. There was so much to unpack from that trip that she announced a meeting of minimum 3 hours and told you to prepare snacks and drinks.

You were happy that Yunjin was finally back, especially after everything that happened between you and Sunghoon. There has been complete radio silence once again, since you were 100% sure he was incredibly mad at you and called your friendship quits after this. At first you were weirdly okay with the situation until it hit you a few days later that you guys had ruined your year-long friendship with some drunk sex. You were still in denial about him confessing to you and you reciprocating his feelings, instead you blamed the night you two kissed and jumped to base four right after for the end of your friendship.

The worst part for you was that you felt like you couldn’t go back. Even if you admitted that this was what you craved, even if you apologized for the ways you pushed him away even though you didn’t mean it, the way the recent events unfolded made it impossible to start a healthy relationship. Everything turned so messy so quickly that you felt like you lost control of the situation and now that you might be able to regain it, it’s too late. Sunghoon looked at you with a sense of disappointment you will never forget. It haunted you at night.

So, you were glad that Yunjin was finally back because you needed a shoulder to cry on. You missed her like crazy and you hoped she had a better summer break than you did so far to distract you from your misery. But with the way she proclaimed her return, you were sure she had a lot of funny stories to share.

What Yunjin didn’t expect when you opened your apartment door was how awful you looked. Hair disheveled, eyes glassy, the bags under your eyes looking alarmingly dark. Nevertheless, she couldn’t hide her excitement.

“Girl!” she screeched, embracing you before you could take a good look at her. The hugs she gave were always extreme, but they were especially tight when you haven’t seen each other in a while. Once she separated from you and took another look at you, she knew something was wrong.

“You look terrible, what is going on?” she questioned, fixing the strands of hair that were in the wrong place. The deep sigh you let out was more than worrying to her and you could tell she was on edge immediately.

“It’s a long story, tell me about your holiday first!” you tried to chime but the exhaustion in your voice was evident. You took the bag she brought with her out of her hand and went to the living room, settling on the sofa where she joined you.

“No, my recap can wait. What’s wrong?” she was quick to clarify. Another sigh from your side. Where to begin?

“I slept with Sunghoon.” Wow. That was the worst part to begin with. Congratulations. The way Yunjin’s mouth dropped and her eyes went wide didn’t help at all.

“WHAT???” she asked in disbelief. When she realized that you weren’t joking, she threw her arms in the air.

“Fucking finally! I told you, you two were meant to be together! How was it? Is he a good kisser? How did this even happen? Oh my God I’m so excited Y/N I need to know all the details! This is so good!!” Yunjin squealed and her excitement scared the shit out of you. How were you going to explain to her that this was nothing like she wished for?

She looked at you expectantly, but you only stared at her with an apologetic look. Her excitement died down soon and she mirrored your expression, a pout forming on her lips.

“Wait, it is not good?” It was a rhetorical question, really. If it was a good thing, you wouldn’t look this miserable and instead be glowing or something. You could tell the gears in her head were turning. Suddenly her eyes were widening again and she put her hands over her mouth in shock.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” This actually made you chuckle. Now she was thinking way too far.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not pregnant.” You clarified, unable to hide your smile because you couldn’t believe how dramatic she was being.

“Then what is it?” she asked impatiently and you decided it might be best to start from the beginning. You recalled your last two encounters with Sunghoon, and you felt like Yunjin has never listened to you with such interest. A girl was invested.

When you finished Yunjin sighed heavily, her face dropping the more the story progressed. You had a pleading look in your eyes, begging for her advice.

“Girl, why did you make everything so complicated?” she finally asked and you were a bit appalled that she was attacking you.

“What do you mean, I did? Sunghoon started this.” You clarified, slightly offended.

“No honey, Sunghoon came clean about the feelings he’s been harboring for you for quite some time, something you’re still in denial about.” Yunjin pointed out and rightfully so. Sunghoon did what you couldn’t do: admit your feelings for him.

“But he shouldn’t have. We were totally fine and he had to make it awkward. The fact that we drunkenly slept with each other didn’t help at all.” You dropped your head in your hands. “I feel like we overstepped a line by having sex.” Yunjin was quick to shake her head.

“Y/N, you already overstepped a line when you started catching feelings for each other. I just don’t understand why you push him away like that when you like him too.” She reasoned, articulating your thoughts.

“I’m not sure if I really want this. We’ve been friends for so long, I need him by my side no matter what.” You replied, chewing on your lip nervously.

“So you’re scared that your relationship might not work out and you’ll lose him as a friend?”

“I think so. I just don’t want our friendship to be ruined over a stupid slipup. Maybe we mistake our feelings for platonic love and wouldn’t work out as a couple at all. And then we binned a totally fine friendship for no reason.” You noticed how verbalizing your worries really helped you deal with the whole situation. You debated this way too much on your own already, it was high time for another opinion.

“I get where you’re coming from. But you must view it from this perspective: You have the most important basis for a good relationship. Trust and good communication. Well, the latter until fairly recently at least. You hang out a lot and don’t get tired of each other. You can openly talk to him about everything. He’s always on your mind. There’s pretty much only the physical part missing. Which is why I need to ask if you didn’t enjoy it now that you got physically closer to him as well?”

It was like Yunjin was stating the obvious, but she helped you realize that there was not much to be afraid of. You felt safe around him and he felt safe around you and that was the most important thing. But you still were so hesitant, why?

“No, I definitely enjoyed it.” In fact, you’ve been thinking about nothing else but how soft his skin felt on yours and how pretty his lips are. And you felt like this made everything even more difficult, because there was still something keeping you from committing to him fully when there were so many indicators that you’re meant to be.

“Well then, you’re standing in your own way. I know you’re terrified that this might go wrong, but it will certainly go wrong if you don’t fix this. You both deserve to be happy. And personally, I think you’re happy if you’re together. Look what being apart from him does to you.” Yunjin pointed out, looking you up and down. You scoffed but knew she was right.

“I just don’t know how to fix it. I feel like it’s too late. He already waited too long and probably gave up on us.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. You can’t just drop someone that quickly. He’s probably struggling just as much as you.”

“You did what?!” Jake asked in shock, similar to Yunjin’s reaction.

“I confessed, and she rejected me. Twice.” Sunghoon repeated, kind of embarrassed.

“Dude, I can’t believe this. I always thought she liked you back.” Jake furrowed his brows, pondering whether he had also misinterpreted your behavior. To him, it was clear as day that you both shared a mutual romantic interest in each other but were too shy to address it. So, when Sunghoon revealed what he had done, he initially got excited.

“Yeah well, I thought so too, especially since we had sex that one night after a party and-“

“You guys had sex???”

“Jake… ugh. Yes, we did. We were both a bit drunk though.” Sunghoon reasoned but the sparkle in Jake’s eyes told him it was to no avail.

“I’m impressed, not gonna lie. You confessed and then jumped straight to base four. Did you learn from me?” Jake couldn’t help but laugh, he found that situation way too amusing for Sunghoon’s liking.

“Man, what even is base four… anyway. The point is, she said she wanted this and also admitted she enjoyed it, but she basically fled the scene the next morning and hasn’t been reaching out since. I just don’t fucking know anymore.” Sunghoon ruffled his hair in frustration and let out a deep groan. Just the thought of you leaving him behind in his room shattered his heart into a million pieces.

He just didn’t understand it. He was on cloud nine when you nodded that you wanted this too, pupils blown wide and breathing uneven. He could feel your heart pounding like crazy, similar to his own. The way you were holding him gave him all the cues he needed to claim you as his. And yet, you slipped from his embrace hours later. What could there possibly be that kept you from being with him? All the signs were there that you felt the same. Or so he thought.

“Maybe she’s scared. You’ve been friends for quite some time, I wouldn’t want to throw that away lightheartedly either just because I was horny and drunk one night.”

“But I don’t see why this wouldn’t work. We worked perfectly fine the last couple of years as friends. We literally complete each other. What more could you want?”

“It’s still commitment, Hoon. Friendships are easier to keep and end than relationships. I think Y/N wants to protect herself from possible heartbreak by keeping you in the friendzone.” Jake reasoned, and Sunghoon wondered when he became so intelligent.

“So, we’re ignoring the fact that she is breaking my heart in the process?”

“Of course not. And it’s on you how much time you give her to make a decision. Do what’s best for you. If you feel like this drains you more than you could get out of it, it’s best to cut ties. You guys overstepped the line now anyway.” Sunghoon was surprised by Jake’s reply, it felt like the wisest advice he had ever given. When he told Jake about his feelings the very first time, his friend was less helpful.

Sunghoon felt like the world was caving in on him and he finally needed to break out of his shell, finally confide in someone what has been bothering him lately. Whenever you guys planned a meeting, he was more excited than usual to see you. And when he did, he felt butterflies in his stomach whenever you laughed. When you hugged or cuddled on the couch, he noticed how he always wanted it to last longer, for him to be even closer to you. Whenever you made a stupid joke and bickered with him, he couldn’t help but laugh, enjoying every second of being with you.

He didn’t know what was happening to him. It scared him that somehow, he wanted more from you than before. More attention, more laughter, more contact. You were on his mind 24/7. He started noticing the smallest things about you. How you changed your clothing style over time. How you did your hair a little differently, playing around with various simple but pretty hairstyles. He noticed overall how good you looked.

Sunghoon paid attention to details he never cared about before. He started complimenting you more because he felt like he needed to point out that he noticed whenever you changed something about yourself or put in that extra effort to get ready. And he was the proudest when you smiled at him and thanked him for the compliment. Though, you soon stopped taking it seriously and figured it was probably just part of your bickering.

The way his feelings for you changed confused him and after a while of dealing with it himself, he finally needed another opinion. When he called Jake to ask if he could come over because he needed help, the latter was surprised, to say the least. Sunghoon rarely talked about his worries, and when he did, he talked about them with you and not Jake. So, what could it possibly be that made him choose Jake over you?

Oh yeah, well, that. Once Sunghoon laid out to Jake how he certainly noticed something shifted whenever he is with you he could only but chuckle, leaving Sunghoon with a perplexed stare.

“Nice bro, you finally noticed? You’re pretty much the last one to do so.”

“What do you mean?” Sunghoon asked, confusion written all over his face. Jake couldn’t help but giggle and shake his head at his oblivious friend.

Basically everyone had noticed how you two got a lot closer suddenly, which caused rumors to start spreading that you secretly started dating. Jake and Jay even had a bet going who asked the other out first and he couldn’t wait for Sunghoon to confess that he was in fact dating you.

Everyone had noticed. Everyone but you two.

“You got to be kidding me. You so obviously like her, it wasn’t necessarily hard to spot.” Jake pointed out, which made Sunghoon’s eyes grow big. He gulped nervously, unconsciously playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Do you think she knows too?” Sunghoon asked, his brows knit together. What if you knew and chose to ignore it? Talking to Jake made Sunghoon realize that the shift in his behavior around you correlated with a shift in his feelings for you. He liked you. And he knew he was screwed before Jake could answer.

“Nah dude. She probably is just as oblivious as you.” Jake clicked his tongue nonchalantly. That somehow made Sunghoon release a breath of relief.

“What do you reckon I should do?” Sunghoon questioned. He couldn’t believe he was asking Jake, a retired but previously notorious player, for dating advice. Only Chaewon was able to get him interested in the actual dating life, but he proved miserable at that. Chaewon could handle it, fortunately, but Jake wasn’t the best person to talk about feelings. He didn’t do those until fairly recently.

“I don’t know, just wait and see what happens.” Yeah, Jake was really useless in that field.

“You’re not helping.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes in annoyance, making Jake raise his hands in defense.

“Bro, what do you want me to say? Confess and run into a disaster because chances are she doesn’t like you back? I personally think it’s mutual by the way she behaves, but who am I to judge.” He reasoned and Sunghoon nodded understandingly.

He had no choice but to observe your behavior from now on to find any clue whether you like him too. Jake was absolute garbage at giving advice, but Sunghoon decided to cut him some slack this time since it actually seemed the right thing to do. Damn, what has Chaewon done to him?

Sunghoon answered the same back then as he did now.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

16 new messages in squaaaaad

Chaewonie ❤️: Guys, we haven’t had a cinema night in ages and they switched up the screening offer at our trusted cinema! How about dinner together with a cinema night as a squad now that we’ve all returned?

Hee Hee (seung): only if you promise not to make out with Jake three minutes into the movie

Ikeu: rude???

Ikeu: anyway, I’m in!

Meme Queen 😎: of course you are.

Ikeu: what’s with the disrespect today

Jjongsaeng: count me in too! dinner at our usual ahjumma? <3

Chaewonie ❤️: Obviously, I’ve been craving her Jjamppong the last few days!

DDEONU: I’m in too! so dinner’s on chaewon then?

Chaewonie ❤️: Dream about it Sunoo

Zuhaaa: count me in too

DDEONU: just checked the screenings, let’s go watch the new barbie movie!!

Hee Hee (seung): I changed my mind I won’t go

DDEONU: 😒

Meme Queen 😎: I’m in too by the way and I’m not a whiny little bitch like Heeseung so Barbie is fine

Hee Hee (seung) left the group chat

Meme Queen 😎: exactly what I’m talking ‘bout

You couldn’t help but chuckle at your stupid friends. Yunjin, who had her head in your lap, was similarly laughing at the text messages, especially when she added Heeseung back to the group chat and he started whining even more.

“Aren’t you going to write anything?” Yunjin prompted without looking at you.

“I don’t know if I’m going.” You admitted shyly, biting your lip. That made Yunjin turn her head to look at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Girl, don’t even think about cancelling.” She warned. You exhaled, throwing your phone away and running both hands over your face.

“Look, I just don’t want to make it awkward if Sunghoon is there.” You tried to explain, but Yunjin wasn’t buying it at all.

“Nah babe, we’re not doing that. Don’t destroy our friendship group because of something like that. Plus, it could be an opportunity to talk things out with Sunghoon.”

“If he joins.” You said absentmindedly. Yunjin clicked her tongue.

“And if he doesn’t then that’s on him and we’re going to have fun without him. But don’t ruin fun for yourself because he might be there. I know you want to go.” Ugh, you hated that Yunjin was (almost) always right.

“Fine.” You groaned.

Meme Queen 😎: I’m dragging Y/N along too

You cringed at the way Yunjin put it, but she wasn’t completely wrong. You weren’t too excited to go, because you had a bad feeling this could turn ugly if Sunghoon was to show up as well. Yes, it was a squad meeting, but you still had no idea how to act around him, let alone how he would act around you. Additionally, not everyone knew what went down. Yunjin had briefly updated Heeseung without too many details and you guessed Sunghoon might have told Jake, but other than that, no one was aware of the recent events. How awkward would that get?

Quite awkward. Sunghoon had announced that he would be coming as well, and since Yunjin already told everyone that you would be there too you had no way to back out of it. You persisted that you would show up together with Heeseung, too afraid that you might be the first to arrive and Sunghoon being second or the other way around.

To your surprise, Sunghoon was one of the last to arrive, very unlike him since he was always over-punctual. When you exchanged glances, a shiver ran down your spine. You tried to decipher his look but couldn’t, it held an emotion you had never seen before. You couldn’t hold his gaze either, quickly looking at Jake to greet him.

When Kazuha arrived at last, you went inside the restaurant to finally grab a bite. You only noticed then that you were starving, instantly plopping down on the first spot you saw. Yunjin sat down to your left and Jay aimed at joining you on your right, only to retreat while mumbling something about how Sunghoon is going to sit there anyway. It wasn’t intentional, Sunghoon and you always claimed to sit next to each other and sent grim looks to everyone who tried to get in your way. But this time was different.

Sunghoon and you exchanged shaky glances, still that undecipherable look in his eyes and with a small gulp, he situates himself on the other side of the table instead of next to you. This move earned confused glances from half the group, and you simply nodded with a sad expression coating your face. So that’s what we’re doing now, you thought. Great.

Thankfully, no one commented Sunghoon’s odd move and everyone sat down instead, Jay reclaiming the spot next to you. You could feel the tension at the table, something was in the air and everyone noticed. But no one dared to speak up. Those who knew just exchanged worried glances and those who didn’t simply looked confused. There was an unusual silence at the table before Chaewon finally managed to break the silence by asking what everyone wants to eat.

You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding and the whole situation drained you from the get-go. How were you going to survive the rest of the evening after such a bumpy start? You tried not to stare at Sunghoon too much and whenever you caught a glimpse of him looking at you, you panicked and looked away instantly. Sunghoon wasn’t any better, acting quite absentminded until Jake bumped him under the table. With a demanding glance Sunghoon knew immediately what he was trying to tell him. Jake, similar to Yunjin, made it clear that no fun was cut from the evening just because of your miserable situation. Sunghoon tried his best to join the conversation, but everyone could tell that something was weird.

After a rather awkward meal you made your way to the cinema, Yunjin linking arms with you as you tried to calm your nerves. This wasn’t going to be easy. The fact that everyone noticed the tension between you and Sunghoon made you incredibly nervous and you figured that you had to talk about it sooner or later tonight.

When you reached the cinema and the mood was still off, your body acted faster than your mind. Without hesitation, you grabbed Sunghoon’s arm, who looked at you quite alarmed. With a gaze that conveyed “Can we talk?” Sunghoon quickly nodded and followed you behind the cinema. Yunjin and Jake quickly exchanged knowing yet uneasy glances when they saw you disappear behind the building.

Once you reached the backside of the cinema, you stopped in your tracks. Not noticing how you still held onto Sunghoon’s arm, only his verbal reminder brought you back to reality.

“You can let go now.” It scared you how cold he sounded. You didn’t know if it was the unusually chilly night or if his voice really lacked the warmth you were so used to. You realized that you had to face him sooner or later, back still turned to him. You knew that turning around and looking at him will most likely break you and you were right.

When you made eye contact, you kept seeing a look in his eyes that you couldn’t decode. You usually could guess his opinion on things or his overall mood by how he looked at you or others, but this was different. This was a look he had never worn before, and it scared you.

And you made another dreadful realization. Shit. You hadn’t prepared this conversation at all. You had brought him here and were now at a loss of words. He looked at you expectantly, obviously waiting for you to talk first since you were the one who dragged him there in the first place. Your brain was short-circuiting, so you blurted the first thing to pop up in your mind.

“Hi.” Mentally facepalming yourself, you closed your eyes and shook your head. Sunghoon didn’t react to that at all either, waiting for you to actually articulate what you want to tell him.

“Look, we need to talk.” Is all you could choke out in nervousness, your voice betraying you by breaking in the middle of the sentence.

“We do?” Sunghoon’s question caught you off-guard and you looked at him generally confused.

“Yes, don’t you think so?” you prompted in disbelief. Sunghoon shrugged.

“Oh I did, but you don’t strike me as the person who wants to talk about this anymore after last time.” He admitted and you cringed at his words. You realized at that moment that you did know that tone of his. He used that exact tone when breaking up with Eunchae, a conversation you overheard as he wanted you nearby when it happened. It’s the voice he uses when he’s built a barrier to protect himself.

He's built a barrier. The fact that he felt like he needs to protect himself from you emotionally ripped your heart out, but then again you couldn’t blame him. Everything you did made this a justifiable response. And you were to make it worse.

“Sunghoon.” You called out to him weakly and his gaze softened for a split second upon hearing you call his name in such desperation. “I didn’t want this to happen. Not like this, believe me,” you said while taking a step towards him.

He didn’t back off, and you took that as a sign to continue.

“I never wanted to lose you as a friend, the thought of it makes me sick, and I panicked when you suddenly confessed. I didn’t know how to act so I chose to run away.” You tried to explain your point of view and he patiently waited for you to continue, as if he waited for a specific sentence.

Tell him it was a mistake to run from him. Tell him you like him too. Tell him you want this too. For some reason, you just couldn’t articulate those feelings. For some sick, twisted reason, you still weren’t sure if this is what you really felt. You still didn’t come clear about your emotions, about whether your feelings for him are platonically or romantically coded. You felt like you still needed to find out.

With one more step forward, you closed the gap between Sunghoon and yourself. Without thinking this through you took his face into your hands, connecting your lips in a swift motion. Sunghoon seemed slightly taken aback by your action but responded to the kiss nevertheless, his arms immediately wandering to your waist. However, he was quick to break the kiss, tightening his grip on your waist to put some distance between you.

“What are you doing?” he questioned in a serious, slightly disappointed tone, his brows furrowed. You looked at him with big eyes.

“I’m trying to make things right.” You said weakly, feeling extremely small under his strong gaze.

“No, you’re testing the waters.” He said and gave your hips a small push to create more distance between you. Your arms fell to your side lifelessly, tears threatening to escape.

“No.” you tried to defend but Sunghoon was able to shut you down quickly.

“Yes, Y/N. I can tell you’re still not sure about this. So stop bullshitting me.” He said it calmly but it felt like he spat those words in your face.

“I don’t-“ you tried again but he interrupted straight away.

“Listen to me. If you can’t come clean about how you feel for me then that’s on you. But stop playing with my feelings in the process. For the sake of our year-long friendship, I think we should have at least that much respect for each other.”

You were absolutely speechless. The way he delivered those words to you, you felt like he wasn’t feeling any emotion at all. It scared you that Sunghoon, who was usually very vocal and expressive, could articulate something so dryly. Only then did you realized just how much you have fucked up.

You have hurt Sunghoon so much with your indecisiveness that he completely shut you out. Backed off emotionally from you. For him to say those things so easily, it made your heart ache. You opened your mouth to speak, to protest, but there was nothing to protest about.

He was right, you played with his heart. He was nothing but honest with you and you rejected him not once, but twice. And now you thought a weak excuse and a kiss could fix it? Oh, how naïve you were.

Sunghoon saw you open your mouth to speak but he quickly shook his head.

“This conversation is over.” He announced, turning on his heels and walking away to the rest of your friends. This time, he left you behind and you started to understand how shitty it must have felt when you did it to him.

You stood there motionlessly, unable to move while trying to process what just happened. You were sure you deserved it for how you acted previously but you still didn’t know how to handle this situation. You tried your best to keep your tears in and collect yourself so you can get back to the group, but tears kept rolling down your cheeks and you sobbed quietly, hoping not to catch the attention of your friends.

In the meantime, Sunghoon made it back to the group alone, earning confused glances from the rest of your friends.

“Where’s Y/N?” Sunoo asked, brows furrowed because something was definitely off but he didn’t want to insist.

“Oh, she’s coming soon. Don’t worry.” Sunghoon said nonchalantly, but Yunjin and Heeseung exchanged concerned glances. Yunjin debated checking on you, sensing that whatever went down behind the cinema didn’t end well. She examined Sunghoon’s look, and he gazed back at her, as if challenging her. What is wrong with him? He never acted like this before.

Deep down, Sunghoon was sweating. He tried his best to act normal, to not let it get to him how absolutely gutted he left you there. But he couldn’t help himself. All the pain he experienced the last couple of days made him become petty. With Jake telling him to be careful not to hurt himself too much while waiting for you he decided it might be best to push his feelings to the back of his head.

The full ordeal was swallowing him whole. He wanted nothing but to hold you, talk to you, be with you, hear your beautiful voice through the phone, see your little frown whenever you complained about something. He missed you like crazy but he didn’t push any further after being rejected twice already.

On the one hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything right. He couldn’t go on pretending you were just friends when he has been falling for you harder the more time passed. Being honest to himself and to you was what you had unofficially promised each other and he wanted to keep that promise no matter what.

On the other hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything wrong. He caused this trouble by being selfish and pushing you towards a relationship you might not even want. You worked out fine, and one should never change a running system, right?

Wrong. He knew your friendship was doomed the first time he caught his heart skipping a beat upon seeing you, the first time he imagined what your lips would feel like on his own, the first time he hugged you for a second longer than usual because he didn’t want to let go just yet. But he hoped it wouldn’t end the way it did just now. He was pretty certain that this was it.

Even if you decided you felt the same, you probably wouldn’t come back to him after he delivered such a terrible line in the coldest tone he had ever used on anybody. He was scared of himself that he managed to treat you like this. That the harshest words he had ever spoken were directed to you

A few minutes later, you mustered up the courage to join the rest, having successfully dried your tears and calmed down enough for others to see you. When you turned the corner, you heard Sunoo scream for you in excitement, making Yunjin’s head snap towards you.

“Y/N! There you are, finally. Come on guys, let’s go or we’ll miss the first few minutes!”

You were quick to shoot him a smile, trying your best to hide the fact you just finished crying and had to control yourself not to burst out in tears again. Yunjin was immediately able to uncover your mask and shot Sunghoon another look, trying to piece together what might have happened back there.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly enough for only you to hear, and you were fast to brush her off by nodding, but she didn’t buy it. You shot her a look that she shouldn’t persist and she got the memo, following you inside without prompting another question.

When Sunoo finished buying all the tickets and wanted to hand them out in seat order, he hesitated for a moment, not knowing whether he should put Sunghoon and you next to each other after he already refused to sit next to you during dinner. Noticing the stiff air between you (which really wasn’t hard to do), he decided against it and instead sat you next to Kazuha and Heeseung.

By now, no one in your friend group was unaware of the fact that Sunghoon and you were fighting, but no one dared to ask and interfere. Nevertheless, every time someone looked at you, they shot you apologetic glances and you swore you needed to get out of there. You really weren’t in the mood to watch a movie now, especially not a bubbly one like Barbie.

When you plopped down in your seat, you didn’t even bother shooting Sunghoon a glance as he passed you to sit further down the row. Heeseung sat next to you, whispering something about that you can leave if you feel uncomfortable, but you just ignored him. At the moment, your mind was blank and you just wanted the evening to end. You prayed to the gods that the movie will make you forget at least for a short while how heartbroken you are.

It seemed to work for the first half, however as the movie progressed you noticed how you replayed the conversation between Sunghoon and you in your mind endlessly. You couldn’t help but let one tear after another roll down your cheek, trying your best not to gain attention by sobbing. You sniffed as silently as you could but Heeseung noticed nevertheless.

And so did Sunghoon. When he looked over to you and saw you crying, he felt a sting in his heart. He really tried not to cry alongside with you, but the view he had of you not being able to control your tears ruined him. He tried hard to focus on the movie, noticing how Jake was studying his behavior next to him. Sunghoon chose to ignore it for his own sake. Just like you, he wanted to go home as quickly as possible.

Once the credits started rolling, you practically jolted from your seat to get out of the situation you were in. Of course the rest of your friend group took an eternity to get up, collect their stuff and leave the cinema. As soon as the warm summer air hit your nose, you turned around to everyone, announcing that you didn’t feel well and will leave early. Without bothering to wait for a response you turned on your heels, practically running away from the group, leaving a worried Yunjin and Heeseung behind.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just postpone the road trip until you figure things out?” Yunjin asked warily, wanting to make sure you really meant what you just told her.

“No way. Y’all waited so long for this! It’s our ritual as well. Please go, I just won’t join.” You clarified. You figured that after the cinema disaster, Sunghoon and you shouldn’t be in the same room for a while, not only for your own sakes, but also because it made the whole atmosphere awkward.

It was never your intention to affect your whole friend group with your problems, but here you were. You decided it was best for everyone if you were left out. You couldn’t see it since you were on the phone, but Yunjin shook her head firmly.

“And it’s also a ritual that we all go together. All of us. You included.”

“I get it, but I just don’t know how to act around Sunghoon and how he’ll act around me. I don’t want to ruin the trip for everyone.”

“Trust me, you will ruin it if you don’t come. Remember when Heeseung and Kazuha had a quick fling? The friend group didn’t break because of that either. Just act normal around him and you’ll be fine. You’re adults after all. I know you were so excited for the road trip, please don’t let that ruin the fun.” Yunjin tried to argue.

She felt slightly bad because it sounded like she was forcing you, but she knew that the squad road trip was your favorite part of the summer break. She was certain that this might be therapeutic for both you and Sunghoon. No way in hell would she let it happen that one of you left the friend group. She saw it as an opportunity to at least act civil around each other when in group settings.

“I know, I’m just scared to face him. What if I break out crying?” you played the worst scenarios in your head on how everyone would be annoyed by your whiny heartbroken ass.

“Then everyone will understand. The situation isn’t easy. And it’s okay to cry.” Yunjin reasoned. After the cinema night, everyone asked each other what happened between Sunghoon and you and the story spread like wildfire. When the first pitiful message from Chaewon arrived, you knew you were done for. You felt terrible for worrying everyone and you were afraid people were going to pick sides. To your relief, no one mentioned anything and left it to you two to solve the issue.

Yunjin noticed your hesitation and she could practically hear the way you wear nervously chewing your lip, so she sighed.

“Alright, listen. If you really don’t want to go, then don’t. We’ll understand. But I personally think it wouldn’t change anything if you stayed away. Unless you want to drown in your sorrows and don’t want me there to catch your tears. If you regret your decision it’s not my fault, just saying!”

You chuckled at her words. She was right, if you stayed home you would probably miss all of them and regret missing out on the fun. You promised yourself that you would try your best to act as normally as possible around Sunghoon. Still, the fact that you had to see him again scared you shitless.

Reflecting over the past few days made you come to the conclusion that you were incredibly stupid to deny him like that. You were angry at yourself that you couldn’t just admit that you liked him as much as he liked you. And even when you had another chance at making things right, you were still insecure whether it would be the right decision.

And now that you’re clear about your intentions, it was too late. Sunghoon ended the last conversation and you felt like it was final. There was no fixing now and no going back. So, you had to live with the fact that you ruined a potential relationship with your best friend who you had caught feelings for months ago. And no matter how you put it, it was a hard pill to swallow.

Little did you know that Sunghoon also regretted his decision. He came to realize that he might have been too harsh to you, that he reacted out of emotion and not reason. Sunghoon had never felt this strongly for anyone and it scared him, so he naturally thought he had to protect himself from potential heartbreak just like you tried prior. Guess you two were more similar than expected.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood where you were coming from. It was incredibly unfair how you treated him, but he started relating to it as he was going through a similar process now. Both of you made mistakes and both of you could have done better. What mattered now is how to fix it. And to say Sunghoon was terrified about his next steps was an understatement.

A couple of days later, you were all set and ready to go on the long-awaited road trip. You went over some requests with Yunjin, for example that you’d rather drive in a different car than Sunghoon so you won’t be stuck with him in a close space for hours. If you were in different cars, it would most likely be more comfortable for everyone involved, and Yunjin agreed.

You managed to squeeze yourself in the same car as Jay, who was driving, Heeseung, Kazuha and Chaewon. You were glad that you managed to get in Jay’s car because you believed him to be a better driver than Jake. Plus, Heeseung’s road trip playlist almost hit different, so you were in for a fun (and loud) ride.

Four hours passed by in a flash and you only realized that you arrived when Jay turned into the parking lot. Fortunately, the atmosphere in the car was lighthearted and you thanked yourself for making the decision to put yourself and Sunghoon in separate cars.

You also told Yunjin that you weren’t going to sleep in the same cabin as well, since that’s awkward. She respected that, assigning the cabins by gender anyway which earned groans from Chaewon and Jake who wanted to share one.

“You’re kidding right? The cabin is meant for 3 to 4 people, ain’t no way you’re going to do any nasty shit in there.” Yunjin scolded, earning a chuckle from the rest of the group.

“We were just going to cuddle, calm down.” Chaewon defended with a glare and Yunjin scoffed.

“Yeah sure, like last year?” Yunjin laughed and both Chaewon and Jake turned red, exchanging guilty looks. You couldn’t help but snort, catching everyone’s attention including Sunghoon’s. It was the first time you exchanged glances that day and you instantly felt goosebumps rise up your skin.

Was he always that handsome? You had a feeling Sunghoon looked even better than usual, or you were imagining things because you had been idolizing him the past couple of days. The more you contemplated your friendship, the more you realized how perfect he was. Seeing him now just confirmed your theories. You had been absolutely blind the last couple of months.

You gulped and quickly looked away, unable to catch the small smile that was playing on Sunghoon’s lips. He loved seeing you have fun and hearing you chuckle made his heart swell. Sunghoon realized he’s been so stupidly in love with you that there was no way he wasn’t trying to fix whatever you had ruined. He just didn’t know how he was to do that.

Once you dropped your stuff inside the cabin, half of your group went straight to the beach. Yunjin caught up with you and bumped your shoulder playfully, making you laugh. Even though you still felt down because of the whole situation with your best friend, you were really excited and relieved that you decided to go on the road trip. The beach and the scent of salt water instantly gave you serotonin and the karaoke session you had in the car raised your mood as well.

“How was the car ride? Ours was pretty boring, everyone slept half of the time and I don’t think Sunghoon has said a single thing the entire ride.” Yunjin recited and hearing his name made your heart skip a beat. As if on cue, Sunghoon was running past you to catch up with Jake, sparing you a quick glance. You didn’t know how to react, so you simply turned to Yunjin furrowing your brows in question.

Sunghoon always claimed himself to be an introvert, but you knew that especially in your friend group, he was glowing and more talkative than ever. The fact that he was quiet, even today, worried you. Yunjin could tell by the way you bit your lip that you were contemplating something.

“Will you try and talk to him?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Your attention quickly shifted towards Heeseung who was picking up Chaewon like it was nothing, running with her to the sea and throwing her into the water despite her obvious protests. She screeched in panic and when she got out of the water, she scowled at him.

“Oh, you wanna get fucked up.” She announced, fixing him with a challenging look and you could see Heeseung’s eyes turning wide before she lounges herself at him. He was quick to dodge her attack, running away as fast as he can despite the water inevitably slowing him down. When he locked eyes with you, it was like he locked in a new target.

The glint in Heeseung’s eyes scared you and the moment he approached you, you felt your heart sink into your stomach. Before you could object he was next to you, grabbing you by the hip and throwing you over his shoulder.

“You’re next.” He giggled and ignored the way you slapped his back and screamed for him to let you go. Unable to prepare yourself in time, you were suddenly being met with the cold ocean water engulfing your body. When you broke through the surface, you couldn’t help but burst out in laughter, a sound Sunghoon missed so dearly that when he took notice, his heart fluttered.

Even more laughter erupted from you when Chaewon kept her promise and surprised Heeseung from behind, pushing him underwater as well. The antics continued until you rescued yourself to the shore, Yunjin promptly throwing a towel your way. Jake was quick to catch Sunghoon’s longing gaze for you but decided not to blurt a stupid comment, instead smiling at the pining of his friend.

Once you settled down on the beach you stripped out of the shirt that you initially planned to keep dry, but Heeseung destroyed those plans. While wringing out the access water from the shirt, you observed how Sunghoon and Jake stripped out of their shirts as well, ready to join your other friends in the water. Upon seeing Sunghoon’s toned abdomen, you were instantly reminded of the night you shared together. It made your stomach twist knowing you could have had all this to yourself and let it slip from your grasp.

“Okay, now you’re just blatantly staring.” Yunjin commented with a click of her tongue and a chuckle, following your gaze. You were glad that the temperatures made your face blush already so Yunjin couldn’t detect the heat climbing up your cheeks.

When Jake noticed your fixated gaze on Sunghoon, he quickly whispered something to the latter, making him turn around in an instant to lock eyes with you. Your eyes widened immediately and you tried to be nonchalant about it, looking away quickly. Both guys smirked at that, making Jake lean into Sunghoon once more.

“What is that? You guys are acting like two teenagers going through puberty who are obviously crushing on each other but too shy to strike up conversation.” He pointed out and Sunghoon let out a deep, long sigh. If only it was that easy, he thought.

After you tired yourselves out in the water, you decided for a cliché bonfire to end the night. Sunghoon plopped himself down at the other end of the bonfire opposite from you, the flames almost swallowing your view on him. You didn’t know if he did that on purpose, but you couldn’t help and steal glances from each other whenever you were roasting marshmallows. This didn’t go unnoticed by anyone and Sunoo ended up judging you hard for constantly shooting heart eyes at each other from afar.

You actually hadn’t talked all day, it was silent pining from both sides and it made your friends go absolutely crazy. Could you finally get it over with?

Unfortunately, the pining continued the next couple of days, neither of you ready to approach the other. It was frustrating you, to say the least. You figured that it was his turn to come to you after he ended the conversation the last time. Additionally, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself again like you did at the cinema.

You couldn’t pinpoint the atmosphere between you two, it seemed somewhat stiff yet not as terrible as it was during the cinema night. Anyone could tell that you both reflected on your behaviors and had a different mindset from before, so it was just as frustrating for your friends to notice your constant pining. Sunoo judged even harder than usual.

Yunjin tried to talk some sense into you, but you swiftly refused to make the first step. She ruffled her hair in frustration while washing her face to get ready for bed.

“Y/N please. Put your pride aside for once, this isn’t going anywhere.” She nagged in a way that reminded you of a typical Korean ahjumma.

“Y/N I have to agree with Yunjin for once. This is absolutely nerve-wrecking for all sides.” Chaewon added, turning around in her chair and interrupting her skincare routine.

You groaned. Couldn’t they let you deal with that alone? The situation was hard enough as is, it didn’t help that eight people kept track of your every move on top of it.

In the cabin next to yours, the boys were similarly pushy towards Sunghoon, earning annoyed glances from him. Like you, it annoyed him how everyone was observing and waiting for one of you to make a move. He wanted to figure this out with you alone, not while a whole group of people was watching.

That night, the constant nagging from your friends made you spiral into overthinking everything again. You dissected your conversations with Sunghoon once more, not able to get a wink of sleep or even feel tired. The whole ordeal stressed you out to the point where you needed to let go a bit. Not wanting to bother your cabinmates, you snuck outside, making your way to the pier to sit down and watch the moon a bit. The warm breeze that tickled your nose made you inhale deeply.

Such a beautiful vacation that is troubled by Sunghoon and my relationship, you thought. You really made it difficult for yourselves. This could have been so easy and yet you chose to do it the hard way. You still wondered why your head blocked you from telling Sunghoon what your heart wanted all this time. Why it took you so long to let those feelings take over. Why it was met with so much denial from your end in the first place.

You were now more sure than ever that you wanted to have Sunghoon by your side. The thought of having to continue life without him scared you to bits and you hoped you would never have to experience the reality of it, even though there was still a possibility he wouldn’t let you in anymore.

The more you thought about it, the more overwhelmed you became. A single tear ran down your cheek, quickly followed by another until you were silently sobbing into nothingness, the vision of the moon in front of you becoming blurry.

The sound of footsteps approaching snapped you out of your daze and you quickly wiped your tears, thinking it was one of the lifeguards scolding you for being on the pier so late. You were about to utter a half-assed apology when you turned around only to be met with Sunghoon standing a few feet away from you on the pier.

Sunghoon couldn’t doze off either, staring at the ceiling when he picked up a shuffling sound outside. He silently got up, making sure not to wake the others, and went over to the window only to see you emerge on a journey to the pier. He didn’t know what came over him, but his feet moved on their own and before he knew it, he was at the pier too.

It felt like everything froze for a moment when you locked eyes, a concern shading his gaze that made you shiver. You didn’t know what to say, your heartbeat picking up from his mere presence. You never noticed the effect he had on you until this trip.

“I’ve never liked to see you cry.” He said softly, almost as if he was pitying you, but you knew how he meant it. You sniffed in response, turning around since you suddenly felt hyperaware about how ugly you must have looked right at that moment.

The wood creaked underneath Sunghoon when he approached you, slow and cautious as if he was afraid you would freak out otherwise. When he stood right behind you, he contemplated his next move, biting his lip nervously. Just like you, he hadn’t thought this through. Suddenly standing in front of you overwhelmed him, and he needed a moment to calculate his next move.

“May I?” he suddenly asked, pointing at the spot next to you. You didn’t dare look at him now that he was so close, so you simply nodded. From the corner of your eye you could make out how he was sitting down. Scared to make eye contact you focused intently on the clouds forming above you.

Silence engulfed you and the only sound you could make out is that of the waves crashing at the poles of the pier. You didn’t know how to strike conversation and he seemed similarly in thought of how to carry on. Suddenly you wondered if he wasn’t saying much because he was still mad at you, and the thought alone made you anxious. You sighed heavily, being overly curious all of a sudden.

“Will you ever not be mad at me anymore?” you spoke up carefully, afraid that this question alone will make him snap. He turned out to be very calm, though. You didn’t know if that soothed your nerves or freaked you out even more. Sunghoon had the faintest of smiles playing on his lips.

“I’m not mad at you. I was disappointed and confused because I couldn’t figure you out.” He explained, making you scoff.

“I couldn’t even figure myself out, how were you supposed to?” you turned to him with curved eyebrows, and it was the first time on the trip that you saw him this close. The look in his eyes held something you couldn’t quite pin down again, but this time, it was much softer. It calmed you down, sending an exciting shiver down your spine.

His smile grew upon your rhetorical question and you swore he never looked better. You loved seeing him smile, seeing those dimples forming. You couldn’t help but mirror his expression, silently exchanging words you didn’t dare to speak out loud. You noticed how this situation calmed you down and made you incredibly nervous at the same time. You didn’t know where this was going.

Your smile dropped suddenly, and so did Sunghoon’s. He furrowed his brows softly, and you wished to flatten the crease forming between his eyebrows. Anxiety glossed over your eyes and you decided to be honest with him.

“I’m scared, Sunghoon.” He nodded understandingly and it looked like relief washed over him. For a moment he got terrified, thinking that you might turn him down once more. It wouldn’t make sense, but nothing made sense to him anymore anyway.

“I’m scared too.” He admitted, looking down at this hands that he was fidgeting agitatedly. You couldn’t describe it, but he looked tense and relaxed at the same time. Tensed because he was fearing ultimate rejection, relaxed because no matter what, your presence eased his mind.

Your mind suddenly threw you back to everything you two had been through. Several tragic exam seasons, friends of yours moving away, petty fights in the group chat over something completely stupid and reconciliations joined by tears and hugs, heartbreaks on both ends and comfort when each other’s grandparents died. You had survived so many tragedies together, so there was logically speaking no way you could not overcome this one.

Realization hit you that it was now or never. You had to tell him how you feel, honestly this time. No hiding, no beating around the bush. You forced yourself to say the words you were scared of for so long.

“I like you.”

It took Sunghoon’s head only a millisecond to snap towards you, as if he had to make sure what he heard was really what you had said. You locked eyes again and the way his gaze changed almost made your heart jump through your chest. He looked like he had finally heard the words he wanted to hear from you for such a long time. The only thing he ever wanted to hear from you.

Sunghoon was malfunctioning because now that you had finally confessed to him, he didn’t know what to do. As stupid as it sounds, because he had more than enough time, he didn’t prepare for this scenario. Not even in his daydreams did he play this scene out in his head. He had always skipped the awkward confession and jumped right into the domestic relationship stuff.

Sunghoon gulped and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. There was only one right answer, and he knew it.

“I like you too.”  

The sparkle in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon when he uttered those words again, the words that had left a bitter taste in your mouth when he rushed them out for the first time. But now all your stomach could do is hurt from all the butterflies, the look in your eyes finally reciprocating those of the boy in front of you.

You sit there for a moment, basking in each other’s presence and slowly coming to terms with the fact that you were on the same page about this after all. You were scared that Sunghoon will never want to speak to you again, and right now you couldn’t be happier that he decided to approach you one more time, giving you the chance to rebuild your relationship on a different level.

After a while of staring at each other and taking in each other’s confession, you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter together. This whole ordeal was so stupidly romantic despite the bumpy start and you had a hard time trying to contain your amusement.

“We should have done this the first time already.” You admitted, shaking your head at the painful memory of Sunghoon scaring you away with his revelation. Sunghoon couldn’t help but raise his brows at you in disbelief.

“Yeah? Well, whose fault was that?” he challenged and guilt glossed over your face, your lips forming a pout. The boyish grin he was wearing only grew wider.

“Stop blaming me, I know I fucked up.” You acknowledged, dropping your head in shame. Sunghoon was quick to shoot a hand under your chin, making you look up at him again.

“We both did. It’s fine.” He reassured with a smile, and you could only do so much as copy it. Silence took over once again, his hand slowly dropping from under your chin, landing on your own. You noticed that Sunghoon was pondering over something, and the mischievous smirk that was forming didn’t help.

You threw your head back in agony. He was getting playful again and you hated loved it.

“Oh boy, what is it now?” you were careful to ask, not sure if you really wanted to know what was on his mind right now. Sunghoon cleared his throat.

“You know, I just think it’s funny that you told me to get laid and then turned out to be the person to do it shortly after.”

Yep, you didn’t want to know what was on his mind. He chuckled and your face ran pale upon hearing him. You groaned in frustration, hiding your face in your hands in embarrassment. Your shy reaction made Sunghoon laugh even harder, throwing his head back in his usual manner and he couldn’t help but tease you a bit since he hadn’t done it in a while. Seeing your agitated look was enough to satisfy him.

You were so immersed that you didn’t notice the wind picking up speed and the clouds thickening. Only when an especially strong breeze almost swept you from the pier did you realize that a storm was coming.

“I think we should go.” Sunghoon nodded in agreement and the moment you got up, you felt the first drop of rain hit your face.

It wasn’t the last one for sure and before you knew it, it was pouring. You quickly came to the conclusion that running to the cabins would be too far, so you opted for the little lifeguard hut near the beach instead. The cold rain hitting you made your legs carry you to the hut even faster, unconsciously intertwining Sunghoon’s hand with yours.

You yelped a little when he pushed you forward, motioning you to hurry up since the rain was hitting you at high speed now. Whatever you expected from tonight, it was not going to bed soaking wet. But it also wasn’t Sunghoon and you to reconcile. You win some, you lose some.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally reached the small veranda in front of the hut. Thankful that the porch had a canopy, you breathed heavily and relaxed against the walls of the house. You glanced at Sunghoon and noticed that he was completely drenched from head to toe. Much to your dismay, you realized that you were just as soaked. But the moment you caught each other’s eyes, you couldn’t help but giggle again.

The hopeless romantic in you couldn’t be happier right now. You watched as the rain only poured harder, so you had no choice but to stay under the canopy for a while.

You noticed Sunghoon was struggling with his hair, one strand always falling into his eyes no matter how many times he tried to push it back. You couldn’t help yourself, your hand shooting up towards his face to fix it.

“Here, let me.” You said, fully turning to him while he did the same. Instead of fixing it, you ruffled his hair even more, causing several strands to drop in front of his eyes. Despite the hair covering his eyes, you could feel the unimpressed look he probably gave you. You snickered and proceeded to actually fix his hair this time.

Once you finished tugging his hair back, you noticed how much he was staring at you. You slowly retracted your hand from his hair, trying to decipher his look. Nothing but love, you concluded, and it was confirmed once he opened his mouth to speak.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Your heart hammered in your chest at his words. The longing in his eyes almost made you faint and without a second thought, you pushed yourself forward to connect your lips. It took you only a second to melt into him, lips moving like they had always belonged together. Sunghoon’s hands were quick to find your waist again while yours wandered around his neck.

“Closer.” He whispered against your lips, pulling you towards him by your waist, close not being close enough as his lips worked wonders against your own. You were trying to lean back to catch your breath, but Sunghoon didn’t let you, chasing after your lips relentlessly as if he had to make up for something. Your back was arched and Sunghoon towered over you, making you feel even smaller.

You couldn’t help but let your hand wander into his hair, scratching his scalp slightly, which elicited a small gasp from him. Taking the opportunity, you let your tongue slowly dance against his own and he was quick to follow along.

Sunghoon only broke apart from you when he felt like suffocating, pressing his forehead against yours to catch his breath. You opened your eyes slowly, instantly being met with his own. You had never felt so cherished before, so adored. The moment you caught him staring at you with the most loving gaze, you couldn’t help but break out into a smile which he quickly mirrored.

Time seemed to stand still, the rain only a faint background noise as you basked in each other’s presence once again. The kiss and your gazes held so much emotion, so much you two wanted to share with each other earlier but couldn’t. But no matter how chaotic things got at the beginning of the summer, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment.

“Do you really think we need to take pictures?” A hushed whisper could be heard from one of the cabins.

“Of course! The others wouldn’t believe us if we just told them.” Another voice responded, almost drowned out completely by the rain.

“We’re going to tease them about this to no end, are we?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Masterlist

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen smut #sunghoon #sunghoon scenarios #park sunghoon #sunghoon angst #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #enhypen sunghoon

[alastairstom]

I miss the London Institute in 1903.

I miss Matthew and Alastair and Thomas and Cordelia and James and Grace and Christopher and Ari and Anna and Lucie and Eugenia. I miss DILF Will and his Tessa-shaped pearl without price, too.

I miss light academia and picnics in parks and sledding parties and balls and the Hell Ruelle and Paris seances and Kensington Gardens and the Louvre and 102 Cornwall Gardens and 48 Curzon Street.

I miss Cordelia's bravery and Thomas's resilient kindness and fortitude. I miss Alastair's deep untethered love and Matthew's wit and wonder and ability to see the beauty in everything.

I miss Cordelia's globe necklace and Matthew's signet ring and Alastair's daggers and I miss their perfect waistcoats and deep-hued dresses. And I miss their jokes and their laughter and their little family dynamics that really stab at your heart when they want to.

I miss Thomas and Alastair talking all night long and kissing in carriages and insisting that they each deserve love and care. I miss James and Cordelia playing chess and talking about going to Constantinople. I miss Matthew's bright smile and mercurial moods, and his passion and learning that he should not seek to destroy himself because he is wonderful.

I miss lovely character arcs and beautifully-developed relationships. I miss Nothing but Shadows and Cast Long Shadows and Every Exquisite thing and the Midnight Heir. I miss the Penultimate Hours and the Letter Game. I miss Chain of Gold and Chain of Iron and Chain of Thorns.

I miss long nights of theorizing.

But more than anything, I miss The Last Hours by Cassandra Clare. Because that series is beauty, it is art, it is color.

#the last hours #tlh #it's one of Those Days #my god #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #thomastair #cordelia carstairs #james herondale #matthew fairchild

[darkphoenix07]

Elixir of🕸️Death (J.W.)

A vampire series by @darkphoenix07

Mental health requests

Masterlist

Paring : Wooyoung x Reader

Genre : Dark Romance, Fantasy, Tragedy

Song suggestion 🎶 : Round and Round by Heize, War of hearts by Ruelle and Shameless by Camila

Warning: Mentions of blood, Violence, Degradation, Death, Mention of suicide, Mention of self harm, Mention of death, Suicidal FL. Synopsis: When the girl who doesn't have any will to live meets the demon whose only wish to slaughter humans. "How will it help me if I drain your blood right now when I can use you anyway I want to?" - Jung Wooyoung

🍷"To the people who craves comfort and single reason to keep themselves alive" 🍷

Chapter 1

"I wasn't in the depth until I met you

Then you drown me saying I am shallow

Maybe I went deeper then

Hoping to meet you again"

He keeps wondering why he is watching you drown instead of going home. He keeps staring at the little glimpse of your body going under. It's dark even though he can see you. What's worse is that your eyes are open now but you are not fighting or screaming to help you. You are going with the depth.

"I am going to kill you with my own hands," he says before jumping in the river.

You see him swimming to get you moving the water around him. It's dark but his eyes are glowing in the dark river. It's easily understandable whose eyes those are.

You feel a pair of hands pulling your hands and your body landing on a chest while your hair keeps floating in the water, playing with the little waves.

Then he pulls himself up with you in his arms like you were meant to fit here.

He moves fast inside his house and places you on the couch first. But you have lost your senses again because of how cold the water was and how long you were inside.

He starts pressing your chest, "Wake up, I am not done with you yet."

He keeps pressing but seeing you not responding at all, he gets scared.

"I am not going to drown you ever again so get up human. Why are you so fragile?"

Suddenly your body jerks off and you start coughing water.

"Thank christ," Wooyoung says falling beside you watching you coughing still.

You look at him feeling annoyed, "Why the fuck did you bring me up?"

"I just saved your life. Don't you have any gratitude?"

"You are the person who threw me, didn't you? Why didn't you let me stay there?"

"What?"

"Why did you save me?"

"Because you can't die yet," he says with rage in his voice.

"You are not supposed to tell me that. You were supposed to drain me. What happened to that?"

"I am not your servant. Care about your language or else it will get dirty," he says gritting his teeth as he speaks.

"Let me go or else I will kill you myself," you tell him as a warning though you know you can't.

"You have warm blood in your vessels. Do you think that can kill a cold one? What do you take me for?"

"An asshole!" You scream getting up.

"I will taste you death again and again until you can't take it anymore. Then I will  bury you alive," he tells you when he is almost an inch away from me.

"It won't taste bitter when I have already tasted it," you are freezing because of your wet clothes but you don't want to look weak in front of him. So you try not to stammer.

"It wi-what?"

He catches you words and you look away realizing what you said. You promised yourself to keep all these a secret but here you are again letting it out in front of someone you don't even know very well.

"Just fuck off and let me do whatever I want to do, moron."

"I would be careful choosing my words if I were you," he says but this time his voice is calm again.

You look him in the eye, "I am tired of choosing my words. I have no reason to choose my words in front of you."

"Enough of your disgraceful words. Go upstairs and change your clothes or I will do it for you. I am positive that it will not be suitable for you."

"My clothes, my wish. Go to hell," you stand up and start to walk but you feel light headed as you haven't healed from his earlier blood sucking.

You almost fall but he grabs your arms making you lean on his chest, "Look at you being half dead already."

"Let me finish the other half, I beg you," you tell him staring at him. You don't understand why he looks finer than before standing there like a sculpture.

"Change your clothes, I'll keep one in your room," he says and you stand up.

"Don't order me around. Your words mean nothing to me," you say walking away from him.

You don't understand what you are doing being with him. Maybe you want to go home now and leave this hell. But then you wonder which is worse kind of hell.

After a couple of hours, Wooyoung finds you looking outside the window sitting on his bed. You don't know yet that you are in his room. You only know he has kept you here so it was your only place.

"I have told you to do something," He says and you look at him holding an ancient kind of dress. It's a gothic gown with chiffon fabric, the sleeves are loose and twisted around the elbow area, it's long but maybe slitted.

You wonder how he found this out in this century. It's like a halloween costume of a evil witch.

"Human, if you do not obey me then I might make you drink poison slowly so you do not die at once. Only suffer slowly and very painfully," he says and throws the gown on his bed.

"Can you just leave me alone?"

You are shivering from cold but you don't want to dress up. You want to be in this dress and finish it at once.

"Dress up and wash yourself with warm water or else you'll die a painful death," he says looking furious at you.

"If I am annoying you why don't you finish me off at once," you ask him while your teeth are gritting because of the cold wind outside.

"Because that won't give me pleasure. So, get inside the hot tub and get dressed," he says.

You look away wanting to avoid his glowing gaze but he suddenly appears in front of you making you fall on the bed.

"Trust me, human. I didn't want to do this," he says and the next thing you know is his hand on your stomach area ripping your dress apart staring at you.

"What the fuck is your problem!!!!" You scream realizing you ripped you dress revealing a bit too much skin of yours.

But he doesn't look at your body, he doesn't touch anything.

He only says, "I can make you do anything I want to. Don't take me for a play thing, Dead human. It will only cause you pain."

Before you can say anything, he disappears in a blink of your eyes. You keep lying there for a while realizing you mistake of coming here. But you don't understand why he is so obsessed with you. Why did he throw you in the river and why did he save you?

You slowly get up and take the dress still thinking about how he is treating you. He doesn't even hurt you. He screams at you when you are being hurtful towards you. It's not normal for a monster to take care of someone, is it?

Or he is taking care of his daily meal. Maybe that's why. Maybe he wants to use you. That is why he can't kill you.

You take a shower and put the dress. Something about the ribbons on the back of your dress is making you confused. You somehow tied them but they are making you feel uncomfortable.

You didn't want to worry anymore about your dress and so, you leave the room and find yourself in the corridor. You look down to see where he was and he was sitting by the fireplace reading a book looking mesmerizing as always.

It's weird how he treats you. He speaks about scaring you, torturing you. But he doesn't do any of these. He can take advantage of you and you won't even be able to escape his mansion. But he didn't even look at your bare stomach when he ripped your dress or touch your skin.

He only touched your bare skin when you made him so angry that he took your blood. But maybe you passed out too quickly that he didn't even finish draining you. He stopped midway.

What does he want from you?

"Stop staring at me and have your dinner. I have brought some warm food for you," his voice echoes in the hallway and your heart keeps thumping in your heart like a drum with his each words.

"I-I am coming," you don't know why but listening to him sounds like a good idea.

So you sit in the big dinning table for around twelve people and start eating. The food is so tasty that it melts in your mouth. You haven't been this much hungry for a long time and so you finish everything at once.

You don't even notice when he sits on the other side of the dinning table and keeps watching you eat like a madwoman.

As you drink water, you notice him by the corner of your eyes. You stop drinking water and look at him clearly.

"Why are you staring at me?" You ask.

"I am thinking how many days it will take for your body to make new blood so I can take from you again," he says intertwining his hands under his chin.

"You are serious about making me your meal," you tell him finally realizing that's what he wants from you.

"To be honest, I want to see you blood while I take your heart out but I do not understand why it is difficult for me," he says it like a normal thing, like he is talking about killing an insect.

It gives you shiver but you don't hate the idea either.

"I will be honored," you tell him smiling and suddenly see him beside your chair.

"Tell me, Human. How many times did you have the taste of death?" He asks you leaning towards.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because that's the only reason you want to embarrass it like a loved one."

You think something inside you got hit by his words.

"Because that's the only reason you want to embarrass it like a loved one."

"Tell me, Human. I am a little curious," he asks you breaking your thoughts.

"Four times. First one wasn't bad but last one was."

"Did people save you?"

"Yes, saved my body."

"I saw your soul dead when you walked in my house," he says and looking up in his eyes starts making you feel hurt in your chest. You don't remember when was the last time you felt something like this.

"Tell me what else did you see?" Now you are curious about how he sees you or maybe how he sees through you without knowing about a thing.

"The cuts in your hands."

"Tell me something I don't see," you stand up still looking up at him.

"How desperately your body craves touch," his voice is warm ringing inside your ears.

"That's a lie."

It's a lie.

"How cold you not because of the weather but it's just you," he tells you.

"What else?"

"How beautiful those lips are and how you looked at mine a million of times by now."

"More."

"Your heart is making a hole inside your chest. It's deep, dirty and bleeding which I can not stop with any medicine."

"More."

"You don't want to die. You want to feel safe again inside your skin."

"Continue."

"You want to brush my lips with yours to melt my coldness with yours."

You grab his collar pulling him closer to you, "How do you know this?"

"Because I am feeling the same rage inside my dead heart."

You think your stomach feels bad but it's just his words giving you butterflies. It's like a zoo of them inside your stomach and your heart is another lose cause.

"Stay away from me," you push him away from you and start to walk but he stands in front of you.

"Deny it and I will leave you alone to die," he tells you and you grab your dress.

"I don't want you like that. You are a psychotic menace," you tell him and the corner of his mouth lifts up.

"Alright then. You have a little problem with the ribbons behind your back. Let me fix that first," he doesn't give you time to say anything. He reaches behind you and starts undoing the ribbons.

"Hold your dress or it might fall," he warns you and you grab it from your chest area.

When he finishes untying your ribbons, you feel his coldness on your bare back. You have stopped caring about him looking at your back. All you can care about is how painful it is to tolerate him near you while his fingers are grazing you slowly while he is tying the ribbons back.

"Stop squirming."

"I am not," your body is tensed and your shoulders are stiff. You don't know what to do at this point.

When he is at the end of the ribbon, he places his chin in the crook of your neck, "We can make an arrangement between us."

"What kind of arrangement?"

"I will give you death on the next month on this same day if you start giving me what I want."

You want to look back at him but he pulls you back making your back hit his chest.

"It depends on what you will want."

"I want your elixir and in exchange I will give you the elixir of death."

"Say it in normal English not ancient," your dark humor is making it worse but you can't help it.

"I want your body, I want you to obey me for one month and I will give you death right after one month," he says all these very calmly and your heart rate goes higher than before making your body freeze.

"What if I deny?"

"I will take you to your home and drop you safely. It's your choice now."

"You don't want to hurt me?"

"I have no reason to hurt you," he has millions of reasons but nothing makes him hurt you.

"What if I stop midway? What if I tell you I don't want it on some points?"

"I am a monster, Y/n but not that kind."

His words hit you more when he says your name for the first time.

"You want this too, don't you? A little adventure before you die?"

He asks you as he finishes tying the last ribbon.

You nod without telling anything and he smiles leaving you.

He switches in front of you and moves a strain of your hair from your forehead, "Then live for one month like you have always wanted to. I give you my word that I will do whatever you want me to do on this day right after one month and I will not do anything that will add into more of your trauma."

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Trust me, Y/n. I have been there and it didn't end well. I am giving you a chance."

"Are you pitying me?"

"Do you think wanting to have sex with you is pitying you?"

You gulp hearing him, "No."

"Then? Who do you think I am doing this for?"

"For yourself, you selfish piece of-"

"I would like to add one more thing," he sighs, "Do not use your poor language when you speak in front of me."

"How do I know you won't break your promise?"

"Look at your hand and then mine. You will understand why."

You look down and see red glowing string around your ring finger connected to his. It gives you goosebumps, how warm your body suddenly feels.

"It's like an oath from me. If I break it, I will die an anonymous and painful death."

"You will be disappointed, I can assure you."

"Why would I he disappointed?"

"The hidden parts aren't as good as this," you show him your hand where you have cuts.

"I have seen worse than this. Do not pity yourself yet."

"Good for you."

"Now go upstairs and have some sleep. I will take you somewhere tomorrow."

"Alright," you tell him and start passing him slowly.

"Y/n."

You stop moving as he calls you. His voice sounded shaky but careful.

"There is something on your lips."

He appears in front of your once again and wipes a little bit of skin from your lips by his thumb.

Your lips so dry but your mouth gets watery watching him staring at your lips with so much delicacy.

He wants me, he wants me, he wants me.

Your mind becomes a mess but he doesn't even move towards you. He keeps brushing his thumb on your bottom lip.

"Don't you think it's gone?"

You ask him and he slowly says, "Yes, I think so," but he can't take his eyes off of your lips.

You part your lips open and his thumb slightly touches the inner side of your bottom lip making his thumb wet.

He leans over you pressing his thumb a little more inside your mouth touching your tongue, "Tell me Human, do you want elixir of heaven?"

You gulp not knowing what to do with your tongue as it's on fire right now.

But you nod slowly and he looks at you with a bitter smile that kicks you starting to weaken your knees.

He takes thumb out of your mouth and wraps his around your waist.

As he pulls you closer to his body, he whispers into your ear, "Are you strong enough to take me all night because I am a monster you know?"

He looks at you leaving you speechless while you reply,

"You sure are one."

Do you want me to continue? Please hype me 😭 or I else I'll feel like stopping here.

Spoiler of next chapter 🤙🖤

#ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez yunho #ateez hongjoong #ateez smut #ateez san #ateez seonghwa #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez yeosang #ateez jongho #ateez woosan #ateez imagines #ateez series #ateez au #ateez vampire au #ateez x reader #ateez ff #ateez fic #ateez #wooyoung smut #jung wooyoung #wooyoung #wooyoung x y/n #wooyoung x you #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung x san #woosan

[buckybarnesb-tch]

Klaus Mikaelson Playlist

Werewolf-Motionless in White

Bad Moon Rising-Mourning Ritual

Game of Survival-Ruelle

Believer-Imagine Dragons

Ribcage-Andy Black

Kill of the Night-Gin Wigmore

Bodies-Drowning Pool

Last Resort-Papa Roach

Centuries-Fall Out Boy

Start A Fire-Ryan Star

Sink or Swim-Falling in Reverse

Why Worry-Set it Off

Immortals-Fall Out Boy

Just Pretend-Bad Omens

Seven Devils-Florence + the Machine

Legends are Made-Sam Tinnesz

Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time-P!@tD

Beaten in Lips-Beartooth

Things We Lost in the Fire-Bastille

bad guy-Billie Eilish

Brother-Kodaline

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing-Set it Off

You Should See Me in a Crown-Billie Eilish

Big Bad Wolf-In This Moment

Heathens-21 Pilots

I Will Not Bow-Breaking Benjamin

Killer in the Mirror-Set it Off

My Life-Billy Joel

Howl-Florence + the Machine

Victorious-P!@tD

Evil Angel-Breaking Benjamin

Feel Invincible-Skillet

Raised By Wolves-Falling In Reverse

Throne-Bring Me the Horizon

Untouchable-Motionless in White

I Told You I Was Mean-Elle King

Like a Villain-Bad Omens

Demons-Imagine Dragons

Broken-lovelytheband

Angel Eyes-New Years Day

Emperors New Clothes-P!@tD

Criminal-Britney Spears

Soft-Motionless in White

Popular Monster-Falling in Reverse

Messed Up-Once Monsters/Chloe Adams

Been to Hell-Hollywood Undead

Someone to You-BANNERS

Natural-Imagine Dragons

THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND-Bad Omens

The Devil Within-Digital Daggers

Monsters-Ruelle

Animal I Have Become-Three Days Grace

That’s What I Like-Bruno Mars

I’m So Sorry-Imagine Dragons

Fuck Away the Pain-Divide the Day

Born for Greatness-Papa Roach

Young God-Halsey

Just Like You-Falling in Reverse

Paint it Black-Ciara

The Resistance-Skillet

Hell Above-Pierce the Veil

Judas-Fozzy

Legacy-Motionless in White

Monster-STARSET

Come with Me Now-KONGOS

Sarcasm-Get Scared

Bad Mother Fucker-MGK

Whatever it Takes-Imagine Dragons

S.O.S-The Glorious Sons

In The End-LINKIN PARK

Masterpiece-Motionless in White

Human-Rag’n’Bone Man

In the End-Black Veil Brides

Dead Hearts-Stars

Monster-Reckless Love

Blood//Water-grandson

Born for This-The Score

#vampire #hybrid #tvd klaus #the vampire diaries #the originals #the vampire diaries imagine #the originals imagine #klaus imagine #klaus x reader #klaus x y/n #klaus x oc #klaus fluff #klaus fic #niklaus mikaelson #niklaus imagine #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson x y/n #klaus mikaelson fluff #klaus mikaelson x oc #klaus mikaelson x reader #klaus mikaelson playlist #klaus mikaelson smut #klaus mikaelson imagine #Niklaus Mikaelson Playlist #playlist #vampire playlist #originals playlist

[writingforstraykids]

Addicted to you Chp.18

Pairing: Minchan (mention of OT8)

Word Count: 4683

Summary: After their shared night Minho wakes up to Chan packing his things. He sure finds out why and Chan's plans backfire, sending Minho down the spiral of anxiety and trust issues. Minho decides to fill in the rest about some recent decisions and his true mental state.

Warnings/Tags: fluff, angst, panic attack, trust issues, hateful comments, mention of having trouble to eat, mention of insecurities, chan tries his best

Chp.17 | Chp. 19

I built these walls so tall pretending I am strong But really I'm just fragile I wanna keep you close enough But far enough away for me to handle Self Sabotage ~ Ruelle

Minho woke up to the quiet sounds of Chan stuffing his clothes into his bag. He sat up and sleepily rubbed his face. He could barely remember coming home last night, leaving after sharing a few drinks at the hotel. Thinking back to the events of last night, how Chan kissed him goodnight repeatedly telling him how much he meant to him, he smiled softly to himself. But once he looked over in his direction again, his brain caught on to something being wrong. "What are you doing?" he asked, confused. 

"Packing my things," he said, cursing himself that Minho had woken up before he finished. 

"Why the rush? We’re leaving tonight," he frowned and pushed the blanket back, getting up. 

"Management called. Told me to come back," Chan answered shortly and didn't dare to look at him. 

Minho crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Why?" 

"Minho," he sighed softly. "Did I ever ask you about what management told you to do?" 

"Is this about last night?" he asked sourly. He couldn’t be serious. Not after all the things he had promised him only hours ago.

"We've made the headlines again and they're worried," he sighed and Minho stared at him for a moment to process his words. Once he did, he stormed out of the room with tears burning in his eyes. Chan stood still for a moment before catching on and quickly following him downstairs. "Min, hey!" 

"Fuck off, Chan," Minho told him and quickly stepped into the kitchen meeting his father's raised eyebrows and his mother's worried eyes. "What?" he asked, clearly frustrated. Minho dropped into a chair at the breakfast table and poured himself some coffee. Chan sat down next to him and hesitantly rested his hand on his. Minho yanked it away and stubbornly stared down at the table. 

"Are you two alright?" his father asked after watching them quietly. 

"No," Minho said sourly. 

"Minho, come on. This has nothing to do with you," Chan sighed. 

"This has everything to do with me," he told him sharply and pushed himself up, going to grab some sugar. 

"Min, they told me to come back early, that's all," he said and bit back a sigh. He really didn't want to discuss this in front of Minho's parents. 

"And of course Mr. Golden Boy does as he's told," Minho said, aggressively throwing some sugar into his cup. "You never do, but when it's about us, you comply," he said and mocked him by bowing as if someone was in front of him. “Yes, sir. Of course, sir. He’s not my boyfriend, why the hell would you think that?” he spat out mockingly. 

"Okay, that’s enough," he told him sharply. He hated the fact that he was in Minho’s home having this argument with his parents watching. Any other time he would’ve snapped, and told him to stop being an ass. "Have you seen the headlines?" 

Minho scoffed and turned toward him, cursing himself for the tears in his eyes. "I don't have to. They're probably true, and I don't give a damn about that. This is exactly what I was talking about when I asked you to have my back, Chan!" he told him firmly. 

Chan pulled out his phone as it rang for a third time that morning and groaned. "What?" he snapped. "Yes, I got it. I have to pack first for fucks sake...No, you don't have to send a damn cab." 

"Unbelievable! We can't even have a discussion without business getting in the way," Minho shook his head and put his cup down, not wanting to have breakfast anymore. Chan grabbed his arm and held him back from leaving the kitchen. "I said fuck off, Chan. Seriously, just go back and do what they trained you to. Be a good puppy and roll over while you're at it. Maybe they'll give you a treat. Keep denying yourself and us. You got what you came here for last night after all." 

"Seriously?" Chan asked, his mood becoming more sour. "I didn't think people would follow us around all night, okay? It's not my fault you didn't button up your shirt properly. There were marks all over your neck." 

"So it's my fault now?" he asked angrily. "You're the one putting them there."

"Minho, this isn't anyone's fault. Nevertheless, there weren’t only positive reactions, okay? Some people are actually blaming me for destroying their dream couple, which is you with Hannie. Or that I’m using the fact you’re vulnerable right now,” he told him defensively.

“So it’s about you again?” he threw back. “You can’t deal with that?”

“Can you deal with being called a whore and using me to get over the fact that you can’t take part in group activities at the moment?” Chan asked. Minho’s face fell almost instantly.

“Excuse me?” he whispered in shock, waiting for Chan to tell him that had been a tasteless joke. As Chan simply stared at him with no words, Minho pulled his phone from his pocket, looking up their names.

“Please don’t,” Chan told him quietly, but it was too late. Minho scrolled through several headlines, spotting a few ugly rumors amongst the positive ones, as well as a few nasty comments. He swallowed hard and put his phone back into his pocket, not knowing what to say. “If you want this to work you have to trust me sometimes, okay?" he asked tiredly. 

"That's a little hard after the past few weeks, please forgive me," he said sarcastically. "I can't believe I fell for it, again." 

"Min…come on," Chan spoke, a little hurt. "You can't say things are fine between us and then throw it back in my face whenever we have a disagreement." 

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm being honest," he told him and nervously ran his hand through his hair as his heart started racing. He knew he had hurt him, but it wasn’t all intentional. He didn't have the mental capacities for another fight with Chan. Those headlines didn’t help their situation and Chan had been right. He shouldn’t have looked at them, as it only made him feel worse. "All I want is you to…fuck," he breathed out as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks and he looked away from him, feeling a little anxious. "I want you to have my back and not run away as soon as rumors start spreading. I can't deal with that by myself right now, I'm not -," he pressed his lips together tightly as his voice started shaking and glanced back at Chan timidly. He sucked in a sharp breath as his chest tightened up and he felt like he couldn't breathe properly. Didn't he get it? Couldn't he read him and understand what he was trying to say, like he always does? 

Chan watched him observantly, picking up on the signs of a potential panic attack. He held his hands up calmingly. "Okay, baby, look at me," he said, his voice growing calm and soft. "I'm not trying to run. I'm trying to work this out for us. I'm sorry if it came off the wrong way, Min." 

Minho looked at him, his voice trembling as he spoke up. "I'm not stable, Chan. I'm insecure, I don't believe in myself. I have trust issues, and this isn't helping." 

"That's okay, it won't be like this forever," he promised and took a step toward him. "I'm here, sweetie, okay?" he told him softly and watched his expression soften at the term of endearment. 

Minho nodded and sucked in a sharp breath. "Channie?" he asked timidly. "Something's wrong." 

"Come here." Chan very gently pulled him into his arms, knowing by now his boyfriend needed to be held closely when he felt himself panicking. Minho gripped his shirt, burying his face in his chest. "I'm here," he told him and soothingly rubbed his back. Minho held onto him tightly as his body started shaking and gasped for air. Chan looked at Minho's parents, who were watching them worriedly. "God, I'm sorry," he apologized before lowering Minho down with him onto the floor and pulling him in his lap. 

Minho panted and felt hot tears spilling down his cheeks. He sniffled softly as Chan whispered soothingly to him and held him close. "Don't let go," he pleaded quietly. 

"I won't," he promised and kissed his hair before fondling it lovingly. "I love you, Min, okay?" he told him softly. "So much." 

Minho nodded bravely and took his hand. "I love you too." 

"Deep breaths, baby," he told him, and Minho breathed with him. "I'm not running away. I'm trying to have your back right now and figure things out for us, okay? I didn’t want you to see that shit," he told him and Minho hummed gently. Chan gave him another moment before speaking up again. "Look, I'll go back home a few hours earlier than planned. I'll fix things at the company because I don't want you having to deal with this right now. Then I'll come back and pick you up so you can be on set with us tomorrow. I can even drive you back home after but please, trust me on this."

Minho stared up at him and tried to calm down again since Chan sounded sincere. "You promise this is just because you want to fix it? Not because you're getting scared again?" 

Chan held his hand up, showing Minho the ring. "I promised you something, and I intend to keep that. Having to deny it in public doesn't make you any less of my boyfriend, okay? It won't always be like this." He kissed his palm and let Minho caress his cheek, grounding himself with that little touch. 

Minho searched his eyes before visibly relaxing. "Okay," he said quietly. "Sorry." 

Chan cupped his face and planted a very gentle kiss on his forehead. "It's okay."

Minho gently covered his hands with his own and sighed softly. "No, I've been unnecessarily mean." 

"Maybe a little," Chan chuckled quietly, and Minho smirked. "Better?" he asked patiently. 

"Yeah," he nodded and chuckled as Chan wiped his cheeks with his thumbs. "I promise I'll be normal again one day." 

"You'll always be amazing to me," Chan assured him. Minho smiled softly at his words, blushing lightly. "Don't push yourself, Min," he said gently. Chan held up his pinky finger for him and flashed him a gentle smile. "It's you and me against the world, right?" 

Minho had to laugh at that promise they made each other way back in the beginning of their careers. "Always," he said softly and linked their fingers. 

"Now come on, you should eat something, baby." 

"Alright," he nodded and got up with him. "Sorry, I'm a little messed up," he apologized to his parents who just waved him off, seemingly relieved they had settled their issue and he was alright. 

Chan's phone rang another time, and Minho glanced at him as he closed his eyes defeatedly and got up. He watched him step into the hallway anxiously and even though he didn't understand much of his words, Chan was clearly pissed off. He came back after and sat down next to him, glancing at him. "How quickly will you have your stuff packed up for a couple of days?" 

"Uh…half an hour?" he asked, knowing he'd have to gather everything together first. 

"Great, we'll be leaving together then," he told him, and Minho looked at him surprised. "I'll drop you off at the house before I go and deal with this. I think Hannie and Felix have the day off, so you won't be alone."

"Okay," he nodded and smiled a little. 

"They're being ridiculous anyway," he snorted and Minho smirked. 

"Thank you, Channie," he told him gently, and Chan smiled at him softly. 

"Of course." 

-

Minho chuckled as Chan opened the front door to the group’s shared home, carrying his suitcase for him. He had been just as insisting as Felix about doing that. "Felix? Han?" Chan called out. 

"Oh, you're back already?" Felix responded loudly. Only a few moments later he walked into their eyesight. "Min!" he exclaimed excitedly and rushed over to hug him very tightly. "Hannie! Minho's back!"

Minho laughed and covered his ear as Felix shouted next to it. He yelped in surprise as Jisung practically threw himself at them and lost his balance. Chan's hand found his back, supporting him, and Minho smiled at him thankfully. 

"Easy there kids. Min's still not in the best shape physically," he told them kindly. 

"I'm sorry," Jisung apologized nervously. But Minho patted his back reassuringly. "I just missed you so much." 

"I missed you guys too," Minho said, squeezing them tight for a moment before letting go of them again. "I should sit down," he said more to Chan than the others, but they immediately exchanged a worried look. "Stop it already! I'll start feeling sorry for you." 

Chan giggled and took his hand, walking to the sofa with him. "Were you two planning to do anything? Or are you staying here?" 

"Afraid Minho can't be left alone?" Jisung teased him. But the way Chan glanced at them both worried Jisung and Felix. Something to definitely talk about later on. 

"We planned on staying in today, yeah," Felix quickly said, and Jisung nodded, agreeing. They could go bowling another time, then. This seemed to be more pressing matters.

"I'll have to go to the company to handle some things because of press," he rolled his eyes, and they nodded knowingly. 

"Stalkers," Minho laughed at their knowing looks. 

"I'll be back later, okay baby?" Chan asked gently, and Minho searched his eyes observantly. Still feeling like something was off between the two of them.

"Can you give us a moment?" he asked his friends with a small smile. The two nodded, quickly leaving the room. "I don't know what happened this morning, but I'm okay, Chan." 

"I know," Chan nodded quickly. 

"I'm eating, I'm taking care of myself, I listen to my body when I’m pushing too much," he said, grabbing his hand. "I'm seeing a therapist, love. I'm doing everything I can." 

"I know," he nodded. 

"I need you to trust me with that, okay? I don't know why I panicked this morning, but it won't happen again," he promised, and Chan shook his head, sitting down next to him. 

"Don't. Don't start trying to function normally again just because you don't want to worry me. If you panic again, I'll be there to hold you just like this morning. I don't care how often it'll happen until you're okay. But don't start hiding again," he said, gently cupping his cheek. "I'm here every step of the way." 

Minho turned a little and pressed a soft kiss onto his palm. "I know you are. Deep down, I do, no matter what I say." 

He nodded and leaned forward, kissing his forehead. "Be good and remember to eat, alright?" 

"Yes, hyung," Minho smiled sheepishly, and Chan smirked. 

"Good, I'll see you later, baby," he smiled before kissing him goodbye. 

Felix and Jisung were with him as soon as Chan had left and looked at him expectantly. 

"What?!" he snapped jokingly. 

"How are you feeling?" Felix asked. 

"How did you two finally make up?" Jisung asked only seconds later. 

"How was dinner with your parents and Chan?" Felix added quickly. 

"Do they approve of him?" Jisung asked curiously. 

"What the hell did you do at a hotel leaving with all those marks?" Felix asked with wide eyes, gesturing at his neck. 

"And why the hell does Chan look like he finally got some dick last night?" Jisung asked. Minho blinked at their rapid questioning. That didn’t take long at all.

"Alright, one question at a time," he laughed before squinting his eyes at Jisung. "What's that last one about?" 

"I don't know, I guess he just looks at you differently than before," he said, and Minho blushed heavily. "Oh! So I'm right??" His eyes widened and a small grin rested on his lips.

"Wait, what?" Felix asked, confused. 

"Yes, Chan let me top. Twice," Minho confessed before all hell broke loose. "Guys!" he protested, laughing. 

"You don't have to answer this one, but he's whiny, isn't he?" Jisung asked. Minho's lips parted softly at the memory, clearly giving him his answer. "I bet he likes to get roughed up a bit."

"Hannie," Minho protested weakly. 

"I'm definitely right about that," he grinned succeedingly. 

"I can't believe you sometimes," Felix giggled. "Always so nosy." 

"I'm sorry I have to ask instead of walking in and witnessing everything live," he protested. 

"Don't act like you wouldn't ask about me topping in your own interest," Minho shook his head. Jisung blushed, meeting Felix's wide eyes. 

"Oh my god, he knows?" Felix whispered. 

"Yes, he knows," Minho whispered back and fondly rolled his eyes. "So, to answer your questions one by one. I'm getting better even though it's a slow process which is pissing me off. Chan and I got into a little fight this morning, and I panicked for no reason, which is why he was hovering before."

"A fight?" 

"He said he had to leave earlier than planned to deal with this and then pick me up later. It felt like he was running again instead of staying by my side," he told them and scratched his neck. "I was overreacting, he reacted to that. It might've gotten a little unpleasant for my parents shortly. Then I started to panic, he noticed and took care of me. We're fine." Then he continued by telling them about their long conversations in person and on the phone, as well as Chan's letter. "At the end of the day, I can't stay away from him for too long and…I really hope this works out now." 

Felix smiled gently and patted his shoulder. "I'm sure it will." 

"To answer your question about my parents…My mum always loved Chan, literally from the beginning. She had it all figured out before we even knew of each other's feelings. She's been very fond of him the past few days," he told them, and they smiled happily. "They kind of told him they were hoping he's serious this time. My dad..my dad suggested taking pictures of us last night. And he didn't stop when Chan suddenly kissed me. They've turned out really cute," he smiled. 

"Oh, please show us the pictures," Felix said excitedly. Minho smiled and grabbed his phone to show them some of his favorite shots. 

"Look at the love in his eyes, Minho hyung," Jisung beamed. "You two look so handsome together." 

"Thanks," he giggled. "I think what we did at that hotel room is self-explanatory looking at my neck," he concluded.

"We've had our suspicions, yeah," Felix nodded. 

"Minho hyung, Felix and I were about to order some lunch. You want some as well?" Jisung asked kindly. 

"Sure, what are we getting?" he asked, closing his photos and ready to order for the three of them. 

Jisung gently shook his head. "Let me buy it for you. You deserve it and it’s a small welcome back gift," he told him, with Felix nodding to back him up. Minho smiled shyly and accepted the gesture. 

-

Chan came back later, finding the trio on the sofa, watching a movie and eating. Minho smiled up at him as he approached them, and his smile widened as Chan leaned down to kiss him. Minho lifted his blanket and made room for him. "Come here, love." 

Chan smiled and sat down next to him. "What are you having?" he asked. Minho let him try some of his before leaning forward and grabbing another container from the table. 

"That's yours. I thought you might be hungry coming back," he told him.  Chan took it, smiling brightly. 

"You're so sweet," he told him. 

After the movie was over, Felix and Jisung left the room to give the couple some space. Chan and Minho cuddled up on the sofa, and it didn't take long before Minho fell asleep on his chest. Chan played with his hair lovingly and told everyone to be quiet as they returned home one by one. They all smiled at having Minho back and moved quietly, knowing he needed the sleep. Minho woke up later and sleepily cuddled up against him. He yawned softly and rubbed his eyes, smiling as Chan spoke up, his voice rumbling through his chest. 

"Slept alright, kitten?" he asked softly. 

"Always when you hold me," he smiled, and Chan kissed his head. 

-

Minho was a little nervous as all the kids gathered around him on the mattresses they threw on the floor. He didn't want them to think less of him or feel like he was pushing them into a bad situation by opening up in public. Chan was sitting next to him, and the rest made themselves comfortable in a half circle around them. "Thank you all for coming," he joked, trying to brighten the atmosphere, which he succeeded in. "As you might have noticed, I haven't been myself lately. I've been treating you all like shit and myself even worse. I want to apologize for letting you down like that, pushing you away when you were trying to help or simply needed some comfort," he started and smiled at them sadly. "Reading your letters made me feel like I don't deserve any of the sweet things you wrote, and Channie's was the last straw…I ended up crying again," he giggled and rolled his eyes. "Which is why I called him. I felt like I needed to fix things with him in order to fix things with you guys and then myself." 

"Once again putting yourself last, Minho hyung," Felix spoke up gently. 

"I was," he nodded. "Once I had talked things out with Channie and spoken to you guys on the phone, everything should've been alright again. It wasn't, though. And I want to be honest with you about it so you have an idea of why I'm still not back to myself again," Minho said and inhaled deeply, looking into their worried faces. "I have trouble eating. It's getting better, but it's taking time, making me insecure about my weight. I only feel at peace or happy being with you, and I shouldn't depend on you like that. After letting myself get that far, I feel like I have to function at 100% all the time, but I don't give myself the time I need to recover. I'm in pain most of the time because I really fucked up my knee. I don't trust myself right now. I lost the confidence I built up over the past couple of years, and I don't believe in myself. I know it hasn’t been  that long since this shit started or since I left the hospital, but it feels like ages," he said, keeping his eyes on the mattress, unable to look at them taking it all in. "Which is why I approached Channie about seeing a therapist. He helped me find one, but she's located in my hometown. I'll see her once a week, so I'll be gone quite regularly. I know it's not ideal for our busy schedule, but if I don't pull through with that, I might give up on what we all worked so hard for after all."

Everyone was very quiet for a moment, and Minho started fidgeting with his sleeves nervously. Chan reached for his hand, and he let him, gently squeezing it to let him know he appreciated the support. 

"I think that's really brave, Minho hyung," Jisung spoke up finally. "Because it sounds like you have a lot to work on. I feel like someone else is more qualified for that than us." 

"I wouldn't want to put it all on you either. It's better if you know what's going on in my head right now, but it's not your responsibility to fix," he told them, glancing at them. To his relief, he saw nothing but understanding and compassion in their faces. 

"But still, we're here for you if you need to talk or need a hug," Seungmin clarified. Minho nodded thankfully. 

"Will you go public about this? I mean, people will notice you driving back home once a week," Changbin wondered out loud. 

"That's exactly the problem we're facing here," Chan took over. 

"Why would that be a problem? It's good that he's taking steps to get better," Jeongin frowned.

"It's because of management, right?" Hyunjin asked, sighing. 

"You saw how they reacted when I asked them to let us visit Minho at the hospital. They didn't want things to look serious by keeping us away," Chan explained. "How do you think they'll react when he asks them to speak about what really caused the collapse? Or that he's seeing a therapist now? It'll destroy the fairytale world they built around us where we're all happy and healthy." 

"Nevertheless, I don't want to lie about this stuff. I'm sure I'm not the only one dealing with such matters, and I think it's important people are more aware of that," Minho told them. "So my question to you all is…are you're in or out? I won't blame anyone who feels like they can't support me with all this and rather take a step back."

"Are you kidding? We're a family, we have your back," Felix shook his head, and the others nodded agreeingly. 

"Say what you have to say. I'll proudly support that," Jisung smiled at him encouragingly. 

"There may be consequences for all of us," Minho reminded them gently. 

"Great, we'll face that together as well," Changbin shrugged. 

Minho looked at them all, his eyes filled with tears before he could do anything against it. "Thank you," he pressed out shakily, clearly surprised by their undoubted will to support him. 

"Oh, stop it! You're gonna make me cry as well," Seungmin chuckled. 

"I'm sorry," he chuckled weakly before turning to Chan with teary eyes. "Not again," he whispered, annoyed. Chan's face softened as he wrapped his arm around him and kissed his forehead softly. Minho closed his eyes, causing a few tears to run down his cheeks. 

Chan pulled him on his lap and hugged him, letting him hide in his sweater. Jeongin was the first to move forward and cuddled up at Minho's side before the rest gathered in a group hug. Minho didn't know how long they stayed like this, but it felt good to know they actually were there for him when he needed them most. Once they all pulled back again, it was easy to see he hadn't been the only shedding tears. "Okay, enough of this. We'll be alright," he said, messily wiping his cheeks. "I'll order some dinner for everyone. You choose where." 

Chan hugged him close as the rest started talking about what to order. "Feel a little better now that you've told them?" he asked in his ear quietly. 

"Much better," he nodded agreeingly and cuddled into him. Minho watched them with a smile before looking at Chan. "Channie love? You think I can come back home early?" 

Chan looked at him, surprised. "I thought you wanted to stay away from the busy life?" 

Minho nodded gently. "I'll stay with my parents until the end of the week...but I think I'd miss you all too much being away for another whole two weeks." 

"If you're sure that's what you want," he said, and Minho nodded. "Listen up, everyone. Minho will be spending the rest of the week back at his parents after the shoot." 

"And then you're back?" Felix asked excitedly. 

"He'll still be on a break, but yes, he's coming home early," Chan nodded, and Minho laughed as they all started cheering. Chan glanced at him, and his heart warmed at how happy he looked, eyes sparkling with joy. Maybe seeing how much he meant to all of them was part of what he needed. 

Chp.17 | Chp. 19

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@atinyniki @mal-lunar-28 @lilmisssona @aaasia111 @galaxycatdrawz @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @malfoygalaxies @rebecca-johnson-28 @mellhwang @lixie-phoria @michelle4eve

#stray kids #skz #chan #minho #minchan #stray kids fic #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #skz fic #skz angst #skz fluff #minho fic #minho angst #minho fluff #minho x chan #chan fic #chan angst #chan fluff #chan x minho #minchan fic #minchan angst #minchan fluff #minchan series #poly!stray kids #poly!skz

[bri1234]

What song(s) do you relate to a Choices book survey results!

Hello! So it's been about a week and there are a few responses from the Google form I sent out! The form is attached at the bottom of all this so if you want to take it, you still can!

I will continue to update this if there are any more responses.

Also if you see your song on here but not the additional comment (if you left one) and would like it on here, just let me know and I'll add it!

So without further ado, let's jump right in!

Songs that relate to a Choices book (chosen by you guys!):

Across the Void

Remember Me as A Time of Day by Explosions in the Sky

Blades of Light & Shadow

Two by Sleeping at Last

Comment was "MC's deeply unhealthy desire to put everyone else's wellbeing first (book 2)."

Degenerates by I the Mighty

In My Head by Jacob Ryan Smith, Daniel Mertzlufft, Andrew Barth Feldman, & Joe Serafini

Comment was "Aerin and MC on Deadwood lake date (book 1)."

Falling by Write Out Loud, Ciara Renee, and Kat Sicilian

A Courtesan of Rome

I Survived a War by Mariami

Crimes of Passion

In My Blood Song by Joel Smallbone and The Cast Of Journey To Bethlehem

Comment was "I relate this song the Trystan Thorne, specifically Book 2 of CoP, wanting to be the son his parents and country are proud of while being himself."

Arpeggio by Alexandro

Perfect World by Twice

The Cursed Heart

Dream A Little Dream of Me by The Mamas & The Papas

Comment was "It reminds me of how Kieran and MC often would visit each others dreams at night (book 1)."

Power Over Me by Dermot Kennedy

Without You by Ursine Vulpine

Find You by Ruelle

Die For You by Postmodern Jukebox and Tatum Langley

Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

Comment was “MC thinking about their mortality and how someday they won’t be young and beautiful.”

Dirty Little Secrets

"Slut!" by Taylor Swift

Suburban Legends by Taylor Swift

The Elementalists

Hedwig's Theme by John Williams

Guinevere

Queen of Heart by Twice

Only Girl by Stephen Sanchez

Hot Couture

Choose Your Fighter by Ava Max

Immortal Desires

Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown

End (The Other Side) by Fit For A King

Scars & Lifelines by I Prevail

Death Is All Around by The Amity Affliction

The Death We Seek by Currents

Kindred

Still Don't Know My Name by Labrinth

In Hell I'll Be Good Company by The Dead South

Murder at Homecoming

no body, no crime by Taylor Swift

Nightbound

Songs from the Shadowhunter series: Dynasty , Hurricane, Making a Monster out of Me (Katherine McNamara) , This is the Hunt (Ruelle), Storm (Ruelle) , Bad Dream , Love to Hate You, I am Ember from Katherine McNamara , Hold On (from Chord Oversee) , Glass Slipper (Katherine McNamara) , Paralyzed (NF), Angel with a Shotgun (instead shotgun imagine crossbow) , Brother (Kodaline), Shadowhunter series Finale Song by Ruelle

Open Heart

Symphony of Skin by I The Mighty

Comment was "Romancing Bryce vibes"

Platinum

3 Minutes by Alexi Blue

Red Carpet Diaries

Why Should I? by Alexi Blue

Roommates With Benefits

You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi

The Royal Romance

Not Your Barbie Girl by Ava Max

Barbie Girl by Aqua

Loves Me Not by Kate Grahn & Will Jay

i wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red

Rules of Engagement

Hair by Little Mix

Surrender

Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran

Here's the Google form if anyone wants to take it! Thank you so much to those of you who have taken the time to do this!!!

#across the void #blades of light and shadow #the royal romance #a courtesan of rome #crimes of passion #the cursed heart #dirty little secrets #the elementalists #choices guinevere #hot couture #immortal desires #kindred choices #murder at homecoming #nightbound #open heart #platinum choices #red carpet diaries #roommates with benefits #rules of engagement #surrender choices #choices #choices: stories you play #choices game #pixelberry #choices fandom #playchoices